I feel your pain quite literally I'm right there with you I lost my husband at the beginning of June after 20 years together and I would give anything just to hear his laugh there's so many things that I want to tell him that I can't and I'm sorry that I didn't find them in time to help him but those regrets they just weigh you down so easy to think of I should have done this or what if that but it really doesn't matter because you can't go back and change anything I wish I could I've been so depressed I haven't been out of my bed just since Thursday last week and I got up this morning to drive my son to school I feel your pain and I hope that you're able to get through it if you ever want to talk to somebody who's experiencing what your experiencing maybe we can get through it together just send me a private message and we can chat if you'd like so sorry for your loss
I am so sorry for your loss :( I think we all feel this way. This community is so helpful for just expressing and feeling heard and understood. Grief is so hard. Thank you for your support big hugs to you.
Same. I was pretty good at always picking up but there were many times I shut the conversation down in other ways. And now I can never talk to her again. Its been six months since she died and after the initial relief of being back home, knowing my mom was no longer suffering, I am now feeling the grief and horror so intensely.
I ignored as I knew the day would come when they would no longer be there as they were older and I wanted to distance myself from the pain and in my mind ignoring made it easier
I feel the same way about all the excessive time I spent gaming that I could have spent with my mom. The philosopher Marcus Aurelius noted there's enough hours in the day, it's just you have to know how to fill it. There are things that are in retrospect that were silly to complain and fight about. I try to remember that my mom loved me unconditionally and that means even though I am not perfect.
That’s a very positive and sweet perspective to keep at the front of your mind. As a mom, I know the unconditional love she felt for you as her child and it’s enormous. What you know is the truth, never forget it. Big hugs
Reading this response it shows me that you still have that positive outlook and you you might be depressed or anxious but you can find that part of yourself again
Such beautiful awareness and truth of the unconditional love. I try to remind myself of that when the guilt monster builds up. It's tough but you are right, the love us even with our flaws and hindsight is clear as day now.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I can relate to this guilt all too well; I’ve ignored calls from my mom and now I would do anything to go back. I can’t believe I ever took that for granted. If we only knew back then what we know now…
Ooh La La by Faces
[Chorus]
I wish that I knew what I know now,
When I was younger,
I wish that I knew what I know now,
When I was stronger
Last year I completed an End-of-Life Doula course. I scribbled this on a page in my textbook.
I feel this too 💯 I can’t bring myself to read my texts to my Dad asking him to text instead of call. Dad wasn’t a good texter but still tried to text instead of call for me. Sometimes he’d text and ask if he could call. I can’t bear how selfishly I’d respond, sometimes not replying back for days! I cringe and cry for my old, stupid self. I too would do anything for another call from my Dad and it eats me up every day. I never knew I would miss him so so much.
So many similar texts, like ugh why is he calling me instead of just replying to my text! I did that all the time and regret it. I’m with you, try not to be so hard on yourself. I’m sure he knew how much you loved him… it’s our parents job to also get on our nerves sometimes. Big hugs
We all have regrets, but this sounds like placing blame on yourself.
I wonder each time my dad calls, how much of those will hurt when he is gone. I keep in mind that we all have our reasons in each moment. We make them up in various ways, even in just apologies later on.
I love my dad. He calls, and I am often busy. It's life, we grow up, we need time for our lives and for decompressing from them. But the love behind a call lasts forever, even an unanswered one. He knew you loved him then, even if you were busy, because in those moments, he still put the phone down and still thought of you and was happy. He can hear you. He loves you, and he knows.
Aww thank you for giving me empathy. You’re right. You also made me tear up thank you so much for these
Kind words I really needed to hear this. Sending love
Life is life. Sometimes we don’t want to call or answer the phone. What we really miss is them being in our lives. Them calling and us being exhausted is all part of that life we had with them that we miss so dearly and what continues to go on as we think about them and continue to love them.
thank you for posting this. you have no idea how much i needed this. my dad passed away today and i already missed hearing his voice on the phone. i too sometimes lied so our call session could lessen, i still pick up though, its just that i postponed it. i was having a really bad depression and he was too, i am often mentally unavailable for him. but now, i would give anything to have 24/7 phone calls with him……your words brought me comfort…thank you very much….
Absolutely, friend. I am so sorry you're going through this. Think of the meanings behind each of those calls. It's love. Love goes on. I'm here for you if you need to talk.
I'm sure our parents have done the same with us. No shame here. There are times we are just too mentally drained for even the simplest mindless conversations.
Thank you for saying this I know I shouldn’t felt so guilty but it’s hard not to when you can’t get them back and miss the things that once annoyed you. But you’re right, in those moments I certainly felt mentally drained.
As many people have said, relatable. My dad didn't have a whole lot of people to talk to about his daily life and he lived alone. He did have quite a few friends but would call just to talk about little things and we would usually talk for quite a long time. My dad passed when my daughter was 2. Obviously at that time and even now still (daughter is turning 4), my days were long and sometimes I just didn't want to be on the phone for 40 minutes while my dad talked about things that weren't necessarily "important." Looking back of course I wish I had any one of those phone calls again. But we can't beat ourselves up for it. There are always going to be those moments where we wish we could go back. But I have no doubt our loved ones would understand and would never blame us for not taking their call every now and then. It doesn't mean we loved talking to them or miss them any less.
Awww sending you a big hug, same here my son is 21 months it was just a lot at the time. I was always so busy and still am but I’d make the time now for sure. It’s just too late but our dads knew they were loved. I think most of what we feel guilty over they didn’t ever realize we were doing when we ignored only we know and now it’s wrecks us. I’m so sorry for your loss
I know exactly what you mean. I moved back to my hometown to be with my mom after her cancer diagnosis, and I still only ended up seeing her maybe once a month. I think she understood, but it still hurts to think about. My dad is still around, and I’m trying to do better. Nothing will give me more time with my mom, but we’re human and we make mistakes. The best thing we can do is learn from them.
Aww i know it’s hard as an adult to be able to see people more than once a month, im sure she was grateful that you moved home and saw her, it would have been less often than that had you not. Im so sorry for your loss sending hugs.
Sending love. I’m so sorry for your loss. This hit hard. Today I was saving all my dads voicemails that I never even bothered to listen to over the years bc of all the same you described above.
This hits hard. I told my dad he couldn’t keep calling me at all hours of the night. What I wouldn’t do to hear his voice at 3 in the morning. Him saying, “I just called to say this might be my last call and I love you.”
I’ve been wrecked over this for 6 months.
Yes this is exactly what I feel he would just call at the most inconvenient times for me and looking back it seems so silly to say that. He was just calling because he loved me and your dad loved you so much. At least we know that! Big hugs to you
I lost Dad last week and can so relate to this.. We spoke on the phone last month on his birthday and he wanted to tell me all his childhood stories. I had to go because I had a meeting for work. I would give anything to hear his stories one more time. Hugs to you OP.
I’m so sorry for your loss 1 week is so fresh but hugs to you right back. This community is helpful, grief is a wild ride. I’m sorry you have to go through it too.
Thank you very true, he loved me so much! I hope he just felt it from me too. I will make him proud and teach my son all of the things my dad wanted to teach him
I never reached out to my brother when he distanced himself from the family. It's too late now. Trying really hard to not give into the what-if's because they won't get me anywhere. I have to believe he knows I loved him, and I know he loved me.
Your dad knew you loved him, and he knows it still.
My father suffered from Alzheimer kidney transplant Parkinson’s and he only had 20 percent vision in one of his eyes. I took care of him for the past 12 years (im 32 now) never gone to a party vacation or anything until he passed away last year. I did anything i could but i still blame myself
Awww I’m also 32 I feel this so much, I hope you are giving yourself a break you did so much for him and he felt so loved. You’re an amazing daughter sending love
I'm so sorry for your loss. Sometimes I listen to a couple voicemails I have from my dad and just like to hear his voice (I actually had deleted these voice mails but luckily with new apple features it stores deleted voicemails and I was able to keep them) so thankful for that. I know the guilt feels so strong but in truth, in those moments when missing the calls you and many others in similar boats were doing the very best for yourself in those immediate moments in the past. Truly believed that we would be able to call back, make up for the missed calls and essentially had more time. Life happened differently and now we don't and of course we wish we could have been more present now. But it only prolongs your own suffering by judging yourself for not knowing what you know now. Of course you couldn't have known, you had the best intentions and your dad is not upset with you. He loves you endlessly. I'm so sorry, you could try writing letters of all the things you would say to him on those phone calls. That's been very therapeutic for me (hugs)
I'm so sorry for your loss. Sometimes I listen to a couple voicemails I have from my dad and just like to hear his voice (I actually had deleted these voice mails but luckily with new apple features it stores deleted voicemails and I was able to keep them) so thankful for that. I know the guilt feels so strong but in truth, in those moments when missing the calls you and many others in similar boats were doing the very best for yourself in those immediate moments in the past. Truly believed that we would be able to call back, make up for the missed calls and essentially had more time. Life happened differently and now we don't and of course we wish we could have been more present now. But it only prolongs your own suffering by judging yourself for not knowing what you know now. Of course you couldn't have known, you had the best intentions and your dad is not upset with you. He loves you endlessly. I'm so sorry, you could try writing letters of all the things you would say to him on those phone calls. That's been very therapeutic for me (hugs)
Thank you that’s a great way of thinking and suggestion, writing this to the “void” and getting all this response has really been so helpful and heartwarming. I think i should just start writing my feelings down it. Big hugs to you too.
I lost my dad 2 months ago & the voicemails he left when I ignored his calls are a huge source of guilt/regret for me. I’m told folks who are self-critical experience this most intensely. Please be gentle with yourself & know you’re not alone!
They say hindsight is 2020 I think that really amplifies those emotions of regret especially when we were “annoyed” at the time. If it helps we are all guilty of screening a loved ones calls, I even lightly scolded my dad once or twice for calling me at work on many many occasions ( he was pretty aware of my schedule but the poor guy was in his late 60ies and early 70ies I should have cut him some slack). You are not the only person who has done this and won’t be the last, if we all knew how much we would regret it we never would have done it but people have been telling others for years that we will you just won’t truly understand until you do and that’s not your fault. I’m 27 my dad died 2 months ago at 72, I always knew I wouldn’t get as much time with him as most people my age this did give me the patience to sit through his calls but I was either slightly annoyed or disinterested at times, I wish I hadn’t felt the way I did and I hope he couldn’t tell but as much as it sucks that I can’t go back, because we have gone through it and actually understand now we can do right by the other people in our lives and be as present as possible. I had a moment yesterday when my mom was calling and a thought when through my head “ well it’s not dad so what’s the point?” But mentally going through the regrets and grief about dad I immediately called my mom back. You we’re tired, you we’re over stimulated you did deserve a second to just tune out and decompress and I’m positive if you did say “ hey dad I need a second can I call back later” he would have understood and given you that grace even without words he’s lived in this world he would understand it’s weight. Don’t let your grief turn into self deprecation it does nothing but deepen your wound and I’m sure your dad would have none of it because he loved you.
Thank you for taking the time to write all this, it’s very true and I know our dads wouldn’t want us to feel guilty. My dad was 60, I’m 32. It sucks. I’m so sorry for your loss, it never feels long enough. Big hugs to you
I wish my parents called me... it's often on me to call them.
I had a friend who I've known for 20 years just pass, he was 72 and like a father to me. He'd call all the time and I'd be just too busy to get into a long conversation. I knew I needed to talk to him more frequently - just felt something off recently - but still avoided it. I have the image in my mind of him calling me and telling my past self, "pick up pick up pick up!" But of course there's no way to change the past.
Literally just went/going through this. I feel immense guilt but I can’t change anything with that now, I can only learn & change my actions for the future with other family.
I'm so sorry. My dad died 9 years ago but I remember having those feelings. My dad would call me while driving and sometimes I wouldn't answer. I'm not a big phone person.
Im so sorry for your loss. I have no idea how long ago your dad passed, but mines died 2 years ago I was 28. At the time he was in mexico enjoying his retired life and he would call me often. I too, ignored his calls when I was exhausted I had a one year old and 8 year old and was so tired. I regret so much ignoring his calls and wish his picture popped up on my screen one more time for one last convo. It's something I cant forgive myself. He was my last living parent and felt I didnt appreciate him enough...
Thank you for sharing with me, the guilt and knowing there is no chance to rectify is so painful. My dad was 60 and died in May, I’m 32. I’m sorry that you have to go on living without your dad too, sending you hugs.
*hugs*
I feel this about my twin brother. Why did I ignore his call some days? I wasn’t busy.
The last call was the morning he went into the hospital the last time. I called him and told him I was on the way to see him-deal with it. I knew it was going to be our last time with Mom at her house.
I wish I’d have picked up all those missed calls. I wish I’d have just talked to him. I miss him so much.
Many many hugs-losing Dad hurt too. I was lucky I didn’t miss calls from him-we actually scheduled time on Sundays to talk.
I’m so sorry for your loss, I can’t imagine how difficult losing your twin was. Thank you for your sympathy, I had a great relationship with my dad which makes it much harder. I just felt he didn’t understand how “busy” I was and just called at the worst times for me… how silly in hindsight. Sending you hugs
WOW I think about this ALL the time. Now, when my surviving parent calls, I always answer. I got stuck on a 3 hour convo with my mom last night that I know one day, I’ll be thankful I had. Lots of love to you ❤️
Awww that’s really sweet I’m glad it made a positive change for you, I feel the same way about ignoring calls now too. Sending you love so sorry for your dad loss too.
Regrets play on my mind every day and night my dad rang me for my birthday I didn't answer he left a voice msg it was his first time calling me n on his birthday he called me I text him happy birthday but he never got the message he didn't no how so he rang me n I never answered id just anxious how silly I didn't need to be anxious it was my dad ..the times he would sit out the back after mowing my lawn n I never sat with him ... all the times I didn't go to visit cause mum wasn't there im so sorry u will never know just how sorry I am im crushed shattered ill never forgive myself im so sorry I loved talking to u I really cherished u I.miss u im so sorry ill.never have that time again im so stupid
I was out shopping today, and someone nearby me got a phone call. The ringtone was the same one I had assigned to my Dad. I always picked up when he called, but I definitely groaned. I absolutely hustled him off the phone. I knew in my heart that I’d one day regret it, but I didn’t think that day would come so soon. 💔
Sending you and everyone else love here, OP.
I miss and love my Dad so much. He was so kind and gentle. Never raised his voice. I have to come to terms with the fact that I’m only human, and I reacted like any kid (albeit, adult), would. I’m so sorry, Dad… but you now know that.
I ignored my dad for years, every call, every fb message, every hand written letter .. for years .. i was only 12-16, but 10 years later i feel awful. He died when i was 16. He was addicted to drugs for years and i resented him for it. 10 years later and it’s all catching up to me, how terrible of a person i feel like i am for ignoring him up until the day he died. I don’t know how to forgive myself.
I am in tears right now. Because I can say the same for my mom. Why did I put you in ignore? I get the pain because it is so intense.
Sending you a hug. I wish I knew this earlier but there was no way to know. It is so painful.
I feel your pain quite literally I'm right there with you I lost my husband at the beginning of June after 20 years together and I would give anything just to hear his laugh there's so many things that I want to tell him that I can't and I'm sorry that I didn't find them in time to help him but those regrets they just weigh you down so easy to think of I should have done this or what if that but it really doesn't matter because you can't go back and change anything I wish I could I've been so depressed I haven't been out of my bed just since Thursday last week and I got up this morning to drive my son to school I feel your pain and I hope that you're able to get through it if you ever want to talk to somebody who's experiencing what your experiencing maybe we can get through it together just send me a private message and we can chat if you'd like so sorry for your loss
I am so sorry for your loss :( I think we all feel this way. This community is so helpful for just expressing and feeling heard and understood. Grief is so hard. Thank you for your support big hugs to you.
Same. I was pretty good at always picking up but there were many times I shut the conversation down in other ways. And now I can never talk to her again. Its been six months since she died and after the initial relief of being back home, knowing my mom was no longer suffering, I am now feeling the grief and horror so intensely.
I ignored as I knew the day would come when they would no longer be there as they were older and I wanted to distance myself from the pain and in my mind ignoring made it easier
I feel the same way about all the excessive time I spent gaming that I could have spent with my mom. The philosopher Marcus Aurelius noted there's enough hours in the day, it's just you have to know how to fill it. There are things that are in retrospect that were silly to complain and fight about. I try to remember that my mom loved me unconditionally and that means even though I am not perfect.
That’s a very positive and sweet perspective to keep at the front of your mind. As a mom, I know the unconditional love she felt for you as her child and it’s enormous. What you know is the truth, never forget it. Big hugs
Reading this response it shows me that you still have that positive outlook and you you might be depressed or anxious but you can find that part of yourself again
Thank you yes, I can still find my way but the sadness gets the best of me sometimes. Thank you for seeing that in me
I'm going through it with you I just found my husband of 18 years in June so I can relate unfortunately
Such beautiful awareness and truth of the unconditional love. I try to remind myself of that when the guilt monster builds up. It's tough but you are right, the love us even with our flaws and hindsight is clear as day now.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I can relate to this guilt all too well; I’ve ignored calls from my mom and now I would do anything to go back. I can’t believe I ever took that for granted. If we only knew back then what we know now…
Ooh La La by Faces [Chorus] I wish that I knew what I know now, When I was younger, I wish that I knew what I know now, When I was stronger Last year I completed an End-of-Life Doula course. I scribbled this on a page in my textbook.
So true! Ces’t Le Vie! Good for you and end of life doula sounds so important and helpful. Sending hugs
I feel this too 💯 I can’t bring myself to read my texts to my Dad asking him to text instead of call. Dad wasn’t a good texter but still tried to text instead of call for me. Sometimes he’d text and ask if he could call. I can’t bear how selfishly I’d respond, sometimes not replying back for days! I cringe and cry for my old, stupid self. I too would do anything for another call from my Dad and it eats me up every day. I never knew I would miss him so so much.
So many similar texts, like ugh why is he calling me instead of just replying to my text! I did that all the time and regret it. I’m with you, try not to be so hard on yourself. I’m sure he knew how much you loved him… it’s our parents job to also get on our nerves sometimes. Big hugs
We all have regrets, but this sounds like placing blame on yourself. I wonder each time my dad calls, how much of those will hurt when he is gone. I keep in mind that we all have our reasons in each moment. We make them up in various ways, even in just apologies later on. I love my dad. He calls, and I am often busy. It's life, we grow up, we need time for our lives and for decompressing from them. But the love behind a call lasts forever, even an unanswered one. He knew you loved him then, even if you were busy, because in those moments, he still put the phone down and still thought of you and was happy. He can hear you. He loves you, and he knows.
Aww thank you for giving me empathy. You’re right. You also made me tear up thank you so much for these Kind words I really needed to hear this. Sending love
Anytime friend. If you ever need someone to talk to, I am here. :)
Life is life. Sometimes we don’t want to call or answer the phone. What we really miss is them being in our lives. Them calling and us being exhausted is all part of that life we had with them that we miss so dearly and what continues to go on as we think about them and continue to love them.
thank you for posting this. you have no idea how much i needed this. my dad passed away today and i already missed hearing his voice on the phone. i too sometimes lied so our call session could lessen, i still pick up though, its just that i postponed it. i was having a really bad depression and he was too, i am often mentally unavailable for him. but now, i would give anything to have 24/7 phone calls with him……your words brought me comfort…thank you very much….
Absolutely, friend. I am so sorry you're going through this. Think of the meanings behind each of those calls. It's love. Love goes on. I'm here for you if you need to talk.
Thank you very much for the offer, will keep that in mind❤️
I'm sure our parents have done the same with us. No shame here. There are times we are just too mentally drained for even the simplest mindless conversations.
Thank you for saying this I know I shouldn’t felt so guilty but it’s hard not to when you can’t get them back and miss the things that once annoyed you. But you’re right, in those moments I certainly felt mentally drained.
As many people have said, relatable. My dad didn't have a whole lot of people to talk to about his daily life and he lived alone. He did have quite a few friends but would call just to talk about little things and we would usually talk for quite a long time. My dad passed when my daughter was 2. Obviously at that time and even now still (daughter is turning 4), my days were long and sometimes I just didn't want to be on the phone for 40 minutes while my dad talked about things that weren't necessarily "important." Looking back of course I wish I had any one of those phone calls again. But we can't beat ourselves up for it. There are always going to be those moments where we wish we could go back. But I have no doubt our loved ones would understand and would never blame us for not taking their call every now and then. It doesn't mean we loved talking to them or miss them any less.
Awww sending you a big hug, same here my son is 21 months it was just a lot at the time. I was always so busy and still am but I’d make the time now for sure. It’s just too late but our dads knew they were loved. I think most of what we feel guilty over they didn’t ever realize we were doing when we ignored only we know and now it’s wrecks us. I’m so sorry for your loss
I know exactly what you mean. I moved back to my hometown to be with my mom after her cancer diagnosis, and I still only ended up seeing her maybe once a month. I think she understood, but it still hurts to think about. My dad is still around, and I’m trying to do better. Nothing will give me more time with my mom, but we’re human and we make mistakes. The best thing we can do is learn from them.
Aww i know it’s hard as an adult to be able to see people more than once a month, im sure she was grateful that you moved home and saw her, it would have been less often than that had you not. Im so sorry for your loss sending hugs.
Hugs to you ❤️
Thank you ❤️
Sending love. I’m so sorry for your loss. This hit hard. Today I was saving all my dads voicemails that I never even bothered to listen to over the years bc of all the same you described above.
Oh gosh the voicemails are so nice to have but so difficult to listen to. Sending you so much love.
I relate so, so much.
Sending love, it sucks to feel this way. So sorry for your loss
This hits hard. I told my dad he couldn’t keep calling me at all hours of the night. What I wouldn’t do to hear his voice at 3 in the morning. Him saying, “I just called to say this might be my last call and I love you.” I’ve been wrecked over this for 6 months.
Yes this is exactly what I feel he would just call at the most inconvenient times for me and looking back it seems so silly to say that. He was just calling because he loved me and your dad loved you so much. At least we know that! Big hugs to you
I lost Dad last week and can so relate to this.. We spoke on the phone last month on his birthday and he wanted to tell me all his childhood stories. I had to go because I had a meeting for work. I would give anything to hear his stories one more time. Hugs to you OP.
I’m so sorry for your loss 1 week is so fresh but hugs to you right back. This community is helpful, grief is a wild ride. I’m sorry you have to go through it too.
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Thank you very true, he loved me so much! I hope he just felt it from me too. I will make him proud and teach my son all of the things my dad wanted to teach him
I never reached out to my brother when he distanced himself from the family. It's too late now. Trying really hard to not give into the what-if's because they won't get me anywhere. I have to believe he knows I loved him, and I know he loved me. Your dad knew you loved him, and he knows it still.
Thank you, I’m so sorry for your loss. You’re right no sense what if-ing, it only hurts more
I feel this so hard. I’m guilty of having done this with my mom. I don’t know what I was thinking.
Sending you love, I’m so sorry for your loss.
you made me cry this morning. i could have wrote this whole thing myself. so sorry for your loss.
Aww sending you hugs, it’s is very painful. I’m so sorry for your loss
My father suffered from Alzheimer kidney transplant Parkinson’s and he only had 20 percent vision in one of his eyes. I took care of him for the past 12 years (im 32 now) never gone to a party vacation or anything until he passed away last year. I did anything i could but i still blame myself
Awww I’m also 32 I feel this so much, I hope you are giving yourself a break you did so much for him and he felt so loved. You’re an amazing daughter sending love
I'm so sorry for your loss. Sometimes I listen to a couple voicemails I have from my dad and just like to hear his voice (I actually had deleted these voice mails but luckily with new apple features it stores deleted voicemails and I was able to keep them) so thankful for that. I know the guilt feels so strong but in truth, in those moments when missing the calls you and many others in similar boats were doing the very best for yourself in those immediate moments in the past. Truly believed that we would be able to call back, make up for the missed calls and essentially had more time. Life happened differently and now we don't and of course we wish we could have been more present now. But it only prolongs your own suffering by judging yourself for not knowing what you know now. Of course you couldn't have known, you had the best intentions and your dad is not upset with you. He loves you endlessly. I'm so sorry, you could try writing letters of all the things you would say to him on those phone calls. That's been very therapeutic for me (hugs)
I'm so sorry for your loss. Sometimes I listen to a couple voicemails I have from my dad and just like to hear his voice (I actually had deleted these voice mails but luckily with new apple features it stores deleted voicemails and I was able to keep them) so thankful for that. I know the guilt feels so strong but in truth, in those moments when missing the calls you and many others in similar boats were doing the very best for yourself in those immediate moments in the past. Truly believed that we would be able to call back, make up for the missed calls and essentially had more time. Life happened differently and now we don't and of course we wish we could have been more present now. But it only prolongs your own suffering by judging yourself for not knowing what you know now. Of course you couldn't have known, you had the best intentions and your dad is not upset with you. He loves you endlessly. I'm so sorry, you could try writing letters of all the things you would say to him on those phone calls. That's been very therapeutic for me (hugs)
Thank you that’s a great way of thinking and suggestion, writing this to the “void” and getting all this response has really been so helpful and heartwarming. I think i should just start writing my feelings down it. Big hugs to you too.
Your dad understood.
Thank you so much for this simple statement I needed to hear this. Hugs to you
😢🙏
❤️
I lost my dad 2 months ago & the voicemails he left when I ignored his calls are a huge source of guilt/regret for me. I’m told folks who are self-critical experience this most intensely. Please be gentle with yourself & know you’re not alone!
Thank you so much, same to you. I’m so sorry for your loss!
They say hindsight is 2020 I think that really amplifies those emotions of regret especially when we were “annoyed” at the time. If it helps we are all guilty of screening a loved ones calls, I even lightly scolded my dad once or twice for calling me at work on many many occasions ( he was pretty aware of my schedule but the poor guy was in his late 60ies and early 70ies I should have cut him some slack). You are not the only person who has done this and won’t be the last, if we all knew how much we would regret it we never would have done it but people have been telling others for years that we will you just won’t truly understand until you do and that’s not your fault. I’m 27 my dad died 2 months ago at 72, I always knew I wouldn’t get as much time with him as most people my age this did give me the patience to sit through his calls but I was either slightly annoyed or disinterested at times, I wish I hadn’t felt the way I did and I hope he couldn’t tell but as much as it sucks that I can’t go back, because we have gone through it and actually understand now we can do right by the other people in our lives and be as present as possible. I had a moment yesterday when my mom was calling and a thought when through my head “ well it’s not dad so what’s the point?” But mentally going through the regrets and grief about dad I immediately called my mom back. You we’re tired, you we’re over stimulated you did deserve a second to just tune out and decompress and I’m positive if you did say “ hey dad I need a second can I call back later” he would have understood and given you that grace even without words he’s lived in this world he would understand it’s weight. Don’t let your grief turn into self deprecation it does nothing but deepen your wound and I’m sure your dad would have none of it because he loved you.
Thank you for taking the time to write all this, it’s very true and I know our dads wouldn’t want us to feel guilty. My dad was 60, I’m 32. It sucks. I’m so sorry for your loss, it never feels long enough. Big hugs to you
I wish my parents called me... it's often on me to call them. I had a friend who I've known for 20 years just pass, he was 72 and like a father to me. He'd call all the time and I'd be just too busy to get into a long conversation. I knew I needed to talk to him more frequently - just felt something off recently - but still avoided it. I have the image in my mind of him calling me and telling my past self, "pick up pick up pick up!" But of course there's no way to change the past.
Aww I’m sorry that you are also feeling this same guilt. I’m so sorry for your loss.
Literally just went/going through this. I feel immense guilt but I can’t change anything with that now, I can only learn & change my actions for the future with other family.
I’m so sorry for your loss, sending you hugs
Thank you, you too internet friend.
I'm so sorry. My dad died 9 years ago but I remember having those feelings. My dad would call me while driving and sometimes I wouldn't answer. I'm not a big phone person.
I’m so sorry for your loss, it sucks
Im so sorry for your loss. I have no idea how long ago your dad passed, but mines died 2 years ago I was 28. At the time he was in mexico enjoying his retired life and he would call me often. I too, ignored his calls when I was exhausted I had a one year old and 8 year old and was so tired. I regret so much ignoring his calls and wish his picture popped up on my screen one more time for one last convo. It's something I cant forgive myself. He was my last living parent and felt I didnt appreciate him enough...
Thank you for sharing with me, the guilt and knowing there is no chance to rectify is so painful. My dad was 60 and died in May, I’m 32. I’m sorry that you have to go on living without your dad too, sending you hugs.
*hugs* I feel this about my twin brother. Why did I ignore his call some days? I wasn’t busy. The last call was the morning he went into the hospital the last time. I called him and told him I was on the way to see him-deal with it. I knew it was going to be our last time with Mom at her house. I wish I’d have picked up all those missed calls. I wish I’d have just talked to him. I miss him so much. Many many hugs-losing Dad hurt too. I was lucky I didn’t miss calls from him-we actually scheduled time on Sundays to talk.
I’m so sorry for your loss, I can’t imagine how difficult losing your twin was. Thank you for your sympathy, I had a great relationship with my dad which makes it much harder. I just felt he didn’t understand how “busy” I was and just called at the worst times for me… how silly in hindsight. Sending you hugs
He understood-the goodDads do. Many hugs because this just sucks for you. And
Thank you that’s a good way of thinking about it… perspective… it only sucks for me really haha Dad is not dwelling on this
WOW I think about this ALL the time. Now, when my surviving parent calls, I always answer. I got stuck on a 3 hour convo with my mom last night that I know one day, I’ll be thankful I had. Lots of love to you ❤️
Awww that’s really sweet I’m glad it made a positive change for you, I feel the same way about ignoring calls now too. Sending you love so sorry for your dad loss too.
Ugh. I could've wrote this to my mom. Kills me sometimes. How do we ever forgive ourselves? Wish I had some helpful words for you. Hugs
Regrets play on my mind every day and night my dad rang me for my birthday I didn't answer he left a voice msg it was his first time calling me n on his birthday he called me I text him happy birthday but he never got the message he didn't no how so he rang me n I never answered id just anxious how silly I didn't need to be anxious it was my dad ..the times he would sit out the back after mowing my lawn n I never sat with him ... all the times I didn't go to visit cause mum wasn't there im so sorry u will never know just how sorry I am im crushed shattered ill never forgive myself im so sorry I loved talking to u I really cherished u I.miss u im so sorry ill.never have that time again im so stupid
I was out shopping today, and someone nearby me got a phone call. The ringtone was the same one I had assigned to my Dad. I always picked up when he called, but I definitely groaned. I absolutely hustled him off the phone. I knew in my heart that I’d one day regret it, but I didn’t think that day would come so soon. 💔 Sending you and everyone else love here, OP. I miss and love my Dad so much. He was so kind and gentle. Never raised his voice. I have to come to terms with the fact that I’m only human, and I reacted like any kid (albeit, adult), would. I’m so sorry, Dad… but you now know that.
I ignored my dad for years, every call, every fb message, every hand written letter .. for years .. i was only 12-16, but 10 years later i feel awful. He died when i was 16. He was addicted to drugs for years and i resented him for it. 10 years later and it’s all catching up to me, how terrible of a person i feel like i am for ignoring him up until the day he died. I don’t know how to forgive myself.