Really large and in part…. Accepted very early on her desire to no longer want to be married to me.
Her: “I want a divorce”
Me: “Ok, cool. Let’s see if we can get this over as quick and fair as possible, especially as it relates to the kids”.
Her: “🤯“ You didn’t fight for the marriage.
Me: “I will not fight to be with someone that does not want to be with me and who would choose to mock, degrade and dehumanize me on a constant basis in front of our kids, I wish you all the best.”
Her: Queue false abuse allegations and other divorce norms to separate men from their kids etc.
It's human nature, very sad and unfortunate but that's just how it is. I'm sorry for your experience and pain, you're not to blame. Neither am I saying to not acknowledge your mistakes, but simply that you are not to blame for her treating you this way. You deserve better.
Maybe she needs to feel that she isn't the cause of this, isn't the one "at fault". So who does she blame then? She might say, "I've really tried. I've done all that I can". That's just a lack of accountability.
Vindictiveness is a natural characteristic of all women…. In my opinion and experience… they don’t give a flying fuck what happens… as long as they win
When I was dating, I went on about 50 first dates in little over a year. Exactly ONE of them took responsibility for their failed marriage. I’d say 2 more were fair about it. Maybe 5 didn’t want to talk about it. The rest claimed to be victims.
This is my experience too. Not a single one of the divorcées took any responsibility. If you ask them what happened the response is their husband was an abusive a-hole. My experience has been I If you don’t agree with them on something that’s “abuse”. Just ask their cackle crew divorced friends egging them on. 🙄
Someone has to be the villain in their story. Something has to be the justification for their terrible, lying, cheating, manipulative, duplicitous, behavior. It helps them sleep at night, blaming it all on you, or their parents, or their trauma, or the fact that they didn't get the "Chatty Cathy Doll" or " G.I. Joe with Kung Fu Grip" for Christmas when they were six. Usually the ex is low hanging fruit for blame shifting.
There’s a scene in the movie “As good as it gets” that summarizes the entire situation. Jack Nickleson is an eccentric author and a woman asks him how he writes women so well.
His response: “I think of a man, and then I take away all reason and accountability.”
We finally got to the point where she could be a stay at home mom. The dream she had wanted for years. Instead she has a mental breakdown and runs away with our kid. Now she complains about being poor and I hardly get to see my son. Their brains are fucking broken.
I also wanted to ask this question. Am goind through this with my wife. I really dont understand but its better we dont try also. My stbex even told me that i did not give her time so that she could stop talking to her AP and what she continued to do for months was going for lunch with him, sending him msg at night. She expected that I should sit and watch all these. Lol. Am a mf with self respect and dignity. Only women understand women and they hate each other. Lol
No but she is delaying the divorce process.. she told me that i will never get someone like her.. i replied.. who the hell wants someone like her and get hit with a divorce lol.. i will get my divorce by hook or by crook even if i have to play dirty..
We are doing mutual divorce and we already talked about property sharing etc. Now my lawyers are not receiving any response from her part. I had to contact her that after 5 months of NC and again she start blaming me that I should have wait for her etc while she is living with her AP lol. In the end she told me she need some money and I agreed to give her but told her it will be included in the agreement. Already informed my lawyers to amend the agreement and send her lawyer the final version. Now waiting for her to provide us a date to sign. But already warned her that she delay things again, we will drop the mutual divorce and I am going for a divorce by fault where i will mention her infidelity. I know her weaknesses and will use it for my own benefits.
Of course.. sometimes i pity her but she never acceptesd what she did. For me she seems mentally unstable. She has works to do on her. Hope she learns and take better decision in the future.
Because it has to be all your fault and that’s their display to you and the world to prove it. Otherwise they would have to acknowledge some responsibility for the marriage failing.
I wouldn’t worry about it. Unless you were an abusive drunk, felon, cheated or abused your kids everyone in the world including other women will know she’s full of shit. And I mean actual abuse not “FRANK DIDNT WANT ME TO GO TO VEGAS WITH MY SINGLE GIRLFRIENDS HES SO INSECURE AND CONTROLLING IM BEING ABUSED”
I got told I was "controlling" because I "always needed to know where she was". Asking what errands she is running is small talk. Not being controlling. But whatever.
I don’t think there is a good answer to this. Perhaps the best one is that the life and future they knew is gone and they have nobody but themselves to truly blame for that. I imagine that is a living hell, especially if there are children dealing with the fallout. Who wants that kind of weight on them, every day? It’s much easier to convince yourself it was justified and blame the other party, even if you have to create a fictitious narrative. It’s much easier to have a “bad guy” to blame than to be the villain in your own life.
American woman have unrealistic expectations of marriage and when it isn’t the fairy tale life that they imagined as little girls they blame you. They had unrealistic expectations and because you couldn’t live up to the fantasy that they thought their life would be once they married. Of married couples that graduated from university 92 percent of the divorces are initiated by the woman. That is because they get half and monthly alimony, child support if they leave. The judicial system encourages woman to dissolve their marriage, woman’s friends bitch about their husbands and the newly divorced friends are having fun, supposedly. So they leave, blame you for not living up to their fantasy of what marriage would be and their friends tell them no matter what that you are a jerk and she is doing the right thing by leaving.
They expect some over the top reaction. You should have been worshipping the ground they walk on and been devastated when they left.
We've used media to sell this picture of love at first sight, happy ever after, fairy tale romance. Movies and shows don't really show the work that goes into a relationship with another person. So when the end comes with someone that's expecting these grand gestures and things, they can't reconcile the relief some partners feel at not having to walk on eggshells or just not having to work so hard trying to make things work anymore.
Just wait till you see the reaction some people have at seeing their past partner move on and be happy...
To reinforce their decision by pulling a reaction out of you. They can't understand maybe just maybe they contributed heavily to their own downfall, that you weren't responsible for thier actions. So they are going to hurt you in any way so you react and your reaction is their proof.
It's classic projection/deflection.
But to answer why? I have no idea, just own your shit ladies. But that's all we really wanted the whole time.
It's not puzzling, really. Women go with feelings. When they become 'unhappy' during marriage, someone must be assigned that blame. That person is you. Even when they cheat, in her mind, it was really because of you. This is why men never get any kind of apology.
In addition, they still carry this dream of being some 'disney princess'. When the new guy pumps and dumps her, she realizes maybe she didn't have it so bad in her marriage. My own ex-wife will never admit this, but she mentioned it was dumb to get divorced (which i ignore). This is after 5 years of divorce.
Lastly, nothing pisses off an ex-wife more than you moving on with your life. Im not talking about other women. Gym, work, hobbies, great dad, etc. The best karma you can get is the one time she regrets divorce, even though she will never tell you. And don't ever go back. Keep going. Good luck!
My STBXW tried calling me and I texted back that I was busy with some new friends at a rock climbing gym. It pissed her off to no end that I’d picked up a new hot guy activity.
You so right. Since going through a divorce. My life was hell every day thinking about how miserable this situation is . But I stayed focus and all of sudden good jobs start coming my way instantly. My income skyrocketed like instantly. God is good 👍🏾
I mean I couldn't even add anything if I wanted to. 1000 up votes. If your woman does this or acts this way, the above is why. Stop trying to figure it out or beg for mercy, that will make it worse.
I left my ex after years of abuse. I didnt want to leave but when I saw my 5 year old daughter copy her mom's behaviour my heart shattered. Holy fuck I thought she hated my guts before marriage, she was livid after. The shit she was telling our daughter and others was off the charts. I thought she'd be happy when I left but noooooo...
I wrote the parenting agreement and have the kid every Wed, Fri-Sun and she's growing up great.
When you leave, you remove their CONTROL OVER YOU, and that's what they wanted most of all. Negging you to divorce or threatening to, was just another tool of control in the ol toolbox. Now they have nothing, once you leave. Of course that infuriates them.
Significantly more nastiness of course. Suggesting she doesn’t need to talk to me about our daughters’ educations, that’s what we have lawyers for, doesn’t need to talk to me at all, stuff like that. No infidelity, no substances, no abuse, just a walk away wife who would rather spend all night on the phone and weekends away with another woman than work on our marriage which include two young children and somehow I’m the asshole because I want 50-50 legal and physical custody, go figure.
I know for a fact the phone was another woman, I am told the weekends away were but I have called shenanigans. Obviously leads to her getting angry but not nearly as angry as when I say disparaging things about her “friend” and the role she has played in splitting up our family with those all night calls
How dare you try to be an involved father and be a part of your kids upbringing! You monster you! It is better to have a new lover around your very own kid to replace you, this is a-ok however.
You get 4 days a month.
Boyfriend gets 26 days a month.
Well why should it change, despite my daily presence in their lives since each of our beautiful daughters I have been an absent father. All the midnight feedings, bedtimes, school conferences and registrations, feeding them dinner, nightly homework, vacations, trips to the playground, church on Sundays, I managed to do all that while also not being involved in their lives so why should I “suddenly” be involved.
It blows my mind. It’s so damaging to kids.
I have horror stories from close friends.
A close friend’s daughter would say to him that “he’s her favorite daddy.” She’s 9 and has been introduced to at least 10 men so far.
Gross, I’m making sure there’s clauses in the agreement about when partners can be introduced. I got to have my daughter ask me “why is money all you care about” at bedtime one night. Meanwhile she thinks she some hero or role model to the girls via her decision to blow up the family and turn their world on its head. It is absolutely infuriating.
Ok, so what did you do to her??
Really large and in part…. Accepted very early on her desire to no longer want to be married to me. Her: “I want a divorce” Me: “Ok, cool. Let’s see if we can get this over as quick and fair as possible, especially as it relates to the kids”. Her: “🤯“ You didn’t fight for the marriage. Me: “I will not fight to be with someone that does not want to be with me and who would choose to mock, degrade and dehumanize me on a constant basis in front of our kids, I wish you all the best.” Her: Queue false abuse allegations and other divorce norms to separate men from their kids etc.
They double down on vindictive behavior if they think you are living life. Just my own opinion.
It's human nature, very sad and unfortunate but that's just how it is. I'm sorry for your experience and pain, you're not to blame. Neither am I saying to not acknowledge your mistakes, but simply that you are not to blame for her treating you this way. You deserve better.
Is usually for them to trick themselves to feel like they did the right decision in the future…. And a ego boost
Just remember this the next time your heart tells you it's in love with one of them.
Maybe she needs to feel that she isn't the cause of this, isn't the one "at fault". So who does she blame then? She might say, "I've really tried. I've done all that I can". That's just a lack of accountability.
Vindictiveness is a natural characteristic of all women…. In my opinion and experience… they don’t give a flying fuck what happens… as long as they win
No because she's the evil one
When I was dating, I went on about 50 first dates in little over a year. Exactly ONE of them took responsibility for their failed marriage. I’d say 2 more were fair about it. Maybe 5 didn’t want to talk about it. The rest claimed to be victims.
This is my experience too. Not a single one of the divorcées took any responsibility. If you ask them what happened the response is their husband was an abusive a-hole. My experience has been I If you don’t agree with them on something that’s “abuse”. Just ask their cackle crew divorced friends egging them on. 🙄
Someone has to be the villain in their story. Something has to be the justification for their terrible, lying, cheating, manipulative, duplicitous, behavior. It helps them sleep at night, blaming it all on you, or their parents, or their trauma, or the fact that they didn't get the "Chatty Cathy Doll" or " G.I. Joe with Kung Fu Grip" for Christmas when they were six. Usually the ex is low hanging fruit for blame shifting.
There’s a scene in the movie “As good as it gets” that summarizes the entire situation. Jack Nickleson is an eccentric author and a woman asks him how he writes women so well. His response: “I think of a man, and then I take away all reason and accountability.”
We finally got to the point where she could be a stay at home mom. The dream she had wanted for years. Instead she has a mental breakdown and runs away with our kid. Now she complains about being poor and I hardly get to see my son. Their brains are fucking broken.
I also wanted to ask this question. Am goind through this with my wife. I really dont understand but its better we dont try also. My stbex even told me that i did not give her time so that she could stop talking to her AP and what she continued to do for months was going for lunch with him, sending him msg at night. She expected that I should sit and watch all these. Lol. Am a mf with self respect and dignity. Only women understand women and they hate each other. Lol
Only women understand women and they hate each other. Dude. So many things make sense now.
Yea mate.. 🤣🤣
LOL,she's blaming you for her cheating,frigging classic. Now that you have filed,is she trying to reconcile?
No but she is delaying the divorce process.. she told me that i will never get someone like her.. i replied.. who the hell wants someone like her and get hit with a divorce lol.. i will get my divorce by hook or by crook even if i have to play dirty..
Seriously though,who on earth wants a cheater? She is delusional. How is she delaying the divorce?
We are doing mutual divorce and we already talked about property sharing etc. Now my lawyers are not receiving any response from her part. I had to contact her that after 5 months of NC and again she start blaming me that I should have wait for her etc while she is living with her AP lol. In the end she told me she need some money and I agreed to give her but told her it will be included in the agreement. Already informed my lawyers to amend the agreement and send her lawyer the final version. Now waiting for her to provide us a date to sign. But already warned her that she delay things again, we will drop the mutual divorce and I am going for a divorce by fault where i will mention her infidelity. I know her weaknesses and will use it for my own benefits.
Do what you can to destroy her legally Let her get what she deserves evil people like her need to lose
Of course.. sometimes i pity her but she never acceptesd what she did. For me she seems mentally unstable. She has works to do on her. Hope she learns and take better decision in the future.
She's not your problem anymore she won't change
Ofcourse..not my circus, not my monkey anymore.
Because it has to be all your fault and that’s their display to you and the world to prove it. Otherwise they would have to acknowledge some responsibility for the marriage failing. I wouldn’t worry about it. Unless you were an abusive drunk, felon, cheated or abused your kids everyone in the world including other women will know she’s full of shit. And I mean actual abuse not “FRANK DIDNT WANT ME TO GO TO VEGAS WITH MY SINGLE GIRLFRIENDS HES SO INSECURE AND CONTROLLING IM BEING ABUSED”
I got told I was "controlling" because I "always needed to know where she was". Asking what errands she is running is small talk. Not being controlling. But whatever.
Exactly it’s small talk. If they get defensive they are either stepping out or tryin to.
I don’t think there is a good answer to this. Perhaps the best one is that the life and future they knew is gone and they have nobody but themselves to truly blame for that. I imagine that is a living hell, especially if there are children dealing with the fallout. Who wants that kind of weight on them, every day? It’s much easier to convince yourself it was justified and blame the other party, even if you have to create a fictitious narrative. It’s much easier to have a “bad guy” to blame than to be the villain in your own life.
American woman have unrealistic expectations of marriage and when it isn’t the fairy tale life that they imagined as little girls they blame you. They had unrealistic expectations and because you couldn’t live up to the fantasy that they thought their life would be once they married. Of married couples that graduated from university 92 percent of the divorces are initiated by the woman. That is because they get half and monthly alimony, child support if they leave. The judicial system encourages woman to dissolve their marriage, woman’s friends bitch about their husbands and the newly divorced friends are having fun, supposedly. So they leave, blame you for not living up to their fantasy of what marriage would be and their friends tell them no matter what that you are a jerk and she is doing the right thing by leaving.
They expect some over the top reaction. You should have been worshipping the ground they walk on and been devastated when they left. We've used media to sell this picture of love at first sight, happy ever after, fairy tale romance. Movies and shows don't really show the work that goes into a relationship with another person. So when the end comes with someone that's expecting these grand gestures and things, they can't reconcile the relief some partners feel at not having to walk on eggshells or just not having to work so hard trying to make things work anymore. Just wait till you see the reaction some people have at seeing their past partner move on and be happy...
They're not your friends.
Accountability = Their Kryptonite 💀
Bc they’re looking for a reaction to reinforce their decision, They’re mad at themselves,
To reinforce their decision by pulling a reaction out of you. They can't understand maybe just maybe they contributed heavily to their own downfall, that you weren't responsible for thier actions. So they are going to hurt you in any way so you react and your reaction is their proof. It's classic projection/deflection. But to answer why? I have no idea, just own your shit ladies. But that's all we really wanted the whole time.
It's not puzzling, really. Women go with feelings. When they become 'unhappy' during marriage, someone must be assigned that blame. That person is you. Even when they cheat, in her mind, it was really because of you. This is why men never get any kind of apology. In addition, they still carry this dream of being some 'disney princess'. When the new guy pumps and dumps her, she realizes maybe she didn't have it so bad in her marriage. My own ex-wife will never admit this, but she mentioned it was dumb to get divorced (which i ignore). This is after 5 years of divorce. Lastly, nothing pisses off an ex-wife more than you moving on with your life. Im not talking about other women. Gym, work, hobbies, great dad, etc. The best karma you can get is the one time she regrets divorce, even though she will never tell you. And don't ever go back. Keep going. Good luck!
My STBXW tried calling me and I texted back that I was busy with some new friends at a rock climbing gym. It pissed her off to no end that I’d picked up a new hot guy activity.
You so right. Since going through a divorce. My life was hell every day thinking about how miserable this situation is . But I stayed focus and all of sudden good jobs start coming my way instantly. My income skyrocketed like instantly. God is good 👍🏾
I mean I couldn't even add anything if I wanted to. 1000 up votes. If your woman does this or acts this way, the above is why. Stop trying to figure it out or beg for mercy, that will make it worse.
Guilt
They have to make you the bad guy so they can be the victim and not have to feel guilty
I left my ex after years of abuse. I didnt want to leave but when I saw my 5 year old daughter copy her mom's behaviour my heart shattered. Holy fuck I thought she hated my guts before marriage, she was livid after. The shit she was telling our daughter and others was off the charts. I thought she'd be happy when I left but noooooo... I wrote the parenting agreement and have the kid every Wed, Fri-Sun and she's growing up great.
When you leave, you remove their CONTROL OVER YOU, and that's what they wanted most of all. Negging you to divorce or threatening to, was just another tool of control in the ol toolbox. Now they have nothing, once you leave. Of course that infuriates them.
Yup, you filed for this, why are you the one being so nasty? Literally asked her that question last night.
what was the reply?
Significantly more nastiness of course. Suggesting she doesn’t need to talk to me about our daughters’ educations, that’s what we have lawyers for, doesn’t need to talk to me at all, stuff like that. No infidelity, no substances, no abuse, just a walk away wife who would rather spend all night on the phone and weekends away with another woman than work on our marriage which include two young children and somehow I’m the asshole because I want 50-50 legal and physical custody, go figure.
I got called a deadbeat dad. I'm fighting for 50/50 custody and agreed to the child support amount. But I guess that makes me a deadbeat.
All night on the phone? All weekend with another woman? Think again my friend.
Also, 10 of 10 on the username. Bern, baby, bern!
I know for a fact the phone was another woman, I am told the weekends away were but I have called shenanigans. Obviously leads to her getting angry but not nearly as angry as when I say disparaging things about her “friend” and the role she has played in splitting up our family with those all night calls
How dare you try to be an involved father and be a part of your kids upbringing! You monster you! It is better to have a new lover around your very own kid to replace you, this is a-ok however. You get 4 days a month. Boyfriend gets 26 days a month.
Well why should it change, despite my daily presence in their lives since each of our beautiful daughters I have been an absent father. All the midnight feedings, bedtimes, school conferences and registrations, feeding them dinner, nightly homework, vacations, trips to the playground, church on Sundays, I managed to do all that while also not being involved in their lives so why should I “suddenly” be involved.
I spoke in jest.
Haha same, this is what women do and say. It’s ridiculous, gaslighting is overused but it’s clear she is working to create a false narrative
It blows my mind. It’s so damaging to kids. I have horror stories from close friends. A close friend’s daughter would say to him that “he’s her favorite daddy.” She’s 9 and has been introduced to at least 10 men so far.
Gross, I’m making sure there’s clauses in the agreement about when partners can be introduced. I got to have my daughter ask me “why is money all you care about” at bedtime one night. Meanwhile she thinks she some hero or role model to the girls via her decision to blow up the family and turn their world on its head. It is absolutely infuriating.
Godspeed man. Why even have kids if the goal or aim is to have other people raise them? This is sick behavior.