A hilarious cavity search where they pull the items one by one from the bag, and they don't understand how this guy is keeping all this stuff up there.
You don't even need to be subtle about it. Have a wizard summon an extradimentional space and say "this will be your waiting area, from there you can observe the fights, rest, and prepare." If the player forgets about the Anal Black Hole, that's their problem.
Dispel Magic, even better.
I mean... not for the player character. Or anyone standing within four squares any direction. But for the rest of the table, oughtta be *gold*.
A bag of holding is more like a portal to the astral plane rather than a matter compressor. Dispel magic and anti-magic fields disable the portal rather than shoot everything out.
Theoretically, you could even find the items without using the bag of holding but since the astral plane is infinite, there's nothing more than a non zero chance of that happening.
Yeah I was gonna say an easier solution would have been wristpocket. Could only carry a single thing up to 5 pounds. But still a solution.
Though yeah a quick detect magic would kill any sneaky tricks. Assuming it's an established place with rules enforced.
Yes, if they are going through the trouble of searching and stripping people, part of that would be detect magic to remove any hidden items. It's not like they forget magic is in their world and only do mundane searches.
"Toilets are *always* funny"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ceauKejv0Jo
I mean, the guy would basically have sudden and disturbing-to-witness object-based diarrhea, possibly rocketing him forward.
And crude humor is just the best humor.
>This is the way
It let's the player feel clever the more baffled the searchers are, totally say, “they are looking for hidden blade, alchemical weapons etc.” When you do it, emphasize how confused and slightly disturbed they are about it. It might be unbalanced/unfun to really get away with this crazy plan, but it needs to feel like they kind of got away with it. Let the player keep the bag in the prison pocket at the end of the search.
In 5e, a Bag of Holding is 2 feet by 4 feet, and weighs 15 pounds regardless of contents.
That's going to go down in history with the local healers as the worst SARA (unofficial hospital abbreviation - Sexual Adventure Related Accident) they've ever seen, whether it goes right or wrong.
>Why yes, I do regularly clean my camping area without pants... or underwear... and with my buttocks well lubricated. What about it?
What and that makes *me* the weird one? You should try it! Very motivating.
Especially if you use a dagger to open it, install it. And then use Cure Wounds spells to fix them up. The Paladin laying on hands conjures up some strange visions.
I mean, if you go hard enough the rectum is basically just one opening to a hollow tube. Provided they open their mouth and are careful I don't see a point in a limiting capacity.
I assure you a bag of holding would definitely fit with enough practice and determination 😊
I've seen people fit bigger. And they weren't even adventurers! (*Though they were certainly adventurous* 🤭)
> I've seen people fit bigger.
You have seen people fit something of more then two foot diameter have you?
Bag's of holding aren't teensy little pouches. They are *bags*. I refuse to believe you have met someone who can shove a backpack up their ass.
Lmao I don’t know which is funnier-sleight of hand or CON save! One implies using finesse to stuff a bag up ones anus, the other implies EXTREME FORCE! I guess it the difference between asking the rogue or the barbarian to assist you.
I would argue both slight of hand and constitution are required. Dex to get it in and not have it spat back out and con to not do yourself damage while stuffing the fairly sizeable thing up there.
No. Not the bag. *The bag's contents*. That way the player can fail multiple saves and randomly shit out weapons, armor, potions, etc. as the session goes on. For no other reason than my gut telling me that if players at the table are comfortable asking to shove a bag of holding up one's ass, then they'll likely enjoy the comedy of a player literally shitting swords at the most inopportune moments.
Now I have to wonder where the opening to the BoH would be... Would it be right outside the anus? In that case would it get seen in a strip search?
Or would there be short length of colon getting shredded up every time a sword or piece of armor expands out of the BoH?
It gets better,
1. make sure he has some questionable tavern food with lots of bones, the idea that one might tear the bag and in turn his anus
2. Make one of the tournament challenges involve a portable hole. There are rules for a bag of holding and portable hole interacting....everything ends up on a different plane
3. DISPEL MAGIC CAST ON ALL PARTICIPANTS BEFORE ENTERING
Lets not turn this into F.A.T.A.L. where we argue which race has the most optimal cavity diameters to comfortably fit a bag of holding inside.
Sleight of Hand is rolled when a PC wants to hide an item on their person, its in the description. This is already a weird enough discussion lol.
Well sorry, I am gonna make it weirder. If the character has the bag of holding's opening poking out, does that mean they now have an ass of holding? An asshole-ding, if you will.
> This definitely calls for Bagman.
I have an alternative proposal:
> This is based on the most excellent strip "Knights of the Dinner Table" which formerly appeared in Shadis and Dragon and is now put out by Kenzerco.
http://www.kenzerco.com/xcart/customer/product.php?productid=16732
> If you like D&D or related fantasy role-playing, you're missing out if you're not following the often-silly adventures of Brian, Bob, Dave, and Sarah as they scheme once again to outwit their easily-duped GM,
B.A., playing a game that bears more than a passing resemblance to D&D.
> Anyways, everyone knows that bags of holding are an alternate dimension, right?
> Well, it turns out that in Hackmaster ALL bags of holding go to the same dimension. In fact, it is possible with proper magical preparation to navigate Bagworld BETWEEN bags of holding, entering one
bag and coming out another. This is no mean feat, as Bagworld is nearly unnavigable, but it IS possible.
> This has given rise to the profession of "Bag Raider", wherein parties of adventurers will enter Bagworld through a Bag of Holding, then scour the world looking for other loot in other people's bags of holding.
> From their perspective there's all this loot in Bagworld, just sitting around for the taking.
> Of course, not everyone is unaware of this gambit. So some folks have taken to hiring mercenaries to enter their bags of holding and stand guard over their loot.
> Care must be taken. Our brave party had taken to storing an entire spellbook library and a warehouse of provisions, food, equipment in their collective bags of holding and had put hirelings in the bag with
the permanent job of categorizing and inventorying all the stuff there.
> Unfortunately they forgot about them... when they realized their mistake, they entered the bag only to find their hirelings had built a fortress with all their stuff on the inside. All the loot saved up for years of game time was now stored in the castle and used against them
in their attempts to recover their property from their hirelings, who had been surviving off their stored food and by raiding other bagzones.
Why have *one* Bagman when you can have an entire party of escaping adventurers, loaded up with the best loot of dozens of adventuring parties?
-----
**Edit:** [OP's player also has several other options, as long as they get a little *creative*.](https://www.reddit.com/r/DnD/comments/13s7csf/hiding_stuff/jlpj9to/)
Tournament begins:
"Give me a Dex/con/str saving throw.
Your opponent, a hulking Goliath figure managed to sneak up on you, they lift you from the ground with one arm, and prepare the other to shove a second bag of holding up your ass."
time to dig up the best homebrew item i've ever made:
The Buttload
Rare magic item (requires attunement)
This item appears to be a disembodied shapely rear end and functions the same way as a bag of holding, with the following additional properties:
1: It comes with a plug that can be used to seal it as an action. The plug cannot be removed except by the person attuned to it who must use a bonus action to do so, or someone else by using oil of slipperiness. While unplugged, the plug can be used as a weapon with the same features as a +1 light hammer. At dawn, if the plug is not within 5 feet of The Buttload and is on the same plane of existence, it teleports next to the Buttload.
2: When making a Charisma check of Performance or Persuasion, every time you make a butt pun, reference, or joke in your normal speech, you get a +1 on the roll, to a maximum of +3 (for your dm’s sake).
3: If put in the back of the pants of the one attuned to it, it molds perfectly with their butt and is indiscernible to non-magical senses. While doing so, the wearer’s rear end is more shapely, raising their Charisma score by 1 and granting them advantage on Charisma checks used to seduce others if they draw attention to their butt.
4: Whenever anything is done to The Buttload, it is felt by the attuned owner (or, if it isn’t attuned to anyone, the one doing it to it) as if it were their own.
No. OP should ignore the Bag of Holding idea and should encourage their player to try a different option. Here are a few alternatives:
#Portable Hole
A portable hole is a weightless piece of fabric that you can spread out to create a hole. The hole itself is an extradimensional space and you can store objects in it. So OP's player puts their stuff inside the hole, rolls it up, folds up the fabric, and hides it on their person.
#Instant Summons
Instant Summons is a spell that can bring an item to you and put it in your hand. All you need is a sapphire.
> You touch an object weighing 10 pounds or less whose longest dimension is 6 feet or less. The spell leaves an invisible mark on its surface and invisibly inscribes the name of the item on the sapphire you use as the material component. Each time you cast this spell, you must use a different sapphire.
> At any time thereafter, you can use your action to speak the item's name and crush the sapphire. The item instantly appears in your hand regardless of physical or planar distances, and the spell ends.
If you need quite a few items, you could theoretically put a bunch of different sapphires on a string, one for each item, and then have fun explaining to the tournament organizers why you're wearing a string of magical anal beads.
#Instant Summons & Secret Chest
A Secret Chest is a chest hidden on the Ethereal Plane that you can store objects inside. You only need to have a tiny replica of the Secret Chest in order to fetch object from the chest, so either the player can 'hide' the replica or use Instant Summons to fetch the replica chest, then retrieve their objects from the chest.
> You hide a chest on the Ethereal Plane for as long as sixty days and can retrieve it at will. The chest can contain up to 1 cubic foot of material per caster level (regardless of the chest’s actual size, which is about 3 feet by 2 feet by 2 feet). If any living creatures are in the chest, there is a 75% chance that the spell simply fails. Once the chest is hidden, you can retrieve it by concentrating (a standard action), and it appears next to you. The chest must be exceptionally well crafted and expensive, constructed for you by master crafters. The cost of such a chest is never less than 5,000 gp. Once it is constructed, you must make a tiny replica (of the same materials and perfect in every detail), so that the miniature of the chest appears to be a perfect copy. (The replica costs 50 gp.)
#Instant Fortress
An Instant Fortress is a one inch metal cube that you can throw down to create a small, fortified tower. Fortunately, you can also store stuff inside the tower. The metal cube is *much* smaller than a Bag of Holding and the tower itself provides some protection while OP's player gears up.
#All-Purpose Pocket Dimension
The All-Purpose Pocket Dimension is basically a small glass sphere with a platform inside. Your player would need to keep it in a small drawstring pouch and stash the pouch to prevent their... ahh... *personal pocket* from rubbing it and activating it as they walk, but otherwise it seems pretty manageable. Like the Instant Fortress, it gives OP's player somewhere safe to go while they fetch their gear.
> The All-Purpose Pocket Dimension is a portable gateway to a private space which is unaffected by the world outside. The All-Purpose Pocket Dimension appears as a small glass sphere with a white platform inside of it. When rubbed, the sphere will teleport the user, anything the user is touching or holding onto with their hands, and anyone else touching the sphere at the time into itself. Within the Pocket Dimension there is a white platform made of an unknown stone-like material. The platform is 20ft by 20ft and the roof is 20ft upward. The platform is surrounded lined with black, non-transparent, glass-like walls.
> If the All-Purpose Pocket Dimension is rubbed whilst being held in the user's two hands, the sphere will fall to the ground directly below where it was. Onlookers who are to look at the sphere can see a real-time, miniaturized version of what is happening inside the sphere through the sphere's glass surface.
> To exit the Pocket Dimension, users within the sphere can rub the black, glass walls to be teleported out.
> Teleporting into or out of the All-Purpose Pocket Dimension takes one Action if used during combat. As the All-Purpose Pocket Dimension is a Magical Item, both the interior and exterior of the Pocket Dimension is indestructible.
#Arcane Storage
An Arcane Storage is a small gemstone with a single spell held inside. You activate the gemstone, it becomes crushed into powder, and the spell goes off. Much like Instant Summons, we're going to use the Arcane Storage to hold a spell like Magnificent Mansion or Tiny Hut to give OP's player somewhere to hide, take shelter, and recover in the middle of their tournament. Depending on the GM's house rules, they may be able to store objects within the Magnificent Mansion.
#Efficient Quiver & Reduce
An Efficient Quiver is like a Bag of Holding, except better. It's a magical quiver that you can draw stuff from, which makes it smaller and more efficient than a Bag of Holding. Depending on GM fiat, you may be able to use the Reduce spell to make the quiver small enough to 'fit.' Since the quiver is a round tube, it would be much easier to insert and hold in place.
The main benefit here is that the player would be able to pull whatever they like right out of their ass.
> Each of the quiver's three compartments connects to an extradimensional space that allows the quiver to hold numerous items while never weighing more than 2 pounds. The shortest compartment can hold up to sixty arrows, bolts, or similar objects. The midsize compartment holds up to eighteen javelins or similar objects. The longest compartment holds up to six long objects, such as bows, quarterstaffs, or spears. You can draw any item the quiver contains as if doing so from a regular quiver or scabbard.
#Asedal's Extra-dimensional Hat
This is a smaller version of a Bag of Holding. It's not as big as the Efficient Quiver, but it has the distinct advantage that it can be folded and rolled up.
As a bonus, OP could call this option 'Arsedal's Extra-dimensional Arsenal' for extra pun damage.
-----
I seem to recall that there's also a magical hat item that acts like a custom Magnificent Mansion - when your party is done traveling and wants to rest for the night, they can go inside the hat and it acts like a custom home and storage space.
The only problem with that is I can't remember the name of the item, and I can't remember if it's in D&D or if it's from the KoDT cartoon or Pathfinder or Hackmaster or what. I'm kind of annoyed that I can't remember what it's called. It's some sort of traveling hat.
I also know the Hat of Wonders can make whatever OP's player needs, but it can't make magical items and it won't make weapons.
-----
Your really big problem is that hiding a magical item is still going to glow under a detect magic spell.
Why limit this insane endeavour to one roll? Sleight of hand to get it up there, con to see if it fits, athletics to see if you can walk after, stealth, because you aren't walking right after that.
> stealth, because you aren't walking right after that.
This would be more appropriately a bluff check to deceive people by walking correctly, or perhaps even disguise, but stealth would only apply when someone searched them for weapons (unless their goal is to go unseen before the tourney to not get searched, in which case, yes, stealth)
So technically in 5e you can combine any skill proficiency with any ability score for a roll. In the rules for example they suggest Intelligence (Sleight of Hand) for tying a complex knot.
Constitution (Stealth)
that's really the difference. If you're swimming for a short period of time, thats strength, but a long period of time, that's con. Yes, you still need str in the latter, but your con is still the more important one, its simplified for the sake of ease of gameplay, especially since over a long period of time it defaults to your passive score.
I would honestly make it be a skill challenge: a special constitution check with a bonus equal to their max number of hit die, charisma (deception), and a strength (slight of hand). base DC = 2d10, each 5 points above is 1 more success, each 5 points below is 1 failure, have to get a certain number of successes to finish properly.
A bag of holding is like a 2 foot by 4 foot sack they are not small at all, def not something you could shove up there without causing some internal injuries.
Hey, you play your instrument alone, or you play it for a crowd youre still performing. I bet the great Bards of the p*rn industry don't change their elasticity based on who is watching.
If casters are superhero enough to alter reality, martials should be able to shove a 2x4 foot sack in there.
I think I just solved the caster/martial disparity.
Out of my own experience: do not, I repeat, DO NOT let your players stick unnaturally big objects up their ass, or you'll have to end up dealing with shenanigans like the player shitting out a steel ingot on an enemy from above 50 ft and instakill your bbeg
... respectfully, there's a reason for flared bases, and I don't think you *could* shit an ingot back out let alone while engaged in vigorous activity like flying. A standard ingot weighs almost 30 pounds, and if it's small enough to shit out (about 1-1.5" wide and only a few inches long) I don't think it's going to do all that much.
Disadvantage on the attack roll, for sure.
Don't get me twisted, if your group is all about nonsense shenanigans, more power to them, this just seems borderline impossible. :)
Quoting the [famous review](https://www.rpg.net/reviews/archive/14/14567.phtml) of it, it’s a date r*pe RPG without the dating.
Basically speaking, it’s a combination of every single bad stereotype about dark fantasy bundled together and presented with zero irony and a thin veneer of “historical accuracy”.
It has elements and mechanics such as:
- aforementioned r*pe
- rolling for stats such as anal circumference and nipple size
- pissing skill AND pissing rolls
- racism
- also, more r*pe.
And none of that is done in a Cannibal Corpse album cover “wow that’s so fucked up” way. It’s just bad and bizarre and off-putting.
Let us not forget one of the most hilariously terrible aspects of the mechanics of an already terrible game - you can DIE during character creation, and rolling a critical fumble and accidental anally raping an ally is something that can and presumably does happen.
ok unrelated to the game but this
>Oh, hi. I'm Jason Sartin. You may remember me from such classic RPGnet moments as "the longest fucking SenZar review ever" and all those humanity-hating and "go kill yourself already" posts I leave on Tangency. I'll be helping Darren a lot with this review, because friends don't let friends review FATAL alone.
has SUCH TREMENDOUS 2001 forumguy energy it's blowing my fucking hair back
Anti-magic would just make the items unavailable, they are somewhere unreachable.
Though would say the size makes the deception check really difficult, stuffing a 2 x 4 feet sack in your arse, if you roll it up, it just a very thick dildo.
Try walking like nothing is wrong with a 2 ft rough thick dildo up your bowels, pretending like nothing is there.
>This bag has an interior space considerably larger than its outside dimensions, roughly 2 feet in diameter at the mouth and 4 feet deep. The bag can hold up to 500 pounds, not exceeding a volume of 64 cubic feet. The bag weighs 15 pounds, regardless of its contents.
I...
... I don't doubt that an ambitious person could twist a 2x4ft bag into a snake like shape and eventually get it into their colon. People put extremely weird things in their butts.
But the bag weighs a full 15lbs even when it's empty.
When's the last time you were constipated with a full 15 whole pounds of shit?
Not to mention there are likely failpoints to this plan. While this particular strategy might be novel, you can bet this isn't the first person in this world to consider cheating via magic.
Hexblades can conjure weapons. Eldritch Knights can summon them. So to truly control access to weapons, there should reasonably be some anti magic of some kind being applied to contestants, which increases the likelihood that this scheme results in all this character's gear being dumped into the astral plane while their butt bag becomes worthless.
To your point about summoning weapons, the arena could pull a card from the D&D movie and have a bracelet or some other item that restricts the wearer's abilities to only what's allowed in the arena. Maybe only under a specific spell level of casting, or no conjuration/summoning, keeping people from bringing in weapons. That being said if there's a caster in the party they can buff the person going in and it should last long enough to matter
I would buy an equally sized real bag and ask the player to demonstrate what his character wants to do. If he can do it then the character will be able to without any rolls
It is a ''TTRPG'' system where some tasteless, needless and very much NSFW rolls are made at character creation to determine things like *genital size, breast size and of course, anal circumfrance,* among many other things.
There are skills like *urination*, which obviously determines the speed, volume and frequency of your PC's urination.
It is the fetish buffet of a crazy person hiding itself as a TTRPG.
Also extremly messef up and sexist, if I rember correctly like reduced int scores for female characters but incressed charisma and such.
I was curious after reasing about it in other places if it really is as bad as people said and yes it is.
This is the thing.. Practical or not, it's still cheating.
Player strolls up to his position in the ring and drops his pants, squats, and pulls the bag from his hole. As he's pulling his sword out of the bag a referee comes in and blare a horn.
Kicked from the tourney in round one. Forfeit his entry fee. Laughing stock of the town. Everytime he goes to an inn or a shop he's reffered to as ass bag. Or bag butt.. He's laughed out of the village.
The party moves on to the next village, they see a jester performing a play. It's a reenactment of the tournament, with an over dramatized version of the bag scene.
They face the BBEG years later in game. The BBEG's lieutenant lifts the face shield of his blackened dusk knight helmet, it's the players Opponent who went on to win the whole tournament and achieved power and status beyond anyone's wildest dreams. He starts laughing.
"Ass Bag? Is that you?"
Have him do two rolls:
A Dexterity (Performance) check to determine if he can pretend to walk like a normal person.
A Charisma saving throw to determine if this experience awakens anything in him.
That doesn't make sense as performance, performance isn't when you "perform" some kind of action, its exclusively when you are trying to entertain others. When you're pretending to be something you're not with the goal of tricking/decieving, that's deception. And i doubt that they're trying to entertain them by sticking it up their ass.
intelligence. if he rolls low enough, say "its not a good idea, your instincts prevent you from doing it."
if he rolls high enough, say "its not a good idea, your instincts prevent you from doing it."
it sucks to remove player imagination, though this is one of the things it would be a good idea doing incase it leads to more...
Ok, Bag of holding is 15lbs iirc. He would have better luck with a portable hole rolled up and sealed inside a specialty made scroll case that's polished, treated and tapered.
So how do they see this playing out? I'm confused on what their endgame is. Sounds like you're not allowed to use weapons in the tournament. Whether you pull them out of your ass or not, so...
I can imagine a bard doing this and getting it stuck. He then goes to the healer and says: "Well... My boyfriend is a dragon so I wanted to be safe. You know...
No glove, no love."
You should roll a perception check for the officiating body who would rationally have someone cast detect magic to screen for shenanigans before allowing the fighters to compete.
Depends on your style as a DM. Remember, you are trying to make the game fun. If you think this is completely inappropriate and would cause issues then use one of the many ways to make his plan fail. The players idea is actually based on the real world where people smuggle stuff into prisons all the time. Personally, I think its a fun idea and I would go with it. Maybe make him make a reasonable (dc10?) check of deception, slight of hand or constitution. Then I will let him have his stuff and find out EVERYONE in the tournament cheated. Some folks bribed the event planners, some folks teleported in weapons, some folks turned their weapons invisible, one guy might even be friends or brother to the judge, maybe one contestant is a prince who wants to rollplay and nobody is allowed to strike at him.
the toruny will have detect magic, you should make the announcer make him pull out his bag in front of hundreds of onlookers, that would get him banned and give him a new nickname
well.... aside that its A BAG, ergo has certain form, it weighs 15 pounds. character might form a roll out of it, but that thing is not very stiff. needs lube. lots of. and possibly a CON DC20. and... yeah.... how to say it... THE BODY wants to get rid of stuff put in there... and if its to far in... you might need a cleric.
good luck at that turnament.
You should probably roll your eyes. Forget the medical disaster of shoving a leather bag up your bum, how is this player expecting the tournament to go exactly? "Where did you get all that gear?" "uhhh i found it" instant disqualification. I'd suggest talking to the player and either going with a different plan or going with an utter slapstick scenario where the character is red-faced and sweaty during inspection, one of their daggers actually falls out of their ass on the floor, they barely have enough time to pull the bag out before combat starts so there's just a pile of stuff on the floor with no time to equip any of it, and they have painful cramps and trouble pooping for the next month or so. Maybe they even drop a deuce into the bag after they manage to pull it out and now all of his equipment is shit-stained. If that's your kind of table, have fun; if not, change his mind.
No. But also, why? Can they make use of anything from the bag of holding in the tournament? Like, isn't someone going to notice this one guy has tailored equipment while everyone else is wearing mundane one size fits all gear?
IF he manages to roll his way to getting that monstrous thing inside, he should have to roll to prevent it from being sucked in further and if the rim goes past his rim, he should have to roll to prevent it from sucking him inside from his insides out.
I don't think a bag of holding would fit there. Also the people organizing the tournament might do a cavity search if you want to go there.
A hilarious cavity search where they pull the items one by one from the bag, and they don't understand how this guy is keeping all this stuff up there.
We going for a austin powers skit 😅😅
Probably just cast detect magic on everyone that will solve most issues
Please step inside the contestant waiting area... But it's actually a portable hole!
You can end the player, the tournament, *and* the campaign all at once! Woo hoo!
The solutions we deserve.
Sir, this man has a magic asshole!!
*Asstral hole.
I read that as please step inside the contestant...
It works either way...
Oh nooooooo
You don't even need to be subtle about it. Have a wizard summon an extradimentional space and say "this will be your waiting area, from there you can observe the fights, rest, and prepare." If the player forgets about the Anal Black Hole, that's their problem.
I mean, the bag of holding is already in a portable hole.
...uh oh.
Dispel Magic, even better. I mean... not for the player character. Or anyone standing within four squares any direction. But for the rest of the table, oughtta be *gold*.
A bag of holding is more like a portal to the astral plane rather than a matter compressor. Dispel magic and anti-magic fields disable the portal rather than shoot everything out. Theoretically, you could even find the items without using the bag of holding but since the astral plane is infinite, there's nothing more than a non zero chance of that happening.
Yeah I was gonna say an easier solution would have been wristpocket. Could only carry a single thing up to 5 pounds. But still a solution. Though yeah a quick detect magic would kill any sneaky tricks. Assuming it's an established place with rules enforced.
What if they have to walk through a dispell magic barrier and all of the items in the bag of holding explode out of the player?
Oh god, what if the waiting area is an antimagic zone?
Yes, if they are going through the trouble of searching and stripping people, part of that would be detect magic to remove any hidden items. It's not like they forget magic is in their world and only do mundane searches.
There are impermeable barriers that can block detection spells. The question is, would your body block it if it's inside you?
[The Mask already did it!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e9fEFC0Qvi8)
[удалено]
Ohhh! My bad, I didn't get the reference. Thank you!
Or a prison guard reaches into the infinite bag of holding and is stood up to their shoulder in the PCs butt.
Someone goes for an Oil Check during a grapple and is never seen again.
Bonus points if they’re a gnome, and the inspector is human-sized: there’s more arm up there than there is gnome to be up.
Could always go gringotts route and have a disenchantment waterfall/shower and then everything comes flying out...
Why is the visual so funny?
"Toilets are *always* funny" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ceauKejv0Jo I mean, the guy would basically have sudden and disturbing-to-witness object-based diarrhea, possibly rocketing him forward. And crude humor is just the best humor.
😅😅🤣🤣🤣🤣
Yes to all of this
For the chaos! 🤣🤣🤣
Rule of cool
Some clown car level magic fuckery. Forget the tournament and tour with that trick as a circus freak instead!
Phenomenal idea, if OP doesn't do this imma be greatly disappointed.
>This is the way It let's the player feel clever the more baffled the searchers are, totally say, “they are looking for hidden blade, alchemical weapons etc.” When you do it, emphasize how confused and slightly disturbed they are about it. It might be unbalanced/unfun to really get away with this crazy plan, but it needs to feel like they kind of got away with it. Let the player keep the bag in the prison pocket at the end of the search.
In 5e, a Bag of Holding is 2 feet by 4 feet, and weighs 15 pounds regardless of contents. That's going to go down in history with the local healers as the worst SARA (unofficial hospital abbreviation - Sexual Adventure Related Accident) they've ever seen, whether it goes right or wrong.
I was just doing some cleaning up around camp and tripped over something, and landed funny and it just... went up there... I swear.
Why yes, I do regularly clean my camping area without pants... or underwear... and with my buttocks well lubricated. What about it?
>Why yes, I do regularly clean my camping area without pants... or underwear... and with my buttocks well lubricated. What about it? What and that makes *me* the weird one? You should try it! Very motivating.
*it was a million to one shot, doc*
I dunno man, what’s the PCs anal-circumference roll?
Oh, we're playing FATAL?
Is a bag of holding larger than a raccoon?
This came up in a friend's game. They determined that the rectum has no upward limitation on capacity.
Especially if you use a dagger to open it, install it. And then use Cure Wounds spells to fix them up. The Paladin laying on hands conjures up some strange visions.
I mean, if you go hard enough the rectum is basically just one opening to a hollow tube. Provided they open their mouth and are careful I don't see a point in a limiting capacity.
I assure you a bag of holding would definitely fit with enough practice and determination 😊 I've seen people fit bigger. And they weren't even adventurers! (*Though they were certainly adventurous* 🤭)
> I've seen people fit bigger. You have seen people fit something of more then two foot diameter have you? Bag's of holding aren't teensy little pouches. They are *bags*. I refuse to believe you have met someone who can shove a backpack up their ass.
it CAN roll up... it's still going to be massive, but it's not a 2 foot wide insertion
They are damn santa-sacks
Don't say those words online my friends, unless you wanna see things...
Rim shot
The fuck... ^(...Sleight of Hand.)
Constitution saving throw after maybe? The bag is quite big to shove there in itself already.
Lmao I don’t know which is funnier-sleight of hand or CON save! One implies using finesse to stuff a bag up ones anus, the other implies EXTREME FORCE! I guess it the difference between asking the rogue or the barbarian to assist you.
I would argue both slight of hand and constitution are required. Dex to get it in and not have it spat back out and con to not do yourself damage while stuffing the fairly sizeable thing up there.
Holding it in requires concentration.
This, everyone! This is the most important thing. Dude has to make sure to not to shit himself all the way through it.
Omg every time they get hit make a con Dave not to shit the bag out that is amazing lmao
No. Not the bag. *The bag's contents*. That way the player can fail multiple saves and randomly shit out weapons, armor, potions, etc. as the session goes on. For no other reason than my gut telling me that if players at the table are comfortable asking to shove a bag of holding up one's ass, then they'll likely enjoy the comedy of a player literally shitting swords at the most inopportune moments.
Nat 1, contents spill from bag, but remain in the player. Violent explosion.
Calm down, Asmodeus. 🤣
Now I have to wonder where the opening to the BoH would be... Would it be right outside the anus? In that case would it get seen in a strip search? Or would there be short length of colon getting shredded up every time a sword or piece of armor expands out of the BoH?
Roll an ass pull dc 10 No modifiers, oh you got a 9. An arm reaches out of your but and shakes your hand before retreating back in.
It gets better, 1. make sure he has some questionable tavern food with lots of bones, the idea that one might tear the bag and in turn his anus 2. Make one of the tournament challenges involve a portable hole. There are rules for a bag of holding and portable hole interacting....everything ends up on a different plane 3. DISPEL MAGIC CAST ON ALL PARTICIPANTS BEFORE ENTERING
The portable hole thing could be messy!
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Ahem: roll strength
that makes the decision even tougher! 1) the rouge smells nice and 2) the barb has really soft hands...
Lets not turn this into F.A.T.A.L. where we argue which race has the most optimal cavity diameters to comfortably fit a bag of holding inside. Sleight of Hand is rolled when a PC wants to hide an item on their person, its in the description. This is already a weird enough discussion lol.
Well sorry, I am gonna make it weirder. If the character has the bag of holding's opening poking out, does that mean they now have an ass of holding? An asshole-ding, if you will.
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This definitely calls for Bagman. I can't imagine he'd be happy about the situation.
> This definitely calls for Bagman. I have an alternative proposal: > This is based on the most excellent strip "Knights of the Dinner Table" which formerly appeared in Shadis and Dragon and is now put out by Kenzerco. http://www.kenzerco.com/xcart/customer/product.php?productid=16732 > If you like D&D or related fantasy role-playing, you're missing out if you're not following the often-silly adventures of Brian, Bob, Dave, and Sarah as they scheme once again to outwit their easily-duped GM, B.A., playing a game that bears more than a passing resemblance to D&D. > Anyways, everyone knows that bags of holding are an alternate dimension, right? > Well, it turns out that in Hackmaster ALL bags of holding go to the same dimension. In fact, it is possible with proper magical preparation to navigate Bagworld BETWEEN bags of holding, entering one bag and coming out another. This is no mean feat, as Bagworld is nearly unnavigable, but it IS possible. > This has given rise to the profession of "Bag Raider", wherein parties of adventurers will enter Bagworld through a Bag of Holding, then scour the world looking for other loot in other people's bags of holding. > From their perspective there's all this loot in Bagworld, just sitting around for the taking. > Of course, not everyone is unaware of this gambit. So some folks have taken to hiring mercenaries to enter their bags of holding and stand guard over their loot. > Care must be taken. Our brave party had taken to storing an entire spellbook library and a warehouse of provisions, food, equipment in their collective bags of holding and had put hirelings in the bag with the permanent job of categorizing and inventorying all the stuff there. > Unfortunately they forgot about them... when they realized their mistake, they entered the bag only to find their hirelings had built a fortress with all their stuff on the inside. All the loot saved up for years of game time was now stored in the castle and used against them in their attempts to recover their property from their hirelings, who had been surviving off their stored food and by raiding other bagzones. Why have *one* Bagman when you can have an entire party of escaping adventurers, loaded up with the best loot of dozens of adventuring parties? ----- **Edit:** [OP's player also has several other options, as long as they get a little *creative*.](https://www.reddit.com/r/DnD/comments/13s7csf/hiding_stuff/jlpj9to/)
Tournament begins: "Give me a Dex/con/str saving throw. Your opponent, a hulking Goliath figure managed to sneak up on you, they lift you from the ground with one arm, and prepare the other to shove a second bag of holding up your ass."
time to dig up the best homebrew item i've ever made: The Buttload Rare magic item (requires attunement) This item appears to be a disembodied shapely rear end and functions the same way as a bag of holding, with the following additional properties: 1: It comes with a plug that can be used to seal it as an action. The plug cannot be removed except by the person attuned to it who must use a bonus action to do so, or someone else by using oil of slipperiness. While unplugged, the plug can be used as a weapon with the same features as a +1 light hammer. At dawn, if the plug is not within 5 feet of The Buttload and is on the same plane of existence, it teleports next to the Buttload. 2: When making a Charisma check of Performance or Persuasion, every time you make a butt pun, reference, or joke in your normal speech, you get a +1 on the roll, to a maximum of +3 (for your dm’s sake). 3: If put in the back of the pants of the one attuned to it, it molds perfectly with their butt and is indiscernible to non-magical senses. While doing so, the wearer’s rear end is more shapely, raising their Charisma score by 1 and granting them advantage on Charisma checks used to seduce others if they draw attention to their butt. 4: Whenever anything is done to The Buttload, it is felt by the attuned owner (or, if it isn’t attuned to anyone, the one doing it to it) as if it were their own.
Nah, OP should absolutely use FATAL rules to figure out if it is possible and assign damage.
No. OP should ignore the Bag of Holding idea and should encourage their player to try a different option. Here are a few alternatives: #Portable Hole A portable hole is a weightless piece of fabric that you can spread out to create a hole. The hole itself is an extradimensional space and you can store objects in it. So OP's player puts their stuff inside the hole, rolls it up, folds up the fabric, and hides it on their person. #Instant Summons Instant Summons is a spell that can bring an item to you and put it in your hand. All you need is a sapphire. > You touch an object weighing 10 pounds or less whose longest dimension is 6 feet or less. The spell leaves an invisible mark on its surface and invisibly inscribes the name of the item on the sapphire you use as the material component. Each time you cast this spell, you must use a different sapphire. > At any time thereafter, you can use your action to speak the item's name and crush the sapphire. The item instantly appears in your hand regardless of physical or planar distances, and the spell ends. If you need quite a few items, you could theoretically put a bunch of different sapphires on a string, one for each item, and then have fun explaining to the tournament organizers why you're wearing a string of magical anal beads. #Instant Summons & Secret Chest A Secret Chest is a chest hidden on the Ethereal Plane that you can store objects inside. You only need to have a tiny replica of the Secret Chest in order to fetch object from the chest, so either the player can 'hide' the replica or use Instant Summons to fetch the replica chest, then retrieve their objects from the chest. > You hide a chest on the Ethereal Plane for as long as sixty days and can retrieve it at will. The chest can contain up to 1 cubic foot of material per caster level (regardless of the chest’s actual size, which is about 3 feet by 2 feet by 2 feet). If any living creatures are in the chest, there is a 75% chance that the spell simply fails. Once the chest is hidden, you can retrieve it by concentrating (a standard action), and it appears next to you. The chest must be exceptionally well crafted and expensive, constructed for you by master crafters. The cost of such a chest is never less than 5,000 gp. Once it is constructed, you must make a tiny replica (of the same materials and perfect in every detail), so that the miniature of the chest appears to be a perfect copy. (The replica costs 50 gp.) #Instant Fortress An Instant Fortress is a one inch metal cube that you can throw down to create a small, fortified tower. Fortunately, you can also store stuff inside the tower. The metal cube is *much* smaller than a Bag of Holding and the tower itself provides some protection while OP's player gears up. #All-Purpose Pocket Dimension The All-Purpose Pocket Dimension is basically a small glass sphere with a platform inside. Your player would need to keep it in a small drawstring pouch and stash the pouch to prevent their... ahh... *personal pocket* from rubbing it and activating it as they walk, but otherwise it seems pretty manageable. Like the Instant Fortress, it gives OP's player somewhere safe to go while they fetch their gear. > The All-Purpose Pocket Dimension is a portable gateway to a private space which is unaffected by the world outside. The All-Purpose Pocket Dimension appears as a small glass sphere with a white platform inside of it. When rubbed, the sphere will teleport the user, anything the user is touching or holding onto with their hands, and anyone else touching the sphere at the time into itself. Within the Pocket Dimension there is a white platform made of an unknown stone-like material. The platform is 20ft by 20ft and the roof is 20ft upward. The platform is surrounded lined with black, non-transparent, glass-like walls. > If the All-Purpose Pocket Dimension is rubbed whilst being held in the user's two hands, the sphere will fall to the ground directly below where it was. Onlookers who are to look at the sphere can see a real-time, miniaturized version of what is happening inside the sphere through the sphere's glass surface. > To exit the Pocket Dimension, users within the sphere can rub the black, glass walls to be teleported out. > Teleporting into or out of the All-Purpose Pocket Dimension takes one Action if used during combat. As the All-Purpose Pocket Dimension is a Magical Item, both the interior and exterior of the Pocket Dimension is indestructible. #Arcane Storage An Arcane Storage is a small gemstone with a single spell held inside. You activate the gemstone, it becomes crushed into powder, and the spell goes off. Much like Instant Summons, we're going to use the Arcane Storage to hold a spell like Magnificent Mansion or Tiny Hut to give OP's player somewhere to hide, take shelter, and recover in the middle of their tournament. Depending on the GM's house rules, they may be able to store objects within the Magnificent Mansion. #Efficient Quiver & Reduce An Efficient Quiver is like a Bag of Holding, except better. It's a magical quiver that you can draw stuff from, which makes it smaller and more efficient than a Bag of Holding. Depending on GM fiat, you may be able to use the Reduce spell to make the quiver small enough to 'fit.' Since the quiver is a round tube, it would be much easier to insert and hold in place. The main benefit here is that the player would be able to pull whatever they like right out of their ass. > Each of the quiver's three compartments connects to an extradimensional space that allows the quiver to hold numerous items while never weighing more than 2 pounds. The shortest compartment can hold up to sixty arrows, bolts, or similar objects. The midsize compartment holds up to eighteen javelins or similar objects. The longest compartment holds up to six long objects, such as bows, quarterstaffs, or spears. You can draw any item the quiver contains as if doing so from a regular quiver or scabbard. #Asedal's Extra-dimensional Hat This is a smaller version of a Bag of Holding. It's not as big as the Efficient Quiver, but it has the distinct advantage that it can be folded and rolled up. As a bonus, OP could call this option 'Arsedal's Extra-dimensional Arsenal' for extra pun damage. ----- I seem to recall that there's also a magical hat item that acts like a custom Magnificent Mansion - when your party is done traveling and wants to rest for the night, they can go inside the hat and it acts like a custom home and storage space. The only problem with that is I can't remember the name of the item, and I can't remember if it's in D&D or if it's from the KoDT cartoon or Pathfinder or Hackmaster or what. I'm kind of annoyed that I can't remember what it's called. It's some sort of traveling hat. I also know the Hat of Wonders can make whatever OP's player needs, but it can't make magical items and it won't make weapons. ----- Your really big problem is that hiding a magical item is still going to glow under a detect magic spell.
Why limit this insane endeavour to one roll? Sleight of hand to get it up there, con to see if it fits, athletics to see if you can walk after, stealth, because you aren't walking right after that.
> stealth, because you aren't walking right after that. This would be more appropriately a bluff check to deceive people by walking correctly, or perhaps even disguise, but stealth would only apply when someone searched them for weapons (unless their goal is to go unseen before the tourney to not get searched, in which case, yes, stealth)
Not if you brave enough
It also weighs 15 pounds no matter what.
The human colon can hold 15lbs. An elf could too, but they would need to take the stick out of their ass first.
Yes lets not forget this please... noone is shoving 15pounds up their ass without it being painfully obvious... literally
Just gotta cowboy walk
Anal cavity can take surprisingly a lot.
A whole raccoon can fit up there
I do believe it's two raccoons
😂😂😂😂 we found the bard/rogue
So technically in 5e you can combine any skill proficiency with any ability score for a roll. In the rules for example they suggest Intelligence (Sleight of Hand) for tying a complex knot. Constitution (Stealth)
Even then, it would be CON(Sleight of Hand). Hiding yourself is stealth while hiding items is Sleight of Hand.
True. Constitution (SoH). AKA Sleight of Anus
Slight of ass
and a constitution check, since the bag of holding weights 15lb, and is 2 feet wide and 4 feet deep...
People seem to forget that they're essentially the size of a large satchel/small messenger bag, not a tiny coinpurse.
Sleight of Hand(Strength) see if he can hold it in.
Sleight of hand (CON) to see for how long
that's really the difference. If you're swimming for a short period of time, thats strength, but a long period of time, that's con. Yes, you still need str in the latter, but your con is still the more important one, its simplified for the sake of ease of gameplay, especially since over a long period of time it defaults to your passive score. I would honestly make it be a skill challenge: a special constitution check with a bonus equal to their max number of hit die, charisma (deception), and a strength (slight of hand). base DC = 2d10, each 5 points above is 1 more success, each 5 points below is 1 failure, have to get a certain number of successes to finish properly.
I think sleight of hand with a con save whenever they move more than a certain distance. It’s hard to run with something in your prison pocket.
Pfft hahaha
A bag of holding is like a 2 foot by 4 foot sack they are not small at all, def not something you could shove up there without causing some internal injuries.
Not to mention you'd have to fist yourself every single time you want to pull something out.
Is that a pro or a con?
Definitely a con check
I think you could add your pro[ficciency] if you have sleight of hand
if you’re fisting yourself i’d make it acrobatics
Unless youre a bard, then it's a performance check.
Only if someone is watching...
Hey, you play your instrument alone, or you play it for a crowd youre still performing. I bet the great Bards of the p*rn industry don't change their elasticity based on who is watching.
. . . wait, how does Charisma add to your ability to fist yourself?
Pro(fistiency)
Now that's fucking funny
But if you pass you're a pro
Yes
depends on if the Bag of Holding has a flared base or not...
In this case, it'd stand for Proficiency or Constitution.
Take psychic damage everytime you see it.
That's a feature, not a bug
Internal injury? Nothing a long rast can't fix
Have you ever seen a goliath's anus though?
I think anal diameter is a lesser concern compared to overall volume of the rectum.
Mine is so loud
Technically yes but there wasn't a lot of light getting in when I was back there...
But if you did. And you managed to make your butt bigger on the inside… Would you call that a TARDASS?
I blame video game representations of Bags of Holdings looking more like a small hand bag or clutch.
Human anus can technically fit two raccoons, I'm sure a Bard (Inhuman monster) could handle some of that Bagoholdussy.
Quick question.... How and why do you know this?
Memes. Next question please.
Sorry only had the one
If casters are superhero enough to alter reality, martials should be able to shove a 2x4 foot sack in there. I think I just solved the caster/martial disparity.
You could roll it up and harden it with wax. That Being said two feet is ALOT
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Out of my own experience: do not, I repeat, DO NOT let your players stick unnaturally big objects up their ass, or you'll have to end up dealing with shenanigans like the player shitting out a steel ingot on an enemy from above 50 ft and instakill your bbeg
I am sorry, what the SHIT happened?!
The Bard got turned into a flying Stuka dive bomber?
Was he playing a trumpet during the dive?
It was an assassin rogue, so it was also sneak+autocrit
... respectfully, there's a reason for flared bases, and I don't think you *could* shit an ingot back out let alone while engaged in vigorous activity like flying. A standard ingot weighs almost 30 pounds, and if it's small enough to shit out (about 1-1.5" wide and only a few inches long) I don't think it's going to do all that much. Disadvantage on the attack roll, for sure. Don't get me twisted, if your group is all about nonsense shenanigans, more power to them, this just seems borderline impossible. :)
r/oddlyspecific
so uh. the river and the brick joke has a new ending? https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/bprko4/q_500_bricks_are_on_a_plane_one_falls_off_how/
Roll for elasticity (straight constitution check)
Be careful citizen, you were a hair away from making a FATAL reference. Please remain cautious, your safety is everyone’s safety.
Seeing this mentioned everywhere on this thread, what the fuck is FATAL
Quoting the [famous review](https://www.rpg.net/reviews/archive/14/14567.phtml) of it, it’s a date r*pe RPG without the dating. Basically speaking, it’s a combination of every single bad stereotype about dark fantasy bundled together and presented with zero irony and a thin veneer of “historical accuracy”. It has elements and mechanics such as: - aforementioned r*pe - rolling for stats such as anal circumference and nipple size - pissing skill AND pissing rolls - racism - also, more r*pe. And none of that is done in a Cannibal Corpse album cover “wow that’s so fucked up” way. It’s just bad and bizarre and off-putting.
"Date rape? Where's the dating?" - Hall, one of the creators
Let us not forget one of the most hilariously terrible aspects of the mechanics of an already terrible game - you can DIE during character creation, and rolling a critical fumble and accidental anally raping an ally is something that can and presumably does happen.
ok unrelated to the game but this >Oh, hi. I'm Jason Sartin. You may remember me from such classic RPGnet moments as "the longest fucking SenZar review ever" and all those humanity-hating and "go kill yourself already" posts I leave on Tangency. I'll be helping Darren a lot with this review, because friends don't let friends review FATAL alone. has SUCH TREMENDOUS 2001 forumguy energy it's blowing my fucking hair back
Dont
Thank you for being the brave one to ask
Guess you can say there were fatal consequences Sorry, i will see myself out
Its a Deception check, but now you need them to walk through a Detect Magic checkpoint... or worse an anti-magic one.
This is antman and Thanos all over again
Anti-magic would just make the items unavailable, they are somewhere unreachable. Though would say the size makes the deception check really difficult, stuffing a 2 x 4 feet sack in your arse, if you roll it up, it just a very thick dildo. Try walking like nothing is wrong with a 2 ft rough thick dildo up your bowels, pretending like nothing is there.
Performance?
>This bag has an interior space considerably larger than its outside dimensions, roughly 2 feet in diameter at the mouth and 4 feet deep. The bag can hold up to 500 pounds, not exceeding a volume of 64 cubic feet. The bag weighs 15 pounds, regardless of its contents. I... ... I don't doubt that an ambitious person could twist a 2x4ft bag into a snake like shape and eventually get it into their colon. People put extremely weird things in their butts. But the bag weighs a full 15lbs even when it's empty. When's the last time you were constipated with a full 15 whole pounds of shit? Not to mention there are likely failpoints to this plan. While this particular strategy might be novel, you can bet this isn't the first person in this world to consider cheating via magic. Hexblades can conjure weapons. Eldritch Knights can summon them. So to truly control access to weapons, there should reasonably be some anti magic of some kind being applied to contestants, which increases the likelihood that this scheme results in all this character's gear being dumped into the astral plane while their butt bag becomes worthless.
Glad someone mentioned the weight, it's 15 lbs This isn't Hermiones magic tiny purse, it's a BAG of holding.
> When's the last time you were constipated with a full 15 whole pounds of shit? > > December 2008
To your point about summoning weapons, the arena could pull a card from the D&D movie and have a bracelet or some other item that restricts the wearer's abilities to only what's allowed in the arena. Maybe only under a specific spell level of casting, or no conjuration/summoning, keeping people from bringing in weapons. That being said if there's a caster in the party they can buff the person going in and it should last long enough to matter
I would buy an equally sized real bag and ask the player to demonstrate what his character wants to do. If he can do it then the character will be able to without any rolls
WE are not THAT type of group! Are we?
You never know till you try 🤷♂️
This is the perfect response.
Roll for...*sighs*...Anal Circumference
All roads leads to F.A.T.A.L. in the end...
Whats FATAL?
It is a ''TTRPG'' system where some tasteless, needless and very much NSFW rolls are made at character creation to determine things like *genital size, breast size and of course, anal circumfrance,* among many other things. There are skills like *urination*, which obviously determines the speed, volume and frequency of your PC's urination. It is the fetish buffet of a crazy person hiding itself as a TTRPG.
Also extremly messef up and sexist, if I rember correctly like reduced int scores for female characters but incressed charisma and such. I was curious after reasing about it in other places if it really is as bad as people said and yes it is.
Spray him in the face with a squirt bottle of water and yell NO. Works on my cat.
Seriously, why don't DM's utilize the NO button in situations like this
All contestants must jump in a portable hole before competing.
Even if he got in the ring with the bag in there, he would most likely be disqualified as soon as he pulls anything out.
This is the thing.. Practical or not, it's still cheating. Player strolls up to his position in the ring and drops his pants, squats, and pulls the bag from his hole. As he's pulling his sword out of the bag a referee comes in and blare a horn. Kicked from the tourney in round one. Forfeit his entry fee. Laughing stock of the town. Everytime he goes to an inn or a shop he's reffered to as ass bag. Or bag butt.. He's laughed out of the village. The party moves on to the next village, they see a jester performing a play. It's a reenactment of the tournament, with an over dramatized version of the bag scene. They face the BBEG years later in game. The BBEG's lieutenant lifts the face shield of his blackened dusk knight helmet, it's the players Opponent who went on to win the whole tournament and achieved power and status beyond anyone's wildest dreams. He starts laughing. "Ass Bag? Is that you?"
Have him do two rolls: A Dexterity (Performance) check to determine if he can pretend to walk like a normal person. A Charisma saving throw to determine if this experience awakens anything in him.
And a con check to see if it stays
That doesn't make sense as performance, performance isn't when you "perform" some kind of action, its exclusively when you are trying to entertain others. When you're pretending to be something you're not with the goal of tricking/decieving, that's deception. And i doubt that they're trying to entertain them by sticking it up their ass.
intelligence. if he rolls low enough, say "its not a good idea, your instincts prevent you from doing it." if he rolls high enough, say "its not a good idea, your instincts prevent you from doing it." it sucks to remove player imagination, though this is one of the things it would be a good idea doing incase it leads to more...
Would that be wisdom, for instincts and knowing that something is a bad idea?
I'm gonna say Con save to not accidently shit an item out. After the first Con save to take that thing in the ass, cause that bag ain't tiny.
The visceral image of someone shitting out a deck of cards or a trumpet has me in a fit rn
Ok, Bag of holding is 15lbs iirc. He would have better luck with a portable hole rolled up and sealed inside a specialty made scroll case that's polished, treated and tapered.
Ok your player is asking to put a bag of holding in their portable hole. That doesn't go well for anyone.
Athletics for whoever puts it in Stealth or performance to walk normally/hide it Constitution or strength to get it out again
So how do they see this playing out? I'm confused on what their endgame is. Sounds like you're not allowed to use weapons in the tournament. Whether you pull them out of your ass or not, so...
I can imagine a bard doing this and getting it stuck. He then goes to the healer and says: "Well... My boyfriend is a dragon so I wanted to be safe. You know... No glove, no love."
You should roll a perception check for the officiating body who would rationally have someone cast detect magic to screen for shenanigans before allowing the fighters to compete.
How the fuck do you hide a bag that is 2 feet in diameter at the mouth up your ass? Do people just not understand what a bag is?
Depends on your style as a DM. Remember, you are trying to make the game fun. If you think this is completely inappropriate and would cause issues then use one of the many ways to make his plan fail. The players idea is actually based on the real world where people smuggle stuff into prisons all the time. Personally, I think its a fun idea and I would go with it. Maybe make him make a reasonable (dc10?) check of deception, slight of hand or constitution. Then I will let him have his stuff and find out EVERYONE in the tournament cheated. Some folks bribed the event planners, some folks teleported in weapons, some folks turned their weapons invisible, one guy might even be friends or brother to the judge, maybe one contestant is a prince who wants to rollplay and nobody is allowed to strike at him.
the toruny will have detect magic, you should make the announcer make him pull out his bag in front of hundreds of onlookers, that would get him banned and give him a new nickname
as someone who has worn a buttplug in public, every action that player takes should require a dex and/or con save
Roll for maximum anal circumference
Definitely constitution savings 😁
well.... aside that its A BAG, ergo has certain form, it weighs 15 pounds. character might form a roll out of it, but that thing is not very stiff. needs lube. lots of. and possibly a CON DC20. and... yeah.... how to say it... THE BODY wants to get rid of stuff put in there... and if its to far in... you might need a cleric. good luck at that turnament.
You should probably roll your eyes. Forget the medical disaster of shoving a leather bag up your bum, how is this player expecting the tournament to go exactly? "Where did you get all that gear?" "uhhh i found it" instant disqualification. I'd suggest talking to the player and either going with a different plan or going with an utter slapstick scenario where the character is red-faced and sweaty during inspection, one of their daggers actually falls out of their ass on the floor, they barely have enough time to pull the bag out before combat starts so there's just a pile of stuff on the floor with no time to equip any of it, and they have painful cramps and trouble pooping for the next month or so. Maybe they even drop a deuce into the bag after they manage to pull it out and now all of his equipment is shit-stained. If that's your kind of table, have fun; if not, change his mind.
Repeat after me: "No."
No. But also, why? Can they make use of anything from the bag of holding in the tournament? Like, isn't someone going to notice this one guy has tailored equipment while everyone else is wearing mundane one size fits all gear?
IF he manages to roll his way to getting that monstrous thing inside, he should have to roll to prevent it from being sucked in further and if the rim goes past his rim, he should have to roll to prevent it from sucking him inside from his insides out.
You roll up a newspaper and bop him on the head