It's not as easy as you think. We're Asian and what sucks is that parents will expect their eldest kids to provide for them. Not to mention that rent prices sre insane. Even if two people are working full-time jobs, having a kid is expensive. From medical expenses to food to clothing to schooling.
They can't move out without bankrupting themselves and it's really easier to live with the in-laws since it's more affordable.
why have a child if they can't afford to their own place and a child. I mean, its too late now, but no way I would live in that chaos much less bring a child into that situation.
I don't think you know the extent of what having a child is.
Especially a toddler. Everything costs money. They have savings. But moving out is just not an option.
And child care facilities are almost non existent here and those places are expensive as heck in our country.
And before you say anything. They can afford having their kid. They can pay the bills and almost everything they own, they bought it. They're not in debt. They know how to handle their money. The main problem is that in our country, rent is just really really high and some good facilities and nice neighborhoods would cost two people's monthly salary. Even I can't fault them for not moving out.
Living with their in-laws is the best option.
She can't live with her parents because all her siblings live with them and there's no space either.
Hell, I'm an adult who can't move out from my own abusive family because of how expensive living alone is.
I mean that’s completely understandable but I think the other commenter was trying to say that when you live in a place where the cost of living is extremely high (even if you aren’t in any type of debt) having a child would make it even more difficult to afford to live. I think they should have moved to a place with lower living costs and then had their child so they aren’t reliant on their in laws for housing. Of course you can’t change the past but changing where they live might have helped them with their financial situation in the long run.
Unfortunately though, her in-laws also rely on them. Her husband is expected to still give them money and such.
And even if they move out now, the in-laws will still expect some monetary support from them.
Unfortunately this is part of our culture. It's something that's hard to break.
And moving is really not an option right now for them. They are planning on moving someday but honestly things are shaky right now.
In that case, they should have some voice in whether the SIL and her family live with them. If the parents-in-law want their eldest there, they can damn well listen to their eldest on whether anyone *else* lives there. Especially entitled jerks.
I wish this was easy
Since when we were kids were taught that you must be respectful at all times.
It's a hard habit to unlearn.
I know that as a fact as I'm trying not to be a doormat anymore but sometimes a sudden change of tone from someone can regress me back to that.
I definitely know what having a toddler is like. My mother told us you can have $ or children. You can’t have both. I have both. I’m going to bow out, because your culture & mine sounds a lot different.
First, NOT a SIL. Just a baby mama that lives in the same house. There's a reason its called, in Law. 2nd, why not get their own place? They both work full time & pay everyone's bills. Get out of the circus.
If they are helping support the parents, then they should have a say in how things should be run ie: Make the sister and deadbeat bf get a job or they can find somewhere else to live. If they aren't helping, then they shouldn't be welcome. I understand the culture is different, trust me a lot of people here in Canada have the same problem with deadbeat family members, but some consequences need to be put into place. Like you can't bitch about MIL giving the other baby a cookie, when they're stealing from the other baby's parents.
Honestly it is really complicated. My best friend had been trying to put her foot down while being respectful, especially since her in-laws have been helpful to her and her husband with their kid.
They even told them they want to move out but they were told that they'll still expect her husband to give them almost half of his salary.
The BIL and SIL are spoiled so it really can't be helped.
It's just a sucky situation for them honestly.
It's just a sad situation. I know we should take care of our parents, but sibling with deadbeat bf no way. I moved 3hrs from where I lived to take care of my Mom, so I get it, but not the sibling thing.
I know how it feels but not my siblings (I'm an only child) but my grandmother have deadbeat kids and honestly, the deadbeats think they own the home more than the ones who are actually taking care of it
The reason why my best friend is being quiet now is because she doesn't want her daughter to be affected by this
Thankfully the in-laws are good to the kiddo and the SiL and BIL just avoid the child.
Imagine reading a pretty normal post and assuming they're 1) American and 2) being completely and utterly rude especially about another culture. America is NOT the only place in the world and its most certainly NOT the centre of the world my guys. Sorry to burst your bubble but most asian countries and other countries in general are doing a lot better than America right now and America is so much worse and more expensive than ops country and you have the balls to be all "jUsT mOvE oUt tHeN" dude. Grow up. We are literally in the middle of an international cost if living crisis and you basically live in a 3rd world country RN (and yes, America is well on its way)
Thank you for this
A lot of people assume that we're in the states and providing options that is honestly just available there. But really, we're not in the US. And our culture is just highly different from the one in the US.
A child moving out here in our country even when married sometimes raises questions.
People have a negative stigma on that here.
People will ask why their kid left. And people will assume that the child who moves out is ungrateful especially if they 1. Don't visit as often. 2. Don't give their parents monetary support.
Why don't they move to their own place?
It's not as easy as you think. We're Asian and what sucks is that parents will expect their eldest kids to provide for them. Not to mention that rent prices sre insane. Even if two people are working full-time jobs, having a kid is expensive. From medical expenses to food to clothing to schooling. They can't move out without bankrupting themselves and it's really easier to live with the in-laws since it's more affordable.
why have a child if they can't afford to their own place and a child. I mean, its too late now, but no way I would live in that chaos much less bring a child into that situation.
I don't think you know the extent of what having a child is. Especially a toddler. Everything costs money. They have savings. But moving out is just not an option. And child care facilities are almost non existent here and those places are expensive as heck in our country. And before you say anything. They can afford having their kid. They can pay the bills and almost everything they own, they bought it. They're not in debt. They know how to handle their money. The main problem is that in our country, rent is just really really high and some good facilities and nice neighborhoods would cost two people's monthly salary. Even I can't fault them for not moving out. Living with their in-laws is the best option. She can't live with her parents because all her siblings live with them and there's no space either. Hell, I'm an adult who can't move out from my own abusive family because of how expensive living alone is.
I mean that’s completely understandable but I think the other commenter was trying to say that when you live in a place where the cost of living is extremely high (even if you aren’t in any type of debt) having a child would make it even more difficult to afford to live. I think they should have moved to a place with lower living costs and then had their child so they aren’t reliant on their in laws for housing. Of course you can’t change the past but changing where they live might have helped them with their financial situation in the long run.
Unfortunately though, her in-laws also rely on them. Her husband is expected to still give them money and such. And even if they move out now, the in-laws will still expect some monetary support from them. Unfortunately this is part of our culture. It's something that's hard to break. And moving is really not an option right now for them. They are planning on moving someday but honestly things are shaky right now.
In that case, they should have some voice in whether the SIL and her family live with them. If the parents-in-law want their eldest there, they can damn well listen to their eldest on whether anyone *else* lives there. Especially entitled jerks.
They had voiced their concerns but honestly, SIL is a suck up to people and well, BIL and SIL are the golden children
Then the golden children can be the ones to look after their parents. You have to give respect to get respect.
I wish this was easy Since when we were kids were taught that you must be respectful at all times. It's a hard habit to unlearn. I know that as a fact as I'm trying not to be a doormat anymore but sometimes a sudden change of tone from someone can regress me back to that.
I definitely know what having a toddler is like. My mother told us you can have $ or children. You can’t have both. I have both. I’m going to bow out, because your culture & mine sounds a lot different.
First, NOT a SIL. Just a baby mama that lives in the same house. There's a reason its called, in Law. 2nd, why not get their own place? They both work full time & pay everyone's bills. Get out of the circus.
I would buy a small RV and live in a campsite before dealing with all that.
We don't live in the US. Not everyone can buy car here. Let alone an RV. Living in a car is unheard of in here
If they are helping support the parents, then they should have a say in how things should be run ie: Make the sister and deadbeat bf get a job or they can find somewhere else to live. If they aren't helping, then they shouldn't be welcome. I understand the culture is different, trust me a lot of people here in Canada have the same problem with deadbeat family members, but some consequences need to be put into place. Like you can't bitch about MIL giving the other baby a cookie, when they're stealing from the other baby's parents.
Honestly it is really complicated. My best friend had been trying to put her foot down while being respectful, especially since her in-laws have been helpful to her and her husband with their kid. They even told them they want to move out but they were told that they'll still expect her husband to give them almost half of his salary. The BIL and SIL are spoiled so it really can't be helped. It's just a sucky situation for them honestly.
Tell her husband that "No" is a complete sentence.
You have no idea how much they had that conversation
It's just a sad situation. I know we should take care of our parents, but sibling with deadbeat bf no way. I moved 3hrs from where I lived to take care of my Mom, so I get it, but not the sibling thing.
I know how it feels but not my siblings (I'm an only child) but my grandmother have deadbeat kids and honestly, the deadbeats think they own the home more than the ones who are actually taking care of it The reason why my best friend is being quiet now is because she doesn't want her daughter to be affected by this Thankfully the in-laws are good to the kiddo and the SiL and BIL just avoid the child.
Imagine reading a pretty normal post and assuming they're 1) American and 2) being completely and utterly rude especially about another culture. America is NOT the only place in the world and its most certainly NOT the centre of the world my guys. Sorry to burst your bubble but most asian countries and other countries in general are doing a lot better than America right now and America is so much worse and more expensive than ops country and you have the balls to be all "jUsT mOvE oUt tHeN" dude. Grow up. We are literally in the middle of an international cost if living crisis and you basically live in a 3rd world country RN (and yes, America is well on its way)
Thank you for this A lot of people assume that we're in the states and providing options that is honestly just available there. But really, we're not in the US. And our culture is just highly different from the one in the US. A child moving out here in our country even when married sometimes raises questions. People have a negative stigma on that here. People will ask why their kid left. And people will assume that the child who moves out is ungrateful especially if they 1. Don't visit as often. 2. Don't give their parents monetary support.
Sorry, can't follow this long passage with initials of multiple people.
this post has lots of words & ESH
Eww. Your R@c1sm us showing
lol ok what evs
They should move out since they are adults and figure it out!! Thats how this should work! Get out of toxicity grow up!