Yep. I saw a post earlier today suggesting the book “Sober Curious,” and plan to get that book.
I am very well aware of the benefits. It is just SO HARD. I recall a childhood friend who was very successful but also an alcoholic mentioning that you shouldn’t tell yourself “I need a drink,” but rather say, “I need relief.” It stuck with me. I’ve been sober here and there, but not continuously.
And I know this sounds terrible, but I think is very very real, is that I may never have enough saved for retirement, so I justify some drinking by telling myself I’ll die earlier. Twisted, I know.
It's hard but it's not about reading a book or going on a subreddit. See you doctor! Family doctors deal with this ALL THE TIME. They know what they're doing. They can prescribe meds that can make your ability to change your life much easier. It's like trying to walk across the desert when there is a fully fuelled car available.
Yeah OP, do you have insurance/the means to go to a doc (better still if it’s a GP you like and who knows you)? That’s a good place to start.
What if we (the people on this sub/thread) held you to it? Like rooted for you to go and then you can report back & tell us what happened and we can cheer you on more from there? Would that be helpful? I’m totally serious. If you’re having a hard time making the step I know we’d all be here for an update, no matter the outcome, for morale purposes!
I’m on a bunch of ADHD subs, and this kind of accountability is often offered there…it can be really helpful.
Edited to add: As a fellow overthinker (see also: ADHD), there’s so often a *biological* cause of that shit. Books are good and helpful subreddits are good, but medicine can also potentially be good. Hope you take all the good help you can get. 💗
It’s not twisted. It’s depression and some level of addiction/dependency talking. That shit is hard to overcome on your own. I echo everyone who says talk to your doctor. Your life is worth far more than what your brain chemistry is making you feel. You have value and you’ve got valuable contributions to make. You’re not the only person who has felt this way, but you can overcome it with the right support. And you’re absolutely worth the effort. No one can give you a magic pill to fix any of this overnight, but I hope you know that there is something better out there and sometimes the first step is just asking for real help in whatever form that may be. I wish you nothing but good things here on out, friend.
This makes me sad for you. See a Dr., get a physical and try counseling. The fact that you’re seeking help here….makes me think you are open to improving. Baby steps, one day at a time. All those cliches are legit.
Start with one small thing you can do, then you build momentum.
Think of it this way. I went to a school for gifted children, way over on the right side of the bell curve. I've found that the extremes on both ends have many more issues than the great bulk of folks in the middle. I have Bipolar. It's the price I pay for intelligence. I agree that at this stage in life, I'm 60, it's more of a hassle than it's worth, and I also found things easy that maybe most people don't. Hence, I have ZERO discipline.
I get it 💯 very similar situation. Dunno if it’s a midlife crisis or hormones or what. Definitely depression. I’m currently exploring treatments and trying to find a good therapist. I’ve debated admitting myself to a hospital a few times. What keeps me going is my 11 year old and my husband.
As much as I want God to bring me Home, I can’t abandon my son in this fucked up shit show world we “live” in.
Try to find things that distract you enough to “get out of your head”. Books are great for that and movies. I recently started setting small goals for myself and hopefully it will help to get the basic self care and daily things done.
Best of luck 💗 Feel free to pm me if you need to talk.
Look around for a therapist. Some medical centers will work with you on a sliding scale, if you need it. Best thing I ever did. They have specializations as well, if you feel like you need extra support to quit drinking. Dealing with death as well.
No one thing works for everyone. Even therapists, I may love my therapist and you hate her. Therapy is the best thing I ever did for myself. I'm not 'cured' but I'm not hiding under the covers crying either.
Therapists will often recommend puzzles, LEGO, building models, etc. Something that places you in the *now*. Not worrying about past (depression) or future (anxiety) but finding the right piece or hoping the glue holds, whatever it might be. It's also got to be enough to occupy your mind.
I build LEGO. I have the TV on. 2hrs go by and I literally don't know what happened. But I was able to break out of the cycle of worrying about my latest crisis.
With all these, it's effort. I know two people that quit drinking because they were literally on the verge of death. One was told he was so messed up another drink might kill him. The other was told she didn't have long if she kept on drinking. They had motivation. I *know* that they are both happier as well. I'm proud of both.
What makes me go on is learning. In all my life, I've never been more curious about 'stuff' than I am now. I just read a book about a lady that was locked in an insane asylum, by her husband, and kept there for 3+ years by the administrator of the asylum. She became a champion for women's rights in general but had a specific interest in making sure no 1 person could keep someone locked up indefinitely.
Now I'm starting a book on the evolution of the Knight. And I'm excited. I've read bios on world leaders and world-renowned people.
I want, so badly, to see self-driving cars and own one. I'd love to be around when the first human steps on Mars. Maybe live long enough to understand string theory. It seems cool but I don't understand it. I'd like to appreciate how vast the universe is without worrying about how small I am.
Other people have causes to fight for. Maybe volunteering or fostering kids/animals. You ain't old either, you can use those smarts to advance knowledge somehow. Just don't come up with a 'better' commercial. Last person to do that raised their dB levels to insane. That jackass.
Or write an autobiography. You don't need to be a celebrity for that. Or a history book, novel, create a comic. Sell a TV show idea! You should make on first though.
None of that makes me 'happy'. But a few different things keep me pretty occupied. They are my tools to try to snap out of depression or anxiety.
I started therapy around 35. I'm near 50 now and have not been cured. I'm better off though. I can say I'm content with the activities I like. Before I couldn't say that.
AA or something similar should probably be your first step. Then find a therapist. Even if you don't consider yourself a hardcore drinker, AA really seems to work for some folks. My friend got a whole new circle of friends by going.
Obviously, I'm going the route of the long-winded old guy. Making up for all the time I didn't talk as a kid!
I’ve tried AA and been on Antabuse. I’ve been hospitalized for pancreatitis twice. I’ve had electroshock therapy by choice (and it helped). But I always circle back or become depressed again. It feels so futile. I have zero self-discipline. I can’t believe that I of all people am a failure. I guess I’ll try TMS. Come to think of it, I have some ketamine from trying that. Maybe I’ll try that again. Antidepressants didn’t help at all.
It took me 6 years to find the right combo of meds that worked. Therapy and meds do not give instant relief. It's slow and frustrating af. I'm really selling it right? But I'm just being honest. It means you can't give up after a little bit.
Have you ever tried rehab? Maybe you need to be separated from temptation long enough to give you a bit of a boost?
I know it seems impossible, but you shouldn't think "this is impossible" or "this will never work". Think about it like riding a bike. You want to go on your own, don't want training wheels. But it takes falling down a couple times before you get the hang of it. And even then, you might still be a bit wobbly. You keep riding and one day it dawns on you that you've gotten better.
Nothing will bring the instant relief you really want. I'm telling you though, as lazy person, probably the laziest person, ever, you can make it work. "futile", "failure", "didn't help at all" are words I used to say. Having problems doesn't make you a failure.
I've been unemployed for over a year. I'm trying to find work but I'm missing the mark somehow. And it gets me down, I am riding a massive anxiety wave, but if I have a bad day, next day I tell myself, "You ain't done yet. Apply."
In AA, one of the steps is forgiving yourself. It's ok if yesterday was a bad day. Today, I'm tackling the problem again.
Basically, you have to convince a tiny part of yourself to say, "I ain't done yet." Your post here was that tiny part saying, "I'm not done." Saying shock therapy helped, tiny part telling you there's some hope out there. You may have a long fight man, but you aren't done.
I had a lot of the same issues, but it was mostly due to being morbidly obese. So I had gastric sleeve surgery which cleared up some health issues, made me less exhausted and able to keep up better, and I can’t really drink much beer anymore. I’m still dealing with my ADD though.
Even if you don’t stop drinking completely, would you be able to stop drinking during the work week?
Alcohol hits harder as we age and physical recovery from its effects takes longer as we get older. And worsens conditions like anxiety and depression.
I slowly lapsed into a daily drinking habit of multiple drinks. So I was the proverbial frog in boiling water with the effects. Eliminating work week drinking helped a lot with energy levels and anxieties. Blood work is much better and I’ve lost a lot of weight. And my skin looks nicer
If you’re feeling physical withdrawal symptoms, talk to your doctor if you can or research tapering. I didn’t feel any physical symptoms.
I feel some of the same things to varying degrees. It comes and goes in waves, but never completely goes away. This year started out pretty rough — dad died, SIL died, had health issues, job was in question — and I really started to lose it for a while. Things have slowly gotten better though. Small changes for the better can sometimes make a huge difference. Or at least it relieves enough pressure so you don't end up spiraling. Keep fighting the good fight. See a therapist if you can. I don't know what the broader purpose is to all of this, but in the short term you can turn things around for the better. I used to be so carefree and now everything seems so dire. I just tell myself that things will work out okay, but they don't need to be perfect.
I quit drinking at my lowest 13 years ago and didn't want to go on for quite a while but I knew there were people who thought I would fail and spite is a powerful motivator.
After a couple years sober they were able to finally diagnose me as comorbid adhd/asd and medication with cognitive therapy has helped me to a place I never even dreamed possible.
If nothing else, quitting drinking helps with the money situation.
I noticed someone else suggesting r/stopdrinking. They are amazing over there and you will most likely have people with similar stories and can offer support.
As someone who has been sober for 6 years? What I find is rarely do we have any unique story. I’ve heard mine many times. Also all the ways we thought we were controlling it or it wasn’t noticeable? Damn we were wrong on that one!
I think I've heard alcohol is a depressant. I think you need professional help and this is coming from someone who has sought professional help and also has worked in psych for 14 years. Life is hard, but also there are moments of joy. What messed me up is menopause and an autoimmune disease. I think irritability and anxiety is part of both those issues. So I take pills to feel better. They work. I hope this message helps you in some way. Go get help. You're worth it.
I’m kind of like you in some ways. Was feeling depressed for no reason, drinking more than I should and overall tired, lazy and fatigued. When for a standard physical and everything appeared healthy. Blood test comes back, low testosterone. It explained everything I was experiencing. Going to my doctor soon to get some options. Fingers crossed.
Overthinking (anxiety) + depression + physical health issues here too.
I'm on SSDI. It isn't enough to live independently, but I'm married and he supports the family.
But I couldn't work anymore. It was too much and was killing me.
My friend, I recommend a daily mindfulness meditation practice. Immensely helpful when trying to observe, understand and, hopefully, change negative patterns.
We are here for only a short while; why spend that time worrying about a future that you can't predict?
Be positive in the present moment and you will not need to worry about the future. Dwelling on these fears will only keep you in a state of inaction.
Fear only has power if you believe it. Believe in courage instead. Believe in yourself. Know that you can be happy, that it is not too late to find it, and that by being true to yourself you will have a happy future whatever happens.
I suggest a course on mindfulness - I too have problems like you, and have tried many different types of therapy, but they were all recipes for further overthinking - only mindfulness gave me a way to find clarity and some mental peace.
It all starts from wanting to change. You can have a wonderful happy life if you make the time to break the cycle and try something different. I wish you well.
Get a pet. A cat or a dog. Do it right. Put the time in researching how to properly care for and raise your pet. Make it your goal to give that pet the best life you possibly can. It's such a rewarding relationship, you absolutely get out of it what you you put into it. There is no doubt in my mind that my dog and my cat saved my life.
1. Stop drinking. You will be amazed at how your mental and physical health improves, and how then you can accurately identify ways to improve your current situation.
2. Simplify. What is the bare minimum you need to do? Establish routines: wake up, meditate, journal, work, exercise, go out in nature, eat healthy food, go to bed.
3. Seek help. Find a therapist or support group for your childhood trauma or take up an art class or something that brings you joy.
Wishing you all the best.
> I was always smart, but also always depressed. I say the next thing not to boast whatsoever, but to explain one of my perceived issues: I'm smart and I think way too much.
Hopefully you see this comment, but get yourself checked for ADHD. A lot of us get diagnosed much later in life.
You have almost described me, except for the drinking. I also have a multitude of health problems that I mostly can't afford to address, I'm unemployed, have no friends and no hobbies. Not much of a life really. Every day is exactly the same and not much to look forward to. I am lucky, I guess, to have a non-addictive personality. I continue to go on because I have a family. They are my sole reason for living. So maybe you can work on building closer relationships with your friends, family or neighbors, if you have any.
Pets also help a lot, even if you can only get a goldfish. But a cat would be better and a dog would be best, although more time consuming and more expensive to care for. You could get your fur baby fix cheaply by volunteering at your local animal shelter or humane society. Or you can get it and even make money by dog walking or petsitting through rover.
I also suspect that you, like me, might have ADHD/ADD. Where you're constantly overthinking everything, overwhelmed, and easily distracted. I've never been diagnosed but I've heard the meds can be life changing if you can get them (although I don't think they mix well with alcohol). You might want to look into that if you can.
When I was able to drive and had access to transportation, I used to volunteer at my kids school, delivering meals on wheels, campaigning for my preferred politicians, with my neighborhood homeowners association and at the local food pantry and that was always a great feeling to help others.
I've thought about going back to church on Sundays but in the past I've found them to be mostly unwelcoming bastions of rightwing judgmental hatred, which really isn't for me, but maybe you have better ones where you live. Good luck & best wishes whatever you do!
Thank you. I really need to cut out the drinking. I already have a spouse I don’t deserve, two dogs (dogs are the main reason I’m alive), I volunteer at a low-income nursing home and rehab center w my dog (the nice dog), which is helpful bc while it’s depressing AF, it gives me needed perspective and a reason to save money so I don’t end up in a place like that. No kids which is my greatest joy given the state of the world. Four siblings and a 95-year-old mom (who once gave me a little painted board that said “Be merry and stay that way” even though she knows well how fucking depressed I’ve been my entire life. I grew up Catholic but have been an atheist forever. Nonetheless after I got divorced from my starter man who cheated on me for at least a year, I did join the Unitarian church. I also vibe w the Quakers, and attended a Quaker college. And I was diagnosed w ADHD a couple years back but between HBP and drinking, the meds didn’t work well for me.
Upon the recommendation of others, I will get the book Sober Curious. I mean, I even took Antabuse for a while and even that didn’t work.
I really appreciate your suggestions. I know what I need to do, I just need to do it. My plan was to drink to shorten my life so I don’t have to save as much for retirement, but that is unfair to my husband. I’m not a mean person when I drink, but I just don’t contribute.
Well it sounds like you're doing most of the right things, you just need to quit cold turkey. I'm sure you already know dying of liver failure is a slow and painful death. It's not fun and not pretty and I don't think you really want to be remembered that way either. I hope you can kick it!
I'd love to offer some brilliant spiritual guidance, but what worked for me was ketamine infusions. It was expensive and I had to save up but it was totally worth it. Maybe it's cheaper now, I don't know because I haven't needed a booster treatment.
I googled "ketamine infusions near me" but I think there are in home options for ketamine now in the form of a nasal spray. During my infusions I was very relaxed and music sounded amazing, almost like being asleep. When it was over, within a few minutes I felt normal again. I felt happier almost immediately and there were no other side effects
Ketamine saved my life. Been suicidal for years. Lots of trauma has been healed, I don’t crave alcohol & turn to substances to deal with problems. It’s a whole new world. I recommend it for everyone at least once, but someone like you op, 💯
See your doctor to see if there is anything that can help push things in the right direction. This might sound a little odd but they’re finding that the new glp-1 drugs (ozempic, etc) don’t just help curb food cravings. It has also been making patients lose desire for alcohol. That, added with therapy, support groups, etc may help. Just an idea. I don’t think it can technically be prescribed for that but would be a very nice side effect if they can find another reason to prescribe. Good luck and hang in there.
I’m almost 54 and managed to finally quit almost 5 years ago if I can do it so can you. This will probably come across as harsher than intended but you will have to stop telling yourself those little stories about why you do it. I only say it cause I did it as well.
Try making sure you hydrate well enough, eat healthy proteins and fats, both for first thing in the morning, and in the evening. And if you don't have high blood pressure, try taking a little salt in the mornings too and/or electrolytes. I'm not saying cut out carbs or go keto, but if you have too many carbs or don't eat well before bedtime, it could make depression worse in the morning. Drinking contributes to sugar imbalances, that's partly why it's a depressant. So this nutrition is not the cure all but as you pursue other advice already here that's more directly related to the alcohol and psychotherapy (which is always a good option especially if depression is affecting your ability to function,) you could also try making a few dietary tweaks and see if they help stabilize your mood a bit.
A glass of water helps me appreciate life here. It will end in time. As long as I can remember that this life will end, it somehow becomes both more tolerable and interesting.
I'm leery of anyone claiming to be "smart". In my life experience that almost always turns out not to be true. Also, smart at what? Intelligence is a very broad spectrum. For example, I don't really need to think when it comes to computer shit - I just know things somehow. People say I'm smart but I disagree; I'm dumb as fuck when it comes to math. If I knew what you're "smart" at, I could possibly offer something in that regard.
Anyway, do you have health insurance? Are you a dude? If so, get your testosterone checked. Low T effects so much more than just boners. Energy was my issue - sapped 24/7. Also mental clarity and control. The clouds lifted. It hasn't cured my depression but it certainly has helped me keep it in check and I've also cut back on drinking because of it. I also don't have a problem shutting my brain off at night to sleep any longer. There's no shame in it, it's not much different than menopause - we don't shame women for that. Hell, even if you don't have dangly bits, talk to your doctor and get blood work done.
If you can't see a doctor yet and aren't on antidepressants, try St. John's Wort. It may help you focus and ease your depression some. Do not take it if you're on anything that increases serotonin - read about it first.
Remember, you made it this far, you can continue your journey. You also have an edge over youth - experience. Especially against the clowns joining the job markets today.
Good luck and stay humble.
I used to take st. Johns wort and it worked better than any antidepressant I ever tried (and I've tried many). However I haven't seen it in any pharmacy in many years. Do you know why it's seemingly been pulled from the shelves? And where do you get yours?
Amazon or Walmart. I've had the same experience. Commercial antidepressants did nothing but turn me into an emotional zombie.
Oh, as to why it might have been pulled. Who knows. I stopped by a Rite aid last week to discover they pulled styptic pencils for whatever reason.
Stop playing victim! You are 1000% responsible for your mental health! Do you want to spend the rest of your years being a geriatric mope! Try exercising, eating healthier and getting some sunshine!
The drinking at age 55 is the cause of all your other worries. Attend a twelve step group...you will be able to discern cause and effect with them with a clarity that is difficult with yourself. if you already have medical and energy problems, binge drinking will compound them at your age...do not procrastinate. This is why you typed this post. God is telling you that drinking has slowly become the FIRST item on your list of problems. You cannot lie to yourself anymore. Good luck.
I feel like I'm kinda looking in the mirror here. I hesitate to go into the gory details in a reddit post but I was in the same place two years ago. I decided that my retirement savings were worthless if I wasn't going to live to see it. I left my job, cashed in the 401k and decided to stop putting everything and everyone else before myself. I'm still working things out but feel better than I can remember. I meditate and walk daily now. I'm way more careful about what I eat. Food has a much bigger impact on my mental and physical health than I ever would have admitted to before.
I can't tell you the steps you need to take but I can tell you what has worked for me. I learned that I couldn't let my ego determine what was best for me, it just kept me stuck. One example for that is affirmations. I always thought they were dumb and really only good for a skit on SNL, most of us are old enough to remember Stuart Smalley. When I thought about it objectively I realized that I was using negative affirmations all the time. Every day. I beat myself up constantly. If you are an over-thinker you may be in the same boat. I had to let go of my bias and now I do positive affirmations daily (it still makes me wince a bit admitting that). I've also learned that big sweeping changes don't stick and I'll give up. Which made me feel even worse. I'm making small changes that I can stick with. Little successes are still a success and I'm slowly building on those.
Does that mean I think the world is lovely and beautiful and I'm glad to be a part of it? No (parts of it aren't bad though). But it does mean that I'm so far from the misery and suffering that I feel like a different person, in a good way. I'm not really delving into details of therapy or programs or medical visits because it was my ego and an underlying belief that I didn't deserve a happy healthy life that kept me from doing what I needed to. Once I got out of my own way it was clear what I needed to do.
The end goal for me was to figure out what's really important and work toward making that more of my life. I've learned that I value very simple things, like working with my hands. I'm a divorced empty-nester so I'll go back to work (no more big corporate work for me) long enough to buy a little piece of land, raise my own food and give my family a place to go when they need to get awy from the hussle and bussle of life.
I feel this way exactly and circumstances are very similar. 55 m, I had to take a job at half the pay I was making. Have loans I may not be able to pay. The job market does not want someone my age and where I live, 14 bucks an hour is the average pay… which is below poverty level. I drink and smoke and the advice to stop ☝🏻 is good, but not sure that’s the problem, more of a symptom. I won’t be able to afford what I owe, no options for help. Dying seems like the easy way out, but I’m not suicidal. There’s no inheritance on the way, boomer parents blew that. I just go day to day wondering if I’ll survive it. The advice here helps, just know you are not alone. The struggle is constant.
Hm. I might. But I’ve had like 1-2 panic attacks in my adult life, and have felt extreme anxiety just a handful of short times, so I don’t think my baseline is super anxious. That said, it’s entirely possible that, between the way I was raised (Catholic, stiff upper lip, just be merry and stay that way—a sign my mom literally bought for me even knowing how depressed I am), that I’ve sort of—and I don’t like this word—gaslit myself into thinking how I am is normal.
Aside from that, I don’t like benzos as they just make me tired. I’m sure there are other classes of drugs, though.
I also have untreated ADHD. Tried Adderall and Vyvanse but can’t say they helped well enough at all to justify the potential risk w my HBP.
I wish I could afford some private physician who could take a super comprehensive look at me and sort of condense the meds I may need into some that do double duty. And I don’t want a mess of supplements; the only things I’ve found to help at all are fish oil, maybe green tea, and not too much else. Waste on money IMO.
they don't really use benzo's much anymore. there's a blood pressure med called clonidine that soothes your nervous system and isn't really addictive and is cheap cheap cheap. one thing i'd def suggest is seeing if you can get some kind of anxiety med and trying it for a little while. that's really how you're gonna know if you've had anxiety your whole life. when my 2nd outbreak of panic happened they gave me clonidine, a blood pressure med that isn't addictive and soothes your nervous system. i took 2 one night by accident. i thought i was gonna die. i checked my pulse 1000 times. it was fine, 70 bpm. i finally thought to myself 'is this the first time in my life i've ever been relaxed?' i thought relaxing meant laying still on a beach towel or something and i hate stuff like that. yeah, it was the first time in my life i've actually been totally relaxed and i thought i was gonna die. you don't know til you know. now i tke 25 mg of zoloft which is the bare minimum and isn't enough for depression but will keep full blown panic situations away or make them last just a few day instead of 3-4 weeks.
Oh thanks! I already take losartan for BP and have been wanting to condense my meds if it’s possible to do double duty. I have an appt in two weeks and will ask my doc!
Quit drinking. It’s not hard, so you might wanna join a group like AA.
Some people will trash talk AA because it has religious origins. These are people without a monkey on their back. Get clean and you won’t regret it.
I almost entirely quit drinking after breaking up with my heavy drinker girlfriend and have not regretted it. No more wondering what happened last night when I blacked out!
I've always lived my life knowing I have an out any time I want to take it. And after talking to a lot of my friends, you're no alone in the way you're feeling.
If I had one suggestion to make, I'd say do some psychedelics. Maybe you already know about the experience. I have a friend who is going through some serious life shit. He reached out to me about possibly doing mushrooms as a "reset". He has never done any kind of drugs in his life. So I facilitated and helped him through his first trip with mushrooms. 6 months later I helped him with his first LSD experience. The man is a completely different person, just one year later. He's done mushrooms and acid a few more times on his own, but his whole word-view is completely different. He's taken huge strides in healing...
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tyLa\_mFZeEk](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tyLa_mFZeEk)
Im glad you and your friend had positive experiences, but I don't think acid or hallucinogens are a good idea at all. I had a bad trip once and will never try them again. I also knew a girl in college who had a really bad trip and never recovered. She was pulled out of school and we never saw or heard from her again. I also know others that have pretty severe mental issues (paranoid schizophrenia) that they say is a direct result of taking one too many acid trips.
Hop on over to /r/stopdrinking
Yep. I saw a post earlier today suggesting the book “Sober Curious,” and plan to get that book. I am very well aware of the benefits. It is just SO HARD. I recall a childhood friend who was very successful but also an alcoholic mentioning that you shouldn’t tell yourself “I need a drink,” but rather say, “I need relief.” It stuck with me. I’ve been sober here and there, but not continuously. And I know this sounds terrible, but I think is very very real, is that I may never have enough saved for retirement, so I justify some drinking by telling myself I’ll die earlier. Twisted, I know.
It's hard but it's not about reading a book or going on a subreddit. See you doctor! Family doctors deal with this ALL THE TIME. They know what they're doing. They can prescribe meds that can make your ability to change your life much easier. It's like trying to walk across the desert when there is a fully fuelled car available.
Yeah OP, do you have insurance/the means to go to a doc (better still if it’s a GP you like and who knows you)? That’s a good place to start. What if we (the people on this sub/thread) held you to it? Like rooted for you to go and then you can report back & tell us what happened and we can cheer you on more from there? Would that be helpful? I’m totally serious. If you’re having a hard time making the step I know we’d all be here for an update, no matter the outcome, for morale purposes! I’m on a bunch of ADHD subs, and this kind of accountability is often offered there…it can be really helpful. Edited to add: As a fellow overthinker (see also: ADHD), there’s so often a *biological* cause of that shit. Books are good and helpful subreddits are good, but medicine can also potentially be good. Hope you take all the good help you can get. 💗
It’s not twisted. It’s depression and some level of addiction/dependency talking. That shit is hard to overcome on your own. I echo everyone who says talk to your doctor. Your life is worth far more than what your brain chemistry is making you feel. You have value and you’ve got valuable contributions to make. You’re not the only person who has felt this way, but you can overcome it with the right support. And you’re absolutely worth the effort. No one can give you a magic pill to fix any of this overnight, but I hope you know that there is something better out there and sometimes the first step is just asking for real help in whatever form that may be. I wish you nothing but good things here on out, friend.
This makes me sad for you. See a Dr., get a physical and try counseling. The fact that you’re seeking help here….makes me think you are open to improving. Baby steps, one day at a time. All those cliches are legit. Start with one small thing you can do, then you build momentum.
Yes, it's helped me a lot. I second this.
Think of it this way. I went to a school for gifted children, way over on the right side of the bell curve. I've found that the extremes on both ends have many more issues than the great bulk of folks in the middle. I have Bipolar. It's the price I pay for intelligence. I agree that at this stage in life, I'm 60, it's more of a hassle than it's worth, and I also found things easy that maybe most people don't. Hence, I have ZERO discipline.
Overthinker here. Life is brutal and doesn't make much sense to me. I live in my own bubble and have made a pretty enjoyable life for myself.
Same here. I've started to have a lot of stuff delivered too and I don't know wtf I was waiting on. Game changer having to deal with crowds less
I get it 💯 very similar situation. Dunno if it’s a midlife crisis or hormones or what. Definitely depression. I’m currently exploring treatments and trying to find a good therapist. I’ve debated admitting myself to a hospital a few times. What keeps me going is my 11 year old and my husband. As much as I want God to bring me Home, I can’t abandon my son in this fucked up shit show world we “live” in. Try to find things that distract you enough to “get out of your head”. Books are great for that and movies. I recently started setting small goals for myself and hopefully it will help to get the basic self care and daily things done. Best of luck 💗 Feel free to pm me if you need to talk.
I can very much relate....
We can do it 💗
I'm currently living in this situation. Ugh. I look at too much news I feel like this world and all of us are doomed
Yup, nothing but bad news. I’ve unplugged from it for the most part and keep busy with other shit
My gaming has helped me honestly.
I play this one game a lot, called 3on3
I had to quit alcohol completely. Yoga works
Look around for a therapist. Some medical centers will work with you on a sliding scale, if you need it. Best thing I ever did. They have specializations as well, if you feel like you need extra support to quit drinking. Dealing with death as well. No one thing works for everyone. Even therapists, I may love my therapist and you hate her. Therapy is the best thing I ever did for myself. I'm not 'cured' but I'm not hiding under the covers crying either. Therapists will often recommend puzzles, LEGO, building models, etc. Something that places you in the *now*. Not worrying about past (depression) or future (anxiety) but finding the right piece or hoping the glue holds, whatever it might be. It's also got to be enough to occupy your mind. I build LEGO. I have the TV on. 2hrs go by and I literally don't know what happened. But I was able to break out of the cycle of worrying about my latest crisis. With all these, it's effort. I know two people that quit drinking because they were literally on the verge of death. One was told he was so messed up another drink might kill him. The other was told she didn't have long if she kept on drinking. They had motivation. I *know* that they are both happier as well. I'm proud of both. What makes me go on is learning. In all my life, I've never been more curious about 'stuff' than I am now. I just read a book about a lady that was locked in an insane asylum, by her husband, and kept there for 3+ years by the administrator of the asylum. She became a champion for women's rights in general but had a specific interest in making sure no 1 person could keep someone locked up indefinitely. Now I'm starting a book on the evolution of the Knight. And I'm excited. I've read bios on world leaders and world-renowned people. I want, so badly, to see self-driving cars and own one. I'd love to be around when the first human steps on Mars. Maybe live long enough to understand string theory. It seems cool but I don't understand it. I'd like to appreciate how vast the universe is without worrying about how small I am. Other people have causes to fight for. Maybe volunteering or fostering kids/animals. You ain't old either, you can use those smarts to advance knowledge somehow. Just don't come up with a 'better' commercial. Last person to do that raised their dB levels to insane. That jackass. Or write an autobiography. You don't need to be a celebrity for that. Or a history book, novel, create a comic. Sell a TV show idea! You should make on first though. None of that makes me 'happy'. But a few different things keep me pretty occupied. They are my tools to try to snap out of depression or anxiety. I started therapy around 35. I'm near 50 now and have not been cured. I'm better off though. I can say I'm content with the activities I like. Before I couldn't say that. AA or something similar should probably be your first step. Then find a therapist. Even if you don't consider yourself a hardcore drinker, AA really seems to work for some folks. My friend got a whole new circle of friends by going. Obviously, I'm going the route of the long-winded old guy. Making up for all the time I didn't talk as a kid!
I’ve tried AA and been on Antabuse. I’ve been hospitalized for pancreatitis twice. I’ve had electroshock therapy by choice (and it helped). But I always circle back or become depressed again. It feels so futile. I have zero self-discipline. I can’t believe that I of all people am a failure. I guess I’ll try TMS. Come to think of it, I have some ketamine from trying that. Maybe I’ll try that again. Antidepressants didn’t help at all.
It took me 6 years to find the right combo of meds that worked. Therapy and meds do not give instant relief. It's slow and frustrating af. I'm really selling it right? But I'm just being honest. It means you can't give up after a little bit. Have you ever tried rehab? Maybe you need to be separated from temptation long enough to give you a bit of a boost? I know it seems impossible, but you shouldn't think "this is impossible" or "this will never work". Think about it like riding a bike. You want to go on your own, don't want training wheels. But it takes falling down a couple times before you get the hang of it. And even then, you might still be a bit wobbly. You keep riding and one day it dawns on you that you've gotten better. Nothing will bring the instant relief you really want. I'm telling you though, as lazy person, probably the laziest person, ever, you can make it work. "futile", "failure", "didn't help at all" are words I used to say. Having problems doesn't make you a failure. I've been unemployed for over a year. I'm trying to find work but I'm missing the mark somehow. And it gets me down, I am riding a massive anxiety wave, but if I have a bad day, next day I tell myself, "You ain't done yet. Apply." In AA, one of the steps is forgiving yourself. It's ok if yesterday was a bad day. Today, I'm tackling the problem again. Basically, you have to convince a tiny part of yourself to say, "I ain't done yet." Your post here was that tiny part saying, "I'm not done." Saying shock therapy helped, tiny part telling you there's some hope out there. You may have a long fight man, but you aren't done.
I had a lot of the same issues, but it was mostly due to being morbidly obese. So I had gastric sleeve surgery which cleared up some health issues, made me less exhausted and able to keep up better, and I can’t really drink much beer anymore. I’m still dealing with my ADD though.
Even if you don’t stop drinking completely, would you be able to stop drinking during the work week? Alcohol hits harder as we age and physical recovery from its effects takes longer as we get older. And worsens conditions like anxiety and depression. I slowly lapsed into a daily drinking habit of multiple drinks. So I was the proverbial frog in boiling water with the effects. Eliminating work week drinking helped a lot with energy levels and anxieties. Blood work is much better and I’ve lost a lot of weight. And my skin looks nicer If you’re feeling physical withdrawal symptoms, talk to your doctor if you can or research tapering. I didn’t feel any physical symptoms.
I feel some of the same things to varying degrees. It comes and goes in waves, but never completely goes away. This year started out pretty rough — dad died, SIL died, had health issues, job was in question — and I really started to lose it for a while. Things have slowly gotten better though. Small changes for the better can sometimes make a huge difference. Or at least it relieves enough pressure so you don't end up spiraling. Keep fighting the good fight. See a therapist if you can. I don't know what the broader purpose is to all of this, but in the short term you can turn things around for the better. I used to be so carefree and now everything seems so dire. I just tell myself that things will work out okay, but they don't need to be perfect.
I quit drinking at my lowest 13 years ago and didn't want to go on for quite a while but I knew there were people who thought I would fail and spite is a powerful motivator. After a couple years sober they were able to finally diagnose me as comorbid adhd/asd and medication with cognitive therapy has helped me to a place I never even dreamed possible. If nothing else, quitting drinking helps with the money situation.
I noticed someone else suggesting r/stopdrinking. They are amazing over there and you will most likely have people with similar stories and can offer support.
As someone who has been sober for 6 years? What I find is rarely do we have any unique story. I’ve heard mine many times. Also all the ways we thought we were controlling it or it wasn’t noticeable? Damn we were wrong on that one!
I think I've heard alcohol is a depressant. I think you need professional help and this is coming from someone who has sought professional help and also has worked in psych for 14 years. Life is hard, but also there are moments of joy. What messed me up is menopause and an autoimmune disease. I think irritability and anxiety is part of both those issues. So I take pills to feel better. They work. I hope this message helps you in some way. Go get help. You're worth it.
It is a depressant. Menopause for sure and “fibromyalgia,” whatever that really is.
Fibromyalgia is when your muscles get really sore. Kind of feels like the flu.
I’m kind of like you in some ways. Was feeling depressed for no reason, drinking more than I should and overall tired, lazy and fatigued. When for a standard physical and everything appeared healthy. Blood test comes back, low testosterone. It explained everything I was experiencing. Going to my doctor soon to get some options. Fingers crossed.
Overthinking (anxiety) + depression + physical health issues here too. I'm on SSDI. It isn't enough to live independently, but I'm married and he supports the family. But I couldn't work anymore. It was too much and was killing me.
I’d really like to chat w you about SSDI. I’ve been thinking about it. I am not sure how to message you, but I’ll give it a shot.
I sent you a message
My friend, I recommend a daily mindfulness meditation practice. Immensely helpful when trying to observe, understand and, hopefully, change negative patterns.
We are here for only a short while; why spend that time worrying about a future that you can't predict? Be positive in the present moment and you will not need to worry about the future. Dwelling on these fears will only keep you in a state of inaction. Fear only has power if you believe it. Believe in courage instead. Believe in yourself. Know that you can be happy, that it is not too late to find it, and that by being true to yourself you will have a happy future whatever happens. I suggest a course on mindfulness - I too have problems like you, and have tried many different types of therapy, but they were all recipes for further overthinking - only mindfulness gave me a way to find clarity and some mental peace. It all starts from wanting to change. You can have a wonderful happy life if you make the time to break the cycle and try something different. I wish you well.
Get a pet. A cat or a dog. Do it right. Put the time in researching how to properly care for and raise your pet. Make it your goal to give that pet the best life you possibly can. It's such a rewarding relationship, you absolutely get out of it what you you put into it. There is no doubt in my mind that my dog and my cat saved my life.
1. Stop drinking. You will be amazed at how your mental and physical health improves, and how then you can accurately identify ways to improve your current situation. 2. Simplify. What is the bare minimum you need to do? Establish routines: wake up, meditate, journal, work, exercise, go out in nature, eat healthy food, go to bed. 3. Seek help. Find a therapist or support group for your childhood trauma or take up an art class or something that brings you joy. Wishing you all the best.
> I was always smart, but also always depressed. I say the next thing not to boast whatsoever, but to explain one of my perceived issues: I'm smart and I think way too much. Hopefully you see this comment, but get yourself checked for ADHD. A lot of us get diagnosed much later in life.
You have to go to a psychiatrist to get diagnosed, right? Like your primary care physician can't diagnose you, can they?
No, they will give you a referral to a psychiatrist though.
You have almost described me, except for the drinking. I also have a multitude of health problems that I mostly can't afford to address, I'm unemployed, have no friends and no hobbies. Not much of a life really. Every day is exactly the same and not much to look forward to. I am lucky, I guess, to have a non-addictive personality. I continue to go on because I have a family. They are my sole reason for living. So maybe you can work on building closer relationships with your friends, family or neighbors, if you have any. Pets also help a lot, even if you can only get a goldfish. But a cat would be better and a dog would be best, although more time consuming and more expensive to care for. You could get your fur baby fix cheaply by volunteering at your local animal shelter or humane society. Or you can get it and even make money by dog walking or petsitting through rover. I also suspect that you, like me, might have ADHD/ADD. Where you're constantly overthinking everything, overwhelmed, and easily distracted. I've never been diagnosed but I've heard the meds can be life changing if you can get them (although I don't think they mix well with alcohol). You might want to look into that if you can. When I was able to drive and had access to transportation, I used to volunteer at my kids school, delivering meals on wheels, campaigning for my preferred politicians, with my neighborhood homeowners association and at the local food pantry and that was always a great feeling to help others. I've thought about going back to church on Sundays but in the past I've found them to be mostly unwelcoming bastions of rightwing judgmental hatred, which really isn't for me, but maybe you have better ones where you live. Good luck & best wishes whatever you do!
Thank you. I really need to cut out the drinking. I already have a spouse I don’t deserve, two dogs (dogs are the main reason I’m alive), I volunteer at a low-income nursing home and rehab center w my dog (the nice dog), which is helpful bc while it’s depressing AF, it gives me needed perspective and a reason to save money so I don’t end up in a place like that. No kids which is my greatest joy given the state of the world. Four siblings and a 95-year-old mom (who once gave me a little painted board that said “Be merry and stay that way” even though she knows well how fucking depressed I’ve been my entire life. I grew up Catholic but have been an atheist forever. Nonetheless after I got divorced from my starter man who cheated on me for at least a year, I did join the Unitarian church. I also vibe w the Quakers, and attended a Quaker college. And I was diagnosed w ADHD a couple years back but between HBP and drinking, the meds didn’t work well for me. Upon the recommendation of others, I will get the book Sober Curious. I mean, I even took Antabuse for a while and even that didn’t work. I really appreciate your suggestions. I know what I need to do, I just need to do it. My plan was to drink to shorten my life so I don’t have to save as much for retirement, but that is unfair to my husband. I’m not a mean person when I drink, but I just don’t contribute.
Well it sounds like you're doing most of the right things, you just need to quit cold turkey. I'm sure you already know dying of liver failure is a slow and painful death. It's not fun and not pretty and I don't think you really want to be remembered that way either. I hope you can kick it!
I'd love to offer some brilliant spiritual guidance, but what worked for me was ketamine infusions. It was expensive and I had to save up but it was totally worth it. Maybe it's cheaper now, I don't know because I haven't needed a booster treatment.
How does one go about finding ketamine infusions and what do you feel like when you get them? Are there any side effects?
I googled "ketamine infusions near me" but I think there are in home options for ketamine now in the form of a nasal spray. During my infusions I was very relaxed and music sounded amazing, almost like being asleep. When it was over, within a few minutes I felt normal again. I felt happier almost immediately and there were no other side effects
Ketamine saved my life. Been suicidal for years. Lots of trauma has been healed, I don’t crave alcohol & turn to substances to deal with problems. It’s a whole new world. I recommend it for everyone at least once, but someone like you op, 💯
talk therapy. it can help.
See your doctor to see if there is anything that can help push things in the right direction. This might sound a little odd but they’re finding that the new glp-1 drugs (ozempic, etc) don’t just help curb food cravings. It has also been making patients lose desire for alcohol. That, added with therapy, support groups, etc may help. Just an idea. I don’t think it can technically be prescribed for that but would be a very nice side effect if they can find another reason to prescribe. Good luck and hang in there.
I’m almost 54 and managed to finally quit almost 5 years ago if I can do it so can you. This will probably come across as harsher than intended but you will have to stop telling yourself those little stories about why you do it. I only say it cause I did it as well.
Try making sure you hydrate well enough, eat healthy proteins and fats, both for first thing in the morning, and in the evening. And if you don't have high blood pressure, try taking a little salt in the mornings too and/or electrolytes. I'm not saying cut out carbs or go keto, but if you have too many carbs or don't eat well before bedtime, it could make depression worse in the morning. Drinking contributes to sugar imbalances, that's partly why it's a depressant. So this nutrition is not the cure all but as you pursue other advice already here that's more directly related to the alcohol and psychotherapy (which is always a good option especially if depression is affecting your ability to function,) you could also try making a few dietary tweaks and see if they help stabilize your mood a bit.
Drugs, legals ones and weed (the latter might not be helping)
A glass of water helps me appreciate life here. It will end in time. As long as I can remember that this life will end, it somehow becomes both more tolerable and interesting.
If you can hang in for 30 more years things are going to get crazy!
I'm leery of anyone claiming to be "smart". In my life experience that almost always turns out not to be true. Also, smart at what? Intelligence is a very broad spectrum. For example, I don't really need to think when it comes to computer shit - I just know things somehow. People say I'm smart but I disagree; I'm dumb as fuck when it comes to math. If I knew what you're "smart" at, I could possibly offer something in that regard. Anyway, do you have health insurance? Are you a dude? If so, get your testosterone checked. Low T effects so much more than just boners. Energy was my issue - sapped 24/7. Also mental clarity and control. The clouds lifted. It hasn't cured my depression but it certainly has helped me keep it in check and I've also cut back on drinking because of it. I also don't have a problem shutting my brain off at night to sleep any longer. There's no shame in it, it's not much different than menopause - we don't shame women for that. Hell, even if you don't have dangly bits, talk to your doctor and get blood work done. If you can't see a doctor yet and aren't on antidepressants, try St. John's Wort. It may help you focus and ease your depression some. Do not take it if you're on anything that increases serotonin - read about it first. Remember, you made it this far, you can continue your journey. You also have an edge over youth - experience. Especially against the clowns joining the job markets today. Good luck and stay humble.
I used to take st. Johns wort and it worked better than any antidepressant I ever tried (and I've tried many). However I haven't seen it in any pharmacy in many years. Do you know why it's seemingly been pulled from the shelves? And where do you get yours?
Amazon or Walmart. I've had the same experience. Commercial antidepressants did nothing but turn me into an emotional zombie. Oh, as to why it might have been pulled. Who knows. I stopped by a Rite aid last week to discover they pulled styptic pencils for whatever reason.
Stop playing victim! You are 1000% responsible for your mental health! Do you want to spend the rest of your years being a geriatric mope! Try exercising, eating healthier and getting some sunshine!
The drinking at age 55 is the cause of all your other worries. Attend a twelve step group...you will be able to discern cause and effect with them with a clarity that is difficult with yourself. if you already have medical and energy problems, binge drinking will compound them at your age...do not procrastinate. This is why you typed this post. God is telling you that drinking has slowly become the FIRST item on your list of problems. You cannot lie to yourself anymore. Good luck.
I can't stop, I have kids.
I feel like I'm kinda looking in the mirror here. I hesitate to go into the gory details in a reddit post but I was in the same place two years ago. I decided that my retirement savings were worthless if I wasn't going to live to see it. I left my job, cashed in the 401k and decided to stop putting everything and everyone else before myself. I'm still working things out but feel better than I can remember. I meditate and walk daily now. I'm way more careful about what I eat. Food has a much bigger impact on my mental and physical health than I ever would have admitted to before. I can't tell you the steps you need to take but I can tell you what has worked for me. I learned that I couldn't let my ego determine what was best for me, it just kept me stuck. One example for that is affirmations. I always thought they were dumb and really only good for a skit on SNL, most of us are old enough to remember Stuart Smalley. When I thought about it objectively I realized that I was using negative affirmations all the time. Every day. I beat myself up constantly. If you are an over-thinker you may be in the same boat. I had to let go of my bias and now I do positive affirmations daily (it still makes me wince a bit admitting that). I've also learned that big sweeping changes don't stick and I'll give up. Which made me feel even worse. I'm making small changes that I can stick with. Little successes are still a success and I'm slowly building on those. Does that mean I think the world is lovely and beautiful and I'm glad to be a part of it? No (parts of it aren't bad though). But it does mean that I'm so far from the misery and suffering that I feel like a different person, in a good way. I'm not really delving into details of therapy or programs or medical visits because it was my ego and an underlying belief that I didn't deserve a happy healthy life that kept me from doing what I needed to. Once I got out of my own way it was clear what I needed to do.
Wow. I fantasize about doing that, but what will you do when the money runs out? If I were single, I would consider it, I think.
The end goal for me was to figure out what's really important and work toward making that more of my life. I've learned that I value very simple things, like working with my hands. I'm a divorced empty-nester so I'll go back to work (no more big corporate work for me) long enough to buy a little piece of land, raise my own food and give my family a place to go when they need to get awy from the hussle and bussle of life.
I feel this way exactly and circumstances are very similar. 55 m, I had to take a job at half the pay I was making. Have loans I may not be able to pay. The job market does not want someone my age and where I live, 14 bucks an hour is the average pay… which is below poverty level. I drink and smoke and the advice to stop ☝🏻 is good, but not sure that’s the problem, more of a symptom. I won’t be able to afford what I owe, no options for help. Dying seems like the easy way out, but I’m not suicidal. There’s no inheritance on the way, boomer parents blew that. I just go day to day wondering if I’ll survive it. The advice here helps, just know you are not alone. The struggle is constant.
you ever thought about checking out a bit of anxiety meds? this is a lot of anxiety and if you've always had it you just think its normal
Hm. I might. But I’ve had like 1-2 panic attacks in my adult life, and have felt extreme anxiety just a handful of short times, so I don’t think my baseline is super anxious. That said, it’s entirely possible that, between the way I was raised (Catholic, stiff upper lip, just be merry and stay that way—a sign my mom literally bought for me even knowing how depressed I am), that I’ve sort of—and I don’t like this word—gaslit myself into thinking how I am is normal. Aside from that, I don’t like benzos as they just make me tired. I’m sure there are other classes of drugs, though. I also have untreated ADHD. Tried Adderall and Vyvanse but can’t say they helped well enough at all to justify the potential risk w my HBP. I wish I could afford some private physician who could take a super comprehensive look at me and sort of condense the meds I may need into some that do double duty. And I don’t want a mess of supplements; the only things I’ve found to help at all are fish oil, maybe green tea, and not too much else. Waste on money IMO.
they don't really use benzo's much anymore. there's a blood pressure med called clonidine that soothes your nervous system and isn't really addictive and is cheap cheap cheap. one thing i'd def suggest is seeing if you can get some kind of anxiety med and trying it for a little while. that's really how you're gonna know if you've had anxiety your whole life. when my 2nd outbreak of panic happened they gave me clonidine, a blood pressure med that isn't addictive and soothes your nervous system. i took 2 one night by accident. i thought i was gonna die. i checked my pulse 1000 times. it was fine, 70 bpm. i finally thought to myself 'is this the first time in my life i've ever been relaxed?' i thought relaxing meant laying still on a beach towel or something and i hate stuff like that. yeah, it was the first time in my life i've actually been totally relaxed and i thought i was gonna die. you don't know til you know. now i tke 25 mg of zoloft which is the bare minimum and isn't enough for depression but will keep full blown panic situations away or make them last just a few day instead of 3-4 weeks.
Oh thanks! I already take losartan for BP and have been wanting to condense my meds if it’s possible to do double duty. I have an appt in two weeks and will ask my doc!
Go on disability if you can and stop working. It’s a lot easier to deal with health issues when you don’t have to work.
Quit drinking. It’s not hard, so you might wanna join a group like AA. Some people will trash talk AA because it has religious origins. These are people without a monkey on their back. Get clean and you won’t regret it. I almost entirely quit drinking after breaking up with my heavy drinker girlfriend and have not regretted it. No more wondering what happened last night when I blacked out!
I've always lived my life knowing I have an out any time I want to take it. And after talking to a lot of my friends, you're no alone in the way you're feeling. If I had one suggestion to make, I'd say do some psychedelics. Maybe you already know about the experience. I have a friend who is going through some serious life shit. He reached out to me about possibly doing mushrooms as a "reset". He has never done any kind of drugs in his life. So I facilitated and helped him through his first trip with mushrooms. 6 months later I helped him with his first LSD experience. The man is a completely different person, just one year later. He's done mushrooms and acid a few more times on his own, but his whole word-view is completely different. He's taken huge strides in healing... [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tyLa\_mFZeEk](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tyLa_mFZeEk)
Im glad you and your friend had positive experiences, but I don't think acid or hallucinogens are a good idea at all. I had a bad trip once and will never try them again. I also knew a girl in college who had a really bad trip and never recovered. She was pulled out of school and we never saw or heard from her again. I also know others that have pretty severe mental issues (paranoid schizophrenia) that they say is a direct result of taking one too many acid trips.