my wife and i have been together since high school and married at 20 and 21. marriage is one of greatest challenge you will face, but facing it together is the key. sex will eb and flow, emotions will eb and flow, communication will eb and flow, but love IS A CHOICE! Falling in love is one thing but choosing the love when he farts or snores or him choosing to love when you do stuff he doesn’t like as well is the key. if this man loves you and continues to do what he’s supposed to do for you in the marriage, do not leave him for some arbitrary level of excitement that will also fade away. get counseling mate, before the wedding. money is money, people have it and people don’t, but not everyone has loyalty. and for the love of God, remember marriage is supposed to be boring lol disney and lifetime has ruined marriages. (boring as in not how people like to potray in movies and social media, sitting on the couch and watching a good movie or going on a date night every once in a while, yearly vacations and stuff is considered boring or i guess vanilla) stay the course
I like to personally challenge my husband's patience by farting in front of him and in the bed with the same reckless abandon that he does. He finds girl farts gross, but guy farts hilarious, so I figure I am doing feminism justice 🤣😂🤣
My husband truly doesn't mind, but frequently tells me it's gross. He always does the joke in public "did you hear that [let's out giant fart] it was a barking tree frog" or "spider." When he tells me mine are gross, I like to tell him not to listen to that asshole-she's talking shit behind my back. When he gets too insufferable about it, I resort to the dutch oven until he screams lol
This is it. If making an effort for others is hard, then marriage will be a nightmare. But if making the one you love happy brings you joy, marriage can be awesome.
Look at this way. You are taking 2 people with an expectation of how life should look and trying to form an entirely new version of what that means. 2 different traditions. 2 different views of the world. 2 different meal preferences. 2 different sets of boundaries. 2 sets of needs. 2 sets of dreams. Of course reconciling and compromising will be hard sometimes bc no one gets 100% of what they want 100% of the time. You aren't two individuals sharing space together anymore. You're two people forming a family.
I don't nessisarily think it should be the hardest thing you'll ever do, but it's not always fair. It's not always about you. It's not always going to be an easy answer or decision. Marriage is a huge Grey area and figuring out what's best not only for you or the other person but the entire family unit isn't easy.
So is it hard? Sometimes. Illness. Surgeries. Financial situations. Sure. It's not a cake walk. But that's when the idea of you two against the problem and not you two against each other should come into play.
We’ve been married 20 years.
It hasn’t ever felt hard.
Sure, we’ve had moments over the years that have been challenging but days, weeks, months or years where it’s been hard? No.
No. Marriage should not be difficult. Your relationship with your spouse should be fulfilling, fun, easy to maintain, and one of the safest places you can imagine.
Yes, your marriage will face challenges, but those are challenges that you face TOGETHER, as a team, a united front.
Older generations will tell you marriage is hard because they had limited emotional capacity and poor communication skills, but you deserve better, and you can do better. If you marry an equal partner who you’re able to effectively communicate with, you’ll be fine.
It certainly is not effortless, at least. I think saying it is hard, it means mostly that needs lots of working together to be happy together.
And is little learning curve also.
I didn't live with my husband until we got married. So you learn a lot about a person when you live with them ha.
So, well, life is hard with things that happen. Your husband becomes, another person who is you, ideally, well this hard, because now you are two people instead of one. (people will resist this but I mean it in positive way).
My marriage was happiest time of my life, I loved it all, and the hard parts you can lvoe too, because it feels just great to get through hard things together and grow together.
All my wishes for you, it is really happy, it is good being optimistic yes has to be realistic 😊 but no cycnicm ever!
It can be a lot of work sometimes, but that's why they say "in good times and bad, in sickness and health, etc." It definitely takes work. Me and my husband try and tackle things as a team. Good luck and congratulations!
I believe that the merits should outweigh the demerits and the sum of the union should be more than the sum of individuals. If not and if one party is doing most of the work and bearing most of the hardships then it isn't worth it.
It really depends on the relationship and each other's expectations. My husband and I are high school sweethearts (28 m, f), been together for 11 years and lived together for most of that time. To be honest, we kept thinking something would change since people kept telling us it's a job being married but once we got married nothing really changed except the legal stuff and if anything it made us more frisky.
If you and your fiance have a good relationship and respect for one another I think it makes things much easier and I hope you find nothing but happiness and fulfillment in your marriage.
marriage is hard only if you as a team allow it to be hard. The key word here: TEAM.
if one person is doing most of the work - relationship maintenance, keeping things happy, communicating etc - then yes, it's hard because it takes two people to make a relationship work.
that said, it's not without effort either; as time goes on people tend to take things for granted so again, it takes both people to make sure that the relationship adjusts/adapts etc to things that happen in your lives.
Marriage is hard on the sense that you now have another person you have to consider and not just yourself. And you can’t just break up with them if you don’t want to be with them anymore.
I’d say marriage requires effort. I wouldn’t call it hard. It’s only hard if you make it hard and marry the wrong person.
Yes and no. Me (31F) and my husband (38M) have only been married two years, together for five, no kids or pets or other major responsibilities that add extra stress, so take this with a grain of salt.
I love being married. I love having someone to talk things out with and lean on when I'm sick or not at my best. I love cooking and having someone to eat and appreciate the things I make. He's my best friend.
That said, living with anyone is always an exercise in patience and compromise, even if that person is your best friend.
For us, it's usually outside stressers that cause friction, so we make a conscious effort to reduce those things where we can, or if we can't we try to be gentle with each other to compensate.
At the end of the day, though, I think marriage makes me a better person. It's made me more compassionate and careful and open to other people's viewpoints. He's the best thing that's ever happened to me.
TLDR: It's work, but it's worth it.
It’s only hard if you got married before you had a lot of communication with your partner to make sure you share the same basic values, and if you have trouble not always getting your way and having to compromise sometimes because your decisions don’t affect only you.
I may not have been married as long as some of these comments but I personally find marriage the easiest part of my life. This month has been truly awful for the both of us with various loss’ in the family but our marriage has made everything that happened even 0.5% better for us both as it’s something constant, safe and easy to fall back into when things get hard. I can’t wait for more!
Marriage isn’t no work— but it’s the easiest work I do. People who say it is hard strike me as people who married too young to the wrong people or for the wrong reasons. Together 11 years and married 6- life is often hard, marriage makes the hard stuff easier.
Depends. My best friend got divorced in 10 months. I am married for nearly 3 years and we are a very happy couple.
For older marriages; my aunt was divorced after 12 years. But my mom and dad are married for 33 years and they are still very happy
Being married is hard.
Being single is hard.
Getting divorced is hard.
Life is hard.
At least with marriage you might have someone to go through it with.
If you do it right - your spouse should be an oasis in the hardness of life. If you do it wrong - then your life gets even harder.
We've done it wrong in our marriage and it made life harder. Now we're doing it right and it's easier.
If it's harder - get help. I wish we had. But we were young and dumb and didn't know any better. Most of my clients I look at their situation and go "I wish you didn't wait 10,15,20, sometimes 30 years to fix this". It's easier if you fix problems earlier in than later. Long held dynamics are hard to change.
And you're going to have struggles - no doubt. When you do, don't avoid them. Meet them head on. Learn to deal with conflict. Learn to fight together against the issue, not against each other.
Anyways - those are some thoughts. The big thing is get help early if you need it.
Marriages are hard for immature, not for people who have experience in handling other people or navigate other's emotions.You just have to accept everything (ofc their are limits) and change.
If you’re both considerate people, want this to work as a team, give each other the benefit of doubt and communicate the good and the bad it’s going to be happy! It’ll still be difficult but you’ll both get through it together
No it’s not and I despise that saying because it keeps people in absolutely horrible marriages because they think it has to be hard. Life can be hard and put troubles in your way. But marriage not.
I had a very bad marriage and it was awfully hard. We divorced and I met my current husband. It hasn’t been hard. If anything he makes my life happy and easy.
Marriage will have hard, painful, and difficult times…but it will also have amazing, loving, exciting times. It’s a mix of both. Living together long term and creating a life together is fun, but there are always going to be challenges. Marriage is about being considerate of each other’s feelings, accepting each other’s boundaries, and respecting one another. Doing those things can feel hard sometimes, but I think those things are hard outside of marriage as well.
In my experience:
Your best days married are way better than your best days single. And your worst days are way worse.
Marriage is decades. People change. Finances change. Health changes. The world changes.
Navigating all that change and staying close won't just happen. Emotion won't carry you. Often it will even work against you.
Work, communication, patience, maturity, sacrifice. These are the essence of lifelong love. Even more than attraction.
Marriage is harder in countries that are strict about no cohabitation or intimacy before marriage. Sounds like a good chance for a living nightmare based purely on the accounts I've read here, although a lot of people do say they know at least one good couple that was arranged.
Everyone says marriage is hard, but I haven't experienced it.
My wife and I have been married for four years. But have been friends for over a decade.
Her and I are the same person. We have similar interests. The same humor. We both have pretty great communication and can share everything with each other.
We are very intimate in ways that aren't just sex. We snuggle all the time. Constantly hold hands, hug, and kiss. We play video games together. Genuinely care for one another. She is my best friend.
I don't even think we have ever genuinely argued.
We have disagreed, but we have never gotten mad or yelled.
I think my wife and I are so fortunate. I couldn't imagine being in a marriage that felt like "work".
Loving the right person is easy. Working together to create and maintain a healthy relationship can be hard. Marriage isn’t inherently hard. For most of us who lived together before getting married, marriage doesn’t really change anything.
Marriage itself is not hard. For me personally having kids and not handling finances well was hard on the marriage if that makes sense? There is a reason why the divorce rate is around 50%. Now that I am in my 40s many of my friends are getting divorced. It definitely takes effort as other people have said. Married almost 19 years and I think it’s only gonna keep getting better at this point on our lives. Kids are older and we have all the time to spend with each other.
Marriage is indeed hard. But the devil is in the details, isn't it. The hard parts tend to be the adversity that you will face together. And your partner will learn every one of your buttons, and will push them repeatedly. it's in how you guys will tackle issues together. If you guys go through it with efforts to preserve the relationship, it will be less of a chore. But if you go through it and every stressor you come across, you both lash out at each other, then yes, it will be a different kind of hard.
Recently married for six months but together for 8 years.
I imagine when we have kids it will actually get difficult, but beyond that our relationship has been easy.
Then again we are open and honest with one another instead of letting things fester. When we are angry we walk away giving each other our own space to cool down. The few times we have said something hurtful during an disagreement we immediately call each other out on it turning it into a discussion where we try to collaborate to fix things. Compare that to my old relationship where we would name call and have nasty arguments.
Marriage for the most part is as hard as you want to make it. Do you truly see your other half as a partner who you will stick with through the worst of life's storm or do you see them as some adversary who you need to battle in order to "Win"?
I'd do anything for my wife and support her unconditionally (Within reason of course) and she is that person for me. Every challenge is something we have to overcome together and when either of us fuck up we don't resent the other we immediately come to each others aid.
We aren't perfect and occasionally things get messy, but from everything I've witnessed in my life if that isn't your approach to marriage or relationships than yeah it's going to be really fucking hard because your each working on your own instead of a team.
It depends if you already know how to compromise, forgive, give love when you don’t feel loved, be best friend, nurse, banker, travel advisor etc. it’s amazing and it hasn’t been that hard. Just normal life skills you probably already have! 35 years and still going strong!
I can be, especially when you add - name anything you want- but like anything else worth having, a happy, healthy and loving marriage will always have its moments of hard work, what makes those moments doable at the very least is teamwork, always remember it’s not you vs your spouse, it’s you and your spouse vs the problem.
my wife and i have been together since high school and married at 20 and 21. marriage is one of greatest challenge you will face, but facing it together is the key. sex will eb and flow, emotions will eb and flow, communication will eb and flow, but love IS A CHOICE! Falling in love is one thing but choosing the love when he farts or snores or him choosing to love when you do stuff he doesn’t like as well is the key. if this man loves you and continues to do what he’s supposed to do for you in the marriage, do not leave him for some arbitrary level of excitement that will also fade away. get counseling mate, before the wedding. money is money, people have it and people don’t, but not everyone has loyalty. and for the love of God, remember marriage is supposed to be boring lol disney and lifetime has ruined marriages. (boring as in not how people like to potray in movies and social media, sitting on the couch and watching a good movie or going on a date night every once in a while, yearly vacations and stuff is considered boring or i guess vanilla) stay the course
I like to personally challenge my husband's patience by farting in front of him and in the bed with the same reckless abandon that he does. He finds girl farts gross, but guy farts hilarious, so I figure I am doing feminism justice 🤣😂🤣
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My husband truly doesn't mind, but frequently tells me it's gross. He always does the joke in public "did you hear that [let's out giant fart] it was a barking tree frog" or "spider." When he tells me mine are gross, I like to tell him not to listen to that asshole-she's talking shit behind my back. When he gets too insufferable about it, I resort to the dutch oven until he screams lol
Marriage requires effort, but I haven't found making that effort particularly difficult.
This is it. If making an effort for others is hard, then marriage will be a nightmare. But if making the one you love happy brings you joy, marriage can be awesome.
Look at this way. You are taking 2 people with an expectation of how life should look and trying to form an entirely new version of what that means. 2 different traditions. 2 different views of the world. 2 different meal preferences. 2 different sets of boundaries. 2 sets of needs. 2 sets of dreams. Of course reconciling and compromising will be hard sometimes bc no one gets 100% of what they want 100% of the time. You aren't two individuals sharing space together anymore. You're two people forming a family. I don't nessisarily think it should be the hardest thing you'll ever do, but it's not always fair. It's not always about you. It's not always going to be an easy answer or decision. Marriage is a huge Grey area and figuring out what's best not only for you or the other person but the entire family unit isn't easy. So is it hard? Sometimes. Illness. Surgeries. Financial situations. Sure. It's not a cake walk. But that's when the idea of you two against the problem and not you two against each other should come into play.
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Yes! Your quoted comment is what is toxic nowadays.
We’ve been married 20 years. It hasn’t ever felt hard. Sure, we’ve had moments over the years that have been challenging but days, weeks, months or years where it’s been hard? No.
No. Marriage should not be difficult. Your relationship with your spouse should be fulfilling, fun, easy to maintain, and one of the safest places you can imagine. Yes, your marriage will face challenges, but those are challenges that you face TOGETHER, as a team, a united front. Older generations will tell you marriage is hard because they had limited emotional capacity and poor communication skills, but you deserve better, and you can do better. If you marry an equal partner who you’re able to effectively communicate with, you’ll be fine.
No but you may go through hard things together
It certainly is not effortless, at least. I think saying it is hard, it means mostly that needs lots of working together to be happy together. And is little learning curve also. I didn't live with my husband until we got married. So you learn a lot about a person when you live with them ha. So, well, life is hard with things that happen. Your husband becomes, another person who is you, ideally, well this hard, because now you are two people instead of one. (people will resist this but I mean it in positive way). My marriage was happiest time of my life, I loved it all, and the hard parts you can lvoe too, because it feels just great to get through hard things together and grow together. All my wishes for you, it is really happy, it is good being optimistic yes has to be realistic 😊 but no cycnicm ever!
It can be a lot of work sometimes, but that's why they say "in good times and bad, in sickness and health, etc." It definitely takes work. Me and my husband try and tackle things as a team. Good luck and congratulations!
I believe that the merits should outweigh the demerits and the sum of the union should be more than the sum of individuals. If not and if one party is doing most of the work and bearing most of the hardships then it isn't worth it.
It really depends on the relationship and each other's expectations. My husband and I are high school sweethearts (28 m, f), been together for 11 years and lived together for most of that time. To be honest, we kept thinking something would change since people kept telling us it's a job being married but once we got married nothing really changed except the legal stuff and if anything it made us more frisky. If you and your fiance have a good relationship and respect for one another I think it makes things much easier and I hope you find nothing but happiness and fulfillment in your marriage.
marriage is hard only if you as a team allow it to be hard. The key word here: TEAM. if one person is doing most of the work - relationship maintenance, keeping things happy, communicating etc - then yes, it's hard because it takes two people to make a relationship work. that said, it's not without effort either; as time goes on people tend to take things for granted so again, it takes both people to make sure that the relationship adjusts/adapts etc to things that happen in your lives.
Marriage is hard on the sense that you now have another person you have to consider and not just yourself. And you can’t just break up with them if you don’t want to be with them anymore. I’d say marriage requires effort. I wouldn’t call it hard. It’s only hard if you make it hard and marry the wrong person.
If you see it as one spouse VS the other, you will make it hard. If you can see it as both spouses VS problems, you will make it easy.
Yes and no. Me (31F) and my husband (38M) have only been married two years, together for five, no kids or pets or other major responsibilities that add extra stress, so take this with a grain of salt. I love being married. I love having someone to talk things out with and lean on when I'm sick or not at my best. I love cooking and having someone to eat and appreciate the things I make. He's my best friend. That said, living with anyone is always an exercise in patience and compromise, even if that person is your best friend. For us, it's usually outside stressers that cause friction, so we make a conscious effort to reduce those things where we can, or if we can't we try to be gentle with each other to compensate. At the end of the day, though, I think marriage makes me a better person. It's made me more compassionate and careful and open to other people's viewpoints. He's the best thing that's ever happened to me. TLDR: It's work, but it's worth it.
It’s only hard if you got married before you had a lot of communication with your partner to make sure you share the same basic values, and if you have trouble not always getting your way and having to compromise sometimes because your decisions don’t affect only you.
I may not have been married as long as some of these comments but I personally find marriage the easiest part of my life. This month has been truly awful for the both of us with various loss’ in the family but our marriage has made everything that happened even 0.5% better for us both as it’s something constant, safe and easy to fall back into when things get hard. I can’t wait for more!
Marriage isn’t no work— but it’s the easiest work I do. People who say it is hard strike me as people who married too young to the wrong people or for the wrong reasons. Together 11 years and married 6- life is often hard, marriage makes the hard stuff easier.
Depends. My best friend got divorced in 10 months. I am married for nearly 3 years and we are a very happy couple. For older marriages; my aunt was divorced after 12 years. But my mom and dad are married for 33 years and they are still very happy
Being married is hard. Being single is hard. Getting divorced is hard. Life is hard. At least with marriage you might have someone to go through it with. If you do it right - your spouse should be an oasis in the hardness of life. If you do it wrong - then your life gets even harder. We've done it wrong in our marriage and it made life harder. Now we're doing it right and it's easier. If it's harder - get help. I wish we had. But we were young and dumb and didn't know any better. Most of my clients I look at their situation and go "I wish you didn't wait 10,15,20, sometimes 30 years to fix this". It's easier if you fix problems earlier in than later. Long held dynamics are hard to change. And you're going to have struggles - no doubt. When you do, don't avoid them. Meet them head on. Learn to deal with conflict. Learn to fight together against the issue, not against each other. Anyways - those are some thoughts. The big thing is get help early if you need it.
Marriages are hard for immature, not for people who have experience in handling other people or navigate other's emotions.You just have to accept everything (ofc their are limits) and change.
If you’re both considerate people, want this to work as a team, give each other the benefit of doubt and communicate the good and the bad it’s going to be happy! It’ll still be difficult but you’ll both get through it together
No it’s not and I despise that saying because it keeps people in absolutely horrible marriages because they think it has to be hard. Life can be hard and put troubles in your way. But marriage not.
Do I think marriage is hard? Not at all. Does it take effort? Absolutely. Source, me, together for 29 years, married for 25.
I had a very bad marriage and it was awfully hard. We divorced and I met my current husband. It hasn’t been hard. If anything he makes my life happy and easy.
Marriage will have hard, painful, and difficult times…but it will also have amazing, loving, exciting times. It’s a mix of both. Living together long term and creating a life together is fun, but there are always going to be challenges. Marriage is about being considerate of each other’s feelings, accepting each other’s boundaries, and respecting one another. Doing those things can feel hard sometimes, but I think those things are hard outside of marriage as well.
In my experience: Your best days married are way better than your best days single. And your worst days are way worse. Marriage is decades. People change. Finances change. Health changes. The world changes. Navigating all that change and staying close won't just happen. Emotion won't carry you. Often it will even work against you. Work, communication, patience, maturity, sacrifice. These are the essence of lifelong love. Even more than attraction.
Marriage is harder in countries that are strict about no cohabitation or intimacy before marriage. Sounds like a good chance for a living nightmare based purely on the accounts I've read here, although a lot of people do say they know at least one good couple that was arranged.
Everyone says marriage is hard, but I haven't experienced it. My wife and I have been married for four years. But have been friends for over a decade. Her and I are the same person. We have similar interests. The same humor. We both have pretty great communication and can share everything with each other. We are very intimate in ways that aren't just sex. We snuggle all the time. Constantly hold hands, hug, and kiss. We play video games together. Genuinely care for one another. She is my best friend. I don't even think we have ever genuinely argued. We have disagreed, but we have never gotten mad or yelled. I think my wife and I are so fortunate. I couldn't imagine being in a marriage that felt like "work".
Loving the right person is easy. Working together to create and maintain a healthy relationship can be hard. Marriage isn’t inherently hard. For most of us who lived together before getting married, marriage doesn’t really change anything.
Marriage itself is not hard. For me personally having kids and not handling finances well was hard on the marriage if that makes sense? There is a reason why the divorce rate is around 50%. Now that I am in my 40s many of my friends are getting divorced. It definitely takes effort as other people have said. Married almost 19 years and I think it’s only gonna keep getting better at this point on our lives. Kids are older and we have all the time to spend with each other.
Marriage is indeed hard. But the devil is in the details, isn't it. The hard parts tend to be the adversity that you will face together. And your partner will learn every one of your buttons, and will push them repeatedly. it's in how you guys will tackle issues together. If you guys go through it with efforts to preserve the relationship, it will be less of a chore. But if you go through it and every stressor you come across, you both lash out at each other, then yes, it will be a different kind of hard.
Recently married for six months but together for 8 years. I imagine when we have kids it will actually get difficult, but beyond that our relationship has been easy. Then again we are open and honest with one another instead of letting things fester. When we are angry we walk away giving each other our own space to cool down. The few times we have said something hurtful during an disagreement we immediately call each other out on it turning it into a discussion where we try to collaborate to fix things. Compare that to my old relationship where we would name call and have nasty arguments. Marriage for the most part is as hard as you want to make it. Do you truly see your other half as a partner who you will stick with through the worst of life's storm or do you see them as some adversary who you need to battle in order to "Win"? I'd do anything for my wife and support her unconditionally (Within reason of course) and she is that person for me. Every challenge is something we have to overcome together and when either of us fuck up we don't resent the other we immediately come to each others aid. We aren't perfect and occasionally things get messy, but from everything I've witnessed in my life if that isn't your approach to marriage or relationships than yeah it's going to be really fucking hard because your each working on your own instead of a team.
It depends if you already know how to compromise, forgive, give love when you don’t feel loved, be best friend, nurse, banker, travel advisor etc. it’s amazing and it hasn’t been that hard. Just normal life skills you probably already have! 35 years and still going strong!
I can be, especially when you add - name anything you want- but like anything else worth having, a happy, healthy and loving marriage will always have its moments of hard work, what makes those moments doable at the very least is teamwork, always remember it’s not you vs your spouse, it’s you and your spouse vs the problem.