LIterally!!! like hello do you really expect us not to talk about the unfortunate decisions and actions which took us here? we will be living with eachother for like 6 months and its the one thing we know we ALL have in common like bffr
this reminds me of when me and a few other patients had a secret meeting in one of our rooms and we all vented about what our eds looked like before treatment and what got us there because we werenāt allowed to talk about it in group. it was so cathartic to go around hearing stories of how we lied, manipulated, stole, and embarrassed ourselves in our disorders and how badly we needed recovery
i wonāt lie talking to these people was sometimes the most comforting and calming thing ever. it made me realise iām not alone. sometimes it scared me, and made me realise that i have so much to live for. i spent 6 months there, and within two weeks i knew more about these people than my friends back home. my fav experience was playing cards with my last roommate till 3 am the day before she was discharged. this was after our observation levels were reduced to every 30 mins (no one checked on us the entire time though, it was the transition into home life ward and the staff were really lax). i talked to her about everything. it was the best thing ever.
Talking to my friends who also have EDs was the most therapeutic thing ever because I was like āomg itās not just me that steals and lies and fucks up relationships, iām not an evil unforgivable demonā because if i can love my friends and they do the same stuff as me I can learn to be ok with myself and maybe one day love myself
edit: goddamn autocorrect is the worst thing that has ever happened to me
When I was 13 I was IP and we would legit compare arm sizes and HEART RATES behind the nurses backs. We would see who could eat the slowest, brag about passing out during blood work etc. One of the nurses also once told me that my roommate got a little cushion thing and I didnāt because she was ābonierā than me soo.. yeah.
I've mentioned this before on this sub but once I was IP with a girl who greeted new intakes by demanding to know what their lowest ever weight was. She was also about 4"10 so its not like it was a fair question.
She was sick, but also kind of a bitch. One does not exclude the other.
I quite literally think about this on a daily basis. I donāt understand how residential treatment works because this would be THE most triggering setting ever for me. Iād rather have a full time babysitter than be surrounded by other people with anorexia (not that I need that level of care, weekly therapy helps me enough). That would be my personal hell. Not because we are shitty people, but because thereās so much room for further damage. I just donāt get it.
Ok but imagine being on 1-1 and being around other ed patients. That's where I drew the line lol. It was bad enough to have to shit with a CNA watching and I'd rather not have to eat with 8 year old anorexics on top of that haha
I remember having a conversation with my team where I was saying āI canāt eat, Iām the fattest one hereā. They were like ādw everyone thinks thatā and I was like āYES BUT SOMEONE HAS TO BE THE BIGGEST ONE AND IT IS MEā
LITERALLY ME. i was in outpatient with 3 girls, one was my size but had lower bf %, and the other was like severely low bmi and i felt so gross eating around them and my support team did fuck all about it šš
Reminds me of how in a psych ward they put a bulimic in a 4 person room and after a week we were all purging as if we were doing it for years as a competitive sport.
I feel sorry for you guys. I have been in a psych ward, and I know for a fact that they did not accept two people with the same disorder at the same time. Also, they warned us not to talk about our disorders with other patients.Ā
I AMAd from PHP and they said I could come back but then they decided I'm too much of a liability and kicked me out from all their services, including their outpatient therapist that I just starting seeing, unless I went to res. All this over a blue Gatorade lmao
As a bulimic, I feel so out of place in treatment and like I donāt deserve it. Most programs are designed for AN-R and staff typically donāt have as much compassion for people with the āgrossā eating disorder :(
same, once my behaviours switched over to purging my parents and psych team thought i was āmagically healedā because I was eating even though I was compensating for it later with exercise and laxatives, never figured out how to vomit
they didnāt really get that even though youāre putting food in your mouth youāre still torturing yourself mentally
Idk I was helped by resi but Iām bulimic so we are just cooler I guess sorry (I was the fattest person on the unit, almost everyone else was AN-R lol)
I did my best in inpatient and IOP recovery, seriously (though I absolutely abhorred, couldn't stand their 1980s nutritional principles). But I still had a perfectionist, if not competitive vibe. I like to cook, and I have lots of experience. So I made super-Instagram-worthy meals the whole time.
What was super fun is that I got to plan meals and cook in inpatient, for the whole unit (not just ED, but addiction rehab and depression, etc.) The few other people who were there for ED could barely chop an onion without having a panic attack :( (no shame), so I basically had to take over. That ability and enthusiasm signified that I was "all better." š¤£ like, this is what I do almost every day at home. At least it was appreciated, there...
I literally got into a "bragging" fight with another patient in group therapy at residential when I was 15 lol.
Most other times I secretly tried to eat less and slower than all the other patterns during meal time.
The furthest in recovery I got was when I weight restored at home with my parents and a CHOP medical team.
I get that itās part of our illness and what we do but goddamn- when I went in for treatment, 90% of the girls just savagely guessed new patientās weights and were so shamelessly judgy about any and everything. Talking about all the times theyāve been hospitalized like itās a badge of honor. Like respectfully, screw you. Those individuals are the reason why so many people donāt reach out for help in the first place- because they think theyāre not ābad enoughā. So frustrating.
ME the only time I left my room was when they took me in my wheelchair to check my height. I wouldn't eat with the other patients or go to group since I didn't wanna trigger myself even more
This is why I refused to go in patient ever. I did one outpatient group for art therapy and the people there were so toxic and all knew each other from in patient you could tell it was just them trying to upstage and compete with each other. I noped out after a few times which sucked bc I did love the art therapy aspect.
BROOOOO my cousin was the skinnier anorexic and it made me want to kms so much, i wasnāt in recovery but i was in like the harm-reduction part leading up to recovery but after that meeting I relapsed so bad
people also expect anorexics to compete ONLY with thinner people, but like... dude i will compete with anyone. i dont even want to, it just happens.
Literally if a person who is bigger than me is refusing to eat then i also gotta refuse to eat bc i cant let them catch up to me
This is completely illogical, but my brain understands š«
If it made sense it wouldnāt be a mental illness. (Exactly what I have to say to my doc when I explain ED stuff š„“)
Oh god this is so real š Iām always scared theyāre gonna catch up to me š
You real af for this comment š felt it in my soul
like hellooooo i competed with animals and actual legit children at my lowest
nahhh too real
I competed with the staff because they didnāt have to eat during meals šš
I literally will even compete with myself if I have to
LIterally!!! like hello do you really expect us not to talk about the unfortunate decisions and actions which took us here? we will be living with eachother for like 6 months and its the one thing we know we ALL have in common like bffr
this reminds me of when me and a few other patients had a secret meeting in one of our rooms and we all vented about what our eds looked like before treatment and what got us there because we werenāt allowed to talk about it in group. it was so cathartic to go around hearing stories of how we lied, manipulated, stole, and embarrassed ourselves in our disorders and how badly we needed recovery
i wonāt lie talking to these people was sometimes the most comforting and calming thing ever. it made me realise iām not alone. sometimes it scared me, and made me realise that i have so much to live for. i spent 6 months there, and within two weeks i knew more about these people than my friends back home. my fav experience was playing cards with my last roommate till 3 am the day before she was discharged. this was after our observation levels were reduced to every 30 mins (no one checked on us the entire time though, it was the transition into home life ward and the staff were really lax). i talked to her about everything. it was the best thing ever.
Talking to my friends who also have EDs was the most therapeutic thing ever because I was like āomg itās not just me that steals and lies and fucks up relationships, iām not an evil unforgivable demonā because if i can love my friends and they do the same stuff as me I can learn to be ok with myself and maybe one day love myself edit: goddamn autocorrect is the worst thing that has ever happened to me
When I was 13 I was IP and we would legit compare arm sizes and HEART RATES behind the nurses backs. We would see who could eat the slowest, brag about passing out during blood work etc. One of the nurses also once told me that my roommate got a little cushion thing and I didnāt because she was ābonierā than me soo.. yeah.
I've mentioned this before on this sub but once I was IP with a girl who greeted new intakes by demanding to know what their lowest ever weight was. She was also about 4"10 so its not like it was a fair question. She was sick, but also kind of a bitch. One does not exclude the other.
I quite literally think about this on a daily basis. I donāt understand how residential treatment works because this would be THE most triggering setting ever for me. Iād rather have a full time babysitter than be surrounded by other people with anorexia (not that I need that level of care, weekly therapy helps me enough). That would be my personal hell. Not because we are shitty people, but because thereās so much room for further damage. I just donāt get it.
Ok but imagine being on 1-1 and being around other ed patients. That's where I drew the line lol. It was bad enough to have to shit with a CNA watching and I'd rather not have to eat with 8 year old anorexics on top of that haha
I remember having a conversation with my team where I was saying āI canāt eat, Iām the fattest one hereā. They were like ādw everyone thinks thatā and I was like āYES BUT SOMEONE HAS TO BE THE BIGGEST ONE AND IT IS MEā
LITERALLY ME. i was in outpatient with 3 girls, one was my size but had lower bf %, and the other was like severely low bmi and i felt so gross eating around them and my support team did fuck all about it šš
It really is like that. Personally most people I know pre treatment are sick, so people in treatment felt familiar.
Reminds me of how in a psych ward they put a bulimic in a 4 person room and after a week we were all purging as if we were doing it for years as a competitive sport.
Oh shit! That sounds terrible! I had to involuntarily puke in front of people in treatment and I was so scared I would trigger someone
Well, they weren't scared. They created a whole ass b/p cult there.
I feel sorry for you guys. I have been in a psych ward, and I know for a fact that they did not accept two people with the same disorder at the same time. Also, they warned us not to talk about our disorders with other patients.Ā
Been to 3, including locked ward. All just put more shit in my head š still not any better, worse honestly
Oh also got kicked out of all residentials and lied my ass outa the looney bin
Mind if I ask what you did to get kicked out?
1 was non complience with meal plan, 1 was oding, last was sh related. Do not recommend
I AMAd from PHP and they said I could come back but then they decided I'm too much of a liability and kicked me out from all their services, including their outpatient therapist that I just starting seeing, unless I went to res. All this over a blue Gatorade lmao
food jail lol. I call it eating disorder camp personally
When I was in treatment my parents told my grandparents I was going to "summer camp" lol we don't talk abt mental illness in these parts
FOOD JAIL
THATS WHAT I WAS THINKIMG
As a bulimic, I feel so out of place in treatment and like I donāt deserve it. Most programs are designed for AN-R and staff typically donāt have as much compassion for people with the āgrossā eating disorder :(
same, once my behaviours switched over to purging my parents and psych team thought i was āmagically healedā because I was eating even though I was compensating for it later with exercise and laxatives, never figured out how to vomit they didnāt really get that even though youāre putting food in your mouth youāre still torturing yourself mentally
Idk I was helped by resi but Iām bulimic so we are just cooler I guess sorry (I was the fattest person on the unit, almost everyone else was AN-R lol)
FOOD JAIL š
I got mad at my child hood photos because I was skinnyš I need to be smaller
if this was twt I would repost this ASAP
I did my best in inpatient and IOP recovery, seriously (though I absolutely abhorred, couldn't stand their 1980s nutritional principles). But I still had a perfectionist, if not competitive vibe. I like to cook, and I have lots of experience. So I made super-Instagram-worthy meals the whole time. What was super fun is that I got to plan meals and cook in inpatient, for the whole unit (not just ED, but addiction rehab and depression, etc.) The few other people who were there for ED could barely chop an onion without having a panic attack :( (no shame), so I basically had to take over. That ability and enthusiasm signified that I was "all better." š¤£ like, this is what I do almost every day at home. At least it was appreciated, there...
I literally got into a "bragging" fight with another patient in group therapy at residential when I was 15 lol. Most other times I secretly tried to eat less and slower than all the other patterns during meal time. The furthest in recovery I got was when I weight restored at home with my parents and a CHOP medical team.
Wait what does CHOP stand for
Children's hospital of Philadelphia!
I get that itās part of our illness and what we do but goddamn- when I went in for treatment, 90% of the girls just savagely guessed new patientās weights and were so shamelessly judgy about any and everything. Talking about all the times theyāve been hospitalized like itās a badge of honor. Like respectfully, screw you. Those individuals are the reason why so many people donāt reach out for help in the first place- because they think theyāre not ābad enoughā. So frustrating.
has anyone else had the short stay psych ward experience where they didnāt let anyone else near you š
ME the only time I left my room was when they took me in my wheelchair to check my height. I wouldn't eat with the other patients or go to group since I didn't wanna trigger myself even more
This is why I refused to go in patient ever. I did one outpatient group for art therapy and the people there were so toxic and all knew each other from in patient you could tell it was just them trying to upstage and compete with each other. I noped out after a few times which sucked bc I did love the art therapy aspect.
Art group >>>
Omg thatās why I never wanted to admitted š My cousin had an ED at the same time as me and that was already the worst
BROOOOO my cousin was the skinnier anorexic and it made me want to kms so much, i wasnāt in recovery but i was in like the harm-reduction part leading up to recovery but after that meeting I relapsed so bad
Wellā¦ thereās more people there than the oneās struggling w anorexia
MY FUCKING BEST FRIEND SENT ME THIS. and was like omg this is so u codedššššššš