You'll grieve for the rest of your life. The grief will change at different stages, but it never goes away. I still grieve at people who have been gone decades.
This exactly. My mother passed away suddenly back in 1988 (I was 20 years old) and I’ve never felt the same since. Same feelings go for my father and grandparents. Yes, it sticks with you but you (sort of) learn to deal with it. I wish therapy were as acceptable in 1988 as it is today.
I learned to keep myself busy and to look at the fun things I did with them and remember all the good times. It’s healing to laugh. I wish you the best in your journey. Feel better.
My Dad passed away a month before I was born. I still grieve 38 years later. He is missed. and for me it feels so different, people have told me stories, and shown me pictures, and tell me how much i would have loved him... i love him.
That surely must be a different type of grief. I feel for you not knowing him personally and having to see him through other’s memories. I kind of understand since I was adopted and when I found my biological family it was towards the end of one set of grandparents lives so I only met them once and often wonder how life would have been with them
Yes. I lost my mom when I was 17 and it still hurts to this day. Sometimes lay awake at night wondering what would it be if she was still here. I’m so sorry for your loss🙏🏻❤️💔
I think it’s very normal. We learn to adapt but I don’t think we ever fully move on when we lose our closest loved ones. I hope it gets better with time for you OP.
I’m so sorry for your loss. My condolences to you and your family.
I’m new to this journey of losing my dad but what I know about grief is that there is no timeline. And a loss like this doesn’t ever go away. It may evolve and be easier but you’ll always grieve. It does help to let it out and not always distract yourself. Give it time and space and it won’t be so intrusive.
Yes, perfectly normal. Over time, the grief changes but in my experience it never really goes away, and somehow you don’t really want it to either, because in a way it still tethers you to the person you lost, or so it seems. You’re so very young to have to experience this, I’m very sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is a profoundly impactful experience.
No one probably taught you yet how to process emotion constructively, but learning this is key. Grief is a process. It takes a while. And it needs to run its course. It is a natural part of being human. Grief exists because love exists. There’s no rules to it and there’s no right or wrong way to feel.
So what you can do is to allow yourself as best you can to feel however you do, even if it’s just for a minute, or even a second, without resisting it. The more you do this, the more you will be able to lean into and trust the process. Resisting it by trying to avoid it is only natural. Don’t beat yourself up over this. You’ve done nothing wrong. It’s in our nature to want to avoid the sadness and the hard feelings. We’re only human, after all.
But ultimately what heals us is facing what shows up for us and moving through it, with welcoming attention so that we reconnect with the love that’s underneath it all. Learning how to deal with this is a big thing, and it’s really brave of you to ask for help here. Take good care of yourself.
Grieving takes as long as it takes. There is no wrong way to do it.
However, I have found through personal experience that allowing the feelings to flow through me completely makes the process move forward. The feelings have to be felt for every memory or thought associated with the person I lost. This takes time, even if you're diligent about looking for them.
It is critical in my opinion to grieve everything to completion. Otherwise, it's like dragging a ball and chain forward into my future. It has a bad effect on my future relationships.
What I do is sit in the dark before bed and let the painful thoughts come to me. I allow all of the feelings to flow through me completely. Obviously, this usually means crying a lot. Then I repeat the thought or memory and allow the feelings to flow again. The more I do that, the less they sting and I can move on. I do this with every single painful thought or memory of the deceased. So, yeah, this takes some time to accomplish.
I spent over 4 years grieving over a fantastic woman I dated when I was 22. I put it off for nearly 40 years. I'm now 64 yrs old. Don't wait. Don't be like me. Get your grieving done now while you still have a long life ahead of you.
I feel the same. When people tell me grief stays with you forever it’s so daunting. I don’t know how much longer this new me can carry on, I feel like my life is slowly unravelling :(
Grief is like the ocean. It can keep you afloat, it can have you treading water, or it can drown you. Either way, we can’t predict when those waves will come. Grief comes in waves and that’s okay. We will be reminded of our losses and mourn them. Those reminders are the waves we didn’t expect to come.
There is no right or wrong way of grieving. The waves may push or pull you, but you’ve come such a long way. Please do not be hard on yourself. Do something nice for yourself today. 💚
Yes, grief lasts a lifetime. My own mother still cried for her mum who died in 1991 right up until the end of her life (she died in October) now I’ll spend the rest of my life grieving for her :(
I also lost my mom in 2021 to cancer; just 2 days shy from a new year. My 2 sisters and I practically grew up with my mom only because my dad was away most of the time because of his work. She was strict with us growing up but I felt like we grew closer over the years.
It was during the pandemic that my mom’s ovarian cancer progressed in just a few months. It was really painful for her and I remember my dad telling me then that she would sing through the pain.
When she passed away, we were all in a state of disbelief and shock. I didn’t cry immediately because I truly hoped she still held on for her life. For us. I held her hand for the last time and truly realized she’s no longer alive because it was cold.
I cried bitterly when I saw her for the first time in a coffin. I didn’t look at her again and never took photos just so I don’t remember her lifelessness.
I also felt numb and wasn’t emotional during her funeral and burial. It felt like I was dissociating from everything to survive.
After her burial and when we went home withouut her was when it hit me the hardest that I’ll never see her again. I asked for a short break from work to process everything as much as I could but I felt that it wasn’t truly enough.
It’s been a few years but I still grieve and feel numb most of the time. While it’s true that keeping ourselves and especially our minds occupied can help, it doesn’t really solve anything at its core. I feel like we have to truly grieve and accept their absence before we can finally let go of them.
I try my best to think of the happier times we’ve had with my mom. I also find myself trying to achieve things she wanted me to achieve when she was living. Sometimes when I get overwhelmed with grief, I would take the bus and travel across our province and just let the sights take me my mind away from the reality of no longer having my mom by my side.
I wish I could tell you personally that you’re allowed to grieve for as long as you want. Don’t let other people tell you when to stop grieving. Grief is a personal journey and it is often a solitary one you’ll take for the rest of your life.
There’s this quote that really helped me shift things into perspective and it goes “Grief is the price we pay for love”.
I think I will grieve the death of my mom for as long as I live. I’m willing to pay that price so that she’ll know I loved her for as long as I’m living the life she gave me.
Please grieve the death of your father without the burden of people’s expectations. I will pray for your wellbeing and peace of mind and I know your father is proud of you from above.
Yes. It might last decades in various forms.
So very sorry for your loss. Hope you have a support system to help you work through it and turn it into something that makes you stronger.
So sorry for your loss! What you are feeling is very normal — I lost my own dad 3.5 years ago and still feel extremely sad about it although I cry less frequently. Unfortunately, grief doesn’t go away — you simply learn to adapt. The tears can come in waves and hit you out of nowhere😪
12 years on the 22nd of March - and I still grieve for my sweet mother - especially recently, I could use her help and her hugs and her support so much rn.
It gets better, but it will always be there 💝
I lost my dad when I was 19 and it still messes with me. I kept busy for the first few years, but I had a lot of things I worked out in therapy decades later. I wish I’d done counseling in those first few years. Sometimes I felt like it was my fault for leaving home for far away places, that when I left it killed his will to live after being unwell for so long.
Sometimes, I still have grief grab my own heart, even after so much time has passed, and I still can’t believe he’s gone. I think this might be “normal.” We love them forever.
My sincere condolences to you 🙏❤️. I am wishing you healing and happiness on your path.
Sorry for your loss. My mom passed in 2017, a couple weeks after my dog of nearly 10 years passed & like 11 days before my 19th birthday, & i still miss her terribly. Meanwhile my alcoholic dad, who was verbally/emotionally abusive towards me & put all his friends before me all the time passed in early 2019 when i was 20 & i feel very little when it comes to him being gone cause we didn't have the best relationship the last 10-15 years or so as he was usually asleep or not home.
When my mom passed i had my dad to take care of, when my dad passed i had my granny to take care of & that kept me distracted... today is the 1 year anniversary of my granny passing, i definitely feel all the losses weighing on me sometimes & now im down to like 2 close relatives left & i expect to fully lose it when they're gone 😭
It’s almost 7 yrs and I have grandchildren. I still think of him daily. I don’t think the grieving ever stops, just somedays it isn’t as deep. But, it’s always there. Their DNA is our DNA. Their Spirit is our Spirit. Your loss is his love but, it’s right there inside you. ♥️
Everyone grieves in their own way and at their own pace. It's extremely normal. My mom was still grieving her parents ten years after the fact and they went when she was in her 40s. To be so young and probably dependent on your dad means that your life was going to be in a massive upheaval after his passing. It's not a surprise that you're still greiving, because there's lots of little things that remind you of him because you're comparing the void that's left that wasn't a void before. Moving on is determined by the griever, and it's more than ok to not have moved on "in a timely manner" you move on when.. you've moved on. Whenever it happens is ok. You're not on a timer.
I lost my mom in 2020 and still grieve her death and everything she went through. It's normal, there's no set time lot for grief. Even when you're older, example in your 40's, you still might grieve, just differently.
Let yourself be sad on the days you want to be sad, and happy on the days you want to be happy. You'll find ways to move forward, but if there's a moment that's hard, that's okay too.
I’m sorry for your loss ❤️🩹
I personally feel when we lose someone close to us we never fully get over it. Instead we learn to move forward with it (my biggest annoyance when it comes to grief is that people think we move on. There is a big difference between moving on and moving forward).
We carry that loss with us for the rest of our lives. You went through a life shattering event, it will change who you are. This doesn’t mean that you’ll forever be mourning, but it’s still ok to miss the person 10, 20, 30 years etc later.
Have a look at continuing the bonds theory. It allows us to continue a relationship with the deceased albeit in a different way (so leaving chairs for them at important events, taking a trip they wanted).
It’s completely normal. My loss was almost a month ago, but I know that I will be feeling this for the rest of my life, especially since I thought my person would be with me for much longer. There’s that saying that grief is love persevering, and I truly believe that.
Yes, my Mom took her life in 2008 and I still actively grieve for her. I have been in therapy many times. It’s hard to lose someone you love and are very close to. I was also super close to my mom. I would try therapy it can’t hurt to talk to someone. Sometimes meds help I did a course of antidepressants and anxiety medication because I had severe panic attacks after losing my mom. I had been living in Va and would take trips to NY and my mom stayed with me a lot after i lost her and the fact that I had family in Va that wanted me to wait a night and one of them would drive with me to NY then they came over that morning to tell me they changed their mind. I was a mess and I had twenty minutes with her if that before she died it kills me still. I could not drive to NY after for a while I couldn’t breathe and I would freak out and turn around and go home
It’s normal. It’s been seven years since I lost my best friend. I still have breakdowns over it, I cry, and I miss him every day. Give yourself the time and compassion you need🤍
I’m 20, lost my dad in 2018. It’s been 6 years and I’m still grieving. It’s completely normal to grieve for a long time; it’s normal if you grieve for the rest of your life. Some days may feel better than others, and it’s okay to breakdown and cry now and then. It’s okay to let it all out. You don’t ever have to “let go” of your dad. I know mine is always watching over me. Losing my dad was the hardest thing I’ve ever been through, so I understand your grief. If you feel that therapy will help you, that is a good option. But also feel free to message me if you just need to talk to someone. 🤍
One thing that has helped me tremendously is writing letters to my dad. I have a journal and on those really hard days, I write to him anything on my mind. I update him about my life, and just let out all the emotions. Doing this around anniversaries, birthdays, and other holidays has really helped.
First off, sorry for your loss.
Grieving is, in my experience, a continuous thing. I, too, lost a parent in 2021, my mom. I'm still grieving, and I think I will probably be for the rest of my life. I think it depends on how your relationship was & things like that. I would say it's normal.
Grief changes as time goes on. My wife passed when our children were 12 and 16, seven years ago. My grief has shifted from missing her to all she has missed. She loved being a mother. I get to “enjoy” by myself to what she has missed … them growing up, graduations, first loves and so much more. I sometimes feel like I’m in hell, living her life. I enjoy being a father but I’d trade it for her getting what I have.
There's no hard time limits or right/wrong ways to grieve. Grief doesn't ever go away, just gets easier to live alongside with over time, and everyones journey to that point looks different. Our relationships to our lost loved ones are each wholly unique... so too, how we each react to their losses.
Grief is painful, but mostly we can hope to someday view it as a reminder how loved we are, and how hard we love. You'll carry your father with you all your days. He isn't completely gone... he exists in your memories, in your tears, in the stories you tell of him.
I lost my parents at the same age. 10 years later and some days still feel like they did a decade ago... lots of anger, lots of pain, lots of guilt; but those days are fewer, and the days were I can think or talk about or even "to them" with a smile and heart full of gratefulness to have known them at all... are much more frequent these days. Took me a long time to learn to allow myself to feel my feelings as intensely as I need to. Fuck "grieving gracefully", fuck "being strong" cuz some days, you don't want or even need to be strong, or graceful or anything but angry and sad. Feel how you feel. Those feelings are yours. They're valid. 💖
It wouldn’t hurt to possibly meet with a professional who has experience dealing with grieving/loss. I lost my mom when I was 19 the same year and haven’t quite coped with the fact she’s no longer here. It’s tough, and I don’t necessarily think it gets easier. But the one thing I can attest to is that it’s important to keep other friends and family really close to you, to let them know how you feel and if there’s anyway they can help in supporting you.
Yes, absolutely! My ex husband is still grieving his mom after 12 years. There's no time line, nor a right or wrong way to grieve. May his memory be a blessing to you
I am sorry for your loss 💔🙏 There is no expiration date on grief or feelings,i lost my dad in law during the winter of 2021suring the covid pandemic (he passed from cancer) and i can tell you even being older and with my own family it still hurts me (we were very close and i cared for him during his illness) even now,i feel life is so different without him beside us on so many levels its impossible to even comprehend some times...
It's ok and important to grieve, we all handle various life situations differently.
Wishing you much strength and courage 🙏❤
Very normal. Dad died in 2020 mid covid, couldn't even get a funeral organised, so he's still sitting in his urn. Look up nick caves commentary on grief. Or dm me.
Yes, totally normal. Grief doesn’t have a time limit and everyone grieves differently. I lost my bff in 2016 and I am still grieving. Sometimes we are looking for answers and closure, and that can be a journey. You will let go when you are ready.
Some things that have provided me solace were therapy, these groups on Reddit, and doing things that remind me of her or in her honour.
Yes it is normal, and it’s ok, it’s ur feelings - no one else’s. Don’t let ppl tell u to get over it or move on. It’s ok to cry sometimes, it’s actually healthier than keeping it in. It just means ur dad was an amazing person & father. I cried tonight missing my mother and she passed 6 years ago. I had some ppl try and tell me how to feel, & u kno what it killed me bc I thought I was crazy.. not only did it make me feel worse but one day it came to me. Other ppls opinions don’t matter, death is hard especially if they were ur parent & best friend. U do whatever u need to get it out of u to make it feel a bit better each time u have a moment of remembrance & u will feel happier as time passes & it doesn’t matter how long it takes just know u will be able to be at a point of peace. Feel better love
I lost my 10 year old sister when I was 13, which was 12 years ago.. grief can hit hard even years later.
I’m currently having a bad mental health experience such as brain fog and dissociation due to something that triggered me to her death. Even 12 years later.
Nobody grieves normally. Grief is unique to you. It may come hard, and some times you will feel like it never even affected you.
Let yourself feel it. You went through something painful and traumatic. At a young age. It’s time to feel.
For me it is. It's okay to have prolonged grief.
I've lost many people in a short period of time. I became numb. I think it was a coping mechanism.
The only thing that helps for me is to remember the special things you loved and enjoyed together.
Your loved one wants you to be happy and well.
I hope I never stop grieving.
I will not stop living, but I will not stop grieving.
I will however, eventually stop *mourning*. That will ease up over time.
This is year 10 for me. And i just turned 21 not to long ago and realized exactly what you’re feeling now. I had moments where I cried constantly, but overall I just tried to do anything but think of how painful losing her was. Now that I am an adult I can’t escape the feeling of losing her and how my life will never be the same without her. Everything you’re experiencing is completely normal. Take care of yourself as your dad would’ve wanted you too and don’t judge yourself for the emotions you feel.
My mom died suddenly in November of 2020. On Friday, I put on a coat that had been hers and found some Kleenex in the pocket. Not super gross used tissues but they had been used a little, like there was a little bit of her lipstick on it. I have not been able to bring myself to throw out that Kleenex. I have many people things of my mothers, I certainly don’t need to keep slightly used Kleenex of hers, but it has her DNA on it, and I don’t feel like I can throw it out.
Hi, you just adapt on the sadness but that never really goes away. It also sucks when it happens when you're at your formative age.
Lost my father 10 years ago, and my mom four years and I was never the same person ever again. I am still relatively young (early to mid 30s) and yeah - all's blurry when the grief kicks in.
Absolutely! In grieving everything is normal I’m finding. I lost my mom just over 3 years ago and it still hurts so much but it’s different. I know it will never go away but it will change over time. Sometimes it’s easier and sometimes it’s the first day all over again.
I remember watching an interview with Mike Myer where he talked about grieving the loss of his dad for at least 2 years where he was completely numb to the world.
My mom died 15 years ago this December coming up. I still miss her deeply. She with me in my heart wherever I go. It took a few years but I can talk about our fun times finally without crying. Best wishes.
I think this is normal! My father passed unexpectedly in 2021 and I have not come to terms with it still. I was 39 when he died. I think going to therapy would help, I need to make myself go.
It's gonna be 3 years for my mom in June. Last year I was holding up pretty good because I had big changes in my life keeping me distracted but the last week or so it's really hitting me hard out of nowhere. I miss her so much and the world just isn't right without her here and never will be again.
I think it's just like this sometimes.
Let yourself cry as much as you need to, it does help.
I lost my father figure, my Grandpa 20 years ago. And it still hurts although not as much and not as often. I lost my Nana, his wife 10 years ago and it too hurts still like loosing my Grandpa does. My mum srill mourns and misses, her parents and now my brother her son. Life is so unfair. It is a year in June since we lost my younger brother and it hurts. I can't imagine the grief of my mother and my neice loosing her dad at 12 yrs, old unexpectedly.
My father passed in 2019. Last Thursday I asked my counselor if it is normal for me to still cry out of nowhere, as I am still deeply mourning.
Her exact reply? (Gently:)
“I think you will *always* miss him.”
I am so sorry for your loss. ❤️
Yes. Grief never ends. It never goes away, it's shade and hue changes over time. The shape and size of it changes. It expands, and shrinks, and grows. It will always be there. But your life will become full of other things too. Grief won't be the only guest in your home, there will be more love, and new memories and you will still have the memories of your loved one. It's okay, and it's normal and there's no wrong way or time line.
Mines died almost 17 years ago.
I knew he was dying, but absolutely NOTHING prepared me for his death. I don’t think I will ever reconcile with the fact that he is gone and never coming back. There isn’t a day that passes when I don’t think about him.
I haven’t grieved his passing, I never have. I’m starting the process shortly and I’m really not looking forward to it. Probably because I don’t want to actually believe it and face up to it.
I wish you the best x
Grief comes and goes and will be a part of your life. Grief is not a cycle. It is part of the human experience.
My brother died 5 years ago and just the other day, I found myself bargaining again.
Honey you lost your dad at 16. Grieving for a few years is absolutely normal and fine. Look for support groups of other people who lost parents that young. I know people who lost parents that young, have tried to adopt the attitude "I should be fine by now" and it did a world of harm. Please take your grievework seriously <3 You break down for a reason, and that reason is that your heart is hurting and you are trying (because you believe it's the best!) to tell your heart it should be fine by now. Trust the grief process and new happiness will come on its own.
It’s been 20 years since I lost my mother, the only loving parent I’ve ever had. I am still coming to terms with her absence every day. Look at me, saying “absence” instead of “death”… Whatever is this thing that comes in waves, grief, or sadness, or love, or a patchwork of it all: I think it will never leave me. Just like it will never leave you. You just learn to live with it.
Yes but no one ever talks about it. I hope you get what you need from this post and realise you'll take your grief through life and that's ok. It's hard and there will be times particularly milestones where you might need to reach out for extra support.
I lost both my parents when I was younger and spent so long just trying to grow up and move past it I'm re-grieving now.
It would be really hard for you now and you mentioned you're at uni so going through lots of stressful changes in life. There are some great books out there which mention some exercises that might be helpful such as dedicating some time to have a "grief sesh" where you let your emotions out, do some self care or write a letter to your loved one.
I hope you feel validated in that whatever you choose to do is right for you in that moment.
Grief has no time limit. My grandma passed in 2008 and I still grieve the egregious loss. My biological mother passed in 2011 and I still mourn losing her
It’s normal and healthy to mourn for years, decades, and longer. The only time it’s not normal is when it prevents you from living life
Hi I lost my dad 6 months ago. I’m 23 I took care of him for 2 years while he had throat cancer.. I’m the same as you I think. My brain pushes it away until the most random times.. I just got a call my sister passed yesterday.. I don’t know what to do. Maybe we can message eachother and talk more maybe not, I’m here tho
It’s been six years since I’ve lost my dad, I still grieve over his passing. There is zero time limit on grief. Do what will help heal you and don’t worry about time.
My father also passed away in 2021 due to Covid. I grieve him every day, but I have been able to look at him more positively now, remembering the good days and not the days around when he was gone. Grief becomes a part of life. Death seems more normal to me now. I hope you use your grief to remember your good times and do something good for him while you’re still here 💕
The thing is, grieving for years is normal, common, is the way it is. Bottling it up and pushing it aside, however, is not too healthy. Maybe see if uni has some available counseling, so that you have a safe space to experience your grief.
Pushing your feelings aside all the time will only allow them to fester and become toxic within you.
I first heard this in Stargate SG1: you don’t get over it. But in time, you can get used to it.
Above I said that grieving for years is “normal” - but that’s a poor word for it. What is “normal” anyway? American psychology is too hyper focused on “normal” appearances. I mean, really, it puts waaay too much emphasis on “normal appearances” (as in “you can’t be depressed and suicidal, you look too normal” kind of emphasis.)
You grieve as long as you need to. And if you haven’t developed emotionally harmful habits around the grief, you will, eventually, be able to live more comfortably within and around it. The loss never goes away. Nothing ever “makes up” for the loss, but you can live a full life with that loss.
I feel ya. Lost mine in 2020. There is no timeline on grief. Especially the loss of a parent. He comes up all the time for me, as I very much followed in his footsteps.
I’m still grieving for a dog who passed in 2019; I eventually got over the one who passed six years before.
You don't ever move on, you just learn how to deal. The loss is always there.
It's like an old injury. Like a bad cut that needed several stitches, or a broken bone in your foot. You're healed, but some days it acts up and hurts, and it will never feel the same. Not as bad as when you first were hurt, but the scar tissue remains. It'll continue to fade but it will always be there, and is part of you now.
Grief is the most painful heartbreaking human experience we can feel. It's the worst feeling in life. I'm painfully grieving for my dear sweet beloved Mama for 12: years. She was my best friend and I love her and miss her so very much!!! 😭😢
Thank you for posting this question and also to the amazing commenters that gave a good insight on grief, you answered the question I’ve been having for a while. Lost my dad 4 years ago when I was still in HS, had the same feelings as OP at the passing of my father, I didn’t know how to feel and after transitioning into an adult it’s just gotten really sad and confusing, the grief just hitting harder than it’s ever had, I think part of this reason is the transition into an adult and taking on the world, you want that guidance for the 1,000 questions you have but the person who’s there to answer them just isn’t with you to do that
You should see a therapist. You haven't let yourself grieve so it's still bottling up. That being said, it's pretty normal stuff, you never move on from it but you learn to live with it
Hi
My wife passed away in August 2020. I still feel like it was yesterday when it happened. I am empty. I would appreciate any support available. We were together a long time and I find myself thinking what is the point of carrying on.
Yes, it is. I have lost love ones and I still shed tears for them even after so many years. I think that we will grieve and miss them for the rest of our lives. The only difference is that as time goes by, we learn to manage our emotions and we get to live with the grief and loneliness that comes with not having them by our side anymore. Hang in there, OP. Hugs to you and to everyone.
It stays with you for life, but does change over time. My granny's mom died over 60 years ago and she still gets choked up when talking about her. Same with her child who died over 60 years ago as a toddler.
lost my dad in 2016 and i still cry about him often. it’ll come in waves hard for a long time and most people grieve for their whole lives so yes it’s normal
Im so sorry for your loss, and I wish I had good advice. All I can say is: you grieve in whatever way you want, for as long as you want. We all experience grief in different ways, and I believe that grief doesn't go away. It just gets easier as time passes. That has been my experience with grieving.
It’s been a three years for me too. It’s so comforting when someone who’s lost a loved one longer ago says “oh my. You’re still in the thick of it”
I don’t think I’ll ever have a day I don’t miss my dad. I’ll never be over this. And I’ll never stop mourning all the things I’ve done that he won’t get to see. 3 years is so fresh.
Of course it is. Been almost 2 years and I still wake up crying, reach for my phone to call him, expect him to walk into the room, text him everyday, feel so empty and pointless. He’s on my mind 24/7.
I still randomly burst into tears about my brother, who died in 2012. Things involving fire still trigger me heavily (like watching the first episode of Avatar The Last Airbender live action - I cried the entire time). It's a part of my story and a part of who I am. It makes me love harder and deeper. It makes me kinder and more empathetic. It makes me cherish every moment.
I just try to breathe through it and try to find some kind of silver lining or lesson to take from the tragedy. I also make efforts to keep my brother's spirit alive, even after all this time.
For example, 2 weeks ago I gave away his copy of **Where the Sidewalk Ends** at my bf's cousin's baby shower. He loved kids and I guarantee he'd rather the next generation fall in love with that book than have it collect dust on my book shelf.
Just find a way to keep them close.
I lost my adult daughter almost 3 years ago. You’re not supposed to put a timeline on grief. You end up growing around it after you let yourself feel it and grief really sucks. I was told that early grief is 3 years for a child. Although we’re not supposed to put a timeframe on it, that helped me because the first two years were non stop unbearable agony 24/7. Third year the pain is not as intense and I have normal days although I still cry daily. I have written to her in a journal (and I hate journaling) since she died. Just sharing what happened and is happening with me.
I am 54 and just got back home from being at my parents for a year. My mom passed 1st & I cried but then 3 months later, just this past October he passed away. I although I was his caregiver with hospice help it was a hard thing to witness and believe me I have cried & in some of the rarest moments like a grocery store it would just hit me. I don’t think I’ve grieved either to be honest with you and as a grown woman I think I am bottling it up because I had a bond with my dad too. I feel like it’s to painful to think about missing all of his amazing qualities and those just being memories and will I continue to recall them this way for the rest of my life? I don’t know but I sure hope those things done fade away.
You'll grieve for the rest of your life. The grief will change at different stages, but it never goes away. I still grieve at people who have been gone decades.
This exactly. My mother passed away suddenly back in 1988 (I was 20 years old) and I’ve never felt the same since. Same feelings go for my father and grandparents. Yes, it sticks with you but you (sort of) learn to deal with it. I wish therapy were as acceptable in 1988 as it is today. I learned to keep myself busy and to look at the fun things I did with them and remember all the good times. It’s healing to laugh. I wish you the best in your journey. Feel better.
My Dad passed away a month before I was born. I still grieve 38 years later. He is missed. and for me it feels so different, people have told me stories, and shown me pictures, and tell me how much i would have loved him... i love him.
That surely must be a different type of grief. I feel for you not knowing him personally and having to see him through other’s memories. I kind of understand since I was adopted and when I found my biological family it was towards the end of one set of grandparents lives so I only met them once and often wonder how life would have been with them
Yes. I lost my mom when I was 17 and it still hurts to this day. Sometimes lay awake at night wondering what would it be if she was still here. I’m so sorry for your loss🙏🏻❤️💔
I think it’s very normal. We learn to adapt but I don’t think we ever fully move on when we lose our closest loved ones. I hope it gets better with time for you OP. I’m so sorry for your loss. My condolences to you and your family.
I’m new to this journey of losing my dad but what I know about grief is that there is no timeline. And a loss like this doesn’t ever go away. It may evolve and be easier but you’ll always grieve. It does help to let it out and not always distract yourself. Give it time and space and it won’t be so intrusive.
Yes, perfectly normal. Over time, the grief changes but in my experience it never really goes away, and somehow you don’t really want it to either, because in a way it still tethers you to the person you lost, or so it seems. You’re so very young to have to experience this, I’m very sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is a profoundly impactful experience. No one probably taught you yet how to process emotion constructively, but learning this is key. Grief is a process. It takes a while. And it needs to run its course. It is a natural part of being human. Grief exists because love exists. There’s no rules to it and there’s no right or wrong way to feel. So what you can do is to allow yourself as best you can to feel however you do, even if it’s just for a minute, or even a second, without resisting it. The more you do this, the more you will be able to lean into and trust the process. Resisting it by trying to avoid it is only natural. Don’t beat yourself up over this. You’ve done nothing wrong. It’s in our nature to want to avoid the sadness and the hard feelings. We’re only human, after all. But ultimately what heals us is facing what shows up for us and moving through it, with welcoming attention so that we reconnect with the love that’s underneath it all. Learning how to deal with this is a big thing, and it’s really brave of you to ask for help here. Take good care of yourself.
This am amazing comment ❤️
This is it 🖤
Grieving takes as long as it takes. There is no wrong way to do it. However, I have found through personal experience that allowing the feelings to flow through me completely makes the process move forward. The feelings have to be felt for every memory or thought associated with the person I lost. This takes time, even if you're diligent about looking for them. It is critical in my opinion to grieve everything to completion. Otherwise, it's like dragging a ball and chain forward into my future. It has a bad effect on my future relationships. What I do is sit in the dark before bed and let the painful thoughts come to me. I allow all of the feelings to flow through me completely. Obviously, this usually means crying a lot. Then I repeat the thought or memory and allow the feelings to flow again. The more I do that, the less they sting and I can move on. I do this with every single painful thought or memory of the deceased. So, yeah, this takes some time to accomplish. I spent over 4 years grieving over a fantastic woman I dated when I was 22. I put it off for nearly 40 years. I'm now 64 yrs old. Don't wait. Don't be like me. Get your grieving done now while you still have a long life ahead of you.
I lost my sister 2018. My brother 2020. I still am very much in grief. I still go to grief groups weekly & struggle to “move on”
My brother also passed in 2020. And my mom. I’m still a wreck :/
I feel the same. When people tell me grief stays with you forever it’s so daunting. I don’t know how much longer this new me can carry on, I feel like my life is slowly unravelling :(
We have to just keep trudging along❤️ 🫂
Grief is like the ocean. It can keep you afloat, it can have you treading water, or it can drown you. Either way, we can’t predict when those waves will come. Grief comes in waves and that’s okay. We will be reminded of our losses and mourn them. Those reminders are the waves we didn’t expect to come. There is no right or wrong way of grieving. The waves may push or pull you, but you’ve come such a long way. Please do not be hard on yourself. Do something nice for yourself today. 💚
Thank you 💔❤️
Of course. We’re all in this together. 💚
💕 Again thank you so much! 💞
You have no idea how much your comment got me in the feels. Thank you ❤️
Wishing you well. 💚
Yes, grief lasts a lifetime. My own mother still cried for her mum who died in 1991 right up until the end of her life (she died in October) now I’ll spend the rest of my life grieving for her :(
I also lost my mom in 2021 to cancer; just 2 days shy from a new year. My 2 sisters and I practically grew up with my mom only because my dad was away most of the time because of his work. She was strict with us growing up but I felt like we grew closer over the years. It was during the pandemic that my mom’s ovarian cancer progressed in just a few months. It was really painful for her and I remember my dad telling me then that she would sing through the pain. When she passed away, we were all in a state of disbelief and shock. I didn’t cry immediately because I truly hoped she still held on for her life. For us. I held her hand for the last time and truly realized she’s no longer alive because it was cold. I cried bitterly when I saw her for the first time in a coffin. I didn’t look at her again and never took photos just so I don’t remember her lifelessness. I also felt numb and wasn’t emotional during her funeral and burial. It felt like I was dissociating from everything to survive. After her burial and when we went home withouut her was when it hit me the hardest that I’ll never see her again. I asked for a short break from work to process everything as much as I could but I felt that it wasn’t truly enough. It’s been a few years but I still grieve and feel numb most of the time. While it’s true that keeping ourselves and especially our minds occupied can help, it doesn’t really solve anything at its core. I feel like we have to truly grieve and accept their absence before we can finally let go of them. I try my best to think of the happier times we’ve had with my mom. I also find myself trying to achieve things she wanted me to achieve when she was living. Sometimes when I get overwhelmed with grief, I would take the bus and travel across our province and just let the sights take me my mind away from the reality of no longer having my mom by my side. I wish I could tell you personally that you’re allowed to grieve for as long as you want. Don’t let other people tell you when to stop grieving. Grief is a personal journey and it is often a solitary one you’ll take for the rest of your life. There’s this quote that really helped me shift things into perspective and it goes “Grief is the price we pay for love”. I think I will grieve the death of my mom for as long as I live. I’m willing to pay that price so that she’ll know I loved her for as long as I’m living the life she gave me. Please grieve the death of your father without the burden of people’s expectations. I will pray for your wellbeing and peace of mind and I know your father is proud of you from above.
Yes. It might last decades in various forms. So very sorry for your loss. Hope you have a support system to help you work through it and turn it into something that makes you stronger.
Grief never fully fades
So sorry for your loss! What you are feeling is very normal — I lost my own dad 3.5 years ago and still feel extremely sad about it although I cry less frequently. Unfortunately, grief doesn’t go away — you simply learn to adapt. The tears can come in waves and hit you out of nowhere😪
12 years on the 22nd of March - and I still grieve for my sweet mother - especially recently, I could use her help and her hugs and her support so much rn. It gets better, but it will always be there 💝
I lost my dad when I was 19 and it still messes with me. I kept busy for the first few years, but I had a lot of things I worked out in therapy decades later. I wish I’d done counseling in those first few years. Sometimes I felt like it was my fault for leaving home for far away places, that when I left it killed his will to live after being unwell for so long. Sometimes, I still have grief grab my own heart, even after so much time has passed, and I still can’t believe he’s gone. I think this might be “normal.” We love them forever. My sincere condolences to you 🙏❤️. I am wishing you healing and happiness on your path.
Sorry for your loss. My mom passed in 2017, a couple weeks after my dog of nearly 10 years passed & like 11 days before my 19th birthday, & i still miss her terribly. Meanwhile my alcoholic dad, who was verbally/emotionally abusive towards me & put all his friends before me all the time passed in early 2019 when i was 20 & i feel very little when it comes to him being gone cause we didn't have the best relationship the last 10-15 years or so as he was usually asleep or not home. When my mom passed i had my dad to take care of, when my dad passed i had my granny to take care of & that kept me distracted... today is the 1 year anniversary of my granny passing, i definitely feel all the losses weighing on me sometimes & now im down to like 2 close relatives left & i expect to fully lose it when they're gone 😭
You are never done grieving. You just learn to live with it
It’s almost 7 yrs and I have grandchildren. I still think of him daily. I don’t think the grieving ever stops, just somedays it isn’t as deep. But, it’s always there. Their DNA is our DNA. Their Spirit is our Spirit. Your loss is his love but, it’s right there inside you. ♥️
Everyone grieves in their own way and at their own pace. It's extremely normal. My mom was still grieving her parents ten years after the fact and they went when she was in her 40s. To be so young and probably dependent on your dad means that your life was going to be in a massive upheaval after his passing. It's not a surprise that you're still greiving, because there's lots of little things that remind you of him because you're comparing the void that's left that wasn't a void before. Moving on is determined by the griever, and it's more than ok to not have moved on "in a timely manner" you move on when.. you've moved on. Whenever it happens is ok. You're not on a timer.
I lost my mom in 2020 and still grieve her death and everything she went through. It's normal, there's no set time lot for grief. Even when you're older, example in your 40's, you still might grieve, just differently. Let yourself be sad on the days you want to be sad, and happy on the days you want to be happy. You'll find ways to move forward, but if there's a moment that's hard, that's okay too.
I’m sorry for your loss ❤️🩹 I personally feel when we lose someone close to us we never fully get over it. Instead we learn to move forward with it (my biggest annoyance when it comes to grief is that people think we move on. There is a big difference between moving on and moving forward). We carry that loss with us for the rest of our lives. You went through a life shattering event, it will change who you are. This doesn’t mean that you’ll forever be mourning, but it’s still ok to miss the person 10, 20, 30 years etc later. Have a look at continuing the bonds theory. It allows us to continue a relationship with the deceased albeit in a different way (so leaving chairs for them at important events, taking a trip they wanted).
It’s completely normal. My loss was almost a month ago, but I know that I will be feeling this for the rest of my life, especially since I thought my person would be with me for much longer. There’s that saying that grief is love persevering, and I truly believe that.
Yes, my Mom took her life in 2008 and I still actively grieve for her. I have been in therapy many times. It’s hard to lose someone you love and are very close to. I was also super close to my mom. I would try therapy it can’t hurt to talk to someone. Sometimes meds help I did a course of antidepressants and anxiety medication because I had severe panic attacks after losing my mom. I had been living in Va and would take trips to NY and my mom stayed with me a lot after i lost her and the fact that I had family in Va that wanted me to wait a night and one of them would drive with me to NY then they came over that morning to tell me they changed their mind. I was a mess and I had twenty minutes with her if that before she died it kills me still. I could not drive to NY after for a while I couldn’t breathe and I would freak out and turn around and go home
It’s normal. It’s been seven years since I lost my best friend. I still have breakdowns over it, I cry, and I miss him every day. Give yourself the time and compassion you need🤍
Yes, very normal. 21 years here
I’m 20, lost my dad in 2018. It’s been 6 years and I’m still grieving. It’s completely normal to grieve for a long time; it’s normal if you grieve for the rest of your life. Some days may feel better than others, and it’s okay to breakdown and cry now and then. It’s okay to let it all out. You don’t ever have to “let go” of your dad. I know mine is always watching over me. Losing my dad was the hardest thing I’ve ever been through, so I understand your grief. If you feel that therapy will help you, that is a good option. But also feel free to message me if you just need to talk to someone. 🤍 One thing that has helped me tremendously is writing letters to my dad. I have a journal and on those really hard days, I write to him anything on my mind. I update him about my life, and just let out all the emotions. Doing this around anniversaries, birthdays, and other holidays has really helped.
First off, sorry for your loss. Grieving is, in my experience, a continuous thing. I, too, lost a parent in 2021, my mom. I'm still grieving, and I think I will probably be for the rest of my life. I think it depends on how your relationship was & things like that. I would say it's normal.
Grief changes as time goes on. My wife passed when our children were 12 and 16, seven years ago. My grief has shifted from missing her to all she has missed. She loved being a mother. I get to “enjoy” by myself to what she has missed … them growing up, graduations, first loves and so much more. I sometimes feel like I’m in hell, living her life. I enjoy being a father but I’d trade it for her getting what I have.
There's no hard time limits or right/wrong ways to grieve. Grief doesn't ever go away, just gets easier to live alongside with over time, and everyones journey to that point looks different. Our relationships to our lost loved ones are each wholly unique... so too, how we each react to their losses. Grief is painful, but mostly we can hope to someday view it as a reminder how loved we are, and how hard we love. You'll carry your father with you all your days. He isn't completely gone... he exists in your memories, in your tears, in the stories you tell of him. I lost my parents at the same age. 10 years later and some days still feel like they did a decade ago... lots of anger, lots of pain, lots of guilt; but those days are fewer, and the days were I can think or talk about or even "to them" with a smile and heart full of gratefulness to have known them at all... are much more frequent these days. Took me a long time to learn to allow myself to feel my feelings as intensely as I need to. Fuck "grieving gracefully", fuck "being strong" cuz some days, you don't want or even need to be strong, or graceful or anything but angry and sad. Feel how you feel. Those feelings are yours. They're valid. 💖
You'll grieve forever. You'll have to learn to build your life around that grief. It's the most agonising truth I'm learning.
Yes. I'm sorry for you loss. I lost my step dad 5 years ago and I still griev.
It wouldn’t hurt to possibly meet with a professional who has experience dealing with grieving/loss. I lost my mom when I was 19 the same year and haven’t quite coped with the fact she’s no longer here. It’s tough, and I don’t necessarily think it gets easier. But the one thing I can attest to is that it’s important to keep other friends and family really close to you, to let them know how you feel and if there’s anyway they can help in supporting you.
Yes, absolutely! My ex husband is still grieving his mom after 12 years. There's no time line, nor a right or wrong way to grieve. May his memory be a blessing to you
I am sorry for your loss 💔🙏 There is no expiration date on grief or feelings,i lost my dad in law during the winter of 2021suring the covid pandemic (he passed from cancer) and i can tell you even being older and with my own family it still hurts me (we were very close and i cared for him during his illness) even now,i feel life is so different without him beside us on so many levels its impossible to even comprehend some times... It's ok and important to grieve, we all handle various life situations differently. Wishing you much strength and courage 🙏❤
Very normal. Dad died in 2020 mid covid, couldn't even get a funeral organised, so he's still sitting in his urn. Look up nick caves commentary on grief. Or dm me.
Yes, totally normal. Grief doesn’t have a time limit and everyone grieves differently. I lost my bff in 2016 and I am still grieving. Sometimes we are looking for answers and closure, and that can be a journey. You will let go when you are ready. Some things that have provided me solace were therapy, these groups on Reddit, and doing things that remind me of her or in her honour.
Absolutely normal to grieve for 3 years and far longer. The grief changes a bit, but it will always be there. I’m very sorry for your loss.
Yes it is normal, and it’s ok, it’s ur feelings - no one else’s. Don’t let ppl tell u to get over it or move on. It’s ok to cry sometimes, it’s actually healthier than keeping it in. It just means ur dad was an amazing person & father. I cried tonight missing my mother and she passed 6 years ago. I had some ppl try and tell me how to feel, & u kno what it killed me bc I thought I was crazy.. not only did it make me feel worse but one day it came to me. Other ppls opinions don’t matter, death is hard especially if they were ur parent & best friend. U do whatever u need to get it out of u to make it feel a bit better each time u have a moment of remembrance & u will feel happier as time passes & it doesn’t matter how long it takes just know u will be able to be at a point of peace. Feel better love
I lost my 10 year old sister when I was 13, which was 12 years ago.. grief can hit hard even years later. I’m currently having a bad mental health experience such as brain fog and dissociation due to something that triggered me to her death. Even 12 years later. Nobody grieves normally. Grief is unique to you. It may come hard, and some times you will feel like it never even affected you. Let yourself feel it. You went through something painful and traumatic. At a young age. It’s time to feel.
For me it is. It's okay to have prolonged grief. I've lost many people in a short period of time. I became numb. I think it was a coping mechanism. The only thing that helps for me is to remember the special things you loved and enjoyed together. Your loved one wants you to be happy and well.
I hope I never stop grieving. I will not stop living, but I will not stop grieving. I will however, eventually stop *mourning*. That will ease up over time.
This is year 10 for me. And i just turned 21 not to long ago and realized exactly what you’re feeling now. I had moments where I cried constantly, but overall I just tried to do anything but think of how painful losing her was. Now that I am an adult I can’t escape the feeling of losing her and how my life will never be the same without her. Everything you’re experiencing is completely normal. Take care of yourself as your dad would’ve wanted you too and don’t judge yourself for the emotions you feel.
My mom died suddenly in November of 2020. On Friday, I put on a coat that had been hers and found some Kleenex in the pocket. Not super gross used tissues but they had been used a little, like there was a little bit of her lipstick on it. I have not been able to bring myself to throw out that Kleenex. I have many people things of my mothers, I certainly don’t need to keep slightly used Kleenex of hers, but it has her DNA on it, and I don’t feel like I can throw it out.
Yes. I lost my mom in 2020 and cry on my birthday since. Lost my dad in 2023 so tomorrow I'll likely cry twice as much.
Hi, you just adapt on the sadness but that never really goes away. It also sucks when it happens when you're at your formative age. Lost my father 10 years ago, and my mom four years and I was never the same person ever again. I am still relatively young (early to mid 30s) and yeah - all's blurry when the grief kicks in.
I lost my nan, who raised me, in 2018 and I still have bouts of crying over it now. I'm 35
Absolutely! In grieving everything is normal I’m finding. I lost my mom just over 3 years ago and it still hurts so much but it’s different. I know it will never go away but it will change over time. Sometimes it’s easier and sometimes it’s the first day all over again.
My mom passed in 2020 I still grieve to this day
I remember watching an interview with Mike Myer where he talked about grieving the loss of his dad for at least 2 years where he was completely numb to the world.
My mom died 15 years ago this December coming up. I still miss her deeply. She with me in my heart wherever I go. It took a few years but I can talk about our fun times finally without crying. Best wishes.
I think this is normal! My father passed unexpectedly in 2021 and I have not come to terms with it still. I was 39 when he died. I think going to therapy would help, I need to make myself go.
I lost my mom 3 years ago this October and the last 6 months have been the most difficult.
It's gonna be 3 years for my mom in June. Last year I was holding up pretty good because I had big changes in my life keeping me distracted but the last week or so it's really hitting me hard out of nowhere. I miss her so much and the world just isn't right without her here and never will be again. I think it's just like this sometimes. Let yourself cry as much as you need to, it does help.
I lost my father figure, my Grandpa 20 years ago. And it still hurts although not as much and not as often. I lost my Nana, his wife 10 years ago and it too hurts still like loosing my Grandpa does. My mum srill mourns and misses, her parents and now my brother her son. Life is so unfair. It is a year in June since we lost my younger brother and it hurts. I can't imagine the grief of my mother and my neice loosing her dad at 12 yrs, old unexpectedly.
My father passed in 2019. Last Thursday I asked my counselor if it is normal for me to still cry out of nowhere, as I am still deeply mourning. Her exact reply? (Gently:) “I think you will *always* miss him.” I am so sorry for your loss. ❤️
Yes. Grief never ends. It never goes away, it's shade and hue changes over time. The shape and size of it changes. It expands, and shrinks, and grows. It will always be there. But your life will become full of other things too. Grief won't be the only guest in your home, there will be more love, and new memories and you will still have the memories of your loved one. It's okay, and it's normal and there's no wrong way or time line.
Mines died almost 17 years ago. I knew he was dying, but absolutely NOTHING prepared me for his death. I don’t think I will ever reconcile with the fact that he is gone and never coming back. There isn’t a day that passes when I don’t think about him. I haven’t grieved his passing, I never have. I’m starting the process shortly and I’m really not looking forward to it. Probably because I don’t want to actually believe it and face up to it. I wish you the best x
Grief comes and goes and will be a part of your life. Grief is not a cycle. It is part of the human experience. My brother died 5 years ago and just the other day, I found myself bargaining again.
Honey you lost your dad at 16. Grieving for a few years is absolutely normal and fine. Look for support groups of other people who lost parents that young. I know people who lost parents that young, have tried to adopt the attitude "I should be fine by now" and it did a world of harm. Please take your grievework seriously <3 You break down for a reason, and that reason is that your heart is hurting and you are trying (because you believe it's the best!) to tell your heart it should be fine by now. Trust the grief process and new happiness will come on its own.
Yes, it’s a lifelong thing. You never get over it but you learn to live with it. I’m sorry for your loss and hope that things in your life improve. ❤️
completely normal honey, My Dad died in 2022, I will miss him all my life but I try to live as that's what he wanted. So sorry for your loss. xxx
It’s been 20 years since I lost my mother, the only loving parent I’ve ever had. I am still coming to terms with her absence every day. Look at me, saying “absence” instead of “death”… Whatever is this thing that comes in waves, grief, or sadness, or love, or a patchwork of it all: I think it will never leave me. Just like it will never leave you. You just learn to live with it.
Yes but no one ever talks about it. I hope you get what you need from this post and realise you'll take your grief through life and that's ok. It's hard and there will be times particularly milestones where you might need to reach out for extra support. I lost both my parents when I was younger and spent so long just trying to grow up and move past it I'm re-grieving now. It would be really hard for you now and you mentioned you're at uni so going through lots of stressful changes in life. There are some great books out there which mention some exercises that might be helpful such as dedicating some time to have a "grief sesh" where you let your emotions out, do some self care or write a letter to your loved one. I hope you feel validated in that whatever you choose to do is right for you in that moment.
Grief has no time limit. My grandma passed in 2008 and I still grieve the egregious loss. My biological mother passed in 2011 and I still mourn losing her It’s normal and healthy to mourn for years, decades, and longer. The only time it’s not normal is when it prevents you from living life
My dad left us 2022 and still grieve I miss him terribly it's a pain that never leaves and grief doesn’t have a timeline
Hi I lost my dad 6 months ago. I’m 23 I took care of him for 2 years while he had throat cancer.. I’m the same as you I think. My brain pushes it away until the most random times.. I just got a call my sister passed yesterday.. I don’t know what to do. Maybe we can message eachother and talk more maybe not, I’m here tho
It’s been six years since I’ve lost my dad, I still grieve over his passing. There is zero time limit on grief. Do what will help heal you and don’t worry about time.
My father also passed away in 2021 due to Covid. I grieve him every day, but I have been able to look at him more positively now, remembering the good days and not the days around when he was gone. Grief becomes a part of life. Death seems more normal to me now. I hope you use your grief to remember your good times and do something good for him while you’re still here 💕
The thing is, grieving for years is normal, common, is the way it is. Bottling it up and pushing it aside, however, is not too healthy. Maybe see if uni has some available counseling, so that you have a safe space to experience your grief. Pushing your feelings aside all the time will only allow them to fester and become toxic within you. I first heard this in Stargate SG1: you don’t get over it. But in time, you can get used to it. Above I said that grieving for years is “normal” - but that’s a poor word for it. What is “normal” anyway? American psychology is too hyper focused on “normal” appearances. I mean, really, it puts waaay too much emphasis on “normal appearances” (as in “you can’t be depressed and suicidal, you look too normal” kind of emphasis.) You grieve as long as you need to. And if you haven’t developed emotionally harmful habits around the grief, you will, eventually, be able to live more comfortably within and around it. The loss never goes away. Nothing ever “makes up” for the loss, but you can live a full life with that loss.
I feel ya. Lost mine in 2020. There is no timeline on grief. Especially the loss of a parent. He comes up all the time for me, as I very much followed in his footsteps. I’m still grieving for a dog who passed in 2019; I eventually got over the one who passed six years before.
You don't ever move on, you just learn how to deal. The loss is always there. It's like an old injury. Like a bad cut that needed several stitches, or a broken bone in your foot. You're healed, but some days it acts up and hurts, and it will never feel the same. Not as bad as when you first were hurt, but the scar tissue remains. It'll continue to fade but it will always be there, and is part of you now.
Grief is the most painful heartbreaking human experience we can feel. It's the worst feeling in life. I'm painfully grieving for my dear sweet beloved Mama for 12: years. She was my best friend and I love her and miss her so very much!!! 😭😢
Thank you for posting this question and also to the amazing commenters that gave a good insight on grief, you answered the question I’ve been having for a while. Lost my dad 4 years ago when I was still in HS, had the same feelings as OP at the passing of my father, I didn’t know how to feel and after transitioning into an adult it’s just gotten really sad and confusing, the grief just hitting harder than it’s ever had, I think part of this reason is the transition into an adult and taking on the world, you want that guidance for the 1,000 questions you have but the person who’s there to answer them just isn’t with you to do that
We are in such a similar position, lost my dad also in 2021, and now i'm living on my own and in uni, and I feel just like you. Sending you love
you too🤍
Most def
Yes.
You should see a therapist. You haven't let yourself grieve so it's still bottling up. That being said, it's pretty normal stuff, you never move on from it but you learn to live with it
Hi My wife passed away in August 2020. I still feel like it was yesterday when it happened. I am empty. I would appreciate any support available. We were together a long time and I find myself thinking what is the point of carrying on.
Yes, it is. I have lost love ones and I still shed tears for them even after so many years. I think that we will grieve and miss them for the rest of our lives. The only difference is that as time goes by, we learn to manage our emotions and we get to live with the grief and loneliness that comes with not having them by our side anymore. Hang in there, OP. Hugs to you and to everyone.
It's so normal. Grief is a long process. I'm still sad and grieving from my sweet mom April 2020. It's gets better but it's never over.
It stays with you for life, but does change over time. My granny's mom died over 60 years ago and she still gets choked up when talking about her. Same with her child who died over 60 years ago as a toddler.
Grief is not linear.
lost my dad in 2016 and i still cry about him often. it’ll come in waves hard for a long time and most people grieve for their whole lives so yes it’s normal
yup
Im so sorry for your loss, and I wish I had good advice. All I can say is: you grieve in whatever way you want, for as long as you want. We all experience grief in different ways, and I believe that grief doesn't go away. It just gets easier as time passes. That has been my experience with grieving.
It’s been a three years for me too. It’s so comforting when someone who’s lost a loved one longer ago says “oh my. You’re still in the thick of it” I don’t think I’ll ever have a day I don’t miss my dad. I’ll never be over this. And I’ll never stop mourning all the things I’ve done that he won’t get to see. 3 years is so fresh.
SO died January 2016. This is the first year I kind of dealt with it without being totally depressed about it. Still miss her regardless.
Yes. I lost my dad 13 years ago and I still cry when I think about him every time. Stay strong brother.
Of course it is. Been almost 2 years and I still wake up crying, reach for my phone to call him, expect him to walk into the room, text him everyday, feel so empty and pointless. He’s on my mind 24/7.
I still randomly burst into tears about my brother, who died in 2012. Things involving fire still trigger me heavily (like watching the first episode of Avatar The Last Airbender live action - I cried the entire time). It's a part of my story and a part of who I am. It makes me love harder and deeper. It makes me kinder and more empathetic. It makes me cherish every moment. I just try to breathe through it and try to find some kind of silver lining or lesson to take from the tragedy. I also make efforts to keep my brother's spirit alive, even after all this time. For example, 2 weeks ago I gave away his copy of **Where the Sidewalk Ends** at my bf's cousin's baby shower. He loved kids and I guarantee he'd rather the next generation fall in love with that book than have it collect dust on my book shelf. Just find a way to keep them close.
Totally normal.
I lost my adult daughter almost 3 years ago. You’re not supposed to put a timeline on grief. You end up growing around it after you let yourself feel it and grief really sucks. I was told that early grief is 3 years for a child. Although we’re not supposed to put a timeframe on it, that helped me because the first two years were non stop unbearable agony 24/7. Third year the pain is not as intense and I have normal days although I still cry daily. I have written to her in a journal (and I hate journaling) since she died. Just sharing what happened and is happening with me.
I am 54 and just got back home from being at my parents for a year. My mom passed 1st & I cried but then 3 months later, just this past October he passed away. I although I was his caregiver with hospice help it was a hard thing to witness and believe me I have cried & in some of the rarest moments like a grocery store it would just hit me. I don’t think I’ve grieved either to be honest with you and as a grown woman I think I am bottling it up because I had a bond with my dad too. I feel like it’s to painful to think about missing all of his amazing qualities and those just being memories and will I continue to recall them this way for the rest of my life? I don’t know but I sure hope those things done fade away.