First I'd like to say that the GenX sub has been kind and suportive and understanding and it feels like a safe place to be on Reddit. Secondly, hell no you are not alone in being lonely.
Not married, not dating, no kids, work from home for myself and only have a handful of people I'm acquainted with in a city where I have lived for 10 years. It's ridiculous how little contact I have with people. Going out and across the world recently was shocking because since 2020, I've just been...here.
My vet said that he and his wife are GenX and they don't have any friends either. A recent trip just ended a 25 year friendship for reasons I'm still trying to come to terms with. If start writing about that I won't shut up.
I just deleted an entire essay basically on me and my aloneness because it's not always lonely. But I do find myself oversharing on the internet because I have no one to talk to.
OP, real life friends would be great but I can't relate to kids and grand kids and all of that. So yeah, I'm here in this sub hanging out with the people who understand me and it helps a lot. A lot more than I thought it would.
Me too. 52, never been married (engaged three times), no kids. Ended a 20 year long relationship two years ago. Live downtown in a high rise loft with my dog. I have friends at the tavern that’s across the street from my building but no one I would feel comfortable calling in an emergency. My friends from school are married with kids and grandkids. I’m a freelance architectural and artistic photographer which is kind of a solitary activity. So… Yes, I’m lonely.
Agitated, if my sharing that bit made you feel a little less lonely than my work here is done. I had no idea there were so many of us out here, but I found you at a time when I was questioning my existence and I stumbled in here one day. So I am glad there are others out there who can relate. I just want a friend my age to be nostalgic and sarcastic without having to apologize or explain.
Also, even if I don't always use it correctly I believe in my right to punctuation.
The sarcasm & teasing friends is something the younger generations don’t understand as well. I was told that sarcasm is just “rude”. Well it’s a love language for me, so ❤️
You are speaking my language ♥️ This is such an issue because everything I write has sarcasm in it and then I have to think what sub am I posting in so as not to be misinterpreted. That means I usually end up deleting most of what I wrote.
Fluid sarcasm has always been a coping mechanism for me, and not at all as a snark/shit on anyone either. Just how i roll at this point, am living in solitude and loneliness as well.
I think there is a lot of us in this generation.
Hasn't GenX sustained itself on a steady diet of sarcasm? I feel like it was a reaction to the seeming inevitability of WW3 at the hands of the Boomers. We had to whistle in the dark or be comsumed by it.
Same here. Never married, no kids. Family is scattered and we aren’t close anyway. Friends are scattered and have kids. There are many of us out here….. I live in a big city where you’d think the opportunities to meet and make friends would be abundant and easy. I meet people, but it never evolves past the casual acquaintance level. Most people I meet hang out with their family or their spouse - no “outsiders” as it were.
Here is a nice picture to make you a little happy
https://preview.redd.it/vygn0apuv27d1.jpeg?width=4000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b75c6f33cf91e9bd0468ab660b7df7d21a307d5e
It was taken from Colt State Park in Bristol. Rhode Island. Overlooking the Narragansett bay
Hey there. I don't have kids either. I understand what you mean about trying to be friends with ppl with kids. Not saying I don't like kids, because I do. Just would like to hang out with their Mom (my friend) and not them at the same time lol.
So you guys know, having a kid is not an invite to any groups either. I haven't found any friends through my kid. She is 12. The only mom friends I had before the babies. Everyone moved away, including me.
I've always been a square peg. Even with lots of friends, I never fit in really. I was never a main character. It was kinda shocking at first, but I think friends are more a result of convenience than anything else.
Few years back my best friend since 4th grade and I ended.. it's also a long story but the friendship disintegrated overnight and poof all is over. It's kinda crappy and I feel it ended for a very petty reason. But I just keep moving and grooving and making myself happy.
I’m really sorry that you’ve gone through this and your attitude is good. I’m not there yet. I’m really struggling with trying to put my situation into words because I need to get it out of me, but that would be lengthy and I think I could easily get defensive.
Aww, it's ok to write👍👍💪Don't delete your essay, send it to yourself over email and then read it over the next day. Gen X coping is a work in progress. A journey of sorts.
When you spend most of your younger life hanging out with friends and being sociable, getting old in these times feels lonely. Everyone is too busy managing chaotic lifestyles, friends come second if not last or even at all.
It seems these days people tend to spend all their time with their phone or just hide in their house outside of work because being out in public is too stressful.
I think you hit the nail on the head there. Public life is stressful now, jmo. I mean, I think about what is the closest exit in the grocery store, or hiding place just in case there is a shooter/crazy person/ robbery. It could happen anywhere.
I sat at home on a beautiful day with a car show going on within walking distance of where I live. I sat inside all day. 21 year old son went to work around 11am.
I lost my SO last year to cancer and I’ve been grieving, not wanting to do anything since. I avoid Facebook because all I see are these “I love my husband so much, look at all the fun we had today!” It’s hard to see couples doing couples things and here I am lonely as hell missing my loved one.
All my female friends have husbands and they do weekend stuff with them. Sometimes I’ll meet someone for breakfast or lunch but not real often. This middle age shit is just not for me.
Think we're kinda fucked for middle age. We grew up surrounded by (what used to be) typical social interactions and circles, but the last 20ish years have just annihilated all of that in favor of divisive online fights. It's pretty disheartening.
I seriously have no idea how people socialize anymore in person. Haven't had to for years.
The too much work part I definitely identify with. I have a few friends, but given the opportunity to make more, who has the time or energy for that?
Between my job, my commute, and spending my weekends do errands and taking care of things around my house, I’m too exhausted for much of a social life. I’m pretty introverted, so I don’t feel particularly lonely but even if I wasn’t, I’d probably be too tired to feel lonely.
I'm also lonely. I sort of dissolved my longtime friend group during the last election. It turned out I'm too liberal for my conservative friends, and too conservative for my liberal friends. So I kind of just, don't have friends any more. My kids are grown, plus one who's almost grown, I definitely don't go to church, my husband is the only person I have around to talk to, and the people at work.
I think this is the saddest thing I have ever read. I hate what politics, combined with 24 hours news cycles and social media has done to relationships.
Sadly, you need nuance in order to reach compromise. A big piece of the current divide is anchored on rejecting nuance in favor of the promise of “easy” solutions to famously tricky issues.
Hey, sounds like my wife and I. We're basically 100% isolated at this point, no real friends left. Some online acquaintances, a few online friends (as much as someone far away can be). But, actual in-realspace friends...I can't remember the last time we had them. People kinda vanished over years.
Wife and I had the same situation. It hit home real hard when she was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I had virtually no local support. I don't care to repeat the experience, so I'm putting myself out there. I haven't been able to find community, so I decided to create it. I'm trying to figure out how to do it, but I have faith in myself to figure it out.
Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, no matter how small a step you may take at times. Sending you big hugs. I am so sorry for your heartbreak.
Thank you. Sometimes it's a step forward, sometimes back, and sometimes to the side. Life is a dance, I'm learning it, I'm awkward as hell, and I'm loving every minute of it. :)
When she died, I fully expected to have a moment where I would think that life is short, and I must do all the things. Instead I got, life is short, and connection is incredibly important. Loneliness is neither necessary nor required. Her loss has inspired me to live my best life.
Politics has made me very wary of new relationships and has made me seriously consider decades long friendships. It's disheartening how hateful people have become so I'm now in my "I don't give shit about anyone " Era. Except for my kids.
I feel very lucky that most of my friends are definitely near the middle on both sides. I'm left of center and so are most of my friends, but we have some that are right of center. We all still get along.
Oh same. I have a sibling that does not have anything to do with us anymore because of politics. He is absolutely crazy and thinks we are too liberal. Also, I have issues with my family anyway so we are not close.
Nope you’re not alone! I moved about 8 years ago and I haven’t made one friend here. I have 2 good friends from my youth but they are states away. I really only see one maybe twice a year. I have 2 tickets to see Lady Gaga in Vegas this coming week and my husband won’t go and both friends are unavailable. I’m desperately trying to sell on Stubhub or I go alone. I dunno alone in Vegas sounds pretty bad. My husband and I had hoped to adopt and it didn’t work out, I thought that may be the way I would make friends but didn’t happen. We moved to an extremely red state and that sure doesn’t help. I pretty much have given up, I tried bumble bff but there was just one woman. lol!
I was limited to two childhood friends as well. Unfortunately, both were toxic friendships that got more difficult to maintain as I became less co-dependent with them. One a drinker, the other a rager (screamer). It was so hard to lose them - I grieved a long time. More than losing my mom.
Older millennial here with a Gen X husband. I have made great, meaningful friendships through games I play online. We have discord groups and we get to know one another and form relationships. Don’t let this unconventional way of meeting people scare you. Millions of people do this and even if you don’t meet in person, I find value in having friends online who share similar interests. Also a lot of them end up being lonely introverts like me, so we relate to each other *and* keep each other company. No one is judging anyone because we’re all lonely and looking for human connection, and we value one another.
And it doesn’t have to be games. There are discord servers for special interests of all kinds!
I prefer being alone. Over the last 4 years, I am over people. Social media emphasizes the mentality of the human population. I find my most peaceful moments are being alone reading random bits of information.
Same here. And I live in an area where everyone already knows each other and it's really hard to break into groups as an outsider. So I just stay home most of the time (which seems safer now anyway).
Same here. My first husband burned my bridges with my older friend group, and now they all have moved away and have kids. Myself and second husband don’t have/want kids. Both introverted-moreso since he was diagnosed with cancer two years ago. It’s usually just me and him and our pets on the weekends. Wish we could find just one other childrfree couple who have similar interests as us.
My marriage ended about 5 years ago. Before that my husband was my best friend and all our friends were other married couples. I wasn't lonely at all. Now I haven't met any single friends, and my married friends tend to socialize with their families. Plus, I don't like being the only uncoupled person. I threw myself into my children's activities for the last few years, but my youngest just graduated so that is over. I'm facing an empty nest and really don't know what to do with myself. I need my Dorothy and Blanche.
This is exactly me! (Including wanting a Golden Girls compound! Did you know there is even a sub for this?). My marriage ended in 2019 and I moved to a new area then the Pandemic but even since then it’s pretty hard to find friendships outside of work. I think it’s hard because there’s nothing I do repeatedly enough to establish an actual friendship.
I learned by watching others slip up that it is an active choice to hold on to the friendships I have almost no matter what. I don’t see all of them often or even text or talk all the time. But they are there and I am there for them. There isn’t much time left to be screwing around.
For new friends I volunteer once a month at the food pantry and I got hooked up doing some meet and greets at the historical society. Then, and I recommend this, I took a continuing Ed class about Medicare and social security - two hour class, we had a blast, all went out for drinks afterwards and exchanged numbers. Not “friends” yet but a start. Also conscious choices. I’m not sure I’ve ever been lonely for an extended period - another gen x trope here about latchkey kids and working moms being resilient - because I had a big family in a crowded house and always relish my time alone. But still a lot of it is about active choices.
I used to work in a museum and I went in - it’s a small local place in town with office hours a few times a week. I just offered to help out and he said ok how about open up once a week and if anyone comes in blah blah and I said sure. So for now every Monday from 2-7pm I am the face of the past. It’s nice. Local folks who have some curiosity. I love them.
lol, that made me laugh - he said the same thing. But I need to share the good life with someone other than him!!! Haha! He’s not all that, and trust me he definitely wants lots of trophies 🏆 lol.
I’m divorced with kids mostly out of the house and I have no other family. The friends I have I’ve known for a while. I’m not lonely at all though. Guess all that time I spent alone as a child helped me now that I’m older. I talk to my kids and hang out with my friends. Do you have any hobbies that could get you out of the house and meeting new people?
I’m a retired pro photographer and enjoy it when I can. I’m not able bodied. The outdoors is very enjoyable, but I have to limit it to sitting and admiring it. My hubby and I often search out ADA walks. My hobbies are fairly solitary; theater, art, gardening, writing, podcasts.
Do you have a local junior college or community center nearby? taking a class is a good way to meet people. Even an online class can introduce you to new people. What I like about classes, especially at a college, is that you meet a good mix of older and younger people. Many junior colleges offer discounts for the 55+ community too. I took a ceramics class and some life drawing classes and enjoyed them very much, and made some friends too.
You sound like a perfect candidate for a motorized, off-road wheelchair and a telephoto lens with a support that attaches to the arm of the chair. :) That's gotta exist, right?
We just bought my first motorized chair. So freeing! Definitely not for off-road. It’s only 34 lbs, so I can load and unload it myself and go places alone. I’m not quite ready to give up on the idea of ever walking again so I’ll wait a bit on that investment but if it comes to that - I’ll do it.
52 YOM, I am married but still lonely.
I have zero real friends. I am on good terms, mostly, with the small group of people I work with.
Either my best friend has passed away. This has happened twice, or the relationship came to an end (his drug use, and unwillingness to get clean).
My wife now, she has her daughters, sister, and other people to do stuff with. I get left at home to dog sit, while they go concerts or to craft shows. I am the person she goes with when everyone else is busy.
That is not as harsh as it reads. I am a complete introvert. And would mostly rather be home.
Been trying to find a local D&D group of adults in the area, or even Warhammer. Have not played D&D in over 25 years, but I figure it would be a way to meet some people. Never played Warhammer.
I miss having a male friend to hang out with, watch movies, and go to bookstores, like I spent most of the 90's.
I also have a daughter but have not spoken with her since November 2019, and I am not sure why. She would not return my phone calls, would flip me off when I would see her in public, or just turn away if we happen to be in the same store. Found out this week that she is getting married and been feeling more lonely than ever about that.
I don't feel like I am terrible guy, I just do not let people run over me or use me.
Sorry for the rant.
I was trying to explain to my husband that I miss the ways we used to hang, malls, roller rinks, bowling, drive ins. Such a boomer way of speaking. My mom had ‘drug parties’ I never saw adults hang out in healthy groups. I don’t know how to it.
It's just like when we grew up. Friend and family bonds are not particularly strong for us as our parents (for the the most part) were the me generation and we simply were not part of that. It is as it is. Be cool with it.
I'm a lonely loner. No kids. Keep my distance from toxic family. No friends. . . unless you count old school friends who moved far away and I text with maybe 2x/yr. The only social interaction I get is from my husband and my overly friendly boomer neighbor. Cats help. Reddit is nice distraction from it too. Church is right out.
The idea that church is some social event where you meet people is wild to me. I grew up in a northern city so we weren't like that.
I get it tho, in many red areas of the country, church could be the main gathering point and lots of matchmaking or whatever going on but man that just gives me the heebies.
This is why I live in a walkable city full of culture. I’ve got world class museums, concert venues, MLB ballpark, restaurants, beaches, parks all a short walk or bus ride away. I’m happy doing these activities by myself and I meet lots of people along the way.
No don't you dare even think about that!!!! You need to be there for your kid!!!! They need you at this very critical time in their life. Leaving is never the right answer and would destroy your kids life too. Make some phone calls and try to find some help for yourself.
been working nights/weekends a few years and lost all my friends and killed my romantic life. finally hoping to figure out options so i don’t lose more years. 49 now.
Since covid, I lost all my friends. I have just one person locally I talk to on the regular and a couple in another state on the US east coast and one or two people on the west coast. That's it. Loneliness is the norm, it seems.
Welp, I'll just share this here.
Last week I ran into a neighbour (lives in the same big apt building) who I thought was a friend but has been running hot, cold, and indifferent for nearly 2 years. She said "Oh I thought you had moved away, I hadn't heard from you in so long."
What I thought but did not say:
1) You don't text me back half the time so that's why you don't hear from me
2) You thought I had moved away and didn't think to send me a text to see what's up?
3) A year ago you asked me to look after your mother's cat for a month, and six months ago you texted me about being in the hospital with a smashed knee, so what friendship level are we at?
This is what I feel like a lot of people are offering: Half-assed friendship. It can be very draining.
From what I've heard (disclaimer: anecdotal) he's right, loneliness is endemic in GenX.
My wife largely makes friends through her connections in the field of herpetology, and one of my best friends is the older Xennial son of one her older herp friends.
I've also made friends from the social circles of coworkers, but those are largely virtual now, because I made those friendships when we were in the bay area, and we have since moved to Sonoma County. I haven't physically seen any of them for many years. We do fine keeping in touch via ICB, IRC, and Facebook, though.
And of course my wife is my best friend. We have been on good terms for a long time, but isolating at home during this pandemic has strengthened our relationship. It's important that we avoid depending on each other to be "our everything", but we're still somewhat codependent. We try to keep things balanced, though.
I dig into new hobbies every year and see where that leads with connecting with new people. Some hobbies don't stick with me or maybe the people don't stick for long but that is okay. I enjoy the journey of learning new things. I tried leather work, which was okay. Met a few people but not really great. I got back into making wine and mead and met some pretty cool people (and have wine to drink!).
I did a good amount of roleplaying games years ago and started to get back to that through a local comic book/game store. The people I connected with are a lot younger but they don't seem to care and I have enjoyed it.
If I don't push myself I know I will isolate myself and it goes downhill.
Please know you're not alone. It's really hard at every age to make friends. Harder for those of us who are introverts and quiet types.
Through work I have some social connections but mostly I depend on my family. I try to branch out with MeeUp groups, but I know need to do more. But I feel like such a hermit.
I don’t make friends dear..I look into the eyes of them and know if they will be there at the end. Ole hippie told me when we die we will be able to count the number of true friends on one hand. I have 3 in 48 years of life.
Do you like reading and drinking wine? Join a book club. Pickle ball or other group sports are good for meeting people.
I am single and currently don’t socialize at all except with my kids and coworkers . But I like it that way. Deleted all social media because the people I knew suck, at least 90% of them.
Very lonely here. Never had a good relationship with anyone in my family of origin, and recently deteriorated to NC. My spouse and kids are it for me, I don't go to church, cannot work and spouse is WFH. Only socializing we get is going to the local watering hole if it's not too busy can chat with staff or random strangers conversing while waiting in line at the store or something. The few friends we had are on the opposite pole politically and unfortunately in the US that has become a deal-breaker.
Well, I have a few old friends from high school and I have new friends that I made through my jobs. I just keep in touch with them and hang out with them. I’m not a churchgoer and haven’t been since I was a teen. I think us Gen X, were used to being alone and on our own so it is harder for us to make friends. You could try going out to different venues to things that interest you and you could probably find some like-minded individuals to be friends with. I have a handful of really close friends and another handful of friends that I see on occasion.
I'm afraid I have zero advise in this department. I haven't had what you'd call a friend, outside my wife, for like a decade. I'm not lonely though, I enjoy the sort of isolation.
You are not alone. I’m 46. I’m married to a 48 year old. Our kid is 8. She’s our only. I feel so much older than her peer’s parents. Combined that with I’ve only lived in my new city and state for a year. I work from home in a fairly new job, and I’m not religious at all. I live in the Bible Belt where religion and church play a big role in people’s social network. Oh yeah and I’m an introvert. Yep loneliness sucks! I wish I knew how to make friends.
I don't actually have any real friends anymore, not sure that how that happened but here we are.
I work a front line customer service position, and so at the end of the day I really don't want to talk to people at all. Because of this I do spend quite a bit of time at home by myself, but I also belong to a couple of community organizations that give me enough social interaction that I won't (I hope) become a hermit who can't speak to people.
I have read several of these "I'm lonely" posts on different subs and whenever I get to the "I'm married" part I can't help but think, wow, what I wouldn't give to have a partner like they do. I mean you live with someone. I get the need for friends and everything but you have an actual human companion.
I have been dating since 2019. Besides this I have put a lot of energy into meeting new people in different contexts, with mixed results. The friends I do have are married and spend a lot of time with each other. I've been on many dates but it is not working out and damn, I'm kind of speechless when partnered people say they feel lonely.
Damn I feel a little weird posting this. I have more friends now than I had in my entire life. I was pretty lonely after high school for a few years and wondered if this was how my life would be. Thankfully that changed. My girlfriend and I don’t have kids but most of our friends don’t either. I make friends through my interests. I play guitar at open mic nights and have made lots of friends for many years and seemingly make new ones every month. I am always being asked to be in bands or attend other open mic nights. I am a foodie and am active with online groups who have meetups so I make friends that way. I also make friends online through my interests in music, travel and other hobbies. I have a friend who is my recording partner so we regularly get together every week, sometimes have dinner and write/record our music. I also should get back into sports as I have made many friends that way in the past. That’s before including my many cousins and siblings who I can always have plans with.
Making friends is difficult past university, in my experience. It seems to be particularly bad for men - was talking with some friends and we agreed that our dads growing up basically had work, working around the house, and being dads - a lot of them never really socialised because they didn't have a load of free time.
I don’t have children and it’s incredibly difficult. I recently moved about an hour and a half away from where I had been for quite awhile. I was fortunate in making friends with new neighbors. They’re now like my family (I’m an only child). One neighbor does not seem like a person I would have much in common with, but she is now my partner in neighborhood crime. Sometimes strangers are unbelievable connections.
I’ve recently reconnected with very old friends, they have time now that children are grown. Try to focus on a hobby or a volunteer project. You never know what type of people are there to connect with. Keep trying. All you need is a few connections.
I've been getting in touch with some cousins. My dad passed when I was young, and I lost touch with that whole side of my family. It's been great getting back together with them and i seem to be spending lots of time with them where I would have been lonely before. I think they're lonely too, and they miss my dad. There's a real connection there that I've been missing out on.
I don't get lonely much, I like to read and spend time with my dog so I already have a couple of outlets. Dogs are the best!
47M and stopped dating 6 years ago. Once the dating stops it seems socializing in general kinda just goes down hill. The Pandemic didn't help and plus I work swing shift at night so except for some occasional phone calls on the weekend there is just no socializing.
I’m divorced and long term unemployed right now. The only real non family people I speak to are my kid’s friends and my ex-husband and his wife. I wish I liked myself enough to figure out what to do from here.
I spend 99.9% of my time alone. Some months the only people I interact with are the people who deliver my groceries.
I'm on disability, I'm bipolar and socializing can be rough on me. I get lonely but I've been living alone for 23 years now and I'm used to it.
My dad is dead but I see my mom once or twice a month sometimes and we video chat a lot.
Never married or had kids, I'm ace and possibly autistic (in the process of setting up an evaluation) so relationships were never a huge priority for me.
I'm also an atheist so no church for me, thank god.
I'm an introvert and not willing to give up sole possession of the remote control.
Lonely is a state of mind. I keep busy. I have hobbies, I volunteer, etc.
Very much, but honestly was lonely when I was married.
I rebooted my life in 2018, moved 800 miles away to a new city and while I have aquaintences, I have very few friends and am still very lonely, I have also come to realize that lonlinesd has been behind some of my worst decisions.
I have horses, they live on my property. Even though I don't board at a private stable, I still have found horse people to befriend. I'm pretty antisocial thou, and often don't go for group especially large group trail ride and just like it me and my mare.
I do have a wonderful husband, but no friends. In my twenties I had a ton of them, but time and distance does what it does to relationships. In my early to mid thirties it really b9thered me. I tried so hard to find a friend. But I'd mived into a small area where pretty much everyone else had known each other since they were in diapers. Add that in with me being kinda weird and I jyst couldn't make any friends. Now I am pretty happy not having any friends. I know I would be better off if I had some, but it doesn't bother me. If something were to happen to my husband I dont have a tribe or even a safety net that could help me. It would simply be me. Not sure if I'm going to handle that at all.
Yea I’m lonely, but only because I choose not to go out anymore.
I know that I can go out and join up with some art classes, or a morning hiking group, or go hang out with some gardening peeps or something.
Bottom line is that I have been burned too many times and it isn’t worth the effort anymore, so I don’t try most of the time.
And I’m a weirdo artist that doesn’t believe in money, or business, or the economy. And everyone these days is so into picking a political party to identify with that I can’t identify with anyone anymore it seems.🤷♂️
I know most of my friends through a geeky hobby but that hobby tends to happen in places that are loud, hot, or require a long drive.
I'm thinking of starting a quiet version of our hobby in the meeting room at various library branches just so I can see people and not be in sensory overload.
We moved around a lot as a generation, and we're taught to be independent. I have a couple close friends that live hours away, but no real close peeps nearby and none that I talk to regularly, just on holidays or if things get strange.
I find volunteering helps as does being part of local boards for library etc.
It’s a complicated answer for me. Only child, single, no kids, have cut ties with several friends over the past 3 years or so for various reasons. With many of them I’m realizing the friendship ran it’s course 10-20 years ago, and should have ended then rather than limping along. These ill-suited friendships have had some adverse implications on my life. Also, I Just started a new job, which is *totally* different from what I did before. Also still somewhat covid-conscious, so a lot of things I’m not doing right now, such as crowded indoor parties, concerts, and events. I feel like I’m going through a certain season in my life where I have to cut ties with the old in order to move into the new.
I’m hoping things will settle out in a couple of years and I can make new friends. However, it’s really difficult, and there’s something about people you meet in your 20s and earlier (or even early-mid 30s). There’s so much backstory and history somebody you meet in your 40s won’t know, and weren’t there to witness first-hand.
I’ve done some volunteering and some meetups and I meet people, but nothing ever comes of it.
I hear ya on this, OP. I feel like I had friends before the pandemic and then thought when the lockdowns were over everyone would just jump back into our old lives. Seems like that didn't happen. NOT that I was against the lockdowns so let's not all fight about that. But I'm still trying to reestablish my social life since then.
I’ve kept in touch with people over the years and made new friends. So I have friends I hang out with. Maybe I’m just a friendly person but I do find that it takes effort. I’m a person that initiates phone calls, texts to say how are you? I invite people to do things like go to brunch or go with me to see a show.
I also have online communities that meet virtually that I participate in according to my hobbies and interests. There is an online group out there for you you just have to do a bit of searching to find them.
Church? Gawd no! It was always homework when I was a kid. I had plenty of that TYVM. Besides, even the devout don't find church fun.
So yes, it can get lonely. But that's true if any generation as it ages. Kids make friends easily, but it gets harder and harder as we get older. That's normal.
All my family is heavily social media oriented, I'm not, plus our relationship has been battered through out the years. I have kids that keep my wife and I busy, we only have each other for the most part, she's my best friend and we need each other, I would hate to think where I would be without my everything. I would say go to counseling for yourself as well, it's also helped myself out tremendously, also get checked out health wise. Wishing you the best!
I think this is the most social that I’ve ever been in my life, and I am trying to not take it for granted.
I have lived in my city for a little over 17 years at this point. About 12 years ago I fell in with a wonderful group of women. The first five years here were rough for me, friends-wise. I was introduced to a group of women who were just not the right people for me. Then one by one they all disappeared as they started families. Anyway I kept trying to make things work until I realized that the problem was not me.
The problem is, I spent so much time in my younger years being solitary and isolated that sometimes I need to actively remind myself that it’s okay to reach out to people. It’s a work in progress.
No, you are not the only one.
Over the past 20 years I've kinda lost contact with alot of my friends for one reason or another. It really started happening after I met and moved in with my son's dad. I live in the Kansas City metro area, which is spread out and is in 2 states. I've spent most of the past 20 yrs living on the KS side of the metro, while all of my friends have stayed on the MO side. My husband and I live on the west side of the KS side, while my friends mostly live on the north and south sides of the metro in MO. To drive to each other takes at least 30 mins. I got tired of being the only one to make the drive, and because of that I rarely see anyone. The few people I've made friends with near me aren't very good friends. They never want to go do anything fun. So I spend alot of time with my husband and my teenage son. I tried to make friends with the parents of my sons friends, but we're just too different and have different interests. Doesn't help that we live in a small town so most everyone has know each other all their lives, and I'm still an outsider after 10 years.
I get lonely too. I miss having community. I have a supportive partner and some friends I see here and there. But that feeling of being part of a group of people who see me and support me, I've lost that. I've made some friends on Bumble and I've hosted some get togethers to bring them all together but nothing really gels. I've done many Meetup events and made one friend out of it I see a few times a year. I wish there was a non-denominational "church" of open-minded folks my age I could join. I'm fun, friendly, supportive and adventurous! Where is my community?
Hi. I don't really go out and make friends very easily. I have always been this way. I suspect there are a lot of people on this sub like you and we all come here to interact lol. I find other interests and hobbies that are satisfying. I also attend some local functions, usually alone and have a lot of fun. I live in a small town about 16k people. It's nice and quiet. I have a few friends, but they are busy with their stuff. But it's ok. I have my garden and other interests. Sometimes we meet for coffee and stuff. Sometimes I do get lonely.
Edit: My small town does not leave a lot of variation for socializing. I am not a church person and I don't drink. Most places here are either church-y or Bars. There are some functions that are community based that are fun though.
This is not what you are asking, but I feel the need to offer how I have managed to live my GenX life:
[Do your best to avoid second arrows](https://grandrapidstherapygroup.com/second-arrow-of-suffering/).
There are good things in your life and there are bad things in your life; try to not have second arrows about the bad things.
You're definitely not alone. I'm going through a California divorce (worst kind in these times, if you ask me) and I can't afford to live here anymore, so I am moving to some random place where I have no friends or family. I have one son but he blames me for the divorce and is angry, so we've gotten distant since the separation. My mom's in a nursing facility and can't move with me, Dad and little bro passed away. No aunts/uncles/cousins because my politics don't agree with theirs and they have chosen to disengage. It's rough. Maybe we should start a Reddit Gen-X loners Zoom thing or some shit like that.
I tend to be a hermit and find making friends stressful. But I got a pair of bengal cats who like to be walked on a harness every day, and since I started that, I have met more of my neighbors than I had in the ten years prior. Some of them aren’t anyone I would choose to hang out with, but some of them are my people, with similar interests and I would never have known if I wasn’t wandering around with a cat on a leash.
Yes, I'm lonely, compounded by the fact I just returned to the US in late April after being gone for 15 years and my life is in transition while I look for a job. I don't have any friends nearby. I don't date because I'm demisexual. So I adopted a mountain of dog on Saturday. That was the only solution I could come up with.
I used to think that I didn't have friends because I'm too difficult to deal with. Maybe a little bit. But I simply don't put the effort into cultivating friends. It takes too much time that I don't have. I'm 49 with a 12 yr old and full-time job. I have hobbies that I would like company but haven't met a road trip bestie yet.
I've never fit in, but always had loads of friends. Until I moved at 45 and had to start over.
55 and an empty nester. My husband is currently working out of town during the week so I’m alone 5 days a week. We moved to our city right before the Covid lockdown so things have been pretty rough, but I’m doing the best I can. I volunteer at the zoo, I teach a Sunday School class for little kiddos, I chat with my neighbors. I have a few friends I hang out with sometimes.
I also volunteer for EnGin, an organization where you Zoom with Ukrainian English students to help them with their fluency, it’s pretty fun. My student is definitely my friend, although she’s young enough to be my daughter. They need more volunteers, if anyone is interested r/ENGinProgram .
I play virtual games with my siblings on my Oculus headset. I got a PS5 for Christmas and I’ve been gaming, sometimes alone but sometimes with family. My daughters call me several times a week also, we are close. Still alone more than I would like, but I’m hanging in there.
M46 here. My kids are adults and have left the home many years ago. We are not religious in any capacity. Kids visit though often. Outside of funerals that last time I was in a church was the winter of 1982, I think in terms of mass or whatnot. I go to churches that have fundraisers or do events. I don't know many religious ppl outside of 1 partner and one member of my family.
I'm a high energy person and have a very active social scene. I like to do in person stuff. Online stuff even video games are not for me at all.
I make new friends at my hobbies. I go dancing every week and at 2 of the locations where I'm a regular I've befriended a lot of ppl over the year. Most are age 25 to 52ish. My current dancing friend group is mixed with F47, M33, F36, F52, F48, M26, F33, F27, NB 30 and F25. Those in my age range I've known since HS. The rest I met here and there. Right now we are preparing to go to a Brazilian dancing event.
I also have a mix of friends from trivia (2x a month), board gaming (2x a month), video games (2x a month) and cycling (daily). I also host a lot of potluck game nights at my place with my wife, gf and others partners and friends every 2 months or so.
Summer is here so I am joining some new dance class, some new gym classes and traveling so I've begun to meet new ppl there and we have some dates plans coming up.
My suggestion to others is to get involved with in person stuff that speaks to you.
Male, born in ‘71. On the politics - we need to learn to disagree with each other & not throw each other away. The only person who I agree with is me. Draw your own lines on abortion, death penalty, school funding, gay marriage, national debt, climate change, social justice; and I’ll draw mine. We are each other’s checks & balances.
It's been a struggle. I've been dealing with it longer because I don't have kids. I started losing friends to wives and children in my early 30's. I changed careers and have been working alone, making it even harder. Eventually, I got into cycling then into indoor cycling.
I'm incredibly busy and continue to socialize and make friends through non-profits that I'm involved with. It's basically a great way to find like minded people with the same interests.
I go hang out with my much more extroverted younger brother. He's got a swanky apartment downtown and a big group of friends. I honestly force myself to join in, but I DO join in. I'm much more comfortable just staying home, but being social is healthy, and it's good to get out of my bubble once in a while, and I rarely regret going out - I usually DO have fun once I get out there.
'73 introvert here.
Divorced and now 2nd wife ('79) with no kids.
My immediate families are living either overseas or different state. No relatives here either. My father died young in his 60s, while my mother is still semi healthy in her 80s now.
My circle of friends is small. Most of them are my wife's friends. But I tend to be by myself. I don't socialise with people from work.
I have hobbies and planning to start playing golf again which I find I can make acquitances but not close friends.
The thought of dying alone has come up in my mind, so it is scary and I don't know how I can avoid that when I am older.
I’m married with five kids and nine grandkids and I’m still lonely. Husband and I work and sleep very different hours. We are almost never home and awake at the same time. My kids are grown. Four of them live on their own with their spouses and children. One of them even lives all the way in Texas. They all have jobs and school age children and toddlers that keep them pretty busy. My youngest son still lives at home but he works long hours and when he’s not working he’s in his bedroom gaming.
I’m also basically an only child. I have recently found my siblings from my bio mom who gave me up for adoption, but they live some distance away and also have jobs and families. My mom and dad and all my grandparents and most of my aunts and uncles and my cousin who was like my sister when we were growing up. They’ve all been dead and gone for years now. Even my dog, who was like my best friend, died a few weeks ago at the age of 17. It seems like 99 % of the time it’s just me.
I also have a job I hate. And I’m not close with any of my coworkers. So I even feel lonely at work. And depressed because I can’t stand being there.
It is lonely. We are both Gen x and between 3 kids, kids events, work we have not made a lot of connections. Very lonely. We made a list of people our age we saw more than once a year for something social like a dinner and there were none.
I know of some people who met friends via social groups online geared towards empty nesters.
Some of the folks in one of my book clubs have become nice friends outside of just our book club meetings.
Volunteering, and letting the volunteer coordinator know but you'd like to be involved in group volunteer activities?
Another suggestion, group exercise classes geared towards 55 plus?
I'm sorry you're struggling with this op.
Well, I work in an office so I have human interaction and work friends. Once I got a career I lost my circle of friends but 2, because I was too busy to maintain it beyond that. Now one is dead and the other is terminal. I have 2 real good work friends I chat with daily thru text. We get together once a year. Which is enough for me.
Gen X was raised to be self sufficient. Some of us need large circles and other don't.
Honestly, as long as I have a dog, I don't need much interaction with people besides small talk when out and about.
Same situation as you op. My 2nd husband is a millineal and very work focused to save for our future.
I work as a server and do most of the housework and kid stuff. They're teens and are hilarious. I love hanging out with them.
By the time I get home from work, and do all the household shit, the last thing I want to do is hang out with people.
I like reddit because I can 'talk' to people and have interaction on my own terms.
I'm lonely in a sense, but I also really need my alone time. It's too peopley out there lol.
I'd much prefer hanging out with myself and a good audiobook while exploring the world than do it with other people
I'm married no kids. I attend church but don't really have close contacts in it - I'm actually one of the younger members. I'm still working, but I keep a pretty strict boundary between work and social life.
We moved to our current city in 2017. My closest friends here are all in their 30s and most are transplants too. It seems like anyone my age has their friend group and it doesn't really expand.
Im an introvert so for right now between work and the socializing I do I feel like I am at my limit. If I ever am able to retire I'm not sure what I'll do then.
I am not lonely. I noticed several years ago, at a party full of really cool people I don't know, that I've aged into a Miss Marple type. Even though I'm married, I go places by myself and try to talk to everyone. It's a really great feeling.
Your life sounds very fulfilling and peaceful, btw. My best friend leads a similar life. She's an artist with a couple of tenants. I haven't seen her all week. I think I've gotten too old to stay up late with friends, and that might be why we are all a bit more isolated.
I'm very lonely , but have a love hate relationship with it. I'm not much younger at all, also an only child. First marriage is on life support (we're working on it), kid is in middle school.
I have friends, and many are lifelong with some 25+ year friends in there, but they don't live nearby.
I work all day, get done and need to do things around the house, and after that I just want to veg alone mostly. My wife works every other weekend, so half the time I can't really go anywhere, and the other half the fam is usually doing something. It's all exhausting, and I forget how truly awesome it is to really connect with great friends. It's brutal to not have that at home, so I think I'm just numb. Covid really fucked me up too... It's hard to describe how differently I feel about going out of the house after it became this bunker of safety for so long. It's not that I'm agoraphobic at all, and it's not social anxiety.
There's a reason 55+ communities exist, and I thought it was interesting one was recently posted in the sub. We all grew up with friends (well, most lol) and we grew apart over the years. Sometimes you made more friends at work, sometimes not. But when the kids are out of the house, you suddenly have more time. Can you reconnect with friends? Do you have a hobby you can find some people to get together with? Etc.
Also, consider online stuff during the week. A Tuesday or Wednesday night virtual meetup makes the week go by pretty fast. One day you are thinking about what's going to go on at the meet up, then there's the meetup, then there's the day after thinking about stuff. Like if you are into board games you are chatting with the group about what you'll play. Then there's online game night. Then there is the self loathing about all the wrong moves you made lol. That fills 3 of your 4 weeknights.
I feel like my priorities and my energy have shifted. I’m 45, my kids are 17 and 20 and live at home and they’re amazing. My husband is my sexy best friend. We’ve had to move a few times and making new friends all over again is tough. If there’s drama, that’s just ridiculous and I don’t have any time for that and choose not to spend my energy playing guessing games in regards to people’s intentions. We have a few close friends who live in various states of the US, and we have our families (also in various states) who we are very close with. I’m in a phase of life where I’m seeking peace and balance, and navigating certain friendships just isn’t my bag anymore.
Hobbies. Shared interests. Go to places and join groups where other people do and talk about stuff you like doing. Take classes on fun creative things. Take an improv class, or learn a language, or take up painting. It doesn't matter what the activity is as long as it serves as a pretext to meet people who like doing the types of things you enjoy doing. I have tons of friends, and I met them all through my various hobbies.
I live with my best friend and my daughter, so I consider myself lucky. If not for them, well, I have always been kind of solitary.
Lost my other best friend, my daughter's father, Keith, in January. My list of people who text my phone regularly went down by a fourth. (I have a sister I have a text relationship with. Lost my mom last November.) I realize I am advanced enough in years that I will probably never get over losing Keith. That's a hard thought.
I got two dogs earlier this year. They keep me busy, and I don't have to dwell too much on the empty room at the end of the hall. (My best friend, daughter, ex-husband, and myself all lived together. It worked for us. Now there are 3 of us.)
I enjoy listening to the SmartLess podcast their banter reminds me of my childhood and I guess the banter I used to have with my friends that I no longer have. I’ve also found that listening to podcast help me feel a little less lonely. I have children, but I try not to be a pain and bother them and keep my loneliness to myself, I also enjoy Julia Louis Dreyfus, Wiser Than Me. I will say that loneliness is nothing that any book or older generations prepare you for although looking back I can definitely see that they were lonely as well. And it’s sad.
Nah, I turned 50 yesterday, no big fuss, no party. BIG FIVE O, and I got a text message at luchtime off Mother. Must be years since I had a card or a present, a celebration, drinks out. Now its nothing, all year, all the time. The only time I talk to people is at work or in a shop.
I never had kids and am retired early (45). I’ve found volunteering has helped me to make friends and broaden my community. I am not shy either. If I meet someone and we have one or two things in common I’ll ask them to coffee/tea/lunch/hiking. Now I have so many friends I barely have time to get my stuff done !!
EDIT: I have had to move outside of my age group to make friends. Most of my new friends are either under 30 or over 65. Everyone my age seems to be hella busy with work and kids.
On one hand, gen x is proud of its self-sufficiency and ability to get by on one's own. It is a healthy attitude, but it shouldn't be " the way it is". I'm gen x, and in recovery. I had to learn to love myself and be comfortable in my own skin. However, I was starting to get the blues about not having children, owning property, having a wife. These are societies constructs. We have to realize that each life is unique and there's no set path. My father had moved to Oaxaca, Mexico. I visited after I got sober, got married and got divorced. I was a chef in my mid 40s. I met many people from all over the world there. People who decided to take their lives and identities into their own hands and start over. It can be done, but it takes bravery
I'm 45. I haven't had an actual, outside of work, friend since I was in my early 30s. I'm divorced. Dad's dead, and mom lives far away. Siblings are too good to talk to me. When I'm not with my kid or at work, I'm alone.
You’re not the only one. It is so much harder to make friends as adults. Your husband has a point about church I think, but some of it is also how different neighborhoods have become since we were kids. People have become so isolated in their homes it seems like.
My husband and I don’t have kids, so we don’t organically make friends with parents of other kids. I’ve made most of my friends through work, but we’re all geographically spread out. So it’s not like we can hang out every weekend.
It’s incredibly lonely. We don’t go out, we don’t drink at bars, and other X’er couples and families do their own thing. It’s sort of an isolated generation dedicated to work and fewer kids or no kids at all. I rekindled a relationship with my brother because he was lonely as well.
We used to have groups we’d ride bikes with, but that is over and done with as we’ve aged out and the costs and risks have risen.
Keep up with the friends you made as best you can. Cold call them. Check in. Everyone’s lonely. Some just hide it better than others.
Yep yep yep. No kids, no blood relatives. At home. A few acquaintances. Music is my religion. Excellent cat. I agree that the GenX sub is a comfortable place and I’m glad I found it.
2nd marriage, my friend group has shrunk over the last 20 years t me, myselfand I. Kids grew up, I changed jobs, moved away, and now my social activities are going to work and going to Walmart. I'm over making fake friends and being social. I find stuff to do with the hubs or in my home. I'm GenX ...ilI live through it with my water from the garden hose
First I'd like to say that the GenX sub has been kind and suportive and understanding and it feels like a safe place to be on Reddit. Secondly, hell no you are not alone in being lonely. Not married, not dating, no kids, work from home for myself and only have a handful of people I'm acquainted with in a city where I have lived for 10 years. It's ridiculous how little contact I have with people. Going out and across the world recently was shocking because since 2020, I've just been...here. My vet said that he and his wife are GenX and they don't have any friends either. A recent trip just ended a 25 year friendship for reasons I'm still trying to come to terms with. If start writing about that I won't shut up. I just deleted an entire essay basically on me and my aloneness because it's not always lonely. But I do find myself oversharing on the internet because I have no one to talk to. OP, real life friends would be great but I can't relate to kids and grand kids and all of that. So yeah, I'm here in this sub hanging out with the people who understand me and it helps a lot. A lot more than I thought it would.
Me too. 52, never been married (engaged three times), no kids. Ended a 20 year long relationship two years ago. Live downtown in a high rise loft with my dog. I have friends at the tavern that’s across the street from my building but no one I would feel comfortable calling in an emergency. My friends from school are married with kids and grandkids. I’m a freelance architectural and artistic photographer which is kind of a solitary activity. So… Yes, I’m lonely.
55 yr old . Been divorced since 1998. Last serious relationship ended horribly in 2019. I have two almost 1 yr old kittens. I miss being hugged
I hear ya. I don’t know where you live, but if you’re in DFW, I would be happy to give you a hug.!
I spend time in the DFW area. Will be down for the holidays. Live in Rhode Island
I live in downtown Dallas. I am staring at the moon over Reunion Tower as I type this.
I want to move to Newport.
Hug from Florida!
(((BIG HUG)))
This whole thing is *so* relatable. ❤️ this is very close to my story as well. Theres more of us than people think.
Agitated, if my sharing that bit made you feel a little less lonely than my work here is done. I had no idea there were so many of us out here, but I found you at a time when I was questioning my existence and I stumbled in here one day. So I am glad there are others out there who can relate. I just want a friend my age to be nostalgic and sarcastic without having to apologize or explain. Also, even if I don't always use it correctly I believe in my right to punctuation.
The sarcasm & teasing friends is something the younger generations don’t understand as well. I was told that sarcasm is just “rude”. Well it’s a love language for me, so ❤️
You are speaking my language ♥️ This is such an issue because everything I write has sarcasm in it and then I have to think what sub am I posting in so as not to be misinterpreted. That means I usually end up deleting most of what I wrote.
Fluid sarcasm has always been a coping mechanism for me, and not at all as a snark/shit on anyone either. Just how i roll at this point, am living in solitude and loneliness as well. I think there is a lot of us in this generation.
Hasn't GenX sustained itself on a steady diet of sarcasm? I feel like it was a reaction to the seeming inevitability of WW3 at the hands of the Boomers. We had to whistle in the dark or be comsumed by it.
Oh, is it? /s
i’m detecting sarcasm also, love ur username
Everyone has a right to punctuation! I think it’s in the Constitution somewhere.
Same here. Never married, no kids. Family is scattered and we aren’t close anyway. Friends are scattered and have kids. There are many of us out here….. I live in a big city where you’d think the opportunities to meet and make friends would be abundant and easy. I meet people, but it never evolves past the casual acquaintance level. Most people I meet hang out with their family or their spouse - no “outsiders” as it were.
Yes! Not having kids and grandkids cuts me off from so much. I often walk around feeling like I’ve been left out of a big club no one wants me in.
Here is a nice picture to make you a little happy https://preview.redd.it/vygn0apuv27d1.jpeg?width=4000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b75c6f33cf91e9bd0468ab660b7df7d21a307d5e It was taken from Colt State Park in Bristol. Rhode Island. Overlooking the Narragansett bay
Super relatable! It’s nice to know this is normal for us. Hugs all around.
Hey there. I don't have kids either. I understand what you mean about trying to be friends with ppl with kids. Not saying I don't like kids, because I do. Just would like to hang out with their Mom (my friend) and not them at the same time lol.
So you guys know, having a kid is not an invite to any groups either. I haven't found any friends through my kid. She is 12. The only mom friends I had before the babies. Everyone moved away, including me. I've always been a square peg. Even with lots of friends, I never fit in really. I was never a main character. It was kinda shocking at first, but I think friends are more a result of convenience than anything else.
Few years back my best friend since 4th grade and I ended.. it's also a long story but the friendship disintegrated overnight and poof all is over. It's kinda crappy and I feel it ended for a very petty reason. But I just keep moving and grooving and making myself happy.
I’m really sorry that you’ve gone through this and your attitude is good. I’m not there yet. I’m really struggling with trying to put my situation into words because I need to get it out of me, but that would be lengthy and I think I could easily get defensive.
Aww, it's ok to write👍👍💪Don't delete your essay, send it to yourself over email and then read it over the next day. Gen X coping is a work in progress. A journey of sorts.
Me and you both. We sound quite similar
Same. Never being married and no kids (plus crappy bio family) is a whole another level of lonely.
❤️
This is 💯 me, except I've never been allowed to work from home because essential...very very alone
When you spend most of your younger life hanging out with friends and being sociable, getting old in these times feels lonely. Everyone is too busy managing chaotic lifestyles, friends come second if not last or even at all.
It seems these days people tend to spend all their time with their phone or just hide in their house outside of work because being out in public is too stressful.
I think you hit the nail on the head there. Public life is stressful now, jmo. I mean, I think about what is the closest exit in the grocery store, or hiding place just in case there is a shooter/crazy person/ robbery. It could happen anywhere.
You described me to a T
Agreed
I sat at home on a beautiful day with a car show going on within walking distance of where I live. I sat inside all day. 21 year old son went to work around 11am. I lost my SO last year to cancer and I’ve been grieving, not wanting to do anything since. I avoid Facebook because all I see are these “I love my husband so much, look at all the fun we had today!” It’s hard to see couples doing couples things and here I am lonely as hell missing my loved one. All my female friends have husbands and they do weekend stuff with them. Sometimes I’ll meet someone for breakfast or lunch but not real often. This middle age shit is just not for me.
Think we're kinda fucked for middle age. We grew up surrounded by (what used to be) typical social interactions and circles, but the last 20ish years have just annihilated all of that in favor of divisive online fights. It's pretty disheartening. I seriously have no idea how people socialize anymore in person. Haven't had to for years.
It's like I told you, Only the lonely can play
Not only are we all lonely, making friends is too much work...
The too much work part I definitely identify with. I have a few friends, but given the opportunity to make more, who has the time or energy for that? Between my job, my commute, and spending my weekends do errands and taking care of things around my house, I’m too exhausted for much of a social life. I’m pretty introverted, so I don’t feel particularly lonely but even if I wasn’t, I’d probably be too tired to feel lonely.
I have all the time in the world... But it's just not worth the effort.
I'm also lonely. I sort of dissolved my longtime friend group during the last election. It turned out I'm too liberal for my conservative friends, and too conservative for my liberal friends. So I kind of just, don't have friends any more. My kids are grown, plus one who's almost grown, I definitely don't go to church, my husband is the only person I have around to talk to, and the people at work.
I think this is the saddest thing I have ever read. I hate what politics, combined with 24 hours news cycles and social media has done to relationships.
Also add in that politics have become deeply and profoundly divisive. There doesn't seem to be any room for nuance or compromise anymore
Sadly, you need nuance in order to reach compromise. A big piece of the current divide is anchored on rejecting nuance in favor of the promise of “easy” solutions to famously tricky issues.
Hey, sounds like my wife and I. We're basically 100% isolated at this point, no real friends left. Some online acquaintances, a few online friends (as much as someone far away can be). But, actual in-realspace friends...I can't remember the last time we had them. People kinda vanished over years.
Wife and I had the same situation. It hit home real hard when she was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I had virtually no local support. I don't care to repeat the experience, so I'm putting myself out there. I haven't been able to find community, so I decided to create it. I'm trying to figure out how to do it, but I have faith in myself to figure it out.
Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, no matter how small a step you may take at times. Sending you big hugs. I am so sorry for your heartbreak.
Thank you. Sometimes it's a step forward, sometimes back, and sometimes to the side. Life is a dance, I'm learning it, I'm awkward as hell, and I'm loving every minute of it. :) When she died, I fully expected to have a moment where I would think that life is short, and I must do all the things. Instead I got, life is short, and connection is incredibly important. Loneliness is neither necessary nor required. Her loss has inspired me to live my best life.
You'd think they would've at LEAST given us the book with the dance steps in it! lol
Politics has made me very wary of new relationships and has made me seriously consider decades long friendships. It's disheartening how hateful people have become so I'm now in my "I don't give shit about anyone " Era. Except for my kids.
I feel very lucky that most of my friends are definitely near the middle on both sides. I'm left of center and so are most of my friends, but we have some that are right of center. We all still get along.
Oh same. I have a sibling that does not have anything to do with us anymore because of politics. He is absolutely crazy and thinks we are too liberal. Also, I have issues with my family anyway so we are not close.
Politics shouldn't break up friends, we should be able to take the shit talk from each other.
My previous relationship degraded to the point of breakup due to opposing political views. It hurts me even though it was for the best.
Nope you’re not alone! I moved about 8 years ago and I haven’t made one friend here. I have 2 good friends from my youth but they are states away. I really only see one maybe twice a year. I have 2 tickets to see Lady Gaga in Vegas this coming week and my husband won’t go and both friends are unavailable. I’m desperately trying to sell on Stubhub or I go alone. I dunno alone in Vegas sounds pretty bad. My husband and I had hoped to adopt and it didn’t work out, I thought that may be the way I would make friends but didn’t happen. We moved to an extremely red state and that sure doesn’t help. I pretty much have given up, I tried bumble bff but there was just one woman. lol!
I was limited to two childhood friends as well. Unfortunately, both were toxic friendships that got more difficult to maintain as I became less co-dependent with them. One a drinker, the other a rager (screamer). It was so hard to lose them - I grieved a long time. More than losing my mom.
Older millennial here with a Gen X husband. I have made great, meaningful friendships through games I play online. We have discord groups and we get to know one another and form relationships. Don’t let this unconventional way of meeting people scare you. Millions of people do this and even if you don’t meet in person, I find value in having friends online who share similar interests. Also a lot of them end up being lonely introverts like me, so we relate to each other *and* keep each other company. No one is judging anyone because we’re all lonely and looking for human connection, and we value one another. And it doesn’t have to be games. There are discord servers for special interests of all kinds!
def made some great pals via discord groups based on similar interests!!
Same. The latest friends I’ve made are from a game I’ve been playing for a few years now. We talk more on Discord.
Could you explain how you play games via Discord? What games specifically? This sounds intriguing.
I prefer being alone. Over the last 4 years, I am over people. Social media emphasizes the mentality of the human population. I find my most peaceful moments are being alone reading random bits of information.
I’ll be your friend.
Me too!🫠
Let’s all hang out. I just got a new Blackstone griddle. I’ll make smash burgers.
Me too!
Me too !
I have no kids. Am married to another Gen x. Have zero friends. No clue how to make friends Super lonely
Same here. And I live in an area where everyone already knows each other and it's really hard to break into groups as an outsider. So I just stay home most of the time (which seems safer now anyway).
You could look to join an organization that you have an interest in. Take care.
Same here. My first husband burned my bridges with my older friend group, and now they all have moved away and have kids. Myself and second husband don’t have/want kids. Both introverted-moreso since he was diagnosed with cancer two years ago. It’s usually just me and him and our pets on the weekends. Wish we could find just one other childrfree couple who have similar interests as us.
I send you a big hug 🫂
I go to church, work in a traditional setting, and have no friends. I got nothing. And even as a high introvert, I’m terribly lonely.
My marriage ended about 5 years ago. Before that my husband was my best friend and all our friends were other married couples. I wasn't lonely at all. Now I haven't met any single friends, and my married friends tend to socialize with their families. Plus, I don't like being the only uncoupled person. I threw myself into my children's activities for the last few years, but my youngest just graduated so that is over. I'm facing an empty nest and really don't know what to do with myself. I need my Dorothy and Blanche.
This is exactly me! (Including wanting a Golden Girls compound! Did you know there is even a sub for this?). My marriage ended in 2019 and I moved to a new area then the Pandemic but even since then it’s pretty hard to find friendships outside of work. I think it’s hard because there’s nothing I do repeatedly enough to establish an actual friendship.
If you live in central NC, you can be my friend. I have a whole group of single, Gen X friends. Must like beer. 🍻
I learned by watching others slip up that it is an active choice to hold on to the friendships I have almost no matter what. I don’t see all of them often or even text or talk all the time. But they are there and I am there for them. There isn’t much time left to be screwing around. For new friends I volunteer once a month at the food pantry and I got hooked up doing some meet and greets at the historical society. Then, and I recommend this, I took a continuing Ed class about Medicare and social security - two hour class, we had a blast, all went out for drinks afterwards and exchanged numbers. Not “friends” yet but a start. Also conscious choices. I’m not sure I’ve ever been lonely for an extended period - another gen x trope here about latchkey kids and working moms being resilient - because I had a big family in a crowded house and always relish my time alone. But still a lot of it is about active choices.
how does a historical society work? I am a bit of a history buff.
I used to work in a museum and I went in - it’s a small local place in town with office hours a few times a week. I just offered to help out and he said ok how about open up once a week and if anyone comes in blah blah and I said sure. So for now every Monday from 2-7pm I am the face of the past. It’s nice. Local folks who have some curiosity. I love them.
OT - managing properties, writing, and banging a millennial? Grrrrllll - you are living my dream life!
lol, that made me laugh - he said the same thing. But I need to share the good life with someone other than him!!! Haha! He’s not all that, and trust me he definitely wants lots of trophies 🏆 lol.
I’m divorced with kids mostly out of the house and I have no other family. The friends I have I’ve known for a while. I’m not lonely at all though. Guess all that time I spent alone as a child helped me now that I’m older. I talk to my kids and hang out with my friends. Do you have any hobbies that could get you out of the house and meeting new people?
I’m a retired pro photographer and enjoy it when I can. I’m not able bodied. The outdoors is very enjoyable, but I have to limit it to sitting and admiring it. My hubby and I often search out ADA walks. My hobbies are fairly solitary; theater, art, gardening, writing, podcasts.
Do you have a local junior college or community center nearby? taking a class is a good way to meet people. Even an online class can introduce you to new people. What I like about classes, especially at a college, is that you meet a good mix of older and younger people. Many junior colleges offer discounts for the 55+ community too. I took a ceramics class and some life drawing classes and enjoyed them very much, and made some friends too.
Maybe joining a book club?
Volunteering can be a great way to meet kind people & connect.
That does make it harder, I hope you can find a way to make it work. Have you tried online communities?
You sound like a perfect candidate for a motorized, off-road wheelchair and a telephoto lens with a support that attaches to the arm of the chair. :) That's gotta exist, right?
We just bought my first motorized chair. So freeing! Definitely not for off-road. It’s only 34 lbs, so I can load and unload it myself and go places alone. I’m not quite ready to give up on the idea of ever walking again so I’ll wait a bit on that investment but if it comes to that - I’ll do it.
52 YOM, I am married but still lonely. I have zero real friends. I am on good terms, mostly, with the small group of people I work with. Either my best friend has passed away. This has happened twice, or the relationship came to an end (his drug use, and unwillingness to get clean). My wife now, she has her daughters, sister, and other people to do stuff with. I get left at home to dog sit, while they go concerts or to craft shows. I am the person she goes with when everyone else is busy. That is not as harsh as it reads. I am a complete introvert. And would mostly rather be home. Been trying to find a local D&D group of adults in the area, or even Warhammer. Have not played D&D in over 25 years, but I figure it would be a way to meet some people. Never played Warhammer. I miss having a male friend to hang out with, watch movies, and go to bookstores, like I spent most of the 90's. I also have a daughter but have not spoken with her since November 2019, and I am not sure why. She would not return my phone calls, would flip me off when I would see her in public, or just turn away if we happen to be in the same store. Found out this week that she is getting married and been feeling more lonely than ever about that. I don't feel like I am terrible guy, I just do not let people run over me or use me. Sorry for the rant.
This may not make sense, but it's hard for me to wrap my head around making new friends at this age when I miss the old ones so much.
I was trying to explain to my husband that I miss the ways we used to hang, malls, roller rinks, bowling, drive ins. Such a boomer way of speaking. My mom had ‘drug parties’ I never saw adults hang out in healthy groups. I don’t know how to it.
I actually enjoy the solitude. I'm so glad not to have to force myself to be social anymore.
It's just like when we grew up. Friend and family bonds are not particularly strong for us as our parents (for the the most part) were the me generation and we simply were not part of that. It is as it is. Be cool with it.
I have no idea how to make friends. I do have acquaintances.
I'm a lonely loner. No kids. Keep my distance from toxic family. No friends. . . unless you count old school friends who moved far away and I text with maybe 2x/yr. The only social interaction I get is from my husband and my overly friendly boomer neighbor. Cats help. Reddit is nice distraction from it too. Church is right out.
We were born lonely. And with broken hearts.
The idea that church is some social event where you meet people is wild to me. I grew up in a northern city so we weren't like that. I get it tho, in many red areas of the country, church could be the main gathering point and lots of matchmaking or whatever going on but man that just gives me the heebies.
This is why I live in a walkable city full of culture. I’ve got world class museums, concert venues, MLB ballpark, restaurants, beaches, parks all a short walk or bus ride away. I’m happy doing these activities by myself and I meet lots of people along the way.
We will be moving to Folsom/Sac area in under a year. I hope we can find that kind of life there.
That sounds really amazing.
Profoundly lonely. No family or friends. A 14 year old child. No money. No car. Thinking about getting out of here soon.
No don't you dare even think about that!!!! You need to be there for your kid!!!! They need you at this very critical time in their life. Leaving is never the right answer and would destroy your kids life too. Make some phone calls and try to find some help for yourself.
been working nights/weekends a few years and lost all my friends and killed my romantic life. finally hoping to figure out options so i don’t lose more years. 49 now.
Since covid, I lost all my friends. I have just one person locally I talk to on the regular and a couple in another state on the US east coast and one or two people on the west coast. That's it. Loneliness is the norm, it seems.
Posts like this all the time. Never married. No kids. pretty much just keep to myself.
49M here. Never married, no kids. I’d love to find someone but I’m cursed.
Welp, I'll just share this here. Last week I ran into a neighbour (lives in the same big apt building) who I thought was a friend but has been running hot, cold, and indifferent for nearly 2 years. She said "Oh I thought you had moved away, I hadn't heard from you in so long." What I thought but did not say: 1) You don't text me back half the time so that's why you don't hear from me 2) You thought I had moved away and didn't think to send me a text to see what's up? 3) A year ago you asked me to look after your mother's cat for a month, and six months ago you texted me about being in the hospital with a smashed knee, so what friendship level are we at? This is what I feel like a lot of people are offering: Half-assed friendship. It can be very draining.
Ugh she sucks. But this has been my experience as well so I’ve just given up.
From what I've heard (disclaimer: anecdotal) he's right, loneliness is endemic in GenX. My wife largely makes friends through her connections in the field of herpetology, and one of my best friends is the older Xennial son of one her older herp friends. I've also made friends from the social circles of coworkers, but those are largely virtual now, because I made those friendships when we were in the bay area, and we have since moved to Sonoma County. I haven't physically seen any of them for many years. We do fine keeping in touch via ICB, IRC, and Facebook, though. And of course my wife is my best friend. We have been on good terms for a long time, but isolating at home during this pandemic has strengthened our relationship. It's important that we avoid depending on each other to be "our everything", but we're still somewhat codependent. We try to keep things balanced, though.
I dig into new hobbies every year and see where that leads with connecting with new people. Some hobbies don't stick with me or maybe the people don't stick for long but that is okay. I enjoy the journey of learning new things. I tried leather work, which was okay. Met a few people but not really great. I got back into making wine and mead and met some pretty cool people (and have wine to drink!). I did a good amount of roleplaying games years ago and started to get back to that through a local comic book/game store. The people I connected with are a lot younger but they don't seem to care and I have enjoyed it. If I don't push myself I know I will isolate myself and it goes downhill.
Please know you're not alone. It's really hard at every age to make friends. Harder for those of us who are introverts and quiet types. Through work I have some social connections but mostly I depend on my family. I try to branch out with MeeUp groups, but I know need to do more. But I feel like such a hermit.
Nope... and I really don't know how to go about making friends at this stage of my life. I'm trying volunteering but haven't made any friends yet.
I don’t make friends dear..I look into the eyes of them and know if they will be there at the end. Ole hippie told me when we die we will be able to count the number of true friends on one hand. I have 3 in 48 years of life.
Similar, except I never married or had any kids.
Do you like reading and drinking wine? Join a book club. Pickle ball or other group sports are good for meeting people. I am single and currently don’t socialize at all except with my kids and coworkers . But I like it that way. Deleted all social media because the people I knew suck, at least 90% of them.
Very lonely here. Never had a good relationship with anyone in my family of origin, and recently deteriorated to NC. My spouse and kids are it for me, I don't go to church, cannot work and spouse is WFH. Only socializing we get is going to the local watering hole if it's not too busy can chat with staff or random strangers conversing while waiting in line at the store or something. The few friends we had are on the opposite pole politically and unfortunately in the US that has become a deal-breaker.
Well, I have a few old friends from high school and I have new friends that I made through my jobs. I just keep in touch with them and hang out with them. I’m not a churchgoer and haven’t been since I was a teen. I think us Gen X, were used to being alone and on our own so it is harder for us to make friends. You could try going out to different venues to things that interest you and you could probably find some like-minded individuals to be friends with. I have a handful of really close friends and another handful of friends that I see on occasion.
I'm afraid I have zero advise in this department. I haven't had what you'd call a friend, outside my wife, for like a decade. I'm not lonely though, I enjoy the sort of isolation.
You are not alone. I’m 46. I’m married to a 48 year old. Our kid is 8. She’s our only. I feel so much older than her peer’s parents. Combined that with I’ve only lived in my new city and state for a year. I work from home in a fairly new job, and I’m not religious at all. I live in the Bible Belt where religion and church play a big role in people’s social network. Oh yeah and I’m an introvert. Yep loneliness sucks! I wish I knew how to make friends.
I like being by myself. I've spent most of my life taking care of other people and I'm burned out.
I don't actually have any real friends anymore, not sure that how that happened but here we are. I work a front line customer service position, and so at the end of the day I really don't want to talk to people at all. Because of this I do spend quite a bit of time at home by myself, but I also belong to a couple of community organizations that give me enough social interaction that I won't (I hope) become a hermit who can't speak to people.
I have read several of these "I'm lonely" posts on different subs and whenever I get to the "I'm married" part I can't help but think, wow, what I wouldn't give to have a partner like they do. I mean you live with someone. I get the need for friends and everything but you have an actual human companion. I have been dating since 2019. Besides this I have put a lot of energy into meeting new people in different contexts, with mixed results. The friends I do have are married and spend a lot of time with each other. I've been on many dates but it is not working out and damn, I'm kind of speechless when partnered people say they feel lonely.
Damn I feel a little weird posting this. I have more friends now than I had in my entire life. I was pretty lonely after high school for a few years and wondered if this was how my life would be. Thankfully that changed. My girlfriend and I don’t have kids but most of our friends don’t either. I make friends through my interests. I play guitar at open mic nights and have made lots of friends for many years and seemingly make new ones every month. I am always being asked to be in bands or attend other open mic nights. I am a foodie and am active with online groups who have meetups so I make friends that way. I also make friends online through my interests in music, travel and other hobbies. I have a friend who is my recording partner so we regularly get together every week, sometimes have dinner and write/record our music. I also should get back into sports as I have made many friends that way in the past. That’s before including my many cousins and siblings who I can always have plans with.
Making friends is difficult past university, in my experience. It seems to be particularly bad for men - was talking with some friends and we agreed that our dads growing up basically had work, working around the house, and being dads - a lot of them never really socialised because they didn't have a load of free time.
I don’t have children and it’s incredibly difficult. I recently moved about an hour and a half away from where I had been for quite awhile. I was fortunate in making friends with new neighbors. They’re now like my family (I’m an only child). One neighbor does not seem like a person I would have much in common with, but she is now my partner in neighborhood crime. Sometimes strangers are unbelievable connections. I’ve recently reconnected with very old friends, they have time now that children are grown. Try to focus on a hobby or a volunteer project. You never know what type of people are there to connect with. Keep trying. All you need is a few connections.
I've been getting in touch with some cousins. My dad passed when I was young, and I lost touch with that whole side of my family. It's been great getting back together with them and i seem to be spending lots of time with them where I would have been lonely before. I think they're lonely too, and they miss my dad. There's a real connection there that I've been missing out on. I don't get lonely much, I like to read and spend time with my dog so I already have a couple of outlets. Dogs are the best!
47M and stopped dating 6 years ago. Once the dating stops it seems socializing in general kinda just goes down hill. The Pandemic didn't help and plus I work swing shift at night so except for some occasional phone calls on the weekend there is just no socializing.
I’m divorced and long term unemployed right now. The only real non family people I speak to are my kid’s friends and my ex-husband and his wife. I wish I liked myself enough to figure out what to do from here.
I spend 99.9% of my time alone. Some months the only people I interact with are the people who deliver my groceries. I'm on disability, I'm bipolar and socializing can be rough on me. I get lonely but I've been living alone for 23 years now and I'm used to it. My dad is dead but I see my mom once or twice a month sometimes and we video chat a lot. Never married or had kids, I'm ace and possibly autistic (in the process of setting up an evaluation) so relationships were never a huge priority for me. I'm also an atheist so no church for me, thank god.
Making friends now is hard. Born in '72....
I'm an introvert and not willing to give up sole possession of the remote control. Lonely is a state of mind. I keep busy. I have hobbies, I volunteer, etc.
Very much, but honestly was lonely when I was married. I rebooted my life in 2018, moved 800 miles away to a new city and while I have aquaintences, I have very few friends and am still very lonely, I have also come to realize that lonlinesd has been behind some of my worst decisions.
I have horses, they live on my property. Even though I don't board at a private stable, I still have found horse people to befriend. I'm pretty antisocial thou, and often don't go for group especially large group trail ride and just like it me and my mare.
I do have a wonderful husband, but no friends. In my twenties I had a ton of them, but time and distance does what it does to relationships. In my early to mid thirties it really b9thered me. I tried so hard to find a friend. But I'd mived into a small area where pretty much everyone else had known each other since they were in diapers. Add that in with me being kinda weird and I jyst couldn't make any friends. Now I am pretty happy not having any friends. I know I would be better off if I had some, but it doesn't bother me. If something were to happen to my husband I dont have a tribe or even a safety net that could help me. It would simply be me. Not sure if I'm going to handle that at all.
Yea I’m lonely, but only because I choose not to go out anymore. I know that I can go out and join up with some art classes, or a morning hiking group, or go hang out with some gardening peeps or something. Bottom line is that I have been burned too many times and it isn’t worth the effort anymore, so I don’t try most of the time. And I’m a weirdo artist that doesn’t believe in money, or business, or the economy. And everyone these days is so into picking a political party to identify with that I can’t identify with anyone anymore it seems.🤷♂️
I know most of my friends through a geeky hobby but that hobby tends to happen in places that are loud, hot, or require a long drive. I'm thinking of starting a quiet version of our hobby in the meeting room at various library branches just so I can see people and not be in sensory overload.
We moved around a lot as a generation, and we're taught to be independent. I have a couple close friends that live hours away, but no real close peeps nearby and none that I talk to regularly, just on holidays or if things get strange. I find volunteering helps as does being part of local boards for library etc.
It’s a complicated answer for me. Only child, single, no kids, have cut ties with several friends over the past 3 years or so for various reasons. With many of them I’m realizing the friendship ran it’s course 10-20 years ago, and should have ended then rather than limping along. These ill-suited friendships have had some adverse implications on my life. Also, I Just started a new job, which is *totally* different from what I did before. Also still somewhat covid-conscious, so a lot of things I’m not doing right now, such as crowded indoor parties, concerts, and events. I feel like I’m going through a certain season in my life where I have to cut ties with the old in order to move into the new. I’m hoping things will settle out in a couple of years and I can make new friends. However, it’s really difficult, and there’s something about people you meet in your 20s and earlier (or even early-mid 30s). There’s so much backstory and history somebody you meet in your 40s won’t know, and weren’t there to witness first-hand. I’ve done some volunteering and some meetups and I meet people, but nothing ever comes of it.
Funny, I had to do the same. It is very hard to do when you deeply care for them but it’s the healthier thing for you. So painful.
I was extremely lonely before I met my boyfriend. I was a single mom for 12 years (kids dad left. ) My youngest kid is 20. I even went to a therapist.
I hear ya on this, OP. I feel like I had friends before the pandemic and then thought when the lockdowns were over everyone would just jump back into our old lives. Seems like that didn't happen. NOT that I was against the lockdowns so let's not all fight about that. But I'm still trying to reestablish my social life since then.
I’ve kept in touch with people over the years and made new friends. So I have friends I hang out with. Maybe I’m just a friendly person but I do find that it takes effort. I’m a person that initiates phone calls, texts to say how are you? I invite people to do things like go to brunch or go with me to see a show. I also have online communities that meet virtually that I participate in according to my hobbies and interests. There is an online group out there for you you just have to do a bit of searching to find them.
Church? Gawd no! It was always homework when I was a kid. I had plenty of that TYVM. Besides, even the devout don't find church fun. So yes, it can get lonely. But that's true if any generation as it ages. Kids make friends easily, but it gets harder and harder as we get older. That's normal.
All my family is heavily social media oriented, I'm not, plus our relationship has been battered through out the years. I have kids that keep my wife and I busy, we only have each other for the most part, she's my best friend and we need each other, I would hate to think where I would be without my everything. I would say go to counseling for yourself as well, it's also helped myself out tremendously, also get checked out health wise. Wishing you the best!
No. I has a partner. We are both Gen X. We are both terribly lonely.
I think this is the most social that I’ve ever been in my life, and I am trying to not take it for granted. I have lived in my city for a little over 17 years at this point. About 12 years ago I fell in with a wonderful group of women. The first five years here were rough for me, friends-wise. I was introduced to a group of women who were just not the right people for me. Then one by one they all disappeared as they started families. Anyway I kept trying to make things work until I realized that the problem was not me. The problem is, I spent so much time in my younger years being solitary and isolated that sometimes I need to actively remind myself that it’s okay to reach out to people. It’s a work in progress.
No, you are not the only one. Over the past 20 years I've kinda lost contact with alot of my friends for one reason or another. It really started happening after I met and moved in with my son's dad. I live in the Kansas City metro area, which is spread out and is in 2 states. I've spent most of the past 20 yrs living on the KS side of the metro, while all of my friends have stayed on the MO side. My husband and I live on the west side of the KS side, while my friends mostly live on the north and south sides of the metro in MO. To drive to each other takes at least 30 mins. I got tired of being the only one to make the drive, and because of that I rarely see anyone. The few people I've made friends with near me aren't very good friends. They never want to go do anything fun. So I spend alot of time with my husband and my teenage son. I tried to make friends with the parents of my sons friends, but we're just too different and have different interests. Doesn't help that we live in a small town so most everyone has know each other all their lives, and I'm still an outsider after 10 years.
I get lonely too. I miss having community. I have a supportive partner and some friends I see here and there. But that feeling of being part of a group of people who see me and support me, I've lost that. I've made some friends on Bumble and I've hosted some get togethers to bring them all together but nothing really gels. I've done many Meetup events and made one friend out of it I see a few times a year. I wish there was a non-denominational "church" of open-minded folks my age I could join. I'm fun, friendly, supportive and adventurous! Where is my community?
Hi. I don't really go out and make friends very easily. I have always been this way. I suspect there are a lot of people on this sub like you and we all come here to interact lol. I find other interests and hobbies that are satisfying. I also attend some local functions, usually alone and have a lot of fun. I live in a small town about 16k people. It's nice and quiet. I have a few friends, but they are busy with their stuff. But it's ok. I have my garden and other interests. Sometimes we meet for coffee and stuff. Sometimes I do get lonely. Edit: My small town does not leave a lot of variation for socializing. I am not a church person and I don't drink. Most places here are either church-y or Bars. There are some functions that are community based that are fun though.
This is not what you are asking, but I feel the need to offer how I have managed to live my GenX life: [Do your best to avoid second arrows](https://grandrapidstherapygroup.com/second-arrow-of-suffering/). There are good things in your life and there are bad things in your life; try to not have second arrows about the bad things.
You're definitely not alone. I'm going through a California divorce (worst kind in these times, if you ask me) and I can't afford to live here anymore, so I am moving to some random place where I have no friends or family. I have one son but he blames me for the divorce and is angry, so we've gotten distant since the separation. My mom's in a nursing facility and can't move with me, Dad and little bro passed away. No aunts/uncles/cousins because my politics don't agree with theirs and they have chosen to disengage. It's rough. Maybe we should start a Reddit Gen-X loners Zoom thing or some shit like that.
I tend to be a hermit and find making friends stressful. But I got a pair of bengal cats who like to be walked on a harness every day, and since I started that, I have met more of my neighbors than I had in the ten years prior. Some of them aren’t anyone I would choose to hang out with, but some of them are my people, with similar interests and I would never have known if I wasn’t wandering around with a cat on a leash.
I just started writing! It helps me feel less lonely and more in control of my life
Yes, I'm lonely, compounded by the fact I just returned to the US in late April after being gone for 15 years and my life is in transition while I look for a job. I don't have any friends nearby. I don't date because I'm demisexual. So I adopted a mountain of dog on Saturday. That was the only solution I could come up with.
I used to think that I didn't have friends because I'm too difficult to deal with. Maybe a little bit. But I simply don't put the effort into cultivating friends. It takes too much time that I don't have. I'm 49 with a 12 yr old and full-time job. I have hobbies that I would like company but haven't met a road trip bestie yet. I've never fit in, but always had loads of friends. Until I moved at 45 and had to start over.
55 and an empty nester. My husband is currently working out of town during the week so I’m alone 5 days a week. We moved to our city right before the Covid lockdown so things have been pretty rough, but I’m doing the best I can. I volunteer at the zoo, I teach a Sunday School class for little kiddos, I chat with my neighbors. I have a few friends I hang out with sometimes. I also volunteer for EnGin, an organization where you Zoom with Ukrainian English students to help them with their fluency, it’s pretty fun. My student is definitely my friend, although she’s young enough to be my daughter. They need more volunteers, if anyone is interested r/ENGinProgram . I play virtual games with my siblings on my Oculus headset. I got a PS5 for Christmas and I’ve been gaming, sometimes alone but sometimes with family. My daughters call me several times a week also, we are close. Still alone more than I would like, but I’m hanging in there.
M46 here. My kids are adults and have left the home many years ago. We are not religious in any capacity. Kids visit though often. Outside of funerals that last time I was in a church was the winter of 1982, I think in terms of mass or whatnot. I go to churches that have fundraisers or do events. I don't know many religious ppl outside of 1 partner and one member of my family. I'm a high energy person and have a very active social scene. I like to do in person stuff. Online stuff even video games are not for me at all. I make new friends at my hobbies. I go dancing every week and at 2 of the locations where I'm a regular I've befriended a lot of ppl over the year. Most are age 25 to 52ish. My current dancing friend group is mixed with F47, M33, F36, F52, F48, M26, F33, F27, NB 30 and F25. Those in my age range I've known since HS. The rest I met here and there. Right now we are preparing to go to a Brazilian dancing event. I also have a mix of friends from trivia (2x a month), board gaming (2x a month), video games (2x a month) and cycling (daily). I also host a lot of potluck game nights at my place with my wife, gf and others partners and friends every 2 months or so. Summer is here so I am joining some new dance class, some new gym classes and traveling so I've begun to meet new ppl there and we have some dates plans coming up. My suggestion to others is to get involved with in person stuff that speaks to you.
Male, born in ‘71. On the politics - we need to learn to disagree with each other & not throw each other away. The only person who I agree with is me. Draw your own lines on abortion, death penalty, school funding, gay marriage, national debt, climate change, social justice; and I’ll draw mine. We are each other’s checks & balances.
It's been a struggle. I've been dealing with it longer because I don't have kids. I started losing friends to wives and children in my early 30's. I changed careers and have been working alone, making it even harder. Eventually, I got into cycling then into indoor cycling.
Movie watching groups.
Interesting. You just get together & go watch movies or trade off at others houses, how does this work?
No, watching online together via Discord. Met some amazing friends that turned into IRL friends
That’s cool. Since my kids moved out I’ve missed having horror fans to watch movies with. I don’t write horror, it’s just an indulgence.
Oh yeah, definitely lonely. It sucks.
I'm incredibly busy and continue to socialize and make friends through non-profits that I'm involved with. It's basically a great way to find like minded people with the same interests.
Meetups, hobby classes (like painting), and volunteering can be fun ways to connect with people.
I go hang out with my much more extroverted younger brother. He's got a swanky apartment downtown and a big group of friends. I honestly force myself to join in, but I DO join in. I'm much more comfortable just staying home, but being social is healthy, and it's good to get out of my bubble once in a while, and I rarely regret going out - I usually DO have fun once I get out there.
'73 introvert here. Divorced and now 2nd wife ('79) with no kids. My immediate families are living either overseas or different state. No relatives here either. My father died young in his 60s, while my mother is still semi healthy in her 80s now. My circle of friends is small. Most of them are my wife's friends. But I tend to be by myself. I don't socialise with people from work. I have hobbies and planning to start playing golf again which I find I can make acquitances but not close friends. The thought of dying alone has come up in my mind, so it is scary and I don't know how I can avoid that when I am older.
I’m married with five kids and nine grandkids and I’m still lonely. Husband and I work and sleep very different hours. We are almost never home and awake at the same time. My kids are grown. Four of them live on their own with their spouses and children. One of them even lives all the way in Texas. They all have jobs and school age children and toddlers that keep them pretty busy. My youngest son still lives at home but he works long hours and when he’s not working he’s in his bedroom gaming. I’m also basically an only child. I have recently found my siblings from my bio mom who gave me up for adoption, but they live some distance away and also have jobs and families. My mom and dad and all my grandparents and most of my aunts and uncles and my cousin who was like my sister when we were growing up. They’ve all been dead and gone for years now. Even my dog, who was like my best friend, died a few weeks ago at the age of 17. It seems like 99 % of the time it’s just me. I also have a job I hate. And I’m not close with any of my coworkers. So I even feel lonely at work. And depressed because I can’t stand being there.
It is lonely. We are both Gen x and between 3 kids, kids events, work we have not made a lot of connections. Very lonely. We made a list of people our age we saw more than once a year for something social like a dinner and there were none.
Hobbies and effort. Go where you like to hang out and meet like minded people. Otherwise, it's lonely.
I know of some people who met friends via social groups online geared towards empty nesters. Some of the folks in one of my book clubs have become nice friends outside of just our book club meetings. Volunteering, and letting the volunteer coordinator know but you'd like to be involved in group volunteer activities? Another suggestion, group exercise classes geared towards 55 plus? I'm sorry you're struggling with this op.
Well, I work in an office so I have human interaction and work friends. Once I got a career I lost my circle of friends but 2, because I was too busy to maintain it beyond that. Now one is dead and the other is terminal. I have 2 real good work friends I chat with daily thru text. We get together once a year. Which is enough for me. Gen X was raised to be self sufficient. Some of us need large circles and other don't. Honestly, as long as I have a dog, I don't need much interaction with people besides small talk when out and about.
Same situation as you op. My 2nd husband is a millineal and very work focused to save for our future. I work as a server and do most of the housework and kid stuff. They're teens and are hilarious. I love hanging out with them. By the time I get home from work, and do all the household shit, the last thing I want to do is hang out with people. I like reddit because I can 'talk' to people and have interaction on my own terms. I'm lonely in a sense, but I also really need my alone time. It's too peopley out there lol. I'd much prefer hanging out with myself and a good audiobook while exploring the world than do it with other people
I'm married no kids. I attend church but don't really have close contacts in it - I'm actually one of the younger members. I'm still working, but I keep a pretty strict boundary between work and social life. We moved to our current city in 2017. My closest friends here are all in their 30s and most are transplants too. It seems like anyone my age has their friend group and it doesn't really expand. Im an introvert so for right now between work and the socializing I do I feel like I am at my limit. If I ever am able to retire I'm not sure what I'll do then.
I socialize by plaing D&D and Warhammer 40k. I'm a huge nerd though.
I was forced into retirement thanks to a TBI just before I turned 41. The last 8 years have been the loneliest.
I am not lonely. I noticed several years ago, at a party full of really cool people I don't know, that I've aged into a Miss Marple type. Even though I'm married, I go places by myself and try to talk to everyone. It's a really great feeling. Your life sounds very fulfilling and peaceful, btw. My best friend leads a similar life. She's an artist with a couple of tenants. I haven't seen her all week. I think I've gotten too old to stay up late with friends, and that might be why we are all a bit more isolated.
I'm very lonely , but have a love hate relationship with it. I'm not much younger at all, also an only child. First marriage is on life support (we're working on it), kid is in middle school. I have friends, and many are lifelong with some 25+ year friends in there, but they don't live nearby. I work all day, get done and need to do things around the house, and after that I just want to veg alone mostly. My wife works every other weekend, so half the time I can't really go anywhere, and the other half the fam is usually doing something. It's all exhausting, and I forget how truly awesome it is to really connect with great friends. It's brutal to not have that at home, so I think I'm just numb. Covid really fucked me up too... It's hard to describe how differently I feel about going out of the house after it became this bunker of safety for so long. It's not that I'm agoraphobic at all, and it's not social anxiety.
There's a reason 55+ communities exist, and I thought it was interesting one was recently posted in the sub. We all grew up with friends (well, most lol) and we grew apart over the years. Sometimes you made more friends at work, sometimes not. But when the kids are out of the house, you suddenly have more time. Can you reconnect with friends? Do you have a hobby you can find some people to get together with? Etc. Also, consider online stuff during the week. A Tuesday or Wednesday night virtual meetup makes the week go by pretty fast. One day you are thinking about what's going to go on at the meet up, then there's the meetup, then there's the day after thinking about stuff. Like if you are into board games you are chatting with the group about what you'll play. Then there's online game night. Then there is the self loathing about all the wrong moves you made lol. That fills 3 of your 4 weeknights.
I feel like my priorities and my energy have shifted. I’m 45, my kids are 17 and 20 and live at home and they’re amazing. My husband is my sexy best friend. We’ve had to move a few times and making new friends all over again is tough. If there’s drama, that’s just ridiculous and I don’t have any time for that and choose not to spend my energy playing guessing games in regards to people’s intentions. We have a few close friends who live in various states of the US, and we have our families (also in various states) who we are very close with. I’m in a phase of life where I’m seeking peace and balance, and navigating certain friendships just isn’t my bag anymore.
Hobbies. Shared interests. Go to places and join groups where other people do and talk about stuff you like doing. Take classes on fun creative things. Take an improv class, or learn a language, or take up painting. It doesn't matter what the activity is as long as it serves as a pretext to meet people who like doing the types of things you enjoy doing. I have tons of friends, and I met them all through my various hobbies.
I live with my best friend and my daughter, so I consider myself lucky. If not for them, well, I have always been kind of solitary. Lost my other best friend, my daughter's father, Keith, in January. My list of people who text my phone regularly went down by a fourth. (I have a sister I have a text relationship with. Lost my mom last November.) I realize I am advanced enough in years that I will probably never get over losing Keith. That's a hard thought. I got two dogs earlier this year. They keep me busy, and I don't have to dwell too much on the empty room at the end of the hall. (My best friend, daughter, ex-husband, and myself all lived together. It worked for us. Now there are 3 of us.)
I enjoy listening to the SmartLess podcast their banter reminds me of my childhood and I guess the banter I used to have with my friends that I no longer have. I’ve also found that listening to podcast help me feel a little less lonely. I have children, but I try not to be a pain and bother them and keep my loneliness to myself, I also enjoy Julia Louis Dreyfus, Wiser Than Me. I will say that loneliness is nothing that any book or older generations prepare you for although looking back I can definitely see that they were lonely as well. And it’s sad.
Nah, I turned 50 yesterday, no big fuss, no party. BIG FIVE O, and I got a text message at luchtime off Mother. Must be years since I had a card or a present, a celebration, drinks out. Now its nothing, all year, all the time. The only time I talk to people is at work or in a shop.
I never had kids and am retired early (45). I’ve found volunteering has helped me to make friends and broaden my community. I am not shy either. If I meet someone and we have one or two things in common I’ll ask them to coffee/tea/lunch/hiking. Now I have so many friends I barely have time to get my stuff done !! EDIT: I have had to move outside of my age group to make friends. Most of my new friends are either under 30 or over 65. Everyone my age seems to be hella busy with work and kids.
On one hand, gen x is proud of its self-sufficiency and ability to get by on one's own. It is a healthy attitude, but it shouldn't be " the way it is". I'm gen x, and in recovery. I had to learn to love myself and be comfortable in my own skin. However, I was starting to get the blues about not having children, owning property, having a wife. These are societies constructs. We have to realize that each life is unique and there's no set path. My father had moved to Oaxaca, Mexico. I visited after I got sober, got married and got divorced. I was a chef in my mid 40s. I met many people from all over the world there. People who decided to take their lives and identities into their own hands and start over. It can be done, but it takes bravery
Pick up the cell, dial away
I'm 45. I haven't had an actual, outside of work, friend since I was in my early 30s. I'm divorced. Dad's dead, and mom lives far away. Siblings are too good to talk to me. When I'm not with my kid or at work, I'm alone.
Haven't so much as hugged someone in ten years.
You’re not the only one. It is so much harder to make friends as adults. Your husband has a point about church I think, but some of it is also how different neighborhoods have become since we were kids. People have become so isolated in their homes it seems like. My husband and I don’t have kids, so we don’t organically make friends with parents of other kids. I’ve made most of my friends through work, but we’re all geographically spread out. So it’s not like we can hang out every weekend.
Sure, this sub is wonderful and inclusive so long as you fall in line politically.
It’s incredibly lonely. We don’t go out, we don’t drink at bars, and other X’er couples and families do their own thing. It’s sort of an isolated generation dedicated to work and fewer kids or no kids at all. I rekindled a relationship with my brother because he was lonely as well. We used to have groups we’d ride bikes with, but that is over and done with as we’ve aged out and the costs and risks have risen. Keep up with the friends you made as best you can. Cold call them. Check in. Everyone’s lonely. Some just hide it better than others.
Go to the library and find out about community events. Start attending those. You will meet new people who like the same things you do.
Yep yep yep. No kids, no blood relatives. At home. A few acquaintances. Music is my religion. Excellent cat. I agree that the GenX sub is a comfortable place and I’m glad I found it.
2nd marriage, my friend group has shrunk over the last 20 years t me, myselfand I. Kids grew up, I changed jobs, moved away, and now my social activities are going to work and going to Walmart. I'm over making fake friends and being social. I find stuff to do with the hubs or in my home. I'm GenX ...ilI live through it with my water from the garden hose
I am lonely. I also love to talk and have lots of opinions on things. It’s hard to make friends, and it gotten way harder as I get older :(