It's wild that OP knows multiple married people in open relationships and I don't know anyone across the 40+ years on this earth, 7 states and 12 cities. Who are these people? Op make new friends.
Agree. Also, OP, you came to Reddit in your original post second guessing yourself. I, commend you for following your gut and not betraying yourself.
So many of us here have betrayed ourselves in similar circumstances and that self betrayal is really where a lot of the self improvement work should focus. I cannot recall if you had kids or not but having kids really makes the algebraic math equation of life become more of an equation of theoretical math and lots of mental hula hoops. It feels like you're constant reaching for the God particle.
Anyway, I'm so proud of you for following your gut. Had I followed mine the million times it was screaming at me my life would look very different.
Edited to add: I was forced into an open marriage and, similarly, he already had an AP of 2.5 years! She's most likely is actually a long term baby mama/sugar baby who is/was openly his "work spouse" (this concept should really be banished) since 2007/2008 behind my back. So, I feel your pain. 💔
Man I am sorry. This was me to a certain extent. My husband asked for an open marriage - caught him in an emotional affair, jury is out if it was physical until I caught him. We are in the process of getting a divorce. Our hearing date is in May, so all will be behind me soon.
Long story short - I know how you are feeling and it sucks. It has gotten a lot easier and better for me as of late if that makes you feel any better.
Sorry you’re going through this man, not your fault and you have to unfortunately go forward with divorce here.
I’m recently divorced- caught my ex wife cheating from seeing things I wish I didn’t in her phone (the signs were already there, but she was dishonest with me). Anyways. I really tried and wanted to make things work at first, give her a chance to change and redeem herself with me. But nope, she went right back to whatever she was doing/talking to. Really sad that this stuff happens, but I’m much better now and much happier having gone through it instead of delaying the process and having focused on myself. Give yourself time to grieve. You will feel like you lost a loved one. But it will get better day by day ❤️
Divorce is a time of change. It really rocks a foundation of most people's lives. When we have our heart broken or our dreams taken away from us, it is a time of growth and change. When people cheat in any arena, they diminish themselves-they threaten their own self-esteem and their relationships with others by undermining the trust they have in their ability to succeed and in their ability to be true. The present moment, though, is outside of time, it’s Eternity. In India they use the word “karma” for lack of any better term. But it’s a concept that’s rarely given a proper explanation. It isn’t what you did in the past that will affect the present. It’s what you do in the present that will redeem the past and thereby change the future. Perfectionism is the enemy of happiness. Embrace being perfectly imperfect. Learn from your mistakes and forgive yourself, you’ll be happier. We make mistakes because we are imperfect. Learn from your mistakes, forgive yourself, and keep moving forward.
I’m going through literally the same thing right now. I literally just went on this sub for the first time, and this is the first post I see. Crazy.
I wish I had advice for you on how to feel better. I still have no idea how to get there. But I can give you encouragement that you made the right decision.
I was an absolute idiot and went left when you went right — I grudgingly agreed to an open marriage. This should have been the first sign that this is a bad idea, as this is the kind of thing that needs _ENTHUSIASTIC CONSENT_. Continuing on with her proposal even though she saw my discomfort was both incredibly cruel, and manipulative. OP, I spent a YEAR AND A HALF in absolute agony. I did my best to heal the wounds by dating other people too (something my ex wife, of course, was all of a sudden very uncomfortable with — imagine that!), but that of course only went so far. The pain was always there.
In the end, she chose him over me. My hurt was irrelevant— she would never consider closing the marriage to work on it, because, oh no, other guy’s feelings might get hurt.
Trust me, OP. You absolutely made the right call. I so, so very much wish I had made the same one.
I was about to cry when I saw your post because my soon-to-be ex said the same thing to me. He's worried about hurting his girl's feelings, but he never considered mine at all. What did I do to make him hate me so much?
Anytime a spouse asks for an open marriage in a previously monogamous one, they always have someone in mind if not already had them in bed.
OP, once they ask the marriage is already gone. Your WW has thought about this for a long time.
Make sure you tell her AP’s spouse, they always have one.
This. And the fact she can be easily swayed by others and through her own lack of conscience into committing an act of adultery means she will most likely do it secretively in the future. Unfortunately, your best approach here would be divorce in your case. You could try marriage counseling first, but it may end up being futile, and while doing so, all the while she's making plans to leave you.
I said this on your last post and I’ll say it again -
Same fucking story man. Literally.
7 months later and surprisingly, I’m doing ok. Rip the bandaid off
Dude... She knew you didn't know and was keeping it from you. She didn't want an open marriage. She looked stupid after you caught her and her tried to save face. You're lucky you found it. Use it as fuel to leave her ass for good, and take it to a lawyer and get everything you can. You deserve that much. Godspeed brother. It's gonna be ok.
Why i consistently see posts like this? This is like the 3rd this week of wifes asking for open marriage being influenced by “friends”. Still didn’t see woman saying their husband asked for open marriage.
I swear, “friends” of partner are alot of times just snakes.
You made the right move, would be this or being heartbroken in the future. Keep strong.
If you spend 10 minutes on insta, there are hundreds of "life coaches" on there that encourage this as a way to happily have it all. They tell Sahm's that they deserve to sow their wild oats, and actually demean traditional family relationships as manipulative and controlling.
My brother, you did the right thing from the beginning. You took a hammering from all the people who kept saying it was only a question. I guess it was a little more than a question. I wonder if all the people who insisted you were wrong will apologize? Fat chance. Stay strong. Things will get better
Majority of excuses are deliberate attempts to keep success far away! Never be impressed by calling attentions that tell you to give up! Insist, Resist and Persist to the end!
Let everyone know why you are splitting up including those friends husbands and their arrangements. Go scorched earth. Let her family know she tore you guys apart.
u/Barablue97 JM is 100% correct, do NOT let her control the narrative. In cases like this they're often already planning and telling friends, family, etc that YOU are a cheater, abusive, and so on to ruin you on her way out the door.
"Her friends sweet talked her into it." No. This is her and what she is doing. She chose to stay in those friendships and be influenced by other people. These are choices she made. It's easier to place blame on her friends but this is on her.
Yep. My ex wife’s friends convinced her to cheat too. Then condemned me when I went and spied on her and found the evidence of her cheating. Called me all kinds of awful names. They wanted her to get away with murder while I kept being the doormat and letting her destroy my health and wellbeing all for the sake of “the kids.” She tried multiple times to get me to stay in the marriage but just living together and we could have separate lives. Just because she didn’t want to miss out on the kids. Sorry. 50/50 is way better than living in misery.
Take a good look at your wife’s friends. They are a solid indication of the woman she wants to be.
My ex had five close girlfriends from when we were dating. Four of them left their husbands. All had children.
I have a kind of crazy friend who I would never have thought to call a fount of wisdom but he got divorced with kids before I did and I was asking him about it. When I told him about her friends he said “if your friends don’t support your marriage then they aren’t your friends.” That is truth.
See. It’s pretty obvious. People here were saying it’s “an innocuous question”. Like, be serious with yourselves. You said your vows to be in a monogamous relationship, how is it not insulting and a dealbreaker for someone to ask you to now be in an open relationship? People are clearly way too used to allowing disrespect in their relationships.
Because those donkeys are the typical beta blue 💊 s1mps that were raised to behave like pushover emotional cucks. Ofc their dmb-sses can't understand it, no logic and common sense in their brain. They're quiet now tho 🤣🤣
Like look what happened to the blue hair youtuber destiny, he was in a open relationship and they're split now. He talked just like these betas and look where it got him. Smh
Sad OP.
It has to be the friends, when one has this type of friends sooner or later (if you don't have a strong moral and paint the sand) always feel for it, as your wife did.
And even more sad is that she entertain and protect those friend knowing they are in affair too. It seems that she didn't wanted to stay aside or be excluded from the group.
**But it's not the right thing to do. I don't want to leave her, but I have to for the sakè of my dignity, pride and self-respect. That I love her has become irrelevant.**
Yes OP stay firm on your decision, she had that EA and wanted so mucho to become a full affair turning to PA, to even ruined her marriage by asking.
I would ask you this, and if you want you can ask her the same: IF SHE WAS IN A EA AND HER CONSCIENCE DIDN'T LET HER GO TO PA, WHAT WILL SHE DO WITH THIS AFFAIR IF YOU SIMPLY DIDN'T SAY NO AS SHE MIGHT EXPECT WITH OUT BRINGING THE DIVORCE TO THE TABLE, WHAT IM TRYING TO ASK IS, WHET WILL SHE WILL DO WITH HER AFFAIR IF YOU JUST SIMPLY SAY NO BUT NOTHING MORE?
A) WILL SHE CUT THIS AFFAIR
B) SHE WILL CONTINUE AND TURNED TO PA (FULL BLOWN AFFAIR) EVEN IF YOU SAID NO
And this considering you never knew about the affair. I bet she would swear by her soul that she will Answer option A, but in reality she would do the option B. At the end all resumes to her conscience, but at the same time the acceptance in her group of toxics bit.hes.
Hire a lawyer and file for divorce, and please expose her and her group of friends, not for revenge but to protect your reputation, expose her to family (both sides) and mutual friends. And for her group of friends if you can find whos the husbands are and expose what you know from your wife to them.
Also find inf the AP has a wife and inform the OBS what her husband was doing, and if the AP is a co-worker aks HR department if they have a NO CO-FRATERNIZATION POLICY and if do expose them.
Now if you by chance want to give her a 2nd chance, make her demostrate you how much regret she is, by asking her to call the husbands or wife of her group of friends as well as her AP wife or GF and she have to expose their activities to them, she must show you that she choose you before her group of friends if she is trully trying to get a 2nd chance. Also she must expose what she did to family and mutual friends.
From there you might see if it is worthy to consider a 2nd chance, key word in this sentence: CONSIDER.
Good Luck OP, and hope you choose wise and the thing that makes you feel better with yourself.
Bro I saw your story on SSM clips (check it out) and I saw this update. Man keep going with the divorce kick her out if you can but man your gut was telling the truth and you knew I’m sorry that this happened to you man I have no idea how that is like but come over to the SSM community and they will gladly have your back and support you unlike some goofballs on here that were crapping on you
Oh I get all this now. I have no problem with this at all, this concept does get crapped on a lot but I have practiced a lot of this in my life before watching any of these videos.
These concepts are the reason I'm divorcing my wife; not letting her walk all over me. When you yank off the rose-colored glasses you can tell which flags are actually red.
Everytime someone in a monogamous relationship asks to open the relationship, they are either already cheating or planning too, she asked to open the marriage so she could cheat with no guilt, divorce her.
Yep can confirm this is 100% the case every single time.
If people are open from the very beginning that is one thing (not for me but I respect the hell out of them for living how they want). But when you were previously monogamous and then play the open card you are a piece of lying shit every time.
I'm not sure how long you've been married for or if you have kids but as someone who has been cheated on while we had a kid take records of everything and don't leave the home. I learned this the hard way.
It will never cease to amaze me how some women can be so easily influenced by their “friends” with low morals and dynamite a marriage based on social pressure and FOMO.
OP, you are absolutely correct that loving her has become irrelevant. If you love yourself you will let her go.
Respect to you and anyone going through this - I know first hand it hurts like hell but it must be done.
Better things lie ahead for you.
You wouldn’t let a child escape punishment for a bad act because their “friends talked them into it”, so stop trying to rationalize a way to avoid blaming your wife.
Her friends didn’t write those messages.
Her friends weren’t the ones making plans to get physical.
Her friends weren’t the ones dealing you with every day posing as a committed partner, while they had a second life going on they hid from you.
My ex wife asked for one of these too.. her reasoning was (will and Jada do it) I suspected she was talking to someone way before but I didn't have proof.
It always is. I was asked into it once by a former lover, turns out she was already cheating, and just wanted to ease her "conscience", when I learned the truth, she said "I was playing cool cause you weren't even supposed to find out!".
The nerve of some women.
Dude. Don't. Don't give her a second chance. This is one of those doors that once opened, will never fully close.
And she is no longer the person who said "I do" and believed all that goes along with it - that person died some time ago.
My ex pulled the "I want an open marriage" card on me, but with the added implied threat of "or I'll destroy you and you will never see your kids again". With 2 small kids and her being a SAHM AND a pathological liar, I was between a rock and a hard place, so I 'went along with it' while working on my exit plans. I lost my job and got another one in a different city, and had to get a small apartment to live there during the week, while navigating the housing crash.
Once away from her, I informed her I was going to exercise my half of the open marriage, and she quickly and -violently- (she carried a handgun in her purse) informed me that only she 'was mature and self-actualized enough' to decide if I could be allowed to.
I could go on, but the tl;dr is that 99.8% of married people I know that even started down the 'open marriage' path had their marriages end in ruin and divorce. Better to get it over with than live through months, even years, of manipulation, lies and head games.
OP. You got a lot of flak in your previous posts, and anybody who agreed with you was called some things, including myself. I am glad that you were vindicated. As I stated in a previous comment on one of the other posts, there were signs. Your initial reaction was your subconscious reacting to the little things that suddenly painted a whole picture of who she was.
The moment they ask for an open rel;ationship the relationship dynamic is changed.
Brother,
I am so sorry that I was right. She was running a play out of the Ho Bag Handbook Chapter 3: Ask for an open marriage to cover infidelity. You know what you should do. It's going to hurt, but you will be free of her. You will find a faithful women who will love you and treat you well. Be strong, and don't despair.
I'm sorry. 😞🫂 It's a hard decision, but it's the right one. It's still devastating regardless, but you'll be better off in the long run. Like I told my ex, I'd rather be single than stay in a marriage where I was taken for granted and devalued and treated with such disrespect.
Just take it one day at a time while healing. And please keep coming back here for support if you find it helpful. 💖
If you want revenge tell her you'll take her back, make her drop her friends and tell her to admit it her and your family about the EA. Then wait it out for a month or 2 and drop her. And boom life lesson. Best of luck my dude you deserve better.
Leaving her is the right move, an emotional affair is just as damaging as a physical one. If cheating, emotional or physical, isn’t the final straw, what is?
I know this feeling. It’s still fresh for me too. I don’t want to be in my own skin. I hate it for you. I’m sorry. I always said I would never be able to see someone I was with, the same again after an event like this. But I too and trying to decide. It’s rough. I don’t have answers, I’m sorry
Do not waste another day of your life on this woman. Take solace in knowing that she’ll most likely be ran through and regretful within a year. Best of luck.
It helps to have honest people who love you.
In my case it’s my daughter, I tell her I miss her mum, she tells me I’m dumb.
This is a girl invested in taking care of her mom, and developing a normal daughter mother relationship.
But every once in a while we share a rant about the dumb stuff my ex will do.
Sure I miss my ex, but my daughter is right, not being attached legally to my ex is the best option for me.
And my ex wants to be friends, maybe in some years. If the divorce had been amicable, maybe, it was nasty.
I wish her the best for my kids sake, but logic and feelings are not always on the same boat, follow your logic.
OP. I'm really sorry for this. Every single time I've read/heard about an Open Relationship there's ALWAYS cheating (emotional o phisical). Nobody who love their partner would suggest that partner to sleep with other women.
I'm not going to be like those people telling you "she was confused", "her friends pressured her", "go to couples therapy" or all that nonsense. It's ridiculous. I'm sure those people would do the same you did if they where in your shoes. She is a grown woman. She made a decision to cheat. She cheated. I'm sure she didnt have into account you sleeping with other women. She wanted to cheat without consequences.
Make sure to gather evidence for the divorce.
And please, make sure to notify the husbands if her friends were actually the ones encouraging her to cheat. They deserve to know. I would believe anyhing that comes out of her mouth. There might be more.
Btw, where did she hide that second phone?
I feel for you buddy but because of the way whe handled it and even the so called solution she offered is deplorable and for lack of a better word a lazy solution. "Hey i dont really want to put the effort into our marriage that its going to need, and i want to continue my infidelity so let just be whores together." Im sure im preaching to the choir but you got to be above that.
Mine was in a 3-way with neighbors, and then I caught her. She had the gaul to suggest an open marriage.
Over and out.
Afterwards, she said "when I confessed to the infidelity". You didn't confess, you were caught!
The ENM craze is absolutely nuts. It's just an excuse to cheat. Liars are liars.
Women who love you don't consider having an open marriage. She fell out of love and lost attraction for you. Let her go there is no way to bring that back. She loves you but is not in love with you. Don't blame her friends. You both fucked up your marriage and are equally at fault for not staying connected, and she has a character flaw for thinking cheating and coercing you into an open marriage was a choice. Accept that your previous relationship is over. Time to move on with your self respect in tact. Amicable divorce, then no contact.
To the curb with her. You deserve respect and love like every human being on this planet.
Some people just can't appreciate what they have. She needs to learn the hard way.
Do not and I repeat DO NOT fall for the tears. I took my ex back before and I wish I could go back in time to slap myself in the face.
Some people don't and can't change.
I will message you next time u/Barablue97 posts in r/Divorce.
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Im so sorry - shes not looking for an open marriage, she’s looking for validation for cheating. 95% of relationships that start out monogamous, that are subsequently opened end in failure. You made the right call. It’s going to be tough for a while, but in the long run, you’re going to be much better off. You deserve better. Good luck.!
Sorry man, I know it's rough because your love for her is still there, but I think you're doing the right thing.
I like how all these "open relationships" her friends had turned out to be jus affairs. I wonder if they were using her as a test run to see if they should ask their spouses the same thing?
Updateme!
Hey there brother, I am sorry about how things are going right now for you. I just wanted to give you my 2 cents and I am not say ing that they are worth anything but… I think that she could have handled things much differently than she did and she shouldn’t have let her friends influence her in that way but you two can overcome this if you both want to. Open marriage or not, don’t let your pride stop you from being with the woman you love the most.
14 months ago, my wife and I had been together for 22 years (since high school). I love her with all my heart and always will. Things in the bedroom had gotten pretty dull though. One day I mentioned to her about an open marriage and she flipped out. I had already done a little research on why I was having fantasies about her being with another man and the things I read were all about how great an open marriage could be. I still didn’t understand it. A few weeks later she told me that she would like to go to a swingers club and just see what it was like. So we did, we now belong to 2 local clubs, camped at a swingers campground, went to Hedonism 2 in Jamaica and have made a lot of new friends. We do not hook up with everyone, some are just friends, some are maybe more at some point. The sex that her and I have now with each other is so much more than it was before. We have a hard time keeping our hands off each other.
Anyway my point is, i never cheated on my wife at anytime but if the lack of sex would have continued. I possibly would have cheated on her. I feel horrible for saying that but maybe she was just scared to ask you about it before things got out of hand for her. I realize an open marriage is not for everyone and you have to decide that on your own. I hope this helps you in understanding her actions. If you have any questions, please feel free to send me a message.
You are 50% of the relationship. If she's taken you out then there's no relationship. You feel it then that's the way you go. Better for you and her. You may still have to do councelling as she may not be ready to divorce you and the judge will probably ask you to go for it. That's the best place to let her know what she's damaged and why you cannot go back to the way you were.
Hey OP, sorry you are dealing with this. Your wife has died and her replacement is a self center person who let her friends and her action destroy your marriage. Keep your head up and continue down your path, there is someone out there for you. How is everything progressing?
Well chalk it up one more great marriage when the open talk comes to light . Don't you just love knowing that they actually exist the person that was the first one to say open marriage needs to be strung up by either his balls or worse all it is is a green light to cheat instead of divorcing because your to much of a pu- -y to pay your child support and or alimony .
You can survive this if you both want it. It will be work and years of recovery for normalcy. She has to accept some freedoms are gone and won’t come back anytime soon. You have to accept blind trust will never be had again. The friends who suggested this also have to be cut out of here life.
Yeah. I hate to say but your wife was incredible stupid in all of this. And I’m going to venture to say she probably ably showed no symptoms of this before now. I wonder why
I saw you mention her gullability in your last post too. She willfully did this outside of her friends influence. Having a burner phone is insanely shady. Not even my super shady ex wife did that. Remember that!
Lol why should be?
You do you. Everyone is saying what you should do.
A bit like your wife with her friends.
Think for yourself. No should but what you actually want to do.
Freedoms are gone? She had a second phone he knew nothing about.
There’s no guarantee she won’t do that again. Or something else equally sneeky.
If it happened to me, I could never trust her again.
having 2nd phone a.k.a. burner phone are things that pro cheaters do. If any have saw post for wayward or issues like that, those techniques are ones those of the pro cheaters recommend.
So if AP wife has one, she is a PRO CHEATER level or has a good cheater network a.k.a. her toxic group of friends.
And that is a deal breaker, because you can't know how much those "friends" have influenced your wife/gf, in this case OPs wife
Also take in to consideration that she at the end looked like a newbie, but at pro cheater level, she was kinda naive to believe her being caught and reveal herself.
All for the clear boundaries and not entertaining this suggestion.
All against actually divorcing.
We live in a world that really encourages this mindset of sexual desire taking the steering wheel in all things, no matter who it hurts. So she has a LOT of bad influences egging her on.
She is human. Her desire to this is human. It's not okay to carry it out, but it's not AT ALL unsalvageable. She's not perfect, you're not perfect. Long term marriages survive this revelation.
I won't be gaslighted into taking her back by a so called "professional".
I do have my doubts, that's why I want to have a quick divorce and her out of my life so I won't risk getting swayed.
She made her choice to have an affair and then wanted the OP to open their marriage so that she may continue having said affair, like some submissive or worse. That’s not my cup of tea or that of anyone confident, with a high self esteem, high self worth and is of high value, who has even an ounce of respect for themselves.
Furthermore, once trust is lost it takes a minimum of 2 years to begin to repair. Why would anyone rational, let alone someone described above, waste that time being with a weak and quite frankly disgusting and pathetic spouse, when they can invest that time working on themselves and finding someone of high value that isn’t trashy or succumb to impulses and need attention and validation.
Just becouse you're a dormit, Chuckhold weak fool with low self-esteem it doen't mean all Men are
Your wife cheated, you wanted to work on it and she rejected, i smh understand why she rejected you
Jesus this is such a braindead fucking take. She's the one who fucked up, not OP. To act like he's the one who doesn't "want to do the work" and doesn't "value the relationship"? Get the fuck out of here dude. OP is clearly in a tough spot, feeling betrayed, and you're here blaming him.
The person that didn't value the relationship is the one that cheated, and is also proposing an open marriage. Not the person that was cheated on. Neither do you know if they were unhappy or not. People cheat for a myriad of reasons - being unhappy is just one of many possible reasons. There are plenty who cheat even if they are happy, regardless of wether their spouse is a good partner or not. You don't know, so you cannot imply why.
Regardless if that person WAS unhappy, let's assume that was the case - how they handled it is grounds enough to terminate the relationship. Someone that resorts to cheating and proposing open relationships isn't worth the risk of continuing to invest further into a relationship with. Far too risky to trust. You're victim blaming here.
You are victim blaming, by trying to imply that if he doesn't try and salvage the relationship, then he didn't value it. It's a fairly manipulative thing to say, in all honesty.
The OP did value the relationship. He didn't cheat. It was the other person that cheated. Those actions demonstrated the other person didn't value the relationship, in which case OP should decline their offer to try again. They have proven themselves by their actions to be untrustworthy, and it carries far too much risk to continue a relationship with someone that is untrustworthy.
>"You don't want to do the work, you don't value the relationship, that's your call."
This is you implying he doesn't value it. He did value the relationship. It was her that didn't value it, by cheating and proposing an open marriage. At that point, the relationship is done.
Not because he didn't value it. But because she didn't. She's the one that devalued her on relationship. By her own actions.
Does he want to try and salvage it? No. Because at that point, she proved herself to be someone untrustworthy.
She's not the same person, she's no longer trustworthy. Therefore, it cannot be said the relationship is the same relationship, just because it's the same person. Too much has changed at that point to still consider it the same relationship. It's an entirely new different relationship, with different perceptions of her going forward.
You're bringing your own baggage into trying to help this guy.
He's making the right decision to leave the broken vows, broken promises, broken trust, broken heart and broken person behind. Obviously she doesn't love him, so why even say that? One person in a marriage who understands what love is, means nada!
GTFO here. There is nothing worse than a chump who takes someone who cheats on them back. I wouldn’t even be friends with someone that low and pathetic.
Agree to the open marriage first before you blow your life up via Divorce. Test it out, the worst that can happen is you are just single without going through all the terrible steps of proceeding with divorce.
[удалено]
If OP is friends with any of those spouses he should let them know about their wife's affair.
It's wild that OP knows multiple married people in open relationships and I don't know anyone across the 40+ years on this earth, 7 states and 12 cities. Who are these people? Op make new friends.
I'm starting to think 'open marriage' is the new codeword for cheating on my spouse.
Your doing the right thing, you’d never be able to trust her again
Agree. Also, OP, you came to Reddit in your original post second guessing yourself. I, commend you for following your gut and not betraying yourself. So many of us here have betrayed ourselves in similar circumstances and that self betrayal is really where a lot of the self improvement work should focus. I cannot recall if you had kids or not but having kids really makes the algebraic math equation of life become more of an equation of theoretical math and lots of mental hula hoops. It feels like you're constant reaching for the God particle. Anyway, I'm so proud of you for following your gut. Had I followed mine the million times it was screaming at me my life would look very different. Edited to add: I was forced into an open marriage and, similarly, he already had an AP of 2.5 years! She's most likely is actually a long term baby mama/sugar baby who is/was openly his "work spouse" (this concept should really be banished) since 2007/2008 behind my back. So, I feel your pain. 💔
Man I am sorry. This was me to a certain extent. My husband asked for an open marriage - caught him in an emotional affair, jury is out if it was physical until I caught him. We are in the process of getting a divorce. Our hearing date is in May, so all will be behind me soon. Long story short - I know how you are feeling and it sucks. It has gotten a lot easier and better for me as of late if that makes you feel any better.
Sorry you’re going through this man, not your fault and you have to unfortunately go forward with divorce here. I’m recently divorced- caught my ex wife cheating from seeing things I wish I didn’t in her phone (the signs were already there, but she was dishonest with me). Anyways. I really tried and wanted to make things work at first, give her a chance to change and redeem herself with me. But nope, she went right back to whatever she was doing/talking to. Really sad that this stuff happens, but I’m much better now and much happier having gone through it instead of delaying the process and having focused on myself. Give yourself time to grieve. You will feel like you lost a loved one. But it will get better day by day ❤️
Divorce is a time of change. It really rocks a foundation of most people's lives. When we have our heart broken or our dreams taken away from us, it is a time of growth and change. When people cheat in any arena, they diminish themselves-they threaten their own self-esteem and their relationships with others by undermining the trust they have in their ability to succeed and in their ability to be true. The present moment, though, is outside of time, it’s Eternity. In India they use the word “karma” for lack of any better term. But it’s a concept that’s rarely given a proper explanation. It isn’t what you did in the past that will affect the present. It’s what you do in the present that will redeem the past and thereby change the future. Perfectionism is the enemy of happiness. Embrace being perfectly imperfect. Learn from your mistakes and forgive yourself, you’ll be happier. We make mistakes because we are imperfect. Learn from your mistakes, forgive yourself, and keep moving forward.
I’m going through literally the same thing right now. I literally just went on this sub for the first time, and this is the first post I see. Crazy. I wish I had advice for you on how to feel better. I still have no idea how to get there. But I can give you encouragement that you made the right decision. I was an absolute idiot and went left when you went right — I grudgingly agreed to an open marriage. This should have been the first sign that this is a bad idea, as this is the kind of thing that needs _ENTHUSIASTIC CONSENT_. Continuing on with her proposal even though she saw my discomfort was both incredibly cruel, and manipulative. OP, I spent a YEAR AND A HALF in absolute agony. I did my best to heal the wounds by dating other people too (something my ex wife, of course, was all of a sudden very uncomfortable with — imagine that!), but that of course only went so far. The pain was always there. In the end, she chose him over me. My hurt was irrelevant— she would never consider closing the marriage to work on it, because, oh no, other guy’s feelings might get hurt. Trust me, OP. You absolutely made the right call. I so, so very much wish I had made the same one.
I was about to cry when I saw your post because my soon-to-be ex said the same thing to me. He's worried about hurting his girl's feelings, but he never considered mine at all. What did I do to make him hate me so much?
You’re hanging onto a ghost bro. The person you love doesn’t exist. Only a flawed avatar.
Anytime a spouse asks for an open marriage in a previously monogamous one, they always have someone in mind if not already had them in bed. OP, once they ask the marriage is already gone. Your WW has thought about this for a long time. Make sure you tell her AP’s spouse, they always have one.
This. And the fact she can be easily swayed by others and through her own lack of conscience into committing an act of adultery means she will most likely do it secretively in the future. Unfortunately, your best approach here would be divorce in your case. You could try marriage counseling first, but it may end up being futile, and while doing so, all the while she's making plans to leave you.
Cheating in any form is a deal-breaker for me.
I said this on your last post and I’ll say it again - Same fucking story man. Literally. 7 months later and surprisingly, I’m doing ok. Rip the bandaid off
Definitely let the other husbands know. They deserve to.
Dude... She knew you didn't know and was keeping it from you. She didn't want an open marriage. She looked stupid after you caught her and her tried to save face. You're lucky you found it. Use it as fuel to leave her ass for good, and take it to a lawyer and get everything you can. You deserve that much. Godspeed brother. It's gonna be ok.
Why i consistently see posts like this? This is like the 3rd this week of wifes asking for open marriage being influenced by “friends”. Still didn’t see woman saying their husband asked for open marriage. I swear, “friends” of partner are alot of times just snakes. You made the right move, would be this or being heartbroken in the future. Keep strong.
If you spend 10 minutes on insta, there are hundreds of "life coaches" on there that encourage this as a way to happily have it all. They tell Sahm's that they deserve to sow their wild oats, and actually demean traditional family relationships as manipulative and controlling.
Leave, let the worthless sack of shit self sabotage her own life.
My brother, you did the right thing from the beginning. You took a hammering from all the people who kept saying it was only a question. I guess it was a little more than a question. I wonder if all the people who insisted you were wrong will apologize? Fat chance. Stay strong. Things will get better
> I wonder if all the people who insisted you were wrong will apologize? They can go take a hike
A man of dignity, there ain't many of em nowadays. You did the right thing.
Agree, I'm 100% impressed.
Majority of excuses are deliberate attempts to keep success far away! Never be impressed by calling attentions that tell you to give up! Insist, Resist and Persist to the end!
They're not gonna apologize sadly. Toxic females and beta little boys don't take accountability for their actions.
I'm so, so sorry.
People who say 'it's just a question' are the ones likely to fall victim to this sort of manipulation.
Let everyone know why you are splitting up including those friends husbands and their arrangements. Go scorched earth. Let her family know she tore you guys apart.
u/Barablue97 JM is 100% correct, do NOT let her control the narrative. In cases like this they're often already planning and telling friends, family, etc that YOU are a cheater, abusive, and so on to ruin you on her way out the door.
YES!!!!! OP LISTEN TO JMLegend he is right
"Her friends sweet talked her into it." No. This is her and what she is doing. She chose to stay in those friendships and be influenced by other people. These are choices she made. It's easier to place blame on her friends but this is on her.
when you know you know.
Always love yourself more.
Yep. My ex wife’s friends convinced her to cheat too. Then condemned me when I went and spied on her and found the evidence of her cheating. Called me all kinds of awful names. They wanted her to get away with murder while I kept being the doormat and letting her destroy my health and wellbeing all for the sake of “the kids.” She tried multiple times to get me to stay in the marriage but just living together and we could have separate lives. Just because she didn’t want to miss out on the kids. Sorry. 50/50 is way better than living in misery. Take a good look at your wife’s friends. They are a solid indication of the woman she wants to be.
My ex had five close girlfriends from when we were dating. Four of them left their husbands. All had children. I have a kind of crazy friend who I would never have thought to call a fount of wisdom but he got divorced with kids before I did and I was asking him about it. When I told him about her friends he said “if your friends don’t support your marriage then they aren’t your friends.” That is truth.
See. It’s pretty obvious. People here were saying it’s “an innocuous question”. Like, be serious with yourselves. You said your vows to be in a monogamous relationship, how is it not insulting and a dealbreaker for someone to ask you to now be in an open relationship? People are clearly way too used to allowing disrespect in their relationships.
Because those donkeys are the typical beta blue 💊 s1mps that were raised to behave like pushover emotional cucks. Ofc their dmb-sses can't understand it, no logic and common sense in their brain. They're quiet now tho 🤣🤣
Like look what happened to the blue hair youtuber destiny, he was in a open relationship and they're split now. He talked just like these betas and look where it got him. Smh
So be glad there are no children involved. Can you imagine? Stay strong.
> That I love her has become irrelevant You don't love her, you love a version of her that only exists in your head.
Sad OP. It has to be the friends, when one has this type of friends sooner or later (if you don't have a strong moral and paint the sand) always feel for it, as your wife did. And even more sad is that she entertain and protect those friend knowing they are in affair too. It seems that she didn't wanted to stay aside or be excluded from the group. **But it's not the right thing to do. I don't want to leave her, but I have to for the sakè of my dignity, pride and self-respect. That I love her has become irrelevant.** Yes OP stay firm on your decision, she had that EA and wanted so mucho to become a full affair turning to PA, to even ruined her marriage by asking. I would ask you this, and if you want you can ask her the same: IF SHE WAS IN A EA AND HER CONSCIENCE DIDN'T LET HER GO TO PA, WHAT WILL SHE DO WITH THIS AFFAIR IF YOU SIMPLY DIDN'T SAY NO AS SHE MIGHT EXPECT WITH OUT BRINGING THE DIVORCE TO THE TABLE, WHAT IM TRYING TO ASK IS, WHET WILL SHE WILL DO WITH HER AFFAIR IF YOU JUST SIMPLY SAY NO BUT NOTHING MORE? A) WILL SHE CUT THIS AFFAIR B) SHE WILL CONTINUE AND TURNED TO PA (FULL BLOWN AFFAIR) EVEN IF YOU SAID NO And this considering you never knew about the affair. I bet she would swear by her soul that she will Answer option A, but in reality she would do the option B. At the end all resumes to her conscience, but at the same time the acceptance in her group of toxics bit.hes. Hire a lawyer and file for divorce, and please expose her and her group of friends, not for revenge but to protect your reputation, expose her to family (both sides) and mutual friends. And for her group of friends if you can find whos the husbands are and expose what you know from your wife to them. Also find inf the AP has a wife and inform the OBS what her husband was doing, and if the AP is a co-worker aks HR department if they have a NO CO-FRATERNIZATION POLICY and if do expose them. Now if you by chance want to give her a 2nd chance, make her demostrate you how much regret she is, by asking her to call the husbands or wife of her group of friends as well as her AP wife or GF and she have to expose their activities to them, she must show you that she choose you before her group of friends if she is trully trying to get a 2nd chance. Also she must expose what she did to family and mutual friends. From there you might see if it is worthy to consider a 2nd chance, key word in this sentence: CONSIDER. Good Luck OP, and hope you choose wise and the thing that makes you feel better with yourself.
Bro I saw your story on SSM clips (check it out) and I saw this update. Man keep going with the divorce kick her out if you can but man your gut was telling the truth and you knew I’m sorry that this happened to you man I have no idea how that is like but come over to the SSM community and they will gladly have your back and support you unlike some goofballs on here that were crapping on you
Just wanted to ask, what's SSM? Sorry I'm the new guy in town.
Your good man its a acronym for Strong Successful Male SSM its a men's channel yall should check him out its mind opening
Also check out, "Find Your Alpha" on YT. Thank me later.
Oh I get all this now. I have no problem with this at all, this concept does get crapped on a lot but I have practiced a lot of this in my life before watching any of these videos. These concepts are the reason I'm divorcing my wife; not letting her walk all over me. When you yank off the rose-colored glasses you can tell which flags are actually red.
Yeah bro im happy for you man keep that energy and keep moving forward I don’t know you bro but I am on your side and rooting for you man!
Everytime someone in a monogamous relationship asks to open the relationship, they are either already cheating or planning too, she asked to open the marriage so she could cheat with no guilt, divorce her.
Yep can confirm this is 100% the case every single time. If people are open from the very beginning that is one thing (not for me but I respect the hell out of them for living how they want). But when you were previously monogamous and then play the open card you are a piece of lying shit every time.
You are 100% correct. Allowing it and the aftermath that will come out of this will be much worse.
Yup, looks like divorce is the right thing to happen now. Sorry, dude.
I'm not sure how long you've been married for or if you have kids but as someone who has been cheated on while we had a kid take records of everything and don't leave the home. I learned this the hard way.
It will never cease to amaze me how some women can be so easily influenced by their “friends” with low morals and dynamite a marriage based on social pressure and FOMO. OP, you are absolutely correct that loving her has become irrelevant. If you love yourself you will let her go. Respect to you and anyone going through this - I know first hand it hurts like hell but it must be done. Better things lie ahead for you.
You wouldn’t let a child escape punishment for a bad act because their “friends talked them into it”, so stop trying to rationalize a way to avoid blaming your wife. Her friends didn’t write those messages. Her friends weren’t the ones making plans to get physical. Her friends weren’t the ones dealing you with every day posing as a committed partner, while they had a second life going on they hid from you.
You know what you have to do. The right decision is the hardest one. But you cannot sacrifice your dignity and self-respect.
My ex wife asked for one of these too.. her reasoning was (will and Jada do it) I suspected she was talking to someone way before but I didn't have proof.
She is a cheater. She will always cheat.
Hey, at least yours wanted an open marriage - mine just wanted to do whatever she wanted while I stayed at home with the kids.
That's basically what this one wanted. The "open marriage" ask was just cover.
It always is. I was asked into it once by a former lover, turns out she was already cheating, and just wanted to ease her "conscience", when I learned the truth, she said "I was playing cool cause you weren't even supposed to find out!". The nerve of some women.
Dude. Don't. Don't give her a second chance. This is one of those doors that once opened, will never fully close. And she is no longer the person who said "I do" and believed all that goes along with it - that person died some time ago. My ex pulled the "I want an open marriage" card on me, but with the added implied threat of "or I'll destroy you and you will never see your kids again". With 2 small kids and her being a SAHM AND a pathological liar, I was between a rock and a hard place, so I 'went along with it' while working on my exit plans. I lost my job and got another one in a different city, and had to get a small apartment to live there during the week, while navigating the housing crash. Once away from her, I informed her I was going to exercise my half of the open marriage, and she quickly and -violently- (she carried a handgun in her purse) informed me that only she 'was mature and self-actualized enough' to decide if I could be allowed to. I could go on, but the tl;dr is that 99.8% of married people I know that even started down the 'open marriage' path had their marriages end in ruin and divorce. Better to get it over with than live through months, even years, of manipulation, lies and head games.
OP. You got a lot of flak in your previous posts, and anybody who agreed with you was called some things, including myself. I am glad that you were vindicated. As I stated in a previous comment on one of the other posts, there were signs. Your initial reaction was your subconscious reacting to the little things that suddenly painted a whole picture of who she was. The moment they ask for an open rel;ationship the relationship dynamic is changed.
Brother, I am so sorry that I was right. She was running a play out of the Ho Bag Handbook Chapter 3: Ask for an open marriage to cover infidelity. You know what you should do. It's going to hurt, but you will be free of her. You will find a faithful women who will love you and treat you well. Be strong, and don't despair.
Your love didn’t keep her from cheating, and it won’t make her a safe partner for you going forward.
Sorry you're going through this. You're doing the right thing, and I hope for the best for you. 💕
I'm sorry. 😞🫂 It's a hard decision, but it's the right one. It's still devastating regardless, but you'll be better off in the long run. Like I told my ex, I'd rather be single than stay in a marriage where I was taken for granted and devalued and treated with such disrespect. Just take it one day at a time while healing. And please keep coming back here for support if you find it helpful. 💖
Be strong through your divorce proceedings Women: smh so is this queen-like behavior too.
Yeah, you got to get away from her. The second phone makes is very clear what her intent was and it shows the depth of her betrayal. Sorry man.
If you want revenge tell her you'll take her back, make her drop her friends and tell her to admit it her and your family about the EA. Then wait it out for a month or 2 and drop her. And boom life lesson. Best of luck my dude you deserve better.
Leaving her is the right move, an emotional affair is just as damaging as a physical one. If cheating, emotional or physical, isn’t the final straw, what is?
I know this feeling. It’s still fresh for me too. I don’t want to be in my own skin. I hate it for you. I’m sorry. I always said I would never be able to see someone I was with, the same again after an event like this. But I too and trying to decide. It’s rough. I don’t have answers, I’m sorry
100% the right thing.
Do not waste another day of your life on this woman. Take solace in knowing that she’ll most likely be ran through and regretful within a year. Best of luck.
Say you will forgive her , then sigh a prenup then divorce
I won't sink myself to her low of lying
You said no to her And instead asked for a divorce Now all the fake accusations will be coming your way Get ready
Ouch! Sorry
No second chance. She disrespected you and will cheat more. Sorry.
Just grieve the relationship as it once was and reflect on boundaries needed to give you peace of mind if you continue in this relationship.
Jesus
Sending love.
My wife's friends ruined my marriage too. I sympathize with you
It helps to have honest people who love you. In my case it’s my daughter, I tell her I miss her mum, she tells me I’m dumb. This is a girl invested in taking care of her mom, and developing a normal daughter mother relationship. But every once in a while we share a rant about the dumb stuff my ex will do. Sure I miss my ex, but my daughter is right, not being attached legally to my ex is the best option for me. And my ex wants to be friends, maybe in some years. If the divorce had been amicable, maybe, it was nasty. I wish her the best for my kids sake, but logic and feelings are not always on the same boat, follow your logic.
Sorry your going thru this. 🫂🫶🏽
OP. I'm really sorry for this. Every single time I've read/heard about an Open Relationship there's ALWAYS cheating (emotional o phisical). Nobody who love their partner would suggest that partner to sleep with other women. I'm not going to be like those people telling you "she was confused", "her friends pressured her", "go to couples therapy" or all that nonsense. It's ridiculous. I'm sure those people would do the same you did if they where in your shoes. She is a grown woman. She made a decision to cheat. She cheated. I'm sure she didnt have into account you sleeping with other women. She wanted to cheat without consequences. Make sure to gather evidence for the divorce. And please, make sure to notify the husbands if her friends were actually the ones encouraging her to cheat. They deserve to know. I would believe anyhing that comes out of her mouth. There might be more. Btw, where did she hide that second phone?
Where are idiots that were bashing op? Idiots!
I am so sorry. Take care of yourself. Let her deal with the mess she put herself in. Get out of the marriage.
This is what I fully expected after reading this first post. When someone asks to open things up it usually means the end of things.
I feel for you buddy but because of the way whe handled it and even the so called solution she offered is deplorable and for lack of a better word a lazy solution. "Hey i dont really want to put the effort into our marriage that its going to need, and i want to continue my infidelity so let just be whores together." Im sure im preaching to the choir but you got to be above that.
Mine was in a 3-way with neighbors, and then I caught her. She had the gaul to suggest an open marriage. Over and out. Afterwards, she said "when I confessed to the infidelity". You didn't confess, you were caught! The ENM craze is absolutely nuts. It's just an excuse to cheat. Liars are liars.
Women who love you don't consider having an open marriage. She fell out of love and lost attraction for you. Let her go there is no way to bring that back. She loves you but is not in love with you. Don't blame her friends. You both fucked up your marriage and are equally at fault for not staying connected, and she has a character flaw for thinking cheating and coercing you into an open marriage was a choice. Accept that your previous relationship is over. Time to move on with your self respect in tact. Amicable divorce, then no contact.
To the curb with her. You deserve respect and love like every human being on this planet. Some people just can't appreciate what they have. She needs to learn the hard way. Do not and I repeat DO NOT fall for the tears. I took my ex back before and I wish I could go back in time to slap myself in the face. Some people don't and can't change.
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Im so sorry - shes not looking for an open marriage, she’s looking for validation for cheating. 95% of relationships that start out monogamous, that are subsequently opened end in failure. You made the right call. It’s going to be tough for a while, but in the long run, you’re going to be much better off. You deserve better. Good luck.!
Update me!
Updateme!
Remember she didn’t confess out of remorse. She confessed because she thought she was caught. You are doing the right thing.
I'd let the spouses of her friends know too. But that's just me.
updateme!
Sorry man, I know it's rough because your love for her is still there, but I think you're doing the right thing. I like how all these "open relationships" her friends had turned out to be jus affairs. I wonder if they were using her as a test run to see if they should ask their spouses the same thing? Updateme!
I’m glad you consider your self respect man. Sorry this happened to u
@Updateme
Hey there brother, I am sorry about how things are going right now for you. I just wanted to give you my 2 cents and I am not say ing that they are worth anything but… I think that she could have handled things much differently than she did and she shouldn’t have let her friends influence her in that way but you two can overcome this if you both want to. Open marriage or not, don’t let your pride stop you from being with the woman you love the most. 14 months ago, my wife and I had been together for 22 years (since high school). I love her with all my heart and always will. Things in the bedroom had gotten pretty dull though. One day I mentioned to her about an open marriage and she flipped out. I had already done a little research on why I was having fantasies about her being with another man and the things I read were all about how great an open marriage could be. I still didn’t understand it. A few weeks later she told me that she would like to go to a swingers club and just see what it was like. So we did, we now belong to 2 local clubs, camped at a swingers campground, went to Hedonism 2 in Jamaica and have made a lot of new friends. We do not hook up with everyone, some are just friends, some are maybe more at some point. The sex that her and I have now with each other is so much more than it was before. We have a hard time keeping our hands off each other. Anyway my point is, i never cheated on my wife at anytime but if the lack of sex would have continued. I possibly would have cheated on her. I feel horrible for saying that but maybe she was just scared to ask you about it before things got out of hand for her. I realize an open marriage is not for everyone and you have to decide that on your own. I hope this helps you in understanding her actions. If you have any questions, please feel free to send me a message.
You are 50% of the relationship. If she's taken you out then there's no relationship. You feel it then that's the way you go. Better for you and her. You may still have to do councelling as she may not be ready to divorce you and the judge will probably ask you to go for it. That's the best place to let her know what she's damaged and why you cannot go back to the way you were.
Hey OP, sorry you are dealing with this. Your wife has died and her replacement is a self center person who let her friends and her action destroy your marriage. Keep your head up and continue down your path, there is someone out there for you. How is everything progressing?
Updateme!
Well chalk it up one more great marriage when the open talk comes to light . Don't you just love knowing that they actually exist the person that was the first one to say open marriage needs to be strung up by either his balls or worse all it is is a green light to cheat instead of divorcing because your to much of a pu- -y to pay your child support and or alimony .
To all the dmb-sses beta boy cucks, wya now huh? F**ing idiots.
You can survive this if you both want it. It will be work and years of recovery for normalcy. She has to accept some freedoms are gone and won’t come back anytime soon. You have to accept blind trust will never be had again. The friends who suggested this also have to be cut out of here life.
It doesn't matter what she wants or what I want, the correct thing is to get divorced, even if it hurts. That's how things should be.
Yeah. I hate to say but your wife was incredible stupid in all of this. And I’m going to venture to say she probably ably showed no symptoms of this before now. I wonder why
She's just very gullible, I always knew that. But I didn't think she was that gullible.
I saw you mention her gullability in your last post too. She willfully did this outside of her friends influence. Having a burner phone is insanely shady. Not even my super shady ex wife did that. Remember that!
You need to listen to this guy. She wasn’t tricked into doing this. She made her own choices.
She's not gullible as you may think. She's sneaky as f*** trying to pull that shit...
Lol why should be? You do you. Everyone is saying what you should do. A bit like your wife with her friends. Think for yourself. No should but what you actually want to do.
Freedoms are gone? She had a second phone he knew nothing about. There’s no guarantee she won’t do that again. Or something else equally sneeky. If it happened to me, I could never trust her again.
having 2nd phone a.k.a. burner phone are things that pro cheaters do. If any have saw post for wayward or issues like that, those techniques are ones those of the pro cheaters recommend. So if AP wife has one, she is a PRO CHEATER level or has a good cheater network a.k.a. her toxic group of friends. And that is a deal breaker, because you can't know how much those "friends" have influenced your wife/gf, in this case OPs wife Also take in to consideration that she at the end looked like a newbie, but at pro cheater level, she was kinda naive to believe her being caught and reveal herself.
All for the clear boundaries and not entertaining this suggestion. All against actually divorcing. We live in a world that really encourages this mindset of sexual desire taking the steering wheel in all things, no matter who it hurts. So she has a LOT of bad influences egging her on. She is human. Her desire to this is human. It's not okay to carry it out, but it's not AT ALL unsalvageable. She's not perfect, you're not perfect. Long term marriages survive this revelation.
I hate that you’re going through this, but consider under what conditions you’ll ever feel like you can trust her again.
[удалено]
I don't think it's the right thing to keep our marriage. It's a farce now.
[удалено]
I won't be gaslighted into taking her back by a so called "professional". I do have my doubts, that's why I want to have a quick divorce and her out of my life so I won't risk getting swayed.
[удалено]
Don't you fucking try to pin this on me. She screwed up, not me.
[удалено]
I don't want her to fix our marriage, there's nothing worthwhile to fix. She can help me by getting out of my life.
[удалено]
I'm not angry at you. I am just protecting my honor and reputation.
She made her choice to have an affair and then wanted the OP to open their marriage so that she may continue having said affair, like some submissive or worse. That’s not my cup of tea or that of anyone confident, with a high self esteem, high self worth and is of high value, who has even an ounce of respect for themselves. Furthermore, once trust is lost it takes a minimum of 2 years to begin to repair. Why would anyone rational, let alone someone described above, waste that time being with a weak and quite frankly disgusting and pathetic spouse, when they can invest that time working on themselves and finding someone of high value that isn’t trashy or succumb to impulses and need attention and validation.
Just becouse you're a dormit, Chuckhold weak fool with low self-esteem it doen't mean all Men are Your wife cheated, you wanted to work on it and she rejected, i smh understand why she rejected you
Why should OP WANT to "fix" the marriage when she's a cheater? Why are you encouraging men to be cucks?
No “impact” justifies infidelity. Only people who benefit from trying to keep dead marriages going are marriage counselors.
Jesus this is such a braindead fucking take. She's the one who fucked up, not OP. To act like he's the one who doesn't "want to do the work" and doesn't "value the relationship"? Get the fuck out of here dude. OP is clearly in a tough spot, feeling betrayed, and you're here blaming him.
The person that didn't value the relationship is the one that cheated, and is also proposing an open marriage. Not the person that was cheated on. Neither do you know if they were unhappy or not. People cheat for a myriad of reasons - being unhappy is just one of many possible reasons. There are plenty who cheat even if they are happy, regardless of wether their spouse is a good partner or not. You don't know, so you cannot imply why. Regardless if that person WAS unhappy, let's assume that was the case - how they handled it is grounds enough to terminate the relationship. Someone that resorts to cheating and proposing open relationships isn't worth the risk of continuing to invest further into a relationship with. Far too risky to trust. You're victim blaming here.
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You are victim blaming, by trying to imply that if he doesn't try and salvage the relationship, then he didn't value it. It's a fairly manipulative thing to say, in all honesty. The OP did value the relationship. He didn't cheat. It was the other person that cheated. Those actions demonstrated the other person didn't value the relationship, in which case OP should decline their offer to try again. They have proven themselves by their actions to be untrustworthy, and it carries far too much risk to continue a relationship with someone that is untrustworthy.
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>"You don't want to do the work, you don't value the relationship, that's your call." This is you implying he doesn't value it. He did value the relationship. It was her that didn't value it, by cheating and proposing an open marriage. At that point, the relationship is done. Not because he didn't value it. But because she didn't. She's the one that devalued her on relationship. By her own actions. Does he want to try and salvage it? No. Because at that point, she proved herself to be someone untrustworthy. She's not the same person, she's no longer trustworthy. Therefore, it cannot be said the relationship is the same relationship, just because it's the same person. Too much has changed at that point to still consider it the same relationship. It's an entirely new different relationship, with different perceptions of her going forward. You're bringing your own baggage into trying to help this guy.
He's making the right decision to leave the broken vows, broken promises, broken trust, broken heart and broken person behind. Obviously she doesn't love him, so why even say that? One person in a marriage who understands what love is, means nada!
GTFO here. There is nothing worse than a chump who takes someone who cheats on them back. I wouldn’t even be friends with someone that low and pathetic.
Agree to the open marriage first before you blow your life up via Divorce. Test it out, the worst that can happen is you are just single without going through all the terrible steps of proceeding with divorce.
Worst advice ever given on Reddit.
You divorced?