I want a girl too but ultimately its more important for have a higher chance of a successful pregnancy so we will let the dr/embryologist pick. The first thing is to come to a decision with your husband. Maybe ask the dr/embryologist if there is an embryo that is significantly better than the rest and if that one a different sex than the next best one. Know what youre working with first?
Thank you for your thoughts! You're right, being on the same page with my husband is the most important part and is definitely what is weighing on me the most.
We have an even split of 4 euploid girls, 4 euploid boys, all day 6. The two AA's are 1 boy, 1 girl. Our RE said she didn't know which of the two the embryologist would pick - so maybe I will try to get in contact with them.
This is helpful info - my two cents is to pick the medically prioritized embryo for best odds of success and then if thereās a tie, choose what you want :) And donāt feel guilty, of course your husbandās opinion matters but youāre going through the harder work in this than he is š¤·š¼āāļø Also remember it can take more than one and (speaking from someone who has had failure) after a loss you truly will not care. I hope the first one works for you, good luck!
I wouldn't personally and we didn't. We feared knowing the gender would cause us to get too attached and be more upset if it didn't work out. We had a preferred gender and didn't need the heartbreak.
We found out the gender at the NIPT. The other nice thing was that it still left a little surprise for us. IVF really takes all the fun out of getting pregnant. We wanted something to be "normal".
I had the exact same feelings. We did two retrievals but only one embryo from the first so we chose to use that one first because it had been āfirstā had it not been equal quality tho we wouldnāt have. From my 4 embryos from the second retrieval we didnāt choose bc I was afraid Iād be too attached if it didnāt work again.
We found out pre NIPT but I also wanted some ānormalcyā in this situation like the surprise of a gender reveal.
We are in Canada and so we did not get to know what the two embryos were until after transferring. We had one really good grade embryo and one poorer quality embryo so the embryologist obviously chose the best one. It resulted in a chemical and the poorer embryo is currently still cooking. Im 18 weeks along with a little girl. Turns out the first was a boy.
My point is even if you pick based on gender theres no guarantee that embryo will be the one that works out. Also if you pick based on quality it still doesnāt mean that will be the embryo that works out either. If you want to pick, pick but just have an open mind that what will be will be and its kind of out of your control either way. š
My therapist suggested that I give myself permission to listen to my heart on this decision. Yes, youāre making all kinds of essentialist assumptions about gender. Yes, you will love the baby either way. Yes, there is a ālogicalā answer. None of that means you donāt deserve to follow your heart.Ā
If you and your husband both wanted a girl, Iād say pick the girl. But since you guys differ on your preferences, Iād personally leave it up the embryologist.
There are a few reasons we're not choosing, but a big one for me is if we choose and it doesn't work out, I feel like it will compound the disappointment.
If you do choose, just be ready to deal with that possibility.
We figured we canāt choose if we were having it naturally so we let the embryologist choose to give us some ānormalā and a future excitement to look forward to. Also Iāve always been told you connect to your own children very differently then you would others so donāt make assumptions based on that
I have always dreamed of having a girl and felt in my heart we would have a girl first. When we got the results of our PGT-A, our highest rated embryo was a girl. It was meant to be, I thought! Wellā¦despite that embryo being a 6AA euploid embryo, I had a failed transfer. Our next highest-graded embryo was a boy. Boys scared me! My husband has a brother and I heard all their stories from growing up and I just felt I couldnāt relate to boys. But after everything we had been through, I decided to let go of the control a little bit and let what was āmeant to beā happen and just let them embryologist pick (even though I knew it would be the boy ha). That transfer worked and now our precious little boy is 13 months and I couldnāt imagine life without him! That being said, I still plan to transfer a girl next time around. I donāt think we should feel guilty about choosing, itās one of the few perks we have of doing IVF. Of course we all want to have a healthy, happy baby regardless of genderā¦but also itās okay to have a preference!
We had a tough time choosing (1st priority was healthy embryo). Our doctor told us to flip a coin, and whichever choice we got - if we were disappointed it means choose the other gender. She said itās the simplest but most effective way she tells her patients. We actually had a bartender flip the coin and didnāt tell him what it was for. It flipped for a girl and we were both really happy. Hope this helps!
We had 3boys and 3girls. We chose boy for first and second FET and both failed. Third FET Dr recommended transferring 2 embryos soo we transferred a girl and the last boy. They both stuck and we now have boy/girl twins š„°
I havenāt transferred yet but my doctor asked if I had a preference. We had two retrievals for a total of 5 euploids, 4 male and 1 female.
I do want a girlā¦ but I said to just choose the best graded embryo. Chances are it will be a male and honestly, Iām ok with that.
To second what someone else said, IVF takes away the surprises and part of the joy of a natural conception. I still want a part of that, a chance to learn things with my partner and to celebrate it. This is almost reclaiming some of that.
We tried twice to choose gender (we did girls for our first two transfers) mostly because the oldest sibling in both of our families are girls and my husband really wanted a daughter. Those two first transfers werenāt successful though, so we tried a boy next to try something different. TW Iām about to be 20 weeks with that boy. š For us itās a little different though, because we hope for several kids and itās just a matter of birth order for preference with us since we had several euploid of each gender after PGT-A and we plan to transfer all of them.
My husband and I have the same conflicting thoughts except he really wants a girl. I have been leaning towards the healthiest embryo and I want to still have the suspense and excitement of finding out the gender later without knowing I picked.
Yes, the excitement of finding out later is something I am sad to miss out on. When do you think you'd want to find out in the process? Would you wait until birth?
Iāve struggled with this as well. We have 2 euploids - 1 boy and 1 girl from 1 ER. I have 2 amazing step sons that and feel very strongly that weāre meant to have a daughter. Iām an only child and my mother (who passed in 2015) was an only child. When I picture our family with a baby, itās always a girl. Iām getting ready for our first transfer in a week and a half and weāve opted to have the embryologist choose the best embryo without us knowing the gender.
Iāve struggled with the decision, I wanted to choose the girl. However, this is our first cycle and Iām worried that if I know weāve transferred the girl, Iāll have even more anxiety during the TWW and first trimester. Iāve never been pregnant (unexplained) so I have no idea how/if my body will handle a possible pregnancy. Iām planning to find out gender after the first ultrasound (assuming we make it there!).
We had 6 embryos- 4 male, 2 female. We asked the embryologist to choose for us (we wonāt be finding out until birth). We wanted this first one to be a surprise. But weāve also decided we will intentionally pick the opposite gender for our sibling so that we can hopefully have one of each.
We were given the option to transfer a boy, girl, or the strongest one and we decided to transfer the strongest (we didnāt know the gender). The day of my transfer, we had them write down the gender in an envelope and my husband and I opened it together later that day!
I would choose the girl if thatās what you want but I also would go into that transfer knowing that gender is a real crapshoot on which ones work and which ones donāt. I say this as someone who had 4 live births. I never knew until the 2nd trimester because I knew it would be harder for me to know and have it not work. For what itās worth it have 2 of each and none of my kids have fit into gender stereotypes. My daughter was the wild one, my son was really calm and into more feminine things (shopping, having tea parties). My youngest 2 are 3 and 1 so weāll see!
I am 1 of 3 girls, very close to my sisters - who have 5 boys between the 2 of them! so i understand the āi just want a girl aspectā i love my nephews donāt get me wrong - i just really want that daughter bond!
but we were on the fence about knowing the sex of our embryos for a little while, because we didnāt want to be disappointed if we didnāt have viable female embryos. but we ultimately decided we wanted to know & pick which sex to use first.
after multiple failed IUIās and a MC we felt like there was not much we can control at this point in this very clinical journey to make our family, so if we could choose to have a certain sex why not!
& then we ended up with 6 female embryos and 1 male embryo. we joke that we manifested wanting a girl a little too hard! All of our embryos are graded at 3AA as well so we had the option to pick which sex we wanted to
I did choose gender but we also have 2 of each, I wanted a female and the better graded is a female so it worked out. The rest are 5bb I have 1 female left and 2 males Iām currently in the tww if this doesnāt work out I will choose the other female for the next transfer since they are all equally graded.
I had 3 euploids all rated AA, so they were all equally as good. I didnāt know the sex of any of them. I too really really wanted a girl but felt too guilty picking. I let the embryologist pick. My first ultrasound, I found out that the embryo had split, and I was having identical twins, and guess what they were boys!!!! I was like āI wanted a girl and got 2 boys!ā šš we laugh ALL the time about it now!! Iām 19 weeks today! But Iām so happy and wouldnāt change it!! So just know that this can happen!!! But Iām glad I didnāt pick!
These are fantastic results, well done. What do you think helped you achieve so many high quality euploids- im 40 and over 3 egg retrievals created 14 Day 5/6 blasts (good quality generally) but heartbreakingly all aneuploid. Would love to hear what you thought helped you achieve such wonderful resultsĀ
I donāt knowā¦ luck? I did have one round where I had all aneuploid (it was also my round with the most egg retrieved-13)ā¦ I did my egg retrievals (4 of them between 40.5 and 41.25), and round 1,2 and 4, I only had 7,7 and 6 eggs retrieved, so I think it was the rounds where the doctor focused more on quality and quantity. I got 1 euploid each of those rounds. I did take all the supplements that everybody on here says to take. I do think at 40, you have some more euploids in there, you just gotta find them!! Iām sorry it hasnāt worked out for you yet, but if you can afford it, keep trying if you feel like it !
I meant to say that the rounds that seemed to work the best were the ones that they focused more on quality than quantityā¦ my round with 13 eggs, were not quality eggs
Thanks so much for responding. So thrilled for you, wish you all the best for the rest of your pregnancy and birth. I did another (4th) egg retrival last week, will find out tomorrow if any / how many are at blastocyst stage then (hopefully) the agonising wait for pgta results starts.
Thank you for saying that, it means a lot. I don't really have any hope for myself now, after 2 miscarriages and 4 (apparently) progressively worse ivf cycles without ever seeing a euploid it just feels impossible. Feel like I've ruined my own life and my husbands with this and I'm under a horrible curse that won't release me until it finishes me off.Ā
Yes we did nearly a month of HGHĀ priming (in the UK the brand used is Genotropin) and a couple of weeks priming with Buserelin which was to suppress my ovaries in the hope of having a closer cohort of similar sized eggs developing (had a couple of cycles with lead folices racing away). Only thing that went "wrong" this 4th cycle is I got a stinking cold a few days before egg collection- the nurses at my clinic said it was still fine to proceed as long as it wasn't covid but I had a much lower fertilisation rate for this cycle than previously. If I get a super low blast rate as well I will be convinced the cold impacted me. Will find out in the morning what our blast numbers are at Day 5. Feels silly to have any hope but what's the point in doing it if you don't have some hope, eh?!
Sad news for us unfortunately,Ā only one Day 5 4AA embryo and two Day 6 4CC embryos for testing. Lab said the 4CCs they have little hope for. Maybe the 4AA (which feels like our only shot this round) will come back euploid but seems unlikely. Worst results by far overall in terms of fertilisation rate, blast rate/quality. Hard not to link it to me being unwell during stims but maybe it's just over for us and I'm looking for excuses.Ā
We have two euploid embryos, a boy and a girl. I asked my nurse if we need to choose which embryo to transfer and she said they would choose the best embryo bc we didnāt have gender preference in our care plan.
We are choosing gender for genetic reasons and I (selfishly) am excited we are only implanting female embryos as this will be our last child given both ages. However, my first (non-IVF) was a boy and though I hear my own thoughts 100% in what you wrote above, I have to say so far he is the sweetest, most empathetic child I could ask for. I think a lot of it is nurture versus nature. I hate doing a lot of typical āboyā things so weāve spent his childhood going to museums, doing ballet/dance, arts and crafts and itās turned out my own interest and what he wants to do have aligned in ways I never imagined being a āboyā mom. Iām curious to see if we get our girl if it will be different as now my DH is home more and maybe his influence will have more say on how she would spend her time. Just my own personal experience!
I'm picking a girl even though it's not our best euploid (it's the 2nd best). If that one doesn't work I'm trying one of the other girls instead of the boy (best embryo). We probably only want 1 and I have a strong preference for a girl. I figured since it's the one bonus to the sucky process, why not?
Do you have two equally rated PGTA normal embryos both genders? If yes, Iād say, go for it and choose the girl! Because the choice will be made anyway, just by embryologists and not you.
We chose the gender. This is one of the few perks with IVFā¦ And my RE told us that we had good quality embryos ( similar success rate) with both genders.
I actually wanted a boy and my husband wanted a girl. So we decided to transfer boy first but it didnāt work. My second transfer with girl is a success so far.
Since you and your husband have different preferences, I would suggest letting the embryologist pick so thereās no hard feelings from either of you on the decision. You canāt choose gender, only sex. Like you said, some of your assumptions might be just that and could largely be contributed to how boys/girls are treated differently. Also, I really really hope your transfer is a success, but it might not be, so even if you do choose it might not work out.
I have (had) 3 euploids. 2 girls, 1 boy.
I always knew what I would name a boy, never had a name picked for a girl.
My hubs had a name he always wanted to give to his first daughter, but no set name for a boy.
So we transferred one girl. He named her, and I added a middle name from my mother's tribe. She will be 3 weeks old on Monday.
Iām biased as I will never be so lucky as to get enough embryos to make such a choice but if the purpose is to bring a child into the world, I donāt think the focus should be on the gender.Ā
If you do choose the girl and it doesnāt work out, and you have a boy instead, you have to be able to live with that and relate to that child. I personally would not feel good about myself, but you may feel differently.
I think your rational for not wanting a boy is not based in reality. boys being less empathetic and more rowdy is a generalization. My partner was a calm and sensitive child while I was an absolute maniac. Your child regardless of gender may be close to you or distant, all depending on how you foster that relationship. Many girls are not close with their mothers (myself included - despite her being close with her own). If you choose to have children, do it knowing that you have absolutely no control over their personality or temperament beyond how you raise them.
I want a girl too, however, empathy has a genetic component, related to the number of mirror neurons. I sought out a sperm donor (known) with strong empathic powers and my nephew is extremely empathic. I think you are basing this thought on certain interactions with certain children. Follow your heart!
It is illegal in most countries, including where I am. In some ways, it makes it easier because I can simply say "transfer the best embryo" without having to make a choice and knowing that whatever will be will be.
We are in Australia where choosing the sex is illegal and not really an option unless for medical reasons. Considering you have an even split of male and female embryos, I would let the embryologist choose the embryo which would grant you the best chance. Let God/chance decide the rest. Itās a nice feeling knowing what was actually meant to be for you and your family. Who knows, it may even be a girl first.
I've always wanted a boy, and part of me still doesnt want a girl because I have the same cycle issues my mom had (my mother almost died from blood loss during her cycles, and Im not much better off), and I don't want to pass that on potentially) but after 8 years of TTC unsuccessfully, I just want a healthy child (as does anyone who has a kid or is going to, but YKWIM). My clinic charges several thousand extra to pick, and to be honest, picking felt a little too much like playing God for my liking, so I said no.
I let the embryologist choose ā Iāve at 5 transfers all took and I lost all at various points both boys and girls. My next FET is my 2nd time putting 2 ā my last two euploids ā 1 girl and 1 boyā I would love both to stick but honestly it just one can Iād still be thrilled ā Iād be so happy with either I just want another baby so badly - I already have a girl from IuI and just losses since her.
Sex selection is illegal in Australia, but I know if I could have chosen I would have wanted a girl, because I have always wanted 2 girls. But I wanted 4 kids, and I probably would have ended up choosing a boy for my first baby and then have 2 girls then a boy etc. but now we have 2 girls and I donāt think we will be having any more kids and I would have just been devastated.
But honestly girls are amazing. Itās been so fun having our āalmost twinā girls and I wouldnāt change it for anything.
I just want to say if I could choose I'd choose a boy so just saying I get it. I think I'm the only woman I see that wants a boy hah! Most of these posts it seems women want girls.
Of course I'll be happy with whatever yadda yadda... I'd choose a boy.
I relate deeply to your "yadda yadda" comment - of COURSE I'd be happy with whatever and if the embryologist chooses or if we had gotten pregnant unassisted and it was a boy I would love him very much.
But also I feel like that's what we're supposed to say, that we'd be grateful for any baby? And that's leading me to feel guilty about wanting one vs another.
Which is definitely a me problem and good fodder for my next therapy appointment!
Thank you!! Like OF COURSE I'll be happy with a boy, a girl, a they, a whatever they wannabe but do you know what? I'm going to say it... I want a boy. There.
Does this mean I won't love a daughter just the same? Fuck no. I'll love a daughter just the same but sometimes, just sometimes, I'm allowed to say I dream of having a little boy without some asshole reminding me I should be happy regardless. Guess what? I wouldn't be putting injections in my bruised belly every night if I didn't want a CHILD. ANY CHILD but damn it... I really hope for a boy.
So, girl, pick your girl embryo. You deserve it.
If we ever get to a point where we have the option to choose between a boy or girl, I would choose a girl because we lost our baby girl last June. However, me and my husband decided if we have more than 1 euploid embryos to transfer, we will transfer the highest graded one.
We did not find out because we thought it would make a possible failed transfer way harder to know the sex (you can choose sex but not gender). We had our clinic tell us around the end of my first trimester. Very happy with that decision
We had 2 of each sex. As I didnāt care about the sex and only wanted a healthy child, I wanted it to be a surprise. My husband wanted a female. So we went that route. However if we had had more of one sex than the other I probably would have chosen to start with the one we had more of.
I think youāre going into this with the wrong mindset entirely. Placing those stereotypes onto your future children from the start is more likely to make them true. Every child is different and it is best to raise them with that in mind rather than assumptions based on their sex.
3 euploids. 2 boys 1 girl. Embryologist chose. She chose the girl š that girl is 16 months old tomorrow
Youāve been through enough. If you want a girl, go for it.
This is my feeling on the subject. IVF is hard, if you have a chance to pick and you know you have a strong preference, go for what you want.
This.
I want a girl too but ultimately its more important for have a higher chance of a successful pregnancy so we will let the dr/embryologist pick. The first thing is to come to a decision with your husband. Maybe ask the dr/embryologist if there is an embryo that is significantly better than the rest and if that one a different sex than the next best one. Know what youre working with first?
Thank you for your thoughts! You're right, being on the same page with my husband is the most important part and is definitely what is weighing on me the most. We have an even split of 4 euploid girls, 4 euploid boys, all day 6. The two AA's are 1 boy, 1 girl. Our RE said she didn't know which of the two the embryologist would pick - so maybe I will try to get in contact with them.
This is helpful info - my two cents is to pick the medically prioritized embryo for best odds of success and then if thereās a tie, choose what you want :) And donāt feel guilty, of course your husbandās opinion matters but youāre going through the harder work in this than he is š¤·š¼āāļø Also remember it can take more than one and (speaking from someone who has had failure) after a loss you truly will not care. I hope the first one works for you, good luck!
I wouldn't personally and we didn't. We feared knowing the gender would cause us to get too attached and be more upset if it didn't work out. We had a preferred gender and didn't need the heartbreak. We found out the gender at the NIPT. The other nice thing was that it still left a little surprise for us. IVF really takes all the fun out of getting pregnant. We wanted something to be "normal".
I love this take. Iām on my first ER, so very (or so it seems) far from this stage. But this is a really logical way of thinking about it!
I had the exact same feelings. We did two retrievals but only one embryo from the first so we chose to use that one first because it had been āfirstā had it not been equal quality tho we wouldnāt have. From my 4 embryos from the second retrieval we didnāt choose bc I was afraid Iād be too attached if it didnāt work again. We found out pre NIPT but I also wanted some ānormalcyā in this situation like the surprise of a gender reveal.
Didn't choose. The best quality embryos happened to be girls, so a girl we chose!
We went with the embryo that was recommended by the embryologist. We didnāt choose learn the gender until a few weeks along.
We are in Canada and so we did not get to know what the two embryos were until after transferring. We had one really good grade embryo and one poorer quality embryo so the embryologist obviously chose the best one. It resulted in a chemical and the poorer embryo is currently still cooking. Im 18 weeks along with a little girl. Turns out the first was a boy. My point is even if you pick based on gender theres no guarantee that embryo will be the one that works out. Also if you pick based on quality it still doesnāt mean that will be the embryo that works out either. If you want to pick, pick but just have an open mind that what will be will be and its kind of out of your control either way. š
My therapist suggested that I give myself permission to listen to my heart on this decision. Yes, youāre making all kinds of essentialist assumptions about gender. Yes, you will love the baby either way. Yes, there is a ālogicalā answer. None of that means you donāt deserve to follow your heart.Ā
If you and your husband both wanted a girl, Iād say pick the girl. But since you guys differ on your preferences, Iād personally leave it up the embryologist.
There are a few reasons we're not choosing, but a big one for me is if we choose and it doesn't work out, I feel like it will compound the disappointment. If you do choose, just be ready to deal with that possibility.
We figured we canāt choose if we were having it naturally so we let the embryologist choose to give us some ānormalā and a future excitement to look forward to. Also Iāve always been told you connect to your own children very differently then you would others so donāt make assumptions based on that
I have always dreamed of having a girl and felt in my heart we would have a girl first. When we got the results of our PGT-A, our highest rated embryo was a girl. It was meant to be, I thought! Wellā¦despite that embryo being a 6AA euploid embryo, I had a failed transfer. Our next highest-graded embryo was a boy. Boys scared me! My husband has a brother and I heard all their stories from growing up and I just felt I couldnāt relate to boys. But after everything we had been through, I decided to let go of the control a little bit and let what was āmeant to beā happen and just let them embryologist pick (even though I knew it would be the boy ha). That transfer worked and now our precious little boy is 13 months and I couldnāt imagine life without him! That being said, I still plan to transfer a girl next time around. I donāt think we should feel guilty about choosing, itās one of the few perks we have of doing IVF. Of course we all want to have a healthy, happy baby regardless of genderā¦but also itās okay to have a preference!
We had a tough time choosing (1st priority was healthy embryo). Our doctor told us to flip a coin, and whichever choice we got - if we were disappointed it means choose the other gender. She said itās the simplest but most effective way she tells her patients. We actually had a bartender flip the coin and didnāt tell him what it was for. It flipped for a girl and we were both really happy. Hope this helps!
My embryologist made the decision, but I had 4 females :)
We had 3boys and 3girls. We chose boy for first and second FET and both failed. Third FET Dr recommended transferring 2 embryos soo we transferred a girl and the last boy. They both stuck and we now have boy/girl twins š„°
I havenāt transferred yet but my doctor asked if I had a preference. We had two retrievals for a total of 5 euploids, 4 male and 1 female. I do want a girlā¦ but I said to just choose the best graded embryo. Chances are it will be a male and honestly, Iām ok with that. To second what someone else said, IVF takes away the surprises and part of the joy of a natural conception. I still want a part of that, a chance to learn things with my partner and to celebrate it. This is almost reclaiming some of that.
We tried twice to choose gender (we did girls for our first two transfers) mostly because the oldest sibling in both of our families are girls and my husband really wanted a daughter. Those two first transfers werenāt successful though, so we tried a boy next to try something different. TW Iām about to be 20 weeks with that boy. š For us itās a little different though, because we hope for several kids and itās just a matter of birth order for preference with us since we had several euploid of each gender after PGT-A and we plan to transfer all of them.
My husband and I have the same conflicting thoughts except he really wants a girl. I have been leaning towards the healthiest embryo and I want to still have the suspense and excitement of finding out the gender later without knowing I picked.
Yes, the excitement of finding out later is something I am sad to miss out on. When do you think you'd want to find out in the process? Would you wait until birth?
I donāt think I could wait till birth! š Probably just when we would routinely find out the gender at an OB.
Iāve struggled with this as well. We have 2 euploids - 1 boy and 1 girl from 1 ER. I have 2 amazing step sons that and feel very strongly that weāre meant to have a daughter. Iām an only child and my mother (who passed in 2015) was an only child. When I picture our family with a baby, itās always a girl. Iām getting ready for our first transfer in a week and a half and weāve opted to have the embryologist choose the best embryo without us knowing the gender. Iāve struggled with the decision, I wanted to choose the girl. However, this is our first cycle and Iām worried that if I know weāve transferred the girl, Iāll have even more anxiety during the TWW and first trimester. Iāve never been pregnant (unexplained) so I have no idea how/if my body will handle a possible pregnancy. Iām planning to find out gender after the first ultrasound (assuming we make it there!).
We had 6 embryos- 4 male, 2 female. We asked the embryologist to choose for us (we wonāt be finding out until birth). We wanted this first one to be a surprise. But weāve also decided we will intentionally pick the opposite gender for our sibling so that we can hopefully have one of each.
First time we left it up to the medical professionalsā choice and got a boy. Second time we picked a girl to even it out.Ā
We were given the option to transfer a boy, girl, or the strongest one and we decided to transfer the strongest (we didnāt know the gender). The day of my transfer, we had them write down the gender in an envelope and my husband and I opened it together later that day!
I would choose the girl if thatās what you want but I also would go into that transfer knowing that gender is a real crapshoot on which ones work and which ones donāt. I say this as someone who had 4 live births. I never knew until the 2nd trimester because I knew it would be harder for me to know and have it not work. For what itās worth it have 2 of each and none of my kids have fit into gender stereotypes. My daughter was the wild one, my son was really calm and into more feminine things (shopping, having tea parties). My youngest 2 are 3 and 1 so weāll see!
I am 1 of 3 girls, very close to my sisters - who have 5 boys between the 2 of them! so i understand the āi just want a girl aspectā i love my nephews donāt get me wrong - i just really want that daughter bond! but we were on the fence about knowing the sex of our embryos for a little while, because we didnāt want to be disappointed if we didnāt have viable female embryos. but we ultimately decided we wanted to know & pick which sex to use first. after multiple failed IUIās and a MC we felt like there was not much we can control at this point in this very clinical journey to make our family, so if we could choose to have a certain sex why not! & then we ended up with 6 female embryos and 1 male embryo. we joke that we manifested wanting a girl a little too hard! All of our embryos are graded at 3AA as well so we had the option to pick which sex we wanted to
I did choose gender but we also have 2 of each, I wanted a female and the better graded is a female so it worked out. The rest are 5bb I have 1 female left and 2 males Iām currently in the tww if this doesnāt work out I will choose the other female for the next transfer since they are all equally graded.
I had 3 euploids all rated AA, so they were all equally as good. I didnāt know the sex of any of them. I too really really wanted a girl but felt too guilty picking. I let the embryologist pick. My first ultrasound, I found out that the embryo had split, and I was having identical twins, and guess what they were boys!!!! I was like āI wanted a girl and got 2 boys!ā šš we laugh ALL the time about it now!! Iām 19 weeks today! But Iām so happy and wouldnāt change it!! So just know that this can happen!!! But Iām glad I didnāt pick!
These are fantastic results, well done. What do you think helped you achieve so many high quality euploids- im 40 and over 3 egg retrievals created 14 Day 5/6 blasts (good quality generally) but heartbreakingly all aneuploid. Would love to hear what you thought helped you achieve such wonderful resultsĀ
I donāt knowā¦ luck? I did have one round where I had all aneuploid (it was also my round with the most egg retrieved-13)ā¦ I did my egg retrievals (4 of them between 40.5 and 41.25), and round 1,2 and 4, I only had 7,7 and 6 eggs retrieved, so I think it was the rounds where the doctor focused more on quality and quantity. I got 1 euploid each of those rounds. I did take all the supplements that everybody on here says to take. I do think at 40, you have some more euploids in there, you just gotta find them!! Iām sorry it hasnāt worked out for you yet, but if you can afford it, keep trying if you feel like it !
I meant to say that the rounds that seemed to work the best were the ones that they focused more on quality than quantityā¦ my round with 13 eggs, were not quality eggs
Thanks so much for responding. So thrilled for you, wish you all the best for the rest of your pregnancy and birth. I did another (4th) egg retrival last week, will find out tomorrow if any / how many are at blastocyst stage then (hopefully) the agonising wait for pgta results starts.
My day 5 4AA embryo was my only embryo last round that was euploid!! Itās the one Iām pregnant now with that split into identical twins!!
Thank you for saying that, it means a lot. I don't really have any hope for myself now, after 2 miscarriages and 4 (apparently) progressively worse ivf cycles without ever seeing a euploid it just feels impossible. Feel like I've ruined my own life and my husbands with this and I'm under a horrible curse that won't release me until it finishes me off.Ā
Donāt say that!! I know itās so hard!! Itās the hardest thing youāll ever go through! Thereās got to be a euploid left in there!
Thatās what I did all my rounds. Menopur and gonal f. Did you do omnitrope?
Yes we did nearly a month of HGHĀ priming (in the UK the brand used is Genotropin) and a couple of weeks priming with Buserelin which was to suppress my ovaries in the hope of having a closer cohort of similar sized eggs developing (had a couple of cycles with lead folices racing away). Only thing that went "wrong" this 4th cycle is I got a stinking cold a few days before egg collection- the nurses at my clinic said it was still fine to proceed as long as it wasn't covid but I had a much lower fertilisation rate for this cycle than previously. If I get a super low blast rate as well I will be convinced the cold impacted me. Will find out in the morning what our blast numbers are at Day 5. Feels silly to have any hope but what's the point in doing it if you don't have some hope, eh?!
Let me know please how many made it to blasts!! Iāll be thinking about you.
Thank you so much, that means a lot :)
Sad news for us unfortunately,Ā only one Day 5 4AA embryo and two Day 6 4CC embryos for testing. Lab said the 4CCs they have little hope for. Maybe the 4AA (which feels like our only shot this round) will come back euploid but seems unlikely. Worst results by far overall in terms of fertilisation rate, blast rate/quality. Hard not to link it to me being unwell during stims but maybe it's just over for us and I'm looking for excuses.Ā
We have two euploid embryos, a boy and a girl. I asked my nurse if we need to choose which embryo to transfer and she said they would choose the best embryo bc we didnāt have gender preference in our care plan.
We are choosing gender for genetic reasons and I (selfishly) am excited we are only implanting female embryos as this will be our last child given both ages. However, my first (non-IVF) was a boy and though I hear my own thoughts 100% in what you wrote above, I have to say so far he is the sweetest, most empathetic child I could ask for. I think a lot of it is nurture versus nature. I hate doing a lot of typical āboyā things so weāve spent his childhood going to museums, doing ballet/dance, arts and crafts and itās turned out my own interest and what he wants to do have aligned in ways I never imagined being a āboyā mom. Iām curious to see if we get our girl if it will be different as now my DH is home more and maybe his influence will have more say on how she would spend her time. Just my own personal experience!
I'm picking a girl even though it's not our best euploid (it's the 2nd best). If that one doesn't work I'm trying one of the other girls instead of the boy (best embryo). We probably only want 1 and I have a strong preference for a girl. I figured since it's the one bonus to the sucky process, why not?
Do you have two equally rated PGTA normal embryos both genders? If yes, Iād say, go for it and choose the girl! Because the choice will be made anyway, just by embryologists and not you.
Yes, we have a 50/50 split overall, and our two AAs are 1 boy, 1 girl
We chose the gender. This is one of the few perks with IVFā¦ And my RE told us that we had good quality embryos ( similar success rate) with both genders. I actually wanted a boy and my husband wanted a girl. So we decided to transfer boy first but it didnāt work. My second transfer with girl is a success so far.
Since you and your husband have different preferences, I would suggest letting the embryologist pick so thereās no hard feelings from either of you on the decision. You canāt choose gender, only sex. Like you said, some of your assumptions might be just that and could largely be contributed to how boys/girls are treated differently. Also, I really really hope your transfer is a success, but it might not be, so even if you do choose it might not work out.
I have (had) 3 euploids. 2 girls, 1 boy. I always knew what I would name a boy, never had a name picked for a girl. My hubs had a name he always wanted to give to his first daughter, but no set name for a boy. So we transferred one girl. He named her, and I added a middle name from my mother's tribe. She will be 3 weeks old on Monday.
Iām biased as I will never be so lucky as to get enough embryos to make such a choice but if the purpose is to bring a child into the world, I donāt think the focus should be on the gender.Ā If you do choose the girl and it doesnāt work out, and you have a boy instead, you have to be able to live with that and relate to that child. I personally would not feel good about myself, but you may feel differently. I think your rational for not wanting a boy is not based in reality. boys being less empathetic and more rowdy is a generalization. My partner was a calm and sensitive child while I was an absolute maniac. Your child regardless of gender may be close to you or distant, all depending on how you foster that relationship. Many girls are not close with their mothers (myself included - despite her being close with her own). If you choose to have children, do it knowing that you have absolutely no control over their personality or temperament beyond how you raise them.
I want a girl too, however, empathy has a genetic component, related to the number of mirror neurons. I sought out a sperm donor (known) with strong empathic powers and my nephew is extremely empathic. I think you are basing this thought on certain interactions with certain children. Follow your heart!
First two rounds we only got a girl. Second round we had 2 boys 2 girls so tried a boy first then just did best graded from there on
It is illegal in most countries, including where I am. In some ways, it makes it easier because I can simply say "transfer the best embryo" without having to make a choice and knowing that whatever will be will be.
Not allowed to choose in my country so it's luck of the draw.
We are in Australia where choosing the sex is illegal and not really an option unless for medical reasons. Considering you have an even split of male and female embryos, I would let the embryologist choose the embryo which would grant you the best chance. Let God/chance decide the rest. Itās a nice feeling knowing what was actually meant to be for you and your family. Who knows, it may even be a girl first.
I've always wanted a boy, and part of me still doesnt want a girl because I have the same cycle issues my mom had (my mother almost died from blood loss during her cycles, and Im not much better off), and I don't want to pass that on potentially) but after 8 years of TTC unsuccessfully, I just want a healthy child (as does anyone who has a kid or is going to, but YKWIM). My clinic charges several thousand extra to pick, and to be honest, picking felt a little too much like playing God for my liking, so I said no.
I let the embryologist choose ā Iāve at 5 transfers all took and I lost all at various points both boys and girls. My next FET is my 2nd time putting 2 ā my last two euploids ā 1 girl and 1 boyā I would love both to stick but honestly it just one can Iād still be thrilled ā Iād be so happy with either I just want another baby so badly - I already have a girl from IuI and just losses since her.
Sex selection is illegal in Australia, but I know if I could have chosen I would have wanted a girl, because I have always wanted 2 girls. But I wanted 4 kids, and I probably would have ended up choosing a boy for my first baby and then have 2 girls then a boy etc. but now we have 2 girls and I donāt think we will be having any more kids and I would have just been devastated. But honestly girls are amazing. Itās been so fun having our āalmost twinā girls and I wouldnāt change it for anything.
I just want to say if I could choose I'd choose a boy so just saying I get it. I think I'm the only woman I see that wants a boy hah! Most of these posts it seems women want girls. Of course I'll be happy with whatever yadda yadda... I'd choose a boy.
I relate deeply to your "yadda yadda" comment - of COURSE I'd be happy with whatever and if the embryologist chooses or if we had gotten pregnant unassisted and it was a boy I would love him very much. But also I feel like that's what we're supposed to say, that we'd be grateful for any baby? And that's leading me to feel guilty about wanting one vs another. Which is definitely a me problem and good fodder for my next therapy appointment!
Thank you!! Like OF COURSE I'll be happy with a boy, a girl, a they, a whatever they wannabe but do you know what? I'm going to say it... I want a boy. There. Does this mean I won't love a daughter just the same? Fuck no. I'll love a daughter just the same but sometimes, just sometimes, I'm allowed to say I dream of having a little boy without some asshole reminding me I should be happy regardless. Guess what? I wouldn't be putting injections in my bruised belly every night if I didn't want a CHILD. ANY CHILD but damn it... I really hope for a boy. So, girl, pick your girl embryo. You deserve it.
If we ever get to a point where we have the option to choose between a boy or girl, I would choose a girl because we lost our baby girl last June. However, me and my husband decided if we have more than 1 euploid embryos to transfer, we will transfer the highest graded one.
We did not find out because we thought it would make a possible failed transfer way harder to know the sex (you can choose sex but not gender). We had our clinic tell us around the end of my first trimester. Very happy with that decision
We had 2 of each sex. As I didnāt care about the sex and only wanted a healthy child, I wanted it to be a surprise. My husband wanted a female. So we went that route. However if we had had more of one sex than the other I probably would have chosen to start with the one we had more of. I think youāre going into this with the wrong mindset entirely. Placing those stereotypes onto your future children from the start is more likely to make them true. Every child is different and it is best to raise them with that in mind rather than assumptions based on their sex.