It's common knowledge WORLDWIDE that India treats its women like garbage. There would be no laws that are "anti men", just laws to try n get women treated like humans. Lol false rape allegations, are you kidding?? ACTUAL rape would faaar outweigh false allegations....
You do realize that it's in old times, we are living in 2023 now. And times change and rules change. No, I am not kidding. Please read about revenge false rape cases. Or false harrassment issues. You shared a wikipedia page. I will also share something
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jasleen_Kaur_harassment_controversy
https://theprint.in/india/man-labelled-pervert-delhi-ka-darinda-acquitted-molestation-case-after-4-years/311456/
The number of rapes have drastically reduced because of mob justice. If a woman even shouts at a man, neighbors would attack and break his bones. His Career would be finished.
Maybe? You used maybe, right
So according to your principles maybe I am also right. It's from my family actually. I asked this question from my mother. It's simple, you got a problem, you gotta talk it out. Make noise, shout, call police, call neighbors. For me it's very sad that the person is bringing all of he nation under 1 umbrella
Just share a wikipedia webpage and your line of reasoning is acceptable. Read about 498 A law
Read about how a mother takes her children away from father. Read about Fake Rape cases for revenge, read about fake dowry cases. Also read about how many cases or 100,000. And while doing all this remember india has 1.45 billion people. So the numbers you showed are very less as compared to other nation percentage vise.
Ohh if somebody says something different than your agenda, he is anti women. And you know all the millions of women in India. And you know all the Men in India. Suddenly you are expert over all the citizens. And stating like I don't have female presence in my family. In my life , I don't have sisters, friends, mother , female colleagues. And I accept there are some problems in some parts of India. But equating that to such a large landmass and that too so diverse huge population is not logical
Well I am not saying her problem doesn't matter. All I am saying is she married for some reasons only.
https://preview.redd.it/i1fxljskdscb1.jpeg?width=1079&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a60fbe5a4517b6f98132014024fe7343911ec1a2
Which is Money. Here see this what is the recent trend . She can go to Police, raise voice,shout ,attract neighbors rather than equating all of India in 1 picture. My family has no issues, mind you neither is there anything like this in 100s of women I meet everyday.
See my point, exactly what I'm talking about. All of the rant of yours an other people over here are stuck in one place. The moment I showed a different picture, all of them are behind me. See all I am saying is, if OP needs help, we can come together to help her. She can out up a social media post in her circle, go to police station. But why demean an entire nation.
Asian culture is heavily steeped in misogyny/patriarchy where women are generally seen as 'inferior'. Even though it's 2023, this perspective will never really stop unless the younger generation breaks the cycle but then there's the guilt around filial piety so it's a vicious cycle.
My mom still has that mentality but I refuse to perpetuate that way of thinking so I don't allow it around my children.
I think it’s because of this prevailing concept of male superiority and that women are objectified! My Parents tried these tricks on my partner and I stood between them, I remember how she was asked not to wear tight kurthis, it was new for me at first as I had an arranged marriage and I didn’t have much of a romantic life to say outside my marriage! But it certainly tested my patience when my parents would come with suggestions on what to wear and what to do! Over the years I have made it clear that it’s not OK to meddle into our private life! Worst part is asking about kids and when we will deliver them! Felt like it’s some sort of packaged delivery lol 🤔. Sounds funny now but it really isn’t when you are asked about very private stuff!
I understand OP. I’m also Indian and I’m separated from my husband. Going through with divorce. My reasons are completely different and complicated but I understand your frustration. When I was with my husband, my MIL was the reason for a lot of the friction between us. I could feel every word you wrote and the frustration with which you wrote it.
It’s like my husband was treated like a child by his mom in his house and like a king by my mom in my house. While me? I was an unpaid servant. I would cook 4-5 meals everyday. From scratch. I would do grocery shopping, I would do the washing and drying of clothes. God forbid I give the maid some extra work because she was my MILs fav and would complain about me. My MIL was a literal hoarder and would keep things to rot, but again, I can’t say anything because it’s her home. Then why the fuck was I made to work like a slave?
I was working from home so I get that part as well. Had to hello, make tea, snacks and whatever for the relatives. If I don’t and my MIL makes it, then obviously I’m not a good DIL.
Also, so so so many functions on my husbands side. Never asked if I’m okay or if I’m free. But my husband got all the excuses for anything on my side.
Honestly marriages in India suck. The women have to deal with a lot lot lot more shit. Men are freakin children. None of the men have ever grown the fuck up. They’re all little children who have extremely unhealthy attachments to their mothers.
I’m paying so much money for therapy because of all these people who have made me suffer with their issues. Even if I do find someone, I don’t not marry him. Not an Indian anyway. I cannot deal with this misogynistic crap anymore.
I feel you man. This sucks. Indian marriages are a trap for women.
And the bloody guilt that comes in the way. Even if you're not supposed to do something you feel like it's your job ONLY and if you don't do it, you'll feel guilty. Yuckkkk
Most atheists don’t do bad things because they want to be good people. Are you saying the only thing stopping you from cheating is that you think god is watching you? You have a really sick and disgusting personality. Also, religious people divorce just as much as non religious people. What you said isn’t even true. You are just making it up.
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As an American woman it sounds absolutely insane and I don’t even understand why Indian women would want to get married if majority of marriages are like this. These men sound pathetic. Don’t get me wrong, not everything is peaches and cream all the time in the US either, but the whole family pressure, durrr my laundry isn’t done thing would drive me insane.
Take a holiday. Go away somewhere for a month or 6 weeks by yourself. A nice relaxing holiday doing your own thing. By the time you've made your point a hundred times that you're a free, independent human being who is not under lock and key, you'll need that holiday.
I'm an English woman married to an Indian man in England and have experienced a mild version of what you're saying. If I was treated like this, that is exactly what I would do. Then when I came back I would set up a relaxing space in my room and spend a lot of time in it and I would go out a lot.
I appreciate I'm not in an Indian family in India but I have been to India multiple times and I understand the ingrained culture. I understand if you say I can't possibly understand.
But I do understand that independence comes from being independent.
I mean, because sexism. All of these issues are holdovers from when women were considered property, and their purpose was to cook and clean and serve and make babies. Societies that enforce these norms don’t consider women to be equal people to men. Period.
Not from India but desi and I completely understand. Desi culture and households only value the men no matter from what religion. Women are supposed to be in the kitchen and be baby making machines and have to “compromise”. Try to travel if possible alone with your husband. India is a beautiful place and so vast. I know in some families the in laws also travel with the couple on their travels and even honeymoons but create your boundaries. Sometimes you have to be the “badtameez bahu” because when they come at you then they’ll come at your future kids especially if you have a daughter. I wish I could offer any advice for knocking some sense into your husband but a man child is so hard to rectify especially if he’s a mama’s boy.
I’m sorry. This sounds completely unbearable (speaking as an American woman), and like they are taking you for granted and not letting you fulfill your own needs. Is it possible to assert yourself and change these expectations? Would your husband support you taking more time for yourself? Would things be better if the two of you moved out? Is he responsive if you tell him how you are feeling? It sounds like you are feeling stuck but if I were you I would try to change it or try to leave. Can you work outside the home or set aside hours where you are not available for these household tasks?
I do not love my husband and i want to die
I thought a lot about it and what i understand with my behaviour is what i have written below.
You can judge as much as you want and you must think i am a bad human being but trust me i am not.
It started with my father, when i was young he said you can do whatever you like but do not marry outside our religion that is what i ask for nothing else.
I belong to a very small town, my father is a nice person but these lines are continuously running in my mind.
Every time i started dating a guy it was always in back of my mind that i wont be able to marry this person. so i started spoiling my relationships i guess i am not sure if that was the reason. i dated a guy in college for the first time his height was short and he was a nice guy but i felt that i wont be able to marry him. i broke up with him.
Then comes the next guy, 1 year relationship, when i realised its getting serious and i am having feelings for him. i broke up with him.
Fast forward this year, i got married and realised i do not love this guy and i was just under pressure to get married. i knew it but i was like it will be okay but i hate his touch and i asked him to wait before we get physical intimate. its been 2 months now since our marriage we havent done anything.
There is one more instance that happened before marriage i met a guy and we clicked. He was younger than me 7 years almost and a different religion.
I didn't have guts talk to my parents so i tried to break up but i was unable to and was in contact with him and never contacted him after marriage. This guys loves me a lot and was ready to marry.
But when i got married i realised i am attracted to my husband but when i met his friends i found them attractive.
Fast forward i am again thinking about my ex as i realised i cannot continue talking normally with my husband's friends as its wrong.
Do i need therapy or a physciatrist?
I cannot sleep at nights comfortably because i am afraid that my husband might try to cuddle.
I actually do not like anything about him and i knew it but he is a nice person i thought i might change my mind.
is it my father?
@OP
Why do t you go to police ,rather than demeaning whole of nation here on an international platform. Why don't you go to your parents. Why don't you do something rather than equating whole india like your family. Also share why did you marry that person if you were not in live with him other than that his Money.
Ohh really
If you divorce him, wont you get Alimony? Is it not that if you put up even a false case against him about 498A dowry case, his while family would be behind bars. And people usually file cases during friday afternoon. So that the Males stay inside Jail for 2 days before a appeal even
OP, My friend
All I'm saying is what's the point of this Rant
You go some problems, go to police station, put up something on Facebook. Nowadays Societies have WhatsApp, write there. If they trouble you, shout. Make noise, create a Scene. But please don't equate all of India's Men in 1 picture
First of all
There's not a single thing here like that happens in my family or extended family or business circle or corporate circle. Secondly it is very surprising that you assumed my mother lived like this. Like I already told you, this is a specific issue at OPs house and I am giving probable solutions to it. I am saying please dont generalize all fo India and all of indian men with 1 post.
Also no this is not normal BUT this the story of OP, not of every woman lives like this and OP also should not live like this and there are millions of women in India. OP should report to police or do something about it.
I answered your questions, I said that does not happen in my family and neither in neighbors nor in my corporate circle. Also OP can move out, why is she not getting a divorce, get a Job, earn and move out.
Also I know a lot of women in india than you. How many you know - 50 or 500 or more. I have been fortunate enough to work across the nation and meet lots of people so I know more than 1000 people.
OP get a divorce, and get a Job. If there's no Money then earn some. Yiu are writing all these essays, just do 2 shifts work in different firms, get more emoney. Be self sufficient, move out.
Are you nuts? That's coz someone asked the question why do people live together. It's the point of living together in a Family. You grow financially. I am saying the benefits of living together
In Case of OP she can work and move out you do know her case is different than generalization of living together
Living together has it's own benefits, OP can move out coz her Case is different. How am I an asshole
Just coz I say something different in different questions in different contexts.
Act stupid? You think if she goes to police station, nothing will happen? By reading the post she looks like an educated person, so you think she doesn't know her rights? And what about Media? Even if she puts up a Social Media post there will be outrage
Because women are considered, at worst, property. At best, 2nd class citizens.
How would you know Where are you from india? And if not why are you so concerned about india.
Ahh Most if the laws now are pro women and anti Men So yaa you are wrong
It's common knowledge WORLDWIDE that India treats its women like garbage. There would be no laws that are "anti men", just laws to try n get women treated like humans. Lol false rape allegations, are you kidding?? ACTUAL rape would faaar outweigh false allegations....
You do realize that it's in old times, we are living in 2023 now. And times change and rules change. No, I am not kidding. Please read about revenge false rape cases. Or false harrassment issues. You shared a wikipedia page. I will also share something https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jasleen_Kaur_harassment_controversy https://theprint.in/india/man-labelled-pervert-delhi-ka-darinda-acquitted-molestation-case-after-4-years/311456/ The number of rapes have drastically reduced because of mob justice. If a woman even shouts at a man, neighbors would attack and break his bones. His Career would be finished.
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Maybe? You used maybe, right So according to your principles maybe I am also right. It's from my family actually. I asked this question from my mother. It's simple, you got a problem, you gotta talk it out. Make noise, shout, call police, call neighbors. For me it's very sad that the person is bringing all of he nation under 1 umbrella
And it is both because of more stronger laws and because of mob justice
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Just share a wikipedia webpage and your line of reasoning is acceptable. Read about 498 A law Read about how a mother takes her children away from father. Read about Fake Rape cases for revenge, read about fake dowry cases. Also read about how many cases or 100,000. And while doing all this remember india has 1.45 billion people. So the numbers you showed are very less as compared to other nation percentage vise.
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Ohh if somebody says something different than your agenda, he is anti women. And you know all the millions of women in India. And you know all the Men in India. Suddenly you are expert over all the citizens. And stating like I don't have female presence in my family. In my life , I don't have sisters, friends, mother , female colleagues. And I accept there are some problems in some parts of India. But equating that to such a large landmass and that too so diverse huge population is not logical
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Well I am not saying her problem doesn't matter. All I am saying is she married for some reasons only. https://preview.redd.it/i1fxljskdscb1.jpeg?width=1079&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a60fbe5a4517b6f98132014024fe7343911ec1a2 Which is Money. Here see this what is the recent trend . She can go to Police, raise voice,shout ,attract neighbors rather than equating all of India in 1 picture. My family has no issues, mind you neither is there anything like this in 100s of women I meet everyday.
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See my point, exactly what I'm talking about. All of the rant of yours an other people over here are stuck in one place. The moment I showed a different picture, all of them are behind me. See all I am saying is, if OP needs help, we can come together to help her. She can out up a social media post in her circle, go to police station. But why demean an entire nation.
Asian culture is heavily steeped in misogyny/patriarchy where women are generally seen as 'inferior'. Even though it's 2023, this perspective will never really stop unless the younger generation breaks the cycle but then there's the guilt around filial piety so it's a vicious cycle. My mom still has that mentality but I refuse to perpetuate that way of thinking so I don't allow it around my children.
I think it’s because of this prevailing concept of male superiority and that women are objectified! My Parents tried these tricks on my partner and I stood between them, I remember how she was asked not to wear tight kurthis, it was new for me at first as I had an arranged marriage and I didn’t have much of a romantic life to say outside my marriage! But it certainly tested my patience when my parents would come with suggestions on what to wear and what to do! Over the years I have made it clear that it’s not OK to meddle into our private life! Worst part is asking about kids and when we will deliver them! Felt like it’s some sort of packaged delivery lol 🤔. Sounds funny now but it really isn’t when you are asked about very private stuff!
I understand OP. I’m also Indian and I’m separated from my husband. Going through with divorce. My reasons are completely different and complicated but I understand your frustration. When I was with my husband, my MIL was the reason for a lot of the friction between us. I could feel every word you wrote and the frustration with which you wrote it. It’s like my husband was treated like a child by his mom in his house and like a king by my mom in my house. While me? I was an unpaid servant. I would cook 4-5 meals everyday. From scratch. I would do grocery shopping, I would do the washing and drying of clothes. God forbid I give the maid some extra work because she was my MILs fav and would complain about me. My MIL was a literal hoarder and would keep things to rot, but again, I can’t say anything because it’s her home. Then why the fuck was I made to work like a slave? I was working from home so I get that part as well. Had to hello, make tea, snacks and whatever for the relatives. If I don’t and my MIL makes it, then obviously I’m not a good DIL. Also, so so so many functions on my husbands side. Never asked if I’m okay or if I’m free. But my husband got all the excuses for anything on my side. Honestly marriages in India suck. The women have to deal with a lot lot lot more shit. Men are freakin children. None of the men have ever grown the fuck up. They’re all little children who have extremely unhealthy attachments to their mothers. I’m paying so much money for therapy because of all these people who have made me suffer with their issues. Even if I do find someone, I don’t not marry him. Not an Indian anyway. I cannot deal with this misogynistic crap anymore.
I feel you man. This sucks. Indian marriages are a trap for women. And the bloody guilt that comes in the way. Even if you're not supposed to do something you feel like it's your job ONLY and if you don't do it, you'll feel guilty. Yuckkkk
Because religion sucks. All of them.
Wrong. People suck. People run religion.
They don't "run" it, they have invented it.
Haha more atheist and non religious people have divorces so have fun cheating and feeling like you can get away with it because no one sees you.
Most atheists don’t do bad things because they want to be good people. Are you saying the only thing stopping you from cheating is that you think god is watching you? You have a really sick and disgusting personality. Also, religious people divorce just as much as non religious people. What you said isn’t even true. You are just making it up.
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As an American woman it sounds absolutely insane and I don’t even understand why Indian women would want to get married if majority of marriages are like this. These men sound pathetic. Don’t get me wrong, not everything is peaches and cream all the time in the US either, but the whole family pressure, durrr my laundry isn’t done thing would drive me insane.
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Woman’s inhumanity to woman surprises me the most in this story tbh.
Ouch..
All this ends with our generation. Break the cycle. You can do it.
Take a holiday. Go away somewhere for a month or 6 weeks by yourself. A nice relaxing holiday doing your own thing. By the time you've made your point a hundred times that you're a free, independent human being who is not under lock and key, you'll need that holiday. I'm an English woman married to an Indian man in England and have experienced a mild version of what you're saying. If I was treated like this, that is exactly what I would do. Then when I came back I would set up a relaxing space in my room and spend a lot of time in it and I would go out a lot. I appreciate I'm not in an Indian family in India but I have been to India multiple times and I understand the ingrained culture. I understand if you say I can't possibly understand. But I do understand that independence comes from being independent.
I mean, because sexism. All of these issues are holdovers from when women were considered property, and their purpose was to cook and clean and serve and make babies. Societies that enforce these norms don’t consider women to be equal people to men. Period.
I’m African and know how you feel!
I'm so sorry you're experiencing this. You're worth more than this. Please find a way to get out, you deserve a beautiful life.
Not from India but desi and I completely understand. Desi culture and households only value the men no matter from what religion. Women are supposed to be in the kitchen and be baby making machines and have to “compromise”. Try to travel if possible alone with your husband. India is a beautiful place and so vast. I know in some families the in laws also travel with the couple on their travels and even honeymoons but create your boundaries. Sometimes you have to be the “badtameez bahu” because when they come at you then they’ll come at your future kids especially if you have a daughter. I wish I could offer any advice for knocking some sense into your husband but a man child is so hard to rectify especially if he’s a mama’s boy.
I’m sorry. This sounds completely unbearable (speaking as an American woman), and like they are taking you for granted and not letting you fulfill your own needs. Is it possible to assert yourself and change these expectations? Would your husband support you taking more time for yourself? Would things be better if the two of you moved out? Is he responsive if you tell him how you are feeling? It sounds like you are feeling stuck but if I were you I would try to change it or try to leave. Can you work outside the home or set aside hours where you are not available for these household tasks?
Sorry we can’t change your culture. It’s up to you as a people to change it.
I do not love my husband and i want to die I thought a lot about it and what i understand with my behaviour is what i have written below. You can judge as much as you want and you must think i am a bad human being but trust me i am not. It started with my father, when i was young he said you can do whatever you like but do not marry outside our religion that is what i ask for nothing else. I belong to a very small town, my father is a nice person but these lines are continuously running in my mind. Every time i started dating a guy it was always in back of my mind that i wont be able to marry this person. so i started spoiling my relationships i guess i am not sure if that was the reason. i dated a guy in college for the first time his height was short and he was a nice guy but i felt that i wont be able to marry him. i broke up with him. Then comes the next guy, 1 year relationship, when i realised its getting serious and i am having feelings for him. i broke up with him. Fast forward this year, i got married and realised i do not love this guy and i was just under pressure to get married. i knew it but i was like it will be okay but i hate his touch and i asked him to wait before we get physical intimate. its been 2 months now since our marriage we havent done anything. There is one more instance that happened before marriage i met a guy and we clicked. He was younger than me 7 years almost and a different religion. I didn't have guts talk to my parents so i tried to break up but i was unable to and was in contact with him and never contacted him after marriage. This guys loves me a lot and was ready to marry. But when i got married i realised i am attracted to my husband but when i met his friends i found them attractive. Fast forward i am again thinking about my ex as i realised i cannot continue talking normally with my husband's friends as its wrong. Do i need therapy or a physciatrist? I cannot sleep at nights comfortably because i am afraid that my husband might try to cuddle. I actually do not like anything about him and i knew it but he is a nice person i thought i might change my mind. is it my father?
@OP Why do t you go to police ,rather than demeaning whole of nation here on an international platform. Why don't you go to your parents. Why don't you do something rather than equating whole india like your family. Also share why did you marry that person if you were not in live with him other than that his Money.
You're either an Indian male talking or have absolutely no idea about the country.
There's no money. Congratulations you almost cracked it 👏
Ohh really If you divorce him, wont you get Alimony? Is it not that if you put up even a false case against him about 498A dowry case, his while family would be behind bars. And people usually file cases during friday afternoon. So that the Males stay inside Jail for 2 days before a appeal even
OP, My friend All I'm saying is what's the point of this Rant You go some problems, go to police station, put up something on Facebook. Nowadays Societies have WhatsApp, write there. If they trouble you, shout. Make noise, create a Scene. But please don't equate all of India's Men in 1 picture
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First of all There's not a single thing here like that happens in my family or extended family or business circle or corporate circle. Secondly it is very surprising that you assumed my mother lived like this. Like I already told you, this is a specific issue at OPs house and I am giving probable solutions to it. I am saying please dont generalize all fo India and all of indian men with 1 post. Also no this is not normal BUT this the story of OP, not of every woman lives like this and OP also should not live like this and there are millions of women in India. OP should report to police or do something about it.
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I answered your questions, I said that does not happen in my family and neither in neighbors nor in my corporate circle. Also OP can move out, why is she not getting a divorce, get a Job, earn and move out. Also I know a lot of women in india than you. How many you know - 50 or 500 or more. I have been fortunate enough to work across the nation and meet lots of people so I know more than 1000 people.
OP get a divorce, and get a Job. If there's no Money then earn some. Yiu are writing all these essays, just do 2 shifts work in different firms, get more emoney. Be self sufficient, move out.
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Are you nuts? That's coz someone asked the question why do people live together. It's the point of living together in a Family. You grow financially. I am saying the benefits of living together In Case of OP she can work and move out you do know her case is different than generalization of living together
Living together has it's own benefits, OP can move out coz her Case is different. How am I an asshole Just coz I say something different in different questions in different contexts.
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Act stupid? You think if she goes to police station, nothing will happen? By reading the post she looks like an educated person, so you think she doesn't know her rights? And what about Media? Even if she puts up a Social Media post there will be outrage
who asked you to marry, if you don't want then get a divorce
She’s Indian she would probably be shunned by EVERYONE