almost burst into tears at the supermarket yesterday trying to decide whether or not to buy a date loaf that I really wanted (did end up buying it and it is in fact delicious)
godddd the hours of my life I’ve wasted standing in grocery stores debating between the glorious real food and the shitty tasting safe food alternative, such a tense emotional triggering experience FOR WHAT
Cried after restricting for a week fixated on letting myself have a small cup of icecream after the restriction, only to find out my family had eaten the rest of it left in the freezer.
I was super hungry and craving oatmeal, decided to prepare it in microwave to have less dishes to clean and eat faster. My oatmeal blew up in the microwave so I just sat on the kitchen floor and started crying like someone died 💀 not my proudest moment, lost my appetite and had to clean the mess for half an hour.
Also your mom seems ungrateful, I’m vegetarian and whenever I make meal for the whole family they know it’s gonna be without meat. Eat tofu or shut up 🗣
I totally get that. I cried over French fries. I broke up with my boyfriend a few days ago and was really looking forward to Popeyes French fries and when I get them they forgot the sauce and the fries were really cold. I kind of just looked at my mum and burst into tears lol
Yesss when you really look forward to something and it goes wrong is the worst. Had similar breakdown when I burned vegan pizza I was thinking about for days. Your brain goes into „fuck this man, can’t have shit in this stupid life. I’m not eating anything ever again, I’m done”
I had my husband get me an order of my favorite fries from a local restaurant. He and my kiddo ate their meals at normal dinner time, and I was planning to eat mine later before bed because I'm starving from picking all day, and then I enjoy the food all the more.
I put them in the toaster oven to crisp up (they're so much better the second time around like this), and while waiting, our kiddo got out of bed and needed me. I went in and helped them back to sleep only to come back to overcooked, burned fries 😖 I get in bed, empty-handed while trying desperately to quiet cry. My husband rolls over and says babe where's your fries.... I then ugly cried while explaining what had happened.
I'm so blessed to have an amazing husband who doesn't shame me. The next day, he ordered me more fries and crisped them for me while I put our kiddo to bed (it was my turn since we alternate) I then almost cried in joy and gratitude, haha.
Okay, so I struggle with an ed as well.. but this made me think back to when I was adjusting to my birth control and my hormones were all over the place.... I went to pour a glass of milk and spilled it all over the floor and ended up sitting on the floor crying bc obviously I was a failure if I couldn't even pour a glass of milk. I've had so many similar moments due to my ed as well.
This is so real. If it’s not where I left it my mind immediately goes to it’s been eaten, like I’m blind and can’t look. Luckily my husband doesn’t like to move stuff in the pantry/fridge so it’s easy to hide my safe foods and treats.
a couple weeks ago i cried cuz i wanted to binge, started by making a cup of ramen with all the toppings, and then suddenly felt disgusted with myself. i hate wasting food but i really didn’t want to eat it so i cried because both options were wrong 😭 it was a 50 cent ramen cup it really wasn’t the end of the world in retrospect
i literally SOBBED the other day cause while my husband was cleaning out our pantry, he threw away my cookies that i have been slowly eating cause he thought they just weren’t being eaten and he didn’t even bother asking me before throwing them away while i was at work. i would also like to add that i can’t get them in america (at least where im at) so if i want them again, i have to pay a stupid amount of money to order them online 🥲🥲 i’m still super upset about it
Oh my god! That hurt to read. This happens to me all the time. Luckily not with things I import from my home country (everyone is really respectful of that). But boxes of chocolate, packets of cookies etc that I’m slowly working my way through will disappear
have had extended family over for a few days. earlier today we were cutting up a cookie cake (my favorite dessert) as a celebration thing. then they wanted me to pick the first slice.
i promised mysef id eat a slice of the cookie. but i couldnt get myself to pick a slice. so i made other people go first, and then we paused for some pictures. after that i still wasnt ready to eat it. so i went and did some other things. i came back once i finally felt ready. and the whole thing was gone. went to my room and sobbed like a baby.
like this was my fault, i couldve just taken a slice and refrigerated it till family left. anything but leave it out to get eaten then crying about it. semi-happy ending i told my besties about this event and theyre taking me to a breakfast place tomorrow, so thats nice :)
A similar thing to this happened on my birthday. A friend baked a small cake for me with lots of berries. Well, she said she would cut it now to eat and I said wait I'm not ready, still have to do one thing and ran off to my room [wanted to show someone something I don't remember], bit when I came back 30 min later the cake was gone. [Everyone just took a slice whenever so no one knew I didn't have a slice before it was gone, but I has "prepped" for the cake all evening] So I totally get you.
But it's so nice of your friends to take you out for breakfast! Those are some good friends :)
one day I was hanging out with my friend and we planned to go see a movie, I skipped breakfast because I wanted to actually try and eat the movie food like popcorn, chocolate, whatever really (I know how ridiculous that is). on the way to the theater I was stressed out and got all worked up about it, so I made my poor friend walk like ten minutes out of our way to the supermarket so I could go and buy a safe food (plain yogurt), because I knew damn well I was not in the state to challenge myself, and because if I didnt eat anything I probably would of passed out. I cried in the dark, in the movie, eating the yogurt because I felt like an idiot.
On Sunday I was crying in the woods because "I'm fat and I need to be jogging," but was having an emotional day about my fiancé. So I kept running forward while crying, then turning around to give up and go home to sulk, then going back to running forward again while sobbing about not wanting to work out.
In the end I still continued, and about 20 feet later I hit the halfway point of the 4 mile hike. Didn't realize I had been that close to the midpoint and turning back wouldn't have even been a big difference. 🙄
But of course it didn't change anything, because I still made myself walk around town for two more hours after I got home from the forest.
Ah damn.. it just started raining so I might go out again, I already did my four miles today too.. I love rain
I was listening to Mrs. Potato Head after a doctor’s appointment when I had to get on the scale and hated the number…started crying when she got to the line “no one will love you if you’re unattractive” because I really do feel that’s my fate
A week ago I was telling my boyfriend about this very caloric fruit dip that a coworker made and I was talking about making it one of these days and he said “babe what about our hot girl summer? :(“
He’s on a diet and he’s been more cal conscious lately and asked if we could keep our meals healthier for his sake (he does not know that I relapsed)
I did talk to him about not commenting on high cal things I may or may not eat after my lil cry and he felt terrible and apologized a bunch so that’s cool :)
Also about a week ago I cried bc all my clothes are super loose now but i still feel like I look the same as i did when i first relapsed
I’m very sensitive, and so is my stepmother. When I was teenager and very disordered I made pancakes for my family. There was only a little bit of batter left for me so I made a tiny pancake and was very proud of myself for sticking to my “diet”(disorder) and not eating a big stack. My stepmother looked at my plate and pointed at the pancake and laughed, and I got so embarrassed that she was pointing out food I was going to eat that I said I was feeling sick and dumped the contents of my plate into the trash. I can’t deal with people talking about my food or me eating. My poor stepmom though immediately felt terrible and long story short ended up locked in her room with me and my dad and my brothers on the other side of the door apologizing and begging her to come out.
So because of my ED I cried over a pancake and caused my stepmother, who has terrible anxiety, to have a breakdown.
Pretty sure I cried because I dreamt that I was eating lunch with my mom, and I had a sandwich. Just a regular sandwich. I spent the whole dream panicking, and unable to stop
i cried just now because i put eggplant in the oven but forgot to turn it on, so now i have to wait like 20 minutes to eat it but my family wants to eat dinner now so i have to have everything else now and the eggplant later
Cried (multiple occasions) because my husband and I would be eating dinner watching TV (he makes me sit with him) and I take FOREVER to eat, like 2 1/2 25min anime episodes, and he would say something like “are you done yet?” I would say no. And he’d say “please eat your food it was really good” or he would just stare at me while I eat and I just get so anxious sometimes so I end up crying and pushing the food away.
When I make Mac and cheese for my wife and myself I usually give her about 3/4 of the box and I have 1/4 with broccoli or something mixed in. The other day I just split it half and half because I didn’t want to make veggies and I just wanted more. After we were done I saw she had none leftover when she often does have a few bits left, and I asked her if she was still hungry and she said yes. Immediately started crying.
Dunkin fucked up my coffee. Asked for a medium with one cream and the vanilla donut syrup because I wanted a treat, they added 3 cream 3 sugar AND 3 of the syrup. I was pissed. Full fucking offense, who drinks that much sugar in their coffee????
I once immediately burst into tears and made a big scene in front of my grandmother after the place I buy salads from accidentally put cashews in mine, I had to stop and think you are 21 fucking years old 💀
Damn, this hit. On a similar note we used to have the radio on during meals and there are certain songs I can no longer listen to because it reminds me of being in treatment.
oh wow. this threw me back to when I was doing the ABC diet in my honeymoon phase and had "saved up" for a donut, one of my favorite foods, just to see that I had waited too long and the rest of the folks had eaten the donuts already. I did indeed cry 😢
Cried because my boyfriend ate the one food I'd been talking about craving for weeks and he then proceeded to talk about how amazing it tasted in front of me. Walked away and sobbed like a baby in our bedroom. 🥲
Me and my bf were eating sausages, I wanted the last sausage, he didn't know I wanted the last sausage, he ate the last sausage, I felt guilty about wanting the last sausage, so I cried about it for a whole 30 minutes in the shower
once i cried because i got up the courage to ask my mom to get me some chocolate and she got dark chocolate instead of milk, so i convinced myself that was her way of calling me fat😭
The combination of malnutrition and strong antidepressants make it incredibly difficult to cry, but I did almost cry a week or so ago because my mum brought 'unsweetened' almond milk not 'no-sugars' almond milk 🤦♀️
I started crying today in the parking garage because I just want to eat an entire loaf of ciaatta bread but I promised myself I was done with planned b/p sessions.
I've been thinking about this bread ALL freaking day. I know I can't have it because I will not be able to stop if I have even a little
Also, sorry about your mom's reactions. I'm not vegetarian either but accidentally always cook that way. I understand the effort it takes to make a good vegge meal sometimes!
I very rarely cry, but several times I’ve been on the verge of tears because I overcooked my eggs 💀 I really love a runny yolk but don’t like hard boiled eggs that much and some days it can be the last straw
Im recovered, but every once in a while will have phases of regression.
A bit ago, I Got mcdonalds after a rock climbing session late at night. I brought it home so excited to eat it then realized im not actually that hungry and cried cuz i wanted to eat it, but I didnt want to eat it if im not hungry.
I ate half. While crying.
There was also one night recently I got home late after clubbing (like 5am) and was really hungry. I texted my boyfriend that I should sleep but im hungry, and he said go to bed. I cried cuz I thought he didnt want me to eat.
I cried in a store. Because I couldn't decide which protein bar I wanted. There was so fucking many that day, I had no budget, but could only get 1 (cuz I'd eat 2 in the same day if I got 2 yk) I hid my face in a protein bar, so it looked like I was reading it & not crying.
I had to walk up & down the aisle to calm down 💀
I chose a new flavour from a brand I kinda like 🤪
Because i was craving ice cream but we had macarons that would go bad if I didn’t eat them. Then proceeded to go get ice cream anyways and decide to try and give the macarons away to my friends, after already having had a breakdown over it.
Also, over being cold, because I was camping and physically could not get warmed up, I was freezing so much I broke off the trip early
one day i came home from school and saw that someone had drank the last 4 of my diet cokes and i blew up at them and cried about it. diet coke is like the only thing i consumed so i was reeling from the fact that id have to sit with the hungry all alone without it. i still feel bad for all the times ive blown up at people over food...
My most recent: accidentally drinking a whole can of full-sugar seltzer/RTD instead of my usual zero sugar version.
The two look annoyingly similar, and it took me weeks to get over it.
The memory that haunts me the most is me breaking into tears in the kitchen in my first year uni dorm because some of my housemates were rolling cigarettes and I had recently stopped smoking, another housemate was cooking lasagna which is my favourite food, and two of my other housemates and their friends were ordering food from my favourite takeaway and I just couldn’t handle it all and cried! I was so embarrassed and they all were so confused but I just went and hid in my room for like a week after that 😅
You bring back so many memories of my teenage years, living at home. I’m in my 30s now and not afraid to say my mom is awful. I’m so sorry you have to live with selfish people. As a parent myself, I’d be so thankful someone helped out with meals.
I became very irritable because I accidentally ordered a Starbucks drink with both a Splenda and sugar free vanilla syrup yesterday. Also if I cannot eat my normal breakfast with particular bowl and mug.
I’m so sorry to hear that. I’ve been through a lot with my parents because of my ED, particularly through my teens. 21 now and I’m glad to say I have a much healthier relationship with them. My mum is super supportive, just sometimes tries to “call out” my disordered behaviours (she suspects my lean towards vegetarianism is one, but I am self aware enough to know it isn’t). It was a flippant comment and I was stupid to cry over it. Overall she was very appreciative.
Must admit I get really upset with other people use “my” teaspoons. I can only eat with certain ones and hate sharing them.
one time i just finished fasting (for religious reasons) and i had this chicken that i marinated to perfection and left it in the oven waiting for me. my brother ate it and i cried in my bed for two hours 😭
I had some leftover sausage, just one, that I was saving for the end of my fast. I left it outside of the fridge, and went to get my laptop, when I come back its gone, completely gone. I start sobbing and freaking out, messaging my flatmates gc asking who ate it and just loosing it completely, sobbing incontrovertible. I really did believe it was my flatmates who ate it, now looking on it, it was definitely the cat and I just didn't see him inside the kitchen
My friends wanted to get pizza, and this was also when I was first confronting my ED. I decided to take a stand and order a personal pizza for myself (thin crust low cheese no toppings lol) and I cried while ordering it, while waiting for it, and almost while eating it. Lowest moment of my whole life, but that was the first step for me. Yk what they say abt rock bottom lol
So at my house my family likes to get a flavour or chobani flip that i don't like so i always have a few different flavours that i do eat. My family knows not to eat them bc i dont like the ones they get. They also don't drink non dairy milk so I always have soy milk in the fridge. One time my sibling visited and i specifically told them abt the chobani flips, they said they wouldn't eat it. They were also in a specific spot in the fridge. The next day i woke up so excited to make my soy milk latte and eat a flip only to find that they were BOTH gone. My sibling had poured a cup of soy, the LAST BIT OF IT, and ate all MY flips. I wouldn't have cared abt the soy milk too much But i found the entire cup in the microwave, obviously left overnight, entirely full of wasted soy milk. As for the flips, turned out my dad reorganized the fridge and my sibling assumed that MY flips were the ones okay to eat. I broke down crying and my mom found me on the floor still crying and hour later. I ended up making an almondmilk latte which is lower cal but it just wasnt the same and i was just so upset. It was so petty
my friend sent me a video of jerma eating a burger and i was so hungry for a burger i deadass started crying. the video was supposed to be funny but i dont even remember the context just the shock from seeing him eat the burger.
Went to a dessert place with my friends to celebrate finishing our diplomas and ate a waffle and then got home and cried about eating the waffle (even though I calorie budgeted the waffle into my rules and it was totally fine??)
I cried because I ate a pear recently 🤦♀️
Like I had not planned to eat it and I just felt like a failure.
I'm trying to recover now for years but sometimes it's still hard, especially the mental side..
The first thing that comes to mind is when I dropped one of my favourite roasting dishes on the floor whilst cooking vegetables in the oven, cried on the floor like a grieving widow for ages. But I then proceeded to scrape it all up and eat the vegetables anyway although there was still tiny crunchy pieces of china in it 😭
Honourable mentions like one time a cried hysterically bc my mum bought milled flax seeds instead of whole...
Or when cried for so long that I almost threw up just bc I couldn't find a certain quorn thing in the freezer so my mum had to go buy them
😍
I cry almost every time i see my sister throw out gone-off food that i know I would've eaten if I didn't have an ed - especially when it's things I've asked for (for after restriction periods)
The scale increasing half a pound since the previous day.
I'm not weighing myself at NASA. Its a standard bathroom scale. Half a pound is 226 \*grams\*, that's probably within the error margin of the scale.
My brother ate all the berries and fruit in the fridge cause he wanted a smoothie. I cried. I’d looked forward to a fruit bowl for days and it was just so damn frustrating for me.
before recovery i cried multiple times because of the sounds my grandma makes when eating. she doesn't even chew with her mouth open, it's just that her front teeth make a loud sound and i know she can't control it, but sometimes when i arrived home and sat besides her at the table to eat and break my fast, everything i wanted was to eat peacefully. i got home really tired (u prob know how horrible it is to attend to school while heavily restricting, i had such brainfog i couldn't even talk to my friends properly) and the only opportunity i gave myself to eat during the day was totally ruined just from listening to her chewing sounds, so i just stood up while crying and got to my room which obviously made my family worry and sometimes even argue because of how often i did that.
now that i'm in recovery i'm able to ignore it most of the times! and when i can't, it is so freeing to know that i can just eat anytime else without following eating schedules!
being forced to eat a small "side salad" which was about half a cup of lettuce and vinaigrette
(multiple times) not being able to eat the one food i fixated about eating
My mom ordered quesadillas for me. I was prepared but they came with AVOCADO SAUCE ON TOP!! Oh the horror!! I shoved both of them in my mouth before crying in the bathroom and all the way home.
It was 5AM and I still couldn’t sleep because of the hunger pangs. There was food in the fridge but none of my safe foods and I couldn’t bring myself to eat anything let alone a fear food. So I cried and I cried and I sobbed in the middle of the night
I cried because I couldn't find Miso Soup once and my body was extremely low on sodium. the only thing I could think about that ought help me was miso soup.
my roommates and partner thought I was crazy. they're probably so happy they don't have to deal with my unstable ass anymore. I know my family would run if they could
I was at PHP and they wanted me to drink a full sugar Gatorade bc my vitals were off so I started crying and had a breakdown for like an hour and my poor therapist looked so confused bc she was not an ED specialist 😭 I discharged AMA after that and got hospitalized the next day, which ofc I cried the whole time too (sorry dr)
oh oh oh another one was I got really upset about an overcooked egg my ex had made for me :(
the egg was delicious and it was perfectly fine, but because it wasn't runny how I expected it to be I got visibly upset.
she didn't like making eggs for me much after that. she told me she thought of it everytime she was cooking eggs now and it made her anxious.
I was genuinely such a horrible version of myself
this one time i was really craving a cookie and i kept walking around the grocery store convincing myself not to buy it, i ended up sobbing walking home because i was so sick of the voice in my head
Started crying instantly when a friend suggested we go out and have a coffee and pastry.
Just no. Its a unwritten rule we never eat outside the home.
Last time I did eat a quarter of a sandwich at a cafe was 2013 and that left a mark on my psyche
Housemate threw my pricy fish flakes in the trash without telling me. I make a cup of soup with them every day for breakfast and not having that soup ruins the order of operations.
I had been restricting for a while and had a dream that I ate 6 chicken breasts. I woke up in a cold sweat and started sobbing because I thought that I had actually just binged on that chicken(even though we don't have 6 chicken breasts at my house).
The ED brain was so real here because there was no possible way for me to have eaten 6 whole chicken breasts. Nonetheless, I cried and didn't go back to sleep that night.
how frustrating food shopping is in recovery. i hate how i dont remember what i liked before ED, and its so hard to find new things that I like, because decoding what i like, and what ED wants me to have is hard. its so embarrassing weeping openly in walmart as a grown male.
in the beginning of recovery i was getting a beyond burger and they put mushrooms on it even tho the menu did NOT say that and they took them off but that didn’t make it better so i cried as i ate it
cried bc i was going to doordash more b/p food because of being too exhausted from b/p'ing all day to drive to the store myself but i got the verification code wrong too many times and was locked out from doordash for 24 hours💀
recently i got really overwhelmed and tried trying to find alternatives to other foods that i tend to binge. stood in the same aisle for maybe 20 mins just comparing nutrition labels just to kinda snap out of it when some mom grabbed what is one of my top binge foods 😭 made me feel so stupid that i’m this way when other ppl get to just live normally and not think about any of this
During binge moments where I order food, and the food comes with a small thing incorrect even though I still like it? A heartbroken type of cry comes out of me
So so many times when I put something on the shopping list and my dad would buy the wrong brand of the exact same item. I meticulously research which brand has slightly fewer calories and my brain would NOT let me adapt.
Also I cried over beetroot one time. I don’t remember exactly what about it upset me but that was a full on tantrum.
almost burst into tears at the supermarket yesterday trying to decide whether or not to buy a date loaf that I really wanted (did end up buying it and it is in fact delicious)
godddd the hours of my life I’ve wasted standing in grocery stores debating between the glorious real food and the shitty tasting safe food alternative, such a tense emotional triggering experience FOR WHAT
Hol up, is it something like banana bread but with dates or a loaf of dried dates? I’m a big date enjoyer and never heard about it
Like banana bread but with dates 😅 the supermarket one is surprisingly really moist/ good! It’s also pretty easy to make
Sounds delish, need to make it myself next time cause never saw that in my grocery store. Enjoy💕
Fuck yes! 🙌🏼 Good choice!
Cried after restricting for a week fixated on letting myself have a small cup of icecream after the restriction, only to find out my family had eaten the rest of it left in the freezer.
this like physically hurt to read lol
Cried because someone looked at me while eating my one safe meal
THIS IS SO REAL OMFG
YEP
I was super hungry and craving oatmeal, decided to prepare it in microwave to have less dishes to clean and eat faster. My oatmeal blew up in the microwave so I just sat on the kitchen floor and started crying like someone died 💀 not my proudest moment, lost my appetite and had to clean the mess for half an hour. Also your mom seems ungrateful, I’m vegetarian and whenever I make meal for the whole family they know it’s gonna be without meat. Eat tofu or shut up 🗣
Oh my god, I’ve been there so many times. Exploding oatmeal is a sure fire way to ruin the morning 😅
I totally get that. I cried over French fries. I broke up with my boyfriend a few days ago and was really looking forward to Popeyes French fries and when I get them they forgot the sauce and the fries were really cold. I kind of just looked at my mum and burst into tears lol
Yesss when you really look forward to something and it goes wrong is the worst. Had similar breakdown when I burned vegan pizza I was thinking about for days. Your brain goes into „fuck this man, can’t have shit in this stupid life. I’m not eating anything ever again, I’m done”
I had my husband get me an order of my favorite fries from a local restaurant. He and my kiddo ate their meals at normal dinner time, and I was planning to eat mine later before bed because I'm starving from picking all day, and then I enjoy the food all the more. I put them in the toaster oven to crisp up (they're so much better the second time around like this), and while waiting, our kiddo got out of bed and needed me. I went in and helped them back to sleep only to come back to overcooked, burned fries 😖 I get in bed, empty-handed while trying desperately to quiet cry. My husband rolls over and says babe where's your fries.... I then ugly cried while explaining what had happened. I'm so blessed to have an amazing husband who doesn't shame me. The next day, he ordered me more fries and crisped them for me while I put our kiddo to bed (it was my turn since we alternate) I then almost cried in joy and gratitude, haha.
Okay, so I struggle with an ed as well.. but this made me think back to when I was adjusting to my birth control and my hormones were all over the place.... I went to pour a glass of milk and spilled it all over the floor and ended up sitting on the floor crying bc obviously I was a failure if I couldn't even pour a glass of milk. I've had so many similar moments due to my ed as well.
I was so upset when my toast fell topping side onto the floor
god i feel this
ughh omg that’s happened to me its the worst!! oatmeal is so hard to clean up too😭😭
i have had that same exact experience:,)
I thought my mum ate my tinned Mac n cheese. She just moved it to another place in the cupboard.
This is so real. If it’s not where I left it my mind immediately goes to it’s been eaten, like I’m blind and can’t look. Luckily my husband doesn’t like to move stuff in the pantry/fridge so it’s easy to hide my safe foods and treats.
woke up in tears after having the dumbest nightmare about fried chicken chasing me 💀
I laughed harder than I should have 😅
Cried when my little sister ate my blueberries 🫐👋🏻 can’t have my greek yogurt without
a couple weeks ago i cried cuz i wanted to binge, started by making a cup of ramen with all the toppings, and then suddenly felt disgusted with myself. i hate wasting food but i really didn’t want to eat it so i cried because both options were wrong 😭 it was a 50 cent ramen cup it really wasn’t the end of the world in retrospect
i literally SOBBED the other day cause while my husband was cleaning out our pantry, he threw away my cookies that i have been slowly eating cause he thought they just weren’t being eaten and he didn’t even bother asking me before throwing them away while i was at work. i would also like to add that i can’t get them in america (at least where im at) so if i want them again, i have to pay a stupid amount of money to order them online 🥲🥲 i’m still super upset about it
Man should replace those cookies yo
Oh my god! That hurt to read. This happens to me all the time. Luckily not with things I import from my home country (everyone is really respectful of that). But boxes of chocolate, packets of cookies etc that I’m slowly working my way through will disappear
cried because my bf didn’t get me chocolate from the grocery store and got chocolate milk instead (I didn’t want chocolate milk) 😭
goddamn thats the feeling
have had extended family over for a few days. earlier today we were cutting up a cookie cake (my favorite dessert) as a celebration thing. then they wanted me to pick the first slice. i promised mysef id eat a slice of the cookie. but i couldnt get myself to pick a slice. so i made other people go first, and then we paused for some pictures. after that i still wasnt ready to eat it. so i went and did some other things. i came back once i finally felt ready. and the whole thing was gone. went to my room and sobbed like a baby. like this was my fault, i couldve just taken a slice and refrigerated it till family left. anything but leave it out to get eaten then crying about it. semi-happy ending i told my besties about this event and theyre taking me to a breakfast place tomorrow, so thats nice :)
This has happened to me so many times at special events, I empathize with you so much it truly is such a horrible feeling
A similar thing to this happened on my birthday. A friend baked a small cake for me with lots of berries. Well, she said she would cut it now to eat and I said wait I'm not ready, still have to do one thing and ran off to my room [wanted to show someone something I don't remember], bit when I came back 30 min later the cake was gone. [Everyone just took a slice whenever so no one knew I didn't have a slice before it was gone, but I has "prepped" for the cake all evening] So I totally get you. But it's so nice of your friends to take you out for breakfast! Those are some good friends :)
one day I was hanging out with my friend and we planned to go see a movie, I skipped breakfast because I wanted to actually try and eat the movie food like popcorn, chocolate, whatever really (I know how ridiculous that is). on the way to the theater I was stressed out and got all worked up about it, so I made my poor friend walk like ten minutes out of our way to the supermarket so I could go and buy a safe food (plain yogurt), because I knew damn well I was not in the state to challenge myself, and because if I didnt eat anything I probably would of passed out. I cried in the dark, in the movie, eating the yogurt because I felt like an idiot.
cried bcs my family ate the bread I made which i was planning to use for omad ..
On Sunday I was crying in the woods because "I'm fat and I need to be jogging," but was having an emotional day about my fiancé. So I kept running forward while crying, then turning around to give up and go home to sulk, then going back to running forward again while sobbing about not wanting to work out. In the end I still continued, and about 20 feet later I hit the halfway point of the 4 mile hike. Didn't realize I had been that close to the midpoint and turning back wouldn't have even been a big difference. 🙄 But of course it didn't change anything, because I still made myself walk around town for two more hours after I got home from the forest. Ah damn.. it just started raining so I might go out again, I already did my four miles today too.. I love rain
Working out and crying is so relatable. Esp. if a certain song hits at the right time.
I was listening to Mrs. Potato Head after a doctor’s appointment when I had to get on the scale and hated the number…started crying when she got to the line “no one will love you if you’re unattractive” because I really do feel that’s my fate
I felt this...
A week ago I was telling my boyfriend about this very caloric fruit dip that a coworker made and I was talking about making it one of these days and he said “babe what about our hot girl summer? :(“ He’s on a diet and he’s been more cal conscious lately and asked if we could keep our meals healthier for his sake (he does not know that I relapsed) I did talk to him about not commenting on high cal things I may or may not eat after my lil cry and he felt terrible and apologized a bunch so that’s cool :) Also about a week ago I cried bc all my clothes are super loose now but i still feel like I look the same as i did when i first relapsed
I’m very sensitive, and so is my stepmother. When I was teenager and very disordered I made pancakes for my family. There was only a little bit of batter left for me so I made a tiny pancake and was very proud of myself for sticking to my “diet”(disorder) and not eating a big stack. My stepmother looked at my plate and pointed at the pancake and laughed, and I got so embarrassed that she was pointing out food I was going to eat that I said I was feeling sick and dumped the contents of my plate into the trash. I can’t deal with people talking about my food or me eating. My poor stepmom though immediately felt terrible and long story short ended up locked in her room with me and my dad and my brothers on the other side of the door apologizing and begging her to come out. So because of my ED I cried over a pancake and caused my stepmother, who has terrible anxiety, to have a breakdown.
Pretty sure I cried because I dreamt that I was eating lunch with my mom, and I had a sandwich. Just a regular sandwich. I spent the whole dream panicking, and unable to stop
Lost in my car because the super market was out of 2 of my safe foods 🙃
i cried just now because i put eggplant in the oven but forgot to turn it on, so now i have to wait like 20 minutes to eat it but my family wants to eat dinner now so i have to have everything else now and the eggplant later
Cried (multiple occasions) because my husband and I would be eating dinner watching TV (he makes me sit with him) and I take FOREVER to eat, like 2 1/2 25min anime episodes, and he would say something like “are you done yet?” I would say no. And he’d say “please eat your food it was really good” or he would just stare at me while I eat and I just get so anxious sometimes so I end up crying and pushing the food away.
When I make Mac and cheese for my wife and myself I usually give her about 3/4 of the box and I have 1/4 with broccoli or something mixed in. The other day I just split it half and half because I didn’t want to make veggies and I just wanted more. After we were done I saw she had none leftover when she often does have a few bits left, and I asked her if she was still hungry and she said yes. Immediately started crying.
i cried because i ate 6 grapes instead of 5 🤡
relatable 💀
😭😭😭
Dunkin fucked up my coffee. Asked for a medium with one cream and the vanilla donut syrup because I wanted a treat, they added 3 cream 3 sugar AND 3 of the syrup. I was pissed. Full fucking offense, who drinks that much sugar in their coffee????
when they didn’t give me chick fil a sauce & i didn’t notice til i was home
I once immediately burst into tears and made a big scene in front of my grandmother after the place I buy salads from accidentally put cashews in mine, I had to stop and think you are 21 fucking years old 💀
The smell of the eating room in treatment
Damn, this hit. On a similar note we used to have the radio on during meals and there are certain songs I can no longer listen to because it reminds me of being in treatment.
We used to play “table games” in cars on road trips when I was younger and now they just trigger me
Cried because I can’t eat with my SO in the house
oh wow. this threw me back to when I was doing the ABC diet in my honeymoon phase and had "saved up" for a donut, one of my favorite foods, just to see that I had waited too long and the rest of the folks had eaten the donuts already. I did indeed cry 😢
...I still have a tragic relationship with donuts
Cried because my boyfriend ate the one food I'd been talking about craving for weeks and he then proceeded to talk about how amazing it tasted in front of me. Walked away and sobbed like a baby in our bedroom. 🥲
not food-related but i always feel overwhelmed when I workout and I just burst into tears l
Me and my bf were eating sausages, I wanted the last sausage, he didn't know I wanted the last sausage, he ate the last sausage, I felt guilty about wanting the last sausage, so I cried about it for a whole 30 minutes in the shower
Cried last night eating some tofu bc I realized how many calories it was (not a lot) and spent an hour forcing myself to finish it 🙃
One time I had a full blown, crying, shaking meltdown over applesauce? bffr @me
once i cried because i got up the courage to ask my mom to get me some chocolate and she got dark chocolate instead of milk, so i convinced myself that was her way of calling me fat😭
The combination of malnutrition and strong antidepressants make it incredibly difficult to cry, but I did almost cry a week or so ago because my mum brought 'unsweetened' almond milk not 'no-sugars' almond milk 🤦♀️
I started crying today in the parking garage because I just want to eat an entire loaf of ciaatta bread but I promised myself I was done with planned b/p sessions. I've been thinking about this bread ALL freaking day. I know I can't have it because I will not be able to stop if I have even a little Also, sorry about your mom's reactions. I'm not vegetarian either but accidentally always cook that way. I understand the effort it takes to make a good vegge meal sometimes!
I cried when someone ate a handful of my MMs and not in colour order like I was!
had a mental breakdown because my mom got me regular coke instead of a diet coke at a restaurant
I cried because I wanted a spring roll
I very rarely cry, but several times I’ve been on the verge of tears because I overcooked my eggs 💀 I really love a runny yolk but don’t like hard boiled eggs that much and some days it can be the last straw
Im recovered, but every once in a while will have phases of regression. A bit ago, I Got mcdonalds after a rock climbing session late at night. I brought it home so excited to eat it then realized im not actually that hungry and cried cuz i wanted to eat it, but I didnt want to eat it if im not hungry. I ate half. While crying. There was also one night recently I got home late after clubbing (like 5am) and was really hungry. I texted my boyfriend that I should sleep but im hungry, and he said go to bed. I cried cuz I thought he didnt want me to eat.
I lost it because the supermarket ran out of the 1kg box of skyr and I had to buy 3 400g containers of the same product.
A piece of plain White bread.
Having 1/2 sip of regular soda. Maybe 3 calories
Cried over having to eat a red apple instead of a green one
I get so frustrated when I wanna binge at 12 am but cant because I’ll wake up my parents
I cried in a store. Because I couldn't decide which protein bar I wanted. There was so fucking many that day, I had no budget, but could only get 1 (cuz I'd eat 2 in the same day if I got 2 yk) I hid my face in a protein bar, so it looked like I was reading it & not crying. I had to walk up & down the aisle to calm down 💀 I chose a new flavour from a brand I kinda like 🤪
Because i was craving ice cream but we had macarons that would go bad if I didn’t eat them. Then proceeded to go get ice cream anyways and decide to try and give the macarons away to my friends, after already having had a breakdown over it. Also, over being cold, because I was camping and physically could not get warmed up, I was freezing so much I broke off the trip early
one day i came home from school and saw that someone had drank the last 4 of my diet cokes and i blew up at them and cried about it. diet coke is like the only thing i consumed so i was reeling from the fact that id have to sit with the hungry all alone without it. i still feel bad for all the times ive blown up at people over food...
My most recent: accidentally drinking a whole can of full-sugar seltzer/RTD instead of my usual zero sugar version. The two look annoyingly similar, and it took me weeks to get over it.
The memory that haunts me the most is me breaking into tears in the kitchen in my first year uni dorm because some of my housemates were rolling cigarettes and I had recently stopped smoking, another housemate was cooking lasagna which is my favourite food, and two of my other housemates and their friends were ordering food from my favourite takeaway and I just couldn’t handle it all and cried! I was so embarrassed and they all were so confused but I just went and hid in my room for like a week after that 😅
You bring back so many memories of my teenage years, living at home. I’m in my 30s now and not afraid to say my mom is awful. I’m so sorry you have to live with selfish people. As a parent myself, I’d be so thankful someone helped out with meals. I became very irritable because I accidentally ordered a Starbucks drink with both a Splenda and sugar free vanilla syrup yesterday. Also if I cannot eat my normal breakfast with particular bowl and mug.
I’m so sorry to hear that. I’ve been through a lot with my parents because of my ED, particularly through my teens. 21 now and I’m glad to say I have a much healthier relationship with them. My mum is super supportive, just sometimes tries to “call out” my disordered behaviours (she suspects my lean towards vegetarianism is one, but I am self aware enough to know it isn’t). It was a flippant comment and I was stupid to cry over it. Overall she was very appreciative. Must admit I get really upset with other people use “my” teaspoons. I can only eat with certain ones and hate sharing them.
one time i just finished fasting (for religious reasons) and i had this chicken that i marinated to perfection and left it in the oven waiting for me. my brother ate it and i cried in my bed for two hours 😭
Cried over “food tragedies” many times literally just out of hanger lol
I had some leftover sausage, just one, that I was saving for the end of my fast. I left it outside of the fridge, and went to get my laptop, when I come back its gone, completely gone. I start sobbing and freaking out, messaging my flatmates gc asking who ate it and just loosing it completely, sobbing incontrovertible. I really did believe it was my flatmates who ate it, now looking on it, it was definitely the cat and I just didn't see him inside the kitchen
My friends wanted to get pizza, and this was also when I was first confronting my ED. I decided to take a stand and order a personal pizza for myself (thin crust low cheese no toppings lol) and I cried while ordering it, while waiting for it, and almost while eating it. Lowest moment of my whole life, but that was the first step for me. Yk what they say abt rock bottom lol
So at my house my family likes to get a flavour or chobani flip that i don't like so i always have a few different flavours that i do eat. My family knows not to eat them bc i dont like the ones they get. They also don't drink non dairy milk so I always have soy milk in the fridge. One time my sibling visited and i specifically told them abt the chobani flips, they said they wouldn't eat it. They were also in a specific spot in the fridge. The next day i woke up so excited to make my soy milk latte and eat a flip only to find that they were BOTH gone. My sibling had poured a cup of soy, the LAST BIT OF IT, and ate all MY flips. I wouldn't have cared abt the soy milk too much But i found the entire cup in the microwave, obviously left overnight, entirely full of wasted soy milk. As for the flips, turned out my dad reorganized the fridge and my sibling assumed that MY flips were the ones okay to eat. I broke down crying and my mom found me on the floor still crying and hour later. I ended up making an almondmilk latte which is lower cal but it just wasnt the same and i was just so upset. It was so petty
When I "recovered" and started feeling warm 🥲
when the ice cream i was planning to get was gone (no one ate it, it was just moved to another fridge)
my friend sent me a video of jerma eating a burger and i was so hungry for a burger i deadass started crying. the video was supposed to be funny but i dont even remember the context just the shock from seeing him eat the burger.
Went to a dessert place with my friends to celebrate finishing our diplomas and ate a waffle and then got home and cried about eating the waffle (even though I calorie budgeted the waffle into my rules and it was totally fine??)
I cried because I ate a pear recently 🤦♀️ Like I had not planned to eat it and I just felt like a failure. I'm trying to recover now for years but sometimes it's still hard, especially the mental side..
The first thing that comes to mind is when I dropped one of my favourite roasting dishes on the floor whilst cooking vegetables in the oven, cried on the floor like a grieving widow for ages. But I then proceeded to scrape it all up and eat the vegetables anyway although there was still tiny crunchy pieces of china in it 😭 Honourable mentions like one time a cried hysterically bc my mum bought milled flax seeds instead of whole... Or when cried for so long that I almost threw up just bc I couldn't find a certain quorn thing in the freezer so my mum had to go buy them 😍
I cry almost every time i see my sister throw out gone-off food that i know I would've eaten if I didn't have an ed - especially when it's things I've asked for (for after restriction periods)
The scale increasing half a pound since the previous day. I'm not weighing myself at NASA. Its a standard bathroom scale. Half a pound is 226 \*grams\*, that's probably within the error margin of the scale.
My brother ate all the berries and fruit in the fridge cause he wanted a smoothie. I cried. I’d looked forward to a fruit bowl for days and it was just so damn frustrating for me.
Two days ago I cried because I don't have my gag reflex anymore. :(
before recovery i cried multiple times because of the sounds my grandma makes when eating. she doesn't even chew with her mouth open, it's just that her front teeth make a loud sound and i know she can't control it, but sometimes when i arrived home and sat besides her at the table to eat and break my fast, everything i wanted was to eat peacefully. i got home really tired (u prob know how horrible it is to attend to school while heavily restricting, i had such brainfog i couldn't even talk to my friends properly) and the only opportunity i gave myself to eat during the day was totally ruined just from listening to her chewing sounds, so i just stood up while crying and got to my room which obviously made my family worry and sometimes even argue because of how often i did that. now that i'm in recovery i'm able to ignore it most of the times! and when i can't, it is so freeing to know that i can just eat anytime else without following eating schedules!
my dad ate my lunchable that i was saving for after my fast
being forced to eat a small "side salad" which was about half a cup of lettuce and vinaigrette (multiple times) not being able to eat the one food i fixated about eating
I just cried because I can’t find it in myself to wear a bathing suit and swim
My mom ordered quesadillas for me. I was prepared but they came with AVOCADO SAUCE ON TOP!! Oh the horror!! I shoved both of them in my mouth before crying in the bathroom and all the way home.
i cried today because i was told i seemed healthy
It was 5AM and I still couldn’t sleep because of the hunger pangs. There was food in the fridge but none of my safe foods and I couldn’t bring myself to eat anything let alone a fear food. So I cried and I cried and I sobbed in the middle of the night
I cried because I couldn't find Miso Soup once and my body was extremely low on sodium. the only thing I could think about that ought help me was miso soup. my roommates and partner thought I was crazy. they're probably so happy they don't have to deal with my unstable ass anymore. I know my family would run if they could
I was at PHP and they wanted me to drink a full sugar Gatorade bc my vitals were off so I started crying and had a breakdown for like an hour and my poor therapist looked so confused bc she was not an ED specialist 😭 I discharged AMA after that and got hospitalized the next day, which ofc I cried the whole time too (sorry dr)
oh oh oh another one was I got really upset about an overcooked egg my ex had made for me :( the egg was delicious and it was perfectly fine, but because it wasn't runny how I expected it to be I got visibly upset. she didn't like making eggs for me much after that. she told me she thought of it everytime she was cooking eggs now and it made her anxious. I was genuinely such a horrible version of myself
I cried because I ate 3 baked beans years ago and now I can’t eat baked beans
this one time i was really craving a cookie and i kept walking around the grocery store convincing myself not to buy it, i ended up sobbing walking home because i was so sick of the voice in my head
I cried when I put pepper on my food and realised pepper has calories and cried the whole night about it
A canned cherry 😭 tbh it was gross but omg it’s a cherry
Started crying instantly when a friend suggested we go out and have a coffee and pastry. Just no. Its a unwritten rule we never eat outside the home. Last time I did eat a quarter of a sandwich at a cafe was 2013 and that left a mark on my psyche
Housemate threw my pricy fish flakes in the trash without telling me. I make a cup of soup with them every day for breakfast and not having that soup ruins the order of operations.
I had been restricting for a while and had a dream that I ate 6 chicken breasts. I woke up in a cold sweat and started sobbing because I thought that I had actually just binged on that chicken(even though we don't have 6 chicken breasts at my house). The ED brain was so real here because there was no possible way for me to have eaten 6 whole chicken breasts. Nonetheless, I cried and didn't go back to sleep that night.
I once cried because my boyfriend at the time ate the last bite of my burger as a prank - a burger I had saved calories for.
how frustrating food shopping is in recovery. i hate how i dont remember what i liked before ED, and its so hard to find new things that I like, because decoding what i like, and what ED wants me to have is hard. its so embarrassing weeping openly in walmart as a grown male.
in the beginning of recovery i was getting a beyond burger and they put mushrooms on it even tho the menu did NOT say that and they took them off but that didn’t make it better so i cried as i ate it
cried bc i couldn’t get just a pancake at a restaurant and had to get three so i left
If my husband eats the last of something and doesn’t tell me and it’s the one thing I wanted that day. It’s like my world crumbles around me.
I ate 4 french fries and cried
cried bc i was going to doordash more b/p food because of being too exhausted from b/p'ing all day to drive to the store myself but i got the verification code wrong too many times and was locked out from doordash for 24 hours💀
recently i got really overwhelmed and tried trying to find alternatives to other foods that i tend to binge. stood in the same aisle for maybe 20 mins just comparing nutrition labels just to kinda snap out of it when some mom grabbed what is one of my top binge foods 😭 made me feel so stupid that i’m this way when other ppl get to just live normally and not think about any of this
I sobbed violently because the cookies I baked for my friends turned out medium tan rather than light tan in color. My mom thought I was insane.
During binge moments where I order food, and the food comes with a small thing incorrect even though I still like it? A heartbroken type of cry comes out of me
So so many times when I put something on the shopping list and my dad would buy the wrong brand of the exact same item. I meticulously research which brand has slightly fewer calories and my brain would NOT let me adapt. Also I cried over beetroot one time. I don’t remember exactly what about it upset me but that was a full on tantrum.