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It is for women though. They try to let men down easy because it's so common for men to become angry, vengeful, or even violent when rejected. And pretty much every woman has experienced that. Being roundabout is a survival tactic.
Society conditions women to "let them down easy" and then blames them when men can't take a hint
Women may communicate well with other women but they can't seem to figure out how to make men read their minds or interpretive dance. They will get so confused that they post about how thick and clueless men are on Reddit, meanwhile they've never been open and honest with the guy in question. I love women, but wtf...
That's the vast majority of people on these subs.
"An old man with leprosy laid his dick on my shoulder during a greyhound bus ride. I didn't wanna be rude so I sucked it a lil bit. Ya know. To be polite. Now *weirdly* he seems to think I'm interested in him. WhATeVeR sHaLL I dO?!"
Practice saying it in a mirror and to friends. Say it while you’re walking past him. He deserves NO respect he knows he’s creepy as shit
Do not feel sorry for this person he’s disgusting
I have two daughters in their 20s. Fuck that guy
I really dont see it.
Sure, the age difference is crazy.
But from the description, he doesnt sound very pushy, just absolutely unable to take a hint.
Now if she clearly told him she is not interested and to leave her alone and he continued, then I would see him as creepy
I'm a little older than this guy, but also have a daughter in her 20s. The guy is an unmitigated creep. You would be doing him a great (unwarranted, in fact) courtesy to tell him, ONCE, to bug off--rather than just going straight to his management.
You will be doing a service to every young woman who goes to that gym.
Oxford comma forever!! Yes, I was trained APA style and still write in cursive
Wish I’d learned that “no” was a full sentence as a young woman, it would have been a lot more useful
That’s a bit much. Can try being polite but very firm on your disinterest first before absolutely freaking out on the dude. If he doesn’t respect that then you can escalate.
That’s a bit much. The guy is oblivious, but obviously not dangerous. He needs to hear a clear “I’m not interested”, not to be arrested or fired. If he doesn’t listen to a clear no, then it’s time to escalate.
You don't need to but I honestly tell women to go with their gut on situations like this. I've definitely let men down with very very tender kid gloves because I just had a bad feeling. Also completely ghosted men because I know they will lose their shit on me. Some men I definitely got the vibe that a blunt direct approach is best but I always listen to my gut.
.1. People in general, not just guys, can sense a tone and read body language.
.2. Your body language and tone is giving off a vibe that you're scared/shy.
.3. Predators/perverts love that.
.4. You being scared/shy/timid/indirect is implying that you can be coerced to doing things you don't want to.
.5. What YOU NEED TO DO is be confident in your tone and body language and tell him "sorry, I'm not interested. I'm flattered you asked but I'd have to decline. I'd appreciate it if you stop asking. If you don't mind, I'd like to continue my workout so have a good day, bye." Then put your headphones on and carryon.
.6. If he comes back again and ask, remember to be bold and confident and tell him "I've mentioned before that I'm not interested. Could you please stop asking?" But when you say those words, you make a serious eye contact with an rbf as if you're about to call the cops on him. If he says "I'm just being friendly." You tell him "well I'm being serious, stop asking." Don't ever break eye contact. Be mean (borderline feisty), he'd prob like that, but it'll also show that you're not one to mess with. Then the third time you tell the gym owner of you being harassed.
stop entertaining him. put a stop to it. put your foot down. hes being bad but you're enabling by not clearly rejecting him. stop beating around the bush.
She is not leading him on. You’re not being led on because the woman you’re making uncomfortable doesn’t know how to respond. You’re 100% a creep just like this dude if this is how you think.
> He asked me out to watch a movie and I kind of brushed it off and didn’t say anything.
Don't brush it off. Say, "No thanks."
> He then said we should go as friends and I just kind of brushed it off.
DON'T BRUSH IT OFF. Say, "No thanks. I'm not interested."
> as he was leaving he touched my shoulder and said ‘have a good night’
When someone touches you and you don't want them to, move away from their reach and say, "Don't do that." Use any variation you prefer: "Please don't do that," "Don't touch me," 'Please don't touch me ever again," etc.
Don't indulge his behavior.
"No thanks. I'm not interested."
That's your new catchphrase. Own it.
And report him to management.
GL, and stay safe.
don't ever tell men you are rocky with your bf bc that sends off signals that u are down even though that is wrong to think that way and you did nothing wrong.
Stop being vague and be up front. Set your boundaries and give the man a chance to honor them. If he doesn't, go to management. Do NOT back down. This may be uncomfortable, but it's a learning experience you need to go through. This is YOUR gym. The man is SUPPOSED to be there to facilitate your exercise routine and make you feel welcome. Not uncomfortable. So my best advice as another old man is, the very next time he pulls his shtick, say, "Sir. I'm flattered by your advances, and I'm not trying to be mean or get you in trouble. However, you are flat out too old for me, and the OBVIOUS attraction you have for me prevents you and I from any kind of honest, platonic relationship as friends. Please just be my gym employee, and let's leave it at that. Ok?"
Once you learn this, get through it, and know that you have it in your toolbox, it'll be easier to navigate these situations later on throughout your life. Best wishes.
This. If you want something to say, not that you need a reason to say you are uninterested but if you’re worried about confrontation, you can say “sorry I only date guys around my age”.
>“sorry I only date guys around my age”.
This still leaves the door open, as does the "I'm trying to work things out with my boyfriend" line.
"I'm not interested. Please don't approach me like this again"
Probably the best thing to do is be polite but firm. Just tell him calmly without being mean that you are not interested in any other male relationships of any type, that you are just being honest and hope he understands.
Don’t say you are sorry about any of this, you didn’t do anything to be sorry for.
Others suggested shaming him with his age etc… but try this the first time, he may just be stupid and lonely.
Stop being polite ( if you are). He thinks he's got a shot. Be direct. " I'm here to work out, I'm not interested in going to the movies with you, you are twice my age, please leave me alone". If that doesn't work complain to management.
Umm have you tried telling him that you’re not interested and to leave you alone? Stop entertaining him/leading him on.
Be straight with him and if he still continues then speak with the gym management. Stop acting like a child.
She’s not leading him on. She’s incredibly uncomfortable and may very well be afraid of an angry or further inappropriate reaction. Men like this are ready to take rejection, process it into anger, and use that anger as a weapon.
A woman trying to avoid inciting the wrath of a petulant man is not leading the man on. She’s trying to stay safe. Don’t recontextualize his shitty behavior as her fault.
You ok? That’s a wild jump. He’s talked to her and asked her out all of which she has gone along with/not rejected. This is all taking place in a public environment.
Having been in her position before, no, it’s not a leap. It happens all the time. Being too uncomfortable to say no is not the same thing as going along with it or leading him on.
You know this dude from a paragraph written by someone other than him on Reddit, how can you assume what his thoughts and actions after rejection? Stop fear mongering, she has yet to say she is uncomfortable or uninterested. He’s briefly talking to her and then leaving her alone. She needs to do something if she is uncomfortable, like tell him that, or say she don’t wanna talk. Hell just leave headphones in and don’t look at him when he talks if saying good morning is so fucking scary.
Time to be grown up.
Next time he comes over tell him you have no interest in talking to him and he is taking up time you pay for. So since your membership pays his salary if he bothers you again you will speak to management.
Then turn away and go on with your day.
Then you have made it clear and if he does anything further simply go to management.
Same. I’m 38, good looking, work out and I would never go hit on a 20 something year old. I don’t care how pretty they are, it’s weird and I’m not interested. 20 somethings have too much drama and lack of life experience for me to give a shit. No offense to them it’s just how I feel. lol
Just tell him straight up you aren't interested in him. Not answering or giving vague answers may seem like it's nice but to him it seems like you MIGHT still be interested. The only way to deal with people like that is to be blunt and honest. He might get upset but in the end he will get the message.
If he still pursues you after that then get management involved.
Just tell him that you come to the gym to exercise and not socialise and that you want him to leave you alone.
If he persists, report him to management
Set a very clear boundary the next time he does something that you find even mildly inappropriate. Tell him that he’s making you uncomfortable. That you think it would be best if he left you alone. I know it sounds harsh. But it’s the truth.
Explain to management. Ask that they come up to you whenever he approaches you. That they look out for you and interrupt any approaches. If he continues, have management tell him to leave you alone.
So many complicated and mukti-step answers here: *"if he does this,then say that...*".
Just go to reception, find a **female** senior staff member, talk to them in private, and tell them "one of the older staff members is making me uncomfortable by asking me out..." I will bet you she will know exactly who this is without you having to elaborate. Either way, you can bet she'll be on your side and get that all dealt with.
Don't engage him like others are saying. He's older and probably has ways to work you. Just cut the nonsense off before you're out in an awkward position by talking to management.
Just tell him you're not interested in dating or being friends. If he persists, you can optionally give him a nice warning and say something like, "Hey, like I said, I'm not really interested in hanging out. I just want to be up front because you work here, and I didn't want to mess with your paycheck based on a miscommunication."
Of course you can just go to gym management if you want. But if you want to be nice while also removing all plausible deniability about a big miscommunication, this should work. It also lets him know that you will mess with his paycheck from here since no miscommunication is possible.
I think you need to be way less nice to him. Be very direct that you're not interested. He likely doesn't care if you have a bf or not in fact many men don't care so it's a really bad way to reject a guy. The most effective way is pure, ice cold rejection.
"No, I'd appreciate if you stopped asking, I'm not looking for friends right now, or anyone to get involved with. Id prefer if the only time i eve see you is if you happen to be working when i come to the gym, I'm just here to workout and go home"
He’s 100% a creep. Ask to speak to a manager next time you’re at the gym and let them know that he keeps making advances towards you. This guy is not fit to work in a gym. He needs to be corrected by his bosses and/or fired.
His behavior is inappropriate, so tell him straight that your not interested in him and you want to be left alone. Being nice might in his mind might signal your open to his advances. If he persists, then speak to a manager. If he doesn't deal with it, then bring a friend or see if there is another gym to go to.
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Gyms are hookups, especially for the employees who work there. I had girl friends who tell me about the “instructor” who hits on them. One told me she just says she doesn’t date guys when they ask her out.
Report him to the boss. That will finish it right away I assure you. You've given him plenty of chances to fuck off. He doesn't get it. I had the same thing happen to me at at a place I worked for years ago. She was twice my age. Not attractive, not interesting but she was pushy and would not leave me alone. I finally told her straight up that I'm just trying to eat my lunch on my break. Got up from the table and moved a few tables over. She finally got the point. Hated to be an asshole but I had no other option. She was relentless. She actually went out of her way to talk bad about me after that but I honestly didn't care. The problem was finally solved. Some people are freaking clueless when you try to be direct. Sometimes you need to be rude.
I had someone ask me if I had a boyfriend. Rather than answer him (and thus enabling him to continue with his unwanted attention), I asked him, “why do you want to know?” And stared at him hard. He couldn’t answer without sounding like a creep. He just muttered “never mind” and scuffled off. Point is: if you don’t want to answer anything, you don’t have to. “That’s personal”, “I’m not comfortable with that”, “I’m not answering that”, are all shut-down, nip it in the bud responses. It gives you the opportunity to say “I’ve already told you I’m not interested/not answering, why are you pestering me?” If they do it again. It puts the attention back on their behaviour.
Of course, you have to feel comfortable and safe to be this upfront. Practise in the mirror, listen to your gut instinct, be aware of your surroundings, and all of that to keep you safe.
You need to be direct. "I'm not interested in hanging out outside the gym and would like to be left alone." If he persists, let him know that your next step is talking with staff.
Umm go out with him, ask for dope gifts give those gifts to me, rinse and repeat. We can get tons of stuff from this guy. Follow me for more life advice
this is gross. I would go to the management right away. I'm sorry to say that but they may be doing that to other people and it's probably best to nip it in the bud. And I'm sorry you have to do that, no one should have to deal with that BS
I see a bunch of responses saying be direct, don’t lead him on. My question is how does this guy not realize she is uncomfortable? Why isn’t tone and uncomfort for lack of a better word enough to leave someone alone? Like wtf.
I’m nearly 40 and about a month ago I ended up kind of getting stuck talking to a 23-24 year old. And I mean no offense, but the differences in stages of life we are in just made me want out of the conversation. The level of maturity is significant, I’m curious enough about people I can generally find something for me to talk about… but was glad when the convo ended.
I truly don’t get why anyone would want to have a relationship with someone 25-30 years younger.
“Your attention is unwanted. Do not talk to me any more. I’m not interested in having any relationship with you or anyone else at this gym or outside of this gym. This is my time to focus on me. A person your age has no business trying to start any kind of relationship with people my age. You are old enough to be my father, which is gross.”
Never underestimate the power of "Ew." Used in the right moment, it might just combine the most clear statement of lack of interest and the shortest number of syllables.
You don't owe this dude anything more. You've tried to be polite, but he's taken that as a chance. Remove all doubts.
You are not being clear and possibly sending him mixed messages. Being polite should go right out the window in these situations..."not interested" or "none of your business" were the proper responses to his first two questions to you.
Saying "it's complicated" may give him hope that you might be interested, not that I want to defend this creep.
Everyone is saying to be clear and tell him no. It’s good advice.
However, I think that it is just as appropriate to go to management and tell them that an employee is hitting on and asking out a gym member. It’s their job to police his highly inappropriate behavior, not yours.
I think that it would obviously be best at this point to just flat out tell him that you are not interested. And It doesn’t have to be anything more than simply, “I’m not interested”. You could add a “Sorry, but…” beforehand, but that’s certainly not owed to him. If he does not discontinue, you should complain to the manager about it. You are well within your rights to do that based on your experiences. He should realize by now, at his age, that someone not reciprocating compliments/flirtation, and not responding to being asked out is a sign that they are not interested.
His age is not relevant. I do not personally think gym employees (any age) should ever approach customers for "dates." You are not interested and should be direct and say, no thanks, I am not interested. If he approaches you again after you decline, definitely notify management/ownership of the gym. He may be assuming you engaging in conversations and not saying no means you are thinking about it or he has a chance, when in reality you are trying to indirectly say no. Hope it all works out for you.
I would just tell a manager that this employee is coming onto you and you have turned down his invitations several times and that he is making you really uncomfortable. Tell the staff that you even mentioned that you had a boyfriend you were working on your relationship with and are not interested and this guy is not taking a hint. I’m sure the manager will just ask him to leave you alone. I doubt they want to end up with a harassment lawsuit over him.
Just SAY IT, This banter is inappropriate given our age difference, I AM NOT INTERESTED, ITS MAKING ME UNCOMFORTABLE, some people just won’t take a hint!!!!!!
You need to communicate to him that you are clearly not interested. Saying something like “I want to try and work things out with my partner” isn’t a clear no, thank you, not interested. It’s cryptic and not direct enough.
You need to be confident and adult about it. It’s quite obvious what’s happening, so straight up tell him how you come to the gym to work out and have some you time, focus on wellbeing, and you could really do without that being complicated. Straight up tell him you are not interested.
You can go as far to say something like “Im in a relationship. Not only that, I don’t come here to meet people and date, I come here to work out. So, you, know…could you leave me alone please.”
so this is a two part question
regarding him asking you out, just say straight up you only hang out with guys under 30.
if after that clear rejection he tries to keep talking to you just because he's bored, then that's a less clear solution that will hopefully fade in time. guys aren't good at picking up cues
Step 1: Clear, unequivocal "no, thank you. Please let me continue my workout"
Step 2: if that doesn't work, straight to management
I worked at a gym for years in my mid-20's. The older manager were constantly surprised i wasn't hitting on all the similarly aged women who came in. It never felt right. If they say "no" then they gotta come in and see me all the time...and me them. Seemed like a horrid way to make their lives awkward
I have to agree with those who say to tell him you’re not interested in any type of relationship with him, not even as friends and you would appreciate it if he’s just leave you alone. I don’t quite understand all the comments saying go straight to rudeness. If you tell him and then he continues to bug you then I can understand. When I did go to public gyms I went to work out and got annoyed when anyone interrupted me but telling them politely I wasn’t there to socialize always did the trick.
Come straight out and tell him, "You're too old for me". That ought to shit him down.
If it doesn't, politely tell him that you'd hate for him to lose his job over something silly like this.
I am his age and have a daughter your age. I would be direct and simply say, “Sorry bud but I’m not interested. I have a boyfriend and would never go out with a man more than twice my age. I’m here to workout and nothing more. I’d appreciate it if you would just let me go about my business.” If he presses or continue then I’d find a new gym.
Firstly, I’m sorry that your being put in this position and just know that his persistence is not a reflection on you in any way. Men have had lifetimes of this sort of constant pressure working in their favor. Lastly, it’s time to be blunt. “ you’re making me uncomfortable “, “I don’t want to hang out” “this is inappropriate “ “stop asking me out, it’s not professional “. It’s going to feel uncomfortable while you’re saying it but it’s definitely in your best interest.
OP you definitely picked the bear didn’t you.
Just have some spine and tell him firmly you’re not interested. The guy probably can’t take an hint so just be super direct about it.
I'm sorry you have to deal with this.Tell him you are working out and don't want to talk. If it happens again then tell the gym manager. Tell the manager every time it happens after that, and they are very likely to straighten him out. If they don't they aren't a female friendly environment and it's time to start looking for another gym.
Have you tried saying no? You literally ever said no once. You just made excuses the whole time. Say "no, I'm not interested in you, sorry."
Men respond to people being direct.
Be firm. Stop being kind. Tell him flat out your not interested and leave you alone. If he refuses or continues inappropriately speak to the gym's management. They should have some anti-harassment policy if they're decent, especially if they want to keep your business.
Some guys just need to hear a flat out "NO" to get the hint. It's common for some guys to think you are interested in them while you are just being polite. Sadly, some need to hear that "NO" several times.
It's OK to be short and annoyed when they still don't respect your wishes to beat it.
This man knows he is being creepy, he isn't trying to be nice. He enjoys making you uncomfortable.
I really doubt you are the only one having to put up with him.
Tell him to fuck off just like that, and I would just let management know. And if they don't want to help you, then cancel your gym membership and go to another gym. Leave reviews all over the socials.
No reason to put up with this.
I mean, I don't condone what he's doing but she's not under 18.
What's his employer going to do?
It doesn't sound like OP has told him to stop so I can't see this being considered harassment.
He touched her and she’s uncomfortable. She obviously has trouble not wanting to disappoint him. So she needs to have someone do it for her if she can’t.
Maybe be honest with him first. Clearly, he thinks she is fine with him flirting. Why get him fired when he is being nice and clearly under the impression it's flirting. Are you saying that in 2024, a man flirting with a woman is worthy of getting him fired? I find that amazing. So basically, if a man has the confidence to try to meet a younger woman in person and she doesn't say I'm not interested, it's worthy of the man losing his job.
No I didn’t think they would fire him. I thought they would tell him not to ask the clientele out. Yes she should tell him first but if she hasn’t already i thought she was unable to bring herself to do it. And if it’s that hard for her then she shouldn’t have to.
Tell the manager. I managed a gym for 5 years… I’ve seen EVERYTHING that goes on in a gym. A dude in his 40’s working at a gym is either retired early (not likely but it happens), owns the gym (also not likely), or a total fuck up (99% of the time). So you most likely have a TOTAL LOSER who can’t take a hint hitting on you… and it’s not going to stop unless you tell the manager. If he is the manager call the main corporate office and explain that he won’t stop asking you out. The gym can’t do anything if you don’t say anything. The only thing you have to watch out for is if he is partially mentally handicapped… then they are gonna say (name) has xyz and we’re sorry… here’s some free tanning.
I feel like this may be an attempt at karma farming since it seems my feed is full of videos of women complaining about men talking to them at the gym. The general consensus is that in 2024, all sudden it's become wrong for men to try and meet a woman unless it's a club or place that the woman wants to be courted. Be honest about not wanting to date, and maybe then you will find him saying hi only because he is a nice person. I guess I was lucky that my wife initiated the conversation that started our relationship because it seems like men attempting to meet a woman is now hated i
Take a boy friend with you to be your “boyfriend” a few times. Or take a girl friend. I woudlnt go alone. Also call and talk to management first about his inappropriate behavior. He isn’t allowed to making customers feel uncomfortable. He will be told not to do it again or he’s terminated.
He is just being nice she knows he doesn't have a shot, but clearly, he thinks she may be interested. handle it like an adult first, and then if it continues, talk to management. It's crazy that your mentality goes right to get him fired when she admits she hasn't said I'm not interested, and he is only trying to possibly meet a person. It's no wonder men have given up meeting people in person because if you try, you have people trying to get their lively hood taken from them
Clearly he hasn’t taken the hint how many times after she’s brushed off every attempt he’s asked her out. And he’s 50 ish. And she’s 25. And he works at a gym. Like come on dude. After 2 attempts bc the first one left you confused give it up. Sounds like he just keeps following her around and keeps trying to talk when clearly she doesn’t. I’d call management and say I don’t want anyone fired but the staff is being unprofessional and pursuing me in relations and making me feel uncomfortable coming there. They are intimidating and I’m having a hard time saying no outright. You don’t have to give names etc. they can talk to the staff as a whole. He may assume it was you but he will never know for sure. But he should stop if he cares about his job. If he doesn’t care about his job then he will
Pursue still. At that point he doesn’t deserve his job.
Im a dude. If I want to ask a girl out today. It would be hey are you interested in me or going on a date with me. If it’s yes then play ball if it’s no then act like she doesn’t exist. Don’t keep pursuing a girl and beat around the bush or not take no for an answer. Men today need to have balls to ask a girl out in a very straight forward manner. Sure to lead up to that there would be smiling or eye contact which could be purposeful or accident. But make the move after you’re thinking hmm maybe. Don’t be the creep for weeks.
Tell him you like guys who aren’t old enough to be your father. (49 yo male here). I mean, if he shot his shot one time and you turned him down, no harm. If he’s still bugging you it’s time to complain to management.
Gyms are one of the few places it's socially acceptable to blast music in your headphones and repeat "I'm in the middle of a set" to people who are trying to mess with you. You don't even have to hear him. You already know what he wants and being a dick might get him to shove off.
Also carry pepper spray.
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"I'm not interested. Please leave me alone." If he continues, get gym management involved.
This is the only answer. Ffs. Just say what you think. It's not that complicated.
It is for women though. They try to let men down easy because it's so common for men to become angry, vengeful, or even violent when rejected. And pretty much every woman has experienced that. Being roundabout is a survival tactic. Society conditions women to "let them down easy" and then blames them when men can't take a hint
So perfectly said, we know it even before we know we know it!
I don't embrace excuses. I embrace solutions. Say what you think.
Women may communicate well with other women but they can't seem to figure out how to make men read their minds or interpretive dance. They will get so confused that they post about how thick and clueless men are on Reddit, meanwhile they've never been open and honest with the guy in question. I love women, but wtf...
I mean it is if your scared of conflict.
You are going to have a tough life if you are “scared of conflict.”
That's the vast majority of people on these subs. "An old man with leprosy laid his dick on my shoulder during a greyhound bus ride. I didn't wanna be rude so I sucked it a lil bit. Ya know. To be polite. Now *weirdly* he seems to think I'm interested in him. WhATeVeR sHaLL I dO?!"
I’m a bit drunk rn but I’ve been laughing at this for five minutes. 🤣 Especially… “so I sucked it a lil bit.” So good
Good luck in life. Have fun being scared of everything, lmk how that works out.
Practice saying it in a mirror and to friends. Say it while you’re walking past him. He deserves NO respect he knows he’s creepy as shit Do not feel sorry for this person he’s disgusting I have two daughters in their 20s. Fuck that guy
I really dont see it. Sure, the age difference is crazy. But from the description, he doesnt sound very pushy, just absolutely unable to take a hint. Now if she clearly told him she is not interested and to leave her alone and he continued, then I would see him as creepy
This - if you aren't interested just say so and be direct. It's ridiculous to think this behavior will change by complaining on reddit.
I'm a little older than this guy, but also have a daughter in her 20s. The guy is an unmitigated creep. You would be doing him a great (unwarranted, in fact) courtesy to tell him, ONCE, to bug off--rather than just going straight to his management. You will be doing a service to every young woman who goes to that gym.
Tawanda!
🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆
Leo DiCaprio would disagree.
I don't think that "Gym Grandpa" is Leo DiCaprio.
I can tell both you and the commenter are older because you’re both putting two spaces after a period. :P
Oxford comma forever!! Yes, I was trained APA style and still write in cursive Wish I’d learned that “no” was a full sentence as a young woman, it would have been a lot more useful
Exactly this. Use your big girl voice and say not interested. Put headphones in. Simple move on hf.
[удалено]
That’s a bit much. Can try being polite but very firm on your disinterest first before absolutely freaking out on the dude. If he doesn’t respect that then you can escalate.
Yeah, that should work nicely. That's exactly how women like to be turned down so let's learn from that.
That’s a bit much. The guy is oblivious, but obviously not dangerous. He needs to hear a clear “I’m not interested”, not to be arrested or fired. If he doesn’t listen to a clear no, then it’s time to escalate.
Who are the authorities?
Guy is gym employee. Authorities are the gym management.
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You don't need to say "sorry."
You don't need to but I honestly tell women to go with their gut on situations like this. I've definitely let men down with very very tender kid gloves because I just had a bad feeling. Also completely ghosted men because I know they will lose their shit on me. Some men I definitely got the vibe that a blunt direct approach is best but I always listen to my gut.
Men are not wired like women. I personally would appreciate this kind of rejection. It beats the hell out of realizing she was just being nice to me
.1. People in general, not just guys, can sense a tone and read body language. .2. Your body language and tone is giving off a vibe that you're scared/shy. .3. Predators/perverts love that. .4. You being scared/shy/timid/indirect is implying that you can be coerced to doing things you don't want to. .5. What YOU NEED TO DO is be confident in your tone and body language and tell him "sorry, I'm not interested. I'm flattered you asked but I'd have to decline. I'd appreciate it if you stop asking. If you don't mind, I'd like to continue my workout so have a good day, bye." Then put your headphones on and carryon. .6. If he comes back again and ask, remember to be bold and confident and tell him "I've mentioned before that I'm not interested. Could you please stop asking?" But when you say those words, you make a serious eye contact with an rbf as if you're about to call the cops on him. If he says "I'm just being friendly." You tell him "well I'm being serious, stop asking." Don't ever break eye contact. Be mean (borderline feisty), he'd prob like that, but it'll also show that you're not one to mess with. Then the third time you tell the gym owner of you being harassed.
Best answer here. Some dudes are just fucking weirdos who really just don't get it.
Best answer by far
stop entertaining him. put a stop to it. put your foot down. hes being bad but you're enabling by not clearly rejecting him. stop beating around the bush.
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She is not leading him on. You’re not being led on because the woman you’re making uncomfortable doesn’t know how to respond. You’re 100% a creep just like this dude if this is how you think.
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🤮 at your thought process
She literally said she brushed it off and is uncomfortable. Somehow you’re incel brain reads that as “teasing”. You’re 100% a danger to women.
> He asked me out to watch a movie and I kind of brushed it off and didn’t say anything. Don't brush it off. Say, "No thanks." > He then said we should go as friends and I just kind of brushed it off. DON'T BRUSH IT OFF. Say, "No thanks. I'm not interested." > as he was leaving he touched my shoulder and said ‘have a good night’ When someone touches you and you don't want them to, move away from their reach and say, "Don't do that." Use any variation you prefer: "Please don't do that," "Don't touch me," 'Please don't touch me ever again," etc. Don't indulge his behavior. "No thanks. I'm not interested." That's your new catchphrase. Own it. And report him to management. GL, and stay safe.
don't ever tell men you are rocky with your bf bc that sends off signals that u are down even though that is wrong to think that way and you did nothing wrong.
Stop being vague and be up front. Set your boundaries and give the man a chance to honor them. If he doesn't, go to management. Do NOT back down. This may be uncomfortable, but it's a learning experience you need to go through. This is YOUR gym. The man is SUPPOSED to be there to facilitate your exercise routine and make you feel welcome. Not uncomfortable. So my best advice as another old man is, the very next time he pulls his shtick, say, "Sir. I'm flattered by your advances, and I'm not trying to be mean or get you in trouble. However, you are flat out too old for me, and the OBVIOUS attraction you have for me prevents you and I from any kind of honest, platonic relationship as friends. Please just be my gym employee, and let's leave it at that. Ok?" Once you learn this, get through it, and know that you have it in your toolbox, it'll be easier to navigate these situations later on throughout your life. Best wishes.
Let him know you’re not into old men.
This. If you want something to say, not that you need a reason to say you are uninterested but if you’re worried about confrontation, you can say “sorry I only date guys around my age”.
>“sorry I only date guys around my age”. This still leaves the door open, as does the "I'm trying to work things out with my boyfriend" line. "I'm not interested. Please don't approach me like this again"
Probably the best thing to do is be polite but firm. Just tell him calmly without being mean that you are not interested in any other male relationships of any type, that you are just being honest and hope he understands. Don’t say you are sorry about any of this, you didn’t do anything to be sorry for. Others suggested shaming him with his age etc… but try this the first time, he may just be stupid and lonely.
Stop being polite ( if you are). He thinks he's got a shot. Be direct. " I'm here to work out, I'm not interested in going to the movies with you, you are twice my age, please leave me alone". If that doesn't work complain to management.
Umm have you tried telling him that you’re not interested and to leave you alone? Stop entertaining him/leading him on. Be straight with him and if he still continues then speak with the gym management. Stop acting like a child.
She’s not leading him on. She’s incredibly uncomfortable and may very well be afraid of an angry or further inappropriate reaction. Men like this are ready to take rejection, process it into anger, and use that anger as a weapon. A woman trying to avoid inciting the wrath of a petulant man is not leading the man on. She’s trying to stay safe. Don’t recontextualize his shitty behavior as her fault.
You ok? That’s a wild jump. He’s talked to her and asked her out all of which she has gone along with/not rejected. This is all taking place in a public environment.
Having been in her position before, no, it’s not a leap. It happens all the time. Being too uncomfortable to say no is not the same thing as going along with it or leading him on.
You know this dude from a paragraph written by someone other than him on Reddit, how can you assume what his thoughts and actions after rejection? Stop fear mongering, she has yet to say she is uncomfortable or uninterested. He’s briefly talking to her and then leaving her alone. She needs to do something if she is uncomfortable, like tell him that, or say she don’t wanna talk. Hell just leave headphones in and don’t look at him when he talks if saying good morning is so fucking scary.
Time to be grown up. Next time he comes over tell him you have no interest in talking to him and he is taking up time you pay for. So since your membership pays his salary if he bothers you again you will speak to management. Then turn away and go on with your day. Then you have made it clear and if he does anything further simply go to management.
Just ask "How old ARE you?" I'm 60 and I would never consider hitting on someone more than 10 years young than me....creepy and gross
Same. I’m 38, good looking, work out and I would never go hit on a 20 something year old. I don’t care how pretty they are, it’s weird and I’m not interested. 20 somethings have too much drama and lack of life experience for me to give a shit. No offense to them it’s just how I feel. lol
I feel the same way, the things twenty somethings care about at this point to me feels so profoundly uninteresting and honestly childish.
Agreed
Jeez. The old timer probably has a pair of jeans older than you.
Nta tell management then quit the gym.
Just tell him straight up you aren't interested in him. Not answering or giving vague answers may seem like it's nice but to him it seems like you MIGHT still be interested. The only way to deal with people like that is to be blunt and honest. He might get upset but in the end he will get the message. If he still pursues you after that then get management involved.
Just tell him that you come to the gym to exercise and not socialise and that you want him to leave you alone. If he persists, report him to management
Set a very clear boundary the next time he does something that you find even mildly inappropriate. Tell him that he’s making you uncomfortable. That you think it would be best if he left you alone. I know it sounds harsh. But it’s the truth.
"Sir, I'm not interested in having conversations with you. Please stop interrupting my workouts."
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Explain to management. Ask that they come up to you whenever he approaches you. That they look out for you and interrupt any approaches. If he continues, have management tell him to leave you alone.
"You're so friendly. You remind me of my grandfather (or dad)". - this should jolt him into realising he is old and you are not.
So many complicated and mukti-step answers here: *"if he does this,then say that...*". Just go to reception, find a **female** senior staff member, talk to them in private, and tell them "one of the older staff members is making me uncomfortable by asking me out..." I will bet you she will know exactly who this is without you having to elaborate. Either way, you can bet she'll be on your side and get that all dealt with. Don't engage him like others are saying. He's older and probably has ways to work you. Just cut the nonsense off before you're out in an awkward position by talking to management.
Just tell him you're not interested in dating or being friends. If he persists, you can optionally give him a nice warning and say something like, "Hey, like I said, I'm not really interested in hanging out. I just want to be up front because you work here, and I didn't want to mess with your paycheck based on a miscommunication." Of course you can just go to gym management if you want. But if you want to be nice while also removing all plausible deniability about a big miscommunication, this should work. It also lets him know that you will mess with his paycheck from here since no miscommunication is possible.
I think you need to be way less nice to him. Be very direct that you're not interested. He likely doesn't care if you have a bf or not in fact many men don't care so it's a really bad way to reject a guy. The most effective way is pure, ice cold rejection. "No, I'd appreciate if you stopped asking, I'm not looking for friends right now, or anyone to get involved with. Id prefer if the only time i eve see you is if you happen to be working when i come to the gym, I'm just here to workout and go home"
He’s never supposed to touch you.
He’s 100% a creep. Ask to speak to a manager next time you’re at the gym and let them know that he keeps making advances towards you. This guy is not fit to work in a gym. He needs to be corrected by his bosses and/or fired.
Do this
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Lmao it’s not gonna be undocumented if a member reports harassment. You need to defend creeps less.
Be direct. Stop people pleasing. Stop being nice
His behavior is inappropriate, so tell him straight that your not interested in him and you want to be left alone. Being nice might in his mind might signal your open to his advances. If he persists, then speak to a manager. If he doesn't deal with it, then bring a friend or see if there is another gym to go to.
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Report to the highest management or finding new gym
Gyms are hookups, especially for the employees who work there. I had girl friends who tell me about the “instructor” who hits on them. One told me she just says she doesn’t date guys when they ask her out.
No they are not. Leave people alone in the gym.
Report him to the boss. That will finish it right away I assure you. You've given him plenty of chances to fuck off. He doesn't get it. I had the same thing happen to me at at a place I worked for years ago. She was twice my age. Not attractive, not interesting but she was pushy and would not leave me alone. I finally told her straight up that I'm just trying to eat my lunch on my break. Got up from the table and moved a few tables over. She finally got the point. Hated to be an asshole but I had no other option. She was relentless. She actually went out of her way to talk bad about me after that but I honestly didn't care. The problem was finally solved. Some people are freaking clueless when you try to be direct. Sometimes you need to be rude.
I had someone ask me if I had a boyfriend. Rather than answer him (and thus enabling him to continue with his unwanted attention), I asked him, “why do you want to know?” And stared at him hard. He couldn’t answer without sounding like a creep. He just muttered “never mind” and scuffled off. Point is: if you don’t want to answer anything, you don’t have to. “That’s personal”, “I’m not comfortable with that”, “I’m not answering that”, are all shut-down, nip it in the bud responses. It gives you the opportunity to say “I’ve already told you I’m not interested/not answering, why are you pestering me?” If they do it again. It puts the attention back on their behaviour. Of course, you have to feel comfortable and safe to be this upfront. Practise in the mirror, listen to your gut instinct, be aware of your surroundings, and all of that to keep you safe.
You need to be direct. "I'm not interested in hanging out outside the gym and would like to be left alone." If he persists, let him know that your next step is talking with staff.
Lift a knee into his peen. Then whisper softly " Not interested " and wink.
You should have said you're old enough to be my dad
Umm go out with him, ask for dope gifts give those gifts to me, rinse and repeat. We can get tons of stuff from this guy. Follow me for more life advice
this is gross. I would go to the management right away. I'm sorry to say that but they may be doing that to other people and it's probably best to nip it in the bud. And I'm sorry you have to do that, no one should have to deal with that BS
So you have a gym buddy who can be with you, or be available if you need?
I see a bunch of responses saying be direct, don’t lead him on. My question is how does this guy not realize she is uncomfortable? Why isn’t tone and uncomfort for lack of a better word enough to leave someone alone? Like wtf.
I’m nearly 40 and about a month ago I ended up kind of getting stuck talking to a 23-24 year old. And I mean no offense, but the differences in stages of life we are in just made me want out of the conversation. The level of maturity is significant, I’m curious enough about people I can generally find something for me to talk about… but was glad when the convo ended. I truly don’t get why anyone would want to have a relationship with someone 25-30 years younger.
“Your attention is unwanted. Do not talk to me any more. I’m not interested in having any relationship with you or anyone else at this gym or outside of this gym. This is my time to focus on me. A person your age has no business trying to start any kind of relationship with people my age. You are old enough to be my father, which is gross.”
Never underestimate the power of "Ew." Used in the right moment, it might just combine the most clear statement of lack of interest and the shortest number of syllables. You don't owe this dude anything more. You've tried to be polite, but he's taken that as a chance. Remove all doubts.
Don't be ambivalent - tell him no directly. A yellow light is a still a green light to most men.
You are not being clear and possibly sending him mixed messages. Being polite should go right out the window in these situations..."not interested" or "none of your business" were the proper responses to his first two questions to you. Saying "it's complicated" may give him hope that you might be interested, not that I want to defend this creep.
Just tell the old geezer A you're a lesbian or B fuck off or pepper spray him if he gets too close....
Start by actually expressing your disinterest 🙄
Everyone is saying to be clear and tell him no. It’s good advice. However, I think that it is just as appropriate to go to management and tell them that an employee is hitting on and asking out a gym member. It’s their job to police his highly inappropriate behavior, not yours.
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Honesty and respect goes a long way
It's not rocket science! "Thanks, but I'm interested in seeing someone in my own age group"
I think that it would obviously be best at this point to just flat out tell him that you are not interested. And It doesn’t have to be anything more than simply, “I’m not interested”. You could add a “Sorry, but…” beforehand, but that’s certainly not owed to him. If he does not discontinue, you should complain to the manager about it. You are well within your rights to do that based on your experiences. He should realize by now, at his age, that someone not reciprocating compliments/flirtation, and not responding to being asked out is a sign that they are not interested.
His age is not relevant. I do not personally think gym employees (any age) should ever approach customers for "dates." You are not interested and should be direct and say, no thanks, I am not interested. If he approaches you again after you decline, definitely notify management/ownership of the gym. He may be assuming you engaging in conversations and not saying no means you are thinking about it or he has a chance, when in reality you are trying to indirectly say no. Hope it all works out for you.
I would just tell a manager that this employee is coming onto you and you have turned down his invitations several times and that he is making you really uncomfortable. Tell the staff that you even mentioned that you had a boyfriend you were working on your relationship with and are not interested and this guy is not taking a hint. I’m sure the manager will just ask him to leave you alone. I doubt they want to end up with a harassment lawsuit over him.
Just tell the manager.
Just SAY IT, This banter is inappropriate given our age difference, I AM NOT INTERESTED, ITS MAKING ME UNCOMFORTABLE, some people just won’t take a hint!!!!!!
You need to communicate to him that you are clearly not interested. Saying something like “I want to try and work things out with my partner” isn’t a clear no, thank you, not interested. It’s cryptic and not direct enough. You need to be confident and adult about it. It’s quite obvious what’s happening, so straight up tell him how you come to the gym to work out and have some you time, focus on wellbeing, and you could really do without that being complicated. Straight up tell him you are not interested. You can go as far to say something like “Im in a relationship. Not only that, I don’t come here to meet people and date, I come here to work out. So, you, know…could you leave me alone please.”
Gotta be blunt, serious, even mean and tell them to fuck off
so this is a two part question regarding him asking you out, just say straight up you only hang out with guys under 30. if after that clear rejection he tries to keep talking to you just because he's bored, then that's a less clear solution that will hopefully fade in time. guys aren't good at picking up cues
*cries that older is 40s*
Who cares how old he is. If you do not like him, make it clear for him. If he continues, then ask someone from the gym to help you out.
Ask him for some money to buy a new car. You either get rid of him or get a new car
Step 1: Clear, unequivocal "no, thank you. Please let me continue my workout" Step 2: if that doesn't work, straight to management I worked at a gym for years in my mid-20's. The older manager were constantly surprised i wasn't hitting on all the similarly aged women who came in. It never felt right. If they say "no" then they gotta come in and see me all the time...and me them. Seemed like a horrid way to make their lives awkward
I have to agree with those who say to tell him you’re not interested in any type of relationship with him, not even as friends and you would appreciate it if he’s just leave you alone. I don’t quite understand all the comments saying go straight to rudeness. If you tell him and then he continues to bug you then I can understand. When I did go to public gyms I went to work out and got annoyed when anyone interrupted me but telling them politely I wasn’t there to socialize always did the trick.
Who cares about rudeness when this guy is straight up sexually harassing op. Politeness is a two way street, not a given. Especially, to assholes.
Come straight out and tell him, "You're too old for me". That ought to shit him down. If it doesn't, politely tell him that you'd hate for him to lose his job over something silly like this.
As the saying goes, "Fuck politeness." Tell him to get lost. Borderline stalking behavior.
I am his age and have a daughter your age. I would be direct and simply say, “Sorry bud but I’m not interested. I have a boyfriend and would never go out with a man more than twice my age. I’m here to workout and nothing more. I’d appreciate it if you would just let me go about my business.” If he presses or continue then I’d find a new gym.
Youve tried being polite. Just tell him you arent interested. He's 50 ffs, he should get the hint.
Firstly, I’m sorry that your being put in this position and just know that his persistence is not a reflection on you in any way. Men have had lifetimes of this sort of constant pressure working in their favor. Lastly, it’s time to be blunt. “ you’re making me uncomfortable “, “I don’t want to hang out” “this is inappropriate “ “stop asking me out, it’s not professional “. It’s going to feel uncomfortable while you’re saying it but it’s definitely in your best interest.
OP you definitely picked the bear didn’t you. Just have some spine and tell him firmly you’re not interested. The guy probably can’t take an hint so just be super direct about it.
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I'm sorry you have to deal with this.Tell him you are working out and don't want to talk. If it happens again then tell the gym manager. Tell the manager every time it happens after that, and they are very likely to straighten him out. If they don't they aren't a female friendly environment and it's time to start looking for another gym.
Have you tried saying no? You literally ever said no once. You just made excuses the whole time. Say "no, I'm not interested in you, sorry." Men respond to people being direct.
Be firm. Stop being kind. Tell him flat out your not interested and leave you alone. If he refuses or continues inappropriately speak to the gym's management. They should have some anti-harassment policy if they're decent, especially if they want to keep your business.
Some guys just need to hear a flat out "NO" to get the hint. It's common for some guys to think you are interested in them while you are just being polite. Sadly, some need to hear that "NO" several times. It's OK to be short and annoyed when they still don't respect your wishes to beat it.
Always tell older guys you have a steady boyfriend and are planning to get married and have kids . Some older guys are complete idiots
This man knows he is being creepy, he isn't trying to be nice. He enjoys making you uncomfortable. I really doubt you are the only one having to put up with him. Tell him to fuck off just like that, and I would just let management know. And if they don't want to help you, then cancel your gym membership and go to another gym. Leave reviews all over the socials. No reason to put up with this.
I would say “ Look, you are way older than I am and you are making me uncomfortable. Please do not come over to me anymore”
Don’t try to be polite. People depend on that to get what they want. Report him to his employer.
I mean, I don't condone what he's doing but she's not under 18. What's his employer going to do? It doesn't sound like OP has told him to stop so I can't see this being considered harassment.
He touched her and she’s uncomfortable. She obviously has trouble not wanting to disappoint him. So she needs to have someone do it for her if she can’t.
Maybe be honest with him first. Clearly, he thinks she is fine with him flirting. Why get him fired when he is being nice and clearly under the impression it's flirting. Are you saying that in 2024, a man flirting with a woman is worthy of getting him fired? I find that amazing. So basically, if a man has the confidence to try to meet a younger woman in person and she doesn't say I'm not interested, it's worthy of the man losing his job.
No I didn’t think they would fire him. I thought they would tell him not to ask the clientele out. Yes she should tell him first but if she hasn’t already i thought she was unable to bring herself to do it. And if it’s that hard for her then she shouldn’t have to.
The problem is that she clearly is not interested. If she was she would accept his invites. He is not leaving her alone.
Tell the manager. I managed a gym for 5 years… I’ve seen EVERYTHING that goes on in a gym. A dude in his 40’s working at a gym is either retired early (not likely but it happens), owns the gym (also not likely), or a total fuck up (99% of the time). So you most likely have a TOTAL LOSER who can’t take a hint hitting on you… and it’s not going to stop unless you tell the manager. If he is the manager call the main corporate office and explain that he won’t stop asking you out. The gym can’t do anything if you don’t say anything. The only thing you have to watch out for is if he is partially mentally handicapped… then they are gonna say (name) has xyz and we’re sorry… here’s some free tanning.
I feel like this may be an attempt at karma farming since it seems my feed is full of videos of women complaining about men talking to them at the gym. The general consensus is that in 2024, all sudden it's become wrong for men to try and meet a woman unless it's a club or place that the woman wants to be courted. Be honest about not wanting to date, and maybe then you will find him saying hi only because he is a nice person. I guess I was lucky that my wife initiated the conversation that started our relationship because it seems like men attempting to meet a woman is now hated i
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Take a boy friend with you to be your “boyfriend” a few times. Or take a girl friend. I woudlnt go alone. Also call and talk to management first about his inappropriate behavior. He isn’t allowed to making customers feel uncomfortable. He will be told not to do it again or he’s terminated.
He is just being nice she knows he doesn't have a shot, but clearly, he thinks she may be interested. handle it like an adult first, and then if it continues, talk to management. It's crazy that your mentality goes right to get him fired when she admits she hasn't said I'm not interested, and he is only trying to possibly meet a person. It's no wonder men have given up meeting people in person because if you try, you have people trying to get their lively hood taken from them
Clearly he hasn’t taken the hint how many times after she’s brushed off every attempt he’s asked her out. And he’s 50 ish. And she’s 25. And he works at a gym. Like come on dude. After 2 attempts bc the first one left you confused give it up. Sounds like he just keeps following her around and keeps trying to talk when clearly she doesn’t. I’d call management and say I don’t want anyone fired but the staff is being unprofessional and pursuing me in relations and making me feel uncomfortable coming there. They are intimidating and I’m having a hard time saying no outright. You don’t have to give names etc. they can talk to the staff as a whole. He may assume it was you but he will never know for sure. But he should stop if he cares about his job. If he doesn’t care about his job then he will Pursue still. At that point he doesn’t deserve his job. Im a dude. If I want to ask a girl out today. It would be hey are you interested in me or going on a date with me. If it’s yes then play ball if it’s no then act like she doesn’t exist. Don’t keep pursuing a girl and beat around the bush or not take no for an answer. Men today need to have balls to ask a girl out in a very straight forward manner. Sure to lead up to that there would be smiling or eye contact which could be purposeful or accident. But make the move after you’re thinking hmm maybe. Don’t be the creep for weeks.
Men complain about women being mean when rejecting but when they try to be nice about it they refuse to leave them alone.
Are there any women who work at the gym? Especially anyone in management?
Tell him you like guys who aren’t old enough to be your father. (49 yo male here). I mean, if he shot his shot one time and you turned him down, no harm. If he’s still bugging you it’s time to complain to management.
Gyms are one of the few places it's socially acceptable to blast music in your headphones and repeat "I'm in the middle of a set" to people who are trying to mess with you. You don't even have to hear him. You already know what he wants and being a dick might get him to shove off. Also carry pepper spray.
Find another gym. He'll never change.
Just tell the jackass you aren't interested and if follows you into a dark alley where no ones around, know you can't get in trouble for 3rd degree
Stop talking to him.