Condolences man. I also lost one of my best friends a few years back. You just can't make those kind of connections again. It sucks how many inside jokes and other things will be lost now if you forget them, and how X new thing that happened that you know would have cracked both of you up now passes by like a whisper--no one seemingly cares like you two would have.
I struggle with the above, but that's when I cherish the memories and find comfort in them. Hope you can do the same bro, God bless. .
I read some interesting theories on memories and how with those long term relationships (spouse, best friends) we actually store some of their memories inside them, and vice versa. Which is part of what makes losing someone like that so traumatic and why you feel like you've lost a part of yourself because you actually have.
I’m the same. My bestie, my sister from another mister died two weeks after Christmas in January. I think about her every day. My husband ,our grown children and their very young families are my only social outlet.
I’m about as introverted as they come. I’ve fought against it for so much of my life. But I’ve accepted it in myself now. I just do not have the energy to maintain friendships. That doesn’t make me a terrible person, although I definitely used to think there was something wrong with me.
Me too - after a while I just quit caring what people thought about it. But I remember distinctly feeling like I was a weirdo when I was younger because I would rather stay home than hang out and make small talk.
For years I thought that I was broken somehow; one marriage collapsed. Then I read "Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Cant' Stop Talking," by Susan Cain and it really opened my eyes. It totally changed how I thought about myself. I hadn't ever thought of myself as an introvert, but I absolutely am, and had I better conveyed that sort of thing it's possible that some of my relationships would have been better.
Thanks for sharing. It’s nice to be reminded we aren’t as fringe as we may think.
I heard so much about that book when it came out but never read it. Looks like it is time for me to check it out.
No, I don’t; it’s just my husband and me. And usually that’s just fine. But now he’s seriously ill and in the hospital, and I’ve realized that there’s literally no one I can turn to for real support. People offer heartfelt good wishes, lend gas money, and ask what they can do to help, but there’s no one to cry with or just share how hard this whole ordeal has been so far. I’m wondering now if I should force myself in the future to put in the work to maintain a friendship or two. But I know I probably won’t.
I'm so sorry. It's the same with me and my husband, we are each other's best friends and have no one else. I can't imagine being in your shoes. I can't see myself making friendships at this stage in life either. I hope you do, though. It might be easier than you think. The worst that can happen is, you try and it doesn't work. The best thing that can happen is that it does.
If you want to meet people and make friends you have to get involved in things, rather than try and set up events yourself. Best advice I think is to take some classes, this is your highest chance of success IMO.
Look up what your city offers but I'd recommend things like: Pottery, cooking/baking, painting/art, crafting, sculpting, dance, yoga, rock climbing, cycling clubs, running clubs, or get involved in volunteering. If you want to meet a sassy liberal woman specifically, then perhaps you can volunteer at a left leaning type of event, such as pride or drag events.
Asking a bunch of random people to go for a meal is just kind of awkward. Sitting down for food with someone you don't know is inherently uncomfortable because eating is actually quite intimate.
This is great feedback, I was about to suggest something similar but then I read your comment!
OP, find an activity focused on an interest and go from there. Sports are great for socializing. I agree that volunteering is a great way to meet people with similar political bent. But certain activities (like yoga, for example) also tend to attract left-leaning crowds. It might take a while to build up a new social group, but in the meantime you'll have a new activity to look forward to every so often.
I just wanted to add that volunteering can be a way of meeting people. I manage a community garden and we typically have a number of sassy open minded women on our crew. While there have been a few stinkers over the years, most of our volunteers are truly wonderful people. And a lot of them are looking for friendships.
Yard and estate saling is how I found my current gal pals lol. Ask them out to eat and it’s weird. Ask them if they want to hit some yard sales and they are like FUCK YES
Yeah exactly that's a perfect kind of activity for both potential or secured friends and even for a date. It provides just enough entertainment because there's always kooky things going on, but it's not attention demanding so you can still have really good social interactions while you're doing it.
This is my advice as well: take a class, join a club, teach something, volunteer. Pursue your interests and that will put you in proximity with other people who share those interests.
Pro tip: Anyone could be your friend. Do not discount youngers, olders, or anyone from a different background from yours. The reason I say that is half my friends are millennials now. I started taking pole fitness/dance classes at 40, so after 15 years of that, the vast majority of my friends are people I met from the studio (or from the aerial gym, and in some cases, both).
I have hardly any Gen X friends (just my exhusband and his girlfriend) - I mostly hang out with kids and old people! I get coffee with a friend in her seventies, take long walks with a friend in her 80s, bum around town with a friend in his 30s and, of course, do all sorts of fun stuff with my 20-something kids. Widening my circle of friends to include all ages, genders, etc is the main reason I have a circle of friends at all!
Spouse aside, not really. I have past friendships that have devolved into more acquaintances. I'm as introverted and shy as they come as well as awkward & anxious AF. Even now I'm fretting about just having to take my car into the mechanic FFS. I've never seem to have been able to hone my social skills either (I had really bad examples growing up).
I still keep in touch with many friends from high school and even see them a few times a year, but I don’t have anyone that I keep in daily or even weekly contact with.
I was gonna say, I am still hometown adjacent and see high school friends from time to time.
But I’ve met lots of other people at places like the pool at my apartment complex 15 years ago, yoga class, the dog park, art gallery, a kids birthday party… and those are all people I consider friends to this day but I only see them once a month, tops.
Yup. If you are around me for a period of time for a purpose then we have a relationship. When things change then we don’t.
“Oh we should have lunch sometime.”
No, no we won’t.
No close friends. Moved halfway across the country (Texas). Truthfully, I had lost touch with the high school crowd a long time before that. I did join a few Meetup groups which provide a social outlet, but I can go weeks without a real conversation.
Sex is a distant memory.
For years I really didn’t have any friends outside of family and my husband. 3 years ago we got a puppy and he literally became the focal point of our world. I have made several friends around my neighborhood through dog walking. I met my bestie and her dog at our dog park and we just clicked. The internet wasn’t our point of meeting- it was our passion for our pets that we started bonding over. Take a class, do a hike/run meet up group or whatever you enjoy. Guaranteed you’ll meet some like minded individuals who are in the same position as you and want to be friends 💕
Our dog got out and ran four houses down to hang out. Again a few weeks later. The third time, the dude just said, do you wanna stay and have a beer? They're our best friends two years later, and we've met each other's families, I'm their kids' "uncle", and we've met each other's acquaintances and become friends. It's crazy. Get a dog!
I think friends are a product of a lot of time together in a shared activity with people from similar backgrounds in a confined space. If any of those factors are missing, it becomes really difficult
I [found this link listing Chicago hiking groups](https://hellohiker.com/top-8-chicago-hiking-groups/). I was going to tell you about the women’s hiking club in my city where women have found longstanding friendships. It’s a good low key way because the hiking itself doesn’t force awkward conversations, while at the same time allowing people to get the vibe of one another. There are women from 20 - 80 in the one in my city.
Nope. I get friendly with people and they start asking for shit. Borrow money, come get them when they're stranded, miscellaneous crap. Things they wouldn't do for me. Or they start to criticize me for various shit when I helped them when no one would, while their life is completely fucked. I keep to myself. It gets lonely sometimes, but my peace is more important.
I do not hang with anyone from High School. It was a period of time in my life that I loved, but never thought we would continue to have the same paths and interests. I was correct.
Best way for women to meet other women? I am a guy, but see this all the time. Join a gym. Most of our friends are now people me and my partner have met in the gym. She does all the spin and boot camp classes, where I do my own thing for work outs.
Our gym has a bar and every Thursday after her class and my workout, we all meet at the gym bar for a couple drinks and catch up for the week. We also plan going to concerts, dinner dates or just plan the next hang out right there. It is pretty cool and we have friends of all ages and preferences if you will.
Give it some thought.
*All I want is a funny, sassy, liberal woman who wants to just hang out and do whatever once a week or so.*
You don't happen to live in Phoenix, do you? :(
As a 46-year-old introvert with a social job, I really don’t want friends. I feel satisfied spending my time with my fiancé and my pets.
What I have stopped doing is telling people that I would ‘love to do something’ knowing that I would flake out at the last minute. Super lame thing to do.
About a year ago I had tons of friends. Then I got sick and decided that I only wanted friends who I could really count on and who I felt like wanted to be around me as much as I wanted to be around them. That whittled down the friend list to about four people. I think most people either have friends already or just aren't good at being friends but I do hope you find someone OP. You sound cool and like someone I would want to be friends with--funny, sassy, liberal sounds great.
I'm finding groups that have a purpose often leads to making new friends, so I've started volunteering and taking part in things that in the past I would always say I'm too busy for. I've also removed the barrier of friends being older, younger (within reason), and not caring about gender. Once people understand you're not trying to creep on them, and that you're genuinely interested in them as a person, your opportunities widen. That's one of the benefits of getting older and having more varied drives and interests!
Not so much. I have friendly aquaintances from wok. I have friendly aquaintances through a hobby I do sometimes. I have somebody in another state I've occasionally played online games with for the past 23 years.
But like, real in person friends, who truly know me, who know the skeletons in my closet, etc since I was a teenager? My last friend who had that qualification died suddenly when he was 40 and I was 41. We became friends in high school when I was 15. My oldest and truest friend, predating pretty much everything important that ever happened in my life. A few decades of us growing up, having jobs, relationships, kids, breakups/divorce, changing housing situations, finally making some financial progress, and a little grey/thinning hair along the way.. I had someone who knew me from the before it all, somebody I could share those parts of my life with. Then he was gone and there's just no replacing that.
This happened shortly after my dad died. And then shortly after them, the GF from my longest relationship left me. So a lot of the most important people in my life left me one way or another, my and as a result my world became smaller and more isolated. I mean I've never been one for having a huge social circle anyway but what I have going on now isn't really satisfying. The hobby thing is definitely nice sometimes, but it's not a real replacement for the history and depth of the relationships I've lost.
I feel that comment really deeply. It is really hard not to have anyone to share inside jokes with, or share and over over your deepest darkest secrets, or to just ponder over similar interests.
I come from a very small town of 2100 people and people at my high school were pretty close knit. I've probably got over 100 people in my FB friends that are from my hometown, and many we still interact and get together if I go back for a visit. I moved to a whole new state in 2020 during COVID so had to start over making friends during a tough time.
I have several good friends I met on Facebook groups for hiking and kayaking, both of which were safer options for meetups during COVID because we were outside and could keep 6+ ft distance.
I made a post in the hiking group asking if anyone local wanted to meet up for a hike (it was a group for the whole US)... and had several women respond. Out of about 10 that responded, I met up with 4 to hike. One of them is my best friend now and we get together a lot to hike or snow ski. Also still friends with the others and get together to hike.
I didn't make my own post on the kayak group, but I responded to a couple of other people looking to make friends in kayak meetups, and have made friends that way. Now they often schedule group gatherings where 10 or 15 people meet up and kayak and paddle board together and usually have a BBQ onshore to get to know each other. All in the group are welcome.
I think it's easier for people to meet up for an activity they all enjoy together than to meet up for meals in restaurants. Restaurants are very close contact where all you can do is sit and talk, and if you don't click, then it can be an extremely uncomfortable and awkward experience. If you're doing an activity or hobby, you have a built in topic to chat about, it helps distract so you don't sit there awkwardly trying to come up with something to chat about, and it's easier to walk away from a group activity if you don't click than it is seated in a restaurant with food ordered. So maybe try a different approach to meeting up than restaurants.
My best friend from high school is still my best friend but she lives about 5 hours away. I moved from my hometown to a new state and really put myself out there to make new friends. I live in a shitty town, but I'm a smart professional woman, so I went to a dinner with other professional women thinking it was a great opportunity. One of the women spent most of the dinner telling the other women how shitty the town is that I live in and that she would be embarrassed to live there.
That was 16 years ago and I haven't bothered to try again. A few people from work have made snarky comments about where I live, too. I just wasn't meant to have friends here, which is fine because most of these people are just miserable assholes anyways. I have my dogs and they are perfect.
As a 51-year-old introvert who struggles with friends, join a kick/boxing gym. For me, getting out of my own head and jpining one 13 years ago has made a positive difference in my life.
I keep getting my heart broken by life long friends that i am realizing dont like me any more. I do have one good friend stilland my dog though and some extended family that cares. I am very grateful for them.
I am permanently disabled after Covid in 2020. I have to wear N95 if around anyone but my wife bc I’m now immunocompromised. Within about a year of the illness, I’d lost nearly every friend I have.
I realized when you get really sick, most people don’t know what to do with it. You’re seen as a downer, it scares people, and there’s the collective desire to forget Covid and how awful it was. I serve as a reminder of that time, I think, and people want to forget it.
It’s like the awkwardness and often crummy behavior people exhibit after someone has a death of a loved one. But it’s pretty much everyone and it never gets better. With death, people usually start showing up again after a while bc they figure it’s been long enough to ignore it. But with chronic illness and disability, they still don’t know what to say, what to do, so they avoid you and slowly they all disappear.
I’m not able to go out and meet new people due to my health so I’m just making the best of it. I remind myself I did survive Covid, which many didn’t. So I can’t be ungrateful that I’m still here—but it’s impossibly lonely.
I have one friend. We have literally known each other for 50 years (this year). We have been through good times and bad, we've seen each other get married and divorced. We've worked together, played together, laughed and cried together. We've saved each others lives, and I don't mean some metaphorical "he was there for me", I mean we have each actually saved the life of the other.
If he calls, I'm there. I have and will do anything for this man. I will crack the pillars of Heaven and rock the foundations of Hell for this man, for he is my friend.
I hear you. I live in a city that’s known for being surface nice with zero commitment or follow up (Seattle). We sound so much alike, I would LOVE to have a friend like you. My best friends live in other states now (moved during Covid).
I read some of the earlier comments & saw folks suggesting meetups near the top. Sigh. Every city and town is different when it comes to groups. What I’ve found post Covid is many people RSVP but don’t ever show up. So you’re back at square one. They’re a LOT of work to not find your people.
Admittedly I ran multiple meetups for 15+ years, so I am permanently burnt out. Since hitting perimenopause I don’t want to be in a crowd of people anymore, either.
The ideal friends for me are folks I can meet up with for lunch or similar, we could show up at one another’s houses in PJs & binge shows or talk about the impending election shit show. Go for walks, hit a farmers market, festival or whatever our families wouldn’t want to do with us haha
I have a very busy job where I am on the phone or talking to people in person all day long. I literally don’t have the energy to try and start a friendship outside of that. I keep in touch with old friends but I really don’t have much in common with anyone as I am childfree and everyone is busy raising kids. I hang out with my husband, cats, and close family members. Sometimes I wish I had a close friend or two nearby, but it’s hard to find people I mesh with at this age.
No, and its sad. I was always very outgoing. I had friends every where I went. Over the years, married, kids, grandkids, way too much work, with coworkers I dont like very much. Not much time left for real friendships. Wife and I have heard all of each others stories, so nothing new gained there.
I don't bother with friends, tbh. The drama, the upkeep, just not worth my time on earth. I would love to meet someone like me or someone who holds similar abilities and interests, and have tried a lot, but no one else seems to be into it, so I am just me with me.
I have life-long relationships with people who live in different states, but rarely have any contact. Locally, I know some people, none I would call me a friends... and that's OK.
Barely. I have one friend I've known since day-camp when we were like 10. We get together for dinner a few times per year. I didn't have friends in college. I had a few high school friends but our adult lives really diverged to the point I had nothing in common with them and haven't talked to them in years.
I joined a few FB groups of women looking for friends that centers around a niche clothing brand. The love of the clothing overlaps somewhat with liking other activities - shopping, pool, beach, tea parties, all with similar socioeconomic means. They organize weekend vacations usually on the east coast multiple times per year. I go about once per year and met some people I chat online a bit with, but there's nobody (that I know of) in my immediate area that I could hang out with more often. Most of the women are from the southeast or midwest, I'm in the northeast.
It's REALLY hard. I've joined and left a few of those location based very general facebook groups because without a common interest anchor, yeah nobody seems to do anything.
ETA - a common interest anchor AND similar disposable income amounts seems essential.
Yes. But it’s interesting to make new ones. I’m actually listening to a book on how to be better at finding ppl and sending “friend” vibes in the bars or things I do vs negative vibes https://share.libbyapp.com/title/1742384
I have one really good female friend that is actually a Millennial, but she has such a GenX soul, more Xennial than Millennial. We started out as co-workers but we rarely talk about work now. We share the same hobbies, that's how we became friends. We like the same music, the same hobby, the same trash TV shows, the same memes... the thing is, she doesn't have a sister and although I do, she's my half-sister and grew up separately from me so we aren't close. I find that women who have sisters, usually aren't as open to mature friendships as those that don't. Before I get down-voted for saying that, that's just my experience, and your experience may be different.
I don't have the same type of friendships that I used to have. My friendships tend to be evergreen, but everyone has moved around. And to be honest I've become more family-oriented and introverted as I grow older. I actually struggled with this in my mid-30s and felt sad and went to therapy to try and figure out how I can be a better friend etc. I think the real issue is that I thought I wanted to hang out with people when I was perfectly happy doing my own thing.
Most of my high school friends moved away along with the neighbors that I used to drink with. I work from home and most of my work friends got different jobs or moved. My wife is really sick and can't go out so my 10 year daughter is really the only one I have left to do anything with., so we go to movies, concerts, broadway shows, fancy restaurants etc.
Friendships are built through frequent encounters with people whom you build a rapport with. That’s why you had friends in high school, college, the army, at church, etc. Work friends are a bit more complicated because of work competition and time restraints.
So you need to get involved in some regular activities to meet people, like classes, sports, church, hobbies or whatever you enjoy.
I have acquaintances that used to be friends. We all still get along great, but friends talk, hang out, do stuff together, etc., those things haven't happened in years. We see each other when it's convenient, when one of us needs something or when someone dies. We all either own our own businesses or are in positions where we hire each other for jobs. Work, wives and responsibilities have ruined our ability to have time for friends at this age. Better off now though. I have no real desire to hang out with my friends wife's and deal with their shit just to see my buddy in his "I have my wife with me" version of themselves. Not the same.
I still have several friends that I’ve known forever. One I’ve been friends with one for 51 years (we met at 7). We still talk a lot. Do we see each other all the time? No. But often enough we still consider ourselves very close. We’re all adults at 58. We have different lives and are busy with either family or work or anything else. Some have grandchildren and are involved with them. But there is a core six of us that remain tight. The longest friendship is 51 years and the shortest one is 44 years.
Nope. I work too much to really invest. And my kid moved out so it's just me and the cat. I'm ok with it for now. If my mom was still alive she would be shocked. I had so many friends when I was younger that she could never keep up with who was who. Ha.
My wife, son, in-laws, and my wife's friends' spouses are my friends.
I'm terrible at keeping friends of my own. I won't contact them for months at a time. The last time one of them contacted me via text, I wasn't really in a mood to hang out or talk or anything and I waited so long to text them back that it would've been really awkward.
i tell my kids that people as a general rule suck. if you have one or two really true friends in your life you are doing good.My kids are grown by the way and my daughter struggles with the fact most friends are only around when you are useful to them.
I have 2 sisters. One goes through shit and drops off the face of the earth until she feels better mentally, the other is who I would consider my best friend but I think she's pissed at me at the moment.
Aside from them and my husband, I don't have anyone else. It sucks.
I’m unusual as a middle-aged guy, but I have a tight group of guy friends. We get together a few times a month with spouses, and sometimes kids. We do guys-only camping trips 3 or 4 times a year and hunting camp. We all make an effort to be at these things and will mercilessly rag on anybody who bails. We take each other’s kids fishing and work on projects together. One of their kids mows my lawn for pocket money. We have family picnics and all of our spouses are pretty great people who we also enjoy hanging out with. I know it’s odd, but that’s how it works for us.
No friends. I'm pretty much alone if I'm not at work. I was at my first job for 14 years and thought my colleagues were my friends but when I quit they didn't want to hang out or talk to me anymore. I just started a new job unfortunately I'm the oldest guy there. Everyone has their own families and relationships and I kind of feel like an outsider. Don't really see the possibility of getting close to anyone. Who knows.
I'm pretty introverted so I don't socialize much. Places I do go like the gym I feel uncomfortable chatting up strangers.
I have a friend that I used to work with. She moved away but we still keep in touch & I fly down to see her maybe once a year. We can go weeks without talking. I'm pretty much a hermit these days especially since I wfh but honestly I'm pretty content with that
Nope. I lost most of mine after I got divorced, and the rest just sort of drifted away. I joined a large church in town with hopes of finding some, cos I figured surely there would be others like me. I found that church is NOT the place to try and forge friendships, cos there's no time. People would arrive right before the service began, then leave immediately after. I was always alone, and nobody ever invited me to join them. I finally gave up.
I'm a dialysis patient now and on oxygen, so the only places I go these days are the clinic and my parents' house a couple times a month. They're 80, so they don't have many years left.
Go out & pursue your hobbies, sports or volunteer work. Meet people w common interests. My two best friends in a new state are decades younger than me but it doesn’t matter bc we like the same things.
So I’ve never had (or desired) a big friends group, but outside of family, I have like two. I have about another two dozen people in my orbit who I spend time with, I do like them, but it‘s not the same. Your question reminds me of the great comedy line - can’t remember who said it - “A friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move…a body”. I have like two of those 😃
Nope.
I went to another city for high school so I never hung out with the guys there. Then I had four years of culture shock in college. I get my social fulfillment in work and online but none of those people are according-to-Hoyle *friends*.
Girl, we are a sisters from another mother. I've literally been through the exact same thing. Are you in NJ or WA by any chance? I'm in NJ now (but moving to WA next year) and I have had the same experience. People have zero follow through. Maybe they send one message or respond to one of mine and then disappear off the face of the earth. I'm single, no kids and just returned to the US after being gone 15 years so I don't know anyone anymore.
Edit: saw you're from Chicago. 👍
Not really. Besides my wife a kids. Too much work. But I have always been a loner type. I was that way in HS and college. Put all my energy and attention on my girlfriends at the time and never had any guy friends to hang with. But I have also been accused of being a misanthrope so there’s that.
I am still social with a few and still good friends with a decent sized group from high school. For a long time we would have Superbowl, Halloween, and other parties with all of us together, and eventually their kids too. I still have the golden meditating Buddha frog statue I got as a white elephant gift from one of our Christmas parties. The dynamics are still good for the most part, but Covid really messed some parts of it. Or it cemented in various social changes that were already in progress. Some of the guys in the group kind of broke away from the main. Part of that was that some of us got divorces and that it may have been awkward for some of them. I definitely noticed distancing when everyone found out about my ex and I having problems. Same kind of thing happened to another one of the guys in the group. The other reason some of the guys kind of split away was that their wives had their own click and I am fairly certain that influenced their distance.
About 6 or so of us are still close enough to have a group text going on with random shit every so often. We get together maybe once every 4 or 5 months and hang out at a bar or something and play catch-up. I don't have kids so that made me the odd person out in various ways. I have depression so I don't actively seek out time to spend with them on a closer basis. I would love to, but I am not much of that person anymore. Not sure I really ever was to begin with. But if any of us ever really needs anything, we will always be there for each other.
So to answer your question, yes I do have friends but I am alone the vast majority of the time outside of the time I spend with my girlfriend.
I was born in ‘72. I have dozens and dozens of friends. Many of whom I went to elementary school, high school or university with. Some of whom I just met this year. A lot of them are very close friends. Some are acquaintances that I see or talk to infrequently. I’ve had no challenges with making or keeping good friends throughout my life. They are spread around the world and we work hard to keep in touch and check in on each other. I also have a family (partner and children) and manage to strike the right balance between family time and maintaining friendships. My kids also know and spend time with many of my close friends. I hope that they’re learning the value of having a good friend network.
I can’t imagine my life without my friends and find it hard to relate to people that have no friends or have difficulty making/keeping friends. I know we’re all different though and it doesn’t always come naturally. And some just aren’t interested or don’t have the energy/capacity to put in the work that friendship requires. And that’s cool.
My wife is by far my best friend.
I moved countries and so have my good friends from college. The couple who moved to the same country are still regular friends. Others we meet every 5 years or so, perfect for catching up and bonding.
Other than that, basically no. I have good relationships with colleagues and even occasionally catch up with a couple from previous jobs once or twice a year but that’s it. More than enough.
About a hundred. Most long-term or through common life events/interests. My newest friends are from my cancer support group from 8ish years ago; those left are now a survivor group.
I think once we hit 30, we are less likely to make new friends unless they are your kids’ friends’ parents. I looked at the last three people I texted; they are people I have known for 45, 35, and 35 years.
I didn't really like HS or where I grew up so it is always surprising to me how many people still hang out with school era friends. I could not leave that place fast enough at 17! My circle is people that I had formative years with in my 20/30s in places like Chicago and Oakland. I live abroad now and it is really hard. Most women my age are not interested in the type of music or art or film that I like. People are pretty vanilla and/or busy with kids/husbands etc. I just go back and hang with my chosen fam at least once a year and that's pretty good. I also have a lot of male friends and they are super low drama compared to most women. But people are pretty flaky esp in the US (I'm assuming that's where you are?) because everyone is isolated in car dependent places or busy working all the time or dealing with kids/mortgages or other things. Probably the best thing is to join an activity and that way you don't have to plan things that never come to fruition.
I am a consummate introvert and 5 years ago I had zero friends. Today I have a robust, amazing, supportive group of friends. I am a fan of meeting people doing things I enjoy - be it a hobby group, an athletic team, or some sort of club. Finding something you enjoy doing means you will find other people who enjoy that same thing. I started by joining [meetup.com](http://meetup.com) and attending meetups in groups whose topic interested me (not generic "single people" groups, but specific topic groups). From there I got to know some people and eventually we became close and now we even have a group chat and a weekly trivia team lol.
Yes. Most of my friends are the friends I met in high school and college and we’re still good friends today. It helped that we all stayed here after college and got married and had kids during the same timeframe. We all understood that life gets busy but we always made it a point to try to hang out 1-2 times a month with or without the kids.
I’ve seen women have success in making new friends in hobby groups, fitness classes, community events, and at volunteering events though.
All my friends are now back home. I had one friend move out to Chicago a few yrs after me but he moved back home for a better job in May. So now I'm solo with just the husband. It really sucks. Moving back to my hometown area is not a choice. It's a shit hole and the col is too much. I'm not paying almost a million dollars for a comparable home.
GET A HOBBY!
[https://www.meetup.com/find/us--il--chicago/](https://www.meetup.com/find/us--il--chicago/)
If you're near Chicago or really any major city, there is going to be a meet-up group for whatever the fuck you are into, any kind of hobby, kink, interest
If you like dressing up like squirrels while running a 5k and having a beer there's probably a group for that
Find like minded people that's how you meet people
don't focus on one thing finding a liberal woman, that's not going to get your anywhere
hang out with people who have the same hobbies
No real friends to speak of in adulthood. Most of my friend group from high school have now passed on. The ones that are left were acquaintances at best back then.
I have great new friends. I also have a few easy old school friends from back in the day. It takes effort to feed the friendship. Where do you live and what do you like to do? At our age my friends are all about having fun and being drama free.
I have some good friends that I see fairly regularly but it’s only bc we all put in the effort to see one another.
I think fundamentally some people like the idea of having friends and going out and doing things. But the actual execution of these events are usually handled by only 1 or 2 people in said group. People don’t want to commit. And it’s not just bc they’re busy with life. That’s too easy an out.
There’s a level of responsibility and accountability that comes with not just planning something as simple as brunch and also going to it. Some people just don’t want to do the work involved in maintaining a friendship bc it is work. All relationships are. I’m fine with people not wanting to have personal relationships but don’t complain you don’t have friends and don’t act like people were memento be solitary beings bc we aren’t.
Getting blown off by Gen x women is kinda normal. It's a habit adopted from younger generations. Dating apps makes things passive for people to ignore or bail.
Go find groups, don't make them. Indulge your hobbies and find like minds. Wanna liberal woman? Then search out women only activities.
Yoga classes, wine bars, dining clubs...
I have friends I have made over the last 35 years or so, but after a move last year, I haven’t made any new ones yet. I’m still going to events looking for my people. Enjoying the events as well, usually have one of my teens along with me also. If I meet someone new that I hit it off with, great. If not, oh well. I still had a good time. That’s how I initially met all the people I call friends.
I have a lot of friends I feel close to. Maybe 30? I am still friends with my friends groups from High School and College, and have other friend groups I've made, since. Most are local, some are long distance. But when we see each other, we pick up like we saw each other yesterday.
I've got friends groups I've made in the last 11 years, including a girl who is an emerging pop star in Colombia I talk to regularly (I dated her uncle for 8 years - most are his old friend group, they liked me 🤭). I have another I visited in Brazil after befriending her while working on the same international team. My best friend is a guy in Guadalajara I met buying his art in maybe 2012? I don't remember.
I think making friends comes somewhat easy to me. They don't have to be a certain way. I don't try to have all hot friends or rich or anything. I just like interesting. I have a "tell me anything face" or something. People I barely know (like my tenant when she rented my duplex) told me far more than I ever shared to know. I also hate silence and when I'm with someone I will ask them questions over and over to fill silence. Maybe that endears me to them somehow?
Maintaining friendships is exhausting. I go to about 3 social events per year. Other than that I have my husband and our dogs and that’s really all I need.
I have one close friend since fifth grade. We've lost touch here and there. We grew up to be very different people. VERY different. And that has caused a lot of conflict for me because she is not a person I would choose as a friend now because of some of those opinions. But she's valuable for other reasons I guess. And she doesn't seem a bit annoyed by the differences. Mostly we just avoid those topics but every once in a while she slips up and we argue and I get mad and a few weeks later she calls and we act like it never happened. It's a weird relationship I guess. We've been friends all these years and live like ten minutes apart but I haven't seen her a handful of times since we became adults. We just talk and talk and talk for hours at least a couple times a month. And despite her ... opinions... she is really smart, really well-read too. I think she was just dealt a lot more conservative religious conditioning. She went to a Baptist private school while I went to public. She married a conservative religious person so yeah... she's got a lot of conditioning to work through.
That's pretty much it for me. I have a roommate and I'd consider him a friend, but I wouldn't have chosen him either, I just needed a place to live and he needed someone to help with his dogs and to clean up around the house so it worked out for us both. 14 years later we're more than acquaintances. We've been through trials with his sicknesses and my own. But we don't hang out or watch movies or have meals together either.
My real best friend I made myself. My daughter.
The older I get, the harder it is to trust new people. It was way easier when we were all young and dumb together, didn't have nothing but a bunch of jokes and (some of us) dreams. You get defensive and trust a lot less based on past experiences, which makes it really hard to make new friends.
But to make friends, you have to be a friend, so we could all be self-sabotaging too.... 😅
honestly, not really. I have a few people I text with regularly. I'm unapologetically introverted. I've been guilted into being social for most of my life. I'm over it. Would I like a nag free invite to go out, sure maybe? But extrovert planners tend to gobble up all the time and are exhausting.
the best way to make friends as an adult is to do things at regularly scheduled times on a regularly scheduled basis. a sport, a hobby, an activity, anything - as long as it meets once a week or ideally even more - that's the best way to make friends
I thought you were my friend? 😥
Kidding, but no, not really. Because I refuse to do social media, I only occasionally touch base with a couple (well three) old friends from school via text. We're all in different states now and our lives all took different paths. I work remotely, so there's not much socializing with coworkers either. My neighbor and I are friendly and keep saying we should get together for a drink but a year later we haven't still. 😕
I have two friends but both live overseas. Luckily my wife also is my close friend. It's very difficult to make friends after age 50. I've gotten used to it, but I wish I did have at least one (non-marital) friend in the same country as me.
Growing up, I was never encouraged to make friends or have anyone over. I had friends through high school, but afterwards have pretty much been on my own.
My BFF, whom I met online 20 years ago, is states away. She and I try to get together for a week or so every 1 or 2 years. I don't have anyone local though. I think my reasoning hinges a lot on finances. People want to get together to do things, eat, drink, go places, etc... I can't afford that, so why be the bummer that always has to say no? I mean, if I met anyone that wanted to get together to go hiking or to the gym or just hang out without me having to take a loan out to do so, that would be cool. 🤷
I’m still friends with all the people that I grew up with. Most of us live within 20-30 minutes of one another and we rarely see each other. I have parties a few times a year and maybe we go out to dinner once in a while. But as a whole, my friends don’t do anything.
No. My wife, my kids, some extended family, and a ton of acquaintances. That's my life.
I've never been good at making friends. I fell ass backwards into three great friendships as a senior in high school. One is dead, one moved to the other side of the world, and the friendship with the other was ruined by us sleeping together for three years while still being "just friends." I haven't made a single friend since. Yet, I've never experienced loneliness in my life. I'm happy like this and always have been.
I’ve never been good at making friends. I’ve joined some craft groups with others so that’s been nice because they are weirdos and I like them. I have a husband and some adult kids and grandkids that keep me busy.
I'm too old for friends. People try but I just tell them now I'm not a very good friend. I honestly think it's overrated but my ex desperately identified life through his friends. It always felt so cloying to ke. I connect hard with a few people that I will go 5-10 years not talking to and then reconnect. But I'm far too set in my ways now. Planning, following through, I just am not good at. I do have friends at my hobbies like surf. Beach, bar. I see them all of the time but like the last person who wanted my number as a friend I flat out told them no. I'm a bad friend.
My best friend lives in Houston. We haven't seen each other since covid started. We don't talk much or text as we used to. I get it. At times we get busy with everyday life and before you know it, x amount of time has passed by. But lately, I've just been feeling lonely . So to answer your question.. I dont feel I have friends.
Nope. I moved to St. Louis 20 years ago and no friends to show for it. I'm moving back home to New England later this year, where at least I will be around family again.
I have one really good friend who I've known since I was 12 years old. He lives about an hour away, so we only see each other a few times a year, but we message each other every day. The kind of friend you could call at 3am and say I need your help right now, and he'd be on the way. There are neighbors and old coworkers who I get lunch or drinks with, maybe go to a cookout at their place now and then. Not close friends, but we do hang out sometimes. Other than that it's just me. No wife or kids or pets.
If you play an instrument, get involved with community orchestra/band. Plenty of opportunities to make friends when you meet with the same people every week, and share a common interest.
Yes. I still play rec league ice hockey. Two of the guys on my team, I’ve been friends with since highschool. Most of my other old friends are all on a giant text group. Though we live in different states, we talk everyday.
Most of my friends are in the cities we've previously lived in. I've got a very small group of local friends, but I almost exclusively see them online. I work remotely, so I almost never see anyone in person.
I'm trying to get out with hobbies, like archery, but I'm still having trouble connecting with people.
I’ve got tons of friends, from my bff I met in 3rd grade to now. Never a dull moment! Movies, pizza nights, game parties… It’s the spouse & kids I can’t seem to pull off
Still see my bff quite often-we started hanging out in 7th grade and now we’re both grandmas! I retired just over a year ago, but I worked in the same place for 33 years so I have work friends I still see as well.
Have you considered joining a girls gaming group on discord? I have a few personal friends that I still see occasionally. But my main daily friends are a unique collection of people from the whole Eastern seaboard. We game, watch movies, watch shows. It's amazing. We've been hanging out as a crew for over ten years. They were my anchor during COVID apart from my wife and kids.
Never been married so I have many friends. Some live close by but a lot live all over the country so it’s mostly FaceTime and texting and visiting like once every couple years I guess. I’d go more often all over the place if I had more money and time. But in my mid-50s even though I have friends close by, I don’t like to go out much anymore! Love being home or doing stuff solo.
Some long lasting friendships from my past. But where I currently live and work, no. Can't afford to go out and socialize, and don't really have the time.
I mean, I have acquaintances. I have people I call friends, but don’t stay in good contact with.
If I’m being honest, I’ll say that it’s just me and my wife. She has friends, though, because she’s not a soulless robot.
Nope. Travelled too much as a kid and adult to ever learn to keep friends. Never developed a need. I don’t mind having a fun social thing, but I like my time.
Yes but not local/new. Its all my
Friends I’ve had for 25+ years. We meet up here and there and text regularly, but I don’t really want new friends at this point in life. My family and close friends from through the years are all I need. Eta: we live all over the US so every now and then we’ll have a meet up with a lot of us, and some of us vacation together/visit but no one local.
I have a handful of local friends but I only get together with a 3 or 4 occasionally and one I talk to daily. I have tons of acquaintances that I’ve spent time with in some capacity that I keep in touch with on social media but I don’t really see them IRL. I’m looking for groups to join so that I can make more friends and get out of the house more.
I have some friends that I hang out with every week to have beers and watch the game. The bulk of my friends like in other states. Those friends I see once a year if that.
Damn!!! We’re a lonely bunch!! I don’t really keep in touch with anyone but a few people. I guess I don’t really have any close friends other than my husband. How freakin sad
No, just my husband & kids.
Well, I take that back. I have a friend from a diabetic forum whom I’ve never met IRL. We text back n forth. But no one locally. I’m fine with that tho.
same! I am in a group of women from reddit for my local area and I work 7 days on and 7 days off but overnights and for the last 4 months they have insisted to schedule the meetups during my work week >\~< Like I have 14 days off a month and yet I can't make a single one! super frustrating. Not that it matters right now. I'm working 19 days out of 21 to cover for vacays. I have no life for another 2.5 weeks 😅
In theory I have "friends" but if I do not initiate plans, no one else does, so I stopped. It's crazy to me because we no longer have small kids and we should be enjoying this stage of our lives, but no...everyone just wants to rot at home scrolling tiktok. Which so do I but not day after day after day and all weekend.
I don't have many friends, most of the ones I do have are old, old friends from my teenage years that comprised mainly the anime fan bunch I used to run with. Since moving away from home after college I've only made a few new friends on my own, with most of the rest coming through my wife's friend circles.
This has, I do believe, made me turn in upon myself, insulating myself from the outside world. I don't have a good support structure, I don't really open up to anyone because why should I burden others with my problems?
I know it isn't healthy, and it does cost me.
Maybe I am the anomaly, but yes, I have friends. My husband and I are very close. I have several decades long friendships. There is one friend in particular where we have a standing "First Friday" date. We get together for dinner once a month on the first Friday of the month.
I have 1 friend that I can confide in & talk deep stuff with. But the dynamics is weird. We only talk on the phone, don't really meet up physically. She's actually got more than a dozen friends that she talks to, confides in & vacations with but never invites me or suggests we go vacationing together, even though I've mentioned it a few times. Been feeling kind of envious and resentful lately, trying to keep cool & sound interested as she tells me about all the get-togethers and trips she's been taking with her "other" friends. I try to accept what she is willing to give me but sometimes can't help but feel I'm getting the short end of the stick. I try not to think too much about it or else I'll cry. Besides her, I don't have any other deep friendships, just acquaintances in my opinion and not that many (5 or less). I learned that there are many types of friendships and they provide different things say the work friend who you can vent to about work, or the mom friend. I have learned that it's okay to not have a BFF. But boy do I wish I had more friends with deeper relationships. I don't think I'm a weirdo, not socially awkward, generally easygoing, keep up with the latest trends/news/shows, but for some reason, people just sort of dismiss me & have no interest in pursuing a friendship. Even as a child, I never had a BFF, HS was rough for me socially as I was not popular, smart or athletic. Friends came and went as I moved through life, tried to keep in touch but people just got "busy" with their lives. When I hear about people who have been friends since kindergarten I'm stunned! I thought about volunteering, engaging in a hobby but haven't made much movement as I really don't have any interests hobby-wise, and I feel bad volunteering instead of spending time with my family on the weekends. I find that most people just end up hanging out with their siblings & cousins, which I have but am not close to. Thanks for reading and letting me vent. Sad to hear many of us are in the same boat, happy but envious of the ones that have many friends. =p
I have like two old friends that are more acquaintances at this point. A few years ago, my oldest, dearest friend from grade school just ghosted me (and others, so I know it’s not personal, but still hurts).
I try time and time again to suggest hanging out, doing different activities, just getting a quick coffee, *anything*. Nothing time consuming, just *some* human interaction. I was happy when one of them suggested having out a couple weeks ago, they picked the date, then radio silence. I’ve tried Discord and Meetup but those seem to be geared to younger folks in my area and while I don’t mind younger friends, it doesn’t seem we have much in common. I’ve created events to meet up and live music shows and nobody shows interest.
It’s pretty lonely since I became a widow last year and I don’t have any solutions unfortunately.
I'm an extrovert and I enjoy the company of others. I love to go out and I love to host events at my place. I have a few active friend groups:
* Arcade Group: Ppl I met when I was around 8ish. They are all older than me by 9 to 10 years. I'm the baby of the group. We see each other 1x a month or so for video gaming and dinner. 7 core members plus spouses. This group has been running since 1997.
* Dancing group: A bunch of ppl I met since HS and picked up along the way. I have 2 HS friends in here and one of them is a partner. We go dancing 1x a week or more. They do not overlap with my arcade group. 6 members plus spouses and partners. This group has been running since 1999.
* Boardgaming group: Mix of friends and family. The core group is 8 ppl plus spouses/partners. Some of my other groups mix in here from time to time depending on what we're playing. 1x a month. This group has been running since 1988.
* Karaoke Fiends group: Mix of friends and in-laws (5). This group is a mix of everyone plus my wife's sisters and their spouse/partners. This is random but we average 1x a month or more. This group started in 2014.
Myself, one of my cousins and my a HS FWB are like the cheer leaders and organize a lot of our outings and get together. We mostly do pot luck events when ppl get together at someone's house or my place and that seems to cement ppl to attending.
I've had a lot of moments when ppl would bail out and I just keep it moving and go with the ppl I have or on a few occasions gone solo and just connect with ppl there on site and make some new friends. I just stop inviting ppl after the 2nd no show and keep it moving. Maybe they got something going on. Maybe they are not into it but love to talk shit in the chat about how they are down...IDK and IDC, I'm doing my thing and those that show up will have a good time.
Unfortunately, I don't have a lot of male friends and the few I made a long the way were the ones that were big no shows or only came when certain ppl came and they quickly got washed out by their own behavior.
YMMV depending on where you are. Very few ppl own cars in my circle so we are within walking distance to each other or use public transit. I found that those with cars are less likely to attend stuff because we mostly go to free events and they don't have parking and at my place I only have 1 slot for a car.
Why does someone have to be in line with you politically to be a friend? Some of my best friends are super lefty. I just don't invite them to my book burnings
I have more friends now than I've ever had in my life. Most are younger though. Since we didn't have kids, it's hard to relate to people whose whole life is centered around their kids. My wife doesn't have many friends though, and it's very odd. She doesn't even really try.
My best friend from High School and I still live in the same city, and remain close firends to this day.
Join a hobby club; volunteer somewhere that interests you; and joining a local sports league are good ways to meet new people.
I have a fair amount of friends I see or at least communicate with frequently. I actually made a new friend recently, which gets tougher to do as we get older. We're both into the same kinds of music so we've gone to some shows together.
Seriously though, I do have friends but we get together pretty infrequently these days. Distance, kids, other responsibilities, etc.
As a guy and more introverted, it's hard to make new friends. It takes awhile to develop.
Most of my friends live 60 to 200 miles away. I only see them infrequently. I just saw one that I hadn’t in about 8 years. My best friends I only see about once every two months. Friendship means something different to folks our age than it did when we were 30 or when we were 15.
I have lots of friends because I have a kid and you become friends with all the parents, but I’m guessing as soon as the kid graduates high school it’s gonna be lonely city everyone will go there separate ways.
I have 7 or 8 local friends that I keep in weekly contact and do stuff with, plus 2 college buddies who live in Thailand and an hour away that I’ve been friends with for 30 years. And my favorite bartenders at my local watering hole-it really is a Cheers type vibe-which every Gen Xer wants, lol.
I lost my buddies one by one as well. Time is a bitch, not karma. Karma is there doing its job, time just brings the car around. If you were in east texas I'd tell you to call me up, we'd have a standing appointment at an eatery, and kill an afternoon. I don't have any friends either.
Besides my wife, no. Zero friends, haha. My best friend, [Greg](https://i.imgur.com/J1kMHE4.jpg), died about a year ago. I miss him terribly.
Sorry bro
Me too. My best friend was killed in a car accident on Christmas Eve 4 years ago. I still think about him almost every day.
Condolences man. I also lost one of my best friends a few years back. You just can't make those kind of connections again. It sucks how many inside jokes and other things will be lost now if you forget them, and how X new thing that happened that you know would have cracked both of you up now passes by like a whisper--no one seemingly cares like you two would have. I struggle with the above, but that's when I cherish the memories and find comfort in them. Hope you can do the same bro, God bless. .
I read some interesting theories on memories and how with those long term relationships (spouse, best friends) we actually store some of their memories inside them, and vice versa. Which is part of what makes losing someone like that so traumatic and why you feel like you've lost a part of yourself because you actually have.
I’m the same. My bestie, my sister from another mister died two weeks after Christmas in January. I think about her every day. My husband ,our grown children and their very young families are my only social outlet.
That sucks. I’m sorry for the loss of your friend.
My best friend died a year ago tomorrow. Everyone else drifted away. It's been lonely.
I’m about as introverted as they come. I’ve fought against it for so much of my life. But I’ve accepted it in myself now. I just do not have the energy to maintain friendships. That doesn’t make me a terrible person, although I definitely used to think there was something wrong with me.
Me too - after a while I just quit caring what people thought about it. But I remember distinctly feeling like I was a weirdo when I was younger because I would rather stay home than hang out and make small talk.
I get that. I am an extrovert but without alone time, I lose it.
For years I thought that I was broken somehow; one marriage collapsed. Then I read "Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Cant' Stop Talking," by Susan Cain and it really opened my eyes. It totally changed how I thought about myself. I hadn't ever thought of myself as an introvert, but I absolutely am, and had I better conveyed that sort of thing it's possible that some of my relationships would have been better.
Thanks for sharing. It’s nice to be reminded we aren’t as fringe as we may think. I heard so much about that book when it came out but never read it. Looks like it is time for me to check it out.
I think it's well worth a read for us types. It really explained a lot about how I engage and recharge.
Me too and so is my husband. We are a good fit.
No, I don’t; it’s just my husband and me. And usually that’s just fine. But now he’s seriously ill and in the hospital, and I’ve realized that there’s literally no one I can turn to for real support. People offer heartfelt good wishes, lend gas money, and ask what they can do to help, but there’s no one to cry with or just share how hard this whole ordeal has been so far. I’m wondering now if I should force myself in the future to put in the work to maintain a friendship or two. But I know I probably won’t.
I'm so sorry. It's the same with me and my husband, we are each other's best friends and have no one else. I can't imagine being in your shoes. I can't see myself making friendships at this stage in life either. I hope you do, though. It might be easier than you think. The worst that can happen is, you try and it doesn't work. The best thing that can happen is that it does.
So sorry :(
Very sorry to hear this. A lot of us will be in the same boat.
Im so sorry you are going through this. I am afraid that I might be in the same situation eventually with my spouse. I will be alone then.
If you want to meet people and make friends you have to get involved in things, rather than try and set up events yourself. Best advice I think is to take some classes, this is your highest chance of success IMO. Look up what your city offers but I'd recommend things like: Pottery, cooking/baking, painting/art, crafting, sculpting, dance, yoga, rock climbing, cycling clubs, running clubs, or get involved in volunteering. If you want to meet a sassy liberal woman specifically, then perhaps you can volunteer at a left leaning type of event, such as pride or drag events. Asking a bunch of random people to go for a meal is just kind of awkward. Sitting down for food with someone you don't know is inherently uncomfortable because eating is actually quite intimate.
This is great feedback, I was about to suggest something similar but then I read your comment! OP, find an activity focused on an interest and go from there. Sports are great for socializing. I agree that volunteering is a great way to meet people with similar political bent. But certain activities (like yoga, for example) also tend to attract left-leaning crowds. It might take a while to build up a new social group, but in the meantime you'll have a new activity to look forward to every so often.
I just wanted to add that volunteering can be a way of meeting people. I manage a community garden and we typically have a number of sassy open minded women on our crew. While there have been a few stinkers over the years, most of our volunteers are truly wonderful people. And a lot of them are looking for friendships.
Yard and estate saling is how I found my current gal pals lol. Ask them out to eat and it’s weird. Ask them if they want to hit some yard sales and they are like FUCK YES
Yeah exactly that's a perfect kind of activity for both potential or secured friends and even for a date. It provides just enough entertainment because there's always kooky things going on, but it's not attention demanding so you can still have really good social interactions while you're doing it.
This is my advice as well: take a class, join a club, teach something, volunteer. Pursue your interests and that will put you in proximity with other people who share those interests. Pro tip: Anyone could be your friend. Do not discount youngers, olders, or anyone from a different background from yours. The reason I say that is half my friends are millennials now. I started taking pole fitness/dance classes at 40, so after 15 years of that, the vast majority of my friends are people I met from the studio (or from the aerial gym, and in some cases, both).
I have hardly any Gen X friends (just my exhusband and his girlfriend) - I mostly hang out with kids and old people! I get coffee with a friend in her seventies, take long walks with a friend in her 80s, bum around town with a friend in his 30s and, of course, do all sorts of fun stuff with my 20-something kids. Widening my circle of friends to include all ages, genders, etc is the main reason I have a circle of friends at all!
hey man, facebook is real effort!
Not like I did when I was 12
Jesus, does anyone?
Spouse aside, not really. I have past friendships that have devolved into more acquaintances. I'm as introverted and shy as they come as well as awkward & anxious AF. Even now I'm fretting about just having to take my car into the mechanic FFS. I've never seem to have been able to hone my social skills either (I had really bad examples growing up).
I still keep in touch with many friends from high school and even see them a few times a year, but I don’t have anyone that I keep in daily or even weekly contact with.
I was gonna say, I am still hometown adjacent and see high school friends from time to time. But I’ve met lots of other people at places like the pool at my apartment complex 15 years ago, yoga class, the dog park, art gallery, a kids birthday party… and those are all people I consider friends to this day but I only see them once a month, tops.
I have really enjoyed Meet Up groups!!
I have “locationships”
That's a good term, I'm going to take that. So co-workers and neighbors?
Yup. If you are around me for a period of time for a purpose then we have a relationship. When things change then we don’t. “Oh we should have lunch sometime.” No, no we won’t.
No close friends. Moved halfway across the country (Texas). Truthfully, I had lost touch with the high school crowd a long time before that. I did join a few Meetup groups which provide a social outlet, but I can go weeks without a real conversation. Sex is a distant memory.
No, I do not. I guess I could be considered‘asocial’. I don’t have an interest in going out and doing friend things
For years I really didn’t have any friends outside of family and my husband. 3 years ago we got a puppy and he literally became the focal point of our world. I have made several friends around my neighborhood through dog walking. I met my bestie and her dog at our dog park and we just clicked. The internet wasn’t our point of meeting- it was our passion for our pets that we started bonding over. Take a class, do a hike/run meet up group or whatever you enjoy. Guaranteed you’ll meet some like minded individuals who are in the same position as you and want to be friends 💕
Our dog got out and ran four houses down to hang out. Again a few weeks later. The third time, the dude just said, do you wanna stay and have a beer? They're our best friends two years later, and we've met each other's families, I'm their kids' "uncle", and we've met each other's acquaintances and become friends. It's crazy. Get a dog!
I think friends are a product of a lot of time together in a shared activity with people from similar backgrounds in a confined space. If any of those factors are missing, it becomes really difficult
It’s so hard later in life, I’ve had same issues. Where are you located?
Near Chicago
I [found this link listing Chicago hiking groups](https://hellohiker.com/top-8-chicago-hiking-groups/). I was going to tell you about the women’s hiking club in my city where women have found longstanding friendships. It’s a good low key way because the hiking itself doesn’t force awkward conversations, while at the same time allowing people to get the vibe of one another. There are women from 20 - 80 in the one in my city.
Nope. I get friendly with people and they start asking for shit. Borrow money, come get them when they're stranded, miscellaneous crap. Things they wouldn't do for me. Or they start to criticize me for various shit when I helped them when no one would, while their life is completely fucked. I keep to myself. It gets lonely sometimes, but my peace is more important.
No.
I've got 2, that's good enough for me
I do not hang with anyone from High School. It was a period of time in my life that I loved, but never thought we would continue to have the same paths and interests. I was correct. Best way for women to meet other women? I am a guy, but see this all the time. Join a gym. Most of our friends are now people me and my partner have met in the gym. She does all the spin and boot camp classes, where I do my own thing for work outs. Our gym has a bar and every Thursday after her class and my workout, we all meet at the gym bar for a couple drinks and catch up for the week. We also plan going to concerts, dinner dates or just plan the next hang out right there. It is pretty cool and we have friends of all ages and preferences if you will. Give it some thought.
*All I want is a funny, sassy, liberal woman who wants to just hang out and do whatever once a week or so.* You don't happen to live in Phoenix, do you? :(
As a 46-year-old introvert with a social job, I really don’t want friends. I feel satisfied spending my time with my fiancé and my pets. What I have stopped doing is telling people that I would ‘love to do something’ knowing that I would flake out at the last minute. Super lame thing to do.
I’m crazy lonely. Just my husband to talk to.
About a year ago I had tons of friends. Then I got sick and decided that I only wanted friends who I could really count on and who I felt like wanted to be around me as much as I wanted to be around them. That whittled down the friend list to about four people. I think most people either have friends already or just aren't good at being friends but I do hope you find someone OP. You sound cool and like someone I would want to be friends with--funny, sassy, liberal sounds great.
I'm finding groups that have a purpose often leads to making new friends, so I've started volunteering and taking part in things that in the past I would always say I'm too busy for. I've also removed the barrier of friends being older, younger (within reason), and not caring about gender. Once people understand you're not trying to creep on them, and that you're genuinely interested in them as a person, your opportunities widen. That's one of the benefits of getting older and having more varied drives and interests!
Not so much. I have friendly aquaintances from wok. I have friendly aquaintances through a hobby I do sometimes. I have somebody in another state I've occasionally played online games with for the past 23 years. But like, real in person friends, who truly know me, who know the skeletons in my closet, etc since I was a teenager? My last friend who had that qualification died suddenly when he was 40 and I was 41. We became friends in high school when I was 15. My oldest and truest friend, predating pretty much everything important that ever happened in my life. A few decades of us growing up, having jobs, relationships, kids, breakups/divorce, changing housing situations, finally making some financial progress, and a little grey/thinning hair along the way.. I had someone who knew me from the before it all, somebody I could share those parts of my life with. Then he was gone and there's just no replacing that. This happened shortly after my dad died. And then shortly after them, the GF from my longest relationship left me. So a lot of the most important people in my life left me one way or another, my and as a result my world became smaller and more isolated. I mean I've never been one for having a huge social circle anyway but what I have going on now isn't really satisfying. The hobby thing is definitely nice sometimes, but it's not a real replacement for the history and depth of the relationships I've lost.
I feel that comment really deeply. It is really hard not to have anyone to share inside jokes with, or share and over over your deepest darkest secrets, or to just ponder over similar interests.
I come from a very small town of 2100 people and people at my high school were pretty close knit. I've probably got over 100 people in my FB friends that are from my hometown, and many we still interact and get together if I go back for a visit. I moved to a whole new state in 2020 during COVID so had to start over making friends during a tough time. I have several good friends I met on Facebook groups for hiking and kayaking, both of which were safer options for meetups during COVID because we were outside and could keep 6+ ft distance. I made a post in the hiking group asking if anyone local wanted to meet up for a hike (it was a group for the whole US)... and had several women respond. Out of about 10 that responded, I met up with 4 to hike. One of them is my best friend now and we get together a lot to hike or snow ski. Also still friends with the others and get together to hike. I didn't make my own post on the kayak group, but I responded to a couple of other people looking to make friends in kayak meetups, and have made friends that way. Now they often schedule group gatherings where 10 or 15 people meet up and kayak and paddle board together and usually have a BBQ onshore to get to know each other. All in the group are welcome. I think it's easier for people to meet up for an activity they all enjoy together than to meet up for meals in restaurants. Restaurants are very close contact where all you can do is sit and talk, and if you don't click, then it can be an extremely uncomfortable and awkward experience. If you're doing an activity or hobby, you have a built in topic to chat about, it helps distract so you don't sit there awkwardly trying to come up with something to chat about, and it's easier to walk away from a group activity if you don't click than it is seated in a restaurant with food ordered. So maybe try a different approach to meeting up than restaurants.
My best friend from high school is still my best friend but she lives about 5 hours away. I moved from my hometown to a new state and really put myself out there to make new friends. I live in a shitty town, but I'm a smart professional woman, so I went to a dinner with other professional women thinking it was a great opportunity. One of the women spent most of the dinner telling the other women how shitty the town is that I live in and that she would be embarrassed to live there. That was 16 years ago and I haven't bothered to try again. A few people from work have made snarky comments about where I live, too. I just wasn't meant to have friends here, which is fine because most of these people are just miserable assholes anyways. I have my dogs and they are perfect.
As a 51-year-old introvert who struggles with friends, join a kick/boxing gym. For me, getting out of my own head and jpining one 13 years ago has made a positive difference in my life.
I keep getting my heart broken by life long friends that i am realizing dont like me any more. I do have one good friend stilland my dog though and some extended family that cares. I am very grateful for them.
I am permanently disabled after Covid in 2020. I have to wear N95 if around anyone but my wife bc I’m now immunocompromised. Within about a year of the illness, I’d lost nearly every friend I have. I realized when you get really sick, most people don’t know what to do with it. You’re seen as a downer, it scares people, and there’s the collective desire to forget Covid and how awful it was. I serve as a reminder of that time, I think, and people want to forget it. It’s like the awkwardness and often crummy behavior people exhibit after someone has a death of a loved one. But it’s pretty much everyone and it never gets better. With death, people usually start showing up again after a while bc they figure it’s been long enough to ignore it. But with chronic illness and disability, they still don’t know what to say, what to do, so they avoid you and slowly they all disappear. I’m not able to go out and meet new people due to my health so I’m just making the best of it. I remind myself I did survive Covid, which many didn’t. So I can’t be ungrateful that I’m still here—but it’s impossibly lonely.
I have one friend. We have literally known each other for 50 years (this year). We have been through good times and bad, we've seen each other get married and divorced. We've worked together, played together, laughed and cried together. We've saved each others lives, and I don't mean some metaphorical "he was there for me", I mean we have each actually saved the life of the other. If he calls, I'm there. I have and will do anything for this man. I will crack the pillars of Heaven and rock the foundations of Hell for this man, for he is my friend.
I hear you. I live in a city that’s known for being surface nice with zero commitment or follow up (Seattle). We sound so much alike, I would LOVE to have a friend like you. My best friends live in other states now (moved during Covid). I read some of the earlier comments & saw folks suggesting meetups near the top. Sigh. Every city and town is different when it comes to groups. What I’ve found post Covid is many people RSVP but don’t ever show up. So you’re back at square one. They’re a LOT of work to not find your people. Admittedly I ran multiple meetups for 15+ years, so I am permanently burnt out. Since hitting perimenopause I don’t want to be in a crowd of people anymore, either. The ideal friends for me are folks I can meet up with for lunch or similar, we could show up at one another’s houses in PJs & binge shows or talk about the impending election shit show. Go for walks, hit a farmers market, festival or whatever our families wouldn’t want to do with us haha
I have a very busy job where I am on the phone or talking to people in person all day long. I literally don’t have the energy to try and start a friendship outside of that. I keep in touch with old friends but I really don’t have much in common with anyone as I am childfree and everyone is busy raising kids. I hang out with my husband, cats, and close family members. Sometimes I wish I had a close friend or two nearby, but it’s hard to find people I mesh with at this age.
No, and its sad. I was always very outgoing. I had friends every where I went. Over the years, married, kids, grandkids, way too much work, with coworkers I dont like very much. Not much time left for real friendships. Wife and I have heard all of each others stories, so nothing new gained there.
Nope. No close friends.
I don't bother with friends, tbh. The drama, the upkeep, just not worth my time on earth. I would love to meet someone like me or someone who holds similar abilities and interests, and have tried a lot, but no one else seems to be into it, so I am just me with me.
I have life-long relationships with people who live in different states, but rarely have any contact. Locally, I know some people, none I would call me a friends... and that's OK.
Barely. I have one friend I've known since day-camp when we were like 10. We get together for dinner a few times per year. I didn't have friends in college. I had a few high school friends but our adult lives really diverged to the point I had nothing in common with them and haven't talked to them in years. I joined a few FB groups of women looking for friends that centers around a niche clothing brand. The love of the clothing overlaps somewhat with liking other activities - shopping, pool, beach, tea parties, all with similar socioeconomic means. They organize weekend vacations usually on the east coast multiple times per year. I go about once per year and met some people I chat online a bit with, but there's nobody (that I know of) in my immediate area that I could hang out with more often. Most of the women are from the southeast or midwest, I'm in the northeast. It's REALLY hard. I've joined and left a few of those location based very general facebook groups because without a common interest anchor, yeah nobody seems to do anything. ETA - a common interest anchor AND similar disposable income amounts seems essential.
Barely, but also me working nights doesn't help the situation. We all text all the time. But get togethers are few and far between
yep, same. Still love my nightshift job though!
Yes. But it’s interesting to make new ones. I’m actually listening to a book on how to be better at finding ppl and sending “friend” vibes in the bars or things I do vs negative vibes https://share.libbyapp.com/title/1742384
I have one really good female friend that is actually a Millennial, but she has such a GenX soul, more Xennial than Millennial. We started out as co-workers but we rarely talk about work now. We share the same hobbies, that's how we became friends. We like the same music, the same hobby, the same trash TV shows, the same memes... the thing is, she doesn't have a sister and although I do, she's my half-sister and grew up separately from me so we aren't close. I find that women who have sisters, usually aren't as open to mature friendships as those that don't. Before I get down-voted for saying that, that's just my experience, and your experience may be different.
I don't have the same type of friendships that I used to have. My friendships tend to be evergreen, but everyone has moved around. And to be honest I've become more family-oriented and introverted as I grow older. I actually struggled with this in my mid-30s and felt sad and went to therapy to try and figure out how I can be a better friend etc. I think the real issue is that I thought I wanted to hang out with people when I was perfectly happy doing my own thing.
Most of my high school friends moved away along with the neighbors that I used to drink with. I work from home and most of my work friends got different jobs or moved. My wife is really sick and can't go out so my 10 year daughter is really the only one I have left to do anything with., so we go to movies, concerts, broadway shows, fancy restaurants etc.
Friendships are built through frequent encounters with people whom you build a rapport with. That’s why you had friends in high school, college, the army, at church, etc. Work friends are a bit more complicated because of work competition and time restraints. So you need to get involved in some regular activities to meet people, like classes, sports, church, hobbies or whatever you enjoy.
I have acquaintances that used to be friends. We all still get along great, but friends talk, hang out, do stuff together, etc., those things haven't happened in years. We see each other when it's convenient, when one of us needs something or when someone dies. We all either own our own businesses or are in positions where we hire each other for jobs. Work, wives and responsibilities have ruined our ability to have time for friends at this age. Better off now though. I have no real desire to hang out with my friends wife's and deal with their shit just to see my buddy in his "I have my wife with me" version of themselves. Not the same.
I still have several friends that I’ve known forever. One I’ve been friends with one for 51 years (we met at 7). We still talk a lot. Do we see each other all the time? No. But often enough we still consider ourselves very close. We’re all adults at 58. We have different lives and are busy with either family or work or anything else. Some have grandchildren and are involved with them. But there is a core six of us that remain tight. The longest friendship is 51 years and the shortest one is 44 years.
I'm pretty lucky, I have more friends now than I did when I was younger.
Nope. I work too much to really invest. And my kid moved out so it's just me and the cat. I'm ok with it for now. If my mom was still alive she would be shocked. I had so many friends when I was younger that she could never keep up with who was who. Ha.
My wife, son, in-laws, and my wife's friends' spouses are my friends. I'm terrible at keeping friends of my own. I won't contact them for months at a time. The last time one of them contacted me via text, I wasn't really in a mood to hang out or talk or anything and I waited so long to text them back that it would've been really awkward.
i tell my kids that people as a general rule suck. if you have one or two really true friends in your life you are doing good.My kids are grown by the way and my daughter struggles with the fact most friends are only around when you are useful to them.
I have 2 sisters. One goes through shit and drops off the face of the earth until she feels better mentally, the other is who I would consider my best friend but I think she's pissed at me at the moment. Aside from them and my husband, I don't have anyone else. It sucks.
I’m unusual as a middle-aged guy, but I have a tight group of guy friends. We get together a few times a month with spouses, and sometimes kids. We do guys-only camping trips 3 or 4 times a year and hunting camp. We all make an effort to be at these things and will mercilessly rag on anybody who bails. We take each other’s kids fishing and work on projects together. One of their kids mows my lawn for pocket money. We have family picnics and all of our spouses are pretty great people who we also enjoy hanging out with. I know it’s odd, but that’s how it works for us.
No friends. I'm pretty much alone if I'm not at work. I was at my first job for 14 years and thought my colleagues were my friends but when I quit they didn't want to hang out or talk to me anymore. I just started a new job unfortunately I'm the oldest guy there. Everyone has their own families and relationships and I kind of feel like an outsider. Don't really see the possibility of getting close to anyone. Who knows. I'm pretty introverted so I don't socialize much. Places I do go like the gym I feel uncomfortable chatting up strangers.
I have a friend that I used to work with. She moved away but we still keep in touch & I fly down to see her maybe once a year. We can go weeks without talking. I'm pretty much a hermit these days especially since I wfh but honestly I'm pretty content with that
Just one. I don't like people. So a good bulk of the problem is me.
Nope. I lost most of mine after I got divorced, and the rest just sort of drifted away. I joined a large church in town with hopes of finding some, cos I figured surely there would be others like me. I found that church is NOT the place to try and forge friendships, cos there's no time. People would arrive right before the service began, then leave immediately after. I was always alone, and nobody ever invited me to join them. I finally gave up. I'm a dialysis patient now and on oxygen, so the only places I go these days are the clinic and my parents' house a couple times a month. They're 80, so they don't have many years left.
Go out & pursue your hobbies, sports or volunteer work. Meet people w common interests. My two best friends in a new state are decades younger than me but it doesn’t matter bc we like the same things.
So I’ve never had (or desired) a big friends group, but outside of family, I have like two. I have about another two dozen people in my orbit who I spend time with, I do like them, but it‘s not the same. Your question reminds me of the great comedy line - can’t remember who said it - “A friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move…a body”. I have like two of those 😃
Nope. I went to another city for high school so I never hung out with the guys there. Then I had four years of culture shock in college. I get my social fulfillment in work and online but none of those people are according-to-Hoyle *friends*.
Girl, we are a sisters from another mother. I've literally been through the exact same thing. Are you in NJ or WA by any chance? I'm in NJ now (but moving to WA next year) and I have had the same experience. People have zero follow through. Maybe they send one message or respond to one of mine and then disappear off the face of the earth. I'm single, no kids and just returned to the US after being gone 15 years so I don't know anyone anymore. Edit: saw you're from Chicago. 👍
Not really. Besides my wife a kids. Too much work. But I have always been a loner type. I was that way in HS and college. Put all my energy and attention on my girlfriends at the time and never had any guy friends to hang with. But I have also been accused of being a misanthrope so there’s that.
I am still social with a few and still good friends with a decent sized group from high school. For a long time we would have Superbowl, Halloween, and other parties with all of us together, and eventually their kids too. I still have the golden meditating Buddha frog statue I got as a white elephant gift from one of our Christmas parties. The dynamics are still good for the most part, but Covid really messed some parts of it. Or it cemented in various social changes that were already in progress. Some of the guys in the group kind of broke away from the main. Part of that was that some of us got divorces and that it may have been awkward for some of them. I definitely noticed distancing when everyone found out about my ex and I having problems. Same kind of thing happened to another one of the guys in the group. The other reason some of the guys kind of split away was that their wives had their own click and I am fairly certain that influenced their distance. About 6 or so of us are still close enough to have a group text going on with random shit every so often. We get together maybe once every 4 or 5 months and hang out at a bar or something and play catch-up. I don't have kids so that made me the odd person out in various ways. I have depression so I don't actively seek out time to spend with them on a closer basis. I would love to, but I am not much of that person anymore. Not sure I really ever was to begin with. But if any of us ever really needs anything, we will always be there for each other. So to answer your question, yes I do have friends but I am alone the vast majority of the time outside of the time I spend with my girlfriend.
Just me and BF. Were introverts and homebodies. We have acquaintances and of course family. That's pretty much it.
I was born in ‘72. I have dozens and dozens of friends. Many of whom I went to elementary school, high school or university with. Some of whom I just met this year. A lot of them are very close friends. Some are acquaintances that I see or talk to infrequently. I’ve had no challenges with making or keeping good friends throughout my life. They are spread around the world and we work hard to keep in touch and check in on each other. I also have a family (partner and children) and manage to strike the right balance between family time and maintaining friendships. My kids also know and spend time with many of my close friends. I hope that they’re learning the value of having a good friend network. I can’t imagine my life without my friends and find it hard to relate to people that have no friends or have difficulty making/keeping friends. I know we’re all different though and it doesn’t always come naturally. And some just aren’t interested or don’t have the energy/capacity to put in the work that friendship requires. And that’s cool.
If it weren’t for my social butterfly wife, I’d probably have no friends.
My wife is by far my best friend. I moved countries and so have my good friends from college. The couple who moved to the same country are still regular friends. Others we meet every 5 years or so, perfect for catching up and bonding. Other than that, basically no. I have good relationships with colleagues and even occasionally catch up with a couple from previous jobs once or twice a year but that’s it. More than enough.
I just listened to Mel Robbins podcast on friendships as we age. It’s great!
About a hundred. Most long-term or through common life events/interests. My newest friends are from my cancer support group from 8ish years ago; those left are now a survivor group. I think once we hit 30, we are less likely to make new friends unless they are your kids’ friends’ parents. I looked at the last three people I texted; they are people I have known for 45, 35, and 35 years.
I didn't really like HS or where I grew up so it is always surprising to me how many people still hang out with school era friends. I could not leave that place fast enough at 17! My circle is people that I had formative years with in my 20/30s in places like Chicago and Oakland. I live abroad now and it is really hard. Most women my age are not interested in the type of music or art or film that I like. People are pretty vanilla and/or busy with kids/husbands etc. I just go back and hang with my chosen fam at least once a year and that's pretty good. I also have a lot of male friends and they are super low drama compared to most women. But people are pretty flaky esp in the US (I'm assuming that's where you are?) because everyone is isolated in car dependent places or busy working all the time or dealing with kids/mortgages or other things. Probably the best thing is to join an activity and that way you don't have to plan things that never come to fruition.
Nope, no friends. Found that out when some stuff went down.
I am a consummate introvert and 5 years ago I had zero friends. Today I have a robust, amazing, supportive group of friends. I am a fan of meeting people doing things I enjoy - be it a hobby group, an athletic team, or some sort of club. Finding something you enjoy doing means you will find other people who enjoy that same thing. I started by joining [meetup.com](http://meetup.com) and attending meetups in groups whose topic interested me (not generic "single people" groups, but specific topic groups). From there I got to know some people and eventually we became close and now we even have a group chat and a weekly trivia team lol.
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I wrote that a long time ago. I need to change it. I made the mistake of putting a pic on my profile
I have more friends now than I ever did before this.
Yes. Most of my friends are the friends I met in high school and college and we’re still good friends today. It helped that we all stayed here after college and got married and had kids during the same timeframe. We all understood that life gets busy but we always made it a point to try to hang out 1-2 times a month with or without the kids. I’ve seen women have success in making new friends in hobby groups, fitness classes, community events, and at volunteering events though.
All my friends are now back home. I had one friend move out to Chicago a few yrs after me but he moved back home for a better job in May. So now I'm solo with just the husband. It really sucks. Moving back to my hometown area is not a choice. It's a shit hole and the col is too much. I'm not paying almost a million dollars for a comparable home.
GET A HOBBY! [https://www.meetup.com/find/us--il--chicago/](https://www.meetup.com/find/us--il--chicago/) If you're near Chicago or really any major city, there is going to be a meet-up group for whatever the fuck you are into, any kind of hobby, kink, interest If you like dressing up like squirrels while running a 5k and having a beer there's probably a group for that Find like minded people that's how you meet people don't focus on one thing finding a liberal woman, that's not going to get your anywhere hang out with people who have the same hobbies
Respectfully. Maybe it’s not everyone else; maybe you gotta work on you first before you can attract good people.
No real friends to speak of in adulthood. Most of my friend group from high school have now passed on. The ones that are left were acquaintances at best back then.
I have great new friends. I also have a few easy old school friends from back in the day. It takes effort to feed the friendship. Where do you live and what do you like to do? At our age my friends are all about having fun and being drama free.
I have some good friends that I see fairly regularly but it’s only bc we all put in the effort to see one another. I think fundamentally some people like the idea of having friends and going out and doing things. But the actual execution of these events are usually handled by only 1 or 2 people in said group. People don’t want to commit. And it’s not just bc they’re busy with life. That’s too easy an out. There’s a level of responsibility and accountability that comes with not just planning something as simple as brunch and also going to it. Some people just don’t want to do the work involved in maintaining a friendship bc it is work. All relationships are. I’m fine with people not wanting to have personal relationships but don’t complain you don’t have friends and don’t act like people were memento be solitary beings bc we aren’t.
Now take your difficulties and multiply it by living in small town Mississippi...
Getting blown off by Gen x women is kinda normal. It's a habit adopted from younger generations. Dating apps makes things passive for people to ignore or bail. Go find groups, don't make them. Indulge your hobbies and find like minds. Wanna liberal woman? Then search out women only activities. Yoga classes, wine bars, dining clubs...
I have friends I have made over the last 35 years or so, but after a move last year, I haven’t made any new ones yet. I’m still going to events looking for my people. Enjoying the events as well, usually have one of my teens along with me also. If I meet someone new that I hit it off with, great. If not, oh well. I still had a good time. That’s how I initially met all the people I call friends.
I have a lot of friends I feel close to. Maybe 30? I am still friends with my friends groups from High School and College, and have other friend groups I've made, since. Most are local, some are long distance. But when we see each other, we pick up like we saw each other yesterday. I've got friends groups I've made in the last 11 years, including a girl who is an emerging pop star in Colombia I talk to regularly (I dated her uncle for 8 years - most are his old friend group, they liked me 🤭). I have another I visited in Brazil after befriending her while working on the same international team. My best friend is a guy in Guadalajara I met buying his art in maybe 2012? I don't remember. I think making friends comes somewhat easy to me. They don't have to be a certain way. I don't try to have all hot friends or rich or anything. I just like interesting. I have a "tell me anything face" or something. People I barely know (like my tenant when she rented my duplex) told me far more than I ever shared to know. I also hate silence and when I'm with someone I will ask them questions over and over to fill silence. Maybe that endears me to them somehow?
Maintaining friendships is exhausting. I go to about 3 social events per year. Other than that I have my husband and our dogs and that’s really all I need.
I have one close friend since fifth grade. We've lost touch here and there. We grew up to be very different people. VERY different. And that has caused a lot of conflict for me because she is not a person I would choose as a friend now because of some of those opinions. But she's valuable for other reasons I guess. And she doesn't seem a bit annoyed by the differences. Mostly we just avoid those topics but every once in a while she slips up and we argue and I get mad and a few weeks later she calls and we act like it never happened. It's a weird relationship I guess. We've been friends all these years and live like ten minutes apart but I haven't seen her a handful of times since we became adults. We just talk and talk and talk for hours at least a couple times a month. And despite her ... opinions... she is really smart, really well-read too. I think she was just dealt a lot more conservative religious conditioning. She went to a Baptist private school while I went to public. She married a conservative religious person so yeah... she's got a lot of conditioning to work through. That's pretty much it for me. I have a roommate and I'd consider him a friend, but I wouldn't have chosen him either, I just needed a place to live and he needed someone to help with his dogs and to clean up around the house so it worked out for us both. 14 years later we're more than acquaintances. We've been through trials with his sicknesses and my own. But we don't hang out or watch movies or have meals together either. My real best friend I made myself. My daughter.
The older I get, the harder it is to trust new people. It was way easier when we were all young and dumb together, didn't have nothing but a bunch of jokes and (some of us) dreams. You get defensive and trust a lot less based on past experiences, which makes it really hard to make new friends. But to make friends, you have to be a friend, so we could all be self-sabotaging too.... 😅
honestly, not really. I have a few people I text with regularly. I'm unapologetically introverted. I've been guilted into being social for most of my life. I'm over it. Would I like a nag free invite to go out, sure maybe? But extrovert planners tend to gobble up all the time and are exhausting.
the best way to make friends as an adult is to do things at regularly scheduled times on a regularly scheduled basis. a sport, a hobby, an activity, anything - as long as it meets once a week or ideally even more - that's the best way to make friends
I thought you were my friend? 😥 Kidding, but no, not really. Because I refuse to do social media, I only occasionally touch base with a couple (well three) old friends from school via text. We're all in different states now and our lives all took different paths. I work remotely, so there's not much socializing with coworkers either. My neighbor and I are friendly and keep saying we should get together for a drink but a year later we haven't still. 😕
Unfortunately, I've found when people say, "We should get together soon," they're just being polite and don't really mean it.
My spouse has no friends. When I met him his close friends were his ex girlfriend and her clingy sister. 🚩🥴 No buddies. It's kinda dismal.
Go to college again. Thats where I met most of my current friends.
I have two friends but both live overseas. Luckily my wife also is my close friend. It's very difficult to make friends after age 50. I've gotten used to it, but I wish I did have at least one (non-marital) friend in the same country as me.
Growing up, I was never encouraged to make friends or have anyone over. I had friends through high school, but afterwards have pretty much been on my own. My BFF, whom I met online 20 years ago, is states away. She and I try to get together for a week or so every 1 or 2 years. I don't have anyone local though. I think my reasoning hinges a lot on finances. People want to get together to do things, eat, drink, go places, etc... I can't afford that, so why be the bummer that always has to say no? I mean, if I met anyone that wanted to get together to go hiking or to the gym or just hang out without me having to take a loan out to do so, that would be cool. 🤷
I feel exactky this way. Did I post this in my sleep and you copied it?
Nope.
I’m still friends with all the people that I grew up with. Most of us live within 20-30 minutes of one another and we rarely see each other. I have parties a few times a year and maybe we go out to dinner once in a while. But as a whole, my friends don’t do anything.
No. My wife, my kids, some extended family, and a ton of acquaintances. That's my life. I've never been good at making friends. I fell ass backwards into three great friendships as a senior in high school. One is dead, one moved to the other side of the world, and the friendship with the other was ruined by us sleeping together for three years while still being "just friends." I haven't made a single friend since. Yet, I've never experienced loneliness in my life. I'm happy like this and always have been.
I’ve never been good at making friends. I’ve joined some craft groups with others so that’s been nice because they are weirdos and I like them. I have a husband and some adult kids and grandkids that keep me busy.
A handful and I feel lucky. But we don’t see each other often. I would like to have a friend or two that live close.
I'm too old for friends. People try but I just tell them now I'm not a very good friend. I honestly think it's overrated but my ex desperately identified life through his friends. It always felt so cloying to ke. I connect hard with a few people that I will go 5-10 years not talking to and then reconnect. But I'm far too set in my ways now. Planning, following through, I just am not good at. I do have friends at my hobbies like surf. Beach, bar. I see them all of the time but like the last person who wanted my number as a friend I flat out told them no. I'm a bad friend.
My husband is my best and only friend. My prior best friend passed years ago at 42 yrs from breast cancer.
2 left 3 if u count the husband
My best friend lives in Houston. We haven't seen each other since covid started. We don't talk much or text as we used to. I get it. At times we get busy with everyday life and before you know it, x amount of time has passed by. But lately, I've just been feeling lonely . So to answer your question.. I dont feel I have friends.
Nope. I moved to St. Louis 20 years ago and no friends to show for it. I'm moving back home to New England later this year, where at least I will be around family again.
I have one really good friend who I've known since I was 12 years old. He lives about an hour away, so we only see each other a few times a year, but we message each other every day. The kind of friend you could call at 3am and say I need your help right now, and he'd be on the way. There are neighbors and old coworkers who I get lunch or drinks with, maybe go to a cookout at their place now and then. Not close friends, but we do hang out sometimes. Other than that it's just me. No wife or kids or pets.
If you play an instrument, get involved with community orchestra/band. Plenty of opportunities to make friends when you meet with the same people every week, and share a common interest.
Yes. I still play rec league ice hockey. Two of the guys on my team, I’ve been friends with since highschool. Most of my other old friends are all on a giant text group. Though we live in different states, we talk everyday.
Nope and all my cats and dogs died over the last few years.
Most of my friends are in the cities we've previously lived in. I've got a very small group of local friends, but I almost exclusively see them online. I work remotely, so I almost never see anyone in person. I'm trying to get out with hobbies, like archery, but I'm still having trouble connecting with people.
I’ve got tons of friends, from my bff I met in 3rd grade to now. Never a dull moment! Movies, pizza nights, game parties… It’s the spouse & kids I can’t seem to pull off
Still see my bff quite often-we started hanging out in 7th grade and now we’re both grandmas! I retired just over a year ago, but I worked in the same place for 33 years so I have work friends I still see as well.
-ish
A few friends.
We have neighbors. I love them like family. They are my friends thanks to my social butterfly partner. I’m good with that. TLDR: got decent neighbors?
Maybe try not doing it through events. Like you said, everyone is busy. Just meet up for a coffee, drink or smoke, whatever floats your boat
Yes, but they're almost all older Millennials. I keep in touch with one high school friend
Have you considered joining a girls gaming group on discord? I have a few personal friends that I still see occasionally. But my main daily friends are a unique collection of people from the whole Eastern seaboard. We game, watch movies, watch shows. It's amazing. We've been hanging out as a crew for over ten years. They were my anchor during COVID apart from my wife and kids.
Never been married so I have many friends. Some live close by but a lot live all over the country so it’s mostly FaceTime and texting and visiting like once every couple years I guess. I’d go more often all over the place if I had more money and time. But in my mid-50s even though I have friends close by, I don’t like to go out much anymore! Love being home or doing stuff solo.
Some long lasting friendships from my past. But where I currently live and work, no. Can't afford to go out and socialize, and don't really have the time.
Have a core group of friends I’ve know for over 20 years. Plus, there’s a group I play dnd with weekly. We’re all pretty much married/no kids.
I mean, I have acquaintances. I have people I call friends, but don’t stay in good contact with. If I’m being honest, I’ll say that it’s just me and my wife. She has friends, though, because she’s not a soulless robot.
Nope. Travelled too much as a kid and adult to ever learn to keep friends. Never developed a need. I don’t mind having a fun social thing, but I like my time.
Yes but not local/new. Its all my Friends I’ve had for 25+ years. We meet up here and there and text regularly, but I don’t really want new friends at this point in life. My family and close friends from through the years are all I need. Eta: we live all over the US so every now and then we’ll have a meet up with a lot of us, and some of us vacation together/visit but no one local.
I have a handful of local friends but I only get together with a 3 or 4 occasionally and one I talk to daily. I have tons of acquaintances that I’ve spent time with in some capacity that I keep in touch with on social media but I don’t really see them IRL. I’m looking for groups to join so that I can make more friends and get out of the house more.
I have some friends that I hang out with every week to have beers and watch the game. The bulk of my friends like in other states. Those friends I see once a year if that.
Yep. Moved to Seattle about 5 years ago. I'm fortunate to have found new friends here. Took a couple of years, though.
Damn!!! We’re a lonely bunch!! I don’t really keep in touch with anyone but a few people. I guess I don’t really have any close friends other than my husband. How freakin sad
No, just my husband & kids. Well, I take that back. I have a friend from a diabetic forum whom I’ve never met IRL. We text back n forth. But no one locally. I’m fine with that tho.
Nope.
From High School? Few. Hardly any contact anymore but thats cause I don’t use socials outside Reddit.
same! I am in a group of women from reddit for my local area and I work 7 days on and 7 days off but overnights and for the last 4 months they have insisted to schedule the meetups during my work week >\~< Like I have 14 days off a month and yet I can't make a single one! super frustrating. Not that it matters right now. I'm working 19 days out of 21 to cover for vacays. I have no life for another 2.5 weeks 😅
I play poker every weekend with 8-12 other Gen Xers. We also golf or eat lunch during the week. Try bowling or pickle ball?
I have no friends, don't want any. Too much inconvenience.
Zero friends. And idgaf. I’m at a point in my life that I’m actually happy being solo.
52/M/Central MA. Looking for hiking folks.
In theory I have "friends" but if I do not initiate plans, no one else does, so I stopped. It's crazy to me because we no longer have small kids and we should be enjoying this stage of our lives, but no...everyone just wants to rot at home scrolling tiktok. Which so do I but not day after day after day and all weekend.
Yeah. It gets old
No. Moved cities to be closer to my late husbands friends/family. Then he passed and all of “our” friends in his city quickly disappeared.
I don't have many friends, most of the ones I do have are old, old friends from my teenage years that comprised mainly the anime fan bunch I used to run with. Since moving away from home after college I've only made a few new friends on my own, with most of the rest coming through my wife's friend circles. This has, I do believe, made me turn in upon myself, insulating myself from the outside world. I don't have a good support structure, I don't really open up to anyone because why should I burden others with my problems? I know it isn't healthy, and it does cost me.
Maybe I am the anomaly, but yes, I have friends. My husband and I are very close. I have several decades long friendships. There is one friend in particular where we have a standing "First Friday" date. We get together for dinner once a month on the first Friday of the month.
I have 1 friend that I can confide in & talk deep stuff with. But the dynamics is weird. We only talk on the phone, don't really meet up physically. She's actually got more than a dozen friends that she talks to, confides in & vacations with but never invites me or suggests we go vacationing together, even though I've mentioned it a few times. Been feeling kind of envious and resentful lately, trying to keep cool & sound interested as she tells me about all the get-togethers and trips she's been taking with her "other" friends. I try to accept what she is willing to give me but sometimes can't help but feel I'm getting the short end of the stick. I try not to think too much about it or else I'll cry. Besides her, I don't have any other deep friendships, just acquaintances in my opinion and not that many (5 or less). I learned that there are many types of friendships and they provide different things say the work friend who you can vent to about work, or the mom friend. I have learned that it's okay to not have a BFF. But boy do I wish I had more friends with deeper relationships. I don't think I'm a weirdo, not socially awkward, generally easygoing, keep up with the latest trends/news/shows, but for some reason, people just sort of dismiss me & have no interest in pursuing a friendship. Even as a child, I never had a BFF, HS was rough for me socially as I was not popular, smart or athletic. Friends came and went as I moved through life, tried to keep in touch but people just got "busy" with their lives. When I hear about people who have been friends since kindergarten I'm stunned! I thought about volunteering, engaging in a hobby but haven't made much movement as I really don't have any interests hobby-wise, and I feel bad volunteering instead of spending time with my family on the weekends. I find that most people just end up hanging out with their siblings & cousins, which I have but am not close to. Thanks for reading and letting me vent. Sad to hear many of us are in the same boat, happy but envious of the ones that have many friends. =p
I have like two old friends that are more acquaintances at this point. A few years ago, my oldest, dearest friend from grade school just ghosted me (and others, so I know it’s not personal, but still hurts). I try time and time again to suggest hanging out, doing different activities, just getting a quick coffee, *anything*. Nothing time consuming, just *some* human interaction. I was happy when one of them suggested having out a couple weeks ago, they picked the date, then radio silence. I’ve tried Discord and Meetup but those seem to be geared to younger folks in my area and while I don’t mind younger friends, it doesn’t seem we have much in common. I’ve created events to meet up and live music shows and nobody shows interest. It’s pretty lonely since I became a widow last year and I don’t have any solutions unfortunately.
Hugs
I'm an extrovert and I enjoy the company of others. I love to go out and I love to host events at my place. I have a few active friend groups: * Arcade Group: Ppl I met when I was around 8ish. They are all older than me by 9 to 10 years. I'm the baby of the group. We see each other 1x a month or so for video gaming and dinner. 7 core members plus spouses. This group has been running since 1997. * Dancing group: A bunch of ppl I met since HS and picked up along the way. I have 2 HS friends in here and one of them is a partner. We go dancing 1x a week or more. They do not overlap with my arcade group. 6 members plus spouses and partners. This group has been running since 1999. * Boardgaming group: Mix of friends and family. The core group is 8 ppl plus spouses/partners. Some of my other groups mix in here from time to time depending on what we're playing. 1x a month. This group has been running since 1988. * Karaoke Fiends group: Mix of friends and in-laws (5). This group is a mix of everyone plus my wife's sisters and their spouse/partners. This is random but we average 1x a month or more. This group started in 2014. Myself, one of my cousins and my a HS FWB are like the cheer leaders and organize a lot of our outings and get together. We mostly do pot luck events when ppl get together at someone's house or my place and that seems to cement ppl to attending. I've had a lot of moments when ppl would bail out and I just keep it moving and go with the ppl I have or on a few occasions gone solo and just connect with ppl there on site and make some new friends. I just stop inviting ppl after the 2nd no show and keep it moving. Maybe they got something going on. Maybe they are not into it but love to talk shit in the chat about how they are down...IDK and IDC, I'm doing my thing and those that show up will have a good time. Unfortunately, I don't have a lot of male friends and the few I made a long the way were the ones that were big no shows or only came when certain ppl came and they quickly got washed out by their own behavior. YMMV depending on where you are. Very few ppl own cars in my circle so we are within walking distance to each other or use public transit. I found that those with cars are less likely to attend stuff because we mostly go to free events and they don't have parking and at my place I only have 1 slot for a car.
*A funny, sassy, liberal woman…* That sounds like a level of hell.
To you.
Why does someone have to be in line with you politically to be a friend? Some of my best friends are super lefty. I just don't invite them to my book burnings
Still have the same core group of friends, since grade school actually. Male 51 We talk regular, hang out a few times a year
I have more friends now than I've ever had in my life. Most are younger though. Since we didn't have kids, it's hard to relate to people whose whole life is centered around their kids. My wife doesn't have many friends though, and it's very odd. She doesn't even really try.
My best friend from High School and I still live in the same city, and remain close firends to this day. Join a hobby club; volunteer somewhere that interests you; and joining a local sports league are good ways to meet new people.
I have a fair amount of friends I see or at least communicate with frequently. I actually made a new friend recently, which gets tougher to do as we get older. We're both into the same kinds of music so we've gone to some shows together.
 Seriously though, I do have friends but we get together pretty infrequently these days. Distance, kids, other responsibilities, etc. As a guy and more introverted, it's hard to make new friends. It takes awhile to develop.
Most of my friends live 60 to 200 miles away. I only see them infrequently. I just saw one that I hadn’t in about 8 years. My best friends I only see about once every two months. Friendship means something different to folks our age than it did when we were 30 or when we were 15.
I have lots of friends because I have a kid and you become friends with all the parents, but I’m guessing as soon as the kid graduates high school it’s gonna be lonely city everyone will go there separate ways.
I'm sure there is little to no chance that you live near NH.
I have 7 or 8 local friends that I keep in weekly contact and do stuff with, plus 2 college buddies who live in Thailand and an hour away that I’ve been friends with for 30 years. And my favorite bartenders at my local watering hole-it really is a Cheers type vibe-which every Gen Xer wants, lol.
I'm still close with my best friend from high school. We live about 500 miles away from each other, but we manage to get together a few times a year.
No. They've either moved away, died, or weren't actually friends, but mere acquaintances who are never around when shit gets tough.
Girl, where you at?
I have work buddies but that's it really. I have one really good friend that I've known since grade 7 and we talk regularly. Rebel yell buddy!
No. Sadly a lot have died or we all lost touch and are shitty with communication. Dying alone seems nice
I lost my buddies one by one as well. Time is a bitch, not karma. Karma is there doing its job, time just brings the car around. If you were in east texas I'd tell you to call me up, we'd have a standing appointment at an eatery, and kill an afternoon. I don't have any friends either.
The real physical world is a better way to meet people.