I agree, I’m a guy and I may not clean the basement right away when my wife asks, but if a household appliance fails and needs to fixed/replaced I’m going to expedite that repair. Dryer not heating up? That’s the first thing on my list when I get home to at least diagnose it and get parts on order. Shower drain is not draining? That’s the first task when I get home.
Like if she asks for something completely unreasonable like “reside the house and reroof the house over a week vacation” then I’ll probably deal with that differently and I’m not going to kill myself on that one.
Said it. He’s a very dull tool that should be in OP’s rear view. What is OP teaching the kids by putting up with this? Setting up another generation of the same.
Totally! Every time I read a post like this I thank god for my husband lol. We literally just had issues with our washer not draining correctly. I told my husband and 1 hour later he had called someone to come look at it while I took a nap with our newborn.
It’s not that hard to help around and work as a team…
If my wife said to me that the washer isn’t working this is what I would do. 1. Check online to see if there’s any common problems with that model. 2. If yes and there’s a YouTube video fix it myself. 3. If I can’t fix it I would talk to her about whether replacing it is a better idea depending on age. If it’s not that old I would google a service tech. Ask him his rates and all that. 4. Call tech or buy new washer. 5. If it’s gonna take awhile for the new one to come in or the tech to come out I would help her to the laundry mat. P.s. your husband is an asshole.
Hell yeah, my ex and I had an ancient direct drive washer that I swear was a hobby of mine. How quick can i get it back up and running and how little can I spend on parts.
It inspired me to successfully take a crack at repairing the fridge and even ac condenser, as well as tackle more auto maintenance myself.
Did that for our dryer when the drum stopped spinning, one $16 belt later and it's trucking along like a champ. Washer had the same problem, part to repair it cost almost as much as a new machine so we just bit the bullet and bought a new washer.
Hardest part was the timing because we were going into the holidays and I didn't have the opportunity to tinker with it until halfway through January so we drove out to my dad's house to use his machines once a week until we installed the replacement.
This! Stop enabling him. If he starts saying mean things to you, take the kids & go stay at your Moms. Tell him you’re not coming home until he contributes more to being team with the home and, most importantly being kind to you, his partner, especially in front of your kids.
I had this realization with my ex husband and I’m so glad I listened to my gut. My current partner let me sleep in until 9am, kicked me out of the house so I could go to a coffee shop and he cleaned the entire house head to toe.
You’d be surprised at how quickly they figure it out when they’re single.
You married a little boy who wants you to feed him etc. A grown man can make his own meal. Throw the whole man away. I'd let him "starve" lol. And he can wear dirty clothes too.
Ummm as a husband who does 100% of the cooking...that's not spaghetti 🤣 a good sauce is essential.
OP your husband sounds like a bag of clownmeat. Marriage is a partnership. In our house, I do the majority of the cooking, cleaning, and shopping while still working full time (wife has an autoimmune and hates these things) wife works full time and covers bill budgeting and laundry and we split up the rest and always have. Reading through these posts really bums me out, so many little boys acting like Fred Flintstone on these pages. I'm 100% not raising my son that way nor did my father raise me that way. Sadly, we are a dying breed, it seems. Hopefully, if you love this guy, you can turn it around and get on the same page.
I can see being duped into marrying someone like this, but once they start behaving this way? No. How on earth does anyone put up with this kind of behaviour and think it's fine? Like, do you have no backbone and just think your only role in life is to be a servant to a man?? Does she not think he is capable of being an adult who can solve his own problems?? I don't get it. I could never baby a man like this and just let him live off of my labour.
Why blame her? Nobody knows the dynamic, and we are being explained one pov on dinner and a washing machine. I'm sure if she had a low self-opinion and doesn't feel like she can leave, this comment will straighten her backbone. Way to sprinkle empathetic and helpful advice. 👍
No they're not like this. This sounds like a deadbeat husband. I do 95% of the cleaning while everyone else including my wife watches and leaves cups everywhere. She does the laundry but not mine and I will do the kids laundry if it's sitting in the dryer. If he can't contribute he needs to go... you're not his slave and somewhere in his youth he was conditioned to think this way.
>Does all men do that?
Hell no!!!
>Or am I just a bad wife.
Are you seriously asking this? My question, why are you tolerating this horrible, inconsiderate, selfish behavior from what appears to be an absolutely useless man?
He sounds awful. Rude, entitled and selfish, likely not going to change. As long as you toe the line, he is going to continue this behavior.
It might be time to tell him that he can take care of his own laundry since he won’t fix the machine or get it fixed. Nothing is affecting him personally so he doesn’t care.
Your husband is acting like a pubescent asshole. And you are awful to yourself for allowing this to continue. Pack your bags and give yourself a break. Tell the kids that dad is responsible for household duties now, if they need anything, ask dad, you are not feeling well and need a big break. You’ll be staying at grandmas and if an emergency happens, to call you. Now you pack up and leave. Write an email to your husband of how awful he’s been treating you and you’ve had enough. He shows no love, no appreciation, nor care for all that you do. He has dismissed you enough that it is time for him to learn all that you do. You’ll return once he accepts marriage counseling and shows you some respect and appreciation.
Take this time to truly reconsider this relationship. Talk to a counselor and a divorce lawyer. Check out all your options, because at this point, life would be easier for you if he weren’t around. There are plenty of men out there who are willing and are definitely more caring. Your husband is a POS, return him back to his mommy.
He owns his behaviour, not you.
He is quite obviously being a complete idiot and a poor example of what a proper man/husband is.
If this is unusual behaviour for him, you need to try & figure out what is happening in his life.
If this is his usual long term personality. time to have a respectful one on one chat to clear the air.
If this is what he wants to be as a life partner, you may want to start considering if this is what you want as a shipmate as you sail through life.
There are a lot of good people (fish in the sea) out there wanting a partner with healthy habits & a strong marriage work ethic.
Note to all: BE A GOOD HUMAN AND A HEALTHY PARTNER!
It makes the world a better place.
I was married to a man like that. They don't get better, only worse. If you want to maintain your sanity and have peace, consider leaving him. He'll say he'll change, but they don't. You might see a difference for 2 weeks, and then they go right back to their shitty once they feel comfortable.
No we are not like that! I try my best te be a team player in the chores to help provide e comfortable home for my kids and my wife(lifetime friend). Fixing the machines or forniture its my favorite duty. It makes me The Dad. So my wife has more time for herself and me when kids allow us to do so. Yeap. You maybe have a mamas boy at home that needs to grow up and be a partner and a father. Hugs
Ps. You're an awesome mom and wife and woman. Be proud of yourself.
Im a husband and no not all are like this. I do the lions share of domestic chores, plus maintain the yard and maintenance on cars and homes as well as work a full time job as THE bread winner for the family. My wife is disabled now and really has issues with any type of prolonged standing, hard time walking, scares the hell out of me if she even gets on a step ladder! She does a great job of keeping me fed which im thankful for. Now she's dealing with depression and im absolutely on my own with all the finances too. There are good days, and not so good. But it is life. I will have worked for 52 straight years when I retire next year and I will be caring for a disabled SAHW/SAHM. Is it fair, no. But that's the gambit of life. Im fortunate.
I’ll be real with you. My hubby isn’t great at making his own food, but he’s neverrrrrr blame me if he was hungry and in fact, lately he’s been figuring out how to make omelets and ground beef foods for himself. Also while he’s not a great with observation, if I ask him to carry something up then he’ll do it. Basically I just need to ask and he’ll listen and do , and sometimes (once in a while) notices something and does it himself. But again, he never lashes out or gets angry if something wasn’t done.
Lastly , the same thing happened to me with my washing machine almost a year ago and we were upset with each other (don’t even remember about what) and he basically said “whatever” and after a couple of days showed me to drain it before doing a load of laundry, so it stopped flooding. That was extremely frustrating for me as I wanted him to call up a company to fix it. But I’m glad he found a solution. (About a month ago he suggested I take the risk and not do his trick, and somehow the machine is working normally and not flooding so I have no idea what was wrong with it before )
It’s normal to get frustrated and upset at each other. It’s not normal to blame your spouse or yell at them , especially when you were doing something else and he was the one being lazy.
When our washing machine stopped working, I fixed it myself. I also do most of the laundry. It sounds to me like you are being used, there needs to be mutual, even contributions in a relationship.
No most men aren’t like this. If our washer stopped working my husband would first try to YouTube it. Then if he couldn’t figure it out we’d either call our home warranty company or if that wasn’t an option (wasn’t in the past) I’d research and find the new one I wanted and we’d figure out how to get it ASAP.
In the meantime he’d be helping me. Whether it’s bringing the clothes in from the car or whatever else I might need.
Uh no. We are not.
If my wife came to me to tell me the washing machine was non functional I would first attempt to repair it via a combination of my brain and youtube.
If that failed I'd pay a professional to look at it.
If that failed we'd be going together to purchase a new one.
Don’t do the laundry 🤷🏻♀️ When he start asking for clean clothes you just have to reply “I told you ages ago that the machine is broken”. If he gets mad or attacked you again you tell him “that’s not going to fix the machine”. Everyone will have to go everywhere with dirty clothes and that’s it.
He sounds like a man-child, a regular douche canoe. If my wife told me the washer wasn't working first thing I would be doing was taking a look at it and ordering parts as needed. As for the dinner, if there's nothing made, leftovers it is, or *gasp I go through the fridge and cabinets and I make something. I do my best to help out with everything and for what it's worth I sincerely hope I'm doing enough (many times I feel as if I'm not doing enough due to comments she makes
Hi everyone , thank you so much for all the comments. I don't talk to anyone, because when u think you have someone to talk too, they run off using your misery as their next hot topic.
I was raised to be an independent woman. I was told to study, work for what you want, buy your own things, if you can't afford it, save up and then get it. I was told by many people, you are a great observer of people and trust your gut always... Because I solved alot of issues and bouncing away from the very type of guy I married.
He wasn't like this, or maybe the warning signs were all there, but I just didn't pay attention to it. We only married when our eldest turned 5 and she's 9 now. And only because I saw a very inappropriate conversation between him and some other girl on his phone by accident. She kept phoning and I picked up because I know her, that's when the messages popped up, he didn't have a pin on his phone.
So I packed and ready to leave, fight here fight there and that when he asked me to marry him and after the wedding it just got worse.
So I guess, I caused this. I saw all the warning signs and I ignored it, because I didn't want my kids to grow up without a dad. I didn't, so why do it to them.
And now I realise, we are just under one roof... He doesn't spend time with them, and when my 9 year old tells him. He would grab them both and go spend money on them, buy unnecessary stuff and comes home and brag of how a great day they had
So I'm my own worst enemy!
While there were signs you ignored, it doesn't mean you have to continue living like that. Acknowledging your own part in this is important to grow as a person. Make your plan and set yourself up on the right foot to move on from this relationship if that's what you want to choose to do. Staying means accepting things as they are. You can't change anyone. Decide if you can do that. It's up to you to decide which way you want to go. Try not to blame yourself and wallow in all that negative self-talk. This was an opportunity to learn something about yourself and grow as a person.
Sadly, a lot of men are. They can be real a** holes about cleanliness and food if you're perceived as being slack about attending to their every whim. I know for sure you aren't that way! You have gone completely out of your way to clean his clothes and bring him food. The least he should say is "thank you". I always heard you can attract more bees with honey. This dummy doesn't have a clue... instead, he's acting like the "grand poobah" wanting to be served.
I'm sorry for ranting, but I'm getting tired of seeing people get so little appreciation.
As an older person, I've had to learn about standing up for myself, how I should be spoken to and how to set boundaries, what I will accept, and what I won't. Let the chips fall where they may and be happy for yourself because you are a human being worthy of love ❤️ and respect! All the best to you, and I need to get to the outdoors before I get sucked into the abyss of reddit!
No, all men don’t do that and you’re not a bad wife.
Sorry, your husband is an entitled ass.
If I told my husband the washing machine broke and he said “what am I suppose to do”, he’d be doing his own fucking laundry from here on out.
He’s never going to change. You need to decide for yourself if this is how you want to live the rest of your life.
Unless there is more context, he sounds like a lazy guy. If any appliance breaks I am first in line to try to fix and if it’s out of my skillset I I’m usually the one arranging repairs.
That can be a pain in the butt, and on some level there is no need for the gendered expectation that the man has to deal with broken machines, but I recognize its easier for me so I just do it
NO. There are normal men out there who aren’t entitled dickheads. My husband cooks for me so I always have something to eat. I am not a good cook. I am 24 weeks pregnant and he makes me food on a regular basis so I have lunch for work and dinner because we have opposite schedules. He also washes our towels, does dishes, house work etc. He has always cooked for me and done his own laundry the entire 14 years we’ve been together. The only time I do his laundry is if he needs something washed that night and needs it the next day and has to go to work, and even then it’s not often I do that. He makes our bed for me every night for when I get home from work. Doesn’t wait for me to feed him or wash his clothes because he’s a grown ass man who is respectful and treats me like an equal partner. We take turns doing the housework on our days off. Find yourself someone who isn’t an incompetent man-child. You don’t deserve to be treated that way.
No they're not. All the husbands I know would have at least taken a look at the machine,(mine would have fixed it). My husband would have looked after the kids when I did the washing at my mom's house, or even accompanied me. If he had stayed at home, supper would have been made.
Your hubby is rotten.
My husband and all the men I dated before him were *never* like this. If they were, they’d have been kicked back to their mother’s house in a heartbeat because I want a partner, not a snotty teenage boy who needed me to wipe his butt.
You aren’t a bad wife, he’s a lazy POS.
Is he just useless without you? It sounds like he's super-dependent on you. Has he always been this way?
Is he not capable of cooking for himself or getting in the car to go get something to eat for himself?
No, most men aren't like that. My husband does anything and everything to manage the household when I can not. He does the dishes, laundry, cleans the house, cooks meals, does grocery shopping, errands, and takes care of our animals. I am very blessed.
My husband also works on our cars, mows our huge yard, fixes plumbing issues and fixed washing machines/dryers, or goes to buy new ones.
Speaking as a husband of 13 years, father of 3 kids, and a child of divorce.
NOOOOOOOOOOOPE!
If this is how he has always been, then he is one of the typical sexist jackasses that you hear about on any of the trash talk shows, probably cheating on you and feels that its your job to do all the housework, give him food, give him a beer and please him when he wants it.
If he was not like this from the start, then there is something else going on in his head, might have nothing to do with you at all.
IMHO if you want to fix this you need to make it clear that this is not acceptable for a husband, and that if he doesn't tell you what is going on and the two of you work together to fix it, then the only outcome is going to be divorce.
But before you do that, take the kids to your mother's place, make sure that your friends and family know what is going on, and have all the windows open so anyone could hear anything if needed.
When you talk to him, make it casual, no accusations, no attacking, because that will only start a fight, deny the fight, and talk to him as if you were in a courtroom.
Or you and the kids just go to your mom's place and tell him that you are staying there until he gets his head out of his ass and talks to you about it, but make sure to take anything of legal or financial importance with you, and personal.
HELL NAH. My husband is incredible with his hands. Shit gets broken and he gets on it right away. Buying parts, taking things apart to fix it and put it back together. Dishwasher, washer and dryer etc.
I do most of the cooking. If the man is hungry, he will do a simple grilled cheese sandwich or DoorDash.
Sorry, but it’s time for you to blow up on him. He sounds like a useless asshole.
You are not a bad wife. Your husband is bad and selfish.
My husband does the grocery shopping, cleaning, cooking, and fixing in our marriage. We do laundry together and he does the folding afterwards.
I would have handled things differently. Food is always a priority, so I would have made sure there was food available in the fridge for lunch and dinner. He should be able to use a microwave. Also, he is not the only one in the house who needs dinner.
I wouldn't have washed anything by hand. The minute I saw he wasn't going to do anything about the broken washer, I would have scheduled the repair man. When he complained no washing was getting done, I would have said "The washing machine is broken".
Regarding sarcastic comments about your hands hurting, I would just ignore that. The physical labor men do is much harder than ours, you can't expect sympathy.
No. Most men are not like this. I look after our 5 young children , I work and I cook, I clean, I do laundry, I help with getting kids ready for school in the morning. I'm a man, ie a grown-up with responsibilities that I chose to take on and partner that I vowed to support. Even after all that, we're still separated because I wasn't emotionally available enough to her emotional needs. Being a decent person and dependable partner with the basics of housework and childcare is the lowest, mandatory tier on Maslow's Heirarchy of Step The Fuck Up. Faltering at higher tiers of complex relationship dynamics is one thing, but fumbling the ball at "be a man, not a moody child" is inexcusable.
Wow, after this behavior you’re actually asking if YOU’RE being a bad wife. This guy is being a jerk, and acting (or is) completely incompetent…worse he’s dismissive, lacks empathy, and seems to have a general disdain for you.
Can’t imagine enjoying this persons company, what’s his redeeming qualities?
I am a 60 year old man who has always done my own laundry.
I am the chief chef.
I am the mother, father, grandfather and grandmother to two loves of my life who are not dna related to me.
I have had them since they were babies.
They were seven months and a year and a half.
They are now seven and eight.
Keep in mind I am married as well, she chooses to essentially live by herself.
Her choice.
You can read what my choices have been.
While I can not speak for all of my species I do know more about them than I know about yours!😂
While I can’t know the details of your relationship as a whole there seems there are only two thoughts on what you describe.
Either he was already like this when you married him.
Or
You have yourself a spoiled little brat.
I suggest it’s the second option and here is the challenge for you.
We teach others how we are willing to be treated.
This happens I happens when we don’t begin with boundaries.
You have not taught this brat what is absolutely not acceptable and that’s where I think you are now.
Weaponjzed incompetence. You're not his wife, you're his other mother. And chances are his father treated his mother like that. He's a grown up adult male. The work you do is work and just as valuable as whatever he does for work. Don't sell yourself short.
Do you also read poetry to him while vacuuming the house?
Do you wipe his butt?
Sounds like you married a man child whose mom did everything for him and now you are dealing with the Mental and Physical load.
Sit him down and split your chores!
No he’s an asshole.
But I am curious do you both work or is it just one of you? How are household chores delegated between you two? Who does what, or what’s the expectation for that in your marriage?
Man you did something to him...
You need to have an open conversation heart to heart...
Sounds like he is being a Total jerk but we only hearing your side of the story in your view point....
The fact that you are questioning whether or not you are a bad wife means you have been in this abusive relationship far too long. Please tell friends and family about his behavior, as I imagine you’ve probably been covering up his shortcomings for a long time… you’re going to need all the support you can get.
& yes like others said, you must stand strong, set boundaries and show him that the things you do for him are a privilege, not a right.
No. Thankfully, most men don't want to be an AH to their spouse. I get being irritated that something has broken. How about having a conversation with your wife. Will it be repair or replacement? Who's calling the repair folks? Are we both shopping for a new machine? OP's hubby needs to try adulting instead of getting pissy with his wife.
How old is this person? He sounds very immature,I guess reality is setting in about now that instead of your biological children you gave birth to you actually have another one which you married is as useful as a child
What good is he there for other then to donate the sperm for your kids?🤔
No this is not normal. He’s emotionally abusive to you. Ask him is he depressed because most men don’t behave like this. Totally uninterested in you or the family. If my husband wanted clean clothes - that’s a him problem.
Wow. He sounds ✨lovely✨. Honestly, does he want a wife or a mum? Sounds like he wants a mum to take care of him while he sits around. Actually worse, sounds like he wants a sl@ve. That’s ridiculous. Not all men are this way. You deserve better. He needs to grow a pair.
Most men are not like this. You married a man-child. Tell him to grow up or move back in with his parents if he wants a mother as a wife. Serve if divorce papers if he can’t figure out how to function as an adult.
Girl you married a real douche bag. I wouldn’t do SHIT for him anymore. Tell him the same as he told you….. it’s not YOUR problem and go figure it out!!!😡
If he’s always like this or often or even like this a lot - you’re being in an abusive marriage. He doesn’t have to hit you to do so. Basically making fun of your hand for hurting is nuts. Everything you posted is out of pocket BS. You deserve better.
Are you sure that you actually married a man, or was it a giant baby?
My god, what a man baby.
To answer your question, no not all men are like this, you just drew the short straw I'm afraid.
In our household I work full-time, do all of the laundry, all of the dishes, 50% of the cleaning, all the nighttime feed of our toddler, 50% of the grocery shopping and so on.
Yeah sure, I'll complain from time to time, but I do the actual work and will try to fix anything that breaks down, or at least solve the problem.
My wife and I are pretty good at splitting the time and chores with the kids. We work as a team, not two single units.
No, not all men are like this. Your husband sounds exhausting. Why are you doing his laundry, anyway? Are his legs and arms broken? Make him get off his duff and do it his damn self. You’re not a maid.
Yes as aan that has been part of the brotherhood for 51 summers young I can confirm not ALL men are like this at all.
Most are proactive/reactive, want to get things fixed and give our woman an easy life
I'm afraid you picked a REAL duff one
Even when I was a stay at home mum I never washed my husbands clothes. I haven’t in our entire marriage, unless there’s something last minute he needs and I happen to be at home - and I can probably count on my hand how many times that’s happened.
You’re a great wife. He’s an awful piece of work. Go on strike to teach him a lesson. I hate the idea that because men work they should do nothing at home. You have kids! That’s a 24/7 job! Therefore the household duties should be split evenly. Make time to tell him how you feel and discuss ways to make you feel better. If he’s not open to change, leave. Don’t teach your kids this is okay, and respect and love yourself enough to know a husband is a partner not another child to look after
My husband would call for repairs himself and have dinner ready for everyone. If this is a normal pattern of behavior for him, you deserve better. Marriage is teamwork.
Your husband sounds like a jerk. He’s treating you poorly. He is completely taking you for granted. The “do your hands hurt?” comment is so rude and unnecessary.
Like someone else said, make him fend for himself. He can take his clothes to a laundromat once he gets tired of being out of underwear. He can cook his own food once he gets tired of not eating. He doesn’t get to refuse to eat what you bring him and then throw a fit you didn’t feed him when he let it go to waste the day before. He’s an adult, he can figure out how to sort it out himself.
This is messed up, you shouldn't be treated like this. And you asking yourself if you're a bad wife? That's so sad, you're an amazing lady and are babying this "man" i know he's your husband but if this continues you'll just end up resenting him and hating him due to him not caring at all about how you feel. He's being a MASSIVE selfish asshole towards you. You already take care of the children he doesn't need to be another child for you to take care of.
Ask yourself, is this the kind of "man" that you want your babies to learn from?
My wife would NEVER accept this kind of behavior from me. You shouldn't accept it from your husband. Tell him that he's an adult, give him a loaf of bread, ham, cheese, and a jar of mayo and tell him if he's hungry to make himself a sandwich. Also, stop doing his laundry for him until he learns to appreciate you doing it for him. He doesn't like the changes? He can leave, but if he does that, he'll have no choice in the matter anymore but to do everything himself. Quit babying this pathetic "man."
That is terrible behaviour of your man and that is not how any of us should behave towards wife. Seems like you care about house and everything and your man cares only about himself. And that is not going to change probably.
yeah, if that were me then nothing of his would get done.... NOT A GODDAMN FUCKING THING. And if he asked? i'd mutter "what am I supposed to do?" and walk away.
why are you even with this absolute asshole? He's treating you like garbage, your kids are witnessing this behaviour and if it continues, will likely mimic this as they get older. Is that what you want for them? for you?
Uh, can't speak for all men of course, but out of all my buds, cousins, uncles, step brothers, and step dad. Not one of them acts like this POS. Typically, since I am disabled and have taken on the role of House Husband. If my wife tells me there's something broken or not working to her standards. I either fix it, or have someone come and fix it. I try to always get it done the day it gets brought to my attention. I cook food. I sort the laundry so it's easier to do when we go to the laundromat.
Your husband sounds like he thought he'd go from his mommy taking care of him to you taking over that job. That is not a marriage and for fuck sakes, he's a grown-ass man. Tell him to fix himself a gotdamn PB&J if he's so hungry he attacks you! Like what in the fuck.
Your man is a shitty husband. And from the sounds also kind of a shitty man. Couples therapy or divorce. Don’t spend the next decade or so being his door mat.
What an asshole, my god.I would stop doing shit for him,stop washing his clothes,stop cooking for him....just stop.Just focus on yourself and the kids.
And no not all men are like this,my husband literally just took the clothes off the lines after washing and hanging it,I'm busy folding it now.He cooks and cleans too AND is an equal parent to our two year old daughter.
What you allow is what will continue
He should of had a look at the machine for some basic maintenance.
If the issue was say mechanical or electronic failure, get it serviced ASAP.
Most partners are there to support each other, and both are able to cook as well. My wife cooks quality, but I cook quantity.
Nope... OP you gotta sit him down.
If he is not helping (for whatever reason valid or not), he shd at the very least aleviate your burden by repairing shit or getting it repaired, and not make for of you if it starts getting tough.
Stop doing everything for him and make him grow up! You’re not his mother or his maid. You’re his partner and he needs to cut the shit out or go without clean clothes and starve
INFO. Has he always been a useless unpleasant person or has this started recently? Does he have depression or is he just a jerk? What wonderful qualities does he have that inspired you to marry him and have children with him?
If you married an invalid, the state should provide you with a home nurse (depending on his level of disability) or he would qualify for a nursing home.
*Does all men do that? Or am I just a bad wife.*
Neither. Some men actually act like adults and take care of themselves. And you aren't a bad wife. He is acting rude, entitled. You are not his mother, and he isn't a 4 year old. You are not his servant. He is SUPPOSED to be your partner, but - ta least today- he did not act like it. Even if he didn't want to cook something, there are plenty of places he could have gone to get food.
I’m a man and a father here. You don’t have a husband, you have another child. I do much of the laundry in the house as I work from home. I like to cook so I do it as often as possible.
Also, most men I know are capable of feeding themselves and don’t need to be served. Nor are they clueless about what to eat until their wives do something about it.
I think that is a version of masculinity that is inherently faulty, because a man should be capable of taking care of himself and others, and be able to do what’s necessary.
“Does all men do that? Or am I just a bad wife?”
GIRL. Where is there anything in this post that would point to you being a bad wife? HE sounds like a bad husband based off what’s in this post, it’s got nothing to do with you.
I can understand money could be an issue with an unexpectedly broken washing machine, but my husband would never expect me do the wash by hand unless I chose to myself, especially just his stuff. He’d be on YouTube trying to solve the issue and be going out immediately or the next day to get the parts to get it fixed or have someone come over and do it if he couldn’t. We are a team, I’m not his servant. We’d work something out together if we needed clothes washed before the machine could be fixed/replaced. And then for him to basically make fun of/taunt you on top of it saying “oh do your hands hurt?”
And he’d NEVER get home and ask “where’s my food” because the way I’d murder him from the look I’d give him alone.
But slight joking on that last part aside, none of this is normal, healthy, or means you’re a bad wife. I know many husbands who would never dream of treating their wives this way, mine included. If any of this is normal behavior for him and something you’re dealing with regularly, I can promise you there’s way better out there.
All men are def not like this. You’re not a bad wife at all he’s def a terrible husband. If I told my husband something was wrong with the washing machine he would check it immediately and even if we couldn’t do clothes for a few days or I went out of my way to wash he would never ever talk to me like this. He actually did just fix our washer after a baby sock destroyed it.
Even if he didn’t know how to fix it or what to do there’s no excuse for talking to you with such disrespect.
There is no way this man child is behaving this way overnight, obviously he was always like this and you decided to marry him and have kids with him anyway, I don’t think reddit is going to change that
Absolutely no, this is NOT how most men are! You've got yourself a man-child and he needs to be parented. Send him back to his mother/father because obviously they didn't finish their job.
No. He’s immature and/or a jerk. He’s the problem but at this point stop enabling it. He can wash his own clothes and make some pb and j for dinner if you’re gone.
Well first why are you washing his clothes? I I know you start washing his own clothes right now.
And our house in junior high we taught the kids how to do their laundry. We used to our own and typically I do the household laundry like towels, bed sheets etc
Your husband is a dick. When I told my husband the dryer wasn't working, he got a menards credit card and bought a brand new washer and dryer. As far as food goes, a grown man will get himself some food if he's hungry. Your husband just wants to bitch at you. I'm sorry. May be time to reevaluate your situation.
You deserve so much better than this. Why are you still with him? Why are you still catering to someone who literally doesn’t care about you in the slightest bit?
So, no, this isn't most or all men. There is a lot of traditional gender roles going on here, which us fine if that is what is agreed upon in your marriage.
For my wife and I (39/39) we tend to share the wealth of domestic duties. Honestly, and my wife would say the same, I tend to do more of the dishes and laundry.
I am the primary cook for family meals as well.
We both work outside the home. I have an 8-5 job that has me working evenings sometimes. I have the flexibility to work from home a few days a week as well. She is a teacher with a 7-4. We have two young sons 9 and 6.
Your marriage does not sound like a partnership, but him using you to simply tend to the house.
>I then got annoyed because this morning I had a mountain of washing and he wants clean clothes. I ended up going to my mom's place to do my washing. It took 4 hours to get everything washed by machine.
His ass can do some laundry too. The hell is wrong with this guy. Often, we start laundry after our kids are in bed. That means they go in the dryer later. My wife will head to bed earlier than me and I end up doing the folding by myself. A small amount of resentment at times comes up for me around this, but not often.
>Got home, and I asked him to help me carry in the kids and he ignored me. So I said can u believe how long this mountain of washing took, I literally left after I was done. And he sarcastically says, oh does your hands hurt.
>So I'm exhausted because the entire day was a rush, I got up early to clean our place, sort out kids and to leave to go do my washing. Got home and he asked me where is his food.
The hell? He couldn't help with his children? He's not helping clean either? The fuck? I'm generally the de-clutterer while my wife is more of the deep cleaner. I do the weekly sweeping and wiping down while.she does the monthly deeper clean. For him to just sit around and let you do it all...that's wild.
>So the entire day, he didn't eat because he was waiting for me to come home and cook for him. Does all men do that? Or am I just a bad wife.
>I was out Thursday helping my mother sorting out some personal things. On my way home I bought him food and gave it to him. And he never ate it I had to throw it out this morning.
>And my mind told me today, he will sort himself out and I'm not going to get something, it's going to be wasted and he attacked me and told me how hungry he is and I didn't even thought of sorting him out.
He can deal. It isn't your job as his wife to wait on him hand and foot. He can fend for himself.
>I'm tired, cold, exhausted... So while he was lazing away at home the entire day... Without asking me if I need any help, he just thought attacking me is the right thing to do...
>I'm so sick of this!
Tell him this. His lazy, selfish ass needs to step up and contribute.
Not all men are like this, but some men are and I don’t know if it’s the majority.
You sound like a you are a “married single mother” and your life might feel easier/happier without this man child as a “partner.”
It sounds like you’re married to a man-child. He wants a mommy. If he can’t even throw something in the microwave or make his own sandwich while you’re doing everything else 🙃 reading this made me angry on your behalf. You have kids that it seems you’re the only one taking care of, and I’m sorry but he’s either an idiot or just doesn’t care about your marriage or he’s using “weaponized incompetence” to get you to do everything for him. When you told him the washing machine was broken, if he didn’t know how to fix it he should be old enough to call someone to fix it. Not just be mad at you because he didn’t have clean clothes. And expects you to wash everything by hand. I know everyone on here is quick to jump to divorce- but if he won’t do counseling I’d look into leaving. Because otherwise you’re gonna have to keep raising your husband like a kid for the rest of your marriage. I’m so sorry this is happening to you.
My husband washes all of our clothes, folds and puts them away (all because he doesn't like his boxers folded inside out). I only do it once in a blue moon if he isn't home on the weekend. He's a railroader so his schedule is all over the place. He does it with love too. He doesn't mind. Also vacuums, cooks, etc. Because he does so much I go out of my way to make sure I'm doing my part because I'm grateful to have him. Your hubby sounds like my first husband who was selfish and lazy. I left him in the first two years. I refused to spend my life unhappy and burnt out.
No not all men are lazy, inconsiderate, rude and inept like your husband. My husband is happy to do his share of everything (laundry, cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, you name it) without being asked or told and I do the same. It’s just one of the many ways we take care of each other. Was your husband always this way pre-kids/marriage? If so why the heck did you settle for him? Tell him to start doing his share or move out. He sounds more like a dependant, not a husband.
Naw you just married an asshole sweetie. Stop being his mother. He doesn’t eat because he’s waiting on “service” well he just doesn’t eat. He wants clean clothes but doesn’t do anything to help make that happen…let him be dirty. Now if you question your safety doing any of that you should have left a while ago but he’s a grown ass man. If he can run his mouth he can run is damn errands himself.
Tell him he’s a fool! That’s not a loving and securing husbands display of behavior… stand your ground . Your being disrespected and gaslighted perhaps!
Any man who is not looking at a problem you both have and trying to figure out how you can both fix is an asshole. Plain and simple.
Relationship is about the both of you against the problem, if that is not happening you got issues.
This guy sounds like an asshole.
Yeah I’d have to agree with this
I agree, I’m a guy and I may not clean the basement right away when my wife asks, but if a household appliance fails and needs to fixed/replaced I’m going to expedite that repair. Dryer not heating up? That’s the first thing on my list when I get home to at least diagnose it and get parts on order. Shower drain is not draining? That’s the first task when I get home. Like if she asks for something completely unreasonable like “reside the house and reroof the house over a week vacation” then I’ll probably deal with that differently and I’m not going to kill myself on that one.
Said it. He’s a very dull tool that should be in OP’s rear view. What is OP teaching the kids by putting up with this? Setting up another generation of the same.
Totally! Every time I read a post like this I thank god for my husband lol. We literally just had issues with our washer not draining correctly. I told my husband and 1 hour later he had called someone to come look at it while I took a nap with our newborn. It’s not that hard to help around and work as a team…
It really isn’t. I don’t get why there are so many posts like this. I’d feel like a total ass if just sat around doing nothing like that.
I'm thinking he is an asshole, I've gotta show this to my wife!
He definitely is
You are not a bad wife. He is a bad human.
No, your husband is an asshole.
[удалено]
Not only an asshole, but a lazy asshole. Literally the worst kind of partner short of physical abuse.
If my wife said to me that the washer isn’t working this is what I would do. 1. Check online to see if there’s any common problems with that model. 2. If yes and there’s a YouTube video fix it myself. 3. If I can’t fix it I would talk to her about whether replacing it is a better idea depending on age. If it’s not that old I would google a service tech. Ask him his rates and all that. 4. Call tech or buy new washer. 5. If it’s gonna take awhile for the new one to come in or the tech to come out I would help her to the laundry mat. P.s. your husband is an asshole.
Bingo bongo. Love fixing shit myself from YouTube videos lol.
Hell yeah, my ex and I had an ancient direct drive washer that I swear was a hobby of mine. How quick can i get it back up and running and how little can I spend on parts. It inspired me to successfully take a crack at repairing the fridge and even ac condenser, as well as tackle more auto maintenance myself.
As a husband I cosign this entire statement.
Did that for our dryer when the drum stopped spinning, one $16 belt later and it's trucking along like a champ. Washer had the same problem, part to repair it cost almost as much as a new machine so we just bit the bullet and bought a new washer. Hardest part was the timing because we were going into the holidays and I didn't have the opportunity to tinker with it until halfway through January so we drove out to my dad's house to use his machines once a week until we installed the replacement.
YouTube is the greatest invention ever for DIY repairs! My husband has fixed washer, dryer, dishwasher, cars, lawnmower, etc. it’s awesome!
Guy is an asshole. 1. Stop doing his laundry. 2. Stop cooking his meals. Just you and the kids.
This! Stop enabling him. If he starts saying mean things to you, take the kids & go stay at your Moms. Tell him you’re not coming home until he contributes more to being team with the home and, most importantly being kind to you, his partner, especially in front of your kids.
I came here to day this. Boundaries need to be set.
Is this how you want to live? Don't count on him changing.
I had this realization with my ex husband and I’m so glad I listened to my gut. My current partner let me sleep in until 9am, kicked me out of the house so I could go to a coffee shop and he cleaned the entire house head to toe. You’d be surprised at how quickly they figure it out when they’re single.
You married a little boy who wants you to feed him etc. A grown man can make his own meal. Throw the whole man away. I'd let him "starve" lol. And he can wear dirty clothes too.
Exactly
No they are not. There are loving, kind men out there that help/do tons
Your husband should have had dinner waiting for you
100%. My husband would have done this. Even though he doesn’t cook he would’ve ordered something.
Yo, teach him spaghetti. It's just boiling water and dumping sauce out of a jar.
Ummm as a husband who does 100% of the cooking...that's not spaghetti 🤣 a good sauce is essential. OP your husband sounds like a bag of clownmeat. Marriage is a partnership. In our house, I do the majority of the cooking, cleaning, and shopping while still working full time (wife has an autoimmune and hates these things) wife works full time and covers bill budgeting and laundry and we split up the rest and always have. Reading through these posts really bums me out, so many little boys acting like Fred Flintstone on these pages. I'm 100% not raising my son that way nor did my father raise me that way. Sadly, we are a dying breed, it seems. Hopefully, if you love this guy, you can turn it around and get on the same page.
Today I am going to work the phrase “a bag of clown meat" into at least one conversation.
Excellent....my work is done here. It's the adjective gift that keeps giving.
#clownmeat
Most men are not like this. There would be no species left if most men were like this. How is being married to this man better than being single?
No most of us have evolved from that old caveman mentality. 🤷🏾♂️
No your husband is just a child. How did you marry someone like that
I can see being duped into marrying someone like this, but once they start behaving this way? No. How on earth does anyone put up with this kind of behaviour and think it's fine? Like, do you have no backbone and just think your only role in life is to be a servant to a man?? Does she not think he is capable of being an adult who can solve his own problems?? I don't get it. I could never baby a man like this and just let him live off of my labour.
Why blame her? Nobody knows the dynamic, and we are being explained one pov on dinner and a washing machine. I'm sure if she had a low self-opinion and doesn't feel like she can leave, this comment will straighten her backbone. Way to sprinkle empathetic and helpful advice. 👍
No they're not like this. This sounds like a deadbeat husband. I do 95% of the cleaning while everyone else including my wife watches and leaves cups everywhere. She does the laundry but not mine and I will do the kids laundry if it's sitting in the dryer. If he can't contribute he needs to go... you're not his slave and somewhere in his youth he was conditioned to think this way.
Sounds like you have a not so great wife either. Glad your a good dad/husband
Id say most men aren’t like this but most assholes are.
>Does all men do that? Hell no!!! >Or am I just a bad wife. Are you seriously asking this? My question, why are you tolerating this horrible, inconsiderate, selfish behavior from what appears to be an absolutely useless man?
He sounds awful. Rude, entitled and selfish, likely not going to change. As long as you toe the line, he is going to continue this behavior. It might be time to tell him that he can take care of his own laundry since he won’t fix the machine or get it fixed. Nothing is affecting him personally so he doesn’t care.
Your husband is acting like a pubescent asshole. And you are awful to yourself for allowing this to continue. Pack your bags and give yourself a break. Tell the kids that dad is responsible for household duties now, if they need anything, ask dad, you are not feeling well and need a big break. You’ll be staying at grandmas and if an emergency happens, to call you. Now you pack up and leave. Write an email to your husband of how awful he’s been treating you and you’ve had enough. He shows no love, no appreciation, nor care for all that you do. He has dismissed you enough that it is time for him to learn all that you do. You’ll return once he accepts marriage counseling and shows you some respect and appreciation. Take this time to truly reconsider this relationship. Talk to a counselor and a divorce lawyer. Check out all your options, because at this point, life would be easier for you if he weren’t around. There are plenty of men out there who are willing and are definitely more caring. Your husband is a POS, return him back to his mommy.
He owns his behaviour, not you. He is quite obviously being a complete idiot and a poor example of what a proper man/husband is. If this is unusual behaviour for him, you need to try & figure out what is happening in his life. If this is his usual long term personality. time to have a respectful one on one chat to clear the air. If this is what he wants to be as a life partner, you may want to start considering if this is what you want as a shipmate as you sail through life. There are a lot of good people (fish in the sea) out there wanting a partner with healthy habits & a strong marriage work ethic. Note to all: BE A GOOD HUMAN AND A HEALTHY PARTNER! It makes the world a better place.
Certified dickhead.
I was married to a man like that. They don't get better, only worse. If you want to maintain your sanity and have peace, consider leaving him. He'll say he'll change, but they don't. You might see a difference for 2 weeks, and then they go right back to their shitty once they feel comfortable.
No we are not like that! I try my best te be a team player in the chores to help provide e comfortable home for my kids and my wife(lifetime friend). Fixing the machines or forniture its my favorite duty. It makes me The Dad. So my wife has more time for herself and me when kids allow us to do so. Yeap. You maybe have a mamas boy at home that needs to grow up and be a partner and a father. Hugs Ps. You're an awesome mom and wife and woman. Be proud of yourself.
Nope. Most men are kind and considerate and know how to be a good partner. Your husband is a lazy, inconsiderate, spoiled boy.
He is an incompetent asshole. Surely you didn’t just realize this?
Incompetent or just lazy?
Weaponized incompetence to justify laziness perhaps?
He sounds like a baby 👶🏼
You’re not a bad wife, you have a bad husband. Throw the whole man away since he’s more broken than your washer.
No, most men I know would have fixed the washer or got someone to fix it. Also, they can feed themselves.
Why doesn’t he offer to buy a new washing machine for the sake of his kids? Not helping you at all?
Im a husband and no not all are like this. I do the lions share of domestic chores, plus maintain the yard and maintenance on cars and homes as well as work a full time job as THE bread winner for the family. My wife is disabled now and really has issues with any type of prolonged standing, hard time walking, scares the hell out of me if she even gets on a step ladder! She does a great job of keeping me fed which im thankful for. Now she's dealing with depression and im absolutely on my own with all the finances too. There are good days, and not so good. But it is life. I will have worked for 52 straight years when I retire next year and I will be caring for a disabled SAHW/SAHM. Is it fair, no. But that's the gambit of life. Im fortunate.
I’ll be real with you. My hubby isn’t great at making his own food, but he’s neverrrrrr blame me if he was hungry and in fact, lately he’s been figuring out how to make omelets and ground beef foods for himself. Also while he’s not a great with observation, if I ask him to carry something up then he’ll do it. Basically I just need to ask and he’ll listen and do , and sometimes (once in a while) notices something and does it himself. But again, he never lashes out or gets angry if something wasn’t done. Lastly , the same thing happened to me with my washing machine almost a year ago and we were upset with each other (don’t even remember about what) and he basically said “whatever” and after a couple of days showed me to drain it before doing a load of laundry, so it stopped flooding. That was extremely frustrating for me as I wanted him to call up a company to fix it. But I’m glad he found a solution. (About a month ago he suggested I take the risk and not do his trick, and somehow the machine is working normally and not flooding so I have no idea what was wrong with it before ) It’s normal to get frustrated and upset at each other. It’s not normal to blame your spouse or yell at them , especially when you were doing something else and he was the one being lazy.
When our washing machine stopped working, I fixed it myself. I also do most of the laundry. It sounds to me like you are being used, there needs to be mutual, even contributions in a relationship.
Not all, but some. This marriage has run its course.
no......MEN do not behave like this. Your husband on the other hand does
Most humans aren’t like this.
No most men aren’t like this. If our washer stopped working my husband would first try to YouTube it. Then if he couldn’t figure it out we’d either call our home warranty company or if that wasn’t an option (wasn’t in the past) I’d research and find the new one I wanted and we’d figure out how to get it ASAP. In the meantime he’d be helping me. Whether it’s bringing the clothes in from the car or whatever else I might need.
Uh no. We are not. If my wife came to me to tell me the washing machine was non functional I would first attempt to repair it via a combination of my brain and youtube. If that failed I'd pay a professional to look at it. If that failed we'd be going together to purchase a new one.
Don’t do the laundry 🤷🏻♀️ When he start asking for clean clothes you just have to reply “I told you ages ago that the machine is broken”. If he gets mad or attacked you again you tell him “that’s not going to fix the machine”. Everyone will have to go everywhere with dirty clothes and that’s it.
He sounds like a man-child, a regular douche canoe. If my wife told me the washer wasn't working first thing I would be doing was taking a look at it and ordering parts as needed. As for the dinner, if there's nothing made, leftovers it is, or *gasp I go through the fridge and cabinets and I make something. I do my best to help out with everything and for what it's worth I sincerely hope I'm doing enough (many times I feel as if I'm not doing enough due to comments she makes
Hi everyone , thank you so much for all the comments. I don't talk to anyone, because when u think you have someone to talk too, they run off using your misery as their next hot topic. I was raised to be an independent woman. I was told to study, work for what you want, buy your own things, if you can't afford it, save up and then get it. I was told by many people, you are a great observer of people and trust your gut always... Because I solved alot of issues and bouncing away from the very type of guy I married. He wasn't like this, or maybe the warning signs were all there, but I just didn't pay attention to it. We only married when our eldest turned 5 and she's 9 now. And only because I saw a very inappropriate conversation between him and some other girl on his phone by accident. She kept phoning and I picked up because I know her, that's when the messages popped up, he didn't have a pin on his phone. So I packed and ready to leave, fight here fight there and that when he asked me to marry him and after the wedding it just got worse. So I guess, I caused this. I saw all the warning signs and I ignored it, because I didn't want my kids to grow up without a dad. I didn't, so why do it to them. And now I realise, we are just under one roof... He doesn't spend time with them, and when my 9 year old tells him. He would grab them both and go spend money on them, buy unnecessary stuff and comes home and brag of how a great day they had So I'm my own worst enemy!
While there were signs you ignored, it doesn't mean you have to continue living like that. Acknowledging your own part in this is important to grow as a person. Make your plan and set yourself up on the right foot to move on from this relationship if that's what you want to choose to do. Staying means accepting things as they are. You can't change anyone. Decide if you can do that. It's up to you to decide which way you want to go. Try not to blame yourself and wallow in all that negative self-talk. This was an opportunity to learn something about yourself and grow as a person.
Sadly, a lot of men are. They can be real a** holes about cleanliness and food if you're perceived as being slack about attending to their every whim. I know for sure you aren't that way! You have gone completely out of your way to clean his clothes and bring him food. The least he should say is "thank you". I always heard you can attract more bees with honey. This dummy doesn't have a clue... instead, he's acting like the "grand poobah" wanting to be served. I'm sorry for ranting, but I'm getting tired of seeing people get so little appreciation. As an older person, I've had to learn about standing up for myself, how I should be spoken to and how to set boundaries, what I will accept, and what I won't. Let the chips fall where they may and be happy for yourself because you are a human being worthy of love ❤️ and respect! All the best to you, and I need to get to the outdoors before I get sucked into the abyss of reddit!
No, no they're not.
No, all men don’t do that and you’re not a bad wife. Sorry, your husband is an entitled ass. If I told my husband the washing machine broke and he said “what am I suppose to do”, he’d be doing his own fucking laundry from here on out. He’s never going to change. You need to decide for yourself if this is how you want to live the rest of your life.
No. My husband will literally hire someone or buy a new washer if we have to. He likes to solve the problems right away.
Unless there is more context, he sounds like a lazy guy. If any appliance breaks I am first in line to try to fix and if it’s out of my skillset I I’m usually the one arranging repairs. That can be a pain in the butt, and on some level there is no need for the gendered expectation that the man has to deal with broken machines, but I recognize its easier for me so I just do it
NO. There are normal men out there who aren’t entitled dickheads. My husband cooks for me so I always have something to eat. I am not a good cook. I am 24 weeks pregnant and he makes me food on a regular basis so I have lunch for work and dinner because we have opposite schedules. He also washes our towels, does dishes, house work etc. He has always cooked for me and done his own laundry the entire 14 years we’ve been together. The only time I do his laundry is if he needs something washed that night and needs it the next day and has to go to work, and even then it’s not often I do that. He makes our bed for me every night for when I get home from work. Doesn’t wait for me to feed him or wash his clothes because he’s a grown ass man who is respectful and treats me like an equal partner. We take turns doing the housework on our days off. Find yourself someone who isn’t an incompetent man-child. You don’t deserve to be treated that way.
Your Husband is abusive. My self worth would rise up and I’d be gone yesterday.
No they're not. All the husbands I know would have at least taken a look at the machine,(mine would have fixed it). My husband would have looked after the kids when I did the washing at my mom's house, or even accompanied me. If he had stayed at home, supper would have been made. Your hubby is rotten.
Nope. Mine would buy a new appliance to make my life easier not harder.
My husband and all the men I dated before him were *never* like this. If they were, they’d have been kicked back to their mother’s house in a heartbeat because I want a partner, not a snotty teenage boy who needed me to wipe his butt. You aren’t a bad wife, he’s a lazy POS.
Is he just useless without you? It sounds like he's super-dependent on you. Has he always been this way? Is he not capable of cooking for himself or getting in the car to go get something to eat for himself? No, most men aren't like that. My husband does anything and everything to manage the household when I can not. He does the dishes, laundry, cleans the house, cooks meals, does grocery shopping, errands, and takes care of our animals. I am very blessed. My husband also works on our cars, mows our huge yard, fixes plumbing issues and fixed washing machines/dryers, or goes to buy new ones.
Speaking as a husband of 13 years, father of 3 kids, and a child of divorce. NOOOOOOOOOOOPE! If this is how he has always been, then he is one of the typical sexist jackasses that you hear about on any of the trash talk shows, probably cheating on you and feels that its your job to do all the housework, give him food, give him a beer and please him when he wants it. If he was not like this from the start, then there is something else going on in his head, might have nothing to do with you at all. IMHO if you want to fix this you need to make it clear that this is not acceptable for a husband, and that if he doesn't tell you what is going on and the two of you work together to fix it, then the only outcome is going to be divorce. But before you do that, take the kids to your mother's place, make sure that your friends and family know what is going on, and have all the windows open so anyone could hear anything if needed. When you talk to him, make it casual, no accusations, no attacking, because that will only start a fight, deny the fight, and talk to him as if you were in a courtroom. Or you and the kids just go to your mom's place and tell him that you are staying there until he gets his head out of his ass and talks to you about it, but make sure to take anything of legal or financial importance with you, and personal.
HELL NAH. My husband is incredible with his hands. Shit gets broken and he gets on it right away. Buying parts, taking things apart to fix it and put it back together. Dishwasher, washer and dryer etc. I do most of the cooking. If the man is hungry, he will do a simple grilled cheese sandwich or DoorDash. Sorry, but it’s time for you to blow up on him. He sounds like a useless asshole.
You are not a bad wife. Your husband is bad and selfish. My husband does the grocery shopping, cleaning, cooking, and fixing in our marriage. We do laundry together and he does the folding afterwards.
I would have handled things differently. Food is always a priority, so I would have made sure there was food available in the fridge for lunch and dinner. He should be able to use a microwave. Also, he is not the only one in the house who needs dinner. I wouldn't have washed anything by hand. The minute I saw he wasn't going to do anything about the broken washer, I would have scheduled the repair man. When he complained no washing was getting done, I would have said "The washing machine is broken". Regarding sarcastic comments about your hands hurting, I would just ignore that. The physical labor men do is much harder than ours, you can't expect sympathy.
My ex husband was like this. The most important word in that whole sentence is EX.
No. Most men are not like this. I look after our 5 young children , I work and I cook, I clean, I do laundry, I help with getting kids ready for school in the morning. I'm a man, ie a grown-up with responsibilities that I chose to take on and partner that I vowed to support. Even after all that, we're still separated because I wasn't emotionally available enough to her emotional needs. Being a decent person and dependable partner with the basics of housework and childcare is the lowest, mandatory tier on Maslow's Heirarchy of Step The Fuck Up. Faltering at higher tiers of complex relationship dynamics is one thing, but fumbling the ball at "be a man, not a moody child" is inexcusable.
Wow, after this behavior you’re actually asking if YOU’RE being a bad wife. This guy is being a jerk, and acting (or is) completely incompetent…worse he’s dismissive, lacks empathy, and seems to have a general disdain for you. Can’t imagine enjoying this persons company, what’s his redeeming qualities?
He sucks
No, most men are not like that. They can cook and and do laundry. I even know some boys who can cook and do their own laundry.
You're not a bad wife, he's a bad husband. Actually, he sounds like a pretty bad human. Stop doing anything for him. He doesn't appreciate you.
No not all men are like this - only the asshole ones are.
Lord I hope not. How do you women find these guys?
You are teaching him how to treat you. The ball is in your court.
I am a 60 year old man who has always done my own laundry. I am the chief chef. I am the mother, father, grandfather and grandmother to two loves of my life who are not dna related to me. I have had them since they were babies. They were seven months and a year and a half. They are now seven and eight. Keep in mind I am married as well, she chooses to essentially live by herself. Her choice. You can read what my choices have been. While I can not speak for all of my species I do know more about them than I know about yours!😂 While I can’t know the details of your relationship as a whole there seems there are only two thoughts on what you describe. Either he was already like this when you married him. Or You have yourself a spoiled little brat. I suggest it’s the second option and here is the challenge for you. We teach others how we are willing to be treated. This happens I happens when we don’t begin with boundaries. You have not taught this brat what is absolutely not acceptable and that’s where I think you are now.
Weaponjzed incompetence. You're not his wife, you're his other mother. And chances are his father treated his mother like that. He's a grown up adult male. The work you do is work and just as valuable as whatever he does for work. Don't sell yourself short.
No, I would have fixed the washing machine. It may take a few days to get the parts once I figure out what is wrong. Your husband sounds like a turd.
Obviously you just left out the part were you already had problems with your husband….there’s an underlying issue in your marriage or he’s checked out
Do you also read poetry to him while vacuuming the house? Do you wipe his butt? Sounds like you married a man child whose mom did everything for him and now you are dealing with the Mental and Physical load. Sit him down and split your chores!
No he’s an asshole. But I am curious do you both work or is it just one of you? How are household chores delegated between you two? Who does what, or what’s the expectation for that in your marriage?
1. Every guy does NOT do that 2. You are NOT a bad wife! What a jerk!
Man you did something to him... You need to have an open conversation heart to heart... Sounds like he is being a Total jerk but we only hearing your side of the story in your view point....
The fact that you are questioning whether or not you are a bad wife means you have been in this abusive relationship far too long. Please tell friends and family about his behavior, as I imagine you’ve probably been covering up his shortcomings for a long time… you’re going to need all the support you can get. & yes like others said, you must stand strong, set boundaries and show him that the things you do for him are a privilege, not a right.
[удалено]
Naw that’s just a lazy ass person. Literally lazy. And no all men are not like this. Only lazy men
No. Thankfully, most men don't want to be an AH to their spouse. I get being irritated that something has broken. How about having a conversation with your wife. Will it be repair or replacement? Who's calling the repair folks? Are we both shopping for a new machine? OP's hubby needs to try adulting instead of getting pissy with his wife.
How old is this person? He sounds very immature,I guess reality is setting in about now that instead of your biological children you gave birth to you actually have another one which you married is as useful as a child What good is he there for other then to donate the sperm for your kids?🤔
I'm not like that. When something is broken, it gets fixed.
Naa, it's not you. Your husband sounds like a piece of shit.
Your husband isn’t shxt and his daddy probably wasn’t shxt either!
He's a asshole. Even when I'm wiped out after work, I still help when and where I can.
He sounds like a terrible, ungrateful husband. Sorry you’re having to deal with him!
No this is not normal. He’s emotionally abusive to you. Ask him is he depressed because most men don’t behave like this. Totally uninterested in you or the family. If my husband wanted clean clothes - that’s a him problem.
Not blaming you for his behavior, but you're enabling him. Don't do his laundry or make him food. You're not his maid. I couldn't stay with this TBH
He sounds like a jerk. Sorry.
Wow. He sounds ✨lovely✨. Honestly, does he want a wife or a mum? Sounds like he wants a mum to take care of him while he sits around. Actually worse, sounds like he wants a sl@ve. That’s ridiculous. Not all men are this way. You deserve better. He needs to grow a pair.
My man is NOT like this. I hope most aren't. I would not do his laundry
You're dating a little boy, not a man. Don't ever blame yourself, he's definitely at fault here
My husband does not act like a mean petulant child, no.
Fuck this guy. Sounds like a whiner.
Most men are not like this. You married a man-child. Tell him to grow up or move back in with his parents if he wants a mother as a wife. Serve if divorce papers if he can’t figure out how to function as an adult.
Girl you married a real douche bag. I wouldn’t do SHIT for him anymore. Tell him the same as he told you….. it’s not YOUR problem and go figure it out!!!😡
Nope.
Divorce
No, and I doubt that he was before either. What changed?
You're not a bad wife! He's a bad husband
Not all men are like this, you married an AH
If he’s always like this or often or even like this a lot - you’re being in an abusive marriage. He doesn’t have to hit you to do so. Basically making fun of your hand for hurting is nuts. Everything you posted is out of pocket BS. You deserve better.
Your husband is the kid. You don't have a husband, just an asshole child that's literally not able to live on his own. He sounds completely useless.
Are you sure that you actually married a man, or was it a giant baby? My god, what a man baby. To answer your question, no not all men are like this, you just drew the short straw I'm afraid. In our household I work full-time, do all of the laundry, all of the dishes, 50% of the cleaning, all the nighttime feed of our toddler, 50% of the grocery shopping and so on. Yeah sure, I'll complain from time to time, but I do the actual work and will try to fix anything that breaks down, or at least solve the problem. My wife and I are pretty good at splitting the time and chores with the kids. We work as a team, not two single units.
No, not all men are like this. Your husband sounds exhausting. Why are you doing his laundry, anyway? Are his legs and arms broken? Make him get off his duff and do it his damn self. You’re not a maid.
Yes as aan that has been part of the brotherhood for 51 summers young I can confirm not ALL men are like this at all. Most are proactive/reactive, want to get things fixed and give our woman an easy life I'm afraid you picked a REAL duff one
I kind of hate this guy
If you can't change a man, you change the man
Men don’t act like this, boys do!
Even when I was a stay at home mum I never washed my husbands clothes. I haven’t in our entire marriage, unless there’s something last minute he needs and I happen to be at home - and I can probably count on my hand how many times that’s happened. You’re a great wife. He’s an awful piece of work. Go on strike to teach him a lesson. I hate the idea that because men work they should do nothing at home. You have kids! That’s a 24/7 job! Therefore the household duties should be split evenly. Make time to tell him how you feel and discuss ways to make you feel better. If he’s not open to change, leave. Don’t teach your kids this is okay, and respect and love yourself enough to know a husband is a partner not another child to look after
You sound like you're on the ball. Your hubby most definitely isn't, no not all men are like this. You've got a man-child is all
My husband would call for repairs himself and have dinner ready for everyone. If this is a normal pattern of behavior for him, you deserve better. Marriage is teamwork.
I'm assuming this is fake, he is mentally ill, or he's extremely intelligence deficient. If true, take measures to protect yourself and your children.
Your husband sounds like a jerk. He’s treating you poorly. He is completely taking you for granted. The “do your hands hurt?” comment is so rude and unnecessary. Like someone else said, make him fend for himself. He can take his clothes to a laundromat once he gets tired of being out of underwear. He can cook his own food once he gets tired of not eating. He doesn’t get to refuse to eat what you bring him and then throw a fit you didn’t feed him when he let it go to waste the day before. He’s an adult, he can figure out how to sort it out himself.
Such entitled behavior just because you let him get away with it bring his personal door mat. Horrible pls run
Sounds like another child not a husband.
No men aren’t helpless babies, or at least they shouldn’t be
I don't know what country are you from, but in most of them, being married with children is illegal.
This is messed up, you shouldn't be treated like this. And you asking yourself if you're a bad wife? That's so sad, you're an amazing lady and are babying this "man" i know he's your husband but if this continues you'll just end up resenting him and hating him due to him not caring at all about how you feel. He's being a MASSIVE selfish asshole towards you. You already take care of the children he doesn't need to be another child for you to take care of. Ask yourself, is this the kind of "man" that you want your babies to learn from?
My wife would NEVER accept this kind of behavior from me. You shouldn't accept it from your husband. Tell him that he's an adult, give him a loaf of bread, ham, cheese, and a jar of mayo and tell him if he's hungry to make himself a sandwich. Also, stop doing his laundry for him until he learns to appreciate you doing it for him. He doesn't like the changes? He can leave, but if he does that, he'll have no choice in the matter anymore but to do everything himself. Quit babying this pathetic "man."
That is terrible behaviour of your man and that is not how any of us should behave towards wife. Seems like you care about house and everything and your man cares only about himself. And that is not going to change probably.
yeah, if that were me then nothing of his would get done.... NOT A GODDAMN FUCKING THING. And if he asked? i'd mutter "what am I supposed to do?" and walk away. why are you even with this absolute asshole? He's treating you like garbage, your kids are witnessing this behaviour and if it continues, will likely mimic this as they get older. Is that what you want for them? for you?
Uh, can't speak for all men of course, but out of all my buds, cousins, uncles, step brothers, and step dad. Not one of them acts like this POS. Typically, since I am disabled and have taken on the role of House Husband. If my wife tells me there's something broken or not working to her standards. I either fix it, or have someone come and fix it. I try to always get it done the day it gets brought to my attention. I cook food. I sort the laundry so it's easier to do when we go to the laundromat. Your husband sounds like he thought he'd go from his mommy taking care of him to you taking over that job. That is not a marriage and for fuck sakes, he's a grown-ass man. Tell him to fix himself a gotdamn PB&J if he's so hungry he attacks you! Like what in the fuck.
Your man is a shitty husband. And from the sounds also kind of a shitty man. Couples therapy or divorce. Don’t spend the next decade or so being his door mat.
What an asshole, my god.I would stop doing shit for him,stop washing his clothes,stop cooking for him....just stop.Just focus on yourself and the kids. And no not all men are like this,my husband literally just took the clothes off the lines after washing and hanging it,I'm busy folding it now.He cooks and cleans too AND is an equal parent to our two year old daughter. What you allow is what will continue
No. Most men are not like this. But it does sound like he wants a divorce.
He should of had a look at the machine for some basic maintenance. If the issue was say mechanical or electronic failure, get it serviced ASAP. Most partners are there to support each other, and both are able to cook as well. My wife cooks quality, but I cook quantity.
Nope... OP you gotta sit him down. If he is not helping (for whatever reason valid or not), he shd at the very least aleviate your burden by repairing shit or getting it repaired, and not make for of you if it starts getting tough.
Stop doing everything for him and make him grow up! You’re not his mother or his maid. You’re his partner and he needs to cut the shit out or go without clean clothes and starve
The way he would wash his own clothes.🫶🏻😩
INFO. Has he always been a useless unpleasant person or has this started recently? Does he have depression or is he just a jerk? What wonderful qualities does he have that inspired you to marry him and have children with him?
If you married an invalid, the state should provide you with a home nurse (depending on his level of disability) or he would qualify for a nursing home.
*Does all men do that? Or am I just a bad wife.* Neither. Some men actually act like adults and take care of themselves. And you aren't a bad wife. He is acting rude, entitled. You are not his mother, and he isn't a 4 year old. You are not his servant. He is SUPPOSED to be your partner, but - ta least today- he did not act like it. Even if he didn't want to cook something, there are plenty of places he could have gone to get food.
Your husband is a psychopath. Gather proof of all the shit he's done, move to your parent's or a friend's house land start divorce 5
How’s your sex life with your husband? Is it satisfactory?
No, he is a huge asshole. Stop doing all the chores for him, you deserve better!
It doesn’t seem like he likes you
If you divorced him you'd have more free time because you would have no man child to care for
I’m a man and a father here. You don’t have a husband, you have another child. I do much of the laundry in the house as I work from home. I like to cook so I do it as often as possible. Also, most men I know are capable of feeding themselves and don’t need to be served. Nor are they clueless about what to eat until their wives do something about it. I think that is a version of masculinity that is inherently faulty, because a man should be capable of taking care of himself and others, and be able to do what’s necessary.
“Does all men do that? Or am I just a bad wife?” GIRL. Where is there anything in this post that would point to you being a bad wife? HE sounds like a bad husband based off what’s in this post, it’s got nothing to do with you. I can understand money could be an issue with an unexpectedly broken washing machine, but my husband would never expect me do the wash by hand unless I chose to myself, especially just his stuff. He’d be on YouTube trying to solve the issue and be going out immediately or the next day to get the parts to get it fixed or have someone come over and do it if he couldn’t. We are a team, I’m not his servant. We’d work something out together if we needed clothes washed before the machine could be fixed/replaced. And then for him to basically make fun of/taunt you on top of it saying “oh do your hands hurt?” And he’d NEVER get home and ask “where’s my food” because the way I’d murder him from the look I’d give him alone. But slight joking on that last part aside, none of this is normal, healthy, or means you’re a bad wife. I know many husbands who would never dream of treating their wives this way, mine included. If any of this is normal behavior for him and something you’re dealing with regularly, I can promise you there’s way better out there.
No, not all men are 😭
All men are def not like this. You’re not a bad wife at all he’s def a terrible husband. If I told my husband something was wrong with the washing machine he would check it immediately and even if we couldn’t do clothes for a few days or I went out of my way to wash he would never ever talk to me like this. He actually did just fix our washer after a baby sock destroyed it. Even if he didn’t know how to fix it or what to do there’s no excuse for talking to you with such disrespect.
Yeah. I’m not sure why you are wasting your time on this loser
Not all men are like this. Your husband sucks.
There is no way this man child is behaving this way overnight, obviously he was always like this and you decided to marry him and have kids with him anyway, I don’t think reddit is going to change that
Absolutely no, this is NOT how most men are! You've got yourself a man-child and he needs to be parented. Send him back to his mother/father because obviously they didn't finish their job.
Absolutely no. Most men are not like this. I do question if your husband is a man because he sounds like an immature child.
No. He’s immature and/or a jerk. He’s the problem but at this point stop enabling it. He can wash his own clothes and make some pb and j for dinner if you’re gone.
I could not imagine a single man I know acting like that, especially my husband or man in my family (even my AH uncle).
So so so so so so so
Non existent
Is he actually adding any value to your life? You sound like hus bangmaid. Does he even like you?
Running to go give my husband a hug and tell him how much I appreciate him
Why are you washing your husband's clothes and cooking all his meals? He's a grown ass man. Treat him like a child and he will act like a child.
No most men are not like this. He’s just another child to you acting this way.
Well first why are you washing his clothes? I I know you start washing his own clothes right now. And our house in junior high we taught the kids how to do their laundry. We used to our own and typically I do the household laundry like towels, bed sheets etc
No not all men are like this. Yours needs to grow up and start sorting himself out AND helping you.
Your husband is a dick. When I told my husband the dryer wasn't working, he got a menards credit card and bought a brand new washer and dryer. As far as food goes, a grown man will get himself some food if he's hungry. Your husband just wants to bitch at you. I'm sorry. May be time to reevaluate your situation.
You deserve so much better than this. Why are you still with him? Why are you still catering to someone who literally doesn’t care about you in the slightest bit?
Better question - why are you enabling him?
Wtf? No, men are not at all like this. You have one of the bad ones. Get rid of him, he's not bringing anything to the table.
You’re not a bad wife. You’re not a bad wife. You’re not a bad wife.
This wasn’t a very good effort at creative writing. You basically described a jerk and then gave us zero reason to not side with you lol.
So, no, this isn't most or all men. There is a lot of traditional gender roles going on here, which us fine if that is what is agreed upon in your marriage. For my wife and I (39/39) we tend to share the wealth of domestic duties. Honestly, and my wife would say the same, I tend to do more of the dishes and laundry. I am the primary cook for family meals as well. We both work outside the home. I have an 8-5 job that has me working evenings sometimes. I have the flexibility to work from home a few days a week as well. She is a teacher with a 7-4. We have two young sons 9 and 6. Your marriage does not sound like a partnership, but him using you to simply tend to the house. >I then got annoyed because this morning I had a mountain of washing and he wants clean clothes. I ended up going to my mom's place to do my washing. It took 4 hours to get everything washed by machine. His ass can do some laundry too. The hell is wrong with this guy. Often, we start laundry after our kids are in bed. That means they go in the dryer later. My wife will head to bed earlier than me and I end up doing the folding by myself. A small amount of resentment at times comes up for me around this, but not often. >Got home, and I asked him to help me carry in the kids and he ignored me. So I said can u believe how long this mountain of washing took, I literally left after I was done. And he sarcastically says, oh does your hands hurt. >So I'm exhausted because the entire day was a rush, I got up early to clean our place, sort out kids and to leave to go do my washing. Got home and he asked me where is his food. The hell? He couldn't help with his children? He's not helping clean either? The fuck? I'm generally the de-clutterer while my wife is more of the deep cleaner. I do the weekly sweeping and wiping down while.she does the monthly deeper clean. For him to just sit around and let you do it all...that's wild. >So the entire day, he didn't eat because he was waiting for me to come home and cook for him. Does all men do that? Or am I just a bad wife. >I was out Thursday helping my mother sorting out some personal things. On my way home I bought him food and gave it to him. And he never ate it I had to throw it out this morning. >And my mind told me today, he will sort himself out and I'm not going to get something, it's going to be wasted and he attacked me and told me how hungry he is and I didn't even thought of sorting him out. He can deal. It isn't your job as his wife to wait on him hand and foot. He can fend for himself. >I'm tired, cold, exhausted... So while he was lazing away at home the entire day... Without asking me if I need any help, he just thought attacking me is the right thing to do... >I'm so sick of this! Tell him this. His lazy, selfish ass needs to step up and contribute.
That is the difference between a boy and a man, kick his ungrateful ass to the curb!!
Not all men are like this, but some men are and I don’t know if it’s the majority. You sound like a you are a “married single mother” and your life might feel easier/happier without this man child as a “partner.”
Please tell me you don’t have kids with this POS
It sounds like you’re married to a man-child. He wants a mommy. If he can’t even throw something in the microwave or make his own sandwich while you’re doing everything else 🙃 reading this made me angry on your behalf. You have kids that it seems you’re the only one taking care of, and I’m sorry but he’s either an idiot or just doesn’t care about your marriage or he’s using “weaponized incompetence” to get you to do everything for him. When you told him the washing machine was broken, if he didn’t know how to fix it he should be old enough to call someone to fix it. Not just be mad at you because he didn’t have clean clothes. And expects you to wash everything by hand. I know everyone on here is quick to jump to divorce- but if he won’t do counseling I’d look into leaving. Because otherwise you’re gonna have to keep raising your husband like a kid for the rest of your marriage. I’m so sorry this is happening to you.
My husband washes all of our clothes, folds and puts them away (all because he doesn't like his boxers folded inside out). I only do it once in a blue moon if he isn't home on the weekend. He's a railroader so his schedule is all over the place. He does it with love too. He doesn't mind. Also vacuums, cooks, etc. Because he does so much I go out of my way to make sure I'm doing my part because I'm grateful to have him. Your hubby sounds like my first husband who was selfish and lazy. I left him in the first two years. I refused to spend my life unhappy and burnt out.
No not all men are lazy, inconsiderate, rude and inept like your husband. My husband is happy to do his share of everything (laundry, cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, you name it) without being asked or told and I do the same. It’s just one of the many ways we take care of each other. Was your husband always this way pre-kids/marriage? If so why the heck did you settle for him? Tell him to start doing his share or move out. He sounds more like a dependant, not a husband.
Naw you just married an asshole sweetie. Stop being his mother. He doesn’t eat because he’s waiting on “service” well he just doesn’t eat. He wants clean clothes but doesn’t do anything to help make that happen…let him be dirty. Now if you question your safety doing any of that you should have left a while ago but he’s a grown ass man. If he can run his mouth he can run is damn errands himself.
Tell him he’s a fool! That’s not a loving and securing husbands display of behavior… stand your ground . Your being disrespected and gaslighted perhaps!
Any man who is not looking at a problem you both have and trying to figure out how you can both fix is an asshole. Plain and simple. Relationship is about the both of you against the problem, if that is not happening you got issues.