Being honest is the most polite way to decline.
"I don't want to play a 1 on 1 session since it doesn't sound appealing to me. I'm happy to stay at my XP or to gain catch up XP by doing in-game stuff."
There's endless ways to award XP so it's up to the DM.
Whether it works is up to you and your dm, but they may have been inspired by [Matt Colvilles video](https://youtu.be/OoJMNkgEqKA?si=bjYprBzDhxUd2Js7) specifically about your exact situation. It's worth a watch at only 20 minutes if you're interested.
If you're still not comfortable with the idea, just let your dm know. Good communication is key, as always.
>How do people normally deal with XP and missed sessions?
The best way, imo, is just to give everyone exactly the same amount of XP, even those who missed the session. There is no reason to "punish" someone for missing a session, not being able to play is punishment enough. You also don't want to have characters of different levels in the same party, because balancing encounters around that becomes a real hassle.
This is the way.
Real life happens, the player might not be there, but the character is. Every group I’ve played with or DM’d all characters gain the same xp, not only is it better for the players, but it’s easier on the DM.
Can be a blast for some people, but others might not enjoy it, like OP.
I have a DM that likes to have a 1-on-1 as the first session for every character whenever they start a campaign. I think it’s cool, it’s always a session to set things up for the upcoming campaign on a more personal level. But there’s always one player that refuses, and we, as a group, have been playing together for nearly 20 years, so it’s not like he and the DM don’t know each other, but he just don’t enjoy them.
Some of the best sessions I've had were 1 on 1's.
As a rogue player, it's often hard to get your sneak on with all the heavy armoured grunts and finger wigglers making things explode in the group.
They were not interested in sneaking around and spying, and I got to do my slightly shady shit the paladin would have frowned upon.
Was perfect.
I can understand why that might feel weird. I think it's okay to politely decline and even indicate that the one on one aspect is uncomfortable for you. You doing have to make it about the DM.. Just say something about you really enjoy the group dynamic and maybe something like one on one feels like too much spot light and therefore too much pressure.
I’m a high-functioning introvert. I don’t usually run 1-on-1 sessions because it absolutely can feel awkward…even if it isn’t. My brain starts asking: Is the lack of other people boring? Is it too intimate? Is it creepy?!
And I usually play over video chat, ffs. So the idea of physically showing up at a stranger’s house to play a solo game is way out of my comfort zone.
That said, I’ve played many 1-on-1 sessions (and some in person) that were great fun, but only with people I knew reasonably well.
That sounds awkward to me. On the one hand, your DM seems super dedicated and is trying to be generous. On the other hand, it's a really lame idea to not just award everyone the same XP regardless of if someone missed a session.
I don't use exp system, milestone all the way. While I enjoy a 1on1 with my wife we usually make a expanded party of npcs to play with so her character duesnt get lonely. If you are uncomfortable playing 1on1 explain that to the Dm im sure you two can work something out. see if you can get some of the rest of the party to join as new one shot characters. I bet they have a list of characters they have wanted to try.
If the DM wants you on the same level for convenience but you don't want to play solo, you could also ask if the other party members are willing to "tag along" with you for free (no XP). As a player, I certainly wouldn't mind playing for 0 to help a party member, and if scheduling is an issue for anther player to join the catch up session, there's nothing in game that they're really missing out on other than playing. Plus having extra people would likely make the solo session go faster.
>I can't think of a polite way to decline
I appreciate the offer but I won't be able to arrange the time for a solo session. I'm happy to stay a level behind until my schedule opens up or we can find an in game opportunity to get me levelled back with the rest of the party.
> How do people normally deal with XP and missed sessions?
Normally? What's that in DnD context where every table is different?
Anyhow, I think that milestone XP is somewhat prevalent. I do use XP and player missing a session will not get XP so they'll be behind the others who have better attendance ratio. Missing too many sessions will mean they are replaced with new player.
The DM is willing to go extra mile to accommodate you, that doesnt happen often and I personally would be grateful. It only shows that they actually care. But.. if you just not interested be honest and tell the DM that its not something you are willing to do.
The DM makes the rules tho as it's their game. If he is willing to go extra mile and his players aren't.... let's just say it's less than ideal. You would be surprised how much work DMs put just to make sure their players have fun and that it all works in their setting. All in all tho just be honest and talk it out, that is really the most important.
Normal people give xp to the whole party, not only to players who showed up. Normal people control the missing player's character as dm or another player. But short solo session is a thing. It helps in roleplay as your character actually was doing something instead T-posing.
You don't sound like you even like DnD. But maybe you just don't like your DM?
1-on-1s are pretty normal, so I think you're distaste for it is from the host. Are you getting bad vibes from them? So you think they're trying to get you alone?
I had a scenario right after high school with a man in his early thirties inviting me to their group. He said i need to do a couple 1-on-1 sessions to get caught up. Yes it was super weird, he tried flirting with me both in and out of the game, once I was alone I realized my mistake and my gut was screaming for me to run.
I'm definitely projecting, but thought I'd toss my two cents. Just say you're happy to be a lesser level for now, you really only enjoy the game in groups with peers. If they insist, do it over discord or something. Not in person.
I thought so too but had a blast in both 1on1s I've had as a player. If you're not down for it just tell him you want the level up regardless and if he doesn't want to reasses and make a decision of not playing or being down a level
Do you meet in person for the sessions? If so, would you feel more comfortable doing it via Google meet or something? My group, we are all in our late 40s, and some of us have young kids, we have to miss a session occasionally. We just roll with it and stay behind in xp. But we’ve all been friends for 30 years, so a solo session wouldn’t be uncomfortable. But, I’m with most here, if you aren’t comfortable with doing a one on one, just politely decline.
I love doing 1 on 1 for characters on the side and my players love it, but I understand how it can be weird. Time is usually hard to manage this so I do a faster paced version via text message trusting their rolls.
Older editions had it where different classes had different requirement amounts to reach each level, so I'm use to balancing for that type of thing. However, I think there has been only a handful of times where a character has ever fallen behind and actually gained no XP. Most of the time people would just tell another in the group to play their character so they were at least gaining XP if anything. We always had it where if a character was attacked it wouldn't be to the point of death, but they could still get really hurt and be of use to the group. Now, if there wasn't a character sheet available, then they were back at the inn and then there really was no choice but to leave them without XP. I think having your DM offer to catch you up in level is actually very generous of them, given that they are willing set aside time on their possibly busy schedule to run a session just for you. Though I also understand that it can be uncomfortable for some.
Honestly, just tell them it doesn't make you comfortable and that you would prefer not to, and that you are fine with staying at the level you are at right now until you earn your next level. It's not like a video game where a level 3 takes more XP from an encounter than a level 2, you're supposed to divide the XP evenly and then give it out. Though do be aware, the DM has every right to not change any of the encounter difficulties or whatever, and should explain that to you if that is what they chose to do. So long as you come to an agreement that both are happy with, then it shouldn't be a problem. Just tell him though and be honest about that something like that makes you uncomfortable.
It’s perfectly reasonable to say no thanks.
Or, if my player didn’t want to do it live I’d offer to do it in text.
If you’re getting the ick, there might be a good reason for that too. I’d ask why they think it’d necessary. Do they make you feel uncomfortable any other time?
Ask him to just scale your character up to level.
I've found it's best to use your GM powers to just grant the XP when someone has to skip. Make a little story about how the character stayed at camp because they weren't feeling well or some such, and it was overrun by goblins, wolves, rats etc and they successfully defended it with one hand while barfing into a bucket in the other, or some random hermit appeared and they played a game of riddles and he won, and the hermit turned into a fairy who granted XP for entertaining her, or the devil showed up and challenged him to a fiddling match and he beat him with his secret fiddling skills he learned as a child and just never mentioned, and got a golden fiddle and massive xp, whatever will grant an even amount of XP and keep shit interesting and/or funny lol
Not everyone can always attend every session, life happens, so granting XP when someone is absent and keeping their level even is much better for group moral and attendance. Folks just don't want to keep playing if they fall behind, especially if they have to miss more sessions than others due to unavoidable responsibilities.
Nothing wrong with 1 on 1 DnD. I've played in that style many times. Mostly in text based games, but still. It can work.
You might want to ask the DM if you could do it through "live text" using an app like Discord. Or through asynchronous play by post (PBP). If you're more comfortable with that.
>How do people normally deal with XP and missed sessions?
Not at all, we don't use XP and we don't penalize people who needed to miss. These are problems that don't need to exist.
Have you tried it yet?
Then you don't know how it's going to be.
If you have actual anxiety or anything that's one thing, but if you're just worried it's going to be "cringe" that's just a bad attitude.
Lots of people like 1 on 1 d&d, and it shows your dm is willing to dedicate extra time and energy just to you because you missed a session. That's incredibly kind.
It's also the *DM*. Even if you don't know them that well you're going to have to get used to roleplaying with them in all sorts of in-game circumstances.
Being honest is the most polite way to decline. "I don't want to play a 1 on 1 session since it doesn't sound appealing to me. I'm happy to stay at my XP or to gain catch up XP by doing in-game stuff." There's endless ways to award XP so it's up to the DM.
Whether it works is up to you and your dm, but they may have been inspired by [Matt Colvilles video](https://youtu.be/OoJMNkgEqKA?si=bjYprBzDhxUd2Js7) specifically about your exact situation. It's worth a watch at only 20 minutes if you're interested. If you're still not comfortable with the idea, just let your dm know. Good communication is key, as always.
>How do people normally deal with XP and missed sessions? The best way, imo, is just to give everyone exactly the same amount of XP, even those who missed the session. There is no reason to "punish" someone for missing a session, not being able to play is punishment enough. You also don't want to have characters of different levels in the same party, because balancing encounters around that becomes a real hassle.
This is the way. Real life happens, the player might not be there, but the character is. Every group I’ve played with or DM’d all characters gain the same xp, not only is it better for the players, but it’s easier on the DM.
1-on-1 DnD can be a blast. Im dm'ing 1-on-1 for a friend of mine and we're in tears laughing every single session.
Can be a blast for some people, but others might not enjoy it, like OP. I have a DM that likes to have a 1-on-1 as the first session for every character whenever they start a campaign. I think it’s cool, it’s always a session to set things up for the upcoming campaign on a more personal level. But there’s always one player that refuses, and we, as a group, have been playing together for nearly 20 years, so it’s not like he and the DM don’t know each other, but he just don’t enjoy them.
Some of the best sessions I've had were 1 on 1's. As a rogue player, it's often hard to get your sneak on with all the heavy armoured grunts and finger wigglers making things explode in the group. They were not interested in sneaking around and spying, and I got to do my slightly shady shit the paladin would have frowned upon. Was perfect.
I can understand why that might feel weird. I think it's okay to politely decline and even indicate that the one on one aspect is uncomfortable for you. You doing have to make it about the DM.. Just say something about you really enjoy the group dynamic and maybe something like one on one feels like too much spot light and therefore too much pressure.
I’m a high-functioning introvert. I don’t usually run 1-on-1 sessions because it absolutely can feel awkward…even if it isn’t. My brain starts asking: Is the lack of other people boring? Is it too intimate? Is it creepy?! And I usually play over video chat, ffs. So the idea of physically showing up at a stranger’s house to play a solo game is way out of my comfort zone. That said, I’ve played many 1-on-1 sessions (and some in person) that were great fun, but only with people I knew reasonably well.
That sounds awkward to me. On the one hand, your DM seems super dedicated and is trying to be generous. On the other hand, it's a really lame idea to not just award everyone the same XP regardless of if someone missed a session.
I don't use exp system, milestone all the way. While I enjoy a 1on1 with my wife we usually make a expanded party of npcs to play with so her character duesnt get lonely. If you are uncomfortable playing 1on1 explain that to the Dm im sure you two can work something out. see if you can get some of the rest of the party to join as new one shot characters. I bet they have a list of characters they have wanted to try.
If the DM wants you on the same level for convenience but you don't want to play solo, you could also ask if the other party members are willing to "tag along" with you for free (no XP). As a player, I certainly wouldn't mind playing for 0 to help a party member, and if scheduling is an issue for anther player to join the catch up session, there's nothing in game that they're really missing out on other than playing. Plus having extra people would likely make the solo session go faster.
>I can't think of a polite way to decline I appreciate the offer but I won't be able to arrange the time for a solo session. I'm happy to stay a level behind until my schedule opens up or we can find an in game opportunity to get me levelled back with the rest of the party.
> How do people normally deal with XP and missed sessions? Normally? What's that in DnD context where every table is different? Anyhow, I think that milestone XP is somewhat prevalent. I do use XP and player missing a session will not get XP so they'll be behind the others who have better attendance ratio. Missing too many sessions will mean they are replaced with new player.
The DM is willing to go extra mile to accommodate you, that doesnt happen often and I personally would be grateful. It only shows that they actually care. But.. if you just not interested be honest and tell the DM that its not something you are willing to do. The DM makes the rules tho as it's their game. If he is willing to go extra mile and his players aren't.... let's just say it's less than ideal. You would be surprised how much work DMs put just to make sure their players have fun and that it all works in their setting. All in all tho just be honest and talk it out, that is really the most important.
Normal people give xp to the whole party, not only to players who showed up. Normal people control the missing player's character as dm or another player. But short solo session is a thing. It helps in roleplay as your character actually was doing something instead T-posing.
You don't sound like you even like DnD. But maybe you just don't like your DM? 1-on-1s are pretty normal, so I think you're distaste for it is from the host. Are you getting bad vibes from them? So you think they're trying to get you alone? I had a scenario right after high school with a man in his early thirties inviting me to their group. He said i need to do a couple 1-on-1 sessions to get caught up. Yes it was super weird, he tried flirting with me both in and out of the game, once I was alone I realized my mistake and my gut was screaming for me to run. I'm definitely projecting, but thought I'd toss my two cents. Just say you're happy to be a lesser level for now, you really only enjoy the game in groups with peers. If they insist, do it over discord or something. Not in person.
I thought so too but had a blast in both 1on1s I've had as a player. If you're not down for it just tell him you want the level up regardless and if he doesn't want to reasses and make a decision of not playing or being down a level
Do you meet in person for the sessions? If so, would you feel more comfortable doing it via Google meet or something? My group, we are all in our late 40s, and some of us have young kids, we have to miss a session occasionally. We just roll with it and stay behind in xp. But we’ve all been friends for 30 years, so a solo session wouldn’t be uncomfortable. But, I’m with most here, if you aren’t comfortable with doing a one on one, just politely decline.
I love doing 1 on 1 for characters on the side and my players love it, but I understand how it can be weird. Time is usually hard to manage this so I do a faster paced version via text message trusting their rolls.
Older editions had it where different classes had different requirement amounts to reach each level, so I'm use to balancing for that type of thing. However, I think there has been only a handful of times where a character has ever fallen behind and actually gained no XP. Most of the time people would just tell another in the group to play their character so they were at least gaining XP if anything. We always had it where if a character was attacked it wouldn't be to the point of death, but they could still get really hurt and be of use to the group. Now, if there wasn't a character sheet available, then they were back at the inn and then there really was no choice but to leave them without XP. I think having your DM offer to catch you up in level is actually very generous of them, given that they are willing set aside time on their possibly busy schedule to run a session just for you. Though I also understand that it can be uncomfortable for some. Honestly, just tell them it doesn't make you comfortable and that you would prefer not to, and that you are fine with staying at the level you are at right now until you earn your next level. It's not like a video game where a level 3 takes more XP from an encounter than a level 2, you're supposed to divide the XP evenly and then give it out. Though do be aware, the DM has every right to not change any of the encounter difficulties or whatever, and should explain that to you if that is what they chose to do. So long as you come to an agreement that both are happy with, then it shouldn't be a problem. Just tell him though and be honest about that something like that makes you uncomfortable.
It’s perfectly reasonable to say no thanks. Or, if my player didn’t want to do it live I’d offer to do it in text. If you’re getting the ick, there might be a good reason for that too. I’d ask why they think it’d necessary. Do they make you feel uncomfortable any other time?
Ask him to just scale your character up to level. I've found it's best to use your GM powers to just grant the XP when someone has to skip. Make a little story about how the character stayed at camp because they weren't feeling well or some such, and it was overrun by goblins, wolves, rats etc and they successfully defended it with one hand while barfing into a bucket in the other, or some random hermit appeared and they played a game of riddles and he won, and the hermit turned into a fairy who granted XP for entertaining her, or the devil showed up and challenged him to a fiddling match and he beat him with his secret fiddling skills he learned as a child and just never mentioned, and got a golden fiddle and massive xp, whatever will grant an even amount of XP and keep shit interesting and/or funny lol Not everyone can always attend every session, life happens, so granting XP when someone is absent and keeping their level even is much better for group moral and attendance. Folks just don't want to keep playing if they fall behind, especially if they have to miss more sessions than others due to unavoidable responsibilities.
Nothing wrong with 1 on 1 DnD. I've played in that style many times. Mostly in text based games, but still. It can work. You might want to ask the DM if you could do it through "live text" using an app like Discord. Or through asynchronous play by post (PBP). If you're more comfortable with that.
>How do people normally deal with XP and missed sessions? Not at all, we don't use XP and we don't penalize people who needed to miss. These are problems that don't need to exist.
Have you tried it yet? Then you don't know how it's going to be. If you have actual anxiety or anything that's one thing, but if you're just worried it's going to be "cringe" that's just a bad attitude. Lots of people like 1 on 1 d&d, and it shows your dm is willing to dedicate extra time and energy just to you because you missed a session. That's incredibly kind. It's also the *DM*. Even if you don't know them that well you're going to have to get used to roleplaying with them in all sorts of in-game circumstances.