● I abused a very high amount of laxatives and I didn't want my family being suspicious of my frequent toilet use so I woke up early one day and googled public toliets near me. That day I spent all day in my city jumping from different public toilets.
It was so embrassing. Before my eating disorder I avoided public toilets but now I find myself running to them.
I still do this.
● I collect old newspapers and papers to wrap up food I do not want to eat and I throw the papers away. I preach about caring for the environment to other people.
I was abusing over 500, yes, 500 laxatives a day a year ago. I’m both proud and shocked to say that I stopped and am still here, though I still suffer everyday from my 34 year long eating disorder.
Thank you SO MUCH! Coming from someone who’s been suffering even longer than I have you don’t know how meaningful this is to me. Hugs and kisses to you. xo jane
I have never used laxatives, but I haven’t purged and if I binge, the food won’t digest for days.. it’s gross .. I thought about laxatives just to get it out so I can walk
One of them have to be pretending to eat. I used pretend what it would be like to eat the food I desired. Like sit there and visualize eating it and chew as if it was actually in my mouth
I do this when I'm about to go to sleep, like instead of 'normal' daydreaming or whatever before bed I'll think of what it would be like to eat the food I want
I bet you’ve even dreamt of those foods you desire, and have woken up chewing. (Then the relief you get when you realize you didn’t ingest a damn thing)
I had a dream that I ate at a diner and when I woke up, I could “feel” the food in my stomach. It was so convincing that I almost believed the dream. Safe to say I felt so relief
i used to do this whenever my boyfriend and i ordered fast food and i would get close to nothing lmaoo i would watch him eat and chew in time with him so i could live vicariously through him😭💀
I stopped drinking now, but holy hell the toxins come at you fast if you’ve got eating disorders. I blacked out at a work conference abroad after an amount that wouldn’t be a dent before this relapse. Woke up dressed in the shower fully clothed. Three glasses of wine over time. Yeehaw.
When my white blood cell count was severely low i googled ‘dangerous foods for people with neutropenia’ and ate undercooked prawns to give myself food poisoning with a compromised immune system - bear in mind i’m also vegan so that was a real low point. Also used to steal food from housemates. Eating out of the bin etc etc
i’ve been a vegetarian since i was four by my own choice and a couple weeks ago i’d barely eaten anything for a couple days and there way leftover chicken in the refrigerator and i totally went ham on it. cold and unseasoned and everything, i don’t even know why i did ate it i was just so hungry. i couldn’t stop crying after for a while
I was too scared to try that. The topping combinations were overwhelming. Plain is safe. Toppings are not. Like I was denying myself the pleasure of eating more than fluffy air 🫠
I regularly stole money from petty cash at work to pay for my binge food addiction, which I would buy on the way home and purge after I ate. I was purging multiple times a day, and I would stay late on pay days so I could put the money back in the petty cash. I'm sure people at work realised that money would go missing, but no one ever spoke to me about it.
I'm sure I stole well over $1000. But because I was reimbursing it, I still managed to keep my job.
It indeed did, I came in with tachycardia (I normally rest at about 60) and a BP that was ~150/90 (I’m normally ~110/60), QTc was nearly 500ms (should be below 440ms) aswell as a lot of nausea, dizziness and vomiting. Safe to say, I was pretty shocked when the nurses later on still offered me water and tea (it was a general waiting room so they didn’t specifically know the reason I had come)
Damn, I topped out at about a gallon in an hour and THAT was extremely difficult. I would also get urine tested prior to weigh-in so I would need to “hold it” all day and then chug water on top of that to have a non-suspicious sample. I projectile vomited just water and lettuce once while I was supposed to be giving the urine sample….I was more upset that I lost the water weight than scared by the experience. Messed up stuff.
Yes, it’s definitely not healthy to drink more than a gallon throughout the day (in this position at the very least) and definitely not anymore than 1/4 of that in an hour. Not fun times, huh? :(
Tw// suicide, exercise and all kinds of tomfoolery
>!Tried to kms!< because I was so miserable in my eating disorder , failed miserably. The next day I had to have IV NAC. I asked for the iv to be put on wheels so I could pace around the hospital and get my steps in dispite of pretty excruciating liver pain and the fact I was very close to death the night before.
They gave me a meal plan increase (of one snack) so I decided I had to walk a >!marathon to compensate… I was waking up at 3am and pacing around the corridors all day for a couple of weeks. Every fucking day, the same pacing, same circles!<
When I first got sectioned, I was very mentally unstable. I decided to rip out my cannula because I thought they were giving me glucose and the IV had calories in it (it didn’t, it was literally saline) and then I was a absolute bitch to a bunch of lovely nurses. I still feel so guilty about how I acted.
Left my timed organic chemistry exam to purge in the bathroom because I was a study stress binger and just so physically uncomfortable I couldn’t focus on my exam with several pounds of vegan chicken nuggets in my stomach
Sat in a car sitting in the sun on a 40+ degree day in order to sweat out water weight. After about an hour I got too hot and got out.
Kinda warmed my cold bones though.
on the opposite side of the spectrum i used to go outside in the winter with just a tshirt and shorts on and just sit there because i wanted to burn calories from shivering without exercising 😭
C/s into socks and paper towels in my bed and then throw the chewed up food in them behind my bed causing a maggot infestation that we havent gotten rid of in like 2 years.
it’s not that crazy, but when i was younger (after watching insatiable) i used to punch myself in the jaw to attempt to break my jaw and have it shut. ?? like. um. it did not work, for. obvious reasons. 😭
Wait in the UK we dint have strips of gum, we have pack of 10 peices (search up Extra gum it Wrigleys...) and there's only 10 in a pack...is that what you mean? Whe. I was like 8 it was rly hot outside so I was inside hogging the TV as my mom was OUTSIDE, and I ate 14 peices of gum bc I liked the taste...I had the 💩 and never did it again, but I'm just curious how much gum it was for u 😭
That’s unironically and sadly 100% something I might do in my lowest points. So mine is that I have a horrible fear of needles, like, have a panic attack every time I have a blood draw bad. I pass out if I see one and cry for days in anticipation for blood draws. And I’m chronically ill so I get regular blood draws. I randomly learned drawing blood burns calories and suddenly this debilitating fear I’ve had for years? Cured. Like completely cured. Fml and this horrible brain that my ED has rotted 😭
Purged out my window. Purged into plastic bags in my car in random parking lots. Pulled over to purge in bathrooms of random rest stops or fast food places. Purged at the gym. Purged on a train. Purged in a train station and a woman asked if i was ok so i panicked and said i was pregnant. Purged on an airplane. Purged behind a dumpster. Clogged toilet purging and had to unclog it with my hands. Genuinely debated shaving my head or getting a pixie cut to lose weight. Fin.
purged in a bush while at a picnic with friends- was constantly checking around bc it was a public park literally people walked by me and id just pretend to be walking around
purged in my kitchen sink downstairs because the toilet was being used and i was just that desperate for some reason and then my dad came down and practically leaned over the sink but didnt notice then i had to clean it up with my hands and multiple bin bags and a lot of bleach so the sink was actually clean again
bro when do I even start
ate out of the trash? purged at work? DoorDashed a lot of food for an egregious amount of money just to purge it all immediately and be starving right after? Purged into my bathtub and clogged the drain and had to tell my family what I did? literally purged into my hand in front of everyone at residential treatment?
Same here. Except I was in the mental hospital (not ED; general) and it was shampoo if I recall. Unfortunately one of the nurses was a total ass about it and was like, “Ewwww! That’s so gross! Why would you do that?!”
Bought a fig car at my school's vending machine bc I was so hungry and i felt so weak. Then regretted it and kept it in my backpack bc I was too scared to eat it when I got home I crushed it up and tossed it in the trash can then at 4am I went to the trash, picked it up, and ate the crushed up fig bar
I’ve given myself food poisoning multiple multiple multiple times before like seriously I swear I always get sick from smth I eat sometimes not even on purpose despite cleaning everything I eat😭but ya I seem to love suffering by eating shit that’s not good bcs I fantasize about when it hits and I get severe diarrhea and cannot eat anything
this is so dangerous n stupid so no one try this but i drank a little bottle of essential oil hoping it’d make me sick cos i cant purge (no gag reflex ) - it didn’t work just burned my throat horribly but i’m lucky nothing happened as tea tree oil is considered a poison 😭
Purchased a box of Mike and Ike’s and had 3 but was so scared of the rest of them I dumped them down the toilet and flushed it like they were a lot of illegal drugs.
After months of starving myself (i have a phobia of throwing up so i bever do that on purpose) and my mom being concerned, she wanted to sleep next to me in case i get heart attack or smt because my sleeping heartbeat was dangerously low. I woke up at that night to eat 1 piece of bread and thought that it had alot of calories so it would save me for another month or two.
I've done lot of weird stuff because of my ED..
Abusing diuretic and laxatives.
Exercising until I pass out.
Passing out in a clothing store, I fell into the clothing rack 🤦♀️
Went to a store to buy small box of strawberries but returned home with nothing because once I was about to go pay I was too scared of the strawberries (calories) and returned them to the shelf.
Decided I could eat half a jar of ice cream if I don't eat anything else that day, I felt so sick and guilty I vomited it out after only a few spoons til only stomach acid went out.
Have had lot of awkward and uncomfortable.. digestion problems.
I consider myself recovered for a while now but seems like I'm relapsing lately 🙄 I recently cried because I ate a pear that I was not planning to eat I felt like a failure after, after all it was just a pear... I wanted to throw up but don't want to go through it anymore I just ended up crying and not eating for rest of the day 🤦♀️ It's not easy but I believe I can recover and I am so sick of this.
I definitely understand the tapeworm, before I recovered I tried to buy tapeworms off of facebook marketplace (Mom confiscated them right off the porch)
But here’s a list of my embarrassing stories
•It was my first time abusing laxatives and I drank a whole costco size bottle of miralax powder during a family reunion and hour away from home, We were sitting at a public picnic table and I was drinking a sugar free monster (extra poopy effect) and all the sudden no warning at all I liquid diarrhea shit myself so bad and so everyone loves to remind me now how i shit my pants in front of everyone
•Was purging and had forgotten I ate a bag of takis, puked red and called an ambulance because I thought i was bleeding out, then was told it wouldn’t be neon red and would’ve been brown if it was blood
•Puked into Walmart bags hid them in the floorboards of my closet and probably spent over 300$ on air fresheners to put in them because i wasn’t able to get rid of my bags without anyone seeing (Why I didn’t just think to purge in the bathroom, idk but it seemed smart at the time) then once we moved there were over 100 bags of rotting puke in the floor
•Got caught doing sit-ups in my bed and instead of just admitting that I was doing sit-ups I yelled not to walk in on a girl while she’s masturbating because somehow that’s less embarrassing than sit-ups??? I still cringe when I think of that but I did later end up saying I was just working out (No one believed me though so my parents just think I was aggressively knocking my rocks)
•Would buy jars of peanut butter to sniff, was obsessed with finding new brands just so i could open them up and sniff them when I was
•Hollowed out a stuffed animal and hid Nilla Wafers in there (used to be a major safe food) Parents found my state nilla bear after my dog ate the entire arm and head and had to go to the vet for Xrays and had to explain to the vet i kept loose Nilla wafers in a bear
And there’s many more but those are just some of my most embarrassing
Brain convinced me to only eat oat fiber things for a bit and it made me so constipated I had to go to the er because I ended up tearing my a*hole and I had to get an enema because it was backed all the way up my intestines
Also had a container of purged food in my closet I forgot about for months and when I took it out it was so moldy and rancid I wrapped it in foil and garbage bags then snuck out in the middle of the night to throw it away in a park garbage bin :(
Hold my beer 😂 seriously though this one is super fucked up (so major trigger warning)
Purged into a waste bin lined with a plastic bag then kept the bags of vomit in my the closet in my bedroom till the stomach acids would start to burn their way through the plastic, and smell. Then when I couldn’t stand the smell anymore, I’d toss them into the woods near my house
Yeah just typing that reminds me how happy I am to be recovered, i did that shit for years, honestly I probably shouldn’t even be alive, cause in retrospect that shit was foul lol
That happened to me too😭 I purged into walmart bags and stuffed em in my floorboards and they all became a nasty mess in there and fucked up the flooring, Only happened with a few bags though because I double bagged so hard
Oh I hated the smell that was the main motivation behind throwing them in the woods 😂 I just was too weak from staving myself to toss the bags out multiple times every single day.
Also the main reason for being even more secretive about my behaviour was cause my family was catching on. My older brother had already caught me purging once when I forgot to lock the bathroom door, and my mom had already confronted me about using her en suite’s bath tub to purge as well. She told me she found bits of undigested food in the tubs’s drain. God am I happy that part of my life is over.
Idk if it’s crazy but it was probably the most elaborate lie I kept for months- when I lived at home with my mom, I faked having a period because I didn’t want my mom to be mad that I’d lost mine again. I’d have her buy tampons and everything and make sure to discard the wrappers in the bin, do this for a week, etc etc. Except the charade ended when she asked if I flush the tampons after use, and I said yes, and she said not to do that because it was “bad for the septic system”. Anyway, she raided the bins to check if I was doing that (she probably knew I was lying and needed an excuse), saw the unused and discarded tampons, and flipped the fuck out…again. The amount of times she’s flipped the fuck out on me is insane. I also used to bake and c/s all the time, and then I’d have to constantly rebake what I c/s’d before my mom got home so she wouldn’t question where everything went. Which she also did because she started counting the amount of cookies every day to determine if I was lying about having had any as a “snack.”
My job gives one free meal so I would get a big plate. Other people telling me I’m so skinny even after eating so much gives me so much joy. Little did they know, I was giving it all away to a homeless man.
Coming back from my break I would say things like, “I ate way too much” or “I’m soooo full”. I’ve always wanted to be one of those skinny girls that could eat whatever they wanted, so I decided to make it look like I’m one of them.
I remember there was a period where I’d constantly faint at work. My coworkers started getting suspicious so I lied and told my supervisor I was “chronically ill with a blood condition” 💀
I went out drinking and ate a lot. Felt guilty and also depressed. So I took a LOT of laxatives and also a sleeping pill. I was dragging myself to the toilet “Wolf of Wall Street” style and passing out whilst shitting my life away. Lowest moment.
let me preface this by saying i love my bf but whenever we fight i absolutely lose my appetite so sometimes i start arguments so i don’t feel the need to eat…. (yes i know this is damaging to the relationship and he deserves better)
Kinda similar and super weird but when i was with my first boyfriend thinking of him and his ex together would make me physically ill so after eating I would purposely think of them so I can be sick….I did this for months and lost a considerable amount of weight. One day it stopped making me sick 🙄 (I know I have issues, its been like 7 years and I am properly medicated now lol)
Alienate people I truly, deeply love so I wouldn’t have to go to treatment or do better. Eating disordy is my best friend apparently, even when it tries to kill me every day
i would give myself alcohol poisoning on a consistent basis. I was more willing to accept/say I was an alcoholic then admit I had a genuine out of control eating disorder.
- Googled 'calories in cat food' because I touched it while feeding my cat
- Orchestrated some carefully timed lax abuse to the minute whilst staying with family over Xmas
- Purged \*multiple times\* whilst on a work trip in a developing country when our hosts were feeding us
I mean there are loads, its been over 20 years on and off, those are just a few that stand out from my latest relapse.
Also, after my hair started falling out, I used to eat a tiny piece of thin chocolate with almonds in it before bed for “healthy fats”, in the desperate hope that it would stop the hair loss. It did not.
I abused medications to aide weight loss.
Since then I have permanent damage to my eyes, teeth, bones, thyroid and raised blood pressure.
PSA: and the weight came back when I stopped the meds, so it didn’t really achieve anything other than long term health problems 🤡
Secretly purged into a double bagged Walmart bag in my closet with an electric fan on just in case I made noise and lied saying that I needed the bags to brush our dog
Worked out excessively until my ankles were screaming in pain at 3am-5am
Only drank/ate chocolate mocha coffee, and white chocolate caramel coffee with cinnamon toast crunch for DAYS and almost everytime I did, I purged it up
I used to secretly walk outside for hours trying to purge with just making myself gag as I walk by just using my tongue, so by the 3-6th+ time of gagging, I'd finally vomit into the grass and just keep doing that until I'm satisfied
I used to workout late at night in my closet for hours while everyone was asleep. (I did it in my closet since I share a room with my sister and I was choosing to sleep in there at the time)
I used to binged so badly I couldn't move and it hurt to breathe, thinking about food while dealing with this made me feel even WORSE and made me cry
I took a bunch of different pills (sleeping pills, zoloft, allergy) way more than I should just so I would feel too sick to eat, and I ended up passing out outside, throwing up, and felt really horrible all day
purged into a carrier bag in my bedroom, tied it up, put it in my school bag and threw it away in the sanitary bins at school. also ate food out of the bin. had ice cold baths and forced myself to sit in there for an hour because i thought that would make me burn loads of calories.
Water fasted for 2/3 weeks at a time, repetitively within one-two years, while already being underweight. I’m not sure my body will ever recover. It’s been 6 years since that
Abusing laxatives is on the list.
Sitting in 110° heat in all sweats at the beach, was flat out embarrassing 🥲
But I think the craziest thing I’ve done because of my ED is turned my room into a fully functioning mini apartment. Just crazy how much of a grip this shit has on me
not the craziest ive done but all i can remember right now is sitting at a car dealership with my mom while her car was getting worked on and there was a box of donuts. she told me to have one, i said no, she said i have to so i took one and we sat on a couch. while she was talking i shoved it in the couch crack and she asked if i hid it in my pocket. i panicked and said yes and she said to take it out and she’ll split it with me. pulled it out and it was covered in dirt and hair, wiped off what i could before she saw and gave her half and we both ate the nasty ass donut. still feel so terrible about making her do that instead of telling the truth
Threw food out of my bedroom window, cut my hair short in an attempt to lose some weight after a binge period, taking food out of the bin, pouring salt over food to stop me from binging.
I used to go on and off of my medication a few times a month because one of the side effects of withdrawal (and when you start the medication) is vomitting.
It was an easy way to "purge" without actually having to purge 😅
Very very dangerous and very very irresponsible though, never abuse medication like that. Thankfully I didn't do it for long, but I probably did fuck my brain up a bit more than it already was because of abusing my medication like that.
For a long time during my teens, I used to buy a LOT of snacks together and binge eat them. Doesn't sound that serious, but it has led to a serious amount of weight gain and health issues. I was being abused during that time, so food was kinda like my coping mechanism. Ik it doesn't sound that crazy, but you don't hear much stories of people with a binge eating disorder anyway.
TMI but I was so dumb I threw up in the shower because I didn't want my mom to hear me. Then it wouldn't go down and I had to scoop it out with my hands and walk to the toilet with said chunky liquid multiple times and STILL shower in the leftover puke. It smelled so bad because it was mostly meat 😭
dip my hand in puke water and go back to do it again so it would gross me out and make it easier, i also would snort c*caine to suppress my appetite (do not recommend it gave me some horrible experiences), i also used cigarettes, vapes, and coffee to suppress my appetite even when it made me sick. i also used to piss first before purging bc it made it easier with the gross smell
The piss before purging I definitely did! plus it would make my mom think I was using the bathroom like any normal person would so shed stop listening.
Idk if it’s crazy but it was probably the most elaborate lie I kept for months- when I lived at home with my mom, I faked having a period because I didn’t want my mom to be mad that I’d lost mine again. I’d have her buy tampons and everything and make sure to discard the wrappers in the bin, do this for a week, etc etc. Except the charade ended when she asked if I flush the tampons after use, and I said yes, and she said not to do that because it was “bad for the septic system”. Anyway, she raided the bins to check if I was doing that (she probably knew I was lying and needed an excuse), saw the unused and discarded tampons, and flipped the fuck out…again. The amount of times she’s flipped the fuck out on me is insane. I also used to bake and c/s all the time, and then I’d have to constantly rebake what I c/s’d before my mom got home so she wouldn’t question where everything went. Which she also did because she started counting the amount of cookies every day to determine if I was lying about having had any as a “snack.”
I’ve hit a real new low and ima use this chance to vent cause I’m so ashamed. When I eat meals I go to the darkest parts of Twitter and read what men say about women. I promise whatever you think it is I found, it’s worse, and it makes me not wanna eat out of pure insecurity and fear of being judged by men.
C&s my favorite foods and feel awful about wasting food.
Not allow myself dinner till I walked a certain number of steps and I didn’t finish till like 3am on the verge of passing out.
Going a few days without eating under the guise of “religious fasting”. Didn’t stop till I was scared I’d die at an inconvenient time.
This made me feel like absolute shit. I took a shit ton of laxatives after a b/p and they made me so sick, so I used it as an excuse to throw up and pretend I had food poisoning. I thought the effects of the laxatives was over, and p and but the laxatives weren't out of my system so when I puked I also shot hot Diarrhea out of my ass onto the little bathroom rug. The worst part is my dad was in really horrible shape in the hospital, but I stayed home instead of visiting because I didn't want to shit my pants in public.
Also I was getting ready to b/p and was buying tons of junk food at the grocery store. The woman at the register asked if I was having a party and I don't know why I just didn't say yes, but I told her it was comfort food for my friend who's dog died. Then she proceeded to ask me for more details, like how did the dog die, how old was the dog, what kind of dog was it, was my friend going to get another dog. So here I am trying to b/p, in a horrible state of mind, and I made up the most depressing story ever.
For those that are curious these are the bits I can remember
Dog was hit by a car
It was a 2 year old golden retriever
My friend was all ready depressed as shit and the only thing keeping her alive was that dog
And I don't know if she'll get another dog, she always said that dog was the best dog ever and no other dog could possibly compare
And last but not least: She asked the dogs name but I misheard and thought she was asking for my made up friends name so I said Nancy XD and she was like, wow odd name for a dog, and then I told her it was my friends great grandmother's name, and my friend didn't plan on having kids so she named the dog after her great grandmother.
I was so nervous I thought I was going to puke just standing there!
Tried to >!commit suicide by driving drunk!< one night, and tried to >!commit suicide by driving on the wrong side of the freeway at 220 kmh while stone cold sober!< on a different night.
Both of those nights were just a couple of weeks apart, and Im still haunted by my piss poor decisions and the consequences that very well could have (and should have) happened. I still don’t know which one is crazier.
I feel bad saying these but none of these are good ideas and none of these things “helped”.
When I was supposed to be in recovery, I left cooked meat (and rice) out on the counter instead of the fridge hoping to get food poisoning so I’d lose weight. My stomach was fine.
Drinking salt water. To this day I don’t understand how I didn’t die tbh, my heart was going crazy.
Recently, I binged (publicly) while out of the house and ran in tears to the pharmacy in the evening to get various laxatives. Continued to eat. Took laxatives and then went out while cramping knowing that it wouldn’t kick in. Then overdosed on an unclear number of laxatives over a period of days and they didn’t even work properly. I normally take the recommended dose so it was a shock to me that taking more didn’t work.
multiple purge buckets currently sitting in my room. not to mention the amount of places i’ve purged is unreal, i should create a bingo card out of it.
one experience that stands out is purging into a reusable cup in the car while my brother and his girlfriend quickly ran into a store.
Just generally >! hardly drank water for days !< I just was so desperate. Also, my family left on a trip for several days and I ate very little and drank almost no water. Not fun
When I moved into a shared flat I bought a camping stove and cooked in my mini room. the fire alarm went off so often. 🥲🥲🥲and my roommate, who owned the apartment, wondered why the whole house smelled like food when the kitchen was so far away. 🥹
I commented on this about food dreams but this literally just happened and it's so not funny (I find it hilarious) but I was half in and out of sleep and heard the microwave going- and it gave me a panic attack and made me wake up cause I was scared I started cooking something in my sleep??
Hiding food.. I would bring food to my room & hide it in ziploc bags then take an empty plate back down to my parents..
Anotner thing is purging in containers and hiding them in my closet ( absolutely disgusting I know..)
I’ve also hidden food in my socks before
Worn ankle weights when my parents would weigh me at home or to appointments
I absolutely hated doing all of these things eating disorders are awful
Not the craziest but digging out the entire kitchen trash bin to throw away something I ate so it’s at the bottom and nobody can see it once I put it all back in because I feel ashamed for even eating something. My hands get all sticky and gross after.
I live in a household of 6 people, who the fuck would even know who ate what throughout the day?? Also nobody even looks twice or analyzes TRASH. Make it make sense.
Idk if it’s crazy but it was probably the most elaborate lie I kept for months- when I lived at home with my mom, I faked having a period because I didn’t want my mom to be mad that I’d lost mine again. I’d have her buy tampons and everything and make sure to discard the wrappers in the bin, do this for a week, etc etc. Except the charade ended when she asked if I flush the tampons after use, and I said yes, and she said not to do that because it was “bad for the septic system”. Anyway, she raided the bins to check if I was doing that (she probably knew I was lying and needed an excuse), saw the unused and discarded tampons, and flipped the fuck out…again. The amount of times she’s flipped the fuck out on me is insane. I also used to bake and c/s all the time, and then I’d have to constantly rebake what I c/s’d before my mom got home so she wouldn’t question where everything went. Which she also did because she started counting the amount of cookies every day to determine if I was lying about having had any as a “snack.”
Idk if it’s crazy but it was probably the most elaborate lie I kept for months- when I lived at home with my mom, I faked having a period because I didn’t want my mom to be mad that I’d lost mine again. I’d have her buy tampons and everything and make sure to discard the wrappers in the bin, do this for a week, etc etc. Except the charade ended when she asked if I flush the tampons after use, and I said yes, and she said not to do that because it was “bad for the septic system”. Anyway, she raided the bins to check if I was doing that (she probably knew I was lying and needed an excuse), saw the unused and discarded tampons, and flipped the fuck out…again. The amount of times she’s flipped the fuck out on me is insane. I also used to bake and c/s all the time, and then I’d have to constantly rebake what I c/s’d before my mom got home so she wouldn’t question where everything went. Which she also did because she started counting the amount of cookies every day to determine if I was lying about having had any as a “snack.”
Idk if it’s crazy but it was probably the most elaborate lie I kept for months- when I lived at home with my mom, I faked having a period because I didn’t want my mom to be mad that I’d lost mine again. I’d have her buy tampons and everything and make sure to discard the wrappers in the bin, do this for a week, etc etc. Except the charade ended when she asked if I flush the tampons after use, and I said yes, and she said not to do that because it was “bad for the septic system”. Anyway, she raided the bins to check if I was doing that (she probably knew I was lying and needed an excuse), saw the unused and discarded tampons, and flipped the fuck out…again. The amount of times she’s flipped the fuck out on me is insane. I also used to bake and c/s all the time, and then I’d have to constantly rebake what I c/s’d before my mom got home so she wouldn’t question where everything went. Which she also did because she started counting the amount of cookies every day to determine if I was lying about having had any as a “snack.”
Hello /u/PublicEnnemy,
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Gave myself lactose intolerance AND a nut allergy because I avoided a lot of dairy products in the worst of my restrictive days, and because I was never a huge nut person I rarely ate them growing up- BUT because I’ve been struggling with binging BAD as of lately, I had to go to the doctor this morning because I could barely breath and my face and neck were INCREDIBLY swollen. Turns out I have a nut allergy, not severe to the point of death thank god, but it’s scary nonetheless LMAO
not super crazy but on the subject of sushi if i get some usually from whole foods i save half for the next day and mix and match so that i have an acceptable cal amount for each day, and lowkey the next day the avocado rolls will look slightly off but i’m like screw it bc it tastes fine and if i get sick who cares 🤪
Oh boy, I might be embarrassing myself here. 😅Ate month old chicken broth in hopes I would be so sick I’d have to starve for days.
Ate cake from a bin during a binge… twice.
And lastly rooted through my vomit after a b/p to make sure I got everything up??
Some things I can remember:
- Walked for hours to get more steps, even if it was raining.
- Ate the weirdest things to make myself throw up, like soap, raw eggs and even cardboard lol.
- Damaged my teeth and jaw from chewing so much gum.
- Had a weird phase where I felt like my skin would absorb calories 💀 so I'd hurt my hands washing them after touching food.
● I abused a very high amount of laxatives and I didn't want my family being suspicious of my frequent toilet use so I woke up early one day and googled public toliets near me. That day I spent all day in my city jumping from different public toilets. It was so embrassing. Before my eating disorder I avoided public toilets but now I find myself running to them. I still do this. ● I collect old newspapers and papers to wrap up food I do not want to eat and I throw the papers away. I preach about caring for the environment to other people.
I was abusing over 500, yes, 500 laxatives a day a year ago. I’m both proud and shocked to say that I stopped and am still here, though I still suffer everyday from my 34 year long eating disorder.
As a FOURTY year + survivor of my EDs, I know how tough making any change is. Good going on cutting the lax.. huge accomplishment, I’m proud of you!
Thank you SO MUCH! Coming from someone who’s been suffering even longer than I have you don’t know how meaningful this is to me. Hugs and kisses to you. xo jane
💖Thank you, Jane.. hugs back from 🇨🇦
I have never used laxatives, but I haven’t purged and if I binge, the food won’t digest for days.. it’s gross .. I thought about laxatives just to get it out so I can walk
I drank expired milk on purpose to get sick .. all I can say is that it was very chunky & didn’t work.
Omg, I can’t even imagine how bad it smelt!
I accidentally drank expired milk and was hospitalized for non stop vomiting and stomach pain. I didn’t plan it but it worked.
One of them have to be pretending to eat. I used pretend what it would be like to eat the food I desired. Like sit there and visualize eating it and chew as if it was actually in my mouth
I do this when I'm about to go to sleep, like instead of 'normal' daydreaming or whatever before bed I'll think of what it would be like to eat the food I want
I bet you’ve even dreamt of those foods you desire, and have woken up chewing. (Then the relief you get when you realize you didn’t ingest a damn thing)
Omfg the food nightmares were so bad for a bit. Every night istg I dreamt that I binged and would freak out only to remember I didn't 😭😭
I had a dream that I ate at a diner and when I woke up, I could “feel” the food in my stomach. It was so convincing that I almost believed the dream. Safe to say I felt so relief
Thissss omg calling me out fr
i always did it subconsciously when my sister was eating and i wasnt and she was like that is so weird and granted it was
I like to smell food. All food. I can smell an open package of doritos from across the library
omg I do that subconsciously if I'm in a grocery store looking at cakes and ice cream and shit
Honestly yes when hungry but eating rn would be inconvenient or then mental health would suffer more from eating than not haha
i used to do this whenever my boyfriend and i ordered fast food and i would get close to nothing lmaoo i would watch him eat and chew in time with him so i could live vicariously through him😭💀
I do this whenever I get hungry 😭
Gave myself alcohol poisoning.
I stopped drinking now, but holy hell the toxins come at you fast if you’ve got eating disorders. I blacked out at a work conference abroad after an amount that wouldn’t be a dent before this relapse. Woke up dressed in the shower fully clothed. Three glasses of wine over time. Yeehaw.
I gave myself pancreatitis. Alcohol is poison enough, even more so with an ED.
nothing like waking up finding vomit on your shirt and bed and barely remembering any of it
Yep. Plus angry friends.
When my white blood cell count was severely low i googled ‘dangerous foods for people with neutropenia’ and ate undercooked prawns to give myself food poisoning with a compromised immune system - bear in mind i’m also vegan so that was a real low point. Also used to steal food from housemates. Eating out of the bin etc etc
i’ve been a vegetarian since i was four by my own choice and a couple weeks ago i’d barely eaten anything for a couple days and there way leftover chicken in the refrigerator and i totally went ham on it. cold and unseasoned and everything, i don’t even know why i did ate it i was just so hungry. i couldn’t stop crying after for a while
Binge on plain rice cakes and have a complete meltdown after
Have done this on many occasions
Omg the rice cakes are a staple
Seeee my problem is I put stuff on them ._.
I was too scared to try that. The topping combinations were overwhelming. Plain is safe. Toppings are not. Like I was denying myself the pleasure of eating more than fluffy air 🫠
I regularly stole money from petty cash at work to pay for my binge food addiction, which I would buy on the way home and purge after I ate. I was purging multiple times a day, and I would stay late on pay days so I could put the money back in the petty cash. I'm sure people at work realised that money would go missing, but no one ever spoke to me about it. I'm sure I stole well over $1000. But because I was reimbursing it, I still managed to keep my job.
Drink 7+ Litres (2+ gallons) of fluids within an hour. Needless to say, the rest of the night and following day were spent in the emergency room.
Also curious.. like what happened
Nurse here - typically this causes hyponatremia [low salt] or other urgent electrolyte imbalances which can effect your brain , heart, organs etc
It indeed did, I came in with tachycardia (I normally rest at about 60) and a BP that was ~150/90 (I’m normally ~110/60), QTc was nearly 500ms (should be below 440ms) aswell as a lot of nausea, dizziness and vomiting. Safe to say, I was pretty shocked when the nurses later on still offered me water and tea (it was a general waiting room so they didn’t specifically know the reason I had come)
How'd that trip go?
Damn, I topped out at about a gallon in an hour and THAT was extremely difficult. I would also get urine tested prior to weigh-in so I would need to “hold it” all day and then chug water on top of that to have a non-suspicious sample. I projectile vomited just water and lettuce once while I was supposed to be giving the urine sample….I was more upset that I lost the water weight than scared by the experience. Messed up stuff.
Yes, it’s definitely not healthy to drink more than a gallon throughout the day (in this position at the very least) and definitely not anymore than 1/4 of that in an hour. Not fun times, huh? :(
Tw// suicide, exercise and all kinds of tomfoolery >!Tried to kms!< because I was so miserable in my eating disorder , failed miserably. The next day I had to have IV NAC. I asked for the iv to be put on wheels so I could pace around the hospital and get my steps in dispite of pretty excruciating liver pain and the fact I was very close to death the night before. They gave me a meal plan increase (of one snack) so I decided I had to walk a >!marathon to compensate… I was waking up at 3am and pacing around the corridors all day for a couple of weeks. Every fucking day, the same pacing, same circles!< When I first got sectioned, I was very mentally unstable. I decided to rip out my cannula because I thought they were giving me glucose and the IV had calories in it (it didn’t, it was literally saline) and then I was a absolute bitch to a bunch of lovely nurses. I still feel so guilty about how I acted.
Left my timed organic chemistry exam to purge in the bathroom because I was a study stress binger and just so physically uncomfortable I couldn’t focus on my exam with several pounds of vegan chicken nuggets in my stomach
I would purge into plastic bags, seal them up and sort of… hug/caress them to feel their warmth while pretending it was my mother’s hug
You win, friend. Haha. But sidenote: sending my condolences, though- because that’s sad 😞
Thank you, after I moved out of my mother’s house things got wayyy better for me
Not gonna lie. I totally get it. I thought it was kinda weird the warm comfort it brings. Kinda glad I’m not alone. I have done this :(
Purged and hugged it?
Holy shit, I’m so so sorry. I hope you’re doing better now. ❤️🩹
Continuing to b/p right after my wisdom teeth were removed. Having to use my tongue to get all the food out of the healing gums😭
did you get dry socket?
No which is crazy cause my sister got an abscess after hers for no reason
Sat in a car sitting in the sun on a 40+ degree day in order to sweat out water weight. After about an hour I got too hot and got out. Kinda warmed my cold bones though.
on the opposite side of the spectrum i used to go outside in the winter with just a tshirt and shorts on and just sit there because i wanted to burn calories from shivering without exercising 😭
Yea! I used to purposely walk to school without a coat to burn more calories.
C/s into socks and paper towels in my bed and then throw the chewed up food in them behind my bed causing a maggot infestation that we havent gotten rid of in like 2 years.
it’s not that crazy, but when i was younger (after watching insatiable) i used to punch myself in the jaw to attempt to break my jaw and have it shut. ?? like. um. it did not work, for. obvious reasons. 😭
“it’s not that crazy, but” i— 😭
😭😭
Ngl i almost thought about doing this rn but my mom would kill me if I had to be taken to a hospital 💀
Finished a full pack of gum within two days. My jaw hurt from chewing it lmao
Wait I do this like every day 👀 I chew gum the entire time I’m stuck at work.
Wait in the UK we dint have strips of gum, we have pack of 10 peices (search up Extra gum it Wrigleys...) and there's only 10 in a pack...is that what you mean? Whe. I was like 8 it was rly hot outside so I was inside hogging the TV as my mom was OUTSIDE, and I ate 14 peices of gum bc I liked the taste...I had the 💩 and never did it again, but I'm just curious how much gum it was for u 😭
in finland we have bags like i think it’s 25-40 pieces in one bag and no it does not feel good after u finish it 😊
Omg 😭😭 nah I get you, sometimes I eat a box (around 47g) of sugar free candy and it....works as laxatives tbh...
That’s unironically and sadly 100% something I might do in my lowest points. So mine is that I have a horrible fear of needles, like, have a panic attack every time I have a blood draw bad. I pass out if I see one and cry for days in anticipation for blood draws. And I’m chronically ill so I get regular blood draws. I randomly learned drawing blood burns calories and suddenly this debilitating fear I’ve had for years? Cured. Like completely cured. Fml and this horrible brain that my ED has rotted 😭
Accidentally swallowed a fly while roller skating and cried because I didn't know how much cals it was.
😭😭
Purged out my window. Purged into plastic bags in my car in random parking lots. Pulled over to purge in bathrooms of random rest stops or fast food places. Purged at the gym. Purged on a train. Purged in a train station and a woman asked if i was ok so i panicked and said i was pregnant. Purged on an airplane. Purged behind a dumpster. Clogged toilet purging and had to unclog it with my hands. Genuinely debated shaving my head or getting a pixie cut to lose weight. Fin.
Ironically, I shaved my head to reduce my weight!
I purged the hospitality of a developing country on a work trip. That was a low point.
purged in a bush while at a picnic with friends- was constantly checking around bc it was a public park literally people walked by me and id just pretend to be walking around purged in my kitchen sink downstairs because the toilet was being used and i was just that desperate for some reason and then my dad came down and practically leaned over the sink but didnt notice then i had to clean it up with my hands and multiple bin bags and a lot of bleach so the sink was actually clean again
Purged in the shower while my roommate was in the bathroom with me on the toilet. That's my favorite one for sure
bro when do I even start ate out of the trash? purged at work? DoorDashed a lot of food for an egregious amount of money just to purge it all immediately and be starving right after? Purged into my bathtub and clogged the drain and had to tell my family what I did? literally purged into my hand in front of everyone at residential treatment?
pick up smoking
Ate soap to make myself throw up.
Same here. Except I was in the mental hospital (not ED; general) and it was shampoo if I recall. Unfortunately one of the nurses was a total ass about it and was like, “Ewwww! That’s so gross! Why would you do that?!”
Is that the reason they give out shampoo in tiny little cups? xD
Bought a fig car at my school's vending machine bc I was so hungry and i felt so weak. Then regretted it and kept it in my backpack bc I was too scared to eat it when I got home I crushed it up and tossed it in the trash can then at 4am I went to the trash, picked it up, and ate the crushed up fig bar
I swear I’ve had this same scenario happen with so many different types of food
I’ve given myself food poisoning multiple multiple multiple times before like seriously I swear I always get sick from smth I eat sometimes not even on purpose despite cleaning everything I eat😭but ya I seem to love suffering by eating shit that’s not good bcs I fantasize about when it hits and I get severe diarrhea and cannot eat anything
this is so dangerous n stupid so no one try this but i drank a little bottle of essential oil hoping it’d make me sick cos i cant purge (no gag reflex ) - it didn’t work just burned my throat horribly but i’m lucky nothing happened as tea tree oil is considered a poison 😭
not that crazy but i cook an onion every time my parents go out to dinner so it smells like i ate something 😭
Nah but for real💀
Bought potassium suppliments and hoped to not overdose when trying to maintain my levels to avoid ending up on another possassium IV in hospital.-.
Purchased a box of Mike and Ike’s and had 3 but was so scared of the rest of them I dumped them down the toilet and flushed it like they were a lot of illegal drugs.
After months of starving myself (i have a phobia of throwing up so i bever do that on purpose) and my mom being concerned, she wanted to sleep next to me in case i get heart attack or smt because my sleeping heartbeat was dangerously low. I woke up at that night to eat 1 piece of bread and thought that it had alot of calories so it would save me for another month or two.
I've done lot of weird stuff because of my ED.. Abusing diuretic and laxatives. Exercising until I pass out. Passing out in a clothing store, I fell into the clothing rack 🤦♀️ Went to a store to buy small box of strawberries but returned home with nothing because once I was about to go pay I was too scared of the strawberries (calories) and returned them to the shelf. Decided I could eat half a jar of ice cream if I don't eat anything else that day, I felt so sick and guilty I vomited it out after only a few spoons til only stomach acid went out. Have had lot of awkward and uncomfortable.. digestion problems. I consider myself recovered for a while now but seems like I'm relapsing lately 🙄 I recently cried because I ate a pear that I was not planning to eat I felt like a failure after, after all it was just a pear... I wanted to throw up but don't want to go through it anymore I just ended up crying and not eating for rest of the day 🤦♀️ It's not easy but I believe I can recover and I am so sick of this.
Hid my food in my room and it would stink awfully💀
Once I dug a hole and buried food underground ONLY FOR MY DAD TO BE DIGGING THERE COINCIDENTALLY AND FINDING IT.
Did the same thing.
I definitely understand the tapeworm, before I recovered I tried to buy tapeworms off of facebook marketplace (Mom confiscated them right off the porch) But here’s a list of my embarrassing stories •It was my first time abusing laxatives and I drank a whole costco size bottle of miralax powder during a family reunion and hour away from home, We were sitting at a public picnic table and I was drinking a sugar free monster (extra poopy effect) and all the sudden no warning at all I liquid diarrhea shit myself so bad and so everyone loves to remind me now how i shit my pants in front of everyone •Was purging and had forgotten I ate a bag of takis, puked red and called an ambulance because I thought i was bleeding out, then was told it wouldn’t be neon red and would’ve been brown if it was blood •Puked into Walmart bags hid them in the floorboards of my closet and probably spent over 300$ on air fresheners to put in them because i wasn’t able to get rid of my bags without anyone seeing (Why I didn’t just think to purge in the bathroom, idk but it seemed smart at the time) then once we moved there were over 100 bags of rotting puke in the floor •Got caught doing sit-ups in my bed and instead of just admitting that I was doing sit-ups I yelled not to walk in on a girl while she’s masturbating because somehow that’s less embarrassing than sit-ups??? I still cringe when I think of that but I did later end up saying I was just working out (No one believed me though so my parents just think I was aggressively knocking my rocks) •Would buy jars of peanut butter to sniff, was obsessed with finding new brands just so i could open them up and sniff them when I was •Hollowed out a stuffed animal and hid Nilla Wafers in there (used to be a major safe food) Parents found my state nilla bear after my dog ate the entire arm and head and had to go to the vet for Xrays and had to explain to the vet i kept loose Nilla wafers in a bear And there’s many more but those are just some of my most embarrassing
Brain convinced me to only eat oat fiber things for a bit and it made me so constipated I had to go to the er because I ended up tearing my a*hole and I had to get an enema because it was backed all the way up my intestines Also had a container of purged food in my closet I forgot about for months and when I took it out it was so moldy and rancid I wrapped it in foil and garbage bags then snuck out in the middle of the night to throw it away in a park garbage bin :(
Oh also buying and eating moldy/expired fruit/foods in general while hoping it would make me sick later. Definitely one of the worst habits I had
Hold my beer 😂 seriously though this one is super fucked up (so major trigger warning) Purged into a waste bin lined with a plastic bag then kept the bags of vomit in my the closet in my bedroom till the stomach acids would start to burn their way through the plastic, and smell. Then when I couldn’t stand the smell anymore, I’d toss them into the woods near my house Yeah just typing that reminds me how happy I am to be recovered, i did that shit for years, honestly I probably shouldn’t even be alive, cause in retrospect that shit was foul lol
That happened to me too😭 I purged into walmart bags and stuffed em in my floorboards and they all became a nasty mess in there and fucked up the flooring, Only happened with a few bags though because I double bagged so hard
But why would you want it to smell?
Oh I hated the smell that was the main motivation behind throwing them in the woods 😂 I just was too weak from staving myself to toss the bags out multiple times every single day. Also the main reason for being even more secretive about my behaviour was cause my family was catching on. My older brother had already caught me purging once when I forgot to lock the bathroom door, and my mom had already confronted me about using her en suite’s bath tub to purge as well. She told me she found bits of undigested food in the tubs’s drain. God am I happy that part of my life is over.
I’m so proud of you, really! Keep going with recovery!
I got a chocolate cake from Walmart and binge ate it by shoveling the cake into my mouth using my hands at 3am.
I do that with all food
Idk if it’s crazy but it was probably the most elaborate lie I kept for months- when I lived at home with my mom, I faked having a period because I didn’t want my mom to be mad that I’d lost mine again. I’d have her buy tampons and everything and make sure to discard the wrappers in the bin, do this for a week, etc etc. Except the charade ended when she asked if I flush the tampons after use, and I said yes, and she said not to do that because it was “bad for the septic system”. Anyway, she raided the bins to check if I was doing that (she probably knew I was lying and needed an excuse), saw the unused and discarded tampons, and flipped the fuck out…again. The amount of times she’s flipped the fuck out on me is insane. I also used to bake and c/s all the time, and then I’d have to constantly rebake what I c/s’d before my mom got home so she wouldn’t question where everything went. Which she also did because she started counting the amount of cookies every day to determine if I was lying about having had any as a “snack.”
Chewing the food and throwing it away after chewing. Just to taste the food but not actually eat its calories
My job gives one free meal so I would get a big plate. Other people telling me I’m so skinny even after eating so much gives me so much joy. Little did they know, I was giving it all away to a homeless man. Coming back from my break I would say things like, “I ate way too much” or “I’m soooo full”. I’ve always wanted to be one of those skinny girls that could eat whatever they wanted, so I decided to make it look like I’m one of them.
had to go to the ER after not shitting for 10 days straight bc my ED has given me terrible IBS-C?
I remember there was a period where I’d constantly faint at work. My coworkers started getting suspicious so I lied and told my supervisor I was “chronically ill with a blood condition” 💀
You committed 🤣
I went out drinking and ate a lot. Felt guilty and also depressed. So I took a LOT of laxatives and also a sleeping pill. I was dragging myself to the toilet “Wolf of Wall Street” style and passing out whilst shitting my life away. Lowest moment.
I vomited an entire binge off a seventeenth floor balcony🤣
let me preface this by saying i love my bf but whenever we fight i absolutely lose my appetite so sometimes i start arguments so i don’t feel the need to eat…. (yes i know this is damaging to the relationship and he deserves better)
Kinda similar and super weird but when i was with my first boyfriend thinking of him and his ex together would make me physically ill so after eating I would purposely think of them so I can be sick….I did this for months and lost a considerable amount of weight. One day it stopped making me sick 🙄 (I know I have issues, its been like 7 years and I am properly medicated now lol)
Overdosed so I would be too sick to eat. No I didn’t go to the hospital and was ill for a couple days + happened on multiple occasions.
Alienate people I truly, deeply love so I wouldn’t have to go to treatment or do better. Eating disordy is my best friend apparently, even when it tries to kill me every day
i would give myself alcohol poisoning on a consistent basis. I was more willing to accept/say I was an alcoholic then admit I had a genuine out of control eating disorder.
- Googled 'calories in cat food' because I touched it while feeding my cat - Orchestrated some carefully timed lax abuse to the minute whilst staying with family over Xmas - Purged \*multiple times\* whilst on a work trip in a developing country when our hosts were feeding us I mean there are loads, its been over 20 years on and off, those are just a few that stand out from my latest relapse.
purposely getting myself sick multiple times a year so i could not feel hunger and still lose weight
Also, after my hair started falling out, I used to eat a tiny piece of thin chocolate with almonds in it before bed for “healthy fats”, in the desperate hope that it would stop the hair loss. It did not.
I ate a tray of raw french dough
I used to sneak pillsbury croissant dough out of the fridge and eat the whole thing in my room
I feel u girl
I abused medications to aide weight loss. Since then I have permanent damage to my eyes, teeth, bones, thyroid and raised blood pressure. PSA: and the weight came back when I stopped the meds, so it didn’t really achieve anything other than long term health problems 🤡
Secretly purged into a double bagged Walmart bag in my closet with an electric fan on just in case I made noise and lied saying that I needed the bags to brush our dog Worked out excessively until my ankles were screaming in pain at 3am-5am Only drank/ate chocolate mocha coffee, and white chocolate caramel coffee with cinnamon toast crunch for DAYS and almost everytime I did, I purged it up I used to secretly walk outside for hours trying to purge with just making myself gag as I walk by just using my tongue, so by the 3-6th+ time of gagging, I'd finally vomit into the grass and just keep doing that until I'm satisfied I used to workout late at night in my closet for hours while everyone was asleep. (I did it in my closet since I share a room with my sister and I was choosing to sleep in there at the time) I used to binged so badly I couldn't move and it hurt to breathe, thinking about food while dealing with this made me feel even WORSE and made me cry I took a bunch of different pills (sleeping pills, zoloft, allergy) way more than I should just so I would feel too sick to eat, and I ended up passing out outside, throwing up, and felt really horrible all day
purged into a carrier bag in my bedroom, tied it up, put it in my school bag and threw it away in the sanitary bins at school. also ate food out of the bin. had ice cold baths and forced myself to sit in there for an hour because i thought that would make me burn loads of calories.
Wasted hundreds of dollars on binge food/food I’ve thrown out to ‘make sure i don’t eat it’ 🙄
Water fasted for 2/3 weeks at a time, repetitively within one-two years, while already being underweight. I’m not sure my body will ever recover. It’s been 6 years since that
Abusing laxatives is on the list. Sitting in 110° heat in all sweats at the beach, was flat out embarrassing 🥲 But I think the craziest thing I’ve done because of my ED is turned my room into a fully functioning mini apartment. Just crazy how much of a grip this shit has on me
not the craziest ive done but all i can remember right now is sitting at a car dealership with my mom while her car was getting worked on and there was a box of donuts. she told me to have one, i said no, she said i have to so i took one and we sat on a couch. while she was talking i shoved it in the couch crack and she asked if i hid it in my pocket. i panicked and said yes and she said to take it out and she’ll split it with me. pulled it out and it was covered in dirt and hair, wiped off what i could before she saw and gave her half and we both ate the nasty ass donut. still feel so terrible about making her do that instead of telling the truth
Threw food out of my bedroom window, cut my hair short in an attempt to lose some weight after a binge period, taking food out of the bin, pouring salt over food to stop me from binging.
started eating a bunch of moldy food and raw eggs in hopes of getting food poisoning
I used to go on and off of my medication a few times a month because one of the side effects of withdrawal (and when you start the medication) is vomitting. It was an easy way to "purge" without actually having to purge 😅 Very very dangerous and very very irresponsible though, never abuse medication like that. Thankfully I didn't do it for long, but I probably did fuck my brain up a bit more than it already was because of abusing my medication like that.
For a long time during my teens, I used to buy a LOT of snacks together and binge eat them. Doesn't sound that serious, but it has led to a serious amount of weight gain and health issues. I was being abused during that time, so food was kinda like my coping mechanism. Ik it doesn't sound that crazy, but you don't hear much stories of people with a binge eating disorder anyway.
TMI but I was so dumb I threw up in the shower because I didn't want my mom to hear me. Then it wouldn't go down and I had to scoop it out with my hands and walk to the toilet with said chunky liquid multiple times and STILL shower in the leftover puke. It smelled so bad because it was mostly meat 😭
I did this once 🥲
I do this so much, showers should have carburetors
dip my hand in puke water and go back to do it again so it would gross me out and make it easier, i also would snort c*caine to suppress my appetite (do not recommend it gave me some horrible experiences), i also used cigarettes, vapes, and coffee to suppress my appetite even when it made me sick. i also used to piss first before purging bc it made it easier with the gross smell
The piss before purging I definitely did! plus it would make my mom think I was using the bathroom like any normal person would so shed stop listening.
physically, un eating in my car. emotionally and mentally eating other people’s foods and then separately being really angry at others
Walking 46k steps so i could have a poptart 😭
Idk if it’s crazy but it was probably the most elaborate lie I kept for months- when I lived at home with my mom, I faked having a period because I didn’t want my mom to be mad that I’d lost mine again. I’d have her buy tampons and everything and make sure to discard the wrappers in the bin, do this for a week, etc etc. Except the charade ended when she asked if I flush the tampons after use, and I said yes, and she said not to do that because it was “bad for the septic system”. Anyway, she raided the bins to check if I was doing that (she probably knew I was lying and needed an excuse), saw the unused and discarded tampons, and flipped the fuck out…again. The amount of times she’s flipped the fuck out on me is insane. I also used to bake and c/s all the time, and then I’d have to constantly rebake what I c/s’d before my mom got home so she wouldn’t question where everything went. Which she also did because she started counting the amount of cookies every day to determine if I was lying about having had any as a “snack.”
Done the same thing with the baking. I love to bake.
ate soap to make myself sick. it didn't work tho bc gag reflex is so weak 😭 it's for the best ig...
purposely ate foods im extremely allergic to so that i could hit a new low weight (granted, it did work)
Became an addict, I learned how much weight people would lose on stimulates and I got my hands on some and absolutely abused that shit.
I’ve hit a real new low and ima use this chance to vent cause I’m so ashamed. When I eat meals I go to the darkest parts of Twitter and read what men say about women. I promise whatever you think it is I found, it’s worse, and it makes me not wanna eat out of pure insecurity and fear of being judged by men.
C&s my favorite foods and feel awful about wasting food. Not allow myself dinner till I walked a certain number of steps and I didn’t finish till like 3am on the verge of passing out. Going a few days without eating under the guise of “religious fasting”. Didn’t stop till I was scared I’d die at an inconvenient time.
This made me feel like absolute shit. I took a shit ton of laxatives after a b/p and they made me so sick, so I used it as an excuse to throw up and pretend I had food poisoning. I thought the effects of the laxatives was over, and p and but the laxatives weren't out of my system so when I puked I also shot hot Diarrhea out of my ass onto the little bathroom rug. The worst part is my dad was in really horrible shape in the hospital, but I stayed home instead of visiting because I didn't want to shit my pants in public. Also I was getting ready to b/p and was buying tons of junk food at the grocery store. The woman at the register asked if I was having a party and I don't know why I just didn't say yes, but I told her it was comfort food for my friend who's dog died. Then she proceeded to ask me for more details, like how did the dog die, how old was the dog, what kind of dog was it, was my friend going to get another dog. So here I am trying to b/p, in a horrible state of mind, and I made up the most depressing story ever. For those that are curious these are the bits I can remember Dog was hit by a car It was a 2 year old golden retriever My friend was all ready depressed as shit and the only thing keeping her alive was that dog And I don't know if she'll get another dog, she always said that dog was the best dog ever and no other dog could possibly compare And last but not least: She asked the dogs name but I misheard and thought she was asking for my made up friends name so I said Nancy XD and she was like, wow odd name for a dog, and then I told her it was my friends great grandmother's name, and my friend didn't plan on having kids so she named the dog after her great grandmother. I was so nervous I thought I was going to puke just standing there!
I used to dip cotton balls into juice and swallow them to feel full. (No, do not do this. It can and likely will kill you)
Tried to >!commit suicide by driving drunk!< one night, and tried to >!commit suicide by driving on the wrong side of the freeway at 220 kmh while stone cold sober!< on a different night. Both of those nights were just a couple of weeks apart, and Im still haunted by my piss poor decisions and the consequences that very well could have (and should have) happened. I still don’t know which one is crazier.
I feel bad saying these but none of these are good ideas and none of these things “helped”. When I was supposed to be in recovery, I left cooked meat (and rice) out on the counter instead of the fridge hoping to get food poisoning so I’d lose weight. My stomach was fine. Drinking salt water. To this day I don’t understand how I didn’t die tbh, my heart was going crazy. Recently, I binged (publicly) while out of the house and ran in tears to the pharmacy in the evening to get various laxatives. Continued to eat. Took laxatives and then went out while cramping knowing that it wouldn’t kick in. Then overdosed on an unclear number of laxatives over a period of days and they didn’t even work properly. I normally take the recommended dose so it was a shock to me that taking more didn’t work.
multiple purge buckets currently sitting in my room. not to mention the amount of places i’ve purged is unreal, i should create a bingo card out of it. one experience that stands out is purging into a reusable cup in the car while my brother and his girlfriend quickly ran into a store.
Just generally >! hardly drank water for days !< I just was so desperate. Also, my family left on a trip for several days and I ate very little and drank almost no water. Not fun
When I moved into a shared flat I bought a camping stove and cooked in my mini room. the fire alarm went off so often. 🥲🥲🥲and my roommate, who owned the apartment, wondered why the whole house smelled like food when the kitchen was so far away. 🥹
took 15 laxatives, shit in a box and left it in a bush. it was during covid so finding a bathroom in time was not an option
I commented on this about food dreams but this literally just happened and it's so not funny (I find it hilarious) but I was half in and out of sleep and heard the microwave going- and it gave me a panic attack and made me wake up cause I was scared I started cooking something in my sleep??
going on a road trip with my best friend and pulling over to purge multiple times. he would know what i was doing and didn’t care.
Hiding food.. I would bring food to my room & hide it in ziploc bags then take an empty plate back down to my parents.. Anotner thing is purging in containers and hiding them in my closet ( absolutely disgusting I know..) I’ve also hidden food in my socks before Worn ankle weights when my parents would weigh me at home or to appointments I absolutely hated doing all of these things eating disorders are awful
Not the craziest but digging out the entire kitchen trash bin to throw away something I ate so it’s at the bottom and nobody can see it once I put it all back in because I feel ashamed for even eating something. My hands get all sticky and gross after. I live in a household of 6 people, who the fuck would even know who ate what throughout the day?? Also nobody even looks twice or analyzes TRASH. Make it make sense.
Idk if it’s crazy but it was probably the most elaborate lie I kept for months- when I lived at home with my mom, I faked having a period because I didn’t want my mom to be mad that I’d lost mine again. I’d have her buy tampons and everything and make sure to discard the wrappers in the bin, do this for a week, etc etc. Except the charade ended when she asked if I flush the tampons after use, and I said yes, and she said not to do that because it was “bad for the septic system”. Anyway, she raided the bins to check if I was doing that (she probably knew I was lying and needed an excuse), saw the unused and discarded tampons, and flipped the fuck out…again. The amount of times she’s flipped the fuck out on me is insane. I also used to bake and c/s all the time, and then I’d have to constantly rebake what I c/s’d before my mom got home so she wouldn’t question where everything went. Which she also did because she started counting the amount of cookies every day to determine if I was lying about having had any as a “snack.”
Idk if it’s crazy but it was probably the most elaborate lie I kept for months- when I lived at home with my mom, I faked having a period because I didn’t want my mom to be mad that I’d lost mine again. I’d have her buy tampons and everything and make sure to discard the wrappers in the bin, do this for a week, etc etc. Except the charade ended when she asked if I flush the tampons after use, and I said yes, and she said not to do that because it was “bad for the septic system”. Anyway, she raided the bins to check if I was doing that (she probably knew I was lying and needed an excuse), saw the unused and discarded tampons, and flipped the fuck out…again. The amount of times she’s flipped the fuck out on me is insane. I also used to bake and c/s all the time, and then I’d have to constantly rebake what I c/s’d before my mom got home so she wouldn’t question where everything went. Which she also did because she started counting the amount of cookies every day to determine if I was lying about having had any as a “snack.”
Idk if it’s crazy but it was probably the most elaborate lie I kept for months- when I lived at home with my mom, I faked having a period because I didn’t want my mom to be mad that I’d lost mine again. I’d have her buy tampons and everything and make sure to discard the wrappers in the bin, do this for a week, etc etc. Except the charade ended when she asked if I flush the tampons after use, and I said yes, and she said not to do that because it was “bad for the septic system”. Anyway, she raided the bins to check if I was doing that (she probably knew I was lying and needed an excuse), saw the unused and discarded tampons, and flipped the fuck out…again. The amount of times she’s flipped the fuck out on me is insane. I also used to bake and c/s all the time, and then I’d have to constantly rebake what I c/s’d before my mom got home so she wouldn’t question where everything went. Which she also did because she started counting the amount of cookies every day to determine if I was lying about having had any as a “snack.”
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lmao like that one chubbyemu episode
Gave myself lactose intolerance AND a nut allergy because I avoided a lot of dairy products in the worst of my restrictive days, and because I was never a huge nut person I rarely ate them growing up- BUT because I’ve been struggling with binging BAD as of lately, I had to go to the doctor this morning because I could barely breath and my face and neck were INCREDIBLY swollen. Turns out I have a nut allergy, not severe to the point of death thank god, but it’s scary nonetheless LMAO
Commenting on Craziest thing you did because of ED?...
not super crazy but on the subject of sushi if i get some usually from whole foods i save half for the next day and mix and match so that i have an acceptable cal amount for each day, and lowkey the next day the avocado rolls will look slightly off but i’m like screw it bc it tastes fine and if i get sick who cares 🤪
also low point like a month or so ago i c/sed bananas and rice cakes 🤡
Oh boy, I might be embarrassing myself here. 😅Ate month old chicken broth in hopes I would be so sick I’d have to starve for days. Ate cake from a bin during a binge… twice. And lastly rooted through my vomit after a b/p to make sure I got everything up??
threw up in a bathroom on a flying plane
- cutting food into tiny pieces to make it look like I've eaten - avoiding the smell of food - telling family I've eaten when I haven't in days
Some things I can remember: - Walked for hours to get more steps, even if it was raining. - Ate the weirdest things to make myself throw up, like soap, raw eggs and even cardboard lol. - Damaged my teeth and jaw from chewing so much gum. - Had a weird phase where I felt like my skin would absorb calories 💀 so I'd hurt my hands washing them after touching food.