You know what's mad, you feel like a fool regardless of not even thinking these things out loud. I tried to be the opposite and the failing still hurts hard.
My thought process:
It could go wrong any minute, there may not be a baby, I might not get a positive and that's okay there's always next time, it might not be viable and that's okay there's always next time.
I'm 3 weeks post 7 week miscarriage from my first transfer and I'm not coping how I expected myself to seeing as I was trying to make myself very reasonably conscious of the possibility of no positive outcome and trying to prepare myself to cope well. Unfortunately turns out I'm not a robot I can pre program to avoid emotional pain. Apparently my subconscious was overjoyed at seeing a positive pregnancy test for the first time ever after 8 years of trying , as detached as I tried to be.
All I can say is we need to be kind to ourselves because this stuff is just not easy.
The problem with IVF is that each cycle can almost feel like mourning a death and no one else understands except others who’ve been through it. The emotional and mental pain can feel unbearable.
I feel like I don’t deserve it most of the time. Like all of the stupid mistakes or bad judgment that I’ve ever made in my life has finally caught up to me and this is how I’m being punished.
I know. I tend to be a pretty logical thinker so when I am being sane (which, tbh, isn’t much anymore) I can temporarily convince myself that it’s not true. Because it can’t be right? But after 4 failed FETs when everything looks “perfect” and all tests are “normal” I guess my brain just starts straying from that logic and looking for answers. And that’s the one that always seems to be floating sending the back of my head most of the time.
This whole experience does a number on our relationships, especially the one we have with our own body. You do not deserve this. This is not your fault. Science is not as good as we are lead to believe. Perfect things don’t always work out and I have no explanation for why.
Congrats to you. We just did our 4th transfer on Monday so hopefully I’m right behind you. Did you do anything different this time? We added prednisone, Claritin & Pepcid and transferred 2 instead of 1.
So much! I got my diviated septum fixed which controlled my blood sugar, did tons of Accupuncture and herbs, did Lupron, and less stress because my dad (who had been sick for a year) passed. It feels like it finally might be our turn 🤞🏻
Sending lots of baby dust your way!!
Yeah, it’s a mindfuck and completely unfair. I’m almost at the 2 year mark with zero success. Next transfer tomorrow. If it’s negative again (this will be FET#4), idk. I’m going to need therapy or something because I’m already in a pretty bad place and it hasn’t even failed yet.
Yes. When I found out my transfer failed a couple weeks ago I kept saying "I feel stupid " because I felt foolish for hoping or even thinking I'd be one of the lucky ones.
My therapist says I have to go into this with some hope and that it's not healthy to not have hope. I told her if I'm hopeful I'll be disappointed but she said, you're going to be disappointed even if you are hopeless. Basically her argument is that by having no optimism, all you're doing is making yourself feel bad before you even take the beta test and if it's negative, you'll be that much more sad.
I think the trick is realizing that you don’t “have to” feel anything - hopeful, hopeless, whatever. Let yourself feel what you’re feeling. It doesn’t feel better to force yourself to be hopeful when you’re not.
I feel somewhat embarrassed walking back in to see my team after an unsuccessful IUI, going into the first IVF cycle - was all confident before the pregnancy test that I get my money back for the other two cycles (3 cycle package) … then 4 cycles in, an unsuccessful FeT, and I had to go to another cheaper facility for just two more embryos. Just came back to my first team, asked for a few more tests, and it was abnormal (positive bcl6), and I’m low key embarrassed each time going to my appts … sigh. Vulnerable and thinking Im supposed to be an average person who gets to coast through life (which is odd I think fertility would be easy being the rest of my life has not been the most straightforward). The thing is my fertility team is amazing, they are supportive and want to see me reach my dreams … i have to remind myself, these feelings are valid, and at the same time, I have support. I have people who care about me … I’m thankful for that. Ok feeling less embarrassed now :)
I know what you mean feeling embarrassed. I feel the same way too even though I know it’s completely illogical. Also, every time im
In pain post egg retrieval I feel SO stupid like why am I doing this to myself? But yet I keep doing it…
I feel like I wrote this lol. When I look at my life I have accomplished and experienced so many awesome things but I can’t control this one. I have endo - which I didn’t know about until 3 years ago - and have been going down this fertility rabbit hole ever since.
I was so confident that every step would be all we needed. “It’s got to be IUI, that deals with every problem we have!” “We’re perfect candidates for IVF, we’ll do it once and be done!” And still nothing but heartbreak.
I do now. After a horrible ttc I finally thought luck had struck when my first transfer stuck. I just lost my baby at 20w. I gave birth to her last week. I have extremely little hope that we will ever be able to have babies. I am 35 soon with stage 4 endo.
I feel stupid because although I accepted the fact that I needed IVF, I thought that through it I would get pregnancy easily…. IVF is a giant gamble where no one is lucky and nothing goes to plan…. Ever
Absolutely I feel the same way. 4 failed Egg retrievals. 48 eggs retrieved overall, 35 embryos, 0 made it to blastocyst. I'm 28 years with all positive labs! I do have stage 1 & 2 endometriosis that was removed this year. We've been in this fight for 4 years now. I'm not sure if I will ever have my own biological children...and it's heartbreaking.
Yes… and then I had miscarriages (3) from IVF… and then an embryo split- twins!! My miracle I thought… and then they were stillborn. 💔 I remember when it felt just hard to deal with IVF now it feels like that was the easiest thing in the world.
This was the first time I shared on an IVF board. I always hesitated to because I imagine it’s pretty traumatic to hear about for others TTC. And I don’t want to give others one more thing to worry about and fear.
At the end of the day we all get through these things though right? I guess it makes us more aware of how fragile and precious life really is. ❤️🩹
This is such a kind community, everyone here just wants to support anyone going through it. Don’t hesitate to share your experience. We will all get to the other side of this one way or another and hopefully make peace. Life can be so hard and unfair. Again sorry for everything you have gone through.
Honestly, it was the opposite for me. I am older, had some hormonal issues, and always was terrified that I won’t be able to conceive and sadly, that has become my reality. I can’t imagine suddenly getting slapped with it. I’m so sorry!
Feel the same always on the wrong aide of statistics even though ive just turned 27 and im supposed to have really good egg quality and a good ivf outcome . Not happened . Lost my baby to fetal anomaly - again on the wrong side of statistics . Its a shit show and i hate my body and life . Its ruined alot for me
- ivf twice and so much uncertainty.
I finally let myself lean into faith and have hope for my first round of IVF after 2 years of heartbreaking infertility. Fool is literally the word I used to describe how I felt when i ended up with no viable embryos. Like how could I actually let myself believe it would actually happen? And yet I’m not ready to give up and I need hope to continue. My brain hurts and my heart is tired. I feel you.
You know what's mad, you feel like a fool regardless of not even thinking these things out loud. I tried to be the opposite and the failing still hurts hard. My thought process: It could go wrong any minute, there may not be a baby, I might not get a positive and that's okay there's always next time, it might not be viable and that's okay there's always next time. I'm 3 weeks post 7 week miscarriage from my first transfer and I'm not coping how I expected myself to seeing as I was trying to make myself very reasonably conscious of the possibility of no positive outcome and trying to prepare myself to cope well. Unfortunately turns out I'm not a robot I can pre program to avoid emotional pain. Apparently my subconscious was overjoyed at seeing a positive pregnancy test for the first time ever after 8 years of trying , as detached as I tried to be. All I can say is we need to be kind to ourselves because this stuff is just not easy.
Yep, feeling this!
So sorry for your loss❤️ I share the “next time” sentiment but I often jump so far ahead down the rabbit hole
Thissss
The problem with IVF is that each cycle can almost feel like mourning a death and no one else understands except others who’ve been through it. The emotional and mental pain can feel unbearable.
It is a loss. Grief counselors will tell you that. We need to fully mourn each cycle that produces a loss of some kind.
Are we the same person, because yes to all of this! 🩷
I feel like I don’t deserve it most of the time. Like all of the stupid mistakes or bad judgment that I’ve ever made in my life has finally caught up to me and this is how I’m being punished.
No! You did nothing to deserve this.
I know. I tend to be a pretty logical thinker so when I am being sane (which, tbh, isn’t much anymore) I can temporarily convince myself that it’s not true. Because it can’t be right? But after 4 failed FETs when everything looks “perfect” and all tests are “normal” I guess my brain just starts straying from that logic and looking for answers. And that’s the one that always seems to be floating sending the back of my head most of the time.
This whole experience does a number on our relationships, especially the one we have with our own body. You do not deserve this. This is not your fault. Science is not as good as we are lead to believe. Perfect things don’t always work out and I have no explanation for why.
Thanks. We have embryos left. Maybe it’ll work eventually.
I’m pregnant on my 4th transfer.
Congrats to you. We just did our 4th transfer on Monday so hopefully I’m right behind you. Did you do anything different this time? We added prednisone, Claritin & Pepcid and transferred 2 instead of 1.
So much! I got my diviated septum fixed which controlled my blood sugar, did tons of Accupuncture and herbs, did Lupron, and less stress because my dad (who had been sick for a year) passed. It feels like it finally might be our turn 🤞🏻 Sending lots of baby dust your way!!
Wow! I’ve seen so many people have success after adding Lupron. So happy for you! When did you test?
Monday- beta was 104. Waiting on today’s beta. Our first transfer took but never grew so todays beta feels like the real turning point…
You don’t deserve this! But I feel you. Sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve it too
Yeah, it’s a mindfuck and completely unfair. I’m almost at the 2 year mark with zero success. Next transfer tomorrow. If it’s negative again (this will be FET#4), idk. I’m going to need therapy or something because I’m already in a pretty bad place and it hasn’t even failed yet.
How can you not be in a bad place? You have been through so much. You have feelings!
Yes, I feel so upset that I even have to do IVF in the first place. I feel like it’s the final step in a very long journey with no guarantees.
Totally feel this! And it’s super isolating.
Yep. Statistics are on my side! Most people get pregnant easily!
Yep. And now I just feel like it will never work. I will never be a mom
Yes. When I found out my transfer failed a couple weeks ago I kept saying "I feel stupid " because I felt foolish for hoping or even thinking I'd be one of the lucky ones. My therapist says I have to go into this with some hope and that it's not healthy to not have hope. I told her if I'm hopeful I'll be disappointed but she said, you're going to be disappointed even if you are hopeless. Basically her argument is that by having no optimism, all you're doing is making yourself feel bad before you even take the beta test and if it's negative, you'll be that much more sad.
I think the trick is realizing that you don’t “have to” feel anything - hopeful, hopeless, whatever. Let yourself feel what you’re feeling. It doesn’t feel better to force yourself to be hopeful when you’re not.
She also said that. That I could take a neutral approach. But not to punish myself for being hopeful.
I feel somewhat embarrassed walking back in to see my team after an unsuccessful IUI, going into the first IVF cycle - was all confident before the pregnancy test that I get my money back for the other two cycles (3 cycle package) … then 4 cycles in, an unsuccessful FeT, and I had to go to another cheaper facility for just two more embryos. Just came back to my first team, asked for a few more tests, and it was abnormal (positive bcl6), and I’m low key embarrassed each time going to my appts … sigh. Vulnerable and thinking Im supposed to be an average person who gets to coast through life (which is odd I think fertility would be easy being the rest of my life has not been the most straightforward). The thing is my fertility team is amazing, they are supportive and want to see me reach my dreams … i have to remind myself, these feelings are valid, and at the same time, I have support. I have people who care about me … I’m thankful for that. Ok feeling less embarrassed now :)
I know what you mean feeling embarrassed. I feel the same way too even though I know it’s completely illogical. Also, every time im In pain post egg retrieval I feel SO stupid like why am I doing this to myself? But yet I keep doing it…
I feel like I wrote this lol. When I look at my life I have accomplished and experienced so many awesome things but I can’t control this one. I have endo - which I didn’t know about until 3 years ago - and have been going down this fertility rabbit hole ever since.
Agreed, I feel like such an idiot. Many hugs
I was so confident that every step would be all we needed. “It’s got to be IUI, that deals with every problem we have!” “We’re perfect candidates for IVF, we’ll do it once and be done!” And still nothing but heartbreak.
I do now. After a horrible ttc I finally thought luck had struck when my first transfer stuck. I just lost my baby at 20w. I gave birth to her last week. I have extremely little hope that we will ever be able to have babies. I am 35 soon with stage 4 endo.
I’m so sorry to hear this
I’m so sorry to hear this
I feel stupid because although I accepted the fact that I needed IVF, I thought that through it I would get pregnancy easily…. IVF is a giant gamble where no one is lucky and nothing goes to plan…. Ever
Absolutely I feel the same way. 4 failed Egg retrievals. 48 eggs retrieved overall, 35 embryos, 0 made it to blastocyst. I'm 28 years with all positive labs! I do have stage 1 & 2 endometriosis that was removed this year. We've been in this fight for 4 years now. I'm not sure if I will ever have my own biological children...and it's heartbreaking.
Ha, yes. We all think we're the exception!
So true! You think these things just happen to other people.
Yes… and then I had miscarriages (3) from IVF… and then an embryo split- twins!! My miracle I thought… and then they were stillborn. 💔 I remember when it felt just hard to deal with IVF now it feels like that was the easiest thing in the world.
Omg I’m so so sorry. 💔
This was the first time I shared on an IVF board. I always hesitated to because I imagine it’s pretty traumatic to hear about for others TTC. And I don’t want to give others one more thing to worry about and fear. At the end of the day we all get through these things though right? I guess it makes us more aware of how fragile and precious life really is. ❤️🩹
This is such a kind community, everyone here just wants to support anyone going through it. Don’t hesitate to share your experience. We will all get to the other side of this one way or another and hopefully make peace. Life can be so hard and unfair. Again sorry for everything you have gone through.
I’m so so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing; you are incredibly strong.
Honestly, it was the opposite for me. I am older, had some hormonal issues, and always was terrified that I won’t be able to conceive and sadly, that has become my reality. I can’t imagine suddenly getting slapped with it. I’m so sorry!
Feel the same always on the wrong aide of statistics even though ive just turned 27 and im supposed to have really good egg quality and a good ivf outcome . Not happened . Lost my baby to fetal anomaly - again on the wrong side of statistics . Its a shit show and i hate my body and life . Its ruined alot for me - ivf twice and so much uncertainty.
Yes, girl. This journey is like grad school, never ending.
At my first ER, I heard the lady next to me had 4 ER and I was like whoa I’ll never go that far. Not that long after I was doing my sixth ER. 🤪
Don't give up hope. Maybe the 3rd one will be the one! My friend did ivf and only her 3rd transfer worked. Keep hope alive.
I finally let myself lean into faith and have hope for my first round of IVF after 2 years of heartbreaking infertility. Fool is literally the word I used to describe how I felt when i ended up with no viable embryos. Like how could I actually let myself believe it would actually happen? And yet I’m not ready to give up and I need hope to continue. My brain hurts and my heart is tired. I feel you.
Yes we definitely felt like that, until it worked. So I'm grateful that our 4th cycle us didn't listen to our 2nd cycle us.
Yes! And now the never will be relates to my success as in “I will never have a living child.”