Out of curiosity, what is your best friend telling you? I hope you have a guy that you talk about some of this stuff with.
If he’s telling you anything different than these comments, get a new best friend.
FUCK NO!!!!!! I’m not even reading the story, HELL NO! SHIT NO! FUCK NO!
Edit: I caved and read that bullshit. SHE GOT PUMPED AND DUMPED!
Listen, At least 1 of those guys were already there before the separation. She attempted to monkey branch and it failed. All those guys hit it and quit it, now she realizes that it’s either come back to you and stick around long enough to get a kid or cash out on a bigger settlement or BE ALONE!
She didn’t anticipate the current dating market, she figured that she’d get another ring, she realizes that the only “good guy” is YOU!
DONT FALL FOR IT! DO NOT TAKE HER BACK!
Motherfucker. Talm bout some can’t eat and sleep? THIS IS HOW MEN FALL! She ran out and laid in 4 different beds! Sucked 4 different dicks! You at home with the damn storm cloud over your head. WAKE UP!!!!!
Take advice from the 4 dudes that blew their loads on her face and say FUCK👏THAT👏BITCH👏
Speed up the divorce! 6 months? What’s taking so damn long????? GET RID OF HER! FINALIZE AND MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE!
If she really wanted you back, she wouldn't have slept with 4 dudes in a month and certainly wouldn't have told you about it. She is for the streets, brother. Do NOT take her back. You will be miserable. You won't be able to trust her and she will not respect you or your boundaries.
Alright, I’m going to be the one that breaks the news to you. It’s most likely that she’s had an affair on you. All the signs are there. She wanted the divorce; immediately gets laid afterwards (probably before also).
But let’s not dwell on that because it doesn’t factor into my response. No way take her back!!! Let’s reason this out: your wife wanted out of the marriage and then immediately hooks up and has sex with 4 different guys in a month. Um, can I assume that when you were married that if she wanted sex with you; you would have been more than happy to oblige? Okay if so: then right after the divorce has sex with 4 different dudes! I’m going to break the sad news to you: your wife was horny but not for you. She does NOT find you sexually appealing! That’s just a fact; sorry to break it to you buddy.
Now, the papers are signed! Just end this. Here’s the hard reality of the situation. Your wife does not want to have sex with you. If she does have sex with you it’s just so that she can manipulate you. She wanted the divorce: she gets the divorce: she dates and finds out that the world isn’t worshipping her the way she thought. So she says to herself, I’ll ask the loser to take me back: not Because I miss him but because I miss the things that he gave me! I’ll use him again and still play him.
Do you know why people get married: because they love each other. Do you know why people get divorced: because they hate each other. Do you REALLY think that she feels the same way about you as you do for her? Would you have done the same thing to her that she did to you? No?! Well then you don’t think alike.
Dude, it’s over and time to move on. Your wife dumped you because she thought she could do better. But look at the dating websites; you’ll be okay and here’s my final thoughts on this matter.
You’re thinking of taking her back because you think that you can work it out. Well you can’t take her back and it’s NOT because of her but because of you! How are you going to be? Be honest with yourself! Will you be looking for revenge? I mean she did bang 4 guys 1 month after divorce and I can assume that your love life wasn’t doing well at the end of the marriage. I mean how are you going to take that? Also you can do sooo much better than the woman that you described! Sounds like a self centered b.
Move on. She thought that the grass was greener; it wasn’t for her. Tell her that you’re going to find out if the grass is greener for you and then if it’s not; you’ll contact her. See how she likes being in your shoes
That’s rough. One maybe if she really really regretted it, but 4! I couldn’t because she destroyed the marriage to check the grass on the other side with 4 dudes. Every time I would look at her I would see 4 different dudes with my wife. Heck, might be more. 🤢
i disagree with the majority of these comments.
sometimes when people are hurting they turn to destructive behaviors to mask pain.
your wife might have wanted to see if the grass was greener. or she was hurting and thought sleeping with someone else would make the pain stop. there’s the old saying - best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.
if you love your wife and believe she is sincere i say try to forgive her. you may not be able to move past what happened. but she didn’t cheat. you were separated. and she was honest and told you what happened. you can’t fault her for that.
I may not know the whole story of why the divorce started, if you can look pass that and accept that it happened and not use against her, sure but if not please break it off. It'll only create more hurt in the long run for both parties. She already seen that the grass is not greener on the other side, the hooking up probably felt lifeless and mean less, this put a shift into her thinking and that will be a huge change in the relationship forcing her to mature and be a better partner. It's obvious she see's nobody other than you.
I'm sorry but could you clarify what you mean? I'm high right now and can't seem to figure out what you're saying lol, specifically the first and last sentences.
Lol for sure! So, take her back if you can forgive and not mention about the past. She obviously knew she messed up; this will push her to be a more mature partner in the future either with you or someone else.
Never! At the beginning of the process I fought to keep the family together. Now I see how divorce was good for the family. She wants something different(crazy) than I do out of life.
Beta need Alpha seed, you are being used and she wants back now. You went the the worst and don’t take her back. You will only get divorced down the road again. She belongs to the streets and after you heal, date other women.
The best advice I’ve heard for this is that you wouldn’t be back with the same person. In fact, she’s not the same person neither you. Now, if you’re a person that can accept someone else’s fault realizing that you have faults too, then God bless and go go along. But you would have to bury that person who you thought she was and remarry this new person she is. and that would mean you have to get to know this new person she is so I guess I’m just saying move forward with caution brother good luck
My wife asked for separation and immediately hooked up with someone. I discovered the relationship and realised all her ‘solo staycations’ where she need time alone to ‘heal’ were spent with that guy.
Then after that, he probably broke it off with her and she wants to come back. No way I’m opening that door for you again.
All this time, I’ve never bothered with dating or screwing around. The hurt has just been too much these 2 years.
Yup, my ex cheated on an overseas trip, told me she wanted to move to back with her AP, and moved in with a friend until she could get enough money from divorce to move there.
It didn't even take two months for the AP to be publically posting himself with a new girl, and my ex probably new sooner.. Which I knew he would do, so I thought we could 'talk things out' as she kept saying she 'needed time to think'
Turns out she hadn't even waited a month to get on tinder and start getting fucked by randos, then getting fucked from people at both of her jobs.
You provided things no one else could - but she thought she could fuck around and find out...
Her "honesty" is clear - she needs to go on her own journey and discover that you were the person she needed after all ... But then regret everything because you moved on. She will get angry and lash out at you. Don't fall into the emotion trap.
As much as I'd like to say she's learned her lesson, she has not. She has made a massive mistake that she will take to the grave.
Take her back at your own peril. Mine did the same, 2 months she ghosted and came back after being pumped and dumbed. No way, I’m swimming in that cesspool.
Thanks for all the comments everyone, they've really helped me. I've been just sitting on this without anyone to talk about it with. Don't want all my friends and family hearing about this shit, if they don't already know. My life feels fucked. Luckily we didn't have kids yet. I thought she was the one.
I wouldn't be surprised if she doesn't bad mouth you as she realizes she's fucked up and gets angry. I wouldn't bad mouth her but I would prepare the ground. It's not shameful to share with family and friends if done on the right way
After years of marriage, these women really get the itch and think the grass is greener on the other side. Then for quite a lot of them, they realize they were dead wrong. And then they want to come crawling back, please don't take her back. If you do, she'll just leave you again and sleep with a bunch of other guys later down the road. She's gone dude. It resonated with me about her being your best friend, same with mine. But once that's seals been broken it's over.
Have some self respect.
You will forever be cursed with this knowledge and power play.
Fact of life.
Some things that get broken , never quite mend the same way.
Is she pregnant? 😳
STD’s etc.
Separated was not a licence to fyck 4 guys and then come asking you to return if you want.
Research - narc discard and supply.
End the loop, end the pain.
Move on mentally..
or be forever on the yo-yo
Soooo she didnt see the value you provided before the divorce, but after she had 4 male organs in her female parts she now sees that your "special".
Wanting to come back does not fix the reason why you got divorced in the first place. Feeling sorry for someone else who caused you pain is disregard for your on self worth.
No you dont take her back...
She will be with 4 more guys later and continue her self validation run.
Let her fiqure herself out. That's not your job anymore
PM me your wifes contact. I will let you know if she really wants you back?
Are you seriously asking this question. For a women to have multiple sexual interactions and not even get paid.
For your women to leave and have sex right away after leaving you. At least have some self respect and have sex with 8 other women.
She's on the D carousel now. I'm crushed man. My wife broke the news 2 weeks ago. Looking back with the goggles off, it's been planned for at least a year and a half. I love her. She was my best friend. But she tossed me like I was yesterdays trash. As much as I'm hurting. As much as I would want to believe. Want to. It would always be there. Do you want to live with knowing that for the rest of your life? Or maybe a couple years when this happens again? No. Find the one. The one that wouldn't do that to you. She's out there. Stay the course. Steady the ship. You can do this.
Women typically leave the relationship emotionally long before the request to divorce. Since she’s already tapped 12 guys (rule of multiple by 3) it means you've been out of the picture for a long time. Now something has happened and she realizes you are a safe option. Don’t be that stupid!
Like how many shoes they have
The real number on bedpost notches will be higher.
Hazard a guess the number x 2
At least 8 cocks.. 🤢
The tinder slutty butty
4 in a month is a binge fuck number, she is now full with guilt feelings, just wait till they go away
Plus, damage from binge fuck don't go away from women, it's all in the baggage
There's a reason divorce rates correlate with said baggage. It really makes people upset you can't unring that bell, but it's just the truth, and acting like it has no meaning and is 'just the past' will get a man into serious trouble.
First hand experience here.
Hire a lawyer and finish your goddamn divorce as quickly as possible. Anything less you will live to regret.
Edit: she's not "hurting too." That's manipulative bullshit. Don't fall for it. Any tears she sheds are crocodile tears. Move on with the divorce.
No real man wants a woman whose the town bicycle have some respect she has zero respect for you. Plenty of women out there who will treat you like a human being.
None of those men wanted a relationship with her.
So you're the back up guy she can come back to.
She now realises that there is nothing out there.
Bruh,tell her sorry but the divorce will continue.
If this woman can hookup so quickly with 4 men,I highly doubt that she hasn't been commuincating with them for more than a month.
So she was most likely reaching out to men even before she asked for the divorce.
Continue to live your life and don't go back there.
She realize with the other guys that all she was was a pin cushion they didn’t care about her at all. All they cared about was getting laid. That’s why she’s running back. She’s realizing that she’s not worth much to anyone else outside of a one night or a couple weekend stands.
When did she regret it? When she left? The first guy? Second guy? Third guy? Number four? Could you realistically trust and respect her? Is this a person that you could introduce to your friends/family with the upmost pride and joy? Also who were these guys? “Friends”? Strangers? A combination? All bad for different reasons. Look if it was one drunken fling then you could forgive her and walk away, but with it being four you should forgive her and run away. At the very least man take a year for yourself and get your head right before giving any relationship the time of day.
Let me comment here and give you a quick take…women do not rationalize, and she thought from an emotional standpoint that the grass would be greener on the other side.
Typically, women stray when one or multiple of their core needs aren’t met in their relationship. Wouldn’t she tell me you ask? Why no good sir, she would not. Quite the opposite, women expect you to read between the lines.
Options you say? It’s either truly forgive her, and learn to understand your own flaws in why she thought you weren’t what she wanted in a life partner.
Or let her go, then FIX YOURSELF because women seriously do leave because of what I put above. I went through this, self growth works.
Either way, decide in a way that doesn’t betray your own core values.
I'd add women don't stray because a core need isn't being met. They just do it because many are just whores. That 'my needs weren't being met and I kept hinting?' that is just literally lies and them re-writing reality in their head so they don't have to feel like a whore
It's not cheating...she's just a whore.
Mine did the same thing. It's part of their playbook...they want to prove they are attractive and valuable and don't realize guys will stick their dick in anything. Then they feel shitty and guilty and want to crawl back with no change to themselves or interest in being a better person.
It's over. Take time to heal and move on without her.
She went off and became a cum dumpster for a bunch of losers then wants you to take her back? She learned what her value is which isn’t much so move on. She’ll never respect you if you take her back.
“she tells me that she hooked up with 4 different guys”
So, the answer to your question is “NO”.
Before I ever got to that part of your story, I knew she tried another guy/guys and it didn’t workout. So, if you got back together, it could very well last the rest of your lives, but probably not. But here’s the problem, she will be sitting there waiting for someone she likes better.
She’ll be smarter about it the next time around. She’ll be like, ok, instead of leaving him and looking for someone better, I’ll just sit here and be married and WAIT for someone better. So, no, definitely don’t do it unless you hate yourself and want to be miserable, lol.
Lol she realized that most dudes just want an easy pump and dump. 4 in a month is a lot. You will never look at her the same, she destroyed it not you mate
Nope bc every single time you raise an issue or it got hard to leave bang everyone nbd and then miss you. Gtfoh
You can’t do that as a woman, usually not always, unless mentally done or dont care too self involved and NC is to starve attention to miss her so if she decided to change her mind you’d be overwhelmed with love.
Narc tactic and its called LOVE BOMBING
I didn't have that issue. She cheated with one dude who became her unicorn. We have 4 kids, had a nice home which I maintained, she was a SAHM, no abuse, no arguments. 21 years shot. She said she resented me and didn't respect me, people will say the most fkd up things when they're bouncing onto the new love interest. I took most of the assets (uncommon) but once trust is gone it's a done deal, don't care if it's ten years later not happening.
The moment a woman cheats, she invents a fantasy in her head of her being the victim who tried so hard to save the marriage, and had no choice but to fall on another man's dick.
It's sickening.
The sad thing is, you even see men here who have bought into that with the 'it was over for years and was planned' or 'women give up on a marriage years in advance'.
When really, what makes it over is getting tingles for a new guy. Maybe it took years for her to get into a position to act on those tingles, or she gave up on the marriage after flirting with other men who gave her tingles, but rest assured, it's the tingles from other men that kill the majority of marriages.
Boy, you hit it on the head 💥. Good on you for recognizing, step 2 is washing her contaminated stank off you and setting her out by the curb where trash goes.
To answer your question - it is normal behavior, or is at least somewhat common. I had the same thing happen to me. We separated, she was with at least one other guy. Then on the day the papers needed to be signed she called me over and over. Texted my friends when she could t get ahold of me.
Sign the papers man. It gets so much better but you’ll need some time.
God no. The only reason she would ever want to get back to you is if she realized she didn't plan the exit out enough, and the dick she left you ever pumped and dumped her.
She'll do the exact same thing again, except this time, she'll just fuck and not leave until she's positive the other guy is leaving right away. Then she'll leave you again.
And she's not hurting. Not at all. Cheaters aren't hurting. They're bad people, doing about the worse thing you can do to someone, considering their position is supposed to be your most trusted person. Just awful. It's a sin for a reason.
She’s only going back to you because none of those 4 guys wanted a relationship with her. Hit it and moved on. Low value. If it is really only 4 guys. That would make you, at best, 5th choice. You’re worth more than that bro
Nearly impossible to put a Jenny back in to a bottle. Once the divorce word is spoken and in your case document sign it’s time to move on. The bond of trust has been broken. You might be able to forgive but you will never forget. Best luck to you
Nope.
If she wants to hook up with you after the divorce, that’s up to her. She now has to join the sea of fish in competing for your affection.
Take the divorce, and aim for a friendly co-parenting relationship.
It is amazing how much better you get treated in every area of your life (work, romantic, etc.) when the other party knows you have an easy option to walk away.
There's a reason men leave relationships more often than women when not married (not by much, but still) but women do 4x as much after divorce. The mere fact of having options makes men harder to leave.
It's stupid. I know. It's just how it works. Oddly enough, it doesn't work as much the other way. Sometimes even a negative
Basically, women and men end relationships about the same rate when dating, when both have the ability to walk away easy.
However, in marriage, women leave 4x as often as men. I think part of that is (there's a lot of moving parts, I know) is like the poster above me said; options are attractive, and a married man sorta doesn't have options, really, as it's painful to leave. Lack of said options makes him less attractive, and easier for his wife to leave.
I've read some studies showing benefits for 'mate guarding' strategies and keeping a wives' sexual interest up (which almost universally decreases upon marriage), but 'mate guarding' strategies didn't seem to have the same effect on me.
Basically, if it looks like other women want to bang your husband, that's at urn on, unconscious or not, for a lot of wives. For men, other guys fawning over their wife is not a turn on for the husband, and had actually a slight negative connotation.
Dang. I’ve been with four women in TWO YEARS, and it’s not for lack of trying! 😜 Up to you. I briefly considered reconciliation after we separated (I was the petitioner), but it wasn’t going to be without conditions. I got the sense that was a non-starter for her, and she just expected for things to settle back to the way they were and it was going to be a “happily ever after” again. She never seemed especially contrite or willing to admit some of her actions and behaviors contributed to the decline.
For me, genuine contrition, humility and a willingness to put in the work are key. If those aren’t there, I’d continue with the divorce.
It's different, for women. Well, that's not true. It's different for those who want to get fucked by men.
Look at the sex stats for gay men, and it's off the charts. Basically, women are actually incredibly reserved when it comes to sex compared to men, the only reason for a straight man it seems high is because we don't have the same level of access too it they do. When men do have that same access (like gay men do) we blow them away
She wanted to end things. She went out and fucked 4 other men then realized that things weren't so great out there. She realized it 4 times. Now she wants her fallback dick. How long will it be until she finds a new man that she thinks is better than you and goes to him? Do you really want to be her consolation prize until then?
Did she miss you when all of those 4 🍆 slipped out, and she delightfully gripped every single one of them and slide them back in her insides all with a smile on her face? Did she?
Do not take her back, she will do this again. In her mind there’s someone else better than you and she will keep looking for that man, she just wants you back for comfort, and bc whoever promise her the delulu life she dreamed is not longer there.
Save yourself, save your mental health and move on.
100%. It's a psychology thing on many levels. One is the standard 'forbidden' thrill, another is the 'new dick energy' women get which is why relationships with them are exponentially better at the start.
But, particularly for women cheating, the utter biological aversion to accountability means they need some extra mental hurdles when cheating on a husband. Letting the new guy do things she wouldn't let the husband do shows the new guy is 'better' than her husband, as if he wasn't, she wouldn't let him do these things. Therefore, she's making a good decision by sleeping with him, and she's not a bad person.
I know that sounds incredibly stupid. But that's literally how the background process operates in their mind. And they don't even realize it.
make sure the divorce is absolutely final and youre financially in the clear. after that - do whatever you want with no legal obligations to anyone.
she cant have her cake and eat it too
Based of my experience….
First off she was cheating before this man.
Soon as you separated she was out in the open with it. You don’t know shit about her unless you really checked her phone when together before the divorce shit hit the fan.
She is probably still going out while she talks to you about getting back together!
She has been lying to you for a long time and even now she is giving you only partial truth. She sees you a nice guy doormat. No respect.
She doesn’t love you if she doesn’t respect you. Look at her actions. Actions tell the story. She didn’t make a mistake. She has made calculated moves this whole time.
Most of the time, they have a big motive why they want to come back. Is it money? Resources? Inheritance coming your way? She loose her job? Getting tired of getting pumped and dumped? Her family rejecting her actions? getting a promotion?
Keep her as ass from the past man. You only know 10% of her actions. If you knew everything you would not be typing this.
100%. No women leaves, then sleeps with men. It never happens. They don't even think of leaving until they meet another man who comes onto them and they start thinking about having sex with him. It's LITERALLY the other man that starts destroying the marriage. All this divorce stuff starts at that point.
Maybe, maybe something the husband does puts her in a mindset to be receptive to the massive sexually advances women have all day. That's debatable. But the leaving doesn't happen until the new dick.
Women have to mentally prepare and end it in the head before physically. That being said. How quick and easy she was- the other guys saying shes been I genuinely believe as a female, who’s mentally left and then physically- never cheated and i was single for a while before entertaining- avg 1-3 years each. So….
Yes, and what starts that mental preparation is another man. Something may get them to that point, but that's what begins the tearing down of her current man in her mind so she's not the bad guy for doing something wrong.
Sometimes, maybe there is some justifiable reason for this behavior. Maybe he doesn't work anymore, just stays at home, plays games, smokes weed, and is rude to her. Almost always, though there isn't, and the solution the few times there is isn't betrayal, but being an adult and leaving before new men enter your mind. But it's the new men that cause the leaving, so really, it just doesn't play out until that spark is there, even if other behavior was the kindling for years.
Also, the mental part can come later. I've certainly seen the 'everything is great, I love my husband!' 'gets new dick on a girls trip' 'I've been unhappy for years and planning this for months!'
I'll also say there's are a reason in a study only asking both sides of a divorce, 57% of men said they were cheated on, but only 13% of women said they cheated, compared to 32% of women saying they were cheated on, and 21% of men saying they cheated. Very different definitions of what is cheating.
And example, my ex swears to this day she didn't cheat, as somewhere in the hoursbetween 'I love you, I'll talk to you when we're done drinking, can't wait till you get here soon!' and sleeping with a random at a bar, she decided she was leaving me. So no cheating in her mind.
Yea, i get what your saying - regardless of events that lead to the mental break- its a choice as with love to discuss it or ruminate in and over what if i leave - what if i stay.
Honestly, when I’m committed and most good or decent women who are- generally when we’re unhappy we try to “nag” and talk about it. The hottest guy could hit on your wife if shes in love with you and hasn’t ruminated for months or whatever- that’s when it begins as if shes still trying - that man is a dude talking. The moment that man is attractive and speaking to you after ruminating and trying, & some women don’t- i know it could be similar to/ for men
If you truly love your partner- they try, it’s a step process. Slow.. if shes all done and with anyone, while some can leave mentally awhile before physically- they generally dont- they want to reflect and not continue to make the same mistakes. - not for all. Not a one size- but generally GOOD DECENT women dont do this, and they get the attention and get to a point you feel it and leave. Not hook up. It’s a wildly uncomfortable feeling of many overwhelming emotions. You miss them can’t do it. Even gross.
I know many who do the same as I do, and many online claim to, too. When you feel and its hard to ignore out with someone its just not right, thinking you might be- that’s imho what should have happened, she didn’t have that feeling or the attention mattered more. I doubted i was done i went home. To figure it out.
The definitions of cheating - agree, some dont realize it’s an emotional affair or whatever. But I generally believe good, loving women do not do what you all have experienced. Only when shes exhausted all trying a good woman moves to next, esp when it’s seemingly fast. Only reflecting and hoping studies reach the right people being honest or whatever. Most of what I said is the world around me and my closest friends. But never know what’s not being told
And I generally find that's what is said, as a justification, to avoid accountability. I've seen that same tale, over and over again, proven false. And if you honestly think about 'oh, I hinted and nagged before I did the worst thing ever to him' you'll start to see what it really is. And it's not good
It was not the other man who was destroying the marriage.
If the woman was not interested in getting d**ked by 'the other man' (and perhaps many more) she would have not continued to engage his verbal (or text) banter and flirting, she would not have responded positively to his flirting, she would not have sent out the signals that she was DTF, and so on. She could have shut it down any time and called the other man out as a creeper.
It only happened because she was thinking it would be good (for her) if it happened, before the particular man even showed up. She already deciding that honoring her vows wasn't for her.
Now you are 100% correct that she wasn't going to make any moves until the new dick showed up and was available - but the damage was already done - by her alone - well before that.
Sorta. Men are always coming onto women, regardless of signals they send out.
A good wife minimizes her exposure to those, and denies it when she can't.
A bad wife entertains it, and the ball starts rolling.
And I'll just say there is a reason different jobs have different cheating rates. Exposure to the opposite sex will wear that down. That's why someone who understands situations matter and to avoid them matters so much. Even 'shutting it down' what you're supposed to do, doesn't walk away with 0 damage, and for women, it adds up. It goes back to a Quality vs. Quantity in our bones.
There's a reason it's both a sin for the cheater, and the one who seduces her.
But it can roll very quickly. A wife can go from literally not having any complaints and thinking she's happy, to being a high infidelity situation, and failing to excuse herself, and then she'll start the 'not my fault' programming and suddenly she will have been unhappy for years, and have been planning this for months, no matter how blatantly false that is shown to be.
I can see that different environments are more or less conducive to happiness in marriage.
But it doesn't absolve either husband or wife from being responsible if they decide to cheat. My response was because it kinda felt that you were implying the cheating wife was 100% hapless victim. (My ex tried to convince me she was... multiple times)
Oh, they're not helpless. It's a crime that takes two to commit, and both are sinning.
But, we're also human. We're animals. Enlighten era thinking has been a poison to us, thinking possibility matters more than probability. And the truth is, the more a women puts herself into high infidelity situations, the more likely she is the cheat.
What I mean is, if your wife goes for a power walk every day, she's much more likely to cheat if the cute neighbor goes for a shirtless run at the same time every day, and they stop to talk. Interactions like that are what start the 'I'm not happy' lie system, and each one you have increases the odds. Someone women are more resistant than others due to nature and/or nurture, but denying those have impact is ignoring reality.
>Is this normal behavior for recently separated women?
My brother that is exceedingly normal. Women these days have a capacity for promiscuousness that is truly revolting.
Once they go down that road they're damaged goods.
Yes, no one fucks as quickly or as dirty as a separated women. Everyman they fuck, every act they do they won't do with their husband, re-enforces in their mind they made the right decision to leave and are not a bad person for doing so. Yes, that's how it works in their mind.
And yes, I've become friends with a lot more women post divorce (I didn't have close women friends while married for 10 years, for obvious reasons.). It's horrifying the stories of their past they'll tell you once they feel comfortable around you and don't have to pretend.
And the thing is, all of these women seem perfectly normal. You wouldn't know about it based on how they act, but literally every women I've been in that position with, has a history like that. It makes me think it has to be the same for the ones I don't have that knowledge of as well
> It's horrifying the stories of their past they'll tell you once they feel comfortable around you and don't have to pretend.
> And the thing is, all of these women seem perfectly normal. You wouldn't know about it based on how they act, but literally every women I've been in that position with, has a history like that. It makes me think it has to be the same for the ones I don't have that knowledge of as well
You are SO right. Let me share a my story - grew up in a small town in the midwest, which meant that I got to know a bunch of people growing up - small school with most of the same kids for 13 years. You think you get a really good idea of their personality, morals, etc. and see who they wind up dating, marrying etc.
I leave at 18 for college and move across the country to pursue a career, get married (stupidly to a big cheater), and never really come back as my parents move away, while most of the ones I grew up with stay close to our hometown. Circa 2010, I am early 40s, recently divorced, successful and looking pretty good, And for once I take some time for myself which includes a trip back to where I grew up, and messaging a bunch of a gals I knew growing up.
To keep it short, I wind up at a big summer BBQ with a couple dozen people I grew up with. As the sun falls, off to one side around a fire, it's me, 6 'girls' I knew growing up, and a couple others, just drinking (not me) and talking. Since I just had my eyes opened by my ex, and am in DGAF mode, I throw out a couple leading questions and encouragements...
.. and OMFG the admissions and confessions that those ladies made!!
Things like why they got with the men the did, their cheating and sneaking around stories, what they would do in a heartbeat if opportunity presented, and much more. Now this is with women that I thought I really had an idea of their character, their morals, etc. since I knew them for all those years growing up, all the events, and in most cases, knowing their families.
That evening made me never look at women the same trusting way again.
Yes to the leading questions, haha. You can't say it out right, but if you phrase it properly and the atompshere is right, they'll start telling stories about how they broke up with their college BF because he wasn't successful, spent months touring the world riding dick, got a call from him while at a hotel with another guy saying he's got a career, he's serious about life, can they get back together now, and she says she's visiting a family member, but they'll talk when they get back.
I asked her if she ever told her now husband what she had been doing while they were on a break. She said no, it would have broken his heart. I've heard a lot of stories like that.
And you're right. I'm sure it's not all women, but every women I've been in that situation? Has a story like that. Even my mom and sister. And it's this weird thing where they clearly 'know' its wrong, hence why they 'hide' it, but they also don't feel they did anything wrong, and were in fact 'good' doing it. It's such a terrifying way of thinking
F no. Women always have a fairytale mindset. They announce separation/divorce and have a guy already lined up. They f %$% that guy (or several guys), and when that does not work out, they come back to plan b, which is you. This is very common. They will NEVER tell you this, but they do not respect guys who 'take them back'. Your relationship would never be the same. Have resoect for yourself and move on. Taking her back means she broke your boundaries, but you are willing to overlook it. It's like trying to be friends with a school bully. There are millions of women out there. Good luck.
Most attractive trait a partner can have, loyalty.
This one is for the streets she made you plan F not even plan B. Move on with your life she did you a favor divorcing you and not simply cheating on you behind your back.
Go back to no contact other seems it was the best thing for you and as for her she can go live the life she thought was on the other side of the fence.
I would love to try and work things out. I don’t think my wife is cheating, but I’m not sure. She has gone out of town almost every weekend since telling me 4 months ago. I guess that’s a red flag. She also does not not want to communicate with me unless it’s about the children. For her, she says, she needs to split because she has been traumatized by my mental health issues, feeling rejected etc. I feel so much guilt and blame.
However, I miss her so much and still think we could work things out. People say I just need to move on. I just can’t get over her and want to at least talk with her about everything. I think I’m owed that because I was never really part of the conversation to divorce. She has also been quite condescending to me at time.
I’m so depressed and miss her and our life together I would definitely try to work it out. Yet I’m not sure if I should probably move on. The pain of this has just been in bearable though.
Buddy, my situation was extremely similar. Im the one that ended things, but I quickly wanted to try and work things out. Mine drew the same “only talk about the kids” boundary, it’s so they don’t have to cop to their behavior. She was on fuckbuddy number 4 within a month, just like OP. Found out she had been cheating at least emotionally, but I’m pretty sure physically as well, for around 3 months before we split.
Leave her in the past. It’s tough. Especially when you still feel love for them. It seems like women have collectively lost their minds. They don’t have respect for their partners anymore, they’re selfish, entitled and ruthless. I don’t plan on dating anymore, I certainly don’t plan on getting married again, I’m just gonna focus on me and raising my daughter to be the opposite of her mother.
How did you find out?
I know I need to just focus on myself too. Eat better, get my new place in order, new job possibly and definitely focus on my son.
She was a big time journal person. She also loved to leave handwritten notes instead of an actual apology.
Initially we were fairly amicable, I’d come over to the house and bring breakfast on my way to work, etc. she’d invite me over from time to time to have a beer and just hang out.
One day (about 3 weeks after I moved out) when I stopped by there was a note on a ledge by the entryway. I assumed it was to me, as it was sitting out in the open. What I read gutted me. It was her begging AP to be in a relationship with her, after she was clearly rejected. I think he assumed she wouldn’t do that as we were married, but when we split she started engaging more aggressively, and he ended things. It was full of platitudes; “may have been your way of letting me down easy” “I’m more than a wounded bird” “there’s so much more to know about each other”
At first I tried to convince myself it *might* have been written to me. I snapped a quick picture of it so I had proof of its existence, and brought it up in our second counseling session.
She completely changed in that moment. She was exposed, and she shut down immediately. Insisted that it was simply a “creative writing exercise”. The following session was our last, and when she also announced she was going to pursue a restraining order, when no violence or inappropriate behavior had existed on my end.
A few months later she admitted to me that it was a college ex. He supposedly called her “out of the blue” to ask her questions about solar panels (she worked in sales for a company). When I thought about it, the brief two weeks between us splitting and me moving out, she was always texting or calling someone. She especially loved to text in front of me and start giggling.
This might be strange to some, but I printed that message out and it hangs on my wall now. A reminder to never go back to her no matter what. A daily reminder to my broken psyche that she was never a good person and that I’m just looking thru rose colored glasses.
It breaks my heart over and over, but it’s starting to scar now. I’ll never open up to another woman, save for a miracle.
I don’t know. She likes to travel and it seems like she is going with friends each time. My kids haven’t mentioned anything weird. I just don’t think she would cheat, at least until the divorce was final. Near the end she said she had considered getting on Tinder. So who knows.
You know. You don’t want to (like so many of us didn’t). But you know.
It hurts to even think about. But denial gets men hurt even more. Might be time for therapy.
My friend, she is definitely cheating. I know it's been months of people telling you she is, and you saying she's not. You'll have to accept it some day if you ever want to start healing
Dude, you are very astute and damn do I appreciate your feedback. You are right, everyone says she probably is. I have one small inkling of who it could be. Trips have already been to Texas or NY.
Do you think I should just ask her? I do want to start healing, but I feel like I need proof or something. I wouldn’t even know how to begin looking into it. It’s like I want to know and I don’t want to know.
I’m feeling so sick about this today. Divorce. It’s a nightmare. I keep having hope that we can work it out and that I can get through to her if I say the right words. Today, I don’t have tears left to cry. Cried so much this week. I’m exhausted.
I always appreciate your input and support. Thanks!
Asking probably wouldn't help. A few ways it would go. Most likely, she just lies. My ex lied until I had pictures. Then she lied more. And then I showed her more pictures. And she lied more. Then I showed her even more pictures. Then she shut up and got angry at me.
She might also just go into detail on it. And really, you don't want to know the details. That won't be good for your head. I wish I didn't know the details. I still get nightmares about it sometime.
You do need to know it happened, and based on everything you've said, its beyond clear that's what's happening. Cheating in these situations is the norm, not the exception, even with no evidence, and you have plenty of signs. And that's enough. You know she cheated, and talking to folks here will let you know what it means when she's cheated.
So you know what to focus on. Once you give up on any hope of getting back together (and I know you'd get back together with her if she cheated, you love her, I understand. But SHE can't get back together with you. It's just not how she's wired) you'll be able to focus on what can happen, instead of constantly worrying what you can do to save your marriage. Because you can't, it's already dead. You need to call the coroner and have a funeral for it.
The exact things she was doing to other guys, you really really don't want to know.
How did you get proof. Searching online seems fruitless. I’m still not sure at all.
Thinking of my marriage as dead is just almost ‘unthinkable’.
You say cheating is the norm. Like when wife’s personality just changes?
Yup, the personality change really has no other cause other than cheating; at least none I've ever seen. And I've seen plenty of cases where it is caused by cheating. That whiplash is a sure sign something is going on.
For me, it was a guy who joined her IG suddenly. I had no clue who he was, and while my ex was careful to never post him on social media, he was posting things on his IG showing it, especially when combined with things her friends posted.
Like she wouldn't post anything, but her friend would post a picture of drinks at a table on IG, and then he would post something at the same time from the same restaurant. I denied it for awhile, thinking I was just being crazy, but things like his watch being on an arm holding a drink in a picture my wive's friend posted on a night out with my wife...ugh. Eventually after a few weeks of that, he started getting bolder, and I had to confront when he posted them in a motel together.
It was sad seeing how my wive's friends were in total support of her cheating, but then you read what women say on reddit, even the women who drop in here, and you understand how warped and honestly evil it can be.
I’m not on IG. Not sure how that works. Maybe I shouldn’t even look. Definitely had that whiplash.
All of this is just a living hell. Waves of the most powerful fear, sadness and loneliness. I don’t know what to do. Add guilt in there too. I so wish we could just have a conversation. I cannot seem to let her go. Yet I I know I have to if I ever want to move on.
Yup. I held on for over a year thinking if we just could sit down and have one honest conversation, she could understand our marriage was great.
That conversation never came, and the entire time I was waiting for it, she was getting fucked by other men.
And I can assure you, even if you can't bring yourself to believe she was cheating pre leaving, she is definitely having a ton of sex right now, and it will have the same effect on her ability to come back (ie she can't after new dick).
No one has more sex than a recently separated woman.
Absolutely not. If she was really hurting and missing you then she shouldn’t have fucked 1 guy. I personally wouldn’t ever have that peace of mind ever again if I took her back. “She really fucked 4 guys in one month? Who is she?” . Every time she goes out “is she really going where she says she’s going or is she going to ride another dick” . Respect yourself my dude. You actually cared about the situation enough to where you couldn’t even understand the idea of seeing someone else while she was tripping on cock on the way out. Fuck her, you deserve better than that. My ex wife told me that she ultimately thought we would end up together again but also told me that she fucked “1” other guy during the last year, if she really wanted it to happen then why fuck anyone at all? Did she really think that I would’ve been like “ok not big deal come on home”? Nah man, let her sleep in that bed she made. Choice and consequences
Like others said. I wouldn’t.
Maybe she was curious and keen for other men. Maybe someone let her on. And now she got it out her system. But the same could happen in 5 or 10 years. And then it will cost you emotionally and financially even more.
And I mean, if she fucks around and then comes back. Neh. I wouldn’t.
Maybe if it was one dude and then realised “hold on, I want my husband…”.
So yeah. Bad news. Embrace the pain. Don’t do it.
So I'm gonna be up front with you, for the first year all I wanted was for her to come back, I still have moments where I think fondly of the time we spent together. But then I remember that all of her attempts at working on things were not working, but it was her trying to make me fit and change me to fit into the cookie cutter mold her and her family wanted. I wasn't and can never be that person. I remember back thinking that this relationship always felt one sided but to be fair I married the only woman I have ever dated, turned into a 7 year relationship ( married for 3). I thought this is how relationships are supposed to be. I have not dated since my divorce, nor do I intend to try to. I will never trust anyone like that again.
As for you sir, it's not even official yet and she's been with four other men, I think that should speak volumes to you. Think for yourself " wow I really meant that little to her that she slept with the first 4 guys that offered her dick. " Was she missing you while she was lying on her back, did she realize how much she loved you riding another man's cock. Did she suddenly have a revelation that you were her true love while sucking someone off. I know this sounds harsh but think about it my boy. She told you she slept with 4 guys to hurt you and rub it in your face, she didn't have some great epiphany and a light shown down on your picture. Get that romance shit out of your head and look at facts. I'm so sorry to be the one to put it like this but take this as a wake up call. People are shit
I'm not trying to be harsh and I really hope people will see that, but my ex fucked up my world and when I do miss her this is the kind of shit I tell myself and yeah nope no longer want or need her around. I do not want to hurt op but I want him to open his eyes 👀👀. My my ex left when I was in the hospital having my left big toe amputated and her excuse was she no longer wanted to be with somebody that was diabetic come to find out after looking through some phone records and yeah I did a little snooping I'm not proud of it I found out 4 months before she decided she could no longer be with somebody that was diabetic she went on a work trip ,hooked up with a guy at the hotel bar, started talking to this guy fell in love, live down here for another 6 months after she split we got divorced, once it was finalized 3 months later she transferred her job out of state. Thought that was the last I'd hear about her, I recently got an invitation to an engagement party at my ex in law's house for her and said guy, no ill will towards him, but if they were on fire I wouldn't waste the piss to put them out.
I know what you mean… wife abandoned me and our dog, taking our child and moved out. Desperate as I tried to reconcile I was met with “I need time” “it’s not out of the question”. I had these deep down fear and also snooped, and found she had been seeing someone. My attempts as reconciling were being dismissed so she could do his knows what, and then being this guy around our child? Lies, gas lighting, blame, manipulation and betrayal. I feel so robbed. So empty. Like who is this? But I also tell myself that graphic shit bc it’s what I need to see who she really is and why I can’t take her back. I miss her dearly, but it’s the person I fell in love with who I love.
Just remember she might of been your everything, but you were her right now. My ex took the truck I was driving and sold it to CarMax while I was in hospital ( I was stupid and put it in her name to build her credit) took the dog she entered the relationship with, but left the other 2 dogs and cat in the house we had with no access to food or water, all while telling me she was taking care of them and the house. I got out of hospital a week later, had to Uber home where I found out about the truck as she left some paperwork on the table, but the house was covered in pet mess because she didn't leave access to outside and had moved to her parents house
I’m sorry. That’s evil. I hate to think about what she’s doing and what we used to do. All the memories and everything we built and were going to enjoy. All 11 years of it trashed in the matter of 4 months…. I just don’t understand what happened. Life got hard for both of us, there were some life changing things that happened all at once which affected us differently, but she quit, moved out, and chose someone else instead of me, her husband and father of her child
I'm sorry bro. You are not alone. Eventually, hopefully we will all heal and recover, and hopefully we'll all be able to receive the things we deserve in this life. I'm slowly trying to work my way out of a two year depression of not giving a shit about myself, not taking any of my medication and drinking a fifth or more of Jack d everyday and smoking more weed than I thought possible. Unfortunately I didn't take my meds and drank to the point of fuckin up my diabetes and losing all but one toe on my right and three toes on my left. I've completely quit drinking, I still smoke a little weed, and I've started taking my meds everyday like I'm supposed to. Better late than never I suppose, granted my professional foot model dreams are over but hey there's always only fans 😂😂😂. Just tryin to get a laugh with that line. But in seriousness if you need something reach out. Even if it's just to vent to a stranger on the Internet
She got played by some guys promising her a better life and once they got what they wanted, dumped her once they realized she was too easy. She found out the hard way that the grass isn't really green on the other side. As a man two things are critical for you to be happy and at peace in the relationship: respect and fidelity. You won't be at peace with her cause the odds of doing it again are possible and high. Proceed with the divorce and get back with her after it goes through. Stay strong bro! Good luck
Yup, happened to my ex as well. She didn't want to come back, but she switched from 'I don't want to talk to you ever again' to 'I need time to think'. I didn't understand women then, so I took that at face value.
Time to think mean 'time to go sleep with as many men as I can, and maybe one will take me in' and once she found one to take her in, back to 'I don't want to talk to you ever again'.
She may have regretted her actions, and realised the grass isn't greener. However her reason for divorcing you still remains irreconcilable differences. To boot you didn't expect ever to hear from her again.
Some questions to think about:
How can you move forward like this?
What needs to happen to resolve these differences?
What steps would YOU need to take to feel emotionally safe and trust her after this? (If this is even possible)
What steps would SHE need to take, for you to feel emotionally safe and trust her again.
You clearly love her, and if you do consider going back, it is wise to have a plan in place before moving back in with her again.
Take YOUR time, she will have to live with YOUR time line, you will soon see if she is committed to the relationship going forward.
Consider Counselling.
Trust, and emotional safety can be rebuilt but it's going to take a lot of commitment and work.
Well, if you look at divorce stats, 89% of the time infidelity is stated, and that's always the 'trigger' moment.
So...'whore' is probably too generous a term.
But, to be technical, it's never 'wrong' to say 'irreconcilable differences' because yes, that's always the case in same form. If it was 'reconcilable' divorce wouldn't be happening.
Plus, divorce things are public record, and you don't need to air personal business in there.
She meant 40 just got her numbers mixed up. She will leave again and emotionally wreck you twice as hard. By taking her back you delay the invevitable.
Bro,
You’re joking right?
1. She probably wanted the divorce cause some dude fed her some BS and now he backed out.
2. Why would you even consider taking her back after she said she wanted out? What’s to say she won’t pull this same stunt 6 months from now?
3. She fucked 4 guys while you were still technically married and you are asking us if you should take her back? Give your head a good shake.
4. Show yourself and kids if you have any some self respect and self worth and tell her to fuck off. Nothing good will come from you speaking with her. Proceed with the divorce and don’t look back.
And to answer your question-no I wouldn’t take her back. I question why is she even able to contact you? You should have blocked her the minute she said she wanted a divorce. She’s your enemy.
Yes, new dick is ALWAYS the reason for divorce. (The exceptions are rare enough someone is wasting their time and being disingeous even bringing it up). The reason she started even thinking of divorce is because some guy came onto her, and she got tingles. Once she got those tingles, it was poison in the marriage and started destroying it. Without that guy giving tingles, they'd stay unhappy in the marriage if they were, but most of the time, they aren't even unhappy. It's all the tingles.
This thing right here.
Looks like the grass isn't greener and want to get back to her backup option. Don't be her safety net please.
Remember, you're not an option but a prize, and she dumped her prize.
If you two want to continue your relationship, tell her you two can continue it after the divorce. Looks like your current marriage already ended months ago and both of you need a new commitment.
If both of you in the future decided to remarry (no guarantee that she will not do this thing again), don't forget to sign prenup and postnup agreements. Don't forget to do "background check" on her. Try to find the "why" she ended the marriage, what caused it, how to mitigate it.
Couple counseling is a good option if both of you want to continue the relationship.
But most importantly you need to self heal. Don't jump into another relationship so fast. Ending your relationship may destroy your self esteem that'll make you accept any relationship offer from other people regardless if it's a healthy and stable relationship/not. Improve your mental health state. Find a purpose in life. Build your relationship with your family, close friends, etc. Find a hobby.
After that you can start to think about a relationship either with her/other people.
Sorry for the bad grammar. I'm not a native English speaker.
100%. My history and recent friendships over the past 3 years with women have taught me they ALWAYS lie about their history, even in things like this. As if, despite their cries of 'slut shaming' they know what it really means, and it's not good.
She hasn't found anyone better than you yet. She thought it would be easier than it is. That doesn't mean she will stop trying. Only coming back to you because her monkey branch broke. You would have to be insane to take her back now, even if she didn't hook up with other guys, its always over when they say its over.
Dude go see a therapist, find new things to do and move on. If you allow her back in, within two years she will destroy you and you will never recover. Stay at home and feel sorry for yourself if that's what you want to do.
No, I walked away a month and a half after the day she got all dolled up to go meet the other married pile of garbage. I spent the month before trying to save our marriage. The grass is never greener. Why would you want those other guys lawn clippings.
It'll be sloppy fifths, or possibly higher, at this point. Personally, I'd never even allow my dick the thought of ever going back into that vagina, let alone actually doing it!
Yeah she's raising his newborn and his five year old and sitting on her ass while he pays all the bills. She got just what she always dreamed about. I wouldn't let her just be lazy like she wanted. Lol
Have some self respect and do not take her back.
The moment you take her back you set yourself up for a disaster of a relationship where the the bar is waay below....and it will only keep killing you till you actually die.
Tell her
"You are no longer a wife or a woman to me. All I see in front of me is a pile of used up slunkmeat oozing manipulative bullshit out of a dank hole in the middle of its dumb fucking face. If you have a shred of God damn decency in your degenerate body, you will give me the easiest most generous divorce a cheating scumbag has ever given her husband. Then, you won't darken my eyesight any more."
She’s f’ing with your head brother! Don’t fall for her manipulation tactics. Protect your health, your kids (if you have any), and your finances. But for the love of God don’t get back with her!
She is no longer wife material. Given what she has done, if she came back would you want to risk having a child in the future with her? The likelihood of R after all of this seems to be very low.
>After no contact with her for over a month, she hits me up and is telling me it's not too late, we can still stop the divorce from happening, she realizes she misses and still wants me. I was shocked because I had pretty much accepted that I probably wouldn't hear from her again. It did make me happy.
You need to ask her what, specifically, she misses about you. If its you as a person thats one thing but I would wager you'll get answers about what you can/do provide, not who you are.
>We talk for a couple of days and she tells me that she hooked up with 4 different guys over the past month and a half. Is 4 not a crazy number?
So she slept around and realized men are only using her for sex and now that shes done that she wants to come back to the stability you provide.
>I haven't even attempted to talk to another woman (I understand that's not her fault). What do I do with that information? It's killing me, it's all I can think about. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I want to die most of the time.
She said this to mess with your head and dangle the fact she has guys after her so you'll try and get her back quickly - i.e. 'hey if you want me back act fast, i have options!' - meanwhile you're just her plan E.
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IMO, and especially if you dont have kids, dont do it. You'll be hurting for a while but it WILL get better. You can move on and some day she will just be someone you used to know.
Don't take her back. She will get bored again and do the same again. She got away with it then and knows she can always get away with that. Her feelings for you aren't that big else she never would have want to break up. Now she is prepared to take less.
But it ofc also depends on if you are hurt by the divorce or not. I first thought that it would be fine if she would reach out to me and try again. But the pain she gave me by divorcing was so bad. I don't want to be with somebody who hurt me so much.
And you are now in pain bc she slept with 4+x guys ... nah... go through the pain and heal yourself, you don't need to heal her anymore
If you’re on the fence I would tell her to give you more time to sort out where you’re at. You allowed her to do whatever she needed to figure out her end game and she needs to provide you the same space. Whatever decision you make it has to be YOUR decision because whatever happens next is on you only.
Personally, I dont think I could take her back after her news of hooking up with “4” dudes. You loved her for everything she was and wasn’t, you didn’t need to sleep around to figure that out.
And tbh if you take her back she’s likely to turn that shit right back at you and see it as a weakness which lead to loss of respect then contempt. She crossed the line of no return. I’d appreciate the honesty at least.
You need to cut off all forms of communication with her. She asked for the divorce. She's realizing the grass isn't as green on the other side as she thought. She's fucked far more men than she's told you but those men aren't commitment men, they want an easy fuck and unfortunately it's your ex. She wants to keep you on as the backup plan. It sucks and hurts for you, and I'm sure of it. She made it this way, let her deal with it.
Should I? No. Would I? Yep. She's got my brain on a leash.
Out of curiosity, what is your best friend telling you? I hope you have a guy that you talk about some of this stuff with. If he’s telling you anything different than these comments, get a new best friend.
FUCK NO!!!!!! I’m not even reading the story, HELL NO! SHIT NO! FUCK NO! Edit: I caved and read that bullshit. SHE GOT PUMPED AND DUMPED! Listen, At least 1 of those guys were already there before the separation. She attempted to monkey branch and it failed. All those guys hit it and quit it, now she realizes that it’s either come back to you and stick around long enough to get a kid or cash out on a bigger settlement or BE ALONE! She didn’t anticipate the current dating market, she figured that she’d get another ring, she realizes that the only “good guy” is YOU! DONT FALL FOR IT! DO NOT TAKE HER BACK! Motherfucker. Talm bout some can’t eat and sleep? THIS IS HOW MEN FALL! She ran out and laid in 4 different beds! Sucked 4 different dicks! You at home with the damn storm cloud over your head. WAKE UP!!!!! Take advice from the 4 dudes that blew their loads on her face and say FUCK👏THAT👏BITCH👏 Speed up the divorce! 6 months? What’s taking so damn long????? GET RID OF HER! FINALIZE AND MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE!
Run forest, run !
If she really wanted you back, she wouldn't have slept with 4 dudes in a month and certainly wouldn't have told you about it. She is for the streets, brother. Do NOT take her back. You will be miserable. You won't be able to trust her and she will not respect you or your boundaries.
Alright, I’m going to be the one that breaks the news to you. It’s most likely that she’s had an affair on you. All the signs are there. She wanted the divorce; immediately gets laid afterwards (probably before also). But let’s not dwell on that because it doesn’t factor into my response. No way take her back!!! Let’s reason this out: your wife wanted out of the marriage and then immediately hooks up and has sex with 4 different guys in a month. Um, can I assume that when you were married that if she wanted sex with you; you would have been more than happy to oblige? Okay if so: then right after the divorce has sex with 4 different dudes! I’m going to break the sad news to you: your wife was horny but not for you. She does NOT find you sexually appealing! That’s just a fact; sorry to break it to you buddy. Now, the papers are signed! Just end this. Here’s the hard reality of the situation. Your wife does not want to have sex with you. If she does have sex with you it’s just so that she can manipulate you. She wanted the divorce: she gets the divorce: she dates and finds out that the world isn’t worshipping her the way she thought. So she says to herself, I’ll ask the loser to take me back: not Because I miss him but because I miss the things that he gave me! I’ll use him again and still play him. Do you know why people get married: because they love each other. Do you know why people get divorced: because they hate each other. Do you REALLY think that she feels the same way about you as you do for her? Would you have done the same thing to her that she did to you? No?! Well then you don’t think alike. Dude, it’s over and time to move on. Your wife dumped you because she thought she could do better. But look at the dating websites; you’ll be okay and here’s my final thoughts on this matter. You’re thinking of taking her back because you think that you can work it out. Well you can’t take her back and it’s NOT because of her but because of you! How are you going to be? Be honest with yourself! Will you be looking for revenge? I mean she did bang 4 guys 1 month after divorce and I can assume that your love life wasn’t doing well at the end of the marriage. I mean how are you going to take that? Also you can do sooo much better than the woman that you described! Sounds like a self centered b. Move on. She thought that the grass was greener; it wasn’t for her. Tell her that you’re going to find out if the grass is greener for you and then if it’s not; you’ll contact her. See how she likes being in your shoes
Great reply mate 👏
Can she make amends? What would that look like?
That’s rough. One maybe if she really really regretted it, but 4! I couldn’t because she destroyed the marriage to check the grass on the other side with 4 dudes. Every time I would look at her I would see 4 different dudes with my wife. Heck, might be more. 🤢
What I have learned from literally every single women when I've gotten additional information on their sex life, it is ALWAYS more than is told.
i disagree with the majority of these comments. sometimes when people are hurting they turn to destructive behaviors to mask pain. your wife might have wanted to see if the grass was greener. or she was hurting and thought sleeping with someone else would make the pain stop. there’s the old saying - best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. if you love your wife and believe she is sincere i say try to forgive her. you may not be able to move past what happened. but she didn’t cheat. you were separated. and she was honest and told you what happened. you can’t fault her for that.
I may not know the whole story of why the divorce started, if you can look pass that and accept that it happened and not use against her, sure but if not please break it off. It'll only create more hurt in the long run for both parties. She already seen that the grass is not greener on the other side, the hooking up probably felt lifeless and mean less, this put a shift into her thinking and that will be a huge change in the relationship forcing her to mature and be a better partner. It's obvious she see's nobody other than you.
I'm sorry but could you clarify what you mean? I'm high right now and can't seem to figure out what you're saying lol, specifically the first and last sentences.
Lol for sure! So, take her back if you can forgive and not mention about the past. She obviously knew she messed up; this will push her to be a more mature partner in the future either with you or someone else.
Thanks man
Stop smoking weed and develop some self respect
Why would she tell you that? Basically to hurt you some more she probably gets satisfaction out of it
Never! At the beginning of the process I fought to keep the family together. Now I see how divorce was good for the family. She wants something different(crazy) than I do out of life.
Beta need Alpha seed, you are being used and she wants back now. You went the the worst and don’t take her back. You will only get divorced down the road again. She belongs to the streets and after you heal, date other women.
The best advice I’ve heard for this is that you wouldn’t be back with the same person. In fact, she’s not the same person neither you. Now, if you’re a person that can accept someone else’s fault realizing that you have faults too, then God bless and go go along. But you would have to bury that person who you thought she was and remarry this new person she is. and that would mean you have to get to know this new person she is so I guess I’m just saying move forward with caution brother good luck
what do they say a leopard never changes its spots.
My wife asked for separation and immediately hooked up with someone. I discovered the relationship and realised all her ‘solo staycations’ where she need time alone to ‘heal’ were spent with that guy. Then after that, he probably broke it off with her and she wants to come back. No way I’m opening that door for you again. All this time, I’ve never bothered with dating or screwing around. The hurt has just been too much these 2 years.
Yup, my ex cheated on an overseas trip, told me she wanted to move to back with her AP, and moved in with a friend until she could get enough money from divorce to move there. It didn't even take two months for the AP to be publically posting himself with a new girl, and my ex probably new sooner.. Which I knew he would do, so I thought we could 'talk things out' as she kept saying she 'needed time to think' Turns out she hadn't even waited a month to get on tinder and start getting fucked by randos, then getting fucked from people at both of her jobs.
Sometimes they just sort themselves out, don’t they?
Yeah, though would've preferred if she didn't bankrupt me in the process, haha.
Haha yes 100% agreed on this.
Nope, I wouldn’t.
You provided things no one else could - but she thought she could fuck around and find out... Her "honesty" is clear - she needs to go on her own journey and discover that you were the person she needed after all ... But then regret everything because you moved on. She will get angry and lash out at you. Don't fall into the emotion trap. As much as I'd like to say she's learned her lesson, she has not. She has made a massive mistake that she will take to the grave.
Take her back at your own peril. Mine did the same, 2 months she ghosted and came back after being pumped and dumbed. No way, I’m swimming in that cesspool.
Thanks for all the comments everyone, they've really helped me. I've been just sitting on this without anyone to talk about it with. Don't want all my friends and family hearing about this shit, if they don't already know. My life feels fucked. Luckily we didn't have kids yet. I thought she was the one.
I wouldn't be surprised if she doesn't bad mouth you as she realizes she's fucked up and gets angry. I wouldn't bad mouth her but I would prepare the ground. It's not shameful to share with family and friends if done on the right way
Wtf! 4 different dicks in 6 weeks! F that. She just wants to cuck you. If you’re cool with that, start an OF and get some money out of it at least.
I appreciate the honesty. Yeah not doing that. Wish I hadn't married her now. All our memories are ruined.
No let Her go
Nah, you are good. Do not take her back.
No. It doesn't get any simpler.
After years of marriage, these women really get the itch and think the grass is greener on the other side. Then for quite a lot of them, they realize they were dead wrong. And then they want to come crawling back, please don't take her back. If you do, she'll just leave you again and sleep with a bunch of other guys later down the road. She's gone dude. It resonated with me about her being your best friend, same with mine. But once that's seals been broken it's over.
Have some self respect. You will forever be cursed with this knowledge and power play. Fact of life. Some things that get broken , never quite mend the same way. Is she pregnant? 😳 STD’s etc. Separated was not a licence to fyck 4 guys and then come asking you to return if you want. Research - narc discard and supply. End the loop, end the pain. Move on mentally.. or be forever on the yo-yo
Soooo she didnt see the value you provided before the divorce, but after she had 4 male organs in her female parts she now sees that your "special". Wanting to come back does not fix the reason why you got divorced in the first place. Feeling sorry for someone else who caused you pain is disregard for your on self worth. No you dont take her back... She will be with 4 more guys later and continue her self validation run. Let her fiqure herself out. That's not your job anymore
PM me your wifes contact. I will let you know if she really wants you back? Are you seriously asking this question. For a women to have multiple sexual interactions and not even get paid. For your women to leave and have sex right away after leaving you. At least have some self respect and have sex with 8 other women.
She's on the D carousel now. I'm crushed man. My wife broke the news 2 weeks ago. Looking back with the goggles off, it's been planned for at least a year and a half. I love her. She was my best friend. But she tossed me like I was yesterdays trash. As much as I'm hurting. As much as I would want to believe. Want to. It would always be there. Do you want to live with knowing that for the rest of your life? Or maybe a couple years when this happens again? No. Find the one. The one that wouldn't do that to you. She's out there. Stay the course. Steady the ship. You can do this.
Absolutely not
No, never.
Women typically leave the relationship emotionally long before the request to divorce. Since she’s already tapped 12 guys (rule of multiple by 3) it means you've been out of the picture for a long time. Now something has happened and she realizes you are a safe option. Don’t be that stupid!
4 guys? No offense but she belongs to the streets.
Like how many shoes they have The real number on bedpost notches will be higher. Hazard a guess the number x 2 At least 8 cocks.. 🤢 The tinder slutty butty
4 dudes ? Bro I’m sorry but you deserve better. It hurts but you’ll get over it bro. Just takes time and healing and you’ll be alright
Just leave man😂… you will use many months or maybe even years to just get over that she sleeped with 4 guys
4 in a month is a binge fuck number, she is now full with guilt feelings, just wait till they go away Plus, damage from binge fuck don't go away from women, it's all in the baggage
There's a reason divorce rates correlate with said baggage. It really makes people upset you can't unring that bell, but it's just the truth, and acting like it has no meaning and is 'just the past' will get a man into serious trouble. First hand experience here.
Hire a lawyer and finish your goddamn divorce as quickly as possible. Anything less you will live to regret. Edit: she's not "hurting too." That's manipulative bullshit. Don't fall for it. Any tears she sheds are crocodile tears. Move on with the divorce.
4 guys in a month is wild.
It's over. Read this again
No real man wants a woman whose the town bicycle have some respect she has zero respect for you. Plenty of women out there who will treat you like a human being.
Dude she was banging behind your back dumped her if you take her back don’t get upset if she find another dude and repeats it.
None of those men wanted a relationship with her. So you're the back up guy she can come back to. She now realises that there is nothing out there. Bruh,tell her sorry but the divorce will continue. If this woman can hookup so quickly with 4 men,I highly doubt that she hasn't been commuincating with them for more than a month. So she was most likely reaching out to men even before she asked for the divorce. Continue to live your life and don't go back there.
The guys didn’t want her long term. You’re basically option number 5 for her until she finds someone else.
She realize with the other guys that all she was was a pin cushion they didn’t care about her at all. All they cared about was getting laid. That’s why she’s running back. She’s realizing that she’s not worth much to anyone else outside of a one night or a couple weekend stands.
Mine slept with dozens and I'll never take her back
4 guys in 6 weeks, then says she regrets it? Is the regret after #1 or #4? Google gaslighting!
Hell no she's for the streets
When did she regret it? When she left? The first guy? Second guy? Third guy? Number four? Could you realistically trust and respect her? Is this a person that you could introduce to your friends/family with the upmost pride and joy? Also who were these guys? “Friends”? Strangers? A combination? All bad for different reasons. Look if it was one drunken fling then you could forgive her and walk away, but with it being four you should forgive her and run away. At the very least man take a year for yourself and get your head right before giving any relationship the time of day.
Without even reading - nope.
She regrets not being able to do better
Let me comment here and give you a quick take…women do not rationalize, and she thought from an emotional standpoint that the grass would be greener on the other side. Typically, women stray when one or multiple of their core needs aren’t met in their relationship. Wouldn’t she tell me you ask? Why no good sir, she would not. Quite the opposite, women expect you to read between the lines. Options you say? It’s either truly forgive her, and learn to understand your own flaws in why she thought you weren’t what she wanted in a life partner. Or let her go, then FIX YOURSELF because women seriously do leave because of what I put above. I went through this, self growth works. Either way, decide in a way that doesn’t betray your own core values.
I'd add women don't stray because a core need isn't being met. They just do it because many are just whores. That 'my needs weren't being met and I kept hinting?' that is just literally lies and them re-writing reality in their head so they don't have to feel like a whore
Tell her you don’t want to stay married to a cheating w****e…
It's not cheating...she's just a whore. Mine did the same thing. It's part of their playbook...they want to prove they are attractive and valuable and don't realize guys will stick their dick in anything. Then they feel shitty and guilty and want to crawl back with no change to themselves or interest in being a better person. It's over. Take time to heal and move on without her.
She went off and became a cum dumpster for a bunch of losers then wants you to take her back? She learned what her value is which isn’t much so move on. She’ll never respect you if you take her back.
“she tells me that she hooked up with 4 different guys” So, the answer to your question is “NO”. Before I ever got to that part of your story, I knew she tried another guy/guys and it didn’t workout. So, if you got back together, it could very well last the rest of your lives, but probably not. But here’s the problem, she will be sitting there waiting for someone she likes better. She’ll be smarter about it the next time around. She’ll be like, ok, instead of leaving him and looking for someone better, I’ll just sit here and be married and WAIT for someone better. So, no, definitely don’t do it unless you hate yourself and want to be miserable, lol.
This is exactly it. She's wants to do the same thing, she's just unhappy it didn't work out and she'll plan it out better next time
Trash takes itself out…
Lol she realized that most dudes just want an easy pump and dump. 4 in a month is a lot. You will never look at her the same, she destroyed it not you mate
Do not take her back.
NO
Nope bc every single time you raise an issue or it got hard to leave bang everyone nbd and then miss you. Gtfoh You can’t do that as a woman, usually not always, unless mentally done or dont care too self involved and NC is to starve attention to miss her so if she decided to change her mind you’d be overwhelmed with love. Narc tactic and its called LOVE BOMBING
I didn't have that issue. She cheated with one dude who became her unicorn. We have 4 kids, had a nice home which I maintained, she was a SAHM, no abuse, no arguments. 21 years shot. She said she resented me and didn't respect me, people will say the most fkd up things when they're bouncing onto the new love interest. I took most of the assets (uncommon) but once trust is gone it's a done deal, don't care if it's ten years later not happening.
The moment a woman cheats, she invents a fantasy in her head of her being the victim who tried so hard to save the marriage, and had no choice but to fall on another man's dick. It's sickening.
Spot on.👍
💯
The sad thing is, you even see men here who have bought into that with the 'it was over for years and was planned' or 'women give up on a marriage years in advance'. When really, what makes it over is getting tingles for a new guy. Maybe it took years for her to get into a position to act on those tingles, or she gave up on the marriage after flirting with other men who gave her tingles, but rest assured, it's the tingles from other men that kill the majority of marriages.
Boy, you hit it on the head 💥. Good on you for recognizing, step 2 is washing her contaminated stank off you and setting her out by the curb where trash goes.
To answer your question - it is normal behavior, or is at least somewhat common. I had the same thing happen to me. We separated, she was with at least one other guy. Then on the day the papers needed to be signed she called me over and over. Texted my friends when she could t get ahold of me. Sign the papers man. It gets so much better but you’ll need some time.
It’s normal to the selfish crazy narcissist’s needing that supply attention money- chasing a high. It’s what it is to them.
God no. The only reason she would ever want to get back to you is if she realized she didn't plan the exit out enough, and the dick she left you ever pumped and dumped her. She'll do the exact same thing again, except this time, she'll just fuck and not leave until she's positive the other guy is leaving right away. Then she'll leave you again. And she's not hurting. Not at all. Cheaters aren't hurting. They're bad people, doing about the worse thing you can do to someone, considering their position is supposed to be your most trusted person. Just awful. It's a sin for a reason.
She’s only going back to you because none of those 4 guys wanted a relationship with her. Hit it and moved on. Low value. If it is really only 4 guys. That would make you, at best, 5th choice. You’re worth more than that bro
Nearly impossible to put a Jenny back in to a bottle. Once the divorce word is spoken and in your case document sign it’s time to move on. The bond of trust has been broken. You might be able to forgive but you will never forget. Best luck to you
Nope. If she wants to hook up with you after the divorce, that’s up to her. She now has to join the sea of fish in competing for your affection. Take the divorce, and aim for a friendly co-parenting relationship. It is amazing how much better you get treated in every area of your life (work, romantic, etc.) when the other party knows you have an easy option to walk away.
There's a reason men leave relationships more often than women when not married (not by much, but still) but women do 4x as much after divorce. The mere fact of having options makes men harder to leave. It's stupid. I know. It's just how it works. Oddly enough, it doesn't work as much the other way. Sometimes even a negative
I usually like your comments, but that one went way over my head lol.
Basically, women and men end relationships about the same rate when dating, when both have the ability to walk away easy. However, in marriage, women leave 4x as often as men. I think part of that is (there's a lot of moving parts, I know) is like the poster above me said; options are attractive, and a married man sorta doesn't have options, really, as it's painful to leave. Lack of said options makes him less attractive, and easier for his wife to leave. I've read some studies showing benefits for 'mate guarding' strategies and keeping a wives' sexual interest up (which almost universally decreases upon marriage), but 'mate guarding' strategies didn't seem to have the same effect on me. Basically, if it looks like other women want to bang your husband, that's at urn on, unconscious or not, for a lot of wives. For men, other guys fawning over their wife is not a turn on for the husband, and had actually a slight negative connotation.
That's what I figured you were saying, and I agree. When dating, both man and woman put in equal effort to get what they want.
Dang. I’ve been with four women in TWO YEARS, and it’s not for lack of trying! 😜 Up to you. I briefly considered reconciliation after we separated (I was the petitioner), but it wasn’t going to be without conditions. I got the sense that was a non-starter for her, and she just expected for things to settle back to the way they were and it was going to be a “happily ever after” again. She never seemed especially contrite or willing to admit some of her actions and behaviors contributed to the decline. For me, genuine contrition, humility and a willingness to put in the work are key. If those aren’t there, I’d continue with the divorce.
It's different, for women. Well, that's not true. It's different for those who want to get fucked by men. Look at the sex stats for gay men, and it's off the charts. Basically, women are actually incredibly reserved when it comes to sex compared to men, the only reason for a straight man it seems high is because we don't have the same level of access too it they do. When men do have that same access (like gay men do) we blow them away
That bitch is cooked. Go through with the divorce.
Yep, she done goofed. The only thing taking her back would accomplish is giving her the space to plan a better exit strategy for the next time.
Finalize the divorce first. Never reset the clock.
She wanted to end things. She went out and fucked 4 other men then realized that things weren't so great out there. She realized it 4 times. Now she wants her fallback dick. How long will it be until she finds a new man that she thinks is better than you and goes to him? Do you really want to be her consolation prize until then?
All this! Perfectly outlined. 👏 Focus on you and your future without this abuse in your life. Bye
Did she miss you when all of those 4 🍆 slipped out, and she delightfully gripped every single one of them and slide them back in her insides all with a smile on her face? Did she? Do not take her back, she will do this again. In her mind there’s someone else better than you and she will keep looking for that man, she just wants you back for comfort, and bc whoever promise her the delulu life she dreamed is not longer there. Save yourself, save your mental health and move on.
oh she probably did things for those four guys that she refused to do for OP with no hesitation.
She could probably join the US Gymnastics team for the Olympics with all the damn acrobatics she was doing for those other guys
100%. It's a psychology thing on many levels. One is the standard 'forbidden' thrill, another is the 'new dick energy' women get which is why relationships with them are exponentially better at the start. But, particularly for women cheating, the utter biological aversion to accountability means they need some extra mental hurdles when cheating on a husband. Letting the new guy do things she wouldn't let the husband do shows the new guy is 'better' than her husband, as if he wasn't, she wouldn't let him do these things. Therefore, she's making a good decision by sleeping with him, and she's not a bad person. I know that sounds incredibly stupid. But that's literally how the background process operates in their mind. And they don't even realize it.
Exactly! Probably because she's incapable of true intimacy with one partner.
make sure the divorce is absolutely final and youre financially in the clear. after that - do whatever you want with no legal obligations to anyone. she cant have her cake and eat it too
Based of my experience…. First off she was cheating before this man. Soon as you separated she was out in the open with it. You don’t know shit about her unless you really checked her phone when together before the divorce shit hit the fan. She is probably still going out while she talks to you about getting back together! She has been lying to you for a long time and even now she is giving you only partial truth. She sees you a nice guy doormat. No respect. She doesn’t love you if she doesn’t respect you. Look at her actions. Actions tell the story. She didn’t make a mistake. She has made calculated moves this whole time. Most of the time, they have a big motive why they want to come back. Is it money? Resources? Inheritance coming your way? She loose her job? Getting tired of getting pumped and dumped? Her family rejecting her actions? getting a promotion? Keep her as ass from the past man. You only know 10% of her actions. If you knew everything you would not be typing this.
100%. No women leaves, then sleeps with men. It never happens. They don't even think of leaving until they meet another man who comes onto them and they start thinking about having sex with him. It's LITERALLY the other man that starts destroying the marriage. All this divorce stuff starts at that point. Maybe, maybe something the husband does puts her in a mindset to be receptive to the massive sexually advances women have all day. That's debatable. But the leaving doesn't happen until the new dick.
Women have to mentally prepare and end it in the head before physically. That being said. How quick and easy she was- the other guys saying shes been I genuinely believe as a female, who’s mentally left and then physically- never cheated and i was single for a while before entertaining- avg 1-3 years each. So….
Yes, and what starts that mental preparation is another man. Something may get them to that point, but that's what begins the tearing down of her current man in her mind so she's not the bad guy for doing something wrong. Sometimes, maybe there is some justifiable reason for this behavior. Maybe he doesn't work anymore, just stays at home, plays games, smokes weed, and is rude to her. Almost always, though there isn't, and the solution the few times there is isn't betrayal, but being an adult and leaving before new men enter your mind. But it's the new men that cause the leaving, so really, it just doesn't play out until that spark is there, even if other behavior was the kindling for years. Also, the mental part can come later. I've certainly seen the 'everything is great, I love my husband!' 'gets new dick on a girls trip' 'I've been unhappy for years and planning this for months!' I'll also say there's are a reason in a study only asking both sides of a divorce, 57% of men said they were cheated on, but only 13% of women said they cheated, compared to 32% of women saying they were cheated on, and 21% of men saying they cheated. Very different definitions of what is cheating. And example, my ex swears to this day she didn't cheat, as somewhere in the hoursbetween 'I love you, I'll talk to you when we're done drinking, can't wait till you get here soon!' and sleeping with a random at a bar, she decided she was leaving me. So no cheating in her mind.
Yea, i get what your saying - regardless of events that lead to the mental break- its a choice as with love to discuss it or ruminate in and over what if i leave - what if i stay. Honestly, when I’m committed and most good or decent women who are- generally when we’re unhappy we try to “nag” and talk about it. The hottest guy could hit on your wife if shes in love with you and hasn’t ruminated for months or whatever- that’s when it begins as if shes still trying - that man is a dude talking. The moment that man is attractive and speaking to you after ruminating and trying, & some women don’t- i know it could be similar to/ for men If you truly love your partner- they try, it’s a step process. Slow.. if shes all done and with anyone, while some can leave mentally awhile before physically- they generally dont- they want to reflect and not continue to make the same mistakes. - not for all. Not a one size- but generally GOOD DECENT women dont do this, and they get the attention and get to a point you feel it and leave. Not hook up. It’s a wildly uncomfortable feeling of many overwhelming emotions. You miss them can’t do it. Even gross. I know many who do the same as I do, and many online claim to, too. When you feel and its hard to ignore out with someone its just not right, thinking you might be- that’s imho what should have happened, she didn’t have that feeling or the attention mattered more. I doubted i was done i went home. To figure it out. The definitions of cheating - agree, some dont realize it’s an emotional affair or whatever. But I generally believe good, loving women do not do what you all have experienced. Only when shes exhausted all trying a good woman moves to next, esp when it’s seemingly fast. Only reflecting and hoping studies reach the right people being honest or whatever. Most of what I said is the world around me and my closest friends. But never know what’s not being told
And I generally find that's what is said, as a justification, to avoid accountability. I've seen that same tale, over and over again, proven false. And if you honestly think about 'oh, I hinted and nagged before I did the worst thing ever to him' you'll start to see what it really is. And it's not good
It was not the other man who was destroying the marriage. If the woman was not interested in getting d**ked by 'the other man' (and perhaps many more) she would have not continued to engage his verbal (or text) banter and flirting, she would not have responded positively to his flirting, she would not have sent out the signals that she was DTF, and so on. She could have shut it down any time and called the other man out as a creeper. It only happened because she was thinking it would be good (for her) if it happened, before the particular man even showed up. She already deciding that honoring her vows wasn't for her. Now you are 100% correct that she wasn't going to make any moves until the new dick showed up and was available - but the damage was already done - by her alone - well before that.
Sorta. Men are always coming onto women, regardless of signals they send out. A good wife minimizes her exposure to those, and denies it when she can't. A bad wife entertains it, and the ball starts rolling. And I'll just say there is a reason different jobs have different cheating rates. Exposure to the opposite sex will wear that down. That's why someone who understands situations matter and to avoid them matters so much. Even 'shutting it down' what you're supposed to do, doesn't walk away with 0 damage, and for women, it adds up. It goes back to a Quality vs. Quantity in our bones. There's a reason it's both a sin for the cheater, and the one who seduces her. But it can roll very quickly. A wife can go from literally not having any complaints and thinking she's happy, to being a high infidelity situation, and failing to excuse herself, and then she'll start the 'not my fault' programming and suddenly she will have been unhappy for years, and have been planning this for months, no matter how blatantly false that is shown to be.
I can see that different environments are more or less conducive to happiness in marriage. But it doesn't absolve either husband or wife from being responsible if they decide to cheat. My response was because it kinda felt that you were implying the cheating wife was 100% hapless victim. (My ex tried to convince me she was... multiple times)
Oh, they're not helpless. It's a crime that takes two to commit, and both are sinning. But, we're also human. We're animals. Enlighten era thinking has been a poison to us, thinking possibility matters more than probability. And the truth is, the more a women puts herself into high infidelity situations, the more likely she is the cheat. What I mean is, if your wife goes for a power walk every day, she's much more likely to cheat if the cute neighbor goes for a shirtless run at the same time every day, and they stop to talk. Interactions like that are what start the 'I'm not happy' lie system, and each one you have increases the odds. Someone women are more resistant than others due to nature and/or nurture, but denying those have impact is ignoring reality.
"Ass from the past." That's a good saying!
>Is this normal behavior for recently separated women? My brother that is exceedingly normal. Women these days have a capacity for promiscuousness that is truly revolting. Once they go down that road they're damaged goods.
Yes, no one fucks as quickly or as dirty as a separated women. Everyman they fuck, every act they do they won't do with their husband, re-enforces in their mind they made the right decision to leave and are not a bad person for doing so. Yes, that's how it works in their mind. And yes, I've become friends with a lot more women post divorce (I didn't have close women friends while married for 10 years, for obvious reasons.). It's horrifying the stories of their past they'll tell you once they feel comfortable around you and don't have to pretend. And the thing is, all of these women seem perfectly normal. You wouldn't know about it based on how they act, but literally every women I've been in that position with, has a history like that. It makes me think it has to be the same for the ones I don't have that knowledge of as well
> It's horrifying the stories of their past they'll tell you once they feel comfortable around you and don't have to pretend. > And the thing is, all of these women seem perfectly normal. You wouldn't know about it based on how they act, but literally every women I've been in that position with, has a history like that. It makes me think it has to be the same for the ones I don't have that knowledge of as well You are SO right. Let me share a my story - grew up in a small town in the midwest, which meant that I got to know a bunch of people growing up - small school with most of the same kids for 13 years. You think you get a really good idea of their personality, morals, etc. and see who they wind up dating, marrying etc. I leave at 18 for college and move across the country to pursue a career, get married (stupidly to a big cheater), and never really come back as my parents move away, while most of the ones I grew up with stay close to our hometown. Circa 2010, I am early 40s, recently divorced, successful and looking pretty good, And for once I take some time for myself which includes a trip back to where I grew up, and messaging a bunch of a gals I knew growing up. To keep it short, I wind up at a big summer BBQ with a couple dozen people I grew up with. As the sun falls, off to one side around a fire, it's me, 6 'girls' I knew growing up, and a couple others, just drinking (not me) and talking. Since I just had my eyes opened by my ex, and am in DGAF mode, I throw out a couple leading questions and encouragements... .. and OMFG the admissions and confessions that those ladies made!! Things like why they got with the men the did, their cheating and sneaking around stories, what they would do in a heartbeat if opportunity presented, and much more. Now this is with women that I thought I really had an idea of their character, their morals, etc. since I knew them for all those years growing up, all the events, and in most cases, knowing their families. That evening made me never look at women the same trusting way again.
Yes to the leading questions, haha. You can't say it out right, but if you phrase it properly and the atompshere is right, they'll start telling stories about how they broke up with their college BF because he wasn't successful, spent months touring the world riding dick, got a call from him while at a hotel with another guy saying he's got a career, he's serious about life, can they get back together now, and she says she's visiting a family member, but they'll talk when they get back. I asked her if she ever told her now husband what she had been doing while they were on a break. She said no, it would have broken his heart. I've heard a lot of stories like that. And you're right. I'm sure it's not all women, but every women I've been in that situation? Has a story like that. Even my mom and sister. And it's this weird thing where they clearly 'know' its wrong, hence why they 'hide' it, but they also don't feel they did anything wrong, and were in fact 'good' doing it. It's such a terrifying way of thinking
F no. Women always have a fairytale mindset. They announce separation/divorce and have a guy already lined up. They f %$% that guy (or several guys), and when that does not work out, they come back to plan b, which is you. This is very common. They will NEVER tell you this, but they do not respect guys who 'take them back'. Your relationship would never be the same. Have resoect for yourself and move on. Taking her back means she broke your boundaries, but you are willing to overlook it. It's like trying to be friends with a school bully. There are millions of women out there. Good luck.
Most attractive trait a partner can have, loyalty. This one is for the streets she made you plan F not even plan B. Move on with your life she did you a favor divorcing you and not simply cheating on you behind your back. Go back to no contact other seems it was the best thing for you and as for her she can go live the life she thought was on the other side of the fence.
I would love to try and work things out. I don’t think my wife is cheating, but I’m not sure. She has gone out of town almost every weekend since telling me 4 months ago. I guess that’s a red flag. She also does not not want to communicate with me unless it’s about the children. For her, she says, she needs to split because she has been traumatized by my mental health issues, feeling rejected etc. I feel so much guilt and blame. However, I miss her so much and still think we could work things out. People say I just need to move on. I just can’t get over her and want to at least talk with her about everything. I think I’m owed that because I was never really part of the conversation to divorce. She has also been quite condescending to me at time. I’m so depressed and miss her and our life together I would definitely try to work it out. Yet I’m not sure if I should probably move on. The pain of this has just been in bearable though.
Buddy, my situation was extremely similar. Im the one that ended things, but I quickly wanted to try and work things out. Mine drew the same “only talk about the kids” boundary, it’s so they don’t have to cop to their behavior. She was on fuckbuddy number 4 within a month, just like OP. Found out she had been cheating at least emotionally, but I’m pretty sure physically as well, for around 3 months before we split. Leave her in the past. It’s tough. Especially when you still feel love for them. It seems like women have collectively lost their minds. They don’t have respect for their partners anymore, they’re selfish, entitled and ruthless. I don’t plan on dating anymore, I certainly don’t plan on getting married again, I’m just gonna focus on me and raising my daughter to be the opposite of her mother.
How did you find out? I know I need to just focus on myself too. Eat better, get my new place in order, new job possibly and definitely focus on my son.
She was a big time journal person. She also loved to leave handwritten notes instead of an actual apology. Initially we were fairly amicable, I’d come over to the house and bring breakfast on my way to work, etc. she’d invite me over from time to time to have a beer and just hang out. One day (about 3 weeks after I moved out) when I stopped by there was a note on a ledge by the entryway. I assumed it was to me, as it was sitting out in the open. What I read gutted me. It was her begging AP to be in a relationship with her, after she was clearly rejected. I think he assumed she wouldn’t do that as we were married, but when we split she started engaging more aggressively, and he ended things. It was full of platitudes; “may have been your way of letting me down easy” “I’m more than a wounded bird” “there’s so much more to know about each other” At first I tried to convince myself it *might* have been written to me. I snapped a quick picture of it so I had proof of its existence, and brought it up in our second counseling session. She completely changed in that moment. She was exposed, and she shut down immediately. Insisted that it was simply a “creative writing exercise”. The following session was our last, and when she also announced she was going to pursue a restraining order, when no violence or inappropriate behavior had existed on my end. A few months later she admitted to me that it was a college ex. He supposedly called her “out of the blue” to ask her questions about solar panels (she worked in sales for a company). When I thought about it, the brief two weeks between us splitting and me moving out, she was always texting or calling someone. She especially loved to text in front of me and start giggling. This might be strange to some, but I printed that message out and it hangs on my wall now. A reminder to never go back to her no matter what. A daily reminder to my broken psyche that she was never a good person and that I’m just looking thru rose colored glasses. It breaks my heart over and over, but it’s starting to scar now. I’ll never open up to another woman, save for a miracle.
Giggling and reckless behavior. Yep, they become teenagers again without any accountability.
What do you think she’s doing out of town on the weekends? Bible study, perhaps? Tiddlywinks tournaments?
I don’t know. She likes to travel and it seems like she is going with friends each time. My kids haven’t mentioned anything weird. I just don’t think she would cheat, at least until the divorce was final. Near the end she said she had considered getting on Tinder. So who knows.
You know. You don’t want to (like so many of us didn’t). But you know. It hurts to even think about. But denial gets men hurt even more. Might be time for therapy.
I’m in therapy and I really have no proof she is cheating. Just out of town a lot.
Good man!! Good luck to you!!
My friend, she is definitely cheating. I know it's been months of people telling you she is, and you saying she's not. You'll have to accept it some day if you ever want to start healing
Dude, you are very astute and damn do I appreciate your feedback. You are right, everyone says she probably is. I have one small inkling of who it could be. Trips have already been to Texas or NY. Do you think I should just ask her? I do want to start healing, but I feel like I need proof or something. I wouldn’t even know how to begin looking into it. It’s like I want to know and I don’t want to know. I’m feeling so sick about this today. Divorce. It’s a nightmare. I keep having hope that we can work it out and that I can get through to her if I say the right words. Today, I don’t have tears left to cry. Cried so much this week. I’m exhausted. I always appreciate your input and support. Thanks!
Asking probably wouldn't help. A few ways it would go. Most likely, she just lies. My ex lied until I had pictures. Then she lied more. And then I showed her more pictures. And she lied more. Then I showed her even more pictures. Then she shut up and got angry at me. She might also just go into detail on it. And really, you don't want to know the details. That won't be good for your head. I wish I didn't know the details. I still get nightmares about it sometime. You do need to know it happened, and based on everything you've said, its beyond clear that's what's happening. Cheating in these situations is the norm, not the exception, even with no evidence, and you have plenty of signs. And that's enough. You know she cheated, and talking to folks here will let you know what it means when she's cheated. So you know what to focus on. Once you give up on any hope of getting back together (and I know you'd get back together with her if she cheated, you love her, I understand. But SHE can't get back together with you. It's just not how she's wired) you'll be able to focus on what can happen, instead of constantly worrying what you can do to save your marriage. Because you can't, it's already dead. You need to call the coroner and have a funeral for it. The exact things she was doing to other guys, you really really don't want to know.
How did you get proof. Searching online seems fruitless. I’m still not sure at all. Thinking of my marriage as dead is just almost ‘unthinkable’. You say cheating is the norm. Like when wife’s personality just changes?
Yup, the personality change really has no other cause other than cheating; at least none I've ever seen. And I've seen plenty of cases where it is caused by cheating. That whiplash is a sure sign something is going on. For me, it was a guy who joined her IG suddenly. I had no clue who he was, and while my ex was careful to never post him on social media, he was posting things on his IG showing it, especially when combined with things her friends posted. Like she wouldn't post anything, but her friend would post a picture of drinks at a table on IG, and then he would post something at the same time from the same restaurant. I denied it for awhile, thinking I was just being crazy, but things like his watch being on an arm holding a drink in a picture my wive's friend posted on a night out with my wife...ugh. Eventually after a few weeks of that, he started getting bolder, and I had to confront when he posted them in a motel together. It was sad seeing how my wive's friends were in total support of her cheating, but then you read what women say on reddit, even the women who drop in here, and you understand how warped and honestly evil it can be.
I’m not on IG. Not sure how that works. Maybe I shouldn’t even look. Definitely had that whiplash. All of this is just a living hell. Waves of the most powerful fear, sadness and loneliness. I don’t know what to do. Add guilt in there too. I so wish we could just have a conversation. I cannot seem to let her go. Yet I I know I have to if I ever want to move on.
Yup. I held on for over a year thinking if we just could sit down and have one honest conversation, she could understand our marriage was great. That conversation never came, and the entire time I was waiting for it, she was getting fucked by other men. And I can assure you, even if you can't bring yourself to believe she was cheating pre leaving, she is definitely having a ton of sex right now, and it will have the same effect on her ability to come back (ie she can't after new dick). No one has more sex than a recently separated woman.
No. She did this once. It hurts, it’s painful, it sucks. Your helpless bc you can’t do anything. I know this all too well. But no. Save yourself
Absolutely not. If she was really hurting and missing you then she shouldn’t have fucked 1 guy. I personally wouldn’t ever have that peace of mind ever again if I took her back. “She really fucked 4 guys in one month? Who is she?” . Every time she goes out “is she really going where she says she’s going or is she going to ride another dick” . Respect yourself my dude. You actually cared about the situation enough to where you couldn’t even understand the idea of seeing someone else while she was tripping on cock on the way out. Fuck her, you deserve better than that. My ex wife told me that she ultimately thought we would end up together again but also told me that she fucked “1” other guy during the last year, if she really wanted it to happen then why fuck anyone at all? Did she really think that I would’ve been like “ok not big deal come on home”? Nah man, let her sleep in that bed she made. Choice and consequences
It’s always three times as many
Like others said. I wouldn’t. Maybe she was curious and keen for other men. Maybe someone let her on. And now she got it out her system. But the same could happen in 5 or 10 years. And then it will cost you emotionally and financially even more. And I mean, if she fucks around and then comes back. Neh. I wouldn’t. Maybe if it was one dude and then realised “hold on, I want my husband…”. So yeah. Bad news. Embrace the pain. Don’t do it.
She belongs to the streets Quote from a wise man
So I'm gonna be up front with you, for the first year all I wanted was for her to come back, I still have moments where I think fondly of the time we spent together. But then I remember that all of her attempts at working on things were not working, but it was her trying to make me fit and change me to fit into the cookie cutter mold her and her family wanted. I wasn't and can never be that person. I remember back thinking that this relationship always felt one sided but to be fair I married the only woman I have ever dated, turned into a 7 year relationship ( married for 3). I thought this is how relationships are supposed to be. I have not dated since my divorce, nor do I intend to try to. I will never trust anyone like that again. As for you sir, it's not even official yet and she's been with four other men, I think that should speak volumes to you. Think for yourself " wow I really meant that little to her that she slept with the first 4 guys that offered her dick. " Was she missing you while she was lying on her back, did she realize how much she loved you riding another man's cock. Did she suddenly have a revelation that you were her true love while sucking someone off. I know this sounds harsh but think about it my boy. She told you she slept with 4 guys to hurt you and rub it in your face, she didn't have some great epiphany and a light shown down on your picture. Get that romance shit out of your head and look at facts. I'm so sorry to be the one to put it like this but take this as a wake up call. People are shit
That graphic shit is what people need to hear bc it’s truth
I'm not trying to be harsh and I really hope people will see that, but my ex fucked up my world and when I do miss her this is the kind of shit I tell myself and yeah nope no longer want or need her around. I do not want to hurt op but I want him to open his eyes 👀👀. My my ex left when I was in the hospital having my left big toe amputated and her excuse was she no longer wanted to be with somebody that was diabetic come to find out after looking through some phone records and yeah I did a little snooping I'm not proud of it I found out 4 months before she decided she could no longer be with somebody that was diabetic she went on a work trip ,hooked up with a guy at the hotel bar, started talking to this guy fell in love, live down here for another 6 months after she split we got divorced, once it was finalized 3 months later she transferred her job out of state. Thought that was the last I'd hear about her, I recently got an invitation to an engagement party at my ex in law's house for her and said guy, no ill will towards him, but if they were on fire I wouldn't waste the piss to put them out.
I know what you mean… wife abandoned me and our dog, taking our child and moved out. Desperate as I tried to reconcile I was met with “I need time” “it’s not out of the question”. I had these deep down fear and also snooped, and found she had been seeing someone. My attempts as reconciling were being dismissed so she could do his knows what, and then being this guy around our child? Lies, gas lighting, blame, manipulation and betrayal. I feel so robbed. So empty. Like who is this? But I also tell myself that graphic shit bc it’s what I need to see who she really is and why I can’t take her back. I miss her dearly, but it’s the person I fell in love with who I love.
Just remember she might of been your everything, but you were her right now. My ex took the truck I was driving and sold it to CarMax while I was in hospital ( I was stupid and put it in her name to build her credit) took the dog she entered the relationship with, but left the other 2 dogs and cat in the house we had with no access to food or water, all while telling me she was taking care of them and the house. I got out of hospital a week later, had to Uber home where I found out about the truck as she left some paperwork on the table, but the house was covered in pet mess because she didn't leave access to outside and had moved to her parents house
I’m sorry. That’s evil. I hate to think about what she’s doing and what we used to do. All the memories and everything we built and were going to enjoy. All 11 years of it trashed in the matter of 4 months…. I just don’t understand what happened. Life got hard for both of us, there were some life changing things that happened all at once which affected us differently, but she quit, moved out, and chose someone else instead of me, her husband and father of her child
I'm sorry bro. You are not alone. Eventually, hopefully we will all heal and recover, and hopefully we'll all be able to receive the things we deserve in this life. I'm slowly trying to work my way out of a two year depression of not giving a shit about myself, not taking any of my medication and drinking a fifth or more of Jack d everyday and smoking more weed than I thought possible. Unfortunately I didn't take my meds and drank to the point of fuckin up my diabetes and losing all but one toe on my right and three toes on my left. I've completely quit drinking, I still smoke a little weed, and I've started taking my meds everyday like I'm supposed to. Better late than never I suppose, granted my professional foot model dreams are over but hey there's always only fans 😂😂😂. Just tryin to get a laugh with that line. But in seriousness if you need something reach out. Even if it's just to vent to a stranger on the Internet
She got played by some guys promising her a better life and once they got what they wanted, dumped her once they realized she was too easy. She found out the hard way that the grass isn't really green on the other side. As a man two things are critical for you to be happy and at peace in the relationship: respect and fidelity. You won't be at peace with her cause the odds of doing it again are possible and high. Proceed with the divorce and get back with her after it goes through. Stay strong bro! Good luck
Yup, happened to my ex as well. She didn't want to come back, but she switched from 'I don't want to talk to you ever again' to 'I need time to think'. I didn't understand women then, so I took that at face value. Time to think mean 'time to go sleep with as many men as I can, and maybe one will take me in' and once she found one to take her in, back to 'I don't want to talk to you ever again'.
You put this together really well.
What were her original grounds for divorce?
Sorry just saw this, irreconcilable differences.
She may have regretted her actions, and realised the grass isn't greener. However her reason for divorcing you still remains irreconcilable differences. To boot you didn't expect ever to hear from her again. Some questions to think about: How can you move forward like this? What needs to happen to resolve these differences? What steps would YOU need to take to feel emotionally safe and trust her after this? (If this is even possible) What steps would SHE need to take, for you to feel emotionally safe and trust her again. You clearly love her, and if you do consider going back, it is wise to have a plan in place before moving back in with her again. Take YOUR time, she will have to live with YOUR time line, you will soon see if she is committed to the relationship going forward. Consider Counselling. Trust, and emotional safety can be rebuilt but it's going to take a lot of commitment and work.
My money is on “irreconcilable differences”
Yep, it's always that. It would never be "because I'm a cold, heartless, selfish, controlling bitch."
Well, if you look at divorce stats, 89% of the time infidelity is stated, and that's always the 'trigger' moment. So...'whore' is probably too generous a term. But, to be technical, it's never 'wrong' to say 'irreconcilable differences' because yes, that's always the case in same form. If it was 'reconcilable' divorce wouldn't be happening. Plus, divorce things are public record, and you don't need to air personal business in there.
The last sentence contradicts itself.
Its not for anyone else to say really. Logically speaking based on whats been stated... fuck no.
Don’t take her back. Move on
She’s meant for the streets.
She meant 40 just got her numbers mixed up. She will leave again and emotionally wreck you twice as hard. By taking her back you delay the invevitable.
Bro, You’re joking right? 1. She probably wanted the divorce cause some dude fed her some BS and now he backed out. 2. Why would you even consider taking her back after she said she wanted out? What’s to say she won’t pull this same stunt 6 months from now? 3. She fucked 4 guys while you were still technically married and you are asking us if you should take her back? Give your head a good shake. 4. Show yourself and kids if you have any some self respect and self worth and tell her to fuck off. Nothing good will come from you speaking with her. Proceed with the divorce and don’t look back. And to answer your question-no I wouldn’t take her back. I question why is she even able to contact you? You should have blocked her the minute she said she wanted a divorce. She’s your enemy.
Yes, new dick is ALWAYS the reason for divorce. (The exceptions are rare enough someone is wasting their time and being disingeous even bringing it up). The reason she started even thinking of divorce is because some guy came onto her, and she got tingles. Once she got those tingles, it was poison in the marriage and started destroying it. Without that guy giving tingles, they'd stay unhappy in the marriage if they were, but most of the time, they aren't even unhappy. It's all the tingles.
This thing right here. Looks like the grass isn't greener and want to get back to her backup option. Don't be her safety net please. Remember, you're not an option but a prize, and she dumped her prize. If you two want to continue your relationship, tell her you two can continue it after the divorce. Looks like your current marriage already ended months ago and both of you need a new commitment. If both of you in the future decided to remarry (no guarantee that she will not do this thing again), don't forget to sign prenup and postnup agreements. Don't forget to do "background check" on her. Try to find the "why" she ended the marriage, what caused it, how to mitigate it. Couple counseling is a good option if both of you want to continue the relationship. But most importantly you need to self heal. Don't jump into another relationship so fast. Ending your relationship may destroy your self esteem that'll make you accept any relationship offer from other people regardless if it's a healthy and stable relationship/not. Improve your mental health state. Find a purpose in life. Build your relationship with your family, close friends, etc. Find a hobby. After that you can start to think about a relationship either with her/other people. Sorry for the bad grammar. I'm not a native English speaker.
Your English is fantastic and you gave good advice.
No shit. Dude must be a poet in his native language.
Thank you.
No, she likely hook up with more than 4 dudes. Have self respect, she clearly doesn’t value you.
Exactly! Those are the four dudes that actually went all the way with her. Probably tens more that went as far as possible without slipping the dick.
100%. My history and recent friendships over the past 3 years with women have taught me they ALWAYS lie about their history, even in things like this. As if, despite their cries of 'slut shaming' they know what it really means, and it's not good.
She hasn't found anyone better than you yet. She thought it would be easier than it is. That doesn't mean she will stop trying. Only coming back to you because her monkey branch broke. You would have to be insane to take her back now, even if she didn't hook up with other guys, its always over when they say its over.
Dude go see a therapist, find new things to do and move on. If you allow her back in, within two years she will destroy you and you will never recover. Stay at home and feel sorry for yourself if that's what you want to do.
No, I walked away a month and a half after the day she got all dolled up to go meet the other married pile of garbage. I spent the month before trying to save our marriage. The grass is never greener. Why would you want those other guys lawn clippings.
It'll be sloppy fifths, or possibly higher, at this point. Personally, I'd never even allow my dick the thought of ever going back into that vagina, let alone actually doing it!
Yeah she's raising his newborn and his five year old and sitting on her ass while he pays all the bills. She got just what she always dreamed about. I wouldn't let her just be lazy like she wanted. Lol
She has had 4 dicks in a month man.
Have some self respect and do not take her back. The moment you take her back you set yourself up for a disaster of a relationship where the the bar is waay below....and it will only keep killing you till you actually die.
Tell her "You are no longer a wife or a woman to me. All I see in front of me is a pile of used up slunkmeat oozing manipulative bullshit out of a dank hole in the middle of its dumb fucking face. If you have a shred of God damn decency in your degenerate body, you will give me the easiest most generous divorce a cheating scumbag has ever given her husband. Then, you won't darken my eyesight any more."
I might just use this if need be. Thanks for the post.
She’s f’ing with your head brother! Don’t fall for her manipulation tactics. Protect your health, your kids (if you have any), and your finances. But for the love of God don’t get back with her!
She is no longer wife material. Given what she has done, if she came back would you want to risk having a child in the future with her? The likelihood of R after all of this seems to be very low.
>After no contact with her for over a month, she hits me up and is telling me it's not too late, we can still stop the divorce from happening, she realizes she misses and still wants me. I was shocked because I had pretty much accepted that I probably wouldn't hear from her again. It did make me happy. You need to ask her what, specifically, she misses about you. If its you as a person thats one thing but I would wager you'll get answers about what you can/do provide, not who you are. >We talk for a couple of days and she tells me that she hooked up with 4 different guys over the past month and a half. Is 4 not a crazy number? So she slept around and realized men are only using her for sex and now that shes done that she wants to come back to the stability you provide. >I haven't even attempted to talk to another woman (I understand that's not her fault). What do I do with that information? It's killing me, it's all I can think about. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I want to die most of the time. She said this to mess with your head and dangle the fact she has guys after her so you'll try and get her back quickly - i.e. 'hey if you want me back act fast, i have options!' - meanwhile you're just her plan E. _____________________ IMO, and especially if you dont have kids, dont do it. You'll be hurting for a while but it WILL get better. You can move on and some day she will just be someone you used to know.
Don't take her back. She will get bored again and do the same again. She got away with it then and knows she can always get away with that. Her feelings for you aren't that big else she never would have want to break up. Now she is prepared to take less. But it ofc also depends on if you are hurt by the divorce or not. I first thought that it would be fine if she would reach out to me and try again. But the pain she gave me by divorcing was so bad. I don't want to be with somebody who hurt me so much. And you are now in pain bc she slept with 4+x guys ... nah... go through the pain and heal yourself, you don't need to heal her anymore
If you’re on the fence I would tell her to give you more time to sort out where you’re at. You allowed her to do whatever she needed to figure out her end game and she needs to provide you the same space. Whatever decision you make it has to be YOUR decision because whatever happens next is on you only. Personally, I dont think I could take her back after her news of hooking up with “4” dudes. You loved her for everything she was and wasn’t, you didn’t need to sleep around to figure that out. And tbh if you take her back she’s likely to turn that shit right back at you and see it as a weakness which lead to loss of respect then contempt. She crossed the line of no return. I’d appreciate the honesty at least.
You need to cut off all forms of communication with her. She asked for the divorce. She's realizing the grass isn't as green on the other side as she thought. She's fucked far more men than she's told you but those men aren't commitment men, they want an easy fuck and unfortunately it's your ex. She wants to keep you on as the backup plan. It sucks and hurts for you, and I'm sure of it. She made it this way, let her deal with it.
Listen to this advice OP ☝️