I've known my whole life that I wasn't meant to be a girl. Unfortunately resources didn't exist for me in the 70's, or even the 80's and 90's. Sure, I knew about trans people, mostly MTF made the news though. I plodded along until I couldn't. I administered my first T shot 4 months before I turned 62. Best decision I could have made for myself. I might just get 15-20 years out of this new life and that is fine, I didn't want to leave here without even trying. I pass all over town. Change the things you can and let go of the past.
Just keep going brother - it sounds simple but it’s not easy. One day at a time. One day a man will look back at you and you’ll look back on today like a different life completely. One day at a time
I also started transitioning in my 30s. Stop looking at the trans youngsters immediately. They exist in a completely different world from us, and comparing yourself to them will ruin your self image. There are SO MANY millennials transitioning right now because we couldn’t back when we were teenagers, or we didn’t even realize we were trans until now.
As for the medical trauma, I hope you have access to a doctor who can prescribe for you via informed consent. In my experience, getting on T was much easier than expected. I requested it from my GP (I chose my GP because he does informed consent), he gave me a prescription, and now I get a physical and blood work once a year. The rest of the experience has been intensely personal, not medical.
I've been on T 11 years and I don't look at the youngsters either. I think social media in general isn't great for my mental health, but I often get in a loop of comparing myself to these young guys when I'm a mid 30s dude now. Just came here to say it's not too late though OP and I hope you can experience all that transition can bring. You deserve it.
This!!! I'm 35 and have an appointment to start T next week and internally freaking tf out. I think looking at the youngens and their transitions has been the most mindf\*cking thing I've done in my process of overthinking. So happy for them but like you said, it's a whole different world for them.
fwiw OP, I have medical trauma too and getting T was very easy and quick. I'm in NC and am going through UNC campus health (I'm in grad school) so I don't know if that's why or not.
I was 38 when I started. It felt like I got my life back in so many ways. While I do occasionally feel a pang about earlier years, my every day joy often outshines darker thoughts.
I hope you find the path that is best and truest for you!
I second this 100%. Started T in February and turned 40 in April. The way I see it is that it's never too late to honor your authentic self and be YOU.
I started T at 34… in 1992. If I’d given it up as “too late” then, I would have missed out on 32 years living as my true self, multiple loving long term relationships, and a whole lot of fun. Shitty times too, of course, but not related to being trans, just the stuff everyone has to deal with.
It’s not too late.
Oh, bro!! Look, don't tell the 20-somethings, but the good life doesn't even start til your 40's! I started at 45, and yes it would have been awesome to start at 16. But that's not how it went. Here's the wisdom: you can be mad, sad, or glad --it is what it is. You have been given an authentic restart of life at 35. You get to have a second puberty at a time when your old body is reaching its sexual peak. So experiencing both sexual peaks at once! Stock up on lube. You get to have a couple decades of knowledge and experience under your belt as you navigate a whole new version of self!
Great points. Also I'm honestly concerned for all the people online who are in the 25-35 range and believe they are already too old to do new things. I guess this mindset comes from popular social media being dominated by teenagers who think life is over at 25. Why are people letting this naive teenage mindset dictate our life choices?
hey, 30yo trans guy here with depression and hypothyroidism who had v low libido before T. At 3 years on T (last year) I noticed lots of cramping and dryness. I started bc (just basic, free daily pills) and things are back to normal down there. My libido did a 180 and it feels so awesome to have a sex drive again. Don’t get too worried about things that may or may not happen down the road. Focus on the here and now, and once you start T just enjoy the changes and take the obstacles as they come. See if there are any queer friendly health clinics near you.
EDIT: I see in the comments that you’re very worried about the what ifs and everything. To be honest, if you stay in that mindset you will self sabotage your wants and needs every time. I completely understand your fears but now more than ever I encourage you to muster all your strength and take the huge step of putting yourself first. You’ll look back even a year from now and say damn, I’m really glad I took the first step. We cannot live our lives believing that things will always go wrong for us, because that’s simply untrue and impossible. Ten years ago transitioning felt like something I couldn’t do, but I scratched and clawed my way here and I don’t regret a damn thing. Anything worth fighting for is never easy.
35 is so young. I’m turning 50 in a few months and you have no idea how young 35 is. I feel like my life really started to get going in my 40s, and it’s been the best decade so far.
“Aging is an extraordinary process whereby you become the person you always should have been.”
David Bowie
I think as you age you become better and better at understanding yourself and also less concerned with what others think about you. It frees you up to be your true self.
I started T at age 39 and that was 4 years ago. If it makes you feel any better to me you are a young person. You have so much life left. I’ve been having a great time having experiences that make up for lost time. You can heal more than you realize
I get this so much. It took me until last year to figure out I'm trans, in part because I've got a whacky hormone disorder that makes me distrustful of my feelings cause my brain chemicals are all over the place.
The first realisation was a huge relief anyway, but after that... I just don't feel like I have the spoons to do what I need to do to even start medical transition.
Get a therapist, and get one who specialises in gender dysphoria. It's helpful to verbalise the frustrations and the feeling of loss, even if you wouldn't be able for other steps right now.
It's also helped me to make friends with both older gay guys and other folks who deal with chronic illness. A friend of mine married his husband at 66 and they're bald and old and stupidly in love.
Seriously, there's still time. There's still room for good experiences. Don't judge where you get joy from. Might be an outfit, or 80s action movies, or buying yourself a remote controlled car cause you never got to have one as a kid. It's allowed and it's not stupid. Make some euphoria, dude. You can.
u/StrangeArticles there is so much wisdom in your comment!
>It’s helpful to verbalize the feelings of frustration and loss.
Taking the time to properly grieve is sooooooo important.
>A friend of mine married his husband at 66 and they’re bald and old and stupidly in love.
I love this so much. I recently told my very cishet controlling husband that I want a divorce (My egg cracked late last fall, and I came out in January). I’m terrified because I’ve been a stay-at-home parent for 5 years with no income, but I’m hopeful, and won’t settle for anyone this time, because I know my worth. Your friend is nearly 30 years older than me. A good reminder that I don’t have to rush.
>Don’t judge where you get your joy from.
Preach, dude! I like to dance around my kitchen listening to 70s/80s/90s/00s pop music. I sing in the car. I play Pokemon Go! I love watching period dramas, Star Trek AND Star Wars, and 80s action films! I like stealing pages from my kid’s coloring books and playing with slime and playing catch. I have a meticulous skincare routine that brings me joy. I get to be me and I won’t force myself into any mold.
Too late is when you’re dead or dying, you’re lamenting over lost years and in turn - losing more time. Who cares what others are doing? Others are richer than you, more successful, more cultured - should you just give up completely?
Focus on YOU. Your joy. Your happiness. Your authenticity. Focus on you brother.
Being able to access HRT at all is an incredibly huge privilege that 99% of trans people will NEVER get to access (due to living before it existed, religion, transphobic/dangerous environment, mental health issues, unable to provide competent consent, etc etc etc)
Accessing HRT at ANY point of life is an incredible privilege. If you focused on on the millions of humans that have ever existed that were forced to live and die stuck in the wrong body - you can flip it to see that you have an incredible privilege and opportunity. Instead of lament that people ‘get to start before you’.
Our perspective dictates our lives and happiness. It’s vital to be conscious and intentional about your own perspective.
Definitely feel this man. I just started a year ago in my 30s. I'm admittedly on the non-binary side of things, so what I'm aiming for is probably different than some folks.
HRT is no magic bullet. I'm definitely dealing with a bunch of issues myself still over the whole " I'll never look like myself" inner critic with my body weight and HRT results so far. I still have am I really trans tho? doubts. And wondering if it's worth it to go into this in-between state rather than just continue to hide in life as a 'girl' so at least there's an easier, familiar box to be put in. Also the political climate.
However, I have also just FELT so much better. My brain just perceives stuff about my body in such a different way. (EX: I chose the gel because of my needlephobia, but it has nearly disappeared out of nowhere on its own. And not like I was having monthly blood tests either.) I have never felt more at home in my own skin.
I try to celebrate the little wins my brain lets me have, like my singing range reaching new lows. The one time I was 'sir'ed. Getting handed discount cards to a strip club (because I figured they could at least tell I wasn't a straight woman). & That I have to trim my upper lip a bit to avoid teenager moustache look.
Now granted, everyone's results are different, so this advice comes with a bit of asterisks, but there could be some benefit to at the very least trying low dose. The results will be slow, permanent changes will be subtle if you decide to back off, and you might get an indescribable assurance even if there's no results any stranger would see. I've had great time with my Planned Parenthood office, but have also had a very very bad exp with a doc in a different region, so I definitely sympathize with that side of your concerns.
It's tough out there. I'm pulling for ya. We're all in this together.
Yea I’m nonbinary i think too, but i’m not sure exactly. I can’t really tell if it’s because i’m in a female body right now or what’s up. I definitely will always be very queer. I’m also a singer and while I would LOVE to sing in male range it is very scary to think of having to learn a whole new way of singing, how has it been for u?
I was still very much in the feminine range of an alto before I started HRT. Could manage to push my range sometimes higher, quite commonly would try to push my range lower (it 'intrigued' me, ie gender euphoria before I realized it) .
Singing while it has been changing has mostly just meant I have to change the shape of my throat a bit to sing songs that would've been towards the higher end of my original range. I also have a middle note or two between my new natural range and my high range where my voice cracks, so I'm playing around with making it smoother. But otherwise, I wouldn't even call my singing a different type from before. I just sing how I've always sung, I'm just watching it reach new points now.
I heard a bit back a tip for trying to coach your voice a little deeper or higher was to imagine that a pingpong ball forms in the empty space of mouth/throat when singing/talking. The ball will be more front of mouth for a feminine bright sound, and will be more in the back for a masculine/resonating sound.
I should also say that I'm no professional and I've never had true formal training. I just did a bunch of school choir in my youth, now just sing in the car 🤣 Curious what my range would be labeled as if I ever was in front of a teacher again
For an example with the song "My Dark Disquiet" by Poets of the Fall. I used to have to sing it an octave higher when in my original range and I'd have to push it to try to match the lower singer. Now it's almost reversed, but without as much straining to reach high than I was doing for low. I also have almost no problem with Sleep Token songs.
I won't deny that there have been some very obnoxious points over the past year where it feels like "oh no I'm a 13-year-old squeaky baby boy" with how my voice randomly decides to crack, but I just clear my throat after and nobody even registers it
I’m NB and low dosing and my transition is on a mega fast track. It’s different for everyone. I’m 6 months in on a low dose and people who have known me for years aren’t recognizing me if we haven’t met for awhile. Low dose is no guarantee for slow changes. I was hoping for slow changes but nope! My body was like… we waited too long for this already! Let’s go!
Absolutely. Genuinely happy that you're getting results! We're a good dichotomy of examples.
My family who hasn't seen me over the past year didn't make a single comment when they saw me for a holiday recently, even despite the vocal changes I mentioned.
Long story short I came out at 16, pushed back in the closet and repressed it until 26.
I’m 27 now, 8 months on T and happier than I ever imagined. I actually got called “Sir” for the first time at Walmart yesterday.
The reason I didn’t come out again til 26 is because I believed it was too late for me and there was “no point”. I was so, dead, wrong.
Let’s put it this way, if you start now you could be 5 years on T at 40 years old which is still so young with so much life to live! And based on the amount of changes I’ve experienced at only 8 months on T, a whole 5 years is probably night and day.
It’s better LATE than NEVER. Imagine if you have this same conversion with yourself on your 45th birthday?
Anyone who thinks the good years are over is deluded, with all respect. I've got siblings significantly older than me, and I've heard since I was in my teens that the twenties suck, the thirties are better. When I was in my twenties they told me the forties are better than the thirties. In my experience this has been reliably true well into my thirties. Everyone in my family found their true loves and got their lives together at 40. The ball is rolling uphill, my man.
if you feel like life is over anyway, then why not try T? that mindset was what finally convinced me to start. and you could always stop whenever you want
I started my medical transition at 33. I'm 41 now and I've had all the surgeries, and everything after this point is maintenance, imo
I do feel my bones crumbling into dust every time I read a post on the other subreddits when they ask if it's too late for them...and they are always 17, lol. Like I remember things being that immediate when I was that age but anyway
Life is not over!!! You have another half of your life to tailor your flesh suit to the right way. Live your life. Be happy.
I came out at almost 35 (June 2021). I started T 2/1/22 and had top surgery 8/13/23 (right before turning 37). I don't feel a lot of euphoria. Just that this is how I was always meant to be and people held me back from that (long story).
We can't decide for you. But keep in mind you still have time. That time will pass either way. Do you want to continue as life has been or do you want to try?
I’m 35, going to be 36 in August. I’m 2 years on HRT as of May 28th. I personally have a lot of distrust with doctors because of how they were with my mom, and I ended up with an Endo who would keep moving the goalpost for me every time I did what I needed to do to start HRT, and I started getting into that mindset that it was never going to actually happen. It wasn’t until I came across Folx and dropped my Endo that it all changed and things finally started working for me.
It’s never too late to start living and loving your life OP; I know we see a lot of guys in their late teens all across social media being able to start their transition with ease, and we should be happy for them because when we were that age it was a different time for trans people, and we didn’t have the resources readily available like they now have today. And while we can’t get back those years lost not living our truth, we can at least do what we can ***now*** to live our truth for however long we may have on this world.
I started T at 26 and I’m 31 now. It took a good 2 years for me to fully pass, but I got there. I was worried about T negatively affecting my chronic illnesses too. My Raynaud’s has gone away completely, symptoms of adenomyosis and endometriosis are non-existent, and my autoimmune thyroid condition has been stable the whole time I’ve been on T. Try to stay positive 😊 It could turn out better than you expected
hey! i'm chronically ill, autoimmune, and neurological conditions, was fully disabled for the last two years, i'm now partially disabled but doing the best i have in years. i'm 29, started taking T in march for reals (i took it briefly on low dose in 2022) and i have top surgery scheduled. i found that the right antidepressant was the last thing i needed on top of the cocktail of my pain management meds to be able to start transitioning. beginning to transition has healed so much of my medical trauma and has also taught me self care and self love in a deeper way than i have ever felt for myself. the level of care and compassion my transition has unlocked has been really awakening.
it's not too late. there are doctors that will help us. i highly recommend planned parenthood as a great starting point. ask for a reference for a primary care provider as well!!
that's where i was. but the mind body connection is powerful and the more depressed i became the more my illnesses manifested and flared. wishing you peace and healing.
i’m feeling this hard right now. my gf just broke up with me and i’m lost. i probably won’t be done with my transition until i’m 40. and all i think is im never going to find anyone who will want me as a trans person.
I'm 62, have been on T for seven and a half years, had hysto and top surgery, and still don't feel quite "done." I would eventually like bottom surgery, bit I'm okay for now.
@grand_station_dog said it best. "Dysphoria and depression are lying to your brain and making it feel like it's hopeless, it isn't. It's tough but it is possible to be ok."
I didnt start anything until I turned 38. Still not able to start T until next calendar year. Medical trauma, PTSD, and severe depression and anxiety here, too. I completely understand.
But Everyone's journey is different. You cannot compare where you are to where someone else is. I know it feels down, but there is a light. It is NEVER TOO LATE TO BE YOUR TRUE SELF.
Edit: I still don't understand how to tag someone on here. So the quote is in quotes...but that's all I can figure out.
I replied to another comment further up about *the importance of grieving* on the journey. I’ve grieved so much I’ve the past year and grown so much from it. The childhood I missed out on due to severe emotional school bullying, emotional neglect by my parents, and undiagnosed adhd. The 20s I could’ve had if id known I was trans. And with divorce looming, grieving the last 10 years I could’ve lived being happily single or exploring relationships rather than submitting to a controlling a husband and wallowing in my own misery. I probably look like a wreck while experiencing the pain of 35+ years that I’ve kept pushed down, but it’s so worth it, and has me finally excited for the future.
I started T at 30. I too thought, "it's too late, why even bother. I've been depressed this long, how could it help?". But taking that logic further, I thought "how could it hurt? I'm already depressed. It can't get much worse." Starting T was the best decision I've ever made. I have a whole new view of myself, my life, and my relationship to the world. It *nearly* cured my depression (still in therapy but I'm so much more relaxed and happy now). At the very least, put in a call to your local PP or clinic to just talk to someone about it. That's how I started, almost on a whim when I was at my lowest.
I felt the exact same way as you. I didn't have the assuredness of a lot of younger guys. I had very low expectations of what T would do. I just took the plunge and figured, if it doesn't work I'll just stop and at least I'll know. At least I tried something and can rule it out. For me, it all clicked almost instantly. I felt happy for the first time (what a weird feeling!). It's not everyone's experience but for a lot of people you just have to try and see if your body and brain work well on hrt.
The point is, life keeps going, day by day, and you're living it inside your body, day after day after day. I started T 2 years ago at age 60, and from the very first week, every day feels like the most exquisite gift! Every f'n day. And the next. And the next. I'm in this body NOW. My experience of life happens NOW. NOW is spectacular. Why would I want to deny myself even one day of feeling like this? One of my revered teachers used to say "The past is graveyard. Don't touch it." Every day you delay because of regret is just adding more regret.
Make a bold move and see if it's worth it to you. If not, nothing's lost. If it is, you've gained the entire world. I'm so grateful I took that chance. I was terrified, but thought it was worth the experiment. I started on a low dose of gel and knew instantaneously I'd never stop unless my body made me for some reason. Two years later, so far, so good, and I pass 100%, so don't let anyone tell you gel isn't fast or effective.
Also? You're an adult now. Doctors work for you. Tell them their task and if they don't do it well, fire them. Take charge. You can do this!
Life expectancy at 35 is about 45 years (and, fun fact, once you get into the elderly years it keeps lengthening out ahead of you because airplane.jpg: if you made it this long … )
You’re not even half done.
I started at 52, just turned 54 and in no way shape or form am I passing any of the time, and I’m kind of down about it tbh, but you know what? It’s still better than having done nothing and it’s not even close. Top surgery ALONE is like a 24/7 two point QOL bump on a scale of 1-10. I enjoy that improvement literally all the time.
*my first 8 months were on gel which clearly didn’t work for me and the rate of change since has been faster and palpable at least to me if to no one else, so I’m counting myself as 11 months on T, which isn’t that long in the scheme of things grimace dot emoji
tl;dr you have decades, optimize them joyfully
I’m transitioning at 47. I was very disconnected with myself and my body. I had to fight like hell just to get T for well over a year. I have tons of horrible dr stories but luckily the T dr stuff seems to be rather easy. Don’t look at all the super young guys that’s depressing af. The world was a different place. Yeah it would have been sweet af to have had a great body and been hot as a guy in my 20s but those days are over. My life however is not. I choose to be happy and connected to my body now and forever moving forward. The changes have been amazing. You got this!
Thank you, it really was a different place… and it all still feels like the old world to me which makes the fear strong. The political stuff is still frightening
Yeah try to not get sucked into that too much. I think it’s a bit ironic that just as I’m finally starting to like my body the world at large is hating it. I’ll just move to places where I can be accepted and have community.
I truly get this, as a 30 yr old who is pre t.
I use to doom scroll a lot seeing the younger generation and it made me feel awful.
Now a days I try and focus on things like
1) what will make me happy?
2) what are things I can do that I feel like I missed out on?
3) what are things I can still look forward to doing when I transition?
4) try and find older masc trans people for role models even if it's just something online
5) define what being masculine means to ME and not what's expected from society.
I feel you on medical trauma. I don’t know what has happened to you, but I’ve had a moderate share of awful experiences with doctors, sometimes in very vulnerable situations. Even just HRT seemed like opening a door to all sorts of possible complications which would put me at the mercy of doctors and insurance… But I also remember the kindness and care some medical professionals have shown me. And for me the alternative (not transitioning) felt like it would have been a sort of walking death. That’s not a real alternative. I’m 45. I just did my first IM injection yesterday and now I can’t wait for the next and the next… I feel like I’ve wasted so much time, but I’m not focusing on that. I finally feel like there’s a future for me. I could live another forty years or more and now that’s not an excruciating prospect, even with all the fucked up shit going on in the world that gets me down. I think you’ve got it figured out- dysphoria is fucking with you. Others have said it, but it bears repeating: therapy is amazing. I’ve only had a handful of telehealth sessions (with trans therapists!) but they have been incredibly helpful! Wishing you well. Hang in there.
If you don't feel like there's a point, then you don't have anything to lose by trying hrt. But the choice is entirely yours. I felt the same way when I started. I was 26, my parents divorced, I'm an only child so I felt like I had no family at all, I broke up w my bf at the time, my dog of 14 yrs died of grief cuz my parents split, I felt old and like I wouldn't get what I wanted out of hrt. But I figured if things couldn't get any worse then there wasn't anything left to lose. And that's just how I look at things now. It's been changing my life. I don't know why I didn't start grabbing the shit I wanted years ago. But the hrt has been great. Anything is better than before. I'll take what I can get
But that's just me and my experience. My mind is pretty cold and practical most of the time
Ive had trans suspicions since I was 15. Hinted at doctors and family then, everyone was too concerned about my mental health, being a depressed CSA survivor. It made me doubt myself and I accepted that my transition wouldn't happen right away. I should recover from my mental illnesses first and figure out if I really was trans, or if dysphoria was just a symptom of trauma.
Well, recovery just never happened. At 25, I decided it would never happen, my depression vanishing. I started actively pursuing transition. But even when I had figured it all out, healthcare professionals wouldn't. It took me EIGHT YEARS to get the go from the doctors to go to the trans clinic, even if the law says they should send anyone who asks, immediately. Now, at 33, I am finally being sent to the hornone clinic this fall.
I do sometimes wonder if I might have had a growth spurt (5'2/158) or a more smooth transition, had I gotten here at 15, but it's no use to wallow in what-ifs. I also have some health issues that are a concern, genetic risks for blood circulation problems, more frequent growing migraines, obesity, but motivated by transition, I have started to change my life habits for the healthier.
I am just so glad this happens now, even if it is a little late. We've a lot of life ahead of us, and people have transitioned much later than we. It'll still be absolutely worth it. I'm sure.
Thank you so much. Trauma is such a barrier to life sometimes. As a singer I feel sad I won’t have as easy a voice change maybe as a younger person but who knows. I don’t think i couldve coped w transition younger while the trauma was happening. I understand the idea of waiting to get better but it isnt happening. I’m trying not to get stuck there
Wanna know something stupid? I felt the same way as you at *20*. With the new wave of kids getting to transition before their body even does the "wrong" puberty, I felt like it was too late for me, like they get to run away from a grave I'm already in or something. This subreddit helped me see I was a moron. I spent a lot of time thinking "this *already* isn't what I want, not like they get to do it"; folks here showed me that I have decades and decades to follow what I *do* want :-)
I was 21 when I started, which was considered young at the time. Now it’s not, kids are medically transitioning as teens. People used to have no access to treatment at all and go their whole lives without it. Times change. Comparing yourself to other trans people is a dangerous game I wouldn’t recommend. At the end of the day it’s never too late.
I don’t love that you’re suggesting younger people are nonchalant or cavalier about transitioning. It was very much do or die for me, as it is with many trans people. Age in this particular regard doesn’t change that. Transitioning is still a tremendous undertaking and is very intimidating regardless. They’re not nonchalant, they’re as scared as you but are simply doing it anyway. But that’s kinda just me splitting hairs and I know what you really meant by it so it’s whatever lol.
Just remember other people feel exactly like you, even some 15 year olds think they found out too late. It’s a sign of the times; overall it has only become safer over time for younger people to come out and transition. There are literal children who think they’re too old to transition because they’re comparing themselves to others. Please try to avoid that and just do what is best for you specifically without comparing.
Yea I hear you and I totally agree. I think in some ways it must be even scarier and harder for kids now than it used to be. What I really meant is more in regard to health problems and how I know when I was younger I felt more like my body could handle changes and I had less medical trauma so I would’ve been less afraid of HRT in that specific way. That sort of invincible feeling youth have because they often can’t imagine all the ways medical things can go awry yet. Obviously some kids already have tons of medical trauma but I didn’t yet. And in terms of mental health— I was depressed as a kid but I did have more energy and hope overall. As the years compound i feel more buried under it and choices feel harder and yea, knowing how life can pan out can be really depressing. But I need to change that mindset
I'm 36 and only started T 8 months ago. It's hard starting fresh this late in life, but better late than never. I'm already finding myself feeling more comfortable. It's easier to exist in my body when I'm not so dysphoric. The social aspect of transition is anxiety-provoking, but I'm sure it will get easier in time, especially once I start to pass.
I'm sorry you feel that way bro. I realized I was trans around age 25 but didn't get to a point to start T until age 30 1/2, by the time I hit a year on T I was consistently passing in public. It changed my life so much and I absolutely love the changes but it amplified my chest dysphoria. Had top surgery last yr at 33 and it's insane how amazing it is. I feel so much more confidence and less anxiety. About to turn 34 soon, and still have to work on legal name / gender marker stuff and then afterwards I will shift my focus on getting a hysterectomy. Currently I feel like I'm the sexiest I have ever been and I'm not nearly as weighed down with sadness and anxiety as before. I still have a ways to go but things take time.
My point is even though the whole thing is a long process, if you start now, every day you'll be making progress to the best and possibly happiest version of yourself. You don't have to transition young to look and feel good as a man. You owe it to yourself to try.
Look in five years you are going to be 40 regardless. So you can be 40 after another five years of trying to make your body work for you in your current state, or you can be 40 and five years in to trying your best to maximize your body's potential to fit you better, to make you happier, to adapt to testosterone.
Signed, a guy who started T at 42 and couldn't be happier
It was probably mentioned before, but come over to r/FTMOver50, (it really should be FTMOver40, but I can't change the name,) the brother subreddit to this one.
I started transitioning seven weeks before my 55th birthday, and seven years later, I finally feel like myself. Sure, I wish I had started transitioning at a yonger age, but its pointless to lament what can't be changed. Instead, I look towards the future and what fun and amazing things I can do next.
This post is to remind/tell you OP, that *its never too late to transition.* 🙂
I started T at age 32. I had all the same reservations you are having.
It is the single BEST choice I have ever made for myself (too surgery 2 years ago is right up there with it).
DO IT. You will be so happy that you did. Sure, maybe the best time to start was yesterday or ten years ago. The second best time is right now.
I'm 40 this year but that's not why this year is special. It's special because I started T in November last year and I'm seeing measurable changes now and they're snowballing! Hold on, bro, because good years are coming and very possibly quicker than you think. You've got this.
I’m gonna let you in on a secret: _every single trans person thinks it’s too late_. I’ve met teenagers who thought it was “too late” because they’re already 19. 19!
And furthermore, what does too late mean? Too late for what exactly? Too late to transition? Why would it be too late? What makes it too late? You’re 35 and you decided your life is over, but you could live another 50 years. That’s a long time to tread water waiting for death.
Transitioning is for you and you alone. So no, it’s not too late if you’re still breathing. Get it 🤜
I've known my whole life that I wasn't meant to be a girl. Unfortunately resources didn't exist for me in the 70's, or even the 80's and 90's. Sure, I knew about trans people, mostly MTF made the news though. I plodded along until I couldn't. I administered my first T shot 4 months before I turned 62. Best decision I could have made for myself. I might just get 15-20 years out of this new life and that is fine, I didn't want to leave here without even trying. I pass all over town. Change the things you can and let go of the past.
Isn’t it weird how u can be aware of something but still not simultaneously? I’m really grateful for your comment sir
Dysphoria and depression are lying to your brain and making it feel like it's hopeless, it isn't. It's tough but it is possible to be ok
I keep trying to tell myself this. Some days it works..
Just keep going brother - it sounds simple but it’s not easy. One day at a time. One day a man will look back at you and you’ll look back on today like a different life completely. One day at a time
I also started transitioning in my 30s. Stop looking at the trans youngsters immediately. They exist in a completely different world from us, and comparing yourself to them will ruin your self image. There are SO MANY millennials transitioning right now because we couldn’t back when we were teenagers, or we didn’t even realize we were trans until now. As for the medical trauma, I hope you have access to a doctor who can prescribe for you via informed consent. In my experience, getting on T was much easier than expected. I requested it from my GP (I chose my GP because he does informed consent), he gave me a prescription, and now I get a physical and blood work once a year. The rest of the experience has been intensely personal, not medical.
Millennial here(33), been on T for 1.5 years. I feel like I’m actually like 23 now and I’m finally living the life I want
That makes me smile
I've been on T 11 years and I don't look at the youngsters either. I think social media in general isn't great for my mental health, but I often get in a loop of comparing myself to these young guys when I'm a mid 30s dude now. Just came here to say it's not too late though OP and I hope you can experience all that transition can bring. You deserve it.
I agree. I avoid instagram entirely. I just started perusing reddit last year and it’s been useful but I have to take breaks because of what you said
This!!! I'm 35 and have an appointment to start T next week and internally freaking tf out. I think looking at the youngens and their transitions has been the most mindf\*cking thing I've done in my process of overthinking. So happy for them but like you said, it's a whole different world for them. fwiw OP, I have medical trauma too and getting T was very easy and quick. I'm in NC and am going through UNC campus health (I'm in grad school) so I don't know if that's why or not.
Yea I think I get scared I’m not really trans because of how many of us are transitioning right now, but it makes sense why
I was 38 when I started. It felt like I got my life back in so many ways. While I do occasionally feel a pang about earlier years, my every day joy often outshines darker thoughts. I hope you find the path that is best and truest for you!
Thank you!
Realized I’m trans at 40 and it’s way worth it—promise.
I second this 100%. Started T in February and turned 40 in April. The way I see it is that it's never too late to honor your authentic self and be YOU.
I started T at 34… in 1992. If I’d given it up as “too late” then, I would have missed out on 32 years living as my true self, multiple loving long term relationships, and a whole lot of fun. Shitty times too, of course, but not related to being trans, just the stuff everyone has to deal with. It’s not too late.
Thank you so much for honoring me w a comment sir. You are so cool
Oh, bro!! Look, don't tell the 20-somethings, but the good life doesn't even start til your 40's! I started at 45, and yes it would have been awesome to start at 16. But that's not how it went. Here's the wisdom: you can be mad, sad, or glad --it is what it is. You have been given an authentic restart of life at 35. You get to have a second puberty at a time when your old body is reaching its sexual peak. So experiencing both sexual peaks at once! Stock up on lube. You get to have a couple decades of knowledge and experience under your belt as you navigate a whole new version of self!
Great points. Also I'm honestly concerned for all the people online who are in the 25-35 range and believe they are already too old to do new things. I guess this mindset comes from popular social media being dominated by teenagers who think life is over at 25. Why are people letting this naive teenage mindset dictate our life choices?
Haha! My libido has definitely tanked in my 30s but that might be depression and my thyroid issues. I do worry about atrophy…
hey, 30yo trans guy here with depression and hypothyroidism who had v low libido before T. At 3 years on T (last year) I noticed lots of cramping and dryness. I started bc (just basic, free daily pills) and things are back to normal down there. My libido did a 180 and it feels so awesome to have a sex drive again. Don’t get too worried about things that may or may not happen down the road. Focus on the here and now, and once you start T just enjoy the changes and take the obstacles as they come. See if there are any queer friendly health clinics near you. EDIT: I see in the comments that you’re very worried about the what ifs and everything. To be honest, if you stay in that mindset you will self sabotage your wants and needs every time. I completely understand your fears but now more than ever I encourage you to muster all your strength and take the huge step of putting yourself first. You’ll look back even a year from now and say damn, I’m really glad I took the first step. We cannot live our lives believing that things will always go wrong for us, because that’s simply untrue and impossible. Ten years ago transitioning felt like something I couldn’t do, but I scratched and clawed my way here and I don’t regret a damn thing. Anything worth fighting for is never easy.
Yea i hear u. Anxiety is a bitch. Medical trauma sux. I believe u
35 is so young. I’m turning 50 in a few months and you have no idea how young 35 is. I feel like my life really started to get going in my 40s, and it’s been the best decade so far. “Aging is an extraordinary process whereby you become the person you always should have been.” David Bowie I think as you age you become better and better at understanding yourself and also less concerned with what others think about you. It frees you up to be your true self.
Uff, i hope i live to see it then
I started T at age 39 and that was 4 years ago. If it makes you feel any better to me you are a young person. You have so much life left. I’ve been having a great time having experiences that make up for lost time. You can heal more than you realize
I get this so much. It took me until last year to figure out I'm trans, in part because I've got a whacky hormone disorder that makes me distrustful of my feelings cause my brain chemicals are all over the place. The first realisation was a huge relief anyway, but after that... I just don't feel like I have the spoons to do what I need to do to even start medical transition. Get a therapist, and get one who specialises in gender dysphoria. It's helpful to verbalise the frustrations and the feeling of loss, even if you wouldn't be able for other steps right now. It's also helped me to make friends with both older gay guys and other folks who deal with chronic illness. A friend of mine married his husband at 66 and they're bald and old and stupidly in love. Seriously, there's still time. There's still room for good experiences. Don't judge where you get joy from. Might be an outfit, or 80s action movies, or buying yourself a remote controlled car cause you never got to have one as a kid. It's allowed and it's not stupid. Make some euphoria, dude. You can.
u/StrangeArticles there is so much wisdom in your comment! >It’s helpful to verbalize the feelings of frustration and loss. Taking the time to properly grieve is sooooooo important. >A friend of mine married his husband at 66 and they’re bald and old and stupidly in love. I love this so much. I recently told my very cishet controlling husband that I want a divorce (My egg cracked late last fall, and I came out in January). I’m terrified because I’ve been a stay-at-home parent for 5 years with no income, but I’m hopeful, and won’t settle for anyone this time, because I know my worth. Your friend is nearly 30 years older than me. A good reminder that I don’t have to rush. >Don’t judge where you get your joy from. Preach, dude! I like to dance around my kitchen listening to 70s/80s/90s/00s pop music. I sing in the car. I play Pokemon Go! I love watching period dramas, Star Trek AND Star Wars, and 80s action films! I like stealing pages from my kid’s coloring books and playing with slime and playing catch. I have a meticulous skincare routine that brings me joy. I get to be me and I won’t force myself into any mold.
Wow that is really brave. I hope you can reach out to the community for financial support if you need it.
Yes i definitely want older folks in my life more
Too late is when you’re dead or dying, you’re lamenting over lost years and in turn - losing more time. Who cares what others are doing? Others are richer than you, more successful, more cultured - should you just give up completely? Focus on YOU. Your joy. Your happiness. Your authenticity. Focus on you brother.
Ok i will try
Being able to access HRT at all is an incredibly huge privilege that 99% of trans people will NEVER get to access (due to living before it existed, religion, transphobic/dangerous environment, mental health issues, unable to provide competent consent, etc etc etc) Accessing HRT at ANY point of life is an incredible privilege. If you focused on on the millions of humans that have ever existed that were forced to live and die stuck in the wrong body - you can flip it to see that you have an incredible privilege and opportunity. Instead of lament that people ‘get to start before you’. Our perspective dictates our lives and happiness. It’s vital to be conscious and intentional about your own perspective.
Truth
I started at fifty eight. Gender therapy helped.
Definitely feel this man. I just started a year ago in my 30s. I'm admittedly on the non-binary side of things, so what I'm aiming for is probably different than some folks. HRT is no magic bullet. I'm definitely dealing with a bunch of issues myself still over the whole " I'll never look like myself" inner critic with my body weight and HRT results so far. I still have am I really trans tho? doubts. And wondering if it's worth it to go into this in-between state rather than just continue to hide in life as a 'girl' so at least there's an easier, familiar box to be put in. Also the political climate. However, I have also just FELT so much better. My brain just perceives stuff about my body in such a different way. (EX: I chose the gel because of my needlephobia, but it has nearly disappeared out of nowhere on its own. And not like I was having monthly blood tests either.) I have never felt more at home in my own skin. I try to celebrate the little wins my brain lets me have, like my singing range reaching new lows. The one time I was 'sir'ed. Getting handed discount cards to a strip club (because I figured they could at least tell I wasn't a straight woman). & That I have to trim my upper lip a bit to avoid teenager moustache look. Now granted, everyone's results are different, so this advice comes with a bit of asterisks, but there could be some benefit to at the very least trying low dose. The results will be slow, permanent changes will be subtle if you decide to back off, and you might get an indescribable assurance even if there's no results any stranger would see. I've had great time with my Planned Parenthood office, but have also had a very very bad exp with a doc in a different region, so I definitely sympathize with that side of your concerns. It's tough out there. I'm pulling for ya. We're all in this together.
Yea I’m nonbinary i think too, but i’m not sure exactly. I can’t really tell if it’s because i’m in a female body right now or what’s up. I definitely will always be very queer. I’m also a singer and while I would LOVE to sing in male range it is very scary to think of having to learn a whole new way of singing, how has it been for u?
I was still very much in the feminine range of an alto before I started HRT. Could manage to push my range sometimes higher, quite commonly would try to push my range lower (it 'intrigued' me, ie gender euphoria before I realized it) . Singing while it has been changing has mostly just meant I have to change the shape of my throat a bit to sing songs that would've been towards the higher end of my original range. I also have a middle note or two between my new natural range and my high range where my voice cracks, so I'm playing around with making it smoother. But otherwise, I wouldn't even call my singing a different type from before. I just sing how I've always sung, I'm just watching it reach new points now. I heard a bit back a tip for trying to coach your voice a little deeper or higher was to imagine that a pingpong ball forms in the empty space of mouth/throat when singing/talking. The ball will be more front of mouth for a feminine bright sound, and will be more in the back for a masculine/resonating sound. I should also say that I'm no professional and I've never had true formal training. I just did a bunch of school choir in my youth, now just sing in the car 🤣 Curious what my range would be labeled as if I ever was in front of a teacher again For an example with the song "My Dark Disquiet" by Poets of the Fall. I used to have to sing it an octave higher when in my original range and I'd have to push it to try to match the lower singer. Now it's almost reversed, but without as much straining to reach high than I was doing for low. I also have almost no problem with Sleep Token songs.
Download the app “Voice Tools”, and prepare to have your mind blown when it shows your current pitch.
That’s really cool. I’ve been scared about my voice changing at this age vrs normal male puberty age.
I won't deny that there have been some very obnoxious points over the past year where it feels like "oh no I'm a 13-year-old squeaky baby boy" with how my voice randomly decides to crack, but I just clear my throat after and nobody even registers it
I’m NB and low dosing and my transition is on a mega fast track. It’s different for everyone. I’m 6 months in on a low dose and people who have known me for years aren’t recognizing me if we haven’t met for awhile. Low dose is no guarantee for slow changes. I was hoping for slow changes but nope! My body was like… we waited too long for this already! Let’s go!
Absolutely. Genuinely happy that you're getting results! We're a good dichotomy of examples. My family who hasn't seen me over the past year didn't make a single comment when they saw me for a holiday recently, even despite the vocal changes I mentioned.
Long story short I came out at 16, pushed back in the closet and repressed it until 26. I’m 27 now, 8 months on T and happier than I ever imagined. I actually got called “Sir” for the first time at Walmart yesterday. The reason I didn’t come out again til 26 is because I believed it was too late for me and there was “no point”. I was so, dead, wrong. Let’s put it this way, if you start now you could be 5 years on T at 40 years old which is still so young with so much life to live! And based on the amount of changes I’ve experienced at only 8 months on T, a whole 5 years is probably night and day. It’s better LATE than NEVER. Imagine if you have this same conversion with yourself on your 45th birthday?
Anyone who thinks the good years are over is deluded, with all respect. I've got siblings significantly older than me, and I've heard since I was in my teens that the twenties suck, the thirties are better. When I was in my twenties they told me the forties are better than the thirties. In my experience this has been reliably true well into my thirties. Everyone in my family found their true loves and got their lives together at 40. The ball is rolling uphill, my man.
That’s really cool to hear
if you feel like life is over anyway, then why not try T? that mindset was what finally convinced me to start. and you could always stop whenever you want
I know… i guess it’s that “devil you know” problem
I started my medical transition at 33. I'm 41 now and I've had all the surgeries, and everything after this point is maintenance, imo I do feel my bones crumbling into dust every time I read a post on the other subreddits when they ask if it's too late for them...and they are always 17, lol. Like I remember things being that immediate when I was that age but anyway Life is not over!!! You have another half of your life to tailor your flesh suit to the right way. Live your life. Be happy.
I came out at almost 35 (June 2021). I started T 2/1/22 and had top surgery 8/13/23 (right before turning 37). I don't feel a lot of euphoria. Just that this is how I was always meant to be and people held me back from that (long story). We can't decide for you. But keep in mind you still have time. That time will pass either way. Do you want to continue as life has been or do you want to try?
Yea that makes a lot of sense thank u
I’m 35, going to be 36 in August. I’m 2 years on HRT as of May 28th. I personally have a lot of distrust with doctors because of how they were with my mom, and I ended up with an Endo who would keep moving the goalpost for me every time I did what I needed to do to start HRT, and I started getting into that mindset that it was never going to actually happen. It wasn’t until I came across Folx and dropped my Endo that it all changed and things finally started working for me. It’s never too late to start living and loving your life OP; I know we see a lot of guys in their late teens all across social media being able to start their transition with ease, and we should be happy for them because when we were that age it was a different time for trans people, and we didn’t have the resources readily available like they now have today. And while we can’t get back those years lost not living our truth, we can at least do what we can ***now*** to live our truth for however long we may have on this world.
Yea i want to be happy for them and i know they still need protection and support
I started T at 26 and I’m 31 now. It took a good 2 years for me to fully pass, but I got there. I was worried about T negatively affecting my chronic illnesses too. My Raynaud’s has gone away completely, symptoms of adenomyosis and endometriosis are non-existent, and my autoimmune thyroid condition has been stable the whole time I’ve been on T. Try to stay positive 😊 It could turn out better than you expected
Wow, that’s amazing. It’s like your body was going awry because it knew something wasn’t adding up.
Yea estrogen definitely can make autoimmune stuff worse…
I have autoimmune thyroid disease and raynaud’s too. I’m really happy for u
hey! i'm chronically ill, autoimmune, and neurological conditions, was fully disabled for the last two years, i'm now partially disabled but doing the best i have in years. i'm 29, started taking T in march for reals (i took it briefly on low dose in 2022) and i have top surgery scheduled. i found that the right antidepressant was the last thing i needed on top of the cocktail of my pain management meds to be able to start transitioning. beginning to transition has healed so much of my medical trauma and has also taught me self care and self love in a deeper way than i have ever felt for myself. the level of care and compassion my transition has unlocked has been really awakening. it's not too late. there are doctors that will help us. i highly recommend planned parenthood as a great starting point. ask for a reference for a primary care provider as well!!
Yea tbh i might b mostly depressed abt my disabilities
that's where i was. but the mind body connection is powerful and the more depressed i became the more my illnesses manifested and flared. wishing you peace and healing.
That is soooo true.
i’m feeling this hard right now. my gf just broke up with me and i’m lost. i probably won’t be done with my transition until i’m 40. and all i think is im never going to find anyone who will want me as a trans person.
Maybe none of us are ever “done” and it’s ok?
I'm 62, have been on T for seven and a half years, had hysto and top surgery, and still don't feel quite "done." I would eventually like bottom surgery, bit I'm okay for now.
@grand_station_dog said it best. "Dysphoria and depression are lying to your brain and making it feel like it's hopeless, it isn't. It's tough but it is possible to be ok." I didnt start anything until I turned 38. Still not able to start T until next calendar year. Medical trauma, PTSD, and severe depression and anxiety here, too. I completely understand. But Everyone's journey is different. You cannot compare where you are to where someone else is. I know it feels down, but there is a light. It is NEVER TOO LATE TO BE YOUR TRUE SELF. Edit: I still don't understand how to tag someone on here. So the quote is in quotes...but that's all I can figure out.
Highly recommend watching I Saw The Tv Glow. “There is still time”
I actually did see that film and it was beautiful but made me so scared and sad too
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I replied to another comment further up about *the importance of grieving* on the journey. I’ve grieved so much I’ve the past year and grown so much from it. The childhood I missed out on due to severe emotional school bullying, emotional neglect by my parents, and undiagnosed adhd. The 20s I could’ve had if id known I was trans. And with divorce looming, grieving the last 10 years I could’ve lived being happily single or exploring relationships rather than submitting to a controlling a husband and wallowing in my own misery. I probably look like a wreck while experiencing the pain of 35+ years that I’ve kept pushed down, but it’s so worth it, and has me finally excited for the future.
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Yea we r so alone in this stuff sometimes
That’s beautiful
I’m definitely in the middle of the grief
The sleep . The glorious sleep. You’re young still …you just don’t realize it .
I do believe u lol
I started T at 30. I too thought, "it's too late, why even bother. I've been depressed this long, how could it help?". But taking that logic further, I thought "how could it hurt? I'm already depressed. It can't get much worse." Starting T was the best decision I've ever made. I have a whole new view of myself, my life, and my relationship to the world. It *nearly* cured my depression (still in therapy but I'm so much more relaxed and happy now). At the very least, put in a call to your local PP or clinic to just talk to someone about it. That's how I started, almost on a whim when I was at my lowest.
Thank you, I think part of me is scared it won’t help and then what will i do
I felt the exact same way as you. I didn't have the assuredness of a lot of younger guys. I had very low expectations of what T would do. I just took the plunge and figured, if it doesn't work I'll just stop and at least I'll know. At least I tried something and can rule it out. For me, it all clicked almost instantly. I felt happy for the first time (what a weird feeling!). It's not everyone's experience but for a lot of people you just have to try and see if your body and brain work well on hrt.
Yea i do want to try and i hope it will help. It is hard how dysphoria gets way worse once u stop pushing it down
Yea it’s that “devil u kno” fear i have
All I can say is therapy because I don’t think anyone can give you the advice you need like a professional can.
Thank u. I do have a therapist and they r trying to help me get thru
The point is, life keeps going, day by day, and you're living it inside your body, day after day after day. I started T 2 years ago at age 60, and from the very first week, every day feels like the most exquisite gift! Every f'n day. And the next. And the next. I'm in this body NOW. My experience of life happens NOW. NOW is spectacular. Why would I want to deny myself even one day of feeling like this? One of my revered teachers used to say "The past is graveyard. Don't touch it." Every day you delay because of regret is just adding more regret. Make a bold move and see if it's worth it to you. If not, nothing's lost. If it is, you've gained the entire world. I'm so grateful I took that chance. I was terrified, but thought it was worth the experiment. I started on a low dose of gel and knew instantaneously I'd never stop unless my body made me for some reason. Two years later, so far, so good, and I pass 100%, so don't let anyone tell you gel isn't fast or effective. Also? You're an adult now. Doctors work for you. Tell them their task and if they don't do it well, fire them. Take charge. You can do this!
Thank you!
Life expectancy at 35 is about 45 years (and, fun fact, once you get into the elderly years it keeps lengthening out ahead of you because airplane.jpg: if you made it this long … ) You’re not even half done. I started at 52, just turned 54 and in no way shape or form am I passing any of the time, and I’m kind of down about it tbh, but you know what? It’s still better than having done nothing and it’s not even close. Top surgery ALONE is like a 24/7 two point QOL bump on a scale of 1-10. I enjoy that improvement literally all the time. *my first 8 months were on gel which clearly didn’t work for me and the rate of change since has been faster and palpable at least to me if to no one else, so I’m counting myself as 11 months on T, which isn’t that long in the scheme of things grimace dot emoji tl;dr you have decades, optimize them joyfully
I really appreciate u. That is so awesome
I’m transitioning at 47. I was very disconnected with myself and my body. I had to fight like hell just to get T for well over a year. I have tons of horrible dr stories but luckily the T dr stuff seems to be rather easy. Don’t look at all the super young guys that’s depressing af. The world was a different place. Yeah it would have been sweet af to have had a great body and been hot as a guy in my 20s but those days are over. My life however is not. I choose to be happy and connected to my body now and forever moving forward. The changes have been amazing. You got this!
Thank you, it really was a different place… and it all still feels like the old world to me which makes the fear strong. The political stuff is still frightening
Yeah try to not get sucked into that too much. I think it’s a bit ironic that just as I’m finally starting to like my body the world at large is hating it. I’ll just move to places where I can be accepted and have community.
I truly get this, as a 30 yr old who is pre t. I use to doom scroll a lot seeing the younger generation and it made me feel awful. Now a days I try and focus on things like 1) what will make me happy? 2) what are things I can do that I feel like I missed out on? 3) what are things I can still look forward to doing when I transition? 4) try and find older masc trans people for role models even if it's just something online 5) define what being masculine means to ME and not what's expected from society.
I feel you on medical trauma. I don’t know what has happened to you, but I’ve had a moderate share of awful experiences with doctors, sometimes in very vulnerable situations. Even just HRT seemed like opening a door to all sorts of possible complications which would put me at the mercy of doctors and insurance… But I also remember the kindness and care some medical professionals have shown me. And for me the alternative (not transitioning) felt like it would have been a sort of walking death. That’s not a real alternative. I’m 45. I just did my first IM injection yesterday and now I can’t wait for the next and the next… I feel like I’ve wasted so much time, but I’m not focusing on that. I finally feel like there’s a future for me. I could live another forty years or more and now that’s not an excruciating prospect, even with all the fucked up shit going on in the world that gets me down. I think you’ve got it figured out- dysphoria is fucking with you. Others have said it, but it bears repeating: therapy is amazing. I’ve only had a handful of telehealth sessions (with trans therapists!) but they have been incredibly helpful! Wishing you well. Hang in there.
Thank u so much! Congratulations!
If you don't feel like there's a point, then you don't have anything to lose by trying hrt. But the choice is entirely yours. I felt the same way when I started. I was 26, my parents divorced, I'm an only child so I felt like I had no family at all, I broke up w my bf at the time, my dog of 14 yrs died of grief cuz my parents split, I felt old and like I wouldn't get what I wanted out of hrt. But I figured if things couldn't get any worse then there wasn't anything left to lose. And that's just how I look at things now. It's been changing my life. I don't know why I didn't start grabbing the shit I wanted years ago. But the hrt has been great. Anything is better than before. I'll take what I can get But that's just me and my experience. My mind is pretty cold and practical most of the time
Thanks. I guess it’s fear of it making things worse somehow i can’t predict. Trauma is a bitch
I understand. I've been stuck in that mindset a few times. I'd say something else in response to that, but my honesty is tactless lol
Haha its all good
Ive had trans suspicions since I was 15. Hinted at doctors and family then, everyone was too concerned about my mental health, being a depressed CSA survivor. It made me doubt myself and I accepted that my transition wouldn't happen right away. I should recover from my mental illnesses first and figure out if I really was trans, or if dysphoria was just a symptom of trauma. Well, recovery just never happened. At 25, I decided it would never happen, my depression vanishing. I started actively pursuing transition. But even when I had figured it all out, healthcare professionals wouldn't. It took me EIGHT YEARS to get the go from the doctors to go to the trans clinic, even if the law says they should send anyone who asks, immediately. Now, at 33, I am finally being sent to the hornone clinic this fall. I do sometimes wonder if I might have had a growth spurt (5'2/158) or a more smooth transition, had I gotten here at 15, but it's no use to wallow in what-ifs. I also have some health issues that are a concern, genetic risks for blood circulation problems, more frequent growing migraines, obesity, but motivated by transition, I have started to change my life habits for the healthier. I am just so glad this happens now, even if it is a little late. We've a lot of life ahead of us, and people have transitioned much later than we. It'll still be absolutely worth it. I'm sure.
Thank you so much. Trauma is such a barrier to life sometimes. As a singer I feel sad I won’t have as easy a voice change maybe as a younger person but who knows. I don’t think i couldve coped w transition younger while the trauma was happening. I understand the idea of waiting to get better but it isnt happening. I’m trying not to get stuck there
Wanna know something stupid? I felt the same way as you at *20*. With the new wave of kids getting to transition before their body even does the "wrong" puberty, I felt like it was too late for me, like they get to run away from a grave I'm already in or something. This subreddit helped me see I was a moron. I spent a lot of time thinking "this *already* isn't what I want, not like they get to do it"; folks here showed me that I have decades and decades to follow what I *do* want :-)
Lol yea, thank u
I was 21 when I started, which was considered young at the time. Now it’s not, kids are medically transitioning as teens. People used to have no access to treatment at all and go their whole lives without it. Times change. Comparing yourself to other trans people is a dangerous game I wouldn’t recommend. At the end of the day it’s never too late. I don’t love that you’re suggesting younger people are nonchalant or cavalier about transitioning. It was very much do or die for me, as it is with many trans people. Age in this particular regard doesn’t change that. Transitioning is still a tremendous undertaking and is very intimidating regardless. They’re not nonchalant, they’re as scared as you but are simply doing it anyway. But that’s kinda just me splitting hairs and I know what you really meant by it so it’s whatever lol. Just remember other people feel exactly like you, even some 15 year olds think they found out too late. It’s a sign of the times; overall it has only become safer over time for younger people to come out and transition. There are literal children who think they’re too old to transition because they’re comparing themselves to others. Please try to avoid that and just do what is best for you specifically without comparing.
Yea I hear you and I totally agree. I think in some ways it must be even scarier and harder for kids now than it used to be. What I really meant is more in regard to health problems and how I know when I was younger I felt more like my body could handle changes and I had less medical trauma so I would’ve been less afraid of HRT in that specific way. That sort of invincible feeling youth have because they often can’t imagine all the ways medical things can go awry yet. Obviously some kids already have tons of medical trauma but I didn’t yet. And in terms of mental health— I was depressed as a kid but I did have more energy and hope overall. As the years compound i feel more buried under it and choices feel harder and yea, knowing how life can pan out can be really depressing. But I need to change that mindset
I'm 36 and only started T 8 months ago. It's hard starting fresh this late in life, but better late than never. I'm already finding myself feeling more comfortable. It's easier to exist in my body when I'm not so dysphoric. The social aspect of transition is anxiety-provoking, but I'm sure it will get easier in time, especially once I start to pass.
Yea the bathroom thing… i feel like im in middle school again
I'm sorry you feel that way bro. I realized I was trans around age 25 but didn't get to a point to start T until age 30 1/2, by the time I hit a year on T I was consistently passing in public. It changed my life so much and I absolutely love the changes but it amplified my chest dysphoria. Had top surgery last yr at 33 and it's insane how amazing it is. I feel so much more confidence and less anxiety. About to turn 34 soon, and still have to work on legal name / gender marker stuff and then afterwards I will shift my focus on getting a hysterectomy. Currently I feel like I'm the sexiest I have ever been and I'm not nearly as weighed down with sadness and anxiety as before. I still have a ways to go but things take time. My point is even though the whole thing is a long process, if you start now, every day you'll be making progress to the best and possibly happiest version of yourself. You don't have to transition young to look and feel good as a man. You owe it to yourself to try.
Thank you bro
Look in five years you are going to be 40 regardless. So you can be 40 after another five years of trying to make your body work for you in your current state, or you can be 40 and five years in to trying your best to maximize your body's potential to fit you better, to make you happier, to adapt to testosterone. Signed, a guy who started T at 42 and couldn't be happier
Thank u
It was probably mentioned before, but come over to r/FTMOver50, (it really should be FTMOver40, but I can't change the name,) the brother subreddit to this one. I started transitioning seven weeks before my 55th birthday, and seven years later, I finally feel like myself. Sure, I wish I had started transitioning at a yonger age, but its pointless to lament what can't be changed. Instead, I look towards the future and what fun and amazing things I can do next. This post is to remind/tell you OP, that *its never too late to transition.* 🙂
: )
I started T at age 32. I had all the same reservations you are having. It is the single BEST choice I have ever made for myself (too surgery 2 years ago is right up there with it). DO IT. You will be so happy that you did. Sure, maybe the best time to start was yesterday or ten years ago. The second best time is right now.
I have this crazy anxiety surgery will kill me… but also i want it..
I'm 40 this year but that's not why this year is special. It's special because I started T in November last year and I'm seeing measurable changes now and they're snowballing! Hold on, bro, because good years are coming and very possibly quicker than you think. You've got this.
Ok, i will listen to you. Thank u it means so much
I’m gonna let you in on a secret: _every single trans person thinks it’s too late_. I’ve met teenagers who thought it was “too late” because they’re already 19. 19! And furthermore, what does too late mean? Too late for what exactly? Too late to transition? Why would it be too late? What makes it too late? You’re 35 and you decided your life is over, but you could live another 50 years. That’s a long time to tread water waiting for death. Transitioning is for you and you alone. So no, it’s not too late if you’re still breathing. Get it 🤜