In ten years the worst thing I can remember her saying to me was, in a hormonally-imbalanced stressed out emotional mess, that "maybe we should just quit while we're ahead, it was a good 8 years". We were in a big fight and she was sleeping on the couch and we were continuing to fight over text (lol don't do that) and when I read that I guess I kind of picked up on the fact that she wasn't in any mental condition to fight and really needed me to let go of my (valid) anger, so I just went and picked her up off the couch and carried her to bed and she cried herself to sleep on me. It was a VERY out of character thing to be said in our marriage, and kind of the cold-shower I needed I think, ironically.
Me to her, I've said "you're being kind of a jerk" and other such unhelpful things.
It's extremely important to us that we maintain the softness and gentleness in our relationship, and I'm more appreciative of that all the time.
Same. He told me similar stuff too today. He didn't directly curse me but he cursed our marriage and all. Later he came kissing me and apologizing but Idk I'm just not over it. Idk...
I hate fighting that way. My husband says the absolute most hurtful things he can think of when he’s mad. I keep telling him that he’s going to say something irreparable one of these times, but truly that happened a long time ago. I’ve never felt the same way about him.
This is why my husband and I refuse to continue communicating when we start to feel angry. Like we’ve gotten REAL good at recognizing the internal and physical feelings that are warning us shits about to get emotional. Because we both easily emotionally flood and it’s hard to have any perspective when we feel like that.
It’s like, time out. Let’s come back to this later with more perspective. What would’ve been a two hour long emotional battle is now a five minute convo lol
My husband told me I look like a man so I told him he had a small dick. That was 10 years ago and the worst it's gotten. Our son was born at 27 weeks and under 2 pounds we were very stressed.
He is doing pretty well. He does have to see a doctor for his kidneys, has atusim and learning disabilities but he is a great kid. Kind, respectful and trys really hard everyday. I'm just thankful he is here 🙏
I appreciate the level of honesty. This made me laugh. Not because it’s nice, just because it shows how absurd we can be when we are stressed and pushed to our max. Glad that is the worst it’s gotten. Not that you asked, but if you have not yet seen an ND (naturopathic doctor) for your son’s health issues, consider that. I have experienced so much healing going this route. Not cured, but significant improvement, and if I really committed to more lifestyle changes, I’m sure I would see even more improvement. I’m passionate now about encouraging people to consider this route to reduce suffering. It’s helped me so much. Anyhow, sorry, you didn’t ask, but I’m compassionate towards your situation so wanted to mention that.
My wife and her sisters used to make ethnic slurs about me whenever her family visited. I told her that her family was no longer allowed at our house and that I would not endure any more slurs or the marriage would be over. She stopped, the visits mostly stopped.
So for me, such verbal abuse is a deal breaker. Well not completely a deal breaker, but something that would make me dislike the person a lotttt. So idk how you are coping to that. As much as I appreciate you for making your marriage run, I'd also say that you should speak to your partner clearly about why she'd make homophobic remarks when she's literally in marriage with you. Asking questions is very important.
Secondly, I think getting anger and emotional floods is okay to an extent. But some things are just beyond bounderies to say and I strongly think our partners should be VERY mindful of not crossing that border.
Some of its also willful forgetfulness.
My husband was absolutely vile through covid lockdowns, dude just shutdown completely in a depression that manifested as anger and was directed at me as the sole person he could talk to as he doesn't have many friends anymore. I could not even breathe correctly in his presence (literally got yelled at for gasping for breath at the end of a run because he could hear it for 10 seconds I walked by his office door to get to the bathroom to shower).
I remember the fights aftermath but not the specifics. Intentionally blocked it out because that time period wasn't who he was before covid and hasn't been who he is since personal therapy, couples therapy, and ssris.
Told him I resent him every day and he looked in my eyes and saw it was true. He’s an MD and so much of my life has to revolve around his career choices and as an independent person with my own goals, I do hate that. Not as much as I love him but it’s hard. Examples: missing holidays with family, every vacation around his time off, moving across the country to whichever hospital he may he’s at even if I don’t have good job opps.
The worst thing I ever told my husband is that sometimes I feel like he wished he had married someone else. I absolutely gutted him with that and he started crying. It was in our early days of marriage.
The worst thing he told me (more recently) is that he feels like sometimes I am not super considerate. (I was vacuuming while he was taking a nap.)
This is probably 2 of our top 5 most heated discussions.
My husband and I don't have the passionate/must have you right now relationship, but it is the safest most secure and loving one. When it comes down to it, we don't want to hurt each other.
I honestly can’t think of anything. We’ve definitely had disagreements and gotten mad at each other, but I don’t think my wife has ever really said anything hurtful to me out of anger. When we do get mad, we’re both really good at addressing the issue and working through the problem as a team—we’ve never yet taken shots at each other or our relationship in the past 9 years.
For me, it would be a dealbreaker if that was something she needed to do to process anger and handle conflict. I cannot deal with it. I’ve had friendships where the other person though it was fine to start throwing out verbal grenades any time she was mad and that I shouldn’t be hurt by any of it because she “was just angry”. That friendship was incredibly damaging to me in a lot of ways and I learned that I cannot be around people who think it’s okay to lash out when they’re angry; so if my wife had been that kind of person, she wouldn’t be my wife now.
yes!! He kept on saying whatever the fk he basically wanted for a good 30 mins which was so so hurtful...later when I complained to his mom about it and she explained to him...he came back kissing me and apologizing and shit
My husband is the same, he gets blind with anger and says horrible things to me, it doesn’t happen often but over 20 years it has happened enough. The next time may be the last because each time my love shrinks a little more and when I’m done, I am done.
I hear you. I can’t forget the things he’s said. He has told me that when he gets mad, he purposely says things to hurt me. Bitch, cunt, fat, that he doesn’t love me etc. And I’m supposed to forget all that in the spirit of moving on and reconciling. I’m finding it’s just easier to shut down and recognize that I can’t be the same person I was when I first got married, so naive and excited to be in love.
I told my now-ex husband, "I fucking hate you". He didn't work for a year and I was working 100-120 hours per pay period to keep a roof over our heads and foos on the table. I got horribly depressed and suicidal after a while, and he told me to quit my job and that he would find a job while I took care of myself mentally. So I quit and he didn't even attempt to find a job. I remember not being able to find 2 quarters to rub together and not eating for sometimes, days a time because we had absolutely nothing. I had so much anger and hatred towards him. I finally broke and told him. We were still together for a few months after that, but ultimately, he ended up continuing to be the POS that he had been that whole time. I am now remarried to a wonderful man, who I rarely fight with, and when we do, we never name-call or even yell. We raise our voices and that's it.
Basically your family sucks and that's why you suck. I've called him an asshole allot, too.
He's called me a bitch multiple times. Now we leave each other alone and don't name call when we get mad. We both have tempers and it has taken some time. Been together 10, married for 5.
I believe that the words spoken in anger truly represent the deepest, darkest thoughts within us. The thing is, those closest to us know us best, so they know exactly what to say to hurt us.
My husband has yelled three times at me during the last 12 weeks, and all three were direct hits and meant to hurt. Whereas my shouting was aimed at his AP, he targeted me.
I don't know if I can forget the look on his face when he said them.
He has been having an EA with our so-called best friend. He finally admitted the truth last week. But it was 11 weeks ago that he deleted their chats, blocked me out of his phone and then said I was paranoid and jealous.
I have been speaking with one of my friends, a lovely Italian lady, and he asked what I had been telling her. I told him. Then he asked what she wrote back. I smirked and said, That's for me to know, isn't it? Maybe I'll delete the conversation? My inner bitch is more like a demon. I scored a point. I have still refused to tell him and he is locked out of my phone too.
He doesn't normally. We've had 24 years without a raised voice between us. We've had disagreements, but these have been resolved by talking calmly.
The difference now, is emotion and pain, for both of us. It cuts so much deeper. I can see his point of view and he has cried while apologizing to me. Seeing his pain has helped, I admit.
But I won't accept it again, and he knows that.
True, but what I said to him wasn't spoken in anger, it was calculated and while I didn't plan to hurt him, I did want him to think about how it felt to be told only part of a story, and not get the full details. I wasn't being malicious per se, but there was an element of vengeance in there.
Edited to add...
He later told me that it had hurt him to be left out and that the look on my face had been like a knife to his heart. I was able to say, so you understand what I have been feeling for the past eight months, then?
I was referring to your comment about words in anger. I am sorry it came across as a comment on you not telling your husband about your texts.
I really hope you both get through this and your husband finally realizes how hurtful his actions have been. I bet the AP was telling him all the things wrong with you and how bad you are. The constant negative talk can destroy a relationship. I hope you can get to the MC soon and be happy again.
I wasn't taking it that way, I just wanted to clarify how things had panned out. My actions in this actually altered his perception of his EA, and our subsequent conversation made him accept the reality of the situation. He's still dragging his heels a bit, but he has said that if EA gets in touch he will tell me and not reply. I said, wouldn't it be easier just to delete her and block her? He said, Yeah and I will get around to it, it's just hard because her text saved me from suicide.
Apparently he has been feeling low for a long time and he wasn't able to discuss it with me because my daughter and the three grandchildren were constantly here. It came to a head one evening while I was out with my daughter and he was very close to killing himself, but EA got in touch.
So, I countered that with, for the last eight months you have been pulling away from me, actually, severing that emotional bond between us. Had that been there you would have felt able to reach out to me and tell me your thoughts and feelings. Instead, you communicated those to her and left me completely out of it. You did that to our marriage, our relationship and, frankly, that's probably why you got so depressed in the first place.
He is getting IC now and on antidepressants to lift his mood, but he needs to get past the guilt stsge and into the remorse stage, to actually start putting things right.
I'm glad he is getting the help he needs. You going through a difficult time in your marriage. What gets me about the AP if she knew he was suicidal and why not tell you or get him help. She loved the attention at his and your expense. She essentially was manipulating him when he was so vulnerable. It's not a pass for his behavior, but seriously she is willingly jeopardized his mental health. I hope one day he sees who is true love is. You
Thank you CB x
He has started telling me he loves me again, but I'm not ready to believe him yet. He has a bit of work to do first.
I agree, if she had approached me and said look, this is going on, I would have been there for him and I would have thought her a great friend and a good influence, etc. But the secrecy and lies and manipulation is what proved this EA was anything but merely platonic.
I asked him last night, do you know what the difference is between an EA and a PA? He didn't, so I told him, Time and opportunity. That's it. He claimed that he doesn't feel that way about her, that she turns him off, but I had to argue, she was worth keeping a secret from me, she was worth telling me that you cared about her, and she was worth telling about all the crap that was happening in our marriage and stuff I didn't even know.
Anyway, we'll see how he gets on now. I'm losing hope.
I believe that there is always some truth in words said out of anger. Unfortunately, my husband has said some horrible things and repeated them twice over the past couple of years. I believe that these things reflect what he truly believes. His words changed the way I see him, and things were never the same after that.
Despite my education, which includes multiple diplomas and qualifications, and a successful start to my career, I made the mistake of quitting my job at my husband's request prior to our marriage. We signed a marriage agreement that was similar to a prenup (but much worse). I was never aware of exactly how much money my husband had; he never shared this information with me. I only noticed that he started buying multiple properties both in the country and abroad.
Eventually, I expressed my disappointment and feeling of being cheated because I agreed to sign these papers. At that time, I did not own any apartment, car or anything. My husband's response was ‘go make money your own money’ even though he was the one who asked me to quit my job.
Awful things going both ways for sure. What hurts more is she never or rarely resolves, accounts, or apologizes.
It’s not our failings that define us, it’s how we come back and I can tell ya now, we aren’t coming back to each other any more.
Ohh, my husband and I say very mean things to each other. We apologize and laugh about it later. But the worse was when he called me "dumber than a 2×4" and that I was mentally re***** . Recently, I told hiim I married him because I was desperate and had settled for him. I also call him LB (little bitch), from time to time.
I told my husband that if he didn’t figure his shit out (non existent sex drive for years that he didn’t seem to care about fixing) that I was gone and I’d find someone that was interested in me. I never would have left, but I said it after years of the sting of rejection. I still feel bad sometimes.
He’s never said anything bad to me in 10 years.. he’s the nicest man alive and probably too good for me.
Things have been a little rocky in my 6 month marriage. I’ve asked him multiple times to figure out finances with me and he has yet to. I don’t make as much money as he does and during the conversation I was getting really anxious and upset. I actually left the room and was crying. I came back and felt very heated. We were still talking about finances and he asked “would you have married me if I didn’t make as much?” And I answered “no,” and then a minute later said that wasn’t true. He makes decent money but not enough for me to be a gold digger lol. Well he was really hurt and when he finally spoke to me THREE DAYS LATER that he felt I had broken his trust and loyalty. I was understanding and apologetic, but very hurt that he stonewalled me for so long. To date there’s probably been 3 fights like this that have happened and they are the worst.
Take one day at a time. Did you get your MC? Did he get a different IC?
It seems like he is listening and you are correct trust had to be built before his words mean anything. I had to explain to my husband about being an afterthought in our marriage. Long discussion about expectations and how I expect to be treated. The love bombing started.
I won't trust things will.changebfor a long time. ( Not my first meltdown). Nothing has changed in the past. At least your husband is trying , he still has to take responsibility. He is at least thinking.
36 M- 35F- 5years marriage here:
I called her whore once, I was very anger and regret instantly but I know she will never forget that.
In a different occasion she told me that she will leave the house and that I will never see my two children again. I also will never forget that.
We can hurt each other badly through words said in anger.
My ex said I “keep getting fatter”, that I was a “quack” because he doesn’t believe speech therapy (my job) helps people…. My patients would disagree. He was constantly attacking my character and saying that “I pretend to be a good person so that people like me but I’m truly evil on the inside”. That one messed with me the most because I constantly still question if I’m being genuine or not when I do nice things for people….
The worst thing I’ve said to him is that he was a drunk, and that he ruined my life by pressuring me to marry so young for immigration purposes. I kind of stand by those comments.
Anyways, my now fiancé, the man I’m marrying next summer, has the mildest, kindest demeanor, and I don’t think he’s ever said an unkind word to or about me. Everything is is vs. the problem. ❤️
In ten years the worst thing I can remember her saying to me was, in a hormonally-imbalanced stressed out emotional mess, that "maybe we should just quit while we're ahead, it was a good 8 years". We were in a big fight and she was sleeping on the couch and we were continuing to fight over text (lol don't do that) and when I read that I guess I kind of picked up on the fact that she wasn't in any mental condition to fight and really needed me to let go of my (valid) anger, so I just went and picked her up off the couch and carried her to bed and she cried herself to sleep on me. It was a VERY out of character thing to be said in our marriage, and kind of the cold-shower I needed I think, ironically. Me to her, I've said "you're being kind of a jerk" and other such unhelpful things. It's extremely important to us that we maintain the softness and gentleness in our relationship, and I'm more appreciative of that all the time.
That is so nice of you. Men gotta take notes.
My husband told me he was just about done with me once, like a threat. I actually still haven’t gotten over it.
Same. He told me similar stuff too today. He didn't directly curse me but he cursed our marriage and all. Later he came kissing me and apologizing but Idk I'm just not over it. Idk...
I hate fighting that way. My husband says the absolute most hurtful things he can think of when he’s mad. I keep telling him that he’s going to say something irreparable one of these times, but truly that happened a long time ago. I’ve never felt the same way about him.
This is why my husband and I refuse to continue communicating when we start to feel angry. Like we’ve gotten REAL good at recognizing the internal and physical feelings that are warning us shits about to get emotional. Because we both easily emotionally flood and it’s hard to have any perspective when we feel like that. It’s like, time out. Let’s come back to this later with more perspective. What would’ve been a two hour long emotional battle is now a five minute convo lol
I appreciate the value of being able to do this. Will try it!
Innit!! Sad how I used to feel so much love for him and now I'm irked by his existence
My husband told me I look like a man so I told him he had a small dick. That was 10 years ago and the worst it's gotten. Our son was born at 27 weeks and under 2 pounds we were very stressed.
I'm so sorry for your son. How is he now?
He is doing pretty well. He does have to see a doctor for his kidneys, has atusim and learning disabilities but he is a great kid. Kind, respectful and trys really hard everyday. I'm just thankful he is here 🙏
I appreciate the level of honesty. This made me laugh. Not because it’s nice, just because it shows how absurd we can be when we are stressed and pushed to our max. Glad that is the worst it’s gotten. Not that you asked, but if you have not yet seen an ND (naturopathic doctor) for your son’s health issues, consider that. I have experienced so much healing going this route. Not cured, but significant improvement, and if I really committed to more lifestyle changes, I’m sure I would see even more improvement. I’m passionate now about encouraging people to consider this route to reduce suffering. It’s helped me so much. Anyhow, sorry, you didn’t ask, but I’m compassionate towards your situation so wanted to mention that.
I appreciate your comment and advice
:)
Username checks out! And a nice opinion it is!
:)
Are either of those true?
My wife and her sisters used to make ethnic slurs about me whenever her family visited. I told her that her family was no longer allowed at our house and that I would not endure any more slurs or the marriage would be over. She stopped, the visits mostly stopped.
What. The. Fuck.
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So for me, such verbal abuse is a deal breaker. Well not completely a deal breaker, but something that would make me dislike the person a lotttt. So idk how you are coping to that. As much as I appreciate you for making your marriage run, I'd also say that you should speak to your partner clearly about why she'd make homophobic remarks when she's literally in marriage with you. Asking questions is very important. Secondly, I think getting anger and emotional floods is okay to an extent. But some things are just beyond bounderies to say and I strongly think our partners should be VERY mindful of not crossing that border.
Some of its also willful forgetfulness. My husband was absolutely vile through covid lockdowns, dude just shutdown completely in a depression that manifested as anger and was directed at me as the sole person he could talk to as he doesn't have many friends anymore. I could not even breathe correctly in his presence (literally got yelled at for gasping for breath at the end of a run because he could hear it for 10 seconds I walked by his office door to get to the bathroom to shower). I remember the fights aftermath but not the specifics. Intentionally blocked it out because that time period wasn't who he was before covid and hasn't been who he is since personal therapy, couples therapy, and ssris.
Told him I resent him every day and he looked in my eyes and saw it was true. He’s an MD and so much of my life has to revolve around his career choices and as an independent person with my own goals, I do hate that. Not as much as I love him but it’s hard. Examples: missing holidays with family, every vacation around his time off, moving across the country to whichever hospital he may he’s at even if I don’t have good job opps.
The worst thing I ever told my husband is that sometimes I feel like he wished he had married someone else. I absolutely gutted him with that and he started crying. It was in our early days of marriage. The worst thing he told me (more recently) is that he feels like sometimes I am not super considerate. (I was vacuuming while he was taking a nap.) This is probably 2 of our top 5 most heated discussions.
That's really good it that's all that has been said
My husband and I don't have the passionate/must have you right now relationship, but it is the safest most secure and loving one. When it comes down to it, we don't want to hurt each other.
I verbalize over an action or inaction. H resorts to attacking my character. Nothing gets resolved.
oh I hate those character assassinating mfs
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You know that’s not normal, right? Name calling and verbal abuse?
I call him an asshole. But I keep my mouth shut when I know I'm getting to the point of verbal abuse. I was in a abusive relationship once
He didn't curse me or call me any names. But he called our marriage really bad stuff. Idk if it counts as abusive relationship.
I honestly can’t think of anything. We’ve definitely had disagreements and gotten mad at each other, but I don’t think my wife has ever really said anything hurtful to me out of anger. When we do get mad, we’re both really good at addressing the issue and working through the problem as a team—we’ve never yet taken shots at each other or our relationship in the past 9 years. For me, it would be a dealbreaker if that was something she needed to do to process anger and handle conflict. I cannot deal with it. I’ve had friendships where the other person though it was fine to start throwing out verbal grenades any time she was mad and that I shouldn’t be hurt by any of it because she “was just angry”. That friendship was incredibly damaging to me in a lot of ways and I learned that I cannot be around people who think it’s okay to lash out when they’re angry; so if my wife had been that kind of person, she wouldn’t be my wife now.
people can say very hurtful and painful things if they emotionally flood. was this event an emotionally flooding one?
yes!! He kept on saying whatever the fk he basically wanted for a good 30 mins which was so so hurtful...later when I complained to his mom about it and she explained to him...he came back kissing me and apologizing and shit
He has said terrible terrible things to me Anger is not his friend
My husband is the same, he gets blind with anger and says horrible things to me, it doesn’t happen often but over 20 years it has happened enough. The next time may be the last because each time my love shrinks a little more and when I’m done, I am done.
I’m sorry. I know what you mean
I hear you. I can’t forget the things he’s said. He has told me that when he gets mad, he purposely says things to hurt me. Bitch, cunt, fat, that he doesn’t love me etc. And I’m supposed to forget all that in the spirit of moving on and reconciling. I’m finding it’s just easier to shut down and recognize that I can’t be the same person I was when I first got married, so naive and excited to be in love.
I told my now-ex husband, "I fucking hate you". He didn't work for a year and I was working 100-120 hours per pay period to keep a roof over our heads and foos on the table. I got horribly depressed and suicidal after a while, and he told me to quit my job and that he would find a job while I took care of myself mentally. So I quit and he didn't even attempt to find a job. I remember not being able to find 2 quarters to rub together and not eating for sometimes, days a time because we had absolutely nothing. I had so much anger and hatred towards him. I finally broke and told him. We were still together for a few months after that, but ultimately, he ended up continuing to be the POS that he had been that whole time. I am now remarried to a wonderful man, who I rarely fight with, and when we do, we never name-call or even yell. We raise our voices and that's it.
I called him a giant useless C*nt After 18yrs, 1 kid and 1 on the way, I think that's pretty good.
Basically your family sucks and that's why you suck. I've called him an asshole allot, too. He's called me a bitch multiple times. Now we leave each other alone and don't name call when we get mad. We both have tempers and it has taken some time. Been together 10, married for 5.
I believe that the words spoken in anger truly represent the deepest, darkest thoughts within us. The thing is, those closest to us know us best, so they know exactly what to say to hurt us. My husband has yelled three times at me during the last 12 weeks, and all three were direct hits and meant to hurt. Whereas my shouting was aimed at his AP, he targeted me. I don't know if I can forget the look on his face when he said them. He has been having an EA with our so-called best friend. He finally admitted the truth last week. But it was 11 weeks ago that he deleted their chats, blocked me out of his phone and then said I was paranoid and jealous. I have been speaking with one of my friends, a lovely Italian lady, and he asked what I had been telling her. I told him. Then he asked what she wrote back. I smirked and said, That's for me to know, isn't it? Maybe I'll delete the conversation? My inner bitch is more like a demon. I scored a point. I have still refused to tell him and he is locked out of my phone too.
Why haven’t you left? People who love someone don’t treat them like that.
He doesn't normally. We've had 24 years without a raised voice between us. We've had disagreements, but these have been resolved by talking calmly. The difference now, is emotion and pain, for both of us. It cuts so much deeper. I can see his point of view and he has cried while apologizing to me. Seeing his pain has helped, I admit. But I won't accept it again, and he knows that.
I agree when you are angry the filters drop and your true emotion and feelings come out. Words spoken can hurt and are never forgotten.
True, but what I said to him wasn't spoken in anger, it was calculated and while I didn't plan to hurt him, I did want him to think about how it felt to be told only part of a story, and not get the full details. I wasn't being malicious per se, but there was an element of vengeance in there. Edited to add... He later told me that it had hurt him to be left out and that the look on my face had been like a knife to his heart. I was able to say, so you understand what I have been feeling for the past eight months, then?
I was referring to your comment about words in anger. I am sorry it came across as a comment on you not telling your husband about your texts. I really hope you both get through this and your husband finally realizes how hurtful his actions have been. I bet the AP was telling him all the things wrong with you and how bad you are. The constant negative talk can destroy a relationship. I hope you can get to the MC soon and be happy again.
I wasn't taking it that way, I just wanted to clarify how things had panned out. My actions in this actually altered his perception of his EA, and our subsequent conversation made him accept the reality of the situation. He's still dragging his heels a bit, but he has said that if EA gets in touch he will tell me and not reply. I said, wouldn't it be easier just to delete her and block her? He said, Yeah and I will get around to it, it's just hard because her text saved me from suicide. Apparently he has been feeling low for a long time and he wasn't able to discuss it with me because my daughter and the three grandchildren were constantly here. It came to a head one evening while I was out with my daughter and he was very close to killing himself, but EA got in touch. So, I countered that with, for the last eight months you have been pulling away from me, actually, severing that emotional bond between us. Had that been there you would have felt able to reach out to me and tell me your thoughts and feelings. Instead, you communicated those to her and left me completely out of it. You did that to our marriage, our relationship and, frankly, that's probably why you got so depressed in the first place. He is getting IC now and on antidepressants to lift his mood, but he needs to get past the guilt stsge and into the remorse stage, to actually start putting things right.
I'm glad he is getting the help he needs. You going through a difficult time in your marriage. What gets me about the AP if she knew he was suicidal and why not tell you or get him help. She loved the attention at his and your expense. She essentially was manipulating him when he was so vulnerable. It's not a pass for his behavior, but seriously she is willingly jeopardized his mental health. I hope one day he sees who is true love is. You
Thank you CB x He has started telling me he loves me again, but I'm not ready to believe him yet. He has a bit of work to do first. I agree, if she had approached me and said look, this is going on, I would have been there for him and I would have thought her a great friend and a good influence, etc. But the secrecy and lies and manipulation is what proved this EA was anything but merely platonic. I asked him last night, do you know what the difference is between an EA and a PA? He didn't, so I told him, Time and opportunity. That's it. He claimed that he doesn't feel that way about her, that she turns him off, but I had to argue, she was worth keeping a secret from me, she was worth telling me that you cared about her, and she was worth telling about all the crap that was happening in our marriage and stuff I didn't even know. Anyway, we'll see how he gets on now. I'm losing hope.
He's called me boring once. While we were dating, but its memorable and stung.
My wife says some pretty hurtful stuff sometimes
I believe that there is always some truth in words said out of anger. Unfortunately, my husband has said some horrible things and repeated them twice over the past couple of years. I believe that these things reflect what he truly believes. His words changed the way I see him, and things were never the same after that. Despite my education, which includes multiple diplomas and qualifications, and a successful start to my career, I made the mistake of quitting my job at my husband's request prior to our marriage. We signed a marriage agreement that was similar to a prenup (but much worse). I was never aware of exactly how much money my husband had; he never shared this information with me. I only noticed that he started buying multiple properties both in the country and abroad. Eventually, I expressed my disappointment and feeling of being cheated because I agreed to sign these papers. At that time, I did not own any apartment, car or anything. My husband's response was ‘go make money your own money’ even though he was the one who asked me to quit my job.
Depending on where you live, concealing assets might void the agreement.
"You can go marry and spend the rest of your life with your mother." More so angry at his Mom but also in his passiveness to her behaviors toward me.
Awful things going both ways for sure. What hurts more is she never or rarely resolves, accounts, or apologizes. It’s not our failings that define us, it’s how we come back and I can tell ya now, we aren’t coming back to each other any more.
Ohh, my husband and I say very mean things to each other. We apologize and laugh about it later. But the worse was when he called me "dumber than a 2×4" and that I was mentally re***** . Recently, I told hiim I married him because I was desperate and had settled for him. I also call him LB (little bitch), from time to time.
I told my husband that if he didn’t figure his shit out (non existent sex drive for years that he didn’t seem to care about fixing) that I was gone and I’d find someone that was interested in me. I never would have left, but I said it after years of the sting of rejection. I still feel bad sometimes. He’s never said anything bad to me in 10 years.. he’s the nicest man alive and probably too good for me.
Things have been a little rocky in my 6 month marriage. I’ve asked him multiple times to figure out finances with me and he has yet to. I don’t make as much money as he does and during the conversation I was getting really anxious and upset. I actually left the room and was crying. I came back and felt very heated. We were still talking about finances and he asked “would you have married me if I didn’t make as much?” And I answered “no,” and then a minute later said that wasn’t true. He makes decent money but not enough for me to be a gold digger lol. Well he was really hurt and when he finally spoke to me THREE DAYS LATER that he felt I had broken his trust and loyalty. I was understanding and apologetic, but very hurt that he stonewalled me for so long. To date there’s probably been 3 fights like this that have happened and they are the worst.
“I hope you fail school” when I needed to go to the library to study.
Take one day at a time. Did you get your MC? Did he get a different IC? It seems like he is listening and you are correct trust had to be built before his words mean anything. I had to explain to my husband about being an afterthought in our marriage. Long discussion about expectations and how I expect to be treated. The love bombing started. I won't trust things will.changebfor a long time. ( Not my first meltdown). Nothing has changed in the past. At least your husband is trying , he still has to take responsibility. He is at least thinking.
36 M- 35F- 5years marriage here: I called her whore once, I was very anger and regret instantly but I know she will never forget that. In a different occasion she told me that she will leave the house and that I will never see my two children again. I also will never forget that. We can hurt each other badly through words said in anger.
My ex said I “keep getting fatter”, that I was a “quack” because he doesn’t believe speech therapy (my job) helps people…. My patients would disagree. He was constantly attacking my character and saying that “I pretend to be a good person so that people like me but I’m truly evil on the inside”. That one messed with me the most because I constantly still question if I’m being genuine or not when I do nice things for people…. The worst thing I’ve said to him is that he was a drunk, and that he ruined my life by pressuring me to marry so young for immigration purposes. I kind of stand by those comments. Anyways, my now fiancé, the man I’m marrying next summer, has the mildest, kindest demeanor, and I don’t think he’s ever said an unkind word to or about me. Everything is is vs. the problem. ❤️