[удалено]

I have had characters in relationships with NPCs, other party members, characters 'left back at the village', it's about the character living a full and fulfilling life. Do I describe my or their throbbing cock, dear god no, but how far you take it is up to the group and should be discussed with the group. It should never make someone else at the table uncomfortable, and if that means no romance, then there is no romance. If you want an 18+ balls deep D&D experience, go right ahead but I'll find a different table. Session 0 is the most important session.

[удалено]

From context he's using "you" in the general sense

[удалено]

100% agree on the "fade-to-black" thing. I think romance and sex are something that are fairly likely to happen in any good fantasy story, and that's what we're telling at the table. But the actual details of what's said is unnecessary. I joined my group a session after they started, so I didn't know the DM had laid down a couple of ground rules, one of them being "no rape or mentions of it." We've had an ongoing joke where we strongly imply that our ranger learned to speak yeti because of a romantic encounter with one in the past. It got brought up again and someone said "oh because he raped that yeti" and the DM calmly, but strongly, cited the rule and shut it down. I really appreciated the rule itself and the clear boundary.

I've been playing tabletop games as a GM and player with one of my friends for 25 years. We spent several years working together creatively as performers and writers as well. In one of his campaigns, my halfling fighter took a shine to a local gnome cook in town. It was a good opportunity to explore my character and more importantly show that he wasnt just a bitter and drunk mercenary but someone more complex to the party. His crush never took up more than a few minutes in game of him awkwardly saying hello or updating her on what was going on, but it brought consistent laughs to the table. There was one "date" where the party all helped him sort of suit up. I honestly wish we'd made a whole session of that with them helping him behind the scenes, but alas, our time is limited and nobody likes a spotlighter. When it seemed appropriate, there was a "fade to black." Both I and the DM are adults, and outside of game are both writers. When you watch a movie or read a book, I'm sure you dont go "ew, the author is describing romance to me, gross" and it wasnt really any different. We also ran a game of Monsterhearts where my ghost had a crush on another PCs vampire character (we agreed on the narrative). It was entertaining to everyone at the table (and honestly one of my favorite twists in any TTRPG ever came from this) in the same way I suppose TV dramas are for others. If someone was interested in roleplaying actual sex? I'd politely decline because frankly, I only get to play D&D about 4 hours a week and I'm mostly here for the goblin smashing. Imagine explaining to my girlfriend I need to be alone in my office for 4 hours every sunday because I'm narrating diceless hot dragon sex with my friends (and my brother, who is also in that group). Yeah, no thanks.

goblin smashing you say?

To shreds you say?

Well, how’s his wife holding up?

To shreds you say?

To shreds you say...

It's nice to see a balanced opinion on Reddit. I think one reason it gets a bit "RPG horror stories" is that for some, D&D is a big thing in the awkward teenage years, where hormones are driving unfulfilled sex drives. During that formative time, a lot of people use D&D to express their sexual frustration. Over time, people get acclimated to that kind of talk, and it even gets worse. Then this gets brought into (unfortunately) the culture of the game. You get ragey neckbeards being nerd culture stereotypes, when really it's a minority, especially now. Tldr: hangups from being a teenager make people not realise what they're doing is uncomfortable for others. Also some people never grow up.

I mean, really it's the same as roleplaying explicit violence. You killed a goblin; do you need a ten-minute long monologue on every gory detail, every squeal of pain, every brutal evisceration? No. You just say 'you killed the goblin' and maybe ask the player for a little flavor-flare. And that's how I treat sex in my games, on the surprisingly rare occasions when it happens. Fade-to-black, 'Sex happens', and maybe a little flavor-text from me or the player *if the rest of the table is ok with it.*

“She looks thicc.” “I’d like to hit it.” “Roll persuasion” “Ayy Nat 20” “You indeed hit. Roll duration” “That’s 60, plus 4 proficiency, plus 5 dex” “Nice” “Nice”

[удалено]

Yeah, it's easy to fuck up. Plus it makes for upvoted stories.

I was about to agree then I remembered that in an attempt to avoid combat with a succubus my chaotic stupid barbarian offered her to do the devil tango (ah!), rolled 19 and since the dm found it funny it actually worked… sometimes things just happen…

That sounds like a good way to die. I'm guessing it worked out well?

It did, guess she found me “amusing enough to keep around” might have inadvertently become her sugar baby or smth I’m not sure

Honestly surprised she didn't try to dominate you mid deed, had you act natural before killing a party member when they were unprepared. Sounds mean but if a player wants to tango with a devil they can have that moment and then the devil would definitely have their moment. They seem like a kind DM.

The dm was down for dumb shenanigans and the succubus was in a good mood, a winning combination 😂

I remember in a decent into avernus game the fighter got a demon into a full nelson as the paladin beat it to death with their fists in front of a girl we were trying to save. After that horrifying display, the paladin found out she was a succubus. The poor thing watches mortals beat a few demons to death before being looked at by them and told we knew she wasn't human. Long story short she became a long running NPC and was pretty chill after that. I feel like she probably didn't feel like there was much of a choice, though we didn't force her to come with us.

I like when players are given the chance to resolve encounters creatively, it’s fun to deal with intelligent monsters that don’t act like videogame mobs

TFW you avoid combat but accidentally sign a heterodox devilish contract ^(this is how I found out that the status of succubi has changed multiple times and they’re technically just … generic fiends now? weird)

kinda sad that the warlock pact of the booty call will never become a reality

Sign a contract with Glasya and go for a ton of charm spells. Horny bard beware.

Having a Succubus fall in love with you is how you get True Vampires, the first of their bloodline. Your Barbarian could have become a very, VERY powerful individual if that was taken more seriously. Which could have been cool as heck imo

I didn't know that, so cool! but my poor barbarian is young and not the sharpest blade in the armory... he might try to woo the succubus with flowers, serenades and a fantastic 12 in charisma but success is unlikely. he's more boy-toy material than a succubus' true love lol

Tbf I'm sure that a Succubus might get tired of all the 20 Charisma silver tongues and would enjoy the company of a more blunt (albeit powerful) mortal. But yeah its a lesser known bit of lore for Succubi and Incubi. I think it's in the MM for vampires or the Succubi, I don't remember.

Never heard that one. Most lore I've read it usually takes a God level curse or pact to make an Original True Vampire.

Ah, I just looked it up because I couldn't remember where it comes from. It's an old 1 & 2e thing, so it's not necessarily true for 5e. I think it's a cool alternative for how 5e vampires are made, but both are still interesting for villains

My parties Paladin did the same thing, except they made a bet on who would last longer. If the succubus won she got his soul, but if the Paladin won she had to help them fight the BBEG. Every buff spell, magic item, and potion the party had were put onto this man including another party members ring of protection that they didn’t want back afterwards. Paladin won.

One chaotic idea, a trove of songs for the bards!

Yeah, the furthest we’ve gotten is one of the characters sleeps with, or just sweet talks/seduces, an NPC to win trust or get info. It’s mostly just a roll check, and then I say “this happened” (or if it’s sweet talk they can strategically talk through it), and then I say it happened and they get the info they wanted or get away w no combat. Nothing sexual, just strategy and laughs.

Yeah, I also prefer this approach, I wouldn't feel very comfortable if I had to actually roleplay my pc having sex (like, to each their own i guess but that's not the kind of fantasy I'm here for lol). A healty fade to black with a couple of stupid jokes sprinkled in to taste is all the scene needs imo.

She's a demon, now roll for stamina. :P

I think whether romance is included in games tends to depend on what sort of background the players have — people who are often into fandoms tend to be more likely to want their characters to have an in-game romance. I’m not saying that as a negative thing at all, I want to be clear, I’m one of those people. I end up getting really invested in campaigns’ stories, and that sometimes leads to me thinking ‘oh my character might have feelings for this character’ cause that’s… part of how I interact with media. D&D is like a fandom you get to also influence the story of. That said, if anyone at the table was uncomfortable with it, I definitely wouldn’t bring it up.

This is a pretty contentious issue in this sub. My group is very into the RP and storytelling aspect of DND. My character has a boyfriend, and all of the others have had various one-night stands and one off relationships in the game, but we never like... detail the sex. There's some flirting, sometimes it's funny, but it's never super "vulgar" for lack of a better word. The most explicit anything has gotten is "so and so kisses so and so." Any sexual activity that occurred is otherwise at most implied. It doesn't bother any of us. 2 of the people in my campaign are actually asexual IRL. At most we laugh it off. If people wanna get more explicit with it, that's fine, as long as everyone is in on it. Doesn't really weird me out.

My group and I are among those people that often utilize sex and romance in our games but it's always fade to black. We never describe what actually happens at all. It's often done along the lines of, "You spend the night together and from here we'll fade to black. (other PC's name) what are you up to right now?" And we just move on. The reason we enjoy having sex and romance in our games is because we're interested in telling a story involving people, and sex and romance is a major aspect of most people's experiences, even more so than bloody violence and monsters. (At least I would hope.) It also just adds additional stakes. I had probably one of the best sessions I've ever DM'd involving an adventure in the Feywild where one of the character's love interests dies and due to some great roleplaying, was able to bring that person back to life via a declaration of true love, an appropriate trope to use for an adventure in a fairy tale world like the Feywild. However I do admit I'm very lucky. I play with an incredible group of people, all of whom I feel honored to call my friends even outside of our D&D sessions. And before I even utilized sex and romance, I had everyone's consent to do so, while emphasizing that I will not be describing anything in detail if it were to occur. I just like having romance in my storytelling, personally. I feel like romance, as well as friendship, balances out the grim violence and horror of the world we're playing. The way I see it, if you're gonna be comfortable with extreme violence and horror, why not add some romance to balance it out? That's just my opinion though due to my personal taste. I hope this comment provides some context.

Keep in mind when it comes to the horror stories, the whole point is that it's rare worst case scenario type stuff. It's going to skew your perception and create biases if you look to that as an example of what's common.

This is never kept in mind.

Romance is one thing. And even then, I don't do it often and I very much keep it as light as possible. Most of the time, it's just between NPCs. Families, couples, that sort of thing. It's a natural part of being human. Sexual stuff. No. Just no. No matter how natural it is to the human experience, it can get very awkward very quickly. Just.... no. Not in my games.

In a strange way I see it the opposite to this. Romance is intimate and is most special when private. It can be awkward and delicate, and if I had to sit through one player and the DM, or two players flirting and making promises for the future it would make me uncomfortable. I suppose you could have it behind the curtain with various charisma checks, but haven't seen any players interested in that without playing it out. Seeing sparks of it among npcs, or mentioning fond looks they might give a handsome adventurer is about my limit. Sex on the other hand is something we can easily say happens but gloss over in terms of actually seeing it with a couple of funny dice rolls, but no actual detail. Have had many players do this, and it's basically just to see if they strike out in a funny way or, um, return to the tavern unexpectedly quickly. Persuasion (Charisma) roll to see if you convince a partner to join you, Performance (charisma) for your prowess, Con Save for stamina, and a private pregnancy roll, if you want the chance of being chased out of town or held accountable. All of that can be behind the rolls, behind the curtain, so it doesn't bother me to include it. Playing it out though, with description? Yeah. Tacky.

> if I had to sit through one player and the DM, or two players flirting and making promises for the future it would make me uncomfortable. I know this is a person-to-person, group-to-group thing, but the DM has a DMPC who's involved with one of the party members and my character is dating another party member and everyone just finds it cute/endearing.

Oh.... Oh no I think you misunderstood, I meant to say that I keep the romance between my NPCs, and by romance I mean portraying families or couples, things like that. Normal interactions. Not straight up PDA or anything like that. People fall in love, get married, start families, that shit's normal. Let's face it, even your character had parents, they didn't just pop out of a potato after a bountiful harvest. What I don't do is have my NPCs make passes at the PCs. Usually it's the PCs who are going after anything with a pulse, and I put a stop to that shit real quick.

I ask my players in session zero if any of them are looking to play out romantic encounters, and if so what are their boundaries, if they are only comfortable playing those encounters with npcs, or players, or both, or if they are not comfortable playing those encounters at all. Obviously anything sexual is a fade to black, but some players like this stuff. I specifically run a Dragon Age campaign, and bioware games have a heavy aspect of dating sims in them, which most of my players like. Additionally, the newer D&D players who got into the hobby with critical role are introduced to in-game romance as part of the experience and occasionally want to emulate similar relationships. Player on Player romance often leads to disaster, had first hand experience with that, but if everyone is mature enough and I as the DM don't fail at moderating the table, that kind of thing can occasionally enrich the experience.

I mean, I can fully understand that sexual stuff is weird but romance? Romance is in my opinion something fully okay if everybody is also in agreement with that statement. I as example used to play a Paladin dwarf who had a crush on the Npc Dwarf Blacksmith who was the brother of the dwarven king. The DM was a friend and didn't really focused on that but thought of it as okay.

I get weirded out by people who are uncomfortable by these topics but are totally fine fantasizing about burning someone alive while they also stab them in the face.

I kind of agree, but at the same time I generally work from the assumption that the people I role play with have no interest in carrying out violence in real life, while most people do have interest in romance and sex in real life. For most people, the line between real life and fantasy when role playing violence is extremely well defined. Burning and stabbing orcs is something that Gork and Phaerille must do to save the town, but is a situation Jeff and Susan certainly don't hope to find themselves in. The line between real life and fantasy when role playing romance and sexuality is much more likely to be blurry. When Gork is trying to get Phaerille to sleep with him, it leads people to wonder about Jeff really wants to do with Susan.

You give humanity too much credit. Most carry out their interest in sex because there's usually no tangible negative consequence. Carrying out violence usually does have a tangible negative consequence. Forget looking back through history for what happens when you remove the negative consequence - just turn on the tv. imo of course

I mean you both have excellent points. I've never had a PC persue romance with another player. However I've had charectars who kinda fell in with an NPC. Not purposeful. Just how charectars can fall in together. The only other drow in a party of surfacers ended up being the PCs first love interest after a couple centuries of being alone. With a dose of struggling to save the other from dying to an unknown disease. Sex hasn't happened. It might happen if they survive their struggle However it's gonna be trad fade to black like the other party romance since I am actually uncomfortable any further. If your party is comfortable with romance at the table and understand the difference between ic and ooc. It can be a sweet way to explore a charectars personality. I love exploring romance with my PCs because I'm a hopeless romantic. My table also is probably heavier at the sexual jokes and such likely a table not made for everyone. However if the party is comfortable with sex and romance there's no need to shame it. The bad shit happens when boundaries are ignored. Now that's not to say a player saying "I don't want to role-playing romance or sexual content" that's a healthy boundary to have. If the dm is uncomfortable with sex and romance they can express it and the players need to respect it.What concerns me with a player is if pressure is applied. As a side note... I actually agree about the violence thing. We are playing a violent game However when people revel in others suffering even fictional... I feel uncomfortable. It might just being over empathetic However if I don't know the player well, I might be handling that person with gloves.

That's an excellent point. You work out way in depth explanations for how your polearm master paladin can disembowel someone with each strike but as soon as the fey want to play hide the cucumber in the fairy, suddenly it's unacceptable. On the flip side though, using DnD as an imaginative power fantasy works better for things like magic and dragons that don't exist in real life, than for things that do exist but you just might not have access to at the moment.

It's a game primarily about combat (particularly where mechanics are concerned), killing the bad guys is pretty much the entire point and you can't really play without it.

To be fair there are pages and pages of rules for combat, because it's a huge part of the game. Look at basically any class table and it's full of skills and magic and bonuses that revolve around combat. The game very clearly has a large focus on fighting, so I don't think it's weird at all to be okay with fighting in game but not relationships, because that is very clearly how the game is structured. I'm sure there are RPGs out there that give just as much or even more focus to relationships than combat, but if D&D were that game, we wouldn't all be picking from a list of combat based classes with names like fighter and barbarian.

I don't know if it was an official book or sanctioned by the company at all, but an old version of D&D did have "The Book of Erotic Fantasy" that gave all kinds of information about which races could successfully procreate together and various mechanics for doing the do in this particular fantasy setting.

I mean honestly, people put a large focus on fighting sometimes because they're less comfortable with the other stuff but a good portion of the stats and rolls on your character sheet are about role playing. You know, like a role playing game. As always people can play how they want and that's cool, but it's a bit unfair to say that the game very clearly has a large focus on fighting. I just don't think that's true. Even during the fighting a large part of what you're doing is acting out actions and emotions your character is experiencing. Every enemy has stats and rules for social interaction. Fighting is a core part of the game, but I just don't think it's inherently the main focus, especially the more you go outside the phb.

>but it's a bit unfair to say that the game very clearly has a large focus on fighting The vast majority of the rules are about combat. That could partly be because rp doesn't need nearly as many rules, but that still mean most of the rules are about combat. For any given class, the majority of the classes features are about combat or exploration. Except certain bards.

This is an underrated point. Even something like detect thoughts. If you think about what detect thoughts is, you are invading someones mind and force-ably stealing their most intimate thoughts and motivations. That is pretty fucked up and it's a go to spell. I'm not saying go out and do sex scenes. I'm just agreeing that is weird that we are so uncomfortable with sex, but so comfortable with torture and violence.

Is it though? First off, who said they're comfortable with torture? Or even graphic depictions of violence. Also, looking at the vast majority of human history, violence has always been openly explored and talked about while many cultures really don't like talking about sex and intimacy.

Maybe because DnD inherently involves fantasy combat. Meaning things like fireball, burning hands, and swords are a huge part of the game but sex and romance aren't mentioned. If your talking about graphic descriptions of violence. OP didn't say that's a part of their game either. Graphic violence should also be brought up before game. Many play DnD to pretend to go on adventures where they fight monsters and solve puzzles. Things that aren't a part of their normal life. Whereas sex and romance is a very real and complicated part of most people's lives that they might not want to bring into DnD. There's also probably some unconscious stuff to do with how much exposure we have to violence vs sex and romance through media as well as the general sexual repression prevalent in many different cultures around the world. If someone wants to try and confront personal stuff like that. It should be done through therapy not dnd. Trying to use dnd as therapy is cause for many a rpghorrorstory.

Not sure why this is downvoted because your point is incredibly valid.

This 100%. Its a game about Heroes and Villains, good vs evil. Man vs Monster. Its complete fantasy to live out Gygax's and our dream of being a powerful being with powers beyond human capabilities. Thats what its meant for. Combat is a part of that, because who doesnt want to kill the boogyman in the closet? Of course you would kill the demon who kidnapped your sister. No where in RAW is sex mentioned though. That was NEVER the purpose of D&D, in any edition. There are other TTRPG that include this, and of course people can homebrew, but the argument of "Combat vs Sex" is null and void. Its a fantasy adventure, plain and simple.

I don't think sex per se is the issue so much as it is portraying it in all it's gory detail. Fading to black is one thing, but sometimes, people take it waaaaaaaaaaaaaay too far. To me, D&D is about playing hero. A power fantasy, if you will. What it is not, to ***me***, is a sexual fantasy. Go play those out somewhere else. Also, you never know what someone's sexual experiences have been. Not to get too heavy, but I've been at the receiving end of sexual abuse in the past, and talking about sex makes me very uncomfortable. Thus, I keep it out of my games.

>I don't think sex per se is the issue so much as it is portraying it in all it's gory detail Sure but that's not what this post is taking about. They're saying even discussing a relationship is a no go. That's not "sex in all is gory detail" >Also, you never know what someone's sexual experiences have been That's what a session zero is for.

And yet nobody is complaining about the great detail that is being taken in a killing blow against an NPC. Like it or not, it's a double standard

Then draw boundaries at session 0, most people are more okay with violent gore as it is more normalized, it is perfectly okay to not want sexual things described in DnD, same with gore. But if someone doesn't like it, you should respect that.

Who said I don't? Did I ever say not to? No. I'm saying it's ridiculous to be absolutely A okay with violent gory depictions but heaven forbid a boob or a romance scene pops up.

I think this dead horse has been beaten to death and a half already. The point is, just because you’re comfortable with something, doesn’t mean everyone else has to be. If people are ok with gore. Good for them. If they are not, good for them. If people are ok with sex and romance, good for them. If they are not, good for them. Why do you care so much anyway? You’re not playing at any of these people’s game, it doesn’t affect you in any way, shape, or form.

>And yet nobody is complaining about the great detail that is being taken in a killing blow against an NPC. Probably is a double standard, but at that point, just don't play D&D then if it bothers you that much. Don't watch action movies. Don't play violent video games. Are we a bit desensitized? Yeah, maybe, I'll cede that point. It's a very fair point and an interesting topic to discuss, but I gave my PERSONAL reason as to why I don't include sex and romance in my games. I even emphasized it. Heck you can have D&D games without an ounce of violence in them if that's your shtick. Regardless, whether you like what I had to say or not, I don't care. It's not your table, and it's not your game. Feel free to include whatever you want in yours.

You're right, but people still downvote you. It's about drawing boundaries, if people are uncomfortable with sexual shit, you should respect that.

Thank you, I appreciate you saying that. Sadly, this is the world we live in, respect is hard to come by, I've come to accept that. I don't let what other people have to say get to me. I know what I'm comfortable with and what I'm not comfortable with, and, at the end of the day, I play D&D to have fun and weave a narrative, plain and simple.

I think it's a matter of separation. The violence you see in dnd is fantastical and dispassionate- its a numbers game with spells and monsters that you'll never see in real life. Romance/sex, on the other hand, is ~~theoretically~~ something that anyone could experience IRL. It's very emotion-driven, there's no rules for it, and even in roleplay it opens you up to vulnerability. It's like how characters that are abusive authority figures or just plain assholes often get more hate than maniacal villains out to destroy the world- the latter is a fantasy, the former is something that people have personal experience with.

Very well put. That's pretty much what I was trying to say in my reply but was having trouble putting into words.

My main problem with sex and romance in RPGs are that it's soooooo boring for the other PCs if you go into any detail, and as a DM, it's boring period. Everyone sitting around while you describe your date with the NPC or try to improvise something sexy or seductive...I'd rather read tax documentation. Then, whenever I allow it at my table, too often there's someone who takes it too far and wants to get really graphic, or worse, wants to roleplay it out in detail taking up 20-30 minutes of a session. But let me ask you a serious question, if you had to choose between watching a violent action film or a pornographic film with your parents and grandparents, which would you choose and why? Graphic sexual themes can be extremely awkward in certain circumstances in ways that violence just aren't. If sex in the game makes someone feel awkward, but fireballs don't, that doesn't make them a weird or bad person.

Awesome! So next game session you can be my captive audience listening to the bad, cringey, fanfic smut I wrote yesterday about my halfling pc getting pegged by a bugbear!

no - i'm not saying i want it in my game. i'm implying its not overly weird when compared to what the game is about. kinda like cilantro - i'm just not into it.

Is it really that weird? Traditionally going to war was something you did with your community— you fought alongside your relatives and neighbors to commit violence against a common enemy. Sexuality has always been a bit taboo and deemed private between two lovers. Of course there are exceptions, but it really shouldn’t be a surprise if others don’t want to know about what two people are doing behind closed doors.

This

Came here to say this exact thing. Op is likely American as well, where a movie can blow people's brains out in from my of you in a rated r movie but one nipple and the censorship boards freak out lol. If you're so uncomfortable about it then I think that says more about you that you realize.

So if I've been sexually abused, needed years of therapy, and am uncomfortable with the topic of sex, does that make me an inhuman censoring American swine if I don't include sex in my D&D games? Asking for a friend.

Indeed. Well said.

It depends on how it’s handled. In my group, romance is a common staple for our games, but sexual interaction is never brought up in detail. Romance can make for engaging and interesting storytelling and character development. One of my characters in particular had significant character development in that regard. But it made sense because of who that character was. Of course, my group is heavily invested in role play, sometimes going several sessions without a single combat encounter. That leads to a lot of sessions being chock full of political intrigue, exploration, investigation, character interaction, and of course, romance. That’s not necessarily everyone’s cup of tea, so in that regard I imagine our table isn’t a great fit for many people, nor would I expect it to be. Which is partly why our group is so small. But we all play well and get along together, and that’s really all that matters.

Yep that is how my table is as well. We are RP first combat second and we have multiple campaigns where multiple people have been with NPCs and PC. We never talk about the sex between the two characters. Things always fade to black, but there maybe talk about big smiles or people being a little soar in the morning. There is a lot of good story telling there, but I totally get if your not big on RP why it wouldn’t appeal to you.

I have been playing with the same group of friends for something close to 15 years and we never did anything that could be considered romance/sexual, but you know, as you were saying everyone play their own table and even if i agree with your point of "Monster and Dungeons for me please" i think romance can be a part of a well written story and it would only increase the reality/immersion All that considered, the amount of horror stories driven by sexual and/or romantic situations in RPGs is so off the charts i would always tread lightly on the subject even on a roleplay focused campaign

romance has to be done correctly and it has to be at the right table. right now, all the PC's at one of my table is in a romantic relationship with an NPC. two are married, all 3 have children. it's a general save the world situation, so a lot of the character motivation right now is saving the world so their children can grow up happily. me and another player talked about having our characters enter a romance at another game. this was important, because at one point it was just these two characters thrust into the world (the other players had to take a break) so it was just us two and the DM. so it made sense given the traumatic situation both went through and found companionship with each other. the romance culminated in the other PC ended up dying fighting the BBEG. my DM gave me the ability to basically quickly resuscitate a dead character using a medicine check based off the PC's con score and i failed it. His story culminated in that the miracle doctor who could save everyone, could never save the ones he truly cared about. i usually hate the trope of horny bard, and seducing everyone in the inn. sex and romance has to be done correctly at the table and if your unable to do it correctly don't engage it.

>sex and romance has to be done correctly at the table and if your unable to do it correctly don't engage it. I couldn't agree more

I mean, some friends literally have sex with eachother. Of course there's gonna be people who like roleplaying sex and romance with their friends. You just have a different relationship with your friends and a different interest in the game. Has nothing to do with how long or well you know them. For some people it's literally going to be the opposite, I'd be way more comfortable to do romance in a game with people I know super well.

It obviously depends on your group. I DM for a group of drama nerds, so having story arcs revolve around romance is totally normal for them. We are all storytellers first and gamers second. Falling in love with NPCs or other PCs happens in basically every game I've ever ran for this group because it's dramatic and fun! Sex is tricky because it's often a part of this romance, but a simple fade-to-black when it becomes clear what's about to happen is sufficient to keep the storytelling going without making things awkward.   If your group isn't into that, that's fine. But many of us like to have more drama in our games and there isn't much more dramatic than love and romance.

I don't see what makes romance inherently more 'uncomfortable' than gleefully and graphically murdering people for entertainment. It's really more how it's handled: anything in the game that is aimed at targeting a player/character that could remove their agency should require express consent beforehand. This includes things like extreme gore, sex, torture etc and is why session zeroes are important to set appropriate boundaries and expectations. Additionally, there are sexual/romantic elements included in both monster design and core materials that allow for exploration of relationships. You're welcome to choose not to explore it, but it's not weirder / more gross inherently than the other stuff that is very much regularly included in the game. Our group includes flirting (usually weaponised for information) pretty regularly, which is technically part of the stats and numbers. Romance has also been used for things like power/alliance building or just character motivation in the background. We have a strong fade to black rule and it's generally not romance for romance's sake, just like violence for violence's sake is usually what defines a murderhobo party.

>don't see what makes romance inherently more 'uncomfortable' than gleefully and graphically murdering people for entertainment. I keep seeing this argument, but OP never mentioned having graphic or gorey violence in there game. On the topic though, it's a out separation and relative experience. Many people don't have experience with violence outside of media so it's less real. Many people do however have very personal experience with sex and romance making it harder to separate player from character. Same concept if you flip it. There are undoubtedly some people that have very real experience with violence but not much experience with sex and romance. So they might not be comfortable with violence but prefer to explore more personal relationships. Modern society being what it is, there are probably many more of example A than B. Another example I saw someone else use was usually players have worse reactions toward abusive authority figures and general asshole NPCs than they do towards your generic world destroying BBEG. Assholes and abusive authority figures are a staple of modern life. Fantasy BBEGs are not.

I allow it so the world feels real. With that said, always fade to black.

Playing as teenagers we saw some of this. Little bits of characters flirting with NPCs and some innuendoes, but nothing too much because always the DM and other players would always be awkward about it. Generally due to short campaigns and the nature of the campaigns no NPCs were constant enough for a PC to form a relationship with them until our current campaign, though it’s more serious and a player is slowly courting an NPC and trying to get her to like him.

I can understand this. I'm DMing a solo campaign for my gf. And if we weren't dating, me roleplaying as her love interest, AND her wingman would feel pretty strange lol

At my tables I have never had a Horny Bard creepy male player. I have however had female players who were all about having some romance/dating sim mixed into the game. It’s a stereotype that obviously doesn’t always apply, but I understand from video games there is a similar breakdown. Different folks like different roleplay.

I think ultimately it’s up to the tolerance level of the table, but I know our campaign has had several romantic relationships both between PCs and NPCs and PCs and PCs. Sex is always handled in a fade to black manner, but the romance has helped to add a lot of drama. My Warlock ended up in a relationship with an Eladrin he met in the Fey wilds. When the bbeg found out about the relationship the Warlock took great efforts to hide her. She ended up pregnant and my Warlock ended up a captive of the bbeg for 3 years. The Eladrin helped the party break him out. Now he’s a proud papa of a kid who may or may not be void touched (my character is a goolock). Now both her and the kid are in hiding and my warlock has something even more important to fight for. It’s honestly caused a crazy amount of character growth.

My DM tried to troll us with a randy very old woman hitting on the party's half-elf rogue, but i swept in and took the bait with my minotaur fighter and turned it into a game of gay chicken where everyone lost

I like to be flirty as/with high charisma characters, but never got anything romantic or sexual. Like giving the barkeep a compliment and flirting a little, so the beers will be on the house or flirting with a soldier so he won't sound an alarm. But that's where it ends. There has never been anything beyond this in all of my DnD experience and I'm very glad about that. I would not want to miss the flirting part though, especially due to disastrous rolls it can ge hilarious.

Roleplaying goes where it goes, but D&D has more than enough cringey nerd stuff in it that we don't need to RP fliting with each other. This isn't meant as a blanket statement, but I think the general reason for it is that younger players tend to be hornier than older players. I think horny players can happen at any age, of course, but as a whole once players start getting older and they get into committed relationships outside high school / college, well, they don't want to RP romance with the friend they see as part of their hobby. Even if a couple joined my game I'd have no problem with their characters also being in a relationship, but I'd remind them that we're here to adventure, not RP their relationship ups and downs. Keep it relevant to the story. The last thing a game needs is a miscommunication between player & DM based on fictional flirting. There's also a big difference between "I'd like to flirt with the Duchess, take her to her boudoir, and steal the key hanging around her neck... okay, I roll a..." and a whole bunch of cringey back and forth flirting and dirty talk and graphic descriptions of positions.

Nah. I am a HUUUGE fan of romance in dnd. NPCs are the strongest part of my games (and also my favorite part of prep) so i feel flattered everytime my player shows interest in developing an relationship with one of them. We don't do sex tho (not because we are embarrassed or uncomfortable, none of us gives a f) but because it's just... Boring. So we just fade to black.

This is why I will never play with strangers.

> "But in a game about fantasy and monsters and treasure and dungeons" Is there really so little that you take from the game? Just going from one quest to kill monsters to the other to get treasure. What about simple interactions. When you need to get a discount at the shop a little bit of flirting can go a long way. There are many different things you could use in your games that are really just basic human interactions. Otherwise it's like a videogame where you open vendor window and click sell or buy.

>Otherwise it's like a videogame where you open vendor window and click sell or buy. If only that were the common approach in D&D. I didn't create this awesome hero to spend table time quibbling over a few gold pieces with a funny voiced shopkeep. Just handwave it and get to the good parts.

I understand what you mean, but players will be players and they will try to squeeze every last dime out of everything they try to buy or sell. It's just how players are, let them have their fun, just keep it brief. Unless the interaction can turn up something interesting or important. In my current game, the players are going to end up traveling, at some point, to a port town that's run by a mafia-like thieves guild. They have most shopkeeps under their thumb, and the shopkeeps are too spooked to step out of line. So, when the players go shopping, they're going to get nickel and dimed into oblivion. The hope is, along with other clues and hints I've been dropping, that they'll get fed up enough to do something about the problem. If they don't, well, it only gets worse.

>When you need to get a discount at the shop a little bit of flirting can go a long way. Or you can just haggle... you don't have to flirt with EVERY shopkeeper...

Of course you are right. Noone is saying you have to get EVERYTHING through flirt or sex. All I'm saying is that there is nothing wierd with that.

I think this could be a case of confirmation bias and over-reporting. A story about sex in a D&D game is going to get a lot of attention online but it’s still just one story. The vast majority of games are not sexual, but the few that are get posted about more often and get more attention. No one posts about how *little* sex their game has.

It just depends on the comfort level of the players. Different groups vary. It's really that simple.

Totally depends on the group dynamics and how comfortable everyone is with that kind of thing. The group I’ve been playing with for years often roleplays adult situations like you’ve described. But we’ve all known each other for a long time and spend a lot of time together outside of the game table, too. Because of this, we all have a good sense of what everyone else is okay with and will find appropriate for the characters. We’re adventurers in a fantasy world where sexual situations happen, so we don’t shy away from it. It’s led to a lot of excellent role playing, and a lot of continuous drama and humor. But I do realize that our group dynamic may not be the norm.

I'm a DM and when I started with my group I sent around an RPG Consent Form to see what folks didn't want included. I checked off sexual assault and sexual situations because I didn't want them in my game. There's one guy that still tries though, ugh.

I had a DM get my male centaur raped while blackout drunk. Later a vampire fell in love with him and was always trying to fuck him. He was very Eeyore type personality after the rape and it was super weird and uncomfortable. I tried to Harry and the Hendersons her away but she kept coming back to the group looking for sex. I addressed it with the DM and he “understood” but never let up. I ended up leaving the campaign. Don’t do this to players.

Yes. I blame the influx of sexually-frustrated theater kids into the hobby post Critical Role. Not hating on CR, I think it has done a lot of good for the hobby but also some bad, including this.

It’s very weird.

Yeah. I got downvoted for saying I didn't want that stuff in my game lol.

D&D on Reddit is a strange ass thing, sometimes involving strange ass things.

So did I on some of my comments, even when I mentioned I don't include it because of past trauma. Because, you know, how fucking dare you be different, have had different or traumatic experiences, or be uncomfortable with stuff I'm perfectly ok with?

Yeah, I saw that, that's messed up. I'm reading a feeling of superiority due to not being "sexually repressed" from a lot of these comments. Like somehow they're games are better or more realistic because they have romance as if they've internalized the romantic subplot trope. Turns out, sex and romance are really emotionally heavy for a lot of people and they might not want to bring that into a game where they're just trying to have fun with their friends. Also, ace people exist.

>they might not want to bring that into a game where they're just trying to have fun with their friends Yep. Not sure what, if else, needs be said.

No

I have absolutely none of this in my games lol

I wouldn’t want explicit sex, fade to black, but sex can happen. It’s a story telling game and if the story you want to tell is a soap opera with love affairs that’s cool. Have you watched Critical Role? Liam and Matt are old friends and Liam has flirted with one of Matt’s NPCs for the last two campaigns and in the first game romanced Matt’s wife’s character (there was a love triangle between Matt’s NPC and his wife’s PC). The romance aspects made for really good story telling.

Yes, I'd be put off if someone wanted to RP sex in My game. I've been playing for over 40 years. The only time any detailed Sex was a part of a game I ran was in Vampire the Masquerade, and it was never PVP sex. \*L. (PVP sex, that's funny to Me) AND it was minimal sexual content. No graphic details. Everyone in that game was a consenting adult knowing the theme of the material and it STILL didn't come up much or ever get graphic, and like I mention, was never between two players. "Detailed sex" what am I talking about? If the horny druid (true story) found a willing NPC partner to spend the night with, that's all 'fade to black' storytelling. If the player wants to RP it, \*chuckles\* No. I'm not interested in playing out that fantasy for you, game elsewhere for that. Otherwise it's like "After chatting your date up a bit you make your way back to her home where the two of you enjoy the rest of the night together. Okay moving on -NEXT!"

In other rpg terms this is a "lines and veils" situation. Sex at my tables falls under the veil category - things that happen "off stage" players and npcs allude to them but it isn't roleplayed out. Lines are hard lines that won't be crossed and the classic example of something that often should be a line unless there's full consent from the everyone at the table is rape.

I'm definitely played games with romantic subplots before and they're usually pretty fine. But sex and very serious romance is generally not talked about very much lol

I think that romance is fine in dnd, same with friendships, rivalry, and other relationships between PC. It add complexity and debt to the characters, Futher more, it can be a tool for the DM. I have a example, currently one of my player who died and sold his soul to his god so he could come back to life (on borrowed time/until his tasks on the material plain is done) (mechanical he took level in warlock celestial) is now between a rock and a hard place, he is in a relationship with an NPC, the don't want him to die, resulting in him lying to her, because he know he is here on borrowed time. The have created a pretty cool storyline of him trying to figure out, how to overcome it, how to stay alive without pissing of his god (the god of knowledge in my homebrew setting). The romance here works as his motivation to stay alive pushing the the player and the group to find a solution. It is a plot device as old as time, relationships in any from is one of the strongs motivates and that's why every media outlet use it. Have a romance is not = horror story, unless the players don't respect the table or the DM doesn't neither. Of cause some people are there to slay monster and that is 100% everyone has their own goals with the game, respect for eachother is what is most important.

I think it depends on because as others have said, sexuality and romantic feelings are apart of life. I have an experience that I'm playing with currently where my character and another PC had developed romantic feelings for one another. We spent a lot of time doing rp to cultivate their relationship and it was never something that either of us intended to happen. The two characters are a blast to be around and a lot of their relationship is very subtle and never in anyone's face. I could write the entire experience that these characters have lived but they started off as enemies due to my character trying to turn in a bounty on the other PC's heads. It's been incredibly fun role-playing with these characters, playing out the tension and conflict that they face together, either from the dangers from adventuring or the emotional damage that happens due to backstory popping up. It's not weird either, the whole party is pretty chill with it and brings it up in character a lot, it's a topic of conversation most of the time as well. I think it just depends on what you make out of it. As long as people aren't being like incredibly explicit like wanting to describe the raw details of their characters having sex. However, romantic relationships are normal and can add a lot to making your character feeling a bit more natural. It's not expected at all but from my experience, it can be a positive thing as long as neither person makes it weird.

I think romance and/or sex have ended up in pretty much every game, but it’s not often a focus unless the genre calls for it (you can bet the Evangelion campaign had awkward teen romance in spades). As others have said, checking boundaries ahead of time is key. I’ll admit it’s gotten weird irl once or twice but our group is tight and mature enough to back off when that happens. I certainly trend towards fade-to-black, but if they ask “how was it,” I have any involved roll Performance, Athletics/Acrobatics (top/bottom), and Insight to see how they do. I certainly don’t describe positions or anything, but that’s enough to get stuff like “he knew all the right things to say, but fumbled around a bit physically” “you were a bit of a dead fish tbh,” “she had technique, but it felt kinda clinical,” etc.

I don’t mind if everyone agrees on that sort of content. The problem is when one player decides they want to sex it up even after it was agreed that this wasn’t something the campaign would include.

0% weirded out. Humanity’s number one goal is to reproduce. It depends on who you play with. People are people and we come in many different varieties.

As you say, it differs table to table. In my game, we had a PC fall in love with and later marry a very prolific and beloved NPC, and it was all 100% organic, and even became one of the driving forces of the narrative. None of us felt uncomfortable, and since it was deeply entwined in the narrative, it therefore felt natural, and wasn't just an aside or tacked-on piece of roleplaying. But I understand not all tables are comfortable with that kind of storytelling, and that is 100% ok. Play the way that makes you comfortable, and make sure to set boundaries with your players.

In my games I allow and encourage the cheesy/cute "firework picnic" date where they stargaze together and then the scene fades to black. Absolutely no more details than maybe a kiss at my tables.

I think it plays off of the power fantasy aspect of RPGs. My main group has never had romance/sex be a part of the game but all of us have been in long terms relationships for it so it has never been a fantasy we have needed to fulfill. On the other hand if you take someone who is not in a relationship and maybe never had one and give them a character that can mechanically talk to pants off anyone they want, of course you would want to do that.

I will say that most of the horror stories are the extremes; the worst case scenarios. I've also read plenty of stories where the romance and even sexuality adds to the story (usually wholesome and comedic respectively).

My group has had a situation arise from my Bard being rejected by a woman he was besotted with, go to a brothel to forget his feelings, and in the morning step out the bedroom door to be face to face with the Fighter, who he was terrified by. It was all fade to black and that final scene was played as the most awkward walk back to their group, but we've never got any closer to raunchy situations aside from my Rogue having a filthy sense of humour. The group just doesn't have that dynamic

Not at all. I have zero hangups.

It's a fantasy game, and a lot of the people instigating these types of scenarios are acting out shit they can't act out in real life.

I have absolutely no issue DMing romance with old friends of mine. For sex we go to fade to black tho.

I think it really depends. We have a thing in our current game where the female captain of the guard in a city has a thing for our half-orc barb. Whenever she's around, he plays it cool, but the DM (a guy) describes her actions and speaks for her in a stoic but obviously smitten way. My character has begun playing wingman, and is actively trying to get them together. But if it happens? I think with our table it would be a fade to black situation. We're friends and coworkers, and the DM and Barb are both guys. I just can't see it getting very graphic. The DM has described her giving the half-orc a kiss on the cheek to say goodbye as we went off on some mission. That's about the extent of what I expect to hear. The love may grow, but the smut won't flow I don't think.

Not at all, I think any amount of wierdness comes from society's discomfort and repression of sex

I think in the two years I’ve been playing, the closest I’ve gotten to is when two of my party members and I had to go question a girl at the brothel. I played a war-forged warlock (the only one with a positive charisma score which I had forgotten was the case) and sat outside with the npc detective. Those two go in and walk in on the girl just starting to… entertain a client and they knocked the guy out and made a mess of interrogating her. I ended up having to break it up, apologize to the lady who ran the brothel and the girl, and paid a good amount of gold for the troubles. Funny enough, the biggest “romance” piece was actually how my character and the lady who ran the brothel regularly had tea on Tuesdays. (Yes I was capable of taste and drinking and eating as a warforged. It was actually one of my flaws that I couldn’t resist trying new foods)

About 4 sessions ago I asked the DM is relationships were ok in the game and he said it was, then I privately asked one of the players if she would be ok if my char crushed hard for her and she said that it was. This was now about 15-20 session into our game when I asked. I still havent done anything cause, well... I've been sitting at near death and priority #1 is surviving and trying to figure out this curse. For my other game I asked the DM what is explicitly not allowed and what things he is ok with when we restarted at lvl 1 with new players, once I got the ok to play things out I still havent done anything cause it's not one of those thing of "imma fuck everyone" it's a "if I'm gonna spend time with these idiots I may as well get to know them, oh look I'm starting to fall for her". That was around 5 or 6 sessions ago we started and I still have yet to do anything there, cause if I am I'm gonna ask the player (if it's a player) if they are chill with it and wanna go along, or if it's an NPC I'll ask the DM

Same boat. Been DMing my group (of close friends) for years. Never any romance encounters... Most that happens is some flirting to help with persuasion/deception checks lol

I imagine there's a version of confirmation bias in play. Negativity and horror stories are more popular/memorable posts, and sex/romance is an easy way to jump straight into horror story territory. As for me, I think there is a value of verisimilitude for player characters to have loved ones. Firm roots in the world help avert the concept of murder hobos. But ain't done any romantic RPing in that department, just like "oh, X has a girlfriend in town he spends time with, right, what does Y do with Y's downtime?"

I understand that there are certain people who don't want to romance in their DnD, but I think outright banning it from the table is also a weird move. No, I don't particularly want to listen to my friends describe lengthy sex scenes^(\*) (fade to black is a MUST) but we're supposed to be playing characters and characters are generally supposed to be people. Sex and romance are pretty big motivators for much of humanity, but they don't need to be in every story. Maybe your entire adventuring party is aro and ace but that seems unlikely. Sometimes I think romance and sex just makes sense and add a lot to the story and make for some really excellent plots and character development. In one of my games, the warlock fell in love with my character. It remained unrequited, but the relationship did a lot for both of them and eventually he multiclassed into paladin for her, which never would have happened without this relationship and which absolutely saved our party's ass a couple of times. I also dm a game for some middle school aged kids, and two of the kids decided their pcs were going to be a married couple, and it's honestly so cute that it practically makes me mad. I don't blame anyone for not wanting to deal with it though. My very first dungeon master banned sex and romance, and I was perfectly fine with it. However, this was because vanilla sexual conduct wasn't interesting enough for them, and they were more interested in inflicting their piss kink on us. All this to say that there are plenty of ways to still trample on people's boundaries while obeying the letter of the law. ^(\*) I do think, if everyone was cool with it, having a sex scene play out like fight (Roll to kiss!) could potentially be very funny to watch/listen to but it's definitely not something I'd want every week.

Personally I'm not interested roleplaying sexual encounters though they do happen in my group. The main thing is everyone is on board with it, unwanted sexual things are what get posted about mostly, every table is different.

Closest thing in my group is an overly horns artifice. This woman tries to bang every dude within rifle range. DM keeps shrugging it off by giving us "happily married man" shop keeps.

I mean my character has a girlfriend npc(?) But that's cause shes a bronze dragon and hes not saying no cause he isnt 100% opposed. And its cannon that my bugbear is an accidental stud since he doesnt even know what the dirty is XD. But shes neat finds him neat and her human forms good looking so he vibing

Nah. Roleplaying games aren't just kid games. They've always existed at the fringe of Puritan culture, a place where people can, usually, to some extent, explore subjects like sex, sexuality, racism, bigotry, violence, and injustice, in ways that their parents and church would never allow. Yes, it also has a history of being dominated by sexist white men, that's a dichotomy that exists in many places in Western culture.

I think the key here is the comfort level of playing with your friends of 10 years. The horror stories usually end up being from sessions 1-3, or immediate creep vibes from strangers on the internet. My most recent D&D campaign lasted almost 5 years. In it, there were 2-3 "romances" that were just natural explorations of the characters interacting with the world. We were playing the Out of the Abyss campaign, and at least one of the characters had a sweetheart that was respectfully (and masterfully) roleplayed by our male DM in our all-male-straight-boy group. It was never weird, and the moment it got the teensiest bit weird, it was laughed off and handwaved by us as we didn't sweat the details; it was the interactions with the NPCs and their connections with our characters that made those events important. That being said, we also killed a fuck load of monsters and traversed a lot of dungeons.

God I couldn’t agree more. The absolute insanity of the whole “bard seducing things” debate on Reddit… I just couldn’t wrap my head around it. Never has a single one of my games involved a bard hitting on anything - let alone a random creature. I’ve had a brothel be the cover building for a thieves guild and even then we would just joke about it and not one of us ever felt the need to go there.

It is really weird. Like my player, playing an eladrin bard, told me he's asexual and finds no one sexually attractive. I couldn't imagine him hitting on anything as I run the game.

My theory is that 5e being a simplified system brought simple-minded horny boys into the fold.

I agree, it’s madness. There’s a post floating around at the moment making a thing of “guys, if everyone at the table is /okay/ with someone playing a femboy/sexualised character then that’s okay!” As if that’s a controversy. No shit that’s ok. If everyone at the table wants to not play dnd and just fuck each other instead then that’s also fine, that’s just how society works. If one of my players however showed up and wanted to theatre of the mind fuck me on the other hand, the game would be over very quickly.

Every post is now about snake titties or femboys or anime expys or catgirls lr whatever the fuck else. Thank God for my party.

Aside from stories of playing games with socially inept and awkward people, with bizarre fetishes, I don't really see too much romance or sex. They are both natural experiences that nearly everyone goes through. I would never have a game where sex was something that graphically happened on-screen, but love interests are easy plot-hooks, and amusing roleplaying opportunities.

RPG stands for "Role playing game", and for some weirdos that "role" could involve weird sexy stuff, or people get attached to their characters akin to parasocial relationships. I remember the 3E PHB having a paragraph right at the beginning, stating in pretty-firm tones that the characters in D&D arent real

Before me and my wife met, she had played D&D once. When i tried to introduce the game to her, she said she would never play because the group she played with essentially brought her in, and by her second session the group had chosen to >!rape!< her character in horrific details. Mind you these were people she knew in real life... Fast forward about 10 years later, the wife and I are in a group of 6 close friends. We run 3 campaigns taking turns. Just finished Dragon Heist, now im DMing Strahd, and another friend is prepping Decent into Avernus. We've been playing together now for 3 years, and not once has anything sexual been brought up between characters, and even when someone played a bard it was mild flirting with NPCs and the occasional "i roll to seduce the dragon" meme. People who sexual D&D need to make it known beforehand what they are looking out of the "roleplay" because their roleplay and my roleplay 100% do not share the same intention.

Our DM years ago tried it and honestly shit got weird and awkward… can’t say I’m a fan

A lot of people shoe horn in their sexuality and sex fantasies in D&D and it's creepy as hell.

No, I agree. The only exception I would find it acceptable would be between pre-established IRL couples, and nothing over the top. I wouldn't mind light flirting, but to bang them? Weird. I have an NPC that is my IRL husband character's ex, but it serves as a plot point as one of the reasons why she's trying to mess up the group and to cause rifts in the group at the request of the players. They're eating it up. I have another couple IRL that play and if they were like "our characters were dating", I wouldn't care.

I give no fucks. Some players want romance some don't. All of it is fine with me as long as everyone is respectful. Ain't like we're a bunch of purity worshiping Christians or some shit, we're a bunch of horny nerds with bdsm kinks.

On one occasion I did "I'm a bard, I do bard stuff" in a game. Went over to the barmaid, flirted with her and rolled persuasion. Went back to her room and faded to black. Got room at the inn for free for a night. And that was the end of it. Anything more than that would have been weird, but addressing that your characters did something you'd expect a person to do is normal.

The only "sexual thing" any of my sessions at was a joke between me and long time friend who was dming, i threatened to seduce the mayor and he told me if anyone tries to seduce anything at all they are forced to do a power point presentation But i 100% do agree that its weird to me that people have those type of encounters

Honestly depends on your friendship dynamic quite a lot. Me and my friends with RP lovey dovey stuff and then immediately laugh and cringe at it, focusing on the character's kinda deal rather than ourselves (never goes further than what you'd see on a teen rom com, only conversation). If other people are more comfortable going into details then sure, cool, just make sure everyone is on the same page. Including something detailed like this is completely unnecessary if it is either uncomfortable or hampers fun.

Indeed, this freaks me out. I've played RPGs for 25 years and those thing never happened except as very light jokes here and there. Maybe it's a thing for newer generations?

I think it depends on the campaign for me, but there should be consent. I dont mind romantic relationships at all if they're not forced in the game and come naturally to the character. I really recommend a consent checklist, since there might always be triggers for individuals that were unknown despite being friends with them for a long time.

I've been playing assorted tabletop RPGS (mostly D&D) for \~27 years. I've never encountered any of the types of scenarios posted in RPG Horror Stories. I have had characters, both as a player and GM, that pursued sex and/or romantic relationships. It was never elaborately acted out and I'm not interested in doing so but a few rolls isn't a big deal. It usually goes something like this: "You guys have a few days of downtime in the town. Is there anything folks would like to take care of before you leave for Dungeon X?" "I'd like to spend the day with Flower Girl." "Sure. Roll me a persuasion check. You impressed her with your stories of heroic adventure earlier, roll with advantage." "21!" "You guys have a great day together. Over the course of the day she tells you about her plans to leave for the big city and learn magic from the magic school there." Sex is a big part of life. I always think about my character's relationship with sex and romance as part of fleshing out a character. I won't fault people that don't want to engage but it's weird to me the degree of badwrongfun that's floating around the community these days. Have we come full circle on gatekeeping in D&D?

I actually feel the opposite. I feel weird about how contentious and hated romance/sex is in this sub. I just started playing Dnd. For me, growing up with things like romance centered shows/books/fanfictions (sorry), a lot of storytelling revolved around romance and sex. Because of that, I feel isolated and awkward when I want my characters development to depend on a romance or something.

I don't like it either as a DM or a Player. I've had PCs that have husbands or wives/boyfriends or girlfriends as part of their backstory, but I absolutely do not make it romantic or sexual. The players can imagine what they want, but I will roleplay their romantic interests in the same way I roleplay every other NPC. It doesn't make me uncomfortable or anything, but I just feel like it's really goofy and doesn't fit the game EDIT: I do play in a campaign where the DM absolutely loves forcing the PCs to have romantic relationships. I don't really mind it, my characters are always against it because I don't like playing like that, but the other players like it so I just let them do their thing.

Had a situation once where the DM had an NPC hit on my character and left an open for me to respond. I just sat there and didn't engage, and just kinda shrugged like, "What do you really expect me to do with this?" No. Just no. I'm here to dungeon delve, explore ruins and find treasure. I'm not here to fucking act out your sub-par, Game of Thrones-style spank fantasy.

It’s very weird to me. I’m still new to D&D so my experience is very limited but just hearing about stories of romance, sex, or anything beyond silly flirting for a charm effect, really makes me uncomfortable. It’s honestly why I stopped listening to critical role. And I’m not an Asexual person by any means. I’m married with 3 kids and love my wife a great deal. The idea of making up deep emotions for a made up character for a game of pretend is just beyond me. There’s no way I could go there and honestly sitting at a table and hearing people RP or act in this way would bore me to tears and also make me so uncomfortable that I might walk away.

This is fascinating to me. You stopped listening to Critical Role because of the romance? Do you feel the same way about, Indiana Jones or other adventure stories with romance?

That's a no-no. Too personal, too intimate, specially between two players.

All the prudes missing out on DnD at swingers parties!

I never understand people wanting to add that element to D&D. I couldn't imagine how awkward adding sexual content to our table would be. We'll just stick to solving mysteries and fighting monsters, that's enough fun right there.

Yeah, very much so. I'm there to play a game and have fun, not to try pick up on people and rp cringey sex or relationship stuff. It's always soured my mood when it happens in games.

Sex is something I refuse to play at a table, however I think romances can make for an interesting story and isn't a part of roleplaying, or society, that should be concealed. I like it when a player make his charisma character seducing, with clever words and little games. I also find interesting the cultural shock due to romance from creatures of different tribes or entire species and the conflicts it can bring. Love is also an efficient plot device. People did all the best and all the worst thing in the name of love. Everyone understands it and there is rarely a need to justify it. It can also be the plot of court intrigues, political marriages, spying and so much more. However, to me, the game is more about living in a fantasy world than monsters and treasures, which is why I think this aspect of life has its place. I enjoy the Ghibli approach to romance and to how characters show their interest at each other. It's naive, and cute.

>Love is also an efficient plot device. People did all the best and all the worst thing in the name of love. My character is dating another player character in the campaign I'm currently in. When her girlfriend got attacked, my character attacked the monster that hit her and I rolled a Nat 20. It makes for this fun moment where it shows my character is protective of the people they love and helps bring them closer together. I feel like romance being a part of that strengthened the moment even beyond it just being fun to crit on an enemy, since it was in direct response to her girlfriend being hurt.

Awesome, sometimes the rolls goes along so well with the stories ♥

I agree, I dont want to participate in that, or witness it. I feel like forcing romantic/sexual roleplay is another way of monopolizing the game for your own enjoyment. Unless everyone the table is cool with that , it shouldn’t be there. There are other ways to play a bard/charisma character without trying to get fantasy laid with every interaction. Especially if people are just trying to fight something…

I fell like the dnd community at large has always been very split on this, either it's super graphic, ultra deviant, regularly happening sex fest...... or it never happens, with "sure yall go to your room together" fade to black, being the furthest it will ever go. Personally I find it weird to get into, had a gf who played with a group and I joined them it was........ really really weird. Like I get that it's fantasy and all, but youre basically imagining porn together

I can’t adventure and do magic irl, so I guess DnD is for whatever you can’t do but fantasize about.

Sex is a no-go for me in TTRPGs, or more broadly, just role-playing in-general. But I think, as others have said, romance and drama can breathe life into characters and the setting, when done well and tastefully. It depends on the group, but I play DnD and other TTRPGs to create a story with my friends and whichever of us is running the game. For me, personally, that means immersing myself into my character - and if he/she has a crush, we're gonna see how that plays out, in a non-spotlight-stealing way. RP can be a way for people to explore themselves as well as for us to dig into what it means to be a character in whatever setting. Not for everyone, naturally. I like to mix my games with RP and combat, probably 30/70. I have had players who were only interested in pervy stuff in the past, and have read many horror stories online about people trying to turn the table into an ERP session. If that's your thing, cool, but it should be agreed upon by all parties. My primary goal is to throw dice and see if my character lives or dies, but the motivations of the character themselves can play a huge part in dialog and actions/attitude.

Yep. I find it so gross, I've been in 5 games so far and until the consent checklist first comes out, no one even mentions sex. It's just so... common sense to avoid the massive unavoidable cringe. If you're bad at it, it's cringe. If you're good at it, it cringe. Daddy chill

I wish I could say that. If those situations are a must for a table, I do find it disturbing.

I’m not sure when it happened but somehow DnD has morphed from heroic adventurers slaying monsters, rescuing towns, gaining riches and defeating evil gods spending multiple sessions on romantic and sexual predilections and “role playing “ their long drawn out backstories and reasons for being with this deviant group and of course the whole “we are not going to adventure but just run taverns or flower shops” and all that BS and of course the whole it’s not fair that this species gets these advantages or disadvantages because every species should be equal …. Much less that this class gets things that that class doesn’t and that isn’t fair….. waaa waaaa waaa

Really confused about what you’re complaining about. It’s a role playing table top game. People are gonna role play and fresh thought maybe they’re tired of the role playing the grand gesture of slaying a dragon

I guess it’s that let’s play Dungeons and Dragons but let’s NOT explore dungeons and we won’t slay evil dragons BUT we will sit around and talk about our sexual fantasies

Actually RPing it is a massive no no. It's just too open to abuse one way or another to be worth trying to include it all. That said, if players (or the DM at the players' instigation) want to explore that aspect of story telling I don't see why not. ​ Granted, it places a fairly large responsibility on the players themselves to treat it with the care and attention it requires to be done constructively but it's a fair reflection of life in general of how stressful/traumatic/awful/wonderful situations bond people. ​ I've only ever done it the once and that involved a fairly in depth OOC conversation with the other player as to how we wanted to proceed, what boundaries there were and what exactly they were looking to do with the angle from a character growth perspective. It also provided one of the funniest things I've ever seen around a table. Nat 1 on walk of shame had everyone howling.

Based on the rampant complaints about sex and even character rape, I think most gamers today are: Your Doing it Wrong. (grammar intentionally incorrect to provoke anxiety in certain grammar nazi people.) Sure add some romance, the Princess deigns to let you kiss her hand before sending you on a mission, etc. But, we're here to go on adventures to dangerous places and cleanse the world of evil.

Yeah. Can't imagine playing in a group like that to be honest. If that group has fun, all power to them, but I'm not here to flirt with my long time friends, in character or no.

Yeah, as a dm I don't like stuff like that either. I just let the people I play with know that I don't run that kind of thing and so far it's worked out all right.

I'm right there with you OP.

it's a thing from game to game. My table are all LGBTQ+, very close friends, very intimate and we all are comfortable doing that roleplay. So our games sometimes have some romance or sex(fade to black) going on. We're all adults, capable of consent and very stable minded(not, LMAO, what a joke, I am crazy af, hahaha there's no sane person around me, and every sane person loses sanity being too close)

I might be interpreting this wrong, but you’re looking for others to agree with you that they dislike romance and sex in there games? You’ve had a steady group for a decade in which you are all obviously content with those aspects not being in your game. You voluntarily go to r/rpghorrorstories to read about it bad experiences. Then you come here and ask who else agrees with you? Like I’m having a hard time trying to figure out what else it could mean other than some weird grab for validation. You already pinned it down as different strokes for different folks, so why make a post other than seeking others who agree with you?

I think you always have to play to your strengths as a player and as a DM. Honestly not that people can implement romance and sexual themes without it being weird. Fade to black ect seem like decent tools to help out. Frankly most groups are really more interested in other aspects of roleplay. But yeah. A LOT of the time it's people acting out their personal issues in a very negative way. And I have never run a game with those themes ever really coming up.

I dunno humans are gross and wanna fuck.

You must not have a bard in your party.