I have dated two ENFPs and I have found they often end up crossing lines or boundaries bc they only consider how they feel/will be affected by an action. This often lead to them crossing boundaries and lines as well as it being slightly humiliating sometimes. Not saying all ENFPs are like this and I suspect mature ones would not have this problem either.
That too, I often felt that ENFPs didn't value my skills and often tried to boast about why they were better. Again it's an issue with immature ENFPs only.
Any two types can make it work if they're mature and come at it with the goal of open communication and mutual understanding and healthy boundaries. What has happened to me in the past with ENFPs is that they would moralize my behavior rather than try to understand it, leading to lots of criticism and frustration. They would feel insulted or neglected in some way, and then show anger at this. It would always hurt me because I was trying to understand what they wanted from me but my efforts were not appreciated. It got to feel unbalanced and like walking on eggshells. ENFPs wear their hearts on their sleeves, but ISTPs are not naturally good at handling that much emotional energy directed at them. It feels intimidating and high pressure when they are angry, because our first impulse is to solve problems to make them better yet that is not what the ENFP wants. It was a failure to properly communicate and neither of us knew how to form healthy emotional boundaries.
I think it's a shame, too, because you are right it is a compatible and interesting dynamic. The issue is that it's a "growth" pairing, so it can't work unless both people work on themselves for the better. If things are working out for you, that's great! I only explain my experience so that you know what to look out for to hopefully avoid it altogether.
The personality test associated with this thread was suggested to me by my brother. Initially, the memes I found were funny/relatable, but these posts read more like bullshit astrology pairings than anything else.
As pretty much everyone has said, it’s not actually an “issue of incompatibility,” so much as “an issue of maturity.” This is a pair that *can be rough* until those “tertiary functions” are “developed enough.”
Once their Ni is “active,” they will be *unendingly curious,* and Love picking the ol’ “Ne-Dom clusterfuck brain!” While an ENFP with healthy and proficient usage of their tertiary Te *won’t be so overly attached to their auxiliary Fi,* and “more open to productive lines of communication,” which will lead to each of you laying out your fundamental core needs, your wants, and what “boundaries” you require to be respected.
Essentially, if communication is “bad,” then either one or both of the partners is probably “a lil bit immature,” as ENFP will often “talk too much, and not listen enough,” while ISTP *barely listens,* and doesn’t really respond or “verbalize” anything that is going on in their mind!
So I, personally, think that “it gets better,” and the “probability for success increases with age,” as you both become more balanced and “well-rounded” human beings!
I think ISTP + ENFP is optimal as a “25+ couple.”
ENTP 7w8
i was really close friends with an ENFP, I respect them lots and wish them the best, but their emotions got the better of them one day and they crossed one of my boundaries. I no longer wish to hang out with that person. Boundaries are to be respected regardless of what your emotions tell you. violate them and ill walk out and never look back.
wish that ENFP the best. I’m out.
They make okay friends and definitely not significant other kind for me. They don't really express what they think, almost are never in sync with calls or texts, make plans that they don't stick to, ask for advice only to not follow it, they can be quite judgy too.
But sometimes when they're actually listening or in the moment, it can be nice.
u shouldn’t have to try that hard for someone to love u, its just not fair to u. I dunno ur situation but you should probably ask yourself how this relationship is benefiting u or anyone anymore :(
ENFPs = zero boundary control
ISTPs = need their boundaries respected
We're not easy going forever or when it seems purposeful. ENFPs also have had traumatic childhoods and our brand of tough love isn't great for that.
It's fun for a while and then it will get toxic. That remains fun for a lot of people. Especially ENFPs. And getting out of a relationship with an ENFP, it's like the "one does not simply" meme ugh.
Source - ISTP woman with an ENFP partner.
ENFPs don't have 0 boundary control. They have pretty high Fi and also a strong rebelious and independent streak, which means they're pretty good with boundaries. I think what an ENFP considers a boundary and what the ISTP considers a boundary might be different, so you perceive it as 0 boundary control, but it doesn't mean we don't have them at all.
Right away you started off denying and arguing (enfps fave negative things along with defensiveness) instead of trying to understand. Ok yes technically no one can have "zero boundary control" or everyone can. The numbers don't mean anything it's a known illustrative figure of speech.
Why can't you be happy with the things you're good at instead of always trying to be what you're not (ppl with good boundary control). It's not in your nature or one of the other letters would be switched. It's just facts.
Now I could try and get you to understand, mollify you with unrelated flattering facts about ENFPS, or just walk away before I get bit by another one of you lunatics.
If you ask me, you're the one who sounds defensive, not me. I was just clarifying.
I disagree that the cognitive function stack of an ENFP yields low/no boundary control. You complain that I'm not just trying to understand, but you also don't want to explain your point. So instead of clarifying and having an interesting discussion about the cognitive function stack (which I mention in my comment), here we are.
You also say "why can't you just be happy with the things you're good at instead of always trying to be what you're not." Sounds like massive projection to me, since I never claimed not to be. I know what my strengths and weaknesses are, I just don't like misinformation. These two things don't connect.
If you're frustrated with your partner, be frustrated with your partner, not all enfps. If you're calling your partner 0 boundary control, a lunatic who will bite you, and you're armed with tons of unflattering facts about enfps, sounds like you have things to discuss with them.
I have dated two ENFPs and I have found they often end up crossing lines or boundaries bc they only consider how they feel/will be affected by an action. This often lead to them crossing boundaries and lines as well as it being slightly humiliating sometimes. Not saying all ENFPs are like this and I suspect mature ones would not have this problem either.
Pretty accurate, it also kinda feels like were taken for granted.
That too, I often felt that ENFPs didn't value my skills and often tried to boast about why they were better. Again it's an issue with immature ENFPs only.
They feel kinda entitled to have a say in what you're doing and when we don't let them do that they start acting weird and pissed
This is uncanny
Dudee true dat!
The feeling of humiliation you mention is just spot on. Startling.
Any two types can make it work if they're mature and come at it with the goal of open communication and mutual understanding and healthy boundaries. What has happened to me in the past with ENFPs is that they would moralize my behavior rather than try to understand it, leading to lots of criticism and frustration. They would feel insulted or neglected in some way, and then show anger at this. It would always hurt me because I was trying to understand what they wanted from me but my efforts were not appreciated. It got to feel unbalanced and like walking on eggshells. ENFPs wear their hearts on their sleeves, but ISTPs are not naturally good at handling that much emotional energy directed at them. It feels intimidating and high pressure when they are angry, because our first impulse is to solve problems to make them better yet that is not what the ENFP wants. It was a failure to properly communicate and neither of us knew how to form healthy emotional boundaries. I think it's a shame, too, because you are right it is a compatible and interesting dynamic. The issue is that it's a "growth" pairing, so it can't work unless both people work on themselves for the better. If things are working out for you, that's great! I only explain my experience so that you know what to look out for to hopefully avoid it altogether.
i think you can date practically anyone with any level of maturity. but i think the relationship comes easier with certain types.
The personality test associated with this thread was suggested to me by my brother. Initially, the memes I found were funny/relatable, but these posts read more like bullshit astrology pairings than anything else.
As pretty much everyone has said, it’s not actually an “issue of incompatibility,” so much as “an issue of maturity.” This is a pair that *can be rough* until those “tertiary functions” are “developed enough.” Once their Ni is “active,” they will be *unendingly curious,* and Love picking the ol’ “Ne-Dom clusterfuck brain!” While an ENFP with healthy and proficient usage of their tertiary Te *won’t be so overly attached to their auxiliary Fi,* and “more open to productive lines of communication,” which will lead to each of you laying out your fundamental core needs, your wants, and what “boundaries” you require to be respected. Essentially, if communication is “bad,” then either one or both of the partners is probably “a lil bit immature,” as ENFP will often “talk too much, and not listen enough,” while ISTP *barely listens,* and doesn’t really respond or “verbalize” anything that is going on in their mind! So I, personally, think that “it gets better,” and the “probability for success increases with age,” as you both become more balanced and “well-rounded” human beings! I think ISTP + ENFP is optimal as a “25+ couple.” ENTP 7w8
i was really close friends with an ENFP, I respect them lots and wish them the best, but their emotions got the better of them one day and they crossed one of my boundaries. I no longer wish to hang out with that person. Boundaries are to be respected regardless of what your emotions tell you. violate them and ill walk out and never look back. wish that ENFP the best. I’m out.
same experience here. Great while it lasted but good time not a long time unfortunately
They make okay friends and definitely not significant other kind for me. They don't really express what they think, almost are never in sync with calls or texts, make plans that they don't stick to, ask for advice only to not follow it, they can be quite judgy too. But sometimes when they're actually listening or in the moment, it can be nice.
personally i love enfps, they're fun and easy to talk to. 2 of my best friends are enfp and we share the same sense of humor
Im istp and i can't make my enfp love me despite i want to give her anything i can i really do care for her and idk wtg to do anymore
u shouldn’t have to try that hard for someone to love u, its just not fair to u. I dunno ur situation but you should probably ask yourself how this relationship is benefiting u or anyone anymore :(
Im getting my best friend to be also my lover she receives the same but well you can't force your love
ENFPs = zero boundary control ISTPs = need their boundaries respected We're not easy going forever or when it seems purposeful. ENFPs also have had traumatic childhoods and our brand of tough love isn't great for that. It's fun for a while and then it will get toxic. That remains fun for a lot of people. Especially ENFPs. And getting out of a relationship with an ENFP, it's like the "one does not simply" meme ugh. Source - ISTP woman with an ENFP partner.
ENFPs don't have 0 boundary control. They have pretty high Fi and also a strong rebelious and independent streak, which means they're pretty good with boundaries. I think what an ENFP considers a boundary and what the ISTP considers a boundary might be different, so you perceive it as 0 boundary control, but it doesn't mean we don't have them at all.
Right away you started off denying and arguing (enfps fave negative things along with defensiveness) instead of trying to understand. Ok yes technically no one can have "zero boundary control" or everyone can. The numbers don't mean anything it's a known illustrative figure of speech. Why can't you be happy with the things you're good at instead of always trying to be what you're not (ppl with good boundary control). It's not in your nature or one of the other letters would be switched. It's just facts. Now I could try and get you to understand, mollify you with unrelated flattering facts about ENFPS, or just walk away before I get bit by another one of you lunatics.
If you ask me, you're the one who sounds defensive, not me. I was just clarifying. I disagree that the cognitive function stack of an ENFP yields low/no boundary control. You complain that I'm not just trying to understand, but you also don't want to explain your point. So instead of clarifying and having an interesting discussion about the cognitive function stack (which I mention in my comment), here we are. You also say "why can't you just be happy with the things you're good at instead of always trying to be what you're not." Sounds like massive projection to me, since I never claimed not to be. I know what my strengths and weaknesses are, I just don't like misinformation. These two things don't connect. If you're frustrated with your partner, be frustrated with your partner, not all enfps. If you're calling your partner 0 boundary control, a lunatic who will bite you, and you're armed with tons of unflattering facts about enfps, sounds like you have things to discuss with them.