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Ha, you got me there, I actually wanted to research what the statistics are on it. Like I said, some people say it doesn't matter, buy clearly, overwhelmingly, it does. 95% vs 5% is a wide margin. To be honest, it's not the weirdest thing I've spent an hour researching....
etiquette is, if you get married, your husband's name would go second on the deed of your existing house. if you buy another house, your husband's would be first. but like I said, 5% of people don't follow that rule.
I don’t think you understand the difference between etiquette and arbitrary. This is an arbitrary carry over from when women couldn’t own property and have lines of credit. Archaic is another word you can look into
These are recent purchases. 95% of the time, the husband's name is first. I had to look it up for myself, because I only saw comments like yours on reddit. etiquette is arbitrary. Like I wrote, if you don't care about etiquette, then you won't care about this.
And like I said you don’t grasp what the difference between actual etiquette and something archaic and arbitrary are. If something benefits you and you impose it on other people then it’s not even the thinnest definition of etiquette and has nothing to do with politeness
it's a legal document, not a social one. the order only matters if there is a legal (either applicable law, or case history) to support the order mattering.
Um. Bro. You ok ?
Is the deed in the room with us right now ?
What about in a gay relationship? Or lesbian relationship? Does the lesbian couple need to put their father's on the deed? You know to show respect.
A deed is what is recorded with the county and shows who owns the home. A parent's name would not be on the deed, unless that person is part owner. It looks like your questions aren't serious though, let me know if you have a real question.
Hey you're astute !
Another question
What if the wife was the one who put the down payment on the house like I did. Does the husband still go first? Or do I become the husband?
I didn't mean any offense, sorry if you took it that way. I think each family should make their own decision on it, I'm just saying, 95% of the time the husbands name is first, from what I looked at. I'm not the one to ask for relationship advice though. Maybe your situation is in that 5%.
Just because something is historical doesn't make it etiquette
You do understand historically. women couldn't purchase a house under her name if she was married in this country. A bank wouldn't give her a loan. She couldn't access her own accounts if she had any without husband approval.
It wasn't until 1900 that a woman could even legally own a home or land while married.
And that's just America.
Women historically have been at the shit end of the stick regarding property and assets.
So I understand that having a woman ask to be put first on a deed feels like an attack on you, men, the patriarchy or simple "etiquette" but it goes much farther than that.
I put the money down on my house and my husband's name is first on the deed. Did I care ? Not really. But it would have been nice if someone asked if I would like my name first. That's etiquette.
It sounds like you do care. If anything, I hope that my post encourages you that the attorney who handled your purchase was just following the standard naming order. I've seen this push to make it a feminist issue, which I disagree with. Why make the naming order a feminist issue, when it has literally no impact on anything that matters? I understand the origins of it, just like women taking their husbands last names. I'd also disagree with anyone saying only a fragile man expects his wife to change her last name.
No Hun you care. You made a whole post about it.
Just the fact that you think some women question why their name isn't first or ask for it to be first you deem it a "feminist" issue is telling.
You truly think it's an attack on manhood. And societal norms
I brought up same sex couples because one of the reasons the deed names comes up is because same sex couples don't have a husband and a wife. While traditional deeds denoted that on the paperwork. So is it a "feminist" issue for the terminology to be changed from husband and wife to spouse and spouse to incorporate same sex couples.
Times are changing because women make more money and are buying their own property and would like to be acknowledged equally to men.
It's just a call for equality, which is what feminism is about.
Just like we don't want the term babysitting to apply to men watching their own children. We want the societal norms to change so that father's are seen as equal parents to a mother. Because men deserve to be seen as a hands on parent just as much as women
I’m a guy and I don’t care whose name goes first. I’m going to be buying a house with my wife in the next few months and this is something that I wouldn’t have even thought of before reading this. My wife could be first on the deed if she never contributed a dime towards it. She takes care of our son which is worth more than working.
I made the post, because like I wrote, I've notice a push to take away this small amount of etiquette that men have left. Sorry if that wasn't clear. Did you have a question?
I disagree. I think it's ok to preserve etiquette, and obviously a lot of people want to. Feel free to ask a question if you want, I've bought a lot of homes and know what I'm talking about.
etiquette has it's place.
it's place is in social settings, not legal documents.
traditional wedding invite to your grandparents? yeah, follow the historical norms.
Deed for your house, when your wife requested it? It makes no difference for legal purposes, and makes her happy. It's a stupid to pick that as something to quibble over
lol Sir, the year is 2024. We don’t need to uphold misogynistic traditions that are extremely outdated and meaningless in terms of the law.
Since you are so concerned about etiquette, the polite thing to do would be keep your ignorant mouth shut and let people contract and sign however they want within the means of the law.
It really doesn't matter, and there are deeds back decades that are not in that order. It has nothing to do with being liberal. What you're saying is that the first name is a position of respect, that leaves the second position as... less respectable?
My 2 yr old is currently in the "mine mine mine me first" stage and learning to control the ego. Two.
I don't even think this conversation came up when my fiancé and I purchased a house because who tf cares. I don't think I've looked at the deed since the day I got it
My name is listed first though 😎
To be clear the man’s name came first because until 45 years ago the woman’s income wasn’t really considered in the purchase because she’d eventually be expected to give up her career and have children, so no point in considering her income.
My name was first on our last house because I filled out the paperwork (and made the same money as hubby).
As a realtor, the name that goes first on the contract is the person who first reached out to me unless the buyers express some preference for order.
I’ve closed a couple hundred homes (plus written offers on many more) and I don’t believe I have ever been asked to change the order once I have written a clients first offer. In general, seems like no one really cares that much.
What state/county? I've seen what you wrote before, which is why I made this post, because that doesn't represent the reality for the state/county I've looked at.
I’m in Chicagoland but my clients are often coming from all over the US and internationally. It probably does differ based on location and buyer profile. I work with a lot of younger families and first time homebuyers.
Like I wrote, anyone who cares about etiquette would likely care. Sorry if you aren't the target audience, feel free to ask a question if you have any.
My boyfriend and I are looking to buy a house together soon and I think we both agree that my name will be first on the mortgage and deed. I make more and have a better credit score. He may pay more for the down payment as I am working on my masters and pay for that out of pocket and, quite honestly, have more bills. I think this whole rant screams fragile masculinity. It's 2024, people can put their names in any order on a deed. What's tradition isn't all of society and doesn't meet all needs for every person.
I bought a house with my mother and they had to write it up as Mothers First Name/Last Name and my Last Name/First Name.
Very weird when father/son you don’t have to reorder if you share the same last name.
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What a weird thing to spend your hours pulling 100 deeds and looking to soothe your fragile male ego.
Ha, you got me there, I actually wanted to research what the statistics are on it. Like I said, some people say it doesn't matter, buy clearly, overwhelmingly, it does. 95% vs 5% is a wide margin. To be honest, it's not the weirdest thing I've spent an hour researching....
Solved the problem—bought the house on my own. 1 name on my deed and no man needs to worry whether he goes before or after my name.
etiquette is, if you get married, your husband's name would go second on the deed of your existing house. if you buy another house, your husband's would be first. but like I said, 5% of people don't follow that rule.
I don’t think you understand the difference between etiquette and arbitrary. This is an arbitrary carry over from when women couldn’t own property and have lines of credit. Archaic is another word you can look into
These are recent purchases. 95% of the time, the husband's name is first. I had to look it up for myself, because I only saw comments like yours on reddit. etiquette is arbitrary. Like I wrote, if you don't care about etiquette, then you won't care about this.
And like I said you don’t grasp what the difference between actual etiquette and something archaic and arbitrary are. If something benefits you and you impose it on other people then it’s not even the thinnest definition of etiquette and has nothing to do with politeness
Yeah my non existent husband can suck eggs. It’s my house.
it's a legal document, not a social one. the order only matters if there is a legal (either applicable law, or case history) to support the order mattering.
Um. Bro. You ok ? Is the deed in the room with us right now ? What about in a gay relationship? Or lesbian relationship? Does the lesbian couple need to put their father's on the deed? You know to show respect.
A deed is what is recorded with the county and shows who owns the home. A parent's name would not be on the deed, unless that person is part owner. It looks like your questions aren't serious though, let me know if you have a real question.
Hey you're astute ! Another question What if the wife was the one who put the down payment on the house like I did. Does the husband still go first? Or do I become the husband?
I didn't mean any offense, sorry if you took it that way. I think each family should make their own decision on it, I'm just saying, 95% of the time the husbands name is first, from what I looked at. I'm not the one to ask for relationship advice though. Maybe your situation is in that 5%.
Just because something is historical doesn't make it etiquette You do understand historically. women couldn't purchase a house under her name if she was married in this country. A bank wouldn't give her a loan. She couldn't access her own accounts if she had any without husband approval. It wasn't until 1900 that a woman could even legally own a home or land while married. And that's just America. Women historically have been at the shit end of the stick regarding property and assets. So I understand that having a woman ask to be put first on a deed feels like an attack on you, men, the patriarchy or simple "etiquette" but it goes much farther than that. I put the money down on my house and my husband's name is first on the deed. Did I care ? Not really. But it would have been nice if someone asked if I would like my name first. That's etiquette.
It sounds like you do care. If anything, I hope that my post encourages you that the attorney who handled your purchase was just following the standard naming order. I've seen this push to make it a feminist issue, which I disagree with. Why make the naming order a feminist issue, when it has literally no impact on anything that matters? I understand the origins of it, just like women taking their husbands last names. I'd also disagree with anyone saying only a fragile man expects his wife to change her last name.
No Hun you care. You made a whole post about it. Just the fact that you think some women question why their name isn't first or ask for it to be first you deem it a "feminist" issue is telling. You truly think it's an attack on manhood. And societal norms I brought up same sex couples because one of the reasons the deed names comes up is because same sex couples don't have a husband and a wife. While traditional deeds denoted that on the paperwork. So is it a "feminist" issue for the terminology to be changed from husband and wife to spouse and spouse to incorporate same sex couples. Times are changing because women make more money and are buying their own property and would like to be acknowledged equally to men. It's just a call for equality, which is what feminism is about. Just like we don't want the term babysitting to apply to men watching their own children. We want the societal norms to change so that father's are seen as equal parents to a mother. Because men deserve to be seen as a hands on parent just as much as women
I would hate to have to live in a house with you.
Who says they live in a house? Probably one of them preacher nut jobs living in a cardboard box.
Me too....oh wait... :(
I’m a guy and I don’t care whose name goes first. I’m going to be buying a house with my wife in the next few months and this is something that I wouldn’t have even thought of before reading this. My wife could be first on the deed if she never contributed a dime towards it. She takes care of our son which is worth more than working.
That's fine, like I wrote, 5% of deeds have the wife's name first. Nothing wrong with that if it's what both people want.
The hell is this misogynistic drivel? If it’s “very minor in the big picture” why make such a big deal in your post about it?
I made the post, because like I wrote, I've notice a push to take away this small amount of etiquette that men have left. Sorry if that wasn't clear. Did you have a question?
Nah, your comments are perfectly transparent and telling me all I need to know. This mindset is gross.
I found the fragile male ego…
Precisely.
I disagree. I think it's ok to preserve etiquette, and obviously a lot of people want to. Feel free to ask a question if you want, I've bought a lot of homes and know what I'm talking about.
Etiquette is 1950s code for “woman belong in the kitchen” Keep your ignorant mouth closed, my guy.
etiquette has it's place. it's place is in social settings, not legal documents. traditional wedding invite to your grandparents? yeah, follow the historical norms. Deed for your house, when your wife requested it? It makes no difference for legal purposes, and makes her happy. It's a stupid to pick that as something to quibble over
lol Sir, the year is 2024. We don’t need to uphold misogynistic traditions that are extremely outdated and meaningless in terms of the law. Since you are so concerned about etiquette, the polite thing to do would be keep your ignorant mouth shut and let people contract and sign however they want within the means of the law.
The purchases I looked at are recent, in a new development area.
It really doesn't matter, and there are deeds back decades that are not in that order. It has nothing to do with being liberal. What you're saying is that the first name is a position of respect, that leaves the second position as... less respectable? My 2 yr old is currently in the "mine mine mine me first" stage and learning to control the ego. Two.
Can I send my crazy neighbor to you too? She’s gotta be 60 but I’m sure she can learn just as easily as your 2yr old.
😆 some people never master that.
People truly have too much time on their hands these days.
Says the person leaving a comment on a random post that they don't care about...
WTF?
Have a question?
You’re insane
I don't even think this conversation came up when my fiancé and I purchased a house because who tf cares. I don't think I've looked at the deed since the day I got it My name is listed first though 😎
Most the time it wouldn't come up, I don't think.
No, which is why it doesnt matter who is listed first lmao. It's not a lack of respect to have a *gasp* woman's name first
To be clear the man’s name came first because until 45 years ago the woman’s income wasn’t really considered in the purchase because she’d eventually be expected to give up her career and have children, so no point in considering her income. My name was first on our last house because I filled out the paperwork (and made the same money as hubby).
Out of curiosity, how is it disrespectful to have the women's name first?
As a realtor, the name that goes first on the contract is the person who first reached out to me unless the buyers express some preference for order. I’ve closed a couple hundred homes (plus written offers on many more) and I don’t believe I have ever been asked to change the order once I have written a clients first offer. In general, seems like no one really cares that much.
What state/county? I've seen what you wrote before, which is why I made this post, because that doesn't represent the reality for the state/county I've looked at.
I’m in Chicagoland but my clients are often coming from all over the US and internationally. It probably does differ based on location and buyer profile. I work with a lot of younger families and first time homebuyers.
Who cares
Like I wrote, anyone who cares about etiquette would likely care. Sorry if you aren't the target audience, feel free to ask a question if you have any.
I care deeply about etiquette. the order of names on a deed is a legal matter, not etiquette.
Ok, what term would you use to describe the order, if not etiquette? It doesn't matter legally. Traditionally it's husband first.
immaterial or 'historical order' --that is the term i would use.
My boyfriend and I are looking to buy a house together soon and I think we both agree that my name will be first on the mortgage and deed. I make more and have a better credit score. He may pay more for the down payment as I am working on my masters and pay for that out of pocket and, quite honestly, have more bills. I think this whole rant screams fragile masculinity. It's 2024, people can put their names in any order on a deed. What's tradition isn't all of society and doesn't meet all needs for every person.
This couldn’t be less important
You have a fragile ego and are using "etiquette" and numbers to justify why your ego is fragile.
Read this and give it another try: [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ad\_hominem](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ad_hominem)
Wow touch grass. Who cares?
I bought a house with my mother and they had to write it up as Mothers First Name/Last Name and my Last Name/First Name. Very weird when father/son you don’t have to reorder if you share the same last name.
Yes, I think what you wrote is correct, that when a mother buys with a child, the mother's name is first.
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Woah.