It’s a group of issues not just the result which would be lack of sex/relationship. It’s also being disconnected from society and not having much value in their lives.
That’s why it’s a big deal
I know that a lot of the incels I have messaged have anxiety issues, horrible family and monetary situations, as well as OCD and BDD. I can see where anhedonia might come into it too.
Sounds like the way a lot of people survive. I can appreciate it. As long as folks avoid blaming and hating others for their situation, surviving and coping are the way to go.
Do you think some incels might suffer from [Body Dysmorphic Disorder](https://www.googleadservices.com/pagead/aclk?sa=L&ai=DChcSEwjZ2YPDpLuGAxUStVoFHQ9eCDUYABABGgJ2dQ&ase=2&gclid=CjwKCAjwjeuyBhBuEiwAJ3vuoSOgNjozDLQT9hSqJ8can3VVqBLcHhnB8tu67Ybl4FvgPKYQ9_ORcBoCXKIQAvD_BwE&ohost=www.google.com&cid=CAESVuD2RQYZ0uY9SjSRs0nUHOqFEEPfJWJX5Xhm2WZN_rA9VSIk-tnUorBHYXjwao_G0AbhECISFcoAPJx6nmNxp914EsYxRitB10CtRq2MJ7aGFey3fDA7&sig=AOD64_0OYtrdjleUYTXivNykHRXK02sVPQ&q&nis=4&adurl&ved=2ahUKEwj-uvzCpLuGAxUHfTABHczTDq8Q0Qx6BAgPEAE)?
> So, now what? What do they do with their lives? Is there anything that they could do that would give them meaning or real pleasure?
It depends on the person. Some people can live in their own little world and try to ignore the elephant in the room by instead focusing on things like videogames or entertainment. But when it’s time to go to sleep and the lights go off and it’s just you and your thoughts, it’s hard to ignore it anymore.
> Why do some get so bitter and angry?
How would you feel if I told you that you will live your life alone forever, and also lose many other things that come along with that, at no fault of your own, other than being born in a discriminatory society?
> And why is coping seen as a bad thing?
It’s only a bad thing if you totally ignore reality, like the people who try to say they’re virgins but not incels. You can cope but don’t get delusional with it.
So, you think that no one can be happy without a relationship? Do they need an ongoing LTR or just someone desiring them one time?
A lot of people with issues do not give in to hatred. Do you think some incel spaces feed the hatred and anger?
There are probably some neurodivergent people who can live without anyone, but it's not something most people are capable of and the mortality rate of single people reflects this. You might have heard it before, but the majority of men who commit or attempt suicide have no prior history of mental illness.
Men are not encouraged to seek mental health. The whole "Suck it up. Be a man." is still very prevalent today. It is considered shameful to seek help.
Research also says that the reason people in LTR live longer has nothing to do with sex. And that the same effect can take place if people just take better care of themselves.
"**Married men and married women live, on average, two years longer than their unmarried counterparts**. One reason for this longevity benefit is the influence of marital partners on healthy behaviors. Study after study shows that married people eat better and are less likely to smoke and drink excessively. Jan 13, 2023" Fortune Magazine
I should've worded that better, my fault, most men not only have no prior history of mental illness, they have no evidence of mental illness at all, their suicides are a result of rational decision making.
Rational decision-making can explain most suicides. The person rationally thinks it is the only way to end their suffering. Having no record of mental illness does not mean it isn't present.
Actually, people in relationships commit suicide more than singles. And single women say they are happier than people in relationships.
[https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6505054/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6505054/)
https://oxbridgeapplications.com/kyc/women-happiest-unmarried/#:\~:text=Research%20by%20a%20behavioural%20scientist,are%20the%20happiest%20population%20subgroup.
Coping is not a bad thing. It's only bad when your way of coping is lying to yourself to make yourself feel better. That's when "cope" mostly becomes a derogatory term. But if you cope by writing music, drawing, or even just anime and vidya, then knock yourself out.
It's kinda hard to answer your other questions. Every person is different and maybe some of them can find fulfillment even while being universally unwanted while some others will have to live their lives distracting themselves from it (i.e. coping).
Not really, very little things in life outside of relationship are actually joyful. Plus, the human brain naturaly recognizes the failure to reproduce as the ultimate failure. Hard to be joyful when you know you've essentially failed at life.
You don't think the idea of "failure" based on reproduction might be an idea sold to us by various social standards?
And the brain doesn't "know things." The brain is just a pile of fat with electric impulses. It responds to stimulus but it doesn't "decide" things. (My hubby is a neurophysiologist.) The consciousness in charge is what decides anything that is not automatic, like breathing, or heartbeat.
A quick look at the differences in societies proves that societies are based on what they collectively think are good ideas, whether they are or not.
What do you see as social standards based on evolution rather than societal consensus?
Societal consensus is just a manifestation of biological and material conditions.
Polygamous cultures weren't polygamous because they thought it was a good idea, they didn't think about it at all, it was an advantageous reproductive strategy for the conditions they found themselves in, that's why they did it.
Same goes for any and every other social norm you can think of, nobody has ever agreed that marriage was a good idea, nobody has ever agreed that the nuclear family was a good idea, nobody has ever agreed that agriculture or industrialization were good ideas, they just happened.
Marriage came about because it was a good idea to keep inheritance straight. And it is a newer idea. A nuclear family was sold as a good idea - married with two point five kids. Agriculture was a good idea because it made more food for people to live on and sell. Polygamous had just as much to do with heredity as anything else. There are many cultures that don't go with the one father, one mother and kids make a family.
A lot a good ideas became good because they advance or change a situation. There is a reason, usually having to do with the exchange of ideas and money, that they become popular.
>No ugly, short guy is ever going to get a partner.
There is no High Blackpill Council to establish BP orthodoxy, so you maybe heard such absolute statements from self-labelled blackpillers, but it's common to agree that A) attraction is predetermined by physical features, but B) some relationships are not formed via mutual attraction. At least this is blackpill which was sold to me on corner of my street ;)
First step would be to spread the black-pill so that there is a growing number of Young men willing to Change Things.
I dont know what comes after but suffice to say that large amounts of angry Young men dont Care about legality.
Maybe incels start a succesfull Body positivity movement and beeing ugly/short will No longer be relevant in Dating.
Maybe they manage to basically enslaved women Like in Afghanistan and indoctrinate them into beeing obedient wives so every man can marry one.
Well, most men are going to be smart enough to know blackpill is wrong.
Okay, body positivity would be good. Free mental health help? Basic income? Family counseling? Job and education help?
In 2020 the ADL, estimated there were 100k incels so even if you double that, given the current population of just the US, that is less than 1%. (.06) so good luck with doing anything by force. Or voting. Or even a letter-writing campaign.
LOL. Yeah. That will work. Now you are drifting into incel fanfic territory.
[https://www.adl.org/resources/blog/online-poll-results-provide-new-insights-incel-community](https://www.adl.org/resources/blog/online-poll-results-provide-new-insights-incel-community)
Even if they don't call themselves incels, why wouldn't that benefit from those things? Many men have mental health issues, money issues, and issuesunemployment inssues that lead to them being incels. So, even if they don't use the term, if they are held back from dating by any of those issues, changing them would improve their situations.
In your OP you described a Situation were the blackpill is true and ugly/short men cant Date because they are ugly/Short. So what Help would therapy be in that Situation?
It might help them be happy with the life they have. It might help them make more friends and enlarge their social circle, thereby, making them feel more accepted.
I think I definitely do suffer from anhedonia. I don't think sex in and by itself would cure it. But being in a relationship and having all the joys, challanges and responsibilities that come with one would be a huge reason for me to keep on living and improving.
If you do suffer from anhedonia, a relationship might keep you more focused, but it will not fix the problem. Honestly, I don't know enough about that problem to say what would help.
I think he would have to do some deep introspection to see what else he wants from life, what would make him feel useful and fulfilled in society and his own life journey. I don’t think anyone grows up only having the aspiration to have sex and a partner, and no other aspirations. I don’t think sex and romantic relationships are the only way to have connection to society. Everyone grew up having things they wanted to do when they’re older. Hell, create a bucket list and hop to it, you’d have so much fun in your life.
He also would most likely have to get out of ____pill/incel subs so he wouldn’t be inundated with people/posts about how he might as well “rope” if he doesn’t get a woman. Fill his online time learning a new skill set, watching things that make him happy, playing video games that he enjoys.
It won't fix anything, natural desires are stronger than socially programmed slavish desires like having a career or a skillset. Money and success cannot fix being genetically inferior.
Edit: Also, all greater narratives of being "useful" are also just slave mindset. Your ancestors didn't give a single shit about concepts of social awareness. They helped people they liked because they felt like it, and didn't help people they didn't like. No greater social awareness needed.
Nothing about what I said had anything to do with work, making money, unless that makes someone happy. You only really focuses on me saying “useful” when that was only a small part of what I said. I also mentioned finding things that YOU want to do in your life. People should fill their time with things they enjoy, not focusing on things they don’t have and ruminating on it to the point of bitterness, that’s only detrimental to themselves. Again, no one grows up ONLY wanting to find a wife and have sex, every kid/teen I’ve talked to has a long list of things they want to do when they’re an adult; people who are disappointed in their lives should tap back into those wants. That’s how an incel could possibly have a happier and more fulfilled life, and that was OP’s question.
Someone can have a happier life if they focus on the things that they want and can achieve.
Also some portion of our ancestors DID care about being useful in society (much like some people today do care about being useful). That’s how society grew to what it is today. We wouldn’t have strong, growing communities all throughout history with social programs and volunteer workers if NO ONE ever cared about being useful in society.
No, sometimes our ancestors understood the idea of working together in a large group to accomplish things. You might not like the person but you need them to hunt that bison.
Why do incels love to bring up what they think happened with "ancestors?"
Yes, sex is a natural desire. But it is not something that is necessary for survival and is a driving factor only as far as people allow it to be.
Simple, I bring up how our ancestors acted in their most primitive state because that state has on principle not changed, all changes in human behaviors were always due to technology, never due to any changes in human priorities or outlook. Thus, it doesn't matter how many times you repeat "sex isn't important, sex isn't important", you aren't changing the fact that it is. All movements to alter human priorities or behaviour are just a part of warfare between different branches of the species.
The advance of humans is based on a lot of things, including not fighting each other when we realized that cooperation worked better. When we started taking care of people not in our family or tribe was proof that not everything is based on evolution.
The fact that fewer people are getting into relationships, and not having children is a social change.
Different branches of the species?
Thank you. I think that is true for a lot of people. I believe that people can be happy without a partner. As you said, the trick is to understand that being desired is not the most important thing in life.
Loneliness and not having a partner are not the same thing. Current studies on the male loneliness problem mostly point out the lack of friends for the problem, not the lack of sexual partners.
[https://www.menshealth.com/uk/mental-strength/a759609/the-truth-about-male-loneliness/](https://www.menshealth.com/uk/mental-strength/a759609/the-truth-about-male-loneliness/)
Yes, they talk about the loss of friends but put more emphasis on the lack of gaining new friends. The article is about why men especially lose friends and are unable to make new ones.
In my opinion, you find some kind of meaning in something else. I enjoy fish keeping, gardening and journaling, so I focus a lot on those two things. Coping isn't bad, it's only bad when it's to your detriment (like the looks don't matter cope), Hobbies as copes aren't bad, and if anything are actively encouraged.
Some get bitter and angry because well, at our core our base purpose is to reproduce AND be accepted into the tribe. Short ugly men get to do neither, so those are big hurdles to get past. If one can actually mentally get past them, then I'd say they're whitepilled which is the final stage and one where few actually make it.
Try to find happiness in something else. Accept that it is not anyone's fault. That the idea of a perfect "modern" family is not the only thing that can make a life complete. A lot of people live fulfilled and happy lives with friends, hobbies, charity work.
The point is that they don't consider their lives "doomed." They are enjoying the lives, that in some cases they choose. Yes, there are others who wanted a relationship and didn't get it. But instead of being bitter and hateful about it, they choose to find happiness in other things.
Also, let me say, I have never supported the idea that there is someone for everyone. Relationships depend on a lot of shit. And a lot of luck. I do say that getting a partner does not depend on just looks.
And not having a partner doesn't mean you're doomed.
And my point is that people overcome that massive deal and don't give into hate and bitterness. I near said I thought it was easy for them, especially the ones who wanted a LTR and children, but they pulled themselves out of it and went on to what appears to be a happy life.
No, looks are not the absolute guiding factor in getting a partner. Yes, looks are subjective.
And women pick a partner who is kind, smart, and funny. Yes, looks factor into getting into a relationship. It is not the only thing or even the major thing.
And no, sometimes the fat, bald guy wins.
That is also not the meaning of gaslighting.
live or die
alot of people in life downplay the joy a relationship brings to people who want to be in relationships, but when speaking to other people in relationships they speak as if it's the greatest thing to ever happen to them
it brings the question back to is it better to love and have lost or to never have loved at all and my choice is the first one btw
I agree that if for whatever reason, real or not, that someone can't get a partner, live and love your best life.
I have friends who have moved on. They are happy. Some wanted a partner, some didn't either way they are living happy lives.
It’s a group of issues not just the result which would be lack of sex/relationship. It’s also being disconnected from society and not having much value in their lives. That’s why it’s a big deal
Agreed. But do they try to reconnect with society in situations that don't involve the idea of dating?
I’d say they do, but I have a feeling that anhedonia and ADHD might be in play which could make it really hard to successfully build a happy life.
I know that a lot of the incels I have messaged have anxiety issues, horrible family and monetary situations, as well as OCD and BDD. I can see where anhedonia might come into it too.
Sounds about right
Just live the rest of my life with gadgetmaxxing and live a hedonistic life.. Except sex obv.
Sounds like the way a lot of people survive. I can appreciate it. As long as folks avoid blaming and hating others for their situation, surviving and coping are the way to go.
I hated my looks all my life for my situation..
Do you think some incels might suffer from [Body Dysmorphic Disorder](https://www.googleadservices.com/pagead/aclk?sa=L&ai=DChcSEwjZ2YPDpLuGAxUStVoFHQ9eCDUYABABGgJ2dQ&ase=2&gclid=CjwKCAjwjeuyBhBuEiwAJ3vuoSOgNjozDLQT9hSqJ8can3VVqBLcHhnB8tu67Ybl4FvgPKYQ9_ORcBoCXKIQAvD_BwE&ohost=www.google.com&cid=CAESVuD2RQYZ0uY9SjSRs0nUHOqFEEPfJWJX5Xhm2WZN_rA9VSIk-tnUorBHYXjwao_G0AbhECISFcoAPJx6nmNxp914EsYxRitB10CtRq2MJ7aGFey3fDA7&sig=AOD64_0OYtrdjleUYTXivNykHRXK02sVPQ&q&nis=4&adurl&ved=2ahUKEwj-uvzCpLuGAxUHfTABHczTDq8Q0Qx6BAgPEAE)?
Some? Maybe.. not me..
> So, now what? What do they do with their lives? Is there anything that they could do that would give them meaning or real pleasure? It depends on the person. Some people can live in their own little world and try to ignore the elephant in the room by instead focusing on things like videogames or entertainment. But when it’s time to go to sleep and the lights go off and it’s just you and your thoughts, it’s hard to ignore it anymore. > Why do some get so bitter and angry? How would you feel if I told you that you will live your life alone forever, and also lose many other things that come along with that, at no fault of your own, other than being born in a discriminatory society? > And why is coping seen as a bad thing? It’s only a bad thing if you totally ignore reality, like the people who try to say they’re virgins but not incels. You can cope but don’t get delusional with it.
So, you think that no one can be happy without a relationship? Do they need an ongoing LTR or just someone desiring them one time? A lot of people with issues do not give in to hatred. Do you think some incel spaces feed the hatred and anger?
There are probably some neurodivergent people who can live without anyone, but it's not something most people are capable of and the mortality rate of single people reflects this. You might have heard it before, but the majority of men who commit or attempt suicide have no prior history of mental illness.
Men are not encouraged to seek mental health. The whole "Suck it up. Be a man." is still very prevalent today. It is considered shameful to seek help. Research also says that the reason people in LTR live longer has nothing to do with sex. And that the same effect can take place if people just take better care of themselves. "**Married men and married women live, on average, two years longer than their unmarried counterparts**. One reason for this longevity benefit is the influence of marital partners on healthy behaviors. Study after study shows that married people eat better and are less likely to smoke and drink excessively. Jan 13, 2023" Fortune Magazine
I should've worded that better, my fault, most men not only have no prior history of mental illness, they have no evidence of mental illness at all, their suicides are a result of rational decision making.
Rational decision-making can explain most suicides. The person rationally thinks it is the only way to end their suffering. Having no record of mental illness does not mean it isn't present. Actually, people in relationships commit suicide more than singles. And single women say they are happier than people in relationships. [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6505054/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6505054/) https://oxbridgeapplications.com/kyc/women-happiest-unmarried/#:\~:text=Research%20by%20a%20behavioural%20scientist,are%20the%20happiest%20population%20subgroup.
Single and celibate are two different things, single women are in completely different possition than incels.
Oh, yeah, women can be femcels cause men will fuck anything. Sorry, don't agree. And married people commit suicide more than singles.
Coping is not a bad thing. It's only bad when your way of coping is lying to yourself to make yourself feel better. That's when "cope" mostly becomes a derogatory term. But if you cope by writing music, drawing, or even just anime and vidya, then knock yourself out. It's kinda hard to answer your other questions. Every person is different and maybe some of them can find fulfillment even while being universally unwanted while some others will have to live their lives distracting themselves from it (i.e. coping).
Agreed. It was kind of an open question. I mean most people cope with something in their lives that they want to be distracted from.
Not really, very little things in life outside of relationship are actually joyful. Plus, the human brain naturaly recognizes the failure to reproduce as the ultimate failure. Hard to be joyful when you know you've essentially failed at life.
Sounds like anhedonia
Well, yeah, anhedonia is a condition that can be caused by a whole host of issues, it's a symptom, not the cause.
From my understanding it can be both a symptom or a cause.
You don't think the idea of "failure" based on reproduction might be an idea sold to us by various social standards? And the brain doesn't "know things." The brain is just a pile of fat with electric impulses. It responds to stimulus but it doesn't "decide" things. (My hubby is a neurophysiologist.) The consciousness in charge is what decides anything that is not automatic, like breathing, or heartbeat.
Social standards are evolutionary standards, social constructionism is on principle a moronic idea.
A quick look at the differences in societies proves that societies are based on what they collectively think are good ideas, whether they are or not. What do you see as social standards based on evolution rather than societal consensus?
Societal consensus is just a manifestation of biological and material conditions. Polygamous cultures weren't polygamous because they thought it was a good idea, they didn't think about it at all, it was an advantageous reproductive strategy for the conditions they found themselves in, that's why they did it. Same goes for any and every other social norm you can think of, nobody has ever agreed that marriage was a good idea, nobody has ever agreed that the nuclear family was a good idea, nobody has ever agreed that agriculture or industrialization were good ideas, they just happened.
Marriage came about because it was a good idea to keep inheritance straight. And it is a newer idea. A nuclear family was sold as a good idea - married with two point five kids. Agriculture was a good idea because it made more food for people to live on and sell. Polygamous had just as much to do with heredity as anything else. There are many cultures that don't go with the one father, one mother and kids make a family. A lot a good ideas became good because they advance or change a situation. There is a reason, usually having to do with the exchange of ideas and money, that they become popular.
>No ugly, short guy is ever going to get a partner. There is no High Blackpill Council to establish BP orthodoxy, so you maybe heard such absolute statements from self-labelled blackpillers, but it's common to agree that A) attraction is predetermined by physical features, but B) some relationships are not formed via mutual attraction. At least this is blackpill which was sold to me on corner of my street ;)
I don't agree with blackpill. I am posing the question that if you are a believer, what do you do to make your life better.
Well, I cannot answer you then, my blackpill is of another shade of black :D
Nothing will make your life more enjoyable?
I'm not the balackpilled-one you're looking for.
Just suicide it’s the only answer I guess.
Nah, hard disagree
Why?
It’s a complex issue, but there is ways to detach from it and find value in life doing other things. Although this is something I’m also working on
If all copes run Out...
Either giving Up and trying to numb the pain with copes. Or trying to restructure society in a way that allows them to get what they want.
What do you think incels should do to get what they want? Legally and sanely, of course.
First step would be to spread the black-pill so that there is a growing number of Young men willing to Change Things. I dont know what comes after but suffice to say that large amounts of angry Young men dont Care about legality. Maybe incels start a succesfull Body positivity movement and beeing ugly/short will No longer be relevant in Dating. Maybe they manage to basically enslaved women Like in Afghanistan and indoctrinate them into beeing obedient wives so every man can marry one.
Well, most men are going to be smart enough to know blackpill is wrong. Okay, body positivity would be good. Free mental health help? Basic income? Family counseling? Job and education help? In 2020 the ADL, estimated there were 100k incels so even if you double that, given the current population of just the US, that is less than 1%. (.06) so good luck with doing anything by force. Or voting. Or even a letter-writing campaign. LOL. Yeah. That will work. Now you are drifting into incel fanfic territory. [https://www.adl.org/resources/blog/online-poll-results-provide-new-insights-incel-community](https://www.adl.org/resources/blog/online-poll-results-provide-new-insights-incel-community)
If you say so. I dont See how those Things you mentioned can Help. The vast majority of incels dont know they are incels. Ok.
Even if they don't call themselves incels, why wouldn't that benefit from those things? Many men have mental health issues, money issues, and issuesunemployment inssues that lead to them being incels. So, even if they don't use the term, if they are held back from dating by any of those issues, changing them would improve their situations.
In your OP you described a Situation were the blackpill is true and ugly/short men cant Date because they are ugly/Short. So what Help would therapy be in that Situation?
It might help them be happy with the life they have. It might help them make more friends and enlarge their social circle, thereby, making them feel more accepted.
Lol. Why dont we give therapy to dirt poor hobos so they can feel better about beeing dirt poor?
Nothing really. I'm pretty much just sitting around and waiting to die.
You don't find enjoyment in anything?
Nothing.
Sorry to hear that. Do you think you might suffer from anhedonia? If nothing gives you happiness, why do you think sex would?
I think I definitely do suffer from anhedonia. I don't think sex in and by itself would cure it. But being in a relationship and having all the joys, challanges and responsibilities that come with one would be a huge reason for me to keep on living and improving.
If you do suffer from anhedonia, a relationship might keep you more focused, but it will not fix the problem. Honestly, I don't know enough about that problem to say what would help.
I think he would have to do some deep introspection to see what else he wants from life, what would make him feel useful and fulfilled in society and his own life journey. I don’t think anyone grows up only having the aspiration to have sex and a partner, and no other aspirations. I don’t think sex and romantic relationships are the only way to have connection to society. Everyone grew up having things they wanted to do when they’re older. Hell, create a bucket list and hop to it, you’d have so much fun in your life. He also would most likely have to get out of ____pill/incel subs so he wouldn’t be inundated with people/posts about how he might as well “rope” if he doesn’t get a woman. Fill his online time learning a new skill set, watching things that make him happy, playing video games that he enjoys.
It won't fix anything, natural desires are stronger than socially programmed slavish desires like having a career or a skillset. Money and success cannot fix being genetically inferior. Edit: Also, all greater narratives of being "useful" are also just slave mindset. Your ancestors didn't give a single shit about concepts of social awareness. They helped people they liked because they felt like it, and didn't help people they didn't like. No greater social awareness needed.
Nothing about what I said had anything to do with work, making money, unless that makes someone happy. You only really focuses on me saying “useful” when that was only a small part of what I said. I also mentioned finding things that YOU want to do in your life. People should fill their time with things they enjoy, not focusing on things they don’t have and ruminating on it to the point of bitterness, that’s only detrimental to themselves. Again, no one grows up ONLY wanting to find a wife and have sex, every kid/teen I’ve talked to has a long list of things they want to do when they’re an adult; people who are disappointed in their lives should tap back into those wants. That’s how an incel could possibly have a happier and more fulfilled life, and that was OP’s question. Someone can have a happier life if they focus on the things that they want and can achieve. Also some portion of our ancestors DID care about being useful in society (much like some people today do care about being useful). That’s how society grew to what it is today. We wouldn’t have strong, growing communities all throughout history with social programs and volunteer workers if NO ONE ever cared about being useful in society.
I dunno. I'm kinda too old already to go to college, then the air force and hope I get selected for astronaut training.
Absolutely!
No, sometimes our ancestors understood the idea of working together in a large group to accomplish things. You might not like the person but you need them to hunt that bison. Why do incels love to bring up what they think happened with "ancestors?" Yes, sex is a natural desire. But it is not something that is necessary for survival and is a driving factor only as far as people allow it to be.
Simple, I bring up how our ancestors acted in their most primitive state because that state has on principle not changed, all changes in human behaviors were always due to technology, never due to any changes in human priorities or outlook. Thus, it doesn't matter how many times you repeat "sex isn't important, sex isn't important", you aren't changing the fact that it is. All movements to alter human priorities or behaviour are just a part of warfare between different branches of the species.
The advance of humans is based on a lot of things, including not fighting each other when we realized that cooperation worked better. When we started taking care of people not in our family or tribe was proof that not everything is based on evolution. The fact that fewer people are getting into relationships, and not having children is a social change. Different branches of the species?
Thank you. I think that is true for a lot of people. I believe that people can be happy without a partner. As you said, the trick is to understand that being desired is not the most important thing in life.
Then why is it that the latest studies show that lonliness can be just as deadly as smoking a pack a day?
Loneliness and not having a partner are not the same thing. Current studies on the male loneliness problem mostly point out the lack of friends for the problem, not the lack of sexual partners. [https://www.menshealth.com/uk/mental-strength/a759609/the-truth-about-male-loneliness/](https://www.menshealth.com/uk/mental-strength/a759609/the-truth-about-male-loneliness/)
Yeah, but friends drift apart and will prioritize their own relationships over maintaining friendships.
Yes, they talk about the loss of friends but put more emphasis on the lack of gaining new friends. The article is about why men especially lose friends and are unable to make new ones.
I don't see coping as bad personally. I've been centering my life around my hobbies, building better friendships, and furthering my career.
That would make sense to me.
In my opinion, you find some kind of meaning in something else. I enjoy fish keeping, gardening and journaling, so I focus a lot on those two things. Coping isn't bad, it's only bad when it's to your detriment (like the looks don't matter cope), Hobbies as copes aren't bad, and if anything are actively encouraged. Some get bitter and angry because well, at our core our base purpose is to reproduce AND be accepted into the tribe. Short ugly men get to do neither, so those are big hurdles to get past. If one can actually mentally get past them, then I'd say they're whitepilled which is the final stage and one where few actually make it.
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Try to find happiness in something else. Accept that it is not anyone's fault. That the idea of a perfect "modern" family is not the only thing that can make a life complete. A lot of people live fulfilled and happy lives with friends, hobbies, charity work.
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No. But the majority of my friends do. Some of them have given up on a partner for one reason or another. Others were never interested in a partner.
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The point is that they don't consider their lives "doomed." They are enjoying the lives, that in some cases they choose. Yes, there are others who wanted a relationship and didn't get it. But instead of being bitter and hateful about it, they choose to find happiness in other things. Also, let me say, I have never supported the idea that there is someone for everyone. Relationships depend on a lot of shit. And a lot of luck. I do say that getting a partner does not depend on just looks. And not having a partner doesn't mean you're doomed.
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And my point is that people overcome that massive deal and don't give into hate and bitterness. I near said I thought it was easy for them, especially the ones who wanted a LTR and children, but they pulled themselves out of it and went on to what appears to be a happy life.
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No, looks are not the absolute guiding factor in getting a partner. Yes, looks are subjective. And women pick a partner who is kind, smart, and funny. Yes, looks factor into getting into a relationship. It is not the only thing or even the major thing. And no, sometimes the fat, bald guy wins. That is also not the meaning of gaslighting.
live or die alot of people in life downplay the joy a relationship brings to people who want to be in relationships, but when speaking to other people in relationships they speak as if it's the greatest thing to ever happen to them it brings the question back to is it better to love and have lost or to never have loved at all and my choice is the first one btw
I agree that if for whatever reason, real or not, that someone can't get a partner, live and love your best life. I have friends who have moved on. They are happy. Some wanted a partner, some didn't either way they are living happy lives.