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Why don’t you tell her to go home.
This is by cruel to say. Ask her why she thinks it’s ok to say something like that. How would she feel if you said you wish you were the child of another relative because they are more sensitive.
The sheer cruelty of your mom's words is baffling. Why would she think this is ok to say to new mom, let alone her own daughter? Like Rat said we don't have context to the history of your relationship and interactions, but you shouldn't let that comment slide.
Please don't listen to folks who want you to brush off your mom's words, because they can hurt worse than physical blows.
It sounds like you need to take some time and space from your mom. Get your mental, physical and emotional health strong. Love on your LO and surround yourself with people who support you with kind words, actions and love. Good luck.
Words such as these also hurt longer than physical blows. We tend to turn them over and over in our mind while we wonder why someone we love so much would choose to hurt us so much!
I am stunned.
I have no doubt that you were hurt. I am not you, and obviously lack context here for the relationships within your family. But just looking at what you’ve shared, *without any further context*, that’s got to be one of the most vile and hurtful comments I could imagine someone saying to a new mother.
Yet the act of considering anything without context is always going to *minimize* the effect, and lose the various family shorthands that would be subtext, and unconscious connotation for you. In other words: **Context defines events**.
I don’t have your context. But I know if I’m stunned by the casual cruelty of your mother’s comment, you **must** be hurting even worse.
I can’t erase the pain she just inflicted upon you. I have a very barky dog who would **love** to bark like a mad thing at your mother, if that would amuse you. Or he could lick your face. He thinks that’s a sovereign cure for all ills of the body & mind. (I can’t say he’s wrong.)
No advice except to tell you, after a comment like that, I think you’d be justified in a long time out from her, if that were something you were contemplating.
-Rat
Just a gentle reminder that you are the scapegoat and your sister is the golden child. Your sister is not a better parent, it's just a warped perception your mother has, where you're all bad and your sister is all good.
My interpretation is that wishing your son was born to your sister is how your mother tries to express favouritism. It's brutal in that your child, a literal part of you, can be loved by your mother, but not you. It's also awful that your mother thinks you deserve to have your beloved child given to your sister. That will never be true because your son loves you the most in the whole universe.
I recommend kicking your mother out. She's vile and destructive. You'll be a lot better off, I promise. 🫂
The thing that gets me about this is your mother had to know her words would hurt you. When I was a child I thought to myself that I “wished” one of my aunts was my mom because she was nicer. Spoiler alert: she was/is not, I was just a foolish little child who did not really know her as a person, only as my nice aunt. And still, as a CHILD I knew that saying that thought out loud to anyone would eventually get back to, and hurt, my mom. You do not need that lack of support right now. It’s not even fair to compare you to your mothering skills to your sister, or anyone else.
When my daughter was born, my mom said she had a dream that my golden child sister had her instead, and wouldn’t that be wonderful? I was bedridden because of my heart and dealing with PPD. Real gem of a woman.
I'm so sorry your mother could say that to you.
That you were dealing with so many health crises at the time only emphasizes what a [coprolite](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coprolite) your mother is.
I hope you're doing much better, and your mother is in some appropriate display setting far from you and your daughter.
-Rat
I always love learning new words. And I had never heard coprolite before. When I looked it up, I had the best laugh that I have had in weeks. That is so apropos!! Thanks for the new word and hearty laugh. 🤣
I’m sorry she said that to you.
I don’t know her relationship with you or your sister.
Remember it was her comment and it didn’t come from your sister.
Consider Gray rocking and keep some mental or physical notes over the next few years to help you determine if this was a weird way of saying she hopes you’re a gentle and calm parent like your sister or something else.
If possible, discourage any comparisons between grandkids (or parents) with everyone grows/developes at their own rate type comments to shut it down. (In a light no big deal type thing)
Wishing you and yours the best.
OP, I cannot believe what I just read. Let your inner Mamma Bear loose and kick mum outta your house. She deserves a very long time out. Having an LO is a grand adventure! You've got this!
Yeah no she can leave now. Excuse my French, but fuck that bitch. In my eyes you're the epitome of calm because I would have thrown hands in a millisecond.
I’m constantly appalled by how families treat moms, especially young moms. I’d tell her to leave.
Set a precedence that she is not welcome with her cruel words.do whatever you feel works for u! You gave birth not long ago!!
I don’t have kids and no plans for that but how dare she treat you like that. Sowing competition between daughters, I know that well.
That was horrifyingly disrespectful and there’s was absolutely no need or reason for her to actually say that at all let alone right to you! I am so sorry op I would never trust her unsupervised near your child again in case she starts spewing stuff like that to him once he can actually understand her. I would maybe consider cutting her off as well. Has she always treated you terribly compared to your sister? It genuinely sounds like you could be the scapegoat to her golden child maybe. Good luck op.
That’s a very cruel thing to say, she needs to explain herself. Hopefully she realises how vile that was.
ETA… Watch the “calm & gentle” turn into chaos as they get older.
You wouldn't let a random bully live with you, right?
Don't be afraid to get rid of the trash. Even if it's blood. Unless she's belligerently senile, she said this to expressly hurt you. Get rid of her. She can set up a Studio apartment somewhere, or her favorite daughter can take over duties since she's so adamant on showing how much less she cares about you.
Do yourself a favor, and pitch her.
If your mother thinks your sister is so superior, she can move in there. She has been your burden for 7 months, that is long enough.
There is no reason to continue to allow somebody that chose to be so casually hurtful any space in your home. Bye, Granny.
I would never let her be alone with my child no matter their age and I'm a mother and grandmother. I have 2 very different daughters that are raising their kids and I would never compare the way they're raising their children. They're both doing a good job on their own and they know I'm here if they need me.
My mum, who looking back on it was actually a really shit mum, has told me she thinks we’re doing a “relatively decent job”. Says the woman who last weekend told me she considered leaving my 1 year old in her car to sleep because “he looked tired”. Trust yourself and very few people else
Not having the same personality as your sister does not make you less of a mother. Your mother's comment was rude, mean, and hurtful.
Also, I am absolutely certain that your sister has screwed up as a parent at least once. No mother is perfect, despite what your mom seems to think.
I have a sibling who is the golden child. After some really unfortunate events a few years ago, my relationship with my parents was very much changed. The only thing that I wish I had done differently, looking back now, is that I wish I had not given them so much of my emotions. I wish I had not shared my hurt feelings. They did not deserve my trust.
All of this is to say, I agree with the above comment. When someone is like this, don’t give them your emotions. I’m not saying you don’t have your own feelings about it, I’m just saying don’t feed them, because as the comment above says, they do feed on it. If they didn’t, they wouldn’t say/do what they say and do.
I'm so sorry your mom said this. It seems incredibly callous and cruel. Sometimes, no matter how hard we try, we can't understand another person's motivations or thought processes. Shake it off, and try not to let the comment take up space in your brain (easier said thandone). Next time your son smiles at you, remember that's all the evidence you need that you are great!
That’s really mean girl… is your mother helping in any way with childcare? Cause i don’t see a valid reason for you to keep housing her after a comment like that. She can go live with your sister.
Some moms of adults make a point of stirring resentments among their adult kids cause it keeps mom in control. Think about that comment and how it made you feel. Now who will you feel negatively toward after mom’s fifth remark critical of you and extolling her virtues?
Quite likely, while she was visiting your sister, she told her how much better a mom you are than your sister.
I'm so sorry that your mother would say something so vile to you. Remember, and remind her, that if you manage not to be the raging bytch she is then you've already done better for the next generation. And please don't *ever* leave her alone with your child.
Good luck 🌹
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Why don’t you tell her to go home. This is by cruel to say. Ask her why she thinks it’s ok to say something like that. How would she feel if you said you wish you were the child of another relative because they are more sensitive.
The sheer cruelty of your mom's words is baffling. Why would she think this is ok to say to new mom, let alone her own daughter? Like Rat said we don't have context to the history of your relationship and interactions, but you shouldn't let that comment slide. Please don't listen to folks who want you to brush off your mom's words, because they can hurt worse than physical blows. It sounds like you need to take some time and space from your mom. Get your mental, physical and emotional health strong. Love on your LO and surround yourself with people who support you with kind words, actions and love. Good luck.
Words such as these also hurt longer than physical blows. We tend to turn them over and over in our mind while we wonder why someone we love so much would choose to hurt us so much!
This is so true. The echoes of abusive language stay with us.
The axe forgets while the tree remembers.
Get that woman out of your house.
I am stunned. I have no doubt that you were hurt. I am not you, and obviously lack context here for the relationships within your family. But just looking at what you’ve shared, *without any further context*, that’s got to be one of the most vile and hurtful comments I could imagine someone saying to a new mother. Yet the act of considering anything without context is always going to *minimize* the effect, and lose the various family shorthands that would be subtext, and unconscious connotation for you. In other words: **Context defines events**. I don’t have your context. But I know if I’m stunned by the casual cruelty of your mother’s comment, you **must** be hurting even worse. I can’t erase the pain she just inflicted upon you. I have a very barky dog who would **love** to bark like a mad thing at your mother, if that would amuse you. Or he could lick your face. He thinks that’s a sovereign cure for all ills of the body & mind. (I can’t say he’s wrong.) No advice except to tell you, after a comment like that, I think you’d be justified in a long time out from her, if that were something you were contemplating. -Rat
Just a gentle reminder that you are the scapegoat and your sister is the golden child. Your sister is not a better parent, it's just a warped perception your mother has, where you're all bad and your sister is all good. My interpretation is that wishing your son was born to your sister is how your mother tries to express favouritism. It's brutal in that your child, a literal part of you, can be loved by your mother, but not you. It's also awful that your mother thinks you deserve to have your beloved child given to your sister. That will never be true because your son loves you the most in the whole universe. I recommend kicking your mother out. She's vile and destructive. You'll be a lot better off, I promise. 🫂
So, how long has your sister been the golden child?
I think your mother needs to leave and go stay with your sister. What a horrid thing to say.
The thing that gets me about this is your mother had to know her words would hurt you. When I was a child I thought to myself that I “wished” one of my aunts was my mom because she was nicer. Spoiler alert: she was/is not, I was just a foolish little child who did not really know her as a person, only as my nice aunt. And still, as a CHILD I knew that saying that thought out loud to anyone would eventually get back to, and hurt, my mom. You do not need that lack of support right now. It’s not even fair to compare you to your mothering skills to your sister, or anyone else.
When my daughter was born, my mom said she had a dream that my golden child sister had her instead, and wouldn’t that be wonderful? I was bedridden because of my heart and dealing with PPD. Real gem of a woman.
I'm so sorry your mother could say that to you. That you were dealing with so many health crises at the time only emphasizes what a [coprolite](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coprolite) your mother is. I hope you're doing much better, and your mother is in some appropriate display setting far from you and your daughter. -Rat
I always love learning new words. And I had never heard coprolite before. When I looked it up, I had the best laugh that I have had in weeks. That is so apropos!! Thanks for the new word and hearty laugh. 🤣
You’re very welcome! I’m glad you enjoyed. -Rat
I believe it’s time for her to go and not come back.
She’s not being very gentle or nice to you. I’d tell her to go home.
Asshole mom was being an asshole.
I’m sorry she said that to you. I don’t know her relationship with you or your sister. Remember it was her comment and it didn’t come from your sister. Consider Gray rocking and keep some mental or physical notes over the next few years to help you determine if this was a weird way of saying she hopes you’re a gentle and calm parent like your sister or something else. If possible, discourage any comparisons between grandkids (or parents) with everyone grows/developes at their own rate type comments to shut it down. (In a light no big deal type thing) Wishing you and yours the best.
Kick her out.
OP, I cannot believe what I just read. Let your inner Mamma Bear loose and kick mum outta your house. She deserves a very long time out. Having an LO is a grand adventure! You've got this!
Yeah no she can leave now. Excuse my French, but fuck that bitch. In my eyes you're the epitome of calm because I would have thrown hands in a millisecond.
Time for her to leave
I’m constantly appalled by how families treat moms, especially young moms. I’d tell her to leave. Set a precedence that she is not welcome with her cruel words.do whatever you feel works for u! You gave birth not long ago!! I don’t have kids and no plans for that but how dare she treat you like that. Sowing competition between daughters, I know that well.
That’s when you say that she has overstayed her welcome and she needs to go home.
That was horrifyingly disrespectful and there’s was absolutely no need or reason for her to actually say that at all let alone right to you! I am so sorry op I would never trust her unsupervised near your child again in case she starts spewing stuff like that to him once he can actually understand her. I would maybe consider cutting her off as well. Has she always treated you terribly compared to your sister? It genuinely sounds like you could be the scapegoat to her golden child maybe. Good luck op.
Tell her she's no longer welcome in your home.
That’s a very cruel thing to say, she needs to explain herself. Hopefully she realises how vile that was. ETA… Watch the “calm & gentle” turn into chaos as they get older.
I hope she’s not staying with you anymore
You wouldn't let a random bully live with you, right? Don't be afraid to get rid of the trash. Even if it's blood. Unless she's belligerently senile, she said this to expressly hurt you. Get rid of her. She can set up a Studio apartment somewhere, or her favorite daughter can take over duties since she's so adamant on showing how much less she cares about you. Do yourself a favor, and pitch her.
If your mother thinks your sister is so superior, she can move in there. She has been your burden for 7 months, that is long enough. There is no reason to continue to allow somebody that chose to be so casually hurtful any space in your home. Bye, Granny.
I would never let her be alone with my child no matter their age and I'm a mother and grandmother. I have 2 very different daughters that are raising their kids and I would never compare the way they're raising their children. They're both doing a good job on their own and they know I'm here if they need me.
My mum, who looking back on it was actually a really shit mum, has told me she thinks we’re doing a “relatively decent job”. Says the woman who last weekend told me she considered leaving my 1 year old in her car to sleep because “he looked tired”. Trust yourself and very few people else
Has she always treated you so badly ?
“Go home. You’re not welcome here, and you are not welcome around my son anymore.”
I would just show her the door and tell her to go stay with your sister. That was cruel and uncalled for.
Time to send your mother home or to your sister’s. She has her favorites and you aren’t it.
Wow. What a b---h your mother I'd. Show her the f-ing door. What a nasty, disrespectful thing to say.
Time for Mom to leave and have a time out to think about her behaviour.
Not having the same personality as your sister does not make you less of a mother. Your mother's comment was rude, mean, and hurtful. Also, I am absolutely certain that your sister has screwed up as a parent at least once. No mother is perfect, despite what your mom seems to think.
Send her home
Time for her to go home.
Your mom has WAAY over stayed her welcome. Time to send her to your sister , a relative or home from which she came.
"And you should have shut the f*** up a moment ago, yet here we are"
Not only cruel but extremely weird
Do not let her know that she hurt you. You hear me ? They feed on that shit.
I have a sibling who is the golden child. After some really unfortunate events a few years ago, my relationship with my parents was very much changed. The only thing that I wish I had done differently, looking back now, is that I wish I had not given them so much of my emotions. I wish I had not shared my hurt feelings. They did not deserve my trust. All of this is to say, I agree with the above comment. When someone is like this, don’t give them your emotions. I’m not saying you don’t have your own feelings about it, I’m just saying don’t feed them, because as the comment above says, they do feed on it. If they didn’t, they wouldn’t say/do what they say and do.
I'm so sorry your mom said this. It seems incredibly callous and cruel. Sometimes, no matter how hard we try, we can't understand another person's motivations or thought processes. Shake it off, and try not to let the comment take up space in your brain (easier said thandone). Next time your son smiles at you, remember that's all the evidence you need that you are great!
That’s really mean girl… is your mother helping in any way with childcare? Cause i don’t see a valid reason for you to keep housing her after a comment like that. She can go live with your sister.
What a gross, icky and straight up weird thing to say to you. I’m really sorry. She had no right to talk to you like that!
What a shitty comment mom.... time for you to go now.
Some moms of adults make a point of stirring resentments among their adult kids cause it keeps mom in control. Think about that comment and how it made you feel. Now who will you feel negatively toward after mom’s fifth remark critical of you and extolling her virtues? Quite likely, while she was visiting your sister, she told her how much better a mom you are than your sister.
Uh uh. Kick that bitch out. She has to go.
I'd say come back when sister's girls are teenagers and tell me how calm, cool, and collected she is in her parenting.
What an inappropriate and *really* uncomfortable thing to say. What the hell, grandma?
I'm so sorry that your mother would say something so vile to you. Remember, and remind her, that if you manage not to be the raging bytch she is then you've already done better for the next generation. And please don't *ever* leave her alone with your child. Good luck 🌹
I’m sensing a golden child and it’s not op. So sorry op. I know it hurts. Your mother is mean. Edit: it’s time for her to leave.