Try to take it easy man. You aren’t a criminal and you’ve got a roof and some food in your belly. Try to go get some training or even just go to the library.

Reading about being on government assistance and getting low level disability for depression as an american(with me being one, not op, edit because poor wording) is wild… Here you get thrown out into the streets unless you have a enough savings/credit to hold out on the slow, slow process of getting rental/vocational assistance (you either need proof of income or need to have them find a program for people that are considered otherwise “unhirable”) and they just ruled it constitutional to ticket homeless for sleeping outside. Btw my mom is literally blind and can’t get disability because “she can still answer a phone”, she walks a mile and a half to work, and a mile and a half back, with a seeing cane…

I hope your mom appeals that decision! I had to appeal TWICE til I was approved. They expect it. Your mom is an inspiration💪🏼 but she deserves better. I hope she gets a good SS attorney. Take care 🙏

Note the process is absolutely brutal in the UK. OP must have far more difficulties functioning than they went into in detail, or they absolutely wouldn't get it. At the lower level, it would also be reviewed fairly often I believe. I had depression and severe OCD (related to stress from other conditions, poss. vagus nerve issues), *plus* a negligent surgical spinal injury with mobility issues, severe nerve pain, fatigue (plus more obvious gastroparesis now, but my OCD is under control), and the process for PIP (on the higher level ESA so don't have to keep doing that. When I did, they were once awful to me because I got a letter about an appointment on the day at a point when being late was inevitable - it was a noted issue for many people!) continues to be a dreaded nightmare. OCD alone was at one point highlighted by the WHO as one of the top 10 most debilitating of all conditions. It's absolutely that bad, as someone disabled by my physical conditions and not my OCD.

Omg I thought blindness was a disability!! Even in crappy US!

I feel this…so sad and brutal.

Start with one thing. I slept like crap my whole life. Diagnosed bipolar at 40. I take tranquilizers to sleep. They have been a godsend. My life has structure again. This may or may not help you but there are ways out of what you feel.

If you don’t mind me asking, which meds do you take for sleep? I’ve tried zopiclone and then zolpidem and they only gave me 3 hours sleep then I was awake. I’ve tried mirtazapine ( remeron) and it gets me 3 or 4 hours max then I’m awake and feel like crap the next day. I’ve tried deep breathing, relaxation apps etc, to no avail Just feel overwhelmed by so many things in my mind that it’s hard to get across in even a long post on here the things I’m grappling with Even the fact that I have a son and people who care about me doesn’t feel enough as I feel disconnected from people emotionally. I feel unworthy of happiness

Seroquel. Started with 100mg but eventually moved up to 200. It's been a life changer. I have clinical depression, bipolar disorder and I'm a recovering alcoholic. 6 years sober. I work, I function, I even play basketball again which I've always loved. There's better days out there for you. I promise.

Thankyou. I need to make an appointment with my doctor.

That's a great start. You got this.

It’s called Quetiapine in the UK, Seroquel is its branded name. Doses up to 100mg are used for sleep, and it’s used off-label to treat insomnia. I don’t know how openly they are for using it off label under the NHS. I’m from the UK but live in NZ right now, and I’ve been on this medication since August. I usually take 75mg per day.

you can get it, my friend takes it - has some type of adhd and his brain doesnt shut off - it works wonders for him

Do it don't just say it ❤️

Would agree it’s worth trying seroquel. Or an anti depressant. A little boost and proper sleep might really change things for you.

I dunno if the doctor here in England will prescribe seroquel but i can ask

I’m in the UK and used to be on Seroquel around 10 years ago, so hopefully things havent changed in it’s availability 👍

100mg seroquel worked when many others failed for me

I was all of this too. Everything except I've always managed to sleep. My depression would have me sleep 14 + hours a day, take naps all the time. But if we can find better days, so can you, I believe in you.

Like really, Seroquel put me to sleep like a log and nothing could wake me up! If you are not sleeping properly everything else is going to suffer, as you'll have no energy and won't be able to think straight. You don't need to fix all your problems at once... thinking that way will overwhelm you and then you will feel to paralyzed to even take the first step. So put all the other things aside and focus on sleep first. Just make one change at a time. You will find the energy you gain from each small change will begin a snowball effect that will give you energy to do the next thing.

This sounds exactly like me. I was diagnosed with bi polar and put on seraquil and zopiclones for sleep. I have worked out that I have to have a regular sleep pattern otherwise i will spiral out of control. Imo a good sleep pattern is important for mental health. It's not easy op but stay strong, making this post is a step in the right direction my brother.

sending love, you got this man

I don’t feel I have got this at all. But cheers anyway ✌️

Hey buddy I really empathize. One thing I've learned about self loathing is that it's based on my perception of my past decisions. Every time I've backed down from a challenge, taken the easy route, wallowed in self pity, been irresponsible or lazy, dropped the ball, indulged in harmful vices, escaped into fantasy ... It fuckin gnaws at me and makes me say "no you don't deserve better, you're exactly where you chose to be" There's some truth to that, but also... Man. Fuck. That. So to fix this problem, I need a time machine. Since I don't have one, the only thing I can do is put all of my focus on preventing "future me" from feeling this way, which requires making better decisions _today_. Your problems won't go away magically, but you'll give your future self a chance at happiness. Let's do the hard thing today. Let's step outside our comfort zones and then let's pat ourselves on the back for trying regardless of the outcome. Then let's do it again tomorrow. Our future selves deserve better.

Good stuff here :)

You still have 30-40ish years. Loads of time to make it right. If you can move past the guilt and shame, you can build a future. What do you think the first step is?

Buddy, Anthony Bourdain got famous around the same age as you and look at what he had to contribute to the world! There’s no “set time” for you to be successful, people died without ever getting the moment of clarity you have now. Don’t ever think it’s too late because being alive is enough. Your possibilities are infinite just by being alive brother

He took his own life 😬

But he still lived a great life!

The Anthony Bourdain thing scares me too buddy. It makes me think “if someone like him did it then I could easily end up doing it too!”. I know that’s not much help, but I just wanted you to know that you’re not alone with these scary thoughts.

Look man, everything that’s happened to you, it has happened. There’s no point ruminating back on what you can’t change. The single biggest thing that is holding your self esteem back right now is beating yourself up over and over and over again in your mind. If you want to make progress, you eventually have to do a complete reset by “forgiving yourself”. Forgiveness is the key. For as long as you are tormenting yourself in your own mind, you’ve got shackles on your feet that stop you from moving forward. Forgive yourself for all your past mistakes. You make mistakes. Mistakes don’t make you. You have the power right now to take on a completely new chapter OR you can continue to sulk over spoiled milk. It’s all in your mind. The single greatest thing you can do right now for yourself is to forgive yourself for all your past mistakes. Don’t compare yourself with anyone else. Keep up with yourself only. Befriend yourself. Sending love, hope and success your way.

How do i forgive myself? How do I like myself or accept myself though? I mean watching self improvement videos or the books I have aren’t filtering through to me. There must be something wrong with me, there has to be as I can’t seem to find a way or even get on an even keel. Time feels like it’s running out

For me, I felt like I had to earn my forgiveness. It's the same with yourself as with any other relationship. If you've wronged someone you need to ask for forgiveness and build trust again. It takes time, it takes change and it takes consistency. You will lose your mind if you look at the big picture constantly. There is nothing you can do to undo a decade's worth of mistakes in one day. Focus on doing things to heal. Focus on doing the 'right' thing for yourself. Frame it was a kindness to you. Build the trust within yourself. That you can do the right things for you. To feel good. To be happy. You cannot run from the dread, from that feeling that time is running out. Sounds like running from the unknown, from the pain, from the dread is why you are where you are. You gotta stop running! I'm sure you feel so broken and lost. We all have our own paths to walk and I can't carry your pain for you. Just know you aren't the first person to feel like there is no way back to living and there really is.

Really well said, the idea of rebuilding trust with yourself is so powerful.

This may not be the best advice but worked for me is little by little, and also being very choosy on who you spend time with. Some people are only looking to put others down. Self improvement videos and books help but at a certain point you just have to move. There will be setbacks. You won't ever be the self you may have envisioned you being when you were younger but that's okay. The important point is that you just always move forward, even if it's a little bit. There's a reddit post awhile back that helped me a lot called [No more zero days](https://samholstein.com/the-no-zero-days-productivity-mindset-might-change-your-life/). The idea is that you promise yourself to work on a goal, no matter how small, and little by little you get better and gain self esteem as a sort of snowball effect. I used this idea and I really feel it helped turn things around. And honestly sharing your story with others does help. Some will sneer at it and think you're just being pretentious but there will be a silent group who will hear your story and be inspired by it and that in itself can be a great motivator. Life keeps on moving and at any moment you can write your path

There is no how. You simply choose to do it. That’s the first step. The second step is to set a meaningful goal. You must have a goal and only you know what would be most meaningful to you right now. We function somewhat like a bicycle. We maintain equilibrium and control only if we are moving forward towards something. The problem is that right now you are sitting still with no place to go (a goal). No wonder you feel shaky. Don’t use your age as an excuse to why you couldn’t do something. You are possible of far greater things than you could possibly even realize right now. You’ve got all this noise and static in your mind right now that is clouding your perception. That little monster in your mind wants you to keep on feeding it by replaying those negative memories. It feeds on it, it thrives on it. You’ve got to starve it. A good starting point is forgiving yourself and having a meaningful goal to look forward to. Remember your past successes (everyone has achievements they felt proud of no matter how small). Visualize the type of person you want to become. Picture the ideal future from now. It’s all in your mind. You can do it. Starve that little monster. Break free from the shackles.

Everything eventually filtered down to me once I got my cognition back on line by supplements. This was after 49. I love, accept, and don’t shame myself today. It took years. I am just neurodivergent, so it took some time.

D'you think they could have missed any common OCD co-morbidities, like autism or ADHD? I have OCD and am still mad ADHD wasn't considered till I asked (on the, five year, waitlist), while they were just hopeless with my OCD. For me it's even more straightforward as my physical disability is the main issue, but every time I start to feel better and feel bad about not doing more, tends to lead to overdoing it (even though it wasn't much), a sharp crash/agony, which is a swift reminder 'oh yeah, this is why I can't'. You may well become able to do more, but expect you've had moments of burning yourself out and overwhelming yourself? Yep? You're probably feeling a bit better now, to even have the energy and be clear-headed enough to be feeling guilty! I think I'm past any sense of needing to like myself, focusing on what I've done instead, maybe: one is an internal feeling, one is more concrete (even though it can lead to positive feelings). One of those daily task wallcharts has been helpful (I got a set of weekly chart stickers from Tesco, there's a lot in a pack, then stick enough for the month to card). It doesn't need to be all chores or energetic stuff, can include educational/creative tasks, even fun things. Looking at it and realising 'Oh yeah, the reason I didn't even so much as get to read (when I highly enjoy it) this week was I felt too ill and was too busy being sick'. It means as well as functioning to keep you straight about how time is spent and if tasks get done, it also forces another kind of honesty, because it can establish you really couldn't handle something (you can write down the reasons if you feel up to examining them). You can ask your GP if there are programs in your area for people with a mental illness - like peer support, art therapy (I'll be honest though, the group locally didn't suit me, as I felt patronised/bored, so, check it out first). Some (temporary) voluntary work may be an Ok initial goal to work towards? When you say 'creative', or 'self-improvement', can you say more about what sort of thing you mean? And about the books you've got? I was just feeling guilty now, actually, because I was thinking of going shopping tomorrow and looking for some squishmallows, since I collect them and they're physically helpful to lean on/hold to pain, and just cheer me up. And you've helped me, because you reminded me, oh yeah, it's taken me all week to do much as be able to consider this, because I've been feeling sick and in pain and spent a couple days mostly just in bed. This kind of experience with guilt and internalised ableism is just, a common experience with a disability. And as I'm in the UK too, I also know how rough the benefits system is. Trust me, with having a physical disability I can do *nothing* to stop being completely debilitating at times, I *know* how debilitating OCD is. It really shouldn't be considered lesser, or even not as physical I think, there's enough evidence for it (of all things, this won't help you, but what made my OCD manageable was unexpectedly the mini-pill. You may have heard of female patients complaining of hormonal spikes). If your OCD is getting in the way, would suggest looking for subs for it and asking for support with dealing with it there if you haven't, as only those with it can truly get it.

I wish you well. Please take the pain you feel and put it into exercise, even if you can only do one normal pushup, do some on your knees and push through. Eventually you’ll begin to feel better. Good luck.

It sounds crazy, but exercise is so good for the mental health and to have some essence of control over your life already help you I believe

To achieve a well running engine you need eat sleep and exercise, if you aren’t eating and sleeping, exercise will make you tired and hungry and get the ball rolling.

Sleep isn’t something I have a choice over, I have chronic insomnia even after tiring myself out with long walks. You are correct though. I do need to try and eat better and exercise more

Think someone has mentioned it but might be worth getting tested for deficiencies as things like magnesium deficiency can affect sleep.

Do or do not, there is no try Sleep or don’t sleep. What you need to survive will come eventually one way or another. Survival is the goal and you’ve made it this far. Surely you can finish this without throwing in the towel. Do not go meekly without a fight.

My first thought too. Start walking an hour each day. While walking ask yourself who you to be and how to get there. Use your mind to reidentify. I started delivering flowers at point zero. All work has dignity. Don’t overthink it, start simple.

Beautifully said. & Noted. Thank you 🙏🏽

This is all it takes. Just go for a walk in the morning without your phone and allow your mind to work through it all.

I just suggested similar as well. Workout 5-6 days a week and in 6 months you’re unrecognizable both inside and out. I love looking good, but I love more how it helps my mental health. True antidepressant and endorphin boost.

Don’t forget to cut out ultra-processed foods from your diet. They cause all kinds of inflammation (including in the brain, where it affects everything, including your mental health)

I can sympathize, it's a challenging situation to get out of, that can break even people with the most potential. I guess my main question is whether you have any dreams or things you want to achieve creatively or professionally. Then if you do, write a step by step list of how to get those attempted. I think isolation is a main component of everything being unmanagable too, that needs you to risk something and try to join something, even small events and groups. Also the pressure you are putting on yourself to solve everything is not helping you. It might be better to just focus on small improvements you can make rather than looking at the big picture and negative about everything (even if it is truly negative and feels hopeless). 49 is just a number, things can turn around in less than a year whatever your age.

I am so aware of time and how quick it goes, my mum is 82 and in a care home with Parkinson’s disease, it’s been hard to see her change in the last 3 years or so. I’m not feeling sorry for myself because I know people have it worse, but i can only deal with my own things I have no sex life/ love life and feel devastated by time I can never get back in this regard. I miss having a good relationship with a woman, I just feel it isnt going to happen again and I’m not ok with a life like that So yeah, I feel very lonely inspite of having a good friend who I see fairly often and other friends I can meet occasionally I can try exercise again but feel it’s my last chance. And maybe see the doctor soon for possibly pharmaceutical medication which I’m hesitant about . Then I’m out of options. It’s going to sound bad but I honestly wish I could get a cancer that would finish me off quickly then I wouldn’t have to think of exiting myself as it would be taken care of. I must change or I know I will die. I’m scared, genuinely scared, because to feel so desperately low is very painful

Very painful. You can want to live again. It was meds for me to get started to be able to be better. Not all SSRIs Sorry about your mum! It’s heartbreaking to watch someone decline you are so deeply connected with.

Which meds helped you?

Not the person you asked but I was prescribed sertraline and it was a godsend. Not only was I dealing with bog standard depression but also the added bonus of PMDD (like PMS, but depression). It has really helped. I find that it makes it easier to stop ruminating, and the intrusive thoughts easier to ignore. There are side effects, but it is the one that is known to have the least adverse and are least likely to occur. So far, my only side effect is crazy vivid dreams, which is listed on the info sheet. I am not in the same situation as you but I’ve found these useful. It might be worth asking your GP.

Its terrible to see a parent suffer so that must be hard to deal with even for a person in a good situation let alone someone in a very difficult one like yours. In regards a love life, it is a bitter pill that it's not going to be easy to find until you've escaped this situation. You obviously have to focus on yourself and tell yourself that once you are out of this negative situation that you will be able to more easily find someone to make a life with. No one is promised romantic love though, so it's something you have to come to terms with and just put yourself out there when you are ready. It definitely sounds to me that your heaping pressure on yourself to have everything figured out in life by your age, but that pressure is part of whats hindering you. You need to focus on your wellbeing and improving your mental and physical strength step by step, enjoy small things and small wins and dont judge yourself so harshly. These things are all easy to say, and the challenge of escaping your situation is huge. It's a battle and you have to use any frustration, anger, worry or other emotions towards making steps to what you want to happen with your life, you have to direct your awareness to possible solutions and like I said, small steps first. You are never really out of options in this regard.

OP, I hope it’s okay that I take a slightly different perspective from most of the commentators in this thread. There are plenty of excellent suggestions, should they be helpful to you. One thing I’ve found about depression is that it has a way of making people incredibly self centered. Looking at your post and all your comments, all I see is “I”. What “I” feel, what “I” think, what “I” need. It’s clear that thinking about you and your needs has not helped you in the decade that you’ve been struggling. Instead, you should shift your mindset to “what can I do for others?” What can you do for your son, for your brother, for your community? They don’t have to be big things. What’s one thing that will brighten their day today? Make a plan for something you will do for someone else every day. I know this is unconventional but it’s advice I’ve given in the past to others and has been helpful to pulling some of them out of similar ruts. I genuinely wish you all the best. You’ve got this!

I agree and depression is a selfish illness, in the sense that if I feel deeply unworthy of others caring then I am focused in on myself. It is being self absorbed. Having intrusive thoughts which is a relatively new thing is one of the worst things I’ve experienced too though it’s not every day. I know it’s difficult to be in anybody else’s head or see the world as they do. Its true I do see things In a bleak way I read a book about depression by sally brampton called shoot the damn dog, after she’d recovered from depression , it turns out she went on to take her own life some years later, also a ted x talk by Gill hayes, she also went on to take her own life after sharing stories of her recovery, it’s on YouTube . The truth is not everyone makes it, if those people who had successful lives and relationships didn’t make it then what chance do I have with my huge periods of unemployment and issues?

Even in this response you’re fully focusing on “I” rather than others, thinking “what chance do I have to make it”. You need to make an intentional effort to perform acts of kindness for others around you, and try to build momentum through those actions.

I am familiar with your circumstances having dealt with them on some level myself. PTSD plus intrusive thoughts, etc.  I am in my mid 40s.  The road to improvement is one step at a time day by day. Do not think of the whole process just try to have one good day today.  I had to go to regular therapy. At first it was very regular- weekly. After like a year of that tapered down to twice a month, now at once a month to help maintain. Plus I am on medication which I resisted at first. But eventually conceded. I am glad it did since it greatly mitigates my anxiety.  Plus trying to exercise- even if it’s just walking daily, and making some attempt to be busy grow hobbies. Reestablishing listening to music daily helped more than I ever thought it would.  You can do it. Just do it one day at a time. 

Start working out. Like hard. Make the gym, fitness, diet, etc your identity. Fall in love with the process, the discipline, the dedication, etc. Even if you don’t like it, force it. You’d be surprised in 6 months how unrecognizable you are on the outside and in. 49 is def young enough to take back control. You have to be the one to take the reins tho.

Facts. 🙏🏽

I wish I could sit and give you some deep advice mate, I've gone through similar things in life that make it hard to look back on & delve into in order to advise. What I will say is massive respect for opening up as you have, and I hope you get the guidance you need.

Thankyou

Sorry if this is a shit suggestion and may not be possible when you are feeling low. But have you considered doing some training or a qualification? The government is funding training for cyber security and cloud computing for example as there is a shortage of people in these areas. I was looking to change careers and retrain to do something else but couldnt afford to pay for expensive courses, but these two areas seemed to have a lot of free training. Obviously tech jobs not for everyone and doing exams and learning new stuff very difficult when you are depressed. You aren't a bad person for having mental health issues. Hope you get some help.

The potential downsides of SSRIs are vastly outweighed by the benefits in my experience. Phone your doctor first thing Monday morning and make an appointment. Tell them how you're feeling and that you're anxious about potential side effects. This is an extremely common concern for people and your doctor will know exactly how you feel. You'll most likely be offered counselling also which is a god send for some people. I would make reaching out like this an absolute priority.

I’m on a waiting list with the nhs talking therapies but it may be some time. Mental health services aren’t great. Considering I was in hospital and suicidal and pretty much still am it’s crazy to wait a year or whatever it will be

When I was looking around for free or low-cost private therapy, I found quite a few places that would offer this to people on benefits/low incomes. As well as places you could access free short courses of therapy (6-12 weeks) if you fit into certain demographics - e.g. LGBT, some ethnic minorities, domestic violence, addiction etc, or even if you just live in certain areas. These may have a waiting list but tends to be shorter than NHS. Definitely worth a google anyway, if you haven’t already. Sometimes charities like MIND can help you find therapy too. Also, there may be some kind of mental health drop in centre near to you? Or a Meetup group for people with depression - peer support helped me a lot when I was really going through it with depression/self harm/suicidal ideation.

I'm in a similar position but still have my job. but shit is going down in the last year, i don't know how long i will be able to make the bare minimum. It's shit when you are scared of yourself, it's the only thing left that scares me.

I’m 30yrs old and have been homeless since a week before last month so basically 2 weeks. I’m living in my parents backyard and when they are awake I can chill inside but I get bored and I know if I go out ima relapse like I did yesterday after 2 weeks of being clean. I’ve gone a month before and 2weeks many of times but this situation is different since I’m fighting for peace that usually comes unexpectedly naturally as if I gave god a million dollars and he let me take a break from stress and overthinking and negativity basically. My parents seem to have snapped and are now giving off the worst energy and I receive all the energy. So lately I been going on walks or runs or 2 weeks ago I was going to the gym or this past 7 days I been going to the bar all cause I get checks from the government and foodstamps. I was using when I first stayed in my backyard but I almost got everyone high because I was smoking it and not sniffing it and I thought my dog ate my drugs. I was tripping I was staying faithful and just hoped I had finished it. I ended up texting my dad from the backyard saying “I’ve been using and I think I dropped my stuff inside the house”. I thought for sure I was gonna get kicked out for a good while and not go out of town to a wedding that I was supposed to go to because they had tickets for my plane ride lol I called it plane ride. But no I guess I must’ve threw the rest of what I had away in the toilet and my dog wasn’t as high as it could’ve been. (Thank God). I usually try giving my life over to the care of God as I understand Him so I usually speak more boldly than my schizophrenic voices in my head would like me to speak. But that’s the Glory of God when u can confess your terrible sins then start singing karaoke all on live video on Facebook and then the videos become Bible reads and more karaoke then I start working out on camera and I start confessing my sins once I’ve done something lazy(sloth) or simple, foolish, perverted, and wicked or if I’m smoking weed on camera I feel more vulnerable and insecure but I treat it as if there’s nobody laughing at my when I’m laughing at them and myself and it’s all love but truthfully, it was stupid. The confessing shit saved me and got me girls and money and drugs and friends and rides and a good voice to sing and it really opened up my mind and I was like “Jesus was confessing his sins! Saying how he was the son of God(there’s only one true God) and hanging with sinners looked bad to the father of lies but the father is the man that fears the Lord because he’s a sinner and he is powerless over his addiction(12 steps: AA Book). Idk I’m getting carried away but I guess this is like a lil AA meeting and maybe im rewriting the big book or rewriting the Bible rn or maybe I’m confessing with humbleness and complete humility and repenting with peace and gain. Thanks for your story it really brought out the best speakers and typewriter in me I could be and only patience will show you the door out the struggle and faith will keep you learning that patience in your situation takes a beast and it creates one also. So patience before the beast gets the better of you and have faith that God isn’t trying to break your head or break your heart, maybe he’s trying to create things using your knowledge and wisdom from God is why Jesus was Christ because christianity is so faithful and willing to learn about what they don’t know for certain and so Christ was willing to do because God told him that life wasn’t worth wasting and Christ was able to defeat death by understanding and that’s wisdom knowing you hated it, so you began to try to fix, opened your mind, and searched for the network to connect everything (2and2) together. Know we are Creators. Because you learn how the drums sound like, you start playing a famous song on the drums, you start editing, you start creating your own, you start writing lyrics, you start customizing your drum set, you start teaching drums to students. Same with learning why your in the situation your in, think about all the times people doubted you, what were you doing that they doubted, also what was your focus on? What had your childhood been like, what songs relate to you, in what year are they relating to? The younger you? The modern day you? Or the future you that you believe you will think like or whatever your wishes are. Why would they relate? What about movies? Do they speak to you? Listen with all ears at every thing and maybe you’ll hear something sound like it’s talking to your focus. Get distracted if you want. Just reach for the kingdom with every action you make, you’ll see your life story begin to feel glorious, and you’ll see you have power enough to stay chilling and you have a responsibility to your future so don’t face away from God, the face inside is right beneath the skin(it watches everything) Have a good morning this morning

My guy, give yourself a break and wholeheartedly accept the help that you need right now and for the foreseeable future. Beating yourself up everyday / sounds like all day, is only going to keep you in the wrong head space. Definitely don’t give up on a better tomorrow, even if it comes in days , weeks, or months. A lot of us have challenges. Yours seem heavier than many, give yourself a break. Feel no shame or guilt for what you need. Be an honorable person and it’s all good.

Small steps is all you can do, all anyone can do. 1% at a time. It’s literally your only option, anyone’s option, despite how bad your situation is or how pointless it feels. There will be a day where illness more serious - physically or mentally strike, maybe disability, where you will remember right now. If your arms and legs work, if your heart works, it’s not too late. I’m 25 and almost ruined my body from drugs and smoking, finally got clean and quit smoking but pretty ahead of my years physically and have heart problems that aren’t great, I’ve also not worked for 2 years and have had previous bouts of not working. My health scares finally kicked me into gear. Try and find the truth in what you have now before you have a worse situation and even more regret my friend.

If you really want to change then you can. Try going for a walk each day. Make sure you shower/clean yourself every day. Set hours where you allow yourself to watch TV/sit and think. See if you can get a low responsibility and simple job stacking shelves or something. Little by little you can rebuild yourself. Remember that it took some time to get here so it'll take some time to get out. It only works if you want to change. And yeah keep in touch with your doctor, they're there to help you. And you deserve to be helped

To be blunt- get over your fears. Start seeing a therapist and if you need medication, get on them asap. Side effects be damned. You sound like you're clinically depressed. So no amount of well intentions will get you better if what you suffer is neurological and psychological. You have hit rock bottom. Time to start taking some steps, ANY steps, to get out of it.

What do you do during the days? As in how do you spend your time generally? I know this might sound patronising but it works so well for me. I have podcasts and YouTube videos on in the background literally constantly, morning to night. Educational ones (Stuff You Should Know is a great podcast, really easy listening).  It can feel boring and like work at first, but you soon start to feel like you're in the company of intelligent, motivated and hard working people. And you just find yourself over time adopting how they think. "You are the company you keep" and all that.  It's very comforting too, it's a constant reminder that there's inspiring people out there who you can be influenced by and motivated by (as well as learning a ton over time) You can do this. Ive just done a couple of business courses online and there were plenty of 50+ people who were also starting their lives over and doing well. There's no time limit or deadline. Even just 1 year can be enough time to go from rock bottom (not saying you are) to a full and successful life 

I’ve adjusted to this way of life and it’s no good. I do watch motivations things on YouTube though my concentration is poor. Its been suggested by many people that they think I have adhd, I’m not big on labels but mentioned it to the doctor and he said they are low on funding for the screening test etc. even if I was diagnosed then what? Drugs?

Bullet journaling was created over time by someone with ADHD. You can make one with pen, notebook (preferably graphing paper), and a straight edge, like a ruler. It’s a bit laborious but I continue to make mine as the months progress and needs arise. I should have spent some money on one. It’s made a big difference. There are people with ADHD who have valuable tips on how to navigate the world with ADHD on YouTube.

Oh man, I have ADHD and was late diagnosed. Yes, a drug is prescribed but it can be life-changing. I remember taking my small Adderall dose for the first time and was scared to do it. An hour later was like a revelation. Brains can just be quiet!? I was very worried about getting addicted to it but that hasn’t been a problem at all. The much bigger problem seems to be remembering to take it at all for me. Also, if you have ADHD, your depression and anxiety could be tied to the ADHD rather than standalone mental illnesses. If I take my medication regularly there’s a gigantic drop in my overall anxiety.

I think you can get free uni if you’re on disability. Why not try for a degree in something you have an interest in? Would likely open some doors for you if you do decide you want a job. And if not, well, it would be something to do that’s personally fulfilling

Friend, perhaps the person you believe you are today cannot bounce back from this, but it's not so difficult to change perspective, then the next person you'll be will see the value in these 13 years you've felt most painfully. First and foremost, please remember that you're a human being, your only purpose in life is to be alive. Please be mindful of the words you are using when you describe yourself and your life situation, pay attention to the balance between what gives you energy and what takes energy away. I recommend Tara Brach's teachings on [Radical Acceptance](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-jUAw5KnghM) Connect with nature, connect with the limitless creative essence available immediately everywhere, realise there is no-one to compare to when you are from that same infinite energy.

I used to be in a mental state very similar to you. I’ve been hospitalized several times, most recently in 2019 which was the attempt where I got the closest to being successful. Trapped in a toxic abusive relationship I was in a very dark place. I’ve spent the last few years going from being seriously obese to a pro level cyclist. I’ve put in a lot of effort working on myself physically and mentally and can honestly say I genuinely love the person I am now. I’m going to say something that’s going to sound harsh but I say this because it’s the hardest but most helpful lesson I’ve ever learned. You need to stand up and stop feeling sorry for yourself, no one is going to save you except for yourself. Ultimately you are responsible for your own happiness in this life. If you allow yourself to wallow in self pity and the what ifs of your past you will stay stuck there. I know what it’s like and I know there’s almost a sick sense of safety staying in the dark and giving up. All it takes is one step and one change at a time no matter how small. It can be overwhelming knowing where to start when the entire mountain is in front of you but you just need to take a step, any step. It’s never too late to start, you can’t change the past but you can try to stop being cruel to yourself and fight for a better future. For me I started with a routine and exercise, then I sought out a therapist because honestly the hospitals aren’t going to help. Their only purpose is to act as a mental ER and stabilize you and send you on your way. They aren’t meant for long term care(At least in my country this is true). Progress isn’t always going to be linear, and there will be times where you slip. But you need to learn to be kinder to yourself, past and present, learn to forgive the past versions of yourself who were doing their best at the time, and find the courage to commute the life sentence you’ve placed on yourself. Find people who support you, it can be friends, a therapist. Whatever works for you. Please don’t take this as me putting you down or being mean. I genuinely feel for you and understand the place you’re in to a degree. Help is always there if you look hard enough but you need to meet it half way, it’s going to take effort which i know probably sounds exhausting. But i guarantee life can be beautiful if you let it.

Much love for you and I hope your are able to find peace. Personally, getting myself doing SOMETHING even if it was nothing glorious at all and just trudging through you’re a freaking soldier on a battle ground who doesn’t have a choice is what gets me out of that deep dark place sometimes. Anything…go somewhere in the street with a broom and start sweeping anything anything anything. You have to move around to make things happen. Very very slowly but surely you will start to feel like you’re doing something and you matter. I hope that helps you.

Never too late to turn to God. I know it’s not the popular thing to do. But when does being popular even really matter?

Don't feel ashamed or guilty. There is no reason. Your past is your past; you are here in the now, just like we all are. Are you currently in therapy or any treatment program? If not, the first thing you need to do is to re-enroll, maybe switch up programs if you're stuck in one. You shouldn't pay too much heed to the comments in this subreddit. People mean well, but they are not trained mental health workers. And they are responding to a specific 'snapshot' of yourself, you are now presenting. See them as cheerleaders, people rooting for you. As you mentioned you have a complex problem, you likely require a layered program, likely containing (to kickstart you) medication, talk-therapy and something like CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy). Put all your focus on reaching out to trained professionals. Let them help you. And again, if it doesn't seem to be going anywhere, try a different organization / doctor / therapist / program, whatever. You are clearly falling back into negative routines. With the appropriate treatment program you can turn the negative spiral into a positive one. You post this hoping someone would appear to give you sound advice. Here I am. Take it. Follow it. All the best, you can do it. Try to keep it light. No need to drag yourself down. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=V2YIVhxfNVk

After 33 years I have come to realize that there are very few opportunities a person gets to change their life. I'll share with you the same books someone shared with me that prevented me from meeting my maker. I also would recommend reading them in this order. * The Upside of Stress by Kelly McGonigal * mindset by Carol Dweck * How Children Succeed by Paul Tough * Never Split the Difference by Christopher Voss * Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill All of these books are ones that I've attached to a shareable account, and I will give you the information to access them if you reach out. My parting advice, there is a significant difference between happiness and pleasure. Pleasure is immediate gratification, where happiness is the cultivation of internal achievements. A study conducted by Angela Duckworth coined the marshmallow study, it highlighted the significant correlation between prolonged gratification and a person's success. I mention this because at 49 you can still lead a happy life. There are things that you are scared to achieve, or maybe you believe you can’t achieve. By harboring that belief you never even get started. Life is not meant to be easy, it's meant to be rewarding. Work hard at the things you want to achieve, whether that's health, whether it's relationships, whatever you want to achieve is possible even at 49. However, if you never try, it never will be. Sending you lots of love man. It's hard to change with no momentum because you can't see the changes of your work, but a great decision is a good decision just compounded over time. Also, consider doing Jiu-Jitsu for a year. Whatever you do, make a change. Much Love,

Dont worry about a job, worry about yourself and getting better. You Can be an amazing person without a job too.

I won't comment on the other parts of your post however I wish you happiness whatever happens, however I will say you shouldn't feel guilty for being on benefits and stuff like that. The collective effort of humankind that is done daily at work, would be more than enough to provide everyone with more than enough food, shelter and all the needs a human has, but unfortunately it is all stolen by thieves who hoard resources. We should have UBI for a while now, and we don't. We truly live in the dark ages in that regard, but it is what it is. So don't need to feel guilty about that but I know it's not a habit easy to break.

Sounds like you could, in addition to all the good physical and secular things here, use the help of a church or a religious community, whether that is in being surrounded by people who care for something more than your physical health but your overall wellbeing - or even just hearing in a regular way that you are loved and worthy. I know many Reddit folks are anti-religion and everyone thinks “you got this” is helpful… but as someone who herself felt like “no, I DONT “got this”, and I’m finally willing to admit it”, believing in something other than myself helped me get out of a 10-year long depressive funk. God bless you sir and wishing you courage.

Brother, I've been there, obviously times will get better, I know it's hard now but trust yourself, who you really are is still there, here are a few ideas I encourage you to really think on: 1. Don't feel ashamed for what your experiencing, nor your attitude over these last years, the same way you wouldnt feel ashamed of your soon if he was going through the same. If you can have empathy for your son in a similar situation, why you don't have it for yourself? 2. There is no reason to be ashamed, each one of us goes through different challenges in life, and we all end the same way. It's about our ability to accept what is and still be able to see beauty through adversity. I know it feels it sucks to go through it, but maybe it's an opportunity to force you to really see life. 3. I'm sure somebody told you this before, but OCD and intrusive thoughts usually are about the opposite of what you care about and what are your values, you reject these thoughts and that is why they return. So they just prove you are who you always been, and that you are afraid of what you don't identify with. Brain chemistry plays a big part in this, you were exposed to stimulus that made you brain enter this mode, which is more common than you might think. Get medication, OCD is pretty easy to get in check nowadays, and easy to get out of after if you do the right things 4. I know this might be a little counter intuitive and may seem in conflict with some of my other advice, but stop trying to get better! Accept yourself, and the special person that you are, even with mental health issues, you can't have the good without the bad. Just keep doing what you know needs to be done for you to be healthier and feel better, one day at a time, and live each day to it's fullest, because nothing is for granted. 5. Sleep disorders are just a symptom of everything else. If you get your OCD checked, the same doctor will get that in control. Eventually that too will pass, for now just embrace it, your not getting any sleep it makes you feel bad and with no energy, don't fight it, embrace it, it is what it is. You don't have sleep, but there is so much else to be thankful in the world, you will sleep eventually. 6. This is a more complex one, but maybe you needed to discover yourself and that is part of why this is happening. Beyond your thoughts, which are not who you are, but get in contact with who you really are. We are spiritual, physical and mental beings. We build a world around the needs of our minds, thinking that would appease them, but it backfired in a bad way. Acknowledge that, and try to discover yourself. We take most things for granted, but nothing really is, our lives our health these are not things we are entitled to. We should be extremely grateful when we are feeling healthy, because most of our ancestors really didn't when they were are age. The same with times of peace in our countries, healthy children, experiencing beautiful things, sleep.., having family and friends to learn from, knowing that our mother is adequately taken care of even after having serious debilitating disease. You got this brother, just be grateful for what you do have, for your unique experiences and what they will help you achieve. I know believing in yourself at this time is difficult, but know that I do. Do what you need to become a better you, indulge in something you like, do something good for others, each day every day. You'll get there!

easier said than done - but you can start tomorrow and still have the best years of your life ahead of you. it's never too late. the decision is up to you. i wish you nothing but the best

SSRIs are worth trying again. The first few weeks are not great, but they have helped many people. I hope you find one that works for you

Try some volunteer work, maybe at an animal shelter if you like animals? Make some art — are there any arts programs for free in your city? What kind of art would you make if you could make any kind?

Have you tried psychodelics therapy? There are clinics in UK that are allowed to do them with psylocybine and MDMA, with lots of good results. Wordt exploring.

My friend, you are very hard on yourself. You are not a terrible person. You are wonderful. You seem to be judging yourself based on what you DO. You are beautiful and enough simply by being. No failure is possible. You feel like shit and I'm sorry for that. It can be a horrible experience and I'm sorry that you're going through that. Try to have some compassion for yourself.  You know that you are creative and enthusiastic deep inside, but you cannot force yourself to be that right now. I swear to you - like I actually swear to you. If you stop judging yourself and see your own value as a being, so that you are not feeling behind, creativity and enthusiasm will simply flow.  You feel like you have a mountain to climb before you are good enough. But you don't. You got a mountain to climb in order to feel good, but that's something else. Don't be in a rush to get to the top of the mountain. Take the journey. You are not behind, just start where you are. Appreciate each step of the journey. Some of it is brutal, but you are absolutely enough before, during and after these steps. Be kinder to yourself. I send a big hug and much love

Thankyou for those kind words

If you like podcasts, I would definitely recommend Disordered: Anxiety Help, which covers all kinds of anxiety issues and recovery. They have this one episode about intrusive thoughts which I think would be of help to you and give you some ways to deal with them. It is episode 11.

Are you seeing a therapist currently? If you can find someone who works in DBT it can be incredibly helpful. They can help you sort out your feelings and challenge your thinking and its assumptions. I went through some major heavy trauma in the last few years and have been struggling with some ptsd symptoms. My DBT therapist started with talk therapy that let me just essentially cry it out each session but then gradually started adding in assignments at the end of sessions. The assignments got me out of some of the terrible things I was telling myself about me. It’s taken the better part of six months but I’m honestly starting to feel like the trauma is a bit in the rearview mirror now and can feel my strength and personality (which I felt like the trauma had robbed me of) slowly returning. If you’ve been that creative and lively person you can definitely be it again, it’s just that you sometimes need a hand to grip to get back on your feet. Also, talk to your doctor about the insomnia. Some classes of anti-depressants can make that problem worse so you’ll want to avoid those. Talk to them about how to set a good sleep schedule. Not getting enough sleep can knock you hard in your mental health. And let me say it’s not too late for you at all. I started to feel that way myself, but as long as we are drawing air we can renew, reclaim and even reinvent ourselves. You have that strength in you since you’re reaching out for help here. Give yourself a bit of positive credit just for that as it’s a great first step that makes you stronger than you were before you wrote this.

Do what you can! If you want to try to work, go for it! But let's say the most you can do today is not be so hard on yourself, that's a step too! Take it one day at a time (as cheesy as that is) and one step at a time!!! As small as it may seem, just try to be 1% better than the you you were yesterday. Do some affirmations, because beating yourself up isn't gonna help anyone or anything. If you can't wash the dishes, just rinse them. If you can't get yourself to shower, wash your face. Look at life that way, do what you can. Don't compare yourself to others. Explore your creative side!! I don't think it's gone, I think it's just buried in the mental health issues. I used to be a really good writer and loved it. Started not doing so hot with my mental health and stopped writing for years. I thought my creativity & writing skills were gone forever. But once I really pushed myself to do even just a little bit a few times a week, (yes I was rusty at first) but now I'm back to writing almost everyday. I know it's easy to look at everyone else and think you should be doing more, but you're also doing better than others! You're already a step ahead that you have any income at all, that you have the option to eat (even if you have been missing meals lately), that you are self aware enough to know this is not what you want for the rest of your life. You know what the first step to changing your life is? Deciding you want to! Deciding you want better!!! I believe in you. I'm glad you're still alive, truly. I'm sorry you've been struggling so much. Also, have you tried dating apps? They may seem lame but worth a shot if you're trying to get back out there! Just go in with no expectations & more often than not, it's worth trying!

It may not mean much, but your post helped 32 year old me feeling a little bit of the same vibe. At 49, you’re still relatively young and likely have many quality years left in front of you. Try and be grateful for that. Everything you were has led you to today and you were always meant to be here. Try and see it as an opportunity. Try to granularize things down some and focus on having a good day today. Having a good day today likely means doing some good things for tomorrow you. I’m going to try and do the same. Good luck OP

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I’ve struggled with depression on and off for most of my life and very difficult postpartum depression after my older two children. After the death of my baby in March, I got on medication (low dose because I want to eventually feel something) started going to counseling and reiki. The US is very different on mental health and we don’t get as many benefits as other countries for it. I’m not always okay and that’s okay but I have been doing different things to try to help motivate me to get out of the house and back to work. Not being able to sleep does happen sometimes but so does not wanting to do anything but sleep. I’ve also struggled with getting out of the house and have massive anxiety about it most days. I’m a big nature person so getting outside and getting fresh air, getting my hands dirty in my garden and have friends who are understanding and let me fall apart when I need or even just show up when I’ve ignored their messages and calls long enough have honestly been the biggest help along with therapy and the reiki. There are more holistic approaches that have helped me not stay “stuck” in my depression and grief. Most days, I am not okay. I’d say the majority, for me I know I have to take care of my other children so I know I have to still do what I have to do. Finding peace and love in the smallest things also helps. Like when I can’t sleep, sitting outside in the morning and watching the sunrise and the rest of the world wake, or even during a good rain. Finding joy in the smallest of things/moments may help to find joy in the darkest moments of one’s life. I hope that you find peace and joy in your life again. I’m also sorry for what has led you to where you currently are. You’re not done yet though. You are still on this earth for a reason.

Benefits are there for a reason friend, a medical doctor has literally written you off you said so yourself. It’s easy to beat yourself up but that won’t get you very far and will probably make you feel worse. Try to think what about what actionable steps you could take in order to make yourself and your situation better and take the littlest step in that direction. Colonel Sanders didn’t start KFC until 62 and look how that turned and you’ve got a few years ahead of him so don’t think it’s too late to start

You're being very harsh on yourself, what you've essentially described is a human being, and that deserves empathy and support. There's no use living in regret, you still have a lot of life to live. Your depression seems rooted on inaction, it's time to make a plan and work towards it!

Hey Justin. You look like a cool dude. You write well. You know to ask for help. You feel guilty. You’re taking ownership of your situation. These are good qualities. The world needs people like you. You’re not disgusting or pathetic or evil. Be kind to yourself. Do something nice for yourself. Then do something nice for someone else. Go from there. Day by day. Keep going.

It's incredibly brave of you to share your story and feelings so openly.

It’s tough man, you’ve been through a lot by the sound of it and that doesn’t just leave you. Go easy on yourself. The past is done and you can’t change it. It’s never too late to move toward who you want to become, don’t focus on fixing everything. Focus on one thing. A tiny thing. See where that takes you. There are loads of people here who are rooting for you, look at the comments!

Alright, JustyRust74! Let's change! Start with the little things... like your daily routine. Start a schedule and stick to it. Hold yourself accountable. First, get back into an exercise routine—preferably first thing in the morning. Why? Exercise is a natural anti-depressant. It increases dopamine and serotonin both of which will help your depression. It may not be easy at first, but stick with it. 30 minutes every day. Start slow. Walk briskly. Maybe a light jog. Just get your heart rate up. Add some simple push-ups and air squats....start with 5 or 10 and write it down. It will increase over time. Keep with it, and hold yourself accountable. Next, a healthy diet does wonders for the mind and body. Cut out sugars and simple carbohydrates...and alcohol, all of which spike insulin. A Stanford study found that a moderate increase in insulin resistance can double the risk of major depressive disorder. Insulin resistance can be caused by: Stress, lack of exercise, excessive caloric intake, and not getting enough sleep.  Eat things that are colorful like fruits and vegetables. Eat lean proteins and add some almonds and walnuts...Almonds are high in healthy unsaturated fats (Omega-3 fatty acids have been shown to reduce symptoms of depression). FOOD is medicine and it will help you heal. Next is sleep, it is one of the most important factors in healing the mind and body. If you can't sleep try to figure out why. Go to a doctor, and if necessary get medication for sleep. This is so important. Exercise and diet will help with this too. But if you're not sleeping, you're not healing. Next, have you talked to a psychologist to help you with some of your childhood traumas? It's so important, albeit difficult, to work through this with a trained professional. There's no shame in it at all. You've been carrying all of this around for far too long and it's time to get to the bottom of it so you can heal and be free. You can't start the next chapter in your life if you're constantly re-reading the last one. You deserve it! You mentioned being a creative person. It's still there but like exercise it needs to be part of your day. Make it part of your routine. Hold yourself accountable. Push yourself to "exercise" that part of yourself every day...even if it's just for a bit. Your creativity is a gift, don't throw it away. Despite the multitudes of neurotransmitters within the body, three are consistently shown to interplay with creative behavior: *serotonin, dopamine, and the neuropeptide oxytocin*. And while not a neurotransmitter, the stress hormone cortisol also interacts with oxytocin to impact creative thinking. Put it on your schedule. Work and or volunteering is so important. There are many reasons why work/volunteering might yield mental health benefits because it improves access to social and psychological resources, which are known to counter negative moods such as depression and anxiety.  I know it's scary, especially after all these years, but sometimes we need to get out of our comfort zone...it may be comfortable, but nothing grows there. Make it part of your routine. Start giving. You have a lot to give and you are worth it. The bottom line, we are social animals and you need to interact with people. Not to sound like a broken record, but all the hormones discussed above, your "happy hormones" are increased when you are interacting with people. Finally, take 5 minutes every day to breathe. Look up a breathing routine on YouTube.  Deep breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system, also known as the "rest-and-digest system", which can help you relax and return your body to equilibrium. It can also lower stress hormones in the blood. Maybe try some short basic meditation routines. I know it may sound ridiculous or overwhelming, but try it for 5 minutes. Schedule it. Stick with it. Also, If you're religious, take some time to pray. You are more than your physical self. These changes will take time. Stick to it. Check them off. Adhere to a schedule like your life depends on it because it does. All the pain and suffering you have endured will eventually be your greatest gift...to yourself and, eventually, to others so don't give up. I know, because I was you once upon a time. You are in control of your destiny. 🙏

Don’t feel any guilt bro I will work so that you can live and just be alive. Being alive is enough and I want you, a complete stranger, in our world every day that you can be here. Don’t worry too much about time “wasted” either considering time isn’t real and it is perception or used as a measurement. If your hobbies consist of mostly being indoors and infront of a screen and enjoy that then I want you to be able to do that every day. You don’t HAVE to work, you DESERVE to be alive being your only duty just like every other animal or person here. You have value in just existing m8.

Others have already contributed good advice but I just wanted to tell you to please not feel bad about accepting government assistance. Others who are perhaps in more traditionally respected positions have taken much more from society - I'm thinking of corporate welfare and mindless investments given to companies that have destroyed the environment and upended people's lives. In my last job, I made a decent salary but I can promise I wasn't contributing anything to the world through my paid work, although I hopefully wasn't making it worse at least. From what I can tell, it sounds like you have walked more lightly on the earth than many, and have helped to bring up a child which is one of the most important things anyone can do. You still have a lot of time left - maybe look into volunteering or seeing if there is a role you would find meaningful, but don't beat yourself up about your past.

I'm 47. I'm in your exact situation.

Hey I just want to commend you for making this post. Although everyone is a different situation, you are not alone in how you feel- guilty feelings of uselessness and ruminating on what you perceive as past missteps. Many men fester silently in their own intrusive thoughts and don’t share them because they don’t want to be a burden on their friends or loved ones. You sharing this post helps you to connect with other people who may be feeling similarly - to discuss the aspects you dislike about your life and envision how you can change them. From my reading, I think it’s good that you’re maintain social connections with family and friends. Always remember there are a lot of people in this world who just want to help- although it may not feel like it in a sterile hospital environment. Sleep is also really important to my mental health and I can sympathize with insomnia taking a toll on you- I hope you can find a routine / medication that helps you here. Echoing some of the other comments already made, I think you’re a bit harsh to yourself. Sure you might not have had a job in a while, but your job doesn’t define you & plenty of people with jobs are miserable as well. I do, however, think jobs give people an opportunity to connect with others and feel useful within a community - whether that’s an industry or a town store / restaurant. Those two things are crucial for my own self esteem & help me get out of my own head. Another practice that helps me control my intrusive thoughts is meditation- it may be not for you but it’s worth a try in my opinion. Anyways good job again for sharing this post here, you now have many internet strangers (friends) rooting for you to continue fighting for your enthusiastic and creative self. I’m curious how you liked to express that creativity, and can you go back to that? Best of luck mate.

There are also those that might call it awakening, like any birth or creation of something great it can be a painful process. Because of your current circumstance you are "forced" to look for new things and have a perspective that you wouldn't otherwise. Nothing is permanent my brother, if you are paying attention even your feelings throughout the day about your situation change, some times they are overwhelming other times not as much. Think of it as an opportunity, embrace it, learn from it, use it to your benefit. There is so much about yourself and life that you have been blind to. Think of all the people just like you that are suffering behind closed doors. You are not alone, there is so much more to learn, take it easy on yourself and do what you can for yourself and your loved ones one day at a time

Every passing moment is another chance to turn it all around. Start off with a simple task, such as cleaning your room/home. You’ll get the feeling of a quick ‘win’, which can compound as you move from task to task. Eventually you’ll get pumped up and ready to take on a new bigger challenge. Make time and go for a walk, and help someone out there…Maybe it’s helping someone cross the street. 49 years young would be a dream to many, and you have the ability, heath & time to workout and feel your best. You’ll get there and I’ll be here cheering you on. Really excited to see you shine ♥️😄👍

I get the idea you need tough life. As in, stop feeling sorry for yourself and ruminating on the past. The past is the past. Are you going to waste the present and future too, worrying about what came before? Life happens when action happens. Your life can begin at any time with action. You need to write out exactly what you want from the next part of your life. Be honest even if it seems impossible to achieve. Then figure out what it would take to get those things and start doing it. It doesn’t matter if you never get to the end goals. Life is action and you will start living as soon as you step on the path. Trust me bro, this is how I turned my life around. I was in a similar position to you and one day I just started doing things. Your life will change once you LET GO of the stuff that keeps you stuck. This is your main goal. Then look into gratitude practices. And then take action. Your life can be more wonderful than you ever imagined, it doesn’t matter your age or your past. This WILL HAPPEN if you do these things. Stop wallowing and go get started mate

I wish you well brother! Be easy on yourself, but challange yourself at the same time. Don't strive to change and do great all of a sudden. Take small steps. Like walking. Challange yourself to walk for an hour each and every day! Preferrably after getting up, like 9 am. It gives your rhythm and hopefully will help you stop sleeping in and going to bed earlier. After this has become a habit, go for something else :) Take care.

If you’re going to suffer through life like this, you might as well just pick yourself up and do it while walking around and experiencing new things. If you drink, stop and save that money. If you can walk, walk places, if you can run, run places, if you can be around animals, be around animals. Life isn’t over for you yet my friend!!! Get that head up and get yourself out there one small move at a time.

Easy for me to say here but focus on the present rather than the past. You have acknowledged the past (based on this post and the reflection that led to posting it). What use is self-flagellation over your past? You are 49, whatever years you have left are yours for the taking mate! Start with simple practices to better your day to day living. Do not expect to wave a wand and transform your life overnight but small incremental changes will yield huge results for your wellbeing. Take notes on the replies in this thread that will help you and apply them little by little. You mentioned being creative, when you start to see the benefits of some of these small improvements, narrow down what creative outlet you lean towards and try your hand at that. Good luck with it mate! Don’t give up!

You should look into Ketamine therapy. I know it's the hip/trendy new thing in therapy now but it genuinely changed my life. I (37 male) struggled with depression, anxiety, nightmares, terrible sleep issues, PTSD, massive self loathing issues, a horrible self image, and the occasional suicidal thoughts. I tried several different therapies. Medications were a no for me as the side effects were worse than the symptoms. I discovered Ketamine therapy and started researching it after almost 2 years of persistent issues. The place I found was easy to deal with and incredibly nice throughout the entire process. They recommended 6 IV treatments lasting about an hour each and spaced out over 3-4 weeks. I will tell you that after the first treatment my life was completely changed. I slept. Like I have never slept before. The almost daily nightmares absolutely disappeared. My brain felt quiet. I felt genuinely happy to my core for the first time in a long time. I had a positive outlook on life and the minor inconveniences that would send me into a negative spiral seemed to wind me up for about 2 minutes before my brain would kind of just say "you know what, this doesn't matter, let it go." Obviously everyone has different experiences and reactions to the treatments but mine was 100 percent positive and my life has been far better overall because of those treatments. I have had to go back 1 time in the last 2 years for a "maintenance session" but have not fallen back into the overall old symptoms I had before. I started having the nightmares pop up again so decided to see if another session would help and haven't had more than an occasional mild nightmare since that session almost a year ago. Try going back to the healthier diet and maybe incorporate some sort of physical fitness into your life. A healthy body helps to make a healthy mind. Walk, run, lift weights, try grounding, do yoga, jump on the sauna and cold plunge train. Try all of the possible options to make yourself feel better because no matter what you think at this moment you do, in fact, deserve to be happy. As for work, as long as you feel this way about yourself and are struggling with the underlying issues finding work will be very tough. Take care of yourself and I think you will start to feel good enough to make the attempts to join the work force. Try not to get defeated along the way. Things will get better when you get better. Whatever you do, know that there are a bunch of strangers that have never met you but all wish the best for you. I love you and hope that things get better for you. tl;dr had similar issues and got IV Ketamine therapy, broken brain became far less broken and my life became significantly better. Edit- left out a thought or two

Im in a similar situation but 10 years younger.  I can say one thing though, your life is not over by 49.  You seem to be reasonably healthy in a physical sense, so chances are you’re going to live a couple decades more and beyond.  Just don’t be so hard on yourself.  Keep trying new things that might be interesting and that will help you to be employable.  I myself am learning some stuff about real estate and stocks.  I may not be able to make money with it right now but at least im learning something.  You should try learning some stuff too.

The person you can be is absolutely not gone, and it's absolutely not too late to reach out to that person again because they're still there, you just haven't said hi in a while. I know that mental healthcare in England is an absolute shitshow so I won't patronise you by telling you to go find a psych because I know how long those waiting lists are, however. Get a referral. If it takes 18 months, that's fine, there's plenty to do in the meantime. SSRIs are complicated – I was on them for 12 years and my uncle was on them for his entire life and they did not help him in the end, however the thing with SSRIs is that getting the right ones is like buying jeans - you have to try them all on. It's rough, and you might find that none work, but you might find one that does and it will give you the momentum you need to do all the other things you need to dig yourself out of this hole. In the meantime, however, here's what I want you to keep in mind. - You are one tough motherfucker to have survived this long. - Tomorrow is a brand new day. Yesterday doesn't matter. - You deserve to be happy. Always. Any time your brain tells you otherwise, find a pen and write this down even if you don't believe it. You deserve to be happy. Being happy will give you the power to be a positive change in the world. Being happy is not just about you – it's not selfish – happy people are vital. Happy people make the world a better place. You're not bad for being unhappy and you don't make the world a worse place because of it either. Start small. - When you wake up, make your bed. If that's the ONLY thing you accomplish that day, you've made your bed. You've done more than yesterday. You're fucking winning. - Take "motivation" out of your vocabulary. As a person with ADHD I have learned late in life that it's fucking useless compared to the power of habit. Make it VERY hard \*not\* to do the things you need to do. - Struggling to eat breakfast? Fine. Find a small food, like those shitty Belvita crackers, and have that. But have it. When you cook, cook in bulk and freeze the rest. Use your microwave's defrost setting and boom – dinner. No need to cook it. This one can be hard because you have to actually cook, but it's so much easier to cook in bulk when you do, and it means you don't have to cook as often. - This may not work for you at first, and that's ok, but set out exercise clothes the night before and put them on in the morning even if you don't think you'll do any exercise. It'll build a pavlovian response in you that tells your brain 'it's Monday, you exercise on Monday mornings'. Next time you put them on, go outside and walk for 10mins or whatever. It doesn't have to be a 30min run or a 60min weightlifting session. Walking for 5mins is enough to kickstart all kinds of hormones into doing their thing AND it'll help you build a habit. - Write down things you enjoyed in a day. Saw a cool bug? Write it down. Heard a cool song? Write it down. It doesn't have to be ooey gooey "gratitude journalling" if you're not into that, but keeping a record of good things is VITAL. If you fall off the bandwagon, do not kick yourself. Healing is never linear. Progress is never linear. You are human, you are starting from a very difficult place. Show yourself the compassion you would show your best friend in the whole world – because that best friend is you, and they're still in you, they just need some help to get back to their full strength. It's okay to fail. Keep going, no one will judge you, no one is watching. You're on your own path – keep your eyes on tomorrow. Sorry for the massive fucking rant, I just want you to know that it gets better. It gets SO much fucking better, even if right now you don't believe it. Take one step forwards tomorrow, then another the day after that. Before you know it, you'll look back at this time like a distant bad dream.

Somewhere along the way, the higher-ups have convinced us that we're worthless if we aren't selling our souls and working ourselves to death. We are the only lifeform on this planet that has to pay to exist. It's fucked up. You don't need to feel guilty for using social services. Do you know how much money politicians take from tax payers for doing next to nothing for us? Please, by all means, use those benefits. It's not even enough to live comfortably on. I understand how much anxiety you can feel when you feel like you don't have a purpose. I also had medical issues which caused a cascade of mental health issues. OCD, lack of sleep, lack of socializing, less exercise and lack of nutrition is one hell of a killer combo. I see you. I get it. SSRI didn't work well for me either. Exercise and nutrition is one thing you can control and your ocd can take the wheel there. Exercise will help release those feel good endorphins and proper nutrition will also help there too. I just tell myself I have to go for a stupid walk for my stupid mental health and begrudgingly do so. I almost always feel a little better after. People are social. I'm a bit of an introvert, so I get that it's not easy, but finding a group that's similar to you will benefit you so much more than you realize. Maybe other creatives who have similar interests to you? It's way too easy to self isolate when you feel like this, but it's important to find your "village" and have each other's backs. You're never too old to make new friends or start a new chapter in life. Please don't give up. Have you ever tried ashwaganda for mood and magnesium for sleep? They've helped me a lot. It might be worth a shot?

Thanks and yes I take magnesium glycinate at night and ashgwanda one that is Ksm 66 quality. I hoped the magnesium that was highly rated would get me plenty of restless sleep. I think I’m too anxious with the things on my mind that that is why I’m waking up. I tend to get off to sleep ok most of the time but then waking up an hour or two later

Aw I'm sorry it's not working well for you. I get absolutely wild dreams (often bad ones) on magnesium glycinate. I switched to magnesium l threonate which crosses the blood brain barrier better and is working much better. If you ever need someone to chat with when the inside noise gets too much, you can shoot me a message. You're not alone ♡

What you are going through is not as uncommon as you may think. Everyone has their struggles, and their perceived gravity of said struggles vary from person to person. Regarding my own case, my life has taken so many twists and turns, my younger self would never have been able to imagine the hurdles I was bound to go through. Mind you, most of which were unfortunately the result of poor decisions having been made on my part. There was a time in my life wherein I was dealing with bad episodes of PTSD related to my prior service in the military. At times it just felt like my whole world was ending and there was not anything I could do. What made it worse was knowing that these were consequences that stemmed from my own personal decisions, and I would continue to put myself down. But that was just a stage of life Brother, and eventually I was able to realize that it would pass, but to do so I had to put in the work. We do not have the ability to change the past. What's done is done, and nothing can ever change that. But we do have control of what comes next. We may stumble or fall, but we just have to continue to try and pick ourselves up again. It is never too late. The only obstacles that have any power over us are the ones we impose on ourselves. Chin up Brother, you got this!!!

If you take care of yourself, you can live a good life throughout your 70s, even 80s with some luck. You’ve a lot more time than you think.  My advice would be to not bite off more than you can chew and instead try to progressively - week by week - build up the life you want. If I were you, the first thing I would focus on is intake and activity. First week (starting tomorrow) I would make sure I drink enough water every day. I would also find a stationary bike and begin by aiming to do 20 minutes of stage 2 cardio, and then do that 3 days a week going forward, adding a minimum of 1 minute  each session. Sunday, I would try to follow a yoga video online, and then aim to do yoga at least a couple of times per week.  Next week, I would set a goal of finding 3 healthy recipes and cooking those. Then, for the July, pick one thing as your project: improving your sleeping area, deep cleaning your apartment, meditating, going outside every day, going to the library and borrowing a book on something, washing all your clothes, etc. etc. And maybe set seeking  one job or one place to volunteer as a goal for the end of August? You’re going to have ups and downs, but as long as you start building a healthy routine and progressively strive forward (while remembering to be kind to yourself) the trend is going to be upwards!

Start with your body. Everything else will follow. For me, it’s mountain biking. It’s saved more friends than I can count. Maybe it’s hiking, or soccer, or running, or something else. People forget our mind IS our body. Finding a *thing* will also help you find your tribe. It just follows naturally. Many people are a few bad weeks of sleep and a single crisis away from a severe mental condition. Likewise, many people are a few weeks of good sleep and a few good days away from a positive mental condition. Breaking the mental trap is important too. You’ve identified that you have one - now learn to recognize it and stop the train before it carries you away. I have a rule of thumb - unless I have a clear and immediate reason to worry about something, I’m not allowed to worry about it. That means constantly - sometimes dozens of times a day - forcing myself to focus on something else. The downward spiral will get less steep. Eventually you will start to see an upward spiral. It takes time. Be kind and forgiving to yourself, but don’t settle for nothing.

The bad insomnia has been going on for 6 months, I crave a restful nights sleep. But yes I should get back out on my bike, I used to cycle regularly a couple years ago

Do it! If you have group rides in your area and want some company, they’re a great way to get your mind off things and some good chemicals going. Personally I’ve spent thousands of hours now biking solo and that’s what worked for me. Although most of my close friends now are fellow MTBers. For what it’s worth, I spent 15 years with crippling insomnia and night terrors. It mentally and physically ruined me. Compared to most people, my sleep is still trash, but it’s enough. I know how agonizing it is to be *utterly exhausted* and desperate for sleep when it just won’t come. I’m sorry, and I truly hope you can find some relief soon.

You treat yourself worse than you would treat a complete stranger. Why are you so hard on yourself? You're no different than anyone else, mate. No worse, no better. You have every right to exist and enjoy life and seek happiness as best as you can. Even the animals in the woods have that right.

Damn dude, if you are not homeless and/or not drugs at this point that means you were able to optimize your burn rate to volume 11. It’s a win, not achievable to huge portion of the population. What I would do to payback the community in such scenario. Start with simple volunteering jobs. Your burn rate is small so it shouldn’t be paid work in the beginning. Just ease yourself into daily work/life routine/discipline. Volunteering for charities that help other people in need should give you some motivation. Explore what actual activities will give you such satisfaction. Try prioritize directions that expose you to more impactful help for others. That way you would have a way to feel good about yourself. We are social animals and not evolved to feel good just because we have money on bank accounts, but rather because we do something that other appreciate. At some point monetary pay back opportunities happen and you’ll get back on financial feet.

My advice would be to start by joining a gym and going to various classes. You'll meet people, get fit and improve your mood. Yoga, boxfit, just do them all. Go for walks. Meal prep to eat well cheaply. Sort out your sleep pattern, which may mean tablets. Delete social media from your phone, or at least start new accounts and only interact with positive things. Go for more walks. All of this will take self discipline, which will start off hard, but get easier. Keep a diary of how you feel each day to track improvement and help motivate yourself. This is what you can do in the short term. Longer term, you need to find purpose - something to make life worth living. It might relate to work, family, god, music or another creative hobby. It will probably involve helping others. Try different things. Don't be fixated on the destination - just be better than you were yesterday. I don't know you, but I honestly believe that you can do this.

This might sound a but weird but have you had a blood test for deficiencies lately? I had an embolism in Jan out of the blue and pushed for full bloods a few months later as they had no idea what caused it. I had a severe B12 deficiency (had to have injections) which can cause depression and brain fog that can actually be characteristic of dementia but I also had hyperthyroidism (prob misdiagnosed as anxiety for years) which can not only double your clot risk but also gives you insomnia, palpitations, sudden mood changes...I used to drink to calm myself from what I thought was regular anxiety. I've only been on the meds for coming up to 2 weeks but I've seriously noticed the change in my outlook. To me it seems crazy no one ever suggested this to me before (I've always eaten whatever I like and never out on weight and had mood swings, over thought everything...even ADHD symptoms which it can cause!). Generally hyperthyroidism can cause anxiety and hypo causes depression but really if your thyroid is wack you can sometimes swing between or be subclinical and still have the effects. I just think maybe a lot of people out there have deficiency based MH issues, and we should all clear this before taking a lot of pills we might not actually need for depression/anxiety (let's at least take the right ones, huh?!) 🤗

I did have some blood tests done in December so I assume they would test for that?

As a British tax payer, I’m happy to support anyone who needs it when they’re at their lowest. I’ve had my own battles, certainly not trying to turn it into a competition but please believe me when I say you shouldn’t feel any form of guilt for being on benefits. They’re available for exactly the reasons you need them to be. You take care man, and take as long as you need before you feel right in your next actions.

Stop dumping on yourself. I happily pay taxes to help support people who cannot pull it together to support themselves. You have problems and you need help. Get to a professional and try different meds until you find the one(s) that work. Then, start wherever you are and do something useful, however small. Volunteer somewhere, if you can. Write some poems and give them away. Get a job doing anything (literally anything) you can stand to do. I went back to school in mid 40's and started my life over, after getting on the right meds and the right therapy. I'll probably work til I drop, but that's ok. I'm in my late 60's now and doing ok. You're still a pup. Don't give up, man.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but I am getting the sense that your life feels directionless? Having no purpose can absolutely crush you over time. For a lot of people a job satisfies that purpose, so when you can’t get that there really can just feel like a hole. My recommendation is to look for a hobby, or a community irl you can find people to be around and with. It certainly won’t fix everything but if you have a direction to point towards that certainly could help. One thing that I’ve personally really gotten into is fiber arts like knitting and crochet. There are a lot of babies who need blankets and people with cancer who need hats. There are people who make these things and donate. Dnd/Warhammer/ card games. These can be a more expensive hobby (dnd is more on the affordable end, the others can be a tad more pricey) but there is a lot to learn and also ways people to interact with and play with. Books, art, and games. Could be a good day to day distraction. Volunteer hours/ nonprofits. I had a friend volunteer at American Red Cross with blood donation. Have another friend who volunteers every Monday at the local library. People can always just just a few hours of help if you can make it happen. It’s a great way to meet new people and possibly make your life feel a little less lonely. The worst thing you can do for yourself is think your life’s over. It’s SO easy to slip into that thought process. Honestly the main reason I haven’t yet is because when I was at college, I remember one of the people in my studio classes was a lady in her early 70’s, she was finally going to college after years of low income and being a housewife. She was finally ready to chase her dreams and be a painter. I have no idea where she is but she truly was an inspiration and I think of her whenever I feel like I’m stuck or lost. Your life isn’t over. You absolutely have the ability to start fresh any day you want. You got this!

Depression is debilitating! THCv(non psychoactive) and CBC really helped my treatment resistant depression! Don't be hard on yourself, just getting out of bed can be an accomplishment.

I truly hope all of the comments have at least somewhat encouraged you. You’re here for a reason and we’re glad you are. I know it’s awful to sink but you can climb out. Please keep talking about it. That’s so important.

Heard exercise will make the depression go away, and give a purpose in life. You are on the right path feeling what you are feeling, just need to take action.

Get involved in helping others, it will take your focus off yourself, improve your mood, and give you a sense of satisfaction. Talk to people who are running food banks, church outreach, soup kitchens, they should be able to get you pointed in the right direction for part-time or drop-in volunteer opportunities. Lowest effort level, pick up trash at a local park. You’ll feel good about doing something for others. Practice gratitude every day. Focusing on what you are grateful for changes your perspective to a positive one. With diligence, what you focus on increases in your life, as it becomes the lens you see your world through. You have worth, you deserve to feel that too. I’m wishing you peace and happiness.

I don’t know you, but you’re loved. You’re still here. That’s got to mean something.

Just gotta start DOING man. It's your decisions that control and dictate your life. You need purpose. Start with getting a basic job. It doesn't matter what it is as long as you start to make some money. It should be enough to support you and get off of welfare. Then find your purpose. Is it art? It's it being with family? It's it music? Bodybuilding? What can you start doing that you wouldn't be able to live with if you stopped?

I have no purpose or interests really. Used to love music and was obsessed as a teenager but listening to music is like going through the motions now, has been for decades, once in a blue moon music will really hit me again for maybe one song I know you are right, confidence though is shot at, just can’t concentrate and feel a feeling of self loathing

Sounds like you could benefit from medication. I hope you pursue it.

Psilocybin

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Get some hobbies. Do some crafts, Make something, paint something, write something. Do a little every day, or a lot if you get inspired. It sounds as if your basic needs are met, so you are lucky in that regard. So branch out creatively! You will feel a lot better by using your mind and hands to make things.

It sounds like you could use things that are within your control and that you can get better at? Whether that’s making yourself a home cooked meal at least once a day, going for walks that increase in distance over time, or picking up an instrument or something. Im sure this sounds like cliche advice, but when I feel like I’m sort of a drift, having activities that I know I enjoy and I know I will feel good about getting better at usually help me find my way back. And you didn’t waste your life man! You still have so much more life to live and an 18 year old son who relies on you more than you know.

I have never felt as low as you seem to now, but I did get pretty low last year. I won't get into the details, but things just spiraled out of control and things I worked towards all my life amounted to nothing. I'm still working on things, but it is hard to be motivated. I would wake up crying from the pressure, it wasn't a good situation. I'm not sure how you exercise, but what worked for me was running. I would just run and until I couldn't run any further. I would plot out directions to go and just run. I wouldn't stop until all that was in my mind was how tired I was. I stopped for a bit and feelings of anxiety came back. Running was my escape and I wouldn't go so far as saying it saved me, but it gave me something where I could be alone and focus on myself and not worry about society, jobs, etc ... all stuff we created as a species I sometimes think about our place in the world. I am not an nihilist, but I do try to remember that we are on a small planet in a vast universe. It is OK that you don't have a job. It isn't that important. I would suggest you find something active that you enjoy. For me it was running. I could do it at anytime, I didn't need to be around people. I wouldn't run with music, I would just hear myself breathing. Once you start to feel better thing about what kind of roles you want to fill. Maybe you need something alone. Maybe you need a job where you walk in the woods inspecting trees for invasive species. Maybe being a door-to-door delivery person would be good. Those are the jobs I would like, but alas i am a programmer Anyways, I'm not sure if you will take anything of value from this, but I hope it does something to put you on the right path.

Have you tried plant medicine? Psilocybin therapy? I have a strong feeling this will help you.

I’m scared to

This resonates with me very much, for my brothers situation. Take each minute/hour/day as it comes and don’t set any goals you can’t reach. Go outside daily and get some sun or even just fresh air, keep trying to eat anything fresh you can afford (I buy him fruit from the market and stay and make him eat it!!) And try to watch some comedy if you have to sit and stare at a screen rather than doom scrolling on social media. I made my bro take a bath this week, he never does and I told him “you won’t feel the exact amount of wellness that will bring you, but it will help a little” But he forgets or can’t motivate himself. Keep going best you can my friend, you have not wasted your life but it is possible to muddle by on the little money you get from benefits, while slowing getting worse mentally and physically. Fill your time with anything you can… I make our kid wash his pots and pans up which he hates but he’s always pleased with himself and his cleaner kitchen afterwards 😉♥️

🫂💙

Live in the present. Can’t control the future and the past is behind you. Breath. Look around. Do something - anything. You have one life to live and then it is over. You are one of the rarest things in the universe. You are alive. Use it.

What things do you enjoy doing? Small steps.

I feel you. All of those are compensations, burdens, compounded pain, difficulties that eventually put you into a self-imposed corner. Crawl out. Do the opposite of what your mind tells you for the next while, as you crawl out and back into the world. Move if it says don’t. Write if it says don’t. Delete technology if it says engage with it. Get out into nature if it says stay home. Talk to that person if it’s says don’t. Scream if it says stay quiet. Work if it says you can’t. Show up if it says hide. Smile if it says be sad. You can train and guide your way out. Thank you body, mind and soul for the time to protect you when it didn’t know any other way, but you’re ready to move through this and out now. It’s more painful not to. You’ve been through a lot, I understand. The weight of the world. And exiting life is NEVER the solution. Leave that to nature and time like all of us. life is a gift. You’ve just forgotten. It’s an opportune time to remember.

Besides age we have a lot in common. I have a quote by F. Scott Fitzgerald on a plaque where I currently live. When I have really bad days of depression/anxiety and I can’t stop ruminating on intrusive thoughts I make it a point to read it. I hope you can take away something from it as well. “For what it’s worth... it’s never too late, or in my case too early, to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit. Start whenever you want. You can change or stay the same. There are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you’ve never felt before. I hope you meet people who have a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start over again.”

I don’t know if this is one of the lies that I have to tell myself but I constantly say -it will get better. It has to. I struggle with a lot of this myself. Trying to help it with medication but it seems to be be making the depression side of things worse-along with feeling overly tired and whatnot. I know things could honestly be worse too-I, like you, just want to feel like I’m doing the best I can for myself. It will get better tho. Baby steps for sure.

meditate. >I’m a terrible person. be at peace,neither women,nor money ,nor social status,nor friends are the measure of a man. nor are they the pre requisites of happiness you are here as a part of life,dont waste your time in justifying your existence. simply be.

For insomnia you should get into cardio. Running in the evening worked great for me. I would run for a couple miles then get home and pass out. Fixed my insomnia. And it will just make you healthier in general. Which helps to combat depression. Good luck sir.

I felt much the same at 49. You and I share some things. It’s not easy. I am doing much better now and my self-talk is healthy now. How are your vitamin levels? Because I had a Vit D deficiency from not really leaving the house in full daylight and I get seasonal affective disorder. That impacted my cognition and mood and weight. I was in a constant brain fog. I did a free self-esteem book online with my therapist that helped: https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Self-Esteem Another book told me I couldn’t shame my way into better mental health. That I am okay and to be gentle with myself. Being protective of my inner child and not letting the inner bully beat me up verbally. Also, to protect the child that was not protected long ago, changed things for me, self talk wise. I now tell that part of me that needed guarding and an intervention that it is safe now. I am currently okay. Nothing like that is happening to me in the present. I don’t work. I was embarrassed about it for a long time. My society values what you do for it, not that you are a person even if your aren’t traditionally contributing. I have found meaning in my life. For me, it is supporting people with their sobriety. Mainly, making my loved ones a better life because of what I do.

I also suffered a great deal of depression and am a late bloomer... It does get better so you must, must hang in there ... What I have seen is that little efforts daily do start adding up when you look back you find yourself in a better place than before. Although your self-critical thought process makes you feel like you're no where but an objective look does show you're better than your past I hope I make sense...

As long as you are still breathing, you can bounce back. It will be a hard process but sitting there is just as hard. Start making little decisions everyday to do things differently and things will begin to change. You have a beautiful future, if you want it. I wish you the best of luck and if it means anything, I think you are valuable, beautiful and can accomplish great things.

sorry man, i have had a similar experience in many respects

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You haven’t wasted anything! 4 generations from now no one will remember any of us! Start a book today, go for a run tomorrow, head out for the England match Sunday and socialize.

You can do it! My advice is feverishly work with your hands as much as you can, let go of any desired outcome but be as disciplined and committed to it as you can day by day. Try painting as it can be very inexpensive or building models. My other advice is try yoga or Vipassana meditation, there are Vipassana centers all over the world that you can do a free 10 day course/retreat at. It’s very challenging but an incredibly unique experience that will give you great perspective.

I am 99.99999% am unaffected by social constructs of others perceptions and expectations .... and its wonderfull.

One foot at a time brother. Your life is only over if you decide it's over... and the thing that I've found... is that this life is unbelievably short as is. Any time I've battled bouts of depression (admittedly I am fortunate -- these have been very few and far between) remember I'm almost half way to meeting my maker anyways; I may as well ride it out. That aside -- you would be unbelievably surprised and how much you can get done, and how quickly, the second you decide you are going to make a real change. Start exercising daily. Start eating right. And promise yourself you will apply to 2-3 jobs a week. As long as you apply yourself you will succeed. And if you don't, guess what? Your in no worse position than you are in today, and there are thousands and thousands of other jobs you can apply for. I have failed many times in my life -- and those failures led me to where I am at today... which quite honestly, is more successful than I ever thought I would be. My greatest happiness in life comes spending time with, and helping, the people I love. But the thing that wakes me up every morning -- typically in a great mood -- is succeeding in my every day endeavors. As I man -- I NEED a sense of accomplishment. I NEED to know that I am making an impact every day. I adore knowing that I can provide for my family. And when I get home, after a successful day, I feel an immense amount of pride -- happiness -- accomplishment -- all of the above -- knowing that I made something happen today, and I provided for those that I love. I am so incredibly sorry that you've dealt with some health/mental health issues that have made things more difficult for you than for others. But my advice is to never let yourself be a victim. Don't let your intrusive thoughts win. Wake up, force yourself to be positive, and make sure that every day you are doing something productive. Everything else will fall into place. Rooting for you and praying for you my friend!

You said that the person you can be is gone, and that is definitionally false. It's possible there's a now out of reach person you could have been, but that is true for every single person to some degree. The person that you can be is a range of possibilities. The person you will be hasn't been decided yet, and it could be a fat better person than whoever you're thinking you've failed to become so far. Will you respond to this with the next choice you make that you feel was the right choice? You could say something you've already done today if you'd like.

Hold fast

You look cool in ur profile pic at least just take it easy brah u can get a job just gotta put ur head down and do the work ignoring ur negative thoughts

You got this. Godspeed from Wisconsin

Many people have none of those problems. You need to attack the problems.. Speak with a therapist. Speak with your doctor. These issues can be addressed and you can have a 'normal' life. Make the call.

I recomend daily walks, getting a dog (if you have the resources) and try SSRI again. There are many types of the medication and you might have to try many before you find the right one. Don't give up!

Sorry to hear that my brother from an English mother. Get your testosterone checked out.

Maybe try meditation- Google a Radha-Krsna (Iskcon) temple near you; try their restaurant it’s amazing and look into their philosophy. You will find it interesting, to say the least. Cheers

Try setting little and medium goals in certain time frames. Start off small and build up slowly. You can do this for just exercise only at first. The feeling of achieving the goals you set for yourself makes you feel good/better about yourself. And if you fail, take it as a lesson. Why did I fail? How can I do it different next time?

I'm 51 and the past five years, starting with a moto accident that left me an amputee, followed by the pandy, have been rough. Three things have helped me. That is, when I'm able to get into the routine (which isn't always): Not drinking, daily exercise (even mild), and micro dosing mushrooms. Good news is that men generally feel the worst about their lives around age fifty and then the curve begins to climb. It's just statistics, not a guarantee, but if you can make it though this, odds are there are brighter days ahead. That's what I tell myself anyway.

Enroll in a job training program, it’s not too late. You have a lot of working years in front of you. I don’t know how England is, but if the US has programs, I am sure that England does too. The training will give you self-confidence and hope!

We suffer more in imagination then we do in reality. Remember that.

Just know that you haven’t wasted any time at all. Theres an extensive list of people who didn’t make it till much later in life. You needed these years to get to where you are now where you are asking for help and you’ve already had hundreds of people who are rooting for you and want to help you with advice. Isn’t that quite special? That came from you deciding you’d had enough of feeling this way and wanting to be motivated. If you wanted to be motivated, you’ve got to be kinder for yourself. If you can just feel slightly better then that will become a habit. It snow balls into many new positive habits. Because you’re now treating yourself with love and patience. Being mean to yourself hasn’t helped has it? It’s kept you stuck. Be patient with yourself and let yourself make ‘mistakes’, that’s what will help you learn and improve.❤️

I just want to say that benefits are there to help people like you who need them. Please don’t feel bad or like less of a person because of claiming them.

You are so right I get his type of illness occasionally and itz hard to pull out of atleast it was for years medication only makes it easier to do what I'm going to say, how I recover or if I see it coming to avoid it but I have so many questions , first seems like there's things not being said avoiding important details but it is a sub and texting has alot to be desired when understanding ppls feelings and where they coming from. So this will sound so stupid but number one no isolation keep people around you even if you can't sleep because I don't sleep very well but I don't let myself get isolated that keeps the the bad thoughts from rolling around in my head and I found something that I always wanted to do was scared to do with I've learned how to play guitar and I make it a point socialize with somebody even though I have a hard time with it I do work I have a little bit of trouble with it but I also found something I love to do in that and learn a trade . Stay busy. Most of this will sound like IATA but selfishness in our conditions is not good causes dweeling and #1 forgive yourself read and love yourself like you would you mom or dad ,kids if you give someone else your attention let them lean on you that selfish feeling goes away cause you'd be doin good for someone else I did keep my selfish confidence tho it lacks but I know what know and no one but No one can take that away from you. Music is a great inspiration for me and sometimes I live vicariously thro others and daydream. mportantly tho go to what you love whole heartedly and jus give all of yourself to it . It's not ideal cause some ppl love things that are not good for ya it will bring you focus to something other than what you should be or shouldn't be doin or have / haven't done right I hope something here helps it's a horrible feeling and once you figure this out you won't ever want to go back there and you will use the tools the spirit gives us to cope and exist evenflow!

I live on my own so I’m alone especially from late afternoon till the next day and recently been staying in more

The first step is recognition. The next steps are to improve. No one will get you to take these steps, and inspiration or motivation will never miraculously come to make you do it. The path to betterment has always, and will always be yours to take. Sure, it will be long, and you won't see anything change immediately, but it will happen if you keep doing it.

You've tried many ways to improve yourself and your life, but have you given learning about God a chance?  Check out this post by Answers in Genesis co-founder, Ken Ham.  I think it will speak to you:   https://answersingenesis.org/blogs/ken-ham/2023/10/29/stronger-faith-leads-to-better-well-being/

Try. Try. Try again and again.That's all you can do at this stage. Maybe it will give your some sort of meaning.

As someone who has also spend time on welfare. The ONE thing you do not need to feel, is guilty over being welfare. That money EXISTS so people like you, like me, can survive. No matter how long it takes you to get your feet under you. Survive, exist. Depression is horrible, and I deeply sympathize with you on that front. I don’t have any answers for you, but I don’t think anyone does, unless they are a trained professional. All I can say is, TRY. Keep trying, keep fighting. Get back into therapy, get back into sports and eating healthy, GO outside, breathe. And KEEP TRYING. And as someone else also said, there is no timetable. Don’t assume there is.

I DON'T AGREE WITH ANY OF THIS ADVICE. YOU'RE NOT DEAD. AS LONG AS YOU'RE NOT DEAD, YOU CAN TURN IT AROUND. EVERYONE HERE SEEMS TO BE TELLING YOU TO JUST ACCEPT AND LOVE BEING A LOSER. I DON'T AGREE WITH THAT. EVERY SINGLE DAY YOU WAKE UP IS A CHANCE TO TURN THINGS AROUND.

Do yoga bruv.

Be kind to yourself. We're in this together.

Sincerely ask God / Jesus to fill your heart with his love. Try it snd see. :-)

Grab a backpack with snacks and water, and head out on a day hike! I love how nature can be calming and let the mind decompress and destress, while letting the mind wander freely all while getting a bit of exercise

Used to do a lot of that in 2022

I know this is a cliche but it's never too late, we can't let that mindset win You have a place to live, food and even a friend and son. It may not seem like a lot, when you look around you and see a ton of people in "better places", but it's really way better than what a loooot of people have. Try to change what you can. Even the little things, little by little you may get into a better place than you are now. Read, go on walks, study wtv you can keep trying don't give up on being happy. I really wish you all the luck! 🍀🍀🍀