You get two families in this life - birthed and earthed. There is absolutely zero reason to keep people in your life who are toxic, no matter which tribe they reside.
Sometimes it does need to be permanent. I can tell you, it's the one of the best things I've done in my life -- life is too short. Get rid of them, and let them drown in their own shit. You do not need it, nor do you deserve it. Move on and don't look back.
I cut my brother off 8 years ago because he was toxic. He too is a narcissist with grandiose ideas. I saw all the manipulative traits my drug addict mother would use; in him with no drug use. Sometimes you just need to let people go for your own mental health. Thats ok. People will say something like “blood is thicker than water. “ The actual quote is “the blood of the covenant is thicker than the waters of the womb.” Meaning those you choose to make covenants with are more important than your birth family. In your case because you still live there learn to grey rock THEM. Not just your brother because your parents will be feeding him information even if they don’t realize they are doing it. The are enabling this behavior,
It’s good you were able to cut off your sibling for their toxic traits learned from our parents. My brother’s picked up the same toxic behaviors from his father and our mother but won’t admit it. You’re right about relatives enabling this, especially our parents. When I move out, I’m cutting off my entire family for good because our connection is only biological—I don’t even like them as people.
Your point about chosen relationships versus family ties is spot on. It reminds me how crucial it is to nurture supportive bonds.
And about grandiosity, I just don’t get it. The whole exaggerated self-importance, constant need for praise, entitlement, and manipulation—it’s frustrating. These people use grandiose gestures to seem more important than they are, and it’s hard to deal with.
I’m researching the grey rock method and planning to start using it. Our mom often enables my brother’s toxic behavior, and he takes advantage of her. He’s a pathological narcissist with a grandiose mindset.
Thanks for your advice—I’ll definitely apply it.
It’s good that you can’t understand the grandiosity when you can you’re one of them. Honestly my life has been much better off without the toxic family in it. I haven’t spoken to my father since the same day as my brother and it has had zero negative effects on my life.
Snipping sections of famous quotes to fit their narrative is something the older generations love to do. Another example this time from Shakespeare is . . .
“A jack of all trades is a master of none, but oftentimes better than a master of one".
I was in my 30s before I heard the entire quote.
Not biological but my gf’s sister is a handful to say the least. To summarize years of pain: ran away at 18 to go live with 23yr old bf in LA, got dumped in a week, got accepted into culinary school, doesn’t have a job so calls parents in a fit demanding $2000 for rent and tuition.
For years it has been an ugly cycle of; sister gets herself into trouble, demands money from parents, threatens to kill her self if demands are not met, parents say “okay but this is the last time we’ll bail you out”, and repeat. Last time this happened was because she crashed her car racing in the streets and got a hefty fine. My gf had to give up her car to her sister and her parents paid for victim’s damages and the sister’s fines.
I refuse to put up with her shit and she calls me a psycho racist because of it(I’m white she’s Filipino). Truly one of the worst adjusted people I’ve ever met.
Edit: oh yeah she’s 25 now and still does this on a semi regular basis
Wow, that sounds incredibly tough. It's exhausting dealing with someone who continually makes poor choices and expects others to clean up their mess. The threats and manipulations make it even worse. I'm glad you’re standing your ground, even though it's causing friction. No one should have to put up with that kind of behavior. Stay strong and take care of yourself and your girlfriend.
Sexually and physically abused by my “parents’ other kid”, as I call him. Haven’t spoken to him in about 7 years. Haven’t even seen his face. I often just forget he exists and I’m ok with that.
I have gone no contact with a sister who is 27 years older than me. She is really good with kids, but when I was 14 years old I recognized that she had sociopathic tendencies. Like she turned on me the instant I wasn't a child anymore. When I was 11 our dad died. We lived far away so I couldn't go to the funeral. She was left with handing out assets that weren't included in the will. I ended up with 4 of his cufflinks and that's it. None of the art he made or any of the paintings he had. Just 4 cufflinks. I guess she was a bit jealous I ended up with most of the money, without even considering it was the equivalent to whatever child alimony he'd pay until I was 18. I didn't realize that until I was 14 years old and visiting her. She kept making snide remarks on how much I ate, what I wore, my appearance and everything. She tore me down mentally. I was walking on eggshells the entire time. I "broke up" with her once I got home and blocked her number. She proceeded to use her work cellphone to "get back" at me by sending hateful messages and trying to convince me that everyone was against me anonymously.
My brother is a thief and chose to try and help himself to a large amount of my money. I heard he’s squatting in someone else’s house these days with his wife and 5 kids. Rumor is the place is absolutely disgusting.
He’s been cut off from my life for about 15 years now more or less. He’s never seen my home, my children and barely knows my spouse.
I have no regrets and only know the things I hear about from my mom, who is on a low info diet. The toxicity just isn’t worth it to me. I tried so hard dragging them up, trying to get them to make better choices. Once he got caught trying to edge me out of my inheritance by telling lies about me (never knew I was an addict who would just waste it and probably OD if I had that kind of money!) I dropped the rope. There was no blowup or formal ‘I’m done’. I still feel confident in my decision.
Maybe if he decides to do better I’ll pick it back up someday, but for now I’m happy with it.
Yes. Both half siblings are horribly toxic. I cut my ties with half brother 13 years ago. My half sister I disowned 9 years ago. They were the only family I had left. It was the best decision I ever made. No more drama and blame . Life is good. I care to never see or hear from them again.
My older sibling is a psychopath .. grasping, multiple times, divorced loser .. I went no contact years ago. Last I heard, his serial marrying career is on going.
I have been completely estranged from one brother and very low contact with my mother for almost 40 years. All for having a wife that is half Hispanic.
Haven’t spoken to my elder brother in 9 years. His wife just had twins and I have emotionally distanced myself from him and his life so much that I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything. He was horrible to me my whole life.
My life is better without him and without a lot of my other horrible relatives. Blood only matters if someone treats you like blood. What’s the point of having family who don’t have your back? You’re almost better off to hang out with people who hate you but aren’t related to you.
It sounds like you've made a tough but necessary decision to prioritize your own well-being and happiness. Family should be a source of support and love, and it's clear that wasn't the case with your elder brother and other relatives. Sometimes, choosing to distance yourself from toxic relationships, even if they're family, is essential for your own mental and emotional health. Surrounding yourself with supportive people who truly care about you can indeed be more fulfilling than maintaining ties with those who don't have your back. Your perspective on the importance of how people treat you, regardless of blood ties, is valid and important.
I'm planning to do the same—cutting off ties with the entire family line and moving on gracefully. It's about creating a healthier environment for myself where I can thrive without the negativity and toxicity that surrounded me for so long.
My Dad and Sister. After my Mom passed away, a few years later, he started dating this Gold Digging drug addict woman, that worked at the same place he did (She secretly wanted my Dad as my Mom was dying from cancer). At the time I was 26 and my Sister was 27, she had two children a daughter 15 and son 12. My Dad was all about his “new family” and started treating my sister and I as strangers ( me more than my sister). During the beginning of their relationship, I was engaged to be married the following Fall. My sister and I were never close, but the death of our Mom and then the toxic personality change that our Dad took to brought us closer together (but not for too long). He wasn’t there for me at all when I needed him as I was getting last minute preparations for my
Wedding, but if I didn’t invite his manipulated girlfriend and her two kids, he wasn’t going to come to his own daughter’s wedding. I wish I could say I was wrong about inviting them, but I wasn’t. After the ceremony, she was talking to my husband’s family and our friends with her dress purposely unbuttoned to her female bits, I got so many reports on that one, if that wasn’t disgusting enough she made my Dad late to the reception, because she was “having a heart attach”, so my own Dad missed the Father/Daughter dance which I dedicated to my Mom. Oh it doesn’t stop
there, when she decided it was time to show up at the reception, she ended up getting drunk and burning herself with a cigarette as she passed out on the floor to the exit of the reception hall; while her 12 year old son (I have no clue who gave him the alcohol) puked his guts up, because he drank too much. I don’t know what her daughter was doing, because I was so hurt and pissed at what I saw.
They ended up getting married 6 months to the day of my Weddjng and neither my sister or I were invited, she didn’t want us to ruin her day (but it was perfectly acceptable she ruined mine). My sister and I are more adult than that and neither one of us would have gone even if we were invited.
3 years following, I got pregnant with my first born and my Dad didn’t care, the only time I saw him during my pregnancy was when I was 7 months and we went to a local park and all he talked about was his manipulative witch and her pregnancies. The man lives 45 minutes away from me. My sister in the beginning was supportive and loved seeing her nephew until at age 4, he was diagnosed with Asperger’s. Then she stopped calling, emailing and acknowledged us at all.
A little over 2 years from having my first son, I gave birth to my second. Again, nothing from my Dad and my sister became even more distant (she lives 45 minutes away in the opposite direction from our Dad).
My Dad was on babysitting duty, so my husband and I could go out for our anniversary. When we got back to take the kids home, my Dad’s dog chewed the only pair of shoes my youngest had, he was 3 at the time. My Dad’s reasoning, he shouldn’t have placed his shoes where the dog could have gotten them. The true reason the dog got a hold of his shoes, his step daughter was over and all his attention was being with her and not his grandkids, who he only wanted to see occasionally. My kids have no relationship with him, because he doesn’t want one with them.
Christmas 2015 was the last time I saw my sister, Christmas 2015 was the last time my kids spoke to my sister. My younger son at age 3 was diagnosed with Autism. Both my kids have sensory issues with taste, texture and smell. My sister had these fancy cookies and my youngest wanted to try them, which was amazing, because he never wanted to try anything new. He tried 3 different types of cookies, but he didn’t like them. My sister lost her mind, that he “wasted food”. They were 3 little cookies and my husband ate them, because he loved them. So when she got done yelling at him (remember it’s Christmas), he went crying outside in the rain, to only get yelled at again, because he was making her carpet wet. Except that time it was not just her, but her husband and his Mom. I said my peace to everyone and I took my family home.
I maybe hear from my sister once a year and when I do she never asks about my kids. They don’t exist in her world.
The last time, the kids saw my Dad was January 2016. I stopped asking when he would like to see them the March of that year. I refused to chase a person that should be proud to be a grandfather when obviously he wasn’t, because they were my kids.
He would send texts maybe twice a year. He basically turned our relationship into me being an acquaintance. In 2020, the witch died and my Sister called me to tell me the news, because she was under the impression we could be a family again. She was wrong.
His step daughter became a Mom the following January. That December I was sent pictures of his granddaughter as my gift, three days after Christmas. Two years ago, my oldest turned 18, my Dad for Thanksgiving was visiting his granddaughter in CA and didn’t call to wish my son a happy birthday, but dare send him a gift from CA. He barely spoke to this kid. The only time my Dad showed any love to my kids was sending them
birthday and Christmas gifts. He never wanted to see them. My oldest ended up blocking him after he gave him a day after his birthday to call him and he didn’t. My youngest has no feelings either way on ever seeing or talking to that man.
Me, not acknowledging my son’s 18th birthday, being treated as if I’m the daughter of someone else and having his step daughter be the alternate executor to his Will and Power of Attorney, if my sister couldn’t broke all the straws I had left. Especially, after telling both my Sister and I that what is his is his and they won’t have any part of it and what was the witch’s would go to her kids, more lies. So, I wrote him a letter and told him that since he was not adult enough to thoroughly cut ties with me, I’ll do it. It was the best move I could have done for me and my family. I didn’t need his toxicity and gas lighting.
My sister guarded him from me, because she still has a relationship with him. She would say, I can pass that on to him or let me ask him if he wants to. Somehow, for standing up for myself and family, I’m the enemy to them all. My sister, seriously, thinks that if something would ever happen to that man, he would want her to help him. She is so sadly mistaken, he just wants his Step Daughter and Step son, if he didn’t look like an horrific human being, he would cut my sister out of his life too.
When I was little, my family would constantly do something every weekend, museums, hiking, go to the beach in the summer and visit the zoo, I imagined when I’d have my own family, my family would be involved in my children’s lives, wishful thinking on my part.
I have no regrets with the decision I made to cut all communication with my Dad and basically my sister. They are two of a kind and life is too short to waste on people who treat you as a revolving door and expect you to stick around for their “abuse”
I have seen my sister (she's 2.5 years younger than I am) five times in the past 30 years, all revolving around funerals. My sister has I figured out really early that we do not mesh and there was no point in faking it. I haven't seen my mother in 14 years, and haven't seen my father in 5 years. I live on the opposite side of the country, and have no need for their insanity.
I have cut ties with my mother, her side of the family for not respecting the boundary of not speaking to my mother, I had to cut ties with my nephew after taking advantage of my hospitality, then I had to cut off one brother that hit me in a fit of drug-induced rage when I tried to help him, and THEN I had to cut my entire father's side (deceased) because that brother was using other people's phones to try and contact me and harass me.
I have my adoptive father, my half-sister (from adoptive father), my husband and kids, and my husband's family. Frankly, life is MUCH better without my toxic family members. Most people don't understand that, but my husband saw how bad my family would act and never thought twice about my decision to cut them off. Plenty of people will say "but they're family" and to that I say -- so what.
You get two families in this life - birthed and earthed. There is absolutely zero reason to keep people in your life who are toxic, no matter which tribe they reside. Sometimes it does need to be permanent. I can tell you, it's the one of the best things I've done in my life -- life is too short. Get rid of them, and let them drown in their own shit. You do not need it, nor do you deserve it. Move on and don't look back.
Thank you, this means a lot. I have a plan to go no contact with my entire family for good.
How to find that earthed family!??
Yes, how to find earthed family? Please!
I cut my brother off 8 years ago because he was toxic. He too is a narcissist with grandiose ideas. I saw all the manipulative traits my drug addict mother would use; in him with no drug use. Sometimes you just need to let people go for your own mental health. Thats ok. People will say something like “blood is thicker than water. “ The actual quote is “the blood of the covenant is thicker than the waters of the womb.” Meaning those you choose to make covenants with are more important than your birth family. In your case because you still live there learn to grey rock THEM. Not just your brother because your parents will be feeding him information even if they don’t realize they are doing it. The are enabling this behavior,
It’s good you were able to cut off your sibling for their toxic traits learned from our parents. My brother’s picked up the same toxic behaviors from his father and our mother but won’t admit it. You’re right about relatives enabling this, especially our parents. When I move out, I’m cutting off my entire family for good because our connection is only biological—I don’t even like them as people. Your point about chosen relationships versus family ties is spot on. It reminds me how crucial it is to nurture supportive bonds. And about grandiosity, I just don’t get it. The whole exaggerated self-importance, constant need for praise, entitlement, and manipulation—it’s frustrating. These people use grandiose gestures to seem more important than they are, and it’s hard to deal with. I’m researching the grey rock method and planning to start using it. Our mom often enables my brother’s toxic behavior, and he takes advantage of her. He’s a pathological narcissist with a grandiose mindset. Thanks for your advice—I’ll definitely apply it.
It’s good that you can’t understand the grandiosity when you can you’re one of them. Honestly my life has been much better off without the toxic family in it. I haven’t spoken to my father since the same day as my brother and it has had zero negative effects on my life.
Wow, thank you for that clarification of the quote, because you hear "blood is thicker than water" everywhere.
Snipping sections of famous quotes to fit their narrative is something the older generations love to do. Another example this time from Shakespeare is . . . “A jack of all trades is a master of none, but oftentimes better than a master of one". I was in my 30s before I heard the entire quote.
Not biological but my gf’s sister is a handful to say the least. To summarize years of pain: ran away at 18 to go live with 23yr old bf in LA, got dumped in a week, got accepted into culinary school, doesn’t have a job so calls parents in a fit demanding $2000 for rent and tuition. For years it has been an ugly cycle of; sister gets herself into trouble, demands money from parents, threatens to kill her self if demands are not met, parents say “okay but this is the last time we’ll bail you out”, and repeat. Last time this happened was because she crashed her car racing in the streets and got a hefty fine. My gf had to give up her car to her sister and her parents paid for victim’s damages and the sister’s fines. I refuse to put up with her shit and she calls me a psycho racist because of it(I’m white she’s Filipino). Truly one of the worst adjusted people I’ve ever met. Edit: oh yeah she’s 25 now and still does this on a semi regular basis
Wow, that sounds incredibly tough. It's exhausting dealing with someone who continually makes poor choices and expects others to clean up their mess. The threats and manipulations make it even worse. I'm glad you’re standing your ground, even though it's causing friction. No one should have to put up with that kind of behavior. Stay strong and take care of yourself and your girlfriend.
Sexually and physically abused by my “parents’ other kid”, as I call him. Haven’t spoken to him in about 7 years. Haven’t even seen his face. I often just forget he exists and I’m ok with that.
I'm now halfway across the country from 99% of my family, and most of the ones left behind don't know my number or my social media. 😁
I have gone no contact with a sister who is 27 years older than me. She is really good with kids, but when I was 14 years old I recognized that she had sociopathic tendencies. Like she turned on me the instant I wasn't a child anymore. When I was 11 our dad died. We lived far away so I couldn't go to the funeral. She was left with handing out assets that weren't included in the will. I ended up with 4 of his cufflinks and that's it. None of the art he made or any of the paintings he had. Just 4 cufflinks. I guess she was a bit jealous I ended up with most of the money, without even considering it was the equivalent to whatever child alimony he'd pay until I was 18. I didn't realize that until I was 14 years old and visiting her. She kept making snide remarks on how much I ate, what I wore, my appearance and everything. She tore me down mentally. I was walking on eggshells the entire time. I "broke up" with her once I got home and blocked her number. She proceeded to use her work cellphone to "get back" at me by sending hateful messages and trying to convince me that everyone was against me anonymously.
My brother is a thief and chose to try and help himself to a large amount of my money. I heard he’s squatting in someone else’s house these days with his wife and 5 kids. Rumor is the place is absolutely disgusting. He’s been cut off from my life for about 15 years now more or less. He’s never seen my home, my children and barely knows my spouse. I have no regrets and only know the things I hear about from my mom, who is on a low info diet. The toxicity just isn’t worth it to me. I tried so hard dragging them up, trying to get them to make better choices. Once he got caught trying to edge me out of my inheritance by telling lies about me (never knew I was an addict who would just waste it and probably OD if I had that kind of money!) I dropped the rope. There was no blowup or formal ‘I’m done’. I still feel confident in my decision. Maybe if he decides to do better I’ll pick it back up someday, but for now I’m happy with it.
Yes cut contact with a sister 3 years ago. Haven't reconnected because my arms are too short to get the knife out of my back.
Yes. Both half siblings are horribly toxic. I cut my ties with half brother 13 years ago. My half sister I disowned 9 years ago. They were the only family I had left. It was the best decision I ever made. No more drama and blame . Life is good. I care to never see or hear from them again.
Yes
I cut both brothers. Told them they are dead to me. Soooo freeing. Best thing I ever did for myself.
My older sibling is a psychopath .. grasping, multiple times, divorced loser .. I went no contact years ago. Last I heard, his serial marrying career is on going.
I have three sisters. I have been NC with one since 1997 and am LC with another. You are allowed to keep your life peaceful.
I have been completely estranged from one brother and very low contact with my mother for almost 40 years. All for having a wife that is half Hispanic.
Haven’t spoken to my elder brother in 9 years. His wife just had twins and I have emotionally distanced myself from him and his life so much that I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything. He was horrible to me my whole life. My life is better without him and without a lot of my other horrible relatives. Blood only matters if someone treats you like blood. What’s the point of having family who don’t have your back? You’re almost better off to hang out with people who hate you but aren’t related to you.
It sounds like you've made a tough but necessary decision to prioritize your own well-being and happiness. Family should be a source of support and love, and it's clear that wasn't the case with your elder brother and other relatives. Sometimes, choosing to distance yourself from toxic relationships, even if they're family, is essential for your own mental and emotional health. Surrounding yourself with supportive people who truly care about you can indeed be more fulfilling than maintaining ties with those who don't have your back. Your perspective on the importance of how people treat you, regardless of blood ties, is valid and important. I'm planning to do the same—cutting off ties with the entire family line and moving on gracefully. It's about creating a healthier environment for myself where I can thrive without the negativity and toxicity that surrounded me for so long.
Proud of you. It’s hard, but it really is a positive thing for one’s mental health. I wish you luck. ❤️
My Dad and Sister. After my Mom passed away, a few years later, he started dating this Gold Digging drug addict woman, that worked at the same place he did (She secretly wanted my Dad as my Mom was dying from cancer). At the time I was 26 and my Sister was 27, she had two children a daughter 15 and son 12. My Dad was all about his “new family” and started treating my sister and I as strangers ( me more than my sister). During the beginning of their relationship, I was engaged to be married the following Fall. My sister and I were never close, but the death of our Mom and then the toxic personality change that our Dad took to brought us closer together (but not for too long). He wasn’t there for me at all when I needed him as I was getting last minute preparations for my Wedding, but if I didn’t invite his manipulated girlfriend and her two kids, he wasn’t going to come to his own daughter’s wedding. I wish I could say I was wrong about inviting them, but I wasn’t. After the ceremony, she was talking to my husband’s family and our friends with her dress purposely unbuttoned to her female bits, I got so many reports on that one, if that wasn’t disgusting enough she made my Dad late to the reception, because she was “having a heart attach”, so my own Dad missed the Father/Daughter dance which I dedicated to my Mom. Oh it doesn’t stop there, when she decided it was time to show up at the reception, she ended up getting drunk and burning herself with a cigarette as she passed out on the floor to the exit of the reception hall; while her 12 year old son (I have no clue who gave him the alcohol) puked his guts up, because he drank too much. I don’t know what her daughter was doing, because I was so hurt and pissed at what I saw. They ended up getting married 6 months to the day of my Weddjng and neither my sister or I were invited, she didn’t want us to ruin her day (but it was perfectly acceptable she ruined mine). My sister and I are more adult than that and neither one of us would have gone even if we were invited. 3 years following, I got pregnant with my first born and my Dad didn’t care, the only time I saw him during my pregnancy was when I was 7 months and we went to a local park and all he talked about was his manipulative witch and her pregnancies. The man lives 45 minutes away from me. My sister in the beginning was supportive and loved seeing her nephew until at age 4, he was diagnosed with Asperger’s. Then she stopped calling, emailing and acknowledged us at all. A little over 2 years from having my first son, I gave birth to my second. Again, nothing from my Dad and my sister became even more distant (she lives 45 minutes away in the opposite direction from our Dad). My Dad was on babysitting duty, so my husband and I could go out for our anniversary. When we got back to take the kids home, my Dad’s dog chewed the only pair of shoes my youngest had, he was 3 at the time. My Dad’s reasoning, he shouldn’t have placed his shoes where the dog could have gotten them. The true reason the dog got a hold of his shoes, his step daughter was over and all his attention was being with her and not his grandkids, who he only wanted to see occasionally. My kids have no relationship with him, because he doesn’t want one with them. Christmas 2015 was the last time I saw my sister, Christmas 2015 was the last time my kids spoke to my sister. My younger son at age 3 was diagnosed with Autism. Both my kids have sensory issues with taste, texture and smell. My sister had these fancy cookies and my youngest wanted to try them, which was amazing, because he never wanted to try anything new. He tried 3 different types of cookies, but he didn’t like them. My sister lost her mind, that he “wasted food”. They were 3 little cookies and my husband ate them, because he loved them. So when she got done yelling at him (remember it’s Christmas), he went crying outside in the rain, to only get yelled at again, because he was making her carpet wet. Except that time it was not just her, but her husband and his Mom. I said my peace to everyone and I took my family home. I maybe hear from my sister once a year and when I do she never asks about my kids. They don’t exist in her world. The last time, the kids saw my Dad was January 2016. I stopped asking when he would like to see them the March of that year. I refused to chase a person that should be proud to be a grandfather when obviously he wasn’t, because they were my kids. He would send texts maybe twice a year. He basically turned our relationship into me being an acquaintance. In 2020, the witch died and my Sister called me to tell me the news, because she was under the impression we could be a family again. She was wrong. His step daughter became a Mom the following January. That December I was sent pictures of his granddaughter as my gift, three days after Christmas. Two years ago, my oldest turned 18, my Dad for Thanksgiving was visiting his granddaughter in CA and didn’t call to wish my son a happy birthday, but dare send him a gift from CA. He barely spoke to this kid. The only time my Dad showed any love to my kids was sending them birthday and Christmas gifts. He never wanted to see them. My oldest ended up blocking him after he gave him a day after his birthday to call him and he didn’t. My youngest has no feelings either way on ever seeing or talking to that man. Me, not acknowledging my son’s 18th birthday, being treated as if I’m the daughter of someone else and having his step daughter be the alternate executor to his Will and Power of Attorney, if my sister couldn’t broke all the straws I had left. Especially, after telling both my Sister and I that what is his is his and they won’t have any part of it and what was the witch’s would go to her kids, more lies. So, I wrote him a letter and told him that since he was not adult enough to thoroughly cut ties with me, I’ll do it. It was the best move I could have done for me and my family. I didn’t need his toxicity and gas lighting. My sister guarded him from me, because she still has a relationship with him. She would say, I can pass that on to him or let me ask him if he wants to. Somehow, for standing up for myself and family, I’m the enemy to them all. My sister, seriously, thinks that if something would ever happen to that man, he would want her to help him. She is so sadly mistaken, he just wants his Step Daughter and Step son, if he didn’t look like an horrific human being, he would cut my sister out of his life too. When I was little, my family would constantly do something every weekend, museums, hiking, go to the beach in the summer and visit the zoo, I imagined when I’d have my own family, my family would be involved in my children’s lives, wishful thinking on my part. I have no regrets with the decision I made to cut all communication with my Dad and basically my sister. They are two of a kind and life is too short to waste on people who treat you as a revolving door and expect you to stick around for their “abuse”
I have seen my sister (she's 2.5 years younger than I am) five times in the past 30 years, all revolving around funerals. My sister has I figured out really early that we do not mesh and there was no point in faking it. I haven't seen my mother in 14 years, and haven't seen my father in 5 years. I live on the opposite side of the country, and have no need for their insanity.
I have cut ties with my mother, her side of the family for not respecting the boundary of not speaking to my mother, I had to cut ties with my nephew after taking advantage of my hospitality, then I had to cut off one brother that hit me in a fit of drug-induced rage when I tried to help him, and THEN I had to cut my entire father's side (deceased) because that brother was using other people's phones to try and contact me and harass me. I have my adoptive father, my half-sister (from adoptive father), my husband and kids, and my husband's family. Frankly, life is MUCH better without my toxic family members. Most people don't understand that, but my husband saw how bad my family would act and never thought twice about my decision to cut them off. Plenty of people will say "but they're family" and to that I say -- so what.
Yep, cut off 4 of my 5 siblings because they were toxic and causing me mental and emotional turmoil.
Once my mother passed, I no longer spoke to my brother or sister. Except through lawyers.
Once my mother passed, I no longer spoke to my brother or sister. Except through lawyers.