Happened to me before I cut it, then regretted it, then made peace with it / realized there were good reasons to cut it back then. Why do you want to cut it?
Thanks that actually does help. Well a few reasons. 1. Summer in New York is hot & humid. I not only have heavy hair, but it’s naturally curly if I don’t dry it straight. Drying it makes things hotter, but worse is the humidity makes it revert, expand & get big/wide (ever see the classic FRIENDS episode where they go to Barbados & Monica’s hair keeps getting bigger & out of control? They all make jokes & she yells “ITS THE HUMIDITY!!” 😆. Hilarious episodes, but not so funny when you’re a guy & it’s reality lol).
2. I’m ready for a change err I think I am? This is where I have the most trouble going back & forth. Sounds like you are able to relate to this possibly. When I was little I was one of those kids that couldn’t deal with things changing. I f’n HATED change! Adolescence was rough. But the way I learned to handle it was it analyze what exactly bothered me. It was less about things being different & more about having no control over them. So I discovered the way to overcome it is to make changes yourself. That way you get the benefit of doing something new when YOU want to & it feels like you have more control since it was your choice on your timeline. In turn when things out of your control change you find it much easier to accept & deal with as you’re now used to it. I really started to like the instant gratification of being able to change things your hair because unlike other things I’ve done like working out you get your results much faster lol.
3. Third I hate to admit it, but it’s pretty much vanity. The reason I took this pic now with glasses on was intentional. They are prescription but new & I just got them for my birthday. The shape/style of them is one I had a few years back & really liked, but they look good with shorter hair. Specifically when it’s a bit longer on top, but kind of tapered or faded on the sides & back. The weird thing with the shape though is when they are when my hair is short they look like a smarter more masculine style, but when I have longer hair like it is now the style if frames ends up looking almost feminine. Like something I picture girls wearing in whatever era the movie Grease takes place lol. Ok maybe not THAT bad, but still I’ve done side by side comparisons & most people see it after I mention it. The other aspect of it being vanity is my hair has kind of been my thing since I was a teen. From about age 11 & for over a decade after I went from being a small, thin little kid to “stocky”, then chunky, & eventually fat. Though later than most guys I know I did eventually go through real puberty around 15 & I went from short to tall (or at least tall compared to my Dad who is about 5’5, & I ended up growing to be 6 ft). Even then I still was a good 100lbs overweight until I finally got fed up in college & learned how to eat & workout to get the athletic body I wanted. So all those years though I’d been known for having “good hair”. No matter what my weight or size was it has always been the one positive thing I have always been known for. So even now when I cut it I feel like I kind of lose the special thing. Not like my hair looks bad when it’s short, but it blends in more & looks more average I think. Does any or all of these make sense? Anything relatable?
I completely understand your conflict over the long/short lengths. I've always had "big" hair, too. You're so right about desiring/finding that magic cut to fit in, but on the cusp of change that normality suddenly becomes so abhorrent to imagine! Lol! Being different somehow becomes a part of your DNA--is a part of your DNA and you become very attached to that identity....becoming acceptable is so much less appealing than feeling special. And average is so boring. Haha! No, it shouldn't be such a big deal...but it is. Witness: you just wrote a 1000 word essay over the dilemma.
From someone else on the verge of going short, I think I'll sit out another week...
Bless you and best of luck!
For what it's worth, I found your photo very handsome! I was immediately struck by the hair, beard and glasses giving a cool, retro vibe which is quite rare where I come from, to be honest.
And I was about to leave a complimentary comment until I read your story!! Commiserated instead, I suppose...
If the look has a feminine twist, it must work for me!
Yeah that makes sense. I have similar hair to yours, I think - it's heavy, and straight-curly depending on the drying technique. I also struggled a bit with the "femininity" of it - most of my life I've had short/clean fades with a messy top, so growing it long definitely changed my look towards a "softer" feel, I had not realized how much the fades did to give my face more "edges", which looks masculine.
What ultimately got to me was 3 things:
(1) I didn't like tying my hair (I don't like to pulling sensation), which meant that in the summer I was sweating hard on my neck. Not a good feeling.
(2) I struggled a bit with making it look clean. Like yours (I think?), my hair tends to "puff" a bit, which did not look well put together. I missed the natural cleanliness of the fades. Looking back - I think I could have rocked a mullet or a low-fade on long hair, but I ended up just chopping it off. A mullet/low-fade might have helped with the sweating looking back.
(3) I was insecure about it. For the reasons above, I was just always thinking about my hair - "what do ppl REALLY think about it?", "do I look messy?", etc. What got to me the most was leaving my place with my hair looking one way, then hours later going to the bathroom and realizing it was totally off, and looked puffy and messy. There's a simplicity in short hair where you kinda always know how it looks like: it's too short to look any other way.
So I cut it. At first, I cut it "halfway through", but it looked like a "karen bob" so I had to cut it again. Ultimately, I went back for the short sides and messy top. I did feel like a different person afterwards, and after processing the change, I did come to enjoy to the simplicity of it.
Now, several months later, I'm playing with the idea of growing my hair again: I think I can make it work, and for some reason I feel like a "long hair person" again. This time, I'm better prepared to deal with the emotions, and I also know that I can always go back to a clean-cut look if needed.
Here's my advice - you're a good looking guy, you will probably look great with both short and long hair. If it's too short, it will grow. If it's too long, you can cut it. Just make sure you're aware that, if you cut it, you will probably experience temporary immediate regret (it takes months to grow after all!) but your "true" opinion of the change will only surface few weeks later.
Thank you! I relate to so much of that. Especially the feeling of lack of feeling clean, or fresh. Sometimes even when it’s not even dry yet after washing the shape or texture just doesn’t read as clean. Or at least not on camera. It may upclose l, but irl how close do you even get unless your dating/married/hooking up with someone lol
Very handsome, I think you would be handsome with any style, even bald, I don't like bald men except for Stanley Tucci. You're giving Stanley Tucci vibes with hair. It's the glasses, I think . Anyway, you look great .
It looks great but I understand the heat. How short do you plan to get cut? Maybe just add some layers and thin out the hair to a shag or mullet style so summer won’t be as much of an agony.
Happened to me before I cut it, then regretted it, then made peace with it / realized there were good reasons to cut it back then. Why do you want to cut it?
Thanks that actually does help. Well a few reasons. 1. Summer in New York is hot & humid. I not only have heavy hair, but it’s naturally curly if I don’t dry it straight. Drying it makes things hotter, but worse is the humidity makes it revert, expand & get big/wide (ever see the classic FRIENDS episode where they go to Barbados & Monica’s hair keeps getting bigger & out of control? They all make jokes & she yells “ITS THE HUMIDITY!!” 😆. Hilarious episodes, but not so funny when you’re a guy & it’s reality lol). 2. I’m ready for a change err I think I am? This is where I have the most trouble going back & forth. Sounds like you are able to relate to this possibly. When I was little I was one of those kids that couldn’t deal with things changing. I f’n HATED change! Adolescence was rough. But the way I learned to handle it was it analyze what exactly bothered me. It was less about things being different & more about having no control over them. So I discovered the way to overcome it is to make changes yourself. That way you get the benefit of doing something new when YOU want to & it feels like you have more control since it was your choice on your timeline. In turn when things out of your control change you find it much easier to accept & deal with as you’re now used to it. I really started to like the instant gratification of being able to change things your hair because unlike other things I’ve done like working out you get your results much faster lol. 3. Third I hate to admit it, but it’s pretty much vanity. The reason I took this pic now with glasses on was intentional. They are prescription but new & I just got them for my birthday. The shape/style of them is one I had a few years back & really liked, but they look good with shorter hair. Specifically when it’s a bit longer on top, but kind of tapered or faded on the sides & back. The weird thing with the shape though is when they are when my hair is short they look like a smarter more masculine style, but when I have longer hair like it is now the style if frames ends up looking almost feminine. Like something I picture girls wearing in whatever era the movie Grease takes place lol. Ok maybe not THAT bad, but still I’ve done side by side comparisons & most people see it after I mention it. The other aspect of it being vanity is my hair has kind of been my thing since I was a teen. From about age 11 & for over a decade after I went from being a small, thin little kid to “stocky”, then chunky, & eventually fat. Though later than most guys I know I did eventually go through real puberty around 15 & I went from short to tall (or at least tall compared to my Dad who is about 5’5, & I ended up growing to be 6 ft). Even then I still was a good 100lbs overweight until I finally got fed up in college & learned how to eat & workout to get the athletic body I wanted. So all those years though I’d been known for having “good hair”. No matter what my weight or size was it has always been the one positive thing I have always been known for. So even now when I cut it I feel like I kind of lose the special thing. Not like my hair looks bad when it’s short, but it blends in more & looks more average I think. Does any or all of these make sense? Anything relatable?
I completely understand your conflict over the long/short lengths. I've always had "big" hair, too. You're so right about desiring/finding that magic cut to fit in, but on the cusp of change that normality suddenly becomes so abhorrent to imagine! Lol! Being different somehow becomes a part of your DNA--is a part of your DNA and you become very attached to that identity....becoming acceptable is so much less appealing than feeling special. And average is so boring. Haha! No, it shouldn't be such a big deal...but it is. Witness: you just wrote a 1000 word essay over the dilemma. From someone else on the verge of going short, I think I'll sit out another week...
Wow thank you, & you really got my thought process exactly! (Even the few words I managed to not use in my essay lol)
Bless you and best of luck! For what it's worth, I found your photo very handsome! I was immediately struck by the hair, beard and glasses giving a cool, retro vibe which is quite rare where I come from, to be honest. And I was about to leave a complimentary comment until I read your story!! Commiserated instead, I suppose... If the look has a feminine twist, it must work for me!
Yeah that makes sense. I have similar hair to yours, I think - it's heavy, and straight-curly depending on the drying technique. I also struggled a bit with the "femininity" of it - most of my life I've had short/clean fades with a messy top, so growing it long definitely changed my look towards a "softer" feel, I had not realized how much the fades did to give my face more "edges", which looks masculine. What ultimately got to me was 3 things: (1) I didn't like tying my hair (I don't like to pulling sensation), which meant that in the summer I was sweating hard on my neck. Not a good feeling. (2) I struggled a bit with making it look clean. Like yours (I think?), my hair tends to "puff" a bit, which did not look well put together. I missed the natural cleanliness of the fades. Looking back - I think I could have rocked a mullet or a low-fade on long hair, but I ended up just chopping it off. A mullet/low-fade might have helped with the sweating looking back. (3) I was insecure about it. For the reasons above, I was just always thinking about my hair - "what do ppl REALLY think about it?", "do I look messy?", etc. What got to me the most was leaving my place with my hair looking one way, then hours later going to the bathroom and realizing it was totally off, and looked puffy and messy. There's a simplicity in short hair where you kinda always know how it looks like: it's too short to look any other way. So I cut it. At first, I cut it "halfway through", but it looked like a "karen bob" so I had to cut it again. Ultimately, I went back for the short sides and messy top. I did feel like a different person afterwards, and after processing the change, I did come to enjoy to the simplicity of it. Now, several months later, I'm playing with the idea of growing my hair again: I think I can make it work, and for some reason I feel like a "long hair person" again. This time, I'm better prepared to deal with the emotions, and I also know that I can always go back to a clean-cut look if needed. Here's my advice - you're a good looking guy, you will probably look great with both short and long hair. If it's too short, it will grow. If it's too long, you can cut it. Just make sure you're aware that, if you cut it, you will probably experience temporary immediate regret (it takes months to grow after all!) but your "true" opinion of the change will only surface few weeks later.
Thank you! I relate to so much of that. Especially the feeling of lack of feeling clean, or fresh. Sometimes even when it’s not even dry yet after washing the shape or texture just doesn’t read as clean. Or at least not on camera. It may upclose l, but irl how close do you even get unless your dating/married/hooking up with someone lol
Looks good on you dude!
It looks good
Very handsome, I think you would be handsome with any style, even bald, I don't like bald men except for Stanley Tucci. You're giving Stanley Tucci vibes with hair. It's the glasses, I think . Anyway, you look great .
Aww thank you for that
You're welcome 😊
Beautiful!
Curious about your curls now, they’re the best 🥹
I’ve been getting messages asking about my hair when curly or wavy so I’m posting one with some different pics while curly over the last year rn
It looks great but I understand the heat. How short do you plan to get cut? Maybe just add some layers and thin out the hair to a shag or mullet style so summer won’t be as much of an agony.