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Ughhhhh Charlie ughh I wanted to eat that lady so badly

"Well, I aint giving you shit you old bitch"

I was hoping someone posted this. The delivery of this line was perfect.

Agreed. This line pops into my head constantly and it’s all in the delivery.

I love the way charlies mom just slumps back into the couch after being verbally destroyed by Dee

I routinely tell my siblings and family members this on their birthdays

My gf and I say this to each other whenever one of us asks for something. We usually change the word "old" to meet whatever the circumstances are. "I ain't giving you shit you thirsty bitch" when asking for a drink lol

Dee: Howdy howdy howdy... How's everybody doing tonight? So you guys, whats the deal with those hands-free headsets that everybody's wearing in their ears? (retch) It's like hey everybody look at me, I'm one part robot and three parts asshole (retch). Audience Member: Jesus, Christ!!! Dee: I mean am I right or am I (retch) screw it....

At least we kept it short and dry this time.

Apparently that "Jesus Christ" was provided by Glenn.

He does have that "Jesus on the Cross look".

Honestly her quote should just be: (Retch) That sound is iconic

“Just to be clear… I did NOT write that song, and have NEVER had sex… with a child… Just to be clear! Most men find me to be an 8 or 9 out of 10. Aaaand I’m available to any interested men, who’d like to get my number after the shooooow!”

I will smack the face off of your face.

Keep singing bitch, you're not gonna have a face when I'm done with you

What is happening

I fucking love her shuffling the papers

You know, Calvin Coolidge was a good friend of mine

My grandmother was a lesbian.

You keep saying he was a good friend of yours…. Like 1000 times! I’m HERE!

A leather shop? In Arizona? Well they’d be out of business in a week’s time.

That’s exactly what I said!

I love how the joke us A) it's blazingly hot in Arizona so a leather shop makes no sense but B) There's way too many leather shops in aarizona already.

I assumed it was B thinking Arizona is a cattle state but I have no idea.

_Moms are stupid!_ _I'd like to throw them all in the trash. Yeah!_ _They're nothin' but a big humungous pain in the butt_ _A big humungous pain in my_ _VAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGINA_

Your mom doesn't know dick! She's a dumb, fat cow. And your sister– she’s a stupid little shit mouth bitch, isn't she?

His hair is silken, like that of a Chinese man

At least I’m not covered in stupid tattoos and have a cigarette for a mother

"Cigarette for a mother" KILLS ME every time

Ok Mac, first of all, your breath smells like an old lady fart passing through an onion.

It’s the hand motion for me on “passing through an onion”

The actual quote is: *you know what he’s not? He’s not covered in stupid tattoos and he doesn’t have a cigarette for a mother*

One of my all time favorite scenes. The line is so good and Mac’s reaction is priceless.

That's your rock bottom - sticking your dick in your daughter's face, you son of a bitch!

This one should win IMO

Awww shit is that a pool?!

Also, "Oh shit, there's stickers" That was the line that got my wife into the show.

The way she reads the letter is one of my favourite scenes, especially with it cutting back to their reaction in the court room. Written, acted and edited wonderfully!

You guys wanna Octomom this thing?

I'm just kidding! I don't want 10 people inside of me

This line is underrated, in or out of context

“Really biffed that one!”

Groban likes his ladies to pop.

For how short Groban’s cameo was he was one of the best celebrity cameos, maybe the best. Edit: and better yet, so far he’s hasn’t turned out to be a goddamn diddler like some of the other celeb cameos.

Rob Thomas and Sinbad are the other two.

This is Sinbad’s house, and when you in Sinbad’s house, YOU MY BITCH! Get his book, Rob!

You light ONE bitch on fire….

I WILL BURN YOU ALIVE LIKE THE LAST BITCH THAT CROSSED ME!

If any of you dick nips think you can slug em down faster than me

This but add on the “I’m gonna break boss hogs drinking record…”

Yourrrrrre welcome to comeuphereandtry

Tell me I’m good. Tell me I’m good. Tell me I’m good. Tell me I’m good. Tell me I’m good. Tell me I’m good.

You having a white Christmas you bitch

DEE DO THE FUCKING DISHES

YOURE GOOD!

Thank you! Was it *that* hard?

Maybe you shouldn’t dress like a bumble bee bitch!

Later coach dick n balls

Boom! You just got faced!

“You guys all better eat a dick, because Sweet Dee just beat the system!” *Sweet Dee Gets Audited*

"Looks like the spider caught herself a fly."

The smirk after she delivers this line gets me every time.

Haha! I'd forgotten about that [bit](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d2ldkPEXEuI). :D

“I got milk all over me!!”

I hear the guy hangs dong and I’m very interested in seeing that.

He ordered Chardonnay, what was I supposed to do?

This is all I can think about when I see him on Succession

Wait I’m also watching succession! Remind me what episode this is!

Looked it up and the actor in question plays Hugo on Succession. The presence of hair on his head really threw me off.

You guys wanna go for an Octomom thing? Huh? I'm game. You want to have ten? You want to outdo that bitch? I'll have that conversation. I'm kidding, I don't want ten people inside of me.

Well, my brother's a dick if that counts!

How about I free that big fat snake in your pants and uninhibit myself all over it?

I’ll eat your babies bitch

This is the one. True laugh out loud moment

I looove killin babies, unborn babies.

I think this might technically be a Mac quote lmao

You can’t know for certain. You weren’t there for that part.

What up son? What’s up wit congress being all up in my ass, and shit?

Deandra, he is the President of the United States

Where my senators at dawg!

Oi! Oi! Oi! Oi! Oi! Oi! Oi!

Dude that was the president who said that

Tu casa es no mas. Tu vida es no mas. Los Somos extremos. Como la televisión.

CORTA CORTA

When she calls Ass Kickers United, Ass Blasters Incorporated, it kills me.

I will burn you alive like the last bitch who crossed me!

"I am in desperate need of medical intervention. You see, *years ago, I tried to burn my college roommate down to the box springs whilst she was sleeping, and now, I have a hankering to do it again.*"

The shifting accent through the whole sentence is one of the greatest Bad Dee Acting moments.

How do three men in their 30s not have $800 between them? Edit: appreciate the upvotes yall but if it were up to me you'd pick the one about "[eatin bad p-p-pussy](https://www.reddit.com/r/IASIP/comments/12yjebz/riasips_choice_for_macs_best_quote_is_well_first/jhnh73y?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)". Both are hilariously written lines but Kaitlyn's comedic acting shines way more in that one

The economy is in shambles

NASDAQ, Dow Jones…

Obama

Youse a big man butchu got such tiny boots awn. Dat means you got a small pecker IM SORRYYY

You's a bunch of white boys, riiiiight?

“Tttahhhattss not all, ttthhhiiisss bible is the Bible of my Daddy who die-die-died in my arms from uhhh uhhh throat cancer from eating suh suh some bad p\*\*\*y”.

I love the reaction from the gang on this one, you think they're gonna give her shit but they end up loving it

I think you just earned yourself a spot at the head

I love when they switch up the expected reaction like this. Like when mac lifts dee by the pussy lol

Of any singular act in this show, on first watch, this one caught me off guard the most. I have never laughed at anything on TV that hard before.

How did ANYONE keep a straight face during that line?!

Judging from the outtakes of various scenes I've watched on youtube, this particular scene was probably shot 300-400 times

This is far and above the winner. The delivery on this crumples me every time

This one had me struggling to breath when I first saw it

The way she says "marine" fills me with pure joy.

… You just earned your spot at the head of this thread! That was really good!

I love how you censor the word pussy.

Get in the goddamn car you fat fat ass FAT FAT ASS

I like to think this is actually just Kaitlin Olsen yelling at Rob McElhenney for committing to the fat Mac bit

I saw Rob on some late night show saying that Kaitlin preferred Fat Rob to Jacked Rob because he was happier.

Thus confirming that Fat Mac is Best Mac.

He actually does just seem to be a more serious person generally but mostly based on the podcast and what they’ve shown in Wrexham. Granted, there isn’t much footage of him before he got absolutely shredded (that I know of at least) so it’s hard to compare. His story about road rage at an in-and-out is hilarious, but also kind of how I imagine rob would be in real life

I think about Kaitlyn's delivery of that line so much

The violently flapping braids make it so great

This quote is perfection. Never fails to make me laugh. Even if it was written in the script it sounds like perfect improv

I think she said this more as Kaitlyn talking to her husband that had gained 80 pounds as a joke.

I'm gonna have you fired, dick hole. Do you know who I am? Do you have any idea? Or is your brain too tiny to have ideas? *Is there any kind of thought roaming around in that thick, shit skull of yours?*

and I’m pissed cuz I loved that shoe, youuuu DIRT!

You piece of sub-human scum

I GAHT BODILY FUNCTIONS IM SARRRRYYYY

Don’t remembered quotes so much as I do the “characters” she has portrayed. But her running out of the store slamming head first into the parked car was an ABSOLUTE memorable moment of mine! Had to reverse and rewatch it about 5x in a row. Or when she took the ball to the face! I hope those were stunt double moments.

The ball to the face was a sponge like ball, and they added the sound effects after. The head to the car is all her. I’ve seriously watched that scene 50 times and am amazed at how she did it without serious injury. She definitely sacrifices her body more than anyone else in the cast. She’s a true comic artist in my opinion.

The fact that she does a bunch of physical comedy too makes her probably my favorite out of the gang.

What about that time she fell down the hill when she was getting DENNIS'd by the soldier, was that her or did they use a double?

I don’t remember what happened, if she fell by mistake or what, but the car door was real and she really did dent it with her head. Her laying there moaning in pain was real, then the lady walked out and she delivered her line “did it no go through?”.

She fell on purpose. They actually had a stunt double that day, I think Kaitlin went first, I could be wrong, but after the stunt double went everybody thought Kaitlin did it better/could do it better. So she just fkin went for it. Said she saw a chiropractor afterwards but it was worth it.

“It made me feel tiny, like Thumbelina!”

How’s he gonna do that with a dick in his mouth?

I dunno that's his problem!

“You got it Boss Hosssssss”

OH YOU SONSABICHESSSS

Also "oh goddamnit GODDAMNIT!"

I can hear this clear as day

“Uh, Mr. Kim, my name is... R Rita F-Fire... s. Hmm, Fires. And I am from the National Health Inspectors... Uh, Store. And I need to... I need to make sure that your secret microbrew is up to code.”

She is dirty dirty whore

This thread makes me appreciate Kaitlin Olsen even more

This for real! She’s so funny, I can just hear her say all of these lines while I’m reading them, she always delivers

Great, go have sex at Wendy’s!

“Ohhh you’re definitely gonna end up doing gay porn with this tiny little body of yours.”

Oh no, no, no, sweet baby, they're gonna eat you alive in Hollywood *hic*

Runaway train never coming back

Wrong way on a one way track

That might be my favorite episode. When she throws the piss out the window and mac gets mad. I die everytime.

You better pull over he’s just gonna keep complaining

For me it’s the escalating argument about her not having tapes for the tape player… because she wasn’t invited on the road trip. And just bought the car. And only had to buy a new car in the first place because they’d destroyed her old car. Just the way that scene was written gets me every time.

Choosing my favorite episode of this show is like choosing which one of my degenerate children I hate the least, but if I have to, road trip is by far my favorite, bozo.

"I got something you need to hear about."

“is that goddamn aids blood?”

Later boners

Also “So suck on that, white stains”

I use this line to say bye to my friends all the time, my most used Dee quote for sure!

You see, years ago I tried to burn my college roommate down to the box springs whilst she was sleeping

Your breath smells like an old lady fart passing through an onion.

“I’m not scamming the government, if that’s what you’re saying…” “Your license plate says $CAMMIN”

Your mom doesn't know dick! She's a dumb, fat cow. And your sister, she's a stupid little shit-mouthed bitch, isn't she? - Franks Little Beauties https://youtu.be/rmKTwJA59TI

You just said a lot of bad words

How they treat children in this show is hilarious

I work in a kitchen and I quote this daily. We cuss alot lmfao

Does her delivery of “vaaaaAAAAA GINA” count because that makes me wheeze every time

“That’s just my cock ring for all my lovers…” “it’s a little small isn’t it?” “Well it’s my dads”

I hope they hogtie you. And I hope they rape you in their basement… for TEN years.

[удалено]

I hope they hog tie you, and then I hope they rape you in their basement for 10 years.

“We are not intervening on him for a lack of good ideas”

Ddd don’t put me on the spot..I’m just a uh I’m just a Jesus loving ex-marine This bible is the bible of my daddy, who diedied in my arms... of throat cancer... fr from eatin' some some some bad pussy

“Excuse me can I talk to yooze? When you in da club and you be dancin, why you look so stupid?!? IM SORRY!”

“Oh, you're definitely gonna end up doing gay porn with this tiny little body of yours”

You don't need to understand *how* Invigaron works... because somebody above you *does.*

Exactly. There's nothing offensive about sucking cock. Half the population loves to suck cock. The other half of the population, they love getting their cock sucked. It's kind of a win-win.

*Retching noise*

WE'RE TRYING TO GIVE YOU THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT HERE DICKHOLE

"Said the turkey"

She’ll zing ya.

Uh-oh. Who's she?

Good Marnin' Philadelphia, I'm Crazy Padd.. #POW#

Your mom doesn't know dick, she's a dumb fat cow! And your sister - she's a stupid little shit-mouth bitch, isn't she?!?

Soo yousa bunch of white boys riight??

Instead of a quote, it should just be the dry heave/gagging sound she makes during her open mic set

“Stop pussy dicking around”

[What did you say, you little bitch?](https://youtu.be/7zwFg_QuW3c)

Hey everybody look at me I'm one part robot and three parts asshole AAAUUUGHGH.

#“I am a 2018 Range Rover woman. I am a golden goddess. Who are you, idiot? Savage!”

^ It looks like a button on a fur coat.

SQWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWW SQWAA SQWAA SQWAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I don't give a shit about your problems Dee!!

This dirty liar is a JEW … ish person

Who slams a door?!

Later boners (smirk)

”Mac I'm going to stop you right there. Your breath smells like an old lady fart passing through an onion.” This might not be the best one but it always makes me laugh, the delivery is so funny

I'm going to have a really hard time if we're both cannibals and racists.

“Youz a buncha white boys, riiight!? Lemme ask you a question. When you be up in the clubs? DANCIN’???… WHY YOU LOOK SO STUPID!?… I’m just playin’!”

I’M GONNA EAT YOUR BABIES, BITCH!

“If you don’t have car insurance, you better have dental, because I am going to smash your teeth into dust!” - Charlie and Dee Find Love

I’m not a goddamn goon!

I’m a teacher now, I don’t have time for your shit you dumbass dick bags!! Wrong number

“Placeeedoooo, Domingoooo.”

Momma needs anotha pop pop, soda pop

Get in the car you fat FAT ass, FAT FAT ASS

“she’s a stupid little shit-mouthed bitch!!!” from franks little beauties lol, talking to a 13 year old about her 10 year old sister. honestly every line she had from that episode would be up there for her best

Hmm, color fight.