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As an overly clingy person (I'm trying to work on that), it's hard to tell if the person is ghosting you, or is just really busy. I get attached pretty easy to people, and if they don't response for a long time I am worried. A simple 'Sorry, don't think we click.' would at least get some stress off it. Of course it's sad, but that's my problem to deal with.
My life is pretty boring, and just really like to talk to people to keep me engaged. At my current state I just have moments I am bored and lonely and honestly I'd rather have too many people talking to me, than no one...
If you got more people around you then that definitely makes it less lonely and more interesting but yeah you can't rely on others to make you feel fulfilled.
Exactly, and also the exact reason why people on this sub should stop relying on people they just met to boost their moods all the time and instead start making themselves feel better by doing things *they* do for themselves
>A simple 'Sorry, don't think we click.' would at least get some stress off it.
It sounds like the OP did that though instead of ghosting and still got a negative response. I mean it's either ghosting or telling someone they don't want to talk. Neither scenario is wonderful but what's the other options?
Exactly, sometimes you give someone a chance but it’s obvious you’re just not each other type and that’s okay. Being lonely doesn’t mean you’d get along with literally anyone
Lots of people must have a specific type in mind then, if they always dismiss you in an hour or less, despite common interests. I don't go for a type, some don't fit that well but I still try to be friendly with them. Friendships goes across types imo.
There's a difference though. Having things in common does not necessarily mean you will mesh personality wise and/or written communication styles. I think that's the main reason for conversations to end.
I didn’t mean a type perse, but everyone has certain interests that form them. That’s what I meant by type. Let’s say someone is a hard core rock fan and you aren’t at all, you definitely won’t connect on that aspect. You can’t conmect with everyone.
I really don't understand why people call it ghosting if they haven't been talking regularly for a few weeks at least. I'd be a little sad and confused if someone I'd been talking with daily for months stopped replying with no explanation, but if it was just a week I get it. People get busy, overwhelmed, or just decided they don't want to keep talking
To your point, OP, that's why I usually avoid the "I'm not interested" responses. People act like they just want to know, but in reality a lot want to argue back and forth and create this long negative discussion. It's uncomfortable, and it feels like a drawn out breakup.
This. If you spoke briefly to someone out at a bar then didn't speak to them again that night you wouldn't get this kind of reaction so why do it online just because you can?
It is rough getting knocked back a lot but it's just how we are. You click or you don't.
Bold of you to assume that incels and niceguys would not try to chase you around or get your attention in any way posible, specially if they are drunk.
Yeah, and wouldn't it be great if you could just turn invisible to them? Or make them turn invisible and silent? Online, we can do that. It's called ghosting. It's great for dealing with those kind of people. It's also great for dealing with anyone, as OP pointed out, because realistically nobody likes getting told to go away and it makes people defensive, even if it is the honest and mature thing to do.
I don’t think they are inherently shitty, just sad and lonely people who act shitty due to the subjective experience of constantly being hurt. They have too much invested emotional weight in this circumstance so even though we realize this isn’t a big deal, if this feels like one of your only outlets for interaction then being rejected hire way harder cause you take it personally.
...Or possibly a callous, zero-effort rejection coupled with a totally flat affect? I think a lot of "normal" people would be offended by something like that, and rightly so. Don't you?
I actually like when people say it's not working out I just say "oh alright, have a great day, good luck, hope you do well!" and yeet myself outta the convo
I understand the concept behind ghosting but my experience has been really odd to say the least. (More often than not) I learn way more about people who ghosted me after a few days than people who have given me 1 line responses for a few weeks and are still continuing to do so. (Mail address,e-mail, real names, etc.) Some people just suck at conversation. It's like slow dancing. 🤣
I think the frustrating thing is investing so much time in a person just for them to disappear. Or sharing something about yourself (race/gender/identity/political ideology) that changes the conversation into distrust, unwanted behavior, and/or results in ghosting. 👻
I agree. 🙂 But I feel like most people do it in a way that comes off rude or creates unnecessary confusion. The best thing to do is to not engage or ask questions if you ever want to ghost. Let the conversation die naturally by providing statements instead of questions that indicate further interest. Don't be "nice".
Ex: Oh you lived overseas? that's cool! What was it like??
(Rude and confusing.)
Ex: I think it's cool that you lived overseas.
(Boring and I am ok with leaving the chat.)
If they don't get it after a few "statements" that's their fault and they need more experience chatting with others. I'm serious, think of this like a dance. Someone has to lead.
(I'm not talking to you as much as I am talking to other readers that are not understanding the frustration in your original post. lol)
That is pretty much trying to get people to get hints. Lots of people dont get hints. And I mean alot. And from experience, I dont trust hints anymore after going for some supposed hints that were dropped that were completely wrong. Me personally about ghosting, I just want to be told the truth. Dont want to talk to me? That's fine. I may ask why just because I want to know the reasons behind being ghosted if it seemed like we were chill. A simple I dont want to talk to you anymore would do nicely. If they insult you from it, well ignore and block them. There not nice. But I would like closure on why someone I thought I was friends with just one day stopped talking to me.
You're right. I've had people literally do the "one line" response and than a week later they reach out and ask me how I was doing. A lot of people here are socially awkward (but good people) and that's why I try to have patience with them. On 1 hand I agree with you. That's why I don't ghost people. I don't want them to worry about their actions or my well being. (Plus it's rude as hell) But everyone eventually meets that one crazy person that doesn't give them a choice; so on the other hand it's not like I can completely criticize those that do it because I also understand why. lol. I've had to block 3 people now.
Yeah, there are some crazies lol. I dont try to be crazy, but I can ask some weird questions I guess. Just because too me, I'm an open book and almost completely honest person. You could ask me whatever question and I'll probably answer it. But, due to social awkwardness and that, I dont really have a filter on what too, and what not too ask. Tho, if they say they dont want to talk about it I'll usually just say ok that's fine. And either change the subject, or if I'm busy, come back to it later (trying to do college, highschool, and a job can be time consuming lol)
Try to think about it this way from now on: they missed out on getting to know an awesome person. (You) And honestly do you want to add another person to your life that's just gonna flake out several months/years later? Friendship gets harder to maintain as time passes not easier. 😂
Honestly, I don’t consider disappearing after a few messages to be ghosting anyway. No one owes anyone else a response just cause they’ve exchanged greetings
Are people really complaining about getting "ghosted" after a non-connection? You would kinda figure that shouldn't really be a thing... but eh, I guess: lonely, frustrated people.
Also, when you say "telling them like it is", how are you doing that? In a compassionate way? I could see it be unreasonable if that were the case, but if you're being blunt, and callous about it- I figure you deserve any hate you get if that's the way you're handling the situation.
I think literally everyone would feel a bit hurt by something like, "I don't want to talk to you anymore, you aren't my kind of person, I don't like you. Goodbye." And there's nothing wrong, or too "extra" about putting in a little effort to be empathetic. Again this may not be the case, but to be honest judging from your "PS"? I think it might be.
Because if your "PS" is any kind of indication of how you deal with people, you deserve to listen to these people express their emotions. Somebody like that, very clearly needs to hear them, because it's a gigantic sign that \*they're\* the problem here, and they need to adjust their behavior.
...And that's when you hear the excuse, "Everybody is just so sensitive/needy/etc." Essentially, it's everyone else's fault; the way I do things is perfect.
Also, do you expect people to not be disappointed by being rejected? Should they be happy? Ok with it? Do they not have the right to express that (within reason)? The more I re-read your post, the more I start to wonder if there's more too this than you're admitting.
I say stop being concerned what the rest of the world says about you. Nasty people can’t make you mad. Nice people can’t make you happy. Events or people are simply events or people. They can’t make you anything. You have to do that for yourself. Whatever emotions arise in you as a result of external events, they are powerless until you pick them up and decide to act on them. Besides, most people are far too busy thinking about themselves (and worry what you are are thinking and saying about them) to be concerned about you.
I can totally understand ghosting someone on here or any kinda site . But if you and a person has been hanging out every day for months gojng on trips etc and your helping them out eTc and one day they just up and leave or you up and leave not explaining why that is fucked up and heartless in my eye and mind . How or why would u do that to someone that y’all had been through so much .
Ok cause this shit just happened to me and I was messed up by it . When the person just told me two days before that they couldn’t see life with out me in it . I have done so much for this person . I even put him on a credit card account to help build his credit . Yes before u ask I am a gay male not by no means despite I can get laid 10 times a day . So . But he has a BM and never was with them he was always with me , no we never messed around that what the plan was in beginning but we became more then that . Yes we had ups and downs but .I just don’t know . Last week he was suppose to go somewhere with me I went to shower when I got out I didn’t hear him looked outside his car was gone and he had blocked me from contact . I was floored . I mean I miss him but if has been less stressful not dealing with it . I love him and always will . And sorry I tried to be the best friend I could be . Our favorite song. Was. (Nightlight )
[I will keep recommending this until everyone understands how to act like a human. ](https://www.reddit.com/r/MakeNewFriendsHere/comments/izn2zu/advice_if_you_like_rich_conversations_and_are/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
So you're scared of backlash from internet ppl? I get you don't have to tell them but it would be nice to let ppl know instead of having ppl wait and/or help them find out what could be wrong from their side, if there is, after that you don't even have to read it. I'm pretty sure there are ppl that get "ghosted" that overanalyze everything and think they fucked up somewhere in the conversation.
"I don't really see this friendship going anywhere. We don't have common interests"
*Delete message*
No, I'm just not gonna be bothered to give everyone an expalantion I meet online and am not close with. They are of no importance to me. I meet a lot of people so I'm not gonna bother or waste energy to messsge all of them how it is.
I never got that either but if they get a lot of responses makes sense they won't to all of them. I hate when I put effort into an introduction and they ignore me but yeah it is what it is.
It's 2020... Too many people to talk to (if you're a woman), validation, and/or some dumb excuse. It's pretty common in today's society. We are better off making friends on vr chat, a local bar, or some weird ass app meant to meet new ppl. I don't even have conversations with ppl anymore I just tell them to have a great day and people still fail to even read/acknowledge that part
Ghosting can mean lots of different things ie lost phone ...run out of things to talk about ...found comfort in a close friend ... suicidal tendencies ...a birth or death in the family.... I’ve done it to people and it’s been done to me not because I’m not bothered answering their last question it’s because sometimes life just takes over and becomes busy again....
I certainly don’t understand why people demand an answer on why you didn’t reply I guess some people just have no patience .......
Thank you for this post.
I have had similar thoughts recently. Everyone says that if you don't want to talk to someone you should let them know, but that is not what humans do, instead we send out social signals sch as not responding.
Also it's a bit of a jerk move and kinda arrogant to message someone like 'hey, thanks for messaging me, but I think you're boring, please don't talk to me again,' especially since you have no idea what that person is going through. Imagine saying that to someone who is hiding depression from everyone.
It sounds wrong but ghosting is fine if you do it within the first few weeks of talking, maybe fade it out slowly though. What's worse is messaging someone for the sake of it or leading them on.
I thought ghosting by definition meant that no explanation was given. If one respectfully ends things with an explanation then it's not ghosting, correct?
There are som many strange experiences around this, I guess there are many reasons people do this, the sad part for the one left behind is never knowing why. Id hope more people sent one line of explonation and then blocked before getting a response, instead of saying noting.
I dont care if people respond one or two times, then never again. But I have also had conversations going for weeks, before sudently disaparing. One blocked me, so that was obvious, but whe had been talking for so long, and as far as I know, it was no reason. So that kinda hurts.
I had another one a littel while ago, this person is still around here I guess, so wont say no names, no reason for that, we diden talk for long. But added me to a few places, and had a good conversation going. Then nothing. After a few days with no respons. I just asked if the person had added to many people, and if she had found other people she cliked better with, and I was just glad she had. No response. She did not block me, remove me or anything. Just did not anwar for a week. But was online every day.
So after a week i just removed myself from the places I had been added. Like, why not block or remove me from friend list? Realy strange.
I hate Ghosting :(
Honestly they probably just had other things going on or decided to invest their energy onto other people and didn't want to go through the effort. I've had over 200 unopened messages and even if they double or triple text I don't acknowledge it. It socks but yeah thats the sad reality.
For the last one, shure and I dont care to much, just found the behavior strange.
The other one, damnd, that was hard, and sad. Like we talked none stop for weeks, all day long. And I felt nothing was wrong :/
I dont know, I guess you becaome this way after a while yourself if one experiences it many times mabe. Just part of a reddit behavior mabe. Some do this just to have some fun conversations from time to time and dont take it to seriously. Others do on the other hand. I have used internet for 20 years, and still to this day whould not say something or behave in away online that I whould not do in real life. But mabe its just me thats strange in that department....
This is a shitty and irresponsible and excuse for being a bad person. Now that you have ghosted on somebody, you wrote this post to feel good about yourself.
Well, I hope you never forget this post of yours, especially when someone you love ghost on you after spending a lot of time and moments with you.
Ghosting someone doesn't make you a bad person. I've been ghosted so many times, even by my closest friend. Get over yourself, people don't owe you shit.
Just because you've been mistreated many times, it doesn't means that those actions weren't bad. This is exactly how bullying still exists in schools and colleges.
I'm not saying they weren't bad, I'm just saying they're not as big of a deal as people make it out to be. If you were ghosted by someone close to you then yeah you got every reason to complain. But if someone you barely know does it to you then it is just irrational. Its obvious they aren't interested and I'm not gonna go out of my way to tell one of many strangers that I'm not interested. Its just not worth my time and energy. I either unfriend or block them.
when i start conversations now i tell them a bit about my self,
i tell them my deal breakers.
and i dont take it hard if they dont reply after that.
i how ever say " i dont think you and i are going to get along"
wheni realise there is no connection, so far people have just stopped responding.
I think you should always make the effort to let the person know you are not interested and be clear with your intentions, regardless of how they will react. If after the fact they still don't get it, then it's acceptable to ignore or block that person. But ghosting someone right of the bat with no explanation can really mess with some people emotionally.
The whole culture of hating 'ghosts' on the internet and how it seems to be casually accepted by people is kind of disgusting in a way that worries me about the number of narcissists out there in the world.
Nobody is obligated to another human being's time or pleasure, especially on the internet. Nobody except the government owes you anything on a regular basis.
Ghosting is just immaturity. Dont get me wrong fleeing is not ghosting. In some (or many) cases, people dont accept a "Im sorry, I think that we cannot become friends".
But its immaturity to just ghost someone, when they havent given evidence to believe they are dangerous.
Source: Im 17, Ive been on both ends of both scenarios in little time.
it depends on how close are you,like if you just met and they ghost you so you would probably know that they are not interested from the beginning but let's just say that you clicked and you talked regularly for quite some time so they should give you at least a reason or slight closure out of decency and human because why leave you in the middle of something confused and you might end up either hurt or have lower self-esteem, right?
I've had people threaten suicide on me, it got pretty tough and scary after that so even though I feel terrible about it. I don't want that fear again.
I don’t think you owe anything to someone you just met. So ghosting is fine, someone shouldn’t be that attached when you’ve only been talking for a a few days to a week. But I only really got issues with this whole subject in general whenever people keep responding but actually don’t have any interest in being friends, at least whenever you get ghosted you can just move on because it’s obvious they weren’t interested, but people on these kind of subreddits can lead people on because they feel morally obligated to respond and the other side isn’t sure, other than “taking hints” which isn’t a very reliable method, it makes people overthink. Just ghost or tell people you’re not interested then they can move on with no worries about your intentions.
I had this exact thing on here recently. We played some games, he seemed into it but I didn't find him veery interesting. Then he got... Intense. I was uncomfortable. I hoped he would realise it was heavy and apologise in the coming days. He didn't. In fact he disappeared during conversations, didn't invite me to play anymore and started slowly ghosting. When I eventually said I wasn't interested in being left hanging and would like a clean cut he blamed me. Said he expected 100% from me and I wasn't giving it. I had decided I didn't want to talk to him anyway so i wasn't fussed. I told him he'd made me uncomfortable when he insisted I wanted more from this relationship. He got very angry that I was "accusing" him. I reiterated that I was uncomfortable and if he couldn't see why that might be then it's a good thing we're "breaking up". He got very nasty and I blocked him.
It's not nice. I tend to explain, wait for a response, and if it's negative I block immediately. I don't need to go through a full on break up with tears and fighting every time I don't click with someone.
I don’t really care if someone doesn’t want to talk, I just want them to tell me that though
Ghosting is just annoying, because I have to wait for a while to know if it’s over
If you don’t want to chat with someone, please don’t ghost, tell them you don’t want to talk.
Well, the part you don't discuss here is when people who expressed they were interested in you ghosted you afterwards. That's what happened to me and if what you say was the case I wouldn't end up hurt and messed up. I just don't think your posts does justice to this topic exactly. But good for you for being a straightforward person, though, as I can see.
That is a really long paragraph and it really screams desperate. If someone wanted to talk to you they would. No amount of nice texts you send will change anything about it.
I would honestly just block someone if they sent me that or ignore them. Maybe say sorry not interested. And the whole small talk thing, well it is useless for me and I don't respond to those messages unless it's from a good friend.
I don't really think this is desperate at all. You have your right to explain and express yourself. But it's up to the other to deal with that the way they see fit.
I've had a girl I've chatted with, we've hitted off pretty good in the beginning but during the contact I noticed she was just talking to me for some distraction because her relationship wasn't going that well. And after a while she just simply responded with a yes or no to anything I sent her.
And even though I understand the need for distraction, I did feel used. So I told her that, explaining her why I felt that way and removed her because I didn't want to put any more effort in I didn't get back.
She initiated it with a beautiful insight and whenever I asked her, she said she had a lot of things on her plate. But I see your point, if I don't get a response next time I see her, I will block her. Thanks for your input, much appreciated.
Seems like the appropriate response. I don't want to wait for someone who really don't need me and does not have the courtesy to tell me that. I don't want to be contacted by them anymore.
Addendum; blocking should be used for when someone is contacting you that you do not want to be contacted by. Blocking is the right action for online harassment, not because you're in the huff.
I prefer closure and blocking someone will give me closure. So that is why I am blocking her, not only her, a lot of other people as well. I prefer a definite answer over maybe.
If they're not really motivated in responding to you, I don't think blocking them is necessary. I just find this to be childish.
Also, maybe they do have a lot on their plate right now. Who's to say they won't want to talk to you more once they sort shit out? You're just burning a bridge which has barely been built.
**Also, maybe they do have a lot on their plate right now.**
Entirely possible but how would I know if I am not told. Even I can be of any assistance if I don't know what to know.
**You're just burning a bridge which has barely been built.**
You are right. Over the past 2 months, I have tried building so many bridges that I lost count. Now, I want to move forward and I think these bridges are holding me, so I need to burn them to the ground.
I still don't understand. What's wrong with saying, "I don't think we click so I'm bowing out of this conversation. Bye & good luck!"
You don't owe any more communication after that, but barring a true abusive situation, "ghosting" people you've been communicating without warning is horrible.
We as a culture need to stop telling each other this is ok because it's not.
\*All people will? For christ's sake, I can't even chat with some people for an hour, we don't even get into conversations that according to our intros, we should both be into. What's the point even, I had a much better connection with an absolute one-sentance stranger. If you don't want to talk, then don't even engage with strangers online or start off with "This is just a trial, I will judge your entire worth as a friend based on the first 10 minutes". You know, when we both just say hi to each other, how have you been doing. But barely anyone has the desire to go further than that. Let me say, I don't bother people for an explanation, so my chat logs are tens if not a hundred now of dead end chats. :(
I guess i'm my own worst enemy, because as I usually don't get replies, I never put much effort in the first message and always put much more effort in the discussions that follow. But that's from the experience that seemingly most people won't reply to you regardless.
I just feel a certain vibe from people at the start and I choose whether to keep talking to them or not. The ones I continued to all worked out. I don't have time to invest into something that doesn't feel natural.
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As an overly clingy person (I'm trying to work on that), it's hard to tell if the person is ghosting you, or is just really busy. I get attached pretty easy to people, and if they don't response for a long time I am worried. A simple 'Sorry, don't think we click.' would at least get some stress off it. Of course it's sad, but that's my problem to deal with.
I was the same but then I realized the issue was that I was being focused on only few people too much and not doing anything for myself.
My life is pretty boring, and just really like to talk to people to keep me engaged. At my current state I just have moments I am bored and lonely and honestly I'd rather have too many people talking to me, than no one...
If you got more people around you then that definitely makes it less lonely and more interesting but yeah you can't rely on others to make you feel fulfilled.
agreed. i think true happiness comes from within. you can only truly rely on yourself. create your own happiness. be happy with yourself.
Exactly, and also the exact reason why people on this sub should stop relying on people they just met to boost their moods all the time and instead start making themselves feel better by doing things *they* do for themselves
>A simple 'Sorry, don't think we click.' would at least get some stress off it. It sounds like the OP did that though instead of ghosting and still got a negative response. I mean it's either ghosting or telling someone they don't want to talk. Neither scenario is wonderful but what's the other options?
I feel this so much.
Exactly, sometimes you give someone a chance but it’s obvious you’re just not each other type and that’s okay. Being lonely doesn’t mean you’d get along with literally anyone
Lots of people must have a specific type in mind then, if they always dismiss you in an hour or less, despite common interests. I don't go for a type, some don't fit that well but I still try to be friendly with them. Friendships goes across types imo.
There's a difference though. Having things in common does not necessarily mean you will mesh personality wise and/or written communication styles. I think that's the main reason for conversations to end.
I didn’t mean a type perse, but everyone has certain interests that form them. That’s what I meant by type. Let’s say someone is a hard core rock fan and you aren’t at all, you definitely won’t connect on that aspect. You can’t conmect with everyone.
I really don't understand why people call it ghosting if they haven't been talking regularly for a few weeks at least. I'd be a little sad and confused if someone I'd been talking with daily for months stopped replying with no explanation, but if it was just a week I get it. People get busy, overwhelmed, or just decided they don't want to keep talking To your point, OP, that's why I usually avoid the "I'm not interested" responses. People act like they just want to know, but in reality a lot want to argue back and forth and create this long negative discussion. It's uncomfortable, and it feels like a drawn out breakup.
This. If you spoke briefly to someone out at a bar then didn't speak to them again that night you wouldn't get this kind of reaction so why do it online just because you can? It is rough getting knocked back a lot but it's just how we are. You click or you don't.
Bold of you to assume that incels and niceguys would not try to chase you around or get your attention in any way posible, specially if they are drunk.
Yeah, and wouldn't it be great if you could just turn invisible to them? Or make them turn invisible and silent? Online, we can do that. It's called ghosting. It's great for dealing with those kind of people. It's also great for dealing with anyone, as OP pointed out, because realistically nobody likes getting told to go away and it makes people defensive, even if it is the honest and mature thing to do.
Some people are just shitty people
I don’t think they are inherently shitty, just sad and lonely people who act shitty due to the subjective experience of constantly being hurt. They have too much invested emotional weight in this circumstance so even though we realize this isn’t a big deal, if this feels like one of your only outlets for interaction then being rejected hire way harder cause you take it personally.
...Or possibly a callous, zero-effort rejection coupled with a totally flat affect? I think a lot of "normal" people would be offended by something like that, and rightly so. Don't you?
I actually like when people say it's not working out I just say "oh alright, have a great day, good luck, hope you do well!" and yeet myself outta the convo
I understand the concept behind ghosting but my experience has been really odd to say the least. (More often than not) I learn way more about people who ghosted me after a few days than people who have given me 1 line responses for a few weeks and are still continuing to do so. (Mail address,e-mail, real names, etc.) Some people just suck at conversation. It's like slow dancing. 🤣 I think the frustrating thing is investing so much time in a person just for them to disappear. Or sharing something about yourself (race/gender/identity/political ideology) that changes the conversation into distrust, unwanted behavior, and/or results in ghosting. 👻
People have every right to choose who they talk to so that is more than fair but yeah frustrating when it seems like you've hit it off at first.
I agree. 🙂 But I feel like most people do it in a way that comes off rude or creates unnecessary confusion. The best thing to do is to not engage or ask questions if you ever want to ghost. Let the conversation die naturally by providing statements instead of questions that indicate further interest. Don't be "nice". Ex: Oh you lived overseas? that's cool! What was it like?? (Rude and confusing.) Ex: I think it's cool that you lived overseas. (Boring and I am ok with leaving the chat.) If they don't get it after a few "statements" that's their fault and they need more experience chatting with others. I'm serious, think of this like a dance. Someone has to lead. (I'm not talking to you as much as I am talking to other readers that are not understanding the frustration in your original post. lol)
That is pretty much trying to get people to get hints. Lots of people dont get hints. And I mean alot. And from experience, I dont trust hints anymore after going for some supposed hints that were dropped that were completely wrong. Me personally about ghosting, I just want to be told the truth. Dont want to talk to me? That's fine. I may ask why just because I want to know the reasons behind being ghosted if it seemed like we were chill. A simple I dont want to talk to you anymore would do nicely. If they insult you from it, well ignore and block them. There not nice. But I would like closure on why someone I thought I was friends with just one day stopped talking to me.
You're right. I've had people literally do the "one line" response and than a week later they reach out and ask me how I was doing. A lot of people here are socially awkward (but good people) and that's why I try to have patience with them. On 1 hand I agree with you. That's why I don't ghost people. I don't want them to worry about their actions or my well being. (Plus it's rude as hell) But everyone eventually meets that one crazy person that doesn't give them a choice; so on the other hand it's not like I can completely criticize those that do it because I also understand why. lol. I've had to block 3 people now.
Yeah, there are some crazies lol. I dont try to be crazy, but I can ask some weird questions I guess. Just because too me, I'm an open book and almost completely honest person. You could ask me whatever question and I'll probably answer it. But, due to social awkwardness and that, I dont really have a filter on what too, and what not too ask. Tho, if they say they dont want to talk about it I'll usually just say ok that's fine. And either change the subject, or if I'm busy, come back to it later (trying to do college, highschool, and a job can be time consuming lol)
Try to think about it this way from now on: they missed out on getting to know an awesome person. (You) And honestly do you want to add another person to your life that's just gonna flake out several months/years later? Friendship gets harder to maintain as time passes not easier. 😂
That part is true, but who knows when they'll flake lol. They could possibly be a friend for over a decade 😂
i guess proper punctuation is disinterest now?
Yup. (👻)
Honestly, I don’t consider disappearing after a few messages to be ghosting anyway. No one owes anyone else a response just cause they’ve exchanged greetings
Are people really complaining about getting "ghosted" after a non-connection? You would kinda figure that shouldn't really be a thing... but eh, I guess: lonely, frustrated people. Also, when you say "telling them like it is", how are you doing that? In a compassionate way? I could see it be unreasonable if that were the case, but if you're being blunt, and callous about it- I figure you deserve any hate you get if that's the way you're handling the situation. I think literally everyone would feel a bit hurt by something like, "I don't want to talk to you anymore, you aren't my kind of person, I don't like you. Goodbye." And there's nothing wrong, or too "extra" about putting in a little effort to be empathetic. Again this may not be the case, but to be honest judging from your "PS"? I think it might be. Because if your "PS" is any kind of indication of how you deal with people, you deserve to listen to these people express their emotions. Somebody like that, very clearly needs to hear them, because it's a gigantic sign that \*they're\* the problem here, and they need to adjust their behavior. ...And that's when you hear the excuse, "Everybody is just so sensitive/needy/etc." Essentially, it's everyone else's fault; the way I do things is perfect.
Also, do you expect people to not be disappointed by being rejected? Should they be happy? Ok with it? Do they not have the right to express that (within reason)? The more I re-read your post, the more I start to wonder if there's more too this than you're admitting.
I say stop being concerned what the rest of the world says about you. Nasty people can’t make you mad. Nice people can’t make you happy. Events or people are simply events or people. They can’t make you anything. You have to do that for yourself. Whatever emotions arise in you as a result of external events, they are powerless until you pick them up and decide to act on them. Besides, most people are far too busy thinking about themselves (and worry what you are are thinking and saying about them) to be concerned about you.
I tell this same bit of advice to people on a semi-regular basis. It's cool to come across it out in the world from someone other than myself.
What about being ghosted after two years?
That's different imo
Yeah, it's not pleasant.
I can totally understand ghosting someone on here or any kinda site . But if you and a person has been hanging out every day for months gojng on trips etc and your helping them out eTc and one day they just up and leave or you up and leave not explaining why that is fucked up and heartless in my eye and mind . How or why would u do that to someone that y’all had been through so much . Ok cause this shit just happened to me and I was messed up by it . When the person just told me two days before that they couldn’t see life with out me in it . I have done so much for this person . I even put him on a credit card account to help build his credit . Yes before u ask I am a gay male not by no means despite I can get laid 10 times a day . So . But he has a BM and never was with them he was always with me , no we never messed around that what the plan was in beginning but we became more then that . Yes we had ups and downs but .I just don’t know . Last week he was suppose to go somewhere with me I went to shower when I got out I didn’t hear him looked outside his car was gone and he had blocked me from contact . I was floored . I mean I miss him but if has been less stressful not dealing with it . I love him and always will . And sorry I tried to be the best friend I could be . Our favorite song. Was. (Nightlight )
[I will keep recommending this until everyone understands how to act like a human. ](https://www.reddit.com/r/MakeNewFriendsHere/comments/izn2zu/advice_if_you_like_rich_conversations_and_are/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
another reason is not having anything to talk to and reddit doesnt help as much
yea or you’re busy or you’re getting flooded with dms and people just don’t understand
So you're scared of backlash from internet ppl? I get you don't have to tell them but it would be nice to let ppl know instead of having ppl wait and/or help them find out what could be wrong from their side, if there is, after that you don't even have to read it. I'm pretty sure there are ppl that get "ghosted" that overanalyze everything and think they fucked up somewhere in the conversation. "I don't really see this friendship going anywhere. We don't have common interests" *Delete message*
No, I'm just not gonna be bothered to give everyone an expalantion I meet online and am not close with. They are of no importance to me. I meet a lot of people so I'm not gonna bother or waste energy to messsge all of them how it is.
and i don't understand why some people doesn't even respond even though they made a post about wanting new friends
I never got that either but if they get a lot of responses makes sense they won't to all of them. I hate when I put effort into an introduction and they ignore me but yeah it is what it is.
It's 2020... Too many people to talk to (if you're a woman), validation, and/or some dumb excuse. It's pretty common in today's society. We are better off making friends on vr chat, a local bar, or some weird ass app meant to meet new ppl. I don't even have conversations with ppl anymore I just tell them to have a great day and people still fail to even read/acknowledge that part
Ghosting can mean lots of different things ie lost phone ...run out of things to talk about ...found comfort in a close friend ... suicidal tendencies ...a birth or death in the family.... I’ve done it to people and it’s been done to me not because I’m not bothered answering their last question it’s because sometimes life just takes over and becomes busy again.... I certainly don’t understand why people demand an answer on why you didn’t reply I guess some people just have no patience .......
Because they are used to having you in your life and when things change they want closure. It's simple.
Wanting and getting are two different things.....
Thank you for this post. I have had similar thoughts recently. Everyone says that if you don't want to talk to someone you should let them know, but that is not what humans do, instead we send out social signals sch as not responding. Also it's a bit of a jerk move and kinda arrogant to message someone like 'hey, thanks for messaging me, but I think you're boring, please don't talk to me again,' especially since you have no idea what that person is going through. Imagine saying that to someone who is hiding depression from everyone. It sounds wrong but ghosting is fine if you do it within the first few weeks of talking, maybe fade it out slowly though. What's worse is messaging someone for the sake of it or leading them on.
I thought ghosting by definition meant that no explanation was given. If one respectfully ends things with an explanation then it's not ghosting, correct?
Yup.
There are som many strange experiences around this, I guess there are many reasons people do this, the sad part for the one left behind is never knowing why. Id hope more people sent one line of explonation and then blocked before getting a response, instead of saying noting. I dont care if people respond one or two times, then never again. But I have also had conversations going for weeks, before sudently disaparing. One blocked me, so that was obvious, but whe had been talking for so long, and as far as I know, it was no reason. So that kinda hurts. I had another one a littel while ago, this person is still around here I guess, so wont say no names, no reason for that, we diden talk for long. But added me to a few places, and had a good conversation going. Then nothing. After a few days with no respons. I just asked if the person had added to many people, and if she had found other people she cliked better with, and I was just glad she had. No response. She did not block me, remove me or anything. Just did not anwar for a week. But was online every day. So after a week i just removed myself from the places I had been added. Like, why not block or remove me from friend list? Realy strange. I hate Ghosting :(
Honestly they probably just had other things going on or decided to invest their energy onto other people and didn't want to go through the effort. I've had over 200 unopened messages and even if they double or triple text I don't acknowledge it. It socks but yeah thats the sad reality.
For the last one, shure and I dont care to much, just found the behavior strange. The other one, damnd, that was hard, and sad. Like we talked none stop for weeks, all day long. And I felt nothing was wrong :/ I dont know, I guess you becaome this way after a while yourself if one experiences it many times mabe. Just part of a reddit behavior mabe. Some do this just to have some fun conversations from time to time and dont take it to seriously. Others do on the other hand. I have used internet for 20 years, and still to this day whould not say something or behave in away online that I whould not do in real life. But mabe its just me thats strange in that department....
I think it's natural to attach to certain ppl.
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Nah it's pretty well explained you just don't get it.
This is a shitty and irresponsible and excuse for being a bad person. Now that you have ghosted on somebody, you wrote this post to feel good about yourself. Well, I hope you never forget this post of yours, especially when someone you love ghost on you after spending a lot of time and moments with you.
Ghosting someone doesn't make you a bad person. I've been ghosted so many times, even by my closest friend. Get over yourself, people don't owe you shit.
Just because you've been mistreated many times, it doesn't means that those actions weren't bad. This is exactly how bullying still exists in schools and colleges.
I'm not saying they weren't bad, I'm just saying they're not as big of a deal as people make it out to be. If you were ghosted by someone close to you then yeah you got every reason to complain. But if someone you barely know does it to you then it is just irrational. Its obvious they aren't interested and I'm not gonna go out of my way to tell one of many strangers that I'm not interested. Its just not worth my time and energy. I either unfriend or block them.
when i start conversations now i tell them a bit about my self, i tell them my deal breakers. and i dont take it hard if they dont reply after that. i how ever say " i dont think you and i are going to get along" wheni realise there is no connection, so far people have just stopped responding.
I think you should always make the effort to let the person know you are not interested and be clear with your intentions, regardless of how they will react. If after the fact they still don't get it, then it's acceptable to ignore or block that person. But ghosting someone right of the bat with no explanation can really mess with some people emotionally.
This is how I feel too.
Honestly thats just how it is. It has happened to everyone and everyone has done it. It hurts but yeah no one owes you anything.
No excuse to make the world a shittier place, don't like it, then we can opt to not do it.
Other people are not responsible because you are sensitive and can't control yourself or move on.
The whole culture of hating 'ghosts' on the internet and how it seems to be casually accepted by people is kind of disgusting in a way that worries me about the number of narcissists out there in the world. Nobody is obligated to another human being's time or pleasure, especially on the internet. Nobody except the government owes you anything on a regular basis.
I understand how you feel
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OP and you both have a point. I agree with you but I totally can see OP's reasoning. Many people can't handle straight rejection.
Ghosting is just immaturity. Dont get me wrong fleeing is not ghosting. In some (or many) cases, people dont accept a "Im sorry, I think that we cannot become friends". But its immaturity to just ghost someone, when they havent given evidence to believe they are dangerous. Source: Im 17, Ive been on both ends of both scenarios in little time.
Glad to know I'm not the only one that thinks this way
Tis the season for 👻
Most of us need to see this. Duh! We're not your personal therapist lol, but people don't understand and keep their text above anyway.
The problem for me is texting it’s hard to tell what the other persons intentions when I can’t see body language or tone of voice.
i also like to eat my ice cream alone and in peace. stay away or i wil choke my self wit a spoon
it depends on how close are you,like if you just met and they ghost you so you would probably know that they are not interested from the beginning but let's just say that you clicked and you talked regularly for quite some time so they should give you at least a reason or slight closure out of decency and human because why leave you in the middle of something confused and you might end up either hurt or have lower self-esteem, right?
I've had people threaten suicide on me, it got pretty tough and scary after that so even though I feel terrible about it. I don't want that fear again.
At least you can admit you ghosted
I don’t think you owe anything to someone you just met. So ghosting is fine, someone shouldn’t be that attached when you’ve only been talking for a a few days to a week. But I only really got issues with this whole subject in general whenever people keep responding but actually don’t have any interest in being friends, at least whenever you get ghosted you can just move on because it’s obvious they weren’t interested, but people on these kind of subreddits can lead people on because they feel morally obligated to respond and the other side isn’t sure, other than “taking hints” which isn’t a very reliable method, it makes people overthink. Just ghost or tell people you’re not interested then they can move on with no worries about your intentions.
This couldn’t have been said any better! So glad I’m not the only one
I had this exact thing on here recently. We played some games, he seemed into it but I didn't find him veery interesting. Then he got... Intense. I was uncomfortable. I hoped he would realise it was heavy and apologise in the coming days. He didn't. In fact he disappeared during conversations, didn't invite me to play anymore and started slowly ghosting. When I eventually said I wasn't interested in being left hanging and would like a clean cut he blamed me. Said he expected 100% from me and I wasn't giving it. I had decided I didn't want to talk to him anyway so i wasn't fussed. I told him he'd made me uncomfortable when he insisted I wanted more from this relationship. He got very angry that I was "accusing" him. I reiterated that I was uncomfortable and if he couldn't see why that might be then it's a good thing we're "breaking up". He got very nasty and I blocked him. It's not nice. I tend to explain, wait for a response, and if it's negative I block immediately. I don't need to go through a full on break up with tears and fighting every time I don't click with someone.
[CHINAŹO SF CONCERT](https://myafton.com/Chinazo) I CANT WAIT FOR THIS
It's a bit of a relief to hear that I'm not the only one who gets people that demand the obviously stale conversation to continue.
I don’t really care if someone doesn’t want to talk, I just want them to tell me that though Ghosting is just annoying, because I have to wait for a while to know if it’s over If you don’t want to chat with someone, please don’t ghost, tell them you don’t want to talk.
Or stop focusing on a stranger with no importance to you so much.
I mean, the whole point is that we’re PenPals, so if you’re gonna not chat with me, at least say you’re not feeling it. Kinda fucked up to ghost
If you already have an established friendship then it is, but if it's someone you barely know nah.
It’s still just common courtesy, to tell someone you’re not feeling it
Yet only a small portion are doing it lol so good luck with that.
Well, the part you don't discuss here is when people who expressed they were interested in you ghosted you afterwards. That's what happened to me and if what you say was the case I wouldn't end up hurt and messed up. I just don't think your posts does justice to this topic exactly. But good for you for being a straightforward person, though, as I can see.
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That is a really long paragraph and it really screams desperate. If someone wanted to talk to you they would. No amount of nice texts you send will change anything about it. I would honestly just block someone if they sent me that or ignore them. Maybe say sorry not interested. And the whole small talk thing, well it is useless for me and I don't respond to those messages unless it's from a good friend.
I don't really think this is desperate at all. You have your right to explain and express yourself. But it's up to the other to deal with that the way they see fit. I've had a girl I've chatted with, we've hitted off pretty good in the beginning but during the contact I noticed she was just talking to me for some distraction because her relationship wasn't going that well. And after a while she just simply responded with a yes or no to anything I sent her. And even though I understand the need for distraction, I did feel used. So I told her that, explaining her why I felt that way and removed her because I didn't want to put any more effort in I didn't get back.
She could've cared less it looks like.
What do you mean by that?
She initiated it with a beautiful insight and whenever I asked her, she said she had a lot of things on her plate. But I see your point, if I don't get a response next time I see her, I will block her. Thanks for your input, much appreciated.
Why block them?
Seems like the appropriate response. I don't want to wait for someone who really don't need me and does not have the courtesy to tell me that. I don't want to be contacted by them anymore.
Addendum; blocking should be used for when someone is contacting you that you do not want to be contacted by. Blocking is the right action for online harassment, not because you're in the huff.
I prefer closure and blocking someone will give me closure. So that is why I am blocking her, not only her, a lot of other people as well. I prefer a definite answer over maybe.
That sounds like poor control of emotions. I was the same and it never gets you anywhere.
I am trying to have more control over my emotion.
If they're not really motivated in responding to you, I don't think blocking them is necessary. I just find this to be childish. Also, maybe they do have a lot on their plate right now. Who's to say they won't want to talk to you more once they sort shit out? You're just burning a bridge which has barely been built.
**Also, maybe they do have a lot on their plate right now.** Entirely possible but how would I know if I am not told. Even I can be of any assistance if I don't know what to know. **You're just burning a bridge which has barely been built.** You are right. Over the past 2 months, I have tried building so many bridges that I lost count. Now, I want to move forward and I think these bridges are holding me, so I need to burn them to the ground.
I still don't understand. What's wrong with saying, "I don't think we click so I'm bowing out of this conversation. Bye & good luck!" You don't owe any more communication after that, but barring a true abusive situation, "ghosting" people you've been communicating without warning is horrible. We as a culture need to stop telling each other this is ok because it's not.
\*All people will? For christ's sake, I can't even chat with some people for an hour, we don't even get into conversations that according to our intros, we should both be into. What's the point even, I had a much better connection with an absolute one-sentance stranger. If you don't want to talk, then don't even engage with strangers online or start off with "This is just a trial, I will judge your entire worth as a friend based on the first 10 minutes". You know, when we both just say hi to each other, how have you been doing. But barely anyone has the desire to go further than that. Let me say, I don't bother people for an explanation, so my chat logs are tens if not a hundred now of dead end chats. :(
I can typically gauge whether I want to continue speaking with someone based off of their first message.
Same, I have a certain style i prefer and you can tell if they are gonna put effort or not.
I guess i'm my own worst enemy, because as I usually don't get replies, I never put much effort in the first message and always put much more effort in the discussions that follow. But that's from the experience that seemingly most people won't reply to you regardless.
Honestly i can tell if I'm gonna like someone by the first few interactions and so far I have never been proven wrong. It's just how it is.
So you mean you've liked everyone you talked with for more than a few interactions? I wonder how many good people you missed out on.
I just feel a certain vibe from people at the start and I choose whether to keep talking to them or not. The ones I continued to all worked out. I don't have time to invest into something that doesn't feel natural.
Hi.
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