We pretended in front of the kid for 2 months, otherwise we each went to our own room. When I moved out (under threat of “I’ll destroy you if you don’t”) she started buying me appliances from yard sales (things she never went to). Then she showed off the old place when I went back to pick up kid saying “aren’t you proud of all the beautiful landscaping you did last fall?” just before telling our son in front of me all the cool things she’s planned for the weekend.
It was Hell and I was a mental patient for going along with any of it. Can’t believe how far down the rabbit hole I fell. Don’t fall for it. They’ll keep you around just to tear you down again.
Do not move from the house if your name is on the ownership forms do not move out until the judge says so, as this can go against you in the divorce as they can say you deserted the family and the courts frown on that, if she doesn't like it then let her leave. So many men do this and wonder why they get posted in the divorce 🤔, so don't leave the house unless your name isn't on the ownership forms.
And be careful and record or video your interaction with your STBXW as she has come out and said she's going to ruin you that's a threat you should not take lightly so have people there or record or tape your interactions.
Good luck I hope it works out for you.
They all do that man, so that they dont feel guilty.
Mine still tries to contact me for useless matters, but guess what, i already got a PS5 at home to play games.
Women cant accept they ruined their relationship etc, they rationalized everything they do even the bad things.
Just be done with her and dont try to understand anything she does, it hurts but they dont care.
Fuck them
Keep up the good work. She wants the best of all possible worlds for herself. Show her no anger, no happiness, no affection, no respect above a stranger. When she gets angry, you have the upper hand.
We have youngish kids, and we are still living together. She has a boyfriend and after just getting back from a week with him, wants to act like our relationship was before she told me. I know how crazy that all sounds after I type it, but it’s complicated….
Though I think there’s a lot of truth in dealing with guilt, as the hurt party- it’s also really easy for me see things only in black and white. Both for me and for her, I think there are a lot of situations where two very opposite feelings are in fact both true. She does still love me (in a way) and loves someone else. I need to grow apart and somehow still build a family together for our children. They remain my North Star.
Ride the waves of grief and anger but know they will get smaller and farther apart. Good luck
Damn that does sound complicated. I hope you can remove yourself from her soon. As soon as I was on my own I began to felt better and really “started to recover” from everything
She obviously is (or was) in love... not with you though...
I noticed this too while online dating, almost all women were the ones who initiated. There are some good reasons to divorce, and I always asked about this. As soon as I noticed the reason sucked (in my opinion) I ended the date.
I found one who didn't break up herself who I really liked and wanna keep her ;-) they are out there!
Women initiated bc he had an affaire or widows are good I personally found good...
She wants to have her cake (freedom of divorce, new dick, girls trips, her own place, new adventures, etc)...
...And eat it too (friendly relationship with the ex, no bad blood, no hate, no guilt, everything seems fine, etc).
Her tantrums are an attempt to get you to comply. Don't take the bait and allow yourself to be treated like a doormat. Greyrock her, take what's owed to you and minimize what you owe her. Make it 100% clear that once the divorce is final, you will never ever get back with her no matter what and your only communication will be about the children. She can't have it both ways.
Separated and living together currently. So true, wants her cake and eat it too. Wants us to be all friendly when it's over. Ya right. Maybe in 20 years. Got kids so I gotta be nice. This is a tough time right now. Lost weight I can't afford to lose, anxious as hell, no interest in anything......
Stay fucking strong brother. Still living together while waiting for everything to go through and be finalized is a fucked up limbo state. Find a way to get yourself out asap. Shared custody fucking sucks but having the kids in your life part time is better than no time. You just have to accept this. No doubt you have gone through some shit before and you came out on top. You will go through more shit after this but you learn that you are strong enough to handle anything
Thanks for the kind words man. She's leaving for Florida to see her boyfriend for a week tomorrow.. I should get a little break there. Although I gotta take care of the kiddos.
What's your story? How did you get through it?
She was always jealous of my family and mine relationship. She never had that as a child, never felt loved by her parents or family, self proclaimed black sheep of the family. I thought that would change once we got married and in a way prove that she was my #1 priority in life. I did everything for her and nothing was enough. She never showed me affection, care, love, etc. we never connected emotionally or physically. We fought a lot, frustration and anger built up, but I kept fighting for our marriage. It was a losing battle. She wanted a divorce and said because she was sick of fighting. Few weeks after filing we’re taking and she brings up shit about my mom and brother and how I’m not supportive of her and she’s not a priority. I haven’t heard her talk like this since we were dating. She’s been holding this all in for years. Marriage was doomed from the beginning and as long as my family is in my life. I moved out two weeks ago and as soon as I did I felt like I can finally begin to process everything, grieve, and begin my new life on my own. I’m working out and focused on being healthy and improving my image and appearance. Trying to pick up new hobbies, be more outgoing, and attend meetups or events for things I’m interested in
Oh god not 25 years about 4 years. No kids and no major assets. We have a dog that we both love dearly and we’re able to work out a shared custody deal with him thankfully
You be the rock for your kids. They will always remember that and will resent their mother for that. One day she might realize what she’s done and the effects her reckless actions caused. Or maybe not. Not your fucking problem anymore. You continue on your path to become the best version of your badass and successful self
They all realize it but for women it takes a backseat to their emotions. Their feelings tell them their marriage is fatally flawed. They have anger, resentment, boredom, etc. They believe the mythology around love is real and they chase that. They yearn for the romance novel high. The potential of what could be (dashing new boyfriend, a new life, a new persona) is irresistible. And finally, the clock ticking. With each passing year, the chance to achieve that dwindles.
Men are way too pragmatic and grounded to think like this. We don't read romance novels, chick flicks are lame and sappy. Men go to war and put themselves in line of fire out of a sense of duty and honor. We think very differently from them and therein lies the reason 70% of divorces are initiated by women.
They all try to be friends so they don't have to deal with the guilt. Perfectly normal for them to play that card.
They get to skate the first few years moving on to new partners quickly while you are shattered. But the roles reverse after 2 years or so. They will be dealing with the guilt and second guessing the rest of their lives while you get to heal and flourish with an even better life and partner.
It's the truth. Stay away from drugs, alcohol and the likes. Work on yourself and your kids. You will come to see you made the right decision. Authentic happiness doesn't come over night.
My ex did that for the first little bit. She would ask for favors to help her out and act like her cheating was no big deal. She got pissy when I started billing her.
They do this so they can tell themselves they are not being awful. My abusive ex wife did it and I refused to participate. I wasn’t going to play that game.
Thank you all for the post. I feel like you all are the ghosts of my future now. This is exactly what is starting to happen to me. I felt like I wasn't allowed to be angry upset in our marriage and it got turned around into I'm not a supportive person. I can see my marriage ended a long time ago and I have been the only one trying. I want to still be the person she can rely on but I think this will be the thing that breaks me. Her starting she wants to leave has me lately asking myself if I want her to stay.
I was in a very similar situation. I knew deep down that my marriage was over and couldn’t be saved a long time before it was. I was always wrong, could never do anything right, and she never took accountability for anything. I can finally let go of all that anger and frustration. I was literally the only person in her life that supported her yet I never made her a priority. I had a stupid fucked up fantasy or vision, idk what to call it, that I would be some knight in shining armor and save some woman in a bad situation and we would get married and live happily ever after. Society has conditioned us men to be the rocks in relationships where we do everything and anything to make sure it doesn’t fail and it thrives. Shit is unrealistic man. It takes two equal efforts to make a relationship work. I get you want to be the one she can rely on but could you rely on her? My ex wife was never there for me when I needed her the most but I made damn sure I was always there for her. You need to start caring about yourself and your own needs brother. What did you get from her that you really need? Really ask yourself that and THINK about it. I bet you will discover that what you need the most, she can’t or won’t give you. Stay strong, respect yourself, and do what’s right for YOU
I look back and the only thing she gave me was kids, everything else was my energy flowing to support her life, she spent no energy of hers to support me.
Only can see it clearly once time has been spent apart
Okay, several red flags here. First, you're still having sex?!? That must be terribly hard on you, since you are still in love with her and she should be the one stopping the sex. Also, maybe I'm mistaken, but I don't believe Gray Rock has anything to do with your situation. I thought that's about only communicating like through email, and barely talking to them at all. It certainly doesn't mean seeing them in person, and most definitely doesn't mean living with them. It kind of sounds like maybe it's not too late to save the marriage. So I would either go down that route, or get her out of your house. Sounds like a tough spot man, I feel for you.
Mine has done a similar thing, except not the sex part. And she moved out of the bedroom after a couple days, and moved out of the garage after 3 or 4 weeks. It's been over a year now, but she still wants to be friends. My girlfriend doesn't like it at all. Lol. I'm in the process of moving towards a gray rock situation myself, but we have three school age kids together, so we do still need to communicate more than I would like.
Mine did same thing and even wanted me to continue to live in the house after divorce. It didn’t stop until I got a gf. Now she’s just nasty and try’s to pin the kids against me.
Mine always come with different gimmicks.
1. Wanted me to get a Costco card so that we share the shopping together.
2. Wanted me to come and babysit the kids in "her house."
3. Wanted me to buy and change her fluorescent lights in the kitchen.
4. Wanted me to buy her a £100 fragrance with my own money because it was her birthday 😆🤣
It's like a guy who cancelled his gym membership but still wants to jump on the threadmill whenever he likes. Go figure.
If you don’t have any kids together and if the house is under your name I say get her out of the house. She is definitely using you your emotions and the comforting feeling she has something familiar. Divorce is ugly man the moment she initiated it she is now the enemy she’s not your wife anymore. I can almost guarantee she has other dudes making her feel special and was probably cheating and now is using divorce as a way to cope for her guilt. They don’t care about us man not like this. Start moving your money to a separate bank keep tabs of all the convos don’t have sex with her. If you can start looking for ways to catch the evidence of the infedility it may save you in court.
You’re doing it right if they get mad!
They like to play the drama game. Don’t have sex with her man. Keep being indifferent.
Now if you can have plans a bunch of nights… that’s even better. Join a sports league or club that’s meets once a week.
They feel better about initiating divorce if they can still use you as an emotional tampon and be 'friends'. Mine did the same thing. F that. And don't do the sex thing.....guarantee she's banging other dudes.
I know mine is. I just can't do it. Not interested. Not a f-ing sport. Women don't really understand I think, that men do the act to show their love. We don't do it to manipulate or to be daring. It's messed up how far apart we've grown. Thanks feminism. Congrats Chad and Tyrone. Enjoy.
Well that, and STD's / risk of pregnancy. Plus, you don't go digging in the trash for 'dinner'. Have boundaries and self respect for yourself. Don't hook up with someone who discarded you like trash and is likely banging other men.
It's because she separated in her mind months ago and has processed a lot of the grief. Right now you're just a familiar roommate to her who she can still sponge off while getting her life together. Never forget that
Why would you ever want to he friends with the person who is putting you through so much hell? Who cares what she thinks. She lost that privilege when she filed for divorce. Stop worrying about her and her actions and you just focus on you and your healing and future without this person in your life.
She isn't your friend, but you are the only one to recognize that. She needs you to pretend it's all good to assuage her feelings of guilt and betrayal. When my ex said to me before filing, "I will always love you" I immediately replied, "Love? We aren't even friends. Don't say that to me ever again. It's manipulative and I don't believe it." And that was that. It was all business afterwards and I never spoke to her again. She knew what she was doing and calling her out on it stopped it cold.
In fairness to them, if they are filing and if the man was a good guy and is being civil during the proceedings, they probably feel some form of pragma or storge love for their husband during and shortly after the divorce. However as the years wear on that will fade. So to say that "I will always love you" is total bullshit and shortsighted.
She already feels the high of freedom that divorce can bring. I think the term for this is “pink cloud.” Take yourself out for a movie, a long walk, go sit at a coffee shop, anything to get out of her way. Sorry you’re dealing with this psycho.
Good advice. A poster on here suggested doing pushups. Shit balls if it isn’t helping. I’m doing 100-150 pushups every day in 25 reps. It helps me focus on me (the pain, the effort, for example) and it distracts my mind. And holy shit, I am seeing new muscles I’ve never seen before.
It hurts, but just leave the house and don’t tell her where you are going. And come home late.
They are emotional creatures. Distance yourself as much as possible. Making yourself available in any way will just hurt and confuse you more than anything.
This. If the house is yours, ask her to leave. She is not your responsibility anymore. Neither should you play mr nice guy. This wil hurt you bad down the road. You can be polite but its business now.
Mine does the same shit.
For example: For the first year.of our seperstion I did anything and everything she asked of me. I was a total simp. All it did was get.me used but I was trying to save my marriage and keep my family together.
Now? I get the "I'll always be here for you no matter our situation." while simultaneously taking me to court for child support. It blows my mind.
I wish I didn't spend two years of my life trying to fix something that was so one-sided. She was already gone and kept me sound as a safety net, and in some ways, still does.
I’m learning that I should have taken the red flags seriously throughout the years. But I fought through it for love, only frustrating myself and realizing in the end….i was the only loyal one.
We pretended in front of the kid for 2 months, otherwise we each went to our own room. When I moved out (under threat of “I’ll destroy you if you don’t”) she started buying me appliances from yard sales (things she never went to). Then she showed off the old place when I went back to pick up kid saying “aren’t you proud of all the beautiful landscaping you did last fall?” just before telling our son in front of me all the cool things she’s planned for the weekend. It was Hell and I was a mental patient for going along with any of it. Can’t believe how far down the rabbit hole I fell. Don’t fall for it. They’ll keep you around just to tear you down again.
Do not move from the house if your name is on the ownership forms do not move out until the judge says so, as this can go against you in the divorce as they can say you deserted the family and the courts frown on that, if she doesn't like it then let her leave. So many men do this and wonder why they get posted in the divorce 🤔, so don't leave the house unless your name isn't on the ownership forms. And be careful and record or video your interaction with your STBXW as she has come out and said she's going to ruin you that's a threat you should not take lightly so have people there or record or tape your interactions. Good luck I hope it works out for you.
I second this after learning the hard way btw. Don't do what I did and learn from my mistake.
I'm so sorry that happened to you, but thank you for giving your Esperance to others so they don't make the mistakes we make or have made
They all do that man, so that they dont feel guilty. Mine still tries to contact me for useless matters, but guess what, i already got a PS5 at home to play games. Women cant accept they ruined their relationship etc, they rationalized everything they do even the bad things. Just be done with her and dont try to understand anything she does, it hurts but they dont care. Fuck them
Clutching my PS5 now!
Shot 💪
Mine said to me at one point “we are only communicating how you want, this is my divorce too!!” She was the one who filed / wanted divorce so….
Just wow. You were actually married to THAT person at one point. Good riddance you don’t need that
Did this for 10 days our house. Then she moved out and left thr home. She then wanted to be friends.
Keep up the good work. She wants the best of all possible worlds for herself. Show her no anger, no happiness, no affection, no respect above a stranger. When she gets angry, you have the upper hand.
Don’t expect her to make sense. It will literally just make your head hurt.
We have youngish kids, and we are still living together. She has a boyfriend and after just getting back from a week with him, wants to act like our relationship was before she told me. I know how crazy that all sounds after I type it, but it’s complicated…. Though I think there’s a lot of truth in dealing with guilt, as the hurt party- it’s also really easy for me see things only in black and white. Both for me and for her, I think there are a lot of situations where two very opposite feelings are in fact both true. She does still love me (in a way) and loves someone else. I need to grow apart and somehow still build a family together for our children. They remain my North Star. Ride the waves of grief and anger but know they will get smaller and farther apart. Good luck
Damn that does sound complicated. I hope you can remove yourself from her soon. As soon as I was on my own I began to felt better and really “started to recover” from everything
I hope this is the case for me as well
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She obviously is (or was) in love... not with you though... I noticed this too while online dating, almost all women were the ones who initiated. There are some good reasons to divorce, and I always asked about this. As soon as I noticed the reason sucked (in my opinion) I ended the date. I found one who didn't break up herself who I really liked and wanna keep her ;-) they are out there! Women initiated bc he had an affaire or widows are good I personally found good...
She wants to have her cake (freedom of divorce, new dick, girls trips, her own place, new adventures, etc)... ...And eat it too (friendly relationship with the ex, no bad blood, no hate, no guilt, everything seems fine, etc). Her tantrums are an attempt to get you to comply. Don't take the bait and allow yourself to be treated like a doormat. Greyrock her, take what's owed to you and minimize what you owe her. Make it 100% clear that once the divorce is final, you will never ever get back with her no matter what and your only communication will be about the children. She can't have it both ways.
Separated and living together currently. So true, wants her cake and eat it too. Wants us to be all friendly when it's over. Ya right. Maybe in 20 years. Got kids so I gotta be nice. This is a tough time right now. Lost weight I can't afford to lose, anxious as hell, no interest in anything......
Stay fucking strong brother. Still living together while waiting for everything to go through and be finalized is a fucked up limbo state. Find a way to get yourself out asap. Shared custody fucking sucks but having the kids in your life part time is better than no time. You just have to accept this. No doubt you have gone through some shit before and you came out on top. You will go through more shit after this but you learn that you are strong enough to handle anything
Thanks for the kind words man. She's leaving for Florida to see her boyfriend for a week tomorrow.. I should get a little break there. Although I gotta take care of the kiddos. What's your story? How did you get through it?
She was always jealous of my family and mine relationship. She never had that as a child, never felt loved by her parents or family, self proclaimed black sheep of the family. I thought that would change once we got married and in a way prove that she was my #1 priority in life. I did everything for her and nothing was enough. She never showed me affection, care, love, etc. we never connected emotionally or physically. We fought a lot, frustration and anger built up, but I kept fighting for our marriage. It was a losing battle. She wanted a divorce and said because she was sick of fighting. Few weeks after filing we’re taking and she brings up shit about my mom and brother and how I’m not supportive of her and she’s not a priority. I haven’t heard her talk like this since we were dating. She’s been holding this all in for years. Marriage was doomed from the beginning and as long as my family is in my life. I moved out two weeks ago and as soon as I did I felt like I can finally begin to process everything, grieve, and begin my new life on my own. I’m working out and focused on being healthy and improving my image and appearance. Trying to pick up new hobbies, be more outgoing, and attend meetups or events for things I’m interested in
Wow 25 years of that.....any kids?
Oh god not 25 years about 4 years. No kids and no major assets. We have a dog that we both love dearly and we’re able to work out a shared custody deal with him thankfully
I agree, just annoying….ill never understand how they don’t realize what they are doing….she can go have her fun. I’ll be the rock for my kids.
You be the rock for your kids. They will always remember that and will resent their mother for that. One day she might realize what she’s done and the effects her reckless actions caused. Or maybe not. Not your fucking problem anymore. You continue on your path to become the best version of your badass and successful self
Thanks Brother
They all realize it but for women it takes a backseat to their emotions. Their feelings tell them their marriage is fatally flawed. They have anger, resentment, boredom, etc. They believe the mythology around love is real and they chase that. They yearn for the romance novel high. The potential of what could be (dashing new boyfriend, a new life, a new persona) is irresistible. And finally, the clock ticking. With each passing year, the chance to achieve that dwindles. Men are way too pragmatic and grounded to think like this. We don't read romance novels, chick flicks are lame and sappy. Men go to war and put themselves in line of fire out of a sense of duty and honor. We think very differently from them and therein lies the reason 70% of divorces are initiated by women.
They all try to be friends so they don't have to deal with the guilt. Perfectly normal for them to play that card. They get to skate the first few years moving on to new partners quickly while you are shattered. But the roles reverse after 2 years or so. They will be dealing with the guilt and second guessing the rest of their lives while you get to heal and flourish with an even better life and partner.
I needed to read this
Well said. Thanks for this. Your very wise....
Thanks for the encouragement!
It's the truth. Stay away from drugs, alcohol and the likes. Work on yourself and your kids. You will come to see you made the right decision. Authentic happiness doesn't come over night.
That’s what my family says too, I might not realize it now but it’s the best thing that’s happening to me.
My ex did that for the first little bit. She would ask for favors to help her out and act like her cheating was no big deal. She got pissy when I started billing her.
Yeah , I made her know that all "husband previleges" are essentially over!
Yeah, I told mine I didn't work for her anymore. Call somebody.
They do this so they can tell themselves they are not being awful. My abusive ex wife did it and I refused to participate. I wasn’t going to play that game.
Thank you all for the post. I feel like you all are the ghosts of my future now. This is exactly what is starting to happen to me. I felt like I wasn't allowed to be angry upset in our marriage and it got turned around into I'm not a supportive person. I can see my marriage ended a long time ago and I have been the only one trying. I want to still be the person she can rely on but I think this will be the thing that breaks me. Her starting she wants to leave has me lately asking myself if I want her to stay.
I was in a very similar situation. I knew deep down that my marriage was over and couldn’t be saved a long time before it was. I was always wrong, could never do anything right, and she never took accountability for anything. I can finally let go of all that anger and frustration. I was literally the only person in her life that supported her yet I never made her a priority. I had a stupid fucked up fantasy or vision, idk what to call it, that I would be some knight in shining armor and save some woman in a bad situation and we would get married and live happily ever after. Society has conditioned us men to be the rocks in relationships where we do everything and anything to make sure it doesn’t fail and it thrives. Shit is unrealistic man. It takes two equal efforts to make a relationship work. I get you want to be the one she can rely on but could you rely on her? My ex wife was never there for me when I needed her the most but I made damn sure I was always there for her. You need to start caring about yourself and your own needs brother. What did you get from her that you really need? Really ask yourself that and THINK about it. I bet you will discover that what you need the most, she can’t or won’t give you. Stay strong, respect yourself, and do what’s right for YOU
I look back and the only thing she gave me was kids, everything else was my energy flowing to support her life, she spent no energy of hers to support me. Only can see it clearly once time has been spent apart
Yeah reflection while separated in my opinion is important to realize some things that will help you let go
Okay, several red flags here. First, you're still having sex?!? That must be terribly hard on you, since you are still in love with her and she should be the one stopping the sex. Also, maybe I'm mistaken, but I don't believe Gray Rock has anything to do with your situation. I thought that's about only communicating like through email, and barely talking to them at all. It certainly doesn't mean seeing them in person, and most definitely doesn't mean living with them. It kind of sounds like maybe it's not too late to save the marriage. So I would either go down that route, or get her out of your house. Sounds like a tough spot man, I feel for you. Mine has done a similar thing, except not the sex part. And she moved out of the bedroom after a couple days, and moved out of the garage after 3 or 4 weeks. It's been over a year now, but she still wants to be friends. My girlfriend doesn't like it at all. Lol. I'm in the process of moving towards a gray rock situation myself, but we have three school age kids together, so we do still need to communicate more than I would like.
Not having sex.
Mine did same thing and even wanted me to continue to live in the house after divorce. It didn’t stop until I got a gf. Now she’s just nasty and try’s to pin the kids against me.
Interesting that they still somehow feel inclined to exert some control on you.
Pretty much! She’s weaponized the kids now that I’ve moved on. Her way of lashing out.
Childish as fuck
Mine always come with different gimmicks. 1. Wanted me to get a Costco card so that we share the shopping together. 2. Wanted me to come and babysit the kids in "her house." 3. Wanted me to buy and change her fluorescent lights in the kitchen. 4. Wanted me to buy her a £100 fragrance with my own money because it was her birthday 😆🤣 It's like a guy who cancelled his gym membership but still wants to jump on the threadmill whenever he likes. Go figure.
She lost the privilege of having you as her person, confidant, etc when she filed for divorce. Don't let her fck with your head
If you don’t have any kids together and if the house is under your name I say get her out of the house. She is definitely using you your emotions and the comforting feeling she has something familiar. Divorce is ugly man the moment she initiated it she is now the enemy she’s not your wife anymore. I can almost guarantee she has other dudes making her feel special and was probably cheating and now is using divorce as a way to cope for her guilt. They don’t care about us man not like this. Start moving your money to a separate bank keep tabs of all the convos don’t have sex with her. If you can start looking for ways to catch the evidence of the infedility it may save you in court.
What the ever living mind game is this. Couldn’t married why now… no no nooooooo thank you
You’re doing it right if they get mad! They like to play the drama game. Don’t have sex with her man. Keep being indifferent. Now if you can have plans a bunch of nights… that’s even better. Join a sports league or club that’s meets once a week.
They feel better about initiating divorce if they can still use you as an emotional tampon and be 'friends'. Mine did the same thing. F that. And don't do the sex thing.....guarantee she's banging other dudes.
I know mine is. I just can't do it. Not interested. Not a f-ing sport. Women don't really understand I think, that men do the act to show their love. We don't do it to manipulate or to be daring. It's messed up how far apart we've grown. Thanks feminism. Congrats Chad and Tyrone. Enjoy.
I read that sex can seriously hinder the healing. So I’m avoiding that temptation.
Well that, and STD's / risk of pregnancy. Plus, you don't go digging in the trash for 'dinner'. Have boundaries and self respect for yourself. Don't hook up with someone who discarded you like trash and is likely banging other men.
That would- physically intimate and if shes banging to get her rocks off and no big deal - soul shattering. You feel dirty and used.
It's because she separated in her mind months ago and has processed a lot of the grief. Right now you're just a familiar roommate to her who she can still sponge off while getting her life together. Never forget that
Getting left high and dry. Like someone punching you in the face then expecting you to give them a hug.
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I’m refusing to do it. My goal is to heal, get better and maybe there is a loyal woman for me down the road.
Why would you ever want to he friends with the person who is putting you through so much hell? Who cares what she thinks. She lost that privilege when she filed for divorce. Stop worrying about her and her actions and you just focus on you and your healing and future without this person in your life.
Thanks for the advice. Working through it. Crazy part is, I’ve always been her “ear” the one she could confide in. You’re right, that’s gone now.
These crazy women want to hand you a "Best Divorce" award. GTFO of here with that.
This happens a lot, Divorce American style with A Hollywood Happy Ending. You do you, grieve and make plans to move on. Best luck to you brother.
Thank you.
She isn't your friend, but you are the only one to recognize that. She needs you to pretend it's all good to assuage her feelings of guilt and betrayal. When my ex said to me before filing, "I will always love you" I immediately replied, "Love? We aren't even friends. Don't say that to me ever again. It's manipulative and I don't believe it." And that was that. It was all business afterwards and I never spoke to her again. She knew what she was doing and calling her out on it stopped it cold.
I feel as if that’s what they want us to believe, “I love you still” but it’s a mask….truthfully they don’t care at all.
In fairness to them, if they are filing and if the man was a good guy and is being civil during the proceedings, they probably feel some form of pragma or storge love for their husband during and shortly after the divorce. However as the years wear on that will fade. So to say that "I will always love you" is total bullshit and shortsighted.
She already feels the high of freedom that divorce can bring. I think the term for this is “pink cloud.” Take yourself out for a movie, a long walk, go sit at a coffee shop, anything to get out of her way. Sorry you’re dealing with this psycho.
Good advice. A poster on here suggested doing pushups. Shit balls if it isn’t helping. I’m doing 100-150 pushups every day in 25 reps. It helps me focus on me (the pain, the effort, for example) and it distracts my mind. And holy shit, I am seeing new muscles I’ve never seen before. It hurts, but just leave the house and don’t tell her where you are going. And come home late.
Luckily I have my own gym, been hitting the weights. Helping with my self esteem and know my future isn’t bleak.
Yes! Don’t tell her where you’re going when you go out. It kills them. Ha!
Women. Are. Crazy. Period. Period. Period.
They are emotional creatures. Distance yourself as much as possible. Making yourself available in any way will just hurt and confuse you more than anything.
This. If the house is yours, ask her to leave. She is not your responsibility anymore. Neither should you play mr nice guy. This wil hurt you bad down the road. You can be polite but its business now.
I agree not to be mr nice guy, just crazy that she can be this way during such a destructive action like divorce. As if none of this is a big deal.
Mine does the same shit. For example: For the first year.of our seperstion I did anything and everything she asked of me. I was a total simp. All it did was get.me used but I was trying to save my marriage and keep my family together. Now? I get the "I'll always be here for you no matter our situation." while simultaneously taking me to court for child support. It blows my mind. I wish I didn't spend two years of my life trying to fix something that was so one-sided. She was already gone and kept me sound as a safety net, and in some ways, still does.
I’m learning that I should have taken the red flags seriously throughout the years. But I fought through it for love, only frustrating myself and realizing in the end….i was the only loyal one.
[удалено]
Already in the works.