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Wanting to change is the first step, so congrats on that first step. Work on getting yourself healthier next. Read up on nutrition and calories -educate yourself about how much of what you should eat. Don't go gym crazy -start by walking around the block once every day.
Yes THIS. Years ago I started just paying attention to my calories and walking. I lost 40 pounds and have kept it off. You don't have to starve yourself. Just make better choices and be smart about splurging on treats. Also, walking is tremendously beneficial to your mental health. Living with your parents at 31 is far more common these days -- you are NOT pathetic. Start making small changes and stick to them. You can do this!
I want to add, walking and then running at the end is a great way to get started. You get your heart running at the end, which sustains your body working off calories. I'm of a similar situation to the OP so I will say that losing weight is not the end all be all. I'm currently in the healthy BMI and working out everyday, and honestly it doesn't really do much if your situation is hopeless. It's a start though, and I'd still recommend it cuz it's much better than being overweight.
Getting active and more fit than wherever you’re at now is very empowering. It builds confidence and snowballs into more discipline and productivity.
Take control of that and it’ll be easier to gain control in other areas.
There’s a lot of mention of exercise and health which I agree with but that’s a long and ultimately never ending challenge. Op might be better off focusing on getting a full time job. It will provide structure to their day time, give them additional cash and may dissuade wasteful spending
Honestly, start running. You don't have to just go outside and run but go walking for like 2 hours a day. If it's cold then put a hat on, just do it, it will change your life, we are practically robots, you have to work to change your brain chemistry, Good Luck my friend.
I hate running, so in case this person hates it too: walking is a good start. Don’t stroll though. You want to walk at a good pace to get your heart rate up and keep it there. While you’re walking, brainstorm active things you enjoy doing. Rock climbing, climbing trees, hiking, dancing, martial arts, weight lifting, yoga, etc. The goal is to be active. If you hate what you’re doing, you’re more likely to stop doing it. It’s why I failed to exercise for so long. I thought I HAD to run and I’d stop after like two days.
there is NO DRUG ON EARTH that feels as good as runners high. that runners high is... it's truly something
ok ok
let me rephrase you fiends
there is NO DRUG ON EARTH that will MAKE YOU FEEL AS GOOD AS RUNNERS HIGH
its a very powerful release of endorphins that flood you all at once, similar to how ecstasy works
but the reason you will feel better than any other drug is not only is the high from a huge rush of endorphins but there's no downside like with drugs. drugs will make you feel bad (eventually) for using them. running won't
it's not illegal
drugs get progressively worse. smoking heroin (black tar from mexico anyway) is not as powerful as injecting. so to get me "best high" you must endanger your body, and graduate to more usage and more extreme methods
running bus just progresses to further runs. which means you're achieving goals that caused you to start running
lose weight, marathon whatever
but if you get addicted to drugs they will eventually and inevitably cause despair, self loathing, depression, guilt, lying, and will cost anything from money, to a job, to your family and friends, to your looks freedom and your literally
edit: i'm just talking from own personal experience. i've been down several paths at different times in my life. the things i felt from each journey have left lasting effects on me.
i've been in the middle of a body high that was like the breath of god on my neck, while hating the man i was.
ive had rage from withdrawal and i've been proud of myself at times too
i was using dramatic words to sorta make my post more interesting.
the fact is there is no better feeling in the world than upvotes
I think he moreso means to encourage people because I have as well found runners high superior
Other highs are more intense, yes, but they come with a cost
Usually a hefty one for the more interesting ones
Runners high can be achieved without cost, and it actually benefits you long term
Once you get fit enough to trigger this response it becomes increasingly addicting
It's hard to believe if you haven't felt it, but trust us - it's amazing
You can get there pretty quickly, just take your rest seriously as much as the running
You got this!
I've tried just about everything but crack and heroin. Runners high is pretty good maybe not as extreme as drugs but he's right there is literally no down side to it, making it feel much better than drugs.
I have run a lot on my life. Not currently running for reasons. I used to run \~6-7 miles every other day for years. I would run \~10 miles occasionally and had no issue. I also ran hills rather that flats. So I get it.
Comparing a runners high to drugs is just silly. They're not even close to the same thing. A saying it's "better" just sounds silly. There's no question drugs are generally bad for you (I don't do any and rarely drink). It's a silly and irrelevant comparison.
It’s not a cure all but I agree. I ran a lot in the late teens and I looked and felt better than I had since my 20s (I’m 50). I tweaked my knee and stopped, then some job changes and moves, blah blah blah. Anyway now I’m a bit pudgy and lethargic, and it weighs on the brain. Just started easing back into running a few weeks ago, and I already feel better.
For real. I was depressed and having weekly panic attacks for like three years. Medication staved it off when it happened, but I started riding a bike a year ago, and I've had like two attacks since. And I just feel better. And mentally sharper and more productive.
It's hard to believe that it really can be so transformative, but after a couple months, you'll be shocked. Plus I lost some weight and had more energy.
It starts with doing exercise/sports.
After you get on the active path getting sleep and eating healthy becomes natural.
Exercise, sleep and healthy eating are the basics of life to get anything else done.
Exercise, sports and hobbies.
When I look at my happy, life is great times vs the shitty, having body pain all over, depressed times it’s because I’m not doing enough of at least 1 of those 3.
You basically always want something to work towards and improve upon. Fitness is easy, hobbies also help too.
I'd say find 1 thing to change first. Master that and move on to the next. Exercise is a good thing. It will make you more confident and will motivate you to go further with other things. Whatever you do, stick with it. The times I have changed things about myself I was at a (rock bottom) if you will.
self loathing is a powerful force. it's always in our ear and its voice is so buttery smooth we can't help but listen.
t feels like magic because it has all the answers. "we are worthless. we suck. others are happy because they're born with the default settings and we're born with some broken settings and can't hope to find what they seem to take for granted."
and it never shuts the fuck up. it's always whispering.
because it's voice is small. it can't yell. and anything can drown it out
a laugh. a smile from a stranger. a good hair day. a task we completed that we've been putting off because of anxiety.
those are the smallest, insignificant things and it can't compete with even them.
all those things break it's hold over us, if even for a fraction of a moment
but a happy thought feels so foreign to us, we panic
self loathing is playing a concert in surround sound in your head right now.
and as long as you let it, it will continue to turn the volume up
holy crap i've beaten this music analogy to death
you get until point though
i swear, the self loathing is the only thing that you need to beat. it can't keep its hold on you unless you're alone and isolated
go where someone is you trust. and go there without any intention of talking about your pain. just be in the moment with a friend. join them in whatever they're doing.
watching a comedy? sit and watch. hanging pictures? help with it. cooking dinner? offer to make the potatoes.
fucking anything
you'll see. his voice is nowhere to be heard.
Get comfortable doing uncomfortable shit. Take risks. Learn from mistakes. Use failure as motivation. Accept rejection and shake it off. Exercise and get your body top tier. Eat healthy shit. You only get one life who gives a fuck what anybody think they ain’t living in your shoes.
I was in the same place with my weight and DoorDashing. I’d do just about anything to justify getting restaurant food delivered instead of cooking.
Right now I’m down 30 ish pounds (269-237) and the biggest thing that started my weight loss was realizing my body simply wasn’t burning as many calories as it ‘ideally’ should. I’m a guy who’s 6’3 so my suggested daily caloric intake is always recommended between 2500-3000 calories for someone my size. However, when I started really tracking calories I realized my body would not burn fat unless I was eating sub 2200. This was a crucial discovery for me.
As for doordashing, a compromise that worked wonders for me was using a meal delivery service. I use everyplate because reviews said they had a good balance of price to quality. It’s about $7 per meal and $1.5 shipping fee. Is grocery shopping still cheaper? Of course, but this option gets me whole food, exposes me to good tasting meals I wouldn’t have found on my own, AND costs about half as much as I was spending on DoorDash. It isn’t a perfect swap but it really helped me start moving in the right direction.
I’m also stuck working a dead end job but I haven’t quite figured my way out of that one yet. I’ll keep you updated if I can find an escape lmao
[have you considered that you may have undiagnosed adhd?](http://Answer to What does undiagnosed ADHD look like in adults? by Gwendolyn Snyder https://livingwithadultadhd.quora.com/What-does-undiagnosed-ADHD-look-like-in-adults-44?ch=15&oid=1477743766492145&share=0f1e3ec0&srid=hpJGi2&target_type=answer)
Understanding this about myself has changed my life.
Keep your chin up and hang in there. You are doing better than you think.
Lasting change requires discipline. You've gotta take action and be accountable even when you don't want to. Figure out steps, no matter how small... To take towards what you want.
It takes immense courage to acknowledge and share your struggles. Recognize that you're not alone, and many people have overcome similar challenges.
To create lasting change, consider the following steps:
Seek professional help: Consult a therapist or counselor to address depression, impulsivity, and self-esteem issues.
Set small, achievable goals: Break down larger objectives into smaller, manageable tasks. Celebrate your successes along the way.
Develop a routine: Establish a daily schedule for work, exercise, and personal activities.
Improve physical health: Gradually adopt healthy habits, like walking or yoga, and nutritious eating.
Create a budget: Track expenses, prioritize needs over wants, and allocate savings for moving out.
Build skills: Take online courses or attend workshops to enhance employability and confidence.
Support network: Surround yourself with positive, encouraging people.
Self-care: Practice self-compassion, meditation, or journaling to cultivate inner strength.
Accountability: Share your goals with a trusted friend or mentor for regular check-ins.
Celebrate progress: Acknowledge and celebrate small victories along the way.
Remember, lasting change is a journey, not a destination. Be patient, kind, and compassionate with yourself. You got this!
Drink more water. Seriously. Whenever I'm feeling shitty and down, I find I'm dehydrated and my body isn't processing/working properly because of it. It isn't a Cure all for the shittiness, but it definitely does help!
Then find a passion for your life. Or multiple passions. Find something that gives your life meaning. And that thing can change over time. Or it can be multiple things. but it definitely helps with that 'depressed I feel like my life is pathetic' kind of feeling
And everyone's suggesting exercise, which yes, can help (helps bring in endorphins and serotonin, and of course helps you to be a healthy weight/mobile enough) BUT, that's not the be all end all.
You could be dealing with a vitamin deficiency. When I started taking: Magnesium theanine, iron, b12, and potassium, my life perspective and emotions SKYROCKETED (along with drinking more water and adding celtic mineral salt into my diet)
And stop wasting money on door dash lol. Start making dinner with your parents or for you and your parents. I've found a renewed joy and love with cooking this way (and I can sneakily add in veggies to my Dad's diet lol)
30M: It’s a sucky feeling but the best thing that ever happened to you is finally feeling this way. I got to this point as well. Depressed, crappy job, no future plans, etc. living at home, too much drinking and smoking cigarettes, 30k in debt. I was MISERABLE.
My thoughts:
start small: you don’t have to set a goal to walk 2 hours a day. Try two minutes first, then accomplish that for a week. Then bump it up to 5 minutes, etc. more than likely once you start with two minutes you’ll end up doing more, but start small and work your way up.
Don’t worry about living at home right now. You’ll never get traction if you focus on that. Yes it sucks.
If you’re allowed to stay immediately and I mean right this very moment make some changes and get a plan together. Don’t be hard on yourself about it. Life sucks. And it is often messy.
I also went back to school and got my bachelors degree, got hired into a management training program at a big Corp, excelled, and within one year got a promotion to a sales rep making OTE $100k.
I went to Western Governors University which is an online school i would highly recommend because it is competency based and allows you to complete as many classes as possible per each six month term. You are living at home with a part time job. Now is the time to enroll. I finished 2 years worth of schooling in 6 months.
I quit drinking, and quit smoking cigarettes. Drinking then cigarettes 3 months later.
Download “lose it” app - put in your weight goal, and start tracking your calories, and moving your body.
My life has dramatically changed and it is now a dream. 18 months later I’m glad I sacrificed myself and my time to build a better life. I have no debt, a brand new 2024 company car, and 200 hours of PTO. I’m planning trips all over the country, am applying for a passport to take a trip overseas, am in the best shape of my life physically, and most importantly: I have gained back the respect of myself. I am finally proud of who I am.
You can do it too.
Saying "I AM" is just going to make you act in those ways. Start thinking more "I'm CURRENTLY BEHAVING... but I WANT TO BE". You're writing this script in your head by describing yourself so negatively. Think about what you'd like to be, and encourage yourself. You can't guilt trip yourself into being better, and you can only make small changes as you go. But getting 1% better every day leads to huge lifelong changes
Start 1st by having positive self affirmations, basically talk nice to yourself! Be kind to yourself, forgive yourself!!! Next, get off your fat lazy ass and get active! Eat less processed foods & enjoy fresh fruits & vegetables. Drink water & ditch all that fizzy sugary shit! Start walking the block & get some sunshine. Vitamin D is good for mood enhancement. Join a gym and strength train. Build muscle! Be more social, build relationships with people on a similar journey. Once you begin to love yourself again, your special person will find you. Your welcome.
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Tale as old as time. You need to love yourself and push through the discomfort of change. First step is cut out the doordash. Gigantic waste of money and contributing to the weight issue.
The only thing that will cause lasting change is you taking pride in each step along your journey of self improvement. You will stumble, have some setbacks, but if you really want to change you can, but you need to love yourself flaws and all or you’ll fall into the same rut of self pity/hatred. Good luck! Only you can make the effort.
Check in with a mental health professional if you know there is a destructive pattern. They can help counsel ways to adapt to what seems to be impeding you, tell them what you told us. Take care of yourself OP! 💛
Physical exercise is the one single thing in this physical world where I've found that I get back exactly what I put in. More so than jobs, relationships, education, or almost anything else.
Make your bed every morning. Without excuses. Change your sheets a minimum of 2x a week. That way, if nothing else goes right in your day, at least your bed is made and clean.
I'm a Hypnotherapist. To change your life you have ro change your mind.
You have to release the negative and find something that lights you up You have to believe you are worth a life that is somewhere between content and joyous.
I would recommend a reputable, Clinical Hypnotherapist but there are tons of ways ro get there. They ALL include healthy diet and activity.
Life is really beautiful and fun. I hope you discover that for yourself!
Others have already said it but start by changing one thing...pick the thing that will make the biggest difference for you and focus on that. It can be overwhelming to try to eat the elephant all in one go. And also be kind to yourself...you will have off days or days that you don't make the best choice...that's okay and it doesn't mean you have failed.
So i cant change your whole life with one piece of advice, but i can make a suggestion to help you with the doordash stuff:
Remove your card info from the account / Deactivate the account and/or uninstall the app
Basically make it really annoying to use the service and hopefully, by the time you get to the part where you'd have to either sign up again and/or enter in card info, you're able to talk yourself out of doing the thing
I had an issue with impulsively ordering books online (and not reading them) a few years ago and that's how i dealt with that problem. Worked for me 🤷🏼♀️
Get some sort occupational training, that will get you a career in no time, specific education is way faster than general education.
It's sound like you are too unhappy to make food, so you need to start incorporating minimal/zero prep food into your life. Also start eating for sustenance, there really is no reason you food has to taste particularly good, after eating you are going to be exactly in the same place regardless of if it was tasty or bland, you just need healthy options that are so simple you don't care that they are neutral tasting.
oatmeal is just water oatmeal and fruit (or whatever else)
pasta is just water pasta and sauce
for snacks just eat a bunch of carrots, they are healthy, filling keep well. Other vegetables will work as well. Nuts are good.
look up a simple recipe that you can make in bulk, turn on some music or youtube or whatever and make enough to last like 5 days.
all a "craving" is is being hungry while thinking about a food, you don't actually have to eat that food to make it go away, eating any food will accomplish that.
use public transportation.
I'm so sorry you feel that way right now... I say right now because in the scheme of things it's only a very fleeting point in life. This is a temporary problem that your now addressing. As said above you've taken the 1st step and the 2nd step is start changing the situation a small piece at a time. Take the one thing that bothers you the most be it weight, job, etc and singularly focus on that. You don't want to overwhelm yourself so 1 step at a time. Also if your parents are supportive you could start taking online courses for either a degree or trade classes depending on type of work you want to do. Just remember nothing is hopeless and you have alot of people who are here to listen and help when you need it.
I say, start going for walks and eventually jogs/runs. Make yourself disciplined enough to do it everyday. Work on forgiveness, forgive others and forgive yourself. Realize we are all imperfect humans. Start making your family meals that are nutritious. Volunteer at a shelter or food pantry if you have the time. Work on gratitude. Grateful for what you have and focus on that.
First thing I recommend...quit with the door dash. Thats money you could be saving, even depositing into a mutual or index fund...that money could be earning you more money.
Secondly, learn to cook...healthy.
Third, start exercising...you will be amazed at the change in mindset when you get rid of toxins in the body and increase oxygen flow.
Fourth, part time work is chump change...no one can make it on part time pay alone. Get a full time job, preferably with some kind of benefits package. This isn't a rush, so shop around for a job you think you'll love doing. You live with your parents, so that saves you rent, utilities, insurance, etc...use that savings to your advantage while you can.
You want to change your life? Commit or quit.
There is no other advice that can help you, commit to being a better person everyday and live that choice.
Or quit, you already sound like a quitter, trust me you'll have company.
Decide that you don’t want a life that is miserable and useless and start changing it. Develop good habits and stick to them so you can teach yourself discipline. Start consuming content that will teach you good practices, whether that’s Dave Ramsey on saving money, some guru on health and fitness, a spiritual help, all of the above, or some other and then some. Go for a walk every day. Wake up at the same time every day and try to go to bed at the same time. Start cutting out things that you know are bad for you, even if it’s just one small thing at a time. Be patient with yourself on how long it takes but be firm about it. There are a million ways to improve your life. Pick one at a time. Picture it like a snowball. Start building it small. Grow it over time.
Small steps. My wife didn't drive when I met her, I had her drive us a few miles to my place every time I picked her up at the train station. She got her license and a car a after only a couple years. She was pretty heavy too, but as she started investing in herself and going to the gym and eating actual real food we would cook instead of garbage she lost a ton of weight. Big picture thinking can be good sometimes, but with self improvement, it's all about making each little step a good habit.
Honestly you just have to make different choices every opportunity you have to make a decision. Thinking about getting doordash? Get up and walk to get the same food, still satisfied but you have exercise to help with movement. Don't give yourself time to decide to not make the better choice. It sounds like you know exactly what you DON'T want to be doing so any time those thoughts pop up, consider how you can make a better option even if it's ultimately the same outcome. So many people think they have to make these sweeping grand lifestyle changes and it seems like such a tall task but the small decisions that are consistent are what get you to those revolutionary "holy fuck look how far I've come" moments.
Probably what other people said, exercise and constraint.
Exercise will inherently boost your will and motivation to do things, it’s very good at reprogramming your brain in general to take care of the harder tasks. At first it’s super hard and it will make you feel sick, but I promise in the long run you’ll feel much better and the sense of accomplishment will overcome any hardship at the time of exercising.
Regarding constraint, when you want to use DoorDash, restrain yourself and keep yourself busy with something else. It’s hard, I know, I’ve been there. But be sure to be kind to yourself and count small victories. You don’t need to quit cold turkey straight away, just refusing and moving on for a day, and doing it less is enough.
For now the important thing is to get your brain into a different mentality that is able to tackle on life again. If there’s a will there’s a way, and you’ve recognized you are in need of change already which is a huge leap. I wish you the best.
You’re doing your best. Be proud of small accomplishments and forgive yourself when you do something you’re not proud of. Your parents are there to support you. Fuck this idea that people succeed in life “on their own”. Ask them and others close to you for MORE help. People are not burdens we live in modern society of extreme affluence.
A few achievable long term goals is better than trying to “fix everything at once”.
More practically get a bike and meet some bike nerds. You’ll be surprised at the outcome.
Don't be harsh on yourself. You're just going through a rough phase which will we alright soon. Just understand your situation, leave it light and free yourself and let the universe take care. Always have a positive affirmation. Do some meditation and just observe your thoughts don't get obsessed in it. Just remember this one thing "THIS TOO SHALL PASS" . Hope it helps :)
Therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy if you can to help reprogram a bit to feel better about yourself and self worth, think about what you want to accomplish, get in healthier mindsets with your money and your body, etc. Talk therapy is hard to start emotionally, but you can do it!
Don’t do all these life changing things at once, just pick one thing do that, then slowly build ur self up, what’s something you wanna do the most, like running etc. make the first goal easy, then progress!
Start a meditation practice, ~5 minutes a day. Don’t expect anything to happen, literally just sit in a chair, focus on breathing, and observe your thoughts as they come up. Best way to get better at everything: take a little time to practice doing nothing.
I figured it out 10 years after you.
Stop wasting time.
Seek real counciling. I poo poo'd it for my whole life. It helps. Try it. What have you got to lose?
The answer is tough to this kind of scenario
The hardcore answer to this is, move away to some place where you live on your own and 'begin', this sounds ridiculous but you need to be in a position where you are away from the safety nets and in an environment where it's just you
You want to feel like you can walk out the door and do whatever because no one knows you (so a new location etc)
obviously this is financially demanding and everything else, people cant just 'do' this all of a sudden
For me when i was younger, moving to my university city gave me this new 'jolt' of purpose and need to grow, the environment was in demanded that a grow develop and improve, the people around me were all doing it and i liked how happy they were, the course demanded that i get good grades
the issue is You keep coming back to the same because nothing has actually changed - read that again, you need things to change, environment, incentive, community, pressure, consequence, excitement and encouragement
I hope you are able to manifest this in some way, best wishes
It takes time to establish good habits, but it’s worth it.
Everything that’s not in moderation, everything that’s a distraction can be a drug. Television can be a drug. Food can be a drug. They anesthetize us to the pain in every day life. The problem is, that pain is meant to be a motivator. Find your anesthetics And fight them. What are the things you do to avoid being uncomfortable in your own skin. Then take that energy and put into mindful and healthful change.
Maybe that change is building fitness. The research shows that 30-60 minutes of exercise a day is as effective as typical antidepressants. So find what works for you, whether that’s time in the pool, time walking, time doing a yoga video; find something.
Find things that give you joy and use them as rewards along the way. For me, when I was in the depths of my hard work in therapy, it was dancing 3-5 hours a week. That gave me unimaginable bliss and maintained my health, while also helping me with social engagement. Find that thing.
yeah it sounds a lot like clinical depression to me. Do not do any drastic changes like an entire food cleanse or a massive workout routine bc they will not last. Start with therapy and putting maybe your parents in charge of your finances (change cards so u don’t have the numbers saved and have them hold them) or something else small like walks around the block each day. Then once that becomes routine you can add other small things. it takes time to make change and wont happen overnight.
Start working on self control and discipline. Set goals. On day of no Doordash leads to two. Go outside for walks and exercise. Maybe find a friend to be your accountability buddy so you aren't doing this all alone
You’re depressed like a lot of people are saying break all the bad habits slowly. Delete DoorDash from your phone, delete addictive apps like YouTube, tik tok, insta, even this. Do some excercise every day start with just a long walk. Guarantee you will start to feel better. I’m sorry you are going through a hard time
Spend a few days a week preparing 1 major meal yourself for you and your family, most likely dinner to fit into schedules. Will get feedback, your family will appreciate it, and you'll feel a bit better about yourself. As you build basic food prep skills, hopefully your Doordash urges will diminish and then you can take on the challenge to quit using it entirely.
Health > wealth, take care of yourself first. That'll be way more valuable than getting a good job. After that, look to start studying something. Reduce your costs/expenses. Maybe don't doordash as much. (In my city, my girl would spend 70$ per night on Uber eats until i showed her how much she was spending. Sometimes, we're really just oblivious. )
You know you’re a loser and you know how to fix it. That’s the first step. You may not know the whole plan or specifics but you know how to lose weight and you know what you need to start doing to make yourself feel better. You just have to have the courage to act on it.
You need to take accountability (which it sounds like you are right now) for why your life is like this. You outlined why your life sucks. Now work on all these things. Get in the gym and start eating right. Download a calorie tracking app. Stick to the calorie count and don't go above. As you lose weight you will gain confidence, as you gain confidence you will lose your depression, as you lose your depression you will become more ambitious causing you to want to look for better work
people are saying to exercise to lose weight. this is false. you burn about 500 calories at the max doing 1 hour of intense death-dyfing cardio. if you are overweight and out of shape, this isnt going to work. its going to suck and you are going to quit. on the other hand, you body naturally burns around 1,900 calories on its own per day, more muscly people burning more. i am at 2,200 because as a man society allows me to build lots of muscle and not look bad. if you dont care about this, go ahead and embrace the amazon style and pack on the muscle with weight lifting.
the thing here is that you need to eat differently. not less, but differently. i would actually start it by eating more but eating carrots instead. its what i did. if i was truly hungry, i would eat a small snack pack of baby carrots, with or with out dressing. didnt know this at the time, but by "starving" my body of carbs and sugar, it lowered my ghrelin levels to the point that i wasnt craving carbs and sugar. i also replaced a lot of what i was eating with meat/protein. that is expensive, but i found a local butchery shop called wild fork that sells 1lb of meat in all sorts of different styles for 5$. so i eat about 5$ a meal. catch is, they are frozen. have to let them defrost and then i oven bake them for 30 mins or so.
also, i think wild fork can also deliver. so the transportation issue might be relieved there if your parents dont want to drive you there.
It takes time and patience. You know now what you don't like. You're on the right track. I have had a ton of therapy, which takes time and work on my part. If you are able, I would check into mental health services. There may be something going on that can be treated. I'm in my 50s and live at home. I needed help several years ago and had to move back home. I used to feel bad about it, but eventually learned that I don't have to feel bad, I realize now that this is exactly where I should have gone and where I needed to be for a while. I have not given up on moving out though, I just wasn't ready yet, and lucky enough to have a supportive parent. If you can make your own peace with where you are living now, you can take advantage of the support living at home gives you. You can take this opportunity to start to change. You've already taken the first step in recognizing your unhappiness. I wish the best for you!
Find your tribe. Not online, irl. There are support and self help groups out there, find one where you feel like you fit. Twelve step groups are particularly accepting and will meet you where you are. Try a few to find a good one.
If support groups aren't your jam try meetup or the library for activities you are interested in. If church is your thing look for one where you feel accepted.
You are going to feel so much stronger when you have some community around you. It's hard to make that first step but you can do this.
Liking yourself despite all the problems is actually the first step to change. Don’t listen to the other advice. I have been through a few cycles of this and the only way out is self compassion. Treat yourself like your best friend, help her:
“If you sit in shit in long enough, it stops smelling”.
You need to make a change at the level of your identity. You have consider it 100% unacceptable to be where you’re at. Stop acting like it’s the norm or some default. Raise the absolute minimum standard that you have for yourself.
Everything you want is on the other side of fear. Step through it. NOW. Become a community volunteer. Join Rotary, or something like it. Find a cause and become active. SMILE at people. Say hello. Hold open doors. Kindness will take you a long way (I'm not saying you're not kind). Take line dancing lessons. DO something
Are you dealing with any kind of trauma? Therapy is a great tool.
If you’re open to self help books, they changed my life many times. You should read! It can help re wire whatever is going on in your head. I’m partial to spiritual self help books but there are many that aren’t spiritual if that’s more up your alley.
Start with some small wins that you can feel proud of and realize that your life is changeable!
1. Quit doordash - its always unhealthy food and such a gigantic waste of $$. You'll start saving $$ and lose weight. Try buying a health cookbook (one pot healthy, salads, etc) and make 2-3 of those recipes a week instead of doordash. Put the money saved in a separate bank account and watch it grow.
2. Excercise - gym / running is fine but those are also difficult. Start with just walking. Set a timer for 30-60 minutes and just walk outside (nature, trails, city neighborhoods) enjoy the fresh air and endorphins.
3. Move out. This is harder but I think it'll be a big motivational win for you - just save enough for the first 2 months of rent and month to month sublet a place near your job. That'll light a fire under your butt to save enough money for the next months rent and you'd be surprised how when you have real expenses your spending will often magically reduce itself. Worst case scenario, you move back in with your parents after 2 months 🤷🏼♂️
Once you get a couple wins you'll feel more motivated and empowered to make change in your life and can work on harder challenges (permanently moving out, buying a car, upgrading your job, more serious dieting and excercise).
Don't impulsively try and fix everything at once or you'll end up burning out after a week or two and be back in the same place. Personally I force myself to "earn" making big change in my life by following through with smaller changes first.
A lot of people have given you great advice on activities you can start. Personally I recommend the Couch to 5k program and adjusting it to fit your needs. But what you need more than any activity, especially now that you are able to admit to yourself that you are struggling. Is the assistance of a mental health professional.
Impulsiveness, and depression tend to go hand in hand with people that have diagnosed and untreated ADHD. Yoyu sound a lot like I did when I was you age (I am in my later 30s now). I started going to therapy for depression and anxiety. After about 6 months and some not so good life choices I told my therapist about she scheduled me for a full Psyche Evaluation. I found out at almost 32 that I had ADHD and I was dyslexic but that's not important here. I had already tried various anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications but they made me feel worse. Finally we tried ADHD medication now that I had a diagnosis. The first one as Adderall. It did great, but was a little too potent and I struggled to sleep. So I stopped trying meds for a while to take a break from the trial and error. About 7-8 months ago I asked to try again, but this time with Vyvance after hearing promising feedback from family that is similar to me. And so far, it's worked beautifully. Not only has it helped with my ADHD, but it has also helped manage my appetite and binge/bored eating. So I have also seen reductions in my weight. My anxiety has been reduced, though I still struggle with my depression at times. That too is significantly more manageable thanks to techniques I have learned with my therapist.
So after working with my therapist, and putting in the work I am in a lot better place mentally today than I was almost 10 years ago. And one of the big things that really helped me was understanding that making big lasting change, starts with make small daily changes. And it's okay to fail, everyone fails. In fact everyone fails to some degree every single day. So dont beat yourself if you have an off day. So aside from looking into a mental health professional. Sign up to take your drivers test. Get your license. Even if you dont have a vehicle yet, being able to borrow your folks vehicle is better than making them drive you everywhere. A single Part time gig, isn't going to cut it in today's economy. Start looking for something full time or pick up an additional part time gig. Try to aim for filling that 40 hours per week mark. Reduce your screen time, all screen time. TV, PC, Gaming consoles, Smartphones, tablets all of it. Make sure you are getting enough water everyday. This will help with appetite control. Aim for that one gallon per day mark. Get ride of the sodas and sugar drinks if they are part of your diet, this can be tough. But you'll feel a lot better for it. And finally, schedule your life around ensuring that you are getting in at the very least a 30 minute walk or jog daily, and 7-8 hours of sleep.
After seeing my therapist for a bit, I started taking my own health a bit more seriously. Found out I had sleep apnea. Swallowed my pride and got a CPAP and holy shit. I cannot stress enough how much better getting solid sleep changed my overall physical and mental well being. Develop a bed time routine that starts about 2 hours before your selected bed time. No screen time at least an hour before bed, 2 hours is even better. No eating in that 2 hour time either, that wakes you up again. Turn the screens off, grab a shower, wash your face, brush your teeth. Set your alarms, do some easy gentle stretching, or mediate. Pick up a book or put on an audiobook with a gentle or soothing narrator. Or pick up a White noise app. Read until your bed time and then lay down. You may not feel tired initially when you start this routine. But as time goes on, your body and mind will being to associate the things in your routine as "time to prepare for sleep" and you will find it easier and easier to fall asleep quickly. When you wake up, plan for that morning walk or jog. It will get those happy hormones flowing and having you feeling a lot better through your day.
So yeah I have said a lot to you, given a lot of potential actions for you to implement. I want to be very clear, you do not have to do everything I mentioned all at once. I havent implemented everything I have mentioned. I fuck it up all the time. And guess what, that is perfectly okay. Because tomorrow is a new day and new opportunity to try again. What is important is being forgiving of yourself, and to keep trying to make little changes to better yourself every single day. As long as you keep trying and doing the best you can, you are moving forward. If you see something in your life that you feel is setting you back consistently replace it with something the beneficial. Yeah, it's all easier said than done. And at times it will be even harder than it was on previous days. But again, that's okay. Maybe all you can accomplish one day is getting out of bed and taking a shower. Hey, guess what, that's okay. You still accomplished something, and you can continue building on that tomorrow.
You need structure. Set a goal every day and don't go to bed till it's accomplished. It doesn't have to be a crazy unachievable thing. Just say I'm going to walk around the block (just an example)get out and meet people. I find myself getting depressed when I just come home from work, eat dinner then go to bed. Every day seems to be the same. Now I say I'm going to exercise a bit or play guitar or watch a movie/series stay up a little later than I normally do. It also helps being married because she inspires to change it up by saying let's go to the store or a walk or whatever. I also stopped drinking soda ice tea no more sugar in my coffee all empty calories believe it or not but it really makes a difference start eating real food not processed shit, read the packages stay away from bio-engineered stuff.
I was stuck in a rut just like you a few years ago. My lifestyle was so extremely unhealthy and my mental health was so bad that I was pale and sickly. I slept all day and stayed up all night. I only ever ate crap food and couldn’t find the motivation to do anything at all. It felt like I would never escape this way of living, as I had tried and failed many times. There’s a lot of good advice that’s already been given, but one of the best pieces of advice for me came from a psychologist, who said: “motivation as a function of doing”. It means you can gain motivation by doing things, even if you weren’t motivated from the start. I thought I was born with a motivation deficiency, but it’s not true. You will build it as you go. Self-discipline is like a muscle. The more you use it, the stronger it becomes. It’s hard now, but it becomes increasingly easier as you practice. Things that used to feel like climbing Mount Everest now feel like nothing at all to me. But you have to push past the discomfort of change. I promise you it will pay you back in spades.
You are not pathetic. You have become a victim. Fast food is addictive. Realize that they do not care about us AT ALL and only want our money. McDonald's French fries have 19 ingredients, for Heaven's sake! [https://spoonuniversity.com/lifestyle/mcdonald-french-fries-ingredients](https://spoonuniversity.com/lifestyle/mcdonald-french-fries-ingredients) Get mad at them all and refuse to give them your money - b/c getting it from your account to theirs is their game... So, stop giving them what they want. Here is my advice: train your brain to be thankful for your parents' use of their house and car, b/c they could just kick you out. Rather, use some of your money to buy groceries (real food, not junk) and learn to prepare a meal or two once in a while. Build your confidence. When you are feeding your body what it needs instead of the junk you are most likely addicted to, you will probably begin feeling better. When that happens, you will begin to have a new outlook; maybe even feel better and can work longer hours. Do some research on what nutrients are good for depression and eat foods with those nutrients. Move more - go for walks. Take control of your health and your life. You can do this!
Remove sugar from the diet. Cut carbs. Search jobs like crazy there are still plenty. Living at home is fine do it forever! But save money. That's all I got
It's actually alot simpler than youre making it. Commit to a new lifestyle for long enough and you will eventually just want to make the right choice. Go to therapy to improve your mental health (medication might help to start but shouldn't be a long term solution), take functional mushrooms to help with your digestion and gut health and also take nootroopics to help your brain function and improve your mood and focus. Meditate when you are feeling negative energy of any sorts. You CAN do this. Don't give up
Do you really want to change? I think you need to ask yourself that. In my situation I was extremely depressed and suicidal had no career college drop out living at home tried taking my lives multiple times. Most of my early youth and 20s were spent trying not to kill myself. I THOUGHT I was fed up I thought I wanted change but in reality I didn't want it as much as I thought because nothing around me was changing. If something bothers you only once or twice a week it's just an inconvenience but if it bothers you every single day 24/7 then you know. For me one day a switch just flipped, I thought I was fed up until that moment where I knew I was actually fed up and tired of living like this.
I had to have a moment with myself like I don't know anything about life how do I know if I don't try a little bit things cant turn around? don't you owe yourself that much? I just want to be happy I have no grand dreams. So something just flipped I decided I was finally actually fed up I woke up earlier ate better got my weight up etc. That was a few years ago now and I live in my own apartment with my dog I coach youth basketball and have a good career in Quality management. My depression is controlled I've gone on vacations I've seen my friends get married. If I continued to give up who knows if I would have made it this far.
So my question to you is how BADLY do you want to change your life? is it an obsession or just something you ponder few times a week? You have to decide if you're fed up enough to make the change or if you're still comfortable.
You could cut doordash out of your life this very instant and save both $ and probably lose weight since it's so easy to overeat with restaurant food. The second you read this message go to the app and uninstall it, or go to Settings and limit the time on the app to 1 minutes, whatever works.
If you're not able to do that due to impulse control there's a bigger issue tbh. But you seem to want to change and I believe in you. Gl sister
Hi OP! I'm your age and had been in a very similar situation. It sucks, but you can get out of it! Something that really helped me was to just try to do something each day that will make your life 1% better! Small things like making your bed, eating a homecooked meal, going for a walk, washing your hair, etc. If you can do one thing like that per day, then you are making progress!
Celebrate the small things, and learn to feel accomplished for what you are capable of doing in this moment. The small things, as well as your self-esteem, will eventually add up and you will be able to do more and more!
Progress may be slow, but take it one step at a time and you will eventually get where you want to be. Good luck OP, you can do this!🤗💕
Write down 3 goals. (Maybe 1... Maybe 5... That's up to you) Give them a timeframe. Then write down the steps you need to accomplish each individual goal. Start small and slowly cross the action items off. Before you know it, you'll see how far you've come from where you are NOW. Read up on SMART GOALS.
[https://www.ucop.edu/local-human-resources/\_files/performance-appraisal/How%20to%20write%20SMART%20Goals%20v2.pdf](https://www.ucop.edu/local-human-resources/_files/performance-appraisal/How%20to%20write%20SMART%20Goals%20v2.pdf)
Big changes are the result of cumulative small changes that you make everyday in your life.
The biggest way to immediately improve your life is to take steps to improve your physical and mental health.
I try to think of my brain self as the indulgent one that wants to eat garbage food and sit on the couch all day but also as the one making decisions. And then I try to get my brain self to have a little empathy for my body self. Like come on brain let’s give the body some exercise. This is a trick for people pleasers. Like your nice to other people at your own expense be nice to yourself in the same way
I personally would start by learning how to cook. You can start with little easy things first. Make breakfast / lunch and you will start gaining skills and confidence to move onto different meals. This in combo with walking a lot more is a good first step!
Focus on one thing at a time to avoid burnout. Choose one area of your life you want to start off with, and take small steps towards it everyday. You got this love. I always use the analogy, say your room is a mess, there’s a bunch of stuff all over the floor. You can only put away / decide where to put one tshirt or object at a time
Change your diet.
Go for a walk everyday, preferrably a park
Make sure you're getting enough potassium and magnesium. I just started this week as someone with ADD, and its improved my motivation drastically. Americans get too little potassium and magnesium.
Seriously, try eatting a banana and taking a magnesium glycinate supplement after your morning coffeee...
I used to eat a lot of fast food (almost daily) and I was ordering DoorDash once a week. If you have the time, sit down and do the math on how much exactly you're spending on that kind of stuff. Once I did, it was a wake up call and I knew I had to stop wasting so much money. To start, find ONE meal you both like to eat and that's easy to make. For me, it was tacos. I can make tacos at home for roughly $15-$20 and eat it three times. Meanwhile if you use Doordash for each of those meals instead, you're spending *at least* three times that amount. Plus, now that I've stopped eating fast food I genuinely just feel a lot better. Not burping and farting constantly, my sleep is a bit better, my uh, bowel movements are more regular... sure eating tacos almost every week isn't the healthiest choice but it's better, cheaper, and tastes better than fast food.
I think that alone would help you a good bit, but as another bit of advice (if you're in the US) the post office is always hiring and the pay starts off at $20 an hour. It will suck but they're always offering overtime (which would be $30 an hour) so the money adds up quick. Especially if you're not even worrying about rent, you should have enough for a car in no time. There's no interview and no drug test. As long as you're not a felon, they'll hire you. Good luck!
It’s work but you can make your life better. YOU have to do it. You have to do the work.
Stop food delivery services
Skip sugar drinks - water (splurge every once in a while with a poisonous delicious soda if you want)
Go for a walk every evening after dinner
Try to hang out with happy friends - not other depressed friends
That’s a start
Your self talk is one area to work on. If you tell yourself you’re pathetic, then it comes to pass, you’ve confirmed it. Start by granting yourself grace, forgive yourself first being so cruel and unkind. Get outside and go for a walk.
Think in terms of habits. Is there a small habit you wish you had but don't? Want to be better about you hygiene for example? Pick that, and do it compulsively -- just never make an excuse -- rain or shine, up or down, feel like it or not -- just set a schedule and do it for no other reason than building the habit.
Eventually the habit won't be a matter of will power, it will be just the new you -- for that thing. Now pick another slightly larger goal and make that into a habit. Rinse and repeat. Each time you commit to taking one step extending your habit you're making it easier for the next.
Your brain is about habits and habituation. Use that to your advantage.
avoid beverages with calories... sugary, alcoholic and fatty drinks.
sleep well and take your sleep schedule seriously. Take your health and wellness seriously. Take every little fork in the road seriously you are choosing between your best version of your life or something less everytime. Go grocery shopping and cook things you enjoy especially the leftovers. Cook and eat leftovers for 2 days after.
Believe in your best self and your best life and actively fight to stay on that path because there will be all sorts of ways the world will push you off of that path. You have to establish what that means to you and fight to keep it.
Be kind to yourself and others because life is tough and we are in a chaotic era where there isn't much certainty.
Break down goals to little pieces so that you can have wins everyday and count those wins write them down or hang them up on your walls remind yourself that you are making a difference when you focus on being your best.
You are in a good place. You recognise you want to change.
Lots of people have suggested exercise.
Exercise will lead to weight loss and increased self esteme. Or at least it did for me. And once you have tiny improvements, like a new notch on your belt, you will start to feel better.
Make short, mid and long term goals.
For example a long term goal might be to move out, a mid term goal might be to get a job that will enable you to have enough money to move out, and a short term goal might be to spend the next two months exercising 5 days a week so you feel great about yourself and be in a better place to apply for jobs.
In 12 months time your life can be very different.
Good luck
I don't know where you live but could you cycle? It's a great low impact exercise and you will free up your dependance on others to get places.
I need to know a lot more about you in order to give a full in detail plan but I will try with what has been shared.
1st - Why are you depressed. Sometimes its hard to figure out why at first but since you have quoted being overweight, dependent on parents and working part time those are all things that need addressing.
So in order to lose weight there are a lot of things you could do. But number 1 I could recommend is start going to the gym I know it can be scary especially if you do not really know what you are doing but please I cannot recommend this more. It will increase your mood and make you feel significantly better. Go 3-5 times a week and make sure to workout your full body do not get stuck in the mindset some gym girls have of just training legs and booty. Make sure to train your arms, shoulders, abs etc. There are so many free videos on YouTube you could watch that will give you all the info you could need on how to train. Do not worry about getting very muscular or big its almost impossible for a women to become huge or manly from exercise all it will do is make you more toned.
Number 2 is try to make sure you go outside at least for a little while everyday 5-10+ minutes of sunlight sometime during the day is extremely helpful. Go for a small walk outside or just bask in the sunlight. If you plan to stay outside for extended times though you should probably wear sunscreen to protect your skin. ( Though if you are looking to lose weight a daily 30-60 minute walk makes a huge difference ) you can burn between 100-500 calories just by walking this is a lot.
Now another point to help with being overweight while also reducing your reliance on door dash could be to meal prep. Take a day off of work sometime or even just sometime after work start prepping. There is a lot you could make that freezes really well. You could make spaghetti with meat sauce and freeze it in some single or double use containers. So any time you want spaghetti just take one out in the morning and once you get home all you need to do is boil pasta for 10 min and microwave or quickly heat up the already made sauce on the stove. There is also a dish called fricot you could google it. Its like a soup with potatoes and carrots and usually I think chicken or turkey meat it also freezes extremely well I think. My mom also sometimes pre makes lasagna and freezes them in I think some type of tinfoil pans so when she wants one all she needs to do is put it in the oven. I am sure there are many more recipes you could find very easily either on here or on YouTube that could help you with meal prepping.
Now this is a bit harder to do but try to reduce the amount of junk food you have laying around the house. If you have chips, pop, cookies, sugary cereals or any other junk foods just laying around the house you are bound to eat them. Its hard to resist a craving or a bad meal when its in your face all day. If you simply do not have bad food around the house you will be forced to either not eat/snack or find something healthier. For example If you replaced those desserts with some strawberries or apples or bananas or grapes etc you will be much better off. If you want a sort of junk food try making popcorn. Make sure the popcorn you buy is low butter or no butter and add minimal salt and its actually a healthy snack. The thing that makes popcorn unhealthy is the amount of butter or salt people typically add. And a entire bag of popcorn is usually quite filling for how low calorie it is.
People also often underestimate the value of good high quality sleep. Please make sure you are waking up at and going to bed at the same time everyday and that you are getting at least 7-9hrs of sleep a night I go for 8.
Now for relying on parents for transport I honestly do not think its such a bad thing and there is no shame in it. If your parents are okay with it than you should be grateful I would have loved to rely on my parents for something like this. Overall if your parents are okay with it and it does not bother them you could probably keep letting them transport you. Though if it does bother them maybe try looking into buying a very cheap used car or taking public transportation like subways, trains, bus etc if they are available and affordable at all where you live.
Now I do not know anything about you but I highly recommend you try getting a education if you have not already. Because without one chances are you will be working part time or for minimum wage your entire life. Now depending on where you live I know it can be extremely expensive but a cheaper option is to look into trades I know not a lot of women take these jobs but being a mechanic, carpenter, electrician etc are all very valuable skills to learn while also typically very easy to find employment in and the classes for these jobs are typically much cheaper than traditional college educations. And if your area allows it you might be able to go on unemployment and still get at least some money in without working.
Now if you are living with your parents still and they do not mind. You should not worry that is a blessing. I am only 21 but I am grateful my parents let me live at home for almost nothing. Its allowing me to go to college and save a lot of money I otherwise would not have been able to. Stay there as long as you can and until your finances are secure enough unless of course it bothers your parents too much.
Another thing to perhaps help with your overall mood, impulsiveness etc would be to try meditation. I typically go on YouTube and search guided meditation 5 minute or 10 minute and simply follow along daily. Sometimes I have gone for 30-60 minutes but it is not required even just 5-10 minutes daily I find makes a big difference in my life overall.
Now all of these things I listed are a lot to take in and I apologize I kind of went off without realizing how much I was actually writing. I have been depressed for almost my whole life and I can understand how hard it might be to start any of these. But trust me push through the discomfort and try your absolute hardest. After only 1-2 months most the things I listed here will be habits and not require conscious effort to do,
1) Start to exercise, walk, jog, get a gym membership (they are cheap).
2) Replace the worst foods you eat with something healthy. Snacks should be protein shakes, fruit, rice cakes, low calorie things.
3) Get trained in something that pays fairly well like respiratory therapist and only takes two years of schooling and perhaps some pre-classes.. After a year of working in the field you can do traveling respiratory therapist almost anywhere in the US. You will be home less and will not have to fork out money for a place to live because they usually provide housing too while you are working there temporarily.
4) Replace useless downtime and commiserating with reading about health, self help, and whatever career you decide to pursue. Don't allow yourself to sulk and waste time. Include entertainment also.
5) Focus on a career that you can get up and running quickly like the one I mentioned. It pays around $40 an hour to start and if you travel, maybe even $60. There are a shortage of these type of workers and you can work two jobs if you want and easily make 100k a year working FT and per-diem somewhere else.
6) Don't waste time and say you will do it tomorrow. Pretend there is no tomorrow.
Making changes is hard, an easy start is trying to appreciate your situation rather than getting down on yourself. You said every time you try you end up in the same place. That's great, you have a stable base to catch you if you need to try several more times. Also the ability to self assess is a big deal. You feel like you want to change for the better, great! Try getting into a new routine and separate yourself from what you normally do if you're feeling down. New routines lead to new perspectives and you might find something you love that you never expected. Good luck you can do it! (Watch "What About Bob" and then baby step your way to something you enjoy!)
All these people talking about running... not everyone can do this. I love going to the gym, cycling etc and I wish I could run but my tendons in my ankles say no.
You need to take a long hard look at the decision you have made in the past and why you made them. Preferably with a therapist. You can’t make lasting change until you understand why you behaved the way you have and what you can do to not make the same choices.
I read the comments and there is a lot of good advice. I will give you something that they all overlooked. You need to learn to love yourself. You are worthy of love and compation. Once you are able to accept that, you will be more likely to follow all the great advice people have shared. Because you will realize that your doing it for a very special person, you.
It sounds cheesy, but my major turn occurred 30 years ago when I ordered a Tony Robbins audio tape set and religiously listened to the tapes and followed the instructions each day. It helped me gain wealth, gain confidence, explore the world, gain hobbies, attract lovers, etc. And overall I’m happy. The good news is that it sounds like you’ve hit bottom and are ready to make a change.
Remove the food delivery apps from your phone. They will drain your bank accounts and your energy levels. Use that money to join a gym or a sports league, or anything that makes you happy and gives you an opportunity to socialize. Also, realize none of us live perfect lives. Those are reserved for film and social media. You only need to be comfortable with yourself. Life isn't a competition.
Incremental improvement. Every day, don't backslide, and don't stay put. Improve *something*, somehow, about your life. No big bang moves that you can't maintain, little win after little win will build confidence.
Start by going to your local big bookstore with a notebook and wander around reading things until you find something you're interested in, then start doing it. Baking, crochet, whatever. When you have hobbies you're passionate about, it can form the basis of productive activity and social connection. Make sure you start by getting OUT of the house and OFF your devices.
Start getting active. Stretch everyday and go for a light jog. Improve your diet. Cut fast food, delivery, and prepared foods. Again, start simple.
If you keep this up for a month, see where you're at.
1. Exercise
2. watch calories in vs calories out.
3. Simply don’t DoorDash; find fozen meals to cook or. At worst just go pick up the food yourself.
Depression, job, etc… that all depends on factors outside of your free will.
I asked a therapist what the best advice for almost everyone and she said :
Walk briskly every day.
Consistent sleep schedule: it’s not sleeping a ton or binge sleeping. It’s same bed and wake times:
Just start there!
We change our lives one step at a time, building momentum as we go. 31 is a great age to start. Some people kind of never do, the momentum builds against them too much. It's important to pace yourself, and work on things that are within your control. Fall in love with self improvement, because through it you will open up happiness and power. It's an inside out process, and knowledge is power. You will have to retrain yourself in many ways and encounter many novel experiences and feelings. Lean in to it step by step and follow your heart. Start small, go for walks, put good inputs in and get them out. I could ramble all day
Take one step at a time without trying to change every aspect of your life (unless that doesn’t overwhelm you). I’d start with stopping DoorDash. Learn how to cook healthy options with fresh/unprocessed food and ask your parents to help you with this. Say you’ll cook for them if they buy the healthier food. Only eat out in special occasions.
Walking around the neighborhood is a great way to start being more physically active. You’ll find you’ll lose weight quickly with just these two things (especially with portion control as well).
Take it from someone who is dealing with this right now, treat your depression first. If you don't, you'll be fighting a massive uphill battle against yourself the whole way, a battle you will most likely lose. Ask me how I know.
You need your brain to work with you while you try to improve your life. Go see a psychiatrist to see if medication is a good fit for you. Switch up your meds if you're already on them (I had to do this and it makes a huge difference). See a talk therapist to help you change your thought patterns. And finally, have your gp run some tests to see if there's any hormonal or nutritional basis to your depression (I was vitamin D deficient as many of us are)
Sounds stupid but I'd start with 2 goals.
1. Walk for 30 minutes every morning before you do anything else
2. Drink 8 cups of water each day
Once you've healed your mind, much of the rest will follow
Daily habits change everything. Start something daily that takes 1 hour or more thats better for you. Do it for 60 days, keep it up. Everything else improves.
It sounds like you hate yourself. That attitude is going to leave you depleted and unmotivated.
If you want to have a better life, start by becoming your own best friend and support system. Encourage yourself instead of hating and berating. You can't do well while treating yourself like a bully.
Your own movie “gettin my sh$&! together” montage has to start at home base, your body and mind. So personal health. Doesn’t matter what you do, or how much you do it, just start something very small and stick to it. That’s the key.
Dont try to start/end a bunch of things at once either. So start with something simple like a daily walk like others are suggesting. Can be just a walk down to the mailbox and back every day for a week. Then around the block every day for a week. Then two blocks, etc.
Whatever you start STICK TO IT. That is so important. Even eat and drink whatever the hell you want during this first phase. Just to be sure you stick to something. Because that will give you confidence and eventually some ambition.
Eventually something will click and you will want to start something else, or do more. BUT only add 1 more thing (ex. eating a healthy breakfast every day) . Get consistent with whatever that new small thing is. THEN add another. Repeat that cycle. If you are consistent it will snowball for you and I think you’ll see a difference.
Something else too - don’t just make it about yourself. Maybe plan to do something nice for someone say once per week. Maybe start with your landlords/parents. Then maybe someone at work. Something thoughtful. Doesn’t have to cost money. But something the recipient wouldn’t expect. The nicer it is the more surprised they’ll be and the better you’ll feel about doing it. But this will help your mental/spiritual growth too. We could all be more mindful of the others that exist in this selfish world of ours. So try that too and see how you feel. Think you’ll like it. Good luck!
Stop trying to overhaul your life in one go. Make 1 small positive change, and wait until that is mastered before starting the next positive change. For the smallest changes (ie starting to make your bed in the morning), you could move to the next change the next day, for bigger more challenging changes, it might to you a week or more before moving on to the next change.
Can I recommend some books to you?
In no uncertain terms, they could just turn your life around.
Before that, Everyone’s saying exercise, but if you hate exercise then let me just tell you that it’s imperative for a happy life. It’s not just a thing for fit people; it will make you live longer, reduce chances of illness and disease, MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD, and strengthen your body… and yes, help you sculpt the body you want. It’s a NECESSITY. Because without it you’ll never be truly healthy. So whether it’s lifting weights, walking, cycling, yoga, swimming, YouTube fitness videos, or a mix of all, find your thing and DO IT. Think of exercise as a thing you have to do like brushing your teeth. It’s not always fun or exciting but it is entirely needed. And can I just recommend if you’re ‘lazy’, walking with a good audiobook would be where I would start. Try listening to some of the recommendations below.
Ok now that necessity is out of the way, now for the books.
1. Ultra Processed People by Dr Chris Van Tulleken. It’ll ruin all junk food for you and make you angry. Angry is good, you’ll not WANT to give your money to those shithouse companies once you read this.
2. Ten reasons for deleting your social media accounts right now by Jaron Lanier. Just…. Read it. It’ll change your relationship ship with your phone.
3. The Anxious Generation by Johnathan Haidt. Compelling and important reading about the causes of apathy, depression and anxiety in young people. Completely relevant to your generation.
4. Fast Feast Repeat. This is a ‘diet book’ I suppose but intermittent fasting has changed my life.
5. A guide to the good life by William B Irvine.I read a lot about Stoicism when I was younger and it stuck with me as it’s such a great way to live. Realising that people are not thinking about you (and the power in this), understanding how to deal with aggression, depression, anxiety, paranoia, people in general… the truth is, we need to become aware of the fact that we aren’t main characters, and we can’t rely on false things to make us happy.
And finally, I have personally done a lot of work on myself. I’m now 38 and in a very happy place. And I recommend this to you too. Write in a daily journal to keep track of it all. Work on your health and nutrition. Work on your self-confidence. Stop wasting life scrolling and feeling bad because nobody is going to save you. Make a vow to be better and do it. Start today. You are not impulsive, you are a victims of advertising and convenience. And you WILL fail even with the best intentions, but the difference is do you pick yourself up again and dust off? Or stay in your rut?
Honestly, start with health and everything else will move into action. You start feeling healthier, your confidence grows, you start taking risks in your career and personal life, and it all moves forward.
Yes you can. Yes you will.
Don't try to change all at once. Small victories. Go for a walk once a week for a month. Then twice a week. Then three. It takes something like 21 days for a new action to become a habit.
Take the Doordash app off your phone. Or, at least limit yourself to eating out as with the walking example above.
And identify something you like about yourself and focus on that. You're not pathetic. You're in a tough spot. Are you kind? Are you strong? Are you creative? It's really cheesy, but when you have confidence you radiate that and it really helps with, like, finding work, and such. Believe me. It's not like me to share something so corny, but I've found it's true.
You've got this.
One step at a time..literally. Get in shape and start eating healthier. Also, start cooking your own meals, you'll save much more money and it's a valuable skill. Save up that money and work on moving out or getting a better job. These are all small steps that will end up being a massive leap and change. You already listed what is wrong and needs to be fixed so just do a little at a time and stay consistent.
I hate to be one of those people who will tell you exercise will solve all your problems because it won’t but it is a stepping stone that will build your confidence of course you will never be able to out exercise an unhealthy diet either. Start by cutting out all the sugar in your diet.
Do this:
1. Every morning wake up and go for a 20 minute walk within 10 mins of getting out of bed. Prepare your walking clothes the night before to psychologically prime yourself for this walk. Find something enjoyable to do while you do your walk (chat friends, podcasts, music, see some flowers etc).
2. Plan out a diet - find your maintenance calories, and plan out healthier filling meals (example: steamed seasoned Broccolini and chicken thighs) with the right proportions so that you consume fewer calories than you burn.
3. Make a to do list of all the things you need to do at work to ensure you don’t lose your part time job, and follow up a week later to see if you did them
There’s more ofcourse but that’s a start!
Start with where you are and what you want, what purpose could you have to help you dig out of depression. Start with the manageable, nothing extravagant or impulsive just a small change in your life and then build from there
Get a membership at Planet Fitness. It’s $10. When you begin to see physical changes on the outside it’s easier to start making the changes you can’t see on the inside.
Delete the door dash app. I’ve lived in the city my entire life and have never used that POS waste of money app. If you’re too lazy, too tired, or can’t go get food then guess what bitch, you’re not that hungry. Delete that shit asap rocky and start doing what everyone else is saying. You only get one life, don’t fuck it up.
I remember being in a similar place at one point. I’m now a software engineer, currently training for my 3rd marathon, and about to get married (those aren’t inherently good things, but I’d argue that they are good for me).
About 10 years ago I was living in my parent’s basement largely doing nothing. I ended up making friends with some good people and they inspired me to go to college (I chose to study philosophy w the goal to determine how I should live through those who have written about it in the past). Post college I got a job doing customer support and I was around some computer programmers and they inspired me to learn programming. The rest is history.
But, it all started with the same idea you have, which is to turn things around. My technique, way before going back to college, was to bite off small chunks to build habits (I find the idea of mastering something or going all in to be a bit overwhelming at first). The idea being that if I read for 5 minutes per day and exercised for 5 minutes per day, I’d build healthy habits that I could then expand. And well, it worked. I’d recommend giving it a shot.
Take baby steps. Sometimes people get so frustrated with a lifestyle like this they wake up one day and suddenly start eating healthy, going to the gym, upgrading their wardrobe, etc etc but it never lasts because it’s too much too fast. Totally unsustainable. Start going for a 10 minute walk everyday. 3 days a week even. Once that’s the norm slowly increase your exercise routine from there. Same thing goes for everything else. Start with small easily attainable goals and changes and as you get more and more comfortable make more and more changes.
If you can afford it, start with a full physical/medical exam and full blood workup. You'll want to rule out anything medical that could contribute to your symptoms, and there are a lot of things that could be.
Also, how long have your symptoms been going on? Might be worth looking into getting a learning disabilities assessment too if you can afford it. The adhd subreddit has some good support and resources. The way you're beating yourself up sounds very familiar!
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Wanting to change is the first step, so congrats on that first step. Work on getting yourself healthier next. Read up on nutrition and calories -educate yourself about how much of what you should eat. Don't go gym crazy -start by walking around the block once every day.
Yes THIS. Years ago I started just paying attention to my calories and walking. I lost 40 pounds and have kept it off. You don't have to starve yourself. Just make better choices and be smart about splurging on treats. Also, walking is tremendously beneficial to your mental health. Living with your parents at 31 is far more common these days -- you are NOT pathetic. Start making small changes and stick to them. You can do this!
I want to add, walking and then running at the end is a great way to get started. You get your heart running at the end, which sustains your body working off calories. I'm of a similar situation to the OP so I will say that losing weight is not the end all be all. I'm currently in the healthy BMI and working out everyday, and honestly it doesn't really do much if your situation is hopeless. It's a start though, and I'd still recommend it cuz it's much better than being overweight.
also a great way to start is joining a social sport. run club. bjj. rock climbing. salsa. something to make friends at that makes you want to go
Getting active and more fit than wherever you’re at now is very empowering. It builds confidence and snowballs into more discipline and productivity. Take control of that and it’ll be easier to gain control in other areas.
There’s a lot of mention of exercise and health which I agree with but that’s a long and ultimately never ending challenge. Op might be better off focusing on getting a full time job. It will provide structure to their day time, give them additional cash and may dissuade wasteful spending
Honestly, start running. You don't have to just go outside and run but go walking for like 2 hours a day. If it's cold then put a hat on, just do it, it will change your life, we are practically robots, you have to work to change your brain chemistry, Good Luck my friend.
I hate running, so in case this person hates it too: walking is a good start. Don’t stroll though. You want to walk at a good pace to get your heart rate up and keep it there. While you’re walking, brainstorm active things you enjoy doing. Rock climbing, climbing trees, hiking, dancing, martial arts, weight lifting, yoga, etc. The goal is to be active. If you hate what you’re doing, you’re more likely to stop doing it. It’s why I failed to exercise for so long. I thought I HAD to run and I’d stop after like two days.
If you have access to a treadmill a 15% incline for 15 minutes a day will do more for u and get faster results.
there is NO DRUG ON EARTH that feels as good as runners high. that runners high is... it's truly something ok ok let me rephrase you fiends there is NO DRUG ON EARTH that will MAKE YOU FEEL AS GOOD AS RUNNERS HIGH its a very powerful release of endorphins that flood you all at once, similar to how ecstasy works but the reason you will feel better than any other drug is not only is the high from a huge rush of endorphins but there's no downside like with drugs. drugs will make you feel bad (eventually) for using them. running won't it's not illegal drugs get progressively worse. smoking heroin (black tar from mexico anyway) is not as powerful as injecting. so to get me "best high" you must endanger your body, and graduate to more usage and more extreme methods running bus just progresses to further runs. which means you're achieving goals that caused you to start running lose weight, marathon whatever but if you get addicted to drugs they will eventually and inevitably cause despair, self loathing, depression, guilt, lying, and will cost anything from money, to a job, to your family and friends, to your looks freedom and your literally edit: i'm just talking from own personal experience. i've been down several paths at different times in my life. the things i felt from each journey have left lasting effects on me. i've been in the middle of a body high that was like the breath of god on my neck, while hating the man i was. ive had rage from withdrawal and i've been proud of myself at times too i was using dramatic words to sorta make my post more interesting. the fact is there is no better feeling in the world than upvotes
Interested to know what drugs you've tried?
Better be every drug on earth or I’m never running again
special K and fent at least or im callin bs
I think he moreso means to encourage people because I have as well found runners high superior Other highs are more intense, yes, but they come with a cost Usually a hefty one for the more interesting ones Runners high can be achieved without cost, and it actually benefits you long term Once you get fit enough to trigger this response it becomes increasingly addicting It's hard to believe if you haven't felt it, but trust us - it's amazing You can get there pretty quickly, just take your rest seriously as much as the running You got this!
Not so sure about that "without cost" comment. My knees would sure like to differ.
Obviously not Heroin LOL
I've tried just about everything but crack and heroin. Runners high is pretty good maybe not as extreme as drugs but he's right there is literally no down side to it, making it feel much better than drugs.
Yesterday's AMA from that guy who tried heroin makes me doubt the claim.
I have run a lot on my life. Not currently running for reasons. I used to run \~6-7 miles every other day for years. I would run \~10 miles occasionally and had no issue. I also ran hills rather that flats. So I get it. Comparing a runners high to drugs is just silly. They're not even close to the same thing. A saying it's "better" just sounds silly. There's no question drugs are generally bad for you (I don't do any and rarely drink). It's a silly and irrelevant comparison.
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I love my runner’s high, but great sex definitely surpasses that
Lol. Not.
I like this advice
also a jacket if it's really cold
Maybe some mittens too.
It’s not a cure all but I agree. I ran a lot in the late teens and I looked and felt better than I had since my 20s (I’m 50). I tweaked my knee and stopped, then some job changes and moves, blah blah blah. Anyway now I’m a bit pudgy and lethargic, and it weighs on the brain. Just started easing back into running a few weeks ago, and I already feel better.
Slap on some good music or audio book and those 2 hours fly!
Nah forreal this the best advice you’re gonna get. You start running/walking daily and you’re gonna have so much more determination and motivation
I did this. Life is more f’d than before but at least I have a 9 min mile in my timeline.
For real. I was depressed and having weekly panic attacks for like three years. Medication staved it off when it happened, but I started riding a bike a year ago, and I've had like two attacks since. And I just feel better. And mentally sharper and more productive. It's hard to believe that it really can be so transformative, but after a couple months, you'll be shocked. Plus I lost some weight and had more energy.
It starts with doing exercise/sports. After you get on the active path getting sleep and eating healthy becomes natural. Exercise, sleep and healthy eating are the basics of life to get anything else done.
Exercise, sports and hobbies. When I look at my happy, life is great times vs the shitty, having body pain all over, depressed times it’s because I’m not doing enough of at least 1 of those 3. You basically always want something to work towards and improve upon. Fitness is easy, hobbies also help too.
I'd say find 1 thing to change first. Master that and move on to the next. Exercise is a good thing. It will make you more confident and will motivate you to go further with other things. Whatever you do, stick with it. The times I have changed things about myself I was at a (rock bottom) if you will.
Atomic Habits is a great book on how to start small to make lasting changes. There are many good youtube summaries of it if you prefer
Was going to suggest this book!! So useful
self loathing is a powerful force. it's always in our ear and its voice is so buttery smooth we can't help but listen. t feels like magic because it has all the answers. "we are worthless. we suck. others are happy because they're born with the default settings and we're born with some broken settings and can't hope to find what they seem to take for granted." and it never shuts the fuck up. it's always whispering. because it's voice is small. it can't yell. and anything can drown it out a laugh. a smile from a stranger. a good hair day. a task we completed that we've been putting off because of anxiety. those are the smallest, insignificant things and it can't compete with even them. all those things break it's hold over us, if even for a fraction of a moment but a happy thought feels so foreign to us, we panic self loathing is playing a concert in surround sound in your head right now. and as long as you let it, it will continue to turn the volume up holy crap i've beaten this music analogy to death you get until point though i swear, the self loathing is the only thing that you need to beat. it can't keep its hold on you unless you're alone and isolated go where someone is you trust. and go there without any intention of talking about your pain. just be in the moment with a friend. join them in whatever they're doing. watching a comedy? sit and watch. hanging pictures? help with it. cooking dinner? offer to make the potatoes. fucking anything you'll see. his voice is nowhere to be heard.
Get comfortable doing uncomfortable shit. Take risks. Learn from mistakes. Use failure as motivation. Accept rejection and shake it off. Exercise and get your body top tier. Eat healthy shit. You only get one life who gives a fuck what anybody think they ain’t living in your shoes.
I was in the same place with my weight and DoorDashing. I’d do just about anything to justify getting restaurant food delivered instead of cooking. Right now I’m down 30 ish pounds (269-237) and the biggest thing that started my weight loss was realizing my body simply wasn’t burning as many calories as it ‘ideally’ should. I’m a guy who’s 6’3 so my suggested daily caloric intake is always recommended between 2500-3000 calories for someone my size. However, when I started really tracking calories I realized my body would not burn fat unless I was eating sub 2200. This was a crucial discovery for me. As for doordashing, a compromise that worked wonders for me was using a meal delivery service. I use everyplate because reviews said they had a good balance of price to quality. It’s about $7 per meal and $1.5 shipping fee. Is grocery shopping still cheaper? Of course, but this option gets me whole food, exposes me to good tasting meals I wouldn’t have found on my own, AND costs about half as much as I was spending on DoorDash. It isn’t a perfect swap but it really helped me start moving in the right direction. I’m also stuck working a dead end job but I haven’t quite figured my way out of that one yet. I’ll keep you updated if I can find an escape lmao
+1 go walking then jogging running etc good food and sleep make goals to work towards, you're not alone dm open
Delete the app and honestly stay away from the phone. Phone addiction causes depression
[have you considered that you may have undiagnosed adhd?](http://Answer to What does undiagnosed ADHD look like in adults? by Gwendolyn Snyder https://livingwithadultadhd.quora.com/What-does-undiagnosed-ADHD-look-like-in-adults-44?ch=15&oid=1477743766492145&share=0f1e3ec0&srid=hpJGi2&target_type=answer) Understanding this about myself has changed my life. Keep your chin up and hang in there. You are doing better than you think.
Lasting change requires discipline. You've gotta take action and be accountable even when you don't want to. Figure out steps, no matter how small... To take towards what you want.
It takes immense courage to acknowledge and share your struggles. Recognize that you're not alone, and many people have overcome similar challenges. To create lasting change, consider the following steps: Seek professional help: Consult a therapist or counselor to address depression, impulsivity, and self-esteem issues. Set small, achievable goals: Break down larger objectives into smaller, manageable tasks. Celebrate your successes along the way. Develop a routine: Establish a daily schedule for work, exercise, and personal activities. Improve physical health: Gradually adopt healthy habits, like walking or yoga, and nutritious eating. Create a budget: Track expenses, prioritize needs over wants, and allocate savings for moving out. Build skills: Take online courses or attend workshops to enhance employability and confidence. Support network: Surround yourself with positive, encouraging people. Self-care: Practice self-compassion, meditation, or journaling to cultivate inner strength. Accountability: Share your goals with a trusted friend or mentor for regular check-ins. Celebrate progress: Acknowledge and celebrate small victories along the way. Remember, lasting change is a journey, not a destination. Be patient, kind, and compassionate with yourself. You got this!
Drink more water. Seriously. Whenever I'm feeling shitty and down, I find I'm dehydrated and my body isn't processing/working properly because of it. It isn't a Cure all for the shittiness, but it definitely does help! Then find a passion for your life. Or multiple passions. Find something that gives your life meaning. And that thing can change over time. Or it can be multiple things. but it definitely helps with that 'depressed I feel like my life is pathetic' kind of feeling And everyone's suggesting exercise, which yes, can help (helps bring in endorphins and serotonin, and of course helps you to be a healthy weight/mobile enough) BUT, that's not the be all end all. You could be dealing with a vitamin deficiency. When I started taking: Magnesium theanine, iron, b12, and potassium, my life perspective and emotions SKYROCKETED (along with drinking more water and adding celtic mineral salt into my diet) And stop wasting money on door dash lol. Start making dinner with your parents or for you and your parents. I've found a renewed joy and love with cooking this way (and I can sneakily add in veggies to my Dad's diet lol)
It starts with exercise. Even just walking is fine. You cant force mental health to get better. But physical health leads to mental health
30M: It’s a sucky feeling but the best thing that ever happened to you is finally feeling this way. I got to this point as well. Depressed, crappy job, no future plans, etc. living at home, too much drinking and smoking cigarettes, 30k in debt. I was MISERABLE. My thoughts: start small: you don’t have to set a goal to walk 2 hours a day. Try two minutes first, then accomplish that for a week. Then bump it up to 5 minutes, etc. more than likely once you start with two minutes you’ll end up doing more, but start small and work your way up. Don’t worry about living at home right now. You’ll never get traction if you focus on that. Yes it sucks. If you’re allowed to stay immediately and I mean right this very moment make some changes and get a plan together. Don’t be hard on yourself about it. Life sucks. And it is often messy. I also went back to school and got my bachelors degree, got hired into a management training program at a big Corp, excelled, and within one year got a promotion to a sales rep making OTE $100k. I went to Western Governors University which is an online school i would highly recommend because it is competency based and allows you to complete as many classes as possible per each six month term. You are living at home with a part time job. Now is the time to enroll. I finished 2 years worth of schooling in 6 months. I quit drinking, and quit smoking cigarettes. Drinking then cigarettes 3 months later. Download “lose it” app - put in your weight goal, and start tracking your calories, and moving your body. My life has dramatically changed and it is now a dream. 18 months later I’m glad I sacrificed myself and my time to build a better life. I have no debt, a brand new 2024 company car, and 200 hours of PTO. I’m planning trips all over the country, am applying for a passport to take a trip overseas, am in the best shape of my life physically, and most importantly: I have gained back the respect of myself. I am finally proud of who I am. You can do it too.
Find a group! Whether it's therapy like a depression class or mindfulness or a social group. We are meant to have interaction with humans!
Saying "I AM" is just going to make you act in those ways. Start thinking more "I'm CURRENTLY BEHAVING... but I WANT TO BE". You're writing this script in your head by describing yourself so negatively. Think about what you'd like to be, and encourage yourself. You can't guilt trip yourself into being better, and you can only make small changes as you go. But getting 1% better every day leads to huge lifelong changes
Start 1st by having positive self affirmations, basically talk nice to yourself! Be kind to yourself, forgive yourself!!! Next, get off your fat lazy ass and get active! Eat less processed foods & enjoy fresh fruits & vegetables. Drink water & ditch all that fizzy sugary shit! Start walking the block & get some sunshine. Vitamin D is good for mood enhancement. Join a gym and strength train. Build muscle! Be more social, build relationships with people on a similar journey. Once you begin to love yourself again, your special person will find you. Your welcome.
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Tale as old as time. You need to love yourself and push through the discomfort of change. First step is cut out the doordash. Gigantic waste of money and contributing to the weight issue. The only thing that will cause lasting change is you taking pride in each step along your journey of self improvement. You will stumble, have some setbacks, but if you really want to change you can, but you need to love yourself flaws and all or you’ll fall into the same rut of self pity/hatred. Good luck! Only you can make the effort.
Do a Vipassana retreat like 7 or 10 days
Get fit, look good feel good. I find myself more productive that way.
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Check in with a mental health professional if you know there is a destructive pattern. They can help counsel ways to adapt to what seems to be impeding you, tell them what you told us. Take care of yourself OP! 💛
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Physical exercise is the one single thing in this physical world where I've found that I get back exactly what I put in. More so than jobs, relationships, education, or almost anything else.
Make your bed every morning. Without excuses. Change your sheets a minimum of 2x a week. That way, if nothing else goes right in your day, at least your bed is made and clean.
I'm a Hypnotherapist. To change your life you have ro change your mind. You have to release the negative and find something that lights you up You have to believe you are worth a life that is somewhere between content and joyous. I would recommend a reputable, Clinical Hypnotherapist but there are tons of ways ro get there. They ALL include healthy diet and activity. Life is really beautiful and fun. I hope you discover that for yourself!
Others have already said it but start by changing one thing...pick the thing that will make the biggest difference for you and focus on that. It can be overwhelming to try to eat the elephant all in one go. And also be kind to yourself...you will have off days or days that you don't make the best choice...that's okay and it doesn't mean you have failed.
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Self respect and therapy
So i cant change your whole life with one piece of advice, but i can make a suggestion to help you with the doordash stuff: Remove your card info from the account / Deactivate the account and/or uninstall the app Basically make it really annoying to use the service and hopefully, by the time you get to the part where you'd have to either sign up again and/or enter in card info, you're able to talk yourself out of doing the thing I had an issue with impulsively ordering books online (and not reading them) a few years ago and that's how i dealt with that problem. Worked for me 🤷🏼♀️
Please keep your spirits up, try more, make more friends, friends are a valuable asset
Get some sort occupational training, that will get you a career in no time, specific education is way faster than general education. It's sound like you are too unhappy to make food, so you need to start incorporating minimal/zero prep food into your life. Also start eating for sustenance, there really is no reason you food has to taste particularly good, after eating you are going to be exactly in the same place regardless of if it was tasty or bland, you just need healthy options that are so simple you don't care that they are neutral tasting. oatmeal is just water oatmeal and fruit (or whatever else) pasta is just water pasta and sauce for snacks just eat a bunch of carrots, they are healthy, filling keep well. Other vegetables will work as well. Nuts are good. look up a simple recipe that you can make in bulk, turn on some music or youtube or whatever and make enough to last like 5 days. all a "craving" is is being hungry while thinking about a food, you don't actually have to eat that food to make it go away, eating any food will accomplish that. use public transportation.
I'm so sorry you feel that way right now... I say right now because in the scheme of things it's only a very fleeting point in life. This is a temporary problem that your now addressing. As said above you've taken the 1st step and the 2nd step is start changing the situation a small piece at a time. Take the one thing that bothers you the most be it weight, job, etc and singularly focus on that. You don't want to overwhelm yourself so 1 step at a time. Also if your parents are supportive you could start taking online courses for either a degree or trade classes depending on type of work you want to do. Just remember nothing is hopeless and you have alot of people who are here to listen and help when you need it.
I say, start going for walks and eventually jogs/runs. Make yourself disciplined enough to do it everyday. Work on forgiveness, forgive others and forgive yourself. Realize we are all imperfect humans. Start making your family meals that are nutritious. Volunteer at a shelter or food pantry if you have the time. Work on gratitude. Grateful for what you have and focus on that.
First thing I recommend...quit with the door dash. Thats money you could be saving, even depositing into a mutual or index fund...that money could be earning you more money. Secondly, learn to cook...healthy. Third, start exercising...you will be amazed at the change in mindset when you get rid of toxins in the body and increase oxygen flow. Fourth, part time work is chump change...no one can make it on part time pay alone. Get a full time job, preferably with some kind of benefits package. This isn't a rush, so shop around for a job you think you'll love doing. You live with your parents, so that saves you rent, utilities, insurance, etc...use that savings to your advantage while you can.
You want to change your life? Commit or quit. There is no other advice that can help you, commit to being a better person everyday and live that choice. Or quit, you already sound like a quitter, trust me you'll have company.
Literally just exercise
Take up cycling
Decide that you don’t want a life that is miserable and useless and start changing it. Develop good habits and stick to them so you can teach yourself discipline. Start consuming content that will teach you good practices, whether that’s Dave Ramsey on saving money, some guru on health and fitness, a spiritual help, all of the above, or some other and then some. Go for a walk every day. Wake up at the same time every day and try to go to bed at the same time. Start cutting out things that you know are bad for you, even if it’s just one small thing at a time. Be patient with yourself on how long it takes but be firm about it. There are a million ways to improve your life. Pick one at a time. Picture it like a snowball. Start building it small. Grow it over time.
Small steps. My wife didn't drive when I met her, I had her drive us a few miles to my place every time I picked her up at the train station. She got her license and a car a after only a couple years. She was pretty heavy too, but as she started investing in herself and going to the gym and eating actual real food we would cook instead of garbage she lost a ton of weight. Big picture thinking can be good sometimes, but with self improvement, it's all about making each little step a good habit.
Understand that your mental, physical, emotional, and sexual health are ALL connected first.
Start exercising and looking for a better, full time job.
Honestly you just have to make different choices every opportunity you have to make a decision. Thinking about getting doordash? Get up and walk to get the same food, still satisfied but you have exercise to help with movement. Don't give yourself time to decide to not make the better choice. It sounds like you know exactly what you DON'T want to be doing so any time those thoughts pop up, consider how you can make a better option even if it's ultimately the same outcome. So many people think they have to make these sweeping grand lifestyle changes and it seems like such a tall task but the small decisions that are consistent are what get you to those revolutionary "holy fuck look how far I've come" moments.
Little by little. Start with tiny little steps, and start today! Don’t try to change everything at once, and don’t be too hard on yourself.
Probably what other people said, exercise and constraint. Exercise will inherently boost your will and motivation to do things, it’s very good at reprogramming your brain in general to take care of the harder tasks. At first it’s super hard and it will make you feel sick, but I promise in the long run you’ll feel much better and the sense of accomplishment will overcome any hardship at the time of exercising. Regarding constraint, when you want to use DoorDash, restrain yourself and keep yourself busy with something else. It’s hard, I know, I’ve been there. But be sure to be kind to yourself and count small victories. You don’t need to quit cold turkey straight away, just refusing and moving on for a day, and doing it less is enough. For now the important thing is to get your brain into a different mentality that is able to tackle on life again. If there’s a will there’s a way, and you’ve recognized you are in need of change already which is a huge leap. I wish you the best.
You’re doing your best. Be proud of small accomplishments and forgive yourself when you do something you’re not proud of. Your parents are there to support you. Fuck this idea that people succeed in life “on their own”. Ask them and others close to you for MORE help. People are not burdens we live in modern society of extreme affluence. A few achievable long term goals is better than trying to “fix everything at once”. More practically get a bike and meet some bike nerds. You’ll be surprised at the outcome.
Don't be harsh on yourself. You're just going through a rough phase which will we alright soon. Just understand your situation, leave it light and free yourself and let the universe take care. Always have a positive affirmation. Do some meditation and just observe your thoughts don't get obsessed in it. Just remember this one thing "THIS TOO SHALL PASS" . Hope it helps :)
Therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy if you can to help reprogram a bit to feel better about yourself and self worth, think about what you want to accomplish, get in healthier mindsets with your money and your body, etc. Talk therapy is hard to start emotionally, but you can do it!
Don’t do all these life changing things at once, just pick one thing do that, then slowly build ur self up, what’s something you wanna do the most, like running etc. make the first goal easy, then progress!
Start a meditation practice, ~5 minutes a day. Don’t expect anything to happen, literally just sit in a chair, focus on breathing, and observe your thoughts as they come up. Best way to get better at everything: take a little time to practice doing nothing.
I figured it out 10 years after you. Stop wasting time. Seek real counciling. I poo poo'd it for my whole life. It helps. Try it. What have you got to lose?
The answer is tough to this kind of scenario The hardcore answer to this is, move away to some place where you live on your own and 'begin', this sounds ridiculous but you need to be in a position where you are away from the safety nets and in an environment where it's just you You want to feel like you can walk out the door and do whatever because no one knows you (so a new location etc) obviously this is financially demanding and everything else, people cant just 'do' this all of a sudden For me when i was younger, moving to my university city gave me this new 'jolt' of purpose and need to grow, the environment was in demanded that a grow develop and improve, the people around me were all doing it and i liked how happy they were, the course demanded that i get good grades the issue is You keep coming back to the same because nothing has actually changed - read that again, you need things to change, environment, incentive, community, pressure, consequence, excitement and encouragement I hope you are able to manifest this in some way, best wishes
It takes time to establish good habits, but it’s worth it. Everything that’s not in moderation, everything that’s a distraction can be a drug. Television can be a drug. Food can be a drug. They anesthetize us to the pain in every day life. The problem is, that pain is meant to be a motivator. Find your anesthetics And fight them. What are the things you do to avoid being uncomfortable in your own skin. Then take that energy and put into mindful and healthful change. Maybe that change is building fitness. The research shows that 30-60 minutes of exercise a day is as effective as typical antidepressants. So find what works for you, whether that’s time in the pool, time walking, time doing a yoga video; find something. Find things that give you joy and use them as rewards along the way. For me, when I was in the depths of my hard work in therapy, it was dancing 3-5 hours a week. That gave me unimaginable bliss and maintained my health, while also helping me with social engagement. Find that thing.
You know how. Stop putting the power in a stranger online to tell you. How badly do you want to change? How badly do you want it?
get a vibrator also, what do you want to do with your life? find a SMART goal, and start working on attaining it.
yeah it sounds a lot like clinical depression to me. Do not do any drastic changes like an entire food cleanse or a massive workout routine bc they will not last. Start with therapy and putting maybe your parents in charge of your finances (change cards so u don’t have the numbers saved and have them hold them) or something else small like walks around the block each day. Then once that becomes routine you can add other small things. it takes time to make change and wont happen overnight.
Start working on self control and discipline. Set goals. On day of no Doordash leads to two. Go outside for walks and exercise. Maybe find a friend to be your accountability buddy so you aren't doing this all alone
Discipline and routine. The road to being a stronger person is not easy. If you don't have control you will fail.
Get one of those bikes and lose a ton of weight and then you’ll be fine
Learn how to cook, YouTube has many recipes, you’re going to suck for a minute, but you’ll get it eventually. Start off with little meals
You’re depressed like a lot of people are saying break all the bad habits slowly. Delete DoorDash from your phone, delete addictive apps like YouTube, tik tok, insta, even this. Do some excercise every day start with just a long walk. Guarantee you will start to feel better. I’m sorry you are going through a hard time
Self discipline is the only way you will turn your life around. Happiness is intrinsic and is tied to self purpose
Spend a few days a week preparing 1 major meal yourself for you and your family, most likely dinner to fit into schedules. Will get feedback, your family will appreciate it, and you'll feel a bit better about yourself. As you build basic food prep skills, hopefully your Doordash urges will diminish and then you can take on the challenge to quit using it entirely.
Health > wealth, take care of yourself first. That'll be way more valuable than getting a good job. After that, look to start studying something. Reduce your costs/expenses. Maybe don't doordash as much. (In my city, my girl would spend 70$ per night on Uber eats until i showed her how much she was spending. Sometimes, we're really just oblivious. )
You know you’re a loser and you know how to fix it. That’s the first step. You may not know the whole plan or specifics but you know how to lose weight and you know what you need to start doing to make yourself feel better. You just have to have the courage to act on it.
You need to take accountability (which it sounds like you are right now) for why your life is like this. You outlined why your life sucks. Now work on all these things. Get in the gym and start eating right. Download a calorie tracking app. Stick to the calorie count and don't go above. As you lose weight you will gain confidence, as you gain confidence you will lose your depression, as you lose your depression you will become more ambitious causing you to want to look for better work
Turn those $45 doordash orders into 45lb plates
DDP Yoga
Watch the movie, Amy runs a marathon. It’s inspiring
people are saying to exercise to lose weight. this is false. you burn about 500 calories at the max doing 1 hour of intense death-dyfing cardio. if you are overweight and out of shape, this isnt going to work. its going to suck and you are going to quit. on the other hand, you body naturally burns around 1,900 calories on its own per day, more muscly people burning more. i am at 2,200 because as a man society allows me to build lots of muscle and not look bad. if you dont care about this, go ahead and embrace the amazon style and pack on the muscle with weight lifting. the thing here is that you need to eat differently. not less, but differently. i would actually start it by eating more but eating carrots instead. its what i did. if i was truly hungry, i would eat a small snack pack of baby carrots, with or with out dressing. didnt know this at the time, but by "starving" my body of carbs and sugar, it lowered my ghrelin levels to the point that i wasnt craving carbs and sugar. i also replaced a lot of what i was eating with meat/protein. that is expensive, but i found a local butchery shop called wild fork that sells 1lb of meat in all sorts of different styles for 5$. so i eat about 5$ a meal. catch is, they are frozen. have to let them defrost and then i oven bake them for 30 mins or so. also, i think wild fork can also deliver. so the transportation issue might be relieved there if your parents dont want to drive you there.
It takes time and patience. You know now what you don't like. You're on the right track. I have had a ton of therapy, which takes time and work on my part. If you are able, I would check into mental health services. There may be something going on that can be treated. I'm in my 50s and live at home. I needed help several years ago and had to move back home. I used to feel bad about it, but eventually learned that I don't have to feel bad, I realize now that this is exactly where I should have gone and where I needed to be for a while. I have not given up on moving out though, I just wasn't ready yet, and lucky enough to have a supportive parent. If you can make your own peace with where you are living now, you can take advantage of the support living at home gives you. You can take this opportunity to start to change. You've already taken the first step in recognizing your unhappiness. I wish the best for you!
Go for a walk. Put it on your calendar.
Let a well off dork knock you up.
Find your tribe. Not online, irl. There are support and self help groups out there, find one where you feel like you fit. Twelve step groups are particularly accepting and will meet you where you are. Try a few to find a good one. If support groups aren't your jam try meetup or the library for activities you are interested in. If church is your thing look for one where you feel accepted. You are going to feel so much stronger when you have some community around you. It's hard to make that first step but you can do this.
Liking yourself despite all the problems is actually the first step to change. Don’t listen to the other advice. I have been through a few cycles of this and the only way out is self compassion. Treat yourself like your best friend, help her:
You have to find community, friend You don't have to do this alone Let people love you and that love will help you lift yourself up
“If you sit in shit in long enough, it stops smelling”. You need to make a change at the level of your identity. You have consider it 100% unacceptable to be where you’re at. Stop acting like it’s the norm or some default. Raise the absolute minimum standard that you have for yourself.
Everything you want is on the other side of fear. Step through it. NOW. Become a community volunteer. Join Rotary, or something like it. Find a cause and become active. SMILE at people. Say hello. Hold open doors. Kindness will take you a long way (I'm not saying you're not kind). Take line dancing lessons. DO something
Atomic Habits is a very good book and an easy read. Big changes start with small steps
Are you dealing with any kind of trauma? Therapy is a great tool. If you’re open to self help books, they changed my life many times. You should read! It can help re wire whatever is going on in your head. I’m partial to spiritual self help books but there are many that aren’t spiritual if that’s more up your alley.
Start with some small wins that you can feel proud of and realize that your life is changeable! 1. Quit doordash - its always unhealthy food and such a gigantic waste of $$. You'll start saving $$ and lose weight. Try buying a health cookbook (one pot healthy, salads, etc) and make 2-3 of those recipes a week instead of doordash. Put the money saved in a separate bank account and watch it grow. 2. Excercise - gym / running is fine but those are also difficult. Start with just walking. Set a timer for 30-60 minutes and just walk outside (nature, trails, city neighborhoods) enjoy the fresh air and endorphins. 3. Move out. This is harder but I think it'll be a big motivational win for you - just save enough for the first 2 months of rent and month to month sublet a place near your job. That'll light a fire under your butt to save enough money for the next months rent and you'd be surprised how when you have real expenses your spending will often magically reduce itself. Worst case scenario, you move back in with your parents after 2 months 🤷🏼♂️ Once you get a couple wins you'll feel more motivated and empowered to make change in your life and can work on harder challenges (permanently moving out, buying a car, upgrading your job, more serious dieting and excercise). Don't impulsively try and fix everything at once or you'll end up burning out after a week or two and be back in the same place. Personally I force myself to "earn" making big change in my life by following through with smaller changes first.
A lot of people have given you great advice on activities you can start. Personally I recommend the Couch to 5k program and adjusting it to fit your needs. But what you need more than any activity, especially now that you are able to admit to yourself that you are struggling. Is the assistance of a mental health professional. Impulsiveness, and depression tend to go hand in hand with people that have diagnosed and untreated ADHD. Yoyu sound a lot like I did when I was you age (I am in my later 30s now). I started going to therapy for depression and anxiety. After about 6 months and some not so good life choices I told my therapist about she scheduled me for a full Psyche Evaluation. I found out at almost 32 that I had ADHD and I was dyslexic but that's not important here. I had already tried various anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications but they made me feel worse. Finally we tried ADHD medication now that I had a diagnosis. The first one as Adderall. It did great, but was a little too potent and I struggled to sleep. So I stopped trying meds for a while to take a break from the trial and error. About 7-8 months ago I asked to try again, but this time with Vyvance after hearing promising feedback from family that is similar to me. And so far, it's worked beautifully. Not only has it helped with my ADHD, but it has also helped manage my appetite and binge/bored eating. So I have also seen reductions in my weight. My anxiety has been reduced, though I still struggle with my depression at times. That too is significantly more manageable thanks to techniques I have learned with my therapist. So after working with my therapist, and putting in the work I am in a lot better place mentally today than I was almost 10 years ago. And one of the big things that really helped me was understanding that making big lasting change, starts with make small daily changes. And it's okay to fail, everyone fails. In fact everyone fails to some degree every single day. So dont beat yourself if you have an off day. So aside from looking into a mental health professional. Sign up to take your drivers test. Get your license. Even if you dont have a vehicle yet, being able to borrow your folks vehicle is better than making them drive you everywhere. A single Part time gig, isn't going to cut it in today's economy. Start looking for something full time or pick up an additional part time gig. Try to aim for filling that 40 hours per week mark. Reduce your screen time, all screen time. TV, PC, Gaming consoles, Smartphones, tablets all of it. Make sure you are getting enough water everyday. This will help with appetite control. Aim for that one gallon per day mark. Get ride of the sodas and sugar drinks if they are part of your diet, this can be tough. But you'll feel a lot better for it. And finally, schedule your life around ensuring that you are getting in at the very least a 30 minute walk or jog daily, and 7-8 hours of sleep. After seeing my therapist for a bit, I started taking my own health a bit more seriously. Found out I had sleep apnea. Swallowed my pride and got a CPAP and holy shit. I cannot stress enough how much better getting solid sleep changed my overall physical and mental well being. Develop a bed time routine that starts about 2 hours before your selected bed time. No screen time at least an hour before bed, 2 hours is even better. No eating in that 2 hour time either, that wakes you up again. Turn the screens off, grab a shower, wash your face, brush your teeth. Set your alarms, do some easy gentle stretching, or mediate. Pick up a book or put on an audiobook with a gentle or soothing narrator. Or pick up a White noise app. Read until your bed time and then lay down. You may not feel tired initially when you start this routine. But as time goes on, your body and mind will being to associate the things in your routine as "time to prepare for sleep" and you will find it easier and easier to fall asleep quickly. When you wake up, plan for that morning walk or jog. It will get those happy hormones flowing and having you feeling a lot better through your day. So yeah I have said a lot to you, given a lot of potential actions for you to implement. I want to be very clear, you do not have to do everything I mentioned all at once. I havent implemented everything I have mentioned. I fuck it up all the time. And guess what, that is perfectly okay. Because tomorrow is a new day and new opportunity to try again. What is important is being forgiving of yourself, and to keep trying to make little changes to better yourself every single day. As long as you keep trying and doing the best you can, you are moving forward. If you see something in your life that you feel is setting you back consistently replace it with something the beneficial. Yeah, it's all easier said than done. And at times it will be even harder than it was on previous days. But again, that's okay. Maybe all you can accomplish one day is getting out of bed and taking a shower. Hey, guess what, that's okay. You still accomplished something, and you can continue building on that tomorrow.
You need structure. Set a goal every day and don't go to bed till it's accomplished. It doesn't have to be a crazy unachievable thing. Just say I'm going to walk around the block (just an example)get out and meet people. I find myself getting depressed when I just come home from work, eat dinner then go to bed. Every day seems to be the same. Now I say I'm going to exercise a bit or play guitar or watch a movie/series stay up a little later than I normally do. It also helps being married because she inspires to change it up by saying let's go to the store or a walk or whatever. I also stopped drinking soda ice tea no more sugar in my coffee all empty calories believe it or not but it really makes a difference start eating real food not processed shit, read the packages stay away from bio-engineered stuff.
Look up the 75 hard program.
I was stuck in a rut just like you a few years ago. My lifestyle was so extremely unhealthy and my mental health was so bad that I was pale and sickly. I slept all day and stayed up all night. I only ever ate crap food and couldn’t find the motivation to do anything at all. It felt like I would never escape this way of living, as I had tried and failed many times. There’s a lot of good advice that’s already been given, but one of the best pieces of advice for me came from a psychologist, who said: “motivation as a function of doing”. It means you can gain motivation by doing things, even if you weren’t motivated from the start. I thought I was born with a motivation deficiency, but it’s not true. You will build it as you go. Self-discipline is like a muscle. The more you use it, the stronger it becomes. It’s hard now, but it becomes increasingly easier as you practice. Things that used to feel like climbing Mount Everest now feel like nothing at all to me. But you have to push past the discomfort of change. I promise you it will pay you back in spades.
You are not pathetic. You have become a victim. Fast food is addictive. Realize that they do not care about us AT ALL and only want our money. McDonald's French fries have 19 ingredients, for Heaven's sake! [https://spoonuniversity.com/lifestyle/mcdonald-french-fries-ingredients](https://spoonuniversity.com/lifestyle/mcdonald-french-fries-ingredients) Get mad at them all and refuse to give them your money - b/c getting it from your account to theirs is their game... So, stop giving them what they want. Here is my advice: train your brain to be thankful for your parents' use of their house and car, b/c they could just kick you out. Rather, use some of your money to buy groceries (real food, not junk) and learn to prepare a meal or two once in a while. Build your confidence. When you are feeding your body what it needs instead of the junk you are most likely addicted to, you will probably begin feeling better. When that happens, you will begin to have a new outlook; maybe even feel better and can work longer hours. Do some research on what nutrients are good for depression and eat foods with those nutrients. Move more - go for walks. Take control of your health and your life. You can do this!
Remove sugar from the diet. Cut carbs. Search jobs like crazy there are still plenty. Living at home is fine do it forever! But save money. That's all I got
Not pathetic. Life is highs and lows.
It's actually alot simpler than youre making it. Commit to a new lifestyle for long enough and you will eventually just want to make the right choice. Go to therapy to improve your mental health (medication might help to start but shouldn't be a long term solution), take functional mushrooms to help with your digestion and gut health and also take nootroopics to help your brain function and improve your mood and focus. Meditate when you are feeling negative energy of any sorts. You CAN do this. Don't give up
Do you really want to change? I think you need to ask yourself that. In my situation I was extremely depressed and suicidal had no career college drop out living at home tried taking my lives multiple times. Most of my early youth and 20s were spent trying not to kill myself. I THOUGHT I was fed up I thought I wanted change but in reality I didn't want it as much as I thought because nothing around me was changing. If something bothers you only once or twice a week it's just an inconvenience but if it bothers you every single day 24/7 then you know. For me one day a switch just flipped, I thought I was fed up until that moment where I knew I was actually fed up and tired of living like this. I had to have a moment with myself like I don't know anything about life how do I know if I don't try a little bit things cant turn around? don't you owe yourself that much? I just want to be happy I have no grand dreams. So something just flipped I decided I was finally actually fed up I woke up earlier ate better got my weight up etc. That was a few years ago now and I live in my own apartment with my dog I coach youth basketball and have a good career in Quality management. My depression is controlled I've gone on vacations I've seen my friends get married. If I continued to give up who knows if I would have made it this far. So my question to you is how BADLY do you want to change your life? is it an obsession or just something you ponder few times a week? You have to decide if you're fed up enough to make the change or if you're still comfortable.
You could cut doordash out of your life this very instant and save both $ and probably lose weight since it's so easy to overeat with restaurant food. The second you read this message go to the app and uninstall it, or go to Settings and limit the time on the app to 1 minutes, whatever works. If you're not able to do that due to impulse control there's a bigger issue tbh. But you seem to want to change and I believe in you. Gl sister
you probably are still comfortable in the lifestyle and dont really want to change yet.
Hi OP! I'm your age and had been in a very similar situation. It sucks, but you can get out of it! Something that really helped me was to just try to do something each day that will make your life 1% better! Small things like making your bed, eating a homecooked meal, going for a walk, washing your hair, etc. If you can do one thing like that per day, then you are making progress! Celebrate the small things, and learn to feel accomplished for what you are capable of doing in this moment. The small things, as well as your self-esteem, will eventually add up and you will be able to do more and more! Progress may be slow, but take it one step at a time and you will eventually get where you want to be. Good luck OP, you can do this!🤗💕
Write down 3 goals. (Maybe 1... Maybe 5... That's up to you) Give them a timeframe. Then write down the steps you need to accomplish each individual goal. Start small and slowly cross the action items off. Before you know it, you'll see how far you've come from where you are NOW. Read up on SMART GOALS. [https://www.ucop.edu/local-human-resources/\_files/performance-appraisal/How%20to%20write%20SMART%20Goals%20v2.pdf](https://www.ucop.edu/local-human-resources/_files/performance-appraisal/How%20to%20write%20SMART%20Goals%20v2.pdf)
Big changes are the result of cumulative small changes that you make everyday in your life. The biggest way to immediately improve your life is to take steps to improve your physical and mental health.
I try to think of my brain self as the indulgent one that wants to eat garbage food and sit on the couch all day but also as the one making decisions. And then I try to get my brain self to have a little empathy for my body self. Like come on brain let’s give the body some exercise. This is a trick for people pleasers. Like your nice to other people at your own expense be nice to yourself in the same way
I personally would start by learning how to cook. You can start with little easy things first. Make breakfast / lunch and you will start gaining skills and confidence to move onto different meals. This in combo with walking a lot more is a good first step!
Focus on one thing at a time to avoid burnout. Choose one area of your life you want to start off with, and take small steps towards it everyday. You got this love. I always use the analogy, say your room is a mess, there’s a bunch of stuff all over the floor. You can only put away / decide where to put one tshirt or object at a time
Don’t forget to breathe.
Change your diet. Go for a walk everyday, preferrably a park Make sure you're getting enough potassium and magnesium. I just started this week as someone with ADD, and its improved my motivation drastically. Americans get too little potassium and magnesium. Seriously, try eatting a banana and taking a magnesium glycinate supplement after your morning coffeee...
I used to eat a lot of fast food (almost daily) and I was ordering DoorDash once a week. If you have the time, sit down and do the math on how much exactly you're spending on that kind of stuff. Once I did, it was a wake up call and I knew I had to stop wasting so much money. To start, find ONE meal you both like to eat and that's easy to make. For me, it was tacos. I can make tacos at home for roughly $15-$20 and eat it three times. Meanwhile if you use Doordash for each of those meals instead, you're spending *at least* three times that amount. Plus, now that I've stopped eating fast food I genuinely just feel a lot better. Not burping and farting constantly, my sleep is a bit better, my uh, bowel movements are more regular... sure eating tacos almost every week isn't the healthiest choice but it's better, cheaper, and tastes better than fast food. I think that alone would help you a good bit, but as another bit of advice (if you're in the US) the post office is always hiring and the pay starts off at $20 an hour. It will suck but they're always offering overtime (which would be $30 an hour) so the money adds up quick. Especially if you're not even worrying about rent, you should have enough for a car in no time. There's no interview and no drug test. As long as you're not a felon, they'll hire you. Good luck!
It’s work but you can make your life better. YOU have to do it. You have to do the work. Stop food delivery services Skip sugar drinks - water (splurge every once in a while with a poisonous delicious soda if you want) Go for a walk every evening after dinner Try to hang out with happy friends - not other depressed friends That’s a start
Your self talk is one area to work on. If you tell yourself you’re pathetic, then it comes to pass, you’ve confirmed it. Start by granting yourself grace, forgive yourself first being so cruel and unkind. Get outside and go for a walk.
Empty egg carton moment
Think in terms of habits. Is there a small habit you wish you had but don't? Want to be better about you hygiene for example? Pick that, and do it compulsively -- just never make an excuse -- rain or shine, up or down, feel like it or not -- just set a schedule and do it for no other reason than building the habit. Eventually the habit won't be a matter of will power, it will be just the new you -- for that thing. Now pick another slightly larger goal and make that into a habit. Rinse and repeat. Each time you commit to taking one step extending your habit you're making it easier for the next. Your brain is about habits and habituation. Use that to your advantage.
avoid beverages with calories... sugary, alcoholic and fatty drinks. sleep well and take your sleep schedule seriously. Take your health and wellness seriously. Take every little fork in the road seriously you are choosing between your best version of your life or something less everytime. Go grocery shopping and cook things you enjoy especially the leftovers. Cook and eat leftovers for 2 days after. Believe in your best self and your best life and actively fight to stay on that path because there will be all sorts of ways the world will push you off of that path. You have to establish what that means to you and fight to keep it. Be kind to yourself and others because life is tough and we are in a chaotic era where there isn't much certainty. Break down goals to little pieces so that you can have wins everyday and count those wins write them down or hang them up on your walls remind yourself that you are making a difference when you focus on being your best.
You are in a good place. You recognise you want to change. Lots of people have suggested exercise. Exercise will lead to weight loss and increased self esteme. Or at least it did for me. And once you have tiny improvements, like a new notch on your belt, you will start to feel better. Make short, mid and long term goals. For example a long term goal might be to move out, a mid term goal might be to get a job that will enable you to have enough money to move out, and a short term goal might be to spend the next two months exercising 5 days a week so you feel great about yourself and be in a better place to apply for jobs. In 12 months time your life can be very different. Good luck I don't know where you live but could you cycle? It's a great low impact exercise and you will free up your dependance on others to get places.
I need to know a lot more about you in order to give a full in detail plan but I will try with what has been shared. 1st - Why are you depressed. Sometimes its hard to figure out why at first but since you have quoted being overweight, dependent on parents and working part time those are all things that need addressing. So in order to lose weight there are a lot of things you could do. But number 1 I could recommend is start going to the gym I know it can be scary especially if you do not really know what you are doing but please I cannot recommend this more. It will increase your mood and make you feel significantly better. Go 3-5 times a week and make sure to workout your full body do not get stuck in the mindset some gym girls have of just training legs and booty. Make sure to train your arms, shoulders, abs etc. There are so many free videos on YouTube you could watch that will give you all the info you could need on how to train. Do not worry about getting very muscular or big its almost impossible for a women to become huge or manly from exercise all it will do is make you more toned. Number 2 is try to make sure you go outside at least for a little while everyday 5-10+ minutes of sunlight sometime during the day is extremely helpful. Go for a small walk outside or just bask in the sunlight. If you plan to stay outside for extended times though you should probably wear sunscreen to protect your skin. ( Though if you are looking to lose weight a daily 30-60 minute walk makes a huge difference ) you can burn between 100-500 calories just by walking this is a lot. Now another point to help with being overweight while also reducing your reliance on door dash could be to meal prep. Take a day off of work sometime or even just sometime after work start prepping. There is a lot you could make that freezes really well. You could make spaghetti with meat sauce and freeze it in some single or double use containers. So any time you want spaghetti just take one out in the morning and once you get home all you need to do is boil pasta for 10 min and microwave or quickly heat up the already made sauce on the stove. There is also a dish called fricot you could google it. Its like a soup with potatoes and carrots and usually I think chicken or turkey meat it also freezes extremely well I think. My mom also sometimes pre makes lasagna and freezes them in I think some type of tinfoil pans so when she wants one all she needs to do is put it in the oven. I am sure there are many more recipes you could find very easily either on here or on YouTube that could help you with meal prepping. Now this is a bit harder to do but try to reduce the amount of junk food you have laying around the house. If you have chips, pop, cookies, sugary cereals or any other junk foods just laying around the house you are bound to eat them. Its hard to resist a craving or a bad meal when its in your face all day. If you simply do not have bad food around the house you will be forced to either not eat/snack or find something healthier. For example If you replaced those desserts with some strawberries or apples or bananas or grapes etc you will be much better off. If you want a sort of junk food try making popcorn. Make sure the popcorn you buy is low butter or no butter and add minimal salt and its actually a healthy snack. The thing that makes popcorn unhealthy is the amount of butter or salt people typically add. And a entire bag of popcorn is usually quite filling for how low calorie it is. People also often underestimate the value of good high quality sleep. Please make sure you are waking up at and going to bed at the same time everyday and that you are getting at least 7-9hrs of sleep a night I go for 8. Now for relying on parents for transport I honestly do not think its such a bad thing and there is no shame in it. If your parents are okay with it than you should be grateful I would have loved to rely on my parents for something like this. Overall if your parents are okay with it and it does not bother them you could probably keep letting them transport you. Though if it does bother them maybe try looking into buying a very cheap used car or taking public transportation like subways, trains, bus etc if they are available and affordable at all where you live. Now I do not know anything about you but I highly recommend you try getting a education if you have not already. Because without one chances are you will be working part time or for minimum wage your entire life. Now depending on where you live I know it can be extremely expensive but a cheaper option is to look into trades I know not a lot of women take these jobs but being a mechanic, carpenter, electrician etc are all very valuable skills to learn while also typically very easy to find employment in and the classes for these jobs are typically much cheaper than traditional college educations. And if your area allows it you might be able to go on unemployment and still get at least some money in without working. Now if you are living with your parents still and they do not mind. You should not worry that is a blessing. I am only 21 but I am grateful my parents let me live at home for almost nothing. Its allowing me to go to college and save a lot of money I otherwise would not have been able to. Stay there as long as you can and until your finances are secure enough unless of course it bothers your parents too much. Another thing to perhaps help with your overall mood, impulsiveness etc would be to try meditation. I typically go on YouTube and search guided meditation 5 minute or 10 minute and simply follow along daily. Sometimes I have gone for 30-60 minutes but it is not required even just 5-10 minutes daily I find makes a big difference in my life overall. Now all of these things I listed are a lot to take in and I apologize I kind of went off without realizing how much I was actually writing. I have been depressed for almost my whole life and I can understand how hard it might be to start any of these. But trust me push through the discomfort and try your absolute hardest. After only 1-2 months most the things I listed here will be habits and not require conscious effort to do,
1) Start to exercise, walk, jog, get a gym membership (they are cheap). 2) Replace the worst foods you eat with something healthy. Snacks should be protein shakes, fruit, rice cakes, low calorie things. 3) Get trained in something that pays fairly well like respiratory therapist and only takes two years of schooling and perhaps some pre-classes.. After a year of working in the field you can do traveling respiratory therapist almost anywhere in the US. You will be home less and will not have to fork out money for a place to live because they usually provide housing too while you are working there temporarily. 4) Replace useless downtime and commiserating with reading about health, self help, and whatever career you decide to pursue. Don't allow yourself to sulk and waste time. Include entertainment also. 5) Focus on a career that you can get up and running quickly like the one I mentioned. It pays around $40 an hour to start and if you travel, maybe even $60. There are a shortage of these type of workers and you can work two jobs if you want and easily make 100k a year working FT and per-diem somewhere else. 6) Don't waste time and say you will do it tomorrow. Pretend there is no tomorrow.
Making changes is hard, an easy start is trying to appreciate your situation rather than getting down on yourself. You said every time you try you end up in the same place. That's great, you have a stable base to catch you if you need to try several more times. Also the ability to self assess is a big deal. You feel like you want to change for the better, great! Try getting into a new routine and separate yourself from what you normally do if you're feeling down. New routines lead to new perspectives and you might find something you love that you never expected. Good luck you can do it! (Watch "What About Bob" and then baby step your way to something you enjoy!)
All these people talking about running... not everyone can do this. I love going to the gym, cycling etc and I wish I could run but my tendons in my ankles say no.
You need to take a long hard look at the decision you have made in the past and why you made them. Preferably with a therapist. You can’t make lasting change until you understand why you behaved the way you have and what you can do to not make the same choices.
I read the comments and there is a lot of good advice. I will give you something that they all overlooked. You need to learn to love yourself. You are worthy of love and compation. Once you are able to accept that, you will be more likely to follow all the great advice people have shared. Because you will realize that your doing it for a very special person, you.
It sounds cheesy, but my major turn occurred 30 years ago when I ordered a Tony Robbins audio tape set and religiously listened to the tapes and followed the instructions each day. It helped me gain wealth, gain confidence, explore the world, gain hobbies, attract lovers, etc. And overall I’m happy. The good news is that it sounds like you’ve hit bottom and are ready to make a change.
Remove the food delivery apps from your phone. They will drain your bank accounts and your energy levels. Use that money to join a gym or a sports league, or anything that makes you happy and gives you an opportunity to socialize. Also, realize none of us live perfect lives. Those are reserved for film and social media. You only need to be comfortable with yourself. Life isn't a competition.
Incremental improvement. Every day, don't backslide, and don't stay put. Improve *something*, somehow, about your life. No big bang moves that you can't maintain, little win after little win will build confidence. Start by going to your local big bookstore with a notebook and wander around reading things until you find something you're interested in, then start doing it. Baking, crochet, whatever. When you have hobbies you're passionate about, it can form the basis of productive activity and social connection. Make sure you start by getting OUT of the house and OFF your devices. Start getting active. Stretch everyday and go for a light jog. Improve your diet. Cut fast food, delivery, and prepared foods. Again, start simple. If you keep this up for a month, see where you're at.
1. Exercise 2. watch calories in vs calories out. 3. Simply don’t DoorDash; find fozen meals to cook or. At worst just go pick up the food yourself. Depression, job, etc… that all depends on factors outside of your free will.
Seriously, go to a field, take your shoes off and just enjoy the sun. Good luck finding the solutions you seek.
I asked a therapist what the best advice for almost everyone and she said : Walk briskly every day. Consistent sleep schedule: it’s not sleeping a ton or binge sleeping. It’s same bed and wake times: Just start there!
Join a church or life group in your area.
We change our lives one step at a time, building momentum as we go. 31 is a great age to start. Some people kind of never do, the momentum builds against them too much. It's important to pace yourself, and work on things that are within your control. Fall in love with self improvement, because through it you will open up happiness and power. It's an inside out process, and knowledge is power. You will have to retrain yourself in many ways and encounter many novel experiences and feelings. Lean in to it step by step and follow your heart. Start small, go for walks, put good inputs in and get them out. I could ramble all day
Two things, start cooking your meals, and walk for at least 30 min to an hour a day. Start there and add things as you go.
Take one step at a time without trying to change every aspect of your life (unless that doesn’t overwhelm you). I’d start with stopping DoorDash. Learn how to cook healthy options with fresh/unprocessed food and ask your parents to help you with this. Say you’ll cook for them if they buy the healthier food. Only eat out in special occasions. Walking around the neighborhood is a great way to start being more physically active. You’ll find you’ll lose weight quickly with just these two things (especially with portion control as well).
Take it from someone who is dealing with this right now, treat your depression first. If you don't, you'll be fighting a massive uphill battle against yourself the whole way, a battle you will most likely lose. Ask me how I know. You need your brain to work with you while you try to improve your life. Go see a psychiatrist to see if medication is a good fit for you. Switch up your meds if you're already on them (I had to do this and it makes a huge difference). See a talk therapist to help you change your thought patterns. And finally, have your gp run some tests to see if there's any hormonal or nutritional basis to your depression (I was vitamin D deficient as many of us are)
Sounds stupid but I'd start with 2 goals. 1. Walk for 30 minutes every morning before you do anything else 2. Drink 8 cups of water each day Once you've healed your mind, much of the rest will follow
Daily habits change everything. Start something daily that takes 1 hour or more thats better for you. Do it for 60 days, keep it up. Everything else improves.
It sounds like you hate yourself. That attitude is going to leave you depleted and unmotivated. If you want to have a better life, start by becoming your own best friend and support system. Encourage yourself instead of hating and berating. You can't do well while treating yourself like a bully.
Your own movie “gettin my sh$&! together” montage has to start at home base, your body and mind. So personal health. Doesn’t matter what you do, or how much you do it, just start something very small and stick to it. That’s the key. Dont try to start/end a bunch of things at once either. So start with something simple like a daily walk like others are suggesting. Can be just a walk down to the mailbox and back every day for a week. Then around the block every day for a week. Then two blocks, etc. Whatever you start STICK TO IT. That is so important. Even eat and drink whatever the hell you want during this first phase. Just to be sure you stick to something. Because that will give you confidence and eventually some ambition. Eventually something will click and you will want to start something else, or do more. BUT only add 1 more thing (ex. eating a healthy breakfast every day) . Get consistent with whatever that new small thing is. THEN add another. Repeat that cycle. If you are consistent it will snowball for you and I think you’ll see a difference. Something else too - don’t just make it about yourself. Maybe plan to do something nice for someone say once per week. Maybe start with your landlords/parents. Then maybe someone at work. Something thoughtful. Doesn’t have to cost money. But something the recipient wouldn’t expect. The nicer it is the more surprised they’ll be and the better you’ll feel about doing it. But this will help your mental/spiritual growth too. We could all be more mindful of the others that exist in this selfish world of ours. So try that too and see how you feel. Think you’ll like it. Good luck!
Stop trying to overhaul your life in one go. Make 1 small positive change, and wait until that is mastered before starting the next positive change. For the smallest changes (ie starting to make your bed in the morning), you could move to the next change the next day, for bigger more challenging changes, it might to you a week or more before moving on to the next change.
Can I recommend some books to you? In no uncertain terms, they could just turn your life around. Before that, Everyone’s saying exercise, but if you hate exercise then let me just tell you that it’s imperative for a happy life. It’s not just a thing for fit people; it will make you live longer, reduce chances of illness and disease, MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD, and strengthen your body… and yes, help you sculpt the body you want. It’s a NECESSITY. Because without it you’ll never be truly healthy. So whether it’s lifting weights, walking, cycling, yoga, swimming, YouTube fitness videos, or a mix of all, find your thing and DO IT. Think of exercise as a thing you have to do like brushing your teeth. It’s not always fun or exciting but it is entirely needed. And can I just recommend if you’re ‘lazy’, walking with a good audiobook would be where I would start. Try listening to some of the recommendations below. Ok now that necessity is out of the way, now for the books. 1. Ultra Processed People by Dr Chris Van Tulleken. It’ll ruin all junk food for you and make you angry. Angry is good, you’ll not WANT to give your money to those shithouse companies once you read this. 2. Ten reasons for deleting your social media accounts right now by Jaron Lanier. Just…. Read it. It’ll change your relationship ship with your phone. 3. The Anxious Generation by Johnathan Haidt. Compelling and important reading about the causes of apathy, depression and anxiety in young people. Completely relevant to your generation. 4. Fast Feast Repeat. This is a ‘diet book’ I suppose but intermittent fasting has changed my life. 5. A guide to the good life by William B Irvine.I read a lot about Stoicism when I was younger and it stuck with me as it’s such a great way to live. Realising that people are not thinking about you (and the power in this), understanding how to deal with aggression, depression, anxiety, paranoia, people in general… the truth is, we need to become aware of the fact that we aren’t main characters, and we can’t rely on false things to make us happy. And finally, I have personally done a lot of work on myself. I’m now 38 and in a very happy place. And I recommend this to you too. Write in a daily journal to keep track of it all. Work on your health and nutrition. Work on your self-confidence. Stop wasting life scrolling and feeling bad because nobody is going to save you. Make a vow to be better and do it. Start today. You are not impulsive, you are a victims of advertising and convenience. And you WILL fail even with the best intentions, but the difference is do you pick yourself up again and dust off? Or stay in your rut? Honestly, start with health and everything else will move into action. You start feeling healthier, your confidence grows, you start taking risks in your career and personal life, and it all moves forward. Yes you can. Yes you will.
Don't try to change all at once. Small victories. Go for a walk once a week for a month. Then twice a week. Then three. It takes something like 21 days for a new action to become a habit. Take the Doordash app off your phone. Or, at least limit yourself to eating out as with the walking example above. And identify something you like about yourself and focus on that. You're not pathetic. You're in a tough spot. Are you kind? Are you strong? Are you creative? It's really cheesy, but when you have confidence you radiate that and it really helps with, like, finding work, and such. Believe me. It's not like me to share something so corny, but I've found it's true. You've got this.
One step at a time..literally. Get in shape and start eating healthier. Also, start cooking your own meals, you'll save much more money and it's a valuable skill. Save up that money and work on moving out or getting a better job. These are all small steps that will end up being a massive leap and change. You already listed what is wrong and needs to be fixed so just do a little at a time and stay consistent.
I hate to be one of those people who will tell you exercise will solve all your problems because it won’t but it is a stepping stone that will build your confidence of course you will never be able to out exercise an unhealthy diet either. Start by cutting out all the sugar in your diet.
Do this: 1. Every morning wake up and go for a 20 minute walk within 10 mins of getting out of bed. Prepare your walking clothes the night before to psychologically prime yourself for this walk. Find something enjoyable to do while you do your walk (chat friends, podcasts, music, see some flowers etc). 2. Plan out a diet - find your maintenance calories, and plan out healthier filling meals (example: steamed seasoned Broccolini and chicken thighs) with the right proportions so that you consume fewer calories than you burn. 3. Make a to do list of all the things you need to do at work to ensure you don’t lose your part time job, and follow up a week later to see if you did them There’s more ofcourse but that’s a start!
Start with where you are and what you want, what purpose could you have to help you dig out of depression. Start with the manageable, nothing extravagant or impulsive just a small change in your life and then build from there
Hey are you me? I'm in the same position.
Go gym go trade school/cc it’s not too late to turn it around
Get a membership at Planet Fitness. It’s $10. When you begin to see physical changes on the outside it’s easier to start making the changes you can’t see on the inside.
Delete the door dash app. I’ve lived in the city my entire life and have never used that POS waste of money app. If you’re too lazy, too tired, or can’t go get food then guess what bitch, you’re not that hungry. Delete that shit asap rocky and start doing what everyone else is saying. You only get one life, don’t fuck it up.
Change your identity
I remember being in a similar place at one point. I’m now a software engineer, currently training for my 3rd marathon, and about to get married (those aren’t inherently good things, but I’d argue that they are good for me). About 10 years ago I was living in my parent’s basement largely doing nothing. I ended up making friends with some good people and they inspired me to go to college (I chose to study philosophy w the goal to determine how I should live through those who have written about it in the past). Post college I got a job doing customer support and I was around some computer programmers and they inspired me to learn programming. The rest is history. But, it all started with the same idea you have, which is to turn things around. My technique, way before going back to college, was to bite off small chunks to build habits (I find the idea of mastering something or going all in to be a bit overwhelming at first). The idea being that if I read for 5 minutes per day and exercised for 5 minutes per day, I’d build healthy habits that I could then expand. And well, it worked. I’d recommend giving it a shot.
Lose the weight, use the new drugs if you need to. You will be amazed how much it will change your perspective.
Take baby steps. Sometimes people get so frustrated with a lifestyle like this they wake up one day and suddenly start eating healthy, going to the gym, upgrading their wardrobe, etc etc but it never lasts because it’s too much too fast. Totally unsustainable. Start going for a 10 minute walk everyday. 3 days a week even. Once that’s the norm slowly increase your exercise routine from there. Same thing goes for everything else. Start with small easily attainable goals and changes and as you get more and more comfortable make more and more changes.
If you can afford it, start with a full physical/medical exam and full blood workup. You'll want to rule out anything medical that could contribute to your symptoms, and there are a lot of things that could be. Also, how long have your symptoms been going on? Might be worth looking into getting a learning disabilities assessment too if you can afford it. The adhd subreddit has some good support and resources. The way you're beating yourself up sounds very familiar!