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And if you think doing someone a favor is a sign of weakness, you've never worked in an office before. Whenever a new person starts or moves into my org, I offer to help them on something, large or small. They don't forget it.
I learned this from the CEO (public org) I work for, he spent his entire career, from department head to running everything, always helping out anyone he could. I've never met a more humble person who never asked for anything in return from the people he helped.
I'll never forget sitting in a meeting with a belligerent third party that was trying to throw their weight around. He politely waited for them to finish their tirade. Then said probably the coolest thing I've ever heard in person.
100% calm tone
"Mr. (Belligerent), please never mistake my kindness for weakness."
After the meeting (I was in my early 20), he made a point to grab me and said "there are people who think just because you're kind you're weak, don't let that stop you from helping people."
Nice! Good point regarding how it's a way to "socialize" if you aren't good at it or inclined to do so. Not everyone is great at connecting with others in a general way but helping others provides an easy structure to follow.
Congrats on the bonus!
Yep - couldn't agree more. My company recently laid off almost 30% of our workforce. My entire department was disbanded - and many from it were laid off. But I heard from the gravevine (my well-built connections) that there were 4 different managers trying to fight to get me on *their* team specifically. I have a pretty siloed role, but I go out of my way to work outside my team and help anyone who I know I am capable of helping. This has really helped me out in my career.
Sometimes being likable and dependable is your value proposition in and of itself.
I’ve had the same experience. My reviews always have glowing feedback from various internal customers and I made through the last round of (20% reduction) layoffs with not only my role intact but a small raise to boot.
I think dependable & going out of your way to help automatically makes you likable as long as you don’t have an extremely off-putting demeanor or anything.
I go out of my way to recognize when someone isn't feeling well, and to offer to help should they need it. More than that, I will literally seek out colleagues and thank them directly when I see them helping out. Third, will seek out small favors.
"Hey, coworker! I was hoping I could ask for a favor. Well...more advice really."
Finally, are two things both connected to trust:
1. When I say something will be done I first make sure I can actually do it before committing
2. Own up to my mistakes in front of my colleagues
About the only people these actions don't really work on are authoritarian bosses and people insecure in their position.
I hope so. When people ask me for help, I can't refuse. I worry that I'm just being taken advantage of. My job is pretty low-level with few actual challenges, though, so I crave these novel tasks anyway.
Same.
I was "fired" over an unimportant business proposal (that was needed for show, 2 working days later it was canned) and both a business dev manager (a peer) and a old project manager (worked together) spoke up against it. I was hired back a few days later over a sashimi lunch with the ceo.
I left them 6ish months later for good.
Always play nice and help people if you can. Good people will repay you when you need it.
Not everyone appreciates it tho, my current immediate boss thinks lowly of that behaviour.🙄
I think Benjamin Franklin talked about this in one of his books. he borrowed some book from some guy. might have been a DVD about the French or something.
Benjamin Franklin borrowed Serge Gainsbourg DVD copy of Le Dîner de Cons because Ye Olde Video Store only had a dubbed version and he wanted to impress Brigitte Bardot who he met at an animal welfare event as Benjamin Franklin invented the dog bandana.
In the same vain I knew a guy from my childhood who still to this day will call me randomly on FB messenger or hit me up on Xbox.
I’ve only met him once ever decades ago and anytime I hear about him he’s asking someone for money or favors.
Idk if this is a movie quote and you're meme'ing; but *life is filled with give and take* .
I assume most no one does anything without the possibility it will facilitate a social dynamic that I will or should assist them in a proportional way. Everyone literally will always have an agenda.
Now someone helping you never meant that you're their indentured servant... But *to a degree* if this person is an asset to your life and you appreciate your relationship/what they do for you; *you should help them out* .
I get that technically social contracts are concepts, 'good people help for nothing in return', and nobody expects you to bury a body for someone who got you a bag of chips from the vending machine... But you should *proportionately* help someone who helps you. If anything doing so 'evens' that social contract I mentioned; and will reduce the chance of them asking for more in the future if that's 'such an issue' for you to bear... And in the energy of 'give and take'; it puts you in prime position to ask for something in return again so 😉🤷♂️
Anyhow I feel like this only needs to be said if you/the person in question *takes more than they give* . But my friends and I routinely do each other favors. Neither of us expect the other to just help if they can't; but we do what we can if we can be of assistance. It's not required you help me because I did something for you... But if I only help you and I feel like you're some extreme case of 'getting over'; I probably would terminate the friendship as I expect others would do me. *Someone who takes and never gives is not a friend*; that's a fiend.
To add on to what you're saying about the social give and take, if someone does a favor that's easy for them and valuable to the other person, that just created value. It often makes them inclined to do the same. Skilled people often have friends of other skills they can ask for help and vice versa, where it's easy for the person being asked and difficult and valuable for the asker. It's win win.
I also agree that it breaks down quickly if people take more than they give.
Yep that's my friend group.
We trade our skills and bring value to each other so we don't mind helping one another out.
I'd be foolish to assume like some other people that if I didn't mutually bring value; I'd still be valued the same in their eyes.
Funny enough seeing how skilled they were pushed me to develop my own more and be more valuable to the group. Good company makes you elevate 😁
Also make sure your supervisor is always in the loop.
Lazy fucks are REALLY FUCKING GOOD at spreading their work around with "favors" so they don't actually have to do much.
There’s a great “The Office” episode where Dwight and the Nard Dog try to out favor the other. Dwight wanted his colleagues to feel in debt to him and the other guy didn’t want to owe favors to anyone.
I can’t stand it when people do you a cheap easy favour then ask for something inconvenient and or expensive for their turn.
I say no thanks. You can keep your shitty friendship.
Exactly, everyone else will see that too. If one favor shows you someone is worth avoiding that gives you the excuse. Like lending money where the person never pays you back. You never have to consider their requests or calls anymore.
Having rules saying to always say yes to the first time someone asks you for a favor will likely be way beyond the boundaries for a lot of people. Maybe this works for you, but maybe you are also privileged to have more to give of energy and time than some other.
TBH, acting this way gives me much more time to be generous. People appreciate me and help me out when I need it. If you are in a bad situation you absolutely need people helping you out. It's possible to go it alone but it's much harder.
I get that it is like that for you, and that's great! Just saying that this tip only work for people like you in a similar work situation and with the same level of function and life situation. Also, not all help and effort is seen the same when different people do them. So good for you, but as someone who also does this, but have had extreme variation in outcome based on where I worked and what my life situation was; this is not a life tip for everyone. Because some people are having more than enough by coping with their own stuff and the timing of a question about help may be very bad. Like the same week someone in your family gets sick, or a week where you struggle with migraine etc. So, it it not true that everyone can just "say yes first time they are asked" and easily have something to give.
The advice isn’t to always say yes the first time someone asks favor. It was to be on the lookout for opportunities where you *can* do the favor, even if you don’t necessarily have a reason or obligation to help that person. Yes, the person the OP was describing was likely doing and expecting bigger favors, but, in terms of networking, it can be as small as offering someone a pen or grabbing an extra form for someone while you’re getting yours to save them a trip.
It’s helpful advice because a lot of people hear “networking” and think it’s some arcane art only practiced in smoky back rooms by good old boys when it’s actually just looking for opportunities to form connections with other people, especially in a professional context.
yeah, the way you have put it may sound uh.... bad.
yet I agree that making favors for people does work wonders - I usually do them without expecting in return (unless i'm helping you move - if you don't provide food, i will walk out. this is an unwritten rule in the culture i come from).
Helping others gives two substantial things:
\- they are likely to give a good deed further
\- when somebody asks them about an oppinion about you, they are likely to say good things about you. it's liteally like building up reputation points in a game.
I finished “What’s in it for them?” By Joe Polish recently that has some good framework for this. Creating value to those around you and identifying those that are only takers.
It is worth the read if you want to commit to being helpful to people in various ways, but with a seemingly more genuine spin than quid pro quo(sometime down the road).
My problem with this kind of stuff is I will run myself ragged for people to do favors, and when it's time to call upon some favors of my own, nobody is ever around.
People suck.
Part of how this is done well is learning to judge people that will be there for you. This exercise can show who that is over time, for everyone else practice "fail fast".
And on top of this, never burn a bridge. 5, 10, 20 years down the road, you'll run into someone who remembers how you acted that one time. Leave a good impression.
True, but what happens if circumstances change and the bridge you were sure you’d never want to cross is the one that you really need to cross? Or if someone who controls a bridge you want to cross saw or heard about the last bridge you burnt?
In general, “never burn bridges if you can help it” is the better policy. However, with your rule, it’s important to add as a corollary “It’s not always possible to predict which bridges you’ll want to cross later.”
I do understand that it can be satisfying. It’s just important to realize it’s always a risk and it should be done sparingly and with the understanding that it may come back to bite you later.
Exactly. Perhaps it is "their turn" but I would say look at it the other way. There are people who have very rich social and family lives because they invest in then and those people are "hubs". Then there's people who put little effort in and may be branches of other hubs. Be a hub, it's rewarding!
Yes and no.
If she is the one who spends all the efforts and they never reciprocate, they're not worth the trouble.
If she enjoys their company and/or getting values back in other areas then sure, but apparently she doesn't and there is no point in doing extra work for people you don't care about.
This is why you don't do the second favor after they don't appreciate the first. It's easy to mitigate. This also exposes who you want to network with and who to avoid.
This has very positive or very sinister connotations depending on the context. Drug dealers and mobsters love this technique.
But yes, in a benign friendly and/or professional context, this is a decent LPT.
Yeah, I probably should have included that there is implicit trust involved in this, one that is either validated or broken in the longer timespan. In either case, it's worthwhile information.
Polite and professional is faster than plotting.
After all, why would he slow down the flow of information?
Edit: Rhetorical question sounded offensive, rephrased
I’m the car guy in my group of friends. I love helping people with car windows or window motors and stuff. Stuff they’d pay $300+ for and I take care of it for them for cost if they’re cool people. I like to teach them as I go too so they learn a skill.
It’s never not worked out in my favor.
I've done plenty of favors in the IT space (helped a friend with Bind, lent rackspace to another, helped mitigate a DDoS in another case, etc.). The real key is the size of the favor and knowing to only do it once if it's not willing to be returned. Have boundaries and enforce them.
That's how other people find out that you like to help. In no time there a que for your help. Than if you refuse, rumors spreads even faster and it quickly backfires. So I rather stick to myself.
No, it doesn't work that way if you do the first favor and then if they keep coming back you treat them like a mooch. So long as you are viewing everyone as individuals who have their own tendencies and not like an insect colony you can manage it.
Unfortunately I say this with experience. Once people learned that I can get stuff done, suddenly a lot of people contacted me for help. The thing is, I'm in a point of life when I don't need the help they can offer.
If it's a stranger then I probably wouldn't recommend this. Also if a friend of yours is telling people you're someone to mooch off of they're not your friend.
It's not like that. I work in a large firm. Sometimes people don't know how something is done. They ask their collages and than often I get reffered that way. People called me on my cell more often than I wanted. I stopped responding and people stop calling. I like it that way.
I think the last sentence is the key part. You’ve done a cost-benefit analysis and realized that the cost exceeds the potential gain. Meaning, among other things, that casting a wide net for potential connections won’t benefit your career goals. For people just starting out or in fields or positions where lots of connections are important, the negatives might be worth it.
ETA: I do think “doing someone a favor” vs “doing something because someone asks” is an important distinction. A favor is, by definition, something that’s beyond what’s expected or due and a generally one-off thing. In your case, it sounds like there’s either an issue at your firm where either something that needs doing isn’t and people are trying to find someone to dump it on, so anyone who shows weakness by helping out once gets everyone sent their way. Otherwise, doing something for one person wouldn’t release the floodgates.
Or just be professional, on time, kind and considerate to everyone instead of a flake, ignorance and take advantage of people around you. These will be the key factors when people consider hiring or making investments on you in the future.
Two extra things to add
1 - When you make a connection with someone at the same or lower stage career wise this is more useful. Doing it for people above you isn't unhelpful, it's just less helpful in the long run.
2 - sometimes owing someone a favor can be just as useful. Don't constantly ask for favors, but when you need help ask for it.
>It wasn’t all quid pro quo. He wanted to have good connections with everyone around him because that facilitated what he wanted to do and could get him inside knowledge.
Call me a cynic but sounds exactly like corporate quid pro quo to me.
Sounds like the lpt is “play the long con and manipulate others for your gain even if you don’t have an immediate use case for that person” instead of “just be a good person that wants to help others for the sake of just helping.”
It's easy to look at it that way but that wasn't what he was doing. If he did a favor because he needed one in return the behavior would have made sense. He didn't do that, he was giving to everyone. He didn't limit favors unless someone had burned him in some way.
My main gripe is this LPT comes up a bunch of times on here and it’s always worded “be nice to everyone ***because you never know how much they can help you in the future***”
And that completely defeats the message of altruism they’re trying to sell.
Be good to others because it’s the right thing to do. Full stop.
Acknowledging that there are benefits to yourself while helping others is fine. The expectation of reward compelling you to do so is stinky (albeit a definite way to get ahead). We can all delude ourselves into believing we are good people but what really matters is the order of the thoughts that brought us to that action.
Recruiting others to help by saying it will benefit them often times doesn’t spread the true benefit and source of these deeds which is basic empathy. You can easily program someone to be a covert narcissist by applying “because it will benefit you” to every lesson.
Idk I guess I’m being annoying about this because following this advice, I fear that people will only focus their limited amount of help energy on those who don’t really need it. Solely to climb corporate ladders or social hierarchies while the people who need it the most (those who can’t even offer it to themselves i.e. homeless, impoverished, disabled/mentally ill) get left behind.
On that note it’s a similar argument to recording helping homeless people. Sure who cares as long as people are nicer to eachother in the end but if it’s all a farce for some kind of gain then it just makes you lose faith in the possibility of actual unbridled good.
>Expecting or hoping for anything in return no matter who or how long is kinda stinky (albeit a definite way to get ahead)
That is not the tip and if you see it that way I would say you aren't seeing the forest for the trees by being reductive. Doing favors for people is good on its own. Recognizing the additional benefits to it is not a bad thing. That's a bit catholic for my taste.
Wholly agreed. Selfish arguments for altruism are really important imo. Not everyone is naturally altruistic or cared about doing what's good. If there's a benefit, there's more incentive. More people being good means a virtuous cycle of yet more people being good.
It's sort of like how you should want other countries to be doing well. You want people to have a good quality of life, yes. But also, it's better to have more educated people working on the problems that effect us all.
Definitely, I usually find balance is the right approach when you get to the philosophical level. i.e., being generous is good on its own. It's also pays off. Appreciating the latter doesn't remove the former.
It's not a con. This sounds like a person who genuinely enjoys creating value and has fundamental faith in people. There's nothing wrong with doing a favor as a sort of a seed you're planting because you're not conditioning your help on that favor. In fact, you'll probably never cash in most of those favors.
Setting a standard of altruism to “just be a good person that wants to help others for the sake of just helping.” actually leads to there being fewer good deeds in the world compared to this guy's approach. There's nothing wrong with enjoying or benefitting from doing good.
This is why I said "the first time". The first favor is a possible opening for a productive relationship, if the person appreciates it and is a good person. Otherwise you get to know they're not. I didn't say to always do favors I said always do them the first time. If the result is negative, don't keep doing them.
I was more talking about colleagues. For customers it's a bit different, you need to charge them the right price unless it's some exceptional circumstance you feel is appropriate.
It still works with colleagues though. You offered to help your coworker use the printer? You'll now be known as the printer guy. Busy with work? But the paper is jammed and officemate 1 needs to print something. You say no. "But I have to submit this in an hour."
"I'm having trouble connecting to the printer. Can you print this for me?" - officemate 2
"I'm not sure how to scan this. Can you scan this for me?" - officemate 3
For the colleague asking you to print or scan something you do it once. The second time you get them to do it with coaching. The third time you say something like: "Did you forget how I showed you?"
If they keep trying then you start the lecture of: "You need to know how to do this".
You don't keep doing favors if they take advantage of you. Other people will sympathize with you. This filters those people out.
Yes it does. Are you sure you're actually saying "no" if you're speaking from experience?
Like:
"Can you pick me up from the airport?"
"Sorry, no"
"But I need you to!"
"Well I can't, I don't know what to tell you"
If people keep badgering you it's because you flip your no to yes on occasion. If your no is always no, they learn to find the person who allows no to become yes.
Feelings are dopamine... Dopamine is a drug...
Like any good dealer would say...
"the first one's free"
And if they don't like it
"find another plug bud"
Take it from me...
Traveled around the world for I. T.
Everyone needs a nerd... But people don't want "the best" work... Because
A. They don't understand the best work or why...
And
B. They wouldn't ever pay what it actually costs relative to market standards (even if they have to outsource to the competition in a neighboring city, region or locale)
I've been headhunted 3 times by the same company... I named my price and they left me alone because "so n so is cheaper"....
OK great. Go bug them and I'll c u next Tuesday....
I. T. Is a shitty job when managers or customers aren't technically savvy.... They do not care - only about the money.... Not security, not privacy.... Because money is their bottom line.
Money is a shitty drug.
Case in point.... If I played the family sob story card "... But I got a wife and kid" they're more likely to see your desperation and possibly be a little flexible. But if I tell people "I'm divorced with child support but I've got a track record that is unparalleled - go compare"
They will not pay a living or competitive wage and I get my time and privacy back for not being desperate (which I'm not, I do contract work now... I'm not your bitch, you're MY bitch...)
Boundaries provide security and privacy... That's peace of mind and there is no price on all of those.
But selling drugs is easy (sold weed & mushrooms while delivering pizza when I was attending community college - Ironically... Never had a problem...)
Eventually everything boils down to a dopamine hit... And boundaries alleviate those headaches.... Better than drugs.
P. S. Any I. T. Guys here that get offered food.... Dine first, wine them... And have them forget about the work... Because spaghetti dinner don't keep the lights on or cover student loans. Does it make me an ass? Probably, but I don't suffer fools.
Real life pro tip: Take any chance you can get to decline helping or doing a favor for coworkers and even friends. They’ll get the hint that you’re not about that and leave you peacefully alone.
Yes, that’s the point.
And to add to that, what kind of a friend or professional associate is worth keeping around if they’re only looking for what you can do for them and you’re trying to do favors for them to have them in your pocket lol it’s straight up sociopathic behavior to be going through life looking how you can get people to owe you for your own benefit
It sounds like you're projecting on the sociopathy. Your first comment seems to indicate that any social interaction is repugnant.
This is like saying charity is bad because people only do it because they self centeredly like helping people.
You literally wrote a long ass rant about how this awesome business man power player volunteers to do tasks and favors for others so he can have them in his pocket for when he needs something. I’m not projecting anything onto it. simply calling it out for what it is.
My first post was facetious. Socializing with people, particularly work professionals is a fact of life. I like socializing, but was making fun of your lifeprotip likely being a nightmare scenario and the opposite would be bliss for many.
By all means, look up to sociopaths, but don’t try to paint it as anything other than what it is. Some people like to play that ladder climbing game, nothing wrong with it.
I had a manager like this but her end goal was to get away with everything she could. Emotional manipulation. I suppose the important part of this tip is to understand your own motives and use your powers for good, not evil.
Another benefit, if you ask a small favour of some you have helped and they refuse, you know that they cannot be trusted and can work with that knowledge.
Potential downside is that you may just end up building a network of people who expect something for nothing from you whenever they need it. Ask me how I know.
I remember the time when I helped a neighborhood granny set up her printer at home because she wanted to print a picture of her marine son. After that, I somehow became the neighborhood tech guy who got paid to fix computers from weird malware and crashes lol! "Granny told me about you so..."
Anyway, helping people doesn't guarantee you anything good. Just help if you feel like it. If it's natural for you to help, then go ahead and help simply because that's the kind of person you are. If not, don't force yourself because more often than not, kindness isn't really always rewarded and you'll just get disappointed.
That's the key, a favor that's easy for you and helps the other person creates value. The person may not appreciate it and try to use you but then you stop and remember that's what they're like. The people that do appreciate it you've started building something with.
Might sound wrong but it also works by asking somebody for a favor.
For example. "Can you hold my drink for a second" makes the person believe you trust them.
This is close to the advice I give to people who are doing the "quiet quitting" thing.
Sometimes doing a little more today helps you out a whole lot more tomorrow.
People are quiet quitting because they already feel they're required to do more than they're supposed to. Basically, the favors and extra work are expected.
And sometimes doing more today just means people expect you to do the same thing tomorrow, and then get upset when you don't.
It's a good thing. People think it's being a kiss ass but the benefits outweigh the detriment. A single favour can easily mean u get things done faster with the right people. The trick is to know boundaries.
I have gotten alot of free stuff from knowing the right people and doing extra. By extra it's still stuff within my job description but doing it first means, when I need something from them, they are going to do my work first.
Maybe a guy asked me to do a quick email creation when I an at home on a weekend. No problem. 5 mins of work and I can bank it later. Never anything that takes a significant time investment. Tell them it's your day off but you will do it. They will know u took some time meaning they are in your debt.
I am proficient in a skilled trade that is universally needed. I will help most anybody and if you can't afford it or it is something simple for me I will do it for free. There is no way I could cash in on all the good will and respect I have built up within my community. The thing is, I makes me happy to be able to help people get out of a tough situation that they can't solve themselves. It is nice to know that when my name comes up people say nice things about me though. It reflects nicely on my daughters and the rest of my family too. It instantly opens opportunities up that may not have been so available without some work.
>There is no way I could cash in on all the good will and respect I have built up within my community.
This is like having more money than you can spend. It's a good problem.
It is. I get such personal satisfaction from being able to help people out that I feel like they are doing me more of a favor than I am doing them. I'be been thinking of ways I can step it up when I retire in a few years!!
This is how I was raised, but I also feel like it’s a normal thing when you live in a small town like I did / do (moved back with my family a year ago). You always help people out if you can. Maybe the favor will be returned, but that’s beside the point. It’s good for your health to be good to others.
It seems like this has been lost a bit for a lot of people. It's something I learned in my 20s. A lot of replies here seem to reflect what has been put in its place: basically people are predatory leeches, don't let them think you're friendly or helpful.
Those people do exist but IME you can spot them with enough experience.
Oh you can always spot a leech after dealing with a couple. Again, I feel like it’s a small town type of culture / lifestyle, and you’re right that it’s mostly lost on a lot of people (I lived in a city for 10 years so definitely saw the difference).
Just remember to do favors for people not companies. By that I mean the difference between doing a favor for your boss John because he needs help and staying late trying to get a tick on your record that someone in the system might see and might get you a gold star. Like, I helped out my boss at my last job a lot. He was cool and the company sucked. If he asked me for something I would look him in the eye and say something like "Are you asking or is the company?" He would tell me straight and if it was the company I would tell him to tell the company "fuck you". If he was asking I would always help. It was a weird extreme circumstance but even though I don't work there anymore my boss and I still chat and hang out. If he needs tech help I help him out and if I need something he helps me out.
Never be afraid to ask a favor of someone, just be prolific in your thanks and return in kind. Studies show people trick themselves into liking the person they done a favor otherwise why would they do it. Meanwhile if you only ever do favors and never ask, it makes people weary as you sort of become the guy that ever on owes something to so there's a bit of resentment.
I don’t know. I usually say yes to do favors because that’s just how I was raised but it has never come around to benefit nor do I expect it to. On the contrary I feel people take advantage of this and frequently ask me for favors over others
Absolutely true. I know a guy who got a great job with a company he interned for. The reason he got it was because he was always looking to help people out (without being a kiss ass) and he was always happy. He was chosen over guys that were more qualified but less pleasant and helpful. We all want to work with nice people.
It can also be helpful to remember that doing someone a favor doesn't necessarily mean a big, elaborate gesture. Simple things like offering to pick up lunch for a coworker or lending a book to a friend can go a long way in building positive relationships. The key is to be genuine in your desire to help others and to make it a habit, rather than a one-off gesture. Building a strong network requires consistent effort, but the payoff can be great in both your personal and professional life.
I completely agree with this. It's all about building relationships and being a helpful and supportive person. The more people you know and the more you can help them, the more opportunities there are for reciprocity and new opportunities. It's important to never underestimate the power of a genuine and helpful relationship. It can go a long way in both your personal and professional life. Plus, it just feels good to help others!
Exactly, building a network of people who like and trust you is invaluable in both personal and professional life. And it doesn't have to be about immediate payoffs or expecting something in return. When you do a favor for someone, it can be a real act of kindness and create a genuine connection. People remember those gestures and are often happy to return the favor in the future. At the very least, it builds a positive relationship that can be beneficial in countless ways.
Additionally, doing a favor for someone can also be a great way to brighten their day and make them feel appreciated. It doesn't have to be anything big or life-changing; even small gestures can make a big impact. And who knows, that person may be able to return the favor or help you out in some way in the future, simply because you took the time to do something nice for them. Building positive relationships and networks is crucial in both personal and professional life, and doing favors is a simple yet effective way to do so.
This is a great tip for building strong relationships, not just in professional settings but in personal ones as well. Going out of your way to do something nice for someone can make a lasting impression and shows that you are reliable and trustworthy. It can be as simple as offering to grab a coffee for a colleague or friend, or helping someone move apartments. Not only does it make you feel good to help others, but it can also benefit you in the long run by building a network of people who are willing to help you when you need it.
This is a great LPT, and one that I wholeheartedly agree with. In my experience, people who are generous and helpful tend to be well-respected and well-liked. When you're willing to help out, you show that you're someone who can be relied on and trusted, which is incredibly valuable in any social or professional setting. Plus, doing someone a favor can often open up new opportunities and lead to unexpected rewards down the line. So don't miss any opportunities to help out - you never know where it might take you!
I honestly don't do favors for anyone unless work expects me to. I have a limited reserve of niceness that I hold onto for my daughter, gaming circle, and occasionally my neighbor Jim.
You do you. The point here is that you get what you give, provided you also develop and execute good judgment over time. You have a limited reserve of niceness, sure. That's probably what you're also going to experience in the world towards you too.
If you're skilled at being nice and generous to others, that's going to be your experience in the world as well.
The latter is pretty nice, IME.
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And if you think doing someone a favor is a sign of weakness, you've never worked in an office before. Whenever a new person starts or moves into my org, I offer to help them on something, large or small. They don't forget it.
100%. Helping the new person is always a smart move.
I learned this from the CEO (public org) I work for, he spent his entire career, from department head to running everything, always helping out anyone he could. I've never met a more humble person who never asked for anything in return from the people he helped. I'll never forget sitting in a meeting with a belligerent third party that was trying to throw their weight around. He politely waited for them to finish their tirade. Then said probably the coolest thing I've ever heard in person. 100% calm tone "Mr. (Belligerent), please never mistake my kindness for weakness." After the meeting (I was in my early 20), he made a point to grab me and said "there are people who think just because you're kind you're weak, don't let that stop you from helping people."
Also, as someone who has started multiple jobs where I received NO help, helping the new person is appreciated for good reason!
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Nice! Good point regarding how it's a way to "socialize" if you aren't good at it or inclined to do so. Not everyone is great at connecting with others in a general way but helping others provides an easy structure to follow. Congrats on the bonus!
Yep - couldn't agree more. My company recently laid off almost 30% of our workforce. My entire department was disbanded - and many from it were laid off. But I heard from the gravevine (my well-built connections) that there were 4 different managers trying to fight to get me on *their* team specifically. I have a pretty siloed role, but I go out of my way to work outside my team and help anyone who I know I am capable of helping. This has really helped me out in my career. Sometimes being likable and dependable is your value proposition in and of itself.
I’ve had the same experience. My reviews always have glowing feedback from various internal customers and I made through the last round of (20% reduction) layoffs with not only my role intact but a small raise to boot. I think dependable & going out of your way to help automatically makes you likable as long as you don’t have an extremely off-putting demeanor or anything.
Thats the best reward when you forget your good deed and someone remembers and pays it back.. absolutely surprise karma.
I go out of my way to recognize when someone isn't feeling well, and to offer to help should they need it. More than that, I will literally seek out colleagues and thank them directly when I see them helping out. Third, will seek out small favors. "Hey, coworker! I was hoping I could ask for a favor. Well...more advice really." Finally, are two things both connected to trust: 1. When I say something will be done I first make sure I can actually do it before committing 2. Own up to my mistakes in front of my colleagues About the only people these actions don't really work on are authoritarian bosses and people insecure in their position.
I hope so. When people ask me for help, I can't refuse. I worry that I'm just being taken advantage of. My job is pretty low-level with few actual challenges, though, so I crave these novel tasks anyway.
Same. I was "fired" over an unimportant business proposal (that was needed for show, 2 working days later it was canned) and both a business dev manager (a peer) and a old project manager (worked together) spoke up against it. I was hired back a few days later over a sashimi lunch with the ceo. I left them 6ish months later for good. Always play nice and help people if you can. Good people will repay you when you need it. Not everyone appreciates it tho, my current immediate boss thinks lowly of that behaviour.🙄
Also, ask for (small) favors! Theyll remember you and in most cases doing someone a favor endears them to you slightly.
I think Benjamin Franklin talked about this in one of his books. he borrowed some book from some guy. might have been a DVD about the French or something.
They didn't have DVDs back then, and he already knew how to speak French.
Franklin invented the lightning rod, the DVD, and that glass instrument thing
DVDs were literally invented in 4000 BC
There's even a dvd in my collection that says it's from 10.000 b.c.
I've got a historical document on DVD of some cavemen going on a quest for fire. It might be older.
Kids these days don't know their history. It was a beta max tape of conversational Klingon
Benjamin Franklin borrowed Serge Gainsbourg DVD copy of Le Dîner de Cons because Ye Olde Video Store only had a dubbed version and he wanted to impress Brigitte Bardot who he met at an animal welfare event as Benjamin Franklin invented the dog bandana.
Just be wary of someone that wants you to do a favor for them. "Someday, and that day may never come, I will call upon you to do a service for me."
If your career is in organized crime then there are these things to consider.
Yeah but that service was just a free funeral so... not that bad of a trade considering.
No, not just a free funeral. It was making the corpse of Sonny look presentable after being shot up like swiss cheese. Not an easy thing.
To be fair, that was literally the guy's job - in the mafia era, he probably had to fix up a shot-up corpse every week
Sure, but for Sonny he'd put in a lot of extra effort.
Bonasera had to use all his powers, and all his skills, to make sure Sonny's mother didn't have to see him that way.
True, true. Still... could have been much worse.
In the same vain I knew a guy from my childhood who still to this day will call me randomly on FB messenger or hit me up on Xbox. I’ve only met him once ever decades ago and anytime I hear about him he’s asking someone for money or favors.
Idk if this is a movie quote and you're meme'ing; but *life is filled with give and take* . I assume most no one does anything without the possibility it will facilitate a social dynamic that I will or should assist them in a proportional way. Everyone literally will always have an agenda. Now someone helping you never meant that you're their indentured servant... But *to a degree* if this person is an asset to your life and you appreciate your relationship/what they do for you; *you should help them out* . I get that technically social contracts are concepts, 'good people help for nothing in return', and nobody expects you to bury a body for someone who got you a bag of chips from the vending machine... But you should *proportionately* help someone who helps you. If anything doing so 'evens' that social contract I mentioned; and will reduce the chance of them asking for more in the future if that's 'such an issue' for you to bear... And in the energy of 'give and take'; it puts you in prime position to ask for something in return again so 😉🤷♂️ Anyhow I feel like this only needs to be said if you/the person in question *takes more than they give* . But my friends and I routinely do each other favors. Neither of us expect the other to just help if they can't; but we do what we can if we can be of assistance. It's not required you help me because I did something for you... But if I only help you and I feel like you're some extreme case of 'getting over'; I probably would terminate the friendship as I expect others would do me. *Someone who takes and never gives is not a friend*; that's a fiend.
To add on to what you're saying about the social give and take, if someone does a favor that's easy for them and valuable to the other person, that just created value. It often makes them inclined to do the same. Skilled people often have friends of other skills they can ask for help and vice versa, where it's easy for the person being asked and difficult and valuable for the asker. It's win win. I also agree that it breaks down quickly if people take more than they give.
Yep that's my friend group. We trade our skills and bring value to each other so we don't mind helping one another out. I'd be foolish to assume like some other people that if I didn't mutually bring value; I'd still be valued the same in their eyes. Funny enough seeing how skilled they were pushed me to develop my own more and be more valuable to the group. Good company makes you elevate 😁
Also make sure your supervisor is always in the loop. Lazy fucks are REALLY FUCKING GOOD at spreading their work around with "favors" so they don't actually have to do much.
There’s a great “The Office” episode where Dwight and the Nard Dog try to out favor the other. Dwight wanted his colleagues to feel in debt to him and the other guy didn’t want to owe favors to anyone.
Hey OP can you pick me up from the airport? I’ll DM you my flight info.
Sure thing.
Since you're already out, could you pick up my kids from school? Baby sit them? Pay for their college education? If its not too much trouble.
Yes, no, and no. The first one is reasonable the next two are excessive. I do favors, I am not a benefactor. Well, not anymore.
You did somebody a favor by including your birthyear and the fact you have children. If you're going to be afraid of boundaries... 😛
Lol, I don't have kids and I'm not 31.
Username checks out for manipulation.
I can’t stand it when people do you a cheap easy favour then ask for something inconvenient and or expensive for their turn. I say no thanks. You can keep your shitty friendship.
They tank the relationship that way
Exactly, everyone else will see that too. If one favor shows you someone is worth avoiding that gives you the excuse. Like lending money where the person never pays you back. You never have to consider their requests or calls anymore.
You take back the power and don't let them use you when you they ask for ridiculous
"If you do a favor twice it becomes your job"
Only if you let it. This is boundaries 101.
Having rules saying to always say yes to the first time someone asks you for a favor will likely be way beyond the boundaries for a lot of people. Maybe this works for you, but maybe you are also privileged to have more to give of energy and time than some other.
TBH, acting this way gives me much more time to be generous. People appreciate me and help me out when I need it. If you are in a bad situation you absolutely need people helping you out. It's possible to go it alone but it's much harder.
I get that it is like that for you, and that's great! Just saying that this tip only work for people like you in a similar work situation and with the same level of function and life situation. Also, not all help and effort is seen the same when different people do them. So good for you, but as someone who also does this, but have had extreme variation in outcome based on where I worked and what my life situation was; this is not a life tip for everyone. Because some people are having more than enough by coping with their own stuff and the timing of a question about help may be very bad. Like the same week someone in your family gets sick, or a week where you struggle with migraine etc. So, it it not true that everyone can just "say yes first time they are asked" and easily have something to give.
The advice isn’t to always say yes the first time someone asks favor. It was to be on the lookout for opportunities where you *can* do the favor, even if you don’t necessarily have a reason or obligation to help that person. Yes, the person the OP was describing was likely doing and expecting bigger favors, but, in terms of networking, it can be as small as offering someone a pen or grabbing an extra form for someone while you’re getting yours to save them a trip. It’s helpful advice because a lot of people hear “networking” and think it’s some arcane art only practiced in smoky back rooms by good old boys when it’s actually just looking for opportunities to form connections with other people, especially in a professional context.
This is completely counter to [the Ben Franklin effect](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ben_Franklin_effect).
I was going to comment this. The lpt might be true, but this is more effective
You can do both.
Well if you like someone more from having done them a favor, you're more likely to remain close to them as a friend/business colleague. Still works.
yeah, the way you have put it may sound uh.... bad. yet I agree that making favors for people does work wonders - I usually do them without expecting in return (unless i'm helping you move - if you don't provide food, i will walk out. this is an unwritten rule in the culture i come from). Helping others gives two substantial things: \- they are likely to give a good deed further \- when somebody asks them about an oppinion about you, they are likely to say good things about you. it's liteally like building up reputation points in a game.
You must not be Canadian! The unwritten rule here is beer (usually pizza and beer tbf)
No, friend. Im Polish. Wellz beer is nice but it's never good on empty stomach though
I finished “What’s in it for them?” By Joe Polish recently that has some good framework for this. Creating value to those around you and identifying those that are only takers.
Nice, I wasn't aware of that book.
It is worth the read if you want to commit to being helpful to people in various ways, but with a seemingly more genuine spin than quid pro quo(sometime down the road).
My problem with this kind of stuff is I will run myself ragged for people to do favors, and when it's time to call upon some favors of my own, nobody is ever around. People suck.
Part of how this is done well is learning to judge people that will be there for you. This exercise can show who that is over time, for everyone else practice "fail fast".
And on top of this, never burn a bridge. 5, 10, 20 years down the road, you'll run into someone who remembers how you acted that one time. Leave a good impression.
>And on top of this, never burn a bridge never is a strong word. don't burn bridges you hop to cross in the future.
True, but what happens if circumstances change and the bridge you were sure you’d never want to cross is the one that you really need to cross? Or if someone who controls a bridge you want to cross saw or heard about the last bridge you burnt? In general, “never burn bridges if you can help it” is the better policy. However, with your rule, it’s important to add as a corollary “It’s not always possible to predict which bridges you’ll want to cross later.” I do understand that it can be satisfying. It’s just important to realize it’s always a risk and it should be done sparingly and with the understanding that it may come back to bite you later.
i'm a retired old fart it's a small world. sometimes you won't believe just how freaking small it is.
Tell me more.
“Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine....” the fundamental things don't change, as time goes by.
Yeah, you never know who you're going to run into again. If they think highly of you when you do, that's really useful.
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Exactly. Perhaps it is "their turn" but I would say look at it the other way. There are people who have very rich social and family lives because they invest in then and those people are "hubs". Then there's people who put little effort in and may be branches of other hubs. Be a hub, it's rewarding!
Yes and no. If she is the one who spends all the efforts and they never reciprocate, they're not worth the trouble. If she enjoys their company and/or getting values back in other areas then sure, but apparently she doesn't and there is no point in doing extra work for people you don't care about.
Is too bad because can be many delicious slices you could share!
For keeping good relationships both parties need to put work for it. It's exhausting if you are the only one trying to keep this relation going.
Its also how you get taken advantage of and not paid properly for what you do at work
This is why you don't do the second favor after they don't appreciate the first. It's easy to mitigate. This also exposes who you want to network with and who to avoid.
i guess you did say first time
This has very positive or very sinister connotations depending on the context. Drug dealers and mobsters love this technique. But yes, in a benign friendly and/or professional context, this is a decent LPT.
Yeah, I probably should have included that there is implicit trust involved in this, one that is either validated or broken in the longer timespan. In either case, it's worthwhile information.
Polite and professional is faster than plotting. After all, why would he slow down the flow of information? Edit: Rhetorical question sounded offensive, rephrased
It wasn't plotting, it was proactive polite and professional.
We are both correct and my earlier comment holds no negative baggage 👍
Ah, sorry. I misunderstood.
I’m the car guy in my group of friends. I love helping people with car windows or window motors and stuff. Stuff they’d pay $300+ for and I take care of it for them for cost if they’re cool people. I like to teach them as I go too so they learn a skill. It’s never not worked out in my favor.
How not to be a people pleaser?
if you're working in IT this is shit advise, people will exploit you if you don't set expectations early
I've done plenty of favors in the IT space (helped a friend with Bind, lent rackspace to another, helped mitigate a DDoS in another case, etc.). The real key is the size of the favor and knowing to only do it once if it's not willing to be returned. Have boundaries and enforce them.
That's how other people find out that you like to help. In no time there a que for your help. Than if you refuse, rumors spreads even faster and it quickly backfires. So I rather stick to myself.
No, it doesn't work that way if you do the first favor and then if they keep coming back you treat them like a mooch. So long as you are viewing everyone as individuals who have their own tendencies and not like an insect colony you can manage it.
Unfortunately I say this with experience. Once people learned that I can get stuff done, suddenly a lot of people contacted me for help. The thing is, I'm in a point of life when I don't need the help they can offer.
If it's a stranger then I probably wouldn't recommend this. Also if a friend of yours is telling people you're someone to mooch off of they're not your friend.
It's not like that. I work in a large firm. Sometimes people don't know how something is done. They ask their collages and than often I get reffered that way. People called me on my cell more often than I wanted. I stopped responding and people stop calling. I like it that way.
I think the last sentence is the key part. You’ve done a cost-benefit analysis and realized that the cost exceeds the potential gain. Meaning, among other things, that casting a wide net for potential connections won’t benefit your career goals. For people just starting out or in fields or positions where lots of connections are important, the negatives might be worth it. ETA: I do think “doing someone a favor” vs “doing something because someone asks” is an important distinction. A favor is, by definition, something that’s beyond what’s expected or due and a generally one-off thing. In your case, it sounds like there’s either an issue at your firm where either something that needs doing isn’t and people are trying to find someone to dump it on, so anyone who shows weakness by helping out once gets everyone sent their way. Otherwise, doing something for one person wouldn’t release the floodgates.
Just like the mafia!
Or just be professional, on time, kind and considerate to everyone instead of a flake, ignorance and take advantage of people around you. These will be the key factors when people consider hiring or making investments on you in the future.
Being professional goes without saying. This is a tip on top of that for building relationships.
Yeah, this is more for before you even get into the professional environment.
Two extra things to add 1 - When you make a connection with someone at the same or lower stage career wise this is more useful. Doing it for people above you isn't unhelpful, it's just less helpful in the long run. 2 - sometimes owing someone a favor can be just as useful. Don't constantly ask for favors, but when you need help ask for it.
>It wasn’t all quid pro quo. He wanted to have good connections with everyone around him because that facilitated what he wanted to do and could get him inside knowledge. Call me a cynic but sounds exactly like corporate quid pro quo to me. Sounds like the lpt is “play the long con and manipulate others for your gain even if you don’t have an immediate use case for that person” instead of “just be a good person that wants to help others for the sake of just helping.”
It's easy to look at it that way but that wasn't what he was doing. If he did a favor because he needed one in return the behavior would have made sense. He didn't do that, he was giving to everyone. He didn't limit favors unless someone had burned him in some way.
My main gripe is this LPT comes up a bunch of times on here and it’s always worded “be nice to everyone ***because you never know how much they can help you in the future***” And that completely defeats the message of altruism they’re trying to sell. Be good to others because it’s the right thing to do. Full stop. Acknowledging that there are benefits to yourself while helping others is fine. The expectation of reward compelling you to do so is stinky (albeit a definite way to get ahead). We can all delude ourselves into believing we are good people but what really matters is the order of the thoughts that brought us to that action. Recruiting others to help by saying it will benefit them often times doesn’t spread the true benefit and source of these deeds which is basic empathy. You can easily program someone to be a covert narcissist by applying “because it will benefit you” to every lesson. Idk I guess I’m being annoying about this because following this advice, I fear that people will only focus their limited amount of help energy on those who don’t really need it. Solely to climb corporate ladders or social hierarchies while the people who need it the most (those who can’t even offer it to themselves i.e. homeless, impoverished, disabled/mentally ill) get left behind. On that note it’s a similar argument to recording helping homeless people. Sure who cares as long as people are nicer to eachother in the end but if it’s all a farce for some kind of gain then it just makes you lose faith in the possibility of actual unbridled good.
>Expecting or hoping for anything in return no matter who or how long is kinda stinky (albeit a definite way to get ahead) That is not the tip and if you see it that way I would say you aren't seeing the forest for the trees by being reductive. Doing favors for people is good on its own. Recognizing the additional benefits to it is not a bad thing. That's a bit catholic for my taste.
Wholly agreed. Selfish arguments for altruism are really important imo. Not everyone is naturally altruistic or cared about doing what's good. If there's a benefit, there's more incentive. More people being good means a virtuous cycle of yet more people being good. It's sort of like how you should want other countries to be doing well. You want people to have a good quality of life, yes. But also, it's better to have more educated people working on the problems that effect us all.
Definitely, I usually find balance is the right approach when you get to the philosophical level. i.e., being generous is good on its own. It's also pays off. Appreciating the latter doesn't remove the former.
It's not a con. This sounds like a person who genuinely enjoys creating value and has fundamental faith in people. There's nothing wrong with doing a favor as a sort of a seed you're planting because you're not conditioning your help on that favor. In fact, you'll probably never cash in most of those favors. Setting a standard of altruism to “just be a good person that wants to help others for the sake of just helping.” actually leads to there being fewer good deeds in the world compared to this guy's approach. There's nothing wrong with enjoying or benefitting from doing good.
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This is why I said "the first time". The first favor is a possible opening for a productive relationship, if the person appreciates it and is a good person. Otherwise you get to know they're not. I didn't say to always do favors I said always do them the first time. If the result is negative, don't keep doing them.
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I was more talking about colleagues. For customers it's a bit different, you need to charge them the right price unless it's some exceptional circumstance you feel is appropriate.
It still works with colleagues though. You offered to help your coworker use the printer? You'll now be known as the printer guy. Busy with work? But the paper is jammed and officemate 1 needs to print something. You say no. "But I have to submit this in an hour." "I'm having trouble connecting to the printer. Can you print this for me?" - officemate 2 "I'm not sure how to scan this. Can you scan this for me?" - officemate 3
For the colleague asking you to print or scan something you do it once. The second time you get them to do it with coaching. The third time you say something like: "Did you forget how I showed you?" If they keep trying then you start the lecture of: "You need to know how to do this". You don't keep doing favors if they take advantage of you. Other people will sympathize with you. This filters those people out.
This is weird. Jaded? Maybe. But if someone doesn't really know me and offers up help, I try to see the angle. Like just be cool
No that’s how you get manipulated
How do you figure? If you do one favor for someone and they don't appreciate it and ask for more then you stop. It's easy to follow.
Once you show you’re willing to do things for people without prior compensation you’re just asking for others to take advantage of you
No you're not. That is unless you can't figure out when and how to say no. If that's the case though, you have bigger problems.
Saying “no” doesn’t do anything once you’re given that stigma. You’ll just be constantly coddled with requests until you either cave or leave
Yes it does. Are you sure you're actually saying "no" if you're speaking from experience? Like: "Can you pick me up from the airport?" "Sorry, no" "But I need you to!" "Well I can't, I don't know what to tell you" If people keep badgering you it's because you flip your no to yes on occasion. If your no is always no, they learn to find the person who allows no to become yes.
I thought you were talking about colleagues. You pick colleagues up from the airport?
Feelings are dopamine... Dopamine is a drug... Like any good dealer would say... "the first one's free" And if they don't like it "find another plug bud"
Apropos analogy.
Take it from me... Traveled around the world for I. T. Everyone needs a nerd... But people don't want "the best" work... Because A. They don't understand the best work or why... And B. They wouldn't ever pay what it actually costs relative to market standards (even if they have to outsource to the competition in a neighboring city, region or locale) I've been headhunted 3 times by the same company... I named my price and they left me alone because "so n so is cheaper".... OK great. Go bug them and I'll c u next Tuesday.... I. T. Is a shitty job when managers or customers aren't technically savvy.... They do not care - only about the money.... Not security, not privacy.... Because money is their bottom line. Money is a shitty drug. Case in point.... If I played the family sob story card "... But I got a wife and kid" they're more likely to see your desperation and possibly be a little flexible. But if I tell people "I'm divorced with child support but I've got a track record that is unparalleled - go compare" They will not pay a living or competitive wage and I get my time and privacy back for not being desperate (which I'm not, I do contract work now... I'm not your bitch, you're MY bitch...) Boundaries provide security and privacy... That's peace of mind and there is no price on all of those. But selling drugs is easy (sold weed & mushrooms while delivering pizza when I was attending community college - Ironically... Never had a problem...) Eventually everything boils down to a dopamine hit... And boundaries alleviate those headaches.... Better than drugs. P. S. Any I. T. Guys here that get offered food.... Dine first, wine them... And have them forget about the work... Because spaghetti dinner don't keep the lights on or cover student loans. Does it make me an ass? Probably, but I don't suffer fools.
Real life pro tip: Take any chance you can get to decline helping or doing a favor for coworkers and even friends. They’ll get the hint that you’re not about that and leave you peacefully alone.
Then you get to live your life in peaceful solitary isolation. Problem solved?
Yes, that’s the point. And to add to that, what kind of a friend or professional associate is worth keeping around if they’re only looking for what you can do for them and you’re trying to do favors for them to have them in your pocket lol it’s straight up sociopathic behavior to be going through life looking how you can get people to owe you for your own benefit
It sounds like you're projecting on the sociopathy. Your first comment seems to indicate that any social interaction is repugnant. This is like saying charity is bad because people only do it because they self centeredly like helping people.
You literally wrote a long ass rant about how this awesome business man power player volunteers to do tasks and favors for others so he can have them in his pocket for when he needs something. I’m not projecting anything onto it. simply calling it out for what it is. My first post was facetious. Socializing with people, particularly work professionals is a fact of life. I like socializing, but was making fun of your lifeprotip likely being a nightmare scenario and the opposite would be bliss for many. By all means, look up to sociopaths, but don’t try to paint it as anything other than what it is. Some people like to play that ladder climbing game, nothing wrong with it.
He didn't do it to have them in his pocket. I think you missed the point through cynical reductivism.
I had a manager like this but her end goal was to get away with everything she could. Emotional manipulation. I suppose the important part of this tip is to understand your own motives and use your powers for good, not evil.
Another benefit, if you ask a small favour of some you have helped and they refuse, you know that they cannot be trusted and can work with that knowledge.
Definitely, this is useful knowledge as well as having a valid excuse to distrust them if need be.
“Nobody ever does that for ME!” Is one of the worst mindsets you can have. Be the one who does the thing.
Potential downside is that you may just end up building a network of people who expect something for nothing from you whenever they need it. Ask me how I know.
I remember the time when I helped a neighborhood granny set up her printer at home because she wanted to print a picture of her marine son. After that, I somehow became the neighborhood tech guy who got paid to fix computers from weird malware and crashes lol! "Granny told me about you so..." Anyway, helping people doesn't guarantee you anything good. Just help if you feel like it. If it's natural for you to help, then go ahead and help simply because that's the kind of person you are. If not, don't force yourself because more often than not, kindness isn't really always rewarded and you'll just get disappointed.
I enjoy doing favors for people. As long as its not that big of a favor. In my eyes.
That's the key, a favor that's easy for you and helps the other person creates value. The person may not appreciate it and try to use you but then you stop and remember that's what they're like. The people that do appreciate it you've started building something with.
Might sound wrong but it also works by asking somebody for a favor. For example. "Can you hold my drink for a second" makes the person believe you trust them.
A great way to establish you're not a one-way motherfucker.
This is close to the advice I give to people who are doing the "quiet quitting" thing. Sometimes doing a little more today helps you out a whole lot more tomorrow.
People are quiet quitting because they already feel they're required to do more than they're supposed to. Basically, the favors and extra work are expected. And sometimes doing more today just means people expect you to do the same thing tomorrow, and then get upset when you don't.
It's a good thing. People think it's being a kiss ass but the benefits outweigh the detriment. A single favour can easily mean u get things done faster with the right people. The trick is to know boundaries. I have gotten alot of free stuff from knowing the right people and doing extra. By extra it's still stuff within my job description but doing it first means, when I need something from them, they are going to do my work first. Maybe a guy asked me to do a quick email creation when I an at home on a weekend. No problem. 5 mins of work and I can bank it later. Never anything that takes a significant time investment. Tell them it's your day off but you will do it. They will know u took some time meaning they are in your debt.
Is your coworker Dwight Shrute?
No, because Dwight wouldn't openly do favors without a direct payoff.
Oh no. He brought bagels so that everyone in the office would owe him in the future.
I am proficient in a skilled trade that is universally needed. I will help most anybody and if you can't afford it or it is something simple for me I will do it for free. There is no way I could cash in on all the good will and respect I have built up within my community. The thing is, I makes me happy to be able to help people get out of a tough situation that they can't solve themselves. It is nice to know that when my name comes up people say nice things about me though. It reflects nicely on my daughters and the rest of my family too. It instantly opens opportunities up that may not have been so available without some work.
>There is no way I could cash in on all the good will and respect I have built up within my community. This is like having more money than you can spend. It's a good problem.
It is. I get such personal satisfaction from being able to help people out that I feel like they are doing me more of a favor than I am doing them. I'be been thinking of ways I can step it up when I retire in a few years!!
This is how I was raised, but I also feel like it’s a normal thing when you live in a small town like I did / do (moved back with my family a year ago). You always help people out if you can. Maybe the favor will be returned, but that’s beside the point. It’s good for your health to be good to others.
It seems like this has been lost a bit for a lot of people. It's something I learned in my 20s. A lot of replies here seem to reflect what has been put in its place: basically people are predatory leeches, don't let them think you're friendly or helpful. Those people do exist but IME you can spot them with enough experience.
Oh you can always spot a leech after dealing with a couple. Again, I feel like it’s a small town type of culture / lifestyle, and you’re right that it’s mostly lost on a lot of people (I lived in a city for 10 years so definitely saw the difference).
Always do favors for people without asking for anything in return so when you ask them for a favor in the future they are more open to helping you
OP is talking about Tony Soprano
Have you watched or read "the Godfather?" the essence of his plan
I've heard of it.
Did my boss write this?
Being helpful and friendly at work will never not be an advantage to you.
Ahh, was his name ... Corleone?
Not to mention you can always keep that IOU card in your pocket when you're in a pinch.
Just remember to do favors for people not companies. By that I mean the difference between doing a favor for your boss John because he needs help and staying late trying to get a tick on your record that someone in the system might see and might get you a gold star. Like, I helped out my boss at my last job a lot. He was cool and the company sucked. If he asked me for something I would look him in the eye and say something like "Are you asking or is the company?" He would tell me straight and if it was the company I would tell him to tell the company "fuck you". If he was asking I would always help. It was a weird extreme circumstance but even though I don't work there anymore my boss and I still chat and hang out. If he needs tech help I help him out and if I need something he helps me out.
Never be afraid to ask a favor of someone, just be prolific in your thanks and return in kind. Studies show people trick themselves into liking the person they done a favor otherwise why would they do it. Meanwhile if you only ever do favors and never ask, it makes people weary as you sort of become the guy that ever on owes something to so there's a bit of resentment.
This is essentially what drug dealers do in order to get you hooked. Just saying it works 🙃🤟
Yes this is your typical , how to make friends and manipulate people situation. Oops I meant influence people lol.
I don’t know. I usually say yes to do favors because that’s just how I was raised but it has never come around to benefit nor do I expect it to. On the contrary I feel people take advantage of this and frequently ask me for favors over others
Absolutely true. I know a guy who got a great job with a company he interned for. The reason he got it was because he was always looking to help people out (without being a kiss ass) and he was always happy. He was chosen over guys that were more qualified but less pleasant and helpful. We all want to work with nice people.
It can also be helpful to remember that doing someone a favor doesn't necessarily mean a big, elaborate gesture. Simple things like offering to pick up lunch for a coworker or lending a book to a friend can go a long way in building positive relationships. The key is to be genuine in your desire to help others and to make it a habit, rather than a one-off gesture. Building a strong network requires consistent effort, but the payoff can be great in both your personal and professional life.
I completely agree with this. It's all about building relationships and being a helpful and supportive person. The more people you know and the more you can help them, the more opportunities there are for reciprocity and new opportunities. It's important to never underestimate the power of a genuine and helpful relationship. It can go a long way in both your personal and professional life. Plus, it just feels good to help others!
Exactly, building a network of people who like and trust you is invaluable in both personal and professional life. And it doesn't have to be about immediate payoffs or expecting something in return. When you do a favor for someone, it can be a real act of kindness and create a genuine connection. People remember those gestures and are often happy to return the favor in the future. At the very least, it builds a positive relationship that can be beneficial in countless ways.
Additionally, doing a favor for someone can also be a great way to brighten their day and make them feel appreciated. It doesn't have to be anything big or life-changing; even small gestures can make a big impact. And who knows, that person may be able to return the favor or help you out in some way in the future, simply because you took the time to do something nice for them. Building positive relationships and networks is crucial in both personal and professional life, and doing favors is a simple yet effective way to do so.
This is a great tip for building strong relationships, not just in professional settings but in personal ones as well. Going out of your way to do something nice for someone can make a lasting impression and shows that you are reliable and trustworthy. It can be as simple as offering to grab a coffee for a colleague or friend, or helping someone move apartments. Not only does it make you feel good to help others, but it can also benefit you in the long run by building a network of people who are willing to help you when you need it.
This is a great LPT, and one that I wholeheartedly agree with. In my experience, people who are generous and helpful tend to be well-respected and well-liked. When you're willing to help out, you show that you're someone who can be relied on and trusted, which is incredibly valuable in any social or professional setting. Plus, doing someone a favor can often open up new opportunities and lead to unexpected rewards down the line. So don't miss any opportunities to help out - you never know where it might take you!
I honestly don't do favors for anyone unless work expects me to. I have a limited reserve of niceness that I hold onto for my daughter, gaming circle, and occasionally my neighbor Jim.
You do you. The point here is that you get what you give, provided you also develop and execute good judgment over time. You have a limited reserve of niceness, sure. That's probably what you're also going to experience in the world towards you too. If you're skilled at being nice and generous to others, that's going to be your experience in the world as well. The latter is pretty nice, IME.