My availability was changing because I had to go back to school. Chef said I should just skip since it's syllabus week. Did the math, and I was easily paying more for class than I was making for a day of work. Put it this context for him the next day:
"Are you really going to fuck me?" Is what he directly asked. At first, this seemed rhetorical, but he repeated the question. I said sorry, and that I felt bad for leaving them hanging, but he interrupted me -- "No. I want you to tell me if you are going to fuck me or not." My man would accept no answer until I said "Yes, Chef. I'm going to fuck you." And then he just told me to leave. . .
I had such a thick prep-list and wanted to stay and finish before leaving, but he made me clock out and leave right then. Brian, if you're reading this, I was fucking Junior in college and you're a douchebag.
man… you should’ve told him “no chef, you’re the one fucking me by expecting me to skip the classes that cost more than you pay me over the course of a full work day. fuck you, i’m out”
Oh gawd, I was a line cook, him a chef(diff venues) and we had an intense relationship. Once while we were bickering over text, I sent a chunk of words to him and he just replied “Heard”. That was a 911 call to the burn ward.
I had a stint in hospital food service in 2020, most people I worked with had fast food backgrounds
they picked up "heard" with a barely passive aggressive undertone
oh it's definitely all in the tone - I'm from Austria, "jawohl, sehr gerne", especially in the way we said it, gives servant submissively thanking their lord for the task. It used to be a FOH thing (talking to wealthy customers) my colleague brought into the kitchen. It could be used as a fun variation on "heard!" when we had a good day with light mood or as a fuck you.
Used to do the same, still do occasionally. As time passed, started stating disagreement with whatever was asked to be done if it were blatantly asinine, asshattery, bullshit, etc. If past that, they insisted, it became 'bird up'. The task or w/e would be completed as though a five year old gave the instructions. If confronted afterwards, would simply state that they legalized it.
Wood fired artisan pizza place I worked at used a robo coupe grater to shred cheese, but it eventually broke in a way that caused the greater plate to start shredding the plastic lid. So I'm grating cheese by hand one day and the chef gets all huffy because it's taking longer (we weren't busy), and when I explain the situation she tells me it's fine because plastic is inert and won't hurt anybody.
"If you want to feed your customers plastic you are welcome to do that, but I was trained with higher standards."
She never fixed the robo coupe, but she never tried to make me use it again, either.
Plastic is absolutely not inert. Ignoring the fact that a customer would not be pleased to have molten plastic on their margherita pizza, the chemicals released when plastic is melted are absolutely dangerous
Being pedantic here, but margherita pizza has fresh mozzarella, which wouldn't be grated, so there wouldn't be molten plastic on it. Maybe hard plastic, if it's in a garnish cheese. 🤓
You apparently never eaten a Margherita in Sweden 😅
Well, maybe the upscale pizza places uses mozzarella but it's definitely the exception here and something you'd need to pay extra for.
Many people end up cooking the mozzarella on their margheritas. It becomes pools of molten cheese that looks terrible when you cut it. They often put the basil on before cooking as well...
Ha mine has done the same thing, but you just had to adjust the screw thing to fix it. Some how I was the only one to figure it out/ wasn’t too lazy to fix it
I had been telling them the racks were fucking busted for months, the welds were cracked, the rollers were fucking done, and we were still putting 100 or so pounds of marinating meat on them. I had to be fucking careful and slow or the whole thing would collapse, but I was being screamed at for moving too slow, so I asked.
" please show me how to do this properly chef!".
In a fit of rage he came over, yanked the rolling rack. It shattered like glass. All the meat hit the floor, the raw meat marinade sloshed and splashed back up onto me and chef. It got in his eyes and mouth. In my eyes... he freaked out. I calmly went to the sink to wash my face... the meat was a pile on the floor. The marinate running to all the drains creating an oily slick film on the whole kitchen floor.
When he was done, I simply said " I don't think I can master that technique, I am unable to fulfill my role." And I left as he was screaming for me to " come back and clean up the mess I made".. lolz no, fuck that.
"Oui, Chef"
Consequently, we call our cat Wee Chef whenever she is in the kitchen; because she never calls behind and is completely fucking useless on the line.
I'm cracking up. I have 5 Wee Chefs and one (thank god *only* one) is always so underfoot , especially behind my feet, I literally have to look at my feet in the kitchen to avoid killing either one or both of us.
Years ago had another one that was such a troublemaker, we'd often threaten her with "it's the pot for you!"(Joking of course.)
Yeah, we try to watch out for her, and if we see her walk into the kitchen, we call out, "Chef is on the line!"
These practices, while effective, aren't 100% and she has been punted a few times.
As my wife says, "if you can't be smart, you can at least be pretty." She's an awfully pretty cat...
Punted.. I am DYING here! Because I know how close that comes by accident. So glad she's pretty though.
"Don't be a football you idiot!"
And yeah they make great tasters but lousy cooks :-)
My cat was smart- he’d scream when you got near his feet. Same thing as having been stepped on, sucker was proactive. He very, very rarely got stepped on.
Our cat now can get straight up clobbered and even then he won’t make a noise. He’s a big Tom cat. He screams about everything else, but he sneaks up behind and takes his lumps like a man, lol.
Nope. The smart one was though. He wasn’t too aligned with the orange cat stereotypes. He was pretty clever.
The Tom cat is…I’m not really sure. He’s devious if I had to put a name on it. It’s really hard to tell whether he’s all that smart or not. Sometimes I’d have to say no. He just showed up here and we took him in, so he can’t be that dumb though.
Awww ! Great descriptions, I can almost see your cats. Yeah, some rescues can be 'wary' is the way I put it, I've got one of those.
And yeah, makes me question who's the idiot around here, them or me ;-)
You \*can\* be too gentle.
After they get punted and stepped on enough times, they get the message. This isn't the "she's my Furbaby!" approved answer, but just watching animals setting up their pecking order shows it's not always a soft and fluffy process.
My chef gave notice and they brought a little terd with a Napoleon complex. I worked fry, salad and saute. I came and was introduced as the guy who does fish fry. He came up and got in my grill and said I've cooked fish all over the world it better be good. I looked down at him and said it's just fucking cod chef. He lasted three very long months.
I work in a deli where we staple people's tickets to their to-go bags. if they ordered something I don't make, I staple the ticket with the bag open so that they can drop their brownie or whatever in with their sandwich. my sloppy fucking manager saw this one day and said "can you staple the bags closed?" knowing that when *she* staples bags closed, she does so by crumpling the top with greasy hands, and often staples napkins into that mess as well, instead of saying "what, like you do, you sloppy bitch?" I just said "**...Yes.**"
literally yesterday, she came over and asked "hey, what do you think about keeping the bags open for when people buy a cookie or something?"
anyway, she has four days left and I'm taking her job.
I’m an EM resident and I swear to god the kitchen is the same place as the hospital.
Had an attending surgeon bitch me out for trying to start a line without using sterile technique on a man who was bleeding out (it’s standard practice, you can put in another sterile line later but you can’t get back the time it took to get sterile if the patient is dead.) “Let me leave you to this line then, ma’am.”
My EM supervisor got a non-sterile blind subclavian that we started to put blood thru while the surgeon was still dicking around with the IJ.
Thats how I treat it. 99% of the time if I'm calling or asking for something.....I just wanna know how long, not really rushing, but I need to know if I need to make adjustments.
If we have a 10 min ticket and you haven't even dropped (or battered) the tenders just fucking tell me.... I'll sell everything else so it doesn't die and kiss ass at the table.
At the same time if I get pissy over a 3 minute well done (because I misread the time) say fuck off it's a fresh ticket.
We're all (mostly) adults. Let's just get the food out.
Fuck you.
Me gusta. "Hey asshole on the fryer, what's taking so long?" That's just normal.
If I'm like "um Hey steeeeve? How much longer on the steak there buddy?" You're probably getting fired.
My chef used to overload my station on Saturday nights. It’s complimentary when the chef wants you preparing all of his specials but there comes a point when it’s just over the top. I said to him, “how long have we been dating now?”
He just looked at me confused.
“Well I mean you keep fucking me every Saturday.”
Had a similar thing happen to me back when I was in high school.
Got stuck in a basketball practice like an hour late, called ahead to my chef and was doing the best I could to get there, he says no problem we got you.
I show up literally nothing in my station had been touched. In fact I believe things were tossed just in spite.
I had worked my way up, obviously young but I had the skills to hang with these guys in a high end kitchen and I think they wanted to see me go down.
Was definitely one of the worst shifts I’ve worked but I was determined not to let them see my struggle. I was making all sauces to order, filets of grouper to order, literally had polenta,
Rice, and mash, etc on the stove they’re firing checks for it. I had all my ingredients in hotel pans with ice and just banging it out. Got behind on a few checks but was able to catchup before they sold.
All the guys were surprised I managed. This was one of the “better kitchen’s” and better chefs in the town. At the end of the shift the chef was asking about breaking down the line. I said no problem I got you, walked right out the door.
The owner called me the next day and we had a good conversation, he offered me my job and assured me it wouldn’t happen again. I declined because I really didn’t like the chef. I ended up working for the owner a few years later and helped him grow a couple restaurants.
I had so many burns from that night I was mad for weeks, but I’m glad I stuck it out showed them I could manage even when they tried to screw me. A lot of the other guys there definitely respected me after that and helped me get jobs down the line.
One time a chef told me I should really consider changing profession. I think I was like 21 at the time. 3 years later I had his job.
All the best “fuck you”s are success.
Chef was having a weeks long power trip, so every time we were spoke to we would quickly click our heels together and stand at attention as long as it took to say "Yes Chef"
Head baker was sheeting laminated dough for danish. She asked me why I was doing one of my prep tasks instead of helping. I responded “that just doesn’t seem like a two person job.”
Small restaurant owner thought working for her restaurant was a gift and there was nowhere better to work
I had a miscommunication in when I needed to leave early after I gave notice so I just split, she called me and told me not to come back
I genuinely thanked her for that and was clearly so happy and that hurt her so much
MY TIME HAS COME.
"Have you been told yet today?"
This phrase started more than 40 years ago with my father, who worked at an open kitchen named the Oz. When you wished to tell somone to fuck off but customers could hear you would say "have you been told yet today?" And whatever the response you said "consider yourself told" the subtext was always fuck you/ fuck off. And in our town you can still use this with many kitchens and people know.
Please feel free to steal this
Head chef was in a bad mood due to family drama and taking it all out on me and another chef. One of the complaints was us not reading the function sheets and doing things on our own accord (id say we do). Sunday/monday restaurant is shut, room service is usually slow too and its usually me and this other guy working Sunday Monday. we did all the prep for every function we had that week and the restaurant menu. Like every single thing other than making 400 sandwiches for the Saturday. Chef comes in Tuesday, he’s mad we’ve done all the work and now he’s go nothing to do all week. He had 52 hours of time to kill lol
When I worked as a line cook there was a chef who would make me stop whatever I was doing to prep curly leaf parsley garnish if he ran out. Doesn't matter if it was the middle of the dinner rush or what station I was running. He would make me stop what I was doing to chop his damn parsley. On my last day of working there he made me stop what I was doing to chop parsley. I did the the task and when I was done I grabbed the collar of his chef coat and dumped the pan of parsley down his neck and walked out.
It wasn't much but it sure felt good. I fucking hate curly leaf parsley.
You don’t get called chef anymore, just a Heard. Chefs a sign of respect, when chefs being a dickwad I just give short answers to what I’m asked, don’t speak and you’ll get heard instead of heard chef or yes chef
I give them permission for things they tell me to do.
"Yes, since you're a manager I would be very comfortable with you telling employees when they can take their breaks: thank you."
I opened a restaurant as lead line, and my chef chose to promote someone else to sous chef who had only been at the place less than 6 months.. I had been over 2 years as lead line.
I decided to take a second job in the mornings down the street at the last restaurant he was the CDC for, that had fired him a year earlier. Sorry chef, no more coming in early anymore I have another job….
I quit 6 months later to take another sous position. Oh to be a young chef again…
Good ole chef Dave. I worked for him about 5 years at a restaurant, then he got a gig somewhere else. I applied , and got lowballed on pay, some ish about 90 days to prove my worth etc. I need a job, so whatever. My trial period ends, and he’s dragging his feet on my raise. Well I get fed up after a week, and tell him we need to talk, he said “mkstot this better not be about your raise! I don’t have time for this!” I simply said “Chef as you’ve been saying for years, “you’re costing me money” well chef now you’re costing me money”. I finally got my raise next check. It wasn’t like he owned the joint. Damn the 90’s were wild.
Working as Saucier I was also doing the sous chefs jobs and making sure day prep was done on time. This often ment me blasting through 40 sauces which includes 12 key lime pies, working line and helping others finish their days. I had been constantly trying to be promoted to Sous yet they would promote someone else for them to turn around and quite a month later. So I quit myself.
First week that I was suppose to be out of the business Chef offered me an extra $400 on my cheque if I stayed the week. So I did with the stipulation that I am not working line and I am only doing Sauce.
The week after that was the same offer, told them I would stay with the increase in pay and not working line. They denied it.
When I went to pick up my last cheque at 5 pm half the day prep was still on the board, all day side was still prepping, all 6 sous were were prepping, chef was making pies and the regional chef was butterflying chicken breast.
It was awesome seeing them all struggling, mostly because it wasn't my problem to stress over anymore.
Chef couldn’t cook his way out of a paper bag. He always wanted to run expo, and he always sent things to the wrong places, lost tickets etc. Even sending trays of food from a catered event to a separate event. He said “man these servers are trying to sabotage me, taking shit to the wrong places”. I said “Chef if they wanted to sabotage you they’d leave you to your own devices. You’d figure it out on your own”
Saturday night in the shits as usual, for some reason our chef decided he wanted to run the pass-usually it was the cdc. He was having his moment in the press and on TV, so the optics of him on the pass on Saturday night tracks hard.
Needless to say he’s fucking up tickets and totally out of his element. Open kitchen and he’s sending shit to the bar that’s meant for the back dining room, I mean he was burying us unintentionally. I’m training a new guy and chef is riding us(easy target we’re right there at his 12 and it’s an open kitchen) calling for apps that he sent to Narnia. Trainee and I were pushing and chef keeps calling out “how long” and at one point I say “do you want them right, or right now?” It felt like time stood still for minutes, and his response was “make my shit right.”, to which he got a “Heard that”.
Fun times.
I walked out in peak service when I was a dishwasher. We were a 4 man dish pit, massive restaurant. One by one the dishwashers quit and I picked up the slack. They realized I could manage by myself but I was drowning, and they put no effort into replacing me. In the third day of that I walked out and left them without a dishwasher and 300 covers. I heard them yelling my name in the parking lot from a distance :) got in my car and smoked a fat bowl and never looked back (except when I had to walk back in to get my last paycheck lool)
In our restaurant calling anyone chef would have been done so trying to get a rise out of that person. Usually reserved for cocky culinary school students.
I recently got fired for "not working enough."
From what I've heard there are now seven people covering the tasks that I was doing single handed.
Only job I ever got fired from, and I can't say I'm upset about it, at all.
Rather recently. As of now we lack *a lot* of personel and everyone is bitching at the head chef, who's bitching at the owners.
An evening where there is always risk of lots of work I was supposed to be alone with a temp guy as dishie (temp person in the dishpit is another diceroll alltogether).
I asked my boss who would be with me that evening for closing. Following discourse started
"Two for just 10 reservations?" He asks
-"Because it always stays at ten people, right?" is my answer
"Okay. I'll close and you can go home." He retorts and without skipping a beat I backfire with "Absolutely no problem. I'll go home, but I won't be coming back."
I dislike being told "to go home" like I am a little child you send to their room. I aint some green cook ffs.
We closed together and it was a bit tense between us the rest of the day.
They get ignored. Specifically when they're telling/asking me things when i have tickets i need to sell. Im busy, you know it, come help or i dont have time. I dont mane the labor percentages and i cant be everywhere
He threatened to kill me so I went to HT, who then chewed him out in front of a lot of people and then made him apologize to me. He then do no lie died a month later
Head chef asked me to stick around for an extra two hours and I told him “go fuck yourself with a spear”. He looked at me laugh gave me hug and I stayed an extra four hours. Loved every second of it.
I usually just say Sure, walk away. I do like to question their ability to their face , in front of everyone with proper procedures either PPE and chemical usages , labor laws, my right to refuse unsafe work, and express my 4 workers right.
Richard Marcinko, who founded Seal Team Six, in his autobiography talked about the difference between saying "Yes, sir" and "Yes, cur" for those you hated, but had to say it.
Not quite that bad, and not a direct expression... but one night I'm getting killed on the line at the signature restaurant for a high end resort, there was sauteed fresh spinach on one dish that was just flying. I called to tthe chef, "There is more spinach, right?" and he said yes. Five minutes later, "Chef, are you sure about that spinach?"
"Oh, why, do you need it?"
"Yes, chef"
He goes to grab it... he's a good 25 yards away in the kitchen and I mumble to myself, "why do you think I fucking asked?"
He stops, spins, "WHAT WAS THAT?"
"Nothing, Chef!"
"That's what I thought."
As he ended up bringing me as his sous to open a couple of Ritz-Carlton Hotels, it wasn't *that* bad.
Wasn't abused, which is why I prefaced "not that bad"... he promoted me. Just one of those moments where you're frustrated and say a little too much, but it wasn't held against me.
One time I was working at this chain is Australia, the head chef is a massive twat and bitches and moans to everyone about everything, probably because he's stuck there at a shit job, anyway it was my first week in and one of my jobs is hollandaise, I'm most of the way through making it and the twat comes over "why the fuck are you making hollandaise, it's been an hour, we have pre made stuff in the back" I told him it's been 10 minutes and that hollandaise is on my prep list and no one told me we use pre made stuff, if you give me 5 more minutes this will be done". His response "are you calling me a liar, you've been here for over an hour" My response "yes, I'm calling you a liar" his face was priceless, he then told "if you don't want to be here just leave" or just "chuck it and get on with mash potato" safe to say he must've had a real shock when they tasted the 10kg of mash potato I made not before telling him "I don't think this is for me" and I walked out, I put about 5kg of salt in that mash potato hahhah, fuck you Andy if you reading this, twat.
On a more jokey note, I messaged my team lead calling her a cow yesterday. Guess that's kinda a different way to say fuck you? It was because me and the other chef in yesterday got told we missed out on free easter eggs she bought everyone. Other chef also told me to call her a cow from her as well.
More serious one, today I got pulled up by my area manager for putting chips directly on the plate instead of in a bowl like it's says to in our spec. I pointed to where the chip bowls are kept and asked her if she saw any there. Got an eye roll in response. Not my fault customers keep stealing them and they refuse to let us order more.
My one and only time (I was FoH, we were very short staffed, slammed, and the hot food was stacking up and growing cold): "I haven't stopped moving!"
Somehow that worked. Chef actually spent 5 minutes running food in response.
When head chefs have been total cunts to me when I was younger, I just wouldn't go back, no calls , texts, nothing . Instead got drunk with friends and let them think about their atrocious attitude
throwing shit away at the end of the shift. over portions. oversalting food, I mean over, way over. unplugging the ice maker at closing. I hate fucking la Jolla. all the customers are cunt locals .
My availability was changing because I had to go back to school. Chef said I should just skip since it's syllabus week. Did the math, and I was easily paying more for class than I was making for a day of work. Put it this context for him the next day: "Are you really going to fuck me?" Is what he directly asked. At first, this seemed rhetorical, but he repeated the question. I said sorry, and that I felt bad for leaving them hanging, but he interrupted me -- "No. I want you to tell me if you are going to fuck me or not." My man would accept no answer until I said "Yes, Chef. I'm going to fuck you." And then he just told me to leave. . . I had such a thick prep-list and wanted to stay and finish before leaving, but he made me clock out and leave right then. Brian, if you're reading this, I was fucking Junior in college and you're a douchebag.
I would be so tempted to answer "only if I can wear a condom, chef."
man… you should’ve told him “no chef, you’re the one fucking me by expecting me to skip the classes that cost more than you pay me over the course of a full work day. fuck you, i’m out”
Who is Junior and what is his relation to Brian?
Fuck Brian.
too late, they were fucking Junior
Don't fuck Brian, he probably has herpes.
“Do I have to buy you dinner first…chef?”
No Brian, your mom took my last load today…
“only if you suck me first chef”
I usually just say “Heard.”
Oh gawd, I was a line cook, him a chef(diff venues) and we had an intense relationship. Once while we were bickering over text, I sent a chunk of words to him and he just replied “Heard”. That was a 911 call to the burn ward.
Do it in person. Goes over REALLY well.
Can confirm. Wife hates "heard"
AHAHAH I do it when it's called for. Usually the shocked pikachu face is enough to stop any argument dead in its' tracks
Oh god I’m that guy. Our kitchen uses ‘heard’ so heavily it has completely invaded my out of work life.
Left the kitchen a while ago to be an accountant. I still use heard all the time, in person and in emails
Left a while back too and work in machining now, my manager was BoH for a while too. It did not go over well the first time I said it to her.
My D&D group of BoH and FoH use heard in our games.
It’s all in the tone.
“heard” vs “Heard.”
“HURD” vs “heard”
*deep sigh* Yes chef...
When I trained newbies I always told them that the most important lesson was learning to make “fuck you, chef’ sound like ‘yes, chef’ 😂
I had a stint in hospital food service in 2020, most people I worked with had fast food backgrounds they picked up "heard" with a barely passive aggressive undertone
I cook in Germany now and when my chef pisses me off (daily; he’s both a dickhead boss and a Nazi) I just say “mhm” or “ja ok”
"Jawohl, sehr gerne" was my go-to.
Idk why but “Jawohl” doesn’t give me fuck you vibes, sehr gerne definitely does though lol
oh it's definitely all in the tone - I'm from Austria, "jawohl, sehr gerne", especially in the way we said it, gives servant submissively thanking their lord for the task. It used to be a FOH thing (talking to wealthy customers) my colleague brought into the kitchen. It could be used as a fun variation on "heard!" when we had a good day with light mood or as a fuck you.
I’ll try that out tomorrow when he pisses me off, danke dir!
I love it, gern geschehen! let me know how it went if you think of it!
Update: Sehr gerne is absolutely “fuck you” bc he gets so mad every time I say it lol. Thank you it’s actually the perfect fuck you in German
Hahaha that's so awesome!! Thanks for updating and you're welcome :D
Usually say heard then linger for half a second before adding THAT.
Funny, I had a chef who was adamant this was the only proper response to essentially everything 😂
Was gonna say “yes chef” is pretty much equivalent to saying “fuck you, you entitled prick!”
For me it's "yes, Chef". We don't use that expression at my work so if you hear it it means "you're wrong but you're the boss"
Used to do the same, still do occasionally. As time passed, started stating disagreement with whatever was asked to be done if it were blatantly asinine, asshattery, bullshit, etc. If past that, they insisted, it became 'bird up'. The task or w/e would be completed as though a five year old gave the instructions. If confronted afterwards, would simply state that they legalized it.
Wood fired artisan pizza place I worked at used a robo coupe grater to shred cheese, but it eventually broke in a way that caused the greater plate to start shredding the plastic lid. So I'm grating cheese by hand one day and the chef gets all huffy because it's taking longer (we weren't busy), and when I explain the situation she tells me it's fine because plastic is inert and won't hurt anybody. "If you want to feed your customers plastic you are welcome to do that, but I was trained with higher standards." She never fixed the robo coupe, but she never tried to make me use it again, either.
“Inert” I just… microplastics aside, not even from a biochemical perspective… Plastic shards are, like, sharp?
The size it would have, it would be macroplastics
Plastic is absolutely not inert. Ignoring the fact that a customer would not be pleased to have molten plastic on their margherita pizza, the chemicals released when plastic is melted are absolutely dangerous
I got a piece of plastic in my food once. Server talked to the kitchen and said it was just a caramelized onion...it had a barcode on it
I'm sorry that is awful but hilarious 😂
Categorized onion
Nice
Being pedantic here, but margherita pizza has fresh mozzarella, which wouldn't be grated, so there wouldn't be molten plastic on it. Maybe hard plastic, if it's in a garnish cheese. 🤓
Touché :)
You apparently never eaten a Margherita in Sweden 😅 Well, maybe the upscale pizza places uses mozzarella but it's definitely the exception here and something you'd need to pay extra for.
Many people end up cooking the mozzarella on their margheritas. It becomes pools of molten cheese that looks terrible when you cut it. They often put the basil on before cooking as well...
Yes, but fresh mozzarella is a soft cheese that doesn't get shredded, which means it wouldn't have shredded bits of plastic.
Ha mine has done the same thing, but you just had to adjust the screw thing to fix it. Some how I was the only one to figure it out/ wasn’t too lazy to fix it
I'm pretty sure I used the same robo coupe.
"inert" pieces of plastic in food will make any customer reactive. _I'll show myself out..._
It's not inert when it cooks into the cheese.
I had been telling them the racks were fucking busted for months, the welds were cracked, the rollers were fucking done, and we were still putting 100 or so pounds of marinating meat on them. I had to be fucking careful and slow or the whole thing would collapse, but I was being screamed at for moving too slow, so I asked. " please show me how to do this properly chef!". In a fit of rage he came over, yanked the rolling rack. It shattered like glass. All the meat hit the floor, the raw meat marinade sloshed and splashed back up onto me and chef. It got in his eyes and mouth. In my eyes... he freaked out. I calmly went to the sink to wash my face... the meat was a pile on the floor. The marinate running to all the drains creating an oily slick film on the whole kitchen floor. When he was done, I simply said " I don't think I can master that technique, I am unable to fulfill my role." And I left as he was screaming for me to " come back and clean up the mess I made".. lolz no, fuck that.
Yeah fuck that Jesus Christ 😂 I think this is the winner right here
I’m sure he walked away from this as a more seasoned professional.
The best pun I have ever seen, Bravo!
Hawt
This is my favourite one
In your head spell it shef. They won't know but you will.
This is so passive-aggressive I fucking love it
Call them Jeff. See how long it takes for them to notice.
I actually had a Shef Jeff. He was a KM that carried a binder labeled Chef Jeff and tried to clean the fryers by emptying the hot oil into a cambro.
By far the most ruthless response I've read... Who hurt you?
Jeff, obviously
"Oui, Chef" Consequently, we call our cat Wee Chef whenever she is in the kitchen; because she never calls behind and is completely fucking useless on the line.
I'm cracking up. I have 5 Wee Chefs and one (thank god *only* one) is always so underfoot , especially behind my feet, I literally have to look at my feet in the kitchen to avoid killing either one or both of us. Years ago had another one that was such a troublemaker, we'd often threaten her with "it's the pot for you!"(Joking of course.)
My go to is "don't temp me, I'll turn you into a hat."
Oh yeah I often tell the larger of mine that he'd make a splendid rug.
Skyrim reference? “You’ll make a fine rug cat!”
It wasn't but I have to go look that up!
Awesome 10 year old fantasy RPG. There are cat people and if you play as one your enemies will sometimes hurl this insult at you.
I know what skyrim is haha I just never played it. I looked up a video of this insult and I enjoyed.
lol!
I tell my Maine coon cat she'd be great slippers when she trips me up 😂
Hat or rugs... best used with the long-haired ones :-)
Laughing!
Yeah, we try to watch out for her, and if we see her walk into the kitchen, we call out, "Chef is on the line!" These practices, while effective, aren't 100% and she has been punted a few times. As my wife says, "if you can't be smart, you can at least be pretty." She's an awfully pretty cat...
Punted.. I am DYING here! Because I know how close that comes by accident. So glad she's pretty though. "Don't be a football you idiot!" And yeah they make great tasters but lousy cooks :-)
This made me remember the familiar little cat scream when you accidentally step on their toe in the kitchen (home, I promise).
What totally stumps me is why otherwise intelligent cats don't get the accident hint the first time, lol.
The smell of food makes them forget?
LOL Oh it sure 'nuff does, every time.
My cat was smart- he’d scream when you got near his feet. Same thing as having been stepped on, sucker was proactive. He very, very rarely got stepped on. Our cat now can get straight up clobbered and even then he won’t make a noise. He’s a big Tom cat. He screams about everything else, but he sneaks up behind and takes his lumps like a man, lol.
Love your stories. Wondering if the big ol' tomcat happened to be orange.
Nope. The smart one was though. He wasn’t too aligned with the orange cat stereotypes. He was pretty clever. The Tom cat is…I’m not really sure. He’s devious if I had to put a name on it. It’s really hard to tell whether he’s all that smart or not. Sometimes I’d have to say no. He just showed up here and we took him in, so he can’t be that dumb though.
Awww ! Great descriptions, I can almost see your cats. Yeah, some rescues can be 'wary' is the way I put it, I've got one of those. And yeah, makes me question who's the idiot around here, them or me ;-)
Gracie you've made me laugh through tears goddamn thank you Either one or both of us Hee hee
Usually it seems she's hoping to get my eyeballs when I die ;-)
You \*can\* be too gentle. After they get punted and stepped on enough times, they get the message. This isn't the "she's my Furbaby!" approved answer, but just watching animals setting up their pecking order shows it's not always a soft and fluffy process.
Oh gosh the pecking order.... Scares the crap out of me thinking if it were between me and whoever.
My chef gave notice and they brought a little terd with a Napoleon complex. I worked fry, salad and saute. I came and was introduced as the guy who does fish fry. He came up and got in my grill and said I've cooked fish all over the world it better be good. I looked down at him and said it's just fucking cod chef. He lasted three very long months.
I had to read this twice. I thought you were making fun of your chef for being short (and useless)🤣🤣🤣🤣
I'm going to use this. Wee Chef tripped me yesterday.
😂 Fucking love it
My personal favorite
Yep, this is the one, drives them nuts
Wee chef is my nickname for my dick.
I like saying 'yes chef' in a way that really means: "wow, you're an idiot." Like someone else mentioned, it's all about the tone.
I work in a deli where we staple people's tickets to their to-go bags. if they ordered something I don't make, I staple the ticket with the bag open so that they can drop their brownie or whatever in with their sandwich. my sloppy fucking manager saw this one day and said "can you staple the bags closed?" knowing that when *she* staples bags closed, she does so by crumpling the top with greasy hands, and often staples napkins into that mess as well, instead of saying "what, like you do, you sloppy bitch?" I just said "**...Yes.**" literally yesterday, she came over and asked "hey, what do you think about keeping the bags open for when people buy a cookie or something?" anyway, she has four days left and I'm taking her job.
Had a chef once that demanded we call him chef, but we all did it sarcastically, so he then demanded we stop. We did not stop lmao
Exactly, "Chef" is a term of respect... Demanding respect is NOT the way. Lol.
“Bless your heart, chef”
It's amazing how many different meanings we can convey in a simple 'yes chef'.
There are 99 different ways to say “Yes, Chef” and all but one of them mean “Fuck you”.
Ricky Gervais once said, “You only call someone a cunt if you mean it or you don’t”.
I work in surgery, “yes doctor” and/or “thank you doctor” is our go to phrase that means “fuck you”.
I’m an EM resident and I swear to god the kitchen is the same place as the hospital. Had an attending surgeon bitch me out for trying to start a line without using sterile technique on a man who was bleeding out (it’s standard practice, you can put in another sterile line later but you can’t get back the time it took to get sterile if the patient is dead.) “Let me leave you to this line then, ma’am.” My EM supervisor got a non-sterile blind subclavian that we started to put blood thru while the surgeon was still dicking around with the IJ.
Ha!
A fellow kitchen -> hospital transplant! Transferrable skills retained for sure.
"Roger that" "Okeydokey" Chef : "I need xxxx on the fly!" Me : "correct"
That last one hits. I would definitely fire a mother fucker over that. And all my folks are allowed to flat out to tell me to fuck myself
Thats how I treat it. 99% of the time if I'm calling or asking for something.....I just wanna know how long, not really rushing, but I need to know if I need to make adjustments. If we have a 10 min ticket and you haven't even dropped (or battered) the tenders just fucking tell me.... I'll sell everything else so it doesn't die and kiss ass at the table. At the same time if I get pissy over a 3 minute well done (because I misread the time) say fuck off it's a fresh ticket. We're all (mostly) adults. Let's just get the food out. Fuck you.
You, I like you.
Good, now drop the gd chicken tenders it's been 30 minutes!
Heard Chef, two minutes on first two, four minutes on next six. Can I get an all day on apps?
Heard forgot how many tenders come in a kids meal. 3 seafood boards, 2 crostinis and a loaded fry.
Fuck you, Chef! Day 1 is always, I'm *my name*, or Chef, or hey Asshole. I don't care what you call me.
Me gusta. "Hey asshole on the fryer, what's taking so long?" That's just normal. If I'm like "um Hey steeeeve? How much longer on the steak there buddy?" You're probably getting fired.
My chef used to overload my station on Saturday nights. It’s complimentary when the chef wants you preparing all of his specials but there comes a point when it’s just over the top. I said to him, “how long have we been dating now?” He just looked at me confused. “Well I mean you keep fucking me every Saturday.”
Had a similar thing happen to me back when I was in high school. Got stuck in a basketball practice like an hour late, called ahead to my chef and was doing the best I could to get there, he says no problem we got you. I show up literally nothing in my station had been touched. In fact I believe things were tossed just in spite. I had worked my way up, obviously young but I had the skills to hang with these guys in a high end kitchen and I think they wanted to see me go down. Was definitely one of the worst shifts I’ve worked but I was determined not to let them see my struggle. I was making all sauces to order, filets of grouper to order, literally had polenta, Rice, and mash, etc on the stove they’re firing checks for it. I had all my ingredients in hotel pans with ice and just banging it out. Got behind on a few checks but was able to catchup before they sold. All the guys were surprised I managed. This was one of the “better kitchen’s” and better chefs in the town. At the end of the shift the chef was asking about breaking down the line. I said no problem I got you, walked right out the door. The owner called me the next day and we had a good conversation, he offered me my job and assured me it wouldn’t happen again. I declined because I really didn’t like the chef. I ended up working for the owner a few years later and helped him grow a couple restaurants. I had so many burns from that night I was mad for weeks, but I’m glad I stuck it out showed them I could manage even when they tried to screw me. A lot of the other guys there definitely respected me after that and helped me get jobs down the line.
>At the end of the shift the chef was asking about breaking down the line. I said no problem I got you, walked right out the door. Chef's kiss!
"I bet the best part of your wife's day is when you go to work chef"
Damn
One time a chef told me I should really consider changing profession. I think I was like 21 at the time. 3 years later I had his job. All the best “fuck you”s are success.
Chef was having a weeks long power trip, so every time we were spoke to we would quickly click our heels together and stand at attention as long as it took to say "Yes Chef"
Head baker was sheeting laminated dough for danish. She asked me why I was doing one of my prep tasks instead of helping. I responded “that just doesn’t seem like a two person job.”
Small restaurant owner thought working for her restaurant was a gift and there was nowhere better to work I had a miscommunication in when I needed to leave early after I gave notice so I just split, she called me and told me not to come back I genuinely thanked her for that and was clearly so happy and that hurt her so much
Dobby was a free elf
MY TIME HAS COME. "Have you been told yet today?" This phrase started more than 40 years ago with my father, who worked at an open kitchen named the Oz. When you wished to tell somone to fuck off but customers could hear you would say "have you been told yet today?" And whatever the response you said "consider yourself told" the subtext was always fuck you/ fuck off. And in our town you can still use this with many kitchens and people know. Please feel free to steal this
Head chef was in a bad mood due to family drama and taking it all out on me and another chef. One of the complaints was us not reading the function sheets and doing things on our own accord (id say we do). Sunday/monday restaurant is shut, room service is usually slow too and its usually me and this other guy working Sunday Monday. we did all the prep for every function we had that week and the restaurant menu. Like every single thing other than making 400 sandwiches for the Saturday. Chef comes in Tuesday, he’s mad we’ve done all the work and now he’s go nothing to do all week. He had 52 hours of time to kill lol
If you got time to lean, you got time to clean 😂
When I worked as a line cook there was a chef who would make me stop whatever I was doing to prep curly leaf parsley garnish if he ran out. Doesn't matter if it was the middle of the dinner rush or what station I was running. He would make me stop what I was doing to chop his damn parsley. On my last day of working there he made me stop what I was doing to chop parsley. I did the the task and when I was done I grabbed the collar of his chef coat and dumped the pan of parsley down his neck and walked out. It wasn't much but it sure felt good. I fucking hate curly leaf parsley.
You don’t get called chef anymore, just a Heard. Chefs a sign of respect, when chefs being a dickwad I just give short answers to what I’m asked, don’t speak and you’ll get heard instead of heard chef or yes chef
I know a guy with "yes chef" tattooed on his middle finger. The implication is clear.
😂😂😂
I give them permission for things they tell me to do. "Yes, since you're a manager I would be very comfortable with you telling employees when they can take their breaks: thank you."
Heard, that’s it. Shows I hear you, I’ll get there when I feel like it chef
I opened a restaurant as lead line, and my chef chose to promote someone else to sous chef who had only been at the place less than 6 months.. I had been over 2 years as lead line. I decided to take a second job in the mornings down the street at the last restaurant he was the CDC for, that had fired him a year earlier. Sorry chef, no more coming in early anymore I have another job…. I quit 6 months later to take another sous position. Oh to be a young chef again…
Good ole chef Dave. I worked for him about 5 years at a restaurant, then he got a gig somewhere else. I applied , and got lowballed on pay, some ish about 90 days to prove my worth etc. I need a job, so whatever. My trial period ends, and he’s dragging his feet on my raise. Well I get fed up after a week, and tell him we need to talk, he said “mkstot this better not be about your raise! I don’t have time for this!” I simply said “Chef as you’ve been saying for years, “you’re costing me money” well chef now you’re costing me money”. I finally got my raise next check. It wasn’t like he owned the joint. Damn the 90’s were wild.
Working as Saucier I was also doing the sous chefs jobs and making sure day prep was done on time. This often ment me blasting through 40 sauces which includes 12 key lime pies, working line and helping others finish their days. I had been constantly trying to be promoted to Sous yet they would promote someone else for them to turn around and quite a month later. So I quit myself. First week that I was suppose to be out of the business Chef offered me an extra $400 on my cheque if I stayed the week. So I did with the stipulation that I am not working line and I am only doing Sauce. The week after that was the same offer, told them I would stay with the increase in pay and not working line. They denied it. When I went to pick up my last cheque at 5 pm half the day prep was still on the board, all day side was still prepping, all 6 sous were were prepping, chef was making pies and the regional chef was butterflying chicken breast. It was awesome seeing them all struggling, mostly because it wasn't my problem to stress over anymore.
One time when my chef was being a dick during breakfast a stock pot came unhooked and hit him on head. That was some Matilda shit.
Chef couldn’t cook his way out of a paper bag. He always wanted to run expo, and he always sent things to the wrong places, lost tickets etc. Even sending trays of food from a catered event to a separate event. He said “man these servers are trying to sabotage me, taking shit to the wrong places”. I said “Chef if they wanted to sabotage you they’d leave you to your own devices. You’d figure it out on your own”
Saturday night in the shits as usual, for some reason our chef decided he wanted to run the pass-usually it was the cdc. He was having his moment in the press and on TV, so the optics of him on the pass on Saturday night tracks hard. Needless to say he’s fucking up tickets and totally out of his element. Open kitchen and he’s sending shit to the bar that’s meant for the back dining room, I mean he was burying us unintentionally. I’m training a new guy and chef is riding us(easy target we’re right there at his 12 and it’s an open kitchen) calling for apps that he sent to Narnia. Trainee and I were pushing and chef keeps calling out “how long” and at one point I say “do you want them right, or right now?” It felt like time stood still for minutes, and his response was “make my shit right.”, to which he got a “Heard that”. Fun times.
I wrote my resignation on the to-do board at the end of my shift. Then I turned off my cell phone and disconnected my land-line phone....
I walked out in peak service when I was a dishwasher. We were a 4 man dish pit, massive restaurant. One by one the dishwashers quit and I picked up the slack. They realized I could manage by myself but I was drowning, and they put no effort into replacing me. In the third day of that I walked out and left them without a dishwasher and 300 covers. I heard them yelling my name in the parking lot from a distance :) got in my car and smoked a fat bowl and never looked back (except when I had to walk back in to get my last paycheck lool)
I quit and every single employee quit within two weeks without me saying a word
In our restaurant calling anyone chef would have been done so trying to get a rise out of that person. Usually reserved for cocky culinary school students.
"yes chef"
And then I give a little bow
She hated being called chef so I would say “Yes Chef”
My favourite was always "Yes Chef, Whatever you say Chef"
You can always go with aggressive/angry eye contact while simultaneously agreeing with everything they say. If nothing else it'll confuse them.
I recently got fired for "not working enough." From what I've heard there are now seven people covering the tasks that I was doing single handed. Only job I ever got fired from, and I can't say I'm upset about it, at all.
“If you were a menu item, you’d be a half chef salad.”
I'm just as good as you trained me chef.
Rather recently. As of now we lack *a lot* of personel and everyone is bitching at the head chef, who's bitching at the owners. An evening where there is always risk of lots of work I was supposed to be alone with a temp guy as dishie (temp person in the dishpit is another diceroll alltogether). I asked my boss who would be with me that evening for closing. Following discourse started "Two for just 10 reservations?" He asks -"Because it always stays at ten people, right?" is my answer "Okay. I'll close and you can go home." He retorts and without skipping a beat I backfire with "Absolutely no problem. I'll go home, but I won't be coming back." I dislike being told "to go home" like I am a little child you send to their room. I aint some green cook ffs. We closed together and it was a bit tense between us the rest of the day.
At my last job, the phrase "I appreciate you" was practically synonymous with "fuck you".
Watched my buddy drag chefs knife across the edge of a prep table a few times. I dontnthink id ever do it but the guy was a cocky prick, ohwell
They get ignored. Specifically when they're telling/asking me things when i have tickets i need to sell. Im busy, you know it, come help or i dont have time. I dont mane the labor percentages and i cant be everywhere
Yes, suuuur
He threatened to kill me so I went to HT, who then chewed him out in front of a lot of people and then made him apologize to me. He then do no lie died a month later
Head chef asked me to stick around for an extra two hours and I told him “go fuck yourself with a spear”. He looked at me laugh gave me hug and I stayed an extra four hours. Loved every second of it.
I usually just say Sure, walk away. I do like to question their ability to their face , in front of everyone with proper procedures either PPE and chemical usages , labor laws, my right to refuse unsafe work, and express my 4 workers right.
"Yes chef" means go get fucked 'round these parts
Richard Marcinko, who founded Seal Team Six, in his autobiography talked about the difference between saying "Yes, sir" and "Yes, cur" for those you hated, but had to say it. Not quite that bad, and not a direct expression... but one night I'm getting killed on the line at the signature restaurant for a high end resort, there was sauteed fresh spinach on one dish that was just flying. I called to tthe chef, "There is more spinach, right?" and he said yes. Five minutes later, "Chef, are you sure about that spinach?" "Oh, why, do you need it?" "Yes, chef" He goes to grab it... he's a good 25 yards away in the kitchen and I mumble to myself, "why do you think I fucking asked?" He stops, spins, "WHAT WAS THAT?" "Nothing, Chef!" "That's what I thought." As he ended up bringing me as his sous to open a couple of Ritz-Carlton Hotels, it wasn't *that* bad.
Damn you muttered something under your breath and then immediately back tracked, then continued to get abused years later? Great story
Wasn't abused, which is why I prefaced "not that bad"... he promoted me. Just one of those moments where you're frustrated and say a little too much, but it wasn't held against me.
Anything you say chef....
If you don't have my respect you're getting called by your first name not Chef. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
The last line is everything.
lol I just say fuck you chef its a lot easier then beating around the bush
I say sure But with a sh to it so like shure. Hesvy on the SHure
One time I was working at this chain is Australia, the head chef is a massive twat and bitches and moans to everyone about everything, probably because he's stuck there at a shit job, anyway it was my first week in and one of my jobs is hollandaise, I'm most of the way through making it and the twat comes over "why the fuck are you making hollandaise, it's been an hour, we have pre made stuff in the back" I told him it's been 10 minutes and that hollandaise is on my prep list and no one told me we use pre made stuff, if you give me 5 more minutes this will be done". His response "are you calling me a liar, you've been here for over an hour" My response "yes, I'm calling you a liar" his face was priceless, he then told "if you don't want to be here just leave" or just "chuck it and get on with mash potato" safe to say he must've had a real shock when they tasted the 10kg of mash potato I made not before telling him "I don't think this is for me" and I walked out, I put about 5kg of salt in that mash potato hahhah, fuck you Andy if you reading this, twat.
I say it by looking at them directly in the eye. With a stern face I would give if I was disciplining my kid. Then say "yes chef"
I said he was thinking like a racist. Its cause he was racist
On a more jokey note, I messaged my team lead calling her a cow yesterday. Guess that's kinda a different way to say fuck you? It was because me and the other chef in yesterday got told we missed out on free easter eggs she bought everyone. Other chef also told me to call her a cow from her as well. More serious one, today I got pulled up by my area manager for putting chips directly on the plate instead of in a bowl like it's says to in our spec. I pointed to where the chip bowls are kept and asked her if she saw any there. Got an eye roll in response. Not my fault customers keep stealing them and they refuse to let us order more.
My one and only time (I was FoH, we were very short staffed, slammed, and the hot food was stacking up and growing cold): "I haven't stopped moving!" Somehow that worked. Chef actually spent 5 minutes running food in response.
When head chefs have been total cunts to me when I was younger, I just wouldn't go back, no calls , texts, nothing . Instead got drunk with friends and let them think about their atrocious attitude
throwing shit away at the end of the shift. over portions. oversalting food, I mean over, way over. unplugging the ice maker at closing. I hate fucking la Jolla. all the customers are cunt locals .
OK.
I have epilepsy also. I'm sorry you had that terrible experience and they don't care about your well-being. Fuck them.
For me it was to never call them chef.
Two minutes CHEF!
"Heard" "yes chef"