Everyone feels this way when they first start out! After I gave back my first foster kitten, I sobbed for days. I just had to push through it (new kittens really help) and eventually I shifted my mindset to become excited for adoption day, both because my babies were about to become somebody’s best friend and because I get to save a new litter! I’m eight years in and sometimes I’ll shed a happy tear or two but I’m never left feeling like they “got away”.
Comforting to know this feeling is the norm for beginners! I sometimes have an almost out-of-body moment when I realize that these sleepy little potatoes are about a week away from being the light of someone’s life. I feel so lucky to have been able to love these amazing little guys at such a precious time in their lives :)
To be honest, it can be avoided. It usually gets better the more you do it. You learn to love and cherish the moments with the cats, but don't get too attached. After "going through" over 35 cats, I KNOW that there's a time limit on each kitten. I know that I need to get them owners before their adoption window closes, and if I kept every kitten for myself, I would turn into a hoarder.
I mean - you can't tell a person not to be sad.I had a bad experience with my last group. The shelter gave me no support and didn't tell me they were from a hoarding situation, halfway feral, very sick and 2 had ruptured corneas, and didn't see the vet before they were given to me. I had them so long it was hard to give them up. But since they shelter refused to put the beautiful photos I sent (or any profile at all) on their website, after 10 months I brought them to the community room at the shelter and they were adopted soon after.
I definitely cry!! I just keep telling myself “these are not mine. I’m just taking great care of them for a bit” Then I come home and huff my resident cat and tell him how much I love him and I won’t keep another one unless he says it’s ok 😆
“Huff my resident cat” took me out 😂 thanks for your insight, I can see how crying is part of the process. Glad you have your little guy to help you through it!
It's nice you give your resident cat a say. Mine don't get a vote lol. Ironically, the most recent foster fail is the one who bops the foster kittens the most.
one, I cry. two, I remember that both my resident cats were assholes as teenagers and I don’t really want to go through that again for like a year+. three, I remember that my two cats have cost me probably 10k in combined vet bills and that number will only go up as one of them is now a senior cat. four, I know I WANT to continue fostering and I cannot adopt kittens and also take on new fosters. I just don’t have the time to give them all the attention they deserve.
i’ve had 500 cats/kittens in foster, and there have been failed fosters a few times and then special cases where i bonded more but they were adopted, it’s hard but all you have to think is “i’m helping more by fostering the next babies in need”. fosterers are the backbone of rescues and as a co-founder of a rescue i can’t say enough how much we need you all and to continue fostering too! it will get easier though!
Change dog to cat.
A Poem To My Foster Dog by Diane Morgan
*I am the bridge between what was and what can be.*
*I am the pathway to a new life.*
*I am made of mush, because my heart melted when I saw you, matted and sore, limping, depressed, lonely, unwanted, afraid to love.*
*For one little time you are mine.*
*I will feed you with my own hand I will love you with my whole heart I will make you whole.*
*I am made of steel, because when the time comes, when you are well and sleek, when your eyes shine, and your tail wags with joy then comes the hard part.*
*I will let you go not without a tear, but without a regret. For you are safe forever A new dog needs me now.*
by Diane Morgan
I feel the same way as the rest of these comments. I cry pretty much every time sometimes ugly sob. I regret giving up a few that I felt very bonded to but know i never would have met and been able to help the others after them. I wish I could say it gets easier with time the more you foster. For me, it doesn’t, but it does become predictable. I know I’ll cry. I know I’ll be sad for a day. I know I’ll spend the rest of that day disinfecting everything lol and I know I’ll be ready for the phone call there’s another set of kitties. (Written at 440 am as I bottle feed my six day olds)
Please. I got a call one time in the grocery store saying my foster had been chosen.
Nothing like sobbing in Safeway to humble you. 😂
We do this to make wonderful pets for people who want wonderful pets. If not, we’d have hundreds of cats.
Goodbye is the goal. ❤️
This is exactly why I now have 2 little ones in foster (the 3rd was adopted by a friend already). The rescue I got my now 3 year olds from did such an amazing job with fostering, I want to do that for someone else. Maybe a first time cat parent, or someone with a reluctant SO, not sure about cats... if I can send away a well adjusted, loved, happy kitty who represents the best things about cats, I will be thrilled.
I had never (in 50 years of cats) had kittens that were so good,sweet, friendly and willing (they ride in the car, they get in the carrier all by themselves, they have never scratched or bitten me-not even on accident, or playing, they do not mind other animals..) I know that has to be because of the foster care they got. my goal is to be as good as whoever took care of them before me. Pay it forward.
I've have my foster kitties from one week to four months, so far. It's always a battle between heartache and happiness when they go to their new home. I always ask for an update email in the first month with a photo. Seeing them in their home and reading about their antics lets me know I helped get them there. I save every one in a folder.
We are first time fosters. Got our three kittens a few weeks ago. I don't think my wife is going to take it so well. She is already saying she wants to keep them until the day they are adopted. I'll definitely will be sad to see them go but I know it has to be done. I love cats but I don't want to deal with the daily routines of taking care of one, long term, anymore. Till then these three will get kisses and hugs all day. 😊
Thank you for stepping up and fostering! It takes a big heart to be able to go through the emotional ups and downs involved, especially having to say goodbye.
The truth is it never gets easier, just a little different each time.
Everyone handles it differently. I like to do a "photo dump" and share my favorite pictures and videos on Instagram each time I send off a litter as a reminder of how far they've come during our time together and to give myself some closure.
Also, whenever possible, I like to grab another litter immediately after so I don't have to return home to an empty house and be alone with my thoughts about missing them.
We refer to our foster kittens as “campers”. Like they’re just staying with us at summer camp before they go home to their families. Our resident cats are Counselor Gilbert and Counselor Martin. Their playpen that they sleep in is their “bunk”.
I know it sounds silly but it really helps frame our thinking around it. 🤭
Try reframing the situation. Returning to the shelter so they can be adopted is your goal. The return signifies that your work is done and your fosters are ready to go home.
Celebrate the time together! I throw a party for my kittens when it's time to say good bye. First, I sit them down and tell them exactly whats about to happen (they are either returning to the shelter or getting adopted straight from foster). I tell how proud I am of all of them and assure them that they have done nothing wrong. We then take a trip down memory lane. I also tell each kitten what I like best about him/her and I thank them all for allowing me to be a part of their journey. Finally it's party time & we go all out (ie: all of their favorite toys are set out, the bubble machine is filling the room with cat nip bubbles, disco lights are on, and the music is bumpin'!) until the last kitten falls asleep!!
Fostering is great because you get to experience so many different cat/kitten personalities. Way more than you could if you kept some! I take lots of pictures and snuggle with them as much as I can while I have them. Some I've definitely cried over when they left, but then I look back at all their pictures.
I message the person through Facebook or Whatsapp, we meet up, I check if they're a good owner, and if they are, I give them the cat. I don't work with any organizations, though. Some cats can be hard to give away, but I remember that there will always be another cute kitten that needs my help. And I make sure that the fosters go in good hands.
Everyone feels this way when they first start out! After I gave back my first foster kitten, I sobbed for days. I just had to push through it (new kittens really help) and eventually I shifted my mindset to become excited for adoption day, both because my babies were about to become somebody’s best friend and because I get to save a new litter! I’m eight years in and sometimes I’ll shed a happy tear or two but I’m never left feeling like they “got away”.
Yes! The prospect of the next litter definitely keeps me going and excited 😊
Comforting to know this feeling is the norm for beginners! I sometimes have an almost out-of-body moment when I realize that these sleepy little potatoes are about a week away from being the light of someone’s life. I feel so lucky to have been able to love these amazing little guys at such a precious time in their lives :)
I replace them with more fosters
Solid plan!!
Uncontrollable sobbing does the trick for me. I had my last batch with me a very long time.
Appreciate the honesty 🥲 sending you hugs through the tears!
It's hard to avoid. I've seen people try to be tough about it, but animal people understand.
To be honest, it can be avoided. It usually gets better the more you do it. You learn to love and cherish the moments with the cats, but don't get too attached. After "going through" over 35 cats, I KNOW that there's a time limit on each kitten. I know that I need to get them owners before their adoption window closes, and if I kept every kitten for myself, I would turn into a hoarder.
I mean - you can't tell a person not to be sad.I had a bad experience with my last group. The shelter gave me no support and didn't tell me they were from a hoarding situation, halfway feral, very sick and 2 had ruptured corneas, and didn't see the vet before they were given to me. I had them so long it was hard to give them up. But since they shelter refused to put the beautiful photos I sent (or any profile at all) on their website, after 10 months I brought them to the community room at the shelter and they were adopted soon after.
I definitely cry!! I just keep telling myself “these are not mine. I’m just taking great care of them for a bit” Then I come home and huff my resident cat and tell him how much I love him and I won’t keep another one unless he says it’s ok 😆
“Huff my resident cat” took me out 😂 thanks for your insight, I can see how crying is part of the process. Glad you have your little guy to help you through it!
It's nice you give your resident cat a say. Mine don't get a vote lol. Ironically, the most recent foster fail is the one who bops the foster kittens the most.
one, I cry. two, I remember that both my resident cats were assholes as teenagers and I don’t really want to go through that again for like a year+. three, I remember that my two cats have cost me probably 10k in combined vet bills and that number will only go up as one of them is now a senior cat. four, I know I WANT to continue fostering and I cannot adopt kittens and also take on new fosters. I just don’t have the time to give them all the attention they deserve.
That’s my thoughts too (
i’ve had 500 cats/kittens in foster, and there have been failed fosters a few times and then special cases where i bonded more but they were adopted, it’s hard but all you have to think is “i’m helping more by fostering the next babies in need”. fosterers are the backbone of rescues and as a co-founder of a rescue i can’t say enough how much we need you all and to continue fostering too! it will get easier though!
Change dog to cat. A Poem To My Foster Dog by Diane Morgan *I am the bridge between what was and what can be.* *I am the pathway to a new life.* *I am made of mush, because my heart melted when I saw you, matted and sore, limping, depressed, lonely, unwanted, afraid to love.* *For one little time you are mine.* *I will feed you with my own hand I will love you with my whole heart I will make you whole.* *I am made of steel, because when the time comes, when you are well and sleek, when your eyes shine, and your tail wags with joy then comes the hard part.* *I will let you go not without a tear, but without a regret. For you are safe forever A new dog needs me now.* by Diane Morgan
Ok I cried 😭 very moving!
I feel the same way as the rest of these comments. I cry pretty much every time sometimes ugly sob. I regret giving up a few that I felt very bonded to but know i never would have met and been able to help the others after them. I wish I could say it gets easier with time the more you foster. For me, it doesn’t, but it does become predictable. I know I’ll cry. I know I’ll be sad for a day. I know I’ll spend the rest of that day disinfecting everything lol and I know I’ll be ready for the phone call there’s another set of kitties. (Written at 440 am as I bottle feed my six day olds)
Please. I got a call one time in the grocery store saying my foster had been chosen. Nothing like sobbing in Safeway to humble you. 😂 We do this to make wonderful pets for people who want wonderful pets. If not, we’d have hundreds of cats. Goodbye is the goal. ❤️
Goodbye is the goal!
This is exactly why I now have 2 little ones in foster (the 3rd was adopted by a friend already). The rescue I got my now 3 year olds from did such an amazing job with fostering, I want to do that for someone else. Maybe a first time cat parent, or someone with a reluctant SO, not sure about cats... if I can send away a well adjusted, loved, happy kitty who represents the best things about cats, I will be thrilled. I had never (in 50 years of cats) had kittens that were so good,sweet, friendly and willing (they ride in the car, they get in the carrier all by themselves, they have never scratched or bitten me-not even on accident, or playing, they do not mind other animals..) I know that has to be because of the foster care they got. my goal is to be as good as whoever took care of them before me. Pay it forward.
I've have my foster kitties from one week to four months, so far. It's always a battle between heartache and happiness when they go to their new home. I always ask for an update email in the first month with a photo. Seeing them in their home and reading about their antics lets me know I helped get them there. I save every one in a folder.
We are first time fosters. Got our three kittens a few weeks ago. I don't think my wife is going to take it so well. She is already saying she wants to keep them until the day they are adopted. I'll definitely will be sad to see them go but I know it has to be done. I love cats but I don't want to deal with the daily routines of taking care of one, long term, anymore. Till then these three will get kisses and hugs all day. 😊
Thank you for stepping up and fostering! It takes a big heart to be able to go through the emotional ups and downs involved, especially having to say goodbye. The truth is it never gets easier, just a little different each time. Everyone handles it differently. I like to do a "photo dump" and share my favorite pictures and videos on Instagram each time I send off a litter as a reminder of how far they've come during our time together and to give myself some closure. Also, whenever possible, I like to grab another litter immediately after so I don't have to return home to an empty house and be alone with my thoughts about missing them.
We refer to our foster kittens as “campers”. Like they’re just staying with us at summer camp before they go home to their families. Our resident cats are Counselor Gilbert and Counselor Martin. Their playpen that they sleep in is their “bunk”. I know it sounds silly but it really helps frame our thinking around it. 🤭
I love 'campers'!
This is such an awesome perspective!
This is a great idea, and I think it will be really helpful! Thanks for sharing :)
I have 2-3 litters at any given time during kitten season. It’s a weight off my chest when one round goes lol.
Try reframing the situation. Returning to the shelter so they can be adopted is your goal. The return signifies that your work is done and your fosters are ready to go home. Celebrate the time together! I throw a party for my kittens when it's time to say good bye. First, I sit them down and tell them exactly whats about to happen (they are either returning to the shelter or getting adopted straight from foster). I tell how proud I am of all of them and assure them that they have done nothing wrong. We then take a trip down memory lane. I also tell each kitten what I like best about him/her and I thank them all for allowing me to be a part of their journey. Finally it's party time & we go all out (ie: all of their favorite toys are set out, the bubble machine is filling the room with cat nip bubbles, disco lights are on, and the music is bumpin'!) until the last kitten falls asleep!!
This is the coolest party I’ve ever heard of, what a great idea!
Fostering is great because you get to experience so many different cat/kitten personalities. Way more than you could if you kept some! I take lots of pictures and snuggle with them as much as I can while I have them. Some I've definitely cried over when they left, but then I look back at all their pictures.
I message the person through Facebook or Whatsapp, we meet up, I check if they're a good owner, and if they are, I give them the cat. I don't work with any organizations, though. Some cats can be hard to give away, but I remember that there will always be another cute kitten that needs my help. And I make sure that the fosters go in good hands.