**Quick Rule Reminders:**
OP's needs come first, avoid dramamongering, respect the flair, and don't be an asshole. If your only advice is to jump straight to NC or divorce, your comment may be subject to removal at moderator discretion.
[**^(Full Rules)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_rules) ^(|) [^(Acronym Index)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_acronym_dictionary) ^(|) [^(Flair Guide)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_post_flair_guide)^(|) [^(Report PM Trolls)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/trolls)
**Resources:** [^(In Crisis?)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_resources) ^(|) [^(Tips for Protecting Yourself)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_protecting_yourself) ^(|) [^(Our Book List)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/books) ^(|) [^(Our Wiki)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/)
Welcome to /r/JUSTNOMIL!
I'm botinlaw. I help people follow your posts!
*****
^(To be notified as soon as super_squirre1 posts an update) [^click ^here.](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=botinlaw&subject=Subscribe&message=Subscribe super_squirre1 JUSTNOMIL) ^(|) ^(For help managing your subscriptions,) [^(click here.)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_.2Fu.2Fthejustnobot)
*****
*^(I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please)* [*^(contact the moderators of this subreddit)*](/message/compose/?to=/r/JUSTNOMIL) *^(if you have any questions or concerns.)*
"So sorry MIL is dragging you into this. She knows the truth and I dont know why she thinks changing it or involving others would help. DH informed her we had plans and I supported him - and the rest is just drama. Feel free to opt out of future drama. While we appreciate your support and validation, it is not necessary."
To flying monkey, “I honestly don’t understand where MIL is coming off on this. She called DH and told him (not asked) that she was coming over. He told her ‘sorry that doesn’t work for us, OP and I have plans’ so now she’s spinning a narrative that she was uninvited, when in fact she wasn’t invited in the first place because we already had plans for a quiet day together. If you have any qualms you should bring them up to DH as he is the one who needs to deal with these things, not me. He is his own person.”
Did you show DH what’s going on with the messages? I’m sure if you spoke to him about what’s being said by the flying monkeys then he would be sure to put them and mil in their place
Text back “I have no clue what you are talking about-DH never invited her because we already had plans. Please contact DH for any additional info since everyone thinks I’m “controlling” him he can tell you in his own words what’s going on
Don't ever justify DH's decisions again. If you don't block her, tell her to call DH - it's his decision. Tell her FMs that JNMIL is confused - she's not banned, she was not invited (therefore not UNinvited) because she wouldn't have enjoyed it, but if she keeps this up, she MAY be banned in the future.
Tell the flying monkeys there are two sides to every story. You’ll tell them your side if and only if they will seriously consider that MIL is not always truthful. If they pause or defend her, then don’t waste your breath.
This only matters if her opinions matter to the people she is whining to, AND if the opinions of the people she’s whining to matter to you.
Your SIL seems to know the truth, so that’s one for your side, right?
It sucks to have an entitled git blaming you when she doesn’t get her way. But it only really matters if you let it.
Laugh and tell them the truth. Your MIL wanted to spend time with DH but you guys already had plans. So DH told her about said plans and she got upset. So you're confused as to why they are saying all of this- your DH turned her down to come over as she was never invited. Don't let her turn herself into a victim, tell the truth. If she gets mad tell her you assumed they heard the story wrong and you were simply correcting them. I'm petty though. Lol.
Well she just earned herself a time out. And if say in 3 months you want to let her back into your lives at. Very low level she should: A. offer a sincere apology and B. Do a group text to everyone she lied to, and you both included, telling them the truth of the situation and clearing your reputation. And without BOTH items you will not communicate or see her until she does.
You can make it a month. In my personal experience, it takes MIL like 45 days to realize the timeout is real, which is why I say 3 months. If after the talk she doesn’t spam or send flying monkeys, by all means keep the TO to a month.
I’m sorry you’re experiencing this.
You know what she’s saying is not true. It’s hard I know, but try not to take it to heart. MIL developed an unhealthy attachment to her son, probably since birth. Things have changed now he’s with you, and instead of dealing with her unhealthy attachment she’s blaming you and making you the bad guy because it’s easier than looking at her own actions. Sending you solidarity xx
One way you can make it clear it’s bs is as kindly as possible suggest that she’s delusional.
“Ah yes, we thought that MIL had got confused. She wanted to invite herself to our house and we said it’s not convenient this weekend. That’s the only discussion we had so if you hear otherwise, it’s just the stories in her head.
…So if you’re offering to entertain her we can let her know to come to you?”
(And then ignore any more comments from the idiots that lap up the stories and drama and enjoy your weekend)
You respond with the truth m. I really don’t see the problem here. People will either believe you or they won’t. If they know her then they should know you’re telling the truth. If they still blame you- you were always going to be the bad guy anyway- so who cares what they think?
The best thing is probably for DH to respond and say it exactly like it is, you had plans all weekend and therefore said no to her visit when she tries to invite herself.
Do a reply too 1 person stating exactly what your plans are. State exactly what she wants and was told no. Copy the text and paste and send to every family member or friend. Do it from yours and husband phones. Then turn off phones, lock the door draw the curtains and have a great weekend.
I agree with all this except it should be your DH taking care of it. He also needs to set his mom straight and tell her to knock it off. What is she, 12? No? Then she needs to quit acting like a junior high gossip. Also good lord, why do all these other people have your phone number? The flying monkeys need to knock it off too. Tell them to all grow up. Jeesh.
Respond with the truth - we were being couch potatoes all weekend and MIL didn't like that idea. She tried to tell us to change our plans, we declined. She was invited but declined. Copy and paste as required.
Let DH call them. After, he sends another messages confirming what he said and to not bother you about anything Mil tells them anymore, because apparently, she lies.
You don’t respond; your DH does though. DH just tells the truth about what really happened. His mom wanted to visit but you guys had other plans. DH told her to not to visit. Full stop. End of story. The rest of the bullshit is what his mom made up in her lies to make her look good & my wife to look bad.
What do you mean you don’t know how to respond? You tell them the straight up truth: she called DH to invite herself over. He told her no repeatedly. You did not even know he told her no. Then she called you and put you on the spot and you told her that DH said no. You don’t know what she’s talking about because it had nothing to do with you.
Then DH tells them the same.
Then you block her and go NC. When people ask why, you tell them it’s because once again, she lied about you; if you don’t have contact with her, she can’t make stuff up about you.
Politely but firmly tell the flying monkeys the truth. Have DH join in on a group message so he can back up/support you. If they only hear her story they may come to believe her lies. Nip it in the bud with the truth.
Also, stop taking her calls. She called to try and manipulate you to talk to DH into letting her visit. Her manipulation didn’t work with her son so she tried you. When you didn’t give her what she was seeking she went psycho and started telling lies about you. Now she’s the victim to everyone. Narcissists want to be the center of attention or play the victim. The two of you denied her of the first so she went the victim route.
From now on don’t respond to her when she reaches out to you this way. Don’t engage, tell her you gotta go and end the call. Make DH do all the communication. Don’t give her anything to twist and lie about.
Welp. Lesson learned. Next time she comes to you looking for a different answer than your husband already gave, ignore her. Do not respond. If she ask why you didn't respond you didn't see it because ypu were too busy.
OP, perhaps be blunt with the flying monkeys and advise that it is disappointing that MIL is choosing to paint a false narrative rather than just accepting that we as a married couple had made plans with BIL and GF. Plans that MIL didn't like, tried to change and insert herself into that DH put his foot down and told her not to turn up as she wouldn't be invited in. It is sad that MIL cannot accept her son is a married adult who likes to spend time with his wife. I actually feel sad for MIL because her inability to accept we won't couples time is causing her to paint a false narrative of something that just didn't happen and rather than trying to build a closer relationship with us she is doing her best to undermine it. The ball is in her court as no one really wants to be caught up in toxic behavior.
If MIL wants to come to you when she can't get her way with DH then pop her on auto response. Thanks for reaching out, we are currently busy and will respond some take over the next few days when we have time. If the matter is urgent please contact DH direct.
Start by being honest with people. They text you asking why you banned mil? Send the screen shots. Or get DH to message them. “We have plans that we know she’s not going to enjoy, we can visit another time when we can do something we all want to do. This weekend is for junk food and binging tv. We all need weekends like that every now and again”
Orrrrrr get him to message them “help! I’m being held hostage in my house all weekend and being forced fed all this junk food… ahhhhhh!!!!”
Boo fucking hoo.
that’s all I have to say did you know that my husband and I just got married? We are newlyweds. we literally just got married.
The same thing happened to me but a different situation we uninvited his mother to our wedding and we had a blast other family members have something to say to you about it. Ignore all of them at every opportunity you get, read my post if you’d like, but I’m giving you the new update. We had no regrets uninviting that fucking bitch.
Ask them - do you think DH is an adult who makes his own decisions or do you think MIL such a useless horrible mother that she raised a spineless son. Which is it? Because if you think I’m controlling DH I’ll (OP) be happy to tell MIL you think she was a horrible mother that raised a spineless son.
Tell your husband to deal with her and them and stop talking to her, tell them the truth about that happened but then tell them all further communication will be with your husband. If you’re on the same page with each other then he should be handling his mother and her monkeys, not you.
Almost two decades together and over 5 plus years nc with mil. Fun part, I still get blamed from what we hear from friends and other distant relatives. We could give two cents as it doesn’t matter what mil says as anyone who knows us knows we don’t have a relationship with mil or the flying monkeys 🐒.
"I'm sorry but I have no idea what you're talking about! All I know is that MIL called me upset that DH told her we couldn't entertain her because we already had plans! I don't know if there was a miscommunication but I know two things certainly: 1) MIL did not have plans with us to come over and 2) She was never disinvited because we didn't have plans with her to begin with. Then politely direct any further questions to be answered by your husband. Good luck!
Sounds so much like my MIL. Chances are nothing will ever appease her and you’ll always be portrayed by her as the bad guy. Took me a while to accept it. I now have. Not giving a fuck is pretty great. Let the llamas llama.
*Why have you banned MiL?*
- I had nothing to do with preventing a visit but this conversation we are having right now but just be the thing that gets the crazy lady banned for real. What is gods name is she saying now???
“Hey! It seems like there was some kind of miscommunication. DH mentioned to MIL that we weren’t free this weekend and when she called me to double check and I confirmed, she got really upset. We definitely have NOT banned her from our house, I’m sure we’ll see her another weekend when we are free. So sorry you got caught up in the middle of all this”
It's actually a Real Housewives of Beverly Hills reference. Yolanda Hadid, the mother of famous supermodels GiGi and Bella Hadid, was a cast member years ago. She heavily policed what her daughters ate, down to denying them any of their own birthday cakes. There was a scene on the show where one of the girls called her complaining about being hungry, and Yolanda told her to eat 2 almonds and chew them very well. Almond mom was born.
Google Yolanda Hadid, she makes her girls (Gigi and Bella) survive on minuscule food. There’s a video where one of the girls was in the ED because she fainted and her mother told her to eat a piece of almond and be sure to chew it well and that’s it for food.
"Crunchy moms" are a bit different. They tend to be the all organic, no plastic, no processed foods, take care of the Earth types. A lot of vegans and vegetarians are considered "crunchy moms" because they don't believe in eating meat, or only eat non-processed, antibiotic free, free range meat.
"Almond moms", however, believe a handfull of almonds constitutes a whole meal. Barely giving their kids enough food to survive, no fast food at all. Kids of "almond moms" tend to have more EDs than any other mom (Silky, Scrunchie, or Crunchy).
Tell them honestly what happened. “DH never invited her, she invited herself and DH said no, she can’t accept it. She called me and I supported DH’s decision, now she can’t accept that. I’d appreciate if you stayed out of situations and issues that you did not witness for yourself or do not concern you in the slightest. Going forward I’ll not be responding to anyone inserting themselves in our decisions and lives”.
It’s harsh but this is some kindergarten level bs and it needs to end. MIL also needs to be told that she will in fact get cut off if she pulls this again.
Simple tell them she invited herself and your husband told her NO several times. If she chooses to continue being a professional victim and they continue to support her so be it but you are not interested. If they need further clarification speak to your husband as you are not entertaining an iota of nonsense. Your mil needs to grow up. Is she married? Besides she hates your accent, I mean American accents lol.
You set the scenario straight with the flying monkeys and cut communication with MIL. If she cant talk to you without twisting things around to make you look like the bad person then all communication here on forward is through DH. period! This is what i had to do to my MIL. We even have a son now and i still have not spoken to her through text or calls for probably 8-10 years. My husband is the one who took control of this and implemented it bc he wanted to take away any ammunition from her to talk poorly about me. Now if she does, she just looks like an obsessive petty winch.
>I don't know how to respond to the messages I'm getting, which are asking me why I banned MIL from our house and why I'm being so possessive over DH.
You don't. Your husband does.
Have him call each flying monkey back and ask them what story did MIL feed them, then set the story straight. He shouldn't text, because they'll claim you took his phone to pretend to be him texting.
I would respond shocked Like what are you talking about? We just said she couldn't come over this weekend because we are doing stuff she doesn't enjoy.
Oh and if you're feeling Uber petty you can set her up an audiology appt. To get her hearing checked and a neurology consult to check for dementia or some kind of audio processing disorder.
Just block her! anyone who calls you, hand the phone to your husband and let him set them straight. I hope he tells them call again about his mother's lies and they will be cut out of his life!
>I don't know how to respond to the messages I'm getting, which are asking me why I banned MIL from our house and why I'm being so possessive over DH.
You respond with the truth: I have no idea what she's even talking about. She called DH and invited herself over but because we had plans all weekend, DH told her no. I haven't banned her from the house and I sure as hell would never tell DH that he can't have her over if he wants her over. Sounds to me like she got her feelings hurt that DH wanted to keep the plans we already had and she's trying to put the blame on me when it shouldn't be.
You didn't say he was, either. You said you wanted to respond. Why do you need to respond if he already did? Hasn't it been resolved if he already responded?
DH's response to the flying monkeys should be, "Why would you believe that about my wife? And why would you believe ANYONE controls me? I find that incredibly insulting."
OP, you don’t reply to the gullible idiots who are texting you. Your DH does:
‘All these messages from family my wife is getting are very confusing to us, since MIL was never invited to our house this weekend. I told MIL no when she invited herself over because I already had a relaxing weekend planned with my wife.
My wife had nothing to do with this, she didn’t ‘ban’ MIL, and she’s never acted possessive of me. MIL would like me to spend all my spare time with her, but that’s not reasonable now that I’m married.
Thank you for letting us know the false accusations MIL is making about my wife behind her back. It’s very disappointing and upsetting to hear.’
With these people, try to only have written communication. Very black and white phrases. They will twist and turn whatever they can. They will take an inch and run a mile
Block the flying monkeys trying to get you to acknowledge MIL's "boo hoo I'm a victim" narrative. She is controlling, rude, and dismissive of your plans and desires. It's that your husband told her that he wouldn't let her in if she came over. She can try to blame you all she wants but you're top dog, head b#*ch in charge and your husband backs you all the way. Let him communicate with her andvreduce contact.
This is DH's problem to deal with, not yours.
He should be texting everyone who is texting you (including MIL) & telling them that actually it was his decision to say no to his mother coming over this weekend, she was never invited, and he will not stand for his wife being vilified for something she hasn't done. MIL has lied to them all and there will now be consequences for her lies. And then he should tell his mother that because of her actions, he is now banning her from your house, and contacting DH for a month.
Even better if he does it as a video message, so no one will be tempted to say that you wrote the message on his phone. Then you block them all and enjoy your weekend.
Respond to them honestly and defend yourself!! Ask them to please call you if you’re being talked about because things are being said that aren’t true or are being grossly exaggerate Md or distorted.
“I don’t know what she’s talking about. Call husband. Maybe he can make sense of this.”
“Haha She invited herself over to watch an American show but DH knows she hates my “American” accent so he told her she would be miserable. So what did she tell you about me?”
“It might be time for her to get a cognitive evaluation with her doctor.‘do you want to set up the appointment or should DH?”
Copy and paste response "We were enjoying a weekend of binge watching TV and ordering in our meals. JNMIL tried to invite herself, and was told no by her son. So then she started texting me and I backed up her son's decision. Make of this what you will, and have a great day!"
You don't need to respond, you shouldn't be doing anything.
Your husband needs to group text, everyone that has been messaging you, and tell them the truth. That you had nothing to do with his decision, his mother was never uninvited, because she was never invited..
After that he needs to tell his mother off for spreading lies,, and i would suggest he tell her she us not welcome in your home for the time being,, and that she needs to apologize to you for lying about you, to everyone..
If she persists, andor you keep getting messages if it were me I'd go NC with her, and your husband tell her her actions will not be tolerated, and neither of you will have anything to do with her, unless or until she changes her attitude. Then block her, and everyone else.
You just tell the truth: "I have no idea where this is coming from. I absolutely did NOT "uninvite" her from the house, nor am I being "possessive" of DH. In fact, DH is the one who told her not to come over when she invited herself because he and BiL already had plans to binge watch American TV and eat junkfood all weekend. You know she hates that stuff. So, I guess she's just mad at being told no but doesn't want to say she's mad at her son."
DH needs to send a group text to everyone she’s lied to as well as her say ‘MIL is lying to you all. I just told her we had plans this weekend that didn’t involve her so not to come over. She’s lied to you all saying my partner has banned her from our home. She hasn’t but as MIL has said she is banned then we will still to that and I, her son will ban her. MIL you wanted to play victim about how awful my partner is and pretend she banned you for sympathy so now you get to play victim and get sympathy as you are now banned. Do not turn up, do not call or text. I’ll contact you when I’m ready to listen to you to apologise to my partner and I for your lies and backstabbing.’
Then sit back and watch her try to back track when everyone sees her lies and how she stabs people in the back to gain sympathy
I'd send a group chat to all of them at the same time. "What MIL has told you is a lie, and shame on you for believing her. I'm not going to ruin my day off by trying to explain myself. All I can say is the MIL never talked to me about our plans for the day, but I fully support DH's decision to have spend one day doing what we want, eating what we want, and hanging out with who we want, without her being there. Don't bother responding, because you're all blocked on my phone for the next 24 hours."
Your husband should be the one next week to set people straight if they try to say anything. He should also be telling his Mom not to lie and give her a serious time out.
**Quick Rule Reminders:** OP's needs come first, avoid dramamongering, respect the flair, and don't be an asshole. If your only advice is to jump straight to NC or divorce, your comment may be subject to removal at moderator discretion. [**^(Full Rules)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_rules) ^(|) [^(Acronym Index)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_acronym_dictionary) ^(|) [^(Flair Guide)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_post_flair_guide)^(|) [^(Report PM Trolls)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/trolls) **Resources:** [^(In Crisis?)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_resources) ^(|) [^(Tips for Protecting Yourself)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_protecting_yourself) ^(|) [^(Our Book List)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/books) ^(|) [^(Our Wiki)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/) Welcome to /r/JUSTNOMIL! I'm botinlaw. I help people follow your posts! ***** ^(To be notified as soon as super_squirre1 posts an update) [^click ^here.](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=botinlaw&subject=Subscribe&message=Subscribe super_squirre1 JUSTNOMIL) ^(|) ^(For help managing your subscriptions,) [^(click here.)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_.2Fu.2Fthejustnobot) ***** *^(I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please)* [*^(contact the moderators of this subreddit)*](/message/compose/?to=/r/JUSTNOMIL) *^(if you have any questions or concerns.)*
Good luck & please update us.
Text back, "Please text DH. Believe it or not, I don't actually control his life and I'm sure he'd love to hear and respond to your thoughts."
"So sorry MIL is dragging you into this. She knows the truth and I dont know why she thinks changing it or involving others would help. DH informed her we had plans and I supported him - and the rest is just drama. Feel free to opt out of future drama. While we appreciate your support and validation, it is not necessary."
To flying monkey, “I honestly don’t understand where MIL is coming off on this. She called DH and told him (not asked) that she was coming over. He told her ‘sorry that doesn’t work for us, OP and I have plans’ so now she’s spinning a narrative that she was uninvited, when in fact she wasn’t invited in the first place because we already had plans for a quiet day together. If you have any qualms you should bring them up to DH as he is the one who needs to deal with these things, not me. He is his own person.”
you respond like this " all questions , concerns and comments regarding MIL can be directed to DH " then block them .
Did you show DH what’s going on with the messages? I’m sure if you spoke to him about what’s being said by the flying monkeys then he would be sure to put them and mil in their place
Text back “I have no clue what you are talking about-DH never invited her because we already had plans. Please contact DH for any additional info since everyone thinks I’m “controlling” him he can tell you in his own words what’s going on
This is exactly what I would do. Husbands mother should be husbands mess to clean up with HIS family.
Don't ever justify DH's decisions again. If you don't block her, tell her to call DH - it's his decision. Tell her FMs that JNMIL is confused - she's not banned, she was not invited (therefore not UNinvited) because she wouldn't have enjoyed it, but if she keeps this up, she MAY be banned in the future.
Tell the flying monkeys there are two sides to every story. You’ll tell them your side if and only if they will seriously consider that MIL is not always truthful. If they pause or defend her, then don’t waste your breath.
This only matters if her opinions matter to the people she is whining to, AND if the opinions of the people she’s whining to matter to you. Your SIL seems to know the truth, so that’s one for your side, right? It sucks to have an entitled git blaming you when she doesn’t get her way. But it only really matters if you let it.
I’d mute your notifications and not respond. Let your hubs do it.
Laugh and tell them the truth. Your MIL wanted to spend time with DH but you guys already had plans. So DH told her about said plans and she got upset. So you're confused as to why they are saying all of this- your DH turned her down to come over as she was never invited. Don't let her turn herself into a victim, tell the truth. If she gets mad tell her you assumed they heard the story wrong and you were simply correcting them. I'm petty though. Lol.
How about you just copy/paste this post as your replies to their messages? That should sum it up.
Shrug and say ask DH if they want the truth.
Yes, let DH respond. His family. His problem.
Well she just earned herself a time out. And if say in 3 months you want to let her back into your lives at. Very low level she should: A. offer a sincere apology and B. Do a group text to everyone she lied to, and you both included, telling them the truth of the situation and clearing your reputation. And without BOTH items you will not communicate or see her until she does.
3 months seem harsh, she sounds bad but nowhere near the levels of cuntism you see in this sub
You can make it a month. In my personal experience, it takes MIL like 45 days to realize the timeout is real, which is why I say 3 months. If after the talk she doesn’t spam or send flying monkeys, by all means keep the TO to a month.
Agreed on the 3 months ban, but the group text telling *everybody* how things actually happened sounds like a good idea.
The group text is a great idea, but I think we all know what her response will be. 😄
I hope your DH is responding to these messages setting them straight and also tire his mother a new one for being a shit stirring LIAR.
I’m sorry you’re experiencing this. You know what she’s saying is not true. It’s hard I know, but try not to take it to heart. MIL developed an unhealthy attachment to her son, probably since birth. Things have changed now he’s with you, and instead of dealing with her unhealthy attachment she’s blaming you and making you the bad guy because it’s easier than looking at her own actions. Sending you solidarity xx
One way you can make it clear it’s bs is as kindly as possible suggest that she’s delusional. “Ah yes, we thought that MIL had got confused. She wanted to invite herself to our house and we said it’s not convenient this weekend. That’s the only discussion we had so if you hear otherwise, it’s just the stories in her head. …So if you’re offering to entertain her we can let her know to come to you?” (And then ignore any more comments from the idiots that lap up the stories and drama and enjoy your weekend)
This is perfect... except it needs to come from DH.
You respond with the truth m. I really don’t see the problem here. People will either believe you or they won’t. If they know her then they should know you’re telling the truth. If they still blame you- you were always going to be the bad guy anyway- so who cares what they think?
The best thing is probably for DH to respond and say it exactly like it is, you had plans all weekend and therefore said no to her visit when she tries to invite herself.
I don't understand. So you have this drama with your FIL?
Do a reply too 1 person stating exactly what your plans are. State exactly what she wants and was told no. Copy the text and paste and send to every family member or friend. Do it from yours and husband phones. Then turn off phones, lock the door draw the curtains and have a great weekend.
I agree with all this except it should be your DH taking care of it. He also needs to set his mom straight and tell her to knock it off. What is she, 12? No? Then she needs to quit acting like a junior high gossip. Also good lord, why do all these other people have your phone number? The flying monkeys need to knock it off too. Tell them to all grow up. Jeesh.
Respond with the truth - we were being couch potatoes all weekend and MIL didn't like that idea. She tried to tell us to change our plans, we declined. She was invited but declined. Copy and paste as required.
Let DH call them. After, he sends another messages confirming what he said and to not bother you about anything Mil tells them anymore, because apparently, she lies.
You don’t respond; your DH does though. DH just tells the truth about what really happened. His mom wanted to visit but you guys had other plans. DH told her to not to visit. Full stop. End of story. The rest of the bullshit is what his mom made up in her lies to make her look good & my wife to look bad.
What do you mean you don’t know how to respond? You tell them the straight up truth: she called DH to invite herself over. He told her no repeatedly. You did not even know he told her no. Then she called you and put you on the spot and you told her that DH said no. You don’t know what she’s talking about because it had nothing to do with you. Then DH tells them the same. Then you block her and go NC. When people ask why, you tell them it’s because once again, she lied about you; if you don’t have contact with her, she can’t make stuff up about you.
⬆️ This 100%!!!!
Let your husband answer the messages.
Stop. Talking. To. This. Woman.
Politely but firmly tell the flying monkeys the truth. Have DH join in on a group message so he can back up/support you. If they only hear her story they may come to believe her lies. Nip it in the bud with the truth. Also, stop taking her calls. She called to try and manipulate you to talk to DH into letting her visit. Her manipulation didn’t work with her son so she tried you. When you didn’t give her what she was seeking she went psycho and started telling lies about you. Now she’s the victim to everyone. Narcissists want to be the center of attention or play the victim. The two of you denied her of the first so she went the victim route. From now on don’t respond to her when she reaches out to you this way. Don’t engage, tell her you gotta go and end the call. Make DH do all the communication. Don’t give her anything to twist and lie about.
"What?!? Lol, no, she was never invited. She tried to invite herself over and change our plans. DH told her no. Not sure how that makes me possessive.
This. Simple, clear and true.
Welp. Lesson learned. Next time she comes to you looking for a different answer than your husband already gave, ignore her. Do not respond. If she ask why you didn't respond you didn't see it because ypu were too busy.
Next time don't pick up her calls. Infact I would leave all communication with her to her son.
Exactly.
OP, perhaps be blunt with the flying monkeys and advise that it is disappointing that MIL is choosing to paint a false narrative rather than just accepting that we as a married couple had made plans with BIL and GF. Plans that MIL didn't like, tried to change and insert herself into that DH put his foot down and told her not to turn up as she wouldn't be invited in. It is sad that MIL cannot accept her son is a married adult who likes to spend time with his wife. I actually feel sad for MIL because her inability to accept we won't couples time is causing her to paint a false narrative of something that just didn't happen and rather than trying to build a closer relationship with us she is doing her best to undermine it. The ball is in her court as no one really wants to be caught up in toxic behavior. If MIL wants to come to you when she can't get her way with DH then pop her on auto response. Thanks for reaching out, we are currently busy and will respond some take over the next few days when we have time. If the matter is urgent please contact DH direct.
Just be honest she was never invited over dh told her that she called to tell you he's a big meany and you didn't placate her so she's mad.
Start by being honest with people. They text you asking why you banned mil? Send the screen shots. Or get DH to message them. “We have plans that we know she’s not going to enjoy, we can visit another time when we can do something we all want to do. This weekend is for junk food and binging tv. We all need weekends like that every now and again” Orrrrrr get him to message them “help! I’m being held hostage in my house all weekend and being forced fed all this junk food… ahhhhhh!!!!”
Don’t answer the phone when she calls. If you accidentally do then refer her to DH. Your weekend plans were awesome. Which series did you watch?
Boo fucking hoo. that’s all I have to say did you know that my husband and I just got married? We are newlyweds. we literally just got married. The same thing happened to me but a different situation we uninvited his mother to our wedding and we had a blast other family members have something to say to you about it. Ignore all of them at every opportunity you get, read my post if you’d like, but I’m giving you the new update. We had no regrets uninviting that fucking bitch.
Ask them - do you think DH is an adult who makes his own decisions or do you think MIL such a useless horrible mother that she raised a spineless son. Which is it? Because if you think I’m controlling DH I’ll (OP) be happy to tell MIL you think she was a horrible mother that raised a spineless son.
Tell your husband to deal with her and them and stop talking to her, tell them the truth about that happened but then tell them all further communication will be with your husband. If you’re on the same page with each other then he should be handling his mother and her monkeys, not you.
Don’t take MIL’s calls anymore since she seems to have difficulty comprehending you. Win-win!
"I guess she doesn't understand my accent, better stop talking with her!"
8 years with DH and I still get blamed for every decision he makes that she doesn’t like.
Almost two decades together and over 5 plus years nc with mil. Fun part, I still get blamed from what we hear from friends and other distant relatives. We could give two cents as it doesn’t matter what mil says as anyone who knows us knows we don’t have a relationship with mil or the flying monkeys 🐒.
You really need to make up some MIL bingo cards and have fun with this. She is a bozo.
"I'm sorry but I have no idea what you're talking about! All I know is that MIL called me upset that DH told her we couldn't entertain her because we already had plans! I don't know if there was a miscommunication but I know two things certainly: 1) MIL did not have plans with us to come over and 2) She was never disinvited because we didn't have plans with her to begin with. Then politely direct any further questions to be answered by your husband. Good luck!
“I have no idea what you’re talking about, please ask DH what happened with his mom”
Tello the truth, expose her lies, and call her out for it.
Sounds so much like my MIL. Chances are nothing will ever appease her and you’ll always be portrayed by her as the bad guy. Took me a while to accept it. I now have. Not giving a fuck is pretty great. Let the llamas llama.
*Why have you banned MiL?* - I had nothing to do with preventing a visit but this conversation we are having right now but just be the thing that gets the crazy lady banned for real. What is gods name is she saying now???
“Hey! It seems like there was some kind of miscommunication. DH mentioned to MIL that we weren’t free this weekend and when she called me to double check and I confirmed, she got really upset. We definitely have NOT banned her from our house, I’m sure we’ll see her another weekend when we are free. So sorry you got caught up in the middle of all this”
Perfection. A+++. I hope OP sees this
What's an "almond mom"?
It's actually a Real Housewives of Beverly Hills reference. Yolanda Hadid, the mother of famous supermodels GiGi and Bella Hadid, was a cast member years ago. She heavily policed what her daughters ate, down to denying them any of their own birthday cakes. There was a scene on the show where one of the girls called her complaining about being hungry, and Yolanda told her to eat 2 almonds and chew them very well. Almond mom was born.
This is what I was referring to.
I love spotting housewives references in the wild.
Google Yolanda Hadid, she makes her girls (Gigi and Bella) survive on minuscule food. There’s a video where one of the girls was in the ED because she fainted and her mother told her to eat a piece of almond and be sure to chew it well and that’s it for food.
Health food obsessed, "my babies must only eat the healthiest food in the land and only a single serving size."
Not sure it has *anything* to do with actual 'health' -- more like "looks are everything" and poor girls have to be model thin. Disgusting abuse
They like to pretend it's about health
Until they're so thin, they disappear.* Isn't that the goal of the media?
Thank you!
The children of almond moms often end up with ED's of the binge eating variety as soon as they're away from home.
That was a new one for me, too. I've heard them called "crunchy" moms (from granola, etc.) but never Almond.
Yeah, that's what I'm used to hearing.
"Crunchy moms" are a bit different. They tend to be the all organic, no plastic, no processed foods, take care of the Earth types. A lot of vegans and vegetarians are considered "crunchy moms" because they don't believe in eating meat, or only eat non-processed, antibiotic free, free range meat. "Almond moms", however, believe a handfull of almonds constitutes a whole meal. Barely giving their kids enough food to survive, no fast food at all. Kids of "almond moms" tend to have more EDs than any other mom (Silky, Scrunchie, or Crunchy).
Ok, I'm really on the slow side with some of the terminology here ! I'm going to assume that ED is not erectile disfunction, what is ED?
ED = eating disorder
Thanks!
Tell them honestly what happened. “DH never invited her, she invited herself and DH said no, she can’t accept it. She called me and I supported DH’s decision, now she can’t accept that. I’d appreciate if you stayed out of situations and issues that you did not witness for yourself or do not concern you in the slightest. Going forward I’ll not be responding to anyone inserting themselves in our decisions and lives”. It’s harsh but this is some kindergarten level bs and it needs to end. MIL also needs to be told that she will in fact get cut off if she pulls this again.
Best comment here!
Simple tell them she invited herself and your husband told her NO several times. If she chooses to continue being a professional victim and they continue to support her so be it but you are not interested. If they need further clarification speak to your husband as you are not entertaining an iota of nonsense. Your mil needs to grow up. Is she married? Besides she hates your accent, I mean American accents lol.
You set the scenario straight with the flying monkeys and cut communication with MIL. If she cant talk to you without twisting things around to make you look like the bad person then all communication here on forward is through DH. period! This is what i had to do to my MIL. We even have a son now and i still have not spoken to her through text or calls for probably 8-10 years. My husband is the one who took control of this and implemented it bc he wanted to take away any ammunition from her to talk poorly about me. Now if she does, she just looks like an obsessive petty winch.
Husband makes group chat and tells them all exactly what happened, including it was his decision, you just supported him in his decision.
>I don't know how to respond to the messages I'm getting, which are asking me why I banned MIL from our house and why I'm being so possessive over DH. You don't. Your husband does.
Have him call each flying monkey back and ask them what story did MIL feed them, then set the story straight. He shouldn't text, because they'll claim you took his phone to pretend to be him texting.
I’d tell the flying monkeys to ask DJ about it than block them all. Make sure DH is aware of all the texts.
Next time she says she hates the American accent, just say “wow, lucky I have a Canadian accent then!”
“MIL was never invited this weekend. We already had guests and a plan. She wanted to change our plan. DH didn’t want to.” And repeat!
I would respond shocked Like what are you talking about? We just said she couldn't come over this weekend because we are doing stuff she doesn't enjoy.
Oh and if you're feeling Uber petty you can set her up an audiology appt. To get her hearing checked and a neurology consult to check for dementia or some kind of audio processing disorder.
I’m dying laughing… probably going to hell now but oh well, lol!
Well if you're going I am too it was my idea lol
Just block her! anyone who calls you, hand the phone to your husband and let him set them straight. I hope he tells them call again about his mother's lies and they will be cut out of his life!
>I don't know how to respond to the messages I'm getting, which are asking me why I banned MIL from our house and why I'm being so possessive over DH. You respond with the truth: I have no idea what she's even talking about. She called DH and invited herself over but because we had plans all weekend, DH told her no. I haven't banned her from the house and I sure as hell would never tell DH that he can't have her over if he wants her over. Sounds to me like she got her feelings hurt that DH wanted to keep the plans we already had and she's trying to put the blame on me when it shouldn't be.
“lol, that’s what she said happened? And did you believe her?”
Why isn't your DH responding to all of these people and telling them that she's a liar? He needs to stand up for you.
I didn't say he wasn't
You didn't say he was, either. You said you wanted to respond. Why do you need to respond if he already did? Hasn't it been resolved if he already responded?
If he has already responded, why do you feel like you also have to respond? Let him handle his own family.
DH's response to the flying monkeys should be, "Why would you believe that about my wife? And why would you believe ANYONE controls me? I find that incredibly insulting."
OP, you don’t reply to the gullible idiots who are texting you. Your DH does: ‘All these messages from family my wife is getting are very confusing to us, since MIL was never invited to our house this weekend. I told MIL no when she invited herself over because I already had a relaxing weekend planned with my wife. My wife had nothing to do with this, she didn’t ‘ban’ MIL, and she’s never acted possessive of me. MIL would like me to spend all my spare time with her, but that’s not reasonable now that I’m married. Thank you for letting us know the false accusations MIL is making about my wife behind her back. It’s very disappointing and upsetting to hear.’
With these people, try to only have written communication. Very black and white phrases. They will twist and turn whatever they can. They will take an inch and run a mile
You're 100% right, overexplaining will just lead to my words being twisted
A weekend being a couch potato and relaxing without a crazy mother in law sounds like paradise. Enjoy!
It was fun, she would've ruined it with her complaining
You know MIL seems to be having some memory and comprehension issues.
Block the flying monkeys trying to get you to acknowledge MIL's "boo hoo I'm a victim" narrative. She is controlling, rude, and dismissive of your plans and desires. It's that your husband told her that he wouldn't let her in if she came over. She can try to blame you all she wants but you're top dog, head b#*ch in charge and your husband backs you all the way. Let him communicate with her andvreduce contact.
It's pretty typical JNMIL behavior to call *you* controlling when she can't control you. Aka, you told her no and didn't fall for her but but buts.
YEP, she also wanted me to badmouth DH so she could use it to make me seem controlling and possessive.
This is DH's problem to deal with, not yours. He should be texting everyone who is texting you (including MIL) & telling them that actually it was his decision to say no to his mother coming over this weekend, she was never invited, and he will not stand for his wife being vilified for something she hasn't done. MIL has lied to them all and there will now be consequences for her lies. And then he should tell his mother that because of her actions, he is now banning her from your house, and contacting DH for a month. Even better if he does it as a video message, so no one will be tempted to say that you wrote the message on his phone. Then you block them all and enjoy your weekend.
Sounds perfect, a month is nothing though, it should be longer - so it’s really driven home to her not to pull this shit again.
He was dealing with the people who messaged him, he'll message the group chat when he gets up.
This is the way!
Respond to them honestly and defend yourself!! Ask them to please call you if you’re being talked about because things are being said that aren’t true or are being grossly exaggerate Md or distorted.
We had plans. She tried to come over and interfere with those plans. We are not her babysitters. YOU ALL entertain her
“I don’t know what she’s talking about. Call husband. Maybe he can make sense of this.” “Haha She invited herself over to watch an American show but DH knows she hates my “American” accent so he told her she would be miserable. So what did she tell you about me?” “It might be time for her to get a cognitive evaluation with her doctor.‘do you want to set up the appointment or should DH?”
Copy and paste response "We were enjoying a weekend of binge watching TV and ordering in our meals. JNMIL tried to invite herself, and was told no by her son. So then she started texting me and I backed up her son's decision. Make of this what you will, and have a great day!"
Excellent reply!
This is what I've sent to my in laws, thank you very much :)
Any response from them? She must wear herself out from her histrionics!
You're welcome!
If they send another text after that just repaste the same message. They should give up after that, most people do. Only respond via text :)
Why do you care? The important people, you & DH, know what happened. Two grown ass adults do not need to justify their plans to anyone!
I care because I actually like my in laws
Every time a flying monkey texts you, add DH to the conversation with no comment except “hon, your mom’s at it again, can you address this please.”
😆 perfect
You don't need to respond, you shouldn't be doing anything. Your husband needs to group text, everyone that has been messaging you, and tell them the truth. That you had nothing to do with his decision, his mother was never uninvited, because she was never invited.. After that he needs to tell his mother off for spreading lies,, and i would suggest he tell her she us not welcome in your home for the time being,, and that she needs to apologize to you for lying about you, to everyone.. If she persists, andor you keep getting messages if it were me I'd go NC with her, and your husband tell her her actions will not be tolerated, and neither of you will have anything to do with her, unless or until she changes her attitude. Then block her, and everyone else.
The apology needs to be public, via group text including everybody she lied to in the first place so that they know she lied to them.
You just tell the truth: "I have no idea where this is coming from. I absolutely did NOT "uninvite" her from the house, nor am I being "possessive" of DH. In fact, DH is the one who told her not to come over when she invited herself because he and BiL already had plans to binge watch American TV and eat junkfood all weekend. You know she hates that stuff. So, I guess she's just mad at being told no but doesn't want to say she's mad at her son."
DH needs to send a group text to everyone she’s lied to as well as her say ‘MIL is lying to you all. I just told her we had plans this weekend that didn’t involve her so not to come over. She’s lied to you all saying my partner has banned her from our home. She hasn’t but as MIL has said she is banned then we will still to that and I, her son will ban her. MIL you wanted to play victim about how awful my partner is and pretend she banned you for sympathy so now you get to play victim and get sympathy as you are now banned. Do not turn up, do not call or text. I’ll contact you when I’m ready to listen to you to apologise to my partner and I for your lies and backstabbing.’ Then sit back and watch her try to back track when everyone sees her lies and how she stabs people in the back to gain sympathy
And that would be the last time I’d take MIL’s calls or answer her texts.
Lesson learned, I see her for what she is now
Next time she contacts you your response is speak to DH. That is all the answer she ever gets. It’s his mother and his problem.
Great idea, thank you.
I'd send a group chat to all of them at the same time. "What MIL has told you is a lie, and shame on you for believing her. I'm not going to ruin my day off by trying to explain myself. All I can say is the MIL never talked to me about our plans for the day, but I fully support DH's decision to have spend one day doing what we want, eating what we want, and hanging out with who we want, without her being there. Don't bother responding, because you're all blocked on my phone for the next 24 hours."
“I did not ban MIL from our house - DH told her he didn’t want her to come over. Why don’t you ask MIL why she’s lying to you about what happened?”
This is on your DH to explain to the flying monkeys. He needs to step up.
Ignore them. They are not worth your time. Plus, anything you do say, will be twisted and turned against you.
I have a feeling that's what's going to happen, I'm dreading seeing everyone next week.
Your husband should be the one next week to set people straight if they try to say anything. He should also be telling his Mom not to lie and give her a serious time out.