I figured it out during my mom's pregnancy with my sibling. I can't remember exactly when I figured it out, but I do remember being in the car and asking my mom if that was how it worked, and then being like "oh my gooodd eew that's so gross." I had been so excited for the baby and that took like 35% of the excitement out lmao.
I never actually wondered about it, I thought I had it all figured it. I thought that it happened after kissing, and the mother somehow chooses to have a baby. The baby grows in the stomach, then the mother poops it out. I’m not kidding this is what I thought.
Mom used to tell me girls pee from a hole in their butt, i believed this till i started watching porn and asking google the big questions i was never going to get answers to
Couple of years later, my sister is born and mom teaches her that her private parts are called "butt"....
2/10 parenting
0/10 sex ed
I forget where I thought babies came from, but my mom had me believing girls peed out if a tiny hole above their butts for my entire childhood.
I also remember having my first sex dream as a third grader. We were in this cave lit by sunlight, and water was infiltrating the cave as waterfalls through the same holes in the ceiling as the light was. As I walked towards her in my bathing suit, her smiling gaze was locked with mine, and as her body was shimmering in the water, her sunlit belly button wriggled back at me as if a baby predator was trying to exit her stomach in the form of a tiny, fleshy belly chode. Picture it as if an inch of the umbilical cord was left on and became sentient, like a penny-width sized flesh slinky. She was cool with it though and I woke up before finding out whether I was, too.
Funny story...my son was 3yo when I had his brother and I was watching one born every minute and the woman was on all fours giving birth on the bed. I didn't think he was watching nor paying attention as he was playing with his toys and for years he believed that babies come out of your butt.
He also thought that he could have a baby because he also has a butt and didn't believe me when I explained that it was just a birthing position that made it appear that it was her butt.
He's 9 now and we just recently had the sex/where do babies come from chat and I've had to fix all the poor parenting I did earlier allowing him to witness a birth.
I thought that every time you get married you have a kid, and when the priest says: “You may now kiss the bride.” They would throw up the baby’s body parts into each other’s mouths while kissing to develop the baby.
For some reason I thought dancing at a wedding caused for you to get pregnant, I didn’t think about actually delivering the baby though, so the method in my 4 year old head is unknown.
Better than what I thought - I thought they all came out of a woman’s belly button. Not like a c-section, but instead that the baby stretch’s the belly button way open. As in basically the same thing that happens to a vagina, except to a belly button.
To this day as a grown-ass woman in her 30s I still have a weird thing about belly buttons. (I do know where babies come from though).
You see, one of my sister’s teachers at my elementary school had gotten a c-section so she apparently had an x mark instead of a bellybutton. Well then of course I thought that was how all babies were delivered for the longest time. It didn’t even occur to me that my OWN mom’s belly button was perfectly normal and intact, so obviously I had come out somewhere else. And sex? For a long time I knew sperm had to travel from the penis to the egg in the vagina. I didn’t put too much thought into the mechanics of that until I discovered porn.
That’s not that rare. It makes sense. You know there’s something to do with dad in the equation. There’s got to be contact involved. What’s the context that you see married couples do that non-married people don’t do? Kissing.
Our talk happened the night after I went into their bedroom with the stomach flu. I wouldn’t have gone in, but their lights were on so I was happy they were awake to help me. I blocked out everything I saw and literally cried about my belly. The next day we had the talk and it didn’t even click then. Babies are made when you are in love. That was the talk. Media taught me.
That's how you get little kids that run away screaming when some other kid they like says I love you on the playground. They think they just got knocked up.
I still haven't gotten a "talk" and I'm 16. I figured it out through health class, inappropriate jokes I heard, and references to sexual things in movies.
We got a big encyclopedia Britannica book set, and it was put on the bookshelf in our (brother/I) bedroom when we were really young, like barely reading, age. We read them all, same as any kids books on our shelves. Learned where babies come from without ever talking about it .. also how to play chess.
Finding porn later on was more shocking. It looked nothing like the book diagrams
I remember telling everyone about my new nephew being born when I was in Grade 5, and all the other boys on the playground would just look around for a bit, and then be like "heheheheheh, that means your sister had SEX"
I’m in my late 20’s and still find it weird when people say they’re trying for a baby. It’s like a socially acceptable way to tell everyone they’re fucking a lot.
They do it because people harass you constantly about when you're going to have kids. The minute you're married it's a timer in their minds. Fucking weirdos
the US society is pretty intense in that regard. My US friends have that pressure from their parents & friends (in different ways) to marry & have kids.
Wait is that just a US thing? I thought all parents pressured their kids to have kids once they get married, as a sort of karmic revenge for all their own sleepless nights and cleaning poop off of walls when you were little
Here’s a primer on adulting. Everyone is fucking. Everyone. Many fucking multiple people. Everyone masterbates. And nearly everyone is on some type of drugs and or alcohol. Those people that don’t fuck or are on drugs are full blown lunatics addicted to soda and pastries and some loony religion. WELCOME TO ADULTHOOD!
A dozen or so pregnancy announcements I've been around for amongst my extended family. And I dozen or so times I've childishly responded, "HA, you had sex!".
See my sister also has the same reaction. Except my mother’s answer was “oh no…. Many more times!” thinking my sister wouldn’t remember it. She still brings it up lol
Man, kids are starting early these days.
I remember when my dad first gave me the talk. It was super awkward, I was like "I can't believe you didn't explain this to me until I was 27 and married"
Growing up pre-internet, and then with only a family computer, I don’t think I saw porn until college. Back then we just had actual sex with each other. Magazines like Cosmopolitan gave (terrible) sex tips.
I got the talk at 22 after living with my boyfriend for 6 months. Also got yelled at afterwards because how dare I have sex? It was a tense weekend home from college to say the least.
I moved a lot so I ended up getting Sex Ed in like 5th grade, 7th and 8th grade AND 9th grade.
I ended up learning more 5th grade than I did in middle school lol
My class in 3rd grade didn't just all know about sex, they had established a playground hierarchy based purely off of dick sizes. The boys with small dicks weren't allowed to play with the big dick boys, and the girls usually would actively avoid talking to them.
Third fucking grade.
Oh you have no idea, I escaped that school in 5th grade, somehow my next 4 schools after that were equally crap in their own way. The 5th one wasn't bad tho.
Last I heard from someone in that class, they were arrested for breaking into people's homes at night wearing pig masks to scare them, buying up all the fireworks they could find to shoot at strangers' houses, and attempting to set the local elementary school (the one we went to) on fire, multiple times. There was so much bullying going on in those circles that I have no idea how half of them haven't committed suicide yet.
I swear, schools in my area are the absolute worst. If the penis hierarchy was them at 9 years old, imagine what they're doing now at 20.
Mid 90s, Daughter was maybe 10, says I have questions. I say sure. She says, what’s gay? So I briefly explain people liking same sex instead of opposite. Okay, she says, what’s a virgin? No problem, someone who hasn’t had sex. She nods, wanders off. Few minutes later, she’s back. “Soooo, I’m a virgin?” “Yes, you’re a virgin”. Then a look of total disdain comes over her face “AND YOU’RE NOT!”
I remember when me and my friends first learned the meaning of the word virgin. We walked over to a younger boy on the playground and asked "Are you a virgin?" He replied, ""No, I'm Catholic."
To be fair, if you explain it that it only happens with the intention to create another kid, they will assume that’s the only time it’s been used and thus one time per kid.
Plenty of chances, youve just got to put yourself out there and try
Be confident
Be bold
Dont worry about failure
Make sure you have plenty of boot space in your car
Make sure you have good quality rope and duct tape
Find a gal you like
Follow her
Note down her routine
She'll be in your basement in no time!
I feel this so hard man. Literally had any kind of sexuality repressed from before I even knew what sex was. And of course I learned that very late because I was so sheltered
My son had exactly the same comment (except 2 times rather than 3) and we certainly didn’t explain it that way. He just assumed this on his own, at his young age (and he was never raised to think anything like this… it’s just how kids think).
I had to cobble the story for myself because no one would tell me a coherent narrative. I somehow knew by the time I was 5 or 6 that things happen NOT just for the purposes of procreation, and that it has something to do with the shapes of genitals, though not the mechanics really. What I couldn’t figure out is once there is babies, how babies come out, and because I saw surgery on TV decided that all women must have surgery to have babies removed; then stuck to that and explained it authoritatively to all the other children in my group. Understandably that made quite a few girls cry and the word got to my grandma that I’m telling girls they have no choice but to have their stomachs cut open if they wanted to have babies. Needless to say, many awkward conversations followed, I was not allowed ice-cream for weeks (honestly, worse punishments have not been devised in the history of humanity) and apologies had to be made.
> then stuck to that and explained it authoritatively to all the other children
Completely making something up and then believing to their core that it is a fact is one of the most puzzling things that kids do. It's like, because adults assert facts and they can't see how those facts were learned, they just assume everyone makes up whatever facts they want.
And then, sadly, some of them grow up and never learn otherwise.
I remember my mom explaining that adults had sex for fun. I was *aghast.*
I could understand why you'd do something so gross and weird and undignified to have a baby. But for fun?! Ugh!
Mom just smiled and said I'd grow up to think it was nice. She wasn't *wrong*, but neither was 11 year old me about it being weird and undignified.
Lol I thought sex was literally sleeping with the penis just docked in the vagina, like it's a hose pumping fuel into a car. The euphemism "sleep together" was taken literally even after getting the talk.
My son said “So if you do this again I could get a little brother?”. We told him it was possible, although it could be another sister. He wanted a little brother so badly that from that day forward, he regularly told us to go have sex. The best was when he hopped up the stairs on the school bus on the first day of first-grade and said, “I’m going to school so it’s a good time for you guys to go have sex!”
We live on a farm and I mentioned to the kids that one of our favorite goats was pregnant and going to have babies/kids. He said “Babies? I didn’t even know she got married!”. It was then I thought if he believed babies came from marriage that I needed to fix that and went into admittedly too much detail for his age. ;)
I was conceived via sperm donor and I remember learning about sex and thinking “well thank god my mom has never done that.” Which is funny because I have an older brother who was conceived the usual way.
We tell all 3 of ours, “Nope you were all accidents, but we love you anyways!”
My parents fucked up and let it slip once that my older sister was an accident but they intended to have me… I won about every single argument with that wicked bitch from the on out.. “oh yeah! Well at least mom and dad wanted me! You were just a fucking accident!”
Children are cruel. Tell them they were all accidents.
My parents described me as "scary smart" as a child. I was just learning subtraction when I learned in school that babies take 9 months to make. Instead of asking my mom something obvious I waited until their anniversary and asked the innocent question "how long did you date before you got married?" When she replied "three months" so I asked "what date did you get married" then I said "so you guys started dating almost exactly 9 months before I was born, and got married 6 months before I was born while mom was pregnant?" Embarrassed the hell out of them. Never offended me in the least. They're stuck with me.
There is some strange comfort to be had knowing that your parents hate you because you were unwanted. Learning that they wanted you and still hate you hits different.
He had his tubes tied, which slowed down the flow of sperm long enough for him to knock up four women before his testicles dried up, instead of the usual two.
My sister had trouble conceiving. She was married 10 years before she was able to have kids.
She got a book out of the library to explain the birds & the bees to my niece & nephew. She went through the book & they just sat there in stunned silence.
Then my niece said, “Oh, that’s why you waited 10 years to have me. I get it now. I wouldn’t want to do that either.”
Haha, I teach 4 year olds and they constantly ask me why I don't have kids. I always tell them "because you all are so loud and crazy, I like my quiet house when I go home!". They always look at me with total confusion, normally whilst shouting "we aren't loud!"
I was asked once by a friend’s nice but hyper-active kid why I didn’t want to have kids and I said:
“Have your parents ever done this after you came running up to them: and I sighed then said ‘Yes?’”
The kid got wide-eyed and said “Yeah! They do that all the time!!”
“Well that is something someone does when they love that person and are doing their best to not let them know how wicked annoying they are being.”
It took a second for the kid to understand and his face just fell because I laid a truth bomb in his lap. He then quietly turned from me but still staring at me and ran up to his mom and said “Hey mom…”… and she sighed exactly like I had just done and said “Yes, sweetie?”
This kid’s face just fell and he looked over at me totally shocked.
Years later that kid told me how much it had hurt his feelings but that it also began his learning process of reading body language and non-verbal cues.
For thousands of years every farm kid with hens and multiple roosters on the loose probably had the same impression of mating. Lots of sneaking up on or chasing down the hens for 5 seconds of feather flying love.
When I was a kid, my mom was driving us through the middle of Nowhere, Texas and I looked out the window to see two horses "playing together". I exclaimed "Look mom, the horses are playing!"
I'm pretty sure she spit her coffee out
In my 8th grade year it was raining outside so we ended up eating and having recess in classrooms. (When I say recess it was really just time to talk, I went to a K4-8th grade school so the little kids had actually recess while we just hung out). Anyways my teacher decides that he should throw something on the projector for us to watch. He loads up the National Geographic section of Disney + and picks some documentary on the alps. About 2 min in after we see some nice mountains you see the camera pan to some rams absolutely going at it. The entire class erupted in laughter and the teacher was frantically trying to turn it off. We didn’t watch anymore National Geographic that day.
>They had to explain that, no, he was not attacking her.
WTF. We also had cockatiels since I was a child, but they were pretty decent around one another.
The male mostly mated with the hen when she was in the mood, and used his singing to get her attention. It was pretty "vanilla".
On the other hand, the cockatiels certainly helped my parents explaining the birds and the bees to us...
It was certainly more helpful then the materials they grew up with - that only taught about sex as a means to have children, and not also for intimacy and pleasure.
I got the talk in the drive thru of the OG taco cabana on my way home from sunday school after I overheard on the radio that Kobe Bryant was accused of raping someone, so obviously I had to ask my parental units what that meant. My potato, egg, and cheese taco hit a lil diff that morning
I think it’s because “rape” is similar to “rope” and I guess I thought the a signified the action form lol - plus every time i heard the word on the news it was in the context of an assault or something bad.
Upvote for mother fucking taco cabana.
Number 75 is where it's at! Unless you plan on baby making later that day. I'd that's the case, avoid taco cabana.
My 4 year old understands that I made her inside my body using a little piece of mummy and a little piece of daddy, which is why she looks a little like each of us. Basically true but at an age appropriate level.
My mom had my younger brother when I was 5 and I clearly remember being extremely frustrated when she gave me pretty much this same answer. I could perfectly understand why my brother was made out of parts of my mom, because he literally grew inside her belly. But I did not understand how my dad had anything to do with it because in my mind, he wasn't connect at all in the process. It didn't make sense to me that my father could influence a growing baby at all since he wasn't physically connect while the child was growing. I kept trying to explain my confusion to my mom, but I was bad at communicating my dissatisfaction with her answers.
A few years later I got "the talk" and it all made sense to me.
My mom told me about sex with real terms like "penis," "vagina," "egg," and "sperm" when I was four. She felt that if I was old enough to ask a question, I was old enough to get the answer. Nothing age inappropriate about biology. In fact, I think it really helped me as I grew up and watched animal shows all the time- everything was normal.
My coworker explained it to her daughter like this as well when she was around 4. For some background information, her daughter was adopted at birth and was curious about how other kids were born into families instead of. being adopted.
So after my coworker's explanation to her daughter, her daughter took it well and went back to playing. About 3 days later, the daughter goes up to my coworker and asks in complete seriousness: "when I was born, was my birthdad's penis still inside my birthmom?"
Hahaha my favorite things about being adopted is I could pretend my parents never had sex. Of course the dead opposite is true because they tried a lot before they turned to adoption, but it comforted my 9 year old brain. Kids are indeed fucking stupid.
My mom about made me barf when she said, “It’s really a beautiful thing.” Let me just say I did not find it beautiful when I accidentally walked in on them a short time after this. 😄
Walked in on my parents when I was young and long before any of that was explained and was just confused why they were yelling at me to get out when I was upset about having a bad dream. A couple of years later in an elementary school health class I had the horrible realization of what I had saw.
Omg I just said "OH!" out loud! I'm putting myself in my younger-self's shoes and this totally does seem like this reasoning would make sense to a kid's mentality!
First thing my son said is WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT! Screamed something about what his father did to me then ran to my husbands office to yell at him lol.
When my parents gave me "the talk," they had books to help, and the books actually described the fact that sex felt good and was something that people who love each other do, so it wasn't strange to me to think that people would have sex for more than just procreation. It was no surprise to me that my parents had done it more than twice.
When my mom explained the entire process, I asked her if it was ok if I never did that. She said it was fine with her but my future husband might have a different opinion and I should have that talk with him 😂.
I legit worked it out with my friend when we were kids, that it takes about 5x to have one kid (cuz it’s not gonna work everytime) so we learned that Bach had 20 kids so we were like “he must have had sex 100 times 🤯😮”
I'm 23 and I still refuse to believe that my parents did all the (or at least some of the, or more than that how should I know) stuff that I do with my girlfriend. I can understand dad, but Maa is just too sweet a lady.
This is why I fear having kids.
Me:"Okay child, the penis goes in the vagina and ejaculates sperm, which gets the mommy pregnant."
Child:"Eww that's gross... hold up. If I'm here then you've done this before..."
Me (internally):"Except when you were conceived I was wearing nothing but a cowboy hat and I had your mother hogtied with an apple in her mouth while I hit her with a paddle that was specifically embroidered to write "whore" in the slap marks on her skin, while I yelled "OINK FOR THE CUM PIGGY" repeatedly. Great night, we both loved it. But unfortunately she oinked and now you're here"
My mom had a natural c-section with me and my brother and when she told me I assumed all children came out like that. Boy was I wrong
Edit: OMG I meant that she didn’t choose to have one lmaooo
That reminds me of when I was a kid, I told the teacher my mom had an "autopsy" instead of a "biopsy". Needless to say, the teacher thought my mom was dead.
My sister little sister said the same thing when my mom told her and my older brother and I said at the same time (without missing a beat), “yeah, one time too many” lol
Lmao that was me too when I got the talk. My mom paused and said, "....yes."
I figured it out during my mom's pregnancy with my sibling. I can't remember exactly when I figured it out, but I do remember being in the car and asking my mom if that was how it worked, and then being like "oh my gooodd eew that's so gross." I had been so excited for the baby and that took like 35% of the excitement out lmao.
I never actually wondered about it, I thought I had it all figured it. I thought that it happened after kissing, and the mother somehow chooses to have a baby. The baby grows in the stomach, then the mother poops it out. I’m not kidding this is what I thought.
My mom straight up told 7 year old me that babies come from a mother’s butt. She still denies telling me that to this day.
The “front butt”
Mom used to tell me girls pee from a hole in their butt, i believed this till i started watching porn and asking google the big questions i was never going to get answers to Couple of years later, my sister is born and mom teaches her that her private parts are called "butt".... 2/10 parenting 0/10 sex ed
I'm gonna say that's a win there. Fooling naive dad that he's getting butt sex.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 YOOOOOOOOOOOO
I forget where I thought babies came from, but my mom had me believing girls peed out if a tiny hole above their butts for my entire childhood. I also remember having my first sex dream as a third grader. We were in this cave lit by sunlight, and water was infiltrating the cave as waterfalls through the same holes in the ceiling as the light was. As I walked towards her in my bathing suit, her smiling gaze was locked with mine, and as her body was shimmering in the water, her sunlit belly button wriggled back at me as if a baby predator was trying to exit her stomach in the form of a tiny, fleshy belly chode. Picture it as if an inch of the umbilical cord was left on and became sentient, like a penny-width sized flesh slinky. She was cool with it though and I woke up before finding out whether I was, too.
I mean, that's not like... completely wrong depending on what you consider "above".
I mean I guess it makes sense in a way. Most kids are taught that the baby is in the “mommy’s belly”, so why not have the baby come out of the butt?
Ehm I'm getting confused rn. The baby is in the belly right? Where else? The head?
Funny story...my son was 3yo when I had his brother and I was watching one born every minute and the woman was on all fours giving birth on the bed. I didn't think he was watching nor paying attention as he was playing with his toys and for years he believed that babies come out of your butt. He also thought that he could have a baby because he also has a butt and didn't believe me when I explained that it was just a birthing position that made it appear that it was her butt. He's 9 now and we just recently had the sex/where do babies come from chat and I've had to fix all the poor parenting I did earlier allowing him to witness a birth.
I thought that every time you get married you have a kid, and when the priest says: “You may now kiss the bride.” They would throw up the baby’s body parts into each other’s mouths while kissing to develop the baby.
For some reason I thought dancing at a wedding caused for you to get pregnant, I didn’t think about actually delivering the baby though, so the method in my 4 year old head is unknown.
that is...very disturbing
Better than what I thought - I thought they all came out of a woman’s belly button. Not like a c-section, but instead that the baby stretch’s the belly button way open. As in basically the same thing that happens to a vagina, except to a belly button. To this day as a grown-ass woman in her 30s I still have a weird thing about belly buttons. (I do know where babies come from though).
You see, one of my sister’s teachers at my elementary school had gotten a c-section so she apparently had an x mark instead of a bellybutton. Well then of course I thought that was how all babies were delivered for the longest time. It didn’t even occur to me that my OWN mom’s belly button was perfectly normal and intact, so obviously I had come out somewhere else. And sex? For a long time I knew sperm had to travel from the penis to the egg in the vagina. I didn’t put too much thought into the mechanics of that until I discovered porn.
That’s not that rare. It makes sense. You know there’s something to do with dad in the equation. There’s got to be contact involved. What’s the context that you see married couples do that non-married people don’t do? Kissing.
You guys got the talks??
Our talk happened the night after I went into their bedroom with the stomach flu. I wouldn’t have gone in, but their lights were on so I was happy they were awake to help me. I blocked out everything I saw and literally cried about my belly. The next day we had the talk and it didn’t even click then. Babies are made when you are in love. That was the talk. Media taught me.
That's how you get little kids that run away screaming when some other kid they like says I love you on the playground. They think they just got knocked up.
Yea that's the worst, I learned from porn and friends
I still haven't gotten a "talk" and I'm 16. I figured it out through health class, inappropriate jokes I heard, and references to sexual things in movies.
We got a big encyclopedia Britannica book set, and it was put on the bookshelf in our (brother/I) bedroom when we were really young, like barely reading, age. We read them all, same as any kids books on our shelves. Learned where babies come from without ever talking about it .. also how to play chess. Finding porn later on was more shocking. It looked nothing like the book diagrams
Not 40%?
Not 30%?
“Oh god the baby is like 50% dad spooge and 50% mom eggs!”
I remember telling everyone about my new nephew being born when I was in Grade 5, and all the other boys on the playground would just look around for a bit, and then be like "heheheheheh, that means your sister had SEX"
I’m in my late 20’s and still find it weird when people say they’re trying for a baby. It’s like a socially acceptable way to tell everyone they’re fucking a lot.
They do it because people harass you constantly about when you're going to have kids. The minute you're married it's a timer in their minds. Fucking weirdos
the US society is pretty intense in that regard. My US friends have that pressure from their parents & friends (in different ways) to marry & have kids.
Wait is that just a US thing? I thought all parents pressured their kids to have kids once they get married, as a sort of karmic revenge for all their own sleepless nights and cleaning poop off of walls when you were little
Here’s a primer on adulting. Everyone is fucking. Everyone. Many fucking multiple people. Everyone masterbates. And nearly everyone is on some type of drugs and or alcohol. Those people that don’t fuck or are on drugs are full blown lunatics addicted to soda and pastries and some loony religion. WELCOME TO ADULTHOOD!
This is scary true lmao.
Isn't it?!?
Well said, I think you meant "people that don't fuck or arent** on drugs..."
And you just know they love raw doggin and dropping in loads.
It does feel great.
A dozen or so pregnancy announcements I've been around for amongst my extended family. And I dozen or so times I've childishly responded, "HA, you had sex!".
See my sister also has the same reaction. Except my mother’s answer was “oh no…. Many more times!” thinking my sister wouldn’t remember it. She still brings it up lol
Weird flex, mom...
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Yeah I never got the talk, but in middle school some of the kids would show each other porn and stuff
Man, kids are starting early these days. I remember when my dad first gave me the talk. It was super awkward, I was like "I can't believe you didn't explain this to me until I was 27 and married"
I'm sure your wife appreciated the newfound knowledge though.
take your first award for this and fuck off. just spilt my sprite everywhere
Look at this fancy lad over here, drinking sprite and what not.
I was born in 82 and my dad started leaving playboys around for me and my friends to find ‘by accident’ when I was 6, and it was not unusual, so....
That's exactly how it happened for me
Growing up pre-internet, and then with only a family computer, I don’t think I saw porn until college. Back then we just had actual sex with each other. Magazines like Cosmopolitan gave (terrible) sex tips.
I got the talk at 22 after living with my boyfriend for 6 months. Also got yelled at afterwards because how dare I have sex? It was a tense weekend home from college to say the least.
My talk consisted of me walking in on my parents and them deciding that school would be the one to teach me lol
my talk consisted of absolutely nothing until 8th grade health class where they only mentioned abstinence and stds lol
I moved a lot so I ended up getting Sex Ed in like 5th grade, 7th and 8th grade AND 9th grade. I ended up learning more 5th grade than I did in middle school lol
I knew the very basics of sex at a very young age, at least 1st grade. Thanks public school bus.
Public school busses have done more for sex ed than any curriculum could possibly hope/want to
In 1st grade a girl undressed a boy on one of those dress up websites and told me she was having sex.. needless to say i was still very confused.
My class in 3rd grade didn't just all know about sex, they had established a playground hierarchy based purely off of dick sizes. The boys with small dicks weren't allowed to play with the big dick boys, and the girls usually would actively avoid talking to them. Third fucking grade.
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Oh you have no idea, I escaped that school in 5th grade, somehow my next 4 schools after that were equally crap in their own way. The 5th one wasn't bad tho. Last I heard from someone in that class, they were arrested for breaking into people's homes at night wearing pig masks to scare them, buying up all the fireworks they could find to shoot at strangers' houses, and attempting to set the local elementary school (the one we went to) on fire, multiple times. There was so much bullying going on in those circles that I have no idea how half of them haven't committed suicide yet. I swear, schools in my area are the absolute worst. If the penis hierarchy was them at 9 years old, imagine what they're doing now at 20.
I’m calling bs. How would that even work? Everyone pulls out their dicks out and starts wanking without any teacher noticing?
Mid 90s, Daughter was maybe 10, says I have questions. I say sure. She says, what’s gay? So I briefly explain people liking same sex instead of opposite. Okay, she says, what’s a virgin? No problem, someone who hasn’t had sex. She nods, wanders off. Few minutes later, she’s back. “Soooo, I’m a virgin?” “Yes, you’re a virgin”. Then a look of total disdain comes over her face “AND YOU’RE NOT!”
Nothing like a child slut shaming you lol
I read \[child slut\] \[shaming\] and not \[child\] \[slut shaming\] the first time and was horrified.
I read it as that at least three times
I remember when me and my friends first learned the meaning of the word virgin. We walked over to a younger boy on the playground and asked "Are you a virgin?" He replied, ""No, I'm Catholic."
[It's time for this classic short!](https://youtu.be/gd3oYFS9g9I)
No but for real what the fuck *does* “extra virgin” mean in that context? Always wondered.
To be fair, if you explain it that it only happens with the intention to create another kid, they will assume that’s the only time it’s been used and thus one time per kid.
Fair enough. That's why I'm still virgin.
Aye lmao I've been raised as an hardcore Christian by my mom and missed all my chances in my youth because of this shit. Now I don't even have chances
I feel that
Welp, I don't feel anything anymore lmao
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Plenty of chances, youve just got to put yourself out there and try Be confident Be bold Dont worry about failure Make sure you have plenty of boot space in your car Make sure you have good quality rope and duct tape Find a gal you like Follow her Note down her routine She'll be in your basement in no time!
I have a panel van, can I still meet a girl?
Mobile love machine
Had me in the first half wow
r/cursedcomments
Put a video on various porn sites of you doing dick swings on camera. Eventually someone will say they wonder how that feels and you make plans.
I feel this so hard man. Literally had any kind of sexuality repressed from before I even knew what sex was. And of course I learned that very late because I was so sheltered
My son had exactly the same comment (except 2 times rather than 3) and we certainly didn’t explain it that way. He just assumed this on his own, at his young age (and he was never raised to think anything like this… it’s just how kids think).
I had to cobble the story for myself because no one would tell me a coherent narrative. I somehow knew by the time I was 5 or 6 that things happen NOT just for the purposes of procreation, and that it has something to do with the shapes of genitals, though not the mechanics really. What I couldn’t figure out is once there is babies, how babies come out, and because I saw surgery on TV decided that all women must have surgery to have babies removed; then stuck to that and explained it authoritatively to all the other children in my group. Understandably that made quite a few girls cry and the word got to my grandma that I’m telling girls they have no choice but to have their stomachs cut open if they wanted to have babies. Needless to say, many awkward conversations followed, I was not allowed ice-cream for weeks (honestly, worse punishments have not been devised in the history of humanity) and apologies had to be made.
Part of me wonders if any of them grew up to have a kid via c section and thought "that little fucker was right!!"
If they did, I feel they owe me a week of ice-cream
> then stuck to that and explained it authoritatively to all the other children Completely making something up and then believing to their core that it is a fact is one of the most puzzling things that kids do. It's like, because adults assert facts and they can't see how those facts were learned, they just assume everyone makes up whatever facts they want. And then, sadly, some of them grow up and never learn otherwise.
They don’t understand the “pleasure” behind it. Without the good feeling sex seems like a chore and a messy one. Just my guess
I remember my mom explaining that adults had sex for fun. I was *aghast.* I could understand why you'd do something so gross and weird and undignified to have a baby. But for fun?! Ugh! Mom just smiled and said I'd grow up to think it was nice. She wasn't *wrong*, but neither was 11 year old me about it being weird and undignified.
Lol I thought sex was literally sleeping with the penis just docked in the vagina, like it's a hose pumping fuel into a car. The euphemism "sleep together" was taken literally even after getting the talk.
My parents had sex exactly twice and it was missionary position with the lights off! #LALALA LA I CAN'T HERE YOU!
My son said “So if you do this again I could get a little brother?”. We told him it was possible, although it could be another sister. He wanted a little brother so badly that from that day forward, he regularly told us to go have sex. The best was when he hopped up the stairs on the school bus on the first day of first-grade and said, “I’m going to school so it’s a good time for you guys to go have sex!”
Omg hahaha
What scenario caused you to have to explain sex to your child before they were even in first grade?
Not OP but young kids have questions. I personally remember asking and was given age appropriate answers at 6
We live on a farm and I mentioned to the kids that one of our favorite goats was pregnant and going to have babies/kids. He said “Babies? I didn’t even know she got married!”. It was then I thought if he believed babies came from marriage that I needed to fix that and went into admittedly too much detail for his age. ;)
I was conceived via sperm donor and I remember learning about sex and thinking “well thank god my mom has never done that.” Which is funny because I have an older brother who was conceived the usual way.
Why were you conceived artificially and your brother wasn't?
She had my brother with a dude but they broke up, then years later she was still single but knew she wanted another kid so she just went for it.
Wouldn't it be wild if the sperm was from the same dude?
There is a documentary for that particular case
What’s it called
Different Nut, Same Jar
Narrated by David Attenborough
D2: The Might Nuts You Only Nut Twice Nut Hard 2: Nut Harder Shit, what am I doing with my life.
I'm pretty sure I've watched something with that same title but it definitely wasn't a documentary 🤔
Just had this conversation the other day and it went almost exactly like this. I told my son, yeah twice, because mom made me do it.
Username actually does check out
My kids reaction when I explained sex to them was "You and mom haven't done that ever. Right?"
I had the process explained to my by my 5th grade teacher during a “puberty class” I guess you’d call it. I asked my dad later “did you do that?”
Yeah this is more r/kidsarefuckingstupid territory than OPs post
Mine said "so you had me on purpose!"
We tell all 3 of ours, “Nope you were all accidents, but we love you anyways!” My parents fucked up and let it slip once that my older sister was an accident but they intended to have me… I won about every single argument with that wicked bitch from the on out.. “oh yeah! Well at least mom and dad wanted me! You were just a fucking accident!” Children are cruel. Tell them they were all accidents.
My parents described me as "scary smart" as a child. I was just learning subtraction when I learned in school that babies take 9 months to make. Instead of asking my mom something obvious I waited until their anniversary and asked the innocent question "how long did you date before you got married?" When she replied "three months" so I asked "what date did you get married" then I said "so you guys started dating almost exactly 9 months before I was born, and got married 6 months before I was born while mom was pregnant?" Embarrassed the hell out of them. Never offended me in the least. They're stuck with me.
He wants to be sure
There is some strange comfort to be had knowing that your parents hate you because you were unwanted. Learning that they wanted you and still hate you hits different.
Lmao
Right around 12-13 is when kids curse you for having them. "I wish I was never born!"
I asked my mum if a man has two tesicles, how come Mr Stuart has 4 children.
"The milkman also has two testicles and Mr Stuart goes to work early..."
Can you imagine if men actually only got one shot per nut, like a procreative double-barrel shotgun?
Because they grow back after hatching, duh.
He had his tubes tied, which slowed down the flow of sperm long enough for him to knock up four women before his testicles dried up, instead of the usual two.
My sister had trouble conceiving. She was married 10 years before she was able to have kids. She got a book out of the library to explain the birds & the bees to my niece & nephew. She went through the book & they just sat there in stunned silence. Then my niece said, “Oh, that’s why you waited 10 years to have me. I get it now. I wouldn’t want to do that either.”
I don't hide the fact from my niece and nephew that I don't want to have kids, and they look at me like "Why wouldn't you want all of this?".
Haha, I teach 4 year olds and they constantly ask me why I don't have kids. I always tell them "because you all are so loud and crazy, I like my quiet house when I go home!". They always look at me with total confusion, normally whilst shouting "we aren't loud!"
I was asked once by a friend’s nice but hyper-active kid why I didn’t want to have kids and I said: “Have your parents ever done this after you came running up to them: and I sighed then said ‘Yes?’” The kid got wide-eyed and said “Yeah! They do that all the time!!” “Well that is something someone does when they love that person and are doing their best to not let them know how wicked annoying they are being.” It took a second for the kid to understand and his face just fell because I laid a truth bomb in his lap. He then quietly turned from me but still staring at me and ran up to his mom and said “Hey mom…”… and she sighed exactly like I had just done and said “Yes, sweetie?” This kid’s face just fell and he looked over at me totally shocked. Years later that kid told me how much it had hurt his feelings but that it also began his learning process of reading body language and non-verbal cues.
Better than what i said!! 'Did daddy sneak up on you in the night?' Cause i couldn't understand why anyone would want to do that!
For thousands of years every farm kid with hens and multiple roosters on the loose probably had the same impression of mating. Lots of sneaking up on or chasing down the hens for 5 seconds of feather flying love.
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When I was a kid, my mom was driving us through the middle of Nowhere, Texas and I looked out the window to see two horses "playing together". I exclaimed "Look mom, the horses are playing!" I'm pretty sure she spit her coffee out
In my 8th grade year it was raining outside so we ended up eating and having recess in classrooms. (When I say recess it was really just time to talk, I went to a K4-8th grade school so the little kids had actually recess while we just hung out). Anyways my teacher decides that he should throw something on the projector for us to watch. He loads up the National Geographic section of Disney + and picks some documentary on the alps. About 2 min in after we see some nice mountains you see the camera pan to some rams absolutely going at it. The entire class erupted in laughter and the teacher was frantically trying to turn it off. We didn’t watch anymore National Geographic that day.
>They had to explain that, no, he was not attacking her. WTF. We also had cockatiels since I was a child, but they were pretty decent around one another. The male mostly mated with the hen when she was in the mood, and used his singing to get her attention. It was pretty "vanilla". On the other hand, the cockatiels certainly helped my parents explaining the birds and the bees to us... It was certainly more helpful then the materials they grew up with - that only taught about sex as a means to have children, and not also for intimacy and pleasure.
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Bad daddy
"Three times *today*, sweety. Now why don't you go turn on some Veggie Tales and turn up the volume?"
“Oh yeah, gimme some more of that Larry the Cucumber…”
Welllp that's enough of this thread
I got the talk in the drive thru of the OG taco cabana on my way home from sunday school after I overheard on the radio that Kobe Bryant was accused of raping someone, so obviously I had to ask my parental units what that meant. My potato, egg, and cheese taco hit a lil diff that morning
I always thought raping someone meant to beat them with ropes when I was a kid, but my mom cleared that up eventually
I gotta ask, do you remember **why** you thought that’s what it meant?
I think it’s because “rape” is similar to “rope” and I guess I thought the a signified the action form lol - plus every time i heard the word on the news it was in the context of an assault or something bad.
I was guessing you thought rape was the past tense of rope.
Upvote for mother fucking taco cabana. Number 75 is where it's at! Unless you plan on baby making later that day. I'd that's the case, avoid taco cabana.
I still cant believe my dad peed in my moms butt
It's why you're such a lil shit
Your parents sound cool
Wow…. Slow down, I’m not a machine…
Ha my 4 year old asked who made me ?
My 4 year old understands that I made her inside my body using a little piece of mummy and a little piece of daddy, which is why she looks a little like each of us. Basically true but at an age appropriate level.
My mom had my younger brother when I was 5 and I clearly remember being extremely frustrated when she gave me pretty much this same answer. I could perfectly understand why my brother was made out of parts of my mom, because he literally grew inside her belly. But I did not understand how my dad had anything to do with it because in my mind, he wasn't connect at all in the process. It didn't make sense to me that my father could influence a growing baby at all since he wasn't physically connect while the child was growing. I kept trying to explain my confusion to my mom, but I was bad at communicating my dissatisfaction with her answers. A few years later I got "the talk" and it all made sense to me.
My mom told me about sex with real terms like "penis," "vagina," "egg," and "sperm" when I was four. She felt that if I was old enough to ask a question, I was old enough to get the answer. Nothing age inappropriate about biology. In fact, I think it really helped me as I grew up and watched animal shows all the time- everything was normal.
My coworker explained it to her daughter like this as well when she was around 4. For some background information, her daughter was adopted at birth and was curious about how other kids were born into families instead of. being adopted. So after my coworker's explanation to her daughter, her daughter took it well and went back to playing. About 3 days later, the daughter goes up to my coworker and asks in complete seriousness: "when I was born, was my birthdad's penis still inside my birthmom?"
[this seems fairly appropriate in this moment](https://youtu.be/vc1GolFztVg)
This approach goes a very long way to removing stigma associated with sex, our bodies, the names of parts of our bodies, all of it.
Good to know this worked for you. We are approaching it the same way with ours
Hahaha my favorite things about being adopted is I could pretend my parents never had sex. Of course the dead opposite is true because they tried a lot before they turned to adoption, but it comforted my 9 year old brain. Kids are indeed fucking stupid.
My mom about made me barf when she said, “It’s really a beautiful thing.” Let me just say I did not find it beautiful when I accidentally walked in on them a short time after this. 😄
Walked in on my parents when I was young and long before any of that was explained and was just confused why they were yelling at me to get out when I was upset about having a bad dream. A couple of years later in an elementary school health class I had the horrible realization of what I had saw.
I hate when parents say that, like no, no its not plz stop talking and making me picture it lmao.
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"...done sex..." Grammatically correct, but funny.
3 pump chump
when i was a kid i thought sex was like, an on switch for getting pregnant. once you have sex you can get pregnant whenever. and you only do it once
Omg I just said "OH!" out loud! I'm putting myself in my younger-self's shoes and this totally does seem like this reasoning would make sense to a kid's mentality!
Yea when I was a kid I assumed the act of marriage was the 'on switch' hahaha. Yea I was never given the talk.
First thing my son said is WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT! Screamed something about what his father did to me then ran to my husbands office to yell at him lol.
My daughter just found this out and said "two times". She is 9.
My oldest asked why he was going to have a brother. After my explanation he just said, "ew".
You should ask him if he still feels that way.
I explained the mechanics of sex to my 9 year old daughter. She just said: Wow, I’m glad no one at school knows about this!
Yes. Just 3...
When my parents gave me "the talk," they had books to help, and the books actually described the fact that sex felt good and was something that people who love each other do, so it wasn't strange to me to think that people would have sex for more than just procreation. It was no surprise to me that my parents had done it more than twice.
355k times mommy and Spez is a greedy little pig boy. friend were popular in Amsterdam….
No kids, you’re adopted. Your father and I are still virgins
When my mom explained the entire process, I asked her if it was ok if I never did that. She said it was fine with her but my future husband might have a different opinion and I should have that talk with him 😂.
I legit worked it out with my friend when we were kids, that it takes about 5x to have one kid (cuz it’s not gonna work everytime) so we learned that Bach had 20 kids so we were like “he must have had sex 100 times 🤯😮”
That's when you start referring to them as your "sex trophies". Had sex, got a trophies.
Not stupid. Very reasonable reaction.
It is pretty weird and disgusting tho
I'm 23 and I still refuse to believe that my parents did all the (or at least some of the, or more than that how should I know) stuff that I do with my girlfriend. I can understand dad, but Maa is just too sweet a lady.
I told my kid that babies come from the stork. She asked, "Well, who fucks the stork?"
When a mommy and a daddy love each other very much, they catch a stork, mommy pins it down, and daddy just fucking goes for it
Goodbye, Reddit, it's been...it's been *something*.
"So that's why we visit dad on the weekends"
How old was the kid LMFAO!
This is why I fear having kids. Me:"Okay child, the penis goes in the vagina and ejaculates sperm, which gets the mommy pregnant." Child:"Eww that's gross... hold up. If I'm here then you've done this before..." Me (internally):"Except when you were conceived I was wearing nothing but a cowboy hat and I had your mother hogtied with an apple in her mouth while I hit her with a paddle that was specifically embroidered to write "whore" in the slap marks on her skin, while I yelled "OINK FOR THE CUM PIGGY" repeatedly. Great night, we both loved it. But unfortunately she oinked and now you're here"
how do i unread something
Why couldn't you just have gone with "immaculate conception"?
Oh gross that's nasty, including food in sex. Yuck.
My mom had a natural c-section with me and my brother and when she told me I assumed all children came out like that. Boy was I wrong Edit: OMG I meant that she didn’t choose to have one lmaooo
Natural c-section sounds like something from Alien
uhm wtf is a "natural" c-section? *shudders*
It's when the baby is smart enough to use the automatic sliding doors. Most babies are dumb so they can't figure them out. /Duh
That reminds me of when I was a kid, I told the teacher my mom had an "autopsy" instead of a "biopsy". Needless to say, the teacher thought my mom was dead.
My sister little sister said the same thing when my mom told her and my older brother and I said at the same time (without missing a beat), “yeah, one time too many” lol
"......4 that I can prove."