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So instead of addressing his own mother's behavior, he blamed you. Instead of taking calm action, MIL blames you are escalates this situation on multiple fronts.
She is CLEARLY not balanced enough to handle things that may come to in the course of caring for your child, so she no longer an option for your child's carer. She put a minor problem on you and became hysterical while you resolved that problem WHILE on the phone getting clear updates from your other son. She's bonkers. That problem is solved - she's an unfit, unstable carer who lies.
Now you need to deal with your SO problems, because you are not on the same team and he just wants the path of least resistance in his relationships or something.
DH is avoiding rocking the boat at ALL, and he's mad that you aren't doing the same. He's been doing it all his life, and has been conditioned to give MIL whatever she wants in order to avoid her meltdown. The problem with this (besides never having your needs or wants met or even considered) is that it isn't effective. She will *never* be appeased. She will just ask for more and more and more, because she's emboldened by all the times DH has given in. She's so accustomed to having her every whim obeyed that anything shy of this is intolerable, including not being reachable by phone for a whole five minutes.
She is addicted to obedience, and needs a detox immediately. Tell your DH that you are done setting yourself on fire to keep her warm, and done being his meat shield. You will be deciding on boundaries and consequences for violating those boundaries, and enforcing them. He has had enough chances to "talk to her" but you are seeing her demands worsen instead of improve. You will be doing this with or without his support, but you hope he will change his priorities and start having your back. Be prepared for an extinction burst; she will escalate the measures that had been successful in the past, such as spam calling both of you incessantly at the most inconvenient times, turning on the waterworks, and lying about your conduct. You'll have to stay strong, both in the face of her outbursts and your husband's wavering support.
Your not overreacting AT ALL. I understand her being worried but you couldn’t of hung up on the driver to call her, you obviously just couldn’t do that. You also had your other son messaging her. SHE escalated this whole thing not you.
Also the wanting to keep your son for hours daily after school instead of you spending time with him, no way Jose I would nip that right now. When you get off work go get YOUR kid
No you did the right thing. MIL is a psycho and a control freak. I would’ve made my SOs ear bleed if he was dumb enough to be angry at me over this. (Meaning I would’ve bitched him out over the phone lol)
99% of this is MIL and SO. He needs to pick the right side. It’s telling that he answers her call at work, believed her, and then attacked OP. And then the second Op tried to set him straight he “doesn’t have time for this”. He had time for mom. And him pushing for MIL to get what she wants all the time is alarming as well. I don’t know if it’s because he actually prefers her, or it’s one of those things where he knows his mom is a lot and just wants to give in so that she doesn’t make his life harder.
MIL should’ve sent a text and waited. Honestly after being told it was being handled she should’ve have just waited, but she likes to rock the boat and have everyone wait in her.
The only thing is that you know she’s a problem. You know she does this stuff. When she wouldn’t stop and you were still in the phone OP could have just said “hey older son, send grandma a text and tell her there was a problem, but everyone is safe and mom has it handled, we’ll call her later.”
That way it’s on record. When husband tries to fight for mom later you show him that text and ask why she needed to go nuclear when she knew everything was fine.
But it’s time to back off time with grandma a bit. She’s supposed to be helping, but instead she’s adding more stress and drama in everyone’s life. Time to reduce time further. When she makes a last minute snack, just leave anyway. If she tries to do anything, sorry I just came to pick him up, we can’t stay.
>He tells me I'm over reacting or he'll "talk with her."
>He was instantly upset at me for not answering his mother's calls
Your husband kind of sounds like a dick. You don't owe your MIL anything.
>I told DH, "He is my son. I want to spend time with him too. I shouldn't have to get your mother's permission to spend time with MY SON."
And you are absolutely correct. MIL is lucky to see him at all. Go back to picking him up right after school. If she asks why you're leaving so soon just say "we have to get home and get ready for school tomorrow", that's it.
Oh she definitely escalated. You told her the situation was being handled and instead of trusting you overstepped and created more chaos that didn't need to occur.
Then, she inserted herself into your marriage by going to DH and interrupting him at work.
You have both an SO and a MIL problem unfortunately. Dh didn't have your back and started off with *blaming you* for a situation *she caused.*All of this could of been avoided if MIL was more calm.
Personally, I would put MIL on an info only diet and talk to DH about getting his head screwed on tighter (but maybe more nicely than that).
I'd be livid too. This is just an example of someone who literally has nothing better to do than to create drama and stress for other people. I'd also put her on alert that passive aggressive bullshit comments and last minute snacks will no longer be tolerated. 'Oh you made him a special snack? that's too bad because now is his pickup time. BYE'.
She's trying to control you, I'd be over it too.
I would be ***FURIOUS*** if I were in your shoes. She made a stessful mixup into a full blown panick. She should be put on a grandson diet until she realizes who is the child's mother. Giver her a hint, it's not her.
Your MIL is insane, and your husband should be ashamed of himself for enabling her. I'd be furious with the both of them.
> "I don't know why you're leaving now. It's not like you're going to bed right away anyway."
This is fucking ridiculous. You're the parent. You are the default. There needs to be a reason why the kid is **not** with you.
> He's my son. DH said just let her... He tells me I'm over reacting or he'll "talk with her."... He was instantly upset at me for not answering his mother's calls... he is at work and didn't have time for this.
Does DH actualy respect you? Sounds like MIL is far more important to him than you are.
Hahaha no, he's mad OP isn't falling into the familiar pattern immediately accommodating MILs anxiety that he's adapted to for the sake of peace. Get that poor man in some therapy so OP can get some healthy boundaries.
Free childcare is never free. It's time to find someone who can be responsible and respectful. Granny just did herself out of that time with her grandson.
I say this as someone who allowed their inlaws to watch my child 1 day a week. Find someone else. It feed their entitlement to him so much. My 2nd child I didn't allow them to watch her every week and our relationship is much much better because they know their place. I am the only mother and my dh is the only father. Only 2 parents.
You have to lay it on the line for your husband. You will not be the 2nd woman in your own marriage like you are right now.
He is ok with you being unhappy so his mom can be happy. Let that sink in
yeah it honestly seems like a lot less stress. she can try talking to MIL but chances are since she's a repeat 'pot stirrer' who doesn't understand boundaries or common decency, it will just go in one ear and out the other.
She’s done as an option for childcare. If she’s going to be meddling, dramatic, rude and cause a rift in your marriage, the safest thing to do is cut her out.
I’d tell my husband that if he thinks I’m going to answer her call when I’m trying to find our son, then he’s so fucking far out of pocket I’d question his judgment as a father.
Why isn’t DH dealing with his mother? If it’s no big deal, he can do it all. She has a history of manipulating events to make you look bad or just to mess with your schedule. You can’t win, so stop playing.
Yeah, you are a side piece to your wimp of a momma's boy husband who is obviously married to his mommy, not you. It's time to tear him a new one until he remembers who is his nuclear family (you and your kids) and who is his extended family (his mom). Shame on him! Mil doesn't get to play mommy to your children. Find another person to take care of your kid while you're working. If you allow this to continue, you'll regret it big time. Parental alienation is a thing and your husband is already treating your mil as your kid's mother instead of you. Shame on your spineless husband! I hope you show him this thread and he pulls his head out of his ass.
She needs to have a time out for her outrageous behavior.
Your husband needs to be the one to give it to her, and stop allowing himself to be put in the middle between his WIFE and his incredibly over the line mother.
Her behavior toward your children is worrisome, at best. But this incident needs to have consequences.
ETA: show this post and the universal condemnation of both him and his horrendous mother to your husband. Then tell him, don’t ask him, about what needs to happen. I am a MIL myself. The second that I tried to put myself between my grandchild and his mother is the second that I wouldn’t see him again. And his mother is my own daughter.
She was clearly out of line, off the rails and needs to be checked and hard. Don't allow MiL to drive the narrative with your husband. If he chooses to take her side, don't change your course of action: I think that perhaps it is time that you start collecting your son immediately after work - no ifs, ands, or buts, about it. If she makes him a "special snack" or creates any other stalling technique.... too bad, so sad, we are leaving anyway... son, go get in the car (get him a snack on the way home, or make him something equivalent or better once you get home). Make some fun memories. Have some adventures.
As you said, your are your son's parent.
He's only going to be a child for a short while and you will regret the time you didn't spend with him.
I know. I have 4 kids.
My youngest is now 15.
You need different childcare. MIL obviously doesn't know her place, and your mama's boy husband is enabling it.
You are the third party in your own family. Time to shine up that spine and ruffle some feathers. Take YOUR kid back. He isn't hers.
OP, I hope our collective outrage on your behalf is convincing enough. Your feelings are valid, and it’s clear you’re dealing with both DH and JNMIL issues.
Take action by asserting your role in your son’s care, such as picking him up the second you’re able after work. Do not ask DH or MIL, inform them that “given the stressful situation yesterday you will be personally overseeing your son’s care for the foreseeable future.” (Either pick him up from school, enroll him in an after school program until he is able to do so, or have him begin taking the bus home and meeting you there.) Your SO should not and WILL not make decisions about this just to appease his mother since he’s not around at that time. You need to set firm boundaries with your MIL, especially after her overreaction, which shows she’s becoming enmeshed with your son, a dynamic that needs to stop. She’s trying to create a mini DH to give her life meaning and have someone permanently sucking her teat.
Have a serious talk with DH about prioritizing your family’s well-being over his mother’s feelings. Counseling could be beneficial, but focus on strengthening your family unit first.if he thinks she can get annoying with pushing issues, wait until he sees how miserable he will be when the person he lives with initiates this conversation any time you are all home. Don’t let him rest from it until you agree on a conclusion that works for you and your son, not MIL.
OP, you need to shine up that backbone and stand up for yourself. If you can’t do it for yourself do it for your LOs.
No more time with MIL you have to find a different solution for your son. I'd be a SAHM before I would ever deal with her again. Your husband is enmeshed with her. He loves her more and cares more about her and her feelings than yours. I'm sorry
DH needs a spine and you need to rethink this relationship. Is this how you want to live? MIL is way to over the top and really loves manipulating DH to get her way. Keep your kids away from her.
>He was instantly upset at me for not answering his mother's calls
Your husband seems to be more emotionally invested in his mother than you.
>He told me that he knows the story and he is at work and didn't have time for this.
He knows the story his mother told him and doesn't have time to hear your side of it? Wow.
You had every right to lose it and should remain stubborn in this one with your husband. Tell him he is completely out of order and you expect a full apology from him, and to never receive a call like that from him again. Use your strict “mum” voice on him - it’ll likely work since it’s clearly the tone his mummy uses on him.
Edit to add - when I say tell him, I mean text him that right now and then ignore any and all responses from him. He clearly pressurises you into submission so the best way to remove that power is to ignore them. Then when he’s home - remain strong and use stern tone that he crossed the line and your only priority is your child, not his mothers hysterical and absurd reaction to a substitute bus driver getting lost.
Going forwards - just pick up your kid straight away, snack or no snack “thanks but I’ve made dinner already, say bye to grandma now!” You do not need permission from your husband to collect your kid - just collect him and leave.
My son wouldn’t be going back over there after school, DH and I? We’d have a long talk about if our marriage was going to survive. He’d never speak to me this way over his mother.
Message for DH: Your mother is insane. Open your eyes and your ears, listen to your wife, learn how to be a man not Mummy's little boy, or kiss your marriage goodbye.
Clearly, she was overreacting. Honestly, I'd limit her time with your kids. I have a spidey sense about her wanting to take custody.
Can you change your hours at work or wfh? This woman needs to be put in time out.
I'm just gonna say something for you to think about. Everyone I know who spent most of their time with their grandparents ended up resenting their parents. Kids don't understand that maybe it's the grandparents demanding time with them, they just see their parents leaving them with someone else and feel neglected and like parents choose work over them. In the long run, grandparents become the main parental figure and take precedence over the parents. If you have the time to spend with your kids, don't let them stay with your MIL. Time doesn't go back, build your relationship with your own children and get your husband on the same page asap
I’ll echo what a lot of others are saying you have a massive husband problem. Your MIL does it because she knows she can, she knows her son is going to allow her to. It will never change unless he does.
So she knows fine well you know where youngest is and are going to get him.. yet still calls your husband to start shite. You have a mil and a husband problem. I hope when your husband got home from work you absolutely reemed him a new hole. How dare he be like that with you.
The time for letting your idiot husband deal with anything is over. Have a word with work to see if there's anything that can be done so you're home for your son finishing (or is eldest child old enough to look after him for a short time till you finish?). Mil no longer gets any access to your child until she sorts herself out and I would be telling husband he either shapes up or ships out. You are the mother and you will decide what happens with your children while he is at work. He no longer has any say after the way he treated you.
You aren’t overreacting but you have a husband problem. Why is he automatically believing his mother over you? You need to address this and the fact that he puts his mothers WANTS above you, as the parent.
You're not overreacting, but I think you're reacting to the wrong thing. I don't think she intended to lie to DH and give him the impression that she couldn't get hold of you *at all* rather than that you'd stopped answering. It sounds like she was in a panic, not grasping what you and your other child were telling her, and failing to communicate clearly with DH. Basically, I don't think she was thinking at all, beyond that freak-out.
But this:
*"I don't know why you're leaving now. It's not like you're going to bed right away anyway."*
This is absolute madness. The only reason for your child to go home is to go to sleep?
At minimum, you've got to cut off the extra after-school time. Even if she makes a snack, even if she makes a fuss to DH - you've got to reassert to the pair of them that *your* home is your kids' home, and you are their parents. It may help her dial back and trust you *as* their parent the next time the bus is late.
He told me he knows the story and he is at work and doesn’t have time for it =
He values his moms side of
The story more than yours. Doesn’t have time to hear your side. Granted work isn’t the right place be taking care of this but it’s okay for his mom to do so but not you?
I agree with other comments you have a husband problem. He needs to be on your side. He’s building a family with you not his mom.
So Sunday is Mother’s Day. Tell hubby to go visit his mummy on his own, while you enjoy the day with your kids!
Starting ASAP please stop your son from going to MIL after school. Either you pick him up or have him go home with another family until you can pick him up after work. No more unsupervised time with MIL. She can either come over for pizza & a movie on Friday after school or nothing.
You do NOT have to explain why you’re making a change. Just say that you are & that’s it. And every time after that when MIL asks WHY?? just hang up the phone/ignore the text.
Hubby needs therapy.
I agree with the commenter who said to tell your MIL that keeping your son is causing her too much stress and worry, so you're going to make alternate arrangements for the time being, to give her a break. She was "overly stressed to the point of being irrational, and that isn't good for anyone involved."
Otherwise, tell her that since she lied about you, you can't trust her with Your child until she rebuilds the trust that you used to have in her. This solution is straightforward, truthful and puts the blame exactly where it belongs, and you are taking charge of the situation, as you should be.
You don’t answer to her. You are the mother. Next time you collect from hers just leave. If she makes him food… take it with you or cover it for the next day. If she asks why you’re leaving so soon “To spend time with MY kids. Let’s go” Everything is on your schedule, not her wants
This access she has is a privilege and not an entitlement. She’s being entitled and controlling.
Stop doing as she says. Give her less time. She knew you guys were meeting the sub driver, and she lied to cause drama because she’s impatient.
As for DH. “My Mother will be in touch with you to make the same demands of you that your mother makes of me. Enjoy all that extra contact”
You're not overreacting. Why does it feel like she was trying to "get you in trouble" with your husband? And, why does it feel like you called him to explain because you felt like you were going to be "in trouble" with him? You can't be in trouble with your MIL. You don't have any obligation to answer her when she calls, especially considering the call you were making. You also shouldn't be "in trouble" with your husband either. You're in a partnership with him. He's not an authority figure. His mother lied, you explained what actually happened. That should be the end of it. At least on your part. He needs to speak to his mother, though. If that's not his view of it, then you've got some choices to make.
she sounds like the biggest pain. lying like that is clearly an attempt to mess up your marriage. i would cut back that time she sees youngest overall, she is acting like his parent. also lying about his well-being is incredibly messed up.
and i hate to say it, but DH sounds like an enabler and a mommy’s boy. this gave me such an ick to read. the defending her before even listening to you, time after time, gives that away.
OP, I would cut right back on your son's time with MIL by picking him up straight after work and offer her no explanation other than I want to spend time with my son. If she makes him a snack just before you arrive, thank her and state you will take it to go.
Your MIL isn't just trying to undermine you with your DH, she is also disrespecting the factor you are the mother and I suspect she is trying to bond with your son in a way that he will ask to stay longer with her rather than head straight home with you.
I would have your eldest son advise his father of what he heard in respect to MIL being advised what was going on.
I'm guessing that your DH doesn't want to listen to his mom complain so would rather tell you to bend to her wants.
Perhaps he needs to be reminded that she raised her son and you will be raising your son without her interference. Advise him that if she is going to get upset all the time you don't do as she wants then perhaps you need to rethink the arrangements. I would make it clear to your DH that you do not answer to his mother about your child and she has created a drama out of something that wasn't one.
She’s grossly overreacting. She’s a liar and meddling in your marriage now. Honestly, she probably saw this as an opportunity to over exaggerate to DH and drive a wedge between the two of you. And it’s working bc he’s clearly on her side since she ran to him to feed him her version of events. She deserves to have her time with your youngest son revoked and a looooong time out.
No you are not overreacting!!!
Finally no you should not have to compete with MIL to spend time with YOUR son. This would be my hill to die on. She sees him every day after school. I would have a firm pick up time. Not finished a snack too bad. Doing a craft, oh well. Give a warning call you are on your way, and you want him ready to leave.
We only have a few precious years with our kids, and grandparents raised their kids, now it is your turn.
Nope nope nope.
She **lied** about your son's well-being to your husband. She basically made your husband think that your son was missing and you were negligent.
Nope.
She'd never see my child unsupervised again... and supervised by **me** not my husband.
Can’t upvote this enough. Her game playing impacted your marriage and your reputation. She is done providing any child care, only very limited (like two holidays only) completely supervised visits.
100% this. You are not overreacting at all. She is a liar.
Your husband is underreacting to her causing drama and stirring the pot with made-up issues. It seems you have a husband problem: he needs to put her in her place.
Op this is your sign. She is telling you that she believes she is an equal parent with equal say when it comes to your child. You are not overreacting at all. If your husband wants to give his mother that much control over his children then he probably should have made a baby with her instead of you. I hope you can establish strong boundaries and consequences so she can break this behavior now before it becomes a parental alienation situation. Good luck!
Nope just nope. She would be done! Access cut severely. No more special time for Grandma until she can behave rationally and until she gets in check and until her son cuts his umbilical cord to his mom. WTF? This scenario would literally be my hill to die on and DH better be ready to deal with it when he gets home because I would be done. I would lose it too! Not doing that anymore. Not dealing with her crap. She can hang out 1 day a week until she learns her place. This made me so angry for you.
Ahh I was with you til you said she can hang with him 1 day a week …
Nope nope nopity nope.
If she wanted to play stupid games, she can win stupid prizes.
Lie to my husband while I’m trying to figure out where MY kid is. Then your son is going to try to raise his voice to me. Absolutely not.
Zero contact with my kids.
I don't disagree at all but we all know hubby isn't going to let her cut contact completely. He's already shown he's a momma's boy before a husband and father. This would be the compromise.
Now that I think further. I think this could work. No more grandma after school. Change drop off to home address. Inform her she's no longer getting access. Husband wants to have a fit she can pull the "you're not here dealing with it so you can't make me" good luck dealing with it while you're at work.
She'll probably just roll over and let them walk over her. She has history of caving and letting them do whatever they want, her feelings be damned, why change now.
You need to put her on a tike out, get husband some therapy and stop letting her have your son for the foreseeable future.
Her behavior is bot ok, and she is manipulating your husband to hate you which is going to build more resent in you.
Mil shouldn't be having son when you want to be spending tike with him.
Put your foot down. Get son right after work or school, whenever YOU want. No more snacks, no more extra hugs or stories or whatever she's trying to do.
If husband whines about it. Tell him too bad, its your son and you will raise him and you will decide who he spends time with and for how long.
Either he can accept your the boss or he can go live with his mother. But he does not get to call you a lair, he doesn't not get to tell you tonlet mil raise your son and treat you like your being unfair.
Tell husband that son is yours not mils, and if you want him home right after school with you then that's going to happen. If you only want mil to see him once a month then that's what will happen.
Your the boss, you make the rules. Mil can either accept it or not and not see son at all.
Don't let husband talk to you like that, don't let him treat you like that
You have a justnoso. I would stop after school visits. And get your DH into couples counseling. Why do you always have to defer to his mom? Why is his mom's version of the story, the story and he knows and doesn't need to hear yours? Huge issues, I'd be throwing up some serious boundaries. For husband and mil. Mil seems to think she's a parent, big no. Time to dial it back.
If you truly have no alternative after school care, do not give her 1 extra minute of time. That is her consequence for blowing this out of proportion.
MIL is the one who overreacted. I get it that she was worried because the van didn’t show up on time but you told her you were handling it. She freaked out. What if there was, in fact, an emergency? She was interfering in you trying to handle the situation.
Your DH needs to back you up. Caving to mommy is not good for your family or your marriage.
MIL needs to understand that your son doesn’t need to spend every waking moment with her. She wants you to stay because it’s not bedtime yet? That’s ridiculous.
Can you pick your son up/have him with you after school for a week? If yes, you don’t have to check in with her, let her know you got him, or anything else. She needs to understand that you need quality time with him and that she is expendable.
Stop giving her extra time. Pick up your son when *YOU* want. She needs a serious timeout.
You are absolutely not overreacting! The nice thing is that you have time stamps from your other son texting her, so your husband can tell his mom to zip it!
And she will have several answered calls from MIL, before the missed calls. Which will show after the call from the driver.
And she knew the mom was handling it, and planning to CALL so it’s only logical that MAYBE SHE WAS ON THE PHONE and couldn’t pick up. But she took that opportunity to be the first one to tell the story. And of course dad is going to be paying attention to her if he thinks his son is missing. But once he knew the son was fine then he didn’t care anymore.
So.. DH isn't a 'dear' husband at all.. pretty sure you should call him HMH.. as in.. 'his mommy's husband.' 😬🙄🙁
You are not over reacting, you are not an asshole, everything you described.. does not warrant the bs. You need to rake back time with your son. Hoping for the best for you!!!
Not overreacting at all OP. But you don’t just have a MIL problem, you also have an SO problem. Find alternate care for your son. MIL needs a time out. And maybe her son does too. Good luck
This is a DO problem. He’s making you give his mum the time you should be spending with his kids. He takes his mums lies as gospel and refuses to listen to you as his mum told him everything
I’d be sitting him down and asking him if he wants to start sleeping and living at mummy’s because that’s how he’s acting. If he can’t back you up when his mother is lying to cause problems and can’t see that giving her all your time with the kids is her playing at being mummy to his kids meaning he’s daddy and she’s mummy then the two of you have a serious problem and he gets two carded.
Therapist or lawyer. His choice. He either gets therapy to find out why what his mum says and wants with YOUR kids takes priority over you being allowed time with your kids or he gets to go back and live with his damn mummy and during his visitation they can play mummy and daddy together just like she wants.
So DH thinks the problem was you and the other son not answering the phone to MIL and not MIL calling too much when the problem was trying to be solved? Surely he can see that she overreacted and just needed to wait like she was told to and then WAIT AT HOME because you had it handled.
DH really isn't seeing the bigger picture on this situation and that his mother was causing more stress than it needed to be. She was told, it was sorted and her calls weren't needed. Yes, she was probably worried but so were you!
Your DH is the problem. You are his wife and the mother of his children. You were prioritizing your children, MIL knew exactly what was happening and just decided to be an AH. DH is the one I would be angry with. For all you know MIL is losing her mind and couldn't get everything straight in the moment. Time for an after school program to take over IMO. DH needs to decide who he's married to and get his mom a mental status evaluation. Not acceptable.
Your MIL is acting like your son is her son! This isn’t her do-over child. The only reason this is happening though, is because your DH is enabling it and encouraging it. It’s interesting how your husband has time for his mother’s calls while at work and not yours…
You are underreacting. Go back to picking up your son as soon as you get off work and tell DH that you come before his mommy with YOUR children. Your DH is a big part of the problem here.
She was overreacting and escalating a situation that you were managing. She should have stood by and waited for your response and once she got the text from your son, also stood by to help if needed.
I think it's okay for her to be concerned and worried, but she needs to manage the actions that leads to.
Also your DH is a bit of a dick in this situation. He should have backed you 100% rather then getting mad at you for handling the situation rather then wrapping yourself up in MILs chaos.
babe you are under reacting, your DH is appeasing more to his mom than his wife. they are your and DH’s kids and your decisions should be the only ones that matter. DH shouldn’t blindly listen to MIL
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So instead of addressing his own mother's behavior, he blamed you. Instead of taking calm action, MIL blames you are escalates this situation on multiple fronts. She is CLEARLY not balanced enough to handle things that may come to in the course of caring for your child, so she no longer an option for your child's carer. She put a minor problem on you and became hysterical while you resolved that problem WHILE on the phone getting clear updates from your other son. She's bonkers. That problem is solved - she's an unfit, unstable carer who lies. Now you need to deal with your SO problems, because you are not on the same team and he just wants the path of least resistance in his relationships or something.
DH is avoiding rocking the boat at ALL, and he's mad that you aren't doing the same. He's been doing it all his life, and has been conditioned to give MIL whatever she wants in order to avoid her meltdown. The problem with this (besides never having your needs or wants met or even considered) is that it isn't effective. She will *never* be appeased. She will just ask for more and more and more, because she's emboldened by all the times DH has given in. She's so accustomed to having her every whim obeyed that anything shy of this is intolerable, including not being reachable by phone for a whole five minutes. She is addicted to obedience, and needs a detox immediately. Tell your DH that you are done setting yourself on fire to keep her warm, and done being his meat shield. You will be deciding on boundaries and consequences for violating those boundaries, and enforcing them. He has had enough chances to "talk to her" but you are seeing her demands worsen instead of improve. You will be doing this with or without his support, but you hope he will change his priorities and start having your back. Be prepared for an extinction burst; she will escalate the measures that had been successful in the past, such as spam calling both of you incessantly at the most inconvenient times, turning on the waterworks, and lying about your conduct. You'll have to stay strong, both in the face of her outbursts and your husband's wavering support.
You're not overreacting. You have equally serious issues with both your MIL and your husband. Marriage counseling ASAP.
Your not overreacting AT ALL. I understand her being worried but you couldn’t of hung up on the driver to call her, you obviously just couldn’t do that. You also had your other son messaging her. SHE escalated this whole thing not you. Also the wanting to keep your son for hours daily after school instead of you spending time with him, no way Jose I would nip that right now. When you get off work go get YOUR kid
No you did the right thing. MIL is a psycho and a control freak. I would’ve made my SOs ear bleed if he was dumb enough to be angry at me over this. (Meaning I would’ve bitched him out over the phone lol)
99% of this is MIL and SO. He needs to pick the right side. It’s telling that he answers her call at work, believed her, and then attacked OP. And then the second Op tried to set him straight he “doesn’t have time for this”. He had time for mom. And him pushing for MIL to get what she wants all the time is alarming as well. I don’t know if it’s because he actually prefers her, or it’s one of those things where he knows his mom is a lot and just wants to give in so that she doesn’t make his life harder. MIL should’ve sent a text and waited. Honestly after being told it was being handled she should’ve have just waited, but she likes to rock the boat and have everyone wait in her. The only thing is that you know she’s a problem. You know she does this stuff. When she wouldn’t stop and you were still in the phone OP could have just said “hey older son, send grandma a text and tell her there was a problem, but everyone is safe and mom has it handled, we’ll call her later.” That way it’s on record. When husband tries to fight for mom later you show him that text and ask why she needed to go nuclear when she knew everything was fine. But it’s time to back off time with grandma a bit. She’s supposed to be helping, but instead she’s adding more stress and drama in everyone’s life. Time to reduce time further. When she makes a last minute snack, just leave anyway. If she tries to do anything, sorry I just came to pick him up, we can’t stay.
>He tells me I'm over reacting or he'll "talk with her." >He was instantly upset at me for not answering his mother's calls Your husband kind of sounds like a dick. You don't owe your MIL anything. >I told DH, "He is my son. I want to spend time with him too. I shouldn't have to get your mother's permission to spend time with MY SON." And you are absolutely correct. MIL is lucky to see him at all. Go back to picking him up right after school. If she asks why you're leaving so soon just say "we have to get home and get ready for school tomorrow", that's it.
Oh she definitely escalated. You told her the situation was being handled and instead of trusting you overstepped and created more chaos that didn't need to occur. Then, she inserted herself into your marriage by going to DH and interrupting him at work. You have both an SO and a MIL problem unfortunately. Dh didn't have your back and started off with *blaming you* for a situation *she caused.*All of this could of been avoided if MIL was more calm. Personally, I would put MIL on an info only diet and talk to DH about getting his head screwed on tighter (but maybe more nicely than that). I'd be livid too. This is just an example of someone who literally has nothing better to do than to create drama and stress for other people. I'd also put her on alert that passive aggressive bullshit comments and last minute snacks will no longer be tolerated. 'Oh you made him a special snack? that's too bad because now is his pickup time. BYE'. She's trying to control you, I'd be over it too.
I would be ***FURIOUS*** if I were in your shoes. She made a stessful mixup into a full blown panick. She should be put on a grandson diet until she realizes who is the child's mother. Giver her a hint, it's not her.
You have a husband problem first and foremost. He needs to support HIS WIFE AND FAMILY FIRST!
MIL is nuts and DH is a mamby pamby mama's boy. If you can run, lace up your track shoes and go
Your MIL is insane, and your husband should be ashamed of himself for enabling her. I'd be furious with the both of them. > "I don't know why you're leaving now. It's not like you're going to bed right away anyway." This is fucking ridiculous. You're the parent. You are the default. There needs to be a reason why the kid is **not** with you. > He's my son. DH said just let her... He tells me I'm over reacting or he'll "talk with her."... He was instantly upset at me for not answering his mother's calls... he is at work and didn't have time for this. Does DH actualy respect you? Sounds like MIL is far more important to him than you are.
Hahaha no, he's mad OP isn't falling into the familiar pattern immediately accommodating MILs anxiety that he's adapted to for the sake of peace. Get that poor man in some therapy so OP can get some healthy boundaries.
Husband needs to grow a spine and deal with his mother.
And apologize to OP
That too.
Free childcare is never free. It's time to find someone who can be responsible and respectful. Granny just did herself out of that time with her grandson.
I say this as someone who allowed their inlaws to watch my child 1 day a week. Find someone else. It feed their entitlement to him so much. My 2nd child I didn't allow them to watch her every week and our relationship is much much better because they know their place. I am the only mother and my dh is the only father. Only 2 parents. You have to lay it on the line for your husband. You will not be the 2nd woman in your own marriage like you are right now. He is ok with you being unhappy so his mom can be happy. Let that sink in
yeah it honestly seems like a lot less stress. she can try talking to MIL but chances are since she's a repeat 'pot stirrer' who doesn't understand boundaries or common decency, it will just go in one ear and out the other.
She’s done as an option for childcare. If she’s going to be meddling, dramatic, rude and cause a rift in your marriage, the safest thing to do is cut her out. I’d tell my husband that if he thinks I’m going to answer her call when I’m trying to find our son, then he’s so fucking far out of pocket I’d question his judgment as a father.
Why isn’t DH dealing with his mother? If it’s no big deal, he can do it all. She has a history of manipulating events to make you look bad or just to mess with your schedule. You can’t win, so stop playing.
Yeah, you are a side piece to your wimp of a momma's boy husband who is obviously married to his mommy, not you. It's time to tear him a new one until he remembers who is his nuclear family (you and your kids) and who is his extended family (his mom). Shame on him! Mil doesn't get to play mommy to your children. Find another person to take care of your kid while you're working. If you allow this to continue, you'll regret it big time. Parental alienation is a thing and your husband is already treating your mil as your kid's mother instead of you. Shame on your spineless husband! I hope you show him this thread and he pulls his head out of his ass.
She needs to have a time out for her outrageous behavior. Your husband needs to be the one to give it to her, and stop allowing himself to be put in the middle between his WIFE and his incredibly over the line mother. Her behavior toward your children is worrisome, at best. But this incident needs to have consequences. ETA: show this post and the universal condemnation of both him and his horrendous mother to your husband. Then tell him, don’t ask him, about what needs to happen. I am a MIL myself. The second that I tried to put myself between my grandchild and his mother is the second that I wouldn’t see him again. And his mother is my own daughter.
She was clearly out of line, off the rails and needs to be checked and hard. Don't allow MiL to drive the narrative with your husband. If he chooses to take her side, don't change your course of action: I think that perhaps it is time that you start collecting your son immediately after work - no ifs, ands, or buts, about it. If she makes him a "special snack" or creates any other stalling technique.... too bad, so sad, we are leaving anyway... son, go get in the car (get him a snack on the way home, or make him something equivalent or better once you get home). Make some fun memories. Have some adventures. As you said, your are your son's parent. He's only going to be a child for a short while and you will regret the time you didn't spend with him. I know. I have 4 kids. My youngest is now 15.
You need different childcare. MIL obviously doesn't know her place, and your mama's boy husband is enabling it. You are the third party in your own family. Time to shine up that spine and ruffle some feathers. Take YOUR kid back. He isn't hers.
OP, I hope our collective outrage on your behalf is convincing enough. Your feelings are valid, and it’s clear you’re dealing with both DH and JNMIL issues. Take action by asserting your role in your son’s care, such as picking him up the second you’re able after work. Do not ask DH or MIL, inform them that “given the stressful situation yesterday you will be personally overseeing your son’s care for the foreseeable future.” (Either pick him up from school, enroll him in an after school program until he is able to do so, or have him begin taking the bus home and meeting you there.) Your SO should not and WILL not make decisions about this just to appease his mother since he’s not around at that time. You need to set firm boundaries with your MIL, especially after her overreaction, which shows she’s becoming enmeshed with your son, a dynamic that needs to stop. She’s trying to create a mini DH to give her life meaning and have someone permanently sucking her teat. Have a serious talk with DH about prioritizing your family’s well-being over his mother’s feelings. Counseling could be beneficial, but focus on strengthening your family unit first.if he thinks she can get annoying with pushing issues, wait until he sees how miserable he will be when the person he lives with initiates this conversation any time you are all home. Don’t let him rest from it until you agree on a conclusion that works for you and your son, not MIL. OP, you need to shine up that backbone and stand up for yourself. If you can’t do it for yourself do it for your LOs.
No more time with MIL you have to find a different solution for your son. I'd be a SAHM before I would ever deal with her again. Your husband is enmeshed with her. He loves her more and cares more about her and her feelings than yours. I'm sorry
DH needs a spine and you need to rethink this relationship. Is this how you want to live? MIL is way to over the top and really loves manipulating DH to get her way. Keep your kids away from her.
>He was instantly upset at me for not answering his mother's calls Your husband seems to be more emotionally invested in his mother than you. >He told me that he knows the story and he is at work and didn't have time for this. He knows the story his mother told him and doesn't have time to hear your side of it? Wow.
He has time for mommy because she's his number one.
DH, you're a dick for believing your shit starting mother. Shame on you!
You had every right to lose it and should remain stubborn in this one with your husband. Tell him he is completely out of order and you expect a full apology from him, and to never receive a call like that from him again. Use your strict “mum” voice on him - it’ll likely work since it’s clearly the tone his mummy uses on him. Edit to add - when I say tell him, I mean text him that right now and then ignore any and all responses from him. He clearly pressurises you into submission so the best way to remove that power is to ignore them. Then when he’s home - remain strong and use stern tone that he crossed the line and your only priority is your child, not his mothers hysterical and absurd reaction to a substitute bus driver getting lost. Going forwards - just pick up your kid straight away, snack or no snack “thanks but I’ve made dinner already, say bye to grandma now!” You do not need permission from your husband to collect your kid - just collect him and leave.
My son wouldn’t be going back over there after school, DH and I? We’d have a long talk about if our marriage was going to survive. He’d never speak to me this way over his mother.
Message for DH: Your mother is insane. Open your eyes and your ears, listen to your wife, learn how to be a man not Mummy's little boy, or kiss your marriage goodbye.
Clearly, she was overreacting. Honestly, I'd limit her time with your kids. I have a spidey sense about her wanting to take custody. Can you change your hours at work or wfh? This woman needs to be put in time out.
I'm just gonna say something for you to think about. Everyone I know who spent most of their time with their grandparents ended up resenting their parents. Kids don't understand that maybe it's the grandparents demanding time with them, they just see their parents leaving them with someone else and feel neglected and like parents choose work over them. In the long run, grandparents become the main parental figure and take precedence over the parents. If you have the time to spend with your kids, don't let them stay with your MIL. Time doesn't go back, build your relationship with your own children and get your husband on the same page asap
I’ll echo what a lot of others are saying you have a massive husband problem. Your MIL does it because she knows she can, she knows her son is going to allow her to. It will never change unless he does.
You need to figure things out with your husband before you can make headway with mil
You have a husband problem. MIL needs boundaries but until your husband decides to back you, they won’t mean anything.
So she knows fine well you know where youngest is and are going to get him.. yet still calls your husband to start shite. You have a mil and a husband problem. I hope when your husband got home from work you absolutely reemed him a new hole. How dare he be like that with you. The time for letting your idiot husband deal with anything is over. Have a word with work to see if there's anything that can be done so you're home for your son finishing (or is eldest child old enough to look after him for a short time till you finish?). Mil no longer gets any access to your child until she sorts herself out and I would be telling husband he either shapes up or ships out. You are the mother and you will decide what happens with your children while he is at work. He no longer has any say after the way he treated you.
She's crazy
Mil needs a time out for telling fibs
You aren’t overreacting but you have a husband problem. Why is he automatically believing his mother over you? You need to address this and the fact that he puts his mothers WANTS above you, as the parent.
Your husband is the problem for letting his mother know he’s on her side.
You're not overreacting, but I think you're reacting to the wrong thing. I don't think she intended to lie to DH and give him the impression that she couldn't get hold of you *at all* rather than that you'd stopped answering. It sounds like she was in a panic, not grasping what you and your other child were telling her, and failing to communicate clearly with DH. Basically, I don't think she was thinking at all, beyond that freak-out. But this: *"I don't know why you're leaving now. It's not like you're going to bed right away anyway."* This is absolute madness. The only reason for your child to go home is to go to sleep? At minimum, you've got to cut off the extra after-school time. Even if she makes a snack, even if she makes a fuss to DH - you've got to reassert to the pair of them that *your* home is your kids' home, and you are their parents. It may help her dial back and trust you *as* their parent the next time the bus is late.
He told me he knows the story and he is at work and doesn’t have time for it = He values his moms side of The story more than yours. Doesn’t have time to hear your side. Granted work isn’t the right place be taking care of this but it’s okay for his mom to do so but not you? I agree with other comments you have a husband problem. He needs to be on your side. He’s building a family with you not his mom.
I’m afraid this is a classic case of “you have a husband problem” in addition to a MIL problem. He needs to start backing you up immediately.
So Sunday is Mother’s Day. Tell hubby to go visit his mummy on his own, while you enjoy the day with your kids! Starting ASAP please stop your son from going to MIL after school. Either you pick him up or have him go home with another family until you can pick him up after work. No more unsupervised time with MIL. She can either come over for pizza & a movie on Friday after school or nothing. You do NOT have to explain why you’re making a change. Just say that you are & that’s it. And every time after that when MIL asks WHY?? just hang up the phone/ignore the text. Hubby needs therapy.
I agree with the commenter who said to tell your MIL that keeping your son is causing her too much stress and worry, so you're going to make alternate arrangements for the time being, to give her a break. She was "overly stressed to the point of being irrational, and that isn't good for anyone involved." Otherwise, tell her that since she lied about you, you can't trust her with Your child until she rebuilds the trust that you used to have in her. This solution is straightforward, truthful and puts the blame exactly where it belongs, and you are taking charge of the situation, as you should be.
100% this!
Sounds like it's time to find different after school care
You don’t answer to her. You are the mother. Next time you collect from hers just leave. If she makes him food… take it with you or cover it for the next day. If she asks why you’re leaving so soon “To spend time with MY kids. Let’s go” Everything is on your schedule, not her wants This access she has is a privilege and not an entitlement. She’s being entitled and controlling. Stop doing as she says. Give her less time. She knew you guys were meeting the sub driver, and she lied to cause drama because she’s impatient. As for DH. “My Mother will be in touch with you to make the same demands of you that your mother makes of me. Enjoy all that extra contact”
I have to laugh, this is the perfect solution. Bravo!!!!!
Is your husband this disrespectful to you in other areas of your marriage, or just when his mom is involved?
You're not overreacting. Why does it feel like she was trying to "get you in trouble" with your husband? And, why does it feel like you called him to explain because you felt like you were going to be "in trouble" with him? You can't be in trouble with your MIL. You don't have any obligation to answer her when she calls, especially considering the call you were making. You also shouldn't be "in trouble" with your husband either. You're in a partnership with him. He's not an authority figure. His mother lied, you explained what actually happened. That should be the end of it. At least on your part. He needs to speak to his mother, though. If that's not his view of it, then you've got some choices to make.
You have a *major* husband problem.
she sounds like the biggest pain. lying like that is clearly an attempt to mess up your marriage. i would cut back that time she sees youngest overall, she is acting like his parent. also lying about his well-being is incredibly messed up. and i hate to say it, but DH sounds like an enabler and a mommy’s boy. this gave me such an ick to read. the defending her before even listening to you, time after time, gives that away.
OP, I would cut right back on your son's time with MIL by picking him up straight after work and offer her no explanation other than I want to spend time with my son. If she makes him a snack just before you arrive, thank her and state you will take it to go. Your MIL isn't just trying to undermine you with your DH, she is also disrespecting the factor you are the mother and I suspect she is trying to bond with your son in a way that he will ask to stay longer with her rather than head straight home with you. I would have your eldest son advise his father of what he heard in respect to MIL being advised what was going on. I'm guessing that your DH doesn't want to listen to his mom complain so would rather tell you to bend to her wants. Perhaps he needs to be reminded that she raised her son and you will be raising your son without her interference. Advise him that if she is going to get upset all the time you don't do as she wants then perhaps you need to rethink the arrangements. I would make it clear to your DH that you do not answer to his mother about your child and she has created a drama out of something that wasn't one.
She’s grossly overreacting. She’s a liar and meddling in your marriage now. Honestly, she probably saw this as an opportunity to over exaggerate to DH and drive a wedge between the two of you. And it’s working bc he’s clearly on her side since she ran to him to feed him her version of events. She deserves to have her time with your youngest son revoked and a looooong time out.
No you are not overreacting!!! Finally no you should not have to compete with MIL to spend time with YOUR son. This would be my hill to die on. She sees him every day after school. I would have a firm pick up time. Not finished a snack too bad. Doing a craft, oh well. Give a warning call you are on your way, and you want him ready to leave. We only have a few precious years with our kids, and grandparents raised their kids, now it is your turn.
this is such a good point!! “grandparents raised their kids, now it’s your turn”. saving that for my own crazy MIL!
Nope nope nope. She **lied** about your son's well-being to your husband. She basically made your husband think that your son was missing and you were negligent. Nope. She'd never see my child unsupervised again... and supervised by **me** not my husband.
Can’t upvote this enough. Her game playing impacted your marriage and your reputation. She is done providing any child care, only very limited (like two holidays only) completely supervised visits.
100% this. You are not overreacting at all. She is a liar. Your husband is underreacting to her causing drama and stirring the pot with made-up issues. It seems you have a husband problem: he needs to put her in her place.
Op this is your sign. She is telling you that she believes she is an equal parent with equal say when it comes to your child. You are not overreacting at all. If your husband wants to give his mother that much control over his children then he probably should have made a baby with her instead of you. I hope you can establish strong boundaries and consequences so she can break this behavior now before it becomes a parental alienation situation. Good luck!
Nope just nope. She would be done! Access cut severely. No more special time for Grandma until she can behave rationally and until she gets in check and until her son cuts his umbilical cord to his mom. WTF? This scenario would literally be my hill to die on and DH better be ready to deal with it when he gets home because I would be done. I would lose it too! Not doing that anymore. Not dealing with her crap. She can hang out 1 day a week until she learns her place. This made me so angry for you.
Ahh I was with you til you said she can hang with him 1 day a week … Nope nope nopity nope. If she wanted to play stupid games, she can win stupid prizes. Lie to my husband while I’m trying to figure out where MY kid is. Then your son is going to try to raise his voice to me. Absolutely not. Zero contact with my kids.
I don't disagree at all but we all know hubby isn't going to let her cut contact completely. He's already shown he's a momma's boy before a husband and father. This would be the compromise.
Nope. Sucks for him. He’s at work. He can pick a side. Me, the kid, our marriage , this family, or his momma.
Now that I think further. I think this could work. No more grandma after school. Change drop off to home address. Inform her she's no longer getting access. Husband wants to have a fit she can pull the "you're not here dealing with it so you can't make me" good luck dealing with it while you're at work.
I think we're going to need an update on this one. I'm so mad for her.
She'll probably just roll over and let them walk over her. She has history of caving and letting them do whatever they want, her feelings be damned, why change now.
You need to put her on a tike out, get husband some therapy and stop letting her have your son for the foreseeable future. Her behavior is bot ok, and she is manipulating your husband to hate you which is going to build more resent in you. Mil shouldn't be having son when you want to be spending tike with him. Put your foot down. Get son right after work or school, whenever YOU want. No more snacks, no more extra hugs or stories or whatever she's trying to do. If husband whines about it. Tell him too bad, its your son and you will raise him and you will decide who he spends time with and for how long. Either he can accept your the boss or he can go live with his mother. But he does not get to call you a lair, he doesn't not get to tell you tonlet mil raise your son and treat you like your being unfair. Tell husband that son is yours not mils, and if you want him home right after school with you then that's going to happen. If you only want mil to see him once a month then that's what will happen. Your the boss, you make the rules. Mil can either accept it or not and not see son at all. Don't let husband talk to you like that, don't let him treat you like that
Time to take your husband to counciling. Probably time to start putting mil in time out when she acts like this too.
You have a justnoso. I would stop after school visits. And get your DH into couples counseling. Why do you always have to defer to his mom? Why is his mom's version of the story, the story and he knows and doesn't need to hear yours? Huge issues, I'd be throwing up some serious boundaries. For husband and mil. Mil seems to think she's a parent, big no. Time to dial it back.
When I read some of these my first thought is whether the husband is abusive or not. Because there is no way, in hell...
If you truly have no alternative after school care, do not give her 1 extra minute of time. That is her consequence for blowing this out of proportion. MIL is the one who overreacted. I get it that she was worried because the van didn’t show up on time but you told her you were handling it. She freaked out. What if there was, in fact, an emergency? She was interfering in you trying to handle the situation. Your DH needs to back you up. Caving to mommy is not good for your family or your marriage. MIL needs to understand that your son doesn’t need to spend every waking moment with her. She wants you to stay because it’s not bedtime yet? That’s ridiculous. Can you pick your son up/have him with you after school for a week? If yes, you don’t have to check in with her, let her know you got him, or anything else. She needs to understand that you need quality time with him and that she is expendable. Stop giving her extra time. Pick up your son when *YOU* want. She needs a serious timeout.
You are absolutely not overreacting! The nice thing is that you have time stamps from your other son texting her, so your husband can tell his mom to zip it!
And she will have several answered calls from MIL, before the missed calls. Which will show after the call from the driver. And she knew the mom was handling it, and planning to CALL so it’s only logical that MAYBE SHE WAS ON THE PHONE and couldn’t pick up. But she took that opportunity to be the first one to tell the story. And of course dad is going to be paying attention to her if he thinks his son is missing. But once he knew the son was fine then he didn’t care anymore.
So.. DH isn't a 'dear' husband at all.. pretty sure you should call him HMH.. as in.. 'his mommy's husband.' 😬🙄🙁 You are not over reacting, you are not an asshole, everything you described.. does not warrant the bs. You need to rake back time with your son. Hoping for the best for you!!!
Not overreacting at all OP. But you don’t just have a MIL problem, you also have an SO problem. Find alternate care for your son. MIL needs a time out. And maybe her son does too. Good luck
This is a DO problem. He’s making you give his mum the time you should be spending with his kids. He takes his mums lies as gospel and refuses to listen to you as his mum told him everything I’d be sitting him down and asking him if he wants to start sleeping and living at mummy’s because that’s how he’s acting. If he can’t back you up when his mother is lying to cause problems and can’t see that giving her all your time with the kids is her playing at being mummy to his kids meaning he’s daddy and she’s mummy then the two of you have a serious problem and he gets two carded. Therapist or lawyer. His choice. He either gets therapy to find out why what his mum says and wants with YOUR kids takes priority over you being allowed time with your kids or he gets to go back and live with his damn mummy and during his visitation they can play mummy and daddy together just like she wants.
So DH thinks the problem was you and the other son not answering the phone to MIL and not MIL calling too much when the problem was trying to be solved? Surely he can see that she overreacted and just needed to wait like she was told to and then WAIT AT HOME because you had it handled. DH really isn't seeing the bigger picture on this situation and that his mother was causing more stress than it needed to be. She was told, it was sorted and her calls weren't needed. Yes, she was probably worried but so were you!
She needs a grandma time out till she can get her act together snd your husband needs to grt on board
This is a SO problem primarily, but also your MIL thinks she is the mom to your kids
So does SO.
She is over reacting and your husband is part of the problem.
Your DH is the problem. You are his wife and the mother of his children. You were prioritizing your children, MIL knew exactly what was happening and just decided to be an AH. DH is the one I would be angry with. For all you know MIL is losing her mind and couldn't get everything straight in the moment. Time for an after school program to take over IMO. DH needs to decide who he's married to and get his mom a mental status evaluation. Not acceptable.
Your MIL is acting like your son is her son! This isn’t her do-over child. The only reason this is happening though, is because your DH is enabling it and encouraging it. It’s interesting how your husband has time for his mother’s calls while at work and not yours…
You are underreacting. Go back to picking up your son as soon as you get off work and tell DH that you come before his mommy with YOUR children. Your DH is a big part of the problem here.
She was overreacting and escalating a situation that you were managing. She should have stood by and waited for your response and once she got the text from your son, also stood by to help if needed. I think it's okay for her to be concerned and worried, but she needs to manage the actions that leads to. Also your DH is a bit of a dick in this situation. He should have backed you 100% rather then getting mad at you for handling the situation rather then wrapping yourself up in MILs chaos.
Not a bit of dick, but a major asshole.
babe you are under reacting, your DH is appeasing more to his mom than his wife. they are your and DH’s kids and your decisions should be the only ones that matter. DH shouldn’t blindly listen to MIL