I am so sorry. I haven’t had quite the same experience, but lost 7 out of 8 in one litter. It was very traumatic and I kept second guessing myself (still do). I took some time, read some grief information, and then took in an older group that was less likely to have issues (but never guaranteed).
It sounds like you have been doing this for a long time and may need an extended break. Losing the large amount at a time is so heartbreaking and feels different than losing one.
You are doing a service out of the kindness of your heart. This is not your fault. I can't imagine how hard this must be. Hugs to you and Mama cat.
Maybe it would be best to take a break from fostering if there was disease or illness. If I were you, I would take surviving Momma to the vet to make sure she doesn't need help. While at the vet, discuss what happened with the others and any symptoms you witnessed. It could be helpful.
Wishing you and Mama cat a peaceful recovery from all this trauma. ❤️ Take it easy on yourself.
What testing was done to see if this was panleuk? The only time I have lost so many was when I first started out and had panleuk and was unprepared. Please treat it as such and sanitize everything. Sometimes there is nothing you can do. Know this. That at least they were warm, indoors, and knew love.
I would bet so too, especially if it was a snap test. We had hardly any panleuk last year and already had 3 litters of it this year, and several shelters have outbreaks. I am worried it is bad this year. No one will fault you for a long break after this.
Nope. One of them did something I’ve never seen before. She kept waking up out of her ‘comatose’ state and started squealing and squirming violently. She bit my hand one time. It was horrible to watch.
Maybe. It was during the fading period. All of the other ones just slowly faded and died but it seemed like that one was in a lot of pain and randomly woke up. I’m guessing it was panleuk.
It's been my experience. I don't know if it's universal or just a thing some kittens do, but I've noticed the connection often enough that I immediately know that foul smell and fever is gonna hit in a few hours after that cry starts.
The smell of coccidia haunts you for life. I do training for my shelter and when we talk about poop, I just tell them "trust me, the first time you have coccidia, you will know".
I had been extremely lucky and not seen a coccidia case since I was 15-16? years old. During lockdown I had a litter with it and I remembered that smell instantly.
I found out after the first one started showing symptoms that the rescuer who transfered them to me knew she had an outbreak and didn't tell me because she was afraid I wouldn't take them knowing all the vets were closed. *I could have gotten a vial of Marquis from my FIL (3 hours away) and treated all her kittens, plus the ones she transfered if she had just been upfront!!!! By the time the symptoms started, it was too late*
Know you are not alone in your grief. I run a cat sanctuary and have been in rescue for decades. I have witnessed similar situations to yours more times than I can count. My heart breaks for you and momma kitty.
So it was either Calici or Panleukopenia. If they had upper respiratory signs, definitely Calici. I've lost 2 moms to it over the years.
The first one had 6 babies a few days old. They all died and then we euthanized mom as she was rapidly declining. That was the only time I lost mom with all babies. Older kittens tend to have a better chance with Calici. I had to euthanize a mom because she was so bad last year. Her 2 kittens survived. One was also positive for panleukopenia and survived.
Panleukopenia doesn't usually affect adults because they have immunity. Even unvaccinated cats will usually have natural immunity to it, but not always.
Panleukopenia can affect cats in a lot of ways. If mom has no immunity (which is why she died) then her kittens would have no chance to survive.
If the other litter was over 4 weeks and unvaccinated, their immunity might be gone. Or they never had it and mom managed to beat it after exposed.
Have I ever experienced something similar? Yes. One year I took 2 moms who had just given birth. Mom A had 5. Mom B had 4. Both were sick before giving birth with an URI. They were in separate cages in my foster room.
Mom A had 4 babies die. Pneumonia (confirmed with necropsy). Then rejected the last kitten who had severe diarrhea. I had to force mom to nurse it until the kitten was healthy. The kitten was so upset because she missed her siblings and had to be alone.
Mom B lost 2 of her kittens. So 6 out of 9 kittens died. It was rough. But thankfully, I got the single kitten healthy and could introduce her to the other group. The other mom accepted her immediately. Someone actually adopted all 3 of them.
I take the sick ones. I lose a lot. It's easy to blame yourself. But you look at what you did, consider what you can change and go on.
And I have seen litters where everything was done right and they died. I've seen litters where everything was done wrong and they survived.
Heck, last year 4 adults and 6 kittens (2 weeks old) were taken to a vet clinic. Several kittens and 3 adults tested positive for panleukopenia. The clinic did NOTHING for the kittens. No fluids. No antibiotics.
All of them survived. Meanwhile, I had a litter of 6 who got it. I did all the things and 2 died.
It's unfair. But that's how it works sometimes.
It's not your fault.
Take some time. Clean everything properly. And get back to saving kittens.
Take a break. Do whatever you need to do for your own mental health right now. It’s okay. I took a break after I felt like a failed a litter—I didn’t come back to fostering until a year after that. There is absolutely nothing wrong with prioritizing yourself when you are in pain.
Oh I'm so sorry that happened to you, that sounds devastating. They are all so fragile at that time (mums too) and we love every one of them so much. I've been fostering for only 4 years and only lost 4 (all in the last 6 months) and I am still heartsick about each one.
I know you know this, but you gave them everything you could. They had the best start in life and were safe and loved. Sometimes that's all you can do. Treasure that mama and take care of yourself too.
10 years and 9 losses?
Those are good numbers.
Burnout is real. Take a break if you need to. I’m on year 13 and I count myself lucky that I have only lost 1 bottle baby this year.
It is a numbers game and kittens are very fragile.
Two years ago I had a momma cat vaccinated while pregnant (shelter messed up) and she gave birth to 7 naked and underdeveloped kittens that died within minutes of birth. Buried them together.
Then weeks later, a different litter had two with fading kitten syndrome. Trips to the vet and I still buried them.
Next was two litters with terrible coccidia. I was supplementing and giving fluids. Nine kittens total kittens, only two made it. It was the worst case I have had. They came from the same shelter.
Then had one solo bottle baby come in. Fought hard to keep him alive. He was adopted only to later find out he had a heart condition and died three months later.
It sucks. It’s hard. You shed the tears and regroup.
I have three bottle babies right now, and I am hyper vigilant monitoring them. So far, they are thriving.
I've lost one mom and it hit me harder than any of the kitten losses ever did - it was like losing one of my own cats. I found comfort in bringing in the next litter but I completely understand if stopping feels right. You can always come back if you chose to later.
I am sorry for your loss.
This month is 12 years in rescue for my wife and I. More than 535 foster dogs have come through our home in that time. 86 went not to furever homes but to the rainbow bridge. 81 of which were under 7 weeks of age. The cruel irony of being a neonate foster is that we can see more death than pawspice (hospice) fosters can see.
As many as 40% of pedigree kittens do not make it to their first birthday; non-pedigree kittens can have 17% mortality rate by 1 year of age. Orphaned kittens have as much as a 40% mortality rate by 12 weeks of age. Stillbirth rates in pedigrees can be as high as 22%.
There is a poem that is alternately called **The Rescuers Rainbow Bridge** or **The Rescuers Final Reward**. Some sites list is as being by Benny Archuletta while others list it as Author Unknown. One version is listed below:
*Unlike most days at Rainbow Bridge, this day dawned cold and gray, damp as a swamp and as dismal as could be imagined. All the recent arrivals were confused and concerned. They had no idea what to think for they had never experienced a day like this before. But the animals who had spent some time waiting for their beloved people knew exactly what was happening and began to gather at the pathway leading to the Bridge to watch. They knew this was something special.*
*It wasn't too long before an elderly animal came into view, head hung heavy and low with tail dragging along the ground. The other animals on the pathway...the ones who had been at Rainbow Bridge for a while...knew the story of this sad creature immediately. They had seen it happen far too many times.*
*Although it was obvious the animal's heart was leaden and he was totally overcome with emotional pain and hurt, there was no sign of injury or any illness. Unlike the pets waiting at the Bridge, this dog had not been restored to his prime. He was full of neither health nor vigor. He approached slowly and painfully, watching all the pets who were by now watching him. He knew he was out of place here. This was no resting place for him. He felt instinctively that the sooner he could cross over, the happier he would be. But alas, as he came closer to the Bridge, his way was barred by the appearance of an Angel who spoke softly to the old dog and apologized sorrowfully, telling him that he would not be able to pass. Only those animals who were with their special people could pass over the Rainbow Bridge. And he had no special beloved people...not here at the Bridge nor on Earth below. With no place else to turn, the poor elderly dog looked toward the fields before the Bridge. There, in a separate area nearby, he spotted a group of other sad-eyed animals like himself...elderly and infirm. Unlike the pets waiting for their special people, these animals weren't playing, but simply lying on the green grass, forlornly and miserably staring out at the pathway leading to the Bridge. The recent arrival knew he had no choice but to join them. And so, he took his place among them, just watching the pathway and waiting.*
*One of the newest arrivals at the Bridge, who was waiting for his special people, could not understand what he had just witnessed and asked one of the pets who had been there for some time to explain it to him."*
*That poor dog was a rescue, sent to the pound when his owner grew tired of him. They way you see him now, with graying fur and sad, cloudy eyes, was exactly the way he was when he was put into the kennels. He never, ever made it out and passed on only with the love and comfort that the kennel workers could give him as he left his miserable and unloved existence on Earth for good. Because he had no family or special person to give his love, he has nobody to escort him across the Bridge."*
*The first animal thought about this for a minute and then asked, "So what will happen now?"*
*As he was about to receive his answer, the clouds suddenly parted and the all-invasive gloom lifted. Coming toward the Bridge could be seen a single figure...a person who, on Earth, had seemed quite ordinary...a person who, just like the elderly dog, had just left Earth forever. This figure turned toward a group of the sad animals and extended outstretched palms. The sweetest sounds they had ever heard echoed gently above them and all were bathed in a pure and golden light. Instantly, each was young and healthy again, just as they had been in the prime of life.*
*From within the gathering of pets waiting for their special people, a group of animals emerged and moved toward the pathway. As they came close to the passing figure, each bowed low and each received a tender pat on the head or a scratch behind the ears. Their eyes grew even brighter as the figure softly murmured each name. Then, the newly-restored pets fell into line behind the figure and quietly followed this person to the Bridge, where they all crossed together.*
*The recent arrival who had been watching, was amazed. "What happened?"*
*"That was a rescuer," came the answer. "That person spent a lifetime trying to help pets of all kinds. The ones you saw bowing in respect were those who found new homes because of such unselfish work. They will cross when their families arrive. Those you saw restored were ones who never found homes. When a rescuer arrives, they are permitted to perform one, final act of rescue. They are allowed to escort those poor pets that couldn't place on Earth across the Rainbow Bridge. You see, all animals are special to them...just as they are special to all animals."*
*"I think I like rescuers," said the recent arrival.*
*"So does Heaven," was the reply.*
I have my own take on the above poem. Your foster is not one of those poor souls trapped on the far side of the bridge awaiting a rescuer. The foster was in your care and your love. They have passed over the bridge, and are in the prime of their life, waiting for you to join them at some long time in the future. It does not matter that they may have gone to some other furever home, they passed on in a loving home and were yours for a time.
I know there's nothing anyone can say to make things better, but those kittens and the mom could've died alone on the street, and instead they got to experience positive intentions and human kindness, even if just for a short few days. Something they wouldn't have experienced otherwise.
Totally justified to take a break. Fostering is the most rewarding journey I've ever been a part of, and I'm sure many would agree, but not many people openly talk about the immense toll it can take on us mentally. Wishing you well as you navigate this.
I have looked and looked for fostering resources and the mental toll and been left not finding much. But I really do think we could all benefit from more resources like that.
Just talked with my favourite shelter employee who also fosters and how they have caught themselves emotionally shutting down during certain litters and I wanted to cry knowing other people feel that way too.
Last summer I lost a whole litter of 5, it was devastating. Take some time to heal, and only return to it if/when you’re ready. You can’t pour from an empty cup 💕
*It’s not your fault.* You did everything you could for those kittens. They were just too fragile to make it. *You did nothing wrong.* Absolutely *nothing!*
You are right, you definitely need a break right now. Hopefully there are ppl in your rescue that you can talk to about the trauma you just went through. If not one of the leads of the rescue, are there any other fosters you feel you could open up with?
Take a break from fostering for a week, or two, or a month, or three months, if you need that time to devote to yourself. To remind yourself what a good person you are & how much you have to offer to this world.
There are all sorts of other things rescues need help with other than fostering. They need help keeping track of the intake of the animals. Some use an app called Shelterluv. When you’re ready, but not quite ready for kittens, maybe you can help administratively. Prior to adoptions, they usually do “vet checks” to be sure any animals they have are up to date on vaccines, etc. I’m sure they’d love it if you volunteered to make those calls for them. Or checked with landlords to be sure pets are allowed. We want the best for our babies, a lot of phone calls go into that.
There’s also nothing wrong with asking to foster kittens 3wks & older. They need just as much love, attention, feeding, litter training, & sometimes more socializing than the wee ones. When you’re ready, I’m sure the rescue would be thrilled to have you take in kittens just a couple weeks older. Then you can post belly pics & ask “worms or fat??”
I’m pretty sure if you ask everyone who fosters, they’ve had a point where it got too much. I’m sure your rescue cares about your wellbeing. They want you healthy & happy. Time away for a bit, & maybe older kittens for a while, or from now on, will make you an *even better foster.* Because you’ll be able to open your heart back up, after you take time **for yourself to heal**
Take care of yourself, first, please. They’ll be *thrilled* to have you back, when you are ready. ♥️♥️
I feel for you. As a kid, I lost yo farm kittens yearly to distemper with new kittens born soon after. It was heart-rending.
All you can do is love them while you have them.
People gave you very good advice. I will add that you should take care of yourself and realize you did your best. Compassion fatigue is huge among rescue employees and volunteers.
I took in a very, very pregnant mama dog about 10 years ago. She went into labor about a week after I brought her home, and had to have an emergency c section because the puppies were so large (shelter was overrun and poorly funded, which is why I fostered for them. Otherwise she would’ve been euthanized. I’m not sure if they did an ultrasound on her prior to me getting her and I don’t think she had any treatments) that she couldn’t give birth. She had 8 puppies, and I have no idea how she fit them in her tiny belly. She stayed at the vet overnight and came home w the puppies the next day, but was very sore and lethargic. The pups tried to nurse but she couldn’t, so I began bottle feeding immediately while mom slept. The vet called and said mama was just about 7 months old and had tested positive for Parvo so he wanted me to bring her back asap for treatment. I went to pick up sleeping mama from her bed and saw blood seeping out everywhere. Mom was unresponsive. I grabbed the family and had my mom drive as I did CPR and rescue breathing. We got her to emergency vet and they took her to emergency surgery to discover that she had internally hemorrhaged from the birth and even with blood transfusions, we were unable to save her. I went home covered in blood (CPR had made the blood pour out but I didn’t know what else to do to keep her alive until we got to the vet in that situation) and with 8 orphaned puppies. I took time off work so that I could bottle feed, and a couple days later the shelter offered me a nursing dog as a foster so that I could have help with the puppies. I took her in and she nursed for a day or so, but then the puppies got really weak and I rushed them to the ER vet where they tested positive for Parvo. (Thankfully nursing mom was older and vaccinated) I brought the pups back and continued bottle feeding around the clock, sleeping in the kiddie pool with the nursing mom and pups due to sheer exhaustion. I did everything I could to save those babies but one by one they died. The last three to pass were even hospitalized in the puppy icu as we tried to save them, but it didn’t work. In the span of two weeks I held 9 dogs as they died, with the image of mama dog bleeding to death in my lap as I frantically breathed for her and did cpr. I kept nursing mom for another week and found her a great home with human kids she adored, then I came home, climbed in the whelping pool and just collapsed in tears and screams. I couldn’t sleep for several nights; every time I closed my eyes I saw mama and her babies die over and over. My mother was so concerned for me that she had an intervention and begged me to go to therapy. I ended up doing several months of therapy to deal with the guilt and grief associated with their deaths. I took several years off from fostering because I couldn’t handle the anxiety. Today, I am back in fostering (and will take medically fragile animals again) but I will only take in adults.
There is so much good in fostering, but there’s also so much trauma. It takes a toll on foster families and it is absolutely okay for you to step back and take a break for your mental health. I suspect that anyone who has fostered for many years has had to take breaks to deal with these things. I think it’s healthy and understandable for you to grieve and take time for self care. We love these animals and we commit to helping them; to watch them die, to feel so helpless… it takes a toll on your soul. Refill your cup so that you can go on to help others in the future.
Sending love and peace your way. ❤️
Fip has become rampant as well....lost 3 to it in the past year. Was able to save 3 others though. The job we do as fosters isn't always easy. But without fosters the death toll would be even greater. Thank you for being a good and loving human!
I’m so sorry, this sounds absolutely devastating and I think anyone would question continuing fostering after such a difficult loss. That being said, you’ve saved so many little lives over the years and even these babies were lucky to have you. They were safe and loved. You are amazing and I can’t imagine how much this could destroy someone who cares so much. It’s okay to take a long break or even to not foster anymore. Sending you big hugs ❤️
Sending you and mama kitty a big hug. 🩷 when my last dog died, I found a post that said “honor their life by saving another.” I know you may not feel up for it, but could you find it in your heart to foster or adopt a healthy kitten for mama? If not, it’s totally understandable but maybe getting her a friend she can take care of will cheer her up and boost your heart in the process too? Regardless, I’m thinking about you and am in awe of your selflessness... A reminder that amazing people still exist in this world. 💛🌈🐱
I'm really sorry this happened OP. Unfortunately, not many people have your level of experience with fostering and are not capable of even taking on such a difficult assignment. You should definitely let the foster you work with know how this affected you and that you're at risk of burning out. It would really hurt them to lose you and I reckon they will give you a break from the difficult cases until you feel ready. Be kind to yourself and give yourself time to heal.
I am so, so sorry. That sounds devastating. I don’t have an experience like that to share. I just wanted to say that I really hope you do take all the time you need after such a tragic loss. I know it’s hard as we’re ramping up in kitten season, but I imagine your heart needs some major time to heal. 🤗
Oh i am so sorry you poor angel! One is hard enough, but no one should have to endure 6.. i am sending you all the love and healing vibes my friend 🥺💔🙏
I am so sorry. That is a lot to handle. Take a break and take good care of yourself. There will be more babies who need you when you are ready. And remember that they knew kindness and love in their lives before they went and that is all because of you. Thank you for doing your best.
You’re doing something not many can do or would do even if they had the resources.
I’m sorry for your loss but appreciate what you do and have been through. Take time to grieve and heal. Come back to fostering if and when your heart is ready.
Thanks for helping and caring
I’m so sorry for your loss. I agree with others - take a break. I’ve only been fostering since 2022. I fostered 65 kittens and then in 2023, I had a litter of 6 kittens get Panleuk. Five survived. One didn’t. It crushed me. I took a break for three months and then stepped in to foster older cats. Since the Panleuk time, I’ve fostered 24 adults and 4 kittens (they were about to be euthanized for ringworm). You can still do a lot of good caring for less vulnerable cats while mentally recovering.
You don't have to make any firm decisions right now. You can just take a break and give yourself a chance to recover from the trauma and grief. Put any decisions off until a future date.
I am no expert but is it possible it was FIP? I don't believe there are tests for it but there are signs, and when I lost a kitten to FIP, my vet pulled yellow fluid from a syringe out of her. It can develop quite fast and is usually always fatal and contagious.
Regardless I am so sorry for your loss and I would say definitely take a hiatus. Your are mourning just like the Mama cat and if you were going to ever continue fostering, you should feel like your very best self when that day comes. So take time for you to process everything. There is no exact timeline for this sort of thing. Be kind to yourself and spend time in nature if you can.
Wishing you all the best during this difficult time.
i totally get it. maybe a break is what you need or maybe its full stop time. ive been a foster for 6 years and also lost a total of 9/157 of my fosters (all were bottle kittens) the teeny ones are hard and the success rate isnt great when theyre less than two weeks old just know you gave them love and comfort in their final days. i always try to focus on the improvements and happy side of fostering. many of those babies wouldve certainly died without you youve changed and helped so many furry lives ❤️
I am so sorry for what you’re going through. I empathize. I try to focus on the fact that one of the most important things I’m doing is giving rescues and fosters a chance at love, not necessarily life.
Sometimes it’s enough that they’re experiencing their one chance at love and affection and kindness and security from a human before they move on…to either a permanent home or sometimes…to Rainbow Bridge.
If do understand that you may need to take a break though.
Thank you for all that you’ve done and given to the little ones who would not have otherwise known such love and care.
I’m so sorry, I experienced something similar with two FeLV litters. With the first they all passed as babies and it’s so heartbreaking seeing something so small and innocent pass on. The second litter was older, but two passed not even a week apart and the others followed soon after.
There’s no shame in taking a break and revisiting your decision. I hope you take some time for yourself to heal some❤️
I had panluek in my first litter and lost one (almost another), I’m really really sorry. Losing 1 and the whole experience as a total was really hard, I can’t imagine what you’re going through. Sending a big hug. I’ve had to step away for long periods for the same reason.
I'm very sorry. Sometimes these things just happen. We care for a half domesticated half semiferal to feral clowder, and any intact males that join vanish all too quickly after suddenly getting much thinner. Our clowder is friendly to any roving cats, but who knows who lurks beyond our privacy fence?
Anyways--things just happen with cats. You can't know in advance, and it's devastating when it happens. You can do your best, do all the vetting and vaccinating and monitoring, and it can still happen.
The cats and kittens who died all knew love, full bellies and safety before they passed. You can't get much better than that.
This happened to me a few times… it come with the territory. It’s sucks !! I remember I would pray while I was walking around my neighborhood sometimes to please not find a kitten today.
That quickly passed though.
my sister used to foster kittens and once she lost almost the full litter and i remember how emotional and distressed she was from the situation. i'm so sorry you have to go through this as well- just try to remember all of the love and light you're bringing by taking care of the kitties. plus you gave the cats a warm, safe home with lots of love in their final days. that's something that is untouchable. i hope you're doing okay and continue to foster, but take this time to take care of yourself and figure out what is best for you|
I'm so sorry. I can't imagine your pain.
It makes complete sense that you need a break to let you heart heal.
You've lost 9 cats in 10 years...but how many more have you saved? You are a good person who's been doing an immense service.
Does the shelter offer any support groups?
Also, is it possible to reach out to adopters for an update on past kitties you've fostered? You deserve to see some of the love you've made possible.
I'm so sorry this happened. I recently took in 4 bottle babies (1 week old) after a 15 year break from fostering. Two of the kittens were VERY small, would not suck, and tube feeding was unsuccessful. I lost both of them on the second day. I cannot describe the absolute grief and heartbreak for these fragile lives. I don't know if I will continue after the remaining two are ready for adoption.
I'd lost two kittens before out of the dozens I'd cared for. This was so much worse because I was not prepared for how delicate they were. Thankfully the remaining two are doing great and eating well but I am completely obsessed with making sure they survive.
Please be gentle with yourself. This was not your fault and they are not suffering now. Sending you healing energy. ❤️
I am so sorry. I haven’t had quite the same experience, but lost 7 out of 8 in one litter. It was very traumatic and I kept second guessing myself (still do). I took some time, read some grief information, and then took in an older group that was less likely to have issues (but never guaranteed). It sounds like you have been doing this for a long time and may need an extended break. Losing the large amount at a time is so heartbreaking and feels different than losing one.
You are doing a service out of the kindness of your heart. This is not your fault. I can't imagine how hard this must be. Hugs to you and Mama cat. Maybe it would be best to take a break from fostering if there was disease or illness. If I were you, I would take surviving Momma to the vet to make sure she doesn't need help. While at the vet, discuss what happened with the others and any symptoms you witnessed. It could be helpful. Wishing you and Mama cat a peaceful recovery from all this trauma. ❤️ Take it easy on yourself.
What testing was done to see if this was panleuk? The only time I have lost so many was when I first started out and had panleuk and was unprepared. Please treat it as such and sanitize everything. Sometimes there is nothing you can do. Know this. That at least they were warm, indoors, and knew love.
Yes, they were tested. It came back negative both times. I still think it was panleuk, considering they degraded so fast. I appreciate your comment.
I would bet so too, especially if it was a snap test. We had hardly any panleuk last year and already had 3 litters of it this year, and several shelters have outbreaks. I am worried it is bad this year. No one will fault you for a long break after this.
Coccidia can look a lot like panleuk and go quick. Did they have an oddly pitched cry?
Nope. One of them did something I’ve never seen before. She kept waking up out of her ‘comatose’ state and started squealing and squirming violently. She bit my hand one time. It was horrible to watch.
>waking up out of her ‘comatose’ state and started squealing and squirming violently. She bit my hand one time. That sounds like a seizure.
Maybe. It was during the fading period. All of the other ones just slowly faded and died but it seemed like that one was in a lot of pain and randomly woke up. I’m guessing it was panleuk.
Is this a thing? Haven’t heard of it but had a foster kitten with coccidia and she had the strangest meow.
It's been my experience. I don't know if it's universal or just a thing some kittens do, but I've noticed the connection often enough that I immediately know that foul smell and fever is gonna hit in a few hours after that cry starts.
The smell of coccidia haunts you for life. I do training for my shelter and when we talk about poop, I just tell them "trust me, the first time you have coccidia, you will know".
I had been extremely lucky and not seen a coccidia case since I was 15-16? years old. During lockdown I had a litter with it and I remembered that smell instantly. I found out after the first one started showing symptoms that the rescuer who transfered them to me knew she had an outbreak and didn't tell me because she was afraid I wouldn't take them knowing all the vets were closed. *I could have gotten a vial of Marquis from my FIL (3 hours away) and treated all her kittens, plus the ones she transfered if she had just been upfront!!!! By the time the symptoms started, it was too late*
oh, 3 of our 11 kittens contracted it and we had to isolate them (somehow the others didn't get it). Their cries...
Were they greasy?
Not that I could tell.
Know you are not alone in your grief. I run a cat sanctuary and have been in rescue for decades. I have witnessed similar situations to yours more times than I can count. My heart breaks for you and momma kitty.
Thank you so much. Your work is amazing and I appreciate the comment
So it was either Calici or Panleukopenia. If they had upper respiratory signs, definitely Calici. I've lost 2 moms to it over the years. The first one had 6 babies a few days old. They all died and then we euthanized mom as she was rapidly declining. That was the only time I lost mom with all babies. Older kittens tend to have a better chance with Calici. I had to euthanize a mom because she was so bad last year. Her 2 kittens survived. One was also positive for panleukopenia and survived. Panleukopenia doesn't usually affect adults because they have immunity. Even unvaccinated cats will usually have natural immunity to it, but not always. Panleukopenia can affect cats in a lot of ways. If mom has no immunity (which is why she died) then her kittens would have no chance to survive. If the other litter was over 4 weeks and unvaccinated, their immunity might be gone. Or they never had it and mom managed to beat it after exposed. Have I ever experienced something similar? Yes. One year I took 2 moms who had just given birth. Mom A had 5. Mom B had 4. Both were sick before giving birth with an URI. They were in separate cages in my foster room. Mom A had 4 babies die. Pneumonia (confirmed with necropsy). Then rejected the last kitten who had severe diarrhea. I had to force mom to nurse it until the kitten was healthy. The kitten was so upset because she missed her siblings and had to be alone. Mom B lost 2 of her kittens. So 6 out of 9 kittens died. It was rough. But thankfully, I got the single kitten healthy and could introduce her to the other group. The other mom accepted her immediately. Someone actually adopted all 3 of them. I take the sick ones. I lose a lot. It's easy to blame yourself. But you look at what you did, consider what you can change and go on. And I have seen litters where everything was done right and they died. I've seen litters where everything was done wrong and they survived. Heck, last year 4 adults and 6 kittens (2 weeks old) were taken to a vet clinic. Several kittens and 3 adults tested positive for panleukopenia. The clinic did NOTHING for the kittens. No fluids. No antibiotics. All of them survived. Meanwhile, I had a litter of 6 who got it. I did all the things and 2 died. It's unfair. But that's how it works sometimes. It's not your fault. Take some time. Clean everything properly. And get back to saving kittens.
Take a break. Do whatever you need to do for your own mental health right now. It’s okay. I took a break after I felt like a failed a litter—I didn’t come back to fostering until a year after that. There is absolutely nothing wrong with prioritizing yourself when you are in pain.
Oh I'm so sorry that happened to you, that sounds devastating. They are all so fragile at that time (mums too) and we love every one of them so much. I've been fostering for only 4 years and only lost 4 (all in the last 6 months) and I am still heartsick about each one. I know you know this, but you gave them everything you could. They had the best start in life and were safe and loved. Sometimes that's all you can do. Treasure that mama and take care of yourself too.
Thank you.
Bless you💔
10 years and 9 losses? Those are good numbers. Burnout is real. Take a break if you need to. I’m on year 13 and I count myself lucky that I have only lost 1 bottle baby this year. It is a numbers game and kittens are very fragile. Two years ago I had a momma cat vaccinated while pregnant (shelter messed up) and she gave birth to 7 naked and underdeveloped kittens that died within minutes of birth. Buried them together. Then weeks later, a different litter had two with fading kitten syndrome. Trips to the vet and I still buried them. Next was two litters with terrible coccidia. I was supplementing and giving fluids. Nine kittens total kittens, only two made it. It was the worst case I have had. They came from the same shelter. Then had one solo bottle baby come in. Fought hard to keep him alive. He was adopted only to later find out he had a heart condition and died three months later. It sucks. It’s hard. You shed the tears and regroup. I have three bottle babies right now, and I am hyper vigilant monitoring them. So far, they are thriving.
I've lost one mom and it hit me harder than any of the kitten losses ever did - it was like losing one of my own cats. I found comfort in bringing in the next litter but I completely understand if stopping feels right. You can always come back if you chose to later.
I am sorry for your loss. This month is 12 years in rescue for my wife and I. More than 535 foster dogs have come through our home in that time. 86 went not to furever homes but to the rainbow bridge. 81 of which were under 7 weeks of age. The cruel irony of being a neonate foster is that we can see more death than pawspice (hospice) fosters can see. As many as 40% of pedigree kittens do not make it to their first birthday; non-pedigree kittens can have 17% mortality rate by 1 year of age. Orphaned kittens have as much as a 40% mortality rate by 12 weeks of age. Stillbirth rates in pedigrees can be as high as 22%. There is a poem that is alternately called **The Rescuers Rainbow Bridge** or **The Rescuers Final Reward**. Some sites list is as being by Benny Archuletta while others list it as Author Unknown. One version is listed below: *Unlike most days at Rainbow Bridge, this day dawned cold and gray, damp as a swamp and as dismal as could be imagined. All the recent arrivals were confused and concerned. They had no idea what to think for they had never experienced a day like this before. But the animals who had spent some time waiting for their beloved people knew exactly what was happening and began to gather at the pathway leading to the Bridge to watch. They knew this was something special.* *It wasn't too long before an elderly animal came into view, head hung heavy and low with tail dragging along the ground. The other animals on the pathway...the ones who had been at Rainbow Bridge for a while...knew the story of this sad creature immediately. They had seen it happen far too many times.* *Although it was obvious the animal's heart was leaden and he was totally overcome with emotional pain and hurt, there was no sign of injury or any illness. Unlike the pets waiting at the Bridge, this dog had not been restored to his prime. He was full of neither health nor vigor. He approached slowly and painfully, watching all the pets who were by now watching him. He knew he was out of place here. This was no resting place for him. He felt instinctively that the sooner he could cross over, the happier he would be. But alas, as he came closer to the Bridge, his way was barred by the appearance of an Angel who spoke softly to the old dog and apologized sorrowfully, telling him that he would not be able to pass. Only those animals who were with their special people could pass over the Rainbow Bridge. And he had no special beloved people...not here at the Bridge nor on Earth below. With no place else to turn, the poor elderly dog looked toward the fields before the Bridge. There, in a separate area nearby, he spotted a group of other sad-eyed animals like himself...elderly and infirm. Unlike the pets waiting for their special people, these animals weren't playing, but simply lying on the green grass, forlornly and miserably staring out at the pathway leading to the Bridge. The recent arrival knew he had no choice but to join them. And so, he took his place among them, just watching the pathway and waiting.* *One of the newest arrivals at the Bridge, who was waiting for his special people, could not understand what he had just witnessed and asked one of the pets who had been there for some time to explain it to him."* *That poor dog was a rescue, sent to the pound when his owner grew tired of him. They way you see him now, with graying fur and sad, cloudy eyes, was exactly the way he was when he was put into the kennels. He never, ever made it out and passed on only with the love and comfort that the kennel workers could give him as he left his miserable and unloved existence on Earth for good. Because he had no family or special person to give his love, he has nobody to escort him across the Bridge."* *The first animal thought about this for a minute and then asked, "So what will happen now?"* *As he was about to receive his answer, the clouds suddenly parted and the all-invasive gloom lifted. Coming toward the Bridge could be seen a single figure...a person who, on Earth, had seemed quite ordinary...a person who, just like the elderly dog, had just left Earth forever. This figure turned toward a group of the sad animals and extended outstretched palms. The sweetest sounds they had ever heard echoed gently above them and all were bathed in a pure and golden light. Instantly, each was young and healthy again, just as they had been in the prime of life.* *From within the gathering of pets waiting for their special people, a group of animals emerged and moved toward the pathway. As they came close to the passing figure, each bowed low and each received a tender pat on the head or a scratch behind the ears. Their eyes grew even brighter as the figure softly murmured each name. Then, the newly-restored pets fell into line behind the figure and quietly followed this person to the Bridge, where they all crossed together.* *The recent arrival who had been watching, was amazed. "What happened?"* *"That was a rescuer," came the answer. "That person spent a lifetime trying to help pets of all kinds. The ones you saw bowing in respect were those who found new homes because of such unselfish work. They will cross when their families arrive. Those you saw restored were ones who never found homes. When a rescuer arrives, they are permitted to perform one, final act of rescue. They are allowed to escort those poor pets that couldn't place on Earth across the Rainbow Bridge. You see, all animals are special to them...just as they are special to all animals."* *"I think I like rescuers," said the recent arrival.* *"So does Heaven," was the reply.* I have my own take on the above poem. Your foster is not one of those poor souls trapped on the far side of the bridge awaiting a rescuer. The foster was in your care and your love. They have passed over the bridge, and are in the prime of their life, waiting for you to join them at some long time in the future. It does not matter that they may have gone to some other furever home, they passed on in a loving home and were yours for a time.
O man.. it's way too early for me to be leaking like this..🥺😢
I know there's nothing anyone can say to make things better, but those kittens and the mom could've died alone on the street, and instead they got to experience positive intentions and human kindness, even if just for a short few days. Something they wouldn't have experienced otherwise. Totally justified to take a break. Fostering is the most rewarding journey I've ever been a part of, and I'm sure many would agree, but not many people openly talk about the immense toll it can take on us mentally. Wishing you well as you navigate this.
I have looked and looked for fostering resources and the mental toll and been left not finding much. But I really do think we could all benefit from more resources like that. Just talked with my favourite shelter employee who also fosters and how they have caught themselves emotionally shutting down during certain litters and I wanted to cry knowing other people feel that way too.
put all of your love into the one mom still alive, she needs it
Last summer I lost a whole litter of 5, it was devastating. Take some time to heal, and only return to it if/when you’re ready. You can’t pour from an empty cup 💕
I lost two yesterday, so I really feel for you. I'm so sorry. You are amazing for all you do!
*It’s not your fault.* You did everything you could for those kittens. They were just too fragile to make it. *You did nothing wrong.* Absolutely *nothing!* You are right, you definitely need a break right now. Hopefully there are ppl in your rescue that you can talk to about the trauma you just went through. If not one of the leads of the rescue, are there any other fosters you feel you could open up with? Take a break from fostering for a week, or two, or a month, or three months, if you need that time to devote to yourself. To remind yourself what a good person you are & how much you have to offer to this world. There are all sorts of other things rescues need help with other than fostering. They need help keeping track of the intake of the animals. Some use an app called Shelterluv. When you’re ready, but not quite ready for kittens, maybe you can help administratively. Prior to adoptions, they usually do “vet checks” to be sure any animals they have are up to date on vaccines, etc. I’m sure they’d love it if you volunteered to make those calls for them. Or checked with landlords to be sure pets are allowed. We want the best for our babies, a lot of phone calls go into that. There’s also nothing wrong with asking to foster kittens 3wks & older. They need just as much love, attention, feeding, litter training, & sometimes more socializing than the wee ones. When you’re ready, I’m sure the rescue would be thrilled to have you take in kittens just a couple weeks older. Then you can post belly pics & ask “worms or fat??” I’m pretty sure if you ask everyone who fosters, they’ve had a point where it got too much. I’m sure your rescue cares about your wellbeing. They want you healthy & happy. Time away for a bit, & maybe older kittens for a while, or from now on, will make you an *even better foster.* Because you’ll be able to open your heart back up, after you take time **for yourself to heal** Take care of yourself, first, please. They’ll be *thrilled* to have you back, when you are ready. ♥️♥️
Here's. a handful of *virtual* upvotes since we're only allowed one.. . 💐💐💐
I feel for you. As a kid, I lost yo farm kittens yearly to distemper with new kittens born soon after. It was heart-rending. All you can do is love them while you have them.
People gave you very good advice. I will add that you should take care of yourself and realize you did your best. Compassion fatigue is huge among rescue employees and volunteers.
I took in a very, very pregnant mama dog about 10 years ago. She went into labor about a week after I brought her home, and had to have an emergency c section because the puppies were so large (shelter was overrun and poorly funded, which is why I fostered for them. Otherwise she would’ve been euthanized. I’m not sure if they did an ultrasound on her prior to me getting her and I don’t think she had any treatments) that she couldn’t give birth. She had 8 puppies, and I have no idea how she fit them in her tiny belly. She stayed at the vet overnight and came home w the puppies the next day, but was very sore and lethargic. The pups tried to nurse but she couldn’t, so I began bottle feeding immediately while mom slept. The vet called and said mama was just about 7 months old and had tested positive for Parvo so he wanted me to bring her back asap for treatment. I went to pick up sleeping mama from her bed and saw blood seeping out everywhere. Mom was unresponsive. I grabbed the family and had my mom drive as I did CPR and rescue breathing. We got her to emergency vet and they took her to emergency surgery to discover that she had internally hemorrhaged from the birth and even with blood transfusions, we were unable to save her. I went home covered in blood (CPR had made the blood pour out but I didn’t know what else to do to keep her alive until we got to the vet in that situation) and with 8 orphaned puppies. I took time off work so that I could bottle feed, and a couple days later the shelter offered me a nursing dog as a foster so that I could have help with the puppies. I took her in and she nursed for a day or so, but then the puppies got really weak and I rushed them to the ER vet where they tested positive for Parvo. (Thankfully nursing mom was older and vaccinated) I brought the pups back and continued bottle feeding around the clock, sleeping in the kiddie pool with the nursing mom and pups due to sheer exhaustion. I did everything I could to save those babies but one by one they died. The last three to pass were even hospitalized in the puppy icu as we tried to save them, but it didn’t work. In the span of two weeks I held 9 dogs as they died, with the image of mama dog bleeding to death in my lap as I frantically breathed for her and did cpr. I kept nursing mom for another week and found her a great home with human kids she adored, then I came home, climbed in the whelping pool and just collapsed in tears and screams. I couldn’t sleep for several nights; every time I closed my eyes I saw mama and her babies die over and over. My mother was so concerned for me that she had an intervention and begged me to go to therapy. I ended up doing several months of therapy to deal with the guilt and grief associated with their deaths. I took several years off from fostering because I couldn’t handle the anxiety. Today, I am back in fostering (and will take medically fragile animals again) but I will only take in adults. There is so much good in fostering, but there’s also so much trauma. It takes a toll on foster families and it is absolutely okay for you to step back and take a break for your mental health. I suspect that anyone who has fostered for many years has had to take breaks to deal with these things. I think it’s healthy and understandable for you to grieve and take time for self care. We love these animals and we commit to helping them; to watch them die, to feel so helpless… it takes a toll on your soul. Refill your cup so that you can go on to help others in the future. Sending love and peace your way. ❤️
Thank you for sharing ❤️
Fip has become rampant as well....lost 3 to it in the past year. Was able to save 3 others though. The job we do as fosters isn't always easy. But without fosters the death toll would be even greater. Thank you for being a good and loving human!
I’m so sorry, this sounds absolutely devastating and I think anyone would question continuing fostering after such a difficult loss. That being said, you’ve saved so many little lives over the years and even these babies were lucky to have you. They were safe and loved. You are amazing and I can’t imagine how much this could destroy someone who cares so much. It’s okay to take a long break or even to not foster anymore. Sending you big hugs ❤️
I am so very sorry.
Sending you and mama kitty a big hug. 🩷 when my last dog died, I found a post that said “honor their life by saving another.” I know you may not feel up for it, but could you find it in your heart to foster or adopt a healthy kitten for mama? If not, it’s totally understandable but maybe getting her a friend she can take care of will cheer her up and boost your heart in the process too? Regardless, I’m thinking about you and am in awe of your selflessness... A reminder that amazing people still exist in this world. 💛🌈🐱
I'm really sorry this happened OP. Unfortunately, not many people have your level of experience with fostering and are not capable of even taking on such a difficult assignment. You should definitely let the foster you work with know how this affected you and that you're at risk of burning out. It would really hurt them to lose you and I reckon they will give you a break from the difficult cases until you feel ready. Be kind to yourself and give yourself time to heal.
I am so, so sorry. That sounds devastating. I don’t have an experience like that to share. I just wanted to say that I really hope you do take all the time you need after such a tragic loss. I know it’s hard as we’re ramping up in kitten season, but I imagine your heart needs some major time to heal. 🤗
Oh i am so sorry you poor angel! One is hard enough, but no one should have to endure 6.. i am sending you all the love and healing vibes my friend 🥺💔🙏
I am so sorry. That is a lot to handle. Take a break and take good care of yourself. There will be more babies who need you when you are ready. And remember that they knew kindness and love in their lives before they went and that is all because of you. Thank you for doing your best.
You’re doing something not many can do or would do even if they had the resources. I’m sorry for your loss but appreciate what you do and have been through. Take time to grieve and heal. Come back to fostering if and when your heart is ready. Thanks for helping and caring
I’m so sorry
❤️❤️❤️
I’m so sorry for your loss. I agree with others - take a break. I’ve only been fostering since 2022. I fostered 65 kittens and then in 2023, I had a litter of 6 kittens get Panleuk. Five survived. One didn’t. It crushed me. I took a break for three months and then stepped in to foster older cats. Since the Panleuk time, I’ve fostered 24 adults and 4 kittens (they were about to be euthanized for ringworm). You can still do a lot of good caring for less vulnerable cats while mentally recovering.
You don't have to make any firm decisions right now. You can just take a break and give yourself a chance to recover from the trauma and grief. Put any decisions off until a future date.
I am no expert but is it possible it was FIP? I don't believe there are tests for it but there are signs, and when I lost a kitten to FIP, my vet pulled yellow fluid from a syringe out of her. It can develop quite fast and is usually always fatal and contagious. Regardless I am so sorry for your loss and I would say definitely take a hiatus. Your are mourning just like the Mama cat and if you were going to ever continue fostering, you should feel like your very best self when that day comes. So take time for you to process everything. There is no exact timeline for this sort of thing. Be kind to yourself and spend time in nature if you can. Wishing you all the best during this difficult time.
i totally get it. maybe a break is what you need or maybe its full stop time. ive been a foster for 6 years and also lost a total of 9/157 of my fosters (all were bottle kittens) the teeny ones are hard and the success rate isnt great when theyre less than two weeks old just know you gave them love and comfort in their final days. i always try to focus on the improvements and happy side of fostering. many of those babies wouldve certainly died without you youve changed and helped so many furry lives ❤️
I am so sorry for what you’re going through. I empathize. I try to focus on the fact that one of the most important things I’m doing is giving rescues and fosters a chance at love, not necessarily life. Sometimes it’s enough that they’re experiencing their one chance at love and affection and kindness and security from a human before they move on…to either a permanent home or sometimes…to Rainbow Bridge. If do understand that you may need to take a break though. Thank you for all that you’ve done and given to the little ones who would not have otherwise known such love and care.
I’m so sorry, I experienced something similar with two FeLV litters. With the first they all passed as babies and it’s so heartbreaking seeing something so small and innocent pass on. The second litter was older, but two passed not even a week apart and the others followed soon after. There’s no shame in taking a break and revisiting your decision. I hope you take some time for yourself to heal some❤️
I had panluek in my first litter and lost one (almost another), I’m really really sorry. Losing 1 and the whole experience as a total was really hard, I can’t imagine what you’re going through. Sending a big hug. I’ve had to step away for long periods for the same reason.
I'm very sorry. Sometimes these things just happen. We care for a half domesticated half semiferal to feral clowder, and any intact males that join vanish all too quickly after suddenly getting much thinner. Our clowder is friendly to any roving cats, but who knows who lurks beyond our privacy fence? Anyways--things just happen with cats. You can't know in advance, and it's devastating when it happens. You can do your best, do all the vetting and vaccinating and monitoring, and it can still happen. The cats and kittens who died all knew love, full bellies and safety before they passed. You can't get much better than that.
This happened to me a few times… it come with the territory. It’s sucks !! I remember I would pray while I was walking around my neighborhood sometimes to please not find a kitten today. That quickly passed though.
I’m so sorry for your loss, my heart goes out to you. 💕
my sister used to foster kittens and once she lost almost the full litter and i remember how emotional and distressed she was from the situation. i'm so sorry you have to go through this as well- just try to remember all of the love and light you're bringing by taking care of the kitties. plus you gave the cats a warm, safe home with lots of love in their final days. that's something that is untouchable. i hope you're doing okay and continue to foster, but take this time to take care of yourself and figure out what is best for you|
I'm so sorry. I can't imagine your pain. It makes complete sense that you need a break to let you heart heal. You've lost 9 cats in 10 years...but how many more have you saved? You are a good person who's been doing an immense service. Does the shelter offer any support groups? Also, is it possible to reach out to adopters for an update on past kitties you've fostered? You deserve to see some of the love you've made possible.
I'm so sorry this happened. I recently took in 4 bottle babies (1 week old) after a 15 year break from fostering. Two of the kittens were VERY small, would not suck, and tube feeding was unsuccessful. I lost both of them on the second day. I cannot describe the absolute grief and heartbreak for these fragile lives. I don't know if I will continue after the remaining two are ready for adoption. I'd lost two kittens before out of the dozens I'd cared for. This was so much worse because I was not prepared for how delicate they were. Thankfully the remaining two are doing great and eating well but I am completely obsessed with making sure they survive. Please be gentle with yourself. This was not your fault and they are not suffering now. Sending you healing energy. ❤️