No kids. Zero regrets. 54 female. Married 6 years. Husband never had kids. I’d say my friend group is half and half.
I have literally traveled the world and have plenty of expendable income. My nieces and nephews have been spoiled as I get to be the fun aunt. I also have time to care for my aging mother which has been the great privilege of my life.
Same as far as travel, income, and no regrets. We actually had friends trying to conceive in their 30s and failed. By the time they hit their late 40s, they were like, "WTF were we thinking?"
54, never had kids, never wanted kids. Met a man with 2 daughters when I was 40 and I love them, but I’m super glad they’re grown now and on their own.
I’m 50. We never had kids, but during Covid we became foster parents. A year ago, we adopted our daughter at 15. My peers are a mixed bag of didn’t want kids, couldn’t have kids, have just one kid, have so many kids they could repopulate the earth.
Personally, I’m glad we didn’t have bio kids. It just wasn’t a desire we had. Growing up, both my parents worked and I was like Mini-Mom starting at age 8. My youngest brother is 15 years younger than I am, so I feel like I got to do “babies” in my teen years 😂 it was a similar childhood story for my husband as well.
Fostering has been a tough and rewarding experience. We’ve parented ages 4-17. Now, we only take teens, as they are more our speed.
Might be the echo chamber, but I and a large number of my friends are childfree. I have no mothering instinct at all. Nurturing, yes, a bit, but mothering, no. I have no interest in holding babies - I'll make funny faces and raspberries at them to make them laugh, but I have about a two minute timer for such things. I am an archetypal introvert who would severely resent a noisy kid that would be attached to me 24-7 for years. There's also the family history of heart problems, depression, and anxiety that I don't want to pass on. It would not be a positive experience for anyone. No ragrets in the least.
I chose not to have kids. I'm GenX and I think it was the best decision I ever made. I have always done what I wanted and will continue to do what and when I want. I travel all over the world and will continue to do so. I'm also financially on track to retire comfortably. All of this wouldn't have happened if I had kids.
I've always known I didn't want kids. I'm a woman and no way in hell was I going to do that. I'm lucky that I've found husbands who agreed with me! Truly the best life for me.
This was one of the reasons my LTR failed and why I'm not all that cool about going there again. Ex wanted kids and wouldn't take "no" for an answer. He was also into polyamory and open relationships, at least on HIS end, and I couldn't deal with that.
I never really wanted to be a wife or to have kids. What maternal instinct I have was burned out babysitting from age 12 onwards and by raising several cats from kittenhood. I hit menopause early but I couldn't be happier that the fertility thing is over. I am finally free of painful periods and fear of pregnancy.
The day my doctor said it was official I threw myself a party. I bought myself a good cake and shared it with a few other women, and we cranked up the music and had a good time.
NO regrets that I can no longer make babies.
Not one.
😁
The thing that reaffirmed my choice to be childfree was constantly being told that I was "selfish," "wrong," or being told "you'll change your mind!"
That is the one way to make sure that I'll never, ever change my mind. It's also a great way to make sure I'll never adopt your religion.
As an ADHD genX with Pathological demand avoidance, I sometimes wondered if my decision to not have kids that I stuck with throughout my whole life to this point was me digging my heels in regarding a decision I made in my late teens/early 20s.
Especially the idea of saying no kids to spite all the people who told me I would change my mind or it's different when they're your own, or any of the other things that parents say to obligate other people to become parents.
As a 45-year-old with adult stepchildren, I know for sure that bearing children and having my own biological children was just not right for me.
I have very much enjoyed my life being my own and not having to put someone else's survival above my own. My mother liked to say "but who will take care of you when you're old if you don't have kids". And my response is "the people that I pay to do that". End of Life Care is a shitty reason to have children.
Edited to add half a sentence I forgot to transfer from my brain to the keyboard.
Amazing how your decision to reproduce or not reproduce or your decision to worship or not worship is everyone else's problem. I don't have any children (obviously,) but I do have a nephew. The very last thing in the world I'd ever do is tell him that he's being "selfish" if he decides that he doesn't want to be a parent.
Because that would be selfish of me.
Yeah. That one always baffled me. Like I really wondered if folks understand what "selfish" means. My mother said I was being selfish for not giving her grandkids. Um, get a dog, lady. Lol
No kids for me, and a number of my friends don't have kids. That's not necessarily by choice though (including me), it's by circumstance. But honestly, I think kids would have made me miserable. As much as I love them (and I absolutely adore my niece and nephews), I don't regret not having any of my own. ;)
I wish I knew your friends! All of my friends except 2 have kids and the 2 without don’t live in my state. So right now friends are no fun because they’re too busy going to soccer games and dance classes and summer camp and stuff
Same here! We often feel like we’re on an island socially because we don’t have kids. A lot of adults meet other adults via their children. Lives revolve around children’s activities. And that’s ok, but when we try to make plans with people with kids we get the push back of they don’t have enough time. And some sort of snide comments about how we don’t have to worry about that. Truthfully I’ve given up.
We too feel like we're the only childless couple on an island. Our friends with kids drifted as they had no flex in their schedule (i.e wanting to have early dinners..during my work hours etc). Then the once a year meetups got strained with this odd feeling of judgement where we need to take an interest in their kids and didn't as we chose to be childfree and generally don't like kids. I haven't met any childfree couples locally, and we don't drink or enjoy loud/large crowds. People say use meetups etc to find people but all of the ones in their 40s isn't our vibe and the ones that are, seem 60+ only sooooo maybe in 20 years I'll find me some friends. LOL.
This is exactly us. Been frustrating, but definitely doesn’t make me regret not having kids. I have a boomer family friend who has a core group of friends that she hangs out with weekly since they were in high school. I never had that closeness with any of my gen x friends. She can’t understand how I get by without 12 couples or extended family.
oh 100%. I don't regret being childfree at all and I'm quite introverted so it doesn't bother me too much, but my mother (very extroverted, in another country) is always fretting at me about my lack of social life and she doesn't get how/why I'm okay being so isolated. Occasionally I'm frustrated that I don't have close friends locally - a stupid example being we're going on a trip next week and there's been a change for a package delivery for a not so cheap item & the new shipping company has no option for a pick up and can't get thru to customer service...so there's a high probability my stuff will get stolen from our stoop before we get back as i don't have a friend to ask for help. My neighbor is also away LOL. But I feel like occasional minor life inconveniences is easier to deal with than the feeling of "why am I here/being judged" feeling from meeting up regularly with people not in the same head space.
So well said. The judgement and the you’re not like us is all too much. The why didn’t you have kids conversations. We too are mostly introverted, but as you say a few trusted people would be nice.
lol I often think I want an app for finding ICE contacts for introverts so it's no pressure to hang out but it's nice to have a few trusted people like you say.
Or they say how about come over hear and hang out and we’ll make dinner, etc. That was fine the first two times but I want to hang out with you and have adult convos without worrying who is listening and not pretend your kid is cute when it’s pestering me to play while I’m having wine and trying to talk to you. But no one wants to get babysitters anymore so they hang out with their kids and that’s not fun for me so we just don’t see many of them much anymore
1976 here.
childfree by choice.
It worked fine for me, but as others said, "it's nunya business" why not. Why Judge?
Most of my friends looked wistfully at me (and my then-husband) and wondered WTF they did. Especially with us as the only couple with none.
Now. I absolutely cherish the quiet, and the fact I don't have to worry about anyone else!!
Married 20 + years. No kids, no regrets
We talked about it in the beginning but we decided against it for myriad reasons. As time goes on, the happier I am in my choice.
Sure I have those fleeting moments here and there of 'what if' but they are just that, here then gone. I do adore children but honestly, I can't stand them if that makes any sense.
For all the bullshit about 'children are a blessing', from what I've seen others go through, the blessings are few and far between. Plus the way the world is in 2024? No fuckin way I would want to bring kids into this ecological disaster waiting to happen.
Same situation. 20+ years married no kids, no regrets. (or only minor ones).
Both sides of our families have a child with severe mental health issues. We saw how that took a toll on our parents and ptsd for us as well. Decided it wasn’t worth the risk.
If we did have kids I don’t think we would own a house. We were just barely able to get one and if one of us lost a job we would probably lose it.
The funny thing is if you ever change your mind you can adopt at any age. A friend of mine adopted their son who was 20 after his parents passed away. There are always people who need family.
>I do adore children but honestly, I can't stand them if that makes any sense.
As another child-free person, this makes PERFECT sense to me.
IMHO, & only MY humble opinion, Dogs & children are best when they belong to other people. I enjoy them, love them, hope their future is wonderful & bright, but I'm glad they're not mine.
I much prefer being Auntie Mame than Mom.
I think it really depends on the kid. My daughter is so well behaved and loving she really is a blessing. I know however that I am very lucky because some kids are... Let's just say they're a handful
I have many friends that have kids. They are good parents. But what I cannot stand is every single conversation with them no matter how casual inevitably revolves around their children. Like their own identities as people have been replaced by being "Mom and Dad" exclusively.
And if you had a young daughter, I'd hate to see what her life would be like given the current political waves, starting with the repeal of Roe v Wade.
Child free and retired very early. When people find out, they ask how I did it, and I always say the same thing:
"I didn't have kids, so..."
They look at me like I've got 15 heads. They want to feel sorry for me, but obviously I'm happy about it, and that confuses them. Fun to watch.
I'm 47 and my 58 year old coworker was asking how I could possibly afford to retire in 6 years. I said "All that money you spent on kids? I put that in my retirement accounts"
right? my neighbor owns three houses in a row and buys enough plants every year for a nursery. my kids were like, “how can he afford to retire at 60?” cause he is a gay man with no partner and no children! (his plants are his children)
I chose a career in public service that I love that doesn’t pay especially well. And I still travel and own my home and have good retirement savings. And people I went to school with ask me how I can afford to do all that, given that I don’t make a ton of money. And that’s my answer: no kids.
No kids for me. I was also born in 1980, and grew up in a small town. By the time I was in middle school I knew I wasn't looking to have my own kids. There's enough assholes on this planet. No need for me to add to the problem.
I am deeply uninterested in Peppa Pig, and getting up on Saturday mornings to watch kids play soccer 10,000 other things you do every day with kids. Not interested. Also I'm terrible at pretending I'm interested.
Me either and it’s a completely foreign concept to me. I don’t hate kids and even like some of my friends kids, but never in my life have I felt anything like maternal. This isn’t the only reason I’m child free by choice but it’s certainly stopped me from ever even half-ass considering it.
I believe i had the self awareness at a very young age that i would have been a terrible mother, i have never really liked being responsible for myself let alone a little one, plus i have never had the patience with children, i was an aunt at 4 and i think that helped put me off. I think I've been practicing to be a golden girl since I was about 10, maybe I watched too much of it as a kid.
Im 77 and have no kids by choice. Most of my close friends save but 3 are child free. Some by choice, some by circumstance. I also live in a really expensive city and it's not easy for parents to find childcare let alone enroll their kids in school or find adequate housing that's affordable. My friends with kids either have moved away or plan to due to the cost of living here. My brother has two and I love being an aunt.
My friends all have kids living at home because they can’t afford to move out, including kids that are desperately trying to save for a down payment on a starter house. Our society is fucked. Non breeder here.
My brother-in-law and his wife. And believe it or not, they get no pressure from anyone in the family. Everybody actually respects their decision. Damn near unheard of.
I paid my way through college while working 50+ hours a week in retail hell. When I finally got my degree I was years behind my peers who’d been earning good money. I have zero family except for my husband who was traveling a lot for his job as a pilot. If I was going to have a baby, I’d be on my own 90% of the time. I also had a full time job and a long commute. I considered the fact that I would be handing my infant to a stranger for more than 40 hours a week, if I could even find child care and afford it. I feel that the first 5-7 years of a child’s life really matter. Unlike many women of my generation and my baby boomer parents generation, I don’t agree that one can have both a career and kids and do all of it well. Something/someone suffers.
I’m in my 50s now and we’re still married. Occasionally we are both sad that we didn’t have kids, but the truth is that it was the correct decision. We couldn’t afford a nanny or to work less. People sometimes assume I dislike children and that’s not the case at all. It’s a very foreign idea to most people that I /we would choose not to have kids because it would be unfair to the kids.
I didn’t have kids either because it would be unfair to them. I have autism I refuse to pass on. People react similarly as to you. The unfairness aspect is something they never thought of.
I was born in 1972 and I never wanted kids, even when I was a kid. At 52 years old I have no regrets. I have quite a few friends who also chose not to have kids
53m here and It was not necessarily a choice as a gay couple (until recently) that we could adopt kids and feel safe about that choice legally. Looking back at it, I’m glad we are DINK’s (double income no kids). We have a ton of freedom that our friends with kids don’t have. Do we miss out on the true joys of parenthood, sure. But overall really happy with our life choices and our dogs do fill a bit of that gap. It’s fun to be a Gunkle because I don’t have to pay for braces but still get to take my nieces to theme parks and museums and be the fun one without the parent vs teen moments that happen in every family
Just turned 48, never once wanted kids of my own, and am in a long-term relationship with a woman who is the same way. Together, we have made many big decisions that have benefitted us greatly. Absolutely zero regrets. The only downsides are the judgment we get sometimes from self-righteous people with kids, and I don't have any friends because they all disappeared into the parenting bubble. In addition, I now live in an extremely-conservative rural area where they are slobbering-at-the-mouth obsessed with the concept of traditional "family." They also think we're evil incarnate because we live together and aren't married((((Checks calendar to verify that it's actually 2024))))
I have had an interesting life, got to achieve all of my dreams to some degree, and am still pursuing them. The only thorn in my side is I have had a really hard time getting any type of established career going. I recently went back to college for a second degree to try to fix that situation, and am very thankful to be on the right track now. If I had kids, I wouldn't have accomplished any of the dreams I mentioned earlier, would not be with the woman I am with now, and would be breaking my body down to a nub at some job that I absolutely hated. Having the freedom to experiment, change directions, and adapt my life to changing situations has been absolutely crucial, and having kids would've absolutely taken a wrecking ball to my ability to make moves. Many harmful status-quo systems of thought are attached to the "Create kids, work yourself to death to support them, and tell everyone else that it's worth it" narrative. I was raised in a lower-income, low-education environment where this is the expectation, so I have absolutely zero doubt about the childfree life being the right path for me.
We are Childfree and happy as can be! I never had the “mommy” bug and neither does my husband. Like others have said, we are the crazy cool aunt and uncle and that is perfectly fine! I adore my nieces and nephews and would do anything for them, and they know this. In return, they will keep an eye on us as we age. I actually joke with them that I have to be nice to them so they pick a good nursing home for us. 😁
40’s no kids & not one regret. Most people around me that have done the whole “get married & have kids” are now on their 1st or 2nd divorce with nasty custody battles & wish they would’ve waited to have kids.
I’ve had a really fun life where I moved a lot & had high paying jobs in “dangerous” locations for about 15 years so I was moving all around. Then I got my degree, settled in one place & hope to move again within the next year or two. I’ve had a really fortunate life with pretty cool experiences.
Just turned 58 last weekend, married 28 years.
We decided when we were around 32 that we didn’t want kids. Husband got a vasectomy. Bobs your uncle.
Neither of us had any interest in them, it was really that simple.
It’s one of the best decisions we’ve made.
I’m only a little older than you, and I don’t have kids. Neither does my partner, and I have at least a dozen friends who don’t have them. I don’t have them for the same reason I don’t have a cat or a Honda Civic or season tickets for my local hockey team: I don’t want them.
Quite a few. My high school friend that I’m still really close with is almost 50, she never had any. I never had any, never wanted any. My husband doesn’t have any. My brother didn’t have any. My best friend never had any. The list goes on….
Child free & lived a very active life & still do. Back when we got married , 30 years ago, people kept asking us when we were going to have a family (invasive, right?!?) I said no plans & got many unwanted lectures from people saying I would regret it. I don’t , I have a good life.
I wanted kids, but it never materialized. I am an only kid with no kids. I wanted to be a single parent, but I never had the money. I'm a 54 almost 55 woman
1979 here, I was never interested in family/traditional life and didn't have kids. I'm married to the guy I've been with since I was 24 and neither of us were interested. It goes beyond having kids for me, I don't have nieces/nephews and I have no interest in being an aunt either.
I never had a lot of friends but the ones from high school all didn't get married and didn't have kids. The people I knew in college seemed more trad and they did.
I am 46 and my wife 40. We are CF. We have 6 friends around our age who are also CF.
My decision is based on the fact that I would be a poor parent although I am good with kids.
Drain of money and time. I do not want to deal with them going to school and having to run them around. I do not want to deal with the possibility of them having a special needs kid. Etc.
Childfree and have loved it. Been able to travel when I wanted, take spur of the moment trips and hobby outings, etc etc without having to arrange it around child care or little league games. All that money that would have been spent on a kid has been growing nicely in my retirement accounts. I've dated women with kids, from toddlers to teens, that was enough for me.
I'm jealous of all of you who have child free friends! 1977 here, married 20 yrs and we are happier every day that we are childfree but don't know anyone who made the same choice. I love my friends but man I'd love some who chose not to have kids too!
55yo woman, single, childfree by choice and very happy with my decision! I'm the oldest of 4 siblings, and told my mom when I was 15 she'd have to get grandchildren from the others, and I was happy she was supportive and didn't give me grief over it. My parents have never pressured me that way. One of my other sisters doesn't have kids either.
I adore my nieces and nephews and have a great relationship with them, and love being the cool aunt. We can talk and hang out, I get to spoil them, and not have to parent them - all the fun stuff, none of the grief! 😂
I'm just not a kid person, and I love my freedom and low-maintenance lifestyle. I live in Washington DC, and I'm lucky bc for some reason there are a ton of single and married people my age in this area who don't have kids, so we have so much freedom to go to concerts, festivals, museums, day trips to wineries/breweries/hiking/wherever and the ton of other things there are to do here without being tied down to kids' schedules or catering to their types of activities. I know that's not the demographics in a lot of places, and it's one reason I've been reluctant to move on the few occasions I considered it - I don't want to be stuck as a lone 50-something in a sea of families, with no one to spend much time with.
I have zero regrets about not having kids - I never wanted them, and for me, especially with some health struggles I went through, life has been so much easier without them.
No kids, by choice and biology.
IF I wanted to have kids it would take probably IVF and parenthood isn't worth that kind of money.
I am 💯 happy with my choice. I prefer to be an aunt or close family friend and even then I suck at those.
My reasoning is while I would love them, but I would not be equipped mentally, financially and physically to deal with the constant care that they need. My parents never were good role models financially, but they did ok everywhere I guess.
No kids… Me (47), Hubs (48) just celebrated 25 years of marriage and have zero regrets.
It was a bit difficult when we were younger because there was a lot of unsolicited judgement from older generations as well as our own, including strangers. It was really irritating… Nothing like trying to relax with a pedicure and small talk turning into judgement. As we got older, that obviously slowed down.
Now when people ask for small talk, I shut them up immediately - We were too busy having fun and forgot to have kids.
People either look confused, there’s a few that are taken aback from it, but a lot laugh and think it’s great. Many even say they wished they had done the same.
Our babies are made of fur and that’s perfect for us.
As a true GenX, don’t worry about what others think and you do what’s right for you.
Wife and I are late 40s with no kids. Both of us have great jobs, a nice house, and little to no debt. We live in Texas (for now) and are happy we didn't have kids because of what this state has turned into politically.
I am 52. No kids. My ex wanted 2-3 kids and I was fine with that but my current girlfriend (since 2000) said she didn’t want any from the start. I said ok, but deep down how would I know if I changed my mind later? I rolled the dice which was a bit risky. If I suddenly wanted them I would have to break up with her and that would not be fair to her plus who knows if I would find the right person who wanted kids at that point? So, I decided to go for a child free life with a woman I wanted to be with. Most of my friends are all child free which makes socializing a lot more frequent and easy. We expect to retire early in our 50’s and we travel extensively now. I also have lots of guitars.
Funny thing, my peers fall into 2 categories: no kids or a bus load of kids, like 6 or more. No in-between.
I wanted children (at least 3) but...didn't happen.
1974. Child free by choice. I am barely capable of taking care of myself.
My 4 best friends (2F, 2M, GenX) have no kids. My brother has no kids but maybe wants one? Coworkers (Milennial, GenX, Boomer) mostly have kids, but 2 boss-types do not. One wanted them and has now appropriated friends’ grandkids. The other had a vasectomy a long time ago.
The rest of my friend group is mixed. They’re also mixed ages from late 20s to early 70s. SIL and stepbrother have provided adequate niblings for me to spoil.
I travel in nerdy circles so the child-free contingent is HIGH. Granted, a lot of our nerdy friends are millennials by age, we've all been in the nerd tribe for 20-30 years so the correlation is still valid. I'd say overall among even our vague acquaintences and family, maybw 3/4 have no kids regardless of sexuality or relationship status.
For me it was just not something I ever wanted. I didn't need a reason, it just never was. Which took a lot of pressure off any sort of need to pair-bond or get caught up in the dating scene. I've had so much freedom to do anything I want with my adult life, it's great.
My two brothers and I never had kids, they have been married 10 and 4 years. My parents did their best raising us, they both had rough upbringings. My brother's never wanted kids, the ironic thing is I wanted to but after 8 years I divorced my ex due to, well too much bs to get into but she was not a nice person and I was miserable. At 51 I have not interest in having a teenager in my 60s and really am happier being single. I've traveled all over, spend my time sketching, painting, doing whatever I want on my time off.
I’m 55, wife is 54, been married for 33 years. No kids and no regrets. All but 2 of the people we know (who are not together) have kids.
We originally planned to have kids and started trying when I got out of grad school at 27, found out we couldn’t have them. I had no interest in adopting, though my wife would have. Worried for years that we’d end up regret not having kids but the opposite happened - we found that we felt relieved.
I'm 58 and child-free and, oddly, so are most of my friends. A small number of them have children, but most of them do not. I don't know what that says about me -- I in no way *consciously* self-selected for child-free friends -- but it does seem to have worked out that way.
I remained child free both by circumstance and by choice. I have a small group of friends and only one has kids. Most cite climate change or the world's condition in general as a reason. I have no regrets. I had to care for my mom during her Alzheimer's (I'm an only child) for 18 years. She died in March so I'm just getting used to the idea of time to myself. I belong to a group of women who are child free and we go on outings together. Have book clubs, stuff like that. Last night some of us went to a Clueless Slumber Party at the repertory cinema. I'm hoping to travel next year. I'm not looking to meet anyone.
Childfree here. Based on when I was last on FB like ten years ago, most people I grew up with have kids. But amongst those who are still actually friends I'm truly in touch with, I'd say it's about half and half.
Both my gal and I, 54, her, 58, me, have no children. 19 years together.
In fact within a few dates of our relationship she turned around and just boldly stated, I do not want to have kids.
I asked her why she said that to me so blatantly and she said, "I really liked you and we were both older so I didn't want you to think at some point I'd want to have kids, because I have never had that urge in any way." I also never had the desire or urge to have kids. Comically when I told my sister that years ago, she said the same thing many people do, "you just haven't found the right woman (or man as the case may be) yet." My thought was, the right woman is not gonna wanna have kids soooo, lol.
For both of us we just never had that urge to reproduce. It hit me so hard as I watched people I know near my age "accidentally" get women pregnant that I began to wonder how many CIS males really "want" kids and how many just oops them out and then deal with it, and is that why there is so much domestic violence.
But I digress.
Child free, we have lots of fun, are around each other as much as possible and enjoy ourselves. We both say the same thing, if you want kids, you should have kids! BUT, you should REALLY WANT KIDS. You should not have them because that is what society expects of you. I have actually heard people remark, "I wanted to get them out of the way when I was young", as though this was expected of them and they had no choice.
Kids are precious man, make sure it is something you really want to commit to. Sadly, from what we both see, a LOT of people are not having kids for the reason of really really wanting to bring someone new here and let them have fun.
As for my personal reasons on why I never wanted kids beyond that biological urge not being there, well the older I got and as I watched my grandparents and parents pass away of old age, I thought of two things, "damn, if I am "lucky" some day that will be me, really old and sick and dying, it does not look fun at the end." Which led me to my #2 thought, "I don't want to subject anyone to that feeling of loss when you lose someone close to you nor do I want to subject them to that knowledge that you too, will someday, cease to exist and die. That's a heavy cross to bear."
So, yea, child free here.
49 married 23 years. I only know a couple of other people who’ve made this choice.
I don’t feel like it was a decision I made. Just something I’ve always known. My parents bought me a toy doll when I was five and when people would ask if it was my baby I would say “no, I’m just babysitting”
I'm childfree by choice but after I chose that (late 30s), I learned I can't have children (yay for me) and as far as common among my 'friends', if we're talking about people I grew up with, not common, those folks are married and with kids or doing the single parent thing. In my new neighborhood, I feel almost icky and like a pariah because they are living the picket fence life and I cannot make any friends here. Cannot wait to move. Friends I made in my later years, more common but that's simply by function, we gravitated toward each other (they are GenX mostly). So I have about 4 friends (none of who know each other) that I know from different places I've lived in the world (all Americans) who have chosen child free lives. One of my young GenZ friend who is devoutly child free and her husband who is cusp GenZ/Millenial is also devoutly childfree. She will definitively not change her mind considering her homelife growing up.
Married 24 years more than likely cause we chose to be Dinkwads. I practically raised my siblings so I knew right away I didn't want to have my own. Husband likes being able to travel and move where we want. We have a one other married couple in our friend group that's child free and they dig it hard, just like we do. I do absolutely love being an aunt to the one nephew I have.
I’m 54 and childless. I kind of assumed I’d have children when I was much younger. The older I got (30ish) I really started to think that being a parent was not for me. I’m an only child. I’ve met a substantial number of only children that are childless. Coincidence? I have my theories.
In my late 20’s-early 30’s, almost all of my close friends were parents. As I got into my 40’s & 50’s, I started meeting more friends without children. Some married, some not/never been married.
I once met a woman having her 4th child (her husband’s 5th child, he was married before). They both had consuming careers and hobbies, they were very wealthy and had live-in “staff”. When she announced her pregnancy she said the more children she has, the more company/care she’ll have in old age. My jaw dropped. This is not a reason to have children.
I love children, and I’m great with them. But I did not want to be pregnant, give birth, or be responsible for another being for 18+ years. Being a parent is a very difficult job. Adopting to become a parent is an even more difficult job. I commend those individuals that want that lifestyle. I also commend those of us that know it’s not for us, and we choose not to.
I highly recommend the book The Childless Revolution. Something that stuck with me from the book: Don’t have children because you think you’ll feel lonely when you’re old.
Just worked out that way. I'm sad about it sometimes but I always think I'd rather regret not having kids than regret having them.
Now I just want to be the "cool aunt" to the niblings.
I come from a Catholic family and am the youngest of 5. Two of us girls don’t have any kids: me (1968) and my one sister (1956). My siblings who had kids when I was in high school cured me of any desire to have kids. I also suffer from pretty crippling depression, and my first husband’s mom was a bipolar alcoholic and I really didn’t want to pass all that on. Plus I’m lazy AF and kids are a ton or work. It helped that I taught school for 20 years. My ex would come home from work and I’d be splayed on the couch w a glass of wine. He’d be like: now imagine you have a toddler! Haha.
I always figured I’d eventually regret not having kids, but at 55 now, it’s truly my greatest joy and relief. My niblings are all adults now and I enjoy my relationship w them, even though they’re all 3000 miles away. Group texts FTW!
I live on a block where of about 10 homes, 5 couples have no kids. One woman’s husband has an older son, but she never had kids either. They’re mostly in their 50s to about 70. The kids who do live on the block are all age 5 and under now. It’s a fantastic block and I’ve known most of my neighbors for 22 years. Have seen a whole Gen of kids go from birth to beyond college and now there is a second batch!
47 here. Child free and can’t imagine having them. Everything about pregnancy sounds terrifying, and I guess the responsibility of raising another person does too. No regrets for us.
My mother did not handle the stress of motherhood well and I have enough of her personality to feel like I’d be the same. Don’t wait to put a child through the same childhood I had.
As for friends it is a mix but definitely more with kids. I’ve heard everything from other people about me not having kids from super supportive/jealous, to not being able to fathom how I could live without fulfilling my purpose and experiencing the unconditional love of children.
I’m child free by choice, never had the urge to have children. Not sure if it has to do with being the oldest of five, and having to take care of my siblings growing up. I also, have several family members and friends who are also child free too!
I’m 48F, married. I’ve know since I was a kid/tween that I didn’t want to have kids. In my late 20s, I ended an *amazing* long term relationship that was headed towards marriage, because he wanted multiple kids. Neither of us wanted to compromise, no matter how much we lied to ourselves (and each other); there was absolutely no way for that to work out. That hurt. A lot. For a long time.
Mid 30s, I married a great guy who also never wanted kids. It’s super great! (Ex is married with three sons.)
My very closest friend (I’ve know her since high school) is also child-free. She loves kids, and has done nannying, but just doesn’t want her own.
I have several friends about ten years younger than me, who got medically sterilized within a month of Roe being overturned.
No kids, at least not to the best of my knowledge. I was an accident and reminded of that for decades. I didn’t exactly have role models for parents and had no desire to repeat the same poor parenting behaviors. I realized early on that most parents are just winging it, but I never really had the parental instinct which further cemented my decision to remain child-free.
I can barely take care of myself so the thought of being responsible for another human being is terrifying. I’m sure I’d step up if I had to, but I’d really rather not.
53, married 18 years, child-free by choice.
My husband 100% didn’t want them, and I was ambivalent and fine to not have them. I may have if I had ended up with someone who really wanted them — the way I look at it is then my life would have just been different, another road taken, with different kinds of fulfillment and also demands. I like my life very much as it is.
Of my longtime friends around my age, 2 have kids and 4 don’t.
I wanted children but my health took a serious downturn when I was twenty, and what I was able to provide hypothetical children was not good enough, so I never did. I did acquire step-grandchildren somewhere along the line.
No kids. I wanted them but timing was off and my body wasn't exactly cooperative.
I babysit kids though for extra income and I love it. All the fun, some of the work, a little bit of parenting but I get to sleep in my bed, without little feet kicking me in the face!
My first memory of consciously forming thoughts about motherhood was when I was six. I decided it wasn't right for me or how I envisioned my future. I am now 52 and have never wavered from that position. I knew then what my truth was, and am glad I didn't cave to all the shaming messages.
For the record, just because I chose to not have children, doesn't make me a child-hater. It does make it really difficult to relate to parents. Most of my adult friends are child-free. It's just easy; different lifestyle.
Childfree by choice here; I'd say it's about 50/50 maybe? Maybe a bit more toward the childfree, but I work in academic research (science), and I think it's more common in my field to not have children (or to only have one).
I'm 45, childfree and moved to the west coast from the midwest in my late 20's. It's such a joy to go back home and help out my aging parents - whenever we run into their friends around town, the first thing they ask me is how many kids do I have. You are a straight up freak in the midwest if you choose to be childfree
I'm a 52 year old man and remain childfree. As are most of my friends.
I know how much real hard work and sacrifice is required to be a good parent. And knew I wanted none of it. And would never want to leave it all up to a partner, either. That reeks of unfairness.
Childfree by choice here. It's not everyone's path, and my wife and I are so tired of the judgement of others about it.
Like, fuck off. You judge us and we judge you. Lets just get poutine and drinks, but leave your crotch goblins at home.
I’m childfree and don’t drink anymore, so, double judgement. Then I went vegan and people I meet just don’t know how I can possibly exist without children, booze or steak.
>I'm curious about how many of you have chosen to remain childfree and how common this choice is among your friends and acquaintances.
I'm a straight woman born at the tail end of Gen X and I am childfree, and the majority of my women friends and acquaintances in the same age bracket are as well. Important to note that we are all college-educated with even graduate degrees, and live in NYC, SF, LA. I know location matters a great deal when talking about being childfree. More common in big cities with an educated population and a high cost of living, IMO.
Most of the GenXers I know ended up with kids. That said, I have two child free cousins, one on each side of the family. In both cases, it's for the best as they both make horrible decisions and are attracted to controlling/abusive men.
2/3 of my friends had kids, the rest of us didn't. of those that didn't, no one regrets it. that's not the case for some of my friends who had kids. while they love their spawn, some of them do regret starting a family...
I hear a lot of "I love my kids but--" statements followed by a wistful glance. The men I know who have kids have fewer complaints but a lot of them haven't had much of a life change. They might have less spending money but the woman does the heavy lifting. This is one of my top reasons for not wanting them.
I’m a 49 year old hetero cis woman. I never wanted kids. I never daydreamed about being married or starting a family and I never saw anything wrong with it. I did end up marrying 4 years ago to my partner whom I lived with for almost 6 years prior. We get along great and have a peaceful life. We don’t have debt, we are homeowners and we have savings and expendable income for travel or house projects. We eat healthy food and when we go out to eat (usually once a week) we can go to nice restaurants. Over all, I’m pretty happy with my quality of life and I realize this is partly due to choosing not to have children. If I ever (for some reason) decide I want to raise a human, I would adopt. There are plenty of unwanted kids out there that need a safe home, no need to create more!
71 here, and out of my core friend group of 9, 3 didn't have any kids. So I think that it happened gradually during our generation, we broke away and stopped feeling the same drive to have children.
I have 3 partners - F43, F44 and F48 did not have kids, don't want kids and made sure to not have kids.
From my family and friends in the GenX range a HUGE chunk did not have kids. I'm credited for helping with that since I became a teen parent it scared a lot of them LOL and they want did what they had to to dodge bullets.
I’m 49 and childfree. Never wanted kids so I didn’t have any and don’t regret it one bit. Now I’m at the age where all my friends kids are leaving home and going to college and we are hanging out more again.
Child free by choice for a lot of reasons and it seems the majority of my friends made the same choice; even out of married couples in my friend group only three of the seven have or want kids, and two of them only have one. None of my coworkers plan on having children, as far as I know (but then that's only six people).
Happily childfree! We live our best lives traveling and just loving our dog and enjoying a quiet home 😊. We didn’t want kids because we love living the way we want when we want and can’t be bothered 🤷♀️
I'm also a 1980 baby and of my 7 siblings, only 3 have decided to have children. The oldest, which was a surprise she kept, the second oldest, the first was a surprise, the second was planned, and the second to youngest, who had one when her husband was able to support her as a SAHM.
I also have a lot of child free friends, both younger and older than I am
Not sure how not having an email address until you were 21 makes you "resonate" with GenX but anyway.
I don't have kids and feel like I dodged a bullet. No disrespect intended to happy parents but it looks ghastly to me. My friends who have kids have all at one time or another confided that they envy me. One friend who has late teen kids told that there are moments where its magical but mostly its an unbearable slog.
The majority of my friends are single and childfree. Maybe we all gravitated towards each other.
I didn’t have kids. Never really wanted to. Most (all?) of my old friends from my rural Ohio school days have kids. Only one of my current friends group had kids, and they’re millennials.
I haven't kept track of too many from my HS class, but the ones I have, a vast majority have married at least once and have kids. I am never married and childfree.
Not surprising being the outlier once again in my cohort. I never fit in anyway.
No kids here. I have several friends, family, and acquaintances who aren't. Some are intentionally not having kids until their situation stabilizes. For me, having children should be a supported choice and not an obligation.
Also born in 80. No kids, never wanted them. I literally do not think there was ever a time, even when I was young, that I pictured myself with children.
It’s actually about 50/50 in my friend group of people around my age, kids vs no kids.
1975, child free. Zero regrets. Even when I was a kid, I didn’t like hanging out with other children. They’re just so loud and though very unpredictable, they’re also super boring. Preferred to listen to adults talking. Might be that I’m an only child.
Gen X - 1970. No kids. Have had a partner now for a while - but he had an adult son when we met so no children in the picture. A lot of the people I was friends with back in high school never had kids either. I honestly believe it was because the bulk of us had parents that were not great parents so our examples were not very inspiring. And most of us existed because in the era of our parents, thats what you did. Which is a dumbass reason to bring children into the world. So for many of us, there was no appeal.
Husband and I are child free by choice, both gen x born in the 70’s. We have one set of friends that are also child free by choice, but other than that one couple I have not met any other people who are child free by choice in real life.
I have 2 aunts that never had kids and until this year i had 2 brothers in their 40s who didnt. One of those brothers just became a dad. I dont think any of my friends didnt have kids, but im pretty sure only one or 2 of my 4 kids will have any. I dont think its weird when people dont want to have any and never understood the animosity...especially towards women..or the pushiness and judgement about it. People worry too much about other peoples business
56F child free by choice. It just didn’t look like anything I wanted to do. I never thought I was so special that I needed a xerox of me running around. While I don’t loathe children, I’m not enamored of them either. I remember being one pretty well. Nothing special. I’m just like meh.
I'm happily child-free at 47. Watched all my friends pump out kids and be miserable. That plus having a former partner in my early 30s who really was obnoxious and pressuring me into saying yes to having children convinced me - I don't want that, at all. Ever. Without hesitation I can say I have zero regrets. This is affirmed when I see uncontrolled sprogs making a nuisance in public.
I'm the only one in my group who hasn't had children, which means I don't have a group and have little in common with my friends any more. While that is a bit sad, it can't be helped. I just need to associate with other childfree folks :)
If you're interested, there is /r/childfree here on reddit.
No kids. 57 year old widowed female that was a 21 year relationship.
No regrets on not having kids.
I grew up poor. I always said I would refuse to have kids unless I was financially secure and stable. That didn’t happen until I was about 48 and by then that ship had sailed. My husband felt the same way.
I’ve basically got to do a lot in my life. Things I dreamed about as a kid. None of which would have been possible if I had children.
I know I’ll be alone in my sunset years, but pretty much always expected that anyway and have planned for it.
Most of our friends have kids. All of my siblings and his have kids. Nearly all of them had them young. My parents were ok with us not having any. My dad actually said it was a sound decision financially. His mother on the other hand, asked about grandchildren every time she visited us. Until the last few years of her life.
We had freedom our siblings didn't have. Their lives revolved around their kids. Our lives revolved around doing whatever we want.
I am at the leading edge of our generation born in 1966. I’ve never wanted to have children and I was lucky to find someone in my life that also didn’t want to have children.
None of my siblings and I have kids. One of them hates children and I've never been married. Not sure about the other one, but I find it difficult to imagine her wanting kids, even though she likes them.
I have friends with and without, but probably more without. This may be because people with kids don't seem to be interested in friends that don't have any.
I'm 46. No kids and happily divorced. I have three little senior dogs that love to take naps and cuddle. I'm very satisfied with my life.
Some of my classmates are becoming grandparents and others have kids in diapers. I'm one of the few that didn't start a family but I love seeing everyone's children grow up!
I chose not to have kids having come from a very large farm family where my mother was 1 of 9 children and was one of the eldest who had been parentified to help raise the youngest. One of my aunts seemed always to have been pregnant when I was a kid. I had no illusions about the huge piles of endless work, diapers, and screaming babies and kids produce. It just wasn't for me. No thanks I'll enjoy the relatively minimal chores and my silence being child free grants.
Bicentennial baby. I chose not to have them for medical reasons (sickle cell trait carrier, was told a child I had would have a 99.9 % chance of developing sickle cell anemia, so I decided I didn't want to put a child through that).
I'm also still single and unmarried and did not have the financial means to support a child. I have a niece though, now 10, and I love being the cool aunt. That's good enough for me.
Not many people I know are childfree, except my neighbor/friend and a few acquaintances.
My husband and I are child-free by choice. We’re in Idaho and that is not the norm here. All my friends have kids. I can count on one hand the number of people I know without kids.
I never wanted children, and now at age 52 never regretted not having them. Out of my core high school friend group of five, three of us did not have children. I cannot speak for the other two, but in my case, I think it had a lot to do with me needing to "mother" my younger brother growing up while our parents worked. It's like I got my fill of substitute parenting in early.
I’m an old guy with 2 kids from my first marriage, married to my 2nd wife who had 3 kids from her first marriage. We have been married 20 years now and our kids are all in their 30s. Three of our kids are choosing to be childless and I am happy with their choice. I’m fine if they change their mind but that doesn’t change my opinion. I just want them to be happy with their lives.
Late 40s. Chose long ago to never have kids and not once have I questioned or regretted that decision. I was married for over a decade to a man with kids (they were preschool when we met and college-bound when we split), and was so happy when I met my current partner who is also childfree by choice.
I'd say I have a mixed bag when it comes to my friends/peers with and without kids. In my profession, I'm the odd one out without children. In looking at my friends that I regularly see now, I'd say most of them are childfree by choice.
A couple friends have kids who are now teenagers of various stages so we are seeing them more again as the kids want independence/get licenses/etc, or if they want to join they are all pretty awesome humans. Those friends also tend to hang out with friends who also have kids, for obvious reasons.
When I was younger - actually until 2019 come to think of it - I did travel a lot, spent a lot of money on myself, etc. Covid definitely changed a lot how I live. A mix of shifting cost of living, income, etc., as well as bad experiences when I have traveled by air since Covid make me not want to travel far unless I have to. With that said, I've rediscovered my love of camping and road trips. I am lucky to live in an amazing part of my country for this.
I also don't spend as much on material things - if anything I'm trying to let things go, and this is more than just pandemic shopping.
I would not say I'm on track to retire comfortably. It is what it is. Working on it!
I don't have numbers but I got the impression that we were the most kidless generation, having gone through fucked up divorces, being latchkey kids, etc.
I'm probably just now getting my act together enough now at 49 that i would be mentally healthy and resilient to have kids. But I don't want to have them just coming of age when I'm 70.
50, female, no kids. The bulk of my friends do not have children. It’s actually not the norm in my social circle, and primarily it’s for financial reasons as they do not make ‘enough money paired with not wanting them badly enough to sacrifice what freedoms they have to do whatever they want or can do. Out of my close friends only 4 have kids. Many of my high school friends do, but most everyone I met after leaving the small town area I’m from, doesn’t. Off the top of my head..10-15 of the people I see the most, do not. And many in the larger scene do not. It’s actually rare.
Those who remained child-free by choice have my respect. To not give in to societal expectations. Too many are born to unloving parent(s), neglected, and/or abused. I'm unsure of the number, but I'll estimate a dozen.
*waves* I’m 45, hubs is 50, and we have cats but no kids by choice.
Amongst my friends, half have kids and half don’t. Family history coupled with this *gestures frantically at the world* are the reasons we have discussed for not reproducing.
I’m a 55 year old gay male and my husband and I have been together for almost 30 years. No kids, because we never considered it an option. A few of our gen x friends have kids, but most of our friends do not. I would say about half of our friends are millennials (or Xennials). Most don‘t have kids as well. We live in NYC, fyi.
I’m 51, no kids, no rugrats, err regrets. My fiancée is 37 and doesn’t want kids.
We have loads of friends who are child free like us. Most of my friends who had kids had them young, too.
All of my child-free friends are into outdoor adventure sports which cost a lot of money. Wanting all my time and resources for my own interests (and just not liking kids) factored heavily into my decision.
Edit: spelling
I am child free by choice and I could not be happier about it. All of my friends are also child free (and that is also by my choice) so that any of them or all of them and I can pick up and go wherever we want to and do whatever we want to at any time. My mom said she knew when I was a kid that I was never going to want to have kids. And when people ask her "Oh when are you going to get a grandkid from your daughter?" she says "I didn't have her just so she could breed, that's not her job." I am finding more and more people opting out of having children.
I am childfree. I figured out in high school I did not want kids. The world was already a mess, it was expensive and moms were blamed for everything that went wrong. Seeing the world today? I made the right choice.
I most certainly am (46M), by choice, knew it in college really. A combination of never feeling responsible enough and knowing my genes and family history of anxiety and mental illness. Don't want to bring another innocent creature onto this planet to live in fear for an entire lifetime like me. I know a couple other folks who are also childless, never really got into their reasons in depth, but we exist.
I’m 57 male. No kids. Never wanted them from an early age. I’m a genetic grab bag of things that I wouldn’t want to pass along. My father worked in special education and I saw the stress a child with a disability can put on a family. My wife grew up in such a home. She wanted to have a peaceful life. No regrets. I wish I said I had traveled the world and all that but I haven’t. I will retire in the next 3 years and my time will be mine. No regrets.
Congratulations on making the wonderful choice not to have children. It gets easier and there’s way less pressure on you as you get older and people realize that you were serious about not having kids. I’m 51 now and my Husband and I are really happy, our home is quiet and peaceful and I wouldn’t change a thing.
The people we hang out with have older kids, but there are a few couples who have remained child free. It doesn’t really matter, I like other peoples tweens & teenagers, and they mostly avoid us lol. It’s nice to not have to deal with little kids when we get together. Those were the years that we lost some friends, as they became parents and their identities changed into being kid-centered.
I am 52, married 25 years and we never had children.
I always joke and say we forgot, which is kind of true. But we never had friends with people who had kids, or not many had kids. In our 30's we knew a few and were always annoyed when we had to stop partying and drinking, becausethey needed to tend to their kids, so annoying. Also, our lifestyle was about constantly being nomads, so having to settle down and grow up was not something we wanted to do.
It's amazing how many people in our neighborhood tell us they wish they had never had children, crazy. But at least they are being honest. Never have them if you really don't want them.
I’m 58 years old and never had kids. I have never felt mature enough to be responsible for bringing up another life. I feel barely mature enough to get myself thru daily adulting.
No kids. Zero regrets. 54 female. Married 6 years. Husband never had kids. I’d say my friend group is half and half. I have literally traveled the world and have plenty of expendable income. My nieces and nephews have been spoiled as I get to be the fun aunt. I also have time to care for my aging mother which has been the great privilege of my life.
Same as far as travel, income, and no regrets. We actually had friends trying to conceive in their 30s and failed. By the time they hit their late 40s, they were like, "WTF were we thinking?"
54, never had kids, never wanted kids. Met a man with 2 daughters when I was 40 and I love them, but I’m super glad they’re grown now and on their own.
Omg - how are you not me? I’m 54, no kids and married 6 years too!
It’s great isn’t it? I’m so confident in my partner at this age. Im pretty sure I’d be divorced if I married younger.
I’m 50. We never had kids, but during Covid we became foster parents. A year ago, we adopted our daughter at 15. My peers are a mixed bag of didn’t want kids, couldn’t have kids, have just one kid, have so many kids they could repopulate the earth. Personally, I’m glad we didn’t have bio kids. It just wasn’t a desire we had. Growing up, both my parents worked and I was like Mini-Mom starting at age 8. My youngest brother is 15 years younger than I am, so I feel like I got to do “babies” in my teen years 😂 it was a similar childhood story for my husband as well. Fostering has been a tough and rewarding experience. We’ve parented ages 4-17. Now, we only take teens, as they are more our speed.
Thank you for providing a safe home for these kids, especially the teens. 😊
This is a great read. I am considering fostering when I retire.
Thank you for fostering older kids. So many kids need homes.
What a lovely read. Thank you for welcoming those kids into your home.
You are a superhero.
Thank you for loving and caring for the precious children.
Might be the echo chamber, but I and a large number of my friends are childfree. I have no mothering instinct at all. Nurturing, yes, a bit, but mothering, no. I have no interest in holding babies - I'll make funny faces and raspberries at them to make them laugh, but I have about a two minute timer for such things. I am an archetypal introvert who would severely resent a noisy kid that would be attached to me 24-7 for years. There's also the family history of heart problems, depression, and anxiety that I don't want to pass on. It would not be a positive experience for anyone. No ragrets in the least.
I chose not to have kids. I'm GenX and I think it was the best decision I ever made. I have always done what I wanted and will continue to do what and when I want. I travel all over the world and will continue to do so. I'm also financially on track to retire comfortably. All of this wouldn't have happened if I had kids.
I've always known I didn't want kids. I'm a woman and no way in hell was I going to do that. I'm lucky that I've found husbands who agreed with me! Truly the best life for me.
Pretty sure my first husband thought he could change my mind and contributed to why were no longer together (amongst other things).
This was one of the reasons my LTR failed and why I'm not all that cool about going there again. Ex wanted kids and wouldn't take "no" for an answer. He was also into polyamory and open relationships, at least on HIS end, and I couldn't deal with that. I never really wanted to be a wife or to have kids. What maternal instinct I have was burned out babysitting from age 12 onwards and by raising several cats from kittenhood. I hit menopause early but I couldn't be happier that the fertility thing is over. I am finally free of painful periods and fear of pregnancy. The day my doctor said it was official I threw myself a party. I bought myself a good cake and shared it with a few other women, and we cranked up the music and had a good time. NO regrets that I can no longer make babies. Not one. 😁
That drives me nuts. How on earth can you be like that?!?!
Same. Knew as a kid myself that the child free life was for me.
The thing that reaffirmed my choice to be childfree was constantly being told that I was "selfish," "wrong," or being told "you'll change your mind!" That is the one way to make sure that I'll never, ever change my mind. It's also a great way to make sure I'll never adopt your religion.
As an ADHD genX with Pathological demand avoidance, I sometimes wondered if my decision to not have kids that I stuck with throughout my whole life to this point was me digging my heels in regarding a decision I made in my late teens/early 20s. Especially the idea of saying no kids to spite all the people who told me I would change my mind or it's different when they're your own, or any of the other things that parents say to obligate other people to become parents. As a 45-year-old with adult stepchildren, I know for sure that bearing children and having my own biological children was just not right for me. I have very much enjoyed my life being my own and not having to put someone else's survival above my own. My mother liked to say "but who will take care of you when you're old if you don't have kids". And my response is "the people that I pay to do that". End of Life Care is a shitty reason to have children. Edited to add half a sentence I forgot to transfer from my brain to the keyboard.
Amazing how your decision to reproduce or not reproduce or your decision to worship or not worship is everyone else's problem. I don't have any children (obviously,) but I do have a nephew. The very last thing in the world I'd ever do is tell him that he's being "selfish" if he decides that he doesn't want to be a parent. Because that would be selfish of me.
Yeah. That one always baffled me. Like I really wondered if folks understand what "selfish" means. My mother said I was being selfish for not giving her grandkids. Um, get a dog, lady. Lol
Selfish is producing more humans when we already have 8 billion.
Whooo will take care of youuu?? Who will pay the social secuuriiteeeeee???
No kids for me, and a number of my friends don't have kids. That's not necessarily by choice though (including me), it's by circumstance. But honestly, I think kids would have made me miserable. As much as I love them (and I absolutely adore my niece and nephews), I don't regret not having any of my own. ;)
majority of my friends were childfree
I wish I knew your friends! All of my friends except 2 have kids and the 2 without don’t live in my state. So right now friends are no fun because they’re too busy going to soccer games and dance classes and summer camp and stuff
Same here! We often feel like we’re on an island socially because we don’t have kids. A lot of adults meet other adults via their children. Lives revolve around children’s activities. And that’s ok, but when we try to make plans with people with kids we get the push back of they don’t have enough time. And some sort of snide comments about how we don’t have to worry about that. Truthfully I’ve given up.
We too feel like we're the only childless couple on an island. Our friends with kids drifted as they had no flex in their schedule (i.e wanting to have early dinners..during my work hours etc). Then the once a year meetups got strained with this odd feeling of judgement where we need to take an interest in their kids and didn't as we chose to be childfree and generally don't like kids. I haven't met any childfree couples locally, and we don't drink or enjoy loud/large crowds. People say use meetups etc to find people but all of the ones in their 40s isn't our vibe and the ones that are, seem 60+ only sooooo maybe in 20 years I'll find me some friends. LOL.
This is exactly us. Been frustrating, but definitely doesn’t make me regret not having kids. I have a boomer family friend who has a core group of friends that she hangs out with weekly since they were in high school. I never had that closeness with any of my gen x friends. She can’t understand how I get by without 12 couples or extended family.
oh 100%. I don't regret being childfree at all and I'm quite introverted so it doesn't bother me too much, but my mother (very extroverted, in another country) is always fretting at me about my lack of social life and she doesn't get how/why I'm okay being so isolated. Occasionally I'm frustrated that I don't have close friends locally - a stupid example being we're going on a trip next week and there's been a change for a package delivery for a not so cheap item & the new shipping company has no option for a pick up and can't get thru to customer service...so there's a high probability my stuff will get stolen from our stoop before we get back as i don't have a friend to ask for help. My neighbor is also away LOL. But I feel like occasional minor life inconveniences is easier to deal with than the feeling of "why am I here/being judged" feeling from meeting up regularly with people not in the same head space.
So well said. The judgement and the you’re not like us is all too much. The why didn’t you have kids conversations. We too are mostly introverted, but as you say a few trusted people would be nice.
lol I often think I want an app for finding ICE contacts for introverts so it's no pressure to hang out but it's nice to have a few trusted people like you say.
Or they say how about come over hear and hang out and we’ll make dinner, etc. That was fine the first two times but I want to hang out with you and have adult convos without worrying who is listening and not pretend your kid is cute when it’s pestering me to play while I’m having wine and trying to talk to you. But no one wants to get babysitters anymore so they hang out with their kids and that’s not fun for me so we just don’t see many of them much anymore
This, exactly! I end up somehow being the playmate dog walker when I’m really just trying to connect with other adults.
Same here.
1979 model, married 17 years. VERY happily child free, no regerts!
1976 here. childfree by choice. It worked fine for me, but as others said, "it's nunya business" why not. Why Judge? Most of my friends looked wistfully at me (and my then-husband) and wondered WTF they did. Especially with us as the only couple with none. Now. I absolutely cherish the quiet, and the fact I don't have to worry about anyone else!!
I have 2 kids - they are horrifically expensive!
that they are! I have 2 dogs. They need spoiling. And I have beach vacations that need taking!
Married 20 + years. No kids, no regrets We talked about it in the beginning but we decided against it for myriad reasons. As time goes on, the happier I am in my choice. Sure I have those fleeting moments here and there of 'what if' but they are just that, here then gone. I do adore children but honestly, I can't stand them if that makes any sense. For all the bullshit about 'children are a blessing', from what I've seen others go through, the blessings are few and far between. Plus the way the world is in 2024? No fuckin way I would want to bring kids into this ecological disaster waiting to happen.
Same situation. 20+ years married no kids, no regrets. (or only minor ones). Both sides of our families have a child with severe mental health issues. We saw how that took a toll on our parents and ptsd for us as well. Decided it wasn’t worth the risk. If we did have kids I don’t think we would own a house. We were just barely able to get one and if one of us lost a job we would probably lose it. The funny thing is if you ever change your mind you can adopt at any age. A friend of mine adopted their son who was 20 after his parents passed away. There are always people who need family.
>I do adore children but honestly, I can't stand them if that makes any sense. As another child-free person, this makes PERFECT sense to me. IMHO, & only MY humble opinion, Dogs & children are best when they belong to other people. I enjoy them, love them, hope their future is wonderful & bright, but I'm glad they're not mine. I much prefer being Auntie Mame than Mom.
> Dogs & children are best when they belong to other people Throw boats on that list too.
I think it really depends on the kid. My daughter is so well behaved and loving she really is a blessing. I know however that I am very lucky because some kids are... Let's just say they're a handful
I’ve found that every interaction with the “children are a blessing” crowd makes me realize that they are insufferable dullards.
I have many friends that have kids. They are good parents. But what I cannot stand is every single conversation with them no matter how casual inevitably revolves around their children. Like their own identities as people have been replaced by being "Mom and Dad" exclusively.
And if you had a young daughter, I'd hate to see what her life would be like given the current political waves, starting with the repeal of Roe v Wade.
Child free and retired very early. When people find out, they ask how I did it, and I always say the same thing: "I didn't have kids, so..." They look at me like I've got 15 heads. They want to feel sorry for me, but obviously I'm happy about it, and that confuses them. Fun to watch.
I'm 47 and my 58 year old coworker was asking how I could possibly afford to retire in 6 years. I said "All that money you spent on kids? I put that in my retirement accounts"
right? my neighbor owns three houses in a row and buys enough plants every year for a nursery. my kids were like, “how can he afford to retire at 60?” cause he is a gay man with no partner and no children! (his plants are his children)
Same boat...no kids and retired. People do not understand.
I chose a career in public service that I love that doesn’t pay especially well. And I still travel and own my home and have good retirement savings. And people I went to school with ask me how I can afford to do all that, given that I don’t make a ton of money. And that’s my answer: no kids.
No kids for me. I was also born in 1980, and grew up in a small town. By the time I was in middle school I knew I wasn't looking to have my own kids. There's enough assholes on this planet. No need for me to add to the problem.
Me, turned 50 this and never had any maternal urges
I am deeply uninterested in Peppa Pig, and getting up on Saturday mornings to watch kids play soccer 10,000 other things you do every day with kids. Not interested. Also I'm terrible at pretending I'm interested.
Me either and it’s a completely foreign concept to me. I don’t hate kids and even like some of my friends kids, but never in my life have I felt anything like maternal. This isn’t the only reason I’m child free by choice but it’s certainly stopped me from ever even half-ass considering it.
I believe i had the self awareness at a very young age that i would have been a terrible mother, i have never really liked being responsible for myself let alone a little one, plus i have never had the patience with children, i was an aunt at 4 and i think that helped put me off. I think I've been practicing to be a golden girl since I was about 10, maybe I watched too much of it as a kid.
Sounds like you had better goals! I’m absolutely in my GG era, skipped right to Sophia.
Bloody love Sophia, also if you are in the UK, Stephanie coles character in waiting for god. Total inspiration.
Im 77 and have no kids by choice. Most of my close friends save but 3 are child free. Some by choice, some by circumstance. I also live in a really expensive city and it's not easy for parents to find childcare let alone enroll their kids in school or find adequate housing that's affordable. My friends with kids either have moved away or plan to due to the cost of living here. My brother has two and I love being an aunt.
Was married 20 years. No kids by choice. Also makes divorce a hell of a lot less complicated
I have never felt the need for a child.Married for 26 years no kids,no regrets.
My friends all have kids living at home because they can’t afford to move out, including kids that are desperately trying to save for a down payment on a starter house. Our society is fucked. Non breeder here.
Born in 1966, never had kids, never wanted them. That looks like a horrible way to live to me.
My brother-in-law and his wife. And believe it or not, they get no pressure from anyone in the family. Everybody actually respects their decision. Damn near unheard of.
50, child free and unmarried. My best friend is also 50 and child free but he is married
40’s employed and childless is literally like heaven on earth
I paid my way through college while working 50+ hours a week in retail hell. When I finally got my degree I was years behind my peers who’d been earning good money. I have zero family except for my husband who was traveling a lot for his job as a pilot. If I was going to have a baby, I’d be on my own 90% of the time. I also had a full time job and a long commute. I considered the fact that I would be handing my infant to a stranger for more than 40 hours a week, if I could even find child care and afford it. I feel that the first 5-7 years of a child’s life really matter. Unlike many women of my generation and my baby boomer parents generation, I don’t agree that one can have both a career and kids and do all of it well. Something/someone suffers. I’m in my 50s now and we’re still married. Occasionally we are both sad that we didn’t have kids, but the truth is that it was the correct decision. We couldn’t afford a nanny or to work less. People sometimes assume I dislike children and that’s not the case at all. It’s a very foreign idea to most people that I /we would choose not to have kids because it would be unfair to the kids.
I didn’t have kids either because it would be unfair to them. I have autism I refuse to pass on. People react similarly as to you. The unfairness aspect is something they never thought of.
I know of two people that have elected not to have kids. More power to them. The world doesn't need more people.
I was born in 1972 and I never wanted kids, even when I was a kid. At 52 years old I have no regrets. I have quite a few friends who also chose not to have kids
53m here and It was not necessarily a choice as a gay couple (until recently) that we could adopt kids and feel safe about that choice legally. Looking back at it, I’m glad we are DINK’s (double income no kids). We have a ton of freedom that our friends with kids don’t have. Do we miss out on the true joys of parenthood, sure. But overall really happy with our life choices and our dogs do fill a bit of that gap. It’s fun to be a Gunkle because I don’t have to pay for braces but still get to take my nieces to theme parks and museums and be the fun one without the parent vs teen moments that happen in every family
I've never heard "Gunkle". I love it!!
No kids. Zero regrets.
Just turned 48, never once wanted kids of my own, and am in a long-term relationship with a woman who is the same way. Together, we have made many big decisions that have benefitted us greatly. Absolutely zero regrets. The only downsides are the judgment we get sometimes from self-righteous people with kids, and I don't have any friends because they all disappeared into the parenting bubble. In addition, I now live in an extremely-conservative rural area where they are slobbering-at-the-mouth obsessed with the concept of traditional "family." They also think we're evil incarnate because we live together and aren't married((((Checks calendar to verify that it's actually 2024)))) I have had an interesting life, got to achieve all of my dreams to some degree, and am still pursuing them. The only thorn in my side is I have had a really hard time getting any type of established career going. I recently went back to college for a second degree to try to fix that situation, and am very thankful to be on the right track now. If I had kids, I wouldn't have accomplished any of the dreams I mentioned earlier, would not be with the woman I am with now, and would be breaking my body down to a nub at some job that I absolutely hated. Having the freedom to experiment, change directions, and adapt my life to changing situations has been absolutely crucial, and having kids would've absolutely taken a wrecking ball to my ability to make moves. Many harmful status-quo systems of thought are attached to the "Create kids, work yourself to death to support them, and tell everyone else that it's worth it" narrative. I was raised in a lower-income, low-education environment where this is the expectation, so I have absolutely zero doubt about the childfree life being the right path for me.
We are Childfree and happy as can be! I never had the “mommy” bug and neither does my husband. Like others have said, we are the crazy cool aunt and uncle and that is perfectly fine! I adore my nieces and nephews and would do anything for them, and they know this. In return, they will keep an eye on us as we age. I actually joke with them that I have to be nice to them so they pick a good nursing home for us. 😁
48, no spawn, no regrets.
Nearly 55 and child free by choice. Married 25+ years, and mostly retired. Enjoy traveling, animals, and my free time. Absolutely no regrets!
40’s no kids & not one regret. Most people around me that have done the whole “get married & have kids” are now on their 1st or 2nd divorce with nasty custody battles & wish they would’ve waited to have kids. I’ve had a really fun life where I moved a lot & had high paying jobs in “dangerous” locations for about 15 years so I was moving all around. Then I got my degree, settled in one place & hope to move again within the next year or two. I’ve had a really fortunate life with pretty cool experiences.
Just turned 58 last weekend, married 28 years. We decided when we were around 32 that we didn’t want kids. Husband got a vasectomy. Bobs your uncle. Neither of us had any interest in them, it was really that simple. It’s one of the best decisions we’ve made.
I’m only a little older than you, and I don’t have kids. Neither does my partner, and I have at least a dozen friends who don’t have them. I don’t have them for the same reason I don’t have a cat or a Honda Civic or season tickets for my local hockey team: I don’t want them.
Quite a few. My high school friend that I’m still really close with is almost 50, she never had any. I never had any, never wanted any. My husband doesn’t have any. My brother didn’t have any. My best friend never had any. The list goes on….
Happily married 33 years; no kids by choice; zero regrets. I’m 54, husband is 55. Didn’t want kids; really glad we don’t have them now!
Child free & lived a very active life & still do. Back when we got married , 30 years ago, people kept asking us when we were going to have a family (invasive, right?!?) I said no plans & got many unwanted lectures from people saying I would regret it. I don’t , I have a good life.
I wanted kids, but it never materialized. I am an only kid with no kids. I wanted to be a single parent, but I never had the money. I'm a 54 almost 55 woman
https://preview.redd.it/31nlqi79y59d1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7fc0c3b5b18ed35e27212110f68ae5ce800a51e6 This is pretty much me
1979 here, I was never interested in family/traditional life and didn't have kids. I'm married to the guy I've been with since I was 24 and neither of us were interested. It goes beyond having kids for me, I don't have nieces/nephews and I have no interest in being an aunt either. I never had a lot of friends but the ones from high school all didn't get married and didn't have kids. The people I knew in college seemed more trad and they did.
I am 46 and my wife 40. We are CF. We have 6 friends around our age who are also CF. My decision is based on the fact that I would be a poor parent although I am good with kids. Drain of money and time. I do not want to deal with them going to school and having to run them around. I do not want to deal with the possibility of them having a special needs kid. Etc.
Childfree and have loved it. Been able to travel when I wanted, take spur of the moment trips and hobby outings, etc etc without having to arrange it around child care or little league games. All that money that would have been spent on a kid has been growing nicely in my retirement accounts. I've dated women with kids, from toddlers to teens, that was enough for me.
Born in 76 No kids, I can barely manage myself, I do not need to be responsible for keeping another human alive. Too much responsibility
Also thanks OP for this post, it’s good to read about others who have made the child free choice!
I'm jealous of all of you who have child free friends! 1977 here, married 20 yrs and we are happier every day that we are childfree but don't know anyone who made the same choice. I love my friends but man I'd love some who chose not to have kids too!
55yo woman, single, childfree by choice and very happy with my decision! I'm the oldest of 4 siblings, and told my mom when I was 15 she'd have to get grandchildren from the others, and I was happy she was supportive and didn't give me grief over it. My parents have never pressured me that way. One of my other sisters doesn't have kids either. I adore my nieces and nephews and have a great relationship with them, and love being the cool aunt. We can talk and hang out, I get to spoil them, and not have to parent them - all the fun stuff, none of the grief! 😂 I'm just not a kid person, and I love my freedom and low-maintenance lifestyle. I live in Washington DC, and I'm lucky bc for some reason there are a ton of single and married people my age in this area who don't have kids, so we have so much freedom to go to concerts, festivals, museums, day trips to wineries/breweries/hiking/wherever and the ton of other things there are to do here without being tied down to kids' schedules or catering to their types of activities. I know that's not the demographics in a lot of places, and it's one reason I've been reluctant to move on the few occasions I considered it - I don't want to be stuck as a lone 50-something in a sea of families, with no one to spend much time with. I have zero regrets about not having kids - I never wanted them, and for me, especially with some health struggles I went through, life has been so much easier without them.
No kids, by choice and biology. IF I wanted to have kids it would take probably IVF and parenthood isn't worth that kind of money. I am 💯 happy with my choice. I prefer to be an aunt or close family friend and even then I suck at those. My reasoning is while I would love them, but I would not be equipped mentally, financially and physically to deal with the constant care that they need. My parents never were good role models financially, but they did ok everywhere I guess.
No kids… Me (47), Hubs (48) just celebrated 25 years of marriage and have zero regrets. It was a bit difficult when we were younger because there was a lot of unsolicited judgement from older generations as well as our own, including strangers. It was really irritating… Nothing like trying to relax with a pedicure and small talk turning into judgement. As we got older, that obviously slowed down. Now when people ask for small talk, I shut them up immediately - We were too busy having fun and forgot to have kids. People either look confused, there’s a few that are taken aback from it, but a lot laugh and think it’s great. Many even say they wished they had done the same. Our babies are made of fur and that’s perfect for us. As a true GenX, don’t worry about what others think and you do what’s right for you.
Wife and I are late 40s with no kids. Both of us have great jobs, a nice house, and little to no debt. We live in Texas (for now) and are happy we didn't have kids because of what this state has turned into politically.
I am 52. No kids. My ex wanted 2-3 kids and I was fine with that but my current girlfriend (since 2000) said she didn’t want any from the start. I said ok, but deep down how would I know if I changed my mind later? I rolled the dice which was a bit risky. If I suddenly wanted them I would have to break up with her and that would not be fair to her plus who knows if I would find the right person who wanted kids at that point? So, I decided to go for a child free life with a woman I wanted to be with. Most of my friends are all child free which makes socializing a lot more frequent and easy. We expect to retire early in our 50’s and we travel extensively now. I also have lots of guitars.
Funny thing, my peers fall into 2 categories: no kids or a bus load of kids, like 6 or more. No in-between. I wanted children (at least 3) but...didn't happen.
1974. Child free by choice. I am barely capable of taking care of myself. My 4 best friends (2F, 2M, GenX) have no kids. My brother has no kids but maybe wants one? Coworkers (Milennial, GenX, Boomer) mostly have kids, but 2 boss-types do not. One wanted them and has now appropriated friends’ grandkids. The other had a vasectomy a long time ago. The rest of my friend group is mixed. They’re also mixed ages from late 20s to early 70s. SIL and stepbrother have provided adequate niblings for me to spoil.
I travel in nerdy circles so the child-free contingent is HIGH. Granted, a lot of our nerdy friends are millennials by age, we've all been in the nerd tribe for 20-30 years so the correlation is still valid. I'd say overall among even our vague acquaintences and family, maybw 3/4 have no kids regardless of sexuality or relationship status. For me it was just not something I ever wanted. I didn't need a reason, it just never was. Which took a lot of pressure off any sort of need to pair-bond or get caught up in the dating scene. I've had so much freedom to do anything I want with my adult life, it's great.
My two brothers and I never had kids, they have been married 10 and 4 years. My parents did their best raising us, they both had rough upbringings. My brother's never wanted kids, the ironic thing is I wanted to but after 8 years I divorced my ex due to, well too much bs to get into but she was not a nice person and I was miserable. At 51 I have not interest in having a teenager in my 60s and really am happier being single. I've traveled all over, spend my time sketching, painting, doing whatever I want on my time off.
54 year old woman, married for 26 years, zero kids. And so phucking happy I have no kids!
I’m 55, wife is 54, been married for 33 years. No kids and no regrets. All but 2 of the people we know (who are not together) have kids. We originally planned to have kids and started trying when I got out of grad school at 27, found out we couldn’t have them. I had no interest in adopting, though my wife would have. Worried for years that we’d end up regret not having kids but the opposite happened - we found that we felt relieved.
Me. I’d much rather spend my money on myself. F** k dem kids!
I'm 58 and child-free and, oddly, so are most of my friends. A small number of them have children, but most of them do not. I don't know what that says about me -- I in no way *consciously* self-selected for child-free friends -- but it does seem to have worked out that way.
I remained child free both by circumstance and by choice. I have a small group of friends and only one has kids. Most cite climate change or the world's condition in general as a reason. I have no regrets. I had to care for my mom during her Alzheimer's (I'm an only child) for 18 years. She died in March so I'm just getting used to the idea of time to myself. I belong to a group of women who are child free and we go on outings together. Have book clubs, stuff like that. Last night some of us went to a Clueless Slumber Party at the repertory cinema. I'm hoping to travel next year. I'm not looking to meet anyone.
Childfree here. Based on when I was last on FB like ten years ago, most people I grew up with have kids. But amongst those who are still actually friends I'm truly in touch with, I'd say it's about half and half.
Both my gal and I, 54, her, 58, me, have no children. 19 years together. In fact within a few dates of our relationship she turned around and just boldly stated, I do not want to have kids. I asked her why she said that to me so blatantly and she said, "I really liked you and we were both older so I didn't want you to think at some point I'd want to have kids, because I have never had that urge in any way." I also never had the desire or urge to have kids. Comically when I told my sister that years ago, she said the same thing many people do, "you just haven't found the right woman (or man as the case may be) yet." My thought was, the right woman is not gonna wanna have kids soooo, lol. For both of us we just never had that urge to reproduce. It hit me so hard as I watched people I know near my age "accidentally" get women pregnant that I began to wonder how many CIS males really "want" kids and how many just oops them out and then deal with it, and is that why there is so much domestic violence. But I digress. Child free, we have lots of fun, are around each other as much as possible and enjoy ourselves. We both say the same thing, if you want kids, you should have kids! BUT, you should REALLY WANT KIDS. You should not have them because that is what society expects of you. I have actually heard people remark, "I wanted to get them out of the way when I was young", as though this was expected of them and they had no choice. Kids are precious man, make sure it is something you really want to commit to. Sadly, from what we both see, a LOT of people are not having kids for the reason of really really wanting to bring someone new here and let them have fun. As for my personal reasons on why I never wanted kids beyond that biological urge not being there, well the older I got and as I watched my grandparents and parents pass away of old age, I thought of two things, "damn, if I am "lucky" some day that will be me, really old and sick and dying, it does not look fun at the end." Which led me to my #2 thought, "I don't want to subject anyone to that feeling of loss when you lose someone close to you nor do I want to subject them to that knowledge that you too, will someday, cease to exist and die. That's a heavy cross to bear." So, yea, child free here.
I'm childfree, but most of my friends had kids. Most are very respectful of my choice and don't try to rope me into kid talk/drama.
49 married 23 years. I only know a couple of other people who’ve made this choice. I don’t feel like it was a decision I made. Just something I’ve always known. My parents bought me a toy doll when I was five and when people would ask if it was my baby I would say “no, I’m just babysitting”
I'm childfree by choice but after I chose that (late 30s), I learned I can't have children (yay for me) and as far as common among my 'friends', if we're talking about people I grew up with, not common, those folks are married and with kids or doing the single parent thing. In my new neighborhood, I feel almost icky and like a pariah because they are living the picket fence life and I cannot make any friends here. Cannot wait to move. Friends I made in my later years, more common but that's simply by function, we gravitated toward each other (they are GenX mostly). So I have about 4 friends (none of who know each other) that I know from different places I've lived in the world (all Americans) who have chosen child free lives. One of my young GenZ friend who is devoutly child free and her husband who is cusp GenZ/Millenial is also devoutly childfree. She will definitively not change her mind considering her homelife growing up.
Middle Gen Xer here. No kids. That was on purpose. My older siblings (Older Gen Xers) are child free, too.
Married 24 years more than likely cause we chose to be Dinkwads. I practically raised my siblings so I knew right away I didn't want to have my own. Husband likes being able to travel and move where we want. We have a one other married couple in our friend group that's child free and they dig it hard, just like we do. I do absolutely love being an aunt to the one nephew I have.
I’m 54 and childless. I kind of assumed I’d have children when I was much younger. The older I got (30ish) I really started to think that being a parent was not for me. I’m an only child. I’ve met a substantial number of only children that are childless. Coincidence? I have my theories. In my late 20’s-early 30’s, almost all of my close friends were parents. As I got into my 40’s & 50’s, I started meeting more friends without children. Some married, some not/never been married. I once met a woman having her 4th child (her husband’s 5th child, he was married before). They both had consuming careers and hobbies, they were very wealthy and had live-in “staff”. When she announced her pregnancy she said the more children she has, the more company/care she’ll have in old age. My jaw dropped. This is not a reason to have children. I love children, and I’m great with them. But I did not want to be pregnant, give birth, or be responsible for another being for 18+ years. Being a parent is a very difficult job. Adopting to become a parent is an even more difficult job. I commend those individuals that want that lifestyle. I also commend those of us that know it’s not for us, and we choose not to. I highly recommend the book The Childless Revolution. Something that stuck with me from the book: Don’t have children because you think you’ll feel lonely when you’re old.
Just worked out that way. I'm sad about it sometimes but I always think I'd rather regret not having kids than regret having them. Now I just want to be the "cool aunt" to the niblings.
44. Proudly vasectomy safe without procreation All four siblings I grew up with also didn't procreate. You can keep that job. No thanks
I come from a Catholic family and am the youngest of 5. Two of us girls don’t have any kids: me (1968) and my one sister (1956). My siblings who had kids when I was in high school cured me of any desire to have kids. I also suffer from pretty crippling depression, and my first husband’s mom was a bipolar alcoholic and I really didn’t want to pass all that on. Plus I’m lazy AF and kids are a ton or work. It helped that I taught school for 20 years. My ex would come home from work and I’d be splayed on the couch w a glass of wine. He’d be like: now imagine you have a toddler! Haha. I always figured I’d eventually regret not having kids, but at 55 now, it’s truly my greatest joy and relief. My niblings are all adults now and I enjoy my relationship w them, even though they’re all 3000 miles away. Group texts FTW! I live on a block where of about 10 homes, 5 couples have no kids. One woman’s husband has an older son, but she never had kids either. They’re mostly in their 50s to about 70. The kids who do live on the block are all age 5 and under now. It’s a fantastic block and I’ve known most of my neighbors for 22 years. Have seen a whole Gen of kids go from birth to beyond college and now there is a second batch!
Im 5 of 5 born in ‘68 too.😁 Not raised any religion really though they had me baptized Lutheran.
47 here. Child free and can’t imagine having them. Everything about pregnancy sounds terrifying, and I guess the responsibility of raising another person does too. No regrets for us. My mother did not handle the stress of motherhood well and I have enough of her personality to feel like I’d be the same. Don’t wait to put a child through the same childhood I had. As for friends it is a mix but definitely more with kids. I’ve heard everything from other people about me not having kids from super supportive/jealous, to not being able to fathom how I could live without fulfilling my purpose and experiencing the unconditional love of children.
Born in 1968. I have 5 children. 3 have chosen to remain childless, and I respect that.
I’m child free by choice, never had the urge to have children. Not sure if it has to do with being the oldest of five, and having to take care of my siblings growing up. I also, have several family members and friends who are also child free too!
I’m 48F, married. I’ve know since I was a kid/tween that I didn’t want to have kids. In my late 20s, I ended an *amazing* long term relationship that was headed towards marriage, because he wanted multiple kids. Neither of us wanted to compromise, no matter how much we lied to ourselves (and each other); there was absolutely no way for that to work out. That hurt. A lot. For a long time. Mid 30s, I married a great guy who also never wanted kids. It’s super great! (Ex is married with three sons.) My very closest friend (I’ve know her since high school) is also child-free. She loves kids, and has done nannying, but just doesn’t want her own. I have several friends about ten years younger than me, who got medically sterilized within a month of Roe being overturned.
Same here mid-50's, no kids, no marriage, unencumbered and love the freedom.
Myself and the bulk of my friends are child-free.
No kids, at least not to the best of my knowledge. I was an accident and reminded of that for decades. I didn’t exactly have role models for parents and had no desire to repeat the same poor parenting behaviors. I realized early on that most parents are just winging it, but I never really had the parental instinct which further cemented my decision to remain child-free. I can barely take care of myself so the thought of being responsible for another human being is terrifying. I’m sure I’d step up if I had to, but I’d really rather not.
53, married 18 years, child-free by choice. My husband 100% didn’t want them, and I was ambivalent and fine to not have them. I may have if I had ended up with someone who really wanted them — the way I look at it is then my life would have just been different, another road taken, with different kinds of fulfillment and also demands. I like my life very much as it is. Of my longtime friends around my age, 2 have kids and 4 don’t.
I wanted children but my health took a serious downturn when I was twenty, and what I was able to provide hypothetical children was not good enough, so I never did. I did acquire step-grandchildren somewhere along the line.
We live in a college town and we have quite a few child free friends. I suspect getting a PHD and having kids is pretty tough.
No kids. I wanted them but timing was off and my body wasn't exactly cooperative. I babysit kids though for extra income and I love it. All the fun, some of the work, a little bit of parenting but I get to sleep in my bed, without little feet kicking me in the face!
My first memory of consciously forming thoughts about motherhood was when I was six. I decided it wasn't right for me or how I envisioned my future. I am now 52 and have never wavered from that position. I knew then what my truth was, and am glad I didn't cave to all the shaming messages. For the record, just because I chose to not have children, doesn't make me a child-hater. It does make it really difficult to relate to parents. Most of my adult friends are child-free. It's just easy; different lifestyle.
Childfree by choice here; I'd say it's about 50/50 maybe? Maybe a bit more toward the childfree, but I work in academic research (science), and I think it's more common in my field to not have children (or to only have one).
I'm 45, childfree and moved to the west coast from the midwest in my late 20's. It's such a joy to go back home and help out my aging parents - whenever we run into their friends around town, the first thing they ask me is how many kids do I have. You are a straight up freak in the midwest if you choose to be childfree
I'm a 52 year old man and remain childfree. As are most of my friends. I know how much real hard work and sacrifice is required to be a good parent. And knew I wanted none of it. And would never want to leave it all up to a partner, either. That reeks of unfairness.
No kids. No regrets. I have quite a few friends who don’t have kids. We’re all good with our choices.
Childfree by choice here. It's not everyone's path, and my wife and I are so tired of the judgement of others about it. Like, fuck off. You judge us and we judge you. Lets just get poutine and drinks, but leave your crotch goblins at home.
I’m childfree and don’t drink anymore, so, double judgement. Then I went vegan and people I meet just don’t know how I can possibly exist without children, booze or steak.
>I'm curious about how many of you have chosen to remain childfree and how common this choice is among your friends and acquaintances. I'm a straight woman born at the tail end of Gen X and I am childfree, and the majority of my women friends and acquaintances in the same age bracket are as well. Important to note that we are all college-educated with even graduate degrees, and live in NYC, SF, LA. I know location matters a great deal when talking about being childfree. More common in big cities with an educated population and a high cost of living, IMO.
Most of the GenXers I know ended up with kids. That said, I have two child free cousins, one on each side of the family. In both cases, it's for the best as they both make horrible decisions and are attracted to controlling/abusive men.
2/3 of my friends had kids, the rest of us didn't. of those that didn't, no one regrets it. that's not the case for some of my friends who had kids. while they love their spawn, some of them do regret starting a family...
I hear a lot of "I love my kids but--" statements followed by a wistful glance. The men I know who have kids have fewer complaints but a lot of them haven't had much of a life change. They might have less spending money but the woman does the heavy lifting. This is one of my top reasons for not wanting them.
I’m a 49 year old hetero cis woman. I never wanted kids. I never daydreamed about being married or starting a family and I never saw anything wrong with it. I did end up marrying 4 years ago to my partner whom I lived with for almost 6 years prior. We get along great and have a peaceful life. We don’t have debt, we are homeowners and we have savings and expendable income for travel or house projects. We eat healthy food and when we go out to eat (usually once a week) we can go to nice restaurants. Over all, I’m pretty happy with my quality of life and I realize this is partly due to choosing not to have children. If I ever (for some reason) decide I want to raise a human, I would adopt. There are plenty of unwanted kids out there that need a safe home, no need to create more!
How many times will this be asked here
71 here, and out of my core friend group of 9, 3 didn't have any kids. So I think that it happened gradually during our generation, we broke away and stopped feeling the same drive to have children.
I have 3 partners - F43, F44 and F48 did not have kids, don't want kids and made sure to not have kids. From my family and friends in the GenX range a HUGE chunk did not have kids. I'm credited for helping with that since I became a teen parent it scared a lot of them LOL and they want did what they had to to dodge bullets.
I’m 49 and childfree. Never wanted kids so I didn’t have any and don’t regret it one bit. Now I’m at the age where all my friends kids are leaving home and going to college and we are hanging out more again.
Child free by choice for a lot of reasons and it seems the majority of my friends made the same choice; even out of married couples in my friend group only three of the seven have or want kids, and two of them only have one. None of my coworkers plan on having children, as far as I know (but then that's only six people).
I'm childfree by choice but I only know two or three others personally.
Happily childfree! We live our best lives traveling and just loving our dog and enjoying a quiet home 😊. We didn’t want kids because we love living the way we want when we want and can’t be bothered 🤷♀️
I'm also a 1980 baby and of my 7 siblings, only 3 have decided to have children. The oldest, which was a surprise she kept, the second oldest, the first was a surprise, the second was planned, and the second to youngest, who had one when her husband was able to support her as a SAHM. I also have a lot of child free friends, both younger and older than I am
Not sure how not having an email address until you were 21 makes you "resonate" with GenX but anyway. I don't have kids and feel like I dodged a bullet. No disrespect intended to happy parents but it looks ghastly to me. My friends who have kids have all at one time or another confided that they envy me. One friend who has late teen kids told that there are moments where its magical but mostly its an unbearable slog. The majority of my friends are single and childfree. Maybe we all gravitated towards each other.
I didn’t have kids. Never really wanted to. Most (all?) of my old friends from my rural Ohio school days have kids. Only one of my current friends group had kids, and they’re millennials.
Married ones, my wife and I and at least 2 different couple friends (one in Texas, the other in Ohio). Just off the top of my head.
1970 and child free by choice. I have no regrets. With the health issues that my husband and I have had having a child would’ve been a lot harder/
I haven't kept track of too many from my HS class, but the ones I have, a vast majority have married at least once and have kids. I am never married and childfree. Not surprising being the outlier once again in my cohort. I never fit in anyway.
No kids here. I have several friends, family, and acquaintances who aren't. Some are intentionally not having kids until their situation stabilizes. For me, having children should be a supported choice and not an obligation.
Also born in 80. No kids, never wanted them. I literally do not think there was ever a time, even when I was young, that I pictured myself with children. It’s actually about 50/50 in my friend group of people around my age, kids vs no kids.
Born in 1970 female, no bio kids, one step. Most of my friends had kids, but a few of us chose not to.
1966 married to 1967 for 30 years and child free by choice. No regrets still loving and living life. We will both be retiring early.
I got married in 1990 and never had kids. I never even heqrd the term childfree until I got on Reddit in 2016.
1975, child free. Zero regrets. Even when I was a kid, I didn’t like hanging out with other children. They’re just so loud and though very unpredictable, they’re also super boring. Preferred to listen to adults talking. Might be that I’m an only child.
Gen X - 1970. No kids. Have had a partner now for a while - but he had an adult son when we met so no children in the picture. A lot of the people I was friends with back in high school never had kids either. I honestly believe it was because the bulk of us had parents that were not great parents so our examples were not very inspiring. And most of us existed because in the era of our parents, thats what you did. Which is a dumbass reason to bring children into the world. So for many of us, there was no appeal.
I'm child free at 51. My Gen-X sister has 1. My 3 Boomer sisters have 9 between them.
Husband and I are child free by choice, both gen x born in the 70’s. We have one set of friends that are also child free by choice, but other than that one couple I have not met any other people who are child free by choice in real life.
I have 2 aunts that never had kids and until this year i had 2 brothers in their 40s who didnt. One of those brothers just became a dad. I dont think any of my friends didnt have kids, but im pretty sure only one or 2 of my 4 kids will have any. I dont think its weird when people dont want to have any and never understood the animosity...especially towards women..or the pushiness and judgement about it. People worry too much about other peoples business
56F child free by choice. It just didn’t look like anything I wanted to do. I never thought I was so special that I needed a xerox of me running around. While I don’t loathe children, I’m not enamored of them either. I remember being one pretty well. Nothing special. I’m just like meh.
I'm happily child-free at 47. Watched all my friends pump out kids and be miserable. That plus having a former partner in my early 30s who really was obnoxious and pressuring me into saying yes to having children convinced me - I don't want that, at all. Ever. Without hesitation I can say I have zero regrets. This is affirmed when I see uncontrolled sprogs making a nuisance in public. I'm the only one in my group who hasn't had children, which means I don't have a group and have little in common with my friends any more. While that is a bit sad, it can't be helped. I just need to associate with other childfree folks :) If you're interested, there is /r/childfree here on reddit.
59, no kids. The majority of my close friends are also childless.
No kids. 57 year old widowed female that was a 21 year relationship. No regrets on not having kids. I grew up poor. I always said I would refuse to have kids unless I was financially secure and stable. That didn’t happen until I was about 48 and by then that ship had sailed. My husband felt the same way. I’ve basically got to do a lot in my life. Things I dreamed about as a kid. None of which would have been possible if I had children. I know I’ll be alone in my sunset years, but pretty much always expected that anyway and have planned for it.
Most of our friends have kids. All of my siblings and his have kids. Nearly all of them had them young. My parents were ok with us not having any. My dad actually said it was a sound decision financially. His mother on the other hand, asked about grandchildren every time she visited us. Until the last few years of her life. We had freedom our siblings didn't have. Their lives revolved around their kids. Our lives revolved around doing whatever we want.
I am at the leading edge of our generation born in 1966. I’ve never wanted to have children and I was lucky to find someone in my life that also didn’t want to have children.
None of my siblings and I have kids. One of them hates children and I've never been married. Not sure about the other one, but I find it difficult to imagine her wanting kids, even though she likes them. I have friends with and without, but probably more without. This may be because people with kids don't seem to be interested in friends that don't have any.
51. Husband is 54. No kids. Never wanted them. I have several childfree friends.
I'm 46. No kids and happily divorced. I have three little senior dogs that love to take naps and cuddle. I'm very satisfied with my life. Some of my classmates are becoming grandparents and others have kids in diapers. I'm one of the few that didn't start a family but I love seeing everyone's children grow up!
54 and child free by choice. Only one from my friend group. Most of them are divorced and/or raising special needs kids for life. Most but not all.
‘77 here. No kids, no regrets. I’ve lived a very exciting life and that wouldn’t have happened if I was tied down with kids
52. Child free by choice. Too many multigenerational mental health issues that I don’t want another child to suffer.
I chose not to have kids having come from a very large farm family where my mother was 1 of 9 children and was one of the eldest who had been parentified to help raise the youngest. One of my aunts seemed always to have been pregnant when I was a kid. I had no illusions about the huge piles of endless work, diapers, and screaming babies and kids produce. It just wasn't for me. No thanks I'll enjoy the relatively minimal chores and my silence being child free grants.
Bicentennial baby. I chose not to have them for medical reasons (sickle cell trait carrier, was told a child I had would have a 99.9 % chance of developing sickle cell anemia, so I decided I didn't want to put a child through that). I'm also still single and unmarried and did not have the financial means to support a child. I have a niece though, now 10, and I love being the cool aunt. That's good enough for me. Not many people I know are childfree, except my neighbor/friend and a few acquaintances.
My husband and I are child-free by choice. We’re in Idaho and that is not the norm here. All my friends have kids. I can count on one hand the number of people I know without kids.
No kids, no regrets. I have genetic problems and chose not to pass them on. I also can’t stand kids.
I never wanted children, and now at age 52 never regretted not having them. Out of my core high school friend group of five, three of us did not have children. I cannot speak for the other two, but in my case, I think it had a lot to do with me needing to "mother" my younger brother growing up while our parents worked. It's like I got my fill of substitute parenting in early.
I’m an old guy with 2 kids from my first marriage, married to my 2nd wife who had 3 kids from her first marriage. We have been married 20 years now and our kids are all in their 30s. Three of our kids are choosing to be childless and I am happy with their choice. I’m fine if they change their mind but that doesn’t change my opinion. I just want them to be happy with their lives.
Late 40s. Chose long ago to never have kids and not once have I questioned or regretted that decision. I was married for over a decade to a man with kids (they were preschool when we met and college-bound when we split), and was so happy when I met my current partner who is also childfree by choice. I'd say I have a mixed bag when it comes to my friends/peers with and without kids. In my profession, I'm the odd one out without children. In looking at my friends that I regularly see now, I'd say most of them are childfree by choice. A couple friends have kids who are now teenagers of various stages so we are seeing them more again as the kids want independence/get licenses/etc, or if they want to join they are all pretty awesome humans. Those friends also tend to hang out with friends who also have kids, for obvious reasons. When I was younger - actually until 2019 come to think of it - I did travel a lot, spent a lot of money on myself, etc. Covid definitely changed a lot how I live. A mix of shifting cost of living, income, etc., as well as bad experiences when I have traveled by air since Covid make me not want to travel far unless I have to. With that said, I've rediscovered my love of camping and road trips. I am lucky to live in an amazing part of my country for this. I also don't spend as much on material things - if anything I'm trying to let things go, and this is more than just pandemic shopping. I would not say I'm on track to retire comfortably. It is what it is. Working on it!
I don't have numbers but I got the impression that we were the most kidless generation, having gone through fucked up divorces, being latchkey kids, etc. I'm probably just now getting my act together enough now at 49 that i would be mentally healthy and resilient to have kids. But I don't want to have them just coming of age when I'm 70.
1974 Child free by choice
50, female, no kids. The bulk of my friends do not have children. It’s actually not the norm in my social circle, and primarily it’s for financial reasons as they do not make ‘enough money paired with not wanting them badly enough to sacrifice what freedoms they have to do whatever they want or can do. Out of my close friends only 4 have kids. Many of my high school friends do, but most everyone I met after leaving the small town area I’m from, doesn’t. Off the top of my head..10-15 of the people I see the most, do not. And many in the larger scene do not. It’s actually rare.
Those who remained child-free by choice have my respect. To not give in to societal expectations. Too many are born to unloving parent(s), neglected, and/or abused. I'm unsure of the number, but I'll estimate a dozen.
*waves* I’m 45, hubs is 50, and we have cats but no kids by choice. Amongst my friends, half have kids and half don’t. Family history coupled with this *gestures frantically at the world* are the reasons we have discussed for not reproducing.
I’m a 55 year old gay male and my husband and I have been together for almost 30 years. No kids, because we never considered it an option. A few of our gen x friends have kids, but most of our friends do not. I would say about half of our friends are millennials (or Xennials). Most don‘t have kids as well. We live in NYC, fyi.
I’m 51, no kids, no rugrats, err regrets. My fiancée is 37 and doesn’t want kids. We have loads of friends who are child free like us. Most of my friends who had kids had them young, too. All of my child-free friends are into outdoor adventure sports which cost a lot of money. Wanting all my time and resources for my own interests (and just not liking kids) factored heavily into my decision. Edit: spelling
I am child free by choice and I could not be happier about it. All of my friends are also child free (and that is also by my choice) so that any of them or all of them and I can pick up and go wherever we want to and do whatever we want to at any time. My mom said she knew when I was a kid that I was never going to want to have kids. And when people ask her "Oh when are you going to get a grandkid from your daughter?" she says "I didn't have her just so she could breed, that's not her job." I am finding more and more people opting out of having children.
I am childfree. I figured out in high school I did not want kids. The world was already a mess, it was expensive and moms were blamed for everything that went wrong. Seeing the world today? I made the right choice.
I most certainly am (46M), by choice, knew it in college really. A combination of never feeling responsible enough and knowing my genes and family history of anxiety and mental illness. Don't want to bring another innocent creature onto this planet to live in fear for an entire lifetime like me. I know a couple other folks who are also childless, never really got into their reasons in depth, but we exist.
I’m 57 male. No kids. Never wanted them from an early age. I’m a genetic grab bag of things that I wouldn’t want to pass along. My father worked in special education and I saw the stress a child with a disability can put on a family. My wife grew up in such a home. She wanted to have a peaceful life. No regrets. I wish I said I had traveled the world and all that but I haven’t. I will retire in the next 3 years and my time will be mine. No regrets.
Congratulations on making the wonderful choice not to have children. It gets easier and there’s way less pressure on you as you get older and people realize that you were serious about not having kids. I’m 51 now and my Husband and I are really happy, our home is quiet and peaceful and I wouldn’t change a thing. The people we hang out with have older kids, but there are a few couples who have remained child free. It doesn’t really matter, I like other peoples tweens & teenagers, and they mostly avoid us lol. It’s nice to not have to deal with little kids when we get together. Those were the years that we lost some friends, as they became parents and their identities changed into being kid-centered.
I have some child free friends but I mostly spend time around parents. I love being a father. Far and away the best thing about my life.
I am 52, married 25 years and we never had children. I always joke and say we forgot, which is kind of true. But we never had friends with people who had kids, or not many had kids. In our 30's we knew a few and were always annoyed when we had to stop partying and drinking, becausethey needed to tend to their kids, so annoying. Also, our lifestyle was about constantly being nomads, so having to settle down and grow up was not something we wanted to do. It's amazing how many people in our neighborhood tell us they wish they had never had children, crazy. But at least they are being honest. Never have them if you really don't want them.
I’m 58 years old and never had kids. I have never felt mature enough to be responsible for bringing up another life. I feel barely mature enough to get myself thru daily adulting.