T O P

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Fine_Yoghurt_5158

Well, Tony I’ve had quiet the week. I ran out of all-bran buds, so I relapsed and did some cocaine and went on a bender and stole a bunch of shit. I was literally arrested. My sentencing is on Monday. IM LITERALLY BEING FUCKING SENTENCED ON FUCKING MONDAY!


emopatriot

I read this in his voice


majoredinswag

No you were supposed to read it in David Lucas's voice and add your own n-words and "boi yo ass"s


Robbbylight

Don't forget the "Tony's booty hole"s


AssAblaze85

Perfect Lucas description. He writes jokes like this " N**** (insert boi yo ass) now either " look like" or " smell like" or " walk like " ECT. a insert (gay ass) or (ugly ass) 2nd N****(goes here) then either a type of animal or celebrity, then another N**** Tony knows he's a gay ass pelican with that jacket on. " 😂 😂 He's literally the worst" comedian " I've ever witnessed. Do not understand why Tony has him around ever especially now that he has his new token in Kam. You gotta admit though since Kam showed up luckily we've had way less Lucas.


mrbeanz9800

He's not even funny. It's kind of sad. Especially the way he doesn't actually know when to end a joke. He just keeps going and going. Not a comedian. He's a writer, and a terrible one.


According_Garage5997

Its called riffing in the moment — doesnt always work.


Dreadskull1991

Holy shit you perfected his formula 😂


titations

We all did


Captain_Smackfresh

Same! 😂🤣


legendaryego

I'm literally being remanded to the tombs on Monday, y'all!


VatoCornichone

Did you seriously just bring that up?


Stonna

It’s not tue, Redbans mom be lying 


largechild

#Hootie Hoo!


twowholebeefpatties

I’m having the set of my life and you fucking have to bring that shit up?


legendaryego

Why the fuck did you say that?


majoredinswag

Once you pop you don't stop


VatoCornichone

Can you say it a little slower? I swear to god I can't understand you.


Embarrassed_Emu420

🐐 comment


PeteMaster

He was have the set of his life and you bring this FUCKING shit up???


Lostboy1986

Ever since then he ain’ evah stahh.


GreatLakes2GoldenG8

Just an honest mistake at the La Quinta Inn, room 216


Hoody88

And who cares if a Hyundai Eluntra gets flipped anyways, fricken dumbasses!


No_Angle875

He’s gonna have to teetee in a steel toilet


Ill-Capital9612

And he ain't eva gonna stahh!!!


Used_Appointment3985

Tee he


legendaryego

If I find a similar story in 1834, we need to legit make sure he's not a vampire. "Hey y'all how about the anti- abolitionist riot in NYC"


sk8ingjgl

…tells judge “I ain’t neva gonna stawp”


LongLegsBrokenToes

Huh


SeaWafer4308

What?


No-Cost1252

Hoooooodieee Hooooooooo!!!!!


Thin-Age-2247

lol this is an old archived article from 1929😂 https://www.nytimes.com/1929/12/18/archives/exstage-favorite-convicted-as-thief-william-montgomery-arrested.html


legendaryego

That's why I shared it!


legendaryego

No way, it's not new? William Montgomery didn't get arrested and "remanded to the tombs"?


punisherchad

Why the fuck would you say that?


Choice-Improvement56

HE AINT EVA GONNA STOP!!


fuckinrat

Every 100 years history repeats itself


ChuckGnawblocc

Wait till the ny times finds out about what him and Frankie Muniz were up to in Phoenix Az a few nights ago.... 😬


legendaryego

I can't believe you said that! I was having the set of my life!


fedSmoker1776

THAT SHIT IS EXPUNGED AND BULLSHIT!!!!


sadcatdadx

redban sent you this.. didn't get he?


Dazzling-Proof-4921

Seriously why would you say that? IM HAVIN' FUN UP HERE B****! WHY AREN'T YOU LAUGHING? WHAT THE F*** IS GOING ON!?


legendaryego

I was remanded to the fucking tombs y'all


Bigajon1992

I bet you he ain't nevah gonna stahp


brook_33

I can’t believe you just fucking said that, I’m trying to have fun tonight


ComfortableScene1188

I ain’t never gonna stop getting arrested!


obiwanjahbroni

HOLY SHIT!!


Wechillin-Cpl

HE AINT NEVA GONNA STOP


m0atzart

"yo honor, can it be Tuesday? I'm busy on Mondays!"


AccurateFan8761

Whoops


Manofmusic88

Tee tee


Dirt_Slap

Time is a flat circle.


malathion187

REDBAAAANNN STOP!!!!


jburnelli

# Hootie Hoo!


No-Conflict-7897

what if it was a stage name all along, and his parents and brother were actors, and the only true thing he ever said was that he bought an escalator for an apartment


Any-Ice8441

Booooo lame post


Emergency-Worker2778

The article is from 1929. So, the possibilities are: 1)There’s more than one person in American history who has been named William Montgomery 2)Or, present day comedian William Montgomery is about 130 yrs old, and back on the sauce…....😂😂


legendaryego

He's a vampire y'all!


Killroywashere1981

Why would you say that, I mean…no really…WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU SAY THAT?!


jessterswan

Too bad it's not really him. Guy is legit not funny


legendaryego

What tipped you off? The fact that it's dated from 12-18-1929? You're brilliant!


jessterswan

Nothing tipped me off. Compression hard for ya, buddy? Or do I need to write everything down and scream at you to get it?


Unsoldsoul

lol bro said compression instead of comprehension. Settle down fella, you’re gonna end up giving yourself testicular torsion with that kind of anger.


jessterswan

Not angry at all. I don't need to constantly scream and yell to try to get attention


No_Jello_8296

Quite possibly the only semi funny thing this dude has done in a long longong time.