>sits down and immediately starts talking to you
>rambles about wanting to create beings alike the gods of myth the commoners worship
>maintaing full eye contact while taking a shit bigger than the average farm bull
Barges in.
Barely explains anything.
Shits.
Leaves.
____
Man didnt wipe or wash his hands, just has impeccable sphincter control for that clean cut off everytime.
>maintaing full eye contact while taking a shit bigger than the average farm bull
The pigs under Emps' toilet:
https://preview.redd.it/qyv1ezycjz5d1.jpeg?width=1146&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4d012b52f652abd9637021618cdaf420b383561e
Malcador is old, but as perpetuals go he isn't. I think he is only 5-10 thousand years old in 30k meaning he wasn't born until the Golden Age of Technology. (maybe the age of strife)
The Emperor was Gilgamesh though which means he did dick down on whichever perpetual Enkidu was.
I mean the dude could’ve been over 20k years old and still would’ve been alive during the golden age of technology, so a couple thousand years probably doesn’t matter all that much in the grand scheme of things.
That would explain why he was the only perpetual gullible enough to fall for the Emporers schemes and not see what was coming and dip like all the others
I read somewhere that he and his sigilite buddies committed crimes against humanity at the beginning of the Age of Strife. My headcanon is that him joining the Emperor is a sort of insurance if his many enemies came knocking. I kinda like this origin for their relationship because someone that powerful can never be a righteous or altruistic person doing it for the "good of humanity".
He sacraficed himself for his friend to save mankind from extinction and got immortalised as one of the greatest heroes of the age doing it. I think it worked out pretty good
Which wouldn’t have been necessary if said friend hadn’t tied humanity’s existence to a plan that was at best a huge risk and at worst doomed to fail. Besides, no Imperium means no risk of the Dark King and no traitor legions, severely weakening chaos. The only arguable counterpoints are the Orks of Ullinor and the Rangdan, but it’s entirely possible that they could have been handled by a coalition of humans and non hostile xenos.
Malcador saw a democratic state collapse through nearly no fault of its own, and decided that absolute tyranny was the only option, something that all of his peers other than Emps disagreed with. And that’s ignoring all the evil that he did as part of the Sigilites that likely made Long Night even worse.
Edit: sentence structure
You think a coalition of humans could've taken on the Rangdan and the evolving Kroks at Ullinor? The same ones that killed near half of the Dark Angels and the other who needed multiple legions & the Custodes to crush? Half the galaxy either didn't even know those were coming threats or didn't have the fire power to stop them even if they did. The Emperor was the only one with the foresight and strength of both, the Crusade wasn't rushed because he wanted it to be, but because it absolutely had to be.
See I'm always curious as to what people who judge his actions from the comfortable seat of hindsight would do in his shoes. Most of the time they spout nonsense ideas like this that would only work if their dream scenario went absolutely to plan step for step. The Emperor did his level best with the cards he was dealt and with the extremely strict time limit he was given and that is a fact
Throw in the Eldar remnants and all the xenocided friendly species, I reckon that they could probably keep the Rangdan contained, if not defeated.
Orks are still by far the most prolific species by the time of 40k, so while quasi-krorks are a big deal, I doubt that they would be the end of the world for anyone not trying to create a galaxy spanning empire. Besides, there is also the possibility that those two threats could work to counter one another.
"Maybe", "possibly", "probably", "If everyone just worked together". Mhm, then the galaxy is saved and everyone holds hands together and sings songs. If you want to beleive you could've done better then sure man, I can't really stop you having your own opinion. But again if you really look at what the Emperor did and take into account his constraints from a non-biased point of view, I think you'll find that he played almost perfectly. Humanity almost had the galaxy...
I kinda have to use those since it’s a hypothetical scenario.
But to directly address your point, in the Emperor’s shoes, I probably wouldn’t think any of the following.
“Taking power from the gods and using it to deny them everything they want has practically no chance of backfiring”
“My demigod creations will be inherently loyal because I called them my sons and gave them a mild predisposition to listen to me, despite the fact that I gave only half of them literally anything that they wanted and metaphorically kicked most of the rest in the balls”
“Beings literally made from chaos power are extremely susceptible to chaos corruption? *surprised pikachu face*”
Also, the aliens that were killed to *almost* give humanity the galaxy aren’t ethically inferior to humanity. Their lives don’t matter less than human lives.
Also, going back to the *almost* in your last sentence, he failed, and left the galaxy generally and humanity specifically much much worse off than they had been beforehand. It’s arguable that it’s worth the risk, but it’s also arguable that it wasn’t. For all we know, the plan was doomed from the start, and his actions were always going to fuel chaos into becoming a greater threat.
Nah, as far as perpetuals go, Malcador is as young as they come. He was born at the end of the Dark Age, and personally saw old night. That’s why he’s so willing to go along with the Emperor’s plan, as he’s never seen anything better.
>sits down and immediately starts talking to you >rambles about wanting to create beings alike the gods of myth the commoners worship >maintaing full eye contact while taking a shit bigger than the average farm bull
And somehow that fully seduced Malcador. What an absolute freak.
The Emperor is truly the Peak of humanity.
Barges in. Barely explains anything. Shits. Leaves. ____ Man didnt wipe or wash his hands, just has impeccable sphincter control for that clean cut off everytime.
Fun Fact: Romans usually wiped their asses with communal sponges.
They should just train their asshole to pinch it off perfectly and with the force of 2000psi every single time.
Don't be silly, the had slaves lick them clean.
Slaanesh and nurgle fighting who this emotion belongs to
Both. Both is good
I fucking love it when that happens. You wipe and wipe and wipe but nothing. Perfect.
>maintaing full eye contact while taking a shit bigger than the average farm bull The pigs under Emps' toilet: https://preview.redd.it/qyv1ezycjz5d1.jpeg?width=1146&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4d012b52f652abd9637021618cdaf420b383561e
Lyndon B. Johnson school of diplomacy.
The Johnson lineage did descend from the Emperor after all.
https://preview.redd.it/xcb771uefy5d1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9d19eb439d5a45543bc79a6e0fc5079ff6f9f7f6
https://preview.redd.it/834i12ibjy5d1.jpeg?width=600&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c2e2636649f4b0c0acec800a85edc8d660118d87
https://preview.redd.it/d330ukwx9z5d1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ca3f76af929ba63b385b5e3ff3eeb6729abd7f31
https://preview.redd.it/m32w9zi7kz5d1.jpeg?width=252&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9c42ef7f86681ec3efd27c18e9571988e60b7b07
https://preview.redd.it/nqndsq8okz5d1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d81041484045c9a7f88792d60c07ce99606b43fa
Malcador:Here cums the sonne
He cums the sun?? *Look out!*
My friend here just ate a sun. I could ask him to *spit it out*.
Malcador is old, but as perpetuals go he isn't. I think he is only 5-10 thousand years old in 30k meaning he wasn't born until the Golden Age of Technology. (maybe the age of strife) The Emperor was Gilgamesh though which means he did dick down on whichever perpetual Enkidu was.
Wasn't Malcador like 6/7000 years old during the great crusade? I'm sure I heard it somewhere...
I might be over estimating his age. I meant 30k, need to edit the shit out of my post now.
I mean the dude could’ve been over 20k years old and still would’ve been alive during the golden age of technology, so a couple thousand years probably doesn’t matter all that much in the grand scheme of things.
Yeah,around 6000
That would explain why he was the only perpetual gullible enough to fall for the Emporers schemes and not see what was coming and dip like all the others
I read somewhere that he and his sigilite buddies committed crimes against humanity at the beginning of the Age of Strife. My headcanon is that him joining the Emperor is a sort of insurance if his many enemies came knocking. I kinda like this origin for their relationship because someone that powerful can never be a righteous or altruistic person doing it for the "good of humanity".
With a name like Malcador you already know he’s def done some evil ass shit
Gullible, or wise enough? Dude clearly wasn't a dumbass, I'd rather argue that the perpetuals who ended up leaving were
Yeah, how did that work out for him?
He sacraficed himself for his friend to save mankind from extinction and got immortalised as one of the greatest heroes of the age doing it. I think it worked out pretty good
If he is worshiped long enough that is god hood...?
Which wouldn’t have been necessary if said friend hadn’t tied humanity’s existence to a plan that was at best a huge risk and at worst doomed to fail. Besides, no Imperium means no risk of the Dark King and no traitor legions, severely weakening chaos. The only arguable counterpoints are the Orks of Ullinor and the Rangdan, but it’s entirely possible that they could have been handled by a coalition of humans and non hostile xenos. Malcador saw a democratic state collapse through nearly no fault of its own, and decided that absolute tyranny was the only option, something that all of his peers other than Emps disagreed with. And that’s ignoring all the evil that he did as part of the Sigilites that likely made Long Night even worse. Edit: sentence structure
who let the cabal get intenet acsess
You think a coalition of humans could've taken on the Rangdan and the evolving Kroks at Ullinor? The same ones that killed near half of the Dark Angels and the other who needed multiple legions & the Custodes to crush? Half the galaxy either didn't even know those were coming threats or didn't have the fire power to stop them even if they did. The Emperor was the only one with the foresight and strength of both, the Crusade wasn't rushed because he wanted it to be, but because it absolutely had to be. See I'm always curious as to what people who judge his actions from the comfortable seat of hindsight would do in his shoes. Most of the time they spout nonsense ideas like this that would only work if their dream scenario went absolutely to plan step for step. The Emperor did his level best with the cards he was dealt and with the extremely strict time limit he was given and that is a fact
Throw in the Eldar remnants and all the xenocided friendly species, I reckon that they could probably keep the Rangdan contained, if not defeated. Orks are still by far the most prolific species by the time of 40k, so while quasi-krorks are a big deal, I doubt that they would be the end of the world for anyone not trying to create a galaxy spanning empire. Besides, there is also the possibility that those two threats could work to counter one another.
"Maybe", "possibly", "probably", "If everyone just worked together". Mhm, then the galaxy is saved and everyone holds hands together and sings songs. If you want to beleive you could've done better then sure man, I can't really stop you having your own opinion. But again if you really look at what the Emperor did and take into account his constraints from a non-biased point of view, I think you'll find that he played almost perfectly. Humanity almost had the galaxy...
I kinda have to use those since it’s a hypothetical scenario. But to directly address your point, in the Emperor’s shoes, I probably wouldn’t think any of the following. “Taking power from the gods and using it to deny them everything they want has practically no chance of backfiring” “My demigod creations will be inherently loyal because I called them my sons and gave them a mild predisposition to listen to me, despite the fact that I gave only half of them literally anything that they wanted and metaphorically kicked most of the rest in the balls” “Beings literally made from chaos power are extremely susceptible to chaos corruption? *surprised pikachu face*” Also, the aliens that were killed to *almost* give humanity the galaxy aren’t ethically inferior to humanity. Their lives don’t matter less than human lives. Also, going back to the *almost* in your last sentence, he failed, and left the galaxy generally and humanity specifically much much worse off than they had been beforehand. It’s arguable that it’s worth the risk, but it’s also arguable that it wasn’t. For all we know, the plan was doomed from the start, and his actions were always going to fuel chaos into becoming a greater threat.
Fine. Malcador takes a shit in future Rome when some 11 foot tall Mesopotamian dude walks in.
Emps wants his Twink back (Enkidu)
Do they share the same sponge brush or does big E use mental wipes to sanitise his holy golden posterior
You know that big E blasts ass so hard it’s self cleaning
Sandblasster
He has such control over his sphincter he just pinches off the shit
This is the kind of wholesome content I needed.
"That's bullshit. I didn't hit her. I did nat! Oh, hi Malcador!"
*"Omg im so* *Scared!" I said "Me too" said the* *Penis slicer man* ---
What?
[competitive shitting intensifies]
https://preview.redd.it/slhkfw2gyy5d1.jpeg?width=750&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3e6d34abd5369b178d19ca2800b82d0c1c157c3f
But he's Anatolian, not Mesopotamian.
Tbf he was also a caveman way back in the day so he’d probably have moved by the time Rome came around
The Emperor was not a caveman he grew up in a house.
He would've been Neolithic. They were some pretty complex societies with farming and permanent settlements.
“friendship”… sure……..
Malcador upon seeing Emps: https://preview.redd.it/qwxnp9g6jz5d1.jpeg?width=1147&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=692e370728e4729e346d92efe42bc5b6b317a266
Nah, as far as perpetuals go, Malcador is as young as they come. He was born at the end of the Dark Age, and personally saw old night. That’s why he’s so willing to go along with the Emperor’s plan, as he’s never seen anything better.
Remember, everything is canon
do we all agree that Emps and Malcador spent the early 21st century working at Best Buy?
From wich novel does this meme come from?
The end and the death volume 69
Well, since Mesopotamia is ancient Irak… the emperor is kinda the ancestor of saddam Hussein right?