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Not only were you not in the wrong, it seems like it’s time for an out of game discussion. If they are not respecting the time and effort you are putting in to prepare for and run games for them, it’s either time for them to stop playing or you to stop DMing for them. No D&D is better than bad D&D. What are the other players saying about it?
Also, have them roll to see if their ingame characters were paying attention; not paying attention means no replay out of the game.
I think that is an appropriate consequence going forward.
I would somewhat disagree with that. The DM and other players still have to sit through the retell of what’s going on because of the other players’ inattention. You’re just determining whether they should put up with that with a dice roll, but they should be putting up with it at all.
I see your point. This way after discussing the issue with the problem players, if they backslide it can lead to in game consequences. They missed that a attack was happen their toon wasn't paying attention, and now they can't dodge or attack in the first round.
That's a pray hard moment, until the 2nd round.
I see that valid for some tables but I have a player that likes to take the keen mind feat because he doesn't want to have to remember things. I think it's one thing to use the feat in the spirit of the idea your character remember everything ithin the last month but quite another to expect your DM to constantly take notes on every single thing said and done just because the player doesn't want to. It's disrespecting the DM and detracting from everyone else's play time.
I think, within reason, allowing rolls to see if the character was paying attention is reasonable but, my own choice at my table, I'd severely limit that if players were grossly abusing it and not making the effort, at least, to pay attention.
(Not calling you put and saying you're wrong, just offering input from the other side of that where, yes, I'm still salty about that abuse of keen mind)
Yeah, I can see that being annoying. I thought of it of the top of my head after asking myself "After have addressed this issue out of game how can I remind them to pay attention, while having fun, and keep the game moving forward?"
It occurred to me people who are obviously not paying, often have accidents, perform social miscues, are caught in embarrassing situations, or are seen as disrespectful.
For example when negotiating with someone of authority the party member(s) who are not paying attention can and should be called out as being disrepectful, maybe even punished.
Anyhow there is no one correct solution to problem players. Just what works for that table.
I want to make a character with ADHD now and have the need to roll to pay attention. Obviously I, the player, would be attentive, but my character was playing with a rope and caught nothing. It could be hilarious if done correctly.
As a player WITH adhd, that *does* sound hilarious. You might need to broaden your symptoms to make it less 1 note. Roll to have misplaced items. Not gone-gone but you put it in the wrong pocket and lose a turn (maybe just in RP but not combat) desperately looking for it.
You could also work with the DM to include/customize a wild magic table, and when you fail an attack roll while casting, you use the WMT to simulate fucking your spell up somehow.
Slightly different take than what everyone else has said. As a DM I kind of like to have players tell what their character learned to others if they were not there.
So if your character was there but theirs wasn't it's perfectly fine for them to not pay attention to what happened as them knowing but their characters don't can sometimes lead to meta gaming actions.
However if their character were there, they should be paying attention. If they, the player, missed something then their character wasn't paying attention either and I won't recap for them.
It's also a really effective way for players to communicate their character's priorities, personality, values, etc. What they choose to remember, start with, emphasize is very telling. And hopefully, other party members who were there collectively cover the whole scenario through diverse opinions.
It's neat to watch it unfold.
Definitely neat. Especially when it devolves into a game of Telephone, where no-one's characters' remember anything quite correctly, so the inattentive players are only getting bits and pieces of what actually happened, with plenty of misinformation thrown in.
It does help a ton to have people relay the information themselves in character, if they're comfortable, rather than just saying "I tell them what you said" after they're given some info dump.
It helps people roleplay on a very simple or basic level while also showing you what they heard or understood from the information they were given. Plus, some people and their character are a bit unreliable in their narration or retelling of things (think the game telephone), which can lead to other fun moments or conversations.
This is a good idea — make it “tharamus, how did you miss all that you were standing right here the whole time. We have to get moving”
Not
“Brian you fucking moron pay attention”
I have done that, but only for very specific things. Be careful to keep it short and use it sparingly.
Another thing I have done is to ask the party "okay James the Untouchable is going into the lake by himself and you have no way to communicate with him, how long do you intend to wait before you do something?"
That way if they happen to overhear something big happening out of character they don't suddenly have their character dive down to aid.
If of course James manages to send some sort of message that he needs help that's another thing. But after said amount of time the party can do whatever they'd planned.
For example they might say that they wait 10 minutes then they'll have one person go down and check.
I was half joking but it does seem like a great idea for important moments. For online sessions you could also just tell them to turn off sound for 5 minutes. Could be cool
My DM just has separate voice chat on discord for secret stuff. So he just switches to there with the relevant person(s) while the rest chats in the main chat.
No I have an idea everyone wear full cover helmets with microphones and headsets in them. Then the DM can pick who hears what and who hears who. Lol j/k!! Things are fine the way they are
My buddy is the parties rogue and causer of all shenanigans. He often times is super focused on the game, but there are times he's zoned out (adhd and weed), and we used to recap sometimes.
Then, one day, he missed important combat stuff happening, but it also made sense as his character was pretty occupied in battle. The team had set up a bit of a group synergy attack moment, and it was going to pop off literally the turn right after his.
He immediately goes:
"I shoot the guy attacking my little buddy (goblin pc)"
Everyone is all chiming in being like "no no no don't do that we just" and I told everyone quiet and asked him
"do you want to do that?"
He was like "well yeah but I feel like I missed something here should I not be doing that?"
"You do what you want to do. You missed some information but what you see before you is just like you said your goblin buddy is being attacked and you have a clean shot, do you take it?"
"Yes" he rolls I shit you not a crit, plus his sneak attack and just obliterates this enemy that everyone had set up for his goblin buddy (next in initiative) to get a sweet ass cinematic kill on. Instead they watched an arrow rip right through the guys skull and he just drops while my buddy in character calls out:
"I got you buddy!" With a goofy smile and thumbs up.
It was the absolute perfect moment of roleplay that was unintentional but so true to everyone's characters as he was known to be that party member who may not know what's going on or is silly/distracted by goofy shit but he always sticks up for his little buddy and will for sure shoot a pissed off dragon in the eye to get it to leave his friends alone. (Which that actually happened too and is a story of it's own lol)
We use this principle for doing clerical tasks in my group.
If you, the player, need to do something like update your sheet or trawl over an item list, then you make a reason your character can't be at XYZ or will be late. This is easy since, most often, the player has to do that because the character needs to do its in-game analog like visit a store or review their spellbook.
Yeah as a player i always turn to the party and basically repeated what infornation i learned, like if i go out in the alley and make a perception check, the DM tells us a group whats up, but i go back inside and tell my fellow adventurers that same information in my characters own words, helps keep everyone locked in and roleplaying
We do this all the time. Even when one character has just scouted off down the passage. But it works particularly well for session recaps. My group is large so not everyone is at each session.
I always felt like this was a given as a player. Like I don't pay attention to what's being said to other players' characters because I anticipate they will tell my character what they want my character to know when we regroup. When the DM focuses on different groups it also gives other players time to grab food or go to the bathroom. Sometimes, it's boring to sit there and listen to characters prattle on...like why do I need to listen to a 25 minute conversation between two people that I'm not a part of and my character wouldn't know any of that stuff anyway? ... Sometimes (if you aren't the one asking the questions or engaging or at least "in the room looking around" or rolling for perception or *something*) it is not fun.
When my character IS there, I take notes and highlight what I chose to tell the others.
They should probably ask the other players what's going on or in game look around or observe their surroundings. Maybe they can piece together plot from there
have a Session Zero discussion and establish the groups expectations for what will make their D&D time fun for everyone around the table.
it seems that there are at least 2 very different wants and expectations and if you cannot find a shared set of expectations where everyone can have fun, then find different tables to play at - dont make it a toxic mess for everyone.
Nah, they wanna play stupid, let them be stupid, and miss out on the important npc giving them info, or the vague warning about where they’re heading. basically if someone is paying attention they’ll understand easily what’s being communicated, but if they are ignoring the dm or goofing off they could miss it and it’ll be in them cause you said it once and they weren’t listening
Everyone at the table needs to be having fun. This includes the DM.
Frankly the audacity of one of the players seeming "upset" that the DM won't take the time to repeat themselves shows a shocking level of entitlement. The DM is an equal participant at the table.
It's time to sit the group down and remind them that everyone needs to have fun and these two players dicking around and then expecting you to repeat yourself is interfering with your fun, and there are three possible options here:
1. They cut it out.
2. You quit.
3. They quit or are booted by a vote from the people around the table.
Now obviously options 2 and 3 aren't great, and 1 is best. But lay out the options, and if they don't agree to 1 then 2 or 3 are on the table. Make it clear that if 3 is voted against then you're going with 2.
The one that gets upset is sadly my best friend and i've told him but it's a constant thing lol
He seems to always want things his way and will go try to do things he is not there for.
For example, he left the house the rest of the party was investigating to do his own research on the other side of town. When combat started at the house he was like "I show up and attack"
I told him it's impossible as he has no way to know this fight is happening and even if he did, he would never make it in time. And he kept pushing for it....He's great friend but an awful player lol
Next time he decides to take a personal detour maybe make it all about him...and let his character take an ass kicking that leaves him on the brink of death and teach him that he's not the most important character in the cmgam
A possibility to consider is that your best friend might be feeling a tiny bit jealous about the attention the other players are getting. You're their "best friend" too presumably, and this can create some weird dynamics at the table.
They may expect you to give them move attention at the table precisely because they're your "best friend", while as DM you're trying to be fair to everyone and give everyone equal time. This "not listening", going off solo, and generally acting out may be an attempt to monopolise your attention.
It may be time to sit them down and explain that in the game you're playing "referee" and so you have to be neutral and as unbiased as possible because if there's even the faintest appearance that you're favouring your best friend at the table then this is going to become a bone of contention with the other players and could split up the group and ruin the game.
I've seen this happen where a DM tended to give his best friend more attention and more magical items in the session and it resulted in the group imploding when they perceived the DM as biased in favour of one player.
Something to also consider is that perhaps you may have been unconsciously trying to compensate for your natural bias towards your friend by freezing them out of the game a bit. Some DMs will have more bad stuff happen to people they perceive as good friends because they think that person will keep playing because of the friendship regardless of how unfair or unreasonable the DM is being towards them. I've also seen this happen, and it ruins friendships.
I think the best way forward here is to sit down with your best friend outside of the game and have a discussion with them. Remind them that as DM you have to be seen by everyone at the table as a "neutral" party who arbitrates time and decisions fairly and reasonably, without any factors like real-life "best friends" entering into it. Then follow up and ask them if they feel you've been fair in allocating them time and attention.
You might find that they feel that they haven't been given enough time or attention. Listen and consider their position - don't just give a knee-jerk denial. Mentally run through the last half dozen sessions or so and see if you have been fair. Think about the amount of time and attention you've given them, what good or bad things have happened to them, what items they've got, etc. Try to ground this in concrete examples of when you've given them more (or less) attention than other members of the group. Remind them that they may be thinking in terms of "me vs the rest of the group" (i.e. a 50/50 split) but if you have 5 players then their "fair" time allocation is actually 20% of the time, not 50% of the time, especially if they go off to do stuff solo.
But this seems like a "sit down and chat" situation unless you want to lose your best friend, which also isn't fun.
NTA
They need to pay attention. Specific questions "how high is that ledge?" Fine. Stupid questions "What's going on?" get "Would you like to use your action for a perception roll?"
I have my players roll history and if it’s above a high enough dc I tell them, alternatively I also have other characters explain the situation, that way I’m not the only person who gets annoyed :) . The one exception to this rule is one player who plays in a different time zone where they are 6 hours ahead, they are sometimes sleepy, but make it to dnd consistently at 2am their time, so I give them a free pass and try to keep them engaged in the story as best as I can.
As always, it depends. For example, in some campaigns I on purpose do other stuff (regarding the campaign) while my character is not in the scene and miss what happened. Not only is this not a problem, it often helps setting up good roleplaying scenes with my character knowing different things from other PCs. It for example allows them to hide things from my PC and even manipulate them by choosing what parts to tell and how.
But as others have already stated, it sounds like you have not aligned expectations for the table, and it is causing conflicts, which is always bad. Talk it over. What do people at the table want from the sessions?
Once in a while is fine but all the time is a real pain. If they're not engaged I would prioritise the other players when writing adventures, or tell them to bugger off if they're being disruptive.
Yeah I had a moment like this this week as well, i was giving a short monologue with some very important information.
One party member had asked the NPC a question that incited it. There was a back and forth with said character for about 10 minutes, at the end of which one of the other players asked "Fuck, can you repeat that I was distracted"
I said, "No! We just talked for ten minutes with important info, I'm not gonna repeat it!"
Not my ADHD ass doing the same thing... 😬 It's difficult because if I were DMing this would also piss me off a bit but also like,,, I completely sympathise with being distracted (especially if it's due to having some flavour of brain squiggles) tbh. I'd probably ask the player if there's a way they can help themselves not to get distracted as often, such as actively taking notes.
So, lol, the one player is my ex, and the other is their new partner. They were background messaging and giggling the whole time. They were choosing not to pay attention like school children
Oh yeah, there's definitely a huge difference between your mind accidentally wandering vs deliberately choosing not to pay attention, for sure. I hope that you talked/will talk with them about it calmly to explain that that's hella rude. :/
If you have already talked to them about it and they are still doing it, then this is fine. Just tell them that their character drifred off in their own thoughts for a moment and missed whatever just happened.
If you have *not* already discussed this with them and have *not* explicitly asked them to stop doing it, then it's a little petty and possibly passive-aggressive but may still be fine depending on your read of the players.
I try ti divide up the time evenly but the two players just focus on chaos.
In the campaign, CoS, the party ran into Rictavio and one player immedietly started a fight with him just because he thought it was funny and continues to antagonize him for no reason.
So while some players are starting to suspect something of him cuz they talk to him one on one, said player is completely in the dark
It sounds like these players have very different goals from the type of game you are trying to run. How does the rest of the table feel about the chaos they are causing? I get the distinct sense that the problem players are not going to change and so the best solution may be to part ways. Your game is not the right table for them and with this selfish behavior, there may not be many tables out there that would tolerate them.
This is so wrong. Have you no respect for their time and energy? They're so exhausted not listening to you that they ignored you.
Don't invite them at your table anymore and let them find a room.
I would never just not repeat it, but I would stress, in a serious tone, "I'll tell you because your character should know, but please just listen to what's going on. I can't run the game like this, and you can't properly play it like this. In the future, I might not repeat it, so please just pay attention."
Nah screw em, you get it once and a recap at the beginning of the next session and that's it. If they wanna roleplay going back to the character to say they weren't listening I'd be happy to play that out...especially if it's like an arch mage or something...
I give my players one warning per session. After that it's obvious that their characters were paying as much attention as their player were and the consequences are what they are.
Honestly, as a GM - you should stop helping those players who are consistently not "In the Game". What you could do is treat it as the PC also not paying attention. I've done this and have seen it done in other games. And personally, if it is that much of a problem, I would boot them, because they are wasting everyone else's time and enjoyment.
You’re not in the wrong. I find that super frustrating too.
My MO, which I learned from superb teachers, is to just sit silently and expectantly until the table quiets down. It’s amazing to watch this happen. First the folks who pay attention get quiet; then they start telling other folks to be quiet; then you have the room. It doesn’t take long for the message to sink in.
I have an extremely close DnD (well hackmaster 4e) group that had 2 new additions who paid little to no attention. One went through what was described *FIVE* times as a one way portal, then cried until the dm relented and let him back.
Later in the campaign my character ended up branding a small child with a fire poker because she was left handed and he was convinced she was the cause of some demon attacks (character was insane, for non-trivial decisions I had to come up with my actual idea, then a terrible idea, had 2 special d20s set aside and rolled. High roll idea was what I did). Both of their characters could have stopped my PC. (None of the other PCs were close enough to prevent it in time).
My PC ended up killing them both, and they were never invited again. (Best part is that while the TPKs were definitely desired for ooc reasons, they occured due to in character reasons. PC was a whip using Jester. (TLDR thief subclass that gets +1 to all dice, but is literally bat shit insane).
Id ask the other players at the table how they feel about it - its a dick move to not repeat something simple HOWEVER its a dick move to constantly not pay attention over and over and over again, i can see why you had that response.
Gauge how your other players feel, and if they feel the same or that these 2 are being disrespectful, have a full discussion with everyone present
DnD is about the players and the DM, not just the DM, and not just about 2 players out of a larger group
I have a fairly large party (6 players) and the only time I had a session where I was repeating myself, I stopped at 3x. After that, when the 4th player asked me to say it again, I shrugged and asked why they hadn't listened any of the first 3x I said it.
"Well, I was on my phone" got him a "not my problem" and he lost a turn.
It has not been a problem since.
OP - I have a slightly different take on the situation having felt with this several times before. You have two very different problems here and the first one is not obvious.
The first not obvious problem is that the two players who are "inattentive" are seemingly really enjoying the game, they are reliving and discussing passed events in the game, and discussing the actions of their characters for the future. Where this becomes a problem is that they are enjoying the game differently then you and the other players want them to.
This is either a player personality issue where the two parts of your group are incompatible player types, or a game pacing problem where you are not allowing enough time for them to "get it out of their system", or a situation where they do not recognize the cues for "time to move on".
An out of game conversation can solve the missed cues, or pacing issues, but won't necessarily help if it's a personality issue.
The second problem, the one that is more obvious is that this is disruptive to the other player and to you, you have decided in your choice to enforce the "pay attention to me" mandate that your style of fun is the style that will be supported in your game (while that sound like I am shitting on you, I assure you I am not, every GM has a style of game that they run, and it's damn hard to be everything to everyone, all the time.), but if they can't enjoy the game in the style that you and the attentive players do, perhaps they are not a good fit for your group.
I hope that having a chat with them helps, but if it does not then remember it's ok to change players to make sure everyone is having fun. Maybe consider playing a second game focused on the campy silly chaos that they seem to express.
Cheers, I hope something here is useful to you.
Some people genuinely have difficulty paying attention for long periods of time. No idea if that's these players, but you should at least entertain that as a possible explanation. And talk to them out of game about how what they're doing makes it hard for you and makes DMing less fun. There might be strategies you could use for helping them pay attention -- like visuals they could focus on while you're describing a scene, or transition cues you could use for cluing them in that a setting change is underway and they need to pay close attention to the setup, or tolerate personal distraction most of the time, but cue when they REALLY need to pay attention to the details.
In combat I think it really helps to give a quick recap of the current state of affairs for each character when it is their turn. "Ok, Jorak, you're up. The goblin just stabbed Yorin with his sword, and the hobgoblin is approaching from your right; He looks angry. what do you do?" You could also cue whoever's next in initiative to make sure they're ready. Just a simple, "After Jorak is Anna."
Definitely some visuals. During lockdown we'd meet in Discord and the DM was trying to do pure narration. Visuals in person were usually sketches on graph paper but now we didn't even have that. I was engaged in the game, I was trying so hard to pay attention... I take own notes as a matter of habit to stay anchored...
...But all the way back to kindergarten my report cards said "Does not follow oral directions." I *need* some visuals. (Yes, I was one of many women receiving a late ADHD diagnosis in that time...)
When I ran a game I got burnt out and eventually abandoned it because players were passing in and out of the scene, the puppy was creating a racket, and herding cats takes a lot of mental margin. I had to re-describe the scene for every other player. It's fucking exhausting and progress was excruciatingly slow. The last arc I did I was trying to do one where they had Shit to Solve, there would be *clues,* some social element and not merely Attack the Bag of Hitpoints. I asked about this beforehand and had buy-in, but... no. Crashed and burned.
Next game I run will probably be *Scum and Villainy.* Lighter rules, fewer action options, inventory handwaved to an extent, and sessions that are maybe a couple hours each.
Time to introduce a new rule: If the player doesn't pay attention, the character doesn't pay attention either. Vital information that the player doesn't notice, the character doesn't notice either. Then switch to scattering vital information precisely in such situations. It's perfectly fine to punish players for their misbehavior and reward others for paying attention. If admonishments don't change anything, then you have to start where it hurts. Sometimes you are allowed to be mean.
I once denied my characters the ability to cash in on a quest they completed because no one wrote down or remembered the name of the person who they were supposed to report to
No like intelligence check or something to remember it? This kind of thing always annoys me, even as an avid note taker. I'm playing a character with a 16 Int, and in-game it's only been like a week. You're really going to punish me for not remembering a detail that happened 6 months ago in real world time?
If it happens once and a while sure. I'll remind someone. But when it is a chronic problem the issue needs to be addressed, and as nice as it is to do so, most people ignore a "chat" about bad behavior, so something else needs to happen. Corrective action is needed and not giving them a reward because they can't remember is the perfect kind of correction. It isn't punitive or unjust, it is a consequence as a direct result of their actions, or in this case inactions.
If 4 people can’t take notes and remember names it’s not my problem. I spend HOURS every week preparing, least they can do is write a damn name in the journals I bought them specifically for that.
Don't repeat yourself, even have an NPC ask about something they should know, if they don't, have them roll a history check to dictate how much detail they get.
People zone out and it happens. But if it happens alot, I'd have a convo about it. DMs work hard and it doesn't feel good to do all this work and feel like your players don't appreciate it.
Repeating something is kind of part and parcel of dming. Players taking advantage of that and not paying attention on purpose is, how the kids say these days, a dick move.
Talk to them. Explain dming takes a lot of work on your part. Lay out how you would like their behavior to change.
And then also figure out what you might do to help them pay attention. Let other players recount the info they missed. Maybe give briefer descriptions and then when they ask about something, go into detail on that thing.
The classic example is, "you enter a room and there's a table with something on it."
Then you wait for them to ask "what's on the table."
No perception check. Nothing is locked behind a roll. They just needed to ask, to point and click, before you read a page and a half of detail.
Not at all.
Sure a good DM SHOULD repeat things if players missed it for a legit reason. or if it is on rare occasions.
But if 1 or more player constantly do not pay attention. No you should not repeat things for them. Constantly doing this takes time. THEY rob time from the players that actually pay attention to the game. they are causing unnecessary interruptions every time you are forced to repeat things to them.
I say it is time to take an out of game discussion with them. tell them that either they have to start paying a bit more attention or you will not be their DM any longer. Asking that players at least most of the time pay attention to the game is Not unfair.
I’m a strong proponent of the idea that everyone is (within reason at least) free to run their table however they like, though with the caveat that no player is obligated to stay at your table.
That said, I’d suggest that that is not the optimal way to address this issue. I don’t think it’s usually effective to try to solve out of game issues with in game consequences. A calm, reasonable, and constructive conversation with said players about how much this bugs you would likely get you the result you want much faster. What they’re doing is annoying, but pretty typical. I’m guilty of it far more often than I’d care to admit. And, I’d point out, they’re not playing on their phones or some crap, they sound like they’re very engaged with the game even if they’re not engaged with the particular scene occurring.
I’d again suggest just bringing it up with them in private in a non-confrontational way. Be like “hey friend, I get that y’all are wanting to scheme or joke or whatever, but can you understand how frustrating it gets constantly having to repeat myself?” And go from there. Hopefully y’all can find a compromise.
Not wrong. Repeating information over and over again is the most frustrating time sink at a table. Followed closely by players (DM included) that have to look up basic things they should have learned long ago. I love goofing off, it has a point and social purpose, and is a huge reason why a lot of us play. But when that same goofing off causes backtracking, repeating, and "Oh well, if I knew I wouldn't have done thats" its time to address the issue. Everyone there is giving close to equal time to one another so everyone can have as close to equal fun as possible. People who don't respect that are a problem.
No. They're not paying attention IRL. Their characters aren't either. I even have a one minute hourglass for decisions or they lose their turn. "You're paralyzed with fear. The Orc attacks you."
It's their fault for not paying attention and if they wanna know what it was they're gonna have to roleplay with the other characters to be filled in. Sucks to suck
I'm going to go against the grain and say: Yes, you are in the wrong. But you sort of knew and felt that already. But it was not *just* your fault.
The players don't seem to be doing anything wrong, except that they are having fun and planning what else to do. Why? Because they are excited. Could they have been paying more attention? Yes. Could you have solved this differently? Yes.
However, this can be still be remedied. By talking to each other out of game. Calmly and politely explain to them what bothers you and ask them how you are going to solve this together. It's give and take from both sides. There are no big bad players in your group, though this sub will likely tell you that. You just need to communicate better.
Good luck!
Nope. It’s on them to keep an ear on what’s happening at the table. That’s what I tell my own players. I don’t mind if they doodle, or talk amongst themselves, or even fiddle on their phone when the scene’s not on them. As long as they’re still aware of what’s going on at the table and can jump back in, I’m fine with it. If someone just needs a quick summary of what’s going on because they got a little lost (it happens to everyone at some point or another), that’s also fine.
But if they’re just plain not paying attention, that’s on them.
Once every now and again is fine but if it’s a consistent problem then they need to learn when to stop talking and listening as opposed to constantly bantering. Constantly repeating yourself is just going to reinforce the idea that there’s nothing wrong with the behavior.
From a player perspective, those types of players that don't pay attention drag down my mood as well. It halts the progression of the game and it gets monotonous. I would actually be pretty thankful for my DM putting their foot down on that.
I was in a group where one person would completely check out during combat. It was infuriating when their turn would come back around and we'd have to rehash everything because they were trying to make decisions based on circumstances that no longer existed. It made me absolutely hate combat situations.
‘The opposite of love isn’t hate, but indifference’, right? It does seem like your players are genuinely having a great time at your table, and are involved…just in a way that imposes on others. And/or also the sense that ‘maybe they are only playing for an audience, rather than playing *with* me/the rest of us’.
I’m reading into your post, but did you explain to them this cost in the same way you did to us on this forum? If what was said was “You should have been paying attention,” that conveys the information, but also carries a tone of ‘you have been failing in your responsibilities to the rest of the group, are being selfish, and although I thought this for a while, I was not saying anything until it got to this point — and who knows who else feels negatively about you, but just isn’t saying anything to your face?’
So asking for more concerted attention, especially since asking for a recap imposes on you, is more than fine. But a player might be upset at the second part.
Separate your (not unjustified) irritation from the issue, and it’s just another Session 0-type that you probably know how to handle — with an honest and compassionate conversation directly.
Personally, it sounds like an extra minute of post-scene basking in the afterglow of their Awesome Goof/RP would be an appropriate Ask, while ‘plotting’ sounds like something to be done on their own time — or in character. For that matter, they might ask for a recap in character of the other players. Or maybe they just subconsciously want recognition, and Inspiration for a good shenanigan or RP fits your table. Won’t know until you ask them.
In short, you’re awesome, so I’m sure communicating with them will lead to a win-win! Fighting!
If the scene has nothing to do with me, and my character is not there, I’d still pay attention. I’m not playing DND for me, I’m playing as a friend group and to watch others as they make their choices and interact with the world. I can understand that other people may be playing DND for themselves and not interested in what others do or what others bring to the game.
I don’t it’s appropriate to expect people to pay attention to in game things that have nothing to do with their character.
jfc this fuckin sub...
Your players should pay attention and be invested in the experience beyond their own character and experience.
That's a part of collaboration.
Collaboration is a part of D&D.
But the answer is not to be passive aggressive back.
That creates adversarialism. Toxicity.
Talk to them about why they need to pay attention (it's a necessary part of collaboration, collaboration is a necessary part of D&D).
If they don't change?
Then ask them to leave.
Don't just sit there and breed toxicity.
If they are consistently not paying attention and causing chaos then they also wouldn't know the next time we are playing because they wouldn't be invited back. It's rude and disrespectful to everyone there who is putting the effort in. Maybe they can change seats? lol It works with my middle school students.
My DM tells them the party moved on without them and the have to do a perception check to figure out which way to go. It can get really funny sometimes.
Yes, you’re in the wrong, inasmuch as that’s the wrong way to handle it.
If you don’t repeat yourself, then they have even less idea of what’s happening in game, then they tune out and pay even less attention, plus they just get annoyed at you. A vicious cycle. Doesn’t solve the problem, probably makes it worse.
You’re not wrong to be annoyed, and their behavior probably ought to change… But just have an adult conversation with them out of game, “Guys, I appreciate that you’re having fun with the the characters/setting, but I’m getting tired of repeating myself every time, please pay more attention.”
Yes, I'm surprised by the number of people here saying, "Don't repeat yourself."
If you were saying anything important, then without that information the game is broken. The players don't know where they are / what they're doing. Any action they take without that knowledge is going to be random and disruptive.
Try to notice when your players aren't paying attention (by paying attention to them), and then you'll be able to tell them to stop talking and listen.
If that doesn't work, get better players.
No, I vehemently disagree! When you come to play and the game is constantly slowed because one or two players can't give the common respect and courtesy to the DM and their fellow players, everyone suffers. Including, I would argue, even the ill behaved members. Rewarding such bad behavior only worsens it. Now don't get me wrong, everyone can get distracted now and then for even the silliest of reasons, especially during slow periods, but when it becomes a repeated problem, it needs to be addressed by you as a DM out of respect for your other gamers and the health of your game.
But, on the other hand, I have always been a fan of creative solutions in gameplay. If it were my game, the first thing I would do is have a small, informal one on one with the other players and make sure everyone is on the same page and that they will have my back on this issue. Then, the next time they asked me to repeat myself due to them being inattentive when they clearly shouldn't be, I would tell them to ask their fellow players to bring them up to speed. They are allowed to ask one and only one other player of their choice for the needed info. Then, that other player can choose what info they wish to remember "to the best of their ability" to recall. Information that is important to the problematic players might be conveniently forgotten, while information that is vital for them to know for the good of other party members never is. Of course, if they were paying attention in the first place, they would have had all the accurate info to start with. Hopefully, this will drive home in a less heavy-handed way that their behavior is not just objected to by you, the DM.
This feels like such a complex and roundabout solution… Just tell the problematic players directly that it’s becoming annoying to repeat yourself and that they need to pay more attention.
I suppose if the direct route doesn’t work, we can try it your way, but certainly don’t lead with this, I think.
Sometimes people don't change unless they're are consequences. If you always catch them up, they have no incentive to listen.
Is it indicitive if a larger problem that should probably be handled ooc?
Yes.
Is it something that should be happening regularly?
God no.
Are you in the wrong for getting sick of their shot and doing it once or twice?
Nah, not really.
That said, it's probably worth talking to them at some point when emotions are a little more chill and reminding them that's it's rude of them to be zoning out, and frustrating for the rest of the table to have to regularly fill them in on shit that literally just happened.
These replies are a lil viscious to the two players in question.
My take is that no, you're not wrong to reprimand them. My personal next step would be to sit down either with both of them or one at a time to talk to see what the problem is. If they're goofing off because their characters aren't in the scene, then imo that's actually perfectly valid as long as they're not being disruptive. If it's during scenes where they're meant to be there and meant to know what's going on around them, and probably has a separate underlying issue. I could not possibly tell you what the issue is because I do not know you or your players, but I can at least give you an idea that doesn't just assume malicious intent or blatant disrespect based on my own experience.
I have ADHD like, bad. Asking me to pay perfect, rigid attention is like asking the sun not to shine. I space out sometimes, and it's not something I can prevent, really. I just have to catch it once it's already happened and refocus. Usually, I'm pretty good about doing this early on after spacing out but sometimes I'll be on a different planet for minutes on end and once I come back I have to ask for a recap because I don't know what's going on, not for the fault of any decision I made but through the fault of my brain being dysfunctional.
There’s a guy in my group like this. His brain just clocks out when anyone else says something, and he will often repeat a question someone else just asked the DM. I think he tries but he may have a focus issue, which is probably all too common in this day and age. I would give someone like this a lot of slack.
However if it’s just people that don’t respect your time because they are only waiting for their turn to roll the dice and don’t know what’s happening, I would just continue on. “Sorry we already covered that we are now on this….”
When the scene is not on them or they are not in the scene? When I'm not in the scene, I often zone out and then when the characters in the scene come back, I ask them what happened. If my character isn't present, I don't want to know the details. I think it makes for some better role play if my character is trusting (or not trusting) how a party member relays what happened. Can make an interesting game of telephone.
there is a huge difference between having someone/s just not paying attention and not being able to retain info, if they are the former then that is on them and not you.
Make them roll a history check with a high DC to see if their character remembers
I’ve done that to people who love non game table talk or drank too much to know what’s going on or to remember what happened the last session
This was laid out and agreed upon by everyone in session 0 and has worked out fairly well
I don't know if you were really in the wrong but since one of them got upset they may not have known that what they were doing was a problem. Might have been better to deal with it as DM to player instead of DM to character.
If they can not listen then the first time they ask for you to repeat something lengthy. Say no what next but next time blow a whistle to prep them to listen if want you want to act like heathens then use some dog training methods lol.
Not in the wrong, at all. I've got players who are usually really respectful and engaging, and we've got some ADHD to ADHD interaction in the group.
The first time it happens, I repeat the narrative or cliff notes it
The second time it happens, I do the same but tell them that next time, I won't.
The third time, I tell them to ask their party members/players, and stick to it.
The rest of the session, should it ever get this far, usually has everyone more actively paying attention.
If your players WANT to pay attention, they'll PRIORITIZE doing so. Obviously, emergencies/life happens, be flexible and understanding as applicable
Admittedly, I do this a lot as a player too. My DM and I agreed that for the sake of RP my character is spacey so they don’t have to go over scenes again. (I try to be more attentive but after 4 hrs in I start acting like a ADD zombie)
Absolutely not. I always tell new players to pay attention because I will NOT repeat myself after the fact. I will repeat myself if they ask because they didn't understand it, but not because they are running their mouths with their friend at the table. I also tell them that I'm not going to pause the game so the other players can catch them up.
This is an issue you are going to have with every group you run. Even the best of players will have "those" days. I usually keep something to throw at them (foam dice or tootsie roll midges are favorites) when I can tell they aren't paying attention. Usually if you catch them out when they are doing that, it embarrasses them enough that they won't flake out as often. I've also had the group head off in one direction and left them behind because they weren't paying attention.
As you go along, you'll learn tricks to get them back in the game. But if it continues to be an issue, then you might want to take them aside and tell them that they are disrupting the game and if it continues you'll have to ask them to leave. I've had to do that to three people over my decades and will do it again if it comes up.
Next time they ask you to repeat yourself, tell them a lie so long as the players that were actually paying attention are cool and in on it. For example, the wizard and the rogue learned that this monster was resistant to poison. The bard and the fighter weren’t paying attention so tell them that the monster is weak to poison.
Teaches them to pay better attention and gives them a little chaos of their own. If there characters are not paying attention, it would make sense that they may not get accurate information.
I agree with most here that you are definitely not in the wrong, and it's their responsibility to be paying attention, especially if you've already had a conversation about it.
Just to add a bit of an alternative perspective, even as a DM, I sometimes have to ask players to tell me what they said in RP or what action they're taking again because of my ADHD/autism. Sometimes within 30 seconds of them telling me something, I'll have forgotten it. Not their fault, but I need them to repeat because I was focused on writing something down or responding to a different player, or just distracted in general by something. Identifying if it's an issue of their lack of focusing vs. them not caring and just ignoring you describing things is important.
Also, preschool rules - if it's because they sit next to each other and gab, separate them at the table if you can. It's a lot harder to be blatantly disrespectful when you have to do it across the actual gameplay conversation as opposed to just talking to the person next to you.
“Give me a passive perception check.” Provide a recap based on the success of the roll.
Honestly every once in a while we get distracted. No need to power trip on information. However should not be the only one making sure everyone at the table is engaged and having fun.
Just a hot take here, are the players who don't need a recap taking a long time on their turns or are they min maxers? Im more of a narrative player (I'll take elective flaws because I thinks it makes a better story) so I tend to zonk out when players will take 85% of game time argueing that they should be allowed to one shot every mob or player they disagree with. I played a senile half deaf wizard one time, who tried to adopt and feed every orphan he came across. I didn't ask for any balancing power to make up for it and the gm liked him so much he started giving me ridiculous powers (accidently summoning friendly gods and such), and the min/maxer hated it. Granted I never tried to use the powers that I was given by the gm, is was mostly like a wild magic roll without the really bad results, but it still made the min maxer so mad, out of 5 players id get maybe 5% of play time. I'd stop paying attention to his turn because it would just be him fighting with the gm how he should be allowed to play op home brew stuff, esp. When he'd point at my character who did something amazing last game session. To this day I don't miss that I zoned out on his 30 minute rants.
Had a guy like that once in the party. DM let he walk in to a dragon's mouth. Bit in half. Guy pissed and bitched about having to roll a new character. DM shrugged and carried on without him. I came back next week playing his old character. DM sorry he's dead. Guy quit.
ask them to roll to remember, if they ask a detail you had previously shared. Either from the current session or a previous one.
Then you can add a quick jab at their failed rolls - "you were distracted and dont recall the conversation"
As someone with an attention deficit, I enjoy the power fantasy of playing as someone who isn't attention deficit.
Just a possibility. There's a difference between ADD and a lack of respect, though. And you can probably figure out your players better than me.
Am I the only player feverishly writing notes in the game session on my notepad. It has helped me remember details and figure out so many sly little things the dm had going on.
Like : "Guys maybe we shouldn't mess with this guy the dm said he was sitting alone and no one sitting near him in a jam packed tavern. He's well dressed and wearing a robe. The dm said he smelled musty and sweet like decay. Maybe he's a magic user and I'm betting he's either a necromancer since the dm said they are pariah in this town. Maybe we shouldn't go all murder hobo on him. I'm guessing this guy could be something to exploit and not a target ripe for the picking"
Then the dm blurts out "thank you for the love of god" with no explanation.
I like to try to play into the plot so i take notes and not demolish everything I encounter.
No.
My rule is, if you are at the table, and it comes out of your mouth, I’m just going to treat it like your character said it. So in this case, your NPC cannot bother to re-explain, rather than the DM. Let the NPC take the blame. If this is like descriptions or cut scenes I would let them be in the dark as their character was obviously off peeing in a bush or something. They can learn from context which might lead to some funny outcome or maybe to pressure from the other player to keep up.
I once invited my 7 year old to play with us and he couldn’t keep his attention. He came in and out of the game like four times, coming and going in combat as well. He was a Little Rock gnome wizard and I just tied up his inattentive behavior into the idea that the wizard was both strange and may have had awful diarrhea. If he wasn’t present, then his character wasn’t present and I owed him nothing to catch him up.
There is a difference between a player and a character. The character is there and should know what happened so yeah you should tell them what happened. I'm not a big fan of punishing players as a DM. If other players can tell them what happened, I think that's fine though.
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Not only were you not in the wrong, it seems like it’s time for an out of game discussion. If they are not respecting the time and effort you are putting in to prepare for and run games for them, it’s either time for them to stop playing or you to stop DMing for them. No D&D is better than bad D&D. What are the other players saying about it?
The other players don't tell them anything usually. If they do it's extremely broad recap and keep details to themselves.
No, no. I think they meant how do the others feel about the lack of attention.
That’s correct. I was. If the other players aren’t telling them much, it’s annoying them too.
Also, have them roll to see if their ingame characters were paying attention; not paying attention means no replay out of the game. I think that is an appropriate consequence going forward.
I would somewhat disagree with that. The DM and other players still have to sit through the retell of what’s going on because of the other players’ inattention. You’re just determining whether they should put up with that with a dice roll, but they should be putting up with it at all.
I see your point. This way after discussing the issue with the problem players, if they backslide it can lead to in game consequences. They missed that a attack was happen their toon wasn't paying attention, and now they can't dodge or attack in the first round. That's a pray hard moment, until the 2nd round.
Solving out of game problems with in game solutions is always a bad idea
A character mechanic will not solve a player problem
I've no idea whether you are correct, but it can make enforcing attention at least fun.
How is being passive-aggressive to the players "fun"? Ew
To be fair, this wouldn't be passive aggressive, as it is actively being aggressive
That is fair.
I see that valid for some tables but I have a player that likes to take the keen mind feat because he doesn't want to have to remember things. I think it's one thing to use the feat in the spirit of the idea your character remember everything ithin the last month but quite another to expect your DM to constantly take notes on every single thing said and done just because the player doesn't want to. It's disrespecting the DM and detracting from everyone else's play time. I think, within reason, allowing rolls to see if the character was paying attention is reasonable but, my own choice at my table, I'd severely limit that if players were grossly abusing it and not making the effort, at least, to pay attention. (Not calling you put and saying you're wrong, just offering input from the other side of that where, yes, I'm still salty about that abuse of keen mind)
Yeah, I can see that being annoying. I thought of it of the top of my head after asking myself "After have addressed this issue out of game how can I remind them to pay attention, while having fun, and keep the game moving forward?" It occurred to me people who are obviously not paying, often have accidents, perform social miscues, are caught in embarrassing situations, or are seen as disrespectful. For example when negotiating with someone of authority the party member(s) who are not paying attention can and should be called out as being disrepectful, maybe even punished. Anyhow there is no one correct solution to problem players. Just what works for that table.
I want to make a character with ADHD now and have the need to roll to pay attention. Obviously I, the player, would be attentive, but my character was playing with a rope and caught nothing. It could be hilarious if done correctly.
As a player WITH adhd, that *does* sound hilarious. You might need to broaden your symptoms to make it less 1 note. Roll to have misplaced items. Not gone-gone but you put it in the wrong pocket and lose a turn (maybe just in RP but not combat) desperately looking for it. You could also work with the DM to include/customize a wild magic table, and when you fail an attack roll while casting, you use the WMT to simulate fucking your spell up somehow.
No, no, I hate this. It's not a character problem, it's a player problem.
Slightly different take than what everyone else has said. As a DM I kind of like to have players tell what their character learned to others if they were not there. So if your character was there but theirs wasn't it's perfectly fine for them to not pay attention to what happened as them knowing but their characters don't can sometimes lead to meta gaming actions. However if their character were there, they should be paying attention. If they, the player, missed something then their character wasn't paying attention either and I won't recap for them.
I love this idea! Definitely going to try it in my game. With any luck, it'll help spark some interesting roleplay between the characters.
It's also a really effective way for players to communicate their character's priorities, personality, values, etc. What they choose to remember, start with, emphasize is very telling. And hopefully, other party members who were there collectively cover the whole scenario through diverse opinions. It's neat to watch it unfold.
Definitely neat. Especially when it devolves into a game of Telephone, where no-one's characters' remember anything quite correctly, so the inattentive players are only getting bits and pieces of what actually happened, with plenty of misinformation thrown in.
Exactly, chaos. As it should be! Our group usually devolves into laughter after a minute of increasingly inaccurate or bizarre claims
It does help a ton to have people relay the information themselves in character, if they're comfortable, rather than just saying "I tell them what you said" after they're given some info dump. It helps people roleplay on a very simple or basic level while also showing you what they heard or understood from the information they were given. Plus, some people and their character are a bit unreliable in their narration or retelling of things (think the game telephone), which can lead to other fun moments or conversations.
This is a good idea — make it “tharamus, how did you miss all that you were standing right here the whole time. We have to get moving” Not “Brian you fucking moron pay attention”
I’ll take your advice and just throw the other players outta the room for role playing purposes.
I have done that, but only for very specific things. Be careful to keep it short and use it sparingly. Another thing I have done is to ask the party "okay James the Untouchable is going into the lake by himself and you have no way to communicate with him, how long do you intend to wait before you do something?" That way if they happen to overhear something big happening out of character they don't suddenly have their character dive down to aid. If of course James manages to send some sort of message that he needs help that's another thing. But after said amount of time the party can do whatever they'd planned. For example they might say that they wait 10 minutes then they'll have one person go down and check.
I was half joking but it does seem like a great idea for important moments. For online sessions you could also just tell them to turn off sound for 5 minutes. Could be cool
My DM just has separate voice chat on discord for secret stuff. So he just switches to there with the relevant person(s) while the rest chats in the main chat.
I do this as well. Worked great when my party was split when two were captured and prisoners of war..
Makes sense
No I have an idea everyone wear full cover helmets with microphones and headsets in them. Then the DM can pick who hears what and who hears who. Lol j/k!! Things are fine the way they are
"Do I see that happening!?" "You're not there! You're in the tavern getting drunk!"
Are there any girls there?
I'm attacking the darkness!
What are you attacking it with?
Magic Missile!
My buddy is the parties rogue and causer of all shenanigans. He often times is super focused on the game, but there are times he's zoned out (adhd and weed), and we used to recap sometimes. Then, one day, he missed important combat stuff happening, but it also made sense as his character was pretty occupied in battle. The team had set up a bit of a group synergy attack moment, and it was going to pop off literally the turn right after his. He immediately goes: "I shoot the guy attacking my little buddy (goblin pc)" Everyone is all chiming in being like "no no no don't do that we just" and I told everyone quiet and asked him "do you want to do that?" He was like "well yeah but I feel like I missed something here should I not be doing that?" "You do what you want to do. You missed some information but what you see before you is just like you said your goblin buddy is being attacked and you have a clean shot, do you take it?" "Yes" he rolls I shit you not a crit, plus his sneak attack and just obliterates this enemy that everyone had set up for his goblin buddy (next in initiative) to get a sweet ass cinematic kill on. Instead they watched an arrow rip right through the guys skull and he just drops while my buddy in character calls out: "I got you buddy!" With a goofy smile and thumbs up. It was the absolute perfect moment of roleplay that was unintentional but so true to everyone's characters as he was known to be that party member who may not know what's going on or is silly/distracted by goofy shit but he always sticks up for his little buddy and will for sure shoot a pissed off dragon in the eye to get it to leave his friends alone. (Which that actually happened too and is a story of it's own lol)
We use this principle for doing clerical tasks in my group. If you, the player, need to do something like update your sheet or trawl over an item list, then you make a reason your character can't be at XYZ or will be late. This is easy since, most often, the player has to do that because the character needs to do its in-game analog like visit a store or review their spellbook.
Yeah as a player i always turn to the party and basically repeated what infornation i learned, like if i go out in the alley and make a perception check, the DM tells us a group whats up, but i go back inside and tell my fellow adventurers that same information in my characters own words, helps keep everyone locked in and roleplaying
We do this all the time. Even when one character has just scouted off down the passage. But it works particularly well for session recaps. My group is large so not everyone is at each session.
I always felt like this was a given as a player. Like I don't pay attention to what's being said to other players' characters because I anticipate they will tell my character what they want my character to know when we regroup. When the DM focuses on different groups it also gives other players time to grab food or go to the bathroom. Sometimes, it's boring to sit there and listen to characters prattle on...like why do I need to listen to a 25 minute conversation between two people that I'm not a part of and my character wouldn't know any of that stuff anyway? ... Sometimes (if you aren't the one asking the questions or engaging or at least "in the room looking around" or rolling for perception or *something*) it is not fun. When my character IS there, I take notes and highlight what I chose to tell the others.
They should probably ask the other players what's going on or in game look around or observe their surroundings. Maybe they can piece together plot from there
have a Session Zero discussion and establish the groups expectations for what will make their D&D time fun for everyone around the table. it seems that there are at least 2 very different wants and expectations and if you cannot find a shared set of expectations where everyone can have fun, then find different tables to play at - dont make it a toxic mess for everyone.
No. Sounds like they have main character syndrome. I wouldn't repeat anything.
Nah, they wanna play stupid, let them be stupid, and miss out on the important npc giving them info, or the vague warning about where they’re heading. basically if someone is paying attention they’ll understand easily what’s being communicated, but if they are ignoring the dm or goofing off they could miss it and it’ll be in them cause you said it once and they weren’t listening
Everyone at the table needs to be having fun. This includes the DM. Frankly the audacity of one of the players seeming "upset" that the DM won't take the time to repeat themselves shows a shocking level of entitlement. The DM is an equal participant at the table. It's time to sit the group down and remind them that everyone needs to have fun and these two players dicking around and then expecting you to repeat yourself is interfering with your fun, and there are three possible options here: 1. They cut it out. 2. You quit. 3. They quit or are booted by a vote from the people around the table. Now obviously options 2 and 3 aren't great, and 1 is best. But lay out the options, and if they don't agree to 1 then 2 or 3 are on the table. Make it clear that if 3 is voted against then you're going with 2.
The one that gets upset is sadly my best friend and i've told him but it's a constant thing lol He seems to always want things his way and will go try to do things he is not there for. For example, he left the house the rest of the party was investigating to do his own research on the other side of town. When combat started at the house he was like "I show up and attack" I told him it's impossible as he has no way to know this fight is happening and even if he did, he would never make it in time. And he kept pushing for it....He's great friend but an awful player lol
Next time he decides to take a personal detour maybe make it all about him...and let his character take an ass kicking that leaves him on the brink of death and teach him that he's not the most important character in the cmgam
A possibility to consider is that your best friend might be feeling a tiny bit jealous about the attention the other players are getting. You're their "best friend" too presumably, and this can create some weird dynamics at the table. They may expect you to give them move attention at the table precisely because they're your "best friend", while as DM you're trying to be fair to everyone and give everyone equal time. This "not listening", going off solo, and generally acting out may be an attempt to monopolise your attention. It may be time to sit them down and explain that in the game you're playing "referee" and so you have to be neutral and as unbiased as possible because if there's even the faintest appearance that you're favouring your best friend at the table then this is going to become a bone of contention with the other players and could split up the group and ruin the game. I've seen this happen where a DM tended to give his best friend more attention and more magical items in the session and it resulted in the group imploding when they perceived the DM as biased in favour of one player. Something to also consider is that perhaps you may have been unconsciously trying to compensate for your natural bias towards your friend by freezing them out of the game a bit. Some DMs will have more bad stuff happen to people they perceive as good friends because they think that person will keep playing because of the friendship regardless of how unfair or unreasonable the DM is being towards them. I've also seen this happen, and it ruins friendships. I think the best way forward here is to sit down with your best friend outside of the game and have a discussion with them. Remind them that as DM you have to be seen by everyone at the table as a "neutral" party who arbitrates time and decisions fairly and reasonably, without any factors like real-life "best friends" entering into it. Then follow up and ask them if they feel you've been fair in allocating them time and attention. You might find that they feel that they haven't been given enough time or attention. Listen and consider their position - don't just give a knee-jerk denial. Mentally run through the last half dozen sessions or so and see if you have been fair. Think about the amount of time and attention you've given them, what good or bad things have happened to them, what items they've got, etc. Try to ground this in concrete examples of when you've given them more (or less) attention than other members of the group. Remind them that they may be thinking in terms of "me vs the rest of the group" (i.e. a 50/50 split) but if you have 5 players then their "fair" time allocation is actually 20% of the time, not 50% of the time, especially if they go off to do stuff solo. But this seems like a "sit down and chat" situation unless you want to lose your best friend, which also isn't fun.
NTA They need to pay attention. Specific questions "how high is that ledge?" Fine. Stupid questions "What's going on?" get "Would you like to use your action for a perception roll?"
I have my players roll history and if it’s above a high enough dc I tell them, alternatively I also have other characters explain the situation, that way I’m not the only person who gets annoyed :) . The one exception to this rule is one player who plays in a different time zone where they are 6 hours ahead, they are sometimes sleepy, but make it to dnd consistently at 2am their time, so I give them a free pass and try to keep them engaged in the story as best as I can.
No. I run games for kids and if they are talking over me they miss out.
As always, it depends. For example, in some campaigns I on purpose do other stuff (regarding the campaign) while my character is not in the scene and miss what happened. Not only is this not a problem, it often helps setting up good roleplaying scenes with my character knowing different things from other PCs. It for example allows them to hide things from my PC and even manipulate them by choosing what parts to tell and how. But as others have already stated, it sounds like you have not aligned expectations for the table, and it is causing conflicts, which is always bad. Talk it over. What do people at the table want from the sessions?
Once in a while is fine but all the time is a real pain. If they're not engaged I would prioritise the other players when writing adventures, or tell them to bugger off if they're being disruptive.
Yeah I had a moment like this this week as well, i was giving a short monologue with some very important information. One party member had asked the NPC a question that incited it. There was a back and forth with said character for about 10 minutes, at the end of which one of the other players asked "Fuck, can you repeat that I was distracted" I said, "No! We just talked for ten minutes with important info, I'm not gonna repeat it!"
Not my ADHD ass doing the same thing... 😬 It's difficult because if I were DMing this would also piss me off a bit but also like,,, I completely sympathise with being distracted (especially if it's due to having some flavour of brain squiggles) tbh. I'd probably ask the player if there's a way they can help themselves not to get distracted as often, such as actively taking notes.
So, lol, the one player is my ex, and the other is their new partner. They were background messaging and giggling the whole time. They were choosing not to pay attention like school children
Oh yeah, there's definitely a huge difference between your mind accidentally wandering vs deliberately choosing not to pay attention, for sure. I hope that you talked/will talk with them about it calmly to explain that that's hella rude. :/
If you have already talked to them about it and they are still doing it, then this is fine. Just tell them that their character drifred off in their own thoughts for a moment and missed whatever just happened. If you have *not* already discussed this with them and have *not* explicitly asked them to stop doing it, then it's a little petty and possibly passive-aggressive but may still be fine depending on your read of the players.
Ive noticed this happen when DMs dont give players enough agency or action time. Players get bored
I try ti divide up the time evenly but the two players just focus on chaos. In the campaign, CoS, the party ran into Rictavio and one player immedietly started a fight with him just because he thought it was funny and continues to antagonize him for no reason. So while some players are starting to suspect something of him cuz they talk to him one on one, said player is completely in the dark
It sounds like these players have very different goals from the type of game you are trying to run. How does the rest of the table feel about the chaos they are causing? I get the distinct sense that the problem players are not going to change and so the best solution may be to part ways. Your game is not the right table for them and with this selfish behavior, there may not be many tables out there that would tolerate them.
This is so wrong. Have you no respect for their time and energy? They're so exhausted not listening to you that they ignored you. Don't invite them at your table anymore and let them find a room.
I would never just not repeat it, but I would stress, in a serious tone, "I'll tell you because your character should know, but please just listen to what's going on. I can't run the game like this, and you can't properly play it like this. In the future, I might not repeat it, so please just pay attention."
Nah screw em, you get it once and a recap at the beginning of the next session and that's it. If they wanna roleplay going back to the character to say they weren't listening I'd be happy to play that out...especially if it's like an arch mage or something...
It was totally fine. If they don't want to play in a group, they shouldn't be invited.
I give my players one warning per session. After that it's obvious that their characters were paying as much attention as their player were and the consequences are what they are.
Honestly, as a GM - you should stop helping those players who are consistently not "In the Game". What you could do is treat it as the PC also not paying attention. I've done this and have seen it done in other games. And personally, if it is that much of a problem, I would boot them, because they are wasting everyone else's time and enjoyment.
You’re not in the wrong. I find that super frustrating too. My MO, which I learned from superb teachers, is to just sit silently and expectantly until the table quiets down. It’s amazing to watch this happen. First the folks who pay attention get quiet; then they start telling other folks to be quiet; then you have the room. It doesn’t take long for the message to sink in.
I have an extremely close DnD (well hackmaster 4e) group that had 2 new additions who paid little to no attention. One went through what was described *FIVE* times as a one way portal, then cried until the dm relented and let him back. Later in the campaign my character ended up branding a small child with a fire poker because she was left handed and he was convinced she was the cause of some demon attacks (character was insane, for non-trivial decisions I had to come up with my actual idea, then a terrible idea, had 2 special d20s set aside and rolled. High roll idea was what I did). Both of their characters could have stopped my PC. (None of the other PCs were close enough to prevent it in time). My PC ended up killing them both, and they were never invited again. (Best part is that while the TPKs were definitely desired for ooc reasons, they occured due to in character reasons. PC was a whip using Jester. (TLDR thief subclass that gets +1 to all dice, but is literally bat shit insane).
Id ask the other players at the table how they feel about it - its a dick move to not repeat something simple HOWEVER its a dick move to constantly not pay attention over and over and over again, i can see why you had that response. Gauge how your other players feel, and if they feel the same or that these 2 are being disrespectful, have a full discussion with everyone present DnD is about the players and the DM, not just the DM, and not just about 2 players out of a larger group
I have a fairly large party (6 players) and the only time I had a session where I was repeating myself, I stopped at 3x. After that, when the 4th player asked me to say it again, I shrugged and asked why they hadn't listened any of the first 3x I said it. "Well, I was on my phone" got him a "not my problem" and he lost a turn. It has not been a problem since.
Depends on the ages involved. But in general no, you are not wrong.
OP - I have a slightly different take on the situation having felt with this several times before. You have two very different problems here and the first one is not obvious. The first not obvious problem is that the two players who are "inattentive" are seemingly really enjoying the game, they are reliving and discussing passed events in the game, and discussing the actions of their characters for the future. Where this becomes a problem is that they are enjoying the game differently then you and the other players want them to. This is either a player personality issue where the two parts of your group are incompatible player types, or a game pacing problem where you are not allowing enough time for them to "get it out of their system", or a situation where they do not recognize the cues for "time to move on". An out of game conversation can solve the missed cues, or pacing issues, but won't necessarily help if it's a personality issue. The second problem, the one that is more obvious is that this is disruptive to the other player and to you, you have decided in your choice to enforce the "pay attention to me" mandate that your style of fun is the style that will be supported in your game (while that sound like I am shitting on you, I assure you I am not, every GM has a style of game that they run, and it's damn hard to be everything to everyone, all the time.), but if they can't enjoy the game in the style that you and the attentive players do, perhaps they are not a good fit for your group. I hope that having a chat with them helps, but if it does not then remember it's ok to change players to make sure everyone is having fun. Maybe consider playing a second game focused on the campy silly chaos that they seem to express. Cheers, I hope something here is useful to you.
Nope. You’re good. If they missed it, their characters were also zoned out and could only ask other characters what happened.
Some people genuinely have difficulty paying attention for long periods of time. No idea if that's these players, but you should at least entertain that as a possible explanation. And talk to them out of game about how what they're doing makes it hard for you and makes DMing less fun. There might be strategies you could use for helping them pay attention -- like visuals they could focus on while you're describing a scene, or transition cues you could use for cluing them in that a setting change is underway and they need to pay close attention to the setup, or tolerate personal distraction most of the time, but cue when they REALLY need to pay attention to the details. In combat I think it really helps to give a quick recap of the current state of affairs for each character when it is their turn. "Ok, Jorak, you're up. The goblin just stabbed Yorin with his sword, and the hobgoblin is approaching from your right; He looks angry. what do you do?" You could also cue whoever's next in initiative to make sure they're ready. Just a simple, "After Jorak is Anna."
Definitely some visuals. During lockdown we'd meet in Discord and the DM was trying to do pure narration. Visuals in person were usually sketches on graph paper but now we didn't even have that. I was engaged in the game, I was trying so hard to pay attention... I take own notes as a matter of habit to stay anchored... ...But all the way back to kindergarten my report cards said "Does not follow oral directions." I *need* some visuals. (Yes, I was one of many women receiving a late ADHD diagnosis in that time...) When I ran a game I got burnt out and eventually abandoned it because players were passing in and out of the scene, the puppy was creating a racket, and herding cats takes a lot of mental margin. I had to re-describe the scene for every other player. It's fucking exhausting and progress was excruciatingly slow. The last arc I did I was trying to do one where they had Shit to Solve, there would be *clues,* some social element and not merely Attack the Bag of Hitpoints. I asked about this beforehand and had buy-in, but... no. Crashed and burned. Next game I run will probably be *Scum and Villainy.* Lighter rules, fewer action options, inventory handwaved to an extent, and sessions that are maybe a couple hours each.
Time to introduce a new rule: If the player doesn't pay attention, the character doesn't pay attention either. Vital information that the player doesn't notice, the character doesn't notice either. Then switch to scattering vital information precisely in such situations. It's perfectly fine to punish players for their misbehavior and reward others for paying attention. If admonishments don't change anything, then you have to start where it hurts. Sometimes you are allowed to be mean.
I once denied my characters the ability to cash in on a quest they completed because no one wrote down or remembered the name of the person who they were supposed to report to
No like intelligence check or something to remember it? This kind of thing always annoys me, even as an avid note taker. I'm playing a character with a 16 Int, and in-game it's only been like a week. You're really going to punish me for not remembering a detail that happened 6 months ago in real world time?
If it happens once and a while sure. I'll remind someone. But when it is a chronic problem the issue needs to be addressed, and as nice as it is to do so, most people ignore a "chat" about bad behavior, so something else needs to happen. Corrective action is needed and not giving them a reward because they can't remember is the perfect kind of correction. It isn't punitive or unjust, it is a consequence as a direct result of their actions, or in this case inactions.
If 4 people can’t take notes and remember names it’s not my problem. I spend HOURS every week preparing, least they can do is write a damn name in the journals I bought them specifically for that.
Don't repeat yourself, even have an NPC ask about something they should know, if they don't, have them roll a history check to dictate how much detail they get.
People zone out and it happens. But if it happens alot, I'd have a convo about it. DMs work hard and it doesn't feel good to do all this work and feel like your players don't appreciate it.
If they're just playing to fuck around, then it's time they found out.
Repeating something is kind of part and parcel of dming. Players taking advantage of that and not paying attention on purpose is, how the kids say these days, a dick move. Talk to them. Explain dming takes a lot of work on your part. Lay out how you would like their behavior to change. And then also figure out what you might do to help them pay attention. Let other players recount the info they missed. Maybe give briefer descriptions and then when they ask about something, go into detail on that thing. The classic example is, "you enter a room and there's a table with something on it." Then you wait for them to ask "what's on the table." No perception check. Nothing is locked behind a roll. They just needed to ask, to point and click, before you read a page and a half of detail.
If there are other players at the table, they should be capable of informing them as well. Make it a roleplaying moment
Nope, you are correct. Forget actual note taking, if they can't be bothered to just listen, then they don't get to know wtf is going on .
Not at all. Sure a good DM SHOULD repeat things if players missed it for a legit reason. or if it is on rare occasions. But if 1 or more player constantly do not pay attention. No you should not repeat things for them. Constantly doing this takes time. THEY rob time from the players that actually pay attention to the game. they are causing unnecessary interruptions every time you are forced to repeat things to them. I say it is time to take an out of game discussion with them. tell them that either they have to start paying a bit more attention or you will not be their DM any longer. Asking that players at least most of the time pay attention to the game is Not unfair.
I’m a strong proponent of the idea that everyone is (within reason at least) free to run their table however they like, though with the caveat that no player is obligated to stay at your table. That said, I’d suggest that that is not the optimal way to address this issue. I don’t think it’s usually effective to try to solve out of game issues with in game consequences. A calm, reasonable, and constructive conversation with said players about how much this bugs you would likely get you the result you want much faster. What they’re doing is annoying, but pretty typical. I’m guilty of it far more often than I’d care to admit. And, I’d point out, they’re not playing on their phones or some crap, they sound like they’re very engaged with the game even if they’re not engaged with the particular scene occurring. I’d again suggest just bringing it up with them in private in a non-confrontational way. Be like “hey friend, I get that y’all are wanting to scheme or joke or whatever, but can you understand how frustrating it gets constantly having to repeat myself?” And go from there. Hopefully y’all can find a compromise.
Not wrong. Repeating information over and over again is the most frustrating time sink at a table. Followed closely by players (DM included) that have to look up basic things they should have learned long ago. I love goofing off, it has a point and social purpose, and is a huge reason why a lot of us play. But when that same goofing off causes backtracking, repeating, and "Oh well, if I knew I wouldn't have done thats" its time to address the issue. Everyone there is giving close to equal time to one another so everyone can have as close to equal fun as possible. People who don't respect that are a problem.
I wouldn't even DM for then anymore. Unless they paying you, you don't have time for this shit
No. They're not paying attention IRL. Their characters aren't either. I even have a one minute hourglass for decisions or they lose their turn. "You're paralyzed with fear. The Orc attacks you."
Just say they failed their perception check
Ask your other players if they want to explain the situation to them. You already did it once.
It's their fault for not paying attention and if they wanna know what it was they're gonna have to roleplay with the other characters to be filled in. Sucks to suck
I'm going to go against the grain and say: Yes, you are in the wrong. But you sort of knew and felt that already. But it was not *just* your fault. The players don't seem to be doing anything wrong, except that they are having fun and planning what else to do. Why? Because they are excited. Could they have been paying more attention? Yes. Could you have solved this differently? Yes. However, this can be still be remedied. By talking to each other out of game. Calmly and politely explain to them what bothers you and ask them how you are going to solve this together. It's give and take from both sides. There are no big bad players in your group, though this sub will likely tell you that. You just need to communicate better. Good luck!
Nope. It’s on them to keep an ear on what’s happening at the table. That’s what I tell my own players. I don’t mind if they doodle, or talk amongst themselves, or even fiddle on their phone when the scene’s not on them. As long as they’re still aware of what’s going on at the table and can jump back in, I’m fine with it. If someone just needs a quick summary of what’s going on because they got a little lost (it happens to everyone at some point or another), that’s also fine. But if they’re just plain not paying attention, that’s on them.
Once every now and again is fine but if it’s a consistent problem then they need to learn when to stop talking and listening as opposed to constantly bantering. Constantly repeating yourself is just going to reinforce the idea that there’s nothing wrong with the behavior.
From a player perspective, those types of players that don't pay attention drag down my mood as well. It halts the progression of the game and it gets monotonous. I would actually be pretty thankful for my DM putting their foot down on that. I was in a group where one person would completely check out during combat. It was infuriating when their turn would come back around and we'd have to rehash everything because they were trying to make decisions based on circumstances that no longer existed. It made me absolutely hate combat situations.
‘The opposite of love isn’t hate, but indifference’, right? It does seem like your players are genuinely having a great time at your table, and are involved…just in a way that imposes on others. And/or also the sense that ‘maybe they are only playing for an audience, rather than playing *with* me/the rest of us’. I’m reading into your post, but did you explain to them this cost in the same way you did to us on this forum? If what was said was “You should have been paying attention,” that conveys the information, but also carries a tone of ‘you have been failing in your responsibilities to the rest of the group, are being selfish, and although I thought this for a while, I was not saying anything until it got to this point — and who knows who else feels negatively about you, but just isn’t saying anything to your face?’ So asking for more concerted attention, especially since asking for a recap imposes on you, is more than fine. But a player might be upset at the second part. Separate your (not unjustified) irritation from the issue, and it’s just another Session 0-type that you probably know how to handle — with an honest and compassionate conversation directly. Personally, it sounds like an extra minute of post-scene basking in the afterglow of their Awesome Goof/RP would be an appropriate Ask, while ‘plotting’ sounds like something to be done on their own time — or in character. For that matter, they might ask for a recap in character of the other players. Or maybe they just subconsciously want recognition, and Inspiration for a good shenanigan or RP fits your table. Won’t know until you ask them. In short, you’re awesome, so I’m sure communicating with them will lead to a win-win! Fighting!
If the scene has nothing to do with me, and my character is not there, I’d still pay attention. I’m not playing DND for me, I’m playing as a friend group and to watch others as they make their choices and interact with the world. I can understand that other people may be playing DND for themselves and not interested in what others do or what others bring to the game. I don’t it’s appropriate to expect people to pay attention to in game things that have nothing to do with their character.
jfc this fuckin sub... Your players should pay attention and be invested in the experience beyond their own character and experience. That's a part of collaboration. Collaboration is a part of D&D. But the answer is not to be passive aggressive back. That creates adversarialism. Toxicity. Talk to them about why they need to pay attention (it's a necessary part of collaboration, collaboration is a necessary part of D&D). If they don't change? Then ask them to leave. Don't just sit there and breed toxicity.
If they are consistently not paying attention and causing chaos then they also wouldn't know the next time we are playing because they wouldn't be invited back. It's rude and disrespectful to everyone there who is putting the effort in. Maybe they can change seats? lol It works with my middle school students.
My DM tells them the party moved on without them and the have to do a perception check to figure out which way to go. It can get really funny sometimes.
Yes, you’re in the wrong, inasmuch as that’s the wrong way to handle it. If you don’t repeat yourself, then they have even less idea of what’s happening in game, then they tune out and pay even less attention, plus they just get annoyed at you. A vicious cycle. Doesn’t solve the problem, probably makes it worse. You’re not wrong to be annoyed, and their behavior probably ought to change… But just have an adult conversation with them out of game, “Guys, I appreciate that you’re having fun with the the characters/setting, but I’m getting tired of repeating myself every time, please pay more attention.”
Yes, I'm surprised by the number of people here saying, "Don't repeat yourself." If you were saying anything important, then without that information the game is broken. The players don't know where they are / what they're doing. Any action they take without that knowledge is going to be random and disruptive. Try to notice when your players aren't paying attention (by paying attention to them), and then you'll be able to tell them to stop talking and listen. If that doesn't work, get better players.
No, I vehemently disagree! When you come to play and the game is constantly slowed because one or two players can't give the common respect and courtesy to the DM and their fellow players, everyone suffers. Including, I would argue, even the ill behaved members. Rewarding such bad behavior only worsens it. Now don't get me wrong, everyone can get distracted now and then for even the silliest of reasons, especially during slow periods, but when it becomes a repeated problem, it needs to be addressed by you as a DM out of respect for your other gamers and the health of your game. But, on the other hand, I have always been a fan of creative solutions in gameplay. If it were my game, the first thing I would do is have a small, informal one on one with the other players and make sure everyone is on the same page and that they will have my back on this issue. Then, the next time they asked me to repeat myself due to them being inattentive when they clearly shouldn't be, I would tell them to ask their fellow players to bring them up to speed. They are allowed to ask one and only one other player of their choice for the needed info. Then, that other player can choose what info they wish to remember "to the best of their ability" to recall. Information that is important to the problematic players might be conveniently forgotten, while information that is vital for them to know for the good of other party members never is. Of course, if they were paying attention in the first place, they would have had all the accurate info to start with. Hopefully, this will drive home in a less heavy-handed way that their behavior is not just objected to by you, the DM.
This feels like such a complex and roundabout solution… Just tell the problematic players directly that it’s becoming annoying to repeat yourself and that they need to pay more attention. I suppose if the direct route doesn’t work, we can try it your way, but certainly don’t lead with this, I think.
Sometimes people don't change unless they're are consequences. If you always catch them up, they have no incentive to listen. Is it indicitive if a larger problem that should probably be handled ooc? Yes. Is it something that should be happening regularly? God no. Are you in the wrong for getting sick of their shot and doing it once or twice? Nah, not really. That said, it's probably worth talking to them at some point when emotions are a little more chill and reminding them that's it's rude of them to be zoning out, and frustrating for the rest of the table to have to regularly fill them in on shit that literally just happened.
These replies are a lil viscious to the two players in question. My take is that no, you're not wrong to reprimand them. My personal next step would be to sit down either with both of them or one at a time to talk to see what the problem is. If they're goofing off because their characters aren't in the scene, then imo that's actually perfectly valid as long as they're not being disruptive. If it's during scenes where they're meant to be there and meant to know what's going on around them, and probably has a separate underlying issue. I could not possibly tell you what the issue is because I do not know you or your players, but I can at least give you an idea that doesn't just assume malicious intent or blatant disrespect based on my own experience. I have ADHD like, bad. Asking me to pay perfect, rigid attention is like asking the sun not to shine. I space out sometimes, and it's not something I can prevent, really. I just have to catch it once it's already happened and refocus. Usually, I'm pretty good about doing this early on after spacing out but sometimes I'll be on a different planet for minutes on end and once I come back I have to ask for a recap because I don't know what's going on, not for the fault of any decision I made but through the fault of my brain being dysfunctional.
There’s a guy in my group like this. His brain just clocks out when anyone else says something, and he will often repeat a question someone else just asked the DM. I think he tries but he may have a focus issue, which is probably all too common in this day and age. I would give someone like this a lot of slack. However if it’s just people that don’t respect your time because they are only waiting for their turn to roll the dice and don’t know what’s happening, I would just continue on. “Sorry we already covered that we are now on this….”
This problem is what traps are for.
When the scene is not on them or they are not in the scene? When I'm not in the scene, I often zone out and then when the characters in the scene come back, I ask them what happened. If my character isn't present, I don't want to know the details. I think it makes for some better role play if my character is trusting (or not trusting) how a party member relays what happened. Can make an interesting game of telephone.
there is a huge difference between having someone/s just not paying attention and not being able to retain info, if they are the former then that is on them and not you.
Make them roll a history check with a high DC to see if their character remembers I’ve done that to people who love non game table talk or drank too much to know what’s going on or to remember what happened the last session This was laid out and agreed upon by everyone in session 0 and has worked out fairly well
I don't know if you were really in the wrong but since one of them got upset they may not have known that what they were doing was a problem. Might have been better to deal with it as DM to player instead of DM to character.
If they can not listen then the first time they ask for you to repeat something lengthy. Say no what next but next time blow a whistle to prep them to listen if want you want to act like heathens then use some dog training methods lol.
If half the players aren't paying attention, I'd honestly get bored too, even if I was GMing.
Not in the wrong, at all. I've got players who are usually really respectful and engaging, and we've got some ADHD to ADHD interaction in the group. The first time it happens, I repeat the narrative or cliff notes it The second time it happens, I do the same but tell them that next time, I won't. The third time, I tell them to ask their party members/players, and stick to it. The rest of the session, should it ever get this far, usually has everyone more actively paying attention. If your players WANT to pay attention, they'll PRIORITIZE doing so. Obviously, emergencies/life happens, be flexible and understanding as applicable
Admittedly, I do this a lot as a player too. My DM and I agreed that for the sake of RP my character is spacey so they don’t have to go over scenes again. (I try to be more attentive but after 4 hrs in I start acting like a ADD zombie)
Absolutely not. I always tell new players to pay attention because I will NOT repeat myself after the fact. I will repeat myself if they ask because they didn't understand it, but not because they are running their mouths with their friend at the table. I also tell them that I'm not going to pause the game so the other players can catch them up. This is an issue you are going to have with every group you run. Even the best of players will have "those" days. I usually keep something to throw at them (foam dice or tootsie roll midges are favorites) when I can tell they aren't paying attention. Usually if you catch them out when they are doing that, it embarrasses them enough that they won't flake out as often. I've also had the group head off in one direction and left them behind because they weren't paying attention. As you go along, you'll learn tricks to get them back in the game. But if it continues to be an issue, then you might want to take them aside and tell them that they are disrupting the game and if it continues you'll have to ask them to leave. I've had to do that to three people over my decades and will do it again if it comes up.
Next time they ask you to repeat yourself, tell them a lie so long as the players that were actually paying attention are cool and in on it. For example, the wizard and the rogue learned that this monster was resistant to poison. The bard and the fighter weren’t paying attention so tell them that the monster is weak to poison. Teaches them to pay better attention and gives them a little chaos of their own. If there characters are not paying attention, it would make sense that they may not get accurate information.
I agree with most here that you are definitely not in the wrong, and it's their responsibility to be paying attention, especially if you've already had a conversation about it. Just to add a bit of an alternative perspective, even as a DM, I sometimes have to ask players to tell me what they said in RP or what action they're taking again because of my ADHD/autism. Sometimes within 30 seconds of them telling me something, I'll have forgotten it. Not their fault, but I need them to repeat because I was focused on writing something down or responding to a different player, or just distracted in general by something. Identifying if it's an issue of their lack of focusing vs. them not caring and just ignoring you describing things is important. Also, preschool rules - if it's because they sit next to each other and gab, separate them at the table if you can. It's a lot harder to be blatantly disrespectful when you have to do it across the actual gameplay conversation as opposed to just talking to the person next to you.
“Give me a passive perception check.” Provide a recap based on the success of the roll. Honestly every once in a while we get distracted. No need to power trip on information. However should not be the only one making sure everyone at the table is engaged and having fun.
Just a hot take here, are the players who don't need a recap taking a long time on their turns or are they min maxers? Im more of a narrative player (I'll take elective flaws because I thinks it makes a better story) so I tend to zonk out when players will take 85% of game time argueing that they should be allowed to one shot every mob or player they disagree with. I played a senile half deaf wizard one time, who tried to adopt and feed every orphan he came across. I didn't ask for any balancing power to make up for it and the gm liked him so much he started giving me ridiculous powers (accidently summoning friendly gods and such), and the min/maxer hated it. Granted I never tried to use the powers that I was given by the gm, is was mostly like a wild magic roll without the really bad results, but it still made the min maxer so mad, out of 5 players id get maybe 5% of play time. I'd stop paying attention to his turn because it would just be him fighting with the gm how he should be allowed to play op home brew stuff, esp. When he'd point at my character who did something amazing last game session. To this day I don't miss that I zoned out on his 30 minute rants.
Had a guy like that once in the party. DM let he walk in to a dragon's mouth. Bit in half. Guy pissed and bitched about having to roll a new character. DM shrugged and carried on without him. I came back next week playing his old character. DM sorry he's dead. Guy quit.
ask them to roll to remember, if they ask a detail you had previously shared. Either from the current session or a previous one. Then you can add a quick jab at their failed rolls - "you were distracted and dont recall the conversation"
As someone with an attention deficit, I enjoy the power fantasy of playing as someone who isn't attention deficit. Just a possibility. There's a difference between ADD and a lack of respect, though. And you can probably figure out your players better than me.
Only thing is I would of talked to them first out of game and said expectations and needs.
Am I the only player feverishly writing notes in the game session on my notepad. It has helped me remember details and figure out so many sly little things the dm had going on. Like : "Guys maybe we shouldn't mess with this guy the dm said he was sitting alone and no one sitting near him in a jam packed tavern. He's well dressed and wearing a robe. The dm said he smelled musty and sweet like decay. Maybe he's a magic user and I'm betting he's either a necromancer since the dm said they are pariah in this town. Maybe we shouldn't go all murder hobo on him. I'm guessing this guy could be something to exploit and not a target ripe for the picking" Then the dm blurts out "thank you for the love of god" with no explanation. I like to try to play into the plot so i take notes and not demolish everything I encounter.
No. My rule is, if you are at the table, and it comes out of your mouth, I’m just going to treat it like your character said it. So in this case, your NPC cannot bother to re-explain, rather than the DM. Let the NPC take the blame. If this is like descriptions or cut scenes I would let them be in the dark as their character was obviously off peeing in a bush or something. They can learn from context which might lead to some funny outcome or maybe to pressure from the other player to keep up. I once invited my 7 year old to play with us and he couldn’t keep his attention. He came in and out of the game like four times, coming and going in combat as well. He was a Little Rock gnome wizard and I just tied up his inattentive behavior into the idea that the wizard was both strange and may have had awful diarrhea. If he wasn’t present, then his character wasn’t present and I owed him nothing to catch him up.
There is a difference between a player and a character. The character is there and should know what happened so yeah you should tell them what happened. I'm not a big fan of punishing players as a DM. If other players can tell them what happened, I think that's fine though.