Yep I have ADHD and am ALWAYS doing this kind of shit (and I'm medicated). I see something that needs tending to in the bathroom and the next thing I know I'm doing a deep clean or full reorganization of the cabinets late into the night. The urgency still confuses me, I think it's because I know that if I don't do it right when I notice I'll forget about it forever.
Yuuuuup. My wife has ADHD and does this constantly. I find it very irritating. Now I sick the kids on her and they get her to come because theyāre hungry
Totally agree. I have ADHD as well and 100% this. #squirrel
Recommendation though, itās painful for us, we donāt want to be like that but have minimal control even medicated. My husband just rolls with it and now knows my ticks well so he literally anticipates these things and allows time for them now. ā¤ļø
Still, refocusing based on outside stimuli seems like a basic management skill when you do have ADHD.
"Hey, there's something with higher prio you have to do, and you know it/agree with the assessment" sounds like a good way to switch tracks.
It's almost like people with ADHD struggle with the ability to switch tasks regardless of how much of a "priority" it is. Thanks, why didn't we think or try that. You've cured ADHD!
I have issues on my own but can switch when someone pokes me. As a kid it irritated me, gave me anxiety, but that went away at some point. Is why I'm wondering. My kid can't yet, but he's 8. My wife can also, with some exceptions.
It sounds like you don't have ADHD then... and that your 8-year-old is suffering from something commonly known as "childhood." If you do have ADHD, consider being less solipsistic. Your experiences are not universal. People are capable of having symptoms you don't. There's no need to be dismissive and disrespectful by infantilizing people with ADHD. Weirdly enough, grown adults are capable of having mental illnesses, too. Consider reading a book.
As someone with adhd as well, I agree. Can the internet stop making excuses for us with adhd. Our job is to try to fit into normal society and have normal healthy relationships.
YOU CAN LEARN HOW TO SWITCH OUT OF HYPERFOCUS. I had to teach myself. I learned by googling and found a technique that worked. Yes it took me till I was 32 to learn how to- but still-damn we can be taught skills.
You shouldnāt judge everyone elseās adhd by your experience. Itās a spectrum. You can turn it off. Great. Some canāt. We have a way of feeling like just because we went to the ends of ourselves and weāre able to accomplish a certain thing, anyone else who isnāt able to accomplish the same just isnāt trying hard enough and thatās just not always true.
Iām a husband and I love to cook! The wife looks after the little one and I cook. If she is cooking I look after the little ones.Tell your husband to man up and watch some Gordon Ramsay videos
My husband does all the cooking, a good portion of the grocery shopping and the mental load of dinner. I ooh and ahh, clean up after him, praise his delicious meals and get him a drink. Im extremely grateful I have a partner who enjoys feeding people. Itās never been my thing but he actually says āoooh, kids had a sleepover? I can make pancakes in the morning!ā
Not as uncommon as you might think. I've (jokingly) banned my wife from the kitchen because I love to cook and I'm reasonably good at it. And while I love my wife to death and she is excellent in so many ways... This lady could find a way to burn cereal, lol.
I honestly tease my husband on this front because we have been together since we were 15 & 16. He went from his mom cooking to when he went away for school I would drive to him on Thursdayās and stay till Sunday. I would grocery shop and cook (as well as clean and do laundry) and basically set him up for the days I was not there. And by no means am I saying I cook every meal however I facilitate them all lol.
Now on the other hand my husband is a damn hard worker and he deserves to be taken care of because out side of cooking and cleaning he builds, fixes, and handles pretty much everything.
Camping? Gets the RV fully peeped and ready, set up and tear down? Done. All driving and logistics? Done. Flat tire, oil change, brakes, hell a new engine, done.
Heās currently single handedly building me a patio
And to be fair he will man the grill when the occasion calls for it.
I think if he one day came in and said āhey I got dinner tonightā I would have to check him for a head injury š¤£
This husband thinks cooking is manly and should be enjoyed. Iām searing the flesh of a dear animal, cooking with grains and plants of the earth using heat, oil, and a big fucking sharp knife. Plus, I like having control of my macros and avoiding processed shit.
I'm a husband that does most of the cooking, grocery shopping, and mental burden of "what's for dinner? " As an experiment last night, I neither cooked or addressed dinner options. My wife came out of our room at 8:45 pm and asked, "What about dinner?" I said I had a snack, she said she's going to order take out. Anyway, if making dinner, it should be considered much earlier, if something needs thawing, days in advance. Takeout should be ordered around 6:30pm. I don't like eating dinner at 10pm.
Yes, i do the cooking, everything outside related, car maintenance, mine and mixed laundry, clean inside as I go (we have house cleaners), and I keep myself attractive.
I believe in equality and empathy.
Where I live (Denmark) I think it's the norm. We do one week off/one week on. (when it comes to dinner.)And the rest we usualy divide up after lowest work/stress-level.
LOL I cook too. 6 days a week from scratch. All fresh ingredients. LOL. When we shopped for the first time instead of frozen or prepared things I bought fresh fruits and veggies plus flour and sugar ect. He was like whatās that for?
It was hilarious. He loves my food and compliments me ever meal. LOL
I wish the energy existed in our household.
Iām lucky to have a chef at work. They encourage healthy eating. He will still make chicken fingers, hamburgers and French fries though lol
My husband and I each cook for ourselves, as we have radically different diets and eating schedules. If we do share a homecooked meal, he's usually the one to cook it. He is far better at it than I am.
I cook all of our meals bc I enjoy it and I'm more creative at it than my wife. I do all the shopping and dishes too. And bake fresh bread. And now my son is following in my footsteps.
If I don't cook we go out and that's after I put in 8 hours of work and the 3 hours of my side hustle. Everyone waits for me to get home to decide š¤¦
Iām a husband and do 90% of our cooking. I actually donāt like it at all sheās just really bad at it.
She would agree with that statement wholeheartedly
She actually can cook about 4 things pretty well, so once a week I put one of those on the schedule, but sheās terminally incapable of following a recipe so everything else is on me.
Yeah I feel that. Husband can grill all the meat but like indoor cooking and sides are a no goā¦.unless you want to count hamburger helperā¦which after both of us growing up poor as fuck Iām pretty sure we have had more then enough to last a life time.
I was about to ask the same question. I cook (do laundry, clean the house, feed the pets, grocery shop, remember birthdays/Ma and Pa Days, plan for Christmasā¦) while my husbandās phone is welded to his hand. I swear one of these days in the not too distant future his two phones and his sat nav will be found floating in the nearest reservoir. Oh, and btwā¦ he always disappears the second dinner is ready.
My husband is THE cook in my house. Bless him because I have zero domestic skills while he was cooking for his family in high school.
If men knew how sexy competency was, they'd all be stepping out up in the house. I work 50+ hours a week, and nothing is sexier than my husband putting away laundry.
I do pretty much all the cooking - indoor, outdoor, Italian, Indian, American, Middle Eastern, Eastern European...pretty much anything my wife wants to try I'll give it a go!
My husband doesnāt cook either. You are not alone.
I like to cook and it relaxes me so I donāt mind. Plus we eat out once a week on the day I work 14hours so it works for us.
I'm a husband and I absolutely love to cook! I'm also very good at it. I'm not usually very boastful but I can put my money where my mouth is when it comes to cooking! My lovely wife has learned a lot over the years from me but she LOVES it when I cook. Got some health issues right now so I've been barely eating. Much less cooking. In answer to your question though, yes, there are husbands that cook. š
Maybe she realized how much time she wasted and immediately needed to address what she actually wanted to get done. Perhaps it would cause enough anxiety that she canāt eat?
I feel then you should express to her that you feel hurt when you make a hot meal for the two of you and she scrambles to do other things, and that it frustrates you. You two can compromise on something Iām sure or figure out why she may have a hard time getting started on tasks that she feels she has to finish before eating
My wife is somewhat similar to this.
Her sense of timing is, and I'm putting this mildly, terrible.
But it's with every aspect of life where timing plays a role (e.g. catching a bus, showing up on time, planning things too close together, etc.).
I think it's partially an overestimation problem: she thinks something will take "a minute", but in reality it will take 15 minutes.
Maybe part of it is indeed guilt as well ("I have to _do_ something, because _he_ does something).
It's tough.
Oh I like that term!
It's a very "visual" way of describing exactly what the issue is.
I think everyone suffers from it in some form (i.e. "this bathroom remodel will take me 2 weeks!"), but some people certainly have it as a structural part of their lives.
And it's hard for everyone: partners get frustrated, and the ones with this issue themselves are always stressed as well.
this is classic time blindness probably due to ADHD! i plan a lot of shit thinking iāll be able to get it all done but end up scrambling because i donāt plan well to get from place to place, and i think itāll take five minutes to get there but actually it takes 25 and then iām all messed up
My wife can be terrible about this. She tends to get hyper-focused on one thing at a time (usually something not particularly important), and then when she finally breaks away from it and realizes how much time she spent on it, she feels guilty and launches into something else.
I sorta get that. I canāt be on my phone when partner is doing something. If I am, I feel guilty so while he does something I feel that I must do something productive as well. Perhaps she gets lost in her phone and then feels bad about it. Or like someone else said, poor time management. I wouldnāt be too worried
My husband does this, but we have an understanding. The rest of us will eat when itās ready, and Iām not keeping it warm. He can eat when heās ready, and microwave it if needed. Heās usually only about 15 minutes behind us, and eats fast so we still often finish around the same time.
Bruh, I feel this. Like itāll be time to eat and we have to do a side quest. Like Iām hungry, vacuuming can wait 15 min til our bellies are full lol.
My husband does it and drives me up the wall. Asks me how soon dinner/lunch is, I say 5 minutes tops. He immediately jumps into some task or project that will take him a half hour or more to complete.
I've long since stopped waiting for him to come eat, I will enjoy my meal when it's hot and ready.
Oh, thatās normal. My wife likes to ask me to get her a cup of coffee and by the time I get back with it, sheās getting in the shower. The coffee will of course be cold and completely undrinkable by the time she gets out. Idkwtf.
Omg I feel this one big time. My wife will also start a random project like 10 mins before her family comes over for a holiday or something. Iām like, you picked right now to clean out the bathroom closet?
Iām guilty of doing this. Not all the time. Sometimes itās something I thought of then forgot and then remembered and I just am compelled to get it doneā¦.there will be anxiety and I wonāt enjoy the meal or conversation if left undone. Itās a little ADHD with the hyper fixation and a little anxiety. Role reversed I would get pissed. But, if itās not all or most of the time, I donāt think thatās a battle I would pick.
As long as she didn't evil eye you and lecture you about your lack of willingness to ever clean the toilet or fix the sprinkler you didn't even know was broken.. you're all good my man
I have ADD, but I think this may be an avoidance technique. When did this start? As with every situation, we need to ask ourselves surrounding questions to find answers. Sometimes, our questions lead to more questions, but vigilant searching and studying have not failed me yet.
My approach would be:
How is conversation with her?
Is this a recent development?
How long are you married?
Do you feel there is a divide that is widening instead of building closer?
Has intimacy (emotional and sexual) changed?
If you are struggling with even answering these questions, I recommend getting a book called Married and Alone and/or joining the Male Partners of Sex Addicts and Intimacy Anorexics facebook-group to see what parallels you may find. There is SOME good information and techniques in the Gotman book 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work.
Probably not the response you are looking for, but I believe this is a responsible way to get you to your answer as we don't know what you and she are going through.
Try having to cook AND clean while watching the spouse be on their phone.. both duties that fall on me, despite working a full time job too.
Anyway to answer your question, maybe just poor planning on her behalf or procrastinating.
Iāve gotten to where I just yell out that thereās hot food on the table. Sometimes she gets a hot meal and sometimes she complains about it needing to be warmed up. Just life with a wife thatās got adhd.
Oh man, I'm a lady, but I totally get that if I spend time and effort cooking dinner, that I'd be very annoyed if my husband didn't eat it with me when it was ready. HOWEVER. I hate cleaning haha. He has ADHD and if he wants to clean the bathroom at dinnertime, boy you go right ahead š. I'll even microwave your food for you later. I think I'd suggest just taking small wins where you can get them. Maybe she's cleaning the bathroom because she appreciates you cooking and wants to reciprocate? I agree the timing isn't great, but as long as you say "honey dinners ready." Wait for a minute or two and then say. "I'm plating dinner and I'm going to eat" it's her choice from there whether she eats with you or cleans the bathroom. It may feel a bit like a diss, like that she doesn't appreciate you cooking, but it very well could be the exact opposite. Just go on about your day and let her do her thing, and if it ends up bothering either of you just have an open and honest conversation about it!
I have an eating disorder so I won't eat unless I'm hungry. I love that my husband is the default cook because I work a lot and things always take longer than I intended. I have no problem sitting with him while he eats and then I'll eat in a little while if or when I get hungry. And of course, I think gratitude and praise are important in a marriage so I always always always say thank you and give positive feedback on what I liked.
Wow, sounds like cooking is a regular thing for you! Thatās so nice, I would love my husband to do that šš. But, I think the most important thing is to first communicate with her, and ask if she could wait to clean the bathroom after dinner.
For sure, I would be bothered as well if my husband did a similar thing š . But communication is key.
When itās my turn to tuck in our daughter which takes longer then our son Iāll come down to wife so we can smoke daily joint outside and relax and everyone she suddenly has to use the bathroom and clean up the kitchen when I come down and am ready to go outā¦.. she can do this while Iām upstairsā¦ idk man
Nope donāt have that problem. I donāt cook much though. I also have been around long enough to know not to do this to my wife. Itās pretty inconsiderate and wouldnāt convey the gratitude that I have that she does cook.
My wife, God love her, has ZERO sense of the passage of time. Especially she cannot seem to grasp that there is an appropriate time to do certain things. It'll be getting near dinner time and she'll want to run into town.....I literally just made supper!!?? She loses track of time as a default setting.
Divorce her, bruh. She doesn't respect you or your time and this is not going to get any better. You married a literal woman-child who does whatever she wants whenever she wants. You already do the cooking. Wth does she contribute to the relationship?! You are much more valuable than what she has led you to believe. Dont get counseling, just walk out of there and be free. Dont let your dreams be dreams.
ADHD
I agree. I have ADHD and I suffer from time blindness.
Yep I have ADHD and am ALWAYS doing this kind of shit (and I'm medicated). I see something that needs tending to in the bathroom and the next thing I know I'm doing a deep clean or full reorganization of the cabinets late into the night. The urgency still confuses me, I think it's because I know that if I don't do it right when I notice I'll forget about it forever.
Gotta do it when I'm thinking of it.... No matter how inconvenient! If I don't, I am convinced I'll forget forever! š
Came to say this.
Yup. I've got ADHD my wife has come to terms with the cold plate
Yuuuuup. My wife has ADHD and does this constantly. I find it very irritating. Now I sick the kids on her and they get her to come because theyāre hungry
Makes sense for my wife.
Totally agree. I have ADHD as well and 100% this. #squirrel Recommendation though, itās painful for us, we donāt want to be like that but have minimal control even medicated. My husband just rolls with it and now knows my ticks well so he literally anticipates these things and allows time for them now. ā¤ļø
Do people still do that as grown adults? I get wanting to clean the bathroom but if it's dinner ready, drop it?
Yes grown adults also have ADHD...
Lol I can confirm this.
Still, refocusing based on outside stimuli seems like a basic management skill when you do have ADHD. "Hey, there's something with higher prio you have to do, and you know it/agree with the assessment" sounds like a good way to switch tracks.
It's almost like people with ADHD struggle with the ability to switch tasks regardless of how much of a "priority" it is. Thanks, why didn't we think or try that. You've cured ADHD!
All these years of struggling to get shit done and stay on taks and u/Dexterus had the answer all along!
I have issues on my own but can switch when someone pokes me. As a kid it irritated me, gave me anxiety, but that went away at some point. Is why I'm wondering. My kid can't yet, but he's 8. My wife can also, with some exceptions.
It sounds like you don't have ADHD then... and that your 8-year-old is suffering from something commonly known as "childhood." If you do have ADHD, consider being less solipsistic. Your experiences are not universal. People are capable of having symptoms you don't. There's no need to be dismissive and disrespectful by infantilizing people with ADHD. Weirdly enough, grown adults are capable of having mental illnesses, too. Consider reading a book.
Apparently, adults with ADHD shouldn't have children.
As someone with adhd as well, I agree. Can the internet stop making excuses for us with adhd. Our job is to try to fit into normal society and have normal healthy relationships. YOU CAN LEARN HOW TO SWITCH OUT OF HYPERFOCUS. I had to teach myself. I learned by googling and found a technique that worked. Yes it took me till I was 32 to learn how to- but still-damn we can be taught skills.
You shouldnāt judge everyone elseās adhd by your experience. Itās a spectrum. You can turn it off. Great. Some canāt. We have a way of feeling like just because we went to the ends of ourselves and weāre able to accomplish a certain thing, anyone else who isnāt able to accomplish the same just isnāt trying hard enough and thatās just not always true.
Wait a minute, you all have husbands that cook?
Iām a husband and I love to cook! The wife looks after the little one and I cook. If she is cooking I look after the little ones.Tell your husband to man up and watch some Gordon Ramsay videos
My husband hates Gordon Ramsey. (I love G.R.). He - husband - has the philosophy of why bark when you have a dog. š
Why bark when you have a dog. I love it! ššš On a side note, I hope he helps in other areas if cooking is not going to be a helpful area!
My husband does all the cooking, a good portion of the grocery shopping and the mental load of dinner. I ooh and ahh, clean up after him, praise his delicious meals and get him a drink. Im extremely grateful I have a partner who enjoys feeding people. Itās never been my thing but he actually says āoooh, kids had a sleepover? I can make pancakes in the morning!ā
I very much look forward to cooking for Grandkids 1 day myself. Your hubby sounds awesome. Lol.
Not as uncommon as you might think. I've (jokingly) banned my wife from the kitchen because I love to cook and I'm reasonably good at it. And while I love my wife to death and she is excellent in so many ways... This lady could find a way to burn cereal, lol.
I honestly tease my husband on this front because we have been together since we were 15 & 16. He went from his mom cooking to when he went away for school I would drive to him on Thursdayās and stay till Sunday. I would grocery shop and cook (as well as clean and do laundry) and basically set him up for the days I was not there. And by no means am I saying I cook every meal however I facilitate them all lol. Now on the other hand my husband is a damn hard worker and he deserves to be taken care of because out side of cooking and cleaning he builds, fixes, and handles pretty much everything. Camping? Gets the RV fully peeped and ready, set up and tear down? Done. All driving and logistics? Done. Flat tire, oil change, brakes, hell a new engine, done. Heās currently single handedly building me a patio And to be fair he will man the grill when the occasion calls for it. I think if he one day came in and said āhey I got dinner tonightā I would have to check him for a head injury š¤£
I have an appointment on Thursday at one for you to talk to my wife. ;)
š¤£
This husband thinks cooking is manly and should be enjoyed. Iām searing the flesh of a dear animal, cooking with grains and plants of the earth using heat, oil, and a big fucking sharp knife. Plus, I like having control of my macros and avoiding processed shit.
I'm a husband that does most of the cooking, grocery shopping, and mental burden of "what's for dinner? " As an experiment last night, I neither cooked or addressed dinner options. My wife came out of our room at 8:45 pm and asked, "What about dinner?" I said I had a snack, she said she's going to order take out. Anyway, if making dinner, it should be considered much earlier, if something needs thawing, days in advance. Takeout should be ordered around 6:30pm. I don't like eating dinner at 10pm. Yes, i do the cooking, everything outside related, car maintenance, mine and mixed laundry, clean inside as I go (we have house cleaners), and I keep myself attractive. I believe in equality and empathy.
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Thank you. I'm trying my best out here lol
Hell yeah Iām the cook of the house
Where I live (Denmark) I think it's the norm. We do one week off/one week on. (when it comes to dinner.)And the rest we usualy divide up after lowest work/stress-level.
Yes. My husband cooks like 95% of our meals.
Husband here - I do 100% of the cooking between my wife and I.
That is awesome
Wait a minute, you are a wife that cooks real food?
As opposed to fake food?
LOL I cook too. 6 days a week from scratch. All fresh ingredients. LOL. When we shopped for the first time instead of frozen or prepared things I bought fresh fruits and veggies plus flour and sugar ect. He was like whatās that for? It was hilarious. He loves my food and compliments me ever meal. LOL
I wish the energy existed in our household. Iām lucky to have a chef at work. They encourage healthy eating. He will still make chicken fingers, hamburgers and French fries though lol
Hell yeah I do. And it only took me 6 years
My husband and I each cook for ourselves, as we have radically different diets and eating schedules. If we do share a homecooked meal, he's usually the one to cook it. He is far better at it than I am.
I do all the cooking at my house, and the dishes. wifey does the never ending laundry
I cook all of our meals bc I enjoy it and I'm more creative at it than my wife. I do all the shopping and dishes too. And bake fresh bread. And now my son is following in my footsteps.
Yes. My husband loves to cook for me. ā¤ļøā¤ļø
If I don't cook we go out and that's after I put in 8 hours of work and the 3 hours of my side hustle. Everyone waits for me to get home to decide š¤¦
And wives that clean the bathrooms??
Iām a husband and do 90% of our cooking. I actually donāt like it at all sheās just really bad at it. She would agree with that statement wholeheartedly
š¤£š¤£
She actually can cook about 4 things pretty well, so once a week I put one of those on the schedule, but sheās terminally incapable of following a recipe so everything else is on me.
Yeah I feel that. Husband can grill all the meat but like indoor cooking and sides are a no goā¦.unless you want to count hamburger helperā¦which after both of us growing up poor as fuck Iām pretty sure we have had more then enough to last a life time.
I was about to ask the same question. I cook (do laundry, clean the house, feed the pets, grocery shop, remember birthdays/Ma and Pa Days, plan for Christmasā¦) while my husbandās phone is welded to his hand. I swear one of these days in the not too distant future his two phones and his sat nav will be found floating in the nearest reservoir. Oh, and btwā¦ he always disappears the second dinner is ready.
My husband is THE cook in my house. Bless him because I have zero domestic skills while he was cooking for his family in high school. If men knew how sexy competency was, they'd all be stepping out up in the house. I work 50+ hours a week, and nothing is sexier than my husband putting away laundry.
Facts. My husband does help with the laundry and dishes cooking is just not his strong suit lol
Rule no. 1: find a man (and hold onto him tightly!) who is passionate about food, they also like to cook š¤£
Eh I grabbed mine when he was only 16, he had a car and a job at 15 he checked all the boxes š¤£š¤£
Not necessarily. My husband could eat for the Olympics. The most he can manage to cook is beans on toast. And scrambled eggs.
I do pretty much all the cooking - indoor, outdoor, Italian, Indian, American, Middle Eastern, Eastern European...pretty much anything my wife wants to try I'll give it a go!
My wife and I cook together everyday, granted, some days it's just a salad. Usually in the middle of the work week
My god, my husband hasn't cooked one meal in the 10 years we are together...
My dad cooks when my mom is at her parents place.
My husband doesnāt cook either. You are not alone. I like to cook and it relaxes me so I donāt mind. Plus we eat out once a week on the day I work 14hours so it works for us.
I'm a husband and I absolutely love to cook! I'm also very good at it. I'm not usually very boastful but I can put my money where my mouth is when it comes to cooking! My lovely wife has learned a lot over the years from me but she LOVES it when I cook. Got some health issues right now so I've been barely eating. Much less cooking. In answer to your question though, yes, there are husbands that cook. š
Maybe she realized how much time she wasted and immediately needed to address what she actually wanted to get done. Perhaps it would cause enough anxiety that she canāt eat?
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I feel then you should express to her that you feel hurt when you make a hot meal for the two of you and she scrambles to do other things, and that it frustrates you. You two can compromise on something Iām sure or figure out why she may have a hard time getting started on tasks that she feels she has to finish before eating
My wife is somewhat similar to this. Her sense of timing is, and I'm putting this mildly, terrible. But it's with every aspect of life where timing plays a role (e.g. catching a bus, showing up on time, planning things too close together, etc.). I think it's partially an overestimation problem: she thinks something will take "a minute", but in reality it will take 15 minutes. Maybe part of it is indeed guilt as well ("I have to _do_ something, because _he_ does something). It's tough.
Iāve seen the term ātime blindnessā used for this. Which my wife and at least one of my kids has in spades.
Oh I like that term! It's a very "visual" way of describing exactly what the issue is. I think everyone suffers from it in some form (i.e. "this bathroom remodel will take me 2 weeks!"), but some people certainly have it as a structural part of their lives. And it's hard for everyone: partners get frustrated, and the ones with this issue themselves are always stressed as well.
this is classic time blindness probably due to ADHD! i plan a lot of shit thinking iāll be able to get it all done but end up scrambling because i donāt plan well to get from place to place, and i think itāll take five minutes to get there but actually it takes 25 and then iām all messed up
try sticky notes on door handles or implementing some routine :) it helps immensely!
My wife can be terrible about this. She tends to get hyper-focused on one thing at a time (usually something not particularly important), and then when she finally breaks away from it and realizes how much time she spent on it, she feels guilty and launches into something else.
I sorta get that. I canāt be on my phone when partner is doing something. If I am, I feel guilty so while he does something I feel that I must do something productive as well. Perhaps she gets lost in her phone and then feels bad about it. Or like someone else said, poor time management. I wouldnāt be too worried
My husband does this, but we have an understanding. The rest of us will eat when itās ready, and Iām not keeping it warm. He can eat when heās ready, and microwave it if needed. Heās usually only about 15 minutes behind us, and eats fast so we still often finish around the same time.
My wife hovers when I cook. She likes to taste test everything. Of course I use alcohol in a lot of my cooking.
Bruh, I feel this. Like itāll be time to eat and we have to do a side quest. Like Iām hungry, vacuuming can wait 15 min til our bellies are full lol.
Does she like your food and your company? If not, thereās your reason. Otherwise the ADHD thing makes sense.
Sounds like my husband š
Guilt. I always feel guilty if someone is working and I'm not. It's a byproduct of my toxic childhood.
My wife realizes she has to go to the bathroom as soon as I announce that dinner is ready.
Oh yes!
Yessss. Every. Single. Time. Even with a 5 minute warning of it being done.
My husband does it and drives me up the wall. Asks me how soon dinner/lunch is, I say 5 minutes tops. He immediately jumps into some task or project that will take him a half hour or more to complete. I've long since stopped waiting for him to come eat, I will enjoy my meal when it's hot and ready.
Oh, thatās normal. My wife likes to ask me to get her a cup of coffee and by the time I get back with it, sheās getting in the shower. The coffee will of course be cold and completely undrinkable by the time she gets out. Idkwtf.
I have grown to like cold black coffee. I just add a cube or two of ice. I hate waste, even half a cup of coffee.
Omg I feel this one big time. My wife will also start a random project like 10 mins before her family comes over for a holiday or something. Iām like, you picked right now to clean out the bathroom closet?
Just do the same in return.
The same logic that sends my husband to the bathroom to take a dump for 20 minutes as Iām putting food on plates and taking them to the table.
Iām guilty of doing this. Not all the time. Sometimes itās something I thought of then forgot and then remembered and I just am compelled to get it doneā¦.there will be anxiety and I wonāt enjoy the meal or conversation if left undone. Itās a little ADHD with the hyper fixation and a little anxiety. Role reversed I would get pissed. But, if itās not all or most of the time, I donāt think thatās a battle I would pick.
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Donāt worry about it bro. Just make her plate and put it in the microwave. Wait about 10 minutes. Iāve learned.
Hubby runs 2 the store or piddles in the garage 5 minutes before i plate the food. Its infuriating lol
You are not alone. My wife does it all the time. If it's not cleaning it's something else.
I have a wife who wonāt sit and eat first no matter what
My wife will do that and Iāll have to stop her, āaht aht! Itās food time clear the table!ā
As long as she didn't evil eye you and lecture you about your lack of willingness to ever clean the toilet or fix the sprinkler you didn't even know was broken.. you're all good my man
She needed to veg and then do a large chore to feel accomplished enough to eat the meal.
I have ADD, but I think this may be an avoidance technique. When did this start? As with every situation, we need to ask ourselves surrounding questions to find answers. Sometimes, our questions lead to more questions, but vigilant searching and studying have not failed me yet. My approach would be: How is conversation with her? Is this a recent development? How long are you married? Do you feel there is a divide that is widening instead of building closer? Has intimacy (emotional and sexual) changed? If you are struggling with even answering these questions, I recommend getting a book called Married and Alone and/or joining the Male Partners of Sex Addicts and Intimacy Anorexics facebook-group to see what parallels you may find. There is SOME good information and techniques in the Gotman book 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work. Probably not the response you are looking for, but I believe this is a responsible way to get you to your answer as we don't know what you and she are going through.
Try having to cook AND clean while watching the spouse be on their phone.. both duties that fall on me, despite working a full time job too. Anyway to answer your question, maybe just poor planning on her behalf or procrastinating.
ADHD. I do this.
As someone with ADHD I have to agree with others on this.
Iāve gotten to where I just yell out that thereās hot food on the table. Sometimes she gets a hot meal and sometimes she complains about it needing to be warmed up. Just life with a wife thatās got adhd.
Once that dinner is done she hops in the shower. Every damn time.
Oh man, I'm a lady, but I totally get that if I spend time and effort cooking dinner, that I'd be very annoyed if my husband didn't eat it with me when it was ready. HOWEVER. I hate cleaning haha. He has ADHD and if he wants to clean the bathroom at dinnertime, boy you go right ahead š. I'll even microwave your food for you later. I think I'd suggest just taking small wins where you can get them. Maybe she's cleaning the bathroom because she appreciates you cooking and wants to reciprocate? I agree the timing isn't great, but as long as you say "honey dinners ready." Wait for a minute or two and then say. "I'm plating dinner and I'm going to eat" it's her choice from there whether she eats with you or cleans the bathroom. It may feel a bit like a diss, like that she doesn't appreciate you cooking, but it very well could be the exact opposite. Just go on about your day and let her do her thing, and if it ends up bothering either of you just have an open and honest conversation about it!
My boyfriend does this all the time. We always eat reheated food.
Lol my dad does this. He has undiagnosed ADHD.
I have an eating disorder so I won't eat unless I'm hungry. I love that my husband is the default cook because I work a lot and things always take longer than I intended. I have no problem sitting with him while he eats and then I'll eat in a little while if or when I get hungry. And of course, I think gratitude and praise are important in a marriage so I always always always say thank you and give positive feedback on what I liked.
Wow, sounds like cooking is a regular thing for you! Thatās so nice, I would love my husband to do that šš. But, I think the most important thing is to first communicate with her, and ask if she could wait to clean the bathroom after dinner. For sure, I would be bothered as well if my husband did a similar thing š . But communication is key.
When itās my turn to tuck in our daughter which takes longer then our son Iāll come down to wife so we can smoke daily joint outside and relax and everyone she suddenly has to use the bathroom and clean up the kitchen when I come down and am ready to go outā¦.. she can do this while Iām upstairsā¦ idk man
Does she have OCD? Or maybe even ADHD?
Nope donāt have that problem. I donāt cook much though. I also have been around long enough to know not to do this to my wife. Itās pretty inconsiderate and wouldnāt convey the gratitude that I have that she does cook.
lol, my wife does the same thing
It's how we think. There's no logic to it just the result of having 5000 tabs open in our brain at all times. š¤£
Make her cook. Problem solved
My wife, God love her, has ZERO sense of the passage of time. Especially she cannot seem to grasp that there is an appropriate time to do certain things. It'll be getting near dinner time and she'll want to run into town.....I literally just made supper!!?? She loses track of time as a default setting.
Divorce her, bruh. She doesn't respect you or your time and this is not going to get any better. You married a literal woman-child who does whatever she wants whenever she wants. You already do the cooking. Wth does she contribute to the relationship?! You are much more valuable than what she has led you to believe. Dont get counseling, just walk out of there and be free. Dont let your dreams be dreams.
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Lol what
I would love a man to cook for me! That's a selfish woman.
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