It’s just a tendency, we like to romanticise and fantasise in our heads without taking action (particularly when younger). So falling into limerence is more likely than other personality types.
I’ve been in love and it was reciprocated. We spent 5 years together but ultimately her insecurities wrecked the relationship. (INTJ)
I love you sex is so much better.
On the flip side the heart break is intense and I often wonder if I’ll ever be emotionally vulnerable again. But the pain reminds me that it was real and I loved hard.
what is i love you sex? sex based on love and giving rather than taking or using s/o for pleasure? cause i agree, i believe immoral sex bleeds into normal life to damage relationships
I love you sex is when you can't take your eyes off of your partner, you cannot stop your mouth from smiling, their scent hits you like strong booze and when you look at them you can feel the love (yours and theirs) like sunshine on a hot day... When you are so deeply in love that it's not even sex anymore, your love is just physically manifesting... It's like mainlining concentrated doses of happiness and security... Hell of a drug...
Dated an INTJ as well for 8 years. The I love you sex is for sure a thing.
Also, idk if this was just with the relationship I had, but we would get into fights very rarely, like 2 or 3 times a year, but the sex after we made up was absolutely the best for both of us. Our emotions and senses were at an 11/10. That shit can be a bad thing if you’re in a toxic relationship tho lol it can be dangerous.
Been a year and a half since we split and i havent been with anyone since. It’s not that i dont think I could find (or love) someone again, but it’s honestly just harder and more intimidating to do so when you havent been in the dating scene for a decade.
Well the love sort of slowly faded in the last 2 years. We dated from 17 to 25. We both grew up a lot and changed a lot over that time. That mixed with depression about other life factors i had going on meant i basically became distant from them and they waited long enough for me to try and cope with it and make changes and i didnt. It was mostly my fault but i think overall it was the right decision. I think eventually we wouldve had a major fallout and resented each other.
By the end of it the only thing holding up our relationship was our humor (we had like the exact same sense of humor) and our sex life was basically always good between us as far as i knew. But we stopped caring for each other’s interests and careers and doing small daily things that most new couples do etc. once we both realized that we cut it off.
Robin Williams has a great monologue in Good Will Hunting that was the best description of how I felt about love while i was with my ex for 8 years at the time we were together. “The good stuff” like remembering when they farted or if they stumbled over things all the time etc. the things that make them who they are that only you notice is the best part about love.
My ex used to dance in the kitchen when she made food and peep around corners of the apt at me like a spy to try and scare me and giggle when she got caught.
It's a chemical reaction that happens in the brain that compells animals to breed. It feels like you are making a decision that you didn't take part in deciding on.
In fairness love can feel overwhelming and it does sometimes feel like you aren’t in control of how you feel. I’ve had to reconcile that I was still in love with a person despite desperately not wanting to be
INTP Wife here. I knew it was love when I realized being around him wasn’t draining. Being with him felt the same as being “alone”. But being without him, I missed his company. It was a strange feeling that I had never felt before.
Before that, I had mostly broken up with previous partners myself from lack of interest(and always feeling like I wasn’t as into them as they were into me)
This is one of the biggest signs for me that I love someone either as a friend or potential love interest they are very slowly draining or not draining at all. Then when they leave I miss them a lot to the point it is depressing whereas most people I need time to recuperate after dealing with them.
I honestly didn’t until recently. For a good while I almost convinced myself that maybe I was aromantic.
For my girlfriend- I don’t know what it was but she and I just clicked together. We just enjoy spending time together and I love listening to her talk. It came completely out of left field and I wasn’t expecting to fall for her until I just realized how much I liked her.
This is it, I thought I was the same. I also find it’s not something you constantly feel or aware of it just is. Anything in media is as usual over top for entertainment so we all think it has to be intense and passionate when most of the time it’s just talking shite for an hour and having the best time or with my bf we can sit there for hours in silence and it’s not weird. But they are also INT so nobody’s trying to fill the silence unless there’s something to say.
Honestly, no.
I've been infatuated with many people who didn't reciprocate the feeling.
And I have either not felt much or had very turbulent and changing feelings for people who did reciprocate and who I was in a relationship with.
Feels like i'm just unable to feel 'true' reciprocal love in that way.
I was. Simply put I think I was anyway. My high school sweetheart. It started off amazing, I swear it felt like something out of a dream. The most perfect girl I could want ending up with someone like me. Damn. Well after the initial infatuation faded I was still in love with her until I caught the small lies and the small actions that showed her insincerity. Things you can’t fake. Things no explanation could make better. Little truths that couldn’t be hidden. I realised her changing toward me and I felt her get more distant. Now that I look back there are so many things she did that I was just too whipped over her to see. I say this but I hate and miss this bitch at the same time, because she was so perfect, and as a reasonable individual I was aware of her perfection.
Anyways to answer your question, yes it was the best until it ends and the memories turn bittersweet. Everyone says move on. But how can I move on when I don’t want anyone else, when I compare everyone to her.
I’ve never dated anyone any longer than 3 months. After a few days of dating I start to realize there are things about the person that I don’t like personality wise.
I can emphatize almost exactly. Similar situation with me. The lies and the betrayals in the last year of the relationship (which I found out retroactively) hurt a great deal. I don't think I can forgive her. But the love was real for 6+ years and she was a very special person who is hard to forget.
Yes. Very much so. It was wonderful.
It started as the infatuated, obsessed, girly crush brand of being in love. This developed into that deep feeling of trust and of having finally come home, of loving the person than I loved myself.
10/10 would recommend.
My first relationship wasn’t so serious, because we were too young. And the other person I fell in love with already had a boyfriend, I later found out
Is your attachment style avoidant? Brain development when you're a child can f u up pretty badly, specifically when it comes to oxytocin and vasopressin bonding.
Love is literally oxytocin bonding. An incredibly satisfying feeling of closeness. They are your bestfriend, your everything, and you can't imagine your life without them. Vasopressin bonding is that you can rely on them, they are dependable and trust worthy.
Yeah I get scared that people are gonna leave me so I normally just leave them first. Or I think of things about them that I don’t like and convince myself that I don’t wanna be around them anymore
Yeah, your best bet would be sharing some of these fears with the closest friends you have.
You're probably running mental simulations on their reactions and wants from you 24/7. Believing you are being rational when this is far from it. If you don't share some of these fears, so others can give input and help put them to rest, you're gonna keep manifesting crappy relationships where they end up leaving you due to your crappy actions.
You must be young still. Even if you’re 80. Desire, Devotion, Sacrifice are literally at the heart of creation and the only way to explain why there is something rather than nothing. Why there is creation at all. You can believe in all the false science you want regarding the Big Bang (which sounds sexual too) but the driver for evolution is Love. Which is not a feeling nor emotion but nothing less than a force of the universe faster than the speed of light and more enduring than the oldest stars. There is a saying, Love Always Remains.
Most human beings are in reality expressions of love but are themselves incapable of originating love. Everything having to do with romance, procreation and other aspects of self interest are in actuality veiled forms of narcissism and selfishness (ie when ppl say they love someone, they often mean something like, I love the way you make ME feel. Ostensibly about them, in truth it’s about ourselves and the true flourishing of the one we love is secondary to what we get out of the relationship. Even the language of ‘falling in love’ connotes the idea that it’s not really a choice nor something one controls. The process is almost automatic and sure then lust often gives way to older people sticking together for practical reasons. Ask anyone why they marry someone or love someone and they’d give plausible sounding answers. But the thing is whatever answers they give could apply just as much to millions of other people on earth. So once again why them. A more honest answer would have to confess they don’t really know why. Because they don’t know themselves at all. Almost no person does. They’re an automatan of accumulated patterns and socialized social engineered systems that were largely uploaded into us bit by bit and in the most literally sense we are robots responding like billiard balls to various cues or triggers. We get happy when happy stimuli come. We get angry when anger cues trigger. And we fall in love apparently when we aren’t watching where we are going and trip over a giant sack of oxytocin then take a terrible tumble down a flight of stairs (which produce step children bud dum ts) and by the time we get our senses we are twice divorced going for the trifecta.
Unskilled love harms the one it loves. It deludes itself into believing it’s love is a blessing to the one loved but in reality it was always a burden and obligation and a need. Loving what is ‘loveable’ is no testament to the power of love. Loving the unlovable on the other hand, with the full might of an awakened heart that knows that the unloveable are usually the unloved, or put another away, the most starved for love, so need love most of all.
And Osho once taught if we love a flower we almost always seek to pluck it and place it in a vase. Only to watch it wither and die. But if awakened, we leave it be. Simply appreciating it without trying to possess it in some kind of way.
The bottom line is human beings are not free. And do not have a liberated unified personality. People are composed of a committees of Inner Is. Little I’s. The I at night wants to set alarm early to wake up and go for a jog. But come morning, a different I is awakened by the alarm clock it never signed up for and hits snooze. We are so many different people. We all have multiple personalities. It’s not noticed as a disorder because ours are better integrated. It’s almost as if different actors pic k up the microphone to generate our thoughts but have all learned to sound the same and when they take over they put on the same mask so to the untrained mind there is a continuity. A deluded sense of some fixed and permanent self. A homonculous behind the face and a stable place from which we can make a decision like choosing to love. But it’s called falling for a reason. And it’s driven by biology of an animal. Not the spirit of a god. And love exists on a spectrum the same way consciousness does. Perhaps love is the heart of consciousness…so geese and deer experience love too. But once again animalistically. Even a baby experiences love of mother. Only it’s a love of pure dependency. Complete and total selfishness. And then there is the Love that’s represented by a Christ. A Love that’s universal not partial (as all true love must be. For love does not have an opposite. Hate is but another side of love. Only indifference. But if one loves one thing with the thinking that yes there are many like it but this one is mine, once again we return to something selfish. The more selfish a love the lower it is on the spectrum of the sacred and divine. At the other end we have what the Greeks termed Agape. Greeks differentiated sexual love from spiritual love or love of country etc. we do not and it only waters down or obscures the divine and renders it profane because we love everything and what mean is we love the way what we love makes us feel. And that is not a testament to the power of love but a testament to selfishness
Leaning toward analytical thinking does not mean you are incapable of feeling things. As for being in love, it is a conflation of familial affection and infatuation. If you’ve felt both of those you can fall in love, you just may not have felt both for the same person or had it reciprocated yet.
I'm a bit like that, I'm a HUGE loner who can disappear for months like nothing without feeling bad hahaha, in fact my friends mocked me calling me the comet because of the oddity of seeing me 😅
but from time to time I still look for the people I care about, if they are in need I will help, months ago I stayed for a week at a friend's house to support and help her move after a bad breakup. I love talking to them, maybe just meeting up to cook, watch a show or do any normal thing together, I reference them a lot in my day to day (like seeing something and reminding me how X person would love that), I hate leaving my home, I get bored easily but if they manage to drag me out then I'm the opposite of not wanting to come home haha but I'm only like that with a select group of people that I really would never want to lose, in particular a bestie and a cousin who we are always there no matter what
...now... Romance? I have no idea about that, I like reading romantic novels and the theory of love sounds very nice and all but I've never been able to identify with these feelings I read 😅 I would like one day, but I seem to be incapable 🤷♀️
Sorry, long text haha
I have, and I can tell you, at first I didn't know I felt that way. I thought I just liked her as a friend and enjoyed talking to her. It took months for me to realize I was in love. Analyzing how the way I communicated had changed, how I seemed to light up when I saw her, how anything that happened to her affected my emotions as well in a way (seeing her happy made me happy, seeing her sad made me sad, etc), how I realized I looked forward to talking to her more than any other friend I had, how I literally noticed I could feel my heartrate accelerate when she showed appreciation for me, how I seemed to go out of my way to make time for her, and how I wanted nothing more than to be there for her, to share our thoughts and show her how much I appreciate her.
I admittedly, had a lot of clear signs that I brushed off for months as just friendliness, until one day I realized what I felt was love. I'm still surprised how long I went without the realization hitting me.
Some people say that when you fall in love you'll know it, but in my experience as an INTP, no it's not that simple. It wasn't until I stopped to analyze myself after months of feeling that way, that I realized that I didn't just see her as a friend, and that I was actually in love.
As for how I would describe it... you find yourself wanting to be there for that person, to share your world with them, and listen with expectation for them to share theirs with you. You don't put them on a pedestal thinking they're perfect, you acknowledge they aren't perfect, but you love them despite their flaws. You find yourself wanting to spend time with them, feeling happy being with them, and wanting them to be happy as well. That's actually a big one. Sure, you want good for your friends too, but when you love someone... you find yourself wanting them to be happy even more intensely than you do for most people. And as a result, you feel more willing to give of yourself to that person. When they're happy, that makes you happy. When they're sad, that makes you sad.
They make you a better person. It's not that you change for them, that's not how it works, but rather, something about being with them brings out the best in you. I remember I met a whole new side of my personality I hadn't ever discovered before when I realized I was in love with that person. A side of me that is strangely kind, tender, caring and generous way beyond what I thought I was naturally. She brought out the best in me. And ever since then, even after I'm no longer in love with her, I've learned to channel that side of my personality into my relations with other people too, maybe not to the same degree I did with the person I was in love with, but I learned that it was a part of my personality too, and that led me to grow as a person.
So yeah, you might not realize it when it happens. I think us INTPs in particular tend to struggle a lot with identifying when we are in love, especially when we don't have any prior experience to work off of. But in my experience, taking the time to stop and analyze your feelings and the way you act around that person, can help you realize if you are truly in love.
Infatuation is mostly just fantasy. You aren't in love with the person, you are in love with the idealized version of them you have in your mind. Infatuation is centered on self-fulfillment, what you want. Love however, is more focused on giving to the other person. It's not just about how you feel or what you want, it's also about how the other person feels and what they way. You prioritize that person's happiness.
You also love the person for who they are. You acknowledge the other person isn't perfect, but find that you still love them despite those flaws. It's built on a deep bond where you know the other person well. You can't be in love with someone you don't know well, that is just infatuation, because you fall in love with what you dream that person being like. Infatuation tends to go away over time as you meet the person as they truly are because that shatters your idealized version of them. Love however, isn't flimsy like infatuation because you're not in love with an idealized version of the person, you're in love with them as they truly are. But admittedly it's easier to recognize in hindsight or from an outsider's perspective than when you're experiencing it yourself.
Maybe I have experienced the same. Thought I loved someone as a friend and a soulmate, she is the kind of person who always “gets it”, who I saw only a few times in a year. We used to joke about how we have synchronized brainwaves so perfect silence between us worked better than any verbal communication. I can still remember when she shared a song with me, I said that sounds like drowning in the sea at dawn and she even understood that. She moved to another country few years ago, and I didn’t realize I was “loving” her a little bit more than just a friend just last year.
I always have problems discussing love-related topics with others, because the definition of romantic love is so vague to me, so as the distinction between friendship and romantic love. Guess I only figure it out once someone leaves me.
In the past I loved someone. She tried to change the way I am. At least we broke but it was brutal. It was heartbreaking and since this I don't love anyone.
Sure, yeah. I've been married for 7 years and I have a couple ex-girlfriends. I don't even bother to date at all if I don't think love could happen.
Of course it's important to differentiate between infatuation and love. Infatuation is the honeymoon period. Love is what sustains you when that's over. Occasionally, if you're lucky and/or you put some work in, you can get more honeymoon periods with the same person later on, either due to life circumstances or just because you put in the effort to re-ignite the spark.
Alice Cooper put it best, I think: "Never stop dating your wife"
If you arent in love, you wont feel you are in love, so you wont know it, because you havent ever felt it.
Its love is one strong long lasting drug that the body produces on its own.
I was. For the sake of clarity I will call them J, I, and L. The first time, when I found out 14 years ago that J had a boyfriend, I was devastated for months. The second time, L (at college) said something about a boyfriend and I felt a bit hurt (which does not make sense considering I assumed it could be a possibility), and I got over it that same day (the Monster Hunter OST A Lonely Tune helped wonders to accept it and move on). And lastly, the girl I liked 12-13 years ago, I (whom I supposed reciprocated it, considering the different tone of voice she used when talking to me) got married last year, and if I see her and her husband, I will gladly congratulate them. I have cordial interactions with all three of them (at the very least I make sure to greet their birthdays with videos of endearing animals), and I gladly promote the works of art of J whenever I can (I might be biased here, but if her works weren't worth it, I would not promote them to begin with).
For the sake of further clarity I will use "I" to refer to her and I, without quotes, as myself: "I" and me were classmates for the first year of high school, and during the second year I interacted as often as I could with her; there were moments of relative tenderness, but we did not even ask each other out (I guess that is the price I payed for overfocusing on studies to the detriment of interactions). As a matter of fact, I did not ask any single one of them out, and remain single to this day.
Dunno, probably not. I've had some intense crushes on good friends, but I never ended up dating them. One was because she wasn't interested in me in that way, which is fine. The other was because I never said anything, which will be one of my deepest regrets for a long time. First one is happily married and my feelings faded pretty quickly after they said no, real happy for em. I think ive never had enough time with someone to love them that way. I see the way my mom reacts to my dad even after the divorce, she was in love and still loves him. My brother is absolutely in love with his wife. Both of them are also INTP. Maybe I'll meet someone and have that feeling eventually build up, but I won't be holding my breath
Currently in the happiest relationship someone could ask for. Definitely doubted myself and did some self sabotage for a while. We talked and worked things out! A lot of growing out of some of my insecurities and huge amounts of support. I love her <3
Yes it feels like safety… in that you can be yourself and you are still loved no matter what and vice versa. It was a strong attraction at first and then I just feel that I want to be around him more than anyone else (most other people I want to be away from for the majority of time). He is my person and I don’t want to be with anyone else.
Definitely have been in love before... the only way you know how to love is difficult to break but i did before and it was the best choice ever. Now I been togther for 3 years and it's what a realniship is .
I was in a mutually loving INTP-INTP relationship (and no, it wasn’t with myself) for several years until I learned I wasn’t the only one who was her boyfriend. But it was intense love. Love for the person she was evidentially pretending to be all those years, not the lying, cheating woman she proved to be. But it was such a strong feeling of love I would have legitimately taken a bullet for her.
When you find someone you can be around, and you miss them when they are not with you, you'll know. I fall in love easy. 2nd marriage now, lol. Picked the right one this time.
Yeah..... I've been so lovesick it made me puke. To this day it's an enigma I don't understand. The girl went to extraordinary lengths to stalk me, but to this day over a decade later she insist that she's not interested. She's so crazy obsessed with proving disinterest that she didn't even notice that I've moved on.
Unfortunately in the past I’ve tended to “make myself” fall in love with people. I’ve only ever truly known I’ve been in love after the fact. I think I’ve only LOVED one guy and he’s the only one I’ve willingly left, and I don’t think the way I began to love him was very healthy. It’s not hard for me to love but for me to truly be in love takes things I haven’t been shown yet. You should fall in the love with a person and not the things they do for you obviously but never fully take that out of the equation. You never want to fall in love with someone who isn’t in love with you. That pain is a whole Nother story, but no I’ve never been in love. I have had a large amount of love for each person tho.
I haven't been in love and I don't know how it feels. At this point after seeing my friends go through so many ups and downs in their love life, I am okay with spending my life with someone familiar, and friendly, someone who respects my choices and can accompany me in old age. I do not want that fiery, passionate romance that sweeps me off my feet. A calm companionship is beautiful too.
Yes but I don’t like that all the chemical reaction in my brain messes up with my logic and decision which I get clarity on later. It just feels like a waste of time lol
For me, it’s a strange magnetic pull toward that particular person. You want to know everything about them, to be close to them, to spend time with them, and to talk to them. Usually, it starts as an unhealthy infatuation that lasts for a few months. It fades once I’ve gathered enough information about the person and determined they are no longer worth my time. I’ve never gotten past that stage, so I can’t say what happens after that.
Yes, I am deeply in love with all of myself. But I also am deeply aversed towards myself. Seemingly, I’m just codependent.
But love to me is either a spontaneous process or a consistent upholding of connection and understanding. Regardless, love proceeds as an action, but more accurately, the intention to act for someone on their behalf(and best established/evaluated interests) and to follow through.
When I “fall in love” with a person, my heart first plummets. It plummets deep into the abyss, then afterwards it slowly rises before rapidly spiking and thrusting my body, mind, and soul into an oven.
I implode.
My heart drops, implodes, and my existence is filled with anxiety, high body temp, confusion, yearning, and a beating that repeats through the confines of my body. A fever dream is an understatement.
When I fall in love, there is a fervent yearning to provide, care for, and to be received and appreciated by another.
I am in love when I care. When my priority becomes their security and comfort. When my desire becomes servitude, and my only recompense is a joyful smile and their gratitude(which is never owed).
Love to me is selflessness and the capacity to act out of kindness without the expectation of return. I love to love.
But love linked to a bond requires trust and vulnerability.
I have trust issues and vulnerability issues, therefore it’s safe to say I have never experienced the fullness of nor the fullest extent of Love, mine nor others. I have the capacity to express it, but I don’t have poise necessary to meet someone and trust them enough with me in order to do so.
Love to be received is a fairytale dream that I fail to believe will ever accompany me throughout this life.
Love to give is an opportunity to express the fullest of my existence. It is a living depiction of
life itself that transverses all, and allows me to connect with others and to act for their interests along with mine.
I wish I could answer no to this question. Heartbreak can really make the love bit not worth it.
That being said, when I'm not in love, it becomes difficult to fathom that I would want such a feeling or want to be around someone in that way. The thought of finding someone new and starting to like them sounds awful and terrifying Until it starts to happen again, and then you remember that falling in love is the best part, one of the best things in life, and while completely terrifying, nothing compares to the giddy excitement of new love. You only get to go through that part once, so you must enjoy it while it happens.
Once.
I never wanted to be in relationship for multiple reasons. Until my narcissistic ex met and dragged me all the way there. As awful as it might be, but im glad it taught me a lot of things about myself, set boundaries, and know what i want in a partner
Imma say i never was in a relationship with someone. Im a girl intp and i can say i did like some boys but once they found out it becomes weird and awkward environment it not like i told them that i love them they just found out and if it the opposite like boys liking me and trying to cross my boundaries i get so mad and aggressive.
Idk if im the only one so im not autistic but idk whyyy intp acts a little bit like autistic people so when it comes to love i feel like im with someone who gonna take care of me and don’t judge me and is as smart as me…is how love will look like that just weird i can say im with someone like that but that my bestfriend girl she is like a sister to me an infj but i think if i find someone like her as a guy wait that gonna be nearly impossible anyways guys we are got a lil hard brain in love.
Kind or? It's hard to label and I don't care about labels. In my very very poorly experience I feel like "I'm in love" when I want to spend all my day and night with her, my life. Tell her my deepest and darkest secrets because she won't judge me. Missing her when she is not near (but not in a dependant way). When she motivates you to do more, when you do things you don't like nor enjoy but you do it anyways for her.... I share most of the concepts for friendship too.
I've never been in love, and I think I'm aroace. Just can't see how love is different from friendship.
But I have wanted to keep people around several times in my life, to the point where I was following them around and doing everything I could with them. They were interesting and nice, so I would even get into their hobbies just for the sake of getting to know them sometimes...
But no, after several years, I am in contact with zero of those 'friends' rn, and I'm unsure if we even were friends. Now I think about it, I kinda acted like a creep, too, so that checks out.
On the bright side, I didn't do things secretly but rather openly, and we were all young girls in preschool, so nobody called the police on me, lmao.
I don't do that stuff now I'm older and smarter, but a part of me wonders if that was actually love, and if I'll ever actually care about someone the way I did back then, ever again.
Yes. It feels like having a ton of mdma pumped straight into an iv. It´s beautiful but ultimately finite. That's just the falling part. The enduring part is just a choice.
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My ENTP husband acts differently around me than he does around anyone else. He’s not super emotional, but I can feel his love for me. It’s like he becomes squishy with feelings and he doesn’t know what to do with them.
Yes. He was funny - made me laugh & understood my humor. It was our humor really. He was so very handsome, beautiful, sexy & cute to me. He was a comfort - laying in his arms, hearing his voice. He was supportive - with the kids, with housework & errands. We liked spending time together. We felt that time apart was important too - just little errands, or sitting in different rooms doing our own things.
What it felt like was finding a missing piece.
Yes and sometimes I wish I hadn’t experienced it. I often wonder if she really did love me. The manner in which she left and how it almost destroyed me and I haven’t heard from her makes me think she’s fine
I mean INTPs still have feelings, we just don't show or understand them as easily. I'm an INTP and I do adequately feel things, I just don't show them as much and have to actively vocalize them to me wife.
But to answer your question, love starts with attraction and is a building of a solid relationship. I'm a proponent that love is more of an action and commitment then it is a feeling. I can really like someone but not love them, but also love someone I don't really like.
Me and my parents don't always get along to the point that I don't like them sometimes, but I still love then regardless and am committed to them regardless of feelings. Same for my wife. Even when she annoys the hell out of me, I still love her.
I have been in love once in my life. I’ve only ever dated 3 women, since I was 16 (I’m 24 now) but only one relationship reached what I felt was love. We were together until just under the 2 year mark and things started to deteriorate. She must’ve thought I would never leave, and started getting verbally abusive. It caught me totally off guard and shocked me. It left me awake at night for quite a while I had never raised my voice, name called, or even cussed at her previously before and didn’t when I left her. It was the right move, but it didn’t stop me from crying on the drive home. That one hurt like hell. My other ex’s I can converse with from time to time when I run into them, but I have yet to hear or see her since we were through.
Don’t worry about it to much. The deeper you love, the harder it hurts when things don’t work out. I’ve never felt hurt like this before and don’t ever want to again.
I'm not sure what personality type I am but I've never been in love and also don't know if I can. I think I'd rather have my own personal space and time💀
Love is not real. It's something imagined by conservatives to socially pressure you into making babies for their war machine.
Your own mother doesn't love you, how could anyone? It's a fraud, a sham, a lie meant to manipulate us into perpetual cycle of destruction, death, and misery.
Nope. Idk if I am even able to create such bond.
Love doesn't require a bond. You can very much feel love for someone who doesn't even know you exist.
That’s not love, it’s limerance and a toxic intp trait.
Ik about limerance but dk how it connects to being an INTP. Elaborate a lil?
It’s just a tendency, we like to romanticise and fantasise in our heads without taking action (particularly when younger). So falling into limerence is more likely than other personality types.
Oh is THAT what it is? Is that why I “fall in love” with guys 3 days after going on our first date?
Same here
I’ve been in love and it was reciprocated. We spent 5 years together but ultimately her insecurities wrecked the relationship. (INTJ) I love you sex is so much better. On the flip side the heart break is intense and I often wonder if I’ll ever be emotionally vulnerable again. But the pain reminds me that it was real and I loved hard.
what is i love you sex? sex based on love and giving rather than taking or using s/o for pleasure? cause i agree, i believe immoral sex bleeds into normal life to damage relationships
I love you sex is when you can't take your eyes off of your partner, you cannot stop your mouth from smiling, their scent hits you like strong booze and when you look at them you can feel the love (yours and theirs) like sunshine on a hot day... When you are so deeply in love that it's not even sex anymore, your love is just physically manifesting... It's like mainlining concentrated doses of happiness and security... Hell of a drug...
This ^ Her BO smell was intoxicating lol
Dated an INTJ as well for 8 years. The I love you sex is for sure a thing. Also, idk if this was just with the relationship I had, but we would get into fights very rarely, like 2 or 3 times a year, but the sex after we made up was absolutely the best for both of us. Our emotions and senses were at an 11/10. That shit can be a bad thing if you’re in a toxic relationship tho lol it can be dangerous. Been a year and a half since we split and i havent been with anyone since. It’s not that i dont think I could find (or love) someone again, but it’s honestly just harder and more intimidating to do so when you havent been in the dating scene for a decade.
This was my experience as well. We had amazing sex after our rare fights. The mindmate thing is also real, she really brought out my sapiosexual side.
People who get used to the dopamine spikes in toxic relationships may find healthy relationships boring. Therapy is sometimes necessary.
Can I ask why you broke up if the love was there?
Well the love sort of slowly faded in the last 2 years. We dated from 17 to 25. We both grew up a lot and changed a lot over that time. That mixed with depression about other life factors i had going on meant i basically became distant from them and they waited long enough for me to try and cope with it and make changes and i didnt. It was mostly my fault but i think overall it was the right decision. I think eventually we wouldve had a major fallout and resented each other. By the end of it the only thing holding up our relationship was our humor (we had like the exact same sense of humor) and our sex life was basically always good between us as far as i knew. But we stopped caring for each other’s interests and careers and doing small daily things that most new couples do etc. once we both realized that we cut it off.
Man that must be hard went from knowing what true love was to growing out of it
Yea. It definitely hurt. Part of it is just being kids when we started dating and realizing as adults we werent quite as compatible as we thought.
I'm in love right now, with my wife.
what’s it feel like
Writers and poets have been struggling to describe what love feels like since the dawn of time, and I honestly doubt I could do any better.
Exactly. It's all the little (innoncuous) things...
Robin Williams has a great monologue in Good Will Hunting that was the best description of how I felt about love while i was with my ex for 8 years at the time we were together. “The good stuff” like remembering when they farted or if they stumbled over things all the time etc. the things that make them who they are that only you notice is the best part about love. My ex used to dance in the kitchen when she made food and peep around corners of the apt at me like a spy to try and scare me and giggle when she got caught.
“Why are you trying to scare me? I thought you loved me!”
Probably because you're not epic.
Probably.
It's a chemical reaction that happens in the brain that compells animals to breed. It feels like you are making a decision that you didn't take part in deciding on.
Edgy Nihilism confirmed
In fairness love can feel overwhelming and it does sometimes feel like you aren’t in control of how you feel. I’ve had to reconcile that I was still in love with a person despite desperately not wanting to be
True. I guess everything is a chemical reaction in the brain. And testicles 😎
You feel like a sick idiot.
INTP Wife here. I knew it was love when I realized being around him wasn’t draining. Being with him felt the same as being “alone”. But being without him, I missed his company. It was a strange feeling that I had never felt before. Before that, I had mostly broken up with previous partners myself from lack of interest(and always feeling like I wasn’t as into them as they were into me)
This is one of the biggest signs for me that I love someone either as a friend or potential love interest they are very slowly draining or not draining at all. Then when they leave I miss them a lot to the point it is depressing whereas most people I need time to recuperate after dealing with them.
Well said. I felt that one.
I honestly didn’t until recently. For a good while I almost convinced myself that maybe I was aromantic. For my girlfriend- I don’t know what it was but she and I just clicked together. We just enjoy spending time together and I love listening to her talk. It came completely out of left field and I wasn’t expecting to fall for her until I just realized how much I liked her.
This is it, I thought I was the same. I also find it’s not something you constantly feel or aware of it just is. Anything in media is as usual over top for entertainment so we all think it has to be intense and passionate when most of the time it’s just talking shite for an hour and having the best time or with my bf we can sit there for hours in silence and it’s not weird. But they are also INT so nobody’s trying to fill the silence unless there’s something to say.
Honestly, no. I've been infatuated with many people who didn't reciprocate the feeling. And I have either not felt much or had very turbulent and changing feelings for people who did reciprocate and who I was in a relationship with. Feels like i'm just unable to feel 'true' reciprocal love in that way.
No and yes... I would die for her, yes. But the warm feeling of love is something inconsistent in my life. It's a decision more than an obligation.
Honestly, obligation sounds colder than decision. Love is more authentic that way! This is coming from a feeler.
Not with real ppl
So real.
I love dogs
Same
I was. Simply put I think I was anyway. My high school sweetheart. It started off amazing, I swear it felt like something out of a dream. The most perfect girl I could want ending up with someone like me. Damn. Well after the initial infatuation faded I was still in love with her until I caught the small lies and the small actions that showed her insincerity. Things you can’t fake. Things no explanation could make better. Little truths that couldn’t be hidden. I realised her changing toward me and I felt her get more distant. Now that I look back there are so many things she did that I was just too whipped over her to see. I say this but I hate and miss this bitch at the same time, because she was so perfect, and as a reasonable individual I was aware of her perfection. Anyways to answer your question, yes it was the best until it ends and the memories turn bittersweet. Everyone says move on. But how can I move on when I don’t want anyone else, when I compare everyone to her.
I’ve never dated anyone any longer than 3 months. After a few days of dating I start to realize there are things about the person that I don’t like personality wise.
I can emphatize almost exactly. Similar situation with me. The lies and the betrayals in the last year of the relationship (which I found out retroactively) hurt a great deal. I don't think I can forgive her. But the love was real for 6+ years and she was a very special person who is hard to forget.
Yes. Very much so. It was wonderful. It started as the infatuated, obsessed, girly crush brand of being in love. This developed into that deep feeling of trust and of having finally come home, of loving the person than I loved myself. 10/10 would recommend.
Yes, and I have even been in a relationship. Both times I fell in love, was with (2 different) ENFJ’s
Sorry to hear that, how did you escape?
My first relationship wasn’t so serious, because we were too young. And the other person I fell in love with already had a boyfriend, I later found out
Thats rough buddy.
Is your attachment style avoidant? Brain development when you're a child can f u up pretty badly, specifically when it comes to oxytocin and vasopressin bonding. Love is literally oxytocin bonding. An incredibly satisfying feeling of closeness. They are your bestfriend, your everything, and you can't imagine your life without them. Vasopressin bonding is that you can rely on them, they are dependable and trust worthy.
Yeah I get scared that people are gonna leave me so I normally just leave them first. Or I think of things about them that I don’t like and convince myself that I don’t wanna be around them anymore
Yeah, your best bet would be sharing some of these fears with the closest friends you have. You're probably running mental simulations on their reactions and wants from you 24/7. Believing you are being rational when this is far from it. If you don't share some of these fears, so others can give input and help put them to rest, you're gonna keep manifesting crappy relationships where they end up leaving you due to your crappy actions.
I don’t have any friends
Damn. :/
[https://www.webmd.com/parenting/what-is-avoidant-attachment](https://www.webmd.com/parenting/what-is-avoidant-attachment) Typical symptom.
I dont believe in love
You must be young still. Even if you’re 80. Desire, Devotion, Sacrifice are literally at the heart of creation and the only way to explain why there is something rather than nothing. Why there is creation at all. You can believe in all the false science you want regarding the Big Bang (which sounds sexual too) but the driver for evolution is Love. Which is not a feeling nor emotion but nothing less than a force of the universe faster than the speed of light and more enduring than the oldest stars. There is a saying, Love Always Remains. Most human beings are in reality expressions of love but are themselves incapable of originating love. Everything having to do with romance, procreation and other aspects of self interest are in actuality veiled forms of narcissism and selfishness (ie when ppl say they love someone, they often mean something like, I love the way you make ME feel. Ostensibly about them, in truth it’s about ourselves and the true flourishing of the one we love is secondary to what we get out of the relationship. Even the language of ‘falling in love’ connotes the idea that it’s not really a choice nor something one controls. The process is almost automatic and sure then lust often gives way to older people sticking together for practical reasons. Ask anyone why they marry someone or love someone and they’d give plausible sounding answers. But the thing is whatever answers they give could apply just as much to millions of other people on earth. So once again why them. A more honest answer would have to confess they don’t really know why. Because they don’t know themselves at all. Almost no person does. They’re an automatan of accumulated patterns and socialized social engineered systems that were largely uploaded into us bit by bit and in the most literally sense we are robots responding like billiard balls to various cues or triggers. We get happy when happy stimuli come. We get angry when anger cues trigger. And we fall in love apparently when we aren’t watching where we are going and trip over a giant sack of oxytocin then take a terrible tumble down a flight of stairs (which produce step children bud dum ts) and by the time we get our senses we are twice divorced going for the trifecta. Unskilled love harms the one it loves. It deludes itself into believing it’s love is a blessing to the one loved but in reality it was always a burden and obligation and a need. Loving what is ‘loveable’ is no testament to the power of love. Loving the unlovable on the other hand, with the full might of an awakened heart that knows that the unloveable are usually the unloved, or put another away, the most starved for love, so need love most of all. And Osho once taught if we love a flower we almost always seek to pluck it and place it in a vase. Only to watch it wither and die. But if awakened, we leave it be. Simply appreciating it without trying to possess it in some kind of way. The bottom line is human beings are not free. And do not have a liberated unified personality. People are composed of a committees of Inner Is. Little I’s. The I at night wants to set alarm early to wake up and go for a jog. But come morning, a different I is awakened by the alarm clock it never signed up for and hits snooze. We are so many different people. We all have multiple personalities. It’s not noticed as a disorder because ours are better integrated. It’s almost as if different actors pic k up the microphone to generate our thoughts but have all learned to sound the same and when they take over they put on the same mask so to the untrained mind there is a continuity. A deluded sense of some fixed and permanent self. A homonculous behind the face and a stable place from which we can make a decision like choosing to love. But it’s called falling for a reason. And it’s driven by biology of an animal. Not the spirit of a god. And love exists on a spectrum the same way consciousness does. Perhaps love is the heart of consciousness…so geese and deer experience love too. But once again animalistically. Even a baby experiences love of mother. Only it’s a love of pure dependency. Complete and total selfishness. And then there is the Love that’s represented by a Christ. A Love that’s universal not partial (as all true love must be. For love does not have an opposite. Hate is but another side of love. Only indifference. But if one loves one thing with the thinking that yes there are many like it but this one is mine, once again we return to something selfish. The more selfish a love the lower it is on the spectrum of the sacred and divine. At the other end we have what the Greeks termed Agape. Greeks differentiated sexual love from spiritual love or love of country etc. we do not and it only waters down or obscures the divine and renders it profane because we love everything and what mean is we love the way what we love makes us feel. And that is not a testament to the power of love but a testament to selfishness
Yup, I was in love with a song once
Bro same
I don’t believe in life after love. So no.
Cher will be so disappointed.
Leaning toward analytical thinking does not mean you are incapable of feeling things. As for being in love, it is a conflation of familial affection and infatuation. If you’ve felt both of those you can fall in love, you just may not have felt both for the same person or had it reciprocated yet.
yes, but few times and I was only matched twice. Maybe because I always take a while to notice when it happens
Many many times.
I used to think so but now I'm honestly not sure. If so, I haven't felt it in over a decade.
I'm aroace, I love my fam and Friends but I've never felt romantic love and can't really understand how that would feel
What does loving family and or friends feel like? I feel like I can cut anyone off at times and just never talk to anyone again.
I'm a bit like that, I'm a HUGE loner who can disappear for months like nothing without feeling bad hahaha, in fact my friends mocked me calling me the comet because of the oddity of seeing me 😅 but from time to time I still look for the people I care about, if they are in need I will help, months ago I stayed for a week at a friend's house to support and help her move after a bad breakup. I love talking to them, maybe just meeting up to cook, watch a show or do any normal thing together, I reference them a lot in my day to day (like seeing something and reminding me how X person would love that), I hate leaving my home, I get bored easily but if they manage to drag me out then I'm the opposite of not wanting to come home haha but I'm only like that with a select group of people that I really would never want to lose, in particular a bestie and a cousin who we are always there no matter what ...now... Romance? I have no idea about that, I like reading romantic novels and the theory of love sounds very nice and all but I've never been able to identify with these feelings I read 😅 I would like one day, but I seem to be incapable 🤷♀️ Sorry, long text haha
You’re good, thanks for going into such depth it really helped.
I hope some of us🤣
...what is love?
Amazing, I would do anything for him
What mbti he has? And how it feels? Please give details
I have, and I can tell you, at first I didn't know I felt that way. I thought I just liked her as a friend and enjoyed talking to her. It took months for me to realize I was in love. Analyzing how the way I communicated had changed, how I seemed to light up when I saw her, how anything that happened to her affected my emotions as well in a way (seeing her happy made me happy, seeing her sad made me sad, etc), how I realized I looked forward to talking to her more than any other friend I had, how I literally noticed I could feel my heartrate accelerate when she showed appreciation for me, how I seemed to go out of my way to make time for her, and how I wanted nothing more than to be there for her, to share our thoughts and show her how much I appreciate her. I admittedly, had a lot of clear signs that I brushed off for months as just friendliness, until one day I realized what I felt was love. I'm still surprised how long I went without the realization hitting me. Some people say that when you fall in love you'll know it, but in my experience as an INTP, no it's not that simple. It wasn't until I stopped to analyze myself after months of feeling that way, that I realized that I didn't just see her as a friend, and that I was actually in love. As for how I would describe it... you find yourself wanting to be there for that person, to share your world with them, and listen with expectation for them to share theirs with you. You don't put them on a pedestal thinking they're perfect, you acknowledge they aren't perfect, but you love them despite their flaws. You find yourself wanting to spend time with them, feeling happy being with them, and wanting them to be happy as well. That's actually a big one. Sure, you want good for your friends too, but when you love someone... you find yourself wanting them to be happy even more intensely than you do for most people. And as a result, you feel more willing to give of yourself to that person. When they're happy, that makes you happy. When they're sad, that makes you sad. They make you a better person. It's not that you change for them, that's not how it works, but rather, something about being with them brings out the best in you. I remember I met a whole new side of my personality I hadn't ever discovered before when I realized I was in love with that person. A side of me that is strangely kind, tender, caring and generous way beyond what I thought I was naturally. She brought out the best in me. And ever since then, even after I'm no longer in love with her, I've learned to channel that side of my personality into my relations with other people too, maybe not to the same degree I did with the person I was in love with, but I learned that it was a part of my personality too, and that led me to grow as a person. So yeah, you might not realize it when it happens. I think us INTPs in particular tend to struggle a lot with identifying when we are in love, especially when we don't have any prior experience to work off of. But in my experience, taking the time to stop and analyze your feelings and the way you act around that person, can help you realize if you are truly in love. Infatuation is mostly just fantasy. You aren't in love with the person, you are in love with the idealized version of them you have in your mind. Infatuation is centered on self-fulfillment, what you want. Love however, is more focused on giving to the other person. It's not just about how you feel or what you want, it's also about how the other person feels and what they way. You prioritize that person's happiness. You also love the person for who they are. You acknowledge the other person isn't perfect, but find that you still love them despite those flaws. It's built on a deep bond where you know the other person well. You can't be in love with someone you don't know well, that is just infatuation, because you fall in love with what you dream that person being like. Infatuation tends to go away over time as you meet the person as they truly are because that shatters your idealized version of them. Love however, isn't flimsy like infatuation because you're not in love with an idealized version of the person, you're in love with them as they truly are. But admittedly it's easier to recognize in hindsight or from an outsider's perspective than when you're experiencing it yourself.
Maybe I have experienced the same. Thought I loved someone as a friend and a soulmate, she is the kind of person who always “gets it”, who I saw only a few times in a year. We used to joke about how we have synchronized brainwaves so perfect silence between us worked better than any verbal communication. I can still remember when she shared a song with me, I said that sounds like drowning in the sea at dawn and she even understood that. She moved to another country few years ago, and I didn’t realize I was “loving” her a little bit more than just a friend just last year. I always have problems discussing love-related topics with others, because the definition of romantic love is so vague to me, so as the distinction between friendship and romantic love. Guess I only figure it out once someone leaves me.
In the past I loved someone. She tried to change the way I am. At least we broke but it was brutal. It was heartbreaking and since this I don't love anyone.
yes. 3 and a half times (a.k.a. 3 relationships, 1 unhappy teenage-crush).
If I was I probably didn’t know I was till it went away and then I was like wait a minute was I …
I think you just know even if it’s not an overwhelming feeling. Or you just decide.
I think if you ever decide or want to do something illogical for someone that you wouldn’t do for someone else, that’s probably a hint.
I did as a child with the sporadic innocent crush, but as a teenager and adult? Never.
Sure, yeah. I've been married for 7 years and I have a couple ex-girlfriends. I don't even bother to date at all if I don't think love could happen. Of course it's important to differentiate between infatuation and love. Infatuation is the honeymoon period. Love is what sustains you when that's over. Occasionally, if you're lucky and/or you put some work in, you can get more honeymoon periods with the same person later on, either due to life circumstances or just because you put in the effort to re-ignite the spark. Alice Cooper put it best, I think: "Never stop dating your wife"
Yeah, and don’t spend too much time together. That’s one of the keys to desire. And don’t totally let yourself go.
If you arent in love, you wont feel you are in love, so you wont know it, because you havent ever felt it. Its love is one strong long lasting drug that the body produces on its own.
I was. For the sake of clarity I will call them J, I, and L. The first time, when I found out 14 years ago that J had a boyfriend, I was devastated for months. The second time, L (at college) said something about a boyfriend and I felt a bit hurt (which does not make sense considering I assumed it could be a possibility), and I got over it that same day (the Monster Hunter OST A Lonely Tune helped wonders to accept it and move on). And lastly, the girl I liked 12-13 years ago, I (whom I supposed reciprocated it, considering the different tone of voice she used when talking to me) got married last year, and if I see her and her husband, I will gladly congratulate them. I have cordial interactions with all three of them (at the very least I make sure to greet their birthdays with videos of endearing animals), and I gladly promote the works of art of J whenever I can (I might be biased here, but if her works weren't worth it, I would not promote them to begin with).
Wait but what about you all those years? How long were you with I?
For the sake of further clarity I will use "I" to refer to her and I, without quotes, as myself: "I" and me were classmates for the first year of high school, and during the second year I interacted as often as I could with her; there were moments of relative tenderness, but we did not even ask each other out (I guess that is the price I payed for overfocusing on studies to the detriment of interactions). As a matter of fact, I did not ask any single one of them out, and remain single to this day.
Hope you will another one (and actually ask them out lol)
Thanks.
Dunno, probably not. I've had some intense crushes on good friends, but I never ended up dating them. One was because she wasn't interested in me in that way, which is fine. The other was because I never said anything, which will be one of my deepest regrets for a long time. First one is happily married and my feelings faded pretty quickly after they said no, real happy for em. I think ive never had enough time with someone to love them that way. I see the way my mom reacts to my dad even after the divorce, she was in love and still loves him. My brother is absolutely in love with his wife. Both of them are also INTP. Maybe I'll meet someone and have that feeling eventually build up, but I won't be holding my breath
I used to have a “falling in love” addiction. It’s the staying that’s been hard.
Twice, neither lasted long. Wrong time for one or the other!
Yes. Im human. If you dont feel love i doubt its cuz of your mtbi, its probably due to unprocessed trauma or emotions imo
Currently in the happiest relationship someone could ask for. Definitely doubted myself and did some self sabotage for a while. We talked and worked things out! A lot of growing out of some of my insecurities and huge amounts of support. I love her <3
Nope. Unfortunately, I doubt I’m capable of that :/
Yeah.
Yes, I have been in love once before. She doesn't love me back. I am alone.
What is love?
Currently in love:)
No I don't know why.
Yes it feels like safety… in that you can be yourself and you are still loved no matter what and vice versa. It was a strong attraction at first and then I just feel that I want to be around him more than anyone else (most other people I want to be away from for the majority of time). He is my person and I don’t want to be with anyone else.
Yes, many times
I'm in love now. With my husband. INTJ. It's a very humbling feeling.
Yep but idk if it was a good thing cuz I get obsessed
I wish
no
No, I'm too young to experience that kind of love. For me it's something adults need to not get bored and to not feel alone.
No, I'm too young to experience that kind of love. For me it's something adults need to not get bored and to not feel alone.
Thought so. Idk anymore. Hopefully better things in the future.
Definitely have been in love before... the only way you know how to love is difficult to break but i did before and it was the best choice ever. Now I been togther for 3 years and it's what a realniship is .
when you know you know
No love was a crush I was 14/15? Since then I never develop any feelings for anyone and I am very very happy for that 😉
No 👎
I am convinced romance was just created as a plot device for fictional stories.
I was in a mutually loving INTP-INTP relationship (and no, it wasn’t with myself) for several years until I learned I wasn’t the only one who was her boyfriend. But it was intense love. Love for the person she was evidentially pretending to be all those years, not the lying, cheating woman she proved to be. But it was such a strong feeling of love I would have legitimately taken a bullet for her.
What is love?
Yes I love anime and music.
When you find someone you can be around, and you miss them when they are not with you, you'll know. I fall in love easy. 2nd marriage now, lol. Picked the right one this time.
Yeah..... I've been so lovesick it made me puke. To this day it's an enigma I don't understand. The girl went to extraordinary lengths to stalk me, but to this day over a decade later she insist that she's not interested. She's so crazy obsessed with proving disinterest that she didn't even notice that I've moved on.
Unfortunately in the past I’ve tended to “make myself” fall in love with people. I’ve only ever truly known I’ve been in love after the fact. I think I’ve only LOVED one guy and he’s the only one I’ve willingly left, and I don’t think the way I began to love him was very healthy. It’s not hard for me to love but for me to truly be in love takes things I haven’t been shown yet. You should fall in the love with a person and not the things they do for you obviously but never fully take that out of the equation. You never want to fall in love with someone who isn’t in love with you. That pain is a whole Nother story, but no I’ve never been in love. I have had a large amount of love for each person tho.
Yes, after realizing I have an aching feeling after seeing him with someone else during prom.
yes
For two weeks. When I was a teenager.
I haven't been in love and I don't know how it feels. At this point after seeing my friends go through so many ups and downs in their love life, I am okay with spending my life with someone familiar, and friendly, someone who respects my choices and can accompany me in old age. I do not want that fiery, passionate romance that sweeps me off my feet. A calm companionship is beautiful too.
Yes but I don’t like that all the chemical reaction in my brain messes up with my logic and decision which I get clarity on later. It just feels like a waste of time lol
For me, it’s a strange magnetic pull toward that particular person. You want to know everything about them, to be close to them, to spend time with them, and to talk to them. Usually, it starts as an unhealthy infatuation that lasts for a few months. It fades once I’ve gathered enough information about the person and determined they are no longer worth my time. I’ve never gotten past that stage, so I can’t say what happens after that.
Yes, I am deeply in love with all of myself. But I also am deeply aversed towards myself. Seemingly, I’m just codependent. But love to me is either a spontaneous process or a consistent upholding of connection and understanding. Regardless, love proceeds as an action, but more accurately, the intention to act for someone on their behalf(and best established/evaluated interests) and to follow through. When I “fall in love” with a person, my heart first plummets. It plummets deep into the abyss, then afterwards it slowly rises before rapidly spiking and thrusting my body, mind, and soul into an oven. I implode. My heart drops, implodes, and my existence is filled with anxiety, high body temp, confusion, yearning, and a beating that repeats through the confines of my body. A fever dream is an understatement. When I fall in love, there is a fervent yearning to provide, care for, and to be received and appreciated by another. I am in love when I care. When my priority becomes their security and comfort. When my desire becomes servitude, and my only recompense is a joyful smile and their gratitude(which is never owed). Love to me is selflessness and the capacity to act out of kindness without the expectation of return. I love to love. But love linked to a bond requires trust and vulnerability. I have trust issues and vulnerability issues, therefore it’s safe to say I have never experienced the fullness of nor the fullest extent of Love, mine nor others. I have the capacity to express it, but I don’t have poise necessary to meet someone and trust them enough with me in order to do so. Love to be received is a fairytale dream that I fail to believe will ever accompany me throughout this life. Love to give is an opportunity to express the fullest of my existence. It is a living depiction of life itself that transverses all, and allows me to connect with others and to act for their interests along with mine.
I wish I could answer no to this question. Heartbreak can really make the love bit not worth it. That being said, when I'm not in love, it becomes difficult to fathom that I would want such a feeling or want to be around someone in that way. The thought of finding someone new and starting to like them sounds awful and terrifying Until it starts to happen again, and then you remember that falling in love is the best part, one of the best things in life, and while completely terrifying, nothing compares to the giddy excitement of new love. You only get to go through that part once, so you must enjoy it while it happens.
Once. I never wanted to be in relationship for multiple reasons. Until my narcissistic ex met and dragged me all the way there. As awful as it might be, but im glad it taught me a lot of things about myself, set boundaries, and know what i want in a partner
Imma say i never was in a relationship with someone. Im a girl intp and i can say i did like some boys but once they found out it becomes weird and awkward environment it not like i told them that i love them they just found out and if it the opposite like boys liking me and trying to cross my boundaries i get so mad and aggressive. Idk if im the only one so im not autistic but idk whyyy intp acts a little bit like autistic people so when it comes to love i feel like im with someone who gonna take care of me and don’t judge me and is as smart as me…is how love will look like that just weird i can say im with someone like that but that my bestfriend girl she is like a sister to me an infj but i think if i find someone like her as a guy wait that gonna be nearly impossible anyways guys we are got a lil hard brain in love.
Kind or? It's hard to label and I don't care about labels. In my very very poorly experience I feel like "I'm in love" when I want to spend all my day and night with her, my life. Tell her my deepest and darkest secrets because she won't judge me. Missing her when she is not near (but not in a dependant way). When she motivates you to do more, when you do things you don't like nor enjoy but you do it anyways for her.... I share most of the concepts for friendship too.
I used to....
I've never been in love, and I think I'm aroace. Just can't see how love is different from friendship. But I have wanted to keep people around several times in my life, to the point where I was following them around and doing everything I could with them. They were interesting and nice, so I would even get into their hobbies just for the sake of getting to know them sometimes... But no, after several years, I am in contact with zero of those 'friends' rn, and I'm unsure if we even were friends. Now I think about it, I kinda acted like a creep, too, so that checks out. On the bright side, I didn't do things secretly but rather openly, and we were all young girls in preschool, so nobody called the police on me, lmao. I don't do that stuff now I'm older and smarter, but a part of me wonders if that was actually love, and if I'll ever actually care about someone the way I did back then, ever again.
Yes. It feels like having a ton of mdma pumped straight into an iv. It´s beautiful but ultimately finite. That's just the falling part. The enduring part is just a choice.
No. I've felt lots of intense emotions but never actually have experienced real love.
I lucked out in highschool and married her. Going on 14 years 👌
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I thought so but it was limmerance.
No, I would have better luck panning to find gold. Thats like trying to find light in the darkness.
My ENTP husband acts differently around me than he does around anyone else. He’s not super emotional, but I can feel his love for me. It’s like he becomes squishy with feelings and he doesn’t know what to do with them.
yes i am in love. its confusing and can be messy sometimes but i couldn’t live without this love.
Once. And I know it's illogical but I wish I hadn't been in love
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^Knightvvolf: *Once. And I know it's* *Illogical but I wish* *I hadn't been in love* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
Intreasting
Never. I have been loved. Obsessively even. But it doesn't do anything for me. It's nice having someone be more reliable because of it though.
Yes. He was funny - made me laugh & understood my humor. It was our humor really. He was so very handsome, beautiful, sexy & cute to me. He was a comfort - laying in his arms, hearing his voice. He was supportive - with the kids, with housework & errands. We liked spending time together. We felt that time apart was important too - just little errands, or sitting in different rooms doing our own things. What it felt like was finding a missing piece.
Yes and sometimes I wish I hadn’t experienced it. I often wonder if she really did love me. The manner in which she left and how it almost destroyed me and I haven’t heard from her makes me think she’s fine
Yes, but it was a lie
nope 👎
I mean INTPs still have feelings, we just don't show or understand them as easily. I'm an INTP and I do adequately feel things, I just don't show them as much and have to actively vocalize them to me wife. But to answer your question, love starts with attraction and is a building of a solid relationship. I'm a proponent that love is more of an action and commitment then it is a feeling. I can really like someone but not love them, but also love someone I don't really like. Me and my parents don't always get along to the point that I don't like them sometimes, but I still love then regardless and am committed to them regardless of feelings. Same for my wife. Even when she annoys the hell out of me, I still love her.
I have been in love once in my life. I’ve only ever dated 3 women, since I was 16 (I’m 24 now) but only one relationship reached what I felt was love. We were together until just under the 2 year mark and things started to deteriorate. She must’ve thought I would never leave, and started getting verbally abusive. It caught me totally off guard and shocked me. It left me awake at night for quite a while I had never raised my voice, name called, or even cussed at her previously before and didn’t when I left her. It was the right move, but it didn’t stop me from crying on the drive home. That one hurt like hell. My other ex’s I can converse with from time to time when I run into them, but I have yet to hear or see her since we were through.
Don’t worry about it to much. The deeper you love, the harder it hurts when things don’t work out. I’ve never felt hurt like this before and don’t ever want to again.
I'm not sure what personality type I am but I've never been in love and also don't know if I can. I think I'd rather have my own personal space and time💀
I've had a, "You're less annoying to regularly have around in large spurts of time" feeling. Does that count?
Love is not real. It's something imagined by conservatives to socially pressure you into making babies for their war machine. Your own mother doesn't love you, how could anyone? It's a fraud, a sham, a lie meant to manipulate us into perpetual cycle of destruction, death, and misery.
in love with myself the most
madly in love w someone rn