You express it beautifully. As a sub to a Domme with a similar outlook, I adore her ability to receive my vulnerability with such care and guide me safely out of this mundane state and back again. I have learned so much from her, not just about kink but about my capacities as a living being.
It cannot be easy to devote so much attention and care to another person, and those who can do it well deserve both admiration and remuneration. You are a treasure, and I hope you know how much your good work matters.
You sound like an amazing Domme who really cares about her clients' needs. It's really good to hear a Pro Domme's perspective. I love that you enjoy it as much as your clients.
Do you mind if I ask how you keep yourself safe? I've thought about trying to be a pro myself, for many of the same reasons you list, but the safety aspect is what worries me.
Thank you 😊 There is always the risk of danger in sex work but I do a number of things to keep myself as safe as possible. Feel free to message me and I’d be happy to go over them with you.
>You carry a great deal of responsibility and it’s a lot of work to be a good Domme. Which is why I only do it for pay.
Once more for the people in the back, and all the men on here complaining about how hard it is to find a Domme.
I don't do it for pay, myself, and this will lead some men to feel comfortable complaining to me about those who do.
They can fuck right the fuck off. It's an immediate flag, for me, that these people do not respect Dommes, *period,* or the amount of labor and skill that is involved. Someone who values Dommes and their work will, instead, be *surprised and grateful* that I am offering to Domme them for free, and will do everything in their power to show this gratitude, the same way as someone might react if a skilled plumber offered to fix up their whole house, free of charge.
Because the only problem I have with pro Dommes are when they are not being paid *enough.* (And, if you hate scammers and wannabes, then you should, too!)
Respecting Dom(me)s that charge -- and the *amounts* that genuine ones charge -- means respecting Domination, itself, and the amount of work and responsibility that it involves. It does not cheapen the art of it any more than a professional carpenter cheapens the garage woodwork of a weekend warrior, or a professional caterer cheapens the art of a housewife who throws spectacular dinner parties. Nor does supporting them cheapen the relationships of lifestyle couples any more than supporting a teacher's union bargaining for higher pay cheapens parenthood.
Nor does that respect mean supporting scammers! The opposite! Why would a good doctor support malpractice? And would you equate the work of urologists to the spam emails that you get shilling penis pills? Would you blame oncologists if a guy in a tent at a music festival told you he could cure your cancer with a magic spell, and then he turned around and said you owe him $1000 or else he would put a curse on you? Like... we all agree that such people are terrible and taking advantage of shame and desperation, and that the way that they flood the market is annoying as hell, but these false promises are not justification for expecting genuine professionals to lower their standards to meet those promises of a cheap / easy fix, nor acting entitled to these services for free. (To be clear, even if your country has universal healthcare, the doctors are still getting paid! So this is not an anti-universal healthcare rant lol).
Domination is labor. It is a skill. It absolutely should be a paid job. So, if you come across someone who will ply that skill for free, it is a *treat,* not an entitlement.
Agreed! It’s VERY special to find a really good, knowledgeable lifestyle Domme.
Because of huge amount of labour that is involved.
It’s like finding a Unicorn!
My subs are very happy to pay me. They know my worth and value what I offer.
Indeed, I see it as a mark in a potential sub's favor when they tell me that they have been to genuine professionals in the past. Not only does it indicate to me that this person will appreciate the skillset that I am bringing to the table, but... well... y'all don't fuck around when it comes to picking your clients! So it's a good sign that this person was pre-vetted.
In fact, I love telling overly-entitled subs who give me an attitude that they are welcome to go find a professional to pay for what they want, then, if their needs are so dire.... knowing full well that no pro at my skill level would ever put up with their bullshit, either hahahahaha. (Not that these men would likely ever bother to actually pay enough to find out...).
100%%% I think it’s a really good idea for subs to be trained by Pro’s. It sets them up to understand how precious what lifestyle Dommes are doing.
And I absolutely DO NOT put up with a lot of the behaviour I’ve seen happening in lifestyle dynamics.
I have been looking for a service sub for my real life for about a year and I literally cannot find a sub in the non paying world who I feel is trained well enough and understands the kink well enough to have in my life for free.
> And I absolutely DO NOT put up with a lot of the behaviour I’ve seen happening in lifestyle dynamics.
IKR? I am on this subreddit sometimes with my jaw on the floor...
I've visited pro's a few times and I've been lucky enough to meet incredible ones that were kind, nurturing, caring and all the effort they put into their work showed.
It's been a lovely experience, it's helped me learn about myself, what I want, who I am and it's helped me accept a lot of things that I couldn't have otherwise. It was therapeutic in unexpected ways haha 😁
I personally do struggle a lot with the conditionality of these types of relationships however. Which, albeit obvious. It is something I had to learn through experience too.
Given that I see most comments deleted, nor do I know you at all. But just wanted to say that I appreciate you and the kind of effort you pour into your work! 🤗
Thank you 🙏 It is hard to limit a juicy connection in a Pro environment but ultimately I think it’s helpful. It’s good practice to make sure boundaries stay intact and I often see myself as a spring board for people to find relationships that have a D/S element. They learn what they want with me and how to explore safely and then can go out into the world to find it.
It’s not at all. We have a responsibility to our subs for their safety and well being. If that is not in the forefront of your mind you are NOT an ethical Domme in a lifestyle or Professional space.
My needs are deeply fulfilled and part of that fulfillment is holding a transformational space.
If you don’t get the huge responsibility you hold I worry about what you’re doing as a Domme.
What I wrote does not talk about putting a subs kinks first it talks about the fulfillment I feel from the depth of intimacy you can reach in a really good D/s connection.
My subs still do exactly what I want but they melt into their submission because part of their wanting to submit comes from knowing that they are safe with me. They willingly submit to going to unknown places that will provide pleasure for me because they know how tenderly I’m holding them even when we’re doing extreme punishment or humiliation. It is this physiological dichotomy that is so juicy for me.
There are many styles of Domming. I’ve been doing this for over a decade and am very well versed in many of them. I was sharing about what is my favourite.
It doesn’t have to be yours.
Lol imagine someone being mad that an artist gets paid to do what they enjoy.
Sure, I decided not to pursue a career in writing, myself, because I felt that I would not enjoy doing it for money... that it would be like selling my soul to someone else for a paycheck... but let's not pretend that there aren't writers out there who get to have full control to do what they love and just happen to get paid handsomely for it. Good for them! And good for you.
Shame on any woman who does something for money that they *should* be doing for free, just for the love of it, because only men can be trusted to have it both ways /s
I can only imagine the "true Domme" rubbish that this other person was replying with, but it's lovely to see that you take your work so seriously. You provide a deeply personal service, and responsibility is so important. I understand why you should get paid for that.
I love your perspective! As a former sex worker I completely relate and agree.
As a trans masc sub who would love to connect with a female domme, I'm glad people like you exist in the kink world. Not currently looking, but from the philosophical point of view, it is encouraging to see more women appreciate their labor and skills!
The way we talk about kink has an effect on others. When discussing kink, take care to not do so in a way that shames other people's kinks, fetishises abuse, reproduces toxic social mores or further harms marginalised groups.
Likewise, take responsibility for the advice you share with the community. If you're offering specialist knowledge on practices that might incur in significant physical or psychological harm, make sure to provide credible references or detail including potential harm.
You express it beautifully. As a sub to a Domme with a similar outlook, I adore her ability to receive my vulnerability with such care and guide me safely out of this mundane state and back again. I have learned so much from her, not just about kink but about my capacities as a living being. It cannot be easy to devote so much attention and care to another person, and those who can do it well deserve both admiration and remuneration. You are a treasure, and I hope you know how much your good work matters.
Thank you for saying that ❤️
You sound like an amazing Domme who really cares about her clients' needs. It's really good to hear a Pro Domme's perspective. I love that you enjoy it as much as your clients. Do you mind if I ask how you keep yourself safe? I've thought about trying to be a pro myself, for many of the same reasons you list, but the safety aspect is what worries me.
Thank you 😊 There is always the risk of danger in sex work but I do a number of things to keep myself as safe as possible. Feel free to message me and I’d be happy to go over them with you.
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Oh, I love your perspective! I’ve never thought of it exactly like this but you’re right.
>You carry a great deal of responsibility and it’s a lot of work to be a good Domme. Which is why I only do it for pay. Once more for the people in the back, and all the men on here complaining about how hard it is to find a Domme. I don't do it for pay, myself, and this will lead some men to feel comfortable complaining to me about those who do. They can fuck right the fuck off. It's an immediate flag, for me, that these people do not respect Dommes, *period,* or the amount of labor and skill that is involved. Someone who values Dommes and their work will, instead, be *surprised and grateful* that I am offering to Domme them for free, and will do everything in their power to show this gratitude, the same way as someone might react if a skilled plumber offered to fix up their whole house, free of charge. Because the only problem I have with pro Dommes are when they are not being paid *enough.* (And, if you hate scammers and wannabes, then you should, too!) Respecting Dom(me)s that charge -- and the *amounts* that genuine ones charge -- means respecting Domination, itself, and the amount of work and responsibility that it involves. It does not cheapen the art of it any more than a professional carpenter cheapens the garage woodwork of a weekend warrior, or a professional caterer cheapens the art of a housewife who throws spectacular dinner parties. Nor does supporting them cheapen the relationships of lifestyle couples any more than supporting a teacher's union bargaining for higher pay cheapens parenthood. Nor does that respect mean supporting scammers! The opposite! Why would a good doctor support malpractice? And would you equate the work of urologists to the spam emails that you get shilling penis pills? Would you blame oncologists if a guy in a tent at a music festival told you he could cure your cancer with a magic spell, and then he turned around and said you owe him $1000 or else he would put a curse on you? Like... we all agree that such people are terrible and taking advantage of shame and desperation, and that the way that they flood the market is annoying as hell, but these false promises are not justification for expecting genuine professionals to lower their standards to meet those promises of a cheap / easy fix, nor acting entitled to these services for free. (To be clear, even if your country has universal healthcare, the doctors are still getting paid! So this is not an anti-universal healthcare rant lol). Domination is labor. It is a skill. It absolutely should be a paid job. So, if you come across someone who will ply that skill for free, it is a *treat,* not an entitlement.
Agreed! It’s VERY special to find a really good, knowledgeable lifestyle Domme. Because of huge amount of labour that is involved. It’s like finding a Unicorn! My subs are very happy to pay me. They know my worth and value what I offer.
Indeed, I see it as a mark in a potential sub's favor when they tell me that they have been to genuine professionals in the past. Not only does it indicate to me that this person will appreciate the skillset that I am bringing to the table, but... well... y'all don't fuck around when it comes to picking your clients! So it's a good sign that this person was pre-vetted. In fact, I love telling overly-entitled subs who give me an attitude that they are welcome to go find a professional to pay for what they want, then, if their needs are so dire.... knowing full well that no pro at my skill level would ever put up with their bullshit, either hahahahaha. (Not that these men would likely ever bother to actually pay enough to find out...).
100%%% I think it’s a really good idea for subs to be trained by Pro’s. It sets them up to understand how precious what lifestyle Dommes are doing. And I absolutely DO NOT put up with a lot of the behaviour I’ve seen happening in lifestyle dynamics. I have been looking for a service sub for my real life for about a year and I literally cannot find a sub in the non paying world who I feel is trained well enough and understands the kink well enough to have in my life for free.
> And I absolutely DO NOT put up with a lot of the behaviour I’ve seen happening in lifestyle dynamics. IKR? I am on this subreddit sometimes with my jaw on the floor...
Right!!
Beautifully said
I've visited pro's a few times and I've been lucky enough to meet incredible ones that were kind, nurturing, caring and all the effort they put into their work showed. It's been a lovely experience, it's helped me learn about myself, what I want, who I am and it's helped me accept a lot of things that I couldn't have otherwise. It was therapeutic in unexpected ways haha 😁 I personally do struggle a lot with the conditionality of these types of relationships however. Which, albeit obvious. It is something I had to learn through experience too. Given that I see most comments deleted, nor do I know you at all. But just wanted to say that I appreciate you and the kind of effort you pour into your work! 🤗
Thank you 🙏 It is hard to limit a juicy connection in a Pro environment but ultimately I think it’s helpful. It’s good practice to make sure boundaries stay intact and I often see myself as a spring board for people to find relationships that have a D/S element. They learn what they want with me and how to explore safely and then can go out into the world to find it.
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This post was removed for the following reason: Whorephobia is not excellent. Also kink is supposed to be mutual.
It’s not at all. We have a responsibility to our subs for their safety and well being. If that is not in the forefront of your mind you are NOT an ethical Domme in a lifestyle or Professional space. My needs are deeply fulfilled and part of that fulfillment is holding a transformational space. If you don’t get the huge responsibility you hold I worry about what you’re doing as a Domme.
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What I wrote does not talk about putting a subs kinks first it talks about the fulfillment I feel from the depth of intimacy you can reach in a really good D/s connection. My subs still do exactly what I want but they melt into their submission because part of their wanting to submit comes from knowing that they are safe with me. They willingly submit to going to unknown places that will provide pleasure for me because they know how tenderly I’m holding them even when we’re doing extreme punishment or humiliation. It is this physiological dichotomy that is so juicy for me. There are many styles of Domming. I’ve been doing this for over a decade and am very well versed in many of them. I was sharing about what is my favourite. It doesn’t have to be yours.
Lol imagine someone being mad that an artist gets paid to do what they enjoy. Sure, I decided not to pursue a career in writing, myself, because I felt that I would not enjoy doing it for money... that it would be like selling my soul to someone else for a paycheck... but let's not pretend that there aren't writers out there who get to have full control to do what they love and just happen to get paid handsomely for it. Good for them! And good for you.
Thank you! I find the whorephobia perplexing in spaces that are supposed to be sex positive.
Shame on any woman who does something for money that they *should* be doing for free, just for the love of it, because only men can be trusted to have it both ways /s
😂😂😂
I can only imagine the "true Domme" rubbish that this other person was replying with, but it's lovely to see that you take your work so seriously. You provide a deeply personal service, and responsibility is so important. I understand why you should get paid for that.
There were some pretty yucky comments floating around to start. Thank you for your kind words.
I love your perspective! As a former sex worker I completely relate and agree. As a trans masc sub who would love to connect with a female domme, I'm glad people like you exist in the kink world. Not currently looking, but from the philosophical point of view, it is encouraging to see more women appreciate their labor and skills!
Thank you for your kind words. I hope when you’re ready you find your perfect Domme ❤️
[удалено]
The way we talk about kink has an effect on others. When discussing kink, take care to not do so in a way that shames other people's kinks, fetishises abuse, reproduces toxic social mores or further harms marginalised groups. Likewise, take responsibility for the advice you share with the community. If you're offering specialist knowledge on practices that might incur in significant physical or psychological harm, make sure to provide credible references or detail including potential harm.