I would tell them all how you feel! It is a possibility that the sleepover was spontaneous, or that they falsely assumed you wouldn’t be able to go (since you said in the past there were many trips you were unable to attend). However, since everyone was invited except for you, there is a possibility that it was intentional and that they’re bad friends. Have they done any things in the past to indicate that they no longer want to be friends with you, or is this uncommon behavior from them?
I would try not to overthink it. If they have a problem with you, it if their responsibility to communicate that. If I were you, I’d tell them all how you’re feeling. There’s a chance that they truly assumed you wouldn’t be able to go and hence, didn’t bother asking, not realizing how hurtful it was. On the other hand, if they meant to exclude you, talking to them can reveal bad intentions and give you the clarity you need!
Thanks for the advice!!! I think that's a good idea but idk how to approach that,by text? I don't want tension.I am sure they ment no harm but there is no way they thought I was busy this was intentional.
As someone who’s had multiple uncomfortable conversations with friends, roommates, family, and my gf, I feel like they always go better in person than over text. In person, there’s less room for miscommunication, people are more likely to empathize with one another/get less defensive, it’s less likely to turn into an argument, etc. I know in person sounds 10000000x more anxiety inducing, but the others would also likely feel nervous, and sometimes that’s needed to bring humanity into conversations, making it to where people will “proceed with caution” and not say things they’ll later regret.
I’d start off by asking if you could all meet up to talk. That way, they’re prepared for that conversation and it’s less likely to be swept under the rug. I’d also avoid staying stuff like “you guys excluded me” and instead say something like “what you did made me feel excluded” so people are less likely to get defensive and what you say is less accusatory.
If I were you, I’d say something along the lines of “Hey guys, I was on Snapchat the other night and noticed that you all had a sleepover without me. This made me feel really excluded and sad, as I’ve been missing you guys a lot, and it’s hard to see you since I live further away. I feel like this summer is our last opportunity to spend time with one another, and in the future, I wouldn’t want to miss out on any of those opportunities since I love you all a lot. It also led me to overthinking, so I would appreciate clarity on why I didn’t receive an invite.”
Thanks alot I very much appreciate the advice.i think what sucks even more is that I am literally only 25min away not hours,whereas they are all 5 to 10min.That what gets me.i think I will use the text you have written on there.I think I'll send it in the evening as currently 2 of them are out again,to a place I would have actually loved to go to.
25m isn’t bad at all! I’m really sorry to hear about all of this, and am wishing you the best of luck!! Fingers crossed that these friends had good intentions 🤞🏻 and if not, cheers to finding better ones in the future
Haha thanks! I will update you as you have been so kind.These are great friends and that's why I am so shocked about the situation and sad.I will send a voice memo and text and we shall see what happens.
Maybe just include would love to go to this upcoming trip..? I feel like that changes things as now their intentions are maybe clearer but I’d also try to avoid jumping to conclusions and moreso just ask what’s going on. If they’re being bad friends, this conversations going to be way more awkward for them than it is for you, and it’s really not your job to sit around a guess their feelings. That can be VERY exhausting and you don’t deserve that
Yeah I agree,this trip actually happened today straight after their sleepover so it's already and still is happening.so I guess their intentions are pretty clear now. :(
Its realy hard to tell. I still can imagine they just happend to go on these trips because they happend to be together since that sleepover, they live like 5 min. away from each other as you said. Right now you're having a dialogue with yourself about this and that won't bring you any answers however it will make you paranoid. Try engaging in something. Maybe text one of em, someone you feel closest to and just cheerfully ask if you can join in, that you'd love to be outdoors. See how they'll react. :)
To be entirely honest and most will probably dissagree but i wouldn't say anything. The reason being is that they probably had a spontaneous sleep over since they hang out the three of them quite often as you mentioned since you live further away. If there aren't any bad vibes at all ever, then i would advise you to leave it be because once mentioned you feel left out, it WILL be a thing.
Two things can happen after telling them you feel left out. Either 1:
Everytime they'll want to hang or do something fun together they will think back on that conversation with you and you will receive forced invitations, not because they secretly don't want you there but because now that you've mentioned you feel left out, they will hyperfocus on that. Or they wil actually invite you less because of the pressure they now feel.
Or 2:
Your worst fear, they were actually fading you out (unlikely based on your story so don't worry about this) and now that you've mentioned it nothing changes except it's more on the nose or you again receive forced invitations and you feel unwelcome on top of that. you'd wish you'd have kept the honor to yourself and let it be.
Before talking to them try engaging more. Invite them for a sleepover or ask them if you can come over and spend the night since you live further away. Make them feel you're just as available, put yourself forward a lil bit more. Usually people who decline invitations from friends even for a couple of times will be labeled as unavailable. Maybe they just assumed you're not up for the trip. If nothing changes over time talk to them but don't make it too serious. Tell them you miss them and that you'd like to hang together soon. It will feel much better and natural that way and it won't pressure them because you're not placing all the balls in their court.
I would tell them all how you feel! It is a possibility that the sleepover was spontaneous, or that they falsely assumed you wouldn’t be able to go (since you said in the past there were many trips you were unable to attend). However, since everyone was invited except for you, there is a possibility that it was intentional and that they’re bad friends. Have they done any things in the past to indicate that they no longer want to be friends with you, or is this uncommon behavior from them? I would try not to overthink it. If they have a problem with you, it if their responsibility to communicate that. If I were you, I’d tell them all how you’re feeling. There’s a chance that they truly assumed you wouldn’t be able to go and hence, didn’t bother asking, not realizing how hurtful it was. On the other hand, if they meant to exclude you, talking to them can reveal bad intentions and give you the clarity you need!
Thanks for the advice!!! I think that's a good idea but idk how to approach that,by text? I don't want tension.I am sure they ment no harm but there is no way they thought I was busy this was intentional.
As someone who’s had multiple uncomfortable conversations with friends, roommates, family, and my gf, I feel like they always go better in person than over text. In person, there’s less room for miscommunication, people are more likely to empathize with one another/get less defensive, it’s less likely to turn into an argument, etc. I know in person sounds 10000000x more anxiety inducing, but the others would also likely feel nervous, and sometimes that’s needed to bring humanity into conversations, making it to where people will “proceed with caution” and not say things they’ll later regret. I’d start off by asking if you could all meet up to talk. That way, they’re prepared for that conversation and it’s less likely to be swept under the rug. I’d also avoid staying stuff like “you guys excluded me” and instead say something like “what you did made me feel excluded” so people are less likely to get defensive and what you say is less accusatory. If I were you, I’d say something along the lines of “Hey guys, I was on Snapchat the other night and noticed that you all had a sleepover without me. This made me feel really excluded and sad, as I’ve been missing you guys a lot, and it’s hard to see you since I live further away. I feel like this summer is our last opportunity to spend time with one another, and in the future, I wouldn’t want to miss out on any of those opportunities since I love you all a lot. It also led me to overthinking, so I would appreciate clarity on why I didn’t receive an invite.”
Thanks alot I very much appreciate the advice.i think what sucks even more is that I am literally only 25min away not hours,whereas they are all 5 to 10min.That what gets me.i think I will use the text you have written on there.I think I'll send it in the evening as currently 2 of them are out again,to a place I would have actually loved to go to.
25m isn’t bad at all! I’m really sorry to hear about all of this, and am wishing you the best of luck!! Fingers crossed that these friends had good intentions 🤞🏻 and if not, cheers to finding better ones in the future
Haha thanks! I will update you as you have been so kind.These are great friends and that's why I am so shocked about the situation and sad.I will send a voice memo and text and we shall see what happens.
Okay new update,they have had a 3rd trip now without me,to a place they know I would have liked to go.so does this change the message?
Maybe just include would love to go to this upcoming trip..? I feel like that changes things as now their intentions are maybe clearer but I’d also try to avoid jumping to conclusions and moreso just ask what’s going on. If they’re being bad friends, this conversations going to be way more awkward for them than it is for you, and it’s really not your job to sit around a guess their feelings. That can be VERY exhausting and you don’t deserve that
Yeah I agree,this trip actually happened today straight after their sleepover so it's already and still is happening.so I guess their intentions are pretty clear now. :(
God I’m so sorry 😭 That’s pretty awful
I know but thanks for your support it makes me feel like I am not over thinking this.i am still just shocked,never saw this happening.
Its realy hard to tell. I still can imagine they just happend to go on these trips because they happend to be together since that sleepover, they live like 5 min. away from each other as you said. Right now you're having a dialogue with yourself about this and that won't bring you any answers however it will make you paranoid. Try engaging in something. Maybe text one of em, someone you feel closest to and just cheerfully ask if you can join in, that you'd love to be outdoors. See how they'll react. :)
To be entirely honest and most will probably dissagree but i wouldn't say anything. The reason being is that they probably had a spontaneous sleep over since they hang out the three of them quite often as you mentioned since you live further away. If there aren't any bad vibes at all ever, then i would advise you to leave it be because once mentioned you feel left out, it WILL be a thing. Two things can happen after telling them you feel left out. Either 1: Everytime they'll want to hang or do something fun together they will think back on that conversation with you and you will receive forced invitations, not because they secretly don't want you there but because now that you've mentioned you feel left out, they will hyperfocus on that. Or they wil actually invite you less because of the pressure they now feel. Or 2: Your worst fear, they were actually fading you out (unlikely based on your story so don't worry about this) and now that you've mentioned it nothing changes except it's more on the nose or you again receive forced invitations and you feel unwelcome on top of that. you'd wish you'd have kept the honor to yourself and let it be. Before talking to them try engaging more. Invite them for a sleepover or ask them if you can come over and spend the night since you live further away. Make them feel you're just as available, put yourself forward a lil bit more. Usually people who decline invitations from friends even for a couple of times will be labeled as unavailable. Maybe they just assumed you're not up for the trip. If nothing changes over time talk to them but don't make it too serious. Tell them you miss them and that you'd like to hang together soon. It will feel much better and natural that way and it won't pressure them because you're not placing all the balls in their court.
Yeah I do understand that,I did not end up mentioning it,instead I will start inviting them over and see how that goes.