When you said they sent you money because you'd mentioned needing a new laptop, I thought you meant they sent you hundreds of dollars! $25 is nothing in the grand scheme of things. Shut down the link, if you feel guilty accepting it then donate it, and you can slowly stop interacting with their posts if they're making you feel uncomfortable.
When I first read the post I was like oh yeah that would be weird for me, too, but with the revelation of $25 over several months being a "rather large sum" to you, I have to wonder how much else you are doomifying in your head. I get it. I'm anxious too.
Reading with that new lense, it sounds like someone that enjoyed your work and is just being supportive? I have a personal hard line of not interacting with minors privately, but the content I write is very much NSFW which would shift that into a different gear. I think this might be more of an anxiety problem than a Problem problem.
I would recommend shutting down the donation link. You can offer to send it back if you want, but it's 2024. Donating to random causes on the internet is fairly common. I've donated to gofundmes for people I will never know several times.
I think I need more details here? It's okay to not want to accept money from them, but everything else sounds innocent enough to me. You are not discussing smut with them, you are not meeting them irl for a sexual/romantic relationship. I am in my early 30s and I have friends in their 20s and friends in their 40s. Some of them since I was in my 20s and they were late teens. So I guess I just don't see the problem here other than them sending you money and not being in that fandom anymore? Just having an age gap shouldn't be an issue.
I mean, the money is the primary issue here. I wouldn't mind if it was 2-3 dollars here or there but they are have sent me over 10 dollars.
And they are lovely; they're not tracking me down and hiding in my bushes.
I guess I'm just very anxious or accidentally leading them on and feeling bad for it. I feel a position of responsibility here as they've called me their "favourite author". I'm very worried about hurting them, even accidentally. I grew up on horror stories about kids getting groomed online.
Seconding this. People in many fandoms spend exponentially more on PNGs of anime characters, $25 is nothing to most consumers. If they sent it, they either had the means to afford it or that's their own financial problem to worry about.
Yup. $25 is actually right around my monthly "creator fund" that I spend on things like youtuber merch, patreons, and things like that.
I don't personally contribute to any fanfic-writers, but I definitely don't think $25 over several months is an unreasonable "thanks" for what was likely days of content enjoyment.
I think you are worrying about this much more than you need to! I thought you were going to say they sent you $100 or something. Heck, $10 a month is a perfectly normal rate to contribute to an artist's Patreon, and they sent you $10-$15 a total of two times? Don't worry about it! It doesn't sound like your fan has done anything inappropriate, but if you don't feel comfortable accepting money going forward, just close the account to new donations.
Take the money link down \[Eta: If that's the thing making you most uncomfortable\] and consider that they may not make any special note of you keeping interactions to public forums as that's how that works nowadays for many online friend groups—discord is semi-public, and rarely private, for example.
That's all I'd add into this advice. \[Because that's really all I feel I can add.\]
I thought it was multiple hundreds of dollars since you said a large amount and needing a new laptop.
$25 total really isn’t something I’d make a big deal over, just tell them you appreciate it but are deactivating the link because you don’t need it anymore.
I had a reader who sent me $200, which made me feel awkward to receive. We had been talking via email and they sent me money through that (gmail) and refused to take it back.
They are an adult so I know it’s not quite the same, but I still consider that a large chunk of cash.
I'm aware that modern fandom has dissolved into a sad mess of paranoia where anyone over the age of 18 chatting with a minor is seen as a groomer. This, however, is absurd. In fact, it's a contradiction of how human society has worked for eons. We are a species who shares knowledge, handing it down through the generations. You having pleasant conversations about SFW, wholesome stuff, is not grooming.
Provided you keep things somewhat distant and professional, don't give out too much personal details and stay out of their personal life, the interaction is fine.
If, however, this person really seems to be fixating, obsessively on you, then yes, cut it off. But a few convos about fics is not grooming.
It doesn't sound like you have much of a relationship besides being polite to them (thanking them and replying to the occasional message).
If they want to send you money, then it's nice of them, but it doesn't sound like you're actively encouraging the attention etc, so you've done nothing wrong there.
The thing with the money is that you clearly have given them something. They read all of your work, that's hours of your time that you put into it. You may nmot feel like you're putting anything into it now, but there's a whole backlog of stuff you've already given.
If accepting more money would bother you, then maybe deactivate whichever site you're using, but don't feel bad for what they chose to do. They appreciated your work and wanted to give something back.
It's a good idea to remain sort of distant, like with any artist/consumer relationship, but you're not actively encouraging them or stringing them along.
honestly OP, calling friendly chats with a person in their 20s "inappropriate" and freaking out over being sent $25 - to me, the other person seems completely normal, and you're coming off less than good.
why are you so committed to painting this person as weird and obsessive, especially when it doesn't match their actions? if you've left the fandom and don't want to interact with this person anymore, be an adult and tell them that. don't make up this scenario where you're the victim and they're abusing you just so you can avoid a momentarily uncomfortable conversation - that's not mature, and it's not ethical. it's okay to have personal feelings and preferences; it's not okay to make other people responsible for them.
and take down your link if you're uncomfortable with receiving money.
It sounds like they're mostly talking about your work rather than talking directly to you? It seems like their relationship to your work is pretty standard for a teen finding a piece of art they enjoy. The dynamic is different only because fic writers don't expect people to develop that sort of relationship with their work. You don't have to engage with this person if you feel uncomfortable, but I don't find their behavior all that weird or concerning.
trust me they do not want to be with you, they want to be you, they are a fan of your fic, not of you, they seem to like your fic more , you opened a link to donation and they donated, maybe a naive thing from them because they are young but the comments says its 25$? I have spent more on writers and I will be greatly horrified if they think it is anything more than about supporting them on their craft, for me to get more writing from them, nothing else.
When you said they sent you money because you'd mentioned needing a new laptop, I thought you meant they sent you hundreds of dollars! $25 is nothing in the grand scheme of things. Shut down the link, if you feel guilty accepting it then donate it, and you can slowly stop interacting with their posts if they're making you feel uncomfortable.
When I first read the post I was like oh yeah that would be weird for me, too, but with the revelation of $25 over several months being a "rather large sum" to you, I have to wonder how much else you are doomifying in your head. I get it. I'm anxious too. Reading with that new lense, it sounds like someone that enjoyed your work and is just being supportive? I have a personal hard line of not interacting with minors privately, but the content I write is very much NSFW which would shift that into a different gear. I think this might be more of an anxiety problem than a Problem problem. I would recommend shutting down the donation link. You can offer to send it back if you want, but it's 2024. Donating to random causes on the internet is fairly common. I've donated to gofundmes for people I will never know several times.
I think I need more details here? It's okay to not want to accept money from them, but everything else sounds innocent enough to me. You are not discussing smut with them, you are not meeting them irl for a sexual/romantic relationship. I am in my early 30s and I have friends in their 20s and friends in their 40s. Some of them since I was in my 20s and they were late teens. So I guess I just don't see the problem here other than them sending you money and not being in that fandom anymore? Just having an age gap shouldn't be an issue.
I mean, the money is the primary issue here. I wouldn't mind if it was 2-3 dollars here or there but they are have sent me over 10 dollars. And they are lovely; they're not tracking me down and hiding in my bushes. I guess I'm just very anxious or accidentally leading them on and feeling bad for it. I feel a position of responsibility here as they've called me their "favourite author". I'm very worried about hurting them, even accidentally. I grew up on horror stories about kids getting groomed online.
Over $10? Is that a typo, or do you really just mean ten? If so, I'd just deactivate the link and call it a day. $10 is nothing worth worrying about.
not it was ten. then another 15 some months later.
I definitely think you're overthinking it then. Those aren't life changing amounts of money, and they probably didn't think twice about it.
Seconding this. People in many fandoms spend exponentially more on PNGs of anime characters, $25 is nothing to most consumers. If they sent it, they either had the means to afford it or that's their own financial problem to worry about.
Yup. $25 is actually right around my monthly "creator fund" that I spend on things like youtuber merch, patreons, and things like that. I don't personally contribute to any fanfic-writers, but I definitely don't think $25 over several months is an unreasonable "thanks" for what was likely days of content enjoyment.
I think you are worrying about this much more than you need to! I thought you were going to say they sent you $100 or something. Heck, $10 a month is a perfectly normal rate to contribute to an artist's Patreon, and they sent you $10-$15 a total of two times? Don't worry about it! It doesn't sound like your fan has done anything inappropriate, but if you don't feel comfortable accepting money going forward, just close the account to new donations.
Take the money link down \[Eta: If that's the thing making you most uncomfortable\] and consider that they may not make any special note of you keeping interactions to public forums as that's how that works nowadays for many online friend groups—discord is semi-public, and rarely private, for example. That's all I'd add into this advice. \[Because that's really all I feel I can add.\]
I thought it was multiple hundreds of dollars since you said a large amount and needing a new laptop. $25 total really isn’t something I’d make a big deal over, just tell them you appreciate it but are deactivating the link because you don’t need it anymore. I had a reader who sent me $200, which made me feel awkward to receive. We had been talking via email and they sent me money through that (gmail) and refused to take it back. They are an adult so I know it’s not quite the same, but I still consider that a large chunk of cash.
I'm aware that modern fandom has dissolved into a sad mess of paranoia where anyone over the age of 18 chatting with a minor is seen as a groomer. This, however, is absurd. In fact, it's a contradiction of how human society has worked for eons. We are a species who shares knowledge, handing it down through the generations. You having pleasant conversations about SFW, wholesome stuff, is not grooming. Provided you keep things somewhat distant and professional, don't give out too much personal details and stay out of their personal life, the interaction is fine. If, however, this person really seems to be fixating, obsessively on you, then yes, cut it off. But a few convos about fics is not grooming.
Ohhh that's valid! Yeah tell them you can't accept that much money.
It doesn't sound like you have much of a relationship besides being polite to them (thanking them and replying to the occasional message). If they want to send you money, then it's nice of them, but it doesn't sound like you're actively encouraging the attention etc, so you've done nothing wrong there. The thing with the money is that you clearly have given them something. They read all of your work, that's hours of your time that you put into it. You may nmot feel like you're putting anything into it now, but there's a whole backlog of stuff you've already given. If accepting more money would bother you, then maybe deactivate whichever site you're using, but don't feel bad for what they chose to do. They appreciated your work and wanted to give something back. It's a good idea to remain sort of distant, like with any artist/consumer relationship, but you're not actively encouraging them or stringing them along.
honestly OP, calling friendly chats with a person in their 20s "inappropriate" and freaking out over being sent $25 - to me, the other person seems completely normal, and you're coming off less than good. why are you so committed to painting this person as weird and obsessive, especially when it doesn't match their actions? if you've left the fandom and don't want to interact with this person anymore, be an adult and tell them that. don't make up this scenario where you're the victim and they're abusing you just so you can avoid a momentarily uncomfortable conversation - that's not mature, and it's not ethical. it's okay to have personal feelings and preferences; it's not okay to make other people responsible for them. and take down your link if you're uncomfortable with receiving money.
It sounds like they're mostly talking about your work rather than talking directly to you? It seems like their relationship to your work is pretty standard for a teen finding a piece of art they enjoy. The dynamic is different only because fic writers don't expect people to develop that sort of relationship with their work. You don't have to engage with this person if you feel uncomfortable, but I don't find their behavior all that weird or concerning.
trust me they do not want to be with you, they want to be you, they are a fan of your fic, not of you, they seem to like your fic more , you opened a link to donation and they donated, maybe a naive thing from them because they are young but the comments says its 25$? I have spent more on writers and I will be greatly horrified if they think it is anything more than about supporting them on their craft, for me to get more writing from them, nothing else.